Deferred Not Denied with Sakari Joseph

Just because you take the road let's traveled, don't mean it's the wrong road.

And also listen to your big sister.

Just because it took you a little bit longer doesn't necessarily mean you failed.

Okay, now, baby dead ass.

Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

Wait, I make you need therapy most days.

Wow.

Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Yes, sir, we are.

We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.

Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We about to take philos off to our whole new level.

Dead ass starts right now.

All right, story time? See what I did? Was I tell her the story time?

I was going to tell the ahead of time. I should have just shocked you with it. But this one is a story that we tell fairly often when we just reminisce with Sakaria and I say, we meeting de Val and I we just reminisce about how far she's come. For those of you who don't know, Sakari is ten years younger than me. So in many ways, of course, yes, I'm her older sister, but it's also giving daughters. I raised her, it's giving My parents just placed her in my care and here we are, right, so I will

Are you okay? It's two thirty in the morning. You're making me nervous.

And she's like, I have nothing. And we were like, what what do you mean you have nothing? And she's like, I have nothing.

I have nothing. I didn't get into these schools. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know what we're gonna tell mom.

I have nothing, and she just starts bawling on the phone.

Okay.

So Deval and I are like, okay, at least she breathing. At least she's safe, you know, nothing happened. And We're like and at this point now I'm like, Sakari, like get a hold of yourself, get it together.

So like stern, mom kicks in and I'm like, get it together. Not coming about that conversation.

I said, get it together, stop crying. I said, You're gonna be fine. But it's also two thirty in the morning, Like, I'm gonna have to call you back as long as I know you're okay, we can discuss this and we can hash this out tomorrow.

So she's like, okay, and then she hangs up the phone.

So I'm sitting there looking at the van, Devals looking at me, and my heart is raising because of course it's the adrenaline of the moment, like thinking something's wrong.

And Devall's like, what the fuck is she talking about? And that's a devil.

I have no idea, I said, but she's gonna come by tomorrow and we're gonna figure out what's going on. So so said, so done. Sakari comes back over the next day. I think you're Ri Tristan as well to our brother. Yeah, so the four of us got to sit and chat. At this point, you were how old?

I was sixteen sixteen, almost seventeen seventeen.

So right, so she was seventeen years old at the time, and she pretty much you were confused about what you were going to do with your life, where you were gonna be, what was gonna happen. So Deval and I took the time to just sit with her, calm her down, and just devise a plan. Because one thing y'all know about Dvalini and you know too, we're going to try

All right, karaoke time.

I was so looking forward to this one because y'all know, typically with karaoke time, I'll do something with Deval that has to do with the show, or then sometimes we'll just do whatever our favorite song is at the time. However, to know us, meaning to know Tristan Sakari and I Tristan is our brother, is to know that this is our actual theme song like them. When this comes on, it's an anthem like when, and it's been this way for years now, I think since.

The song came out. So you're ready for Sari, it's ready? All right? Hey, Hey, parton my shup again?

Hey, Hey, geal them babbling, Hey, Hey, bring all your friend then, hey, hey, everybody drinking?

Hey, Hey, who cares what they thinking? Hey, hey, bear vibes, bear vibes, bear vies, bear vibes, beer vibes. Everybody's singing what we don't have?

No behavior? Don't tell this atta, don't cross the bata, don't cross the bat with adas your pant poda. Everybody time we go with lin, I told you we weren't gonna know the words sweet.

So every time we touched on his printice, Oh my gosh, So y'all already know that's the vincy side coming through. Shout out to h who sings that song again, Sew Marshall. Yeah, So if you ever want to do like a remake of the song, you want to update a music video, listen me, trist And and Sakari, we would be front and center with the finger on the head doing our dance because if you know, you know, you know for sure, all right, let's go ahead.

And pay some bills.

I'm gonna catch my breath, child, because I don't know singing. I was dancing inside and everything. So we're gonna come back and we're gonna get back into story time and we're gonna talk with my sister about her journey to where she is now, nurse practitioner, baby, stick around, Let's go pay some bills. She might be able to help me pay some bills too. Shit, nurse practition how much y'all make? Now we'll talk about when.

We get back.

All right, So we're back, So let's go to story time. What were you thinking in that moment? Because I know Deval and I that caught a soft guard. I know we had always said to you if you ever needed help with anything. Of course it went without saying that you should just not to thirty in the morning, but just not to thirty in the morning.

Cool.

But you said you were seventeen at the time and you felt like you were lost. And I'm sure there's so many people probably listening or parents of kids who were maybe about that age that can relate to how you felt.

