Daytime Dreams with Sherri Shepherd

Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoued, and we're the Ellis's.

You may know us from posting funny videos.

With our boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow?

Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.

Things most folks don't want to talk about.

Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth.

And nothing but the truth.

We about to take philosof to our whole new level.

Dead ass starts right now, all right, Sherry, Yes, yes, this? How does this feel to be in the opposite chair?

Right?

Normally you're the host, you're asking the questions. How often do you sit down for an interview with someone?

I don't really, So this is actually fun for me.

It's giving exclusive, it's giving exclusive, and it's fun because I don't.

I'm not under any pressure.

I'm not under any pressure to say, Oh, Kadeen wants to promote something. Oh, I can't ask Kadeen this. Oh my gosh, I don't want to upset her. Like I don't have to think about nothing you.

Oh my god, the pressure somebody has turned on the air. But yeah, what's so funny. Initially coming into this, first of all, thank you for sitting with me. You can be doing a million other things right now. It's still the summertime in New York. My kids are back in school, but I know Jeffrey's not so Jeffer's.

At his mom.

However, I'm in a moment where coming here, initially I felt some butterflies. I was like, oh my god, Sherry, I have to sit and interview Shery like I'm doing like this is my dream job and I'm about to interview someone who is literally living my right. And then as I got closer to the studio and once I got here, I felt a sense of calm, and that for me was just kind of confirmation or affirmation that I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Yes, which is too to whatever that thing is, that dream and how God is going to anoint it. Because we're spiritual people. Sure we talk deep spiritual, but sure. It's like when you say you could be doing anything, No, I'm supposed to be doing this with you, because, as I tell everybody on my team, the blessings that I get are not only for me. Everybody is supposed to eat off that blessing. So when your husband called and

God bless him, your husband when I tell you he loved.

You, and I love that because I remember you said when we were talking that this is your dream to have a talk show. So whatever I can do to help in whatever part I can play, or however God wants to use me to assist, then that's what I'm going to do. So it's not no, there were things, but I was supposed to be here, Like I didn't care how it was happening. When they said I had to fly out, I was like, however, I got, we gotta do this.

Yeah, Sherion was a plan to Chicago for me.

Okay, don't even care. Listen like you're walking in your purpose.

Indeed I received that, and I so see it deeply.

You you have given up so much to highlight your husband. You've given up so much to raise these three princes. Lord, I forgot you track, and so I can't can track with your belly because you get the belly, you lose it so fast. I'll be losing track of the kids.

But it's like you.

You were raising these little princes to become kings, and you were fulfilling the first assignment. So God is gonna bless you on this journe and I would love to be a part of your blessing because your seeds that you've been planning, that's like investing in stocks. And I do want to you because this is gonna benefit me too.

I received that shry that's so true, and I didn't even think of it that way. But you're absolutely right, Deval, and I always say it. Even on our podcast Dead Ass, we say all everything that we've accumulated is not for us. It's part of a bigger picture. We're blessed in abundance because we are on God's assignment to bless other people.

And you have. That's how I found out about you. I was scrolling on Instagram and I saw a Dead Ass and y'all were talking about something about a like every every time you do the podcast is something. It's like amazing, But it was about relationships and trust and I couldn't look away.

And that's when I started following both of you.

I didn't even know you. I hadn't even watched Devel on TV. It was through dead Asso and it's so I just believe God blesses exponentially.

It's never supposed to be like about y'all.

It's who you're touching. God can't use you if you're not gonna be touching other people.

That's when I realized what my purpose was, Sherry, because for so long I would think about it. I'm like, what's my purpose? Like why am I here other than being a wife and mom? And to your point, having dead Ass as a platform where we just share unapologetically about so many things. I'm just hoping that it resonates with someone when people stop us on the street now and they say, you saved my marriage single, Yeah me,

So in that darling she reisonated with me, I don't even want to get married. I was like, I gotta find a husband. But it showed me, like every time y'all talk, it shows me what a marriage should be looking like, honest, authentic, you know about trust, about God, about.

Like I don't know.

For some reason, the way you and Deval talk even about putting each other first, yes, because you can't take care of the family if y'all en, It just resonated with me. So true.

And this is a service based industry. If you not prepared to serve, baby, this is not for you. And that's usually what I tell people. And as soon as you realize that which side of the industry you're on, you'll be a happier person.

Girl. Sure see, I already got.

It out blessing me.

I mean you know, I know you did it twice. It's three times a trying real quick. While we're on the topic, not right now now.

I will never say never, because I literally I'm a believer in marriage. Okay, I believe in the benefits of marriage. I'm not one of those people I'm in love with being married. I think marriage is so God said, if you are with the right person, And I think that a lot of people. Sometimes they rush into the pomp and the circumstance instead of really really vetting out the person and going, is this gonna fit me? Or am

The better good of the collection of the collective?

And so I don't think that I was there, and I want to.

Take time to just wait. I don't want because I rushed into marriage because I was like, oh, I can't be in sin. I can't the Bible say it's better to be married than lust. I don't even remember the spel description was. And so I got married for the wrong reasons. And I'm not blaming the other person. It was the choices that I made.

Did you have like a timeline in your head of like this is where my life should be yes time?

I thought that at the time I got married, I was forty three, which is not that it's not okay, So.

You weren't like I'm in my twenties and you know, I want to be thirties. I want to be damaged goods like they.

Like to say, Well, I never thought I was want to be damaged goods.

But I thought I was getting older.

I was like, I'm forty three and I'm getting old, and who's going to want to get married to me?

Who?

All of that stuff? And it's so funny because now I'm fifty seven.

