Christmas With The Ellises

we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Phillow talk to a whole new level dead that starts right now.

I'm gonna tell y'all about the great Christmas fiasco all right year and no, no, no, This is when I really started to realize that you had problems. Okay, um, and I should have. There was a lot of red flags we were in college, because I saw a lot of the same behavior. But this this time really took it over the top. Okay. We were still living in the apartment, okay, in Brooklyn, and typically the Christmas tree goes up for us the day after Thanksgiving. M correct,

all right. So because CoDeeN was pregnant with kas I believe she was like, maybe earlier this year because you know, the Christmas holiday and I don't want to be just as well and all of this stuff. So I said, cool, when do you want to put the Christmas tree up? She had the Christmas tree up and out by octobert this was before Halloween. Got before Halloween, there was a Christmas tree box in my living room. So I said, bed,

all right, I'm gonna put this tree up now. I said, but if the Christmas tree goes up this early, it has to go down the day after New Year's Like, it's like the January second, the tree has to come down. So she was just like angry. I ain angry. She agreed everything, and the Christmas tree went up right. The whole holiday season went through. She was chilling with the tree, taking pictures with the tree. The tree was nice. Right, January second comes around and I'm like, yo, okay, it's

time for this tri Christmas tree to go down. It's been up for a full two months. And she's like, hey, I'm not ready for to go down. I said, yo, I'm taking it down. She's like, no, I don't touch my tree. So now she's starting to get a little bit hospital like she's like, yo, don't touch my tree. So I'm like, fine, now that now, now that you don't want to take the Christmas tree down, now you gotta take the Christmas tree down on your own, don't ask me. So she goes, fine, I'll take it down

on my own. That was the worst thing I could ever seen. Because now we're rolling on Valentine's Day and the Christmas tree is still up. But this is the crazy part about it being up right, Cadine looks at me the day after Valentine's Day because I put hearts on that motherfucker because I was tired of looking at it. And she goes, can you help me put the Christmas

tree down? And now with my pettiness outside of the holiday season, because I'm normally a very cheerful guy in the holiday season, but now it's outside the holiday season, Valentine's Days passed and spend all this money for the Holidays, had to pay that a mixed bill, then spend more money on Valentine's Day and she's gonna say to me, I really don't want the Christmas tree to be up no more. So I said, cool, take it down. She's like, You're not gonna help me. I said no, So she

goes fine, it's staying up. How did we get here, guys? How you made a deal. The deal was if it goes up in October, that we could bring it down January two. Then you made an additional deal on top of that deal that if I didn't want the Christmas tree to come down January second, you was gonna take it down by yourself. Now it is February and you're telling me, if I don't help you take down the Christmas tree, the Christmas tree don't come down. Long story short,

it is past my birthday. My birthday is in April second, and I'm still looking at this tree. So I get piste. Right, I get piste. I take off the top of the Christmas tree and I put it on her pillow. Right. She was out. She was out when she came back. She came back in the living room and she's just like, oh, you started taking out the Christmas tree and I'm like, yeah, I started. She said, oh, so where's the top? I said, go check your room. She went her room. The Christmas

tree was on her pillow. It was it was an our bed, but it was on her pillow. So she takes it off her bed and leaves it on the floor in our bedroom and go, I guess now we got two trees because I ain't picking that ship up neither. So now we got half a Christmas tree in the living room with no top. We got the top of the Christmas tree in our bedroom. And she's so petty she started decorating it. Long story short, the holidays be bringing out the best in people, and when they've done

the worst in codeem why are you like this? First of all, it's very much giving petty level and petty Pendergrass. Because you and I co existing in the house together, the petty wars just be a better better a year. Bro. I tried to cooperate, comply, what's the what's the other world compromise? I tried all of the things they tell you in these marriage textbooks to get this tree down, and none of it worked. And it's all because you and then you're gonna talk about some might as well

keep it up because Christmas right around the corner. It was April. It was April, y'all. Bro you know after yever, that would like, oh, there goes the rest of the year, the years over mm hmmm. Karaoke, karaoke. Oh. I mean I feel like I feel like it's beginning to look a lot like it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Everywhere we go. And the minute you hit my front deal, you don't see the tree, tree, the tree. Now we got a bigger house. This woman puts up six Christmas trees, guys,

six Christmas trees. Six and loki. I made my sister and brother in law stand their trips so that way you can help me. Shout out to Brendan. Brendan, I guess this is your You're hazing into the family every year since I had to bear the cross of wearing down Mimi so that you could come in here and just prancing here and just take her second daughter with no issues, even though I had to go through the fire. The least you could do is help me put up

these Christmas trees. Now, yes, the sacrificial lamb, Yes, all right, well, you messed up my segway because I was talking about what was it, oh, compromise. We can't compromise on these bills. So we're gonna go take a break, pay the bills, and then come back so I can talk about Christmas some more, because why I'm obsessed. All right, all right, we're back. I mean, guys, I have to tell you that whole Christmas tree standoff that we had in the apartment.

