Between The Sheets

sex is like. That came out wrong, God, and your dad, Oh gosh, all right, I I apologize. God, I don't mean to say that like that, but dead as I needed somebody to tell me what I was in store for because this year right here, well, I mean me too. I wish somebody told me I'd have to bust the wide open every day. Your mother tell you that, she and tell me that, man, it's messed up. Hey, I'm Cadine and and we're the Ellis. You may know us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each

other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need derby most days wow. Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. When we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about

to take Phillow's talk to a whole new level. Dead ask starts now. So I roll over to my wife. She's looking good in the bed. She don't got no pennies on. I'm like, baby, you sleep. She go, I'm like, yo, that's definitely might like, oh god, I know what he's about to ask. So I'm like, so, I'm like, yo, you up. She likes, I'm I'm not in a mood, but if you wanted, you could take it. And then she rolled over her stomach and poke up butter and

I'm like, yo, this is what we're doing. Now. There's moments like that where I just have to give consent and be like, all right, we'll go ahead, do what you gotta do. And it's a lot of times too, because I ain't signed up for that, be Yo, I ain't signed That's why I started my voice mad low, because I knew my voice is gonna get high, because I knew I was going getting my emotions. But I ain't signed up for that. B That's that's, that's that

thing called married sex, married sex. How the sex changes a little bit with marriage? Do you feel like it's changed? Bab? Did you really have to ask me that question? Did you not hear my voice go up? Three options octaves? I know how story time levels have changed, huh, from the load to the high. I got him all in his feelings married sex, married sex. I'm gonna call your big daddy and scream your name. Matter of fact, I

can't wait for you, ken Range. So what you're saying, I get my swirrelve on, bring it, louve, make it last forever. Damn the kitty cast time Daddy slowed down on your flow. Put it on me like a g baby, nice and slow. I need a rough nack nicking man dingle in the second. Wain afraid toup on my hands, paint me from the back, no doubt I'm the player that you're talking about. But do you really think that you could work it as I got to your shorty. It's real. Do the man of still doing it and

doing it. It's doing it. Well, that's my song. I love its. You gotta learn the words of that. I mean, you just be messing my songs all the way up. So I just sing the sounds that's the most and don't disrespect the song like that. Okay, I'm not disress doing it. Well, you can tell I'm fresh to you see the lyrics. I'm so fresh fresh when singing with it. It's all that's my stock coming. That's my jam. As I sat when I say, yeah, you sound like I noticed word for word. They know, little Kim, Now you

got it going. I can't wait to your mother here this. I can't this episode. So what are we talking about today? Sex? Let's talk about sex several several several songs. So, yeah, Mary's sex. What does it mean in our relationship? I mean,

what does it mean in any relationship? It's crazy because when we asked about questions for the podcast, you know, you put the question up on our Instagram stories and I would say, well, we got thousands of questions in, but so many of them had to do with sex, marriage, intimacy, how to keep the sparks, Yeah, I think, because that's probably what men and women not Probably that's what men

and women struggle with. I think a lot of finances, yeah, within relationships, you know, and yeah, finances, but you know, I'd like to spend let's get started, sexual expectations when married. How do we deal with this? We don't deal with it. We don't. To be honest, sex is probably the most debated and discussed and argued about topic within our household at least, and I'm sure a lot of couples feel the same way. So here's my thing, right, our parents.

I know for a fact, my parents didn't talk to me about sex. No, Like my father's conversation with me with sex was, yo, you know I got condoms in my bottom draw right, And I was like, yeah, that's what old old high school. So it waited till high school because I feel like nowadays we're going to have to have that discussion with our sons, like earlier on yeah, thank YouTube, yeah, YouTube, social media and some of somebody's

raggedy ass kids. That being a class that's talking about stuff away before their time, Like you got about somebody's kids are ragged d okay, makes me want to home school. But the funny thing is is no one ever speaks like they act like sex is taboo in a marriage, you know, like we talk about single sex all the time, we talk about open relationships all the time, and when

it comes to marriage, nobody talk about sex. And for me, I kind of feel like married people are unprepared for when they're married and how to deal with sex issues because no one talks about it. All right, So let's talk about expectations with sex, right, I'm going to be perfectly honest. When you get married as a man, you expect when you first get married to be able to have sex whenever you want to have sex. That's what people think, like, Oh, I'm a man, I got me

a woman. I'm you know, she wants me to be monogamous. I only want to be with her. So when I'm horny, me and my wife have sex. And we also expect that our women are going to want to have sex when we want to have sex as well. That don't happen talk about it. So the whole shot out the window because that's not how it goes. And I think also too well, first off, let me just dial back for a second. Sex and the topic of sex in my household did not even happen really, No, it was

very awkward. My father never ever mentioned sex ever, and I probably felt like, you know, as a girl, my mom she had to be the one to anybody who knows my mom a k A me me shout out to you, but love you. However, very awkward with anything having to deal with sex, you know, even when it came time for like menstruation. She got me a book and it was like a very kind of awkward discussion

about the book. Yeah, she gave me the book. She was like, you know, I like for you to read, so read this and let me know if you have any questions. Um, but yeah, the sex topic was very, um, kind of glazed over. No, tell them the story about when we were getting married. Tell them you're trying to dance around it. Well, first of all, um, my mom knew prior to us getting married that Devil and I were sexually active. I mean, we were together for like seven eight years and she she did know, she did.

And this happened because she and I were on a mother daughter vacation and she kind of just flat out asked me in a very awkward way. We were sitting at a bar side by side, eating and she was just like, so, you know, are you sexually active? Like first of all, when I was like, you want to know if I'm having sex, Mom, I am yes, because at that point we were we were talking or in a relationship for like three or four years, Giamma, I was giving it up like three or four years. Come on.

