Devale is 40!

Drop all your diets. People got to learn to eat right for your blood type.

And baby, I am so curious to see after you've had your blood work. Yes, what are the things that we're going to cut or keep?

Doom doom doom, dead ass.

Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured and we're the Ellis's.

You may know us from posting funny videos with.

Our voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therpy.

Wait, I'll make you need therby most days. Wow.

Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.

Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. About to take phillows off to our whole new level.

Dead ass starts right now.

All right, story time, So last summer around August, I think I.

Told this story before, did you on the podcast?

I think I told him on the podcast. I was coaching Jackson's twelve year old football team, and I decided to be scout team quarterback. In that moment, I realized that forty was creeping up because I hurt my knee. I got outside the pocket, I was running in the straight line. I did a little hesitation move and I felt a little and my mic was like my knee was like, he was like, hold up, I'm mad, I'm looky, man.

I did in August.

You guys, remember I was prepping for fashion weeks and I started cutting something.

So it was August, right, and I watched your body completely change in four weeks. But it was November, and I remember when I started to make my change because the holidays were coming up, and I just felt like, you know what, I'm not going to go into a new year dealing with eating everything that I wasn't supposed to eat during the holidays. After watching how your body changed after those four weeks, so I cut out everything you cut out which was dairy. I cut back on beef.

On my knee, like real choreography too.

And prior to that, I couldn't even jog on the treadmill for longer than thirty seconds without my knee swelling up. And I can only contribute that to one thing changing my diet.

All right, karaoke time, we're talking hobbies, blood work test results.

Now, I can't wait to share.

I know you can't wait to share because let me tell you some let me talk to karaoke. Then we're gonna talk to y'all about this.

Okay, cool.

So I'm talking about eating right for your blood type. So this song is dedicated my upbringing. All right, Sele Missionary Baptist Church.

All right now, Martha Davis album, All and what on album on twenty third Street.

The song is dedicated to you. I know it was dumb blood. I know it was dumb blood. I know it was the blood that saved me. Hey, hey, one day when I was lost, he died on up Cross. I know it was the blood that's saved me.

Yes, so we're talking about it.

You sounding pop, that's pop pop. Always shout out a rest in peace of my grandfather, Charles Edward Ellis that's.

Man so well.

Two different kinds of blood we're talking about.

Yes, yes, yes, yeah, because that blood save me. Now my own blood.

Right, let's be clear, Okay, let's be clear.

All right, y'all, let's take a break and we're gonna get back into the meet of the show. We're going to listen to Devo as he presents his blood test results, and we're going to talk more about this overhaul and lifestyle change that we have embarked on. So stick around, y'all.

All right, we're back.

I am so excited for you. And I know that Devo thought that him going into this test that it was a Misery Loves Company kind of situation. Was it was not, and that he wanted I wanted for him to have all the allergies too, because, knowing my luck going into this, you would have had all the opposite allergies of.

Me, and that we just couldn't eat anything in this house. Ever, however, you and.

Your mom called me. They called me on the phone. You get to test? What like, what does it look like? When I can?

We be excited for you to be healthy.

I'm gonna tell you why.

Okay, go ahead.

When I then said, yo, I'm not allergic to that many things the deflation I heard on the phone, your mother legitimately said, oh man, how much fun is that?

Well you could talk to her about that, not me. I'm happy that my husband can be healthy, baby, and no got to worry about a lot of things.

Well, well, here's here's the truth, all right.

It makes my job that much easier having to fij.

You no like you whatever you eat anyway, So that is true. But I have learned over time that the biggest haters in your life will be your mother and your wife. So anyway, I know it was a little bit disappointment because you wanted me to have to, you know, go through what you went through because you had to cut.

I literally don't.

And I've actually been okay since I cut a lot of the things, a lot of the things I don't even miss.

But there's no Actually you've been great like you.

Thank you.

Have you seen this mid section? Baby?

I have.

But anyway, we're not talking about me today. We're talking about you. So all right, so how do you want to break it down? We can do by category. I think that's how we did mine, just to kind of give people an overview of like where you're well, you.

Don't have any So what we found out, ladies and gentlemen, is that I'm Wolverine pretty much.

He's been saying that for so long, that he is Wolverine, but no, like you literally are.

No, okay, I am Wolverine, but I also have weaknesses, yes, okay, a lot, like like Superman and Kryptonite. And what I did find out doing this it was knowing that I was eating my way through my weaknesses, right, what do you mean? Okay?

For example, break it down for us.

I'm not allergic to a lot of things, am I not at all? But you know what I am allergic to? Highly beefy? And what do I eat? A lot of steak? I was eating steak. I was eating hamburgers, ox, steel ox. You know what I'm saying. Think about that, how much beef I eate?

P We ain't give we ain't giving up.

I'm sorry, No, no, I'm gonna still eat things, you know, in moderation. But dairy cow's milk. I grew up drinking a lot of cow's milk. Way my protein was way protein. So every single day I was eating eggs, drinking milk, eating beef, not realizing that those were the highest things on this list for me to be allergic to, which made sense that I was always bloated.