And I'm like, I'm fine.

I can't even believe I thought that right forty three. At fifty seven, I'm like, I'm a great catch. Somebody's going to find this person. And until they do, I'm going to be moving and doing what I need to do, what God.

Has called me to do.

And I remember a pastor said he's going to interrupt what you're doing. So until I get interrupted, I'm not thinking about marriage.

But I do believe I will never.

Say I won't get married. But at this time, I'm not looking for marriage because, first of all, kadeem my mouth, I didn't found my voice.

And sometimes and there's a thing.

Of being a boss here that doesn't transfer over sometimes when you take that same energyhip into a relationship, and I have experienced that, and so I know, and so it's that pulling back that sometimes I have a hard time doing.

Do you feel like you were forced into a boss position? Because I know some women who feel like, you know, I just had to take charge of my life and my career. So I was forced to be that boss. But did you feel like that was your story to be forced into it, so therefore you don't know how to turn it off in a relationship.

Yeah, I would have to say I was forced into being a boss because number one, being a single mom and having a son with special needs. I've had to be a boss to advocate for him because he's a young black boy. So a lot of times people will say things to me and I don't have to say no with this voice that doesn't work for us, or no, you're.

Not going to put my my son.

I wanted him to attend a certain school and they said to me, his IQ will not allow him to attend, like we could put him in a great gym class. That was so insulting to me, and I had to deepen my voice.

Do Chicago and.

Me want to.

Understand?

But I had to say uh uh, and I will report you and what you just said. And so I've had to be the boss in those situations. And then taking on a talk show with my name on it, I get the glory and I get the the if it fails. They don't say, oh, that producer, that the

So sometimes you know, I bring it with me.

And this voice stays. It's not the not that you have to You.

Don't have to dumb anything down. But that's the feminine.

Part of Sherry, the soft part of Sherry. I keep forgetting like that this the soft part.

So is there part of.

Shary now that yearns for the term everyone's using now? Is that soft life? That soft girl era?

Sometimes? But I guess it's so funny. I went out with somebody.

It was very interesting. He was very very rich, he was very very well he's very well known, very well and it was so funny because he was like, he said, so, what have you been doing today? I was like, I've been investing in stocks and you know, in Vignia and then we bought uh some shares of this and I'm doing this and I'm doing and immediately I could see.

I was like, where am I losing him?

Where am I losing my god?

So when you say losing him, did you see kind of like that light taking away from his eye like this might not be it like it was too.

Much for him?

Because I was it was.

I was just very confident because I was like, you're powerful. I've got some power, so let's talk.

In this thing.

But I could see no, he was looking That's not what he was looking for. He wanted to feminine.

So we ended up watching like a movie and I would laugh and I was like, oh and it came back and I said, dig cheer. You got to figure out.

How to how to navigate this thing, you know.

Or he wanted to show. I think he showed me something and I was like, oh, I don't know if.

It was his car or something like that.

I really messed up. He showed me his car, and I was like, oh, yeah, I used to have that.

I bought that too, So this becomes almost like a competition.

I wasn't meaning for it. I just was like, but I got it. As related. We're on the same miss level. I get that. And at some point I was like, he need he needn't want that. He needs somebody who needs him. And I don't mean to say that that's a bad thing, you understand it, but sometimes men need to feel needed. And I guess I was giving off the energy that I got it.

I got it right, and you had it and you got it, and you have played differently now that you know that. Would you have been a little bit or as they said demure, I would have been.

More like, oh my gosh, that's yeah. I would have been like, that's I love the car, that's a beautiful I don't know if I would have mentioned that I had one, right, but I was. I was doing it like I was talking to my girlfriend, girl, I had one of them, and you know what the engine, don't you got to take in and get a service. I was level to relate on right. Yes, So I probably would have said that's a that's a great car, and him going, what did you do today?

It probably would.

I would have saved the other stuff for you when we're talking, yeah, I would have softened.

So here you are still learning, like you know.

Fifty seven?

What tell me?

Baby?

So you're proof that we're always learning or always growing. There's always something new. But take me back to little girl Cherry, one of three girls, right, correct? Yes, mom and dad at home. You were raised Jehovah's witness all that good stuff. So tell me about little Sherry. Did little Sherry foresee this for Sherry today?

It's not that I foresaw because little Sherry was very shy. She always I was. I was like so shy, I couldn't even my mother told me one time we were at the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses and she said, I'm going to do something. Don't let anybody sit in these seats. And somebody came and sat down, and I was so scared to speak up. And my younger sister, who now still gets in trouble because of mine, she was like, oh, my Mama said, you can't see here.

But I always made people laugh.

Like in my family, everybody's funny, but I always made people laugh. So when you find that voice, I found that voice when I co hosted the View, no Way, because I got made fun of so much for not knowing what I was talking about. I went through a perre where black women hated me because I made so many, you know, errors on TV because as a Jehovah's witness, we didn't vote. And I got on the View when Barack Obama was run. I don't know nothing about politics.

It felt like a fish out of water.

I felt like a fish out of water, and I made so many mistakes. But that's why I grew.

How did you prep for that? Because I know politics is something that well, I mean.

I love talking politics, so now you love it? Are there are talking about politics? Twenty four seven?

You know? So it was it like you go home, I have to do homework. Did you have to find an angle? Like you have to prepare for that environment? You know?

I had to realize with politics instead of overthinking it and taking on like this great big whyew delegates and executive branch and judicial branch? How is it affecting you and your son the policies as a mother. And then I ranched out from there and it was really falling and having somebody like Bill Maher you know, talk about me on the air, or Bill O'Reilly talk about me on the air, Charlemagne even on the Breakfast Club talked about me badly. It was being hurt so much that

You should be coming out this month or next month.