Well for me, I think I got to go back a little bit. I went to boarding school. I don't think anybody knows that really about me. I went to a boarding high school. It was predominantly white. I was one of about six black kids in my graduating class. I'm also a scholarship kid. I wasn't there with the

School to go to. This was this is eighth August.

School is starting very soon, and I had no plan to go anywhere.

So what made you wait until then to then jump into panic mode and say I have nothing?

Like what stopped you?

Because I know Mom and Dad would have done everything within their power to make sure that financially, whether it was with a student loan or they had a plan, like they.

Would have made sure that you were okay.

So what was the chain of events that got you to that point where we were like, damn, oh my god, I have nothing right now.

I think I was mostly like on a high from graduating, and I was a little embarrassed, you know what I mean, like because I didn't have a plan. Like you go to this prep school that sounds great, right, but you come home and you just like literally have nothing to show for it, because it's like, all right, I graduated now.

But so it's funny.

Deval and I are actually reclassing Jackson for the next school year, which means we're going to be holding him back a year to redo seventh grade. And the reason for that is because of two things. When it comes

One hundred percent. That was exactly it.

Like I felt like, you know, at seventeen, you feel like you have you kind of are grown, but you're not really grown. Oh, I think that that's what I went through. I went away for school, so I was independent. It's one thing I was. I would say, you can always pretty take care of myself and that type of stuff, but to like not have especially being the youngest two of three kids that always had their shit together, and it's like shit, I know, so we seemed.

Well I did. I don't know about your brother, but yeah, go ahead.

But it was just it was really difficult to do that and then even to know what you want to do in life at seventeen, like nobody knows that, or they think they do same, and then they go to college and they fail out or they changed their major four times because they have no idea.

What's really going.

Absolutely that's what you remember I for my entire life, or my entire childhood, I should say, I was like, I want to be a pediatrician.

I want to be a patrioary.

So the minute college came for me, and I kind of can relate to you in that moment. Of course, at that time, if I'm going into college, you're only seven, so you wouldn't have known. But that's the reason why I was like, all right, at least I had Brooklyn College to go to for a year to figure things out, and it was really me buying time before I had to tell mom and Dad like I really don't want to.

Be a pediatrician anymore. I want to be on TV. That's what I want to do. And imagine having that conversation with them. So thank you to Satari.

Shout out to my sister.

Y'all for being the one out of three who decided to actually follow in the nursing medical field.

Fortress Tristan kinda did.

He kind of put one toe in and he came out out that's enough for me exactly.

So it's interesting because I felt the same way.

I kind of felt like, damn, I'm in this space where I'm not really sure what I want to do. But I think we're always fed this high school, four year college. When you're done with that four year college, decide if you want to go for your masters or some people are medical school, you know, some go down

To went to you taking me to Brooklyn College about the next day and we enrolled. And I enrolled pre med right as a seventeen year old.

Yep.

Right, definitely, I went through about three semesters at Brooklyn College. It was fun time I was back home. Jackson was just born, so you know, it was fun. Failed chemistry miserably. That same semester. I also overslept from my biology final. It was just a really bad I knew that.

Did I know? You over I told you, am lab bro, why would you sign up to that?

I was late in the semester. I had to take what I could get all the courses regard exactly. So yeah, that was not a good part of my life. So this was semester three, right. I then I'm like, okay, I can't go into this next. I'm not I'm not doing this. My head is not in the game. I don't want to waste my parents' money. So I remember having a conversation with mom in the room and I pretty much broke down.

Was like, I'm feeling I am failing. I have nothing to I'm failing. Yeah, Well, the crier of the bunch. If anyone didn't know, Zakari definitely is a crier.

So for those who don't know, my mom was an RN for years, over forty plus years, working in so many different facets and nursing so She went from like bedside to long term care, home care. She has been all over the nursing field, so she did have a resource in mom, but there was also like that.

Fear of coming clean to mom about where you are.

You're like actual fear fear those of you who have Jamaican mothers, you know, the fear when it.

Comes to your book, when it come to your book. Damn all right? Good?

So I told Mom and she was just kind of like, Okay, maybe pre med is not for you. And I'm like, oh, maybe it's not glad if somebody else said it, because it's really not for me. She said, why don't you do LPN And I was like, what is that? You know, you think about r N and you think about that, go to a four year college, you finish your four year college, then you graduate, you work as an aren't And that was kind of like what you think nursing should be, m h. And she was like, no, you

So, for those who don't know, an LPN is a license practical nurse practical nurse.

So the scope of work for an LPM is very different than like a CNA or RN.