It makes Yeah.

You used to say, yeah, deveout for as much as you work out. Yes, you you sure all bloated a lot.

Yeah, your whole mid section would tell it, and at first I thought maybe it was your posture, but it wasn't your posture.

I could just see all of it. Yeah, some of it was my posture. I have an anterior pelvic tilt, which a lot of athletes have from doing everything leaning forward, which means your hips are slightly leaned forward. So it always makes my butt look like it's poking out. That's wild. But yeah, some of it was my posture, but a lot of it was what I was eating.

With your It's not good with milk too, because remember milk always makes him like.

Nah, he definitely not. I grew up in that house. I know what happens when he sorry school. Trying to put too much of the business out there. But I don't know how my mother.

Didn't think any black people supposed to be really drinking milk and dairy.

I don't think any people are supposed to be drinking milk like that, like to be honest, unless it's a woman's milk, which we heard his liquid gold now would makes sense. If a woman creates everything through her body that's supposed to be fed to a newborn to grow, it makes that's what people should drink. Sense when I was working at the gym. There was a bunch of bodybuilders. And this is going to sound nasty to people, but you know what they were buying.

I was about to say, breast milk. I forget how much it's going for now. I think, like I saw something recently like four ounces of breastmolke was going for something crazy, like forty dollars like four Yeah, something crazy, something crazy to them, some some overproducers.

Babe, come on, come on, let me just put on I was an investment.

I wasn't an overproducer.

I'm sorry. I just made enough to get by, you.

Know much to get four ounces, you could do at least four ounces a day. You do how many ounces do you think you can do a day? Usually doing my sixteen?

Yeah?

More than that.

I mean you gonna make it. You know what, you could do one hundred and sixty dollars a day.

It's going to cost you to have to reverse that of It's sext to me, though, how.

Much did that cost?

You really would consider it?

Hell? No, ain't nobody putting on scalpel next to my nuts.

No more but one time, one and done, one and done. So that was in the dairy category. Next category that was.

The dairy category vegetables. I'm not allergic to anything except mildly allergic to carrots. Mildly, it says load and moderate.

Okay, mine was high, but it was for carrot.

Yeah.

Yeah, So everything else was in the green.

Which was odd because I don't like carrots anyway.

So part of me was wondering, is it because I don't have a taste for carrots and don't really care for them? Is that aligning with the allergy that they found out or not? No?

Not for nothing. I also felt like too, after I did cut back on all of the things that was on yours, my body and my taste buds changed. I started craving vegetables and fruits like I've had a sigh bowl every day for like the past two and a half months.

Yeah, you need stocking it. At this point, I've been.

Feeling great, Like I've really been feeling great.

You know what I want? I wonder if because you changed your eating habits since about August September, around the time that I have and you just took your blood were here in February. I wonder if certain things are lower just because you haven't been consuming as much of it.

Now, that wouldn't make any sense because because I have been consuming, like I still been consuming more beef and with this, so it's higher, you know what I'm saying. So I think it just takes your blood and sees what inflames your blood or inflames the things in your bodies. It wouldn't change based on what you're eating, because then people could change the entire tests and then not eat anything before.

And then she did say I can retest in a year, but I mean, typically you do a physical once year, so it would make sense to retest it. But I remember her telling me if I did cut these things from my diet, did a detox and everything, she'd be curious to see what my test would look like next year.

It told me that to my bad, but that was for the levels for hormones. Okay, so that wasn't for what you're allergic to. She did say, if you test again within a year, all of this will probably be extremely different.

Right, And that's more of the CBC panel, but we'll get to that after. Okay, cool herbs and spices, But made leary of that is that I had a mild allergy to curry and I was like, how, like, how that's literally in my blood, like being part Jamaican of getting innocent and then vincentioned by way of Pakistan, India and Sri Lanka. That's that's what we eat. Something like wow, would I have an analogy to curry?

Because just because you were born somewhere doesn't mean that your body still isn't is not trying to resist it like your body is probably like I don't want to eat that, right, You're gonna see what I'm saying because I man and you came up of a mix of different people, obviously, so whatever cultures decided that that's what's going to be the prominent culture doesn't mean that all the other mixes just get eliminated. And also you could be allergic because the other mixes don't agree with it.

Don't agree with it, Yeah, which is to.

Me it makes sense like herbs and spices. I'm not allergic you nothing. I should have known that because you mad spicy.

That's the bad baby.

No spooning knife neither. Just be in there face first.

Oh my god, grains, grains, grains.

The only thing I was mildly allergic to is oat. But I don't even eat oatmeal like that.

I wish that was like my goat to.

One of my go to breakfast is like staple, and I can't have oat anymore.

No oat milk.

