They got me, that's all I got.
Listen.
My SoundBite is trying to surprise someone who wants to be aim control of everything at all.
Times is almost an impossible feat.
Yeah, but we did it, deadass.
Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.
You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Yes, sir, we are.
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.
Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take philosof to our whole new level.
Dead Ass starts right now.
Story time, So I'm gonna take y'all back to April two thousand and nine.
Oh that's a long time ago.
Yeah yeah wa wait, dang, went dang. It was my twenty fifth birthday. So it's my twenty fifth birthday. Kadeen was just like, babe, I got some things for you. I hope you excited twenty fifth birthday. You know, She's man, I'm all excited, right.
So I was.
Hyped because you know I love a birthday.
So yep, birthday comes, she said, you ready. I'm like, yeah. She takes me to go see Platinos and.
Call of greenstose platinos in Callagreen. So IM just like, oh, this must be the first part of the birthday celebration.
No, actually, you were like, who wants to go see platinos and caligreens? That was for you.
That wasn't a gift for me.
I was gonna get to that, but you cut me off because that's what I was thinking, because when I went to see it, I was like, this is something she wants to see, so you know, like this is must be for her. But I was like, you know what, my first part of my birthday, I ain't gonna be mad. We go to see Plantinos and call of Greens. We go home and we go to sleep, and I was like.
That was it.
I don't remember. All I know is I was pissed.
I was like extremely pissed because I was like, yo, how was my twenty fifth birthday?
She gonna take me to see something that she wanted to see.
So I was like, you know what, I'm a romain calm, but I was like bubbling with fury on the inside. So then next day I'm in my parents' house and she's like, hey, babe, we're gonna no. We didn't go out to eat. Because this is why I no, remember we didn't go out to eat. He was like, hey, bab We're gonna go out to eat, and I was like, finals go out to eat? But I was already pissed because I was like, yo, like I ain't getting no gift.
I ain't getting no All I get is plant to Nose and Call of Greens, which actually was a very good play, by the way. But I'm getting dressed in my parents' house. She got me an outfit. She had got me a neon green sweater.
Vess lime green sweater vest that.
This is two thousand and nine, had a short sleeve button up with a bow tie. Now I'm not a bow tie type of guy, so I was like, the fuck is going on around here?
Man?
Like she got me dressed up with a bow tie, like I'm about to be selling bean pods being dressing my parents' house. Man, it was cute, but at the time I was just mad because I didn't know what was going on. Kadeen, Kadeen, y'all. Remember how y'all she say that I always be the one going off. Let the record show.
You here coughing and sniffing in my.
Now, don't deflex, don't deflect. You see how she deflects, yo, She don't like to take accountability. Joint just went off in the middle of the podcast. No, you didn't say my bad you said you over here coughing. Then it got nothing to do with your podcast over here. You ain't got nothing to do with your laptop going off. Go ahead, So now we're back to storytime. I'm getting dressed in my parents' house. I got an attitude. K I got an attitude? Who caught for now? Who caught for now?
You're making me choke?
Ahead, can't know.
When I got an attitude? So she's like, did I just get dressed? Did I just get dressed? And I'm just like I'm getting dressed, Like why you rushing me? Like I was really starting to get heated, like while you rushing me man to go to this dinner where he went to see plantinos and college greens.
I ate yesterday at that freaking that showed that you have me go see.
So I get dressed, I got my bow tie on, get ready to go down the stairs. And Kate can tell I got an attitude, and I can tell that she got an attitude because I got an attitude, just.
Like, come on, my dress was cute too.
Your dress was fire. It was fire.
That was another thing too. I was like, dang, man, you're dress better than my outfit. It's my birthday, like it's my birthday, while your outfit got to be outshine in.
My peoples and oranges. I just knew who I was walking alongside, so I had to be ready.
I know he was flying. You had like a little too, too, was ruffles. It was short.
All I seen it was legs plunged and you had it was like a corset type. It was really plunged. So I get down the stairs. I'm looking at her and I ain't gonna lie. I looked at her legs was all shining and stuff, and I kind of got a little bit happy because I'm like damn, what's you fine?
But then I was back to being pissed.
Then she opens the door and there are six models in front of my parents' house.
Baby had a casting call.
Okay, six models, three head on my jersey and three head on Stephen Bonwei's jersey.
And then Bow comes out of the limbo with his hands out like yo.
And immediately I was like, yo, this is like an idiot.
I did. I did, But this is nothing this this this is your problem.
This ain't my problem, because all you had to do was tell me that something was going on.
You knew something was going on clearly because.
It was a surprise.
I was trying to.
I vowed that I would never try to surprise you.
You told me that I'm never.
Trying to surprise. This was the hardest thing to do because it was all weekend.
You were trying to keep the surprise.
So I mean, and then it's not just me trying to keep the surprises.
Everybody. Well, you know what, we'll come back and talk about that.
Let's take a quick break because I'm already starting to get hot thinking about how I felt in that.
Moment, and in honor of my birthday party yesterday, which is what we had.
Kay is going to sing her favorite song she likes to sing right now.
Second birthday. That was like maybe that was like your fourth birthday celebration.
Most of my fourth fortieth birthday celebration.
Yeah for sure.
Okay, ready, yes, as simple as this surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise.
She got me off, got got them, I got y'all see the clips.
My face looked like I had no.
Idea Patreon folks, y'all will get to see that it went off without a hitch.
Which is like surprising because you had so many moving parts and so many things going.
Man, listen, it was almost a hitch.
Though. What we're going to explain that after we pay some bills. So let's do that and come back, and we're going to recap how Deval and I had to guys. You guys are gonna you're gonna see the growth in us with the way this whole day panned out.
Okay, So let's take a break and we'll come back.
So we back, guys, and before we get started with this, I do have to say both of us has matured a lot over the past fifteen years since my twenty fifth birthday because Kadeena and I argued that day and my parents' bathroom.
We argued like it was. It was a back and forth fest, and.
