Do The Right Thing With A’shanti Gholar

did not vote? Because I didn't think that accounted who? When I started to make more money is when I started to question my political alliances. And then when I moved back to Brooklyn is when I realized how wrong I was and what I thought politics really means. M hmm, dead ass. Heydein, and we're You may know us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I make you need derby most days. And one more important thing to mention,

we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of live's most taboo topics. Things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. Where we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts on the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take philow talk to a whole new level. Dead ask starts now. So this is two thousand and nine. I believe we

just moved back to Brooklyn. Codeine and I had decided that we didn't want to stay in Michigan after I was released, so we moved back to Brooklyn and UH stayed in my grandmother's apartment. Like I've said before on many occasions, we had lost a ton of money in the stock market because the economy was literally crashing as we were going through the recession, and I was no longer playing football, so a lot of my liquid capital

I didn't have access to my own property. UM I had stocks, so I had assets, I just didn't have liquid capital. So we moved back to Brooklyn and I started building my company and I started mentoring young men. And after going through everything I went through with money, I just focused all of my politics on money. And it wasn't until we got back to Brooklyn. I started mentoring these young men and I started hearing firsthand the situations they were dealing with with police with stopping frisk.

When Codeine got pregnant and we were trying to find early childhood education, that I realized there's so much more to politics than just money. And it's funny because when you when you start to make a lot of money and you feel like you can buy your way out of certain situations, it don't seem like it affects you.

And it wasn't until we moved back to Brooklyn and I started to have these conversations with the young men about what they were going through on a daily basis that I realized that politics was a lot more than just money. Wow, that hit home for you. Huh, definitely, get up, stand up to do to do to stand up for your rights? Do do? Get up, stand up, stand up for your rights. Don't give up the fight. You know, that's Kyro's favorite. As I said, just don't

give up the fight. I thought about it, that is Kyl's favorite song. He's a little rebel and it's you know Kyro, it makes sense. He got he done up, stand up for something. He loves Bob Marley Jackson loves I know. I made sure my kids were you know about that. It's a great dude. We talk about impact and culture from musicians and people who made their life really about what their messages. Bob Marley has to be

number one. Absolutely, he lived up to that man. I mean, a worldwide sensation that just preached love and unity together and happiness and wealth being more than most small was able to reach the entire world. Shout out to someone recently asked me that too. If I could bring somebody back the cat It was on the Red carpet at that time, and I said about Marley, if I could

bring someone back to witness where we are now. Although I feel like some of our ancestors who have gone on might be shaking their head of us, like what is going on? But we have made some problems, but there are there are some great moments. Yeah, there's some great moments that I would love to share with them. Absolutely. So we're talking about politics today, guys, and we think it's important to talk about politics because on the previous podcast we have politics as one of the main things

that people should speak about when they're dating. Oh yes, that was one of the top five talking about politics and what used to be taboo, and you never mentioned or speak to in public about, you know, with people, this is something that we want you to be informed about when you're making your voter decisions. And I think it was important for us to talk about because we always speak about relationship issues on this show, and we always speak about the things that can help create a

more healthy relationship. And I feel like if two people are evenly yoked when they talk about spirituality, you know, if they can discuss politics, they can get a greater idea about the other person's moral compass if you know what they're voting for, why they're voting for, who they're voting for. And I also believe that as millennials, we have a lot more independent thinkers than we've had, you know,

in previous generations. For sure, we're all pushing where there's a lot more people pushing the envelope now asking the wise and they want that explanation and they're willing to go find out the answer. Yes. And I also see that UM a lot of people like to utilize social media. For example, I saw a video of it was Donald Trump and he was surrounded by a bunch of black college kids, and there's a young black man just up there saying, like, we love Donald Trump. We love Donald Trump.

And what happens is is if people don't educate themselves on who they should vote for, sometimes they just see images and follow the images to say, hey, if they're saying this, then it must be true. Right. So I think it's important TV up to stand next to somebody and as well. Yeah, and I think that it's important for us to educate ourselves, you know, and say, you know what, let's make the right decision for us. All right.