I think after a while, the level of petty that we both were reaching just became so comical that we were no longer really annoyed at each other. It was just like it was funny. It was funny. And I think what was even more funny where you know, we had a handful of people who used to come visit us in our apartment in Brooklyn, but it literally was a handful, which is crazy because it's like a revolving

door here in Georgia now. But the handful of people who would come to the apartment would just be like baffled. It was such confusion when they walked in the house and that was two thirds of the way up, so the whole top pointy part was gone, and then there was just like that middle piece and then the very bottom of it, like the skirt. Everything was still in tact I took the ornaments off. I put the red bows on there and a couple of hearts for Valentine's Day. Um,

I did a birthday video around the tree. It was my birth my birthday. It's April. I'm taking pictures of videos around the tree like it became a part of the family. It was a house plant at that point. It wasn't a Christmas But I mean, what I have seen now are a lot of people doing trees as of safe for example October, but making the tree a Halloween tree, and then they change it out and they make it like a full Thanksgiving tree, and then they

change it out again. Those people just need things to do. They just need things to do. Nobody want to see Halloween tree. What you're gonna put cobwebs on the tree? And spiders? Absolutely, they have those, Like for sure you go to any of these little stories like Michaels, are America know how to make money? I'm not gonna know

how to make money much money. And let me guess you brought all the decorations for the Halloween tree actually didn't, to be honest, I am not obsessed about the tree just being up because it's a tree, because then it becomes an obsession with a plant or a fake tree, and it's just about decorating that tree. I particularly just like the holiday season, So I think it started really early on for me. That's something that just became a

tradition within my own household. Right, So the preparation and the tradition that went into Christmas for us was always a big deal. During the course of the year, you don't get to see your loved ones as often, why because everyone is pounding the pavement going to work, they have their activities they're going to and fro. So for me, it starts off with Thanksgiving because that's the first holiday

where I'm like, great, a family will get together. And me being such a big family person and loving to be around my family so much, I always look forward to that part. The food, the being in the kitchen, the learning the recipes from my grandmother when she was younger and cooking at the time, and it was just the passing down of these family moments for me. So being able to then see my aunt's, my uncle's, my

cousin's all rolling into one space. That just was my happiest moments, like most of my happiest child moments for when I was engulfed in family, the presence of family. So there was Thanksgiving and then the next major holiday, my birthday, December major holiday is her birthday. She compared her birthday to Christmas and Thanksgiving, and she did that seamlessly, like didn't even blink about a e. Then you go, Sagittarius is going, Sagittarius. That's the thing. In December, baby

is gone. We had to wait all year for y'all to get yourself out the way to week we can get it on and popping. So then it spirals into the next major holiday, my birthday, and then into the countdowns to Christmas. So it's literally like my birthday happens. I want to celebrate all sagittarious season and all December. But then also to there this this holliday is of Christmas countdown. Remember one year my mom doing this twelve years of Christmas thing, And shout out chas, she's the

reason why you spoil. Absolutely absolutely shout out to me, because she was always just finding new and fun ways for us to just enjoy the holiday season and really make it a moment. And your father wasn't with the ship. My father was just like, what you do this crap? They just want you to spend your money. Typical West Indian.

Absolutely so, your mother and your mother pretty much overcompensated to make sure that you guys enjoyed christ We enjoyed because if it was up to your father, y'all would literally just have a plant in house. I wouldn't even have a Christmas, wouldn't have a tree. You wouldn't have gifts. We wouldn't know you would have gifts. Your father would peel off a couple hundred islands off his little knight and he would give it to you. That's your father

couldn't do that too. Yeah, but say gifts, I mean like there's not gonna be gift wrapping, no thought. He's gonna give you gift. Give you some cash, you know, pass a check by some liquor that's for your next party, Like you know what, it's Christmas time you have a party on this somewhere. I'll get the liquor, of course, sponsor the liquor sponsor, I'll donate the liquor. I'm like all right, cool, so um, and then the twelve Days

of Christmas is the countdown to Christmas. Um, But the biggest thing is family for me, that's ultimately what it boils down to. Like the material side of things, you know, Yeah, that's fun and cool to get gifts. So in your family, there's no religious aspect, like like in my family, we went to church at six am. Yeah, that was very different. Um,

what we got together. Which holidays can pose a lot of tension and issues for new couples or married couples because it's like, Okay, my family has their traditions that I'm stuck on, and mine has mine that I'm stuck on. So how do we then kind of integrate these things, especially if you have to family talked about that I really want to get together. Yeah, oh yeah exactly. One of our biggest arguments early on in our relationship happened over a holiday, and it happened with trying to see

family on both sides. Yeah exactly, But we lucked out because it's funny, I don't know. I don't know if I ever told you that, but it's when I say it, you're gonna be like, that's so many of her to say, but literally when we had not engaged, you were about to get married. She was just like, I hope they already know that Christmas is my holidays. And I kind of was just like all right, like we're gonna we're

gonna see across that break when we get there. But she was just like, just let me down, just let me know that Christmas is my holiday. Um. So I looked out because your family celebrated Christmas even so what was Christmas like for you in your house? Um? It

was it was extremely similar. Like, um, my grandparents that we went to go visit in Tennessee during the summertime, we didn't see them after Tennessee, so when we came back at the end of August, beginning of September on Nana and Papa, we didn't see them until the holidays came around. So in my house, um, the minute Halloween was done and it's hard to become November. I used to watch my mom start her Christmas shopping. Like my mom loves to get things done early. She's a hoarder.

So I remember days where we get picked up from school and then we'd be going to J. C. Penny so she can pick up stuff, and she would go to j C. Pennies to pick up gifts for people who she didn't know was coming by. So just in case that's actually a Christmas job of first, just in case somebody comes about, my mother got a belt or a wallet, or some slippers or something to wrap up, so that you know, we're all opening stuff for Christmas.

Even somebody invites a friend, at least they have something. My mother started that like as soon as um as soon as Halloween was done and November started. But for me it was it was mostly about family. But I grew up in like strict Baptist church. We went to

church every Sunday. We was in church four days a week, and the holidays were always rooted in the traditions of the church, so we always had to know that Jesus was the reason for the season, and we always had to given honor to God when it came time to Christmas.