It was you were over me.
I was over you, and I don't know how we survived at it was it was them legs.
Once I seen you in that outfit, I was.
Going a you know what gets me through those surprise moments, just knowing that when it finally like pans out, how happy you're going to be in that moment and how you're gonna feel stupid forgiving me a hard time.
You said that.
She almost told me though on my twenty fifth a couple of times, because we argued the night.
Before after plan to know some colleague after Platinos and Calagreens, we did. So the thing is, I wasn't trying to be like thoughtless with the whole platinous and calagree things. So I do enjoy, you know, theater. I enjoyed Broadway and stuff like that. But Deval had expressed to me, which he did when we first started dating, and at this point now he's in the league, you know, at some point knowing that he will retire, and he was
thinking about doing more acting type gigs and auditioning. So I thought that this would be great motivation and just you know, inspiration for him to see people performing doing things that he wants to do.
So that's why twenty fifth birthday, that's what I wanted to see.
I mean I did, indeed, indeed you did, you did. But yeah, that was the mindset behind the play. I'm like, oh, this is something different, because of course I couldn't. The surprise really would have been ruined if I did nothing, and I was just waiting for the weekend to have the party, thanks, you know.
So so yeah, this is.
Something that I was planning along with my friend Tiffany, and we had everything, I mean down to a casting call for models. We had a seamstress. I had to get a bunch of his jerseys. Each girl had a different style design for the jerseys. We had this big section up in tash Lounge Lounge in the city. We had the entire top floor, you know, Limo took us in, We had cake.
It was it was it was so many people a good time.
That the whole party spilled out into all of Taj and we took.
Over all of Taj literally like literally literally.
And that sparked my promoting career, because after I started promoting parties in the city, I was like, I could do this. I don't know if y'all do this, But there was a time when I first retired and I came back to Brooklyn that I was promoting parties for like three years.
That's the fact.
In the city, I was doing everything and make some money.
A true Jamaican look at good thing. You got to do a citizenship now. But it was after that day that I said I would never try to surprise it out again because of the stress that it took so so many times that I was just about to tell him, and it was either Tiffany or my sister or my brother, like hey, no, like you've come this far, you cannot
below the surprise. And I'm like, y'all don't know, y'all don't know what it's like dealing with this dude in my ass, like literally, so I just yeah, it was just too much.
And then from that moment on, I vowed.
However, Deval of course, as you know, uh turned twenty five for the fifteenth time this year, and like we've expressed before, there have been so many birthdays that Deval, at least in the past five years, we have not been able to celebrate or at least the way and the capacity and magnitude that I like to celebrate birthdays.
Because you like to celebrate and your family love surprises. Yes, they will surprise you for anything since Tuesday schools over look, we got them like it's Tuesday and they don't care about that.
We do and it ends up being a thing though, right, That's how we show our love. So so yeah, for the past couple of years, you were either filming and in Toronto, we were in Ottawa. You were all over doing the things that you love, which is always a good thing, right. I'm happy that these are coming into fruition. So yeah, missing birthdays and stuff. One year, it was COVID that we all had. We were supposed to be going to Jamaica for your I think it was your
thirty seventh birthday or something. Thing.
We had Egypt planned for your thirty fifth.
We had to cancel that because you had a big audition that fell literally in between the middle of the trip.
We got COVID one year.
Yeah, COVID one year. So yeah, pretty much.
I just felt like Deval needed to be celebrated since his birthdays were pretty much a wash for the past five years. So that being said, I was not joking when I said I was going to be celebrating you all here.
You know what got me though, It is the middle of May. I'm not even thinking about my birthday no more. That's what made it so perfect, made it so that's.
So true, and that was actually the upper hand that I had. I'm like, this is probably the farthest thing from his mind. So here was my mindset, as we know, and if you saw I'm patrion, you guys saw that we went to Jamaica for the vowle's birthday, spent a whole week out there. We had things planned, we had downtime. It was literally like the most perfect trip with closest immediate family, couple friends.
Right.
However, there were a lot of people that you have not been able to celebrate with and people who couldn't make the trip, and we just didn't have the capacity for that many people. And since we've been new to Atlanta for the past three years, we have you know, either made friends or made family, I like to say, with some people who are super close to us down here, or just people that we know from New York that
are now down here. So I felt that we needed to do something down in Atlanta with some of our local people. And the issue I was running into was finding the perfect time to do it, because after we got back from Jamaica, I know that we were going away to Saint Vincent for a couple of days, and you were prepping to film Season eight of Sisters. So that being said, I did not want to interfere with
filming and everyone prepping for it. But I did say, this is the perfect time because a couple of the castmates I would want to invite will be in town. You know, it might be a good way to decompress once it's done. Yes, Brian, Cheat and Crystal yet so Crystal's local, but I know Brian and Cheetah would be in town from LA.
So I'm like, what do I do? So I hit Crystal up.
You know, back in April, it was like the end of March, and I was like, Sis, I'm trying to plan for an Atlanta party for Devo. I said, just like, maybe a nice private dinner somewhere. I said, what do you think should I do it before you guys film or after?
So I know she was super busy.
She didn't get back to me right away, but something in my gut was saying, you know, it could even just do it after, because I didn't want to be responsible for people hanging out late, you know, drinking and partying for Devo's birthday and then getting to set and things fall apart because they knew everybody was at DeVos help right now. Purposely, okay, purposely, this is all here from yesterday. I mean, I did wash my face and brush my teeth, chail, but listen, we didn't listen. Now
I had to get it together. That's not nope, I'm still here drinking my coffee, y'all. So let's say a time was had. A time was had. So I decided to move the date because I initially had it planned pre filming. I said, let me do it for post filming, and then I hit up all of the key people who I wanted to be there, people who I'm knew would probably be leaving to head back to their respective hometowns after, like, hey, do you mind sticking around until
May nineteenth? I would like to do something for Deval. So so got to planning with that, which was pretty smooth. But now at this point, it was just a matter of keeping the secret from you for as long as possible. Cut to the day of the party, right, So that day, our friend Jay's daughter had a pool party in the morning. The whole family's invited. Of course, my sister came into town because she came here to decompress for a couple of days after her graduation, so we were all supposed
to go to this pool party. So the morning of the pool party, dev I was like, yo, what time me trying to leave? He has an audition to film, so we're trying to figure out the logistics of how the day we're going even.