So today we're talking about doing the right thing, especially when it comes to politics and the political climate that we're in right now. So our special guest for today is miss Ashanti Golar and she is responsible for a blog for women women of color, particularly that gives advice on how to get involved in politics, shares news about how politics impact women of color, and shares information about women of color running for elected office on the Brown

Girls Guide to Politics. I'm here, Hello, Hello, thank you so much for being here with us today. Yes, thank you so much for joining us. I'm excited to be on, especially during GEO TV season. I mean, hello, amazing, amazing. So you know we're talking about political climate, UM, voting decisions, you know, especially with the current political climate that we have going on in this country. UM, why was this

important to you? Tell me about your experience that made this a need for you or you saw this as a necessity, necessity to start the b G guide dot com. So the idea came to me as I was actually reflecting upon being in d C for almost ten years and just really taking it all in because I never saw myself as a black woman who could be in d C doing politics at the national level. And that came from the fact that I never saw a lot of black women from my home state, Nevada, doing politics.

So it goes back to when you think about the phrase, if you don't see it, you can't be it, and

I never thought that I could be it. So I really wanted to do something to pay it forward because I also knew that I was in the position that I wasn't because of women who had uplifted me, some of them white women, a lot of them women of color, and I was just thinking about all of those other young brown girls who were thinking, oh, I can't do that because I don't see a lot of people do it, but then also the ones who are trying to do it, and then had a ton of questions and we're seeking advice,

And it was the same things that I was asking myself when I entered into politics. So I consider the Brown Girls Guy to Politics really my love letter to women, especially young women who are coming up in politics, but then also a place for us to see each other and know that we exist and to share our struggles

and how we overcome it. And I decided to make the blog really focus on women of color because regardless of if you're a black woman, a Latina, Indigenous Asian, when we're in a lot of these political spaces and you're the only one regardless of your race or ethnicity, we're all going through the same thing. And I wanted us to be able to talk about it. And when I started it, I never really thought that it would

take off the way that it did. And I'm very fortunate and blessed that so many women have resonated with with the blog, but then also non people of color who read the blog because they want to know how they can be better allies and accomplices that leads me to my first question, which is um as as a millennial, U might have a lot of conversation with millennials as well as also gen z as, gen zs and next year gen z right, And the biggest question they have

for me sometimes it's okay when you think about politics, you think about Republicans, and Republicans are all about money, money, money, money, money. So this generation is about I gotta get mine, I gotta get mine. So I hear a lot of younger black people ask me question like, hey, should I be Republican? And if I'm really about my money? And then I hear other younger black millennials are like, well, if you're

about social issues, you know you should be democratic. And and for me, I don't know how to answer the question because even even in this past election, I wondered, like, who do you vote for in the climate where it seems like everyone has their own agenda and sometimes their agenda just doesn't align with me personally? How do you

navigate that in this climate, especially with social media. One of the things that I always tell people is you really have to examine the political parties, and you have to examine these candidates. But the most important thing to know is that there's never going to be a single person who is a percent about everything that you're about. There is no perfect candidate unless you run for office. So my first plug for people to run for office, and then you're running on all of the things that

you care about. And there are Republicans who have money, there are Democrats who have money. There are Republicans who care about social issues. There are Democrats who care about social issues. You have to look at who is closest to where you want to be at on these issues. When we look at the political climate today, especially millennials, they don't identify with one particular political party as previous

generations did. I mean, it's just a fact. We used to be able to say that if you vote three times in a row for a political a specific political party, you vote for that party the rest of your life. We really can't say that anymore. So many millennials are registering as independent because they are independent thinkers. So it's really not Republicans are about this, Democrats are about that. You have to look at the individual candidates who you are going to cast a vote for and who is

going to best represent you. So you have to get out of that mind of every Democrat is the same, every Republican is the same, because they're not got you. I think that was my particular struggle. At the top of the show, my SoundBite was that, you know, I turned eighteen and it was like, oh great, I have this right to vote right now. And then I found

myself in that very first election not voting. And that was mainly because, of course it was just me being younger and kind of just having that ignorance towards this ability that I have that my you know, ancestors has fought for. It's like this big thing around voting because it's like so many people before me, you know, fought

for this right for me. But at the same time too, I struggled with this, well, I don't know who this perfect candidate is, Like in my mind, there was this perfect candidate that I was looking for that I didn't see. So it was like becoming this thing where I'm perfectly were you, like, oh man, brother, if he were, if he was here, he'd have been my prime candidates to vote for. But no, for me, it was also a thing where it's like, do I just now vote for the lesser of two evils, And to me that didn't

even seem right either. So what do you say to those young women, um or just young individuals who are like, you know what, I'm not going to vote because my vote doesn't really count, or I'm not going to vote because it's like I just don't want to vote for the lesser of two evils. How do we navigate that with this generation? Oh my gosh, so two things here, and I totally relate to everything that she just said. Back in I was doing HBCU engagement out in Georgia.