I have no allergy to corn, which makes sense because I like grits. I grew up in the grits, so that's probably why my body craved that. Nuts and seeds holes. I have no allergies at all to nuts and seeds holes. Yeah, so I can't eat and which is crazy because on my side balls, I always get all of the different can't I'm gonna pause this the whole time. I get all the nuts and the seeds on it because it helps me feel better, and I actually do feel better,

Did it, and I had to make him the appointment. I was like, because ultimately I just want to know. I feel like knowing is better and that way we can just move accordingly. Whether it was your allergic to all the things or not, it just it was necessary.

And what was the most thing I was nervous about. Do you remember not being able to eat.

What seafood, seafood, seafood.

I have no seafood allergies whatsoever. But I'm mildly and when I mean mildly, it says lo to cod and muscle. I don't eat much muscles, and I don't eat cod at all. So crab nothing, catfish, nothing, lobster nothing ockt up using shrimp. You're so silly, and I'm so happy because if they would have told me I couldn't eat like.

Again, whenever we get ready to go offering, I like about what do you feel for? He's like seafood always see food, so but it makes it. That's my least allergy. So you and I are definitely gonna do a lot more of this pescatarian lifestyle now that we can.

We know that we can partake in that fruits. No, I'm mildly allergic to lime. I don't eat a lot of lime. I do like lime maade, though, because you know like that this is this is it limeade. So I'm not gonna drink that anymore. And I'm highly allergic to peaches, which is crazy because.

You ate peaches a lot. Don't know fruits.

I still do peach.

That was my ale. Well name guys back in the day, shout out to aol days that's only gotten juicy here, only gotten ripers. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying. I'm a peach with an apple core baby, don't forget it.

Yeah, in New York day, all.

Day, every day. Maybe, but no, this.

Was this was actually very very insightful.

You have no candida, no candida, no yeast build up yet. So I still have to do my detox. Like I haven't had a chance to. I have not been still in this in this state for fourteen weeks to do a detox with her. But I have made the necessary changes to my diet in the interim to at least see if there would have been a difference. And I mean, I even look at you in your midsections floating that you've had. I think about the chiropractor, us having lower

It's anti because I'm healthy.

There's nothing going on.

There's nothing going on, and it makes me also think about well, we'll talk about this as we dive into this a little bit more. But all right, so getting into facts, since that's naturalopathy or now naturopathic medicine is a system of medicine based on the healing power of nature.

That's dangerous. Do you know what it's dangerous? What does this company run on.

It's eliminating the pharmaceutical industry.

Yes, yes, so if it's eliminating the pharmaceutical industry, which is one of the biggest industries in this country, that explains why this is not being talked about.

Well, the food industry as well, partnered with the industry, keeps us ill, keeps us sick, which we all know, and that is exactly why ends or nmds are not recognized or respected within the medical health care system, and it's just why it's an expense. For example, we both had to drop over three grand each for our.

Tests because ladies and gentlemen.

It's not covered, it's not covered by insurance. But it's one of those things around the around. I were like, well, we're going to make the investment in our health. We want to know, we want to do better. So here we are.

And the truth is, everything I was dealing with before, my inflammation, my back pain, everything we're doing, I could have helped with the symptoms by taking ibuprofen. Oh yeah, manage, I'm saying, to manage the symptoms. And that's what that's what the healthcare system has become, right, a management of symptoms, not so much getting to the cure cure of the problem.

Absolutely with all of these chronic illnesses like the hypertension and the diabetes and such. In two thousand and eight, approximately thirty eight percent of adults in the United States aged eighteen years and over eighteen years and over and nearly twelve percent of few US children aged seventeen and under use some form of complimentary and alternative medicine. Naturopathic

And I just want to be clear, like we're not here saying don't go to the doctor. You know some people are that extreme.

I'm not saying that definitely.

What I'm saying is, when you go to the doctor, make sure you request certain blood panels and things so you can find out information about yourself. Kadeen just recently told me about a young lady on Instagram who passed away for a year. She was misdiagnosed with firebullys, a little overous. She was misdiagnosed with fireboys. Come to find out that she had cervical cancer. Yes, and this is

Stressors, of factors the impact.

So for example, someone can be sixty years old biologically or no sixty years old chronologically, but biologically their cells could be thirty five based on how they took care of their body.

That makes sense because you can look at it, for example, a seventy year old and look at how two seventy year olds move according to their lifestyle, what they've done, you know, throughout maybe for work, even throughout the course of their years, what they've consumed, and how active they are, and they move like two completely different people.

Now, I want to say this, if you look at the whole term black, don't crack right. I just want people to think about this. Black people, of all people have the highest rate of not going to the doctor, mainly because they don't trust doctors. They don't trust the system not so much. They don't trust doctors, not like they don't trust the individual doctor. They don't trust the

I was about to say, and that's the only thing.

But we'll eat like trash, but we don't consume medication like other people consume. So it's almost like if you eat like trash, you're sick. You're killing yourself, you know what I'm saying. But you're not killing yourself as fast if you don't mask the symptoms with narcotics. So it's like poor diet and narcotics means you age faster. Black people because we don't believe in narcotics. We don't believe in that system, don't take narcotics, but we eat terrible.