So it's yes levels to it. So a CNA is more like a patient text so they take care of all the vital signs, all the daily living things, so brushing teeth, getting them dressed, changing them, that type of stuff. So that was a little up from there. But LPNs we administer medications. We don't start ivs, but we pretty much are the nurse that ran the floor. We can run the nursing home like that's it. In order to

So I was that was gonna be my next question to you.

So once you were in the nursing home and you were in the field, did you at least feel like, Okay, I'm coming into my own like this is the path that I'm going to potentially stay on, because you were still kind of I think at this point before getting the LPN on the fence about where you were going to go, I was.

On the tense about nursing in general. To be honest, like I always as a nurturer, that's always been my nature to take care of people. But being an LPN, I was like, oh, this is my calling. Like I love people, I love talking to people, I love making people feel better. I love finding solutions for things. So I was like, this is it for me?

Okay, good Tristan.

She didn't feel like it was it, Which is with the beauty of nursing, right, you have so many different avenues that you can go into. M So after the four years of an ELP, I also had no student debt. I was working independently making my own money at my own insurance, Like I felt like a sense of independence.

I had got my own car.

So this is from nineteen to about twenty three, around twenty four years of.

Working as an LPN.

So that goes to show that there are options for people who want to simultaneously work but then also put themselves through school and doing things step by step versus completely committing to a four year program and then having to and crewe a ton of debt because of how expensive schools is. Schooling is in a four year program, so this is kind of almost like breaking up and getting your experience on the job as you go.

As it goes back to my sound bite, just because it took a little bit longer, you failed, it took me a little bit longer. But I think also that helped me as a nurse. That helped me build a rapport with patients. That are to learn to be comfortable to talking to patients, talking to family members, talking to providers. Those are something that you have to build confidence. I know so many nurses who graduate from four year programs and have no bedside manner.

And they are so robots.

Yeah, they go straight into their masters and their robots and a lot of what we do as nurses is patient care. We have to build a report, let them trust us, you know, I mean educate them.

Yeah.

I think the benefit that you had also to doing it this way is because as you were learning, and as you were learning on the job, as you were working and you were advancing in your career, you're also growing as a person.

Think about it.

In society, we are telling children essentially, although at seventeen and eighteen, we still feel like we've grown because we've all been there that I felt like we were grown at eighteen too. But you're essentially asking young men and women to decide on what it is they want to do, who it is they want to be, what their passion is for the rest of their life at the age

First so patient.

It's so funny though it was a little bit of bullying my first shift as an LPN.

I was being trained. In the beginning.

What they taught me to do was go around and take vital signs on all the patients. So I'm like, okay, going into the room, not introduce myself, and I go to this patient and the patient's dead and they knew he was dead? What And they made me take his vital signs? So that was my first you get jumped into the nursing field. What that was my first and they thought it was hilarious and that was scarred. So that was my first interaction with the dead patient.

Wow. Yeah, But when you went in, what did you say like, hey?

How like yeah, but you say, Hi, I'm Sacchari, I'm going to be your nurse for today. I'm gonna take your by the signs and you go to touch the patient he's cold, and you're like, oh, okay, so he'd been shift left that for us, that's the nursing thing. You know, we have a little bit, you guys, a little a little oh, this is the shifting. You know, somebody feels like one it's more lazy than the other.

But I won't go into that. I know, I know, that's a different talk, it's a different topic. So so great. So four years I'm doing the LPN work at the nursing home. You feel confident enough now to say, you know what, I'm ready to progress onto the next phase.

So what was the next phase for you?

The next phase was an LPN to r N program. Okay, so what was that? That was like an accelerated program. I had to drive all the way to Harlem twice a week and get all this is done. That was probably the most intense part of this whole nursing process for me. Both not masters with hard but this was probably the most intense process because it's a lot of learning. Like the scope of practice for a LPN and an

So leveling up in a say exactly, and not thinking about what I've been doing. You know, you've already been practicing, gotcha. And that program was how many years?

That one was about a year and a half, a year and a halcause it was an accelerated program. Oh accelerated too, Okay, so a year and a half for LPN school a year and a half. So we're a total of three years now to become an RN.

Yes, so now I'm an RN with an associates serree. Okay.

So the thing with that is hospitals don't want associate series. Hospitals want bachelor's gotcha. So I'm still at the nursing home at this point. I did get the opportunity to be a supervisor, so I was a supervisor for the three tail eleven shift, and then I also progressed to being the associate director of nursing.

Oh wow, and I was twenty four. I forgot about that. Yes, yes you were.

