Just because a person is popular or famous don't mean they know what they talking about.
That's a fact, because the fact that people still refer to us as a celebrity. I'm a regular old girl, fast round the way facts, and I don't necessarily care to hear what everybody gotta say about everything anyway, dead ass thats hey. I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout, and we're the Ellis's.
You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Voys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes.
Sir, we are.
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics.
Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about to take philosof to our whole new level.
Dead ass starts right now.
Okay, story time, So I'm gonna take y'all back to twenty twenty was done.
That was the year. Boy, that was Yeah, I'm glad, but.
We were going through a lot as a as a community of people. And I remember how these things happened, right and in order. Kobe Bryant, God Rest, his soul had passed away, literally in our backyard.
We were living off.
Off of Los Virgines in Calabasas, and it was foggy and Kobe Bryant had passed away. Jackson was going to the Mamba Academy two times a week when we first moved to La and he couldn't wait to meet Kobe. That happened two weeks later, Pop Smoke from Brooklyn, our community from Kanaski gets murdered in La. It was like two weeks that that. Then George Floyd happened, and I remember Jackson asking me. Jackson's saying to me, man, everybody's
just dying. Right after that happened with George Floyd, we were also dealing with the pandemic.
Forget March.
It was just it was it was it was everything was happening at the same time, and it was a lot kids my Virtually we were out of school and I remember at one point I had I was making posts, but then I had put my phone down because Jackson was really struggling with the fact that everybody was dying. He was asking me the NBA had went on a break, and then when they came back, he was asking me a bunch of questions like why keep everyone keeps saying
black lives matter and black lives matter. So I was focused predominantly on making sure that my son understood what was going on. And I hadn't been on social media for like six or seven days, and I came back on social media, and I've seen a whole bunch of text messages, a whole bunch of dms from and taxed people saying Deval doesn't care. He hasn't said anything about what happened with George Floyd. And people were saying, Oh,
this is why I don't funck with y'all. No more, y'all got to Hollywood, j I don't care about the.
People in the community.
And at first I was I was taken back. I was pissed because at first, I let what the fuck y'all talking about? Like you and I have always spoken up and talked about things that matter, especially within the community. But then and another part of me was just like, man, fuck y'all because I was worried about my son, my family, like real life, like the social media.
Is not a real place.
Like me not choosing to make a statement had nothing to do with me deliberately deciding that I wasn't saying anything, but had everything to do with the fact that way we're virtual learning.
We just moved to La. You know, two people that Jackson.
Like looked up to, who were kind of like his little idols at the time, him being eight years old, had passed away.
I was concerned about.
His mental health, you know, and not for nothing.
It was it was this bad.
He was reading Charlotte's Web at the time and remember, oh remember Charlotte had died, and he broke down because it was like everybody keeps dying. These were the things that were really going on in our life at the time, and no one outside of our family cared it all. Some of most of these people were nice people, but some of the comments were just like y'all, don't care, y'all just turn your back on.
The community, they say.
I'm like, and I was like, damn, like that's how y'all feel, and that shit really pissed me off.
Me too, because you know I'm quick to be like, we ain't doing the shit, no mo, because I didn't want to start doing it no how anyway.
So for karaoke, I'm going to sing this little one part of the song because it has a part that I like but also has.
My city in it.
I came up with it, you did, so you want to start, You want me to start, want me to start?
Good?
Good, go ahead, start spreading the news because.
That's what they want you to do on social media.
Child, I'm leaving today.
And we was ready to pack our bags and leave social media.
Want to be a part of it.
It, did not want to be a part.
Of New York, New York.
Big up New York every time, baby every time.
That's the only reason why I agreed to sing that part of the song was because Yeah, Kadeen brought up the New York, New York per I did.
And it's like spreading the news because what news goes like wildfire on social media, whether you like it to or not. What do they say is the span the lifespan of like anything that comes out on social media, like seventy two hours, seventy two hours and then people forget.
About two hours and they forget about it.
But there's some things that drag. Child, there's some things that drag, and we are held against our will, and unfortunately things just keep going and going and going.
Let's pay some bills, Yeah, all right, let's pay some bills. Let's come back, and let's let's discuss celebrity decorum. When is the right time to say something or not say something? Platform are we, as people supposed to feel about celebrities choosing to or not to say something?
Right and thereafter judging? Yes, we'll be back, y'all. So back to the story of time.
So I just I want to say this, and I want to preface this by saying this.
Kadeena and I often say that we don't feel like we're celebrities because we honestly don't.
Until the goes to court and then it's thrown out of court, right right, did y'all catch that's the Instagram story?
Yes?
All right, because people wanted photographs while I was actually in court.
You're not supposed to your phones.
Ordering the court order in the court.
But I do have empathy for both sides, and I want to discuss both sides being that people have said devout. Okay, it's past the point if you're saying you're no longer celebrity. People recognize you, people know who you are. I'm on two number one shows on television. I have a huge following on social media. My wife has a huge following on social media. So I'll receive that title.
I'll receive it, thank you, y'all.
I'm not ecstatic about it.
I'm not elated about it, in part because I feel like social media has changed the way I view celebrities.
This is just me personally, yeah, same, the same, I share the same sentiment.
For example, when we were growing up, in order to be a celebrity, you've had to have accomplished something substantial in order for people to recognize you as someone who needs to be celebrated.