Right, No, it wasn't the pain regiment. It was just a regiment in general, just over just to look.

On.

Well, yeah, that's that was just like a blood thinner.

That's then they put on.

It's another medication that she should have only been taking for like six months to a year after she had the heart attack, and the doctor wasn't clear. She just was refilling prescriptions and orders. And my mother was on that medication for eleven years.

But you see what I'm saying.

Eleven years she was consuming that medication.

You see exactly what I'm saying.

It's giving lawsuit.

I don't know why it is giving loss. But are you understanding what I'm saying.

No, I'm understanding what you're saying.

For prescribing to the medication and doing it for years, your mom has aged a lot over the last ten years, and it makes you wonder, like, Yo, what if she didn't ever take that medication and she changed the way she.

Ate right altogether? Right, that would have been the healing pro fifty Right. My mom still looks great for her age. But just considering everything, you know, it doesn't make a lot of sense. No, I was thinking about it when

It was like, oh my god, I can't believe, like I almost literally died from this.

But then as he got comfortable, now it's like, all right, well, I still want to eat my sweets, I want to drink my soda and eat things I want to eat. But now I'm going to toll the line and manage between how I'm giving my you know, diabetes medication and how I eat.

Right.

So I'm just thinking, if, for example, now he were to just completely overhaul change his diet, cut those things, how much younger he would look not having to depending on it.

Right.

No, that's what I'm saying.

At first, you said, you said, I don't know because of that.

No, I said, at first, at first when you mentioned that point, I wasn't sure that I agreed with you. But what I'm saying is that now it makes sense for your father, and he was the example that came to mind, as you explained yourself.

But yeah, but I was using both like our parents as those examples, like my mom looks wild young, my mom don't like going to the doctor for anything, and she doesn't work out, and she doesn't work out, you know, she doesn't eat great, but she doesn't eat bad. And it's like, Wow, my mom really looks young, and it makes me wonder, Like, say she subscribed to taking prescriptions. Remember she has a swollen foot and doctors, I gotta

I couldn't believe it.

When I saw, I was like, when its sound on your foot, I thought maybe he stepped on something and it stuck to us for the sticker. And I saw it and I'm like, Kads, what happened to your foot? And he tucked it under and he was like huh because he just knew like we were going to investigate this further. Now y'all know I don't do squeamish stuff. I don't do bodily fluids, blood all that. Y'all already heard about the whole sneak peak test and the fingerstick and all that.

It was passed out. So I literally and it was funny because.

I think I had done like an Instagram story showing Matt holding Kaz's hand and looking at his foot when he initially figured, you know, felt something in his foot. This was literally like a week and change later it was and I see the black spot. I look at it and I'm like, oh, it had to be a weekend around it changed because Matt had left. It'll be called Matt.

And Matt you right.

And Deval looked at it and I'm like, okay, it looked a little swollen around the black spot. Then Deval just started squeezing and pushing it. And Caz was sitting there nervous, of course, but he said no. And Deval was literally squeezing and pushing and pushing, and it literally exploded.

Exploded, and then the glass just started to come out like this flash.

It was significant.

It was.

It was It was at least a coreter of an inch, and it was in there for a while, but it came out and it came out whole and solid, And the best part about it is when it came out right, and once I squeezed everything out, it wasn't bleeding anymore. But I've seen that before my dad. My dad fell up against the door right boom, arms starts bleeding. Doesn't know why his arm is bleeding. He's just like, I just got a little thing here. This is when I was in the junior lane, when I was about fifteen.

Like anybody, this might be TMI, but I know y'all all experienced it. Like does the body like not like corn?

Well, corn doesn't digest all the way all the time. You be looking at your pool.

I would I would feel a way about you if you didn't assess your pool. You didn't know what's going on.

You look at your pool. That's especially at my age with cold, cancer and things happening, and it.

Needs to be colored, textured, Does it float, does it not? Does it disintegrate?

Like we need to know all the details, Like I know, I know we may get joke your ladies and gentlemen, but this is actually the truth. You should look at your poop to understand what's going on in your stomach and in your body. Like if your poop is gray, if it smells like rank and it's reeks, you're eating stuff that your body doesn't for blood. It looks for blood in it. Sometimes the food in your stomach that's not digestible rots in your stomach. That's why it smells

Do you really want to know?

Do you really want to know? How I got.

That?

So I tell y'all. We have our guys groups, right, We have our guys groups.

Right.

In one of our guys groups, one of the young men asked a question, was like, Yo, this is real talk. I got to go to the doctor and be like, wow, He's like, whenever I fart, there's like an oily discharge that stays in my draws.

Bruh.

So yeah, y'all, can't hear Matt in the back laugh And I hit Matt in the back laughing. But We were just like, bro, you need to go get that checked out. He did go get that checked out, and you know what, he said, He's eating all of the wrong things. They said, fast food, saturated fat, sugars, all of that stuff is not digestive.