So those are like major accolades that you're accumulating in a short period of time. But I guess proving yourself that you're worthy and capable of having that kind of responsibility. It was just a matter of having the degree title that can propel you into other opportunities exactly.

And that also made me realize that management wasn't for me. It made me realize my mom was in management for years, and I felt so much like her that I was like, Oh, I'm exhausted. This is not for me. This is all paperwork. I'm not talking to patients, this is not it. So you weren't being able to care for people exactly. So that pushed me to go on for my bachelor's right covid hit, I was working in the nursing home and also online school at MEDGA evers. From my associates to bachelors,

They were doing. We didn't know what we were doing, and we just kind of like that path. That was a learning curve. Everybody it was everybody in school.

Yeah, it was awful. So I finished Medica evers. So I graduated with my bachelor's. While I was in school, I'm about my last semester, I started applying, so I'm like oh, I need this COVID money. Do I see the COVID money coming in?

Then apply.

I ended up getting a call back from Mount Sinai Emergency Department.

Bruh Emergency Department during during COVID. So that just so you went from being in the nursing home to essentially being catapulted into the emergency room during COVID.

The largest emergency department in New York. If you talk about getting jumped into.

Anywhere, I take the cold dead body in the nursing.

Home over getting thrown into COVID in the emergency room.

That's insanity. It was.

That's why you were so stressed. Yeah, it was a lot, but I learned a whole bunch, right. I was there for about two and a half years. And then during this time, you had some kids, right you had h.

I had a couple of kids.

I had a couple of kids from that time period. But I think the most impactful berths of yours were Kaz as well as Dakotas.

So those who don't know, Sakari was alongside me when I did my home births, which was the story a ton of times on different platforms with you guys about having the home birth, and I made the switch from hospital to home and a midwife care versus an obgui n care with my births pregnancies. Really for Kaz and Dakota, yep, so Zakari was alongside my midwife through majority of the process, because Sakari was really at that point teetering on what area of nursing you wanted to specialize in?

Correct, So what was the what was that like for you?

I guess being in the space because you know, of course there's the sentimental attachment me being your sister, but thinking with a nurse's hat on in that moment alongside someone who's a seasoned midwife.

What did that?

What did that spark in you that made you feel like, you know what, maybe I want to alter my course of studies.

So I always knew at that point I wanted to be a nurse pectitioner, right. I just there's different routes in their spectitioner. There's psych, there is family, there is adult care and this woman's and I just didn't know much about the women's health part of it. But I'm like,

That's not the life of right, No, because you know we'd be outside, we outside. Just so y'all are clear.

You know, I say, car don't have had tan right now, so don't don't hold it against her. Her tan faded a little bit from Jamaica. I re up when I went to Saint Vincent. It's just giving her thirtieth birthday, which is approaching. We're gonna be outside on somebody beach buns out.

But to Kia straight up asked me, what do you want your quality of life to be like? And I was like, what do you mean? I was like, I want a family, I want to be able to clock out, go home. I want to enjoy what I do. I want to educate patients. I want to be have that rapport with patients that like, don't like that's my girl, Like I really like, that's my doctor mm hmm.

And she was just like, I don't think midwill freeze for you. Wow. And it was like I don't think it is either, yeah, Like thank you so much for opening my eyes to that.

Yeah.

And then I was like, okay, it's women's health.

Yeah.

And at the same time I decided that I was going into women's health. I also got a job as.

A fertility nurse uh huh at a fertility sense Yes, So that was exciting for me when I heard that this was a route you were going, because we know people personally who have been struggling with the process of pregnancy becoming parents who are just so desperate too and would make amazing parents, but just need a little bit of help and assistance.

And I know there's also kind of like a stigma.

Around the fertility field and debate on like, you know, is it right? Is this what's God's plans? What God's plan was for you? Like how do you balance faith in medicine? So leaving the er, which was again a very stressful situation for you, but you learned a lot. You got thrown in, so you got to see a little bit of everything. And then now you said, okay, women's health, Oh, fertility nurse, what does your job encompass at your current place of work?

Okay, So as a fertility nurse, I work at a fertility clinic. I work in like a team with a doctor and a care coordinator, and we have our own patients that we see. I pretty much am introduced to the patient after they've spoken with the doctor. They have a plan of care, whether it be egg freezing, actual iva, there's surrogates. We have so many differ and aspects of

Yeah.

Sakari like looks at people sometimes she's like she might have be s pcos she might have this, she might have that, or I've totally this is gonna be so TMI. I am apologizing to y'all in advance, but I send Sakari photos of things.