I forget, I don't know, but Sister Soldiers, baby, I had no business reading this.

Girl.

Between that and Fly Girl, my mother would have been like, honey, I'm gonna hit you with this book. Do you know?

I actually said that to Barbara, I said, when she said, read a book, deer, I said, sister Soldier got this book called The Coldest Winter Ever.

You should read.

And when she walked away, I said, I made a mistake and what I just said, But it was all of the failures and the public I failed in public. I didn't get to fail, you know, in private.

So when did you develop this thick skin? Is that a persona that Sherry has to maintain because she's in the public eye. What's it like when you go home and you take off the makeup and you know, take off the.

Hair, and you know, take off.

To take off the hair, when you go home and you're by yourself, what does that feel like for you? The scrutiny, the eyes, the criticism.

I think it's because I failed so much publicly that I learned to joy Bayhart said, something that resonated with me in my entire life. She said, Sherry, as soon as you open your mouth, half the world is gonna hate you. So you it's always you know, you have to learn to not take all of that on. And I felt like, oh, I'm the black person at the table, so I got to I'm the Christian, so I have to be this way. And it was John Murray, who is my best friend and he's executive producer of the show.

And I will give you a great example.

There used to be a blog site called I Hate Daytime Talk Shows, and every time I got aft off the show, I would go in these sites.

On the internet.

So you were glad for punishment, Sherry, and I had to read everything about me.

What are they say?

And their purpose behind reading everything? Was it that you wanted to find out how to better no validation.

I needed them.

You wanted to see a positive comments.

And they hated me all the time, they always and they said Cherry is not authentic, She's a fake. You know. She and I've had abortions in the past, and I remember they said, you know, she talked about having abortions

Get people that don't like me. People are gonna hate you.

People are gonna hate you because they're in fear because they didn't set out themselves. Absolutely, people are gonna hate you because they're envious. People are gonna.

Hate you because they travel the road of mediocrity.

They travel the road of mediocrity.

They don't they're too they don't take a risk, and they're people who like you are gonna not like you. You can't make people happy. And if people, first of all, if you haven't sent me a card and asked about Jeffrey, if you haven't sent him twenty dollars for his birthday, if you haven't tried to help me with my mortgage, if you haven't prayed with me, I don't care what you think. Yes, so people who's because it's always somebody

Sex, you'll be you actually think I'm cute. That's the problem. That's it.

That's you don't want to take so it would it serves you to criticize and always try to be positive.

So that's why I don't pay.

I feel for younger people who are on social media because it's such a different time in youth and you want to get valid and you want all this love and it's like you'll never get it. The lights all that, and everybody's picky.

You know this girl love you one day and the same people hate you the next. Then they love you to.

It's like fickles have fickle fickle if you don't have your cousins and your mama and your husband. That's the core people. I got a core group of girlfriends. When niece Nash calls me and checks me, her, I listen to a third.

Of the time.

You take some things with I completely get it. All right, y'all, stay right there. We're going to take a sure break and come right back to you. So Sherry multi hyphen it. You do all the things actress Radian. Everything is anything like the top for you, Like, what do you really enjoy?

I feel like this is such a pet answer.

I'm so blessed, Like it makes me cry that God has allowed me to do all of the things that I love. So I feel like it's hard to it's hard to pick one because it's always been my dream to be a talk show host. It is always, and you know this, when it's like that dream that has hadn't come to pass, it's always. I love doing stand up.

Specifically look at you as a comedian, because I'm thinking of the talk show space, right, I have to have the personality like people tend to err on the side of comedy and make people laugh even if it's a

Kadeen, I did a joke about my son. He's on the autism spectrum, and I did a joke and I said, sometimes I feel like he ain't autistic. I feel like I'm being bamboozo. I feel like this book and when I tell you the number of people that wrote in, they were offended. They were And I'm like, and my son is like, I gotta find humor, and some of the stuff that he does, I gotta and you get

Who them something to somebody that we know.

And I said, I know he did that on purpose, and I know this happened to her because of him, and I want to talk about it.

And Whoopy said, we're not going to talk about that.

And I was like, I'm telling you, he do this to women all the time, and he always and I want to like, we got the platform, and she said. And then of course, since Whoopy said she wasn't gonna do it, everybody was like, well, I'm not doing it either.

So I went into.

Whoopee's room and I said, Whoopee, why you shoot this down because everybody knows this particular superstar did this to this woman. And but and this is what she said

Right?

And I did? And do you know afterwards, I went to La I went to a club, walked in and that person was right there and he hugged me and he was like, hey, sis, now he's hugging me.

My face was like this, but he said, I thank you for what you said.

It really it made me feel so good and I appreciate that, and sists, if you want me to come on your show, I will be happy. He stayed and watch me do my set. He was like, oh my God, like we gotta like, I gotta, can you come do something with And I was like, okay, absolutely, that could have went a different way. I'm a woman, I'm a singer, you know, And I think about that all the time because I'm out in these streets.

I did so many different things.

So you never know when someone's gonna spend the block and you have to either work with them or they making a decision. Absolutely, And if I was even saying it the other day about some PA's who have now were PA's years ago and they're now executive producers and they're calling the shots and they're making the decisis and they remember that they remember every single interaction.

There are some people who will never set foot on my couch because of how they treated me in the industry. And they come to me and go they don't remember, but I remember how I felt in their presence, and they will call me, go girl, when you're gonna bring me on your show, I'm gonna never phone near the never ary. I'm gonna put that on the T shirt girl like that. Yes, they would never be on the and and people say, but what would Jesus do? Well, I'm not Jesus. My name Cherry that Jesus will let

I want to show you something, Sherry, show me really, Coret Clay, let me pull it up with this.