So I was at Clark Atlanta Morehouse Spellman like, went across the state to the h b c U s and when I encountered young people, they're like, I'm registered to vote, I want to vote, I just don't know who to vote for. I don't know who these candidates are. And for me, it's also very incumbent on these candidates

to make sure that they're doing the proper outreach. And we've also just gotten away from really doing good civic engagement in school that so many people just don't even know why they should vote for their county commission or their city council, their shareff the d a's. We can have an entire conversation about the need to have more d as that are women and people of color d as or white men, and then we want to wonder why our criminal justice system looks the way that it does.

So there definitely is that part where we need more education on what all these roles do and why we need to be voting for them and how they impact our daily lives. And then the work that I do in my professional career, I have literally seen women lose by one vote. That is not a joke. Literally have run campaigns for two years, three years just to lose by one vote. I have seen local government. I have seen women lose by a coin toss because in several states the law is that if an election ends up

in a tie, you do a coin toss. So imagine hustling for so long to lose your race because you didn't choose heads or tails. So when we're talking about voting, it really doesn't matter. If we want to even look at the sixteen election, Hillary Clinton did get more votes than Donald Trump, she just didn't win the electoral college.

So imagine what would have happened if in those three states that Trump won Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, more people would have turned out, what would this country look like today? Your vote is sacred. Your vote is important, And I especially say for people of color and millennials, if our votes weren't so important, they wouldn't be working so hard to suppress them because they know what happens when we actually get out there, turn out and vote, because we

changed the trajectory of this country. You know what I've noticed though, especially in places like New York, a lot of my kids that are graduated from college, Um, you know, they said things to me like, listen, New York is a blue state, so it's gonna be blue. So for me voting, it really doesn't matter because it's a blue state that you know he's gonna win. Um, the Democrat always wins New York, so I don't really have to vote, which, you know, it's hard to argue with that. But my

mom has always been about local government. Like you said, my mom calls me and my wife for every vote. She works for the DP, so she knows all the councilmen and she she's like, hey, you guys got to get out and vote. Yeah, we get that group group text and the group chat like we get and then I'm sometimes I'm like, I didn't even know there was an election going on. Who are we vote before? Now? You know, it's exhausting to try to keep on top

of these things, but if it's important to you. And Kadina and I talked about when it really became important to us when we moved back and we were looking for um early childhood education for our kids, and we realized how important these owning laws were. You know, who, who's your alderman, who makes sure that the right funding

goes to the right public school in your areas. These things made us realize, you know, we should have been out here paying attention to who we got in place in these local governments because these are the ones who are making decisions about where the resources go to our children, which so absolutely because at the end of the day, we focus so much on the presidential election cycle and who is our commander in chief, when in reality it is the state and local elected officials that have the

most impact on our everyday lives. I was privileged to work in the Obama administration at the Department of Labor, and I was out traveling with Secretary of Salice and this one woman came up to me and she just started going off on me about this pothole in her street and why hasn't President Obama fixed her pothole? And she donated to him and she voted for him, and she still has this pothole. And I'm like, ma'am, the president doesn't fix potholes. You have to be going to

your state and local elected officials. And she goes, oh, I don't pay attention to them, and that is exactly why you still have that pothole. It's extremely important that we know who these people are. And those are the elections where people really aren't engaged. They broadcast city council meetings and if you look at the audience, they're really empty. No one's, no one's there, no one's paying attention. And then these people continue to get reelected and re elected

and nothing changes. And until people really start to pay attention and see the ways in which they're elected officials are failing them, you gotta vote them out if you want to see that change. But if you're like it doesn't matter, then it won't matter. And for me, I really don't see blue states, red states, purple states. There's always the opportunity to make change. And just because the state is one way, particularly a blue state, that doesn't

mean that all the cities are blue. That doesn't mean every area is blue. There's always the chance to make things better. So the biggest thing is if you really want to make direct change immediately, the best way to go about it is with local government. That that especially daily, everyday life. And I think it's important that we say that for people our listeners, because everyone feels like if they don't have a choice and who is the president, that life is going to be terrible. You know, we

we both thought that at times. No, it's true. Think about the first time Devot and I actually went to a local city council meeting in our area when we're in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, and de Val and I were there and we were probably the only exception of maybe like two or three other well, we were the only millennials of color, were over sixty, right, right, But then the majority was Hasidic Jewish and they were their demanding things.