So as a child, if I'm being honest, I had a love hate relationship with that because I WI the reason why we celebrated Christmas Eve is because my brother and I Tory was a lot younger than She's ten years younger than me, but we wanted to open our gifts. And ain't nothing worse than gonna waking up to open your gifts and have to stop because you got to go to six o'clock service, six am service on Christmas

Day life and that was that was a ritual. And my my family because my father was a deacon or he yeah he wasn't deaconly retired from being a deacon, and my aunt Debbie was acquired director, my Auntie saying in the choir. My uncle Charles was the boy Scout leader in the same church. So our whole family was super involved in the church. And yes, we loved to go to church and see people because when you go to church, that's when you also exchange gifts with people

at church. But it was just two early yo, like

it's six o'clock. We we didn't go to bed the night of Christmas because we used to wait until and I can say this now because my parents ain't doing a whole Santa Claus thing, but we used to wait up like we would go, oh, oh, retied, we're gonna go to sleep, right, So we were going the room and at the door and actually right and we would sit there and wait for my parents to go up in the attic and in the basement and pull all of the quote unquote saying stuff that they was hiding right,

and we would wait until they literally touched the bed, like my parents would turn off the lights and we would hear them like scurry, like they would jump into bed. How we get some sleep. The minute they jump into bed, me and Brian would wake up. Boom, if you're gonna make us get up at six o'clock, the petty and me started at that moment because I'm gonna make sure y'all don't get no sleep, yeah, young, So we would wait.

We would wait up and in a minute my parents touched the bed, we would run, run to the freaking tree, open up the gifts, and then we would spend the next couple of hours playing with the gifts. Because if you have six o'clock service, you gotta be there at five thirty, which means you gotta leave your house at five o'clock. With me, you gotta start getting ready at four thirty, so it'd be two o'clock in the morning.

We're playing with these toys all you know, super Soaker, playing with the bike that you got, or the little legos and hesh trucks. My father got us test trucks every single year, and we'll be playing with it until they're like, all right, it's Tom, you know, tell me to get ready for church, and you know, but then we will finally get the church and see our cousins and our friends and our family. And then my grandparents who I spoke about, they used to fly in about

four days before Christmas. And I remember like school time in Brooklyn, right it's starting to get a little cold. You might be some flurries, you know, if you're old enough, like me and my brother were taking a bus or the train to school, and then we come home. And when my grandparents used to drive in, so come into the house. And at the time they had a Burgundy van.

The Burgundy van was the boys van because they got that van because whenever we used to drive from Tennessee to New York, all of us were packed up in the van. So you're coming home from school and you turn the corner and then you see the Burgundy van sitting in the driveway and at that point and you knows, there, look at that, look at you getting excited, I know. But then that's when the pettiness started because my grandmother and my grandfather used to stay with one of their kids.

So every year they were roted, they would either stay with my aunt Debbie, or stay with my Auntie or stay with uh, stay with my parents. So this year on particularly staying with my parents. Right, and I walk in the house and everything is switched around, like my grandmother was that mother in law who came in the house. Why I got to catch a van and I put up a tree over there. Why are you doing this?

So when we walk in and all the stuff is already turned around, and I like, man, my mother is gonna have a connection when she walked in the house. That's part of the reason why I remember when we talked about generational traumas and we were like, how my mother is so hands off when it comes to our home, and she tries to be very uh aware of the fact that it's not her home. That's because that's she lived the opposite. But you walk in the house and

they would be ham cooking. She made home. She would make homemade biscuits, they would make lst and every day when you walk in whatever house they were in. Because when they got when my parents got tired of them. My grandmother could tell, and my grandfather would just pack my grandmother up and they would go to the next child house after every day, Like every day it's like it was like Papa, Papa, we're going on Debbi's house

when you walk into this food. So the holidays to me, you know, even though I'm not a religious person now, the foundation of us celebrating the holidays was religion, you know, understanding that this was the day quote unquote price was supposedly born. Depending on which holiday you celebrate and what your belief system was, but ultimately it was all about family and getting together and sharing and being kind to people and seeing those that you haven't sold all year.

So the holidays for me, that's what it reminds me of. Isn't it funny how as an adult you look back on this and you're just like man in our moment as kids, it was just like the best She had your cousins nearby, you were opening your tour ways, you got to play, you got to hang around everybody's you know, dancing, having a good time. It was literally like a party

at my house. When I look back on it now, I was like, Dan, there's a lot of drama going around when everybody got together and it's like you have that one or that one uncle that like doesn't really want to come, or they do come, but then it's like weird and then it ends and like somebody having

some sort of like meeting or discussion. And then I was always that kid that was very much aware of what was going on around still, and I definitely was just like something is off right now, Like they definitely got some beef going on. But I feel like in all in all, I feel like the holiday spirit was something that we were able to still you know, feel

and still spread and spread that holiday chair. Um. I didn't have too many family members who were out of town, but the majority of the people, even just being within Brooklyn or within New York, you know, we were so spread out for the year that this was like one of the biggest things that I definitely looked forward to my mom. I mean, it's all making the lists of things that we like for Christmas, um, And they played

up the whole standard thing for a while. And know, some people are on the fence about you know, and I gonna say that this big fat white man my kids presence, I'm not on the fence about that. Let's talk about this. I'm not on defense about that. It's just it's just for the fun. Let's let's talk about this. Right. I am for the woke population. I am in agreement right that our children at a certain age should be aware. But there is an innocence with children that we have

to protect. And there is a point in their lives where you can help them engage in fairy tales while they're not even old enough to be cognizant of the things that are going on. And we can't strip them of those things because we have issues, you know what I'm saying, Like, and to be honest, it is giving Scrooge Santa don't even have a color. Santa is not real sand saying is not really what you want. We got some hoodies up in here with saying is black,