So it was very you know, awkward, and she almost choked on her steak at the time. And and then she said to me, um in a very again awkward way. You know, I was really just hoping to, you know, speak with you about sex, you know, on your the night before your wedding, and and present you with like, you know, your honeymoon nightgown, and let you know about let you know about your husband, you know what he's gonna do, how you address in your nightgown after the wedding,

and how he would undress you. And I was liker to make and consummate the marriage. Who still says that nowadays. I literally looked at her and I like bust out laughing and I'm my mom, what I said, girl, shade? But no shade, but more shade. You were five months pregnant with me when you got married, so I had a drop drop the bomb sound. I was like, girl, you acting this if this is something for it, let

me guess. She kept the conversation. Yeah, yeah, that's what you learn how to do it once the chief comes out and then start kathy ship. It was totally like, you know, well, Conny, you know I would like for you to learn for my mistakes and I would like for you to do better. And every parent wants their child to do more and better than they did. And I was like, well, I'm glad you got pregnant and had that baby because that baby is me with steak.

That's what you're saying. Yeah, you have a mistake, you know. Um So that's where the sex talk for me. So that was it. So your mother never never prepared me for marriage sex, and so what did you think? What did you think, Okay, now that I'm a wife sex, like this is what I should do or this is what I'm expecting out of my marriage. What did you think?

To be completely honest, I did not think it was going to take a turn or that dramatic of a turn, because sex was never really an issue for us, you know, being you know young, and you know, dating and stuff like that. Sex was always great, and it was spontaneous and it was frequent, so you never really foresee the decline in sex happening. But sex is gonna be the same as I was, you know, at eighteen. And but and this is where men and women always different. You

didn't foresee the decline happening. And sex was always fine for you because our drives have always been different. So although in your mind, in your perspective, sex is fine, in my mind set wasn't fine even before manage. Remember we store talking in in college like can you dress up? Can you do something to make it more spicy? And then we got engaged like can you do this? Can

we role play? And the thing that we struggle with the most is she'll be fine if we don't have sex for three or four or five days a week, And she's fine, and she's fine, Okay, a week maybe pushing it. But in your mind you're like, oh, our sex life is fine. I didn't have sex for four or five days, I sex like fine. That don't mean that our sex life is fine over here though, But I know, but for I guess I look at the

quality of the sex versus the quantity. Like that's why I said, I feel like the sex life is great because it's like when we do do it, it's like amazing. So I'm I'm more concerned with like the quality of each time versus how frequent it is, because then we

have those moments where we're having sex frequently. Then you you're you're hit me with the oh, well you didn't seem like you were too into it, right, or you know, I'm not gonna want to do it if you're not all in, And I'm just like, well, you are fighting with me about frequency, but can you under stick? But can you understand where I'm coming from as a man, as as a as a man, a grown a dunt man.

I keep myself in shape. I feel like I'm fairly attractive, right, I feel like I'm attractive to members of the opposite sex. I can I can find ways to have sex. I can have sex when I want. Here you go see, I'm speaking in hypothetical, But what I'm saying is I can have sex when I'm in the mood to have sex. So when I'm horny, I'm in the mood to have sex and I don't get a chance to have sex. That doesn't put me in a good happy place. But for you, if you're not in the mood to have

sex and you don't have sex, you're fine. So what happens is is for you, it's not just about quality and quantity. It's just quality because you're not as horny as I am. For me, it's about quality and quantity because I need to have sex more often. And then on top of that, if you're trying to keep up with me those days in between when you really don't feel like having sex, but we have sex, it really does nothing for me because as as a man, you

want to hunt, you want that live action. She wants me. I want her type of sex. You don't want that. Let me roll over on my stomach and go take it sex like that ship. Don't do nothing for me once, once it's all over, I'm called man, Why not just do that? Because I'm still warning exactly what I'm saying, like and I just don't. I don't think men and women will ever fully ever understand each other with that, Like y'all bodies work differently than ours, like we're wired differently,

So that's just what it is, I mean. But then we can also talk about the importance of always communicating our needs because I think we're very open about that. We're honest, we're very transparent. You let me know what you want. Just because you tell me what you want, don't mean you're gonna get it all the time. But I'm gonna try my best. I get that. I get that. But my thing is as a man and a husband.

I feel like if women were more open and honest with younger women about what it is to be married, we wouldn't have these issues once people get married, and the same thing for men with their sons. So for like for me, for example, with with our boys. People ask me all the time, are you gonna push your kids to get married? No? Are you gonna talk to

your your boys by right now? I'm not because I know firsthand and from speaking to all the married men in my generation and past who only speak after we start talking. Once you're married, sex in marriage is a problem. And if you're pushing your kids to get married and they're and they're not happy sexually, more than likely that's a recipe for disaster. And those young men are either

going to cheat or they're gonna get a divorce. And I want my sons to understand wholeheartedly what they're getting into with sex in the marriage before they make that decision. And if I had a daughter, I would tell her the same thing. I would tell her, Like, listen, when you get married to somebody, you're asking this one guy for the rest of his life to just have sex with you. And you're asking him with all this testosterone.