You're not the only one either.

Sometimes like that. That's just what happens when you become like the nurse and the family and you get all the questions, you get all the photos, all the take a look at this?

Should this feel like that? Like Zakari's literally been that for everybody. But it's helpful, it's helpful for sure.

How do you, or I guess where you work now, kind of dispel the myths and the stigmas around just women's health in general, because as we know right now, the women's body is under attack, just with the government in general and the autonomy that they're trying to take away from us. So how do you in the space that you're in alongside your colleagues kind of ensure that women's health is protected as much as possible according to how you guys work well.

I think for that is also making sure that the women feel like it's a safe space to talk, you know what I mean, and having that rapport with them, because I feel like what happens a lot in women's health is that people don't feel heard or they don't feel validated, they don't feel like their feelings make sense. And you really have to take a step back and be like these people all they want to do is be mothers.

That's all they want to do.

And we really even though you go through the cycle of like, oh my god, I have fifty patients to email today and it just gets like redundant, you have to really feel like they're urgently wanting this, and every cycle they go through and they get their period, they are upset, their whole world is ending. They're paying thousands upon thousands of dollars. So I think the most important part for me is maybe if I don't email them today, let me give them a call, let me just talk to them.

You know, see how.

They're doing that humane like human connection to and it's not just business exactly.

It's not just like email after email after email after email. So I think that that women's health in general, that's like the main part of it. People just want to be heard, they want to feel educated, they want to know that their provider is actually caring for them as a person, and I think that that's something that I want to especially bring into my practice. It's like we're just girls, Like I can just sit like this and have a conversation with you.

Yes, business.

Cervix and everything, but after that we can just sit as girls. Like you can talk to me and I can educate you, and then you can educate other people.

Yeah, you know what I mean.

That level of comfort I think is very necessary, and I think that's what people look for when they're looking for again the bedside manner that's attached to wherever they choose to receive any kind of medical care, regardless of intimate.

Like you know, there's such an intimate part, like people are so scared, Like I've seen patients that are like shaking, not giving me eye contact, and that's when I know I'm not going to do the path right now.

Let me just sit and talk.

Right It's just one of your wildest stories that you've like throughout your nursing journeys and like a crazy story, and it could be something fertility related, it could be something like just in the er, was there any like wild story that made you think, oh my god, I might have chosen the wrong field or oh my god, this was so insane.

That I love it here and I can't wait to see more of this. And of course you don't have to give names of stuff because hip and percent.

Yeah, I think I guess one of my most traumatic things was in the nursing home. Actually, oh yeah, hm, it was. I was working by myself on day shift, which is the most busiest shift. I have forty patients, three CNAs, which is usually about five, okay, and we had to get through it, and I remember I went into the bedroom and I just started bawling. I started bawling. I was like, this is not fair. I was like,

Thank you so much for coming in today was the littlest seventy three ever.

I was like, I did not think I would make it. I did not think I would make it. So I think that even though my experience in as an LPN, I feel like was the most impactful in my nursing career. It brought me so much resilience. It made me resilient, you know what I mean, I can handle anything. To r was a breeze, to be honest, because I can handle forty patients and just me like, okay, I have ten patients.

That's absolutely and especially to knowing being in the field, like the deficit that sometimes they're was like getting staff on and having people working and you know, retention of the.

Worket and management right.

And then also having so many options in nursing, do you feel like there's a lot of turnover sometimes like people are just like, oh, I don't have to stay here, I can go somewhere else so I can do something else.

A culture, now, I think is that I think that I was raised in the mind like Mom, you stay in one job, You're loyal to this job. You know, have you build your pension, you do all these type of things. Yeah, and I think now the culture is different. Mental health is so much more important. No, physical health is important. If it's not serving you, you don't need to be there. So I feel like that's why the turnover is more crazy now, right, you know what I mean?

Also, people are going where the money goes.

True, people are not just staying there because they want to be loyal, because at the end of the day, they're not going to be loyal for you.

I was happy to see a you're graduating class. So Sakari just graduated like two weeks ago with her master's in nursing.

Insert the round of applause button. I'm so proud of you.

I'm so proud to have witnessed your commitment, your dedication. I don't know how you actually do it because you are essentially working full time, you're also doing clinicals, you're in school full time, and then you're still finding ways to be present for me, my family, the entire family where you don't miss a beat. So my hat's off to you, insists, then you give your flowers now, because.

I don't know how you do it.