So literally just building up in there.

And over years, they said, it comes out two ways. It comes out in your bowels and it'll come out house skin, skin, in your pores. He had bad acne and he would, you know, squeeze his skin and it would come out and it would be like he would say it too, like he was like, I would go through my skin and I would pull it out and even when I touched it it felt oily. And I was just like, bro, like, so what are you gonna do?

You know what?

He said? They gave me some stuff I could take. I said, how about you stop eating that?

You like what you mean, get it wash out or some bush tea or something, and you yet a good wash out.

It's another thing too, a lot of people in the world do not drink enough water.

Yeah, oh yeah, water is like water is.

My father recently in the hospital with leg pain, which we thought was a blood clot. That's one thing with deval and I anybody under our care. Okay, anybody under our care. This is a whole nother episode having parents, but anybody under a care. The minute you say something is not feeling right, We're going to get the shit checked out. We're not waiting, we're not trying to figure it out, We're not sleeping it off. And I think what really triggered that for us and really struck a

Shout out to we don't google no more because Google, I have you in your house, fucked up.

Bar, Please write in anybody who's had mezzothelioma, because that's the running joke with us.

We don't know not one.

Person that's ever had it, and it's got commercial the commercial making seem like it is literally like everywhere an epidemic.

Okay right now.

We called my sister and we're like, yo, what should we do? And she's just like, shoud get that checked out because we're concerned about like a blood clod or deep things from bros.

It's like all of those things. Turns out he just needs to drink more water.

Dehydration dehydration killer. Dehydration is a killer. Water is huge. I've gotten compliments on my skin more recently. Even two of my makeup artists who I use when I was on tour, one in New York and one based in Houston. They both were like, what are you doing differently to your skin? And I'm like not much. I mean I did get a facial recently started using a couple of products, you know, trying to stay in the regimen. But I

It is on the inside out, but it's also on the outside, and specifically with makeup, because I noticed when you do wear a lot of makeup consistently, for example, if we're on tour or something, you start to get little fine bumps, you know what I'm saying. And I say this for ladies who don't understand, like why my man hate when I wear makeup. I always hated where Kate wore makeup because I felt like her face looked the most even and the most smooth when she had

And I got a little bound and then it would be a casualty having to hug you because your shirt get messed up always.

But I mean it did go both ways though, because when I used to put all the fibers in my hair.

Wait a second, shout out to my man with this hair coming in hot, okay. Everybody wanted him to give it up. Everybody had jokes, y'all was ready over the bouney to give it up, to bowned to give it up.

It's giving my baby change his lifestyle and his habits.

And take a look talking about this, how I approach people from now Look this how approach people from now? One was good jobs? What's up? What's up? You see? You see my hair going back? But no, when I used to put the fibers in my hair, and then I will hug k right, and then I would do scenes with Crystal and Christal would be like, all right, so we got a scene here where I'm supposed to rest my head on you when I put my face on your hair, I'm gonna have a beard when I

So which way is the windy outside?

Does?

I want to make sure you know what I'm saying.

I can't get in the pool.

You know what I'm saying.

You were talking about you. I can't get in the pool. Jump in the pool. My whole wig piece gonna flop out. Look they go. My fly was floating down and deepen that.

Oh my god, you're so stupid.

All right, So as we wrap this up, is there one or two more questions for you, just because this is your result beyond the nutrition component, because we know that you cut some things, You've seen some differences. Were there any other aspects of help that help of your health that you spoke to this doctor.

About smoking weed?

Oh? Yes, what's the revelation there? She asked about that? Or is that something you offered up?

No, I asked her. I said, you know, I'm concerned because I know all this stuff about healthy habits and things of that nature. I told her I smoke. She asked if it was tobacco, and I said no, not tobacco, I smoke weed. She said, No, You're fine, because there are many healing factors in smoking marijuana. The problem typically with smoking marijuana for most people is I think it's bronchial irritation. So if you smoke too much and you're smoking in the ashes, you know what I'm saying. But

Been inpetitive with these boys because they sure as hell be keeping you on your toes.

Well did you see TJ when he came back. Shout out to my bonus son, my oldest son, TJ.

He's so grown in handsome and just.

Is he is growing. They came in head with muscles and tattoos and a beerd and ship. I was kind of like.

His hair everything.

I was like, he was like Cairo's age when he first started coming around.

Grades is all good, but no, but seriously, you were saying, like being competitive, I want to always be. You know, we did everything when he was here. We played pool, we talked about doing table tennis. He had to leave before I got a chance to come back because I went to La but we was gonna play one on one, we was gonna race. So I always want to be healthy so that I can engage in those things with

Kept them splits going, Baby, I'll still be stretching.

Yeah, last night she did some things out. That's a whole other episode too, though. Perflexible. Gentlemen, gentlemen, let me tell you something now, and my lion and my lion my potency. My potency is way more potent now I've changed my dye. Oh that's another thing.

She talked about testosterone for men.