Because if she's anything like you, she's gonna date a guy who works out a lot, ambitious, you know, saying take care of himself. Guys like that have high testosterone, they'd like to have sex often. Correct, correct, you do. So if if my daughter is going to be anything like you and it's gonna date guys like that, she's going to have to understand what you're asking from a man is not something that you're you're going to be able to deal with often unless you know what it

is to go into that relationship. And it's just crazy to me how there's so many facets, so many things that go into being married to somebody. Why is it that sex always falls at the top, Like, oh, because if right, I'm a sex is not right, We're gonna have a divorce. Sex. Sex so many different areas surrounding marriage and relationships, and sex always seems to trump everything because if I have sex with someone and and because if I have sex with someone else, you're gonna want

to leave or kill that person. That's so, that's why it's important. Like sex can't only be important to a woman when they want it to be important. It has to be important to you when it's important for me as well. You can't say to a person, oh, why it's sex important, and then say don't have sex to nobody else because it means that much to me. Think about how that sounds to a man. Well, of course, if it means bringing another person into your relationship, thoughout

like that's that's not acceptable either. I agree that's not acceptable either. So that's why, of course it would matter to somebody else in that circumstance. But I get what you're saying. You feel like, if it matters that much to you, then you should make every effort to make sure that I'm happy within the confines of our relationships exactly. And my thing is if if if that woman and I can't just say woman, because there are other relationships where sometimes the men I was gonna say that too.

A couple of questions that we saw in our d M. What do you do when the man sex drive is lower than the women? So that's a that's a difference, and that's and that's why I can't say man and women. But that's why I say, if if you have a lower sex drive than your partner, you you cannot just say, well, you got to accept the fact that my sex drive

is lower and deal with it. I think at that point, if you know your sex drive is lower, but you want monogamy from that person, you have to work to do everything in your power to help that person through your sexual issues. And then vice versa. If you know your sex drive is higher, you should be able to work to help that person so that you can meet

in the middle. But I think too often the people with the lower sex drive just dismiss it and say, and we can say women, because majority of these issues happened with husband and wives. Women just dismiss it as well, I'm tired, I got a headache. You have to deal with it. That's not we had several children. Our bodies are different. Like there's so many factors, and I think I don't think it's for lack of just wanting to

satisfy your partner or just wanting to have sex. Sometimes your body chemistry just does not call for it, like I've had times, especially after having the kids, recuperating from having babies, you know, breastfeeding a lot of a lot of things. Sometimes you just don't even want to be touched. Like I've had moments like that, you know, where You've just wondered like is it something that I'm doing wrong? Or am I not doing enough of X y Z? And I have to clearly communicate with you, like baby,

I just finished, like nursing and pumping this baby. You know what I mean to feed this baby. And that's very fair. You know it's hard. But what about people whose kids are fourteen? You don't give me that excuse when Jackson, when Jackson, when Jackson, Well, what about we had these issues before you got pregnant with Kyro and Jackson was five, So you weren't breastfeeding, you were pumping, you were staying home, you weren't working nineteen hours. It

wasn't you didn't have those excuses. And the reason why I say that is because I think it's unfair for us to put a stigma. And this is me speaking from a man's standpoint. This is why I'm just speaking from a man standpoint. I think it's unfair when a man doesn't want to settle down because he knows sexually that he wants to continue to explore, people say, oh,

he's being immature. What about a woman who enjoys having you know, a friend or you know, a buddy or somebody who is just you know, they had that mutual understanding where this is what it's gonna be, you know, or she may have one or two people like that who she's you know, in those kind of relationships with Now she's a hell. Well, there's there's always a double standard. But I think that women are women have grown a lot in owning their own sexuality since I've been a child.

You know, back in the day, it was just oh, you you know, you have your whole. Now people are people are actually starting to applaud women who own their sexuality, you know what I'm saying. And I think there's a difference when you talk about calling a woman a whole, you know, that norm typically in our when men talked about it, it it was, well, she's a hop because she's just having sex for money. She's just having sex, but

these dots because she's wanting something. A professional woman who has multiple partners because she doesn't want to deal with anybody's bullshit, and she make her own money, she lived in her own life. I don't see her as a hope. I don't see her no different than I see a dude who does the same thing. And I think that's where we've grown as a society. But I feel like in a marriage, you don't have those options to just be able to have a funk buddy because people have

issues with that. So my thing is, if if you're a wife and you don't want your husband to have us buddy, or if you're a husband and you don't want your wife to have a buddy, we have to continue to work together to help each other sexually. You can't just leave someone to their own devices and say deal with it, because once you do that and you just say, well you got to deal with it, that's when it comes all right, I'm gonna deal with it. Yeah, there's definitely not a deal with it. I mean for

us at least. I think that's why you and I to having the transparency and being able to talk about it, and you're letting me know, like, hey, you gotta help me out here. You got to do this, or I'll let you know to that. You can't come home and just want to smash. I need a little bit of for play. You need to get this engine started, like you need to to to massage me a little bit. You don't mind doing, which I just wish that people would have. Expectations would have been different if we'd have

been educated beforehand. Absolutely, because even in marriage counseling like that, they don't really talk that much about. No, especially if you have like premarital counseling within a church, they don't speak about speak about it. Be spoken about the expectations would help people deal with that, right at least know what they're getting into. Well after the show, this is the after party. Let's talk about some four. So again,

it's different for men and women. Like I just said just now, sometimes you gotta massage me, you got to get the engine running. And I think for me too sometimes the lack of sex drive that I have in that moment, it can change if you just took the time too. But then you also said that sometimes you don't want to be touched, so you can't just say I gotta take the time. But then sometimes when I get to your nips, you'd be like, I don't feel like nobody touching my nipples. Well that was that. That

was in the context of just having a baby. Because every when you have somebody in your body for nine to ten months and then the baby comes three weeks ago, it was three weeks ago. You're having breast fed for over a year. Like, you gotta be honest, you gotta bead maybe sensitive a little bit sometimes. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying, Like you can't like as a man, like no, like, listen, yo, yo, this is dead as

truth as a man. We want to hear that ship man Like, so four play can't be a discussion about four play for but it's has to happen. It can't be a discussion about four play Like you can't tell me I need four play and then when I go to do four play but not there today because I might in the mood. It's like bro, bro, like yo, like you you're turning this into Twister, not not Red red six, not Red six Green five. It's like what the you know I know before. Play doesn't have to