Sanda black in the Ellis household, right and everybody. And I used to have this argument with people all the time. Like I legitimately had an argument with my friend right, and he just just like, how much tell my son that a white man comes down to Chimney and gives him gifts when I work hard for it. I said, bro, first of all, you live in an apartment. You worried

about the wrong things. You don't have a chimney, all right, you need to be more creative and figure out how you're gonna explain your son that Santa went down the fire escape and snuck through the window, all right, to give you the gifts, Like relax, bro, and your son is three. Your son does not care where the gifts are. You don't even care about the gifts. At three, you know what your son is doing, tearing the wrapping paper

off and playing with the boxes. So we as as humans, sometimes we have to stop trying to micro manage every little thing and make every little thing about the holidays a political statement. We are all in agreement that we know sand is not real. Okay, we know that Christmas is a pagan holiday, right. Jesus technically wasn't even born on December. If you if you read the Bible and your historian, you know that these are historical facts that

he just was not born on the Sumber. But that doesn't change the fact that kids like to have fun facts. This is the same way I feel about like a Halloween, for example, is just like you know, I have some family members that are like really strict adventus, and they're just like, who celebrating the Devil's holiday and the Devil's party? And I'm just like, guys is stressed up. It's just fun.

Like nobody's over here, y'all doing worse doing uh obia and whatever voodoo practices y'all do over there and whatever, but place y'all. But we're just doing it for the fun that kids want to have. They want to face paint, they want to get candy, like it's just something else to do. I think the traditions that surround a lot of these holidays are bigger than sometimes you know where it's them from. I think it's sometimes just creating a little fairytale environment for your kids to make it fun.

The thing is, people make it seem as if you can't be educated and have fun, right, Like Role was five six, Cairo six cases four. The Colds, I mean, Carl's cas is gonna be five. The Cold is turning one this year. Jackson knows the sin is not real, right. We had an open conversation when he was understanding the kids school ruin it for him. At first, they did

ruin it for him. They told him he wasn't real but I mean at the at the age we were going to have that conversation anyway, he was in third grade, he was a But it's like, have those conversations when they need to be had. You don't have to sit your two year old down and explain to him like this is the American Express bill. You know, daddy really

bought that Transformer set. It wasn't sent. You know, you gotta do that to a year Let the kid enjoy the easy parts of life, because adulting is a motherfucker's sure as hell is. Like I try to prolong that as long as we fin as long as we can.

Like carolawt another tooth and the tooth Fairy you know, supposed to have come, and both of us were just like, oh ship the ferry totally forgot, Like we had to make up a whole thing now where the tooth Fairy weekends off now because of first of all, and she was taking leaves and whatnot. Kyra was the first stop after she had the weekend off because she was tired because she's first. Let's let's talk about how we're bad parents, okay, because Kira lost his first tooth, we lost the tooth.

We were in Alabama. We were in Alabama filming and couldn't find the tooth. So Cairo was so focused on getting this this money. So because he's also just really big on getting money, he has a whole wide So we get back home and we forget and he wakes up and he's just like Daddy, the tooth Fairy never never got my money. And I was like, no, what happened, was the tooth fairy because you lost it technically in Alabama.

The tooth Fairry went to Alabama first, and when she got to Alabama, she had to find the tooth first, because remember we lost the tooth, and he's looking at me lying, uh huh. So I said she went to Alabama first, had to get the tooth. Once she found it, too, she had to fly to Atlanta. That took a couple of days. She got small wings tooth fairies, not a big person, so it took a couple of days to get there. She had to make a couple of stops

because other kids lose their teeth. You gotta learn to be patient, son, Okay, turn this into a whole life lesson. The whole time, he's like uh huh h. Then at the end, he goes, so when am I going to get my money? How much will it be? So I was like, listen, check check back in a couple of days and we'll see. You know, it could take her a while. So that night Dean was like, hey, hey, you better make sure you leave this money under Cairo's tooth. So we ended up leaving the money under this tooth,

which I think he got on this pillow. You're not honest to on this pillow, which I believe he got twenty dollars because all I had at the time. But that's a lot for a tooth. What do you do? What I did for the last tooth. What I did was I hand no cash on me. So I was like, damn. I was like, this's a tooth faide like zell Or, like Venmo or whatever nowadays. I just went into his wallet. It took out one of Oh you will stay terrible, You terrible. Aren't listening because the kids are definitely in

the house now, but definitely did walk by. It's not so on his feet, and I heard made me go casts come back here, because you just would have completely ruined everything. Because one kid gonna pay attention, it's going to exactly. You'll come over deadpan one day and be like, you know, there's no tooth fairy, right, it doesn't matter your teeth in the garbage. It's all lies and it's the patriarch. It's all lies. But yeah, so yeah, I agree, Like,

let's give the kids a little bit of hope. You know what I'm saying, because one of the questions here we had today was like, what, well, what do you hope to give your children through the holiday celebrations. I want to I want to teach my children about humanity. Yeah, you know, I want them to understand, you know, when they say it's the season of giving, it really is.

Like two years ago was when Gadine and I first started, uh not exchanging if said Christmas and decided that, I mean, we exchanged gifts last year because Kadin had a baby, and I was like, she just needs a gift because she gave us the greatest gift and giving us Dakota. But the year before that, we decided to gift families who were in need instead of us buying gifts for each other. And um, I spoke to Jackson about it and he was just like why, you know, why, why

do you do that. And I was like, well, when you live in abundance, you have a fiduciary responsibility to pay it forward. You know, God only provides you with more than you can handle or more than you need, so that you can give to other people. And if you look at Jackson. Now, Jackson has his own bank account, he collects his money, but all of his friend's birthday come around, he gets them gifts. One of his friends on the football team broke his leg and he was like,

Daddy cannot buy him something. And I'm like, you as your money, you can do what you want. But what he learned over time is that you don't go into these holidays looking for what you can get. You go into the holidays thinking about what you can give and how you can be of service to the people who needed. No.