It started before that was Friday, because Friday was Cheetoh's birthday, and the reason that is for us to go out Sunday was to celebrate Cheeto's birthday. Because Crystal wasn't gonna be able to go Friday, right, so we were all there. We wrapped on Friday. Cheeto's birthday was legitimately Friday Friday, so we were like, yo, let's all go out Friday night. Chrystal was like, Nah, I can't do Friday night because I got the key art shoot on Saturday morning.
I don't want to be out late. So I was like, bet, let's do something Sunday before Cheeto leaves.
Because Cheeto, and this is the crazy part, Cheeto will rush his ass back to La in a heartbeat, and so will Brian. Yes, so at first I was kind of like Cheeto sticking around in land.
I was like, why he's sticking around the land.
But oh well, I guess he want to chill with us because we all here, so I ain't think nothing of it. We booked this party, which I didn't know was for me on Sunday. Yes, and Cheeto and I had made plans because Cheeto came Thursday to do an audition one day and I said, yo, I got an audition this weekend.
Yo, come by Saturday. Let's get this audition done.
So he's like, cool, comes by me Friday, we go out, have a good time, Happy birthday, Cheeto.
Boom.
Saturday they come by. We don't do the audition. So now it's Sunday.
Didn't we do the audition for Saturday or we were just chilling. We were just having a good time.
To be honest, I ain't want to do the audition at that point, Like I don't get a lot of time to spend with everybody. So I was like, I didn't want to sit there and do the audition in that moment, and this is where I talk about growth. We did a whole Patreon episode of me being upset because when I want to do an audition, I gotta get it done. In that moment, yes, I looked around and realized that everybody was having a good time, and I didn't want to stop everybody from having a good time.
So I did the audition. I said, I'll do the audition tomorrow.
I wish you knew that was your mindset, because I would have encouraged you to do it on the Saturday instead.
If you would have did it, I would have done it on Saturday because Sunday. I was like, okay, Jay's daughter got the party, we can do it. Then I was like, Cheeto can come by Sunday afternoon. I had up Cheatoh. I was like, yo, you're free. He was just like, man, I gotta go to this brunch with my homegirl. And at first I was like, nigga, I did your fucking audition. Like now you telling me you got a homegirl, You're gonna go to you?
That's what he said to throw you off.
Yes, he said, on me off because he knew he had to get ready and if he would have time out here to do it and then been like, I gotta rush, rushing me to leave.
To get ready.
Right because remember Jay's girl, Jay's Daughter's party was from one to five. Right, if he would have came here at five for us to do the audition, when would he have had time to get back to six thirty for the party.
So Cheeto had said to me, he was like, hey, Deval has this audition to do. He said, I could come on Sunday early and do it and just dress with y'all one time and then go together. So I said that's also possible too. But remember we ended up hanging out really late Saturday night and then you had we had Jay's daughter's birthday party. So I said, Cheeto, if you come early, he's going to be a Jay's daughter's birthday party and he's not gonna want to not
go to that. So he's like, okay, shit, all right, So I'll tell him something else why I can't come, So that way do lying.
But the funny thing is this is growth on my part because in the past I would have been pissed and I wouldn't have been talking to Cheeto.
Yes, that's the first thing.
And then in that Jay Jay is like my little brother, right, So his oldest daughter came up here from New York. So when k was just like, oh, I'm gonna go shopping with Sakari, at first, I was like, yo, like how we as a family going to this pool party? How you not gonna come with us? You just gonna send me with all of the kids. So I was also kind of like, yo, like what's the deal with that? But maturity is that Sakari is here, She's not here often.
They're probably gonna go shopping and do sister stuff. I'll just take the kids and I'm not even gonna stress about it because I seriously was thinking, like why would Kay not want to go to this party? But I was like, you know what, right, let me just she probably needs some time with sister. So I'm gonna just fall back and that's what I did.
So on the back end for me, I hit Jay and I was like, Jay, you're still doing scholars party on a Saturday. He said, Now we have to move with the Sunday because of the weather. I said, bruh. That's when I'm having devoursed dinner.
He's like, what time?
I said six thirty. He's like, all right, shit, I'm gonna move scholar party up. I'm gonna do one to five. So we got time to do everything.
Now, I see why they was rushing everybody out at five o'clock and telling me to leave. Jay was Gil was five, everybody got get out of the house. I'm like, why are you rushing? Like it's an airbnb, They're not gonna come. It ain't like they got security or whatever. He was like, nah d everybody got to be out. I ain't trying to pay extra in this.
I'm like, that's exactly.
I pay the extra, dude. And he was like, nah, I don't want you have to pay extra.
And I'm like, why is this nigga kicking me out the like he literally kicked all of us out the party case.
I told that. I said, Jay, you know he's gonna stick around and he's gonna want to talk and he's gonna want to talk and mix and mingle. I said, please get him out of there by five o'clock. And Ja was like, sis, I got you because I said Jay, I understand, you got family, you got a party. If y'all gotta stay, that's cool. He said, you know, I'm not missing d dinner, Like what, I'm gonna figure it out me and be gonna figure it out. And they sure did.
All of the revelations coming back now that we've like now that I'm going through the day because when he kicked me out the party with all my kids, right, kick this out. We came home, I was like, yo, I'm gonna do this audition now, and then us said before you was like, you want to do it now or you can do it later after we come back from Jo's party. And the first thing I said was I don't want to go out there and drink and have a good time and then come.