necessarily mean you're touching me. It can be like getting dressed up, getting dressed up, going out for a nice night, being romantic and closed. You know, so you don't want me to you don't want me to touch you for four play. I'm saying we can get to that far, but I'm just saying sometimes you want to. There has to be an experience around it, and it doesn't have to be every single time, but you know what I mean, Like on certain occasions, it would be nice to have

something unfolded. Like we go out for dinner, we have a couple of drinks that loosens me up a bit. Then we get home. Glad you brought that. Hello massage, thought you brought that up. Because we go out to eat, get something to drink, and you fall asleep in the cab. Okay, Like, gentlemen this and I hope the gentleman this is what

married sex is. Like your wife is going to give you a ship things to do right, and you're gonna try to do these things and every time you do it, and when you don't have sex, you're gonna be pissed. And then she's gonna give you another list of things

to do, and you're gonna be pissed. And what you're gonna happen, and what's gonna happen is you're gonna end up just rolling her booty over and just taking it whenever she says you can take it because you're tired of doing a ship ton of things and you're tired of having these discussions married sex. Stop. First of all, I'm first of all, come on, you're mad because you just made me lose my train of I had a very good point and you just made me lose my

train of thought with your whole spield just now. The thing is, I know my limits. For example, when I go out, we have a couple of drinks to two and a half ish and I'm good to go. This dude want to be like, here, baby, take a shot with me. Here, take one more drink because you like, I'm a little like you know you're you're you're allowed. Freaking is a lot more freaky when you saw Yeah, my freak odometer goes up. However, there's a very small

like part. There's a short time frame between like when I drink the last drink to when it kicks in that can either be a good time. I'm going to sleep here when I gotta juggle with to have good married sex. So what I gotta do is I gotta buy my wife a dress, right, I gotta take out to dinner. I gotta make sure she has between two and three drinks about sixteen and a half ounces. Then I got home. Is less than thirteen minutes, because it gets to fourteen minutes, I'm she's gonna be sleep So

I gotta do all this. Then when I get in the house, I gotta hope her nipples work today because you want me to do four play, But if I touch her nipples the wrong way, sex is in honesty. This is what it's like for me. This is what we talk about to have to try to have sex with my wife. And what women don't understand is is like y'all making me jump through all these hoops to

have sex with my wife. Well, I could just meet a chicken the club of the ball and have that that animalistic type of sex, and that is what men want. They want that your four play is different from our four play. Our four players just like random spontaneous. She's all over me, I'm all over her. She might have scratched me, and I'm like, oh, sh did that hurt? But she scratched me? And then you have sex. And that's what it is. Talking to your single friends a

little bit too much. I do. I got to because if I don't talk to my single friends, whateverse am, I gonna look at you living vicariously through their story. Shout out, thank you for keeping my imagination. If I don't have you, I'll be drinking every damn. We need to bring balal in for a story time. Tell us how it really went now with this single life you do? Single life is single life is great, and not for nothing.

I'm single life is great. Single life is great. And then we have single friends who are just like man I wish I had with y'all had because married life is great. I'm not gonna say make it seem like married life is great. I'm being fair. You know what the best part about Mary sex is right, you and I have been monogamous for a while. I get to be as nasty as I want to be with you and not have to worry about anything. Hey, I'm shooting the club, but you get pregnant. Oh well, just add

one more to the party. You know what I'm saying. Like now, guys, I am protecting myself just so you know, because I don't trust you no more um one pump too many and that we have three children because the vow. I could not rely on the vow. Like I said before, you had one job and devout failed at that job. That was That was That was the doctor. First of all, Listen when the doctor game was it wasn't just a plow game. When the doctor says, you don't gotta worry

aout getting pregnant because she's breastfeeding. So typically women don't ovulate when they breastfeed. Did the doctor not say that? Do we ever do anything typical? Do val? But did the doctor? You gotta listen. You have to listen to your physician. Yeah, all right, you gotta listen. They don't all be knowing. I listened. I listened. Well you know what, Thank god you did that, because now we have cats.

Exactly exactly, I shout out to cats. He's the baby of the family and he will remain the baby of the family. But don't try to get me pregnantly. I'll pull up this footis Remember when you said to get pregnant until we square away to sex. You know what's funny, I didn't even mention resetting my free clock. That's something that we spoke about in a video that you did on Instagram. So let me tell you how this works for me. I have to reset my wife's freak level. There.

You go right by withholding the D right, But that doesn't help me because I still be I'd be mad and I'll be horning. But I know that if I reset it, if I just let like a week go by, she really can't take a whole week without having none. So when the week goes by and then she starts to come on to me and she's like, hey, babe, you know what I do, I'd be like, yeah, I'm going to sleep. Can she be mad? And I just be like, yeah, that's got to fight him for it

and be cute. But that's how it was when we were in college, right, And it's more frequent, but like I said, the quality, the quality at that point I probably want to do. That means I gotta have sex once every nine days. It's not that's not going to happen. Yo. Let me tell you something. Let me let me tell you something. When you get married, there are a lot

of outside factors that affect your intimacy. One of the things that I've learned with me and my wife is that when I travel and I don't see her for a couple of days, or she travels and she don't see me for a couple of days, that's sex when you first see each other. Is that And when you're not married and you're dating, that's what happens a lot, you know what I'm saying, like or like having a

long distance relationship, And that's true. And we actually had a serious discussion about our sex life recently, and we said that maybe we are around each other too much because that happens with us working together a lot. I mean, we're doing a podcast together, we do videos together, we're working on getting our shows together. Like so doing everything together all the time, we're always in each other's face. There's no time to really miss each other, you know.