For sure, that's definitely top on my list. And you know, as the kids grow out, want them to think of the fond memories that they've had as a child, you know, not just in the holiday fl you know, like, not every day is going to be the best day, but particularly around these holiday times. I think that I want to make sure that when they look back on it, they just think about Wow, these little things that mom and dad did, or these little things like it extends

far beyond us. You know we already have like for example, your parents are sending down things for them because they'll be over Christmas. Or my sister they're like, oh, Auntie, they look forward to her coming because she's cookies with them and she's gonna be brownies. And you know it's it's these together moments that I know that they will look back on and they'll just love and you know I have those moments with their children in the future.

What this question also leads me to what's you know, what's the best Christmas gift You've ever always says what's the best Christmas gift you have a given? I will have to say for me, last year was the greatest Christmas that critics Gistmas gift I've ever given. Right, this is our first Christmas we spent in our home that we were dot asses off to get right. Both your immediate family and my immediate family and extended family were able to stay in the same home, right, um, people

asked us. You know, I saw some comments on social media, is like what you need a twelve square foot home for? Well? When you have an immediate family that comes up upwards of seventy people. People need a place to stay when they come here, and we were able to house our entire family and not feel cramped. All of the kids were downstairs in the boy cave. I was with the guys in the man cave. You and the ladies were

up here in the family room. Um. All of the cousins and extended cousins were upstairs upstairs, so it was like there was enough space for everyone. And we all got together on these during these special moments to do things. And I feel like, for me, that was the greatest gift I could ever give my family was a space to be openly themselves and celebrate each other and have fun. Not to mention upgraded Cadine's ring something crazy she got favorite. Yeah,

that's that's the one that was my greatest. I was like, okay, I see you, I see you. Um. But yeah, like having having the space to be able to have for everybody, which was also weird, like people, why are you looking at the square footage of my house? That's what people do. That's what people do. But it is it weird or is it like aspirational? Because I'm not gonna lie. I guess it could be a little bit of both. But

if you're wrapping it in sarcasm, then it's not. No. I mean, I can't say it's weird because you and I have done it. We've looked at our favorite celebrities and looked at their house and you hit me like, damn baby, look at this, And for me it was inspiration to what I want to give. So I think some people, you know, some people look it up to see, like Dan, how big is that house? And some people are just not happy with their place in life, so they try to tear down what they don't understand. Um,

So either way, it doesn't bother me. But I understand how people can ask certain questions and get to where they get to. But um, I don't let it stop me now. I feel you know, it just it just came to mind because I'm like, yeah, it did. We did have that when we moved here. People like why do you like why? I don't know, It's like, why are you even like, it's just cleard that you're just

looking at where we live. But any who, UM, back to the topic at hand, I think for me, there's been and not to put like people on blast and their business on blast. But there are people who we've been able to help UM in our immediate circles, whether

it's family or like close friends. And I want to say that Christmas time for us is of course wrapped in the time of year and package as the holiday, but we just have been able to help so many people around us UM and not expecting anything in return, UM just seeing that somebody needs help, or they're in a dire situation, or there's a way to alleviate a

little bit of stress off of someone's life. And sometimes it's around the holidays where people need that picked me up because why they may not have family nearby, they may have fallen on hard time, they may be trying to make ends meet. It's the end of the year, like you know, there's so many different things that people are going through. So just the best gifts that I've given are those gifts that are just of help to other people who I care about genuinely, I want to

make sure that they are okay. It doesn't have to necessarily only be money, but sometimes it helps to have those scenarios where we can just be of assistance to somebody. UM but this Christmas, you know, I think every Christmas for us is always going to be wrapped in who can come by and be under the same roof as us, right,

because we have four kids. Like when people ask how come you don't travel, it's very difficult to travel with four kids, especially during cold and flu season and when you have an infant, Like no one wants to get on a plane with an infant for a number of hours and then try to find a place to to huddle all the kids in sleep because when you come in, when we're coming to someone's house as six of us, right, I mean also too when I think of Christmas, I

don't think of like going somewhere tropical, Like I know that Christmas exists in tropical places, but for me, I want to be somewhere where I feel like it's cold outside and make potentially snow. I'm going to be making hot chocolates, sit in by the fireplace under a blanket like I'm under it now. That would be great. If it's snow here in Atlanta and we could get like a foot of snow on Christmas Day and it melt

by like the that would be great. Like when you wake up and it just be powdery snow outside and the kids can go and run outside in the snow, and that would just be perfect. I can think of, probably on my one hand, the number of Christmas is that I've actually woken up to like snow, like fresh, nice pillow snow. You ain't something crazy. The first Christmas that we spent together in two it was wild, snowy, Yes,

it was. We even had these traditions early on in college, Like that's when you should have known I was crazy. I knew because in my dorm room, well it was my dorm room. But then yeah, I ended up on campus in an apartment when I was a resident director of Halfstra and I went out a tree. We did this together. Actually went to Target. I got a tree and it wasn't a little baby tree. I had a cute, little like six foot tree, and we decorated it together.

We did it in Michigan when I came out to Michigan. It was important for me too. When you were in the league, for example, like you played during the holiday season and you were out there pretty much alone. So I wanted to bring that piece of home to you

out there. So by doing that, I'm like I'm going out there, I'm getting a tree, I'm doing all the things, you know, to make sure that you just feel like that comfort that you feel at home and that comfort that you feel around the holiday season, I feel like

that's something you can take anywhere with you. So even if we were to travel with the kids one year, which I do aspire to do that, Like I said, there's Thanksgiving for me, then the next major holiday my birthday, then we have Christmas, and then there's also New Year's

even to New Year's Day. And I also used to like as a kid, knowing that a couple of weeks after my birthday, like two weeks after my birthday, we had time off and then you just out of school during that time and you can just feel free to just be home and you know, so I love UM having that to look forward to UM, particularly with you and the kids, and making sure that you know when they look back. I just want my children to have