Absolutely, And what I appreciated in the in our in our day, back in our day, sounds so old now, but what I appreciated at that time, pre social media was almost like the mystique that some celebtbrities had when it came to their personal life or it came to
their personal views. It's like you didn't necessarily know, or have access to, or expect for them to always speak on everything that was happening in the world, because, let's face it, now requiring or wanting folks who have a platform, or who have celebrity or who have a following to have to say something about every single thing that pops up. You may not be qualified to speak on it.
Nor may may not most most of most celebrities are not qualified to speak on the things that they speak on.
And personally, I don't care to hear about it, but I do think there's a contingent of people on social media who just look to see who is going to post about.
What, absolutely when there's a cause. Absolutely, because this is just a truth. This is not me making this up. The truth of the matter is is that in recent times, you can become popular or a celebrity for literally doing nothing.
Right.
There are people on social media who became famous for reposting fight videos right right, So now they're considered a celebrity. They have four or five million viewers or followers, and they're considered a celebrity. So now when things happen, the people who follow them are saying, are you going to speak.
Up on this?
I don't care what a person who posts fight videos for a living has to say about politics, right, you know.
What I'm saying, It's not to me.
There's no value in that voice because realistically their celebrity. What have they accomplished to be considered a celebrity? And that goes back to why I or you don't feel like we're celebrities. We feel like we're continuously growing our brand now being a Number one show, being a New
York Times bestseller, having a Webby Award winning podcast. We have accomplished things now to where we can receive, you know, we can receive those compliments of being considered a celebrity now now in twenty twenty three, in the most humble way possible.
In the most But in twenty twenty I did not feel that way.
At the time, Sisters was not Number one's, the teama didn't exist, we didn't win our Webby Award until middle of twenty twenty, and we hadn't written the book written the book yet. So at the time I just felt like we were a popular couple who made videos. So when it came time for me to focus on my son and my wife, who you were struggling dealing with the fact that you have a family of black men,
three black men. You have a brother, a dad, you have uncles, you have a step father, but you have a father in law, you have a brother in law. You were concerned about what was happening in the world at the time. We weren't focused on social media. So to come back and to be attacked by certain people, not everyone, attacked by certain people for not making a statement or not even being able to give a chance to make a proper statement, really bothered me.
And there were two things.
The first thing I was going to do was be like, man, fuck y'all, I'll say what I want and you know, go into my Brooklyn petty bag. But then part of me was like, you know what, you have a responsibility. You've amassed this following. You do have a responsibility to let people know how you feel about something, if you choose to devow, if you choose to like you, if you choose to tell people, you have that responsibility to
be clear and concise with your feelings. You can't say something rambunctious and just so after settling for a couple of days and you and I talking about it, I started to just be serious and real about how I felt and just spoke from a humane place. And even in speaking from a humane place, my opinions about things during twenty twenty were picked apart.
Oh for sure, because why they're looking for you to take a side. I think that's ultimately what a lot of people look too, is for you to take a side. And then when you do or do not take a side. So if you take a side, right, then the side that you don't take is like the enemy. You're the enemy, yes, And then if you make a statement that is for humanity or for you know, because you're not taking a stand, you're taking a stance, So your opinion is going to be picked apart regardless.
Well, there's a reason why, and I think people need to understand this. This is what celebrities go through. Right, when you are a popular person or a person that is celebrated by people, the people who are celebrating you typically believe that they are the ones celebrating you, not realizing that you are being celebrated by a diaspora of people.
Right. Take dead ass podcasts.
The people who listen to dead ass podcasts may think we are only listened to by black millennials, heterosexual black millennials. Right, because that's what we are, because that's what we are, that's what they feel, that's what they represent. No, our audience is homosexual, trans gen Z. We also have some gen X. We have older people who are fifty saving.
They're not all black. We have we have white Asian, Indian, Hispanic, or Latino, Latin ext it's the correct he Also, we have different religions, we have different cultures.
Right, everybody who.
Supports us isn't Southern Black, or isn't West Indian. We have people from all over the world, and all of those different people have different perspectives and walks in life. So when something happens, all of those people who support you expect you to say something in agreement with the way they live their walk of life, not realizing that there's thousands of different walks of life who listen to the same program.
So how is that even possible force to begin for anyone is to begin to say something that every single person is going to agree with. And let's face it, at that point, no one's really looking at it from a subjective space.
Right now, they want you to speak to the validate and confirm what they believe about what they're going through. And a lot of times they even dehumanize you because you're no longer a for example, a black heterosexual mom from the Caribbean and from Brooklyn. Now you're Kadeen, the person who I watched. So the fact that you're black and a female heterosexual and grew up seven day adventist, none of that matters to me.
You're just Kadeen.
But I, for example, I may be a middle American white man, I expect Kadeen to empathize with me.
I don't care what Kadeen is going through.
And the reason why I say that is because I had made a comment about people caring more about buildings that were burning during twenty twenty than the black bodies.
Who were burnt or killed or ravaged or raped or.
Shot during times during this country when lynchings were allowed, right when no one says anything about that. But now it's like, oh my god, the buildings, the property. To me, it just felt like you were dehumanizing us as black people. Then I had some followers who followed me who said who felt like I was creating a divide because I didn't care about the property owners. And I'm like, guys, I'm not speaking to the property owners. I am a black man who watched a black man get his head
kneeled on until he died. My sons watched that because it was on the news, and because it was twenty twenty, everybody was watching CNN every day.
It was traumatic.
Yeah, so I was concerned about me and my family, But no one was concerned about me and my family. They were concerned about what comment I was going to make to make them feel better about what they were going through.