I want to let you know I'm probably saying stuff I shouldn't even be saying.

No, baby, transparate this atmosphere of comfort. We can just yeah, good, good and you do good.

Thank you. I was actually going to ask you for feedback later, like how to do this makes me very happy because you're walking in, walking in your purpose. Awesome.

Thank you, my love. All right, So take a look.

Here now with me, right now, I have none other than the hilarious. I'm really doing great. Is I'm in a room for the mothers.

I'm really doing good.

Tell me about the event tonight and what it means to you to be here for celebrity women and doing both things. They're juggling home and heart.

You know, it's really inspiring to be around these these mothers because I'm learning different tips of how to balance my life because I think mother wig the spinning plates.

Oh my god.

Before I had my son Jeffrey, I was living, eating greer. I was always hustling. I everybody knew me. Oh my goodness, Jeffrey, both of us and you got there and everything else. I started learning to say no, and I've turned down projects because it took me away from Jeffrey. How good you are?

Burning down names are come to me tenfold.

I never wanted to be one of those homes that were Sam come to me and twenty one.

You were never there, so I wanted him and I always know you are the most important thing in my life.

Not a show, not a talk show, not a sitcom talk show.

Oh my gosh, God, thank you.

Talk about a full circle moment about living and walking in purpose, talk about God ordering our steps and opening the doors.

In the windows. Baby. So that was okay.

I went to school for broadcast journal I'm going to do. I went to school for broadcast journalism and it got my masters and speech communication, rhetorical studies, and performance. So this has always been since the beginning of time for me, and looking at that, it was what is God's confirmation for you? God's confirmation for me is that this is what It's funny that we watched that because we talked about the things you had to say no to because it didn't serve you and your son and your family

That's the first thing. Oh darn, it's not it.

I love when you get pregnant, Devo too.

That's the process. But no, it was it was in those moments where I had to navigate and change plans and pivot that the doors opened further and why yeah, And that for me, try not to get emotional because it's not supposed to be there. It's supposed to be that the way around. But that for me in those moments when I have Sherry Shepherd who answers my husband's

I think that's so I love that you speak that because I think it's so true. That's I believe is our first assignment as we're mothers, we're wives, and you just you put it aside. It wasn't to know, it was just not yet because you had to be a force in your family. You were there for your husband, you were there for your kids. And I just believe that God honors that and he brings it to you when it's supposed to happen. Absolutely, and it's for me

You sit in here and you don't want him to be twenty one and say that that was.

Eleven years ago, that was eleven years ago.

And he can't say that.

He can That's the one thing he does not say, like and so I just know that God. Sometimes I say, God, why did you give this blessing to me? When you know my memory? I mean, forget girl. When I tell you A big superstar was sitting on the couch across from me, and I was like, what is his name?

Again?

Family?

How many like that? Absolutely?

And I said he's a heart throat, said in the moment, and then just.

Name when I tell you? And they could tell I was panicking. I was like, I don't remember prompter.

I was like, sweetie, who are you?

Who are you telling you? I'm on your flipp it. But I was like, and you give me this blessing when I don't have as much energy as I would have had in my twenties.

I'd have been.

Ripping and run, more stories to tell.

But I'm have more life.

You've lived more.

I've lived more. I was confidence, and it's because I just took a little break and I made sure Jeffrey was okay.

Yeah.

And it's great to have the support of not only my husband, but women like you in the industry who are taking the time to help push me forward and to help mentor me and to help further confirm where I'm supposed to be. I was reading an article where someone was interviewing Lena Waithe and she said that no one should go to their grave with a dream deferred.

And I receive that, Well, you're going to touch people that other people will not be able to touch. That's why He's putting you there, like we all you know, yeah, we have just speaking of black women who have a talk show. So it's Tameron Hall, it's Jennifer Hudson, it's me and you got you know, folks who are part of a panel like a Whoop we go bird. But there's so much room here, and there's an audience of people that God wants to be reached through you and

Lord, what am I going to do? I don't have, Like, I don't have a monologue, I don't have what.

Am I supposed to like do? I just start out? And first of all, he was like, calm down, watch your tone. You get you question. And it was then it was literally like this voice said, you just talked to Oprah two days ago. Just tell the story the way you're gonna tell the story about the advice she gave you.

And that was my first monologue.

And it was like and then God sends people into your life to confirm. And then another sister said to me, you have to walk into what is he has already written. So he's already written it for you, you just gotta walk in it. And then another sister said, Cherry, just show up and he'll do the rest. And so whenever I get nervous and I go, Lord, I don't have any jokes, I don't feel funny, nothing is hitting me. I don't remember the story I'm supposed to do, the

Thank you, And I think thank you for that, Sherry. And I truly believe that I'm not going to touch everybody. I'm not gonna be liked by everybody, but the people who are for you are for you. We've even realized that in our social media journey. You know, take me or leave me, that's it, Take mere, leave me. Have you ever felt like you know what I have to

I have coming up Okay, And that's why I love that I'm not my twenties anymore. In these thirties because I felt like I wanted everybody to like me. I always said yes, because I felt like I just if you could depend on me, then you'll like me. If you will, if you like me, then you're gonna need me. You'll need me, And it doesn't work out that way. So now with this show, I see why he gave it to me at this age because if this is I'm Auntie, No, No, it's my go to.

There is something about forty. I turned forty in December.

M h.

And what happened baby.