And I understood at that point why they get so much priority in Brooklyn because they are there, they're demanding things to get done. And if you know, if these are constituents, you're making sure, Well, these are the people who are going to vote me back in, I'm going to make sure thing things have done this way. We talked about zoning laws for school Why were there so

little funds towards public schools in our area? That's because the parents of those public schools were not at these meetings exactly, and we didn't see it as something that we had to even be involved with until time came for our son to be zoned, you know, into a particular area, and we're like, wait a second, Wait a second, wait a second, what is the school rating? Another story, Mayor de Blasio. When we were looking at voting, right, you know what made us vote for de Blasio? He

talked about universal pre K three for everyone in the city. Yes, and for me that was enough because we had a child and we were thinking about having more children, and it was like, we're looking at pre K prices and for private school pre K prices it was three thousand dollars a month, and I'm saying to myself, like, who would they, right mind, can afford to send to hit child to school for thirty dollars at four right? What are you going to my child, what are you gonna

teach my child? And guarantee or four that was gonna make it worth sending this childow school for three thousand dollars a month. And I never paid as much attention to the mayoral race until then, and also with stopping for us because we were living in Michigan at the time, and then we moved back to New York and I had been stopped and fristed a ton of times getting out of my car, and I was like this, this is ridiculous. Like I come, I come inside almost in

tears and be like what's the matter. And I'm like, man, these cops just you know, they took my bag, they looked at my bag, they pulled my shirt up, and then just sent me inside like okay, you're good. And I'm like, I'm a hard working American. They're just just walking into my apartment building. Why do I have to go through this two or three times a week a month? And then I would get pulled over all the time, and then I was like, you know what we need

to change. And at the time, um, who was the president, I mean, who was the mayor at the time. Before the Blasio Julian Bloomberg blog. All am, I'm pulling up all of it. Under the Bloomberg administration, we did very well economically, That's why he was able to get a third term when you're only supposed to be allowed two terms. But there was some other social issues that were just killing us as a people, killing me, particularly that I was just ready for a change. No, absolutely so, So

let me ask you. I know that The Black Girl Guide to Politics has taught so many about so many things, But in your experience, what have you learned about just politics or about people in this process? And and um, you know, how how is it affecting the impact of women and color in politics. It has definitely taught me a lot. And I think it's even though I know this, just how even though are different, we have such different experiences, there's still that common denominator of just being a woman

of color and politics. And I think it really hit me when we did a podcast episode with Kaya Morris, who is a former state representative from Vermont, and she actually ended up resigning her seats because of all the racist threats that her and her family were getting, and she just says she couldn't take it. Anymore. And in that conversation, we just talked about the struggle of being women of color in this space, because the reality is, I wake up every day and I do work in

a system that was not built for me. Politics was built for white land owning men. And here I am showing that I have disrupted the system. But not only is my presence showing that I've disrupted this system, but I'm also here to tell you I'm going to disrupt it some more by getting more women and women of color involved. So I'm challenging power and when you actually

see those reactions, it definitely does something to you. And with Kaya's episode, just the number of emails I got text messages from friends and everyone was just telling me how they could relate so much to what she said about the struggle. So it's really taught me that even though we continue to make headway, there's still so much that we have to do to advance as women of

color on politics. And I'm just really glad that people see the b g G as an outlet where they can hear from other women and also share the things that we talk about and express their thoughts, their problems, their solutions as well. So let me ask a quick question, what what do we do to move forward and build off of this? Because you know, everyone says, we know what the problem is, we know what we have to do.

How can someone educate themselves on politics? How can someone feel empowered as a voter, whether it is just a local election or the presidential election. A lot of people don't know how to gain information. I've had people ask me, should I watch CNN, O Fox? Like which one be lying more? You know, like these are some of the things that people ask me, and I want to be able to tell them. Okay, if you really want to educate yourself, this is how you go about doing it.

So that is why I created the resources page on the Brown Girl's Guide website, and it has organizations that people can go to and look at what they are all about and find out for themselves. Just sitting on home watching CNN, Fox, MSNBC that is not the answer. That is not the activism that we need. We need to be educating ourselves. So if you just do want to stay an activists, you need to find an organization that lets you channel those issues that you're passionate about.