And I think also too, if I'm looking at the perspective of the folks who don't have the platform, right, sometimes they just want you to use your platform to
bring awareness or to educate. So in sometimes doing that, that in itself gets misconstrued, right, because if I'm just putting information out there because I know I have, for example me one point three million people who support my page, then I do we sometimes feel a responsibility to just educate the masses on certain topics that are posting near and dear to me. For example, even just you know, my philanthropy work with Saint Jude, which is something that
I like. Moving forward, I want to do more posting about it is dear to me. Some people may scroll past that because they're like, I have the sickle cell dre. I't ever heard about sickle cell. Or you may have people that said, man, I didn't hear about sickle cell, but I'm of Caribbean descent. I didn't know that so many people from the Cribbean descent have that trait. I didn't think about how impact people. So then I'm putting
it out there to bring awareness. So I do understand when some people who feel like people who have followings or who are popular or have some sort of celebrity should speak on certain topics just to bring awareness to that.
And that's something on social media interesting as we're talking about it, and it was a meme that was going around more recently, and it said some people are posting on social media, some are protesting in the streets, some are donating silently, some are educating themselves, some are having tough conversations with family and friends. A revolution has many lanes. Be kind to yourself and to others who are traveling
in the same direction. And I'm just like, that was so so important to me because I'm thinking about everything happening now and I'm like you and I have people who we know are directly impacted by a lot of current events, as in immediate family impacted on different sides, different and we've chosen to be a blanket of prayer, comfort, support, What do you need in this moment for the people
who we know in this moment. So people may think we're being quiet about it because we just want to be but we know some people who are directly impacted, and that's how we're choosing to lend our support. But if it's not for the and then if we were to say, oh, I'm taking this over to my neighbor who may be struggling, and then it's like, oh, now you're clut chasing because you're now advertising the fact that
you're trying to support or help. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation, and it can be really difficult and draining at the same time.
It is it is, but also people fail to realize that social media is extremely divisive because there are no checks and balances.
When we were growing up, all of.
The media outlets and this doesn't make it any better because we too that the media outlets are all controlled, but you had to have a cited source that people could trust to be on television, right, you had to have a cited source or be a cited source to have.
A show on air.
But now anybody with millions of followers can just drop any type of information on the Internet and people would just believe it, because sometimes the lie is more entertaining than the truth. I'd rather just run with the lie because it's just something fun to do, oh for sure.
And I'm starting to realize that in this generation of people, more celebrities are choosing to not be divisive because they realize in a world where you can edit, cut, hyperimpose if you say something, AI, if you say something, if you do something in front of the camera, they can manipulate your image, your.
Words, your likeness for all of their good.
And even if it's proven after the fact that that wasn't you, the fact that there was already out, the damage is already done because if they got millions of people to follow it. So a lot more celebrities are saying I'm not even giving them content to use me as a way to be devices.
And the older I get, but the more that we get a chance.
To meet people who are in higher parts of and this is the truth you think you're famous when you on Instagram.
Right.
I think I have a famous friend of mine who I won't say their name because I don't want them. I don't want people to look at them and feel like they think they're bigger than they are.
But this is the truth.
Right, If you're popular and you say something or do something that ends up on the shade room, fel big.
Right, I was on a shave and they said this. The blogs got me. The blogs.
When you feel powerful, some people, when they make a statement, it ends up on CNN, It ends up on BBC and MSNBC.
You know what I'm saying.
It becomes world news because that person is so influential that when they make a statement it matters to people.
I see how people.
Who have that type of influence are very selective about what they say because there and this is what the person told me. You are not going to use me to divide any group of people. It doesn't matter if it's my powerful or if it's people that I'm not related to, You're not going to use me. And I
want to say this particularly for what's happening now. If you're listening to someone speak on a war, or you listening to someone speak on a couple's marriage, you have to understand that there is an intense amount of research and time that goes into understanding all the nuances of
war and all the nuances of a marriage. For anybody to give an opinion without taking the necessary time to understand everything in totality is unfair to those people who are involved in the war, unfair to those people who are involved in the marriage. But it's also unfair to the people who you are spreading the information too. And when I say take time the things that are happening now, you can't learn in the day understanding. Yes, yes, you can't learn in a month.
You can't.
For for example, people's marriage. People have been married for over forty years. You think it'll take you a month to figure out why these people have issues.
Of what they share, right, because think about it, there's a lot of stuff happening that you This is what people are choosing to share, So think about the stuff that you don't know that went into this, yes, or if you're just seeing one side of something right, like us choosing to educate ourselves in certain things. Now it's just like, wow, I had no idea and this stuff
is dating back to before our parents and grandparents are born. Yes, and it's so much to unpack, and there's so much to even digest, you know, as an individual then much less feel like you're trying to digest that you're continuously learning, yes, and then not saying the wrong thing, so that the person the masses then feel like you're either taking a side or you're just completely uneducated at that point, because
that's another thing. That's another thing, that's another layer of its speaking on topics that you are literally not educated or well versed in speaking on, but then just feeling like it's a hot button topic right now, so I have to say something because people are looking for me to say something. You know, I even think about me in this moment, choosing to really be there personally for people who I know. And then I'm also dealing with the loss of my uncle that I haven't even you know,
publicly put on social media either. But some people may be looking at me like, oh my god, Kadane's been so quiet for the past two weeks. Oh she has nothing to say about this war or anything. Yeah, because I just lost my own my mom's brother passed away, and I haven't said anything publicly because I'm dealing with it, and I'm dealing with it right The last thing I want to do with right now is be on anybody's
social media. So if I was to put my phone down, like I really have done for the past two weeks because my family and I are grieving in our own way, there's some things that I might not even know about that's happening, you know, So no one takes that into consideration when they're looking for people with a platform or with some sort of celebrity to speak during a particular time.