Back and then have to settle think about that. Yeah, let's get it done, which I knew. I knew recommending doing it after the birthday party wasn't a thing. And I'm like, oh, but isn't it not due till Monday evening or Monday afternoon? But I said, you know what, if I pushed too much, he's gonna get annoyed exactly, And yep, so that's me knowing like if I make too many suggestions. That's against what he's wanting to do. He's going to get annoyed, and I need to just
like hold my corner right. So it's rolling in. About five thirty, he told me I had to stop for gas. We're supposed to leave the house at six thirty. I told people get there for six thirty six forty five, because my plan was to arrive with him at seven. So I figured, if people have at least thirty minutes together, do valet get into the room so that when you don't see somebody in transit, because that's the worst part about his surprise is if you see somebody on the way.
Well that's it.
But we had some personal people who weren't cast related. So I'm like, if you see, for example, my friend Bianka walking and you'd be like, yeah, you'd been like like, oh, okay, what's going on? Why y'all here? Exactly, So it's it's so then at this point, now it's five thirty, he's on his way home.
He doesn't get home till five point fifty.
Then yea man's is holsing out the Coda's car seat because the Coda got cooped poop in the car seat because it's pamper like leaked or whatever. So he's hosing it and then he's like, who put the holes like this?
So he's slowly.
Taking his time to fix the hose, and I know the OCD in him. He doesn't like for it to be unkept outside, so he's trying to and he has his backpack on his back. The back cap keeps sliding off his shoulder. I'm standing there looking at him, and I was like, babe, I can have dad do this or whatever, and he's just like, nah, I got it.
I said give me your backpack.
Then at least no, no, no, no, no. This is what happened.
You were staring at me right, and I felt you staring at me, and I was just like, she must really want to get to this party for Cheeto. That's the first thing I thought that she must really want to get this party for let me no, no, So I was just like, I was like, let me move this thing real quick, and you're staring at me, and I'm like, is everything all right? And then you were just like I can do that. And then I was
just like, now she wanted to fix the holes. The holes been fucked up all this time, I was like, you know what, hold my bag. I had to give you something to do to get off my back.
I said, give me your back. I could just do this.
Yeah, But now that I think about it, the only reason why you were staring at me is to get me there on time.
Yes, And I kept looking at you like, babe, I'm ready to do the audition. So I did my makeup. I hear everything was done. I literally just had to throw my clothes on once I was done with the audition. Now, the audition that he did had four different scenes, so I'm like, oh, what do you have to redo? Which scene? He said all four? I was like, it's five point fifty. He still has to shower. And I also have Triple and TJ here trying to make an exit by six o'clock.
And I didn't want them to see or didn't want him to see them leaving and be like where they're going? So it was just so many moving parts that want to I'm trying to text everybody. I'm texting our assistant, trying to keep them abreast of things. I'm like, y'all know, Christal, I say, you know your boy got a one track mind. He has to redo this audition, and there's no way I'm leaving until he gets it done.
And sit tight, my manager. I did all four. I get ready to go upstairs. I send the first one to my managers, like, yo, it's just the type of energy you're thinking that I should need for this character. And he goes, I think it should go a little higher. So I faced timecast said can't I borrow you real second? And I could hear the frustration in her voice. So when she came down to stairs, it's everything all right and everything.
I just put my shoes on too, So I'm like, I don't feel like walking through you know, I don't like my shoot, no shoes in my house. Got my shoes on, which is like thigh high boots. I'm like, I can't pull them off to go downstairs. So I tiptoe downstairs and he's just like, I got to redo the first scene.
I'm like, and she came in.
I grabbed some ass when she came in, because she had on some short shorts and some taboo trying. She's looking, but the thing is you was looking real annoyed, And all I kept thinking was why the fuck is she so hype to get to this party from Chee on birthday was Friday. We already celebrated to your birthday Friday. I got them a champagne thing. Think said happy birthday, cheeses, Like we did all of this already. Why is she This is what's going through my mind.
I know it is. And all I'm thinking is like cod and like control yourself because you're gonna piss him off and he's liable to say, fuck Cheeto's party. I'm not going anywhere you can go if you want to go, yeah out because that would have been the next thing, because that's where things have gone before. There's been times where we've had places to go, things to do. Perfect example, Black Love, big argument before Black Love came to interview us.
I'm like, I'm not doing the fucking interview. You can talk about black love by yourself. And they walk in the door and it's like, but they're at our house.
He was crying, I want to do Black Clove. I want to talk about black love right now.
You don't want to do it.
But they were coming to our house, so we had nowhere to go.
I said, we're going to do this interview because these people flew all the way from LA to Brooklyn to do this interview. We can't stop them from doing an interview three minutes before they come. But you just put your shit together, get it together now and fine. But after this, I'm not talking about black love no more like fine, I don't asked about black.
Love, very black love. I feeling very black.
But it's been That's the whole point of the story is that fifteen years ago, this would have been an argument. I probably wouldn't have went, and you would have had to tell me to vow the parties for you, and then I would have felt sheepish. Yes, you know what I'm saying.
But I was two seconds away from that yesterday too, to be honest. The biggest thing about it, but I wasn't giving you attitude, so you weren't giving me an attitude. You were just moving slowly because I was like, once the auditions were done, now right, I'm like, babe, don't worry about it.
I'll drive.
You can sit in the passenger seat and you can upload your auditions. But I need Wi Fi. I'm like, I have a hotspot on my phone and I saw you look at me, and you were like, with this Wi Fi here and I was like, okay, the whole time that my mother and my sister are looking at me with big eyes, like it's almost at this point, it was like seven o'clock.
We were supposed to be there at seven o'clock. He hasn't showered, not.
Dressed, like nothing, just we're still at home.
But I'm like Batman thirty minutes ago.
I'm like Batman.
