Because I Said So!

these episodes before the news about COVID nineteen broke. We wanted to let you know that we are here for you, and we hope that these episodes can bring you a little bit of joy and escape in these uncertain times. A large part about dating, if you're dating with the purpose, is dating someone who parents like you. Dead ass. So you had the foresight to know that I was going

to be a good mom, Yes I did. So why you be questioning me sometimes when I parent a certain kind of way because I don't want you to be good. I want you to be great. All right, I'll take that dead ass. Hey. I'm cade And and we're the Ellis. You may know us from posting fundy videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'm making me derby most days. And one more important

thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. When we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Philow's talk to a whole new level. Dead

as starts now. So this story time is it's almost like I'm telling two stories at once because I remember being this age when my mom was doing the same thing to me that you were doing to Jackson. I walk in the house. This was two weeks ago, and Jackson had some homework that he needed to do. Now. Granted, Jackson is extremely smart. He loves mathematics, he hates to read, and Jackson when it comes down to his reading comprehension and his writing skills, he rushes because with math he

can do equations in his head. So he just rushes through the math with the reading, he just puts down with any answers, and then Codeine ends up going over his homework on days when I'm not there. Now, typically I go over Jackson's homework. That's our thing. So I walk in the door. I've just seen Jackson's face and he loves he's about to cry, and his eyes a wide open, and I see codeine hand going fast, fast, fast, and I see a racer clippings all over the place.

Codeine done erase the boy whole comprehensive, and the codein says, this is not this is not She got the mom facing the tight lips. This is not good, this is unacceptable. Jackson, did you read the paragraph? Did you read the paragraph? And Jackson's like, yes, I did read the paddog. She's like reading again out loud. So then Jackson now was annoyed. The TV is still on because Codeine had the TV on. She's trying to balance the other two boys, and she's

trying to finish work for her blog. So she's short because she's trying to get her stuff done and she's trying to help him with the homework. And so I left it. I went to the gym, I was going for and then expect all the stuff that has to happen while I was going in. Now, so I come back and all this is going on. So she kept asking Jackson the same question. Jackson is peeking out his left side of his face because he was trying to

see what's on TV. I just jumped in and said, hey, babe, you know what, let me do u faif I'm gonna grab Jackson, I'm gonna take him away because the TV is distracting him. I'm gonna pull him away. And she looked at me with the death stare, and I was like, no, finish your block. You got stuff to finish your blog. I grabbed Jackson. I walked him over to the dining room table and I said yea, okay, and he was just like, yeah, man, you know mom's always screaming at me.

And I said, yo, listen, your mom tells you all the time how to do your homework. When you rush it, you're gonna get in trouble. Don't listen to how she saying it. Listen to what she's saying. Did you really say that I did? You had my back than I had you back? And he was just like okay, but she's crazy, and I said, I bet he whispered that. Oh,

he definitely whispered, and I whispered. I'll be crazy now, but thank me later when you were a writing extraordinaire, putting apostrophes where they should be, capitals where they should be, punctuation and Grandma on point? How about that? See me then, trumble, Can you play the music and we get to Kara yoktan please, because she's about to put me on a Grandma lesson. This song is dedicated to my boys, Jackson, Cayron, Kaz. This is the song I sing with them on our

way to school every morning, three to one. Hited like a cruise and I'm not trying to lose Hey, you left in dust, you stop by, you were some better be never love with me too. It's gonna be leaving me no dust and whatever. You all right, because sometimes I feel like the only girl in the house. You'll be leaving me in the dust because you'll be having

how little like guy things. I can't even get through the song without being accused, so I'm trying to sing sunflower to us, and she here, you ain't gonna leave me, you know, dust and Sunflower and I me and my myself. I'm just trying to cala because then your next thing is gonna be like, we can change that, because I knew where this was going. I didn't even get to finish my karaoke guys. But since we here wanted another girl in the house and make that happen, you make

that happen. No, no, no, just like me. We're all good. Now I'll be losing more here looking just like you, just like me. That's kind of scary first because I looked over you when I saw your goatee and your mustache, and I'm like, she would have a goatie in the mustache and long beautiful head, look just like a daddy hot mess. So yeah, today we're talking about like our

kids and whatnot. How parenting and parenting styles kind of may differ, doesn't differ if your parenting a boy versus a girl, which we don't really can't speak to the girl, a situation we did though um on a different episode with the Tanks, the Tanks leads, no, they had boys too, We need to bring somebody with girls in here, girl and didn't have some more to talk about or maybe not, but yeah, you know, sometimes your kids act up, they act crazy, and you want to handle it one way,

and then your partner might have other ideas and how they should handle it. So we're talking about how we negotiate different things parenting styles. Um who tends to be the good cop or the bad cop in the household? You know? How do you deal with kids with different personalities and discipline? Because there is no real one way to parent, especially when you have multiple children. So we're just gonna impact some of that today. So your story is funny to me because can we start before the story?

Before the story? I think ahead, start before the story, all right, So, as you guys know, we have three beautiful boys. We have Jackson, the fearless leader. He's the first born. He's going to be nine. He had a shadow, the most sensitive of the three. He is the most nurturing, very empathetic. Conversionate thinks he's a little manipulated when he's ready, But I can see through those little eyes. His eyes look just like my Sabar. I won that contest. Jackson

has eyes for sure. Then this Cairo, the Row Row Show. Cairo is three going on. Yes, like I always say, he is just a big boy. He is a free spirit. I mean he pretty much grew up in front of everyone's eyes because he was born on Instagram. He loves the camera. He does very very creative, very very independent too, very independent. Taught himself to dress himself. He's a super stuck a sponge. She's learning so much now. And then there's Mike Kazi. Yes, he's the very Cats Hendrix. He

was actually born on Jimi Hendrick's birthday. I don't know if y'all know, but all three of our boys their middle names are after musicians that we love. So Carter, Shawn, Carter Jackson, Carter after jay Z and then Shakore, and then we have Kats and now Kas. Is funny because Cats, of all of all of the three boys, was the only one that was not playing. Kaz came immediately after Cairo.