But you do it so well, and you do it so gracefully and with such poise. And I was happy to be at your graduation and just see the diversity amongst the graduating class, because from what we know and understand that there is, particularly in women's health or just within that scope of work, there is a deficit of representation of black and brown nurses who are in the obgyn clinics, who are in the women's health field, who

Though may everyone may not have been women's health.

But how do you feel like just you being a face, a familiar face, meaning a black and brown woman in that space, what do you look forward to being able to provide to your patients whenever you're in your new work setting, whatever that looks like.

Well, I think working as in my clinicals, I was working with a black provider as well, young female provider, And I think that going into those rooms and like we've had comments of patients being like like a deep breath, like, oh my god, I'm going to be heard today, to be believed today, you know what I mean, I'm not going to be rushed through my visit. I think that, and also just bringing facts to the light, like vitamin D helping with fibroids, because it's more common in black

Early early early decission.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's the main thing that I want to like help man.

Listen.

When Sakari left me after I had Dakota, so my midwife was here for a week after. Sakaria was also here for a week after, and you guys departed like maybe a day or two apart. And it was literally on that like ninth day that I had an excruciating headache. My hands and feet were swollen, and I'm just attributing it to lack of sleep, just had a baby up at night nursing great. And I remember my midwife calling to check on me that day and I told her. I was like, oh, I have this like massive headache.

Think we're going to do that. What's your blood pressure?

So I'm like, I don't know what my blood pressure is. So Mom gets the electric cuff, puts it on. It was like one ninety eight over like one hundred and something, and my mom was like, oh, this is wrong. Like, you know, mom looks at my dad and she's like, where did she get this blood pressure?

Comes? Something's wrong with it. Let me go get the manual one.

So she takes my blood pressure and it's legitimately one ninety something over like one oh eight. And Tekia was like, I think you need to go to the emergency room.

Just nice and caution.

I was just about to say that her bedside better is super caught.

That's her voice every time. So card, we're not going to panic.

We're not going to panic. But I think you should go to the emergency room. And I'm like, girl, I had this new born baby here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to leave him and go to the emergency for what. So I called Sakari because I'm like, I have to forget that. Of course the family nurse co sign and Sakari is like, Takia is never adamant about you doing anything really, so if she's adamant about you going to the er, go to the R. I was like a damn So I said, Takia said it.

Sakari co signed it. I said, I gotta go to the er, and.

That that relationship that access that you guys foreseeing what was happening to me when I didn't even think it was anything. I'm writing it off as you know, exhaustion and lack of sleep, and literally saved my life. When I got to the emergency room and they took my blood pressure it was one ninety seven over one twelve, and they in damn their close to a seizure and

I'm like, the hell, yeah, it's gonna be fine. What you mean?

I got my husband sitting out there, my newborn baby nine.

Days all at home, and his three brothers.

Everything has to be fine, sis, And they just jumped into action and got into magnesium and was in the hospital for three consecutive days after having a completely sexual, sex festful home birth. So I say that to say it's so helpful when you have people you can lean on, or if you have that relationship with your provider. And I'm just excited for you to be that person because I know who you are as a human being. I know who you are as a sister, Sade, our kind of daughter.

You're like the one daughter where you.

Never had I never will and just the way you are as an aunt and as a person. Just I'm excited for your future patients to really get to experience you because I know how much this feel and this course of work means to you. Your heart is so huge, your heart is in it. You're a nurturer by nature,

Well, I guess it's maybe two part.

First off, anyone that is going to look for a provider in women's health. What are some things that you think women should look for when they're trying to find a place to.

Coexist with a doctor to receive that care.

Honestly, I am biased, but I think that nurse practitioners are way better than doctors. Okay, reason being, we have bedside manner, we know how to talk to people, we know how to educate people, we have a different decorum. Like you know, we actually take the time to speak to our patients. Not saying that every OBGI in doesn't, but I just feel like sometimes people are caught up on a doctor and having that name associated with it, and they just don't trust nurse practitioners that we don't know.

NBAS.

That's good.

That's good because I definitely when I was pregnant with Jackson, I remember leaving a particular doctor. It was actually a male obgyn, and I kept seeing the nurse practitioner instead of him, and I was just like, why did I feel like I just kept getting pushed off? She actually ended up being really sweet, but also too, I never went through his care because I also felt like he was kind of dismissive and didn't have bedside manner where she did.

So interesting and just that they go.

To school for what eight plus years and then are jumped into bedside right versus an where we've been bedside for so long.

And with your journey, you worked in school kind of simultaneously, so it's interesting to see how you kind of wove in experience learning together while you were on your course. So it took you a total of how many years? I think that from nineteen from nineteen to twenty nine to twenty nine, so years, ten years that you just slowly built it up. You have no debt, I have

To get started. I need to at least start.