Once I hit the fourth floor. Yes, it was a process and it took some tragic events for me to get to this point. But baby, I don't care.

You don't care.

This is who I am. It is you love it, you don't. Oh well, oh well, because like you said, no one's putting twenty dollars in that card to my kids. Absolutely're not looking for the bill to be paid. They're not doing anything with the lifestyle that I am now building for my family. So there's something about it. So you're telling me that there's.

Even more girl when you get to my neighborhood, when you get to my block.

When I get to the fifth it's even more man. From the fifth flip oh can get and when you get to the fifth floor girl, when I tell you, it is a freedom of not really caring, like if you're respectful. I read all my comments.

I do.

I read them because there's a lot of people who are just respectful.

One one lady said, cheer. I love you so much, but you gotta breathe like.

You keep talking. I'm talking so fast. That's that's that rate. There was not disrespectful. It's because she cared and she's like her. And so I read and I go, thank you so much. And then I get the bad ones and I don't care. But I sit in this space when things are offered to me, I'm not afraid to say no, and I go. If you don't like me, then there's other people that there's other flavors that you can get with. But if you do, come on over to this side and let me take you on a journey,

You to be is the moment you start to fail and you lose that authenticity.

You lose the authenticity because it's.

A hard facade to keep up with. People always ask the value, like how a y'all able to do content and do videos and type a podcast? I said, because we literally are speaking our truth through the life in real time and we're okay sharing that. Because what happens with sharing is that you are now kind of opening up a community of people that feel like I'm not alone. Right, someone can resonate with this. I am going through the

You know, I felt a lot of guilt. I was young when I went through abortions. I was just young, just wasn't thinking. And then they came back to bite me in the butt of feeling guilt because it was very hard for me to get pregnant, and all those guilt feelings came back. And I made peace with it because a woman came up to me at a faith conference and she said, because I felt so guilty, and I was like this, I'm cursed so I can't have

Every day it's probably like label, label, label, but.

I always worry every day, Like Jeffrey is different, he processes differently, so I worry. He's nineteen. He looks like he's twenty three. But if you were to looked at my son, you would see a fourteen year old. You'd see, you know, And I go, well, the police recognize that my son's you know, my son doesn't want to have a label. When I say, if your phone runs out, babe, tell people you are to stick and you just trying to get in touch with their mom. And my son says,

So he doesn't subscribe.

He doesn'tscribe.

He was misdiagnosed wow up until the time he's nineteen. He was diagnosed with that at sixteen.

Is that why you say that sometimes you feel like he's like tricking you, like he's.

Not sometimes feeling because he's so smart.

Right, Because Dakoda, our two year old, was diagnosed as speech delayed. Yeah, and you know, we went to see a therapist. Of course, you know, all hands on deck. Now we're all talking to him every day, like Dakota.

Here and check.

We do all these things because of course, as a parent, you do your due diligence, you see, and make sure that your child is okay with all the resources. And after a couple of months, the Coda starts talking. And now he's talking up a storm, and we're thinking to ourselves, I think he duped us the whole time. And he's like, he's like, y'all mofos up in his house talking. I God, damn day, all seven of y'all because my parents live

He's so he's so very smart. My son will recognize. We saw a basketball star from the seventies. He was crossing the street and Jeffrey goes, that's so and so, and he made this many.

Three pointers in Then I was like, first of all, who is that?

I was an all black man and I said, excuse me, sir, are you I can't remember his name and he said, yes I am, And I said my son, Like, can you take a picture of him? Because he knows you? And he was so like, I believe it. Jeffrey's just like he's just he knows all the stats and things.

And at that point, you're like, you want to be on my show. I know it's like, oh you.

Somebody, you somebody somebody, But yeah, a lot of times I feel Jeffrey. He's so smart in different things. But I also go, shiy, are you doing the right thing for Jeffrey? Are you too protective? Are you too? I've had to let go of a lot because I don't have a partner with me raised Jeffrey of really releasing him. My girlfriend. You always have to have a girlfriend that like talk to God like every day.

She don't want to.

She want to say God told me, and I literally she said to me, because I'm so protective of Jeffrey, And she said, God said to tell you you got to release him. And I said, what does that mean? She said, he said, who knows Jeffrey better his mother or the one who created him. You've got to release him to me. And so even moving out here to New York, I didn't want to do it because my village is in la And she said, God said, New York is not for you, Sherry, it is for Jeffrey.

Well, whatever, we're going to another one.

No, Jeffrey, were not behind gated community, you would get not to say, are.

You the man that's just like, now everybody gonna get in my house?

Yes, mother, I'm like everybody from prison. Don't take that uber and find those keys.

And don't come up and kill everybody because you then lost it. And he's like, well then I won't get another one, and I get your mom thing to do. We always go to the worst case, the worst case baby. But he's so independent, Like he went to Times Square by himself, to daven Busters to play video games and like he and I'm like Jeffrey, and he's like, stop calling me. I'm fine, Stop texting me. And I texted him Kadeen, and I said, Jeffrey, I just wanted because

Everything is fine?

Why keep calling me?

You got life through sixty on his phone job, I got life three six, I got.

Life eight eighty, I got it all. Yeah, I got a lasting girl. When I tell you, I so just the letting go and letting. I've had to let men into his life because I'm not a man. So there's things that a man can teach Jeffrey that I just can't. I used to let that boy take a shower and put He puts the towel right above his dad on a yeah, and there was a man do Hughley or Cat Williams. Somebody was like, Sherry, he got to drop the towel, he got to drop the town put it on the stomach.

And I said, well, I don't want Florid to get all.