Let's look at some facts and stats. In twenty nineteen, there was a survey done that sixty five percent of responding said that political endorsements from celebrities have no bearing on their voting decisions, because we actually are going into a year a voting year now, so that's interesting to know.
Twenty four percent said that celebrity endorsements would make them less likely to vote for the celebrities preferred candidate, and only eleven percent said that a celebrity endorsement would make them more likely to vote for that candidate. So does it really have an impact what the celebrity that you follow were like say, when it comes to politics.
I will say this, right when I look at these surveys, this is the truth. No, I'd be feeling like these surveys be trash. You know why people say one thing and click another. So in a survey, I'll say, it don't matter.
Yeah.
Have you ever done one of those personality tests where they like ask you different questions in different ways to see if you're like consistent or if you're lying. You're like kind of lying a while ago. I feel like they I applied for a job or something like that. But like you said, it's a similar thing. They gonna think one thing, they're gonna click something else. If you ask the question a certain kind of way, you're gonna get a different response. So it's never really consistent.
I'll say this. I think popularity is what got Donald Trump in office. A lot of people liked Donald Trump. A lot of people didn't like Hillary Clinton. That's just the fact, like the Clinton's at the time were not America's favorite people, you know. And then Donald Trump had a history of being little amongst hip hop, using a bunch of rap songs, he in a bunch of music videos, He's a bunch of movies, he had his own TV show. He was popular, you know, he was a celebrity. He
literally was a celebrity. Ronald Reagan was a celebrity. Arnold Schwarzenegger was a celebrity when he became the governor of California. Clearly they weren't the most qualified to do.
The job, but it is proof popularity.
The popularity matters, you know, And when people say it doesn't matter because it sounds like the right thing to say. So when you go to fill out a survey and they ask you, would you vote for someone, because of course this is the right thing to say, No, but I really like that guy, So I'm gonna vote, but I'm gonna say no.
I think that's what happens for sure.
I can see how that definitely becomes a trend after a while. That's right.
Let me ask you a question, Yeah, do.
You ever feel pressure not to reveal your humanity on social media like that? Do you ever feel like I'm afraid to show my humanity because in looking vulnerable on thisess, it's going to open up so much any doors.
I just don't want to open.
I don't necessarily feel that revealing my humanity and social media, Like I can't be vulnerable, vulnerable per se, but I look at it this way. I feel like I share a large portion of my life with people on a day to day basis. Again, it's curated, it's what I choose to share, It's what we decide as a family to share. Some things I feel like are for me. Some things I legitimately just feel like are for me.
And the way I feel about certain things, the way I deal with certain things, are not necessarily for public consumption all the time, you know. And I feel like if I'm always constantly running to social media to post every bit and piece of my life and my day, that's in part why, Like I haven't even done the subscription.
For example, people a couple of people say, why don't you do subscription or close friends where people pay to see like you know, you're day to day the entire day, And I'm just like, no, Like, people don't necessarily need access to that. And I just feel like some things need to be kept for me because I'm dealing with things in my own way. You know. I feel like
I'm a small speck in this world. People don't necessarily need to or care to hear about how I feel about certain things, because I know sometimes when I scroll through social media, I'm like, I don't necessarily care to hear what you have to say about it, whether you're popular, famous or not, and I just keep scrolling. So I just feel like some things I just want to reserve for myself, especially when it comes to like core values
and things like that. We have our podcast where we do speak a lot about a lot of things that matter to us, and we give our you know, two cents generally on certain topics, but some people just don't deserve to have access to that because I choose to keep some things to myself.
I feel you, how about you.
I'm honest with people on social media. If I feel a way about it, I'm safe. But I don't share a lot. I don't share as much as people think I.
Share, right, or a lot as much as you used to, as.
Much as I used to know.
I don't share as much as I used to because I also understand the responsibility that comes with this platform, right, And I don't think it just has anything to do with the platform.
I think sharing is naturally what humans do. Right. If I wasn't a content creator, that's what it's been labeled now. Right, content creator. Say I was a rapper, I would rap about my family.
Right.
If I was a painter, I would paint my family.
So through content creation, I share my family because that's what's most important to me.
Right.
If you look at rappers who get famous or do well at what they do, they share in an artistic form what's important to them.
Right.
Take fifty Cent for example, he shared how the drug game helped him develop his business skills.
Jay Z shared the same thing, right.
LLL shared his romanticism with women, right, and also the fact that he tough like Mama said, not you are gonna play with me.
People share what's important to them.
Since my family is important to me, I also have to take into consideration what about my family isn't safe to share?
So I can't share everything, right.
But I'm also very deliberate about how I critique other people who share, because that's another part of this.
Right.
We did a podcast about Ayisha Curry and steph Curry, remember the whole issue they had. We did one about Rihanna and Asap Rocky. Right, people constantly give me our dms. How come y'all don't talk about Will and Jada. This is why, Remember we talked about understanding people's relationships.
We are not.
Experts in Will and Jada or A seven Rocky or Aikisha and Steph. So since we're not experts, I don't feel qualified to speak on what they're going.