If you realize you want to be more than an activist and a campaign staffer. Start researching organizations where you can put your talents to use. There are finance people on campaigns, so if you like money and want to raise money, you can do that. There's operations people if you like that sort of thing. Press people. Campaigns really are a business, so there's an opportunity to get involved there as well. And if you think you want to, I don't want to cut you off, but can you

please explain that campaigns or business. And the reason why I say that is because people don't understand how much money gets involved in politics and how important it is to raise funds and how that can can pretty much to create a narrative for you to become the next local elected official. How is a campaign of the business? So a campaign is a business because at the end of the day, you have your candidate, so they are the business and they have to run this campaign. We

all know that campaigns need money. That is reality. But I also tell people is that we live in an age because of the twenty four hour news cycle where people think that they have to raise millions of dollars to run for office. That's not true. There are races that only cost ten thousand dollars fifty dollars a hundred

thousand dollars, you can absolutely raise that. When it comes to women and people color, the majority of our money comes from small dollar donor donations, which is all extremely possible. There are so many women people color that do get outspent by non white opponents. But guess what, they're still able to win because what they aren't able to do and fundraiseing, they still make up and shoe leather and knocking doors and having a good message, which is a

part of selling your business. The campaign. You need to have someone out there who is your press secretary helping you get your information out, someone helping you with your policy for how this is going to benefit the community. Again, you have your operations people who are making sure that your business is running well. At the end of the day, there are all of these elements to campaigns, and there are opportunities for people to get involved as the active

is volunteer or as a campaign staff. So so this money that they're raising is pretty much going to what it's just going to, like advertising and where's that money going, Oh, is to running the campaign. So that can be if they are doing TV ads, if they are doing radio ads, money goes to making sure that there's water for canvas ers so if it's a hot day, they're not getting dehydrated.

More staff salaries. Pretty much every the marketing, the Facebook, as the Twitter, as the Instagram adds this is what all the money is used for. And to put the money into perspective, I tell people all the time that if they do a fundraiser with a twenty five ticket and they have twenty five people come, the money that they make from that fundraiser, that's actually enough money to buy campaign literature, to put on doors or to send out.

So it really doesn't have to be a tens and hundreds of thousands of dollars to run this effective business aka the campaign gotcha. So this is I think this is important for people to understand too. If a campaign is a business that you know, they always say that they get jaded by politics. Everyone is about the money.

But if you understand of that that if this is a business, you can't run a campaign for free, then you would be a little bit more educated about how you deal with politicians and how they get your vote or how you how you can help the politician that you want to win. Win, even if you could help them do some fund of my when your own, would that be fight to to say? Oh absolutely. One of the things that I love is when people find a candidate where like, that is my candidate, that is my girl,

that is my person. These campaigns can create individual fundraising links for you and you can actually go out to your friends, your family and raise money for these candidates. I see it all the time where people say it's my birthday, I'm raising money for Stacy. I used to see that all the time. That's during Stacy. Ways, no, that's this is actually great because so many millennials are independent thinkers and they said, you know, I don't want

to just vote, I want to help. How could I help? Now, it's true they may not be able to go out there and march do different things, but if you want to help, if you could help raise funds for the politician you think best represents your interests. Now you know that there are ways as a millennial or agency, it becomes more than just a hashtag. You know, it's easy to just be posting stuff and like, oh, repost this

hashtag you know such and such for president. But now at this time, it's like great, we can actually put our fingers in our hands in it and really support. So then you know, this is just like a hypothetical question. Say I wanted to run for office, you know you wanted to run for office woman of color? Where would I start? Where would a woman of colors start, or anyone really start if they wanted to run for office?

Is there kind of like a step by step that there is or a protocol that one has to go through, and you got to the office exactly. So that's the first thing. The first thing is to know why you are running and what you want to accomplish, and then find the office that will allow you to get those things done so you are effective for your community. And

then I always recommend getting training. In my professional career on the national political director for Emerge America, and we focus on recruiting and training women to run for office, and we do it in depth Signature seventy our training program where we demystify the process of running for office. Other organizations to do this, such as the Collective Pack where they focus on black candidates and black campaign staff. There are wonderful organizations run by my friends Quentin and