So I was traveling to Memphis the other day and I was like, Yo, that's like two or three days I'm not gonna see him, you know, with the kids mixed in there as well. So I was like, all right, and didn't when I saw you. We did we did get a pop in. It was great, it was great. But then the next day, I want to get a popp in and she was like, no, thanks. I was like, didn't we just do this yesterday? And that's but that's and and this is and this is just me being

open about men when men are juggling different women. That's part of the joy of juggling different women is that I already know, Okay, I have my my girl that I see on Mondays. I don't gotta be on her back about having sex again on Tuesday or Wednesday, because I have another woman that I'm going to either fly you know, I'm gonna go see. So you get a chance to juggle and then enjoy and then when they see you. It's that same type of feeling when you go down to being sex having sex with one person.

You don't get an opportunity on Tuesday and Monday to have sex. Monday girl must be nice, Monday girl, listen, But how you know Monday girl and getting something on Thursday from somebody else with the risk because because when you're not in a relationship with that person, you're not

worried about it. And that's stuff, and that's what I'm saying, there's a there's a balance and everything, But what I'm saying is if you protect yourself and you live that type of life, that's what the struggle is for gods who go from that type of lifestyle to married sex, because once you have sex with your wife on that Monday, you're not going to get that same type of sex Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

So it's kind of like, Wow, no one explained to me that this is what it's like, and vice versa for a woman who wants more from her man and she's not getting it. You know, let's just be very clear that this is not just always a man woman thinking the man once all the time and the woman doesn't. But don't don't give me the exception and make that

the rule. You can't give me the exception. Most of the exception a couple of women in my damn the majority of the majority of marital issues that we spoke to all of our friends, it's always the men who want to have sex and the women. So you can't give me the exception to tell me that's a rule, Like, I'm not going to do that. I'm just saying to the person who feel that they don't get enough. You know what I mean. You can apply they can apply

it today life. Yeah, well maybe in your next life you can juggle some women, but not in this one. You see what I'm saying. Just now, only not only do I gotta jump through all these who's to do? Four play? I can't even have hypothetical. I can't even think about it. Sure I can't, Jesus jesus. Yeah, so the after party was popping. Yeah, so let's talk about the hotel, keeping the spicy in the bedroom, making your partner feel sexy on that, you know that touched on that.

That's the that's the four play part of it, which is so funny. I wish I could see the shirt that Devot has on today here in studio. Every inch counts on purpose, don't it? Did you purposely do that? Oh my goodness, he would right, Well, every inch does count, I will say, I will say every centimeter, ever centimeter does it? Really? Yeah? Absolutely? Do women do? Women? Because we have we talk about the sizes, you know, when the guys were the gray sweatpants and you see the

dick print and like that's a thing. It's like a sport. Like we watched for things like that. So here's my thing though, why why is it a sport? And why do women like look at all that if they don't like to have sex that much? I mean, I'm not just talking about married women. It's just in general. I have my you know, have my group chats with my girls, singles, some aren't summer, you know, in between. Um. Yeah, and that's just a thing that we talked about in general

as a woman. You know, it's like it's like bird watching. It's like bird watching watching Jesus Christ, it is, you know, but just they're just like, yeah, okay, So you know what's funny is you know, I mean, y'all objectify men the same way we objectify web We definitely do. You just have a problem with us objectifying y'all. I don't have a problem with anything, actually, because I see your group chats. I see how y'all get down, and I know she's huge. I don't care, I don't fat. Yeah,

I appreciate a beautiful woman, I can exactly so. But the same way your group chats with like women in these bodies and stuff, we look for dick prince. Okay, yeah, it's about to be great. Sweatpants season two. Actually that can go year round, Like as far as I'm concerned. As far as I'm concerned, were your great sweatpants old? That's all because this and this and we're seeing what you're getting before you actually like to drive it. It's

like going to the showroom. You can see what's out there and then you can decide if you want to So funny, I'm gonna be honest at least that's what's my single friends say. I'm gonna be so honest. It's so hard for me to hear you get so excited talking about dick prince and then when the time to have sex, not being a move for sex that should be annoying to married men because I'm just looking at

it like sometimes I don't want to be penetrated. Honestly, it's just so hard for married men to the deal with that, like to hear it's like women will be and you be in the living room and a guy will come on the screen and women like yes, yes, and I'm like yes, like I'm not a move. It's like saying yes, then no, now we cause see it. You know, I can appreciate a beautiful man, a beautiful woman.

You know, beautiful dick print. I can appreciate all. That doesn't mean that I want to act on it in that moment in time, you know what I mean, it's just what this so? But you? I mean, the thing is you do you make me feel sexy? You do, which is great, but just make me feel sexy and then keep it pushing son, that's yo. I hope you'll listen to this. I hope I hope y'all listening to this because people ask all the time, like y'all make everything looks so perfect, and you know, like y'all just

seem like everything don't be perfect. Everything perfect. I'll never profess for anything to be perfect over here, because we're not. Um. Here's here's another funny story. What's not really a story. But I asked for Codeine to dress up all the time, and she gives me eight thousand excuses as to why

she can't dress up. And then now, now here's the funny part, guys, because and I'm gonna talk from a man's perspective, right, she was just like, you know, let's talk, let's have an open discussion, let's communicate, So you communicate the things you want and your wife is not going to give you the things that you want. She's not What is the man supposed to do? Then? So, in this particular discussion that we've had about the dressing up thing,

it's been a recurring problem for us. So it's at the point now where I feel like, if I do dress up, all the viol thinks about it is the only reason why she's dressing up is because I said she should dress up. And then it loses its authenticity and the organic spontaneity of the moment, and you feel like the only reason why she's dressing up is because I said X y Z about it, true or false? Because I've asked you to do it for years and

you didn't do it for years. I know, I don't blame me for respond to it when you've took so long to do it and you didn't do it. My point is this, right, women sex drives lower than men, and since it's lower, my wife gives me a bunch of excuses is to why she can't do certain things. I continue to ask, and she gave miss uses, excuses, excuses. What you, as a woman, tell me what a man is supposed to do? What? What would have what would you do if the shoe was on the other foot