So I'm just messaging everyone like I'm so sorry, mixing mingle, I apologize for the delay by the time Devo uploads the last audition. I then, while Deval is uploading the last audition, hit our manager up and I was like, you're totally ruining his surprise party right now. I have people at a venue since six thirty. And he was like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. He said it wasn't
even due until tomorrow night. And I'm like, I know, I know, but you know how Daval is one track mine and he's like, yeah, he's a he's a consummate professional, like he's that. So I said, yes, he definitely is. But of course I was telling him this. I was joking with him, like he had to know the joke here, Like the joke here is that bro. Any other time you submit an audition, it's good to go right. You
never have to redo him. And the one time you got to redo it and redo it twice is when I'm planning a surprise birthday party for you with twenty seven of our closest friends.
Down here at the venue waiting.
But the good part about it is that everyone there, for the most part, kind of sort of knew each other, so they were mixing, mixing and mingling. Deval finally takes his shower. He's dressed and ready literally in like ten minutes, which is a good thing. It happens to be a naturally beautiful planning that they had to do here, you know, to hear coming in now, so we don't fillers or whatnot. No, nope, because Tiff was at the.
Party, could you imagine that you.
Bruh, typically be like, man, I'm book bruh. Figure it out.
We jumped in the Porsche. I was doing a buck forty because she was rushing me so much. Now she's on the highway holding on to the sites.
He knows that I'm like fast driving.
Yeah, yeah, we got there in fourteen minutes.
Yeah, we got there really quickly. And then now everyone was there, with the exception of J and V because they were coming from their daughter's birthday party. So I'm hitting them because he told me the time he was going to be leaving the house and he's like, I'm gonna be a little late, and I said, okay, how late. So he's texted me simultaneously while you're driving, he's like, I'm nine minutes out.
I'm like, we're forming this out. Do not if you see the Porsche, just.
Don't come in. You're gonna have to wait until after. And he was like, oh damn, can you stall? I said, what I'm not doing is stalling any longer. It's going on almost an hour and a half and change that these people have been waiting for us to get there, so I can't stole no longer. I got to get inside, and baby, when you see the video, I let the value the way. Typically I walk.
Ahead of him, but I let the valley the way.
I always walk like that because I kept holding the door, and every time I kept like I get out the car, I go to hold the door and youk ahead, and I'm like okay, like like what is happening? Like I really did not know what was going on. And I'm just like, come on, baby.
I walk on the door. I stepped to the side and I'm like, ahead, you leave the way, it's over there. And then the hostess said that the thing she didn't look she looked confused. I didn't want her to say nothing, Oh, were you here for your party? So I just bypassed her. I'm like, we know where we're going, and I said, I think it's throw those curtains over there. And man, I text our assistant at the time and I was like, hey, we're like walking in right now, and everybody had their
phones out. Janelle sent me a really great video because she was right there to capture the vale walking through like do do do do? Regular old days celebrating Cheeto and it was your party.
Yeah, I'm just still speechless. And you cry, I did, I said, I said, I'm my crying. And at first I didn't cry. It was when the speech is right the speeches started, I started crying because you know, after forty years of life, you know, you spent forty years as a man, not for nothing. Most men don't ever feel appreciated, and they definitely don't don't get the appreciation that I got yesterday. You know, I get a ton of appreciation from you all the time, and my kids.
I feel like it's never enough on my end.
So now yesterday I felt I felt full pause by all the love I got from everybody, My friends, my closest friends. Yeah, my friends who become family, Our coworkers and partners in creativity who become family.
Literally like literally everybody.
Whole podcasts grew like seeing Josh. It was a perfect triple everybody, and the.
Time was perfect. I'm glad I pushed it.
It was perfect.
Were recording this week, so I hit Josh and triple both up and I'm like, hey, y'all, I'm doing the dinner on Sunday. So they changed their flights to get there early. Just so happened. Balau was in town and he extended his trip.
That remember I was here Saturday, yes, and just straight left and I was like, the fuck do you think it just leaves like he was in the house, and then he took him in Phoenix and they just left and I'm just like, just bounce out.
I'm like, all right, he's gonna have to see me at some point.
And he saw because he knew so at that point he said, all right, Sis, I'm gonna extend my trip and I'm gonna bring Ashley down. So he brought his wife down and they were able to attend. So it just it just ended up being such a beautiful night. It was, which is some great people, and thank you, and I'm just proud of us for the growth, fighting.
Yes for the growth.
And y'all can attest this because whoever's been listening to us since season one, I'm sure y'all are getting completely different Padeens and DeVos. Okay, because we are. We're just
not the same people that we were. This podcast has evolved so much for us, and we'd like to tell stories like this, like sometimes when we're coming up with topics, Okay, like we can talk about some current event stuff and whatever, but we just want to give y'all kind of like the behind the scenes of what happens sometimes with how we can navigate the growth that we've had as a
married couple. No for real, you know, through a real life situation that happened, like literally the entire weekend was like such a juggle, that such a juggle or.
Your moment of truth, let's take a break, real quick, because I want to hear your thoughts for your moment of truth.
That's why I cut you off. I really want to hear your thoughts with moment the truth or.
Why this story in the two thousand and nine story was so important, because from my perspective, I know why it's like yesterday was so important for me, and which is why I wanted to do this podcast. So let's take a quick breakka, Let's go, you know, getting some ads real quick.
We come back, we'll do these listening letters and they we'll get the moment for sure.
And actually it's real quick.
Before we take a great break, I have to acknowledge me and Zacari shopping skills because the shopping that I had to go do was to get an outfit for you. And Deval was also like, damn, y'all went and bought me an outfit to wed the Cheeto's birthday party. I'm like, do you like Cheeto?
Ya?
You keep asking about why we do all this stuff for Cheeto because like, that's your friend. I was like, I happened to find an outfit that I thought was cute just thinking of you.
So Kari came out dressed up this whole tight dress. I'm like, where are we going?
I'm like, what is happening right now? Like this this is they got full makeup on and they rushing me. I'm like, I'm like, something's going on. I didn't know what was happening.
I was really confused.
All right, let's really take a break now and we'll come back.