Through or to pick it apart.
Only thing we.
Could speak on is people's responses to what they're going through. But when you think about that, that makes it more divisive. Right, how you feel about what other people are going through says more about you than what they're going through.
That's interesting.
And what I've learned through social media is that I can't expose myself often without tearing down someone else.
Right, And that's just not how Yeah, that's not what I want to do. It actually goes against everything that we we believe it.
I just don't I don't want to pick a side all the time. I don't want to say this person is wrong. I don't feel this person is wrong all the time.
And think about how much we we've evolved in that when we sit with our groups of friends, and I mean like our close knit groups of friends, like our core people, which is like adopt it's not even in circle anymore. We're not talking about that stuff. We're not talking about gossip, We're not talking about the shade room. We're not talking about what's new and current events that has to do with somebody's love life or somebody's parents
in way or anything. We're talking about like progression and my kids.
What can we do better parents?
Yeah, Like, these are the conversations that we have with you know, family, unpacking stuff. Like, there's a lot more that goes into the conversations that we have with our
core people. When I was thinking about everything happening back in twenty twenty with racial injustice and everything that we were speaking about the pandemic, we pretty much dedicated a season of our podcast to speaking about these topics, sometimes bringing in guests who were more well versed or more experts in certain things that we weren't well versed on
to speak on these things. And it was like our lowest when you look at the numbers, it was our lowest numbers in terms of podcasts listen to in all of our seasons. Do you think about some things are being just performative because it's like you feel like you have to say something, But do people really listen to it. Do people really care? Are y'all really listening to what we have to say? Do you really want to educate yourselves?
Like some people just don't care to hear that, but they want to know that it was done to say that my celebrity person has spoken on it.
Right, I agree with you, But I also feel like people want an escape, right, Yes, Like if you're a black man in America, yes, and you watch George Floyd get murdered, you don't want to sit here and listen to podcasts all day about black men being.
Murdered or black woman being murdered.
Very true.
I deal with that in my life every day.
Very true. And that's what we saw happening too. So it's like, not that you don't want to give more attention to it, but it's like, that's not what people are coming to our pages for necessarily.
Some people just want to escape from the everyday atrocities that happened. Yes, And to piggyback on what you said before, we do have some friends who are super celebrities, and when we get together, we don't talk about current events. So when y'all are expecting that a celebrity should be keen on this pop culture phenomenon in the moment, that person may be focusing or dealing with some real life issues, like they have children, you know, their mom is sick,
their uncle has passed away. So at times where you feel like this celebrity deserves, this celebrity owes us their voice, that celebrity may not even be thinking about what you guys are thinking about at all, and they're not trying to distance themselves on purpose, sure, but it's it's just the truth. Like every pop culture phenomenon is not everybody's favorite topic of discussion.
No, And if you put your phone down for three days, considering a news cycle on social media last seventy two hours, you might miss something, you know what I'm saying, unless it's something ongoing. So do you think that like the perception that certain celebrities have will keep their fans from seeing them in a certain light. And how is it
convoluted at that point? Right? Because say, for example, your favorite celebrity does not align or agree with your views on something, do you then just completely stop supporting them and whatever it is that they do, whether it's entertainment or sports or anything. Because now I'm seeing some celebrities speak out and they're on a side clearly, whether it's because they you know, it's their background, it's their religion,
whatever it is. And then you have people just like, I'm just not gonna continue to support you or I'm on following you now because this is one topic we don't agree upon.
Well, I mean, let's be honest, Like, the whole unfollow button has always been exists. It's always been in existence, right, it's just now people can say I'm unfollowing you for that one reason, for that one reason. But back in the day, if a celebrity said something that people didn't like, they didn't have to announce that they were unfollowing them.
They just stopped watching their stuff. Right.
But here's the truth though, And being a celebrity, you have your core audience. There's very few celebrities that has the whole world behind them, very few. You take the biggest names, the biggest names. I could Beyonce, she has her people who adore her, she has some people who hate her. Taylor Swift have people who adore her, have people who hate her.
Will Smith. You know what I'm saying. People love them, people hate them.
Denzel Washington, a lot of people love Denzel Washington, but then there's a lot of people who just be like Denzel's too standoffish.
We don't know the real Denzel. You see what I'm saying.
You have your people who support you when you are authentically and genuine yourself. The only time you start to feel like you lose, like people's perceptions change, is when you've presented yourself as something that you're not and now you have to continuously live with that your whole life.
And then a minute you.
Say, you know what, I'm tired of playing this person and I want to be who I really am. That's when you lose people.
Because I think also to people want to hold you to a standard when you do have certain celebrity, right. And it's crazy because people can't separate the two. For example, they can't separate, for example, the ballplayer, right, the basketball player and what he does as an entertainer in that space from what he may believe on a social ass or a cause as a person. And it's like some people can't detach the two, well, create the two.
You know why, because of entitlement Now in this day and age, it's like I watch your games, I watch your shows.
I want to see who you are on social media.
Right, I want to see you as a real person.
And when you don't have a social media as a celebrity, then they say you hiding something, right. But then when you do have social media and you post about your stuff, they may not like some of.
The stuff you post or it's like, oh man, their content is so curated. We don't know who the real Beyonce is. For example, we don't know anything about her personality. Well, I mean no, because you're supposed to know Beyonce the entertainer, yes, and then you have to be able to like, no, I want to know Beyonce the person. So any little bit that she does gives and I think that's the beauty and what she does, the little that she does
give insight to her personal life. People eat it up because they're like, wow, she actually let me into a little bit of her personal space to see what that's like. And I think that's what celebrities back in the day had the that was the beauty of being it because people just knew you as the entertainer.