Stephanie Brown James absolutely love them. They saw the need for this, so they're doing it. You also have other organizations such as Run for Something, Running Start, which is for young women, Emily's List, Vote Run Lead, She Should Run. Just amazing. Groups are out there to provide this support so you don't have to do it alone. And they

all have different structures. So if you aren't able to do an emerge because your race is starting now you don't think you'll have the time, there's all these other organizations that you can go to to get some training and figure out, Okay, how do I run this really great campaign? Very nice. It kind of reminds me of my pageant days. It's like, oh, I want to run for Miss America. So I had to raise money. Then I had a team around me that trained me, you know,

in order to win. It's kind of like parallels. I don't want to hold you up. Oh, I'm loving this conversation, but yeah, when when you run for office, you want to be prepared. But we really find that is especially true for women. We want to know, okay, exactly what are all the things that I need to do and what we do at emerges. I tell them We can definitely make you competent about what it takes to run for office. We can make you confident when you're out

there on the campaign trail. And because we provide this network of support, we also make it less lonely because you have all these people who are uplifting you and rooting for you to succeed. So before we let you go, I have one one final question. Can you just give us some insight on what we can We have a year now before the next presidential election. Yeah, what could we do to educate on picking the correct candidate? Yeah? The first thing is just to make sure all your

voter registration is up to date. I have to start with that because we have all of these crazy and a laws going on, We're most likely going to enter another presidential election cycle without the full protection of the Voting Rights Act, which is very scary. So the biggest thing you have to do is make sure that you're all set to vote. The second thing is think about

your life. What is going to impact you the most over the next five years, and then those are going to be your issues that you're going to want to concentrate on when it's time to vote. And three you've got to start paying attention now we are already in there's so much going on, so there's gonna be another Democratic debate coming up. Make sure that you watch that.

One of the things that we have on the b g G Events page is we list all of the different presidential forums that happen, and those happen across the country, So look for a presidential forum to attend as well, so you can get up close and personal to these candidates. You just don't have to see them on your TV. And make sure that you're paying attention to the things that are coming through in your local news, especially when

these candidates visit CNN, MSNBC, Fox. They're always going to be there, but you want to hone in on what's going to happen locally, and that has to be in your local papers and we just aren't reading them anymore. And if you start to focus on those three things, you will be ready to vote come November. Thank you so much. We have voter registration, we have your life impacts for the next five years. And also watch the debates.

And while I'm asking by watching debates, you mentioned goot V, can you explain to us real briefly with gt IF our listeners who may not know. Yes, So when I said goot V, that is get out the vote, absolutely, and before we wrap you and um, you know, thank you for being here just really quick. Do you have maybe like two or three important issues for the presidential candidates that are coming up, Anything that they're focusing on you think will be the hot topics that they're going

to try to kind of sell two Americans. What are going to be those those key things we're going to look at. Definitely look at criminal justice reform. That is a big one for both Democrats and Republicans. There is the twenty Bipartisan Justice Forum coming up that's going to focus on criminal justice reform, and I believe that one's going to be streamed so you can check out their website. I would also look at gun violence prevention that's going

to be a big one as well. And then for the third one, I'd probably have to go with a tie between climate change and health care. So I think those are big ones. We can see all of the political parties focusing on. It's insane you just saying those three topics. I literally got chills because I can think about how it directly impacts, if not me, someone I know in the future. It's just it's just insane. It's insane. I hear you. I tell people I don't have kids,

but I have a niece and five net hues. And for me, when I'm doing my five years, my five years includes their life too for sure. What are the things that they're going to need as they grow up in this country? Ashanti, you are a wealth of knowledge

with the topic that I particularly. I feel like I've been a little quiet this session because I'm really trying to take this in and I think it's so important for people to really hear from an expert in someone who is devoted to this cause and to this topic to really give us information. So thank you for taking time out of your super busy schedule to come in

and chat with us for a little bit. And maybe we can have you back on like next year or something and the next next season or two when the actual elections are happening, so we can see what's happened and what's developed from now till then. Yeah, I would love that. This has been so much fun. Thank you

for having me. It's definitely our pleasure. And keep doing what you're doing, man, we definitely need you, absolutely and right before you go, make sure you tell everyone where they can find you, where they can find the Brown Girls Guide. Give us all of your handle information so they can not follow. Awesome. Yes, so the Brown Girls Guide to Politics. Our website is the b G Guide dot com and you can find us on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at the b G Guide and all of

my social handles is just my name a Shanty Golar. Wonderful. Thank you, Thank you, have a great rest of the day and enjoy the rest of your week. Thanks so much. This for the record there it is a win for the ages. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here it is the return to glory. This is All American a new series from Stitcher hosted by me

Jordan Bell. You realized Tiger doesn't know who he is in the history of golf, no question in my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong all American Tiger is out. Now listen and stitch your Apple podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Alright, guys, we're back, and now it's time from my favorite part of the show. As you all know one, Cadine's favorite

because she is nosy. Alright, they got it now, I think you'd drilled that into their head enough. We got listener letters. So let's start with question number one. I got to read that, what advice do you have about transitioning into adulthood? Don't do it? Great? That done? And if you could give your twenty five year itself some advice, what would you tell yourself to provide some back on information.