Wet, Sherry, Listen, we had an incident recently three days ago in our house. Jackson had a basketball game, okay, and Javal said, you know, he wasn't playing hard and he's gonna let these kids pump him. And he's growing up in this part of Georgia and he's not in the streets like I.

Wasn't in Brooklyn. And I need to drop him off in a park in Brooklyn so he can get a man up.

So he's carrying on after the game, right, And of course the mom is like, I just want to just hug, just hug them. Yes, some leting that Val do his things. I never want to underman mine a bad moment or a teachable moment in his eyes. And I've never been a boy before, but been a man, don't aspire to be one. So I'm like, listen, I'm going to let you know, lean on you for those moments. So they got we got home. I'm thinking everything is okay, but

You're not doing this show my grandson.

So de Val was just like, this is my house and now I'm gonna do what I want to do with my sons and if you can't respect that, and I was like, whoa, it became a thing, Sherry, right. So once everything calmed down after, Deval was like, did you really think that I was going to hurt our son. I've never raised the hand to you, never raised the hand to Our kids don't even get spanked. We're the parents that unlike what you said growing up, you don't look in the eye and you kind of just listen

I said, if we were having a lion king moment, and if I was supposed to be so robbie, you should let me know what's happening, like, like, let me know, given, so I can keep mom at bay, and then I can stay at Basically, y'all can have y'all moment, child, because from I'm looking up in the stairways, what I'm seeing, I'm seeing you tussling with my baby. So the first thing, as a mom I'm gonna do is run to his

Certain things I would have never known, and I would have never known that that was the process. I have never known that a boy needs to feel empowered and that is a way that he can be because I'm a woman.

That is confidence, so I'm gonna fight.

Oh exactly. I teach Jeffrey how to avoid conflict and that's literally what moms do.

And then, of course we spoke to mom after and devout apologize for raising his vote and all that, but my mom was like, we teach them to diffuse situations. Especially as a young black man growing up in America. You don't want to be the antagonizer. And dev I was like, yeah, but you also don't want to be someone's doormat. You have to walk around with a persona and a confidence that people know, don't mess with me. And it starts even on the basketball court. I'm like,

That's why I'm at the basketball court when I see what I would see Jeffrey, and I'd be like, y'all talk to each other. Stop talking to each other like that be nice. And he was like, but that's that's the thing.

That's it.

You know why I had to allow men and I had to pray about that. Oh man, Lord put the right men in Jeffrey's life and you pray for the discernment to the discernment to allow them to you know, because I would have men that would say, Jeffrey, when I shake your hand, come on, look at.

Me, tell me what your name is. Firm, I would say, oh, y'all.

One a friend was teaching him, like how to ride a back and I was like, he can't ride that far. You talking about up the hills and downs and down the fact he only can go to a house. And then he came back. He was like, Mommy, we rode all the way to Kim Whitley's house. And I was like, that's ten of miles. What are you doing a match? And he was like he could do and do it. And men are the tears. Don't bother men. For us as mothers, we are that nurturing for sure, you know.

But it's apparently like a known fact though, that when the boys are with their fathers that they get their oxytocin, which is that cuddle hormone, that that that yearn to be with their dad through play, fighting, playing sports, running and all that, whereas with moms they get that from cuddling and closeness and skin to skin. So it's a very different dynamic and.

Serves such different purposes. See, he spent thirty days with his dad as camp counselor, and he didn't call me one time, And I was like, what did you and your daddy doing?

Right?

And his father was like, let I got him.

He can do it. But see with you, bactly, he can't do it me.

He won't do it, and they will. They will push that. Jackson's doing his laundry now, I said, you know, told my mom, I said, Jackson thirteen, I said, every Sunday or everybody wants to plan his schedule out. Yes, he's responsible for his laundry.

Now.

He already has so many responsibilities. And you're gonna make him do laundry too, Oh my goodness. But after I'm washing everybody's clothes, Why I can't just wash his close to, I said, Grandma, because you won't be at college to wash his draw wash. He needs to learn how to set rate, full drive, pack away and all that. Like we're trying to raise men so we're looking for a house for Mimi and Papa because we're like, listen, y'all

You know, it's funny because.

It seems like it's pretty difficult for you, Sherry.

But you know it's funny.

Because I've raised Jeffrey to speak sometimes. I didn't raised them to speak too much because I came from a place like when we say that's enough, you stop. Jeffrey's like, yeah, but Mom, why But you know, but I saw you do this, and I'm like, okay, now you're pulling up receipts, Jeffrey, Ah, you're pulling up receipts in the way I was. I can't, Oh, why do I let you have this freedom to talk to me?

Baby?

But you know it's so funny because I do feel like at some point Jeffrey and I we are close like that. We are close like friends, but he still knows I'm your mother, you know. And there's sometimes I'll let Jeffrey he wants to tell me a story, but they cursed, and I go, Jeffrey, you can curse. You can say the curse and you will fly with the curse words. And I'm like, Okay, now it's enough, Jeffrey. But Jeffrey will come and tell me when he you know,

Is exactly baby, I'll I'm still trying to take Jackson to the woman's bathroom and he's like, Mom, I'm thirteen now, I said, just predators everywhere. Just with that.

It was at about thirteen, Jeffrey said, I'm not going in there, mom, with the with the girls. And then somebody told me Jesus is always a comic. They say, you gotta let Jeffrey his pants aren't supposed to hang down fall to the floor.

Sherry and I said, what are you talking about? Because they went in the tower.

It was the town. He was like, he can't let his butt be showing in the puppy bathroom and I said I didn't know because I didn't want him.

I was teaching him to aim for the cheerios the toilet.