They didn't have I'll give you an example. I'll give you an example.
I think social media has opened up the world to people who for thirty forty years we didn't get a chance to really.
Know who they are.
Oh yeah, for sure.
But now we get a chance to see who they really are. And some people don't like who they really.
Are, right. They like the persona, they like the celebrity, they like the image for the image.
Yeah, which is what brands have been telling celebrities from the beginning. It's like, if you want to continuously make money, if you want to continue to do what you do at a high level, you have to present an image that people will like.
Because people don't like humans. People don't like flawed versions of the superheroes they see absolutely, which is crazy, right. Think about this.
Remember the movie Hancock with Will Smith. He was a hero, he had superpowers, but he was flawed. So remember when what's the white guy's name, Jason Bateman, Jason Baman.
When Jason Bateman came over.
To Hancock as the image consultant and he said, hey, if you want people to like you, you got to act this way.
He said, I don't like people.
If you think about how real, if you think about know how real that movie is, you could be a superhero, a god, but if you act like a human acts, they don't like you. So you don't like that I'm flawed like you. You don't want me to be flawed as a celebrity because escapism, right, think about it, I want
to see something that they're not. Yes, So when they see a celebrity, it's just like, no, that person is rich and powerful because they're not flawed, Like, how do I get rid of all of my flaws to be like that person? Then when they find out that that person is just as flawed as them, it's like, oh, my life is over now.
Or they say, yo, I can relate to this person because I'm the same way.
But here's the thing. That's what celebrities were thinking.
Yeah, people were gonna say, right, people, And I remember this being an athlete, remember when Charles Barkley said.
I'm not a role model.
Was one of the top five basketball players in the world at that time.
This was I believe nineteen ninety two.
He had just come off going to the finals and losing to Michael Jordan in the NBA Finals and they were about to play in the Dream Team, and Charles Barkles on the Dream Team, he got to a fight in the bar, and he did a whole psa like, Yo, I'm not a role model, thinking that if I show you that I'm human just like you and you you shouldn't look up to me because if you look up to me, you're going to see how flawed I am. He probably thought, I'm gonna get people off my back.
You know what them people said, Man, fuck.
That you are role model? You made how many millions of dollars? You have no choice but to act the way we want you to.
This is what we pay you for. Yes, this is what we pay you for.
Yes. So the moral of the story is, ultimately.
Don't become a celebrity.
No, no, no for real though, like for understanding understanding that the quorum works on both sides. Yes, celebrities should have the quorum because you have a huge responsibility when you ask people to support you and spend their money by your products.
You have a responsibility absolutely not to agree.
With everything your followers want, but to use discernment with the messages you put out and not be divisive and create more harm. That's the only responsibility you have as a celebrity. You don't have to share, but you have a responsibility to not be divisive. You have a responsibility to understand that you've asked these people to support you in a lot of ways, so you can't abandon in times when they need that right. And you also have
to be like you have to be aware. For example, we are well, we're not at war, but there's a war happening in the world right now. Yes, And I had made a video with Kadeen weeks before and in joking before we actually went to war, before the war became a big deal, I had made a joke and she had on camel pants. It was green and painting camel pants, and I said, man, you look like an AKA going to war. Me using discernment, was saying people are actually in war right now, losing loved ones.
Absolutely, this joke is not funny.
It would be what do you think.
As you asked, Matt, and both of you were just like, I wouldn't even mention it. And I think that's the responsibility, the decorum that a celebrity has to have, understanding that you do have a bunch of people, what is going before I post this, what is happening, that this may be taking.
The wrong way?
Read the room, Yes, read.
And that's the only responsibility you have, not to be divisive and not to cause harm. But celebrities don't owe nobody nothing. They don't owe anybody anything. But they're also decorum on the.
Sides of people who are not celebrities.
Just because that person you look up to may make a lot of money or may be popular, does not mean that that person is intelligent enough to give you advice or to make a statement on behalf of anything just because they're popular.
That's because, so let's understand, the korum works on both sides.
You expecting that person to speak on your behalf when it comes to politics or marriage or finances, and you're setting yourself up for failures.
And if I need to go in for surgery, I ain't calling a mechanic to see what he are he trying to say he fixes stuff a popular ma right, I'm not going to the michelin man like, hey, what do you think about this? You know, thyroid issue? I got no sir. You might work on stuff, but you ain't about to work on me. All right, y'all, let's go take a quick break listening out, take a quick bit. Okay, all right, y'all, let's take a quick break. We're gonna pay some bills and then we're going to move into
listener letters. So stick around and we'll be back.
All right, listener letters, we are back. I'm gonna jump right in. We don't have a lot of time, so we're gonna read one today.
Okay.
I just want to say thank you to Valen Kadeen for remaining discipline and seeing the bigger picture for people like us.
Well, thank you so much.
You guys are amazing. My husband and I have been married for over a year. I love that man so much. That sounds good.
One of the issues, one.
Of the issues.