All right, we're back. These are too long listening letters. We'll see how long the response is. You want me to read this, let's go. All right, Hello, Kadeen and Devow. My name is Teresa and I absolutely love your podcast. Thank you so much. I really hope to meet you both someday. I have been listening to your podcasts in Nigeria and it just thank you. The Niget, the green and the.
Yellow Green and yes me and she yes, what's the name that your Nigerian name.
On my Nigerian name is? I forgot the first?
He said, keep uh devide, keep devid, but it's Ellis wal court up elischop here you guys.
But it is truly inspiring to me.
I am twenty one years old and currently I'm in my first year in medical school.
Congratulations.
It's a four year program and I have a boyfriend who's fifteen years older than me. We were just talking about this in the car. He's a doctor and doing pretty well. He's truly amazing and would do anything to make me happy and comfortable. He constantly expresses his affection for me. He's he's a talk and do it kind of guy. Plus, our communication and understanding of each other is what I love about our relationship, and I feel safe to say he has what I need in a partner.
We talk about settling down while I'm in medical school, but the problem we have is timing. Everyone around me tells me to focus on my education, which I do, but I struggle to see if that's even the right time for me to even think of settling down. And at the same time, I am afraid of missing out
on someone who I feel is right for me. My parents are typical traditional African parents who want their daughter to be done with her education before taking Talking about marriage, I told my mom about it and she was not in support because she was in a similar boat with my dad, and she expressed how it was difficult for her to point in their marriage because my father looked down on her. Sometimes she was afraid he is some she was afraid he is someone who would do the same.
Our parents were the same way.
They all talk about their own experience, and don't I understand that one thousand percent At this point, I'm asking God for a sign or something.
You are both wonderful parents.
Thank you so much for that compliment, and I would love for you to give me some advice on if you if you think I should proceed or if I am going about this the wrong way and just being ahead of myself.
Thank you for your time and looking forward to your response.
Oh congrats, We were literally just talking about this these age gaps with you know's.
This is literally literally what she was talking about.
This is my first thing perspective, that's my first perspective. We often tell young women, well, we often look at guys who are thirty six and a twenty one year old and they're just like, yo, you grooming her, You grooming her. This is manipulative, This is wrong. Blah blah blah blah blah. What I don't understand is we also say to men, you know you guys take longer to mature.
So since you know that, right, if you have a young daughter, would you want your daughter to date someone who knows who they are in life thirty six de little bit about what he wants, want marriage and want kids? Or would you want your twenty one year old to be with a twenty one year old man who has no clue what he wants in life. He's frivolous with his money and his dick and could give for a whole bunch of other issues.
Like being older.
Now I'm seeing the world differently, and I'm a little concerned that we're asking young girls to be with young guys and to figure things out when they're not mature enough to understand. But then when there's an older gentleman who knows what he wants and sees a young girl and can help her with these things, we look down on that as well.
So what's the end answer, right, you know what I'm saying. I honestly don't have the right.
I know we were talking about this too, and I kind of was stumped the same way too. I felt
the same way you did. Like, for example, us we met at eighteen, well started dating at eighteen in college, and it wasn't the easiest, like trying to grow with somebody through this, Like we really do feel like sometimes the anomaly in a lot of situations because we look at our peers, our counterparts, people around us, younger even, and we're like, we wouldn't even recommend to them to do what we did, know because I think it took a very special kind of connection and relationship to be
able to grow and to go and grow through these things. So yeah, I get very like, you know, stumped when I see a situation like this, because, like you said, or she's saying, he's thirty six, he's a doctor as well, doing pretty well, he's amazing, he takes care of her, he makes sure that she's okay. But I'm also just thinking from a social perspective or just from the maturity perspective, what does a twenty one year old and a thirty six year old have in common?
Well, and this is this is where where I challenge that we're going to do a podcast about this perspective and perception versus reality.
What we think a.
Twenty one year old is is based on the perspective we get from social media and TV. But whose idea of what a twenty one year old is is that that we're watching That's not the majority? Right in the real world, there are plenty of mature twenty one year olds, for example, you at twenty one.
That's a good point, were extremely mature.
I knew what I wanted. I knew what I wanted. Did I know how I was going to get there? Per se? Not really? But I was figuring it out. Yes, I had a plan, you know. I was just looking enough to meet somebody who also had a plan, right, and who cared about my plan too, you know.
But that's and that's what I think to answer her question was we have to stop putting projecting our ideas of what a twenty one year old person needs and let that person decide because ultimately it's their life and they have to live it.
Right.
She's in med school, she met a doctor, Apparently she's used good enough discernment to this point, right, Why put her on the timeline that you think didn't even work for you? You know what I'm saying, Like, why put her on that timeline? Why not let her live her own life and figure it out, Because if she does everything for her husband is messed up, But if she does everything for all parents, it's messed up.
You know what I'm saying.
There's no right answer unless you're doing everything for yourself. So if it was my daughter, I would say listen. As a father, I have to meet this gentleman. I have to use my discernment. Well, if I'm going to and I know this sounds like very old school, but if I'm going to hand over the livelihood and the well being of my child to you, I have to know who you are as a man.
Especially old school, I think that's just a caring parent, you know.
Yeah, but this is also perception versus reality. You say things like that and automatically people just like what you mean handover.
She ain't an object.
She and it's just like this preface by saying, well, you know what I'm saying.
And the bottom line is if you do something to my child, the first person they're gonna come to for protection is me me. So as as the father, I'm gonna want to speak to that man to say, Yo, yes, I'm handing my daughter over to you to love and protect and to honor and for you to be of service to her.
Don't fuck this up because I will kill you. You know what I'm saying?
Like serious, she has to deal with us. But that's exactly why we don't have any daughters.