He was the oops baby. Kaz is the feistiest. Okay, let me tell you, Cats, It's like I maybe the baby of the family, but I'm packing some power behind these punches over here. Okay, punches, he kicks, he hits, he screams, he slams. His famous word is now you have to see his space. It's like, now, that's how he says it. But then he's like, good for some cuddles at night, and the great he says, A great smile he does. He looks the most like me, and

he hates the camera if he didn't notice. If you ever wonder why Katz does not like to be in the vlogs on Instagram, I'll pull the camera out a stone face to turn and run away. So I respect that he doesn't want to be in front of the camera. I respect that. Yeah, we recently did some family portraits, like black and white shots to try to capture everyone's personality.

I started to post them as my m cm my man crushed Mondays so already posted Jackson's um Cairo and then Cash will probably be by the time you guys hear this. But I wanted to try to get a picture that captures their personality. And I think Cass frowned in every picture. I can't believe He's like, how did

I get here with this family? So those are three boys, if you don't know, I always knew growing up that I wanted to marry a woman that was a great mom, because I have a great mom and I have great aunts, and I have great grandmother's So I just knew I had to marry a woman that was going to personify that love that I got from all of these beautiful

black women my whole life. So when I was dating, I was like, I gotta find someone who has nurturing quality, who's smart, um, who's disciplined in their own right, because all of the women in my life have been disciplined.

So I met you, and I'm telling you right now, one of the things that drew me to you was your relationship with your brother and your sister, because, yes, being the oldest case, I'm the oldest as well, and there's ten years between you and Sakari, five years between you and Tristan, And I saw how deliberate you were with making sure they were always okay, but also telling them the real when they needed to be told the real.

And I was like, Yo, this right here is a great example because my mom is the oldest, and that is my mother. My mother will tell me and my brother and my sister exactly how it is where we need to go and how we need to get there if we're not doing it the right way. But she also has her way of being nurturing, you know, she's not the most affectionate person, but my mom has a

way of being nurturing. So you know, when I was dating and thinking about marriage, you, you definitely crossed that check check that box for I mean, I think I definitely felt that responsibility. Being the oldest. Um, I kind of inadvertently became like the second mom in the household too, So definitely have like a nurturing spirit, nurturing way. Um, my brother and my sister shout out to Chisten and Sakari. We have a very super ridiculously um strangely close relationship.

What's weird about it? Like weirdly close we are? Yeah, we're like for siblings. Like there's no like rivalry, there's no fighting, there's no anything. I mean, naturally we disagree on things, and I think we have created a safe space between the three of us and Devout now that he's kind of been adopted into the family. Um, sometimes I'm adopted. They when it got tattoos, all of them together, of the three little birds, and I wasn't still feeling some kind of way about If you haven't seen the

tattoo yet, go to my Instagram page. You're gonna see a nice black and white photograph taking by our good friend Joshua Dwayne were the three little birds. But we did tell the vow that he can opt to be the branch that holds up the three birds want to be. No draw branch on y'all, y'all tree on, y'all risk

get out of here. But you'd uplift us in so many ways, like I'm gonna show we're taking video so you can see the three little birds, so we can totally draw in like a branch underneath there that we love to perch on for support. Babe, consider it. I

think you should consider. But my mom, my mom did give me a lot of responsibility because my mother too was the oldest of six, so she also too felt like, you know, the responsibility was on me to of course had a good example, to kind of be the eyes and ears when she wasn't around, and of course to take care of my brother my sister, which I still

pride myself on doing to this day. You know, sometimes loving them from a distance when I feel like they need the tough love to figure things out on their own and you don't give them a lot of distance. Um, we have a I can't be I can't be from a good place, just like with Jackson and his homework situation, it's always coming from a good place. So something what was going on in the homework so kind of okay? So you gave your what you walked into. Of course, um,

prior to that, naturally you're going to the gym. So it's like I'm trying to make dinner, I'm trying to finish my blog. Kyro and Caz are running around, um trying to keep them occupied. Jackson finishes his homework, and I knew something was wrong when Jackson ran upstairs. I went to my home, my mom, okay, great, And I don't even think I finished cleaning the chicken yet before

he was back downstairs, like he was done. He might have been going for like eight minutes, so I said, So, I said, Jackson, what how much homework did you have tonight? What did you do? Oh? I had math and I had reading comprehension, So already I knew in my mind I was prepared for reading comprehension because like that, valsaid, Jackson's stellar and Matthews like off the charts. Reading comprention, though, has been a little bit of a struggle. He brings

the paper down to me totally. Just like breeze past. It wrote very vague answers. His handwriting was a little sloppy ish, like he was just trying to get it done. And it's not that he doesn't know. He has every ability. He just like you said, devout, I don't know because you claim this is like a boy thing. But he literally rushed through the homework and just didn't take his time. And I know that he has the ability to do better.

So I feel like as a mother, as a parent, I would be remissed if I did not then sit down with him and say, Jackson, reread it the minute I asked him to reread it, or the minute I take out the eraser to erase. He wants to try to catch an attitude. I don't deal well with attitudes, especially from these little children. Okay that I grew and birth and raise and live in my house. For you to call yourself having an attitude at eight years old,

it just is not gonna work. Yes, my face is getting tight, just thinking your face is getting tight for me. I see you. So what we're not going to do in my house is for me to be providing you with everything and more that you're eating your life and you can't do what you're supposed to do, Like you have homework to do. That's that's your job. You go

to school, you do your homework. And that's why usually once homework is done, if I feel like he needs a little bit more challenge or if I need to follow up on something that he has issues with, I have a ton of different books that I have him working on and stuff. So it's just a matter of

him being lazy in that moment. So speaking to him very nicely, Jackson, I think you need to reread this paragraph because question number one, and no I did initially it was just like, I think you need to reread this.