I didn't want the pants, and he so to go and down was like, Jeffrey, pull up your pants when you go to I said, well, a least I wouldn't like somebody else. And they made him sit on the toilet at.

Lisa, Lisa can stand up girl.

Let me say, we have a bathroom in our house that we call I call it the gas station bathroom because it's the one bathroom in the house that the boys and my dad used Austin. I never send guests there or anything. I will never know what you're gonna walk in to sit on, you know. So that's the gas station bathroom I make.

Jeffrey he washes his clothes by himself, except he always throws it. He never takes. I keep saying, check the dryer, because my stuff is in there. Girl. He then threw towels in there with my stuff, his clothes. Ohtak My stuff then shrunk. But he cleans his bathroom every Saturday. He's got a bucket and the gloves. And I make because I said, you're not gonna have some woman saying to you, you're nasty ass, quick.

To blame, blame us, to blame the mother devalles miss, the social butterfly. And you know there's a select few of people that he will invite by the house. And I said, can you at least give me a head up when someone's coming by a so I'm not just

Sherry, though, girl just came from the gym. You see here, you've been locked in. I've been locked in.

Was like a turning point for you where you were just like, O, I got to lock in. I know you struggle with the diabetes thing, and you know all that get in controlled, so locked into your health.

Yeah, I get locked into my health because, Jeffrey said, because I'm also a type two diabetic, diabetes runs in my family. You know I have, We've lost family members to diabetes, and so I'm very passionate about that. And I just realized. Jeffrey said to me one time, Kaden, I think I was eating a candy bar or something because I was stressed out. I'm a stress eater. And he said, Mommy, Mommy, if you die, who's going to be my bodyguard?

Oh? No?

And I said what? Because when I eat chocolate raising my blood sugar and then I get eared of bil. I was like, what are you talking about? He goes, if you die, who's going to take care of me? And that really hit me, wow, because I lost my mother when I was in my early twenties. Twenty two she was forty one. Wow, she was very young when she passed away, and she left a girl to raise her two sisters who didn't know what she was doing.

Well?

We could be friends now, but I'm very passionate about my health because to me, it's like it ain't about fitting in a size six gens or putting on a bikini. It's literally I look at that boy, Jeffrey, and I go, I need to be here. We were talking about because my father has dementia and he's in a facility that we care for him. And I said, Jeffrey, I was explaining what Alzheimer's was, and he said, so that means you might not remember me?

And I said, no, no, Jeffrey, I don't.

I don't have that. He said, oh good, because I don't know what I would do if you couldn't remember me. And it was just like it was again those moment confirmation, Sure, you gotta do whatever you can do to take care of your health, and then you're trusting in God for sure. I'm so you know at this age, girl, welcome to the club. You're gonna be wiser, not say no, it's all those great things, but it's also then you're gonna realize your muscle start to melt. Unless you do heavyweight, anyweight,

With people who like okay SOUTHIEK.

My timeline is you need more magnesium, you need potassium. These are the foot exercises you do when you wake up, just lower backstretches. Just when you got your hips is too tight. I'm like, oh my god, I ain't gonna be to use my hips just sex. Like that's what my timeline is. It's like all of like this is what you should say, like low carbs, high protein.

That is what my right before you came in down like I don't get my side bowl because you know, thank you, we can't even eat the things when you said I ordered French toast and bacon this morning for him. He had one bite and that was it.

That's it. Now Now it's like it's it's about taking care of your health.

And it's internally internally.

So it's great the perks I being able to wear great things, but if you're not internally.

Feeling good, that's a fact.

It's hard to take care of everybody else. It's hard to deal with with, you know, because Black women are having more heart attacks because of stress and and because my.

Mom hell and that's stress and too young. Stress and stress induce because we as.

Black women, we handle so much. We have to take care of our immediate family and then the rest of the family. And if you the one that has made it, everybody calls.

You know what, I call myself elmer, and that's it the glue, because you're holding everybody and that's very, very stressful.

I go through it with my family. I go through it, you know, and then people who just need you and call on you, and.

It's like and it's the desire to want to be there to show up for them. However you can't because.

You feel guilty that you made it, and then you're doing it's just so many of we're still trying to make a girl still and when people from my family like girl can cuzzo.

That's what cuzzo, Auntie. I'm like this what I got to do with this money?

This money, this money, But we have to treat our bodies special in order to even deal with stress. And so I just said, you know what, Sherry, I don't want to be the person that wishes I would have prioritized my health or wishes I would have done things different. Why don't I do it now? And every day I say God, thank you for giving me another chance to get this right. And it's not like I was at a place where I didn't like going to the gym, and I said, I want to get to that place

And I'm like, I have heard tight for me, my hip flexes be too tight. And I was like, you've been stretching lately, though, I said, how could you tell.

Them? Hip flexes ain't nothing.

It's like last Tuesday, I can't open.

Lex and when the lower back starts to hurt in the lower at the.

Point now where we even go to hotels, and I'm like that bed was a good babys a bad matcher when I tell you so.

And even when I go to barbecue's family functions, you know when you used to do them little things and you tell your nieces, I can do a back bed, baby, I'm went like this, and I said, oh oh oh, we can't do the bridge.

Now, I can't do a split like I used.

I try to do a little round off, but I said, ooh, my wrisk.

No no, no, this a couple of days to recover from one things.

So, yes, health is important to me because also to do what God has called you to do, you've got to be healthy.

It's part of the process. It's part of what he's requiring from you as well.

Because it's gonna take a lot of energy to walk in that purpose, yes, and he don't want you breathing hard and you can't tie your shoe, and you sitting there feeling like, oh my gosh, that's not what his will.