However, our sons are gonna be the same thing absolute because they're not gonna be walking up in here with just any and anybody either, you know what I'm saying. But also to what we have to do as parents, we have to learn how because I mean, we're so conditioned as parents, and this is one of those things that your parents that you don't know until you become a parent, absolutely that you can foresee certain things about to happen with your kids or you know, the things
that you've had to struggle with. So to avoid that for your children, you feel like you need to try to control what the situation looks like for them. So for example, her mom saying, well, when I got married, your dad looked down on me because I didn't have my own or you know, these are things that are very real for her mom. So her mom doesn't want her to experience the same thing.
Yeah, but we have to stop doing that. That was a choice that your husband made.
So parents have to find a way to speak about their experiences so that of course it's something that may be on the forefront of their child's mind, but also not feeling like history is just doomed and it's going to repeat itself because it happened to you. The whole point of sharing these stories and being transparent as a parent with your child is to tell them, guys, this
is what I've experienced. If there's a way that you can avoid this by doing X, Y Z and making the proper decisions, then that's what I want for you.
Not for you to just do as I say, absolutely, because.
That tends to drive a wedge even more, especially when you're in love with somebody child. Because we were in love, Daval and I, we were in love.
We still this morning, and I was just feeling on her.
Because we loved each other so much that we felt like our love could defeat anything and out.
My mom was just like, y'all taking this too serious.
Y'all need to relax. Your mom said the same thing. And we didn't listen. You know, we didn't listen. We did what we wanted to do, and for us, it worked out well. But I will also say this that parents have to learn that the greatest way to increase your child's self esteem is to give them confidence.
And the only way to give them confidence is.
For them to learn how to problem solve on their own because when kids young kids, especially when I learned this with Jackson over the last two years, when your kids get used to you jumping in to tell them how to do things or how to speak to someone, speak to someone the first.
Time, you're not allowed, you're not there to do it.
Now they don't feel confident, and now their self esteem drops because I remember Jackson kept saying like, I don't know why I feel this way. I don't know why I get nervous before a game. I don't know why I have anxiety. And I realized he got anxiety because he's used to me always being there, and then when I can't be there to help them do something, he didn't know how to deal. So it took time for
him of failing and failing and failing to figure it out. Hey, I failed and my dad ain't here, But I picked myself up and I figured it out. Now his confidence is so strong to where he's just like, nah, I got this. I'm like, you're not nervous, you know. He's like, nah, god is you know? If I mess up? My mess up? But I'll figure it out. He likes to figure things out out now, and not for nothing. It's the same
thing with your children and relationships. All you can do is give them the information that you have, teach them how to use discernment, use your discernment around who you have around your children.
But you can't stop them from making decisions.
And if you continue to stop them from making decisions, when they get to this point in life, they won't know how to do it.
They won't know how to do it.
They won't, they won't.
We've seen so many cases of that, so many cases of that. So good luck to you. I love that you are immersed in your schooling first your medical school, a four year program. That's awesome, ma'am. I mean I say, I'm a big proponent of follow your heart, but also use your brain. And you seem like you're a smart girl, and you know you're going to work it out. And
timing that's another thing she mentioned here. Timing. The timing may not be right now for a full commitment, but right the way and see how it goes.
Let me ask a question though, as far as timing, what's perfect timing.
I'm thinking timing in terms of her focusing on education and trying to finish that. I think she could do them simultaneously. I don't think she has to stop the relationship.
Let me ask a question, what if her doctor boyfriend is helping her through the process, wouldn't it be the best time? Because we helped each other through the college process where everyone else thought we were going to be a distraction. He taught me how to read my dar you know, we helped each other with papers, were studying and stuff at night together. Every relationship isn't a distraction towards your career.
It doesn't have to be.
And that's what I think people need to understand, is that just because someone is in love or is focusing on love as well as a career, doesn't.
Mean it's in poor timing or in poor taste.
That's true. When I'm thinking of timing, I'm thinking of just as a woman, the timeline that you have in your head for like when's the right time to marry
or when's the right time to have a child. So timing in this sense, where the perspective I was coming from, was just like it may not be the right time for a full commitment, But if you guys are rocking out with each other, you say, he's expressive, he communicates they understand each other, then it's perfect timing for what you both need for this space in life and you can see where it goes as you guys grow.
Because he's talking about marriage, but my thing is.
Our future commitment.
Yeah, what's wrong with You've been fully committed to me since you were eighteen and your life has turned out fine.
You know what I'm saying.
That you've had to delay certain dreams to have children, Yes, but you didn't have to deny those dreams. And at no point that I ever looked down on you and say you're less than a woman because you don't haven't accomplished this in a career space.
You know what I'm saying.
I think that what her mom has been through has been traumatic to her mom, and she doesn't want that for her daughter. I get that, but she also has to understand that you picked the man that did that to you. You you know, and this I'm not trying to knock her dad, but I'm just saying that doesn't mean that every man, or every Nigerian man, or every man who was a doctor was going to put you down.
Because because of that, you don't have as much as he has.
Right, you know what I'm saying, like, that's not And I tell my boys the same way when they talk about, yeah, these women be out here. If you don't make X amount of dollars, they be putting you down. I said, no, the women you choose to hang out with put you down. Because general that's not every woman.
That's not generalized. Maybe you're discernment with picking and that's men and women because you have they have the same story the niggas, It ain't this they and that you need to have more discernment with who you're choosing to engage with.
So that's that.
Well, good luck to you, Sis Teresa, doctor Teresa.
In the middle, it's going to be doctor Teresa for you.
Good for you. Awesome, all right, So I think we should say this next listening that are for the next podcast only because you know, for the sake of time, we still want to do our owning the truth and end out the podcast episode.
And I'm still so guys, we're doing these podcasts in between me running for fittings and going out to do the the whole show and prepping for the show. So yes, you know you're not gonna hear me as much, but you know what, you will hear is a day with Ka you will hear? Okay, I'm excited.
Stick around. Stick around. So you know, when I don't have Devel alongside me, I may have a person or to pop in every now and again and we can do some chit chat and stuff, because we're still going to always give you the dead Ass podcast experience with a little twist. So yeah, let's go into well. First off, if you want to be featured as a listener letter in the future, be sure to email us at dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com.