I'm gonna erase it. But where things went arrived for me was when I got the but I did it already, but I read it already, and then there's just this the attitude and the body language, and that's when my octave drops a bit and I have to slow down and articulate, and then my face does the things that you say my face has been doing. So you know, it's just it's a it's a respect thing. It's um you know, I don't deal with the attitudes, like I said, but it's also me trying to say, you know what

I understand. He's eight, He's gonna want to rush through things. He may not be that into reading comprehension. He has his favorite subject with this math. Math. It's cool, but this is something we're going to have to work at because I know he has the ability. It's not that he doesn't understand it or doesn't get it, he's just not taking the time to do it. And that's why I purposely got him a desk in his room. Sit

in your room so you're away from distraction. He has no television in his room, no devices that he can get on, and that's where he should be for at least twenty minutes to a half an hour to do his reading that he's supposed to do. That's the extra reading on top of the homework. Can you or are

you still going? You can still go? If he's like, I know you give you came into him about and in the minute he sees you, of course, then the waterworks start, you know, in his eyes, because he kind of feels like I have an alliance with Daddy and I become the bad cop and Daddy comes becomes a good cop. It happens a lot. But ahead, whatever you donna think you done, cannot interject. I'll take a breather, I'll take a sip of your Okay, So this, this is,

this is a number of things here, all right. The first thing is you're absolutely right in your assessment of what jack And goes through. But your approach in dealing with Jackson it's not always correct. I tell you this. Your brother and your sister tell you this, your mother tell you. Don't try to use my brother my sister

against me. Now listen, I'm gonna tell you your idea of I nicely said, it's not always everybody else's idea of nice he said, Jackson brings down the homework, you read it, pull out the pencil, and just start erasing all his work while lecturing him about what he didn't do. It's not how you approach an eight year old. Think about it. Think about it. And the reason why I'm saying this is because my mom used to do the same exact thing to me. So you have a little

PTSD from that. You're like, I do have PTSD because you'all crazy mothers be crazy. Y'all think that since y'all grew us in birth does y'all can just do whatever you want to do and say whatever you want to say to us, and we gotta take it when the bottom line is we don't like we're people. He's a person. I guess he's a person. But at eight years old, well, because you have to, you have to teach him how

to go through the process. I think mothers. Mothers expect right, and my mom was like this, I would get it, I would get an assignment. I would do the assignment to the best of my ability. At eight, my mother would completely tear up out the whole assignment, redo it with me. I would go into class and then my teacher would say, tell your mom, she did a great job, because y'all wanted to be done to the standard that y'all expect. But y'all forget that he's eight and he's

a boy. So there's a process. It's still the middle of the school year. He may not be perfect and doing the homework assignment, but he's working towards perfection by the end of the year. So if there are mistakes, you don't just erase everything and tell him to do it again. Let's ask him a question. For example, when he comes to me and his homework is looking trashed because I know he rushed it because he got to go to the mom by academy and because he wants

to give him his laptop. I don't just take the pencil on any races. I go, Jackson, do you think this is acceptable? And then now let's put the ball in his court. So now he's looking because he's like, something must be wrong because Dad is talking to me about it. So he's just looking. And if if he rushed to say yeah, I think it's acceptable, then I'll say, well, I'm gonna tell you why it's not acceptable. But then sometimes he'll honestly look at it and'll be like, nah,

I rushed, And I believe why do you rush? Because the lesson really isn't in the homework. The lesson is how he gets the homework done. And I know for women it's different when you're raising boys because you guys were never boys. As a boy, I have a little bit of, you know, idea of what it's like to be a boy, a little bit about it before. We don't. We don't like to be attacked and we don't like

our creativity to just be torn apart. And a lot of times what moms do y'all take whatever else is going on in the house and then you whatever the kid is doing at that moment. You put all that pressure on him. You had a lot going on, you had your blog, you're trying to do, you had the other two kids, and I wasn't there, so you were probably upset about a whole bunch of other stuff that was going on that you just unloaded on him. Because my mom used to do that to me all the time.

And the truth of the matter is it's not fair to him at eight years old. That's true. I get that, because you're absolutely right about that. And it's funny. I saw recently on I forget what page. It was one of those mom pages that I followed, but someone had said the same thing, and it was like there was

like an honest mom moment. And in that honest moll moment, she said, Um, you know, in the mornings when I'm getting ready with the kids, I know that I snap at them and I don't start their day off well with good energy, and I know that I'm responsible for that because I can alleviate all this by getting up twenty minutes earlier, and that kind of that kind of stuck with me. That definitely stuck with me because I said, Wow, that's definitely how I felt some mornings, or even just

trying to get out the house with multiple children. Sometimes it's like, oh my God, like I have so many things going on right now that I need to get done. We need to go somewhere, we need to do something, or things have to get done, and it's how am I going to juggle and balance all that at one time? So that that spoke to me, I also saw, I mean,

that spoke to me. That was kind of like the two I didn't want to just like how I thought I said something and how everybody else I said it, and I'm just like I didn't tell I think my voice sometimes too is intimidating because it carries a bit and it can be able to be intimidating. You'll be balking at people and snapping happy. That's not true to

I don't do that all the time. I don't sometimes I really try to make a conscious effort, especially with the children, because you've told me before that Jackson feels like sometimes I get on him, So I really do don't don't make fun of me. I really do try to make a conscious effort to say, you know what, let me try to speak nicely in this moment, and still it's taking out of context. So I feel like I can't win either way? Can I Can I be honest?

Can I be honest? Listen, you get pregnant, right, everyone dotes on Youkadean can do and say whatever she wants because she's pregnant, right right, That's what That's what women have told you. You When she lashes out and she's upset that she's angry, you deal with it. It's the hormones, and you gotta deal with it because that's how she is. So you've become used to being in this space where you can constantly do and say whatever you want because

that's the hormones. The kids. I'm tired. Then once the baby get here, just I don't sleep because it's so women are taught and you've been taught this that it's okay to just be that way. Me as a dad from the time you're pregnant. You know what I've been told by everybody. Be patient, Let her say what she wants, let her say how she feels, let her do this for ten months before the kids got here. I had to practice that patience in order to exist in my house.