I'm twenty five and I've just started a new chapter in my life where I've moved into a different area, started a new position, and I'm starting my master's program in the fall. I'm watching my peers start to do serious things. I get married and have children, start full time jobs after graduating from college, and things of that nature. It's a bit overwhelming, and lately I find myself reminiscing on the way things used to be when I was in undergrad and was surrounded by my friends and in

college environment. Girl, that's the first thing that's well, I should I say girl, I don't know if it's a girl or a guy, so excuse me for that. But the first thing is the first thing that I would tell you as that piece of advice, stop comparing your life and your path and your road to everyone else

around you. That is a sure, sure shot, sure fire away to then start feeling overwhelmed and feeling a bit depressed and feeling as if you aren't achieving things at the rate other people are achieving things, and that just may not be your walk. Also, people be lying on Instagram, a people will be lying on social media. Everybody's life looks amazing on social media. It's a reel of highlight, folks.

It looks amazing. So when you look at other people's life on social media, don't get all excited and say, Wow, they're doing everything perfect and I'm here stuck. Majority the people you see on social media are stuck as well. They just post what they want to post so they

can curate a narrative for you to see. But if you do have friends who are media like that, yeah, But if you do have friends who are like close friends who are getting married and having children and starting their full time jobs, that just maybe what is in their lineup for them at that moment. You said that you're now starting fresh and new chapter. You've moved into a different area, starting a new position, So it sounds

like you're in the building phase of things. The building phase of things require sometimes, you know, having to have that tunnel vision where you're kind of drowning everything else out and you're focusing on that. But it's also that that it's the building of it. So it's gonna be a slow process of trying to get into your routine and you know, making sure that you're doing everything to then advance and whether it's your career or your life and whatever avenue you're taking it. But I just say,

trying not to compare yourself to other people. It was hard to valance. I did that in the very beginning to when we were around. That's when we got engaged because everyone around us was getting engaged and it seemed

like the right thing to do. And you know, you have that list of things that you're trying to do in your life where it's like, you know, I got to start this job, and then I have to meet someone, and I have to date and then have the wee date, we get engaged, and then we get married and we have children, and things don't necessarily pan out that way.

So don't be too hard on yourself. It seems like you do have somewhat of a good situation happening right now because you are, you know, starting a new master's program and a new position. So just keep building, you know, put your nose down and just keep building and work at it. And I think you'll be all right. But you did ask specifically, what if ice I would give my twenty five year old self and I would tell

my twenty five year els of this. Remember that your life will not be defined by what you do in your twenties period. It doesn't matter how much money you make or lose, if you get married, have kids. Don't you have so much life to live. When you start to think that you have to do everything between the ages of twenty and twenty nine, that's when you're going to become overwhelmed and then you're gonna lose it. That's the biggest way to disappointment. Setting high expectations for yourself.

So remember, you got your whole life to do these things. Get them done. They'll get done in your own time. Yeah, I set their expectations and dream big. Definitely dream big, but you know, just know, it takes time to work at it. All right. I hope that helps you out onto a question number two. All Right, my man and I live an hour apart, but for almost two years we've always made the effort to see each other. It may not be every day, but we appreciate each other's

company more than you know. We recently got married, and although I'm madly in love with my husband, I also love my own space. I purposely don't push the conversation of moving in together. I dream of having our beautiful place to call home, but getting there seems to be the hard part for me. How do I move forward without the anxiety of moving in together. We've had conversations about it, and I have no problem admitting that I'm the hold up. So you're recently married and still living apart.

That's interesting because I would think once you're married, you would just be wanting to then move together or listen to the same space. But I've learned not to judge people on how they live. If you got married to live apart, and it works for y'all. Then it works for y'all, because I've recently said to Cadee that I feel like we worked best when we're not together all the time. You know, sometimes moving in together can be the worst thing for a relationship because you don't know

how to give each other some space. And I think, like with us, Deval and I has been shoots just past seventeen years together. So sometimes alone time is the best time because you can really just kind of unwind and be yourself and you don't have that that need to feel like you have to always quote unquote entertain somebody. UM. And we're okay with moments like that, Deval and I, UM, but why even get married if you're not comfortable sharing personal space like that? Seems to be like a very