gets you a side chick? What you see? You see? I tell said, right, Okay, guys, so we're gonna take a quick break and get into some ads, but we'll be right back with these listener letters. This for the record, there, it is a win for the ages. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here it is the return to glory. This is All American, a new series

from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Woods doesn't know who he is best in the history of Gaul, no question in my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has been what if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts or your

favorite podcast app. All right, so you know we love to hear from you all out there and our listener letters segment, So I value want to go ahead and read that, what would you tell your son's mommy? I really really like her you know, we've been married for a long time, but I'm just not happy with this aspect of our relationship because she doesn't try for me. I would always be rooting for their success as a married couple because I feel like they would have the

example in us. So I would also talk to him about, you know, the open communication, the dialogue and stuff. Sometimes people don't feel comfortable even divulging that that to each other as a married couple. So the communication factor is a big thing, and I you would want her to have to try for you the same way he should try for her. I get it, But also to don't put things in a box of how things should be necessarily in your mind. Be receptive to what your partner

is doing. It may not be the exact thing that you want, but the effort is usually what counts the effort. This would come the effort, so it may not be exactly you know, cookie cutter, you know you wanted me to dress up as a cheerleader and swing from the chandelier. That's what I want. She might swing from the ceiling fan, but it doesn't mean that. What if ain't swinging at all over? What if she still got sweatpants on and the wig that she had on with the hat from earlier.

But you like that though I thought you thought it was cute. I wanted the cheerleader, wanted the cheer leader. It's just you know, it's funny, you know what It comes back to, though, realistically, it really does come back

to expectations. It really does, because if you were if if you were told early on and I was told early on what this was like, we would be able to prepare going into the relationship and make a decision prior to thinking that it was another way, Because I honestly and this is not fair to you, and it's not fair to women. As a man, you don't know about women's sex drives. You don't know about all of that.

You meet a woman y'all just met, you're having sex all the time to three times a day because y'all just met, and then you're thinking ship when we get married, this is going to be my life. Absolutely, I never foresaw that that we would eventually have problems with sex.

Like I said that all the time, I was like, I can't believe everything that we argue and debate about sex is always at the top of the list, Like why we have so many other things going on, so much going for ourselves individually and collectively as a family. Why are we always talking about sex? Always tends to happen that way. So one thing I do, one thing

I do do not do do. One thing I do do is um when it comes to K I tried, especially with keeping keeping the spice, I try to empower your sexy by letting you know that I'm always attracted to you. You do you know? Like sometimes you know what I do, gentlemen, is my wife walked by and I probably see it all the time. I'm always touching her, but I'm always smacking her, But I'm always telling her to drop it, because I think it's important for a woman to know that she's sexy, to have her do

those things that you want her to do. You know what I'm saying. You can't have the battle because if you're not sexy after having kids to get back yourself, you know, and you can't just be on her. The only reason why we're talking about it so much now is be as the podcast. But you can't be on her so much about what you're not getting and not empowering her sexy. So I spend a lot more time talking about how beautiful she is and how much I'm still into her, just so that she can feel like

sexiness and herself. When you know, I think and I feel bad sometimes because I'm like, I know, my husband just really wants to be with me in this snowman dam how to meet him there, and I'll be honest. I'll be honest. As much as women look at Dick Prince, Me and my friends we do put a lot is a lot of I G. Models in our group chat, but my married friends, all of us love having sex with our wives, you know what I'm saying, Like, we we look at women and it's funny. We talk about

different body parts. We you know, some of it is jokes and stuff like that. And we do have some single friends in the group chat, But for the most part, all of my married friends love having sex with their wives, like I love having sex with my wife, you know what I'm saying. Like I can look at beautiful women all day and go home and feel not not content. I feel great when I have sex with my wife,

And I think that's important about married sex. You know, you have to be married to someone who when you lay down with them to to do that. Do you feel like, damn, I'm doing it with someone who right, Who's someone who I wanted to be with the beginning, from the beginning, And that's important absolutely. And on the other side of things, I speak to a lot of women who are married as well, you know, friends and stuff, that feel badly that they can't match their husband's sex drive.

And it's a it's like a well what do you do about? What do you talk about his married? As married women, it's just like, damn, you want to have sex again. Like just recently, we were visiting with some friends down to d C. And you know, one of my friends down there was just like, girl, like, I'll be trying to keep up with him. I feel bad,

but I'd be tired. Like we understand too as women to struggle with trying to you know, juggle getting the drive back if any after the baby, dealing with sometimes can't not even being able to hold your bladder, Like that's just not sexy, you know what I mean, Like little things that the body is doing now that they didn't do before. And naturally we're all getting older in it, but I think we all do feel a sense of

guilt that we can't keep up with our husband. And then I do have one friend who feels like she's not getting it enough from her husband. So when you talked about it being an anomaly, it's not necessarily an anomaly because there are legitimately women's still an anomally though it is just a percentage, like it's not right. Well, I guess because I know somebody first hand that has that issue too. So she's trying to find ways to

entice her husband. And I had to say to her too, honestly, like girl, when's the last time you got yourself together? You know I honestly, like group of women married friends sit down and say, yo, girl, when's the last time you Because we do that as husbands, Like we've sit in our group chat and we'll complain about our wives and will like will hold each other to the fire, and like even like will say is my dog? He'll say to me like, yo, but when's the last time

you took on a vacation? Like when's the last time that you've done X y Z? But I know, I know I loved your brother because I loved your brother. When you get lost in your marriage and everything is going on, you sometimes as a man forget to do those things that you were doing when you are according your wife, you know what I'm saying. So we hold each other with accountable and I feel the same way