So you know what happens when the kids get here, I've already practiced that patience. Not that I'm a pro, but what happens is But listen, I'm being honest. Once you get accustomed to not reacting, but responding to someone because they are going through something, because what you're going through is not something that you just brush aside. Being pregnant and being hormonal is real. So when you do have a moment where you lash out or you don't do something right away, I do have to learn to

take it in. I've approached our children with the same type of patience. M interesting, And I remember hearing that no one ever told you that as a as a mom, I mean, I mean from the perspective as a guy, like learning patients and we like like I remember my dad and men saying that to me, Like, as a dad, you have to be patient, and you learn that through pregnancy and you translate that and transfer that to your kids. I don't know what's said from women to women about

but I don't know about women to women. I mean, I didn't get that per se from like the women in my family. I mean, yes, naturally, they're gonna let you know, like it's it's gonna be a lot, You're gonna be tired. You know, you're gonna have to, yes, exercise patients and whatnot. But sometimes too, maybe just the emotions get in my way. You know, I can't speak for every other woman, but sometimes the emotions must get in my way, and I just get a little high strong,

you know. And I won't I won't say that you're not telling the truth with that. It's true. But I also see a lot of like for example, your dad. I even see how he deals with things, and I see how he will like lower his voice and he'll speak through things, even with the grandkids. Like if it's Jackson or or one of the other kids does something, he'll like bring it down and he will speak with them very quietly. I noticed you do that with the kids.

That's a thing you've probably seen or experience with your father. I didn't experienced that in my household. I grew up in a western maa housele with my mom. My dad was actually very like more soft spoken and quiet, more passive. My mom, though she used to like light us up and not even night us up in terms of like, you know, corporal punishment. But my mom used to just like to scream and holler, and that that was her way of getting across, like she would get frustrated. That's

what I experienced as a child. Now what I should do as an adult now knowing how that made me feel as a child, I should should be in the word, I should be able to say, you know what, I didn't like that as a kid. That's what I experienced. Because my brother will talk about it to this day, how my mother used to do and especially as a boy.

It's funny he's he notices it more as a boy, and I noticed that he said it more as the only boy, how my mom has reacted to certain things, and how much he's still it's still kind of affects him to this day. And yes, I should and I try to make sure that I'm not doing this same things. But I'm telling you just it's just some moments get

away from me. They do get away from me. But what I do appreciate about what you did, especially with the story time situation, was that you didn't in front of me kind of belittle me or make me feel as if I didn't know what I was doing right, because you drop down to your dad's voice. We affectionately affectionately called the vows dad's scoop, So you dropped into the scoop voice, and you said, hey, let me finish with Jackson, and you can finish doing this because that's

what you've got a lot going on. Part of me was a little bit like, you don't intervene because I'm having a moment with Jackson. But I didn't need the help. So I appreciated you tagging me in as my partner and as my parenting partner, knowing and seeing that I was a little stressed in that situation. Jackson was starting to get frazzled, um, and then you kind of took

him away so you can deal with that. And then Jackson I had a conversation after, of course, and I because we always make sure that we do that, even if we're teaching a lesson disciplining whatever, and it requires a conversation. But you know what's funny, I feel like we have like a really now that I'm looking at it from this perspective, and I never really looked at us as like parents from the outside in. We do

have a really good balance. I say that because sometimes if I'm in the middle of doing something, for example, with Cairo, Cairo might have done something crazy, was something wow that he's done recently, Like, I don't know. If you want to tell less story, yes, we can tell the story about all right, So Cairo has been potty trained for over here now at least, yes, over yere. He's three and a half, so he's been potty trained for over a year and a half now, because he

potty trained around twish. All right. I go upstairs the other day and I smell poop. It's I'm like, all right, so I'm chasing cats around, but I'm like, that's not kas. I get closer to our bedroom. I opened the door. There's a little poop turred on the floor or on the carpet in our bedroom. So I get a I get a phone call downstairs. I don't even she don't

even scream. I'm just like what. So this is like one of those moments as a parent where you're like, let me just FaceTime my husband and show him this ship on the floor. You don't know what to say because it's like you're you're, you're, you're confused, you're, you're mad, you're literally So I was just like, why is this ship on the floor? So then I go back and I checked cats real quick. While I'm like telling about what's going on, cast still has on a full onesie

with his pamper on. So I'm like, okay, he didn't ship and put his pamper back on. Okay. Then I was like, Jackson just went and do that. That So who's left but Cairo? Right, So I find Cairo and I'm like, Cairo, did you poop on the floor? No, it was Cassie, like that fast, this little negro is lying to my face that quick. It was Kaziro, did you poop on the floor? To the the VAL's coming down the hallway. So as Cairo is looking at me, which he's clearly lying, and he's looking a little flustered.

I see him looking out the side of his eye and was now becoming So when Daddy came down the hallway, then what because because also we I still believe in corporal punishment when the time is necessary, Like we don't beat them with belts, we don't hit them with slippers and stuff like that. But I'll give them a little pop when I feel like there's something that's going to endanger them or something they need to learn. So and that's very rare, but it happens once in a while.

For example, Cairo used to like to run into the street. So one day I let him just walk and I watched him as he was about to walk into the street, and I popped him right on his hand, and then he touched his hand and he looked at me, and I said, I told you not to look at walk into the street. And from that point on he realized like, oh,

he's not playing. When he dropped his voice down and he tells me things over and he's not playing, and he could hurt, and I'd rather give him that little bit of pain that he can recover from rather than him run out in the middle of New York Avenue and get hit by the B forty four. So Kyro earlier that day was just looking for attention. He's the middle child, Jackson's the oldest. Hen Me and Jackson have a very special relationship because we go to Mamby Academy.

He does jiu jitsu and Umkas is Mimi's baby, so Kas always up under Memi Chicago's Mimi, and I try as much as I can to bring Kyra with me and Jackson, but sometimes Jackson needs his own time, and I think this was one of the days. It was Wednesday, Kyro. Jackson was going to jiu jitsu, so Cairo seemed a little upset and he was throwing himself on the floor and he was just knocking stuff over, just seeming like he wanted attention. And when I got upstairs, it hit

me that that's what this was about. So at the time he was getting the attention he wanted. Mimi was in there, Coadin is in there, Jackson's laughing, Kaz is running around, So everybody's in there wondering who pooped on the floor, And I'm really and like, Cairo is enjoying all of this. He realized that now, for once in his life, today, everyone's paying attention to something he did. So I asked, guys, easy, Kyro, who did this, Cassi,