So my testosterone levels were no, not surprised high for my age. She asked me too, She was like, come, do you take any supplements, and I was like, no, I don't. I don't take any supplements form my testosterracis. That's good, she said, It means you must have a really good sex life because your testosterone is above average from man your age, which is shout out to you. I was about to say, shout out to you.

Give me my flowers.

Okay, So now you're not gonna like this this next part.

Oh gosh.

What my testosterone being regulated is because I have sex consistently and work out consistently. In order for me to maintain it, I have to continue to have sex consistently. So upon doctor's orders. Right upon doc disorders, you must bust it open and do your drops. Okay, now until death do us part.

I mean, that's not bad news though, because think about how much things have improved on my end after I took the IUD out and you had your visectomy. Like, listen, it's the consideration that we both are taking for each other's health, for our individual health, for the family as a whole. Like our children are eating differently. They don't like the things they used to like. Sorry, but I'm just I got excited. I got you.

I'm excited. We have to do another sex episode, mainly because I want to talk about how all of these changes have helped our sex life. So many couples don't understand what's going on with their sex life. They don't understand how stress, lack of sleep, poor diet is both hormonal changes. Right. We talked about this in the after show with Triple about men's hormones changing based on sexual output, women's hormones changing based on PMS. If a man and a woman or a man and a man, woman and

As we're proof y'all because listen, if you're our longtime listener of Dead Ass podcast, if you even go back to season one or couch Conversations, sex was always an issue for development. We were at season one and gods, you know, yeah, I'm trying to get them to go back and want to listen to tell they tell your friends listen.

But no serious, But you're right though, Yeah, have.

So many episodes talking about sex that I was exhausted after a while. I'm like, they're not gonna want to hear us talk about our damn sex life. I can, but you guys know this is our therapy session, and we can say that we're living proof that we are enjoying it.

We're having a grand one.

I can look right in the camera. I can tell you right now at forty, at forty years old, my wife is forty. We've had more sex in the past year than we've had on an annual basis through our twenties and thirties. Am I lying?

Yep?

And when I say sex, I mean sex and not just Oh, let me bend over and give this nigga something more and me let me just take, let me take what I gotta get. No, it's been really really good sexual sessions because we've just been in a better place mentally, of course, but physically, her not having her hormones temper with because of control.

Oh yeah, and physical like that's been a question before too, Like, oh, you gained a little weight and your spouse is not even it's not that into you because you've gained a little white weight or vice versas. You're not feeling confident about the way you look, so then therefore you can't be confident when you engage with your partner. All of that is important. All of that is important, and that's why Deval and I are hyper focused about it. It's

We do enjoy looking at each other and being like, ma'am.

Oh, yeah, it's good.

I told more kids, like.

What fuck after four kids? You just look good. You just look it ain't after you just look good. Like I look at you in there today and I was like, you know, for you changing your diet, working out more consistently, your legs are more tight, your waist is small, your

Know, I like you as well, working on muscle for years yet right, So for.

Me, it's just like I want people when they listen to this and they understand the health aspect because we're always talked. We've always talked about sex, and then when sex wasn't a problem, we haven't talked about it.

As much because it's not a problem problem anymore.

Yet it's important to tell them like these were the steps we took to change, because me and my boys talk about it all the time from everything, like I don't shount their names out. But even when it came to the thin en and I was telling them like, yo, like I started using Rogain and monoxidal as well because I wanted to maintain whatever changes was happening in my body, it was like, YO, be consistent with it.

You know what I'm saying, Like, don't Consistency is key with everything, with.

Everything, because you can do something for a little bit of time. And I'll say this about the rogain or monoxida, whether you use hymns or what's the other one, happy head pause.

Or Rogain.

I think I started with that one. But if you use it for three months and you stop at the three month part, you're going to start losing so much more here that by the time you get to fourth months, it'll be as if you never use rogain again. And it happens that fast. That's why most people are afraid to do it to start it. But the truth of the matter is I put it right next to my toothbrush. I gotta use it twice a day. I brush my teeth. I put my rog game in. Like, you can't say

Your tooth brush to use it either both.

But speaking on on just sexing and intimacy, when you are your best version of yourself health wise, and you're in a better mood and you're happy, you can share that intimacy with someone, and I just feel happy about where we are. I agree, you know, with everything health wise.

With the intimacy, the health and everything. But these bills bill still gonna be there. It's gonna be there regardless. You know what I'm saying. I don't care how you look, I don't care what your inside look like, what you shit look like in the toilet.

They're gonna be there.

So let's go pay some bills and we're gonna come back and get to listen letter stick.

Around, all right. So now we're back.

We are back and let's dive right in.

You want to go first, baby, I'll go first.

All right, Hey, Kadein and Devala, I want to start by saying, you guys are amazing and are an example of black love at its finest.

Thank you so much.