I think that was what was the positive part with you is that you started it started. So what would be your advice moving forward for anyone who's like looking to do a similar journey to you?

So I think for me, LPN was the best route for me, meaning I was okay with working in a nursing home. And I think that that's what you also have to realize for yourself. Maybe start doing some volunteer work. Maybe work as medical assistant. It's a little bit shorter program. Maybe work as a CNA. It might suck for a little bit, but at least you can get experience in the route and see like, Okay, I see what the nurse does ten day to day. I can do that,

I'm sorry. You can work in the office. Like Kristin.

My brother is an LPN. We graduated together. He's working as a director of admissions in a nursing home.

Right, you know what I mean?

Like, you talk so many avenue.

So many As long as you just get your foot in the door, you can go anywhere.

If you're putting the door, yah, you can knock it down do like my sister did.

And I'm so proud of you. Zakari, I love you.

I can't wait to see the waves and the splash that you're going to make in your field. I'm excited for your future parents who are going to get to not parents, your future patients who are going to get to experience you and your care. What's next?

Well, thirty is next month. We're knocking on thirty stor in terms of NEXTX. That's what I'm truly trying to figure out.

Now.

Do I want to stay in fertility? Do I want to work in gu yn? You know, just trying to figure that out. Be a newly single also, just trying to figure out myself. I feel like myself get back into the group of things and like go into thirty with the bank.

Right, Yeah, saw how she slid that in their newly single, go into their That's a topic for a whole Another's Day A Day with k featuring Sakari Part two standby but I love you.

Let's go take a quick late break. We're gonna pay some bills.

Hopefully you can stick around real quick so we can talk to the folks. They write in with listener letters, so we have a quick one to go through to see if we can give someone some advice.

All right, So Sakari and now we're gonna give our two sins. He's going to be four to and Sue four.

We'll be back.

All right, We're back into what Devout always says is my favorite part, because i'd like to get in people's business show. So today I brought my sister because usually if you're tell me something she knows too, just put it out there.

You know how to say.

It's gonna end up in the group chat.

So here's a listening letter for today.

I'm going to start by saying I appreciate both of you guys for deciding to share a bit of your life. I've been following you guys since my first year of high school when DeVoe went viral for getting the kids together when Kay was at work. I loved the booking podcasts, and I went to the Philly show when the New York one was sold out and had a blast. Oh gosh, you traveled for us on behalf of Devalini.

Thank you so much.

All right, so you know that it oh she said, you know that means I'm from New York, Long Island to be exact, shout out to New York.

I've never been more proud of people. I don't know.

Keep doing what you guys are doing because it's gotten me through some tough mental battles.

We got you this. Thank you for that, all right, So we're going to get to the story now.

Back in twenty nineteen, I want a way to Clark Atlanta University for broadcast journalism. I know we have great schools in New York, but I really wanted to get away from my hometown. I just knew that I was going to be the next best thing on Channel seven Eyewitness News. Girls.

That was literally me.

That was literally me going to half strad after I dropped the bomb that I was not going to be a nurse or pediatrician. I excelled in my program fast, came into a lot of different opportunities, met some great mentors along the way, and went from joining the televisions station my first semester to overseeing it the second semester. I really felt like I was living my purpose. Then the pandemic happened and I was set back home. I

For a while.

I stayed in that space. I got a job with the MTA in twenty twenty two. My whole family was so happy for me and told me that I was lucky to get this opportunity, that I should hold onto this job because it's a great job to retire from. I'll never miss a paycheck, I'll have insurance, and I won't be young forever, so I need to figure it out now. I didn't want to disappoint them, so I took the job. Three months did this job, I started

Oh after a.

While, so After a while, I started therapy. I finally took control of my situation and finished my associate's degree. I quit the MTA after a year and a half to pivot started school for ultrasound. I made a plan to put myself back in school for broadcast journalism and work towards becoming a voice actor after I graduated snography school.

I love that she has plans though she not move in, which is great. Which is great.

You guys always talk about time and capital. Yes, I was just about to say that, so I picked.

You really be listening.

So I picked up a backup career that would give me both. I tried to adopt the idea that delay does not mean denied and that it's okay to take a different route to get to my dream.

Did Triple know what.

We were talking about today?

Because we're talking about different routes? This is great?

Any life financial advice for a twenty five year old girl who still lives at home, rent and kid free, thank god, and feels like yeah, and feels like she knows what she wants but has to take another route to get there, while also feeling like I have.