Cashi did this? Cassie. So I tell everybody to leave the room because I didn't want it to be an embarrassment thing. And I asked him, I said, you know, Ellisman always do what And he says, tell the truth, because that's what me and Jackson always say. Kyra doesn't really understand the idea of telling the truth, but he knows the words. So I was like, listen, who made the poop wonderful? And he said me? And I said why. He said, I don't know. I don't know. I already

knew why. I know he doesn't know how to articulate it. But I said, this is unacceptable, and the fact that you lied about it is even worse. So I popped him a little bit, you know, gave him two little pops. And the sad thing is is your boy took the pops like a champ, like I popped him. He didn't even cry. He looked at me and I'm like, I'm not in the business of hurting my children. And I said, do you understand why you got that pop? And he

was just like yes, Daddy. I said, I go down to the whole way and get get ready for bed and go get in the shower. So he walked down the hallway, took his pops like a chance walk down the hallway. And in those moments, I'm always the bad guy because Codeine does not she doesn't hit them. She's

not into the whole corporate punishment thing. We agree to disagree on that at times, but I feel like, as the father of three black boys, I'd rather discipline my boys rather than have the law or law enforcement discipline them, because that type of discipline can lead with you in jail or in the body bag. So I try to make sure that my boys know how to respect authority

and stay in line. And one thing Conein and I never do when when we're in front of each other is disagree with each other in front of the children. If it's a time for corporal punishment, and I asked her to leave, she'll leave the room if she believes it's something that she needs to do. And I asked, and I realized in her face. I can tell in

her eyes, but she's serious. I'm like, you know what, let me let her deal with this, and then after, when the kids are gone, we'll have these discussions and I'll be like, hey, why did you think that was appropriate? Or she'll say to me about why did you think he needed to be popped? And we'll have that discussion

in this for sure. Absolutely, you'll sometimes say to me or I'll say to you, man, do you think that I should have done this a certain kind of way, or did I handle that well, you know, just to kind of get some feedback. Sometimes I appreciate that we can have the conversation after the fact, because like that moment with the poop, I probably would have picked it up and kept it moving like it was no big deal, whereas the val felt it was a need to teach

a lesson in that moment. And though I kind of felt like it was a bit harsh at that time, he was adamant about it. So usually, if either of us are adamant about something, we'll kind of let them

rock and then we'll have the conversation after. And I think that with every area of our relationship, because you talked about a lot about us, as you know, a married couple, about being individuals and being business partners, in being parents, we have to also allow ourselves great We talked about that a lot, so um, I think it was very necessary for me to kind of step back and say, you know, what Devil was once a boy. You know, he's coming from a place of experience that

I don't necessarily know growing up as a boy. So I also appreciate the fact that, like you, said earlier, you found someone who you felt like would be a great mom, a great nurturer, would take care of your home and your children. I feel like I found that in you, seeing the man that you were and knowing the potential that you had even when we met at eighteen years old, and seeing the man you've become. I would love for our boys to be, you know, a

fraction of who you are. No for sure, and you know we joke a lot on the show, but you know I love you, and I totally look at the man that you are, and I would love for my boys embody all that you are for the most part, except for like the piles of clothes you leave around on the floor because I'm tired of p one now

you do the whole suitcase. But I appreciate the fact that that you are this person, and I I lean on you as their father to be that for them because I know that there's going to come a point where now, okay, the babies are kind of like all into Mommy and Nini and they like to be cuddled and whatnot, but there's going to come a point where the boy needs his dad. And Jackson, I feel like it's on that he's in that that weird um, that weird age where he's kind of like spiraled away from

me and he's just like he's daddy's boy. Right now he's eight, yeah, I'm saying nine, and then he might float back my way around thirteen fourteen when he starts smelling herself and he's gonna want to ally. So that's why I tell Jackson, don't be trying to side at me when I'm crazy now, and then you want to come back to me when you and your father ain't on the good terms or you're thirteen and fourteen years old, because he might be trying to flex his muscles a

little bit. You know. Then I'm gonna need you to remember this conversation. Okay, when Jackson becomes a teenager and it comes time where that discipline is going to have to be a lot harder. Because this is the one thing that kills me about discipline kids. Right. These experts and all of these people, right, all of these books and all these things about how you're supposed to discipline kids, right, and here's the reality. They talk about disciplining kids who

don't deal with the black experience. Right, You can't you can't deal with corporate punishment. You shouldn't scream it them. Blah blah blah blah blah. What kills me about that is my son's when they walk out into the world, are not gonna be dealt with the same way as every other normal kid that walks out into the world. So I can't discipline in the same way, you know what I'm saying. Like when I was growing up, I remember asking my grandmother who grew up in South Carolina.

She um, she grew up in South Carolina, dealt with Jim Crow, my grandfather, my grandfather, dealt with Jim Crow, fought in the Korean War, dealt with racism overseas while fighting for this country. Right. I remember saying, like, non, no, Like why you always hit us with the fly swatter? Why we got to hit with the belt? Like what's like? Why why you gotta beat us like slaves? Right? And

she made a very very strong point. She said, when I was growing up, if you were a black boy and you stepped out a line, you could die and nobody will come to your defense. And I remember saying, like, what you mean you could die? She was like, somebody could kill you. Somebody you step out of line. You you're supposed to be somewhere, you're not there, someone can snatch you, lynch you kill you. So for her, she like she parented with force because she was trying to

protect her kids. And as often as people say, well now we know better, we got to do different. Times have changed, Times have not changed that much. People are still getting killed in the street. Mass incarceration is still huge in America. And then when you think about the things that came out with Mike Bloomberg and what he said, we grew up in stopping frisk. I've been stopped in frisk as an adult, as a full fledged tax paying adult, I would stop and frisk my stuff through on the floor.

So from me, when people say to me, oh, well we have to you know things have changed, they have not. So I'm gonna parent my boys with that same ferocity as my parents and grandparents did because that's what made me who I am. That's what kept me safe in the streets. Being alert, being aware of being respectful, understanding authority, you know what I'm saying, Always being on time, being

where you're supposed to be. It's easy for some people to say, oh, you know, they'll learn, boys will be boys, kids will be kids. Because your kids and your boys are given leeway, My boys may not be given the same leeway. You can see by the way we're punished in the judicial system, criminal justice system like and that's the reason why our parents so hard. And I think you know, for you as a mom, you guys like you and your mom nurture in the world. You want

them to come to a safe place love. I want for that and then and they need both. But I think you know for people listening, Becaudine and I have had these conversations plenty of times. So when it comes time to making a decision of how we're gonna parent our kids, we speak to each other first and we give each other the why why is it important for you devoured a parent like this? Well, why is it important for you to con deem to be no training?