I need your you guys's help, and I would appreciate your advice. I am thirty three years old and I've been with my husband for fourteen years, chat married for six months, newlyweds. Okay, that's exciting. Here's the issue at hand. If my husband's grandma in her nineties calls and needs help with anything at the drop of a dime, he's there. You would think, Oh, he's being a wonderful grandson. He does task for her quicker than some than something I ask him to do. The thing is his aunt and

That's that's damn as.

Her grown children don't do ish living in the house rent free.

Oh sounds like she's upset. Forty miles is long. We live in Georgia. Now forty miles and Georgia traffic will take you at least two and a half hours. This is a familiar I ain't driving forty miles and get no light bulb changed, and y'all gonna have to call a handyman.

Y'all you're gonna have to call a task rabbit.

It has come to the point where my husband gets so furious he doesn't want to answer his grandma's call as he knows there's going to be something that he needs to do. He doesn't understand why these grown adults don't help out. It impacts our relationship to where after every call, he's in an angry and annoyed mood. Feels bad because he doesn't want his grandma hurting herself doing something that she shouldn't do to her trifling children.

My words, not his.

Is it wrong for me to telling me he needs to focus on our marriage and family that we created, not to help out every time she calls. I think our family is a higher priority than his blood family. So now that we're married, I think his aunt and uncle yep, I think his aunt and uncle need to step it up and help their mother. I feel like he keeps helping out and they will never learn and always expect their nephew to save the day. Any advice

And you don't want it to be a thing.

I know you're husband doesn't want it to be a thing where he's avoiding his grandmother's calls and then one day something is really wrong or he doesn't have his grandmother anymore. And that's been the thing that's been the wedge that drove that was driven between the relationship and him, between him and his grandmother.

To me, it sounds like that old school Country and West Indian toxic family trait of I'm older than you, so you have to do what I do. Remember we talked about this, Yeah, like you know respect me, I'm your aunt. Everybody who's older than you does not deserve respect.

That's a fact.

You know, you have. Respect is earned, not given.

Now, like I said, adults are just kids that grew up facts.

Then that is an absolutely they grew.

Up, but everything else didn't. Mentality mindset like it's ridiculous.

That is an absolute fact. But like you said, baby, he has to create boundaries. And the thing is, the boundary has to be set in a way where it doesn't put one family against the other. The only thing I didn't like is our family is more important than that. Now, the Bible does say once you find a wife, that family that you create then becomes your primary family unit, which is I believe in. So I agree with her. But you don't have to present it that way. You say, baby,

You know what I'm saying, that's a whole fact.

That's just the fact that people who complain about how somebody's treating them but still continue to do that, you're part of the problem.

Yep.

So you got to create some boundaries my man, period period, and you're not alone. Everybody has that fail a story check that. It's like yo, that all they do is call when they need something. Now, granted, my family don't live forty miles away. I have really good family that doesn't like I don't have leeches. I don't have people who act like invalids in my family. When I really think about my family, I don't have any invalids.

And anybody can help us because you choose to help for whatever reason.

Right, So I don't. I don't sit back like when they call, even when I know it's for something. I know they're at the point where they can't do anything, so it's like, yo, like what's up, Like just talk to me. But if I had somebody like that in my family in a heartbeat, I'd be like, listen, listen if it's a light bulb or if it's.

Going to stand for that to vow, be like, I don't like.

Changing light bulbs here you think I'm drive forty miles to change somebody talking about I just want to point this part out in the story. She said, like something like shoveling snow. If you got to drive forty miles in the shovel snow, that means you had to shovel yourself out of your house first, then drive through the snow to shovel the snow. No, no, no, no, not doing it, Rannie, Granny, go outside, Granny.

You're not going nowhere, know how anyway? And not something is holding the snow.

Just look at it from your window, syst And if they got to get out, they're gonna have to force themselves to shovel that shit.

Period.

And I think it's another thing to where grandmas know that their grandchildren will do a lot more for them.

Than anybody else.

Yeah, you know that My grandmother Okay, she tried, and I know this by now, so she can't get over on me. But she she literally feels like it because she asks for something on somebody else's behalf that I'm going to do it. Grandma, don't work like that, No, Morsis. You might have tried that with me when I was a teenager, but I'm smarter than the average beard.

Let me tell y'all something right now. Remember we talk about creating boundaries. This woman right here loves her family to death to death. She created boundaries between her and her family. That's made it more a more healthy relationship for everyone involved, everybody because she made boundaries and said, Yo, this is how I want to be treated, this is what I'm willing to do. This is what I'm not willing to do. And since she made those boundaries, everyone

It's giving. Moving right along, Yeah, moving right along.

We all as people need to start doing that, right. It sounds like a therapy thing. Boundaries, boundaries, it's real, though, it's real.

It is real. Moving right along to number two ahead, baby, Since we've talked about poop number two.