a rich childhood and have memories. Just really think about, man, you remember, when you know we we we'd be watching flight watching for like non Epopa scoops flight to land and for Auntie Chatrist to land, and they all pop up here and then it's literally, you know, we have different areas of the house where everyone's wrapping gifts and all the packages are coming in, and you know they're sorting under different trees, and you know, it's just it's

just a warm and funny time. And being the big family woman that I am, I think that's ultimately the root of the holiday season for me. Well, what do you want for Christmas this year? Well, there's a couple of things on my list, you know, um little things I've had my eyes on, a little trinkets and whatnots, you know, a couple of things here and there. What I would really love is for us to be able to get settled into this house. I feel like we

just we've been almost two years. We moved in here almost two years February two years, and we have not been able to do anything in this house in terms of just like interior decorating, design. Well, there's finished. There's two reasons why. Part of it has We've both been working like crazy, so we haven't been able to set

on time. We only hired and Intilia designer to help us design, but also everything's been on backup and and all the supply trucks have been messed up because of COVID, Like we moved spies and materials and stuff like forever. So we've been living in this house as a shell for almost two years. Yeah, and I just kind of feel like, damn, I kind of want to make this place our own. So I was looking forward to for the holiday seasons being able to do a couple of

things in the house. Um, but for me, Christmas is never really I really don't think about myself during Christmas. I really think about how I can make the holiday season for someone else. So I'm looking forward to, you know, shopping stuff for the kids, getting their list. Like I said, my mom used to always request to listen still to this day, I mean listen, I'm pushing forty years old, and my mom still it's like, hey, guys, pushing forty. Yeah.

She sing out that mass text to me, my brother and my sister and be like, hey, y'all send your Christmas list over. I'm like, y'all still want a Christmas list for me? You know, my brother and my sister, we all shot for each other because it's just nice to just feel like somebody's think about you and enough to get you a little something. So it doesn't matter how big or how small. I'm always appreciative of whatever I get because, like I said, ultimately, it's not about

the gifts, It's just about the togetherness. What you want this year for Christmas? A big booty hoe. I was abound to say, you know, since I got that vasectomy, you know what I'm saying, it'd be nice. And Mrs Claus got dressed up, puts put on some heels. It became a ho ho ho, that would be really really nice for christ really really nice. Considering the fact that Ms Claus got blind out the last two years of Christmas.

It's time to pay the piper, literally, pay the piper. Okay, but now Dad say this all the time and we legitimately mean it. Right. You see me every weekend, every weekend since football season started. What do I enjoy to do? I go to Publix. I get me some hot dog, some sausages, paws, some hamburgers. I come back, I get some beers. I grow for all the kids. I like all the kids to be where I can see them. And I watched the games and my friends come over,

um when the podcast crew comes over. I loved everybody's in the house. I like to cook out in mc grill, but have everybody just chilling the man cave and we just talk about life and don't be in a rush. You know, I am a homebody. I am. I do accepted it that, like you know, I did accept that. That's part of the reason why once again he would say, why you buy a big gass house. It's because I like to entertain at home. It's a safe space. I

can be myself. The people who are here can be themselves if we decide we want to drink, take an edible smoke when we we don't got to drive nowhere leave. There's rooms for everybody to stay. We can listen to music as loud as we want. The kids to be downstairs in the boy cave and joining their life. We can have adult time upstairs with the adults. It can be separate. You know. It's not like back in the

day where when we grew up. You know, my my parents weren't afforded the opportunity to live like we live. So when my parents had adult top and it was like y'all stay in the room, like they kept us in the room with the door closed, you felt excluded because there's certain things that you don't want your children

to see. But when you have a home is big and you can do things in your own space, and your kids can still run on a different part of the house and then run upstairs and be like hey, Dad, and I can just step out for me and talk. That's all I want for Christmas. I want all my family to be around me. I want to watch my boys open gifts. I want my wife to open her gifts and be surprised and cry and feel like she's just a princess because everything she ever dreamed is right

in front of her. That's all I really want because the things that I can really now, I want to buy it for myself throughout the year, and I really don't want for much, but I get it, you know what I'm saying. I get it. So having all of y'all around, and it sounds cliche, but it's the truth. Having everybody right here means the most. And of course, having my wife take care of me. You've You've done that.

You've done a great job of making sure I feel special, even if it's not buying some big, expensive gifts because I don't really need that. But you find ways to make sure that I feel special. One year, you did the Twelve Days of Christmas for me, and it wasn't big gifts. It was just small little things that reminded me of our relationship. And that's that's all I really just want. I just want to sit in peace and not be on anyone else's time or anyone else's schedule.

I don't have to worry about content or helping produce a podcast, or trying to sell ads, or thinking about lines to remember for the team, or I want to sit my black ass down and do nothing. That's all I want to do for Christmas. I'm gonna hold you too that because if I was talking to some hot about all the ship he don't want to do until time come to do it, and he's like, I got to go do this for all this stuff, I understand, I get it, But I'm here to create the balance

as well, to make sure that you're good too. Make sure that you're good too. All right, some fun facts about Christmas before we head into this break. The tradition of Christmas trees goes all the way to the ancient Egyptian and Romans who decorated using evergreens during the winter solstice and to signify the spring return. Unless you're like me and spring you have the evergreen tree. But that goes to show you. That goes to show you too that the Christmas tree literally has nothing to do with

Jesus's birth. No, definitely doesn't, right exactly, And just so you know, to like, because people have lots to say about my trees, that's like, oh, she's wasting all this money buying all these trees. I didn't buy six trees at one time. We kind of eventually over the years we ain't. We ain't raised no funds to get the trees. This is money we work for. And yeah, I'd just stay. But I was just like this, like I don't go every year and like splurge on all Christmas and new

trees and stuffing. Is my wife is frugal again. I'm a smart shopper now, okay, and I'm gonna wait for ship to go on sale. Tip number one for Christmas shopping. Okay, I'm looking at all the cameras shop after Christmas for your stuff for next year. See me, I'm not big on trends. I don't have to have the hottest latest Christmas tree item for this year, because it's probably gonna cost you right get the tree when it goes on sale. So if I want seven trees for next year, I

wouldn't gonna do. I'm gonna buy me an extra tree after Christmas. I'm gonna get me the ornaments after Christmas, because everything goes down to off. Everything must go. You're gonna catch me up when the stores. That's when I get my shop and done. So you heard it here, all right. The idea of Santa Claus came from St. Nicholas. He was a bishop in the fourth century who gave away his large inheritance to pour and rescued women from servitude. And that's what the whole idea of giving comes from.