You want to know why? It's important because when the kid gets you know, a little bit of harsh love from his dad, it's good to run into your mom's arms and still know that home is a safe place for you know what I'm saying. So it's important for us to have different perspectives on how to parent but if we share with each other, we can both parent these boys and give them the best of ourselves so they can go out in the world and be prepared.

That was a great point because I was gonna ask you, like, what did you learn from like your parents when you think about your approach to discipline and parenting. So that's that actually goes back to your grandparents, since you spend so much time with them, you know, in the summertime. So that makes a whole lot of sense, and I can understand it. And that's why I've never really stepped in.

And even when you do discipline, and for example, if you do feel like a time out is necessary, you know, you put cat in time out, make you go get cats out of time out, because I never want to make a scene like he could play both sides, you know, we we never do that either. It's like we don't We don't do the whole like Daddy's gonna put you in time out and then mom is going to come to the rescue, because then that kind of forces the

good cop back cat to surface. So I always whoever started that discipline is going to finish it off and end with the big hug because I'm glad you said that, because that's important. That's that's a rule that we made in our house. Whoever starts to discipline finishes the discipline. So if Kay puts one of the kids in time out, she is responsible for taking them out of time out so that they get the completion of the discipline. They don't feel like one parent rescued them from the other.

The same way if if you start corporate punishment, you have to finish with a hug and a conversation like that's That's one thing I think I've I've changed from my grandparents, and I got this from my parents. My father never hit me without an explanation. Growing up with my grandparents, they grew up with a children were to be seen and not heard. So you got hit, sometimes you got beat, and then you couldn't even ask why.

You wouldn't even be told why. And if you ask why I get beat it, well you ask you you're talking back. My parents weren't like that. My parents disciplined me, and they had tons of conversations, and I remember even some of my aunt's uncles would be like, you know

what your problem is? You talk too much to them? Yeah, I was gonna say because with the even with the attitude of the talking back, Like, where do we draw the line with children when we enable them and we want them to be or encourage them to be vocal about how they feel, but it's not to a point where they feel like they can always have the last word.

Because we do a lot to have conversations with Jackson too, but sometimes he will go back and forth with me, is if this is some sparring match, and I'm just like, what we're not gonna do is you're gonna go back and forth with me like you have to have the last word, you know. So there's like a fine line between wanting them to be vocal and expressing how they feel, but also knowing like a challengese to stay within their place. A child definitely needs to stay in the challenge place.

But I think there's a fine line between wanting an answer and then getting the answer that you want. You know what I'm saying. I think sometimes with children they won't stop until they get the answer they want. And for me as a parent, it's like I'm giving you an answer. Once I've given you an answer, you take it and that's it, and that's it. And I'm not gonna not give you an answer, because the thing I used to hate the most when I was a kid was don't ask me no questions or because I said so.

Because I said so to me was probably like the dumbest thing I ever heard of. My mom used to just say no, and I'd be like, it's something simple as like hey, can I go next door and play with my friends? And She'll just say no, and I'll be like, well, well, why no? Like why I can't say yes to everything? You know? I have to say no? Sometimes I can't say yes to everything, and I'm just understand why what? And then but then now I'm like, oh,

g she is me. She We become our parents. We become our parents because something happens to you when you become a parent, and everything that you think you're gonna do when you're not a parent changes because that person, that heartbeat that was inside you was now out here with arms and legs in a face, looking just like you, walking around in this tough, difficult world. It's funny because I was looking at um on our sheet today is talking about some stuff that came from some facts from

very well family. There's four kinds of parenting styles, and you could be anyone or combination of these. So the one that you just said literally was the authoritarian parenting. So pretty much this person is famous for saying because I said so, when a child questioned the reason behind the rule, they're not interested in negotiating and their focus is on obedience. So that's the very old school mentality at least. I know our grandparents had my mom, you know,

my dad. Coming from the Islands, it was like this kind of the same effect, very similar to your grandparents in the South. It's like, don't ask me any questions, That's what I said. Then there's the authoritative parents, who invests time and energy into preventing behavior problems before they start. They also use positive discipline strategies to enforce good behavior, like praise and reward systems. I can say we pull from that for sure. That a little bit of that.

Then there's the permissive parenting. They often only step in when there's a serious problem. They're quite forgiving, and they adopt an attitude of kids will be kids. You do that a lot to like they're they're boys. There can jump around, they can jump around. When they do use consequences. They may not make those consequences stick. They might give privileges back if the child begs, or if they allowed a child to get out of time out early if

he promises to be good. Actually, you know, that's that's neither of us. We could probably scratch that wholemise the whole yeah, the premise of one. And then um, the uninvolved parenting. So, uninvolved parents tend to have little knowledge of what their kids are doing. They tend to be fear Okay, so this is not us at all. The kids may not be received much guidance nurturing. Okay, so the uninvolved parent, that's definitely not us. And I don't

think I know many parents like that. I want to say, we're maybe around the authority for sure, you know, but I can sometimes be an authoritarian at times. Be as of the factors that I expressed, I do fear that my kids will grow up at some point in their life they may feel privileged because they used to speak in their mind and not understand that if you speak your mind to the wrong person in this country, you

can lose your life. I do fear that, and sometimes I feel like you just need to be obedient and know went how to get out of the situation. Come get your dad, and now we're gonna handle the importance be able to navigate that and to say, you know what, I'm just gonna stop talking. I don't need to have the last word exactly, and move forward after that. The one thing that I've learned from my uncle Kevin, who twenty four years on the police department as a detective.