To play ketchup because I wasted so much time.

Side note, I'm the first girl in my family to graduate and to go to college and graduate. I don't want you guys to think that I've been lazy for the past couple of years.

I did not gather that.

I just didn't know how to move forward, especially when everyone in my family has practical jobs and always played it safe.

That's us too.

I'm sorry this letter was so long.

Sincerely, a girl who won't be on her parents' insurance much longer.

I sup wish I could.

Meet you and get your hug because this is such a candid story and what I want to see is this A couple of things that came to mind here. First off, Zakari hearing her story, knowing about the different route and you know, taking your time and working through things to get to your passion. What can you say to her? Anything specific to repeat my sound bite?

Pretty much? Pretty much the episode comes full circle.

You know what I'm saying, honestly, and I get the part of her story I get is feeling like you're not doing enough or you wasted time because I felt that way. I went through three semesters and felt like I waste time and money. But it's like, just because it took longer, it doesn't mean you failed, like legit like, it doesn't because you have a plan, you see, like you have a backup plan as well. So you are in a great your ace right now.

That's so true. You're in a great space.

And I'm proud of you for figuring that out because it takes a lot of people a lot longer.

It really does.

And you're saying that you're twenty five, I mean, and then the funny thing is, she says, she's twenty five, but in reading all of what you did through college then the pandemic then and you accomplished a lot twenty five.

She was about to say, like maybe mid thirties.

Mid thirties.

Yeah, So I say that to say, I guess what's the car? And I are ultimately saying here is that just because you're taking an alternate route to get to what it is you really want to do, does not mean that it's the wrong route. Because a lot of times God will want to show you things along the way. You may meet somebody in that path that you didn't expect to meet that can propel you into something else. For example, you never know you might be doing a

Oh what do you do?

Oh, I work at a new station. Oh you know, I don't know.

I work at this.

You just don't know who you're going to meet along the way. And I do understand your family feeling like, oh, because that's what we're taught.

We're taught.

Oh, get yourself a nice city job, practical, practical, pretty job that you can retire from. You got your benefits, but again, fulfillment, and you didn't seem like you were fulfilled in that space, anxiety turning into depression. I don't feel like that's where you had to stay.

So proud of you.

I'm proud of you for having the mindset that the time and capital. Again, so you work a job so that way it can fund and fuel your passion. So keep doing what you're doing. Don't worry about the timeline. You're twenty five. You have so much life to live. People are People are just coming into their own in their late thirties forties.

Trust me, you, Oh you're not late thirties.

So coming into her own at thirty and then you rather set yourself up for a life that you can be proud of, that you can be happy with that you are nothing filled with fill.

Cup is filmed like you're happy to go to work every.

Day, every single day. That's how you know that you're in the right space. So some things are going to require a sacrifice, Some things are going to require doing things you don't necessarily want to do in that moment. But just know that in every less every failure or what seems like a failure, it really can be the lesson that you need. So all the best to you, girl, Thank you so much for writing Zakaria. Thank you for

Oh okay, I guess for the moment of truth, I'll talk my truth mm hmm. And going into this next decade of life, and with so many different changes happening in my life, I feel like everyone needs to take a step back and be grateful for where they are and then start planning out the next decade and what that's going to look like and work your ass off.

To get there.

Oh yeah, you heard it, work your ass off to get here. And just because life for you is not looking like what you thought it would look like in the moment or the next five years, doesn't look like what you thought it would look like, it doesn't mean that greater is not on the other side, So I love that my moment of truth kind of wrapped up into yours too. I just wanted to again thank you for sitting with me today. We have such an incredible bond,

Were only two three, so.

We wouldn't have had that time at home together to really bond and connect. So shout out to Mimi and Papa for taking the opportunity away for me to go go away in school, but foresight, but having the foresight to know that if she did that, it would make our bond that much stronger. So love you, sis, thank you for thanks for having me doing a day with k and we're going to come back because there's like so many, so many different things that we could talk about,

If people want to.

Follow your journey, if you're gonna be posting more about women's health, where can they find you?

On Instagram? Call her nurse Sakari, Call her nurse Sakari, but don't actually call her.

I won't be calling with all the nurse stuff, Okay, No, I cannot look at it.

And no, I do not want to see a picture the pictures of like your rash and ship like that. She don't want your blood results. I don't know. No, I'm sorry.

She might just invite she might invoice you.

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Dead Ass podcast Baby love, y'all peace.

Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and is produced by Donorpina and Trible, Follow the podcast on social media at dead ass the Podcast, and never miss a thing