That's D E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com.
All right, moment in truth time. So, in telling the story of Devao's surprise fortieth birthday dinner here in Atlanta, the overarching topic for us was avoiding what could have been an argument because of the growth that we've both had in knowing how to anticipate what the other would feel, think or say, but also trying to practice strange but yes, grace and patience regardless of what the situation may be.
So in this circumstance, it was devout surprise party, but it's something that we've been doing more recently in general, I feel like, so, do you have a moment of truth for the overarching topic of the show?
Yeah, My moment of truth is that I'm proud of us, like truthfully, because yesterday could have been a catastrophe. It could have been a screaming, arguing, you know, thing that we've done in the past, and it would have been that we end up getting to the dinner and then we're upset at each other. Yes, and you know what I'm saying. And we've been there so.
Many times, so many times, y'all, and.
We see so many married couples, like we we go out with married couples and when.
We get there, we see the tension and we're like, oh, they was arguing.
In you can tell let me tell you. That's one thing with married couples.
We can tell you, as a married couple, what was happening prior to.
Like you said earlier in the episode.
Though, listening to the podcast, because I've gone back and listened to certain episodes.
And I hear the growth And that's why.
I like listening to us, because I was like, man, that's what we sounded like that back then.
That's how we felt back then.
It doesn't change how I felt back then or how you felt, because I'm like, we really felt like that back then. But also the fact that people can watch us and say, you know what, this is how they sound now, but if you listen to them five years ago, we're not in a bad space, you know, because some couples feel like, well, we don't get along all the time, and we don't do this, And I can honestly say we don't get along all the time. Neither, And we
didn't get along all the time. We are And a lot of dead ass podcasts in the very beginning was us venting our perspectives to you guys, and then hearing the other's perspective. And now it's a lot more of not venting our perspectives and being upset. It's no more battle of the sexist. It's more like, oh, I understand you know. So my moment of truth is if you're in a relationship right now and you're starting out, and I'm not talking about year one, if you're year five,
you're still starting out. Don't be upset at yourself if you don't feel you are where you want to be in the long run, because you got the rest of your life to build the type of camaraderie with your partner to be able to trust, love, and empower each other, but also give empathy in times like we had, because.
Yesterday could have easily been real talk.
Why the fuck you keep rushing me? You know, I got to do my audition. I was trying not to be an asshole. Why we already we already celebrated Cheeto. This is important for me. This, you know, this is how we get money, and this is my passion and you not, you know, you disrespected my passion and then Kadeen could have easily been the value taking so long, why you're doing this?
You know, we gotta be there and it didn't become that.
It didn't become that.
And I'm proud of us.
I am so alright, I really am proud of you.
Listen, I'm telling y'all my moment of truth that was great and that I share the same sentiments with everything that you've said. My moment of truth is kind of like a personal for us, and it's that this has
really become a space for us. And I'm talking about this dead ass podcast space where we joke about this being therapy for us, but it legitimately is that like we may not see a therapist regularly, you or I or as a couple, but we literally sit here and talk through But what we also do is implement the things that we know can change the other's outcome.
Right, So I know for a fact that if I say.
Certain things in a certain way, it's just going to set you off.
Yep.
And it's choosing to say, you know what, I'm going to temper the way I feel in this moment because it's not even worth it. Like it's literally a space of battle picking in marriage that you're like, you know what, this is not even worth the argument in this moment, or you know, I know what this means to devour in this space. So though I know I have all of this stuff going on, and selfishly, I know that
it's going to be an amazing thing. This is important to him in this moment, So let me be of support to him so he can effectively put forth a
good product. And I feel like deep down inside and it could just be me or maybe because I've already claimed this for you, but I almost feel like that party last night was like a preemptive celebration for you because I can see you booking that role that you auditioned for because you redid the audition till it was perfect and you felt good about it, and our manager felt good about it, to the point where when you get that role and you booked that role, this is
the story that we're going to be telling around. Do you know what happened when we did the audition for this? Like I feel like every actor has like a story about a big role or a big break that they've had, and it's like you'll never guess, like what was happening. So people were just like I was homeless in my car, I didn't have a shirt. I found a shirt, I found a backdrop, I did the audition, I submitted it,
and then I got big you know gig. Yeah, so almost I just claimed that for you, babe, like you worked so incredibly hard, and in that moment, I knew that you weren't just doing any old thing. You were doing something that was going to help to escalate, we hope and pray your career. So I'm putting out there already that that role is yours. I know it's a role that would be great for you, and I'm so happy that you felt the love in the room. I think that that was just the icing on the cake
for the evening. We had an amazing almost about five hours. Everybody, nobody wanted to leave. Everybody was just hanging out there. It was fun and we just had a really really great time celebrating you. But I, you know, to round things up, I just want you to continue to feel the love and appreciation that not only I have for you, but the people around you. With your huge heart, people who you always help. I think that's all about ever does is think about how he can help somebody else.
The minute something comes his way that's going to be a benefit to him. The next breath is how we can benefit somebody else around him. So we love you.
Got to pay it forward.
We love you, We thank you. DeVos will always be paying it forward.
We live in abundance and God provides for us others.
That's all. Believe that that that's our tithing.
Yes, that's that's my belief. You can you cannot change my mind on.
That, neither me. So I'm glad that we agree on that. All right, y'all be sure to follow us on Patreon. That's where you're going to see this whole birthday party. For the yesterday Okay, Matt was there of course, catching all the good, the good good, So y'all are going to get that on Patreon, So if you have not subscribed yet, be sure to do that and you'll also get exclusive dead Ass podcast video content there and some Ellis Family content All day K A day weeight K.
It's about to get the ball rolling, y'all.
And you can also find us on social media at dead Ass the Podcast, I'm at Kajina I am and I.
Am Devout, and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe.
Dead Ass y'all.
Got dead Ass is a production of Eye Hard Media podcast Network and is produced by Donor, Pinya and Trible. Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never miss a Thing