It's important. I'm sure the chimney and all that stuff was probably extra additive. Of course, before Coca Cola decided to use his image for advertising, Santa's looks tended more towards spooky than jolly. Then in nine thirty one, the beverage company hired an illustrated name Hayden sun Bloom to depict the jolly old Elf for the magazine ads. So this is clearly a ploy to get people to spend money to be happy. We understand, we understand that Christmas

is a consumerst holiday. We get that. We're not trying to avoid that or not trying to say that that don't exist. But it's clear that don't mean you can't have fun. That's a fact, and you don't have to participate either. Like nobody's holding the gun to your head to celebrate Christmas here, but stop trying to stop other people from having weve like Scrooge. You know, it was a funny quick story. I have really quick about us Christmas time. This is when we moved to Calabasas, right.

This is pre COVID. We moved August. This is December. Right. I'm in the house with Mimi. Maybe it's just like, hey, okay, I can really use a new toothbrush. And I'm like, okay, no problem, and she's just like, yeah, are you're going to the store? I was like, I wasn't planning on it. And she's like, oh, I thought you said you have to go to CVS. I need a tooth person shower caps. And I'm like, all right, well when I go, I'll get it. She's like, she's not going today, and you

want to go. Do you want to go get the toothbrush and the shower caps? Now, I'll go get it. So I went to a local CVS out in Calabasas and I walked in and there's this this huge black Santa in the doorway and he had a price tag on it. He was like nine or something like that. And I thought to myself, I was like, damn, I've been in Calabasas about web four months now and I

ain't seen that one black person. And the one black person I see is Santa all right in CVS in plastic form, but he's at least six ft tall, right, So I said to myself, as I'm gonna find me her goddamn shower caps and her toothbrush, I'm like, you know, I might just buy this big black ass Santet and put them right in front of our house. You know.

Just fishing singing goes right. So as I'm walking through the aisle, i hear someone singing Christmas carols and I'm like, oh, what a sing So as the person sitting and I'm like, wow, did the voice sound like a brother? Because you can tell the soulful send the voice, I'm like it sounds like a brother singing, and I was like, and the voice sound familiar too, That's weird. So now I'm in like the vitamin isles something like that. Probably get in

vitamin see or some chanation, some ship. And then I come around the corner and it's Jamie Fox. Jamie Fox and the Coles Coal. I'l getting some coal medicine for one of his kids. I believe you, I think, he said. But I was like, I looked at him and I was like, I know I knew that voice. So he laughed and he was just like, yeah, you do you think you do? And like yeah. So on the way to the register, now I'm about to tell them that I want to, you know, get the black Santa over there,

and then what does Jamie do? He comes right online behind me holding the big gas black sans. So I was like, you're really about to take the one stance I was about to buy, and he's just like, oh, you was gonna buy Santa. He's like, because I've seen this big black stand up in here, and I was just like, I never seen a big black sand over here. That's that's the same thing. So I said, you know what, you could have saying that it's all right, it wasn't meant to be. And he was like, well, you know

what's meant to be. You should come to my holiday party. And then his manager he gave giving giving me his info and we change information and Deval and I went to the Christmas party that year, and I think that was one of the last normal, one of the very last normal outings that we had pre COVID. Yeah, because right after that was when COVID started. Yeah, But I remember getting to be getting to his house and I'm just like, they go to CVS sanswer right there in

the doorway. He wasn't playing no games. He actually did get the answer there. And it wasn't no small party, No, it was that Jamie Foxx Christmas party be lit. There was a lot of people, There was hundreds of people. It was a great time too, for sure. Hanging stockings is a tradition that started within with an accident. St. Nicholas dropped some gold coins down a poor man's chimney to help him feed his daughters. The man had freshly watched stockings hanging in his fireplace to dry, and the

coins ended up inside. Interesting. My mom was big on stockings too. What we would do is we put little gifts in there, and we used to have to wait until after Christmas dinner to open all of our gifts amongst our family. But in the morning, my mom wa let us open our stocking gifts, so at least we had something to open when we first got there because we knew sands they arrived, so that was cute. And the Christmas wreath is the first um originated as the

symbol of Christ. The holly represents the crown of thorn Jesus war at his crucifixion, and the red berry stand for the blood he shed. And when you see wreath this holiday season, you remember the reason for the season and like you say, that's how your family celebrated it. So I hope y'all in the Christmas very baby, because we are right around the corner. I'm super excited. Um

My trees are going up. They're gonna get fluffed. I'm almost at the point where I feel like I just want to get somebody to come in here and do it for me. At least put the trees up and then we'll decorate them. But I'm definitely gonna swing by. Um, you know, at home or one of the places to see what new you know, Christmas themes and collars and stuff. It's fun to kind of makes a match every year. All Right, I'm gonna take a quick break and get

into listening letters. We'll be right back. All right, we're back. I'm so excited for the holidays. Yeah, alright, so listen letters. We're going to dive in. And since I rambled and talked too much about the holidays, you are very concise with your thoughts. But I just know how excited you get about that. There's always something to say. I have a thousand stories about Christmas, but do you know the one way we just went with what came to my mind? Um, So I want to dive into this first one. Here.