Hey Kine Dvou. First off, I'm a huge fan of yours, Thank you so much. I went to the LA tw show Love Against the World show yes here in Atlanta, and I was in love with it, Thank you so much. I even saw you guys at a basketball game with your boys and got the opportunity to get a picture with you both, which made my world. That's what's up. You guys did an amazing job on the tour and I wanted to give you your roses. Second, my husband

Have you ever had a time where you felt like your nope, ambition, motivation, drive is I was about to say, because I feel like we can't relate to that. If anything, you have to talk to me sometimes into things, but I feel like with you, I've never had to like talk you into being ambitious or your drive was faltering, Like you're just not built that way.

Got it's weird.

Yeah, you're weird for that because I'm like the Valo is like never in a rut when it comes to things like that.

It's weird. It's also unsettling and at times can create some anxiety because I never feel satisfied. So imagine, like, for example, Love against the World to it that she brought up, we sold out the venues, sold out the Apollo Warner Theater, a tabernacle here in Atlanta, And the first thing we did when I came back was said, what's what's next?

You know, what's the next tour we can do.

And a lot of times it's you that have to pull me back in and say, hey, let's enjoy the moment. And the reason why I gave that as an example is because as life partners, it's often your responsibility. And I hate saying responsibility because you're not obligated to, but if you choose to be someone's life partner, it is your responsibility to see where things are going wrong, so to speak, in their life and to be able to

She's like, hey, ma, me feel some kind of ways sometimes because you just be like, yo, yeah, you're just trying to be mean and I'm feeling way.

I know you do, and I understand you know, but learn Yeah.

I do listen though yet and the reason I do realize in my own time, but I do say that to say this, that's your husband, y'all building a life together. If you've noticed that there's been a change in his behavior or something that you don't appreciate, you have to feel comfortable and free to express that and express it

Yeah, and I mean give him grace, because everyone has like these moments and where you know, you can be just kind of it becomes daunting, like the everyday day to day tasks, or maybe he's in the rut. I don't know what he does for a living, if he's a creative, for example, Sometimes a creative is you know in a dry spell where it's just like I can't even like get my creative juices flowing.

And you know, so it may it require a little encouragement.

It may require you know, clocking out for a little bit, taking them away, you know, change of scenery, like I see, and I know when Devout needs to like leave the country, and I'd be ready to leave.

The country too, so.

When I need to leave the country, because She'll always be ready like yesterday.

Yesterday, like I saw, I mean that said something like I can't wait to hear my suitcase rolling along the like my suitcase rolling along the airport, and I'm like, that's my favorite sound.

But but yeah, you know, just continue to siply the one roll in the suitcases. Though, y'all got to Seekadeen in the airport. She'd be in the airport with her freaking hood on, a sunglasses, sometimes a mask, she got her scarf. It don't even be cold. She'd be whisking through the airport. I'll be having all the bags and she'd just be looking back and she's like, come on, come on, come on.

I'm just I'm trying to carry on and like to put my tote on top of it.

But you know, thank you, you're so spoiled. Oh my gosh, this.

Is But yeah, keep leaning into healthy and keep supporting him because it may just be a little rough spot, dry spell that you might have to just kind of activating him again.

All right, If you.

Want to be featured as one of our listening letters, y'all be short to email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.

That's D E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com.

All Right, Moment of truth time, we're talking to vows, results, lifestyle changes.

What is that gonna look like for you?

Do you have a moment of truth for the people since we went and dissected your very underwhelming pal Schallengy results, and I'm happy for you.

I'm so happy that I told you. Is your wife and your mother, I told you, I told you. My biggest takeaway from all of this is that don't let your taste buds and your current lifestyle trick you into thinking you won't enjoy a change in your lifestyle.

That's a good one because I never thought i'd see the day you wouldn't eat all the things that you're not eating.

Thank you, thank you. That's that's a really good one. Yes, my moment of truth. I can't get my moment Kadeen's moment of truth. You want to finish my moment of truth?

Go ahead.

No, was seriously, I thought I would never be able to eat live without bacon, egg and cheese. I thought I'd never be able to live without drinking juice throughout the day, eating candy every single night, eating cookies, Oreo cookies, oxtail, steaks, burgers, And after ridding my body of all of those things that it was craving, I realize now that my taste

I love that's a really good moment of truth because you're right in that.

And I guess why we were laughing about Devel and the allergies is because we know that there's certain things that we're going to be a hard no for you, like having to give up for example, if for example, you're alerted to chicken giving it up. He'd even like, yes, moderation, but no, I'm just I'm just happy for you, and I'm proud and I'm happy for myself that I don't have to like tiptoe around eating and you know, preparing a bunch of different things for you too, because your

That was a great moment of truth. But you're right. If it wasn't for you, I would have never got my blood work done. You you definitely find ways to make sure that I'm good. I appreciate you, I love you.

Love you too, baby.

I'll show you how much I love you later.

Thank you.

Be sure to find us on to see exclusive that Ass podcast video content, and find us on social media A Dead Ass the podcast.

Oh that was the reverse. I normally read that part and you can find me Kadeen.

I am and I am deval And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, please be sure to rate, review and subscribe.

That's still the thing, y'all.

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