The first thing you need to do is get home. You can deal with everything else later. You get into it back and forth with a cop about respect and stuff like that, you ask me, not get home. You have to get home. Once you get home, you get a badge number, you get a name. Let's deal with it accordingly. You know what I'm saying. You have to get home first. There's no need to talk about respect

if you can't even get home. And I think that comes to learning how to be obedient and discipline in a moment so that you can make the right move. You know what I'm saying. You have to make the right move in order to get your point across. And this is a four years in the police department. He said, he told me this, and that's the one thing I do worry about and it's sad that I'm still thinking about the same things, but I do grow up when

I think about my boys. That's what I fear. I fear about them going to to college and making a poor decision and now their whole life is ruined because they made a poor decisions true, or even some of those strong qualities that they do have. You know, I feel like all of our boys have these strong independent qualities within themselves, and they deal with things differently, and their processes may be different, but I like that all

of them are vocal um. Casts tend to be a little bit where he's a baby still, so we're still trying to figure out casts. But cast seems to have a little temporary situation um, you know if even if he does something wrong, if you drop something, gets mad at himself and all that. But it's like some of

those qualities that they have. I want them to be able to be vocal and speak up for themselves and just be able to engage in conversation with other people, adults and whatnot, but just knowing when to scale back. There's always like that that fine line um with it. But I think we do a pretty good job. You know,

it's funny watching um you as a parent. You know, one of the questions we had today on the rundown was how it affects our relationship or how it's changed our relationship you and I watching the other person parents, or watching the other person as a mom or dad? Um, has anything changed for you since I've become a mom thinking about me back then or maybe maybe a mom of multiple children? Now? Do you think anything has changed for you in terms of how you look at me?

Or is it kind of just yeah, things things have changed because when you when you get married and you're in love with a person, you just think about that person as you're that's my partner, you know, like that's that's my partner. Her responsibility is me. My responsibility is her. You know, all of your ideas and thoughts and energy needs to go towards me because I'm putting the same energy into you. I literally sit back now and watch you put so much energy into three little people. You

know what I'm saying. So it's kind of like I get I get it, Like I get it, you know, like I'm not the priority anymore. I'm not. You know, we're talking in relationships so often about how your partner still has to be a priority. I think that's okay when you're an empty nestor. But we both have three little people who didn't have to be here. They're here off of our guilty pleasures, so we owe it to them to make them the priority in these next eighteen years.

So ultimately it's changed because I've learned how not to be the priority. Yeah, I mean that's difficult for you sometimes because I wanted I was, as you're saying this, I'm thinking to myself, it sounds good that they're the priority, but you definitely have your moments where you still need your wife absolutely, you know. And that's that's something that we also are trying to work through also, because yes, these children are here. It may seem like we have

so much time with them, but we don't. I forget what the saying says. It's like the nights are long, but the years are short, or something like that. And I had seen that the other day and literally got all taria because I'm like, this is so true. Like he's eight in like another decade. I think about it, We've been married a decade. In another decade, he'll be eighteen years old, Like what nine years? I mean technically nine years half of his time he's going to spend

what he spent it already. Don't say that he'll be nine. I know nine years from now he'll be graduate from high school and headed off to college. If I mean, though, eighteen is like adult what we claim to be adult now. But still I might a step You are such a thinking about the leaveing the house. Oh my god, I'm not ready. Guys, gonna have to commit me. I'm not.

But it's just yeah, it's like it's parenting. It's it's so complex and there's so many different layers, and you know, I just feel fortunate, Like I actually the question how looking at me? If you look at me any differently as a as a as a woman, as a wife, as a mom, having kids, and for me, when I

look at you, it's funny. I hear a lot of women say that they fall even more in love with their spouse or you know, with their their child's father when they see them as a father, especially when they're such a dynamic father like you are. I think it just makes me love you that much more because I see how much you pour into those children you're trying to what is coming around the corner. Let me past.

Can I not speak from the heart, you can know, but seriously, like there's there's definitely the you in that. And I see that and I appreciate that, and it just makes me. It reiterates to me that I feel like we both have made the right decision. I absolutely do think about how much you love me. If we had a girl, think about that. Can you snap your fingers and year if I gave you a little codeine? That would be interesting to see how it would be different,

the different dynamics. I think the dynams would be totally different. But I think it'd be great too, for sure. And I do, I do love have a different type of love for you now is the mother of my children? Yeah? Yeah, like I We we have these conversations amongst my friends all the time, like my girl. This for the record, there it is Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry for my irresponsible and selfish behavior,

but here it is what turn to glory. This is All American, a new series from Stitcher, hosted by me Jordan Bell, you realize Tiger Wis doesn't know who he is in the history of golf, no question in my mind. And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now. Listen in Stitcher, Apple

Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Friend, you see my girlfriend, don't mess with me and my girlfriend. I'll suck you up. You know what I'm saying. That's my wife. You know, it's my wife. You know. I'll go to jail for my wife, the mother of my children. I die for the mother of my children. Facts, I would like that's is that serious for me? I hear you, you know. And like I said, I don't mind not being a priority, but I don't want to be forgotten, you know absolutely,

That's that's where that comes from. I can't forget you. I can't forget you. And before the kids got here, it was be bro yeah you buddy. All right, So we talked to Parrington today. We're gonna take a quick break and move into listener letters after we get into some ads. Let's stick around, all right, guys, we're back to Codeine's favorite part of the show. Oh God, you act like that's in the script every time you say it every week, triple? Can we change that in the

script that my favorite time nosy Wednesdays. All right, I'll read this one first. Let's go question divinan Codeine? How do I co parent with someone I do not like? My child is six months old. The father was not there for me during my extremely rough pregnancy, and since our son was born, he has moved closer to be with him. Although I'm grateful for the help, I have resentment because I would break up was so bad because he had me blocked the entire nine months I was pregnant.

He largely contributed to my prenato depression. How do I compare with him when I can't stand him and I feel like I'm not respected by him? Well, here's a simple thing, you guys. Relationship has to be separated from his relationship as a dad. The one thing I'll say that I've seen people do is they take out all their resentment from the relationship and place it and use the child as a pond. If he's a good father, you co parent on those standards That he's a good father.