I'll go ahead and read it. It says I don't want nothing. I love when people saying with the I O N I don't want nothing. But it is important. I have always thought it's very important to contact people, not only when you want something. Okay, So for my listener letter, I would like to give you both your flowers all this every show, you guys give great advice to people who write to you, which is great. But

I simply want to say thank you. Me and my husband have been together for seven years is and I tear up at how much he has changed over time by acting on advice given by Devo. Wow, Gadeine, thank you for giving me the confidence to say them kids girl. When I said that, I'm just kidding. But you've given me the confidence to say it's okay to ask for help or say if something is too much for me to handle regarding my kid without feeling guilty as you

should sist Kadeine. You have also given me the push to get back in the gym when I'm ready, and so far i've lost it. You better do it. That is amazing. You know what. I needed this messagere So this was a gift for me today because I've been a little bit of a rut lately, just because we've been so busy, and Devot said we're gonna work out today together and I said, yeah, we're gonna get back on the wagon. So I needed to hear that. Since

thank you for that. Congratulations. That's amazing, Devout. If God didn't exist for me, I would say you single single handedly fixed my husband because of a lot of the advice you've given. I'm more confident on planning to have another child with my husband. At first, I was very nervous because the first time around, I felt like he wasn't as considerate of me and how I felt. But over the past five years of watching how you cater to Codein somehow has inspired him to treat me like royalty.

With that being said, Codeine, I hope that you get all you all you want. Wait. With all that being said, Conneine, I hope you get all you want and need out of life that you desire devout. I hope you become the biggest movie star in the world. Congratulations on Kingdom be four. Damn. I wish I would have known you guys were going to post a show just for listener letters, because instead of bringing my problems to you guys, I would like for people to hear more about how the

work you guys do really affects people's lives. I'm over here life fixing my eyelash, right. I can't wait until I'm able to come to one of y'all's live shows one day. But Phil, till then I will be listening. That was really sweet. Triviled. You were very sneaky for putting that because we're talking about giving gifts and all kinds of stuff, and little do we know we're being such a gift to other people. And trust me, y'all

have been such a great gift to us. Every single person who listens to a podcast episode, every single person who engages with us on social media, UM that comes to a live show, um that clicks on them links. When I'm trying to, you know, tell you all about my latest deal that I'm promoting, Like it's just so

so overwhelmed to really think about. And you know, we do a lot of stuff just from sitting here in front of a camera or from our phones or from our laptops, and it's sometimes you don't even realize how many people are the magnitude with how you're affecting people on a day to day basis, because we feel like we're just out here walking in our purpose and you know, this is our ministry, this is what we've been I

guess designed to do. So thank you for that notes as I wish you had your name, UM to give you a shout out. Thank you that that was that was dope, That was dope, that was open unexpected, and um, I'm almost speechless and I always got something to say. I am speech. I appreciate all you guys, so thank you so much that I definitely got me a little

choked up. It's the holidays. It's always about giving. But when someone chooses to give you something that you didn't even know that you needed, words of encouragement, that means a lot. It does. It means a lot because the days I wish you would have put her name so that we could say thank you to her and her husband. And I will say this, though I did not fix your husband, your husband made choices to fix himself. Like you.

Got to give that man credit. He didn't have to listen to a thing I said or decided he wanted to do anything. He actually put the work in, so he deserves all the credit that none of that goes to me. So kudos to him, and kudos to you for introducing him to us. So thank you, guys, Thank you so much. All right, I think we should end it on that man. I just holidays in doing it high, you know, yes, it's a really good high. It's the end of the year. Um. I want to love with

my wife and I love with my kids. So that's what we're looking forward to doing as soon as these kids let out from school. Well, like I said, it starts around things. Well Colda's birthday this year for us, so that now now we start the holiday season with all our big holidays, starting with the Dacoda's birthday, hiros No sorry Kazi, Thanksgiving, and then spiraling into my stuff.

So thank you all so much. We love you. If you want to be featured as a listener letter, if you want to send us more flowers like we love this, be sure to email us at dead Advice at gmail dot com. That's right, there's d E A d A S S A, d V I C E at gmail dot com. All right, moment of truth time. We're talking holidays. They're talking about Dean's Big Christmas that happens every year. And UM, I guess my moment of truth or my takeaway is just you know, let's not forget the ultimate

reason around the holiday. Um. And for me that's family, that's family togetherness giving. Um. Regardless of you know what you believe in or where you come from, what your background is, what your religious beliefs and ideologies are, if you just ultimately think about how you can be of help to someone else, particularly around this time of year, and we'll all be winning. I just feel so good around the holidays. My moment of truth is this, each day we work to build a legacy, not to be

defined by our greatness, but by the masses. We inspire to be greater than ourselves. The greatest Yes, my model has been my models and sophomore year of college. Um, the greatest gift you can give someone is to inspire them, inspire them to be better, uh, inspire them to want more, inspire them to learn more, and inspire them to pay it forward. So that's my My moment of truth is for everyone to feel inspired and inspire someone to pay

forward to inspire someone else. That's great. And hopefully I'll be inspired to take down my tree at a decent time this year. But I won't make any promises or you won't need to be inspired. I'm going to hire people to take it down if it is not down, like I'm not. I'm not doing that no more? All right with that because I don't like to take them

just down, know how? Al Right? Be sure to follow us on social media dead as the podcast and you can follow Kadine I Am to see more tree progress and I am devout and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, and all that good stuff to all your beautiful people out here in a dead as podcast family.

We'll see y'all yeah next year. Dead as dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcast and never miss a Thing