Is for you.

It's for you to be healthy. And so I'm just like, make the changes now, sharey, so that when you so you can proudly say I'm.

Fifties, then you're gonna be like, I'm seventy seven.

Grand follow women. I follow women at the seventy eight me Girlnaty dancing any draws. I'm like this, old ladies that's seventy eight years old. Be like muchels lean all that.

When I'm telling you, girl, So, as we wrap things up, who would you say your career or your life so far has been a love letter to.

Oh my goodness, I would say Jeffrey. Of course everybody knows. But I would say my mother because my mother never got to see this. My mother saw the struggle. My mother saw me because she was she was so sick. So I would have to drive from La to San Bernardino, which is an hour and a half every night to drive her around because that's the only way she would go to sleep for hours. I would drive my mother around.

Sometimes I go Laverne and I go ooh, I'm sorry.

I just want to try answer mine. I want to see if I can use your first name. But I do it for my mother because she just didn't get to see this. And I hope that she's looking and she's very proud of me, and I hope that she's proud of me as a mother and as a sister.

And you know, do you think she'd be surprised that like her little shy Sherry or did she get to see Sherry being a little bit more ongoing before her passing.

I hope that, I you know, it's really because I lost her so early, we never got to the friendship portion we still were at the I was the child, you're the mother, and I became the caretaker, so I never really got to see who my mother was as a woman. My mother gave up everything, Like my dad slept with my mother on a dare. He was a jock. She was very studious and very shy, didn't talk to anybody from six kids, and it was a dare that because she had a crush on her. It was a dare.

I have pictures.

I found pictures of her, and she looked so scared at eighteen years old, and her mother in law looked a because my mother in law didn't like it, just was looking at it like you ain't good enough on my side, So telling the pictures and she was so scared, and so she wanted to be a doctor, and she never got. She stayed and she took care of her family, her three girls, but she never got to fulfill her dreams.

I'm sure, Yeah, I'm sure mom is up there. Just that's my baby.

I hope it.

Girl. Everybody keeps saying, you know, I asked got when I see a white butterfly, Kim Whitley says this all the time. When I see a white butterfly, I know that's my mother. That people always say. You know.

I heard the song and I knew that was my mother, and I go, Lord, can you bless my mother to do something?

Give me a sign.

I slipped and sail and had a light pole.

I was like, that's my dead MoMA. I told you not to walk that way. Tabitha Brown has the dimes. Have you heard the story about her brown has done.

Yeah.

I always I always ask my grandmother too, because I lost one in March and another one years before I got a little before I got married, And I always like, just visit me in my dreams. Do something, bit me, do something, do something, show me something.

I'm always going, Mama, how do I handle this situation? It'll be silent, and I'm like, Lord, can you just I know she's having a good time up there, just say, just tell Sherry Needer for a little just a little bit, cause she come away from the party for a minute, just.

A little bit. She's having a grando time.

I love that.

And in the vein of of course, this is a day with k But you know, of course dead ass is the brand for us. Tell me something you're.

Dead ass about.

I mean, you're in New York, you know what the phrase means. So I'm dead ass about.

You know, I'm dead ass about living lighte and enjoying every moment and being present to every moment I am. I'm like dad ass about really making a difference, whether it be a smile, whether it be just talking to somebody. That's what it is all about for me. It's like life, if we didn't learn anything from being in the house for almost two years and losing people that we love, it's to step out and do things bigger and to dream bigger, Like what else can we How can we

Well, this is one of those moments. This is one of those moments where I thank you, Sherry. You have no idea what this means to me, because it's not often that you find women who can can can build together, who can grow together, who can mentor each other and not feel threatened by each other, but just love on each other in whatever process is. Because I'm a firm believer that what God has in place for me is always gonna be for me. It's not nobody's gonna take it, No one's gonna take it.

Reason to be threatened, because He's got a purpose for everybody everyone. There is a uniqueness about you, KaDee that I don't have, but what I have you don't have exactly, and he's going to use it all because he gave it to us. So it's like I love because I've been through women who wouldn't support me, who I've asked, can you tell me? I'm trying to do this talk show. I don't even know how much money to ask for

You no not before, not you, but somebody who's coming on.

How much money make you ain't none of your business, right, but doing what you do, I'm going I gotta tell you because this is and then you're gonna tell the next person the person word. We gotta pays forward.

That's how we think.

So we have to support each other. It's to you can't be like this and get blessed. It has to be like this because you got to step up away, y'all.

You know Oprah when she gave me like she was like I'm passing the torch to you.

I was like, that was your first story, you said for story show.

But it's like you, it's it's it's your time, and what what what would it be fit me to be trying to block you. I'd rather be helping you. And God remembers that. So when I get in it and I'm like on the cusp because Saint Peter won't let me bring.

Her one back and be like I helped her, and I'll I'll be from below like she okay, well, so any anything, I love.

You so much for you for this time. I had to cut it because it's like we could talk.

Through this day. You're gonna get this from everybody. This is not just gonna be me. It's because you're so good and you allow people to feel comfortable and be I've never talked about my mom like this. You allow people to be comfortable and wherever they're at, that's what you bring. You bring a peace, you bring a comfort, you bring a sister girl.

I love that.

That's the energy that I feel. So I guess it makes sense that when you are around people, you could feel that energy and space to open up. And I don't take that for girl.

I'm excited for what God is going to do for you. I appreciate that I don't even want to let me, let me thank you so much. Of course, A day with k Baby.

Sherry Shepherd's.

Dead Ass is a production of Eye Hard Media podcast Network and is produced by Donor Pinya and Tribble. Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never miss a Thing