about We definitely do. We definitely do. And I say to my female friend whose husband seems to not have a drive like that, you know, what are you doing to entice that? You know what I mean, because I know she too had had some children as well, and you know, sometimes when I even see her just in passing, I'm my girl, you got to take some time in self care, you know, get back to feeling like yourself again, because that too can probably affect the way he looks

at you. And I don't think it's the thing being shallow where your husband is just like, girl, you know, you have to get yourself together. But my mom, even my mom, as you know, still she don't tell me, not about your mom having sex. No, no, I can't do that. You know, even my mom has said to me, you know, Kadine, make sure you get yourself together after these kids and be the woman that your husband level. And I was like, that was probably the realest thing

my mother ever said to me. And she said it to me out of just sheer wanting to see my marriage succeeded that. For whatever reason, she felt they need to say that to me. And I don't think it was shallow, but I think it was like her saying, you know, real canine, like make sure you keep yourself together for yourself and for your husband. And that goes both ways, because I don't think we talk about this

enough as men. We got to do a better job of keeping ourselves in shape, not only just to be healthy and beare for our families, but yo, you want your wife to drop it like it's hot, nigga go to the gym like like we yea, we'll be clowning on some of my married friends. You know, dudes being there complaining my wife. She'll be one to have those sex. It's like, dude, you gained sixty pounds from college. You was a savage ripped athlete in college, and now you

don't work out no more. Like that's not fair to her. That's not fair to her, you know what I'm saying, Like that's and and we hold each other accountable. We we got our running chat where he was like how many miles did you put in? How much did you live because for us, it's also a competition. You know, you and your group of friends, y'all, y'all dated men who were collegiate athletes or professional athlete. The most part

and majority of us are super duper competitive. So when we look at the young boys who are out here on Instagram with no shirts and stuff like that, we're like, Yo, that's what our wives are looking at. Bro. You you want to you know, you want to keep your wife entice, that's what she's looking at. Bro, Go to the gym. You know what I'm saying. You can't just drop out here. You know what I'm saying, you're here already falling out of receiveing. We got to control of things we can control.

You know what I'm saying that if you're not gonna put some color in that and you're not gonna work out, your wife ain't gonna want to do it like you used to do when we was in in C Square. So that's that's a fair. That's fair for women. You know what I'm saying that that's fair because men have to do a better job and also just being healthy, because we gotta do absolutely. Yeah, we're gonna have to

definitely talk about health and fitness to at some point. Well, let's see, we have a couple of listener letters here. I think some of the stuff we touched on a bit um. Enough about wives not wanting to give it out, what about husbands belower sex drives. So we touched on that, well I did. We did touch on that, and I think a lot of that too, is is working out in performance. There are certain exercises you can do to boost your testosterone to make sure you still have that.

If you do dead lifts, if you do squats, if you sprint. When you break down those large muscle groups, your body has to get a jolt of testosterone to rebuild the protein and rebuild the muscle groups. So what it's ultimately doing is it's constantly pushing testosterone through your body to help you regenerate. So getting a lot of sleep and doing certain workouts and exercise can help you boost your testosterone. A lot of guys ask me devout,

how do you you're stay in such good shape. You know you probably work out four or five hours a day. I really don't. I probably get about an hour to an hour and a half maybe three or four days a week. But when I work out. It's high intensity, heavy lifts, and I do a lot of sprinting, a lot less jogging. But that can help the men who feel like their sex drives are lowering. Continue to work out like you're a pro athlete. To find a way to work out like your pro athlete. That will help

you out. And you gotta get sleep or lower the the sets that you do or the you're not going, You're not gonna love me no more. I need you to love me. I need you to love me. How do you keep the spark in your relationship going? Seems like you have it all figured out, girl, We don't. You don't ship together. We don't figured out. We are trying to. But okay, but but but we are together and we are happy, so we can't say that we don't have it figured out. We are happy. We struggle

with certain things in sexually, but we are happy. There's one way I know to keep things in it's pretty much to keep the spark is that I constantly touch on my wife. It don't matter where we are in between meetings. She's going to know that I'm here and she's gonna know what I'm feeling her. She's like, I'm always letting her know. And it may be a soft kiss, it may be a whisper and air touches. That's a

very affectionate individual. I'm not as affectionate, don't I think too, because that stems from just like much out and growing up and just not being that affectionate in general with the way my family interacts. Not that we don't show love,

but we should love different. Um. But yeah, I mean the spark for me is engaging Devo in those moments and really stopping and trying to take the time to enjoy those couple of seconds that we have because life is so hectic, you know, so little makeout sessions here and there. You know, are trying to get in the shower with him every now and again and turn the water so it's extra I hate that man, you're trying

to boil the dirt off the video. That about that too, But um, just just trying to like embrace those small moments sometimes just help to get us through the day. That and also I do make it a point to know what my wife likes and make sure that I do the things that she likes, especially when it comes to close and what I wear. I know that she she's attracted to a certain style. I noticed she likes beards.