Look at you, look at you. One of the issues I have with him is his weight. I don't know an approachable way to express my feelings to him for him to receive what my thoughts and opinions are. I've expressed it before, but it wasn't in a loving way for him to take it. I've tried the loving and encouraging way, but it doesn't resonate with him. His weight is an issue for me. I met him in college he was a young tender ronie. To then meet him back in Texas, he had gained weight, but not much
to where I couldn't take it. Plus he was working out heavily then. Now it's out of hand. I understand a man has to eat, but guys, this is out of hand. He would juice and eat right after for a couple hours to now, picking up food on his way home, grabbing McDonald's cookies, etc. He is bottom heavy, so he has thick thighs. Pause, and but bigger than mine. I have a nice one, she said, And I have a nice one. It's getting to the point where it's embarrassing and I don't want him to I don't want
to take him nowhere. The way he runs in his family is what is a loving, approachable way for him to understand that I don't like it and it's time for him to change. I heard his feelings last time and made things worse. I love him, but I'm now embarrassed. He can do better, But how can I influence him to do better and be consistent?
Wow?
This is a topic.
Wow, a man with a booty bigger than mine? Like, Oh, I don't like the media fat body to child. We can't be in competition. We definitely can't be in competition. However, she did say she said something the first time, and then it kind of backfired and made things worse. He might even just be rebelling because that's nothious terrorist, no dead ass. Because sometimes it's just like, oh, and you've
been guilty of that too. It's like, oh, I say something about it, you don't like the way I said it, or I'm trying to put a parameter on you, and you're just like just to rebel.
Yeah, but I'm not just to rebel and get out of shape and put my health at risk to rebel.
That's true. That's true too. And it's funny because this is like a reverse. Like usually you'll hear about women gaining weight after like childbirth, and she got big, But now it's like a woman not to her husband.
No, no, no, no, Na, it's not the reverse.
Women have been saying more frequently now that they have issues too with their husbands who gained weight. The problem is back in the day, there was no voice for them to express that. But it's always been a thing. It's always been a thing, but they can't express it the same way. Men have felt like it's been a thing, but I can't say nothing because I hurt my wife feelings. This is the truth, ladies and gentlemen, When you meet someone, physical attraction.
Is part of it, man or woman.
Yes, that's the physical attraction is part of it.
Yeah, you could say, oh, it's the heart. Oh, it's how they make me feel. Oh, it's they're a good person. Absolutely not. No, y'all are liars. Yes, saying that because I know for me, I mean when I met you, you you know, yeah, you were young, TENDERRONI resemble a potspoon. I knew you would grow into your resemble I even
grow into yourself and whatnot. But no, you you say they in the day out that you maintain a certain level of physicality for yourself, but most so for me, because I deserve to have I.
Want to look the way you remembered me, because I want you to constantly have that feeling of desire.
Yes, I want that for you.
Yes, I want that for you like it's important. I want that as a man as well. But I also want to walk in the door, walk out of that shower, get done working out, and have my wife say ooh not oh I remember when And if it's something I can control, right, take away health risks. Right, If it's something I can control, I can eat better, I can work out more, I can make better life choices. I should do that for my spouse on my significant other, and she should do that for me.
I'm a firm.
Believer in that, this whole idea, and I just want to be lazy, and you're going to accept me as I am because the Bible says accept me as I am is just a crock of shit.
It's a crock of shit. Bro. It's an easy way to set the bar lower so that you have to do less.
And the truth of the matter is, most people who set the ball lower for themselves still expect more from their significant other. So you set the ball low, but now expect that man to stay in shape or that woman to stay in shape.
No, how right, how about you set.
The ball high for yourself and stay in shape for them and then say, babe, let's do this together.
I was about to ask her, or not ask her, but I was wondering if she's in shape and it's the thing that they can do together, right, because she mentioned talking about it before. But is it like a blaming him for getting weight and then not giving him actionable things to help him.
She didn't she didn't give us a breakdown of that. But I will say this, gentleman, gentleman, just because your wife hasn't said to you that the little bit of weight gain is unattractive doesn't mean that she doesn't feel that way. I have a group of my guys, group of married guys, and we discussed this, like, Yo, have you been working out?
What do you look like? Why would you do that to your wife? Like me bowl reef. Like we get in and be like, yo, you gained about fifteen my ge.
That's true. You said to your brother.
Yes, I'm like that. What are you doing?
You expect that woman to come home and bust it wide open and be ready to do all this stuff for you, and you not keeping up your end of the bargain.
No, I am never gonna be on that train where I'm allowed to just gain weight.
No, you have a thyroid issue, you hurt, you got to a car accident, you're going through men a pause. You're an older person who's dealing with an issue, a medical issue that you can't do it. That's different, it's different, but you just choosing to not do it. Come on, man, because you efforting right, Because if you were single, right, most single people do what and this is my thing. This, this is the thing that bothers me. With you, ladies, I'm gonna shout you out a little bit.
Here.
You and this guy, right, y'all not doing well? You gain weight, he cheats, or he decides you want to be with someone, what's the first thing you do. I'm gonna go get I'm gonna get right, I'm gonna go get my body right to.
Not agree with you with I was like trying to stick up for y'all, ladies, But I know about three people come to mind right now that that's exactly what they did. That's exactly what they did. They broke up a homeboy and God was just like and then in the gym, heavy bomb looking bomb.
Now you know, why not do that for him while he was there?
Yeah?
And it goes both ways, right, we've been saying, Yo, there's a whole contingent now on social media. King, work on yourself, King, work on yourself. That girl only working King, work on yourself. How about you work on yourself while being with somebody, not after you've left them.
To work on yourself, true work on yourself.
Wowly while you're with somebody, be the best version of yourself and not only for them, but for yourself.