personal decision to make. We're gonna be together, but we're gonna be together away, you know what I'm saying. And like, I don't understand. Yeah, I don't understand that either that, yeah, we recently got married and all that on madly enough of my husband. I also love my own space. I don't know, sis. And then it also she's also saying at the same time too, that she knows she's the hold up and he's had conversations about it, so you know,

he wants he wants to move with her. She don't want to move in, but she wanted to get married. I'm wondering why she wanted to get married. She don't want to live with somebody, right, not saying that you have to live with somebody to be married, because clearly you don't, especially two, You can do whatever you want to do. I just don't. I don't understand. If you value your personal space that much, then that means being by yourself is more valuable than being with someone. Why

would you choose to spend your life building with someone? Yeah, and that would be rough. I would feel like, you know, for a husband or for a spouse, you know whatever, if putting myself in his shoes, feeling like we're married and now I can't have you like with me building a home together? Like what what? What's the timeline for that? And I'm wondering what the conversations have sounded like, like

what's his perspective on it? You know? So I would love to get a little more information about this question, but I'm left kind of feeling like, you know, what are we doing here? I'm at I'm a little confused. I don't know why you get married if you don't want to live together. I know there are other valuable

access to being married. There's probably ways to also still have your space while being married or living in the home, you know, like sometimes a guy has their man cave or maybe you might want her, you know, a little space where it's yours or time for yourself. I can get that I want a husband. That's kind of controlling. I want a husband, but I want to be by myself.

I want you around when I want you around, right, that's not that I don't know, since I don't know, that's interesting, But yeah, I'm curious to know what those conversations sound like and how do I move forward without the anxiety of moving in together. I mean, you may have to also give it a try, you know. I'm an advocate for trying living with someone before marriage, just to kind of see how it goes. But not everyone is UM don't want to be married. She probably wanted

to have a nice wedding, got a nice wedding. He probably was thinking, you know what, once I get married. She let me. She was like, nah, bro, I'm still going he send us to follow up to that, since let's let us know what going on, we might have to do a part two to that one. Absolutely, and if you want to be featured as one of our listener letters, email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com. That's D E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com. All Right, moment of truth time. Moment of truth time.

So we talked to politics, doing the right thing. Being well versed in your political affiliations. What's your takeaway from today? Baby? This is my biggest takeaway. You know, Um, I think we've passed the time of where it's like, if you're just black, you're Democrat. We have a lot more independent black thinkers out here in the world, right, So choosing

to register us independent may work for people. And then I've I've learned a lot in the last presidential election about people saying earn my vote, Like you gotta earn my vote. Don't just think that because I'm a Democrat, I'm automatically going to get all these people to vote for me. We need to make people earn our votes, and we need to do the correct due diligence to

give the people to vote that we believe in. Rather than just saying, hey, I'm gonna go with this political party, whether it's Republican, whether it's Democrat, you really have to educate yourself and educate yourself and what's important for you first, not just what's important for everybody. Because these things that you do, these people you vote for, are gonna affect you daily, especially in local elections. So listen, be independent,

being an independent thinker. Don't just follow the crowd. Educate yourself and vote for the person that can help change your life. Yep. I think that's a that's a great takeaway from today. Um in that also to piggyback and off of that, I think that my biggest takeaway is that politics is more than just a hashtag. It's more than sitting behind your phone and you know, hashtag and whatever movement is happening at the time. It's really a out trying to get your feet wet in it and

being a private be active. So, like a Shanty said, if it meant that you know you're really um, you know, gung ho about this particular candidate, it's like going to the base camp and seeing how you can help with that business side of it. Does it mean that you're going to be out there helping, you know, to pass

out pamphlets. Are you going to be helping to collect money to contribute to this this this candidate's movement, like really just putting your hands and your feet in and saying, you know what, I'm going to be a part of this. And then in that in that turn, you can also then we have have more um you'll be more educated, you know, ultimately a bile assounce to just being more educated about what your choice is going to be. You said something just not resonated with me that I completely

forgot about. But politics is business. A campaign is a business. You don't blindly invest in any business. You shouldn't blindly invest in politics. Sound bite for you there, So be sure to follow us on social media. That's I am devoured and Cadine I. And if you're listening on Apple podcast, be sure to rate, review and subscribe for sure. Dead ass y'all. Dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. It's produced by T Square and Dinora Penia. Our chief content

officer is Chris Bannon. Our associate producers are Kristin Torres and Treble, our studio engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns and mixed by Andy Kristen's daughter. We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a podcast going on right now as part of the Stitching Network called Substraction that's available everywhere. Getting podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now to the Distraction right now. It's out. Do it. Please,