So if I'm not recording or if I'm not feeling a commercial, I'm just gonna grow my beard out just because I know that she likes beards, and this vice versa will be going. And she like, what you want to see me in tonight? Right exactly? And yeah, and I'm like, you know all my favorite colors red she got read on. Now she put on a sweat of dress and like, we're going out to night for an event. And I was like, all right, I'm definitely gonna get a red dress, like because I know what he'd like

to see me in a nice fitting red dress. So just taking into account those little things that you know your partner would like, and I mean, I could get better with that too, and we both can, you know, we just we just try to be cognizant of the fact that you have a life partner that you have

to spend the rest of your life with. It's important that when you're making decisions somewhere and I'm not even saying the back of your mind, in the front, the forefront of your thoughts should be how is this going to affect my partner, and for someone like me who sex is extremely important to me, I'm always trying to make sure that I'm doing things to help her kind of boost her sex drive, kind of get her in

the mood. So whether it's you know, you know, keeping my beard or wearing the type of shirt she liked, or for example, she likes when I wear blazers and I go out. I don't always like wearing blazes, but I'm gonna put on a blazer and all the time I love him in a nice little suit and stuff like that, and he just like, nah, I'm gonna wear some ripped means and a T shirt. And I'm like,

all right, well, I guess. And I got to take into account that maybe if I put this blaze on, she might drop might I might and a third drinks and just be right that we could walk home from wherever we're at Exactly, we're only gonna go about about thirteen minutes away from where we're staying tonight. This is where we can get home in time, and if it's twelve, that's even better. And our last listener question, do you feel your relationship changes once you get married if you've

already lived together? I really think it depends on how long you've lived together. I mean, I am an advocate. I know people feel their way about it, like not shacking up. That was an issue for both of our parents before we got married, the whole living together situation. I am at an advocate for living with someone before you get married. Yes, just to see what it's like.

Because I actually have one of my sister's friends who's younger, she's twenty five now, who I just saw recently, and she was just like girl, we were doing great long distance wise, and now we're together in the same state, living together, and it's not gonna work. I'm about to find me another apartment just or at least I have

my space. So how would she have known that unless she was together with him living And then when you get married to you throw a whole bunch of other responsibilities into it, like bills and how we're going to divide certain responsibilities along the household. So I'm gonna say I'm an advocate for that. It does change now that you think of not that I think about what you said. I'm gonna go hell yes, not just I'm gonna say hell yes. You want to know why Her question no, hell,

yes to do. Things change when you get married on both sides because men and women, once you hear that title wife or husband, there comes a certain level of obligation that people automatically put with it. You know, or you're gonna do that. You're gonna do that? What I can't do that? Now? No, you're my wife, No I'm your husband, or you know what I'm saying, or no,

you're my husband. People do that all the time because there's a certain level of respect that needs to be garnered once you do get married that if you're just living together, there might be a little bit more leeward with you know what I'm saying. So for example, you could be living together with someone and you know, we're just trying to figure out and see if it works. But like you said, we're living together, we're having a bad moment. I'm going to go stay with a friend

of mine while we live together. You know, doing that when you're married, Like like I mean, you can do that, but still it's like you're gonna stay with your friend, but you're my wife, you know what I'm saying, Like you better bring your ass home. Your my husband. You need to bring your ass home. Yeah, this is more at stake, definitely, and I think it does. It does change because of that, and also because of the financial responsibilities and the fact that you put together a contract.

Mar Yeah, yeah, so I would go Hell. Yet, when you get married, regardless of living situations, it definitely does change. Sure do you just gotta make sure you decide if it's going to change for the better, yes, for the worst, and let's hope us for the better because we want everybody to be happy. Yes, we love hearing from you guys.

So if you ever have a question about love, sex, relationships, health, finances, or anything else you've been itching to ask us about, hit us up at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com and your question with our answer could be read on the show. So let's just cap us all off

with the moment of truth. Um. I think my moment of truth right here when it comes to married sex is to really try for your partner, whatever that looks like to you within your relationship, whether it's the man who has the lower drive, the woman has the lower drive, vice versa. Make sure you were at least trying and trying not in the sense of what you think the partner wants, but having a discussion about it and saying, baby, I need more of this or I need less of this,

and that's something I need to even teach myself. And this moment of truth is kind of like reiterating that for me, um, because a lot of times too we get caught up in what it is that we want in that moment, and I think we need to just not be as selfish, and we need to make sure that we're taking into account exactly what it is our partner needs and trying to me halfway. I mean, compromise sounds cliche and it sounds corny, but that's ultimately what

it is. And I think your partner will appreciate the effort more than the execution. If that makes sense. No, it does make sense. It makes sense, And my moment of truth is is this. I wish that more men would speak to the next generation or younger generation about the truth of marriage and sex. I wish my family and my my elders and my family would have spoken to me about it just so that I could have

been more prepared. I also wish that your family and your elders from the women would have prepared you so you could be more prepared to that we could make an educated decision on what we wanted to do and how to move forward before we had to go through the bumpy trials and tribulations of marriage sex without knowing, you know, without knowing. So my moment of truth is just I I wish that I would have known more.

And my second moment, because there's two moments. My second moment of truth is when you make a decision to be married, understand that sex is going to change throughout time, but you make a decision to stay married for all of the other reasons that you're married. You know what I'm saying, Like, that's just the truth. That's actually every

sex is going to trump every decision. It's very important, it's important to me, but I don't I made a decision to be married for so many other reasons, and I'm gonna work to continue to make my sex life as great as I can within the confines of what my marriage is. And that doesn't mean everything's gonna be perfect. That doesn't mean everything's gonna be great. When you see the videos and you watch this and we're being sexy and stuff like that, I don't want anyone to feel

like while they do that all the time. We have our issues with sex. We're constantly working through it and I love being married. I love my wife, and I just feel like we're gonna get this done one way or the other. Absolutely, get what done, marriage or sex both, We're gonna get dead to be sure to follow us on social media. I am devout and that's cadein. I am for me kh a d E and I am not codeinium, but I mean, hey, I'll take it either way.

And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review and some scribe that spread. The Lovely Wane Baby Baby Dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. It's produced by T Square, Stephanie Karauke and Dinora Opinion. Our executive producer is Chris Manning, and we'd like to give a special thanks to our recording engineer Jared O'Connell, our sound designer Brendan Burns, and studio manager Ashley Warrens. We'll back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a

podcast going on right now. It's part of the stitchen Net. We're called Substraction. That's available every we get a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple Go listen right now to the distraction, right now, it's out. Do it. Please,