Yeah, I was healthy. I about to say, like, even when we've had issues with like just consistency on my part in the gym, it was never because you didn't like the way I looked at various phases. It was you just trying to hold me accountable, saying, kay, like you need to be consistent with this like anything else in life, and me complaining about the things that I wanted to achieve, and you're just like, you're never gonna
achieve those things if you're not doing it consistently. So it's like it's coded in love, and sometimes sometimes it's tough love. But I do think since that the approach may be, you know, trying to do things together. It's a lot more fun when we do it together. Deval and I were just talking about this the other day because he was just like, you know, I see working out together as like bonding time. Whereas he likes to get up in the morning, he'll brush his teeth and
he'll go right to the gym. Me, I gotta get up, I got to have my coffee. I gotta like sit, I gotta marinate, I gotta get some energy. I just can't function like that in the gym, and we've learned to agree that, Okay, we do things differently, but I get my workout in. Ultimately I get my workout in. He gets his workout in. And we've been doing it consistently that way for the past few weeks.
We've learned, or I've learned that Kadeen is going to do what Kadeen wants to do on her time and in her terms. So you know what Devala is gonna do. I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell Kadeen exactly what I acquire, what I need. You find a way to get it done. Because when you require something and you need it.
I find a way to get it done.
I'm not going to mince my words or stay it in a way because ma'am, there's no way I can tell you to talk to your husband to make him feel better about it. You know your husband. Listen to your husband. Listen to him and say, hey, babe, what's going on with your weight? Let him tell you what it is, and then when he tells you what it is, support him, but also tell.
Him what you require. There's nothing wrong with that. Like we can hold our spouse is responsible. We're gonna spend life together. Life.
This is what I require, Baby, tell me what you require? Do we agree on what we require and what we can perform for each other. If we do, let's work on it. It's that simple, this whole be gentle and talk, be kind.
Just too much of that these days.
Babe, you like what you like, six packs, you like beards to me to be a little bit lean but a little big. I'm gonna work on that. You know what I like? I like thirty six, twenty eight, forty two.
Can you do that?
Period?
If Kate would have said I ain't with all of that, I'd been like, cool, this. We don't work well together because that's what I require. If I didn't want to give us to get a six pack of work to grow up because I don't like grown my beer, I grow it out for her. But I feel comfortable making a choice doing that because I know that's what she likes.
We chose to do that for each other, so we happy with each other.
Yes, I can't tell nobody how to make their husband feel good working out. I can't tell a woman how to feel good working out. Y'all got to talk to each other, find out what it is, and talk clearly and directly to it. Don't talk around you know what. That's my advice, don't talk around each other.
And working out too, I've had moments where I'm just like devout. You can't talk me into feeling like doing anything. No, you can't, because work out for me, I felt like was an extremely personal thing in terms of just finding the energy to do it. You know, my method, how I want to do it, my approach. But eventually something had to click in me to be like, Okay, this is the result that I need and want for myself first and foremost, and then my husband's going to reap
the benefits of it too, all the better. That was the motivation that I needed to even sometimes just get the kickstart, because sometimes the rut is just trying to get it started. Once you get in there, it becomes addictive. So good luck to you. Sis. Hopefully you can just be straightforward but also take an approach with him that is coded in love and coded in support, but straightforward but straightforward for sure.
And when he's straightforward with you, be willing to accept it and don't.
Judge him for it. Yes, for sure, all right, y'all, keep writing in to us. You could be featured as one of our listening letters. If you do so, email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.
That's d E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com.
All right, moment of truth time. We're talking about celeb culture when it comes to decorum and social media and what to speak on or not speak on, and what we really think about that. Do you want to hear from your celebrity person or not?
This is my moment of truth.
Social media has made people feel entitled to hearing from quote unquote celebrities about everything all the time, and my moment of truth is those people are not qualified to talk about everything all the time, so stop expecting them
to talk about everything all the time. And as on the other side, as a celebrity, you have a responsibility to make sure you educate yourself and not be a tool for the divisiveness in a world where it's so easy to take a little bit of comment and blow the world up because they can say so and so said this. Be smart, celebrities, be smart. Don't be a tool and use for divisiveness. And people give them a little bit of empathy and understanding that they may may not know what they're talking about.
My moment of truth. I'm going to reiterate something that I said earlier because I think it's so so so spot on with the way I felt lately. Some are posting on social media, some are protesting in the streets, Some are donating silently, Some are educating themselves, Some are having tough conversations with family and friends. People are doing things and working through them in their own way, and we cannot hold people to the standard that we feel and see fit for them when it comes to how
they deal with situations, particularly pertaining to social media. Some people are doing things behind the scenes and silently and with the core group of people who they have access to, where their help and their voice is more tangible in that moment. A revolution has many lanes, so don't judge, be kind to other people as long as we're working in the same direction, period period. All right, y'all, that is all we have for you today. Thank you for listening,
Thank you for coming back. Be sure to find us on Patreon to say exclusive dead Ass content, video, exclusive family content. If you have not subscribed yet, jump on Baby Jump On. Are you guys watching the doc sidebar? I feel like at this point you guys should be in it, Okay, in it and preparing for our live shows. Pick a city, y'all, pick a city. I know some of y'all are dying for us to get to certain cities, but based on logistics and whatnot, we're in certain spaces.
Try to get there. Make a weekend out of it, make a trip out of it. You can also find us on social media at dead Ass the Podcast. You can find me on my page Kadeine I am and.
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