Everything else you have to leave behind because once again, that child did not ask to come here, period. So what don't don't include anything with the child has to do everything we're comparing now. If he chooses to disrespect you in front of the child, you have to have a conversation with him about that. But bringing up the past, bringing up the past and stuff that happened prior to the child being Yeah, sorry, han Man, but but I feel like you just need to let that go and

just co parent. Let him be what he is, which is a dad. You be what you are, which is a mom, and y'all love that child equally. Yeah, the separation is so real, like um, the co parenting versus versus the relationship. But I can understand where she's coming from.

As a woman who's been pregnant, having difficult pregnancies and just you know, having prenatal depression, that can be a really rough and lonely time, especially if that's someone who you both like, clearly created a child together, your child's only six months. Part of it, maybe you're dealing with

a little bit of postpartum depression as well. If you had a difficult pregnancy, not having the support from him, because naturally you probably wanted the support from the child of your the father of your child, so you may have a little bit of a residual effect of that, um that you're dealing with now too. But I kind of tend to agree with Devout in the sense, I'm like,

you know, trying to separate the two. I know it's probably difficult, and I know, probably even just having the conversation sometimes to just you know, decide on like Okay, you're gonna pick up the kid on this day, or like what time are we gonna do that. Sometimes simple conversations cannot be that simple when you don't like someone, and I've seen that from just other friends and family members that we've had, you know, dealing with you know,

happen to co parent. It's like sometimes you really just don't want to have to pick up the phone to deal with this person. But for the betterment of the child, for the child to grow up in a somewhat healthy environment on both sides, Um, you know, try to see how you can just kind of put that aside and just kind of deal with it, because I know it's it's hard, especially he blocked her the entire nime months and stuff, and we don't know the back story either

about what happened with their breakup in their relationship. You know why he felt the need to do that. But but my thing is, if she can find peace within herself and happiness within herself, it's not gonna matter what happened with them pre natal because if she can find that peace and happiness, her ability to co parent will be the father's ability to be a great father with the son, and that's all they need to co parent.

So as long as she can find happiness, and that's you know, that's my advice to you, all right, don't worry about everything that happened in the past because you can't change it. The past is the past. Take this time while trying to co parent and create a peace in a space where you are happy within yourself, you'll find it easy to deal with a lot of people you don't like, because if you like yourself and you're happy, then people gonna kick rocks. And that's not just for

the father of your your child. That could be for your coworker, that could be for family, that could be for friends who have done you wrong. Once you find peace within yourself. Dealing with people on a daily basis that you don't like becomes normal. It becomes regular because you're happy. So fine, happiness, fine happiness for gain, don't worry about all the other bull find happiness. Or you could be a great mom and help him be a great dad. Sounds I like that good way to end that.

So I have a thirteen year old daughter and a ten year old daughter. Unfortunately, both my daughters don't get along with their dad due to some issues we've had and still some are ongoing. Due to my issues with him, my daughters have lost much respect for their father and they won't communicate with him unless I'm around. Please help me figure out a way that my man and I can argue less in front of our girls. We'll see this this man, this is, this is this been and ten.

So they all and they know exactly what's going on. That's that's I mean you you you said you have to argue less in front of your Yeah, from jump, that's one thing that we definitely try, especially at this age thirteen and ten. I mean, those girls are very well aware of what's happening, and depending on what the nature of the conversations are what you're arguing about, how you're arguing, how loud they are, if they get physical,

I don't know. But they're at the age where they can technically at this point formulate their own opinion about people, and that being done in front of them naturally is going to make them just you know, feel a lack of respect towards their father. So that just was kind of self explanatory, I feel, But what you said really makes sense. They're ten and thirteen. They can form their own opinion, right, But at ten and thirteen, can you

really form an educated opinion about what you're seeing. No, So, for that being said, parents have to do a better job of delegating time to where they could have those discussions. You know what I'm saying with the children about the children around like, that's that's pretty simples. It's totally discretion. But now she's asking how she can fix it, not what to do, you know, because it's hard to fix

it by changing your behavior. Now, I think you have to sit down with those girls and y'all need to have some family discussions and discuss what they've seen, why they feel this way, and try to work through it through conversations, therapy, I think, so I was gonna say therapy, maybe having somebody intervened and speak with all four of them, because also to sometimes what adults are going to be

arguing about. Children don't necessarily need to be prevy too, nor are they going to understand what's what exactly is transpiring between their mother and their father, So that doesn't necessarily need to be the conversation. But what they've witnessed, I think they should be able to speak about that and how it makes them feel, because now it's putting a damper on the relationship with their dad, it right,

I know what. I don't think any child wants to see either parent disrespected in any circumstance or any light, you know what I mean? So, um, yeah, I think it's worth having a sit down with them. I mean, they're old enough where you can probably have you know, somewhat of a conversation with them without divulgion too much, but also trying to get from them what they're feeling and what they're they're they're understanding from it and then

clarifying it from there. Yeah, you know, it sounds like a plan, all right, Well, if you want to be featured as one of our listener letters. Email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com. Yeah, moment of truth time. Moment of truth time. So my moment of truth would be when dating, choose someone who not only want to spend the rest of your life with, but who you want to create a life with. You know

what I'm saying. So when you're thinking about who you want to be with, how much money they make, what religion they are, look at how they nurture the people around them and use that as an example of how they're going to nurture your children if you decide to have kids. It will make it easier at that point when you do have kids to work together through your

differences of how to parent them together. So started early, if you're if you're if you're dating with a purpose, start looking at those things early, right, so it doesn't have to be something announced like hey, I'm looking to have kids one day. I'm just trying to you know,

but you can just tell you can pick up. So having that little like almost check list in your mind as you're just saying okay, okay, I can see you have this you don't have that, you know, And it starts before the kids even get there for sure, picking up for the picking that right person need starts before for sure. For sure, I guess my moment of truth as we spoke about different um scenarios and stories with

our children. UM. Just being mindful about my tone and the way I interact with the children, especially when it comes to disciplining. So making sure that I'm I'm doing the you know, the tough mom thing, but I'm also

nurturing at the same time. UM, I want to do a better job with that because I don't want to also drive a wedge between myself and my voice, because they just feel like my mom is crazy and my mom's gonna come down to me and all she makes me do is like extra work and read though I know they'll benefit from it later on in life, I don't want to lose that short span of years where I can get you know, that maximum time and you know adoration from my boys that I know I want.

So just being able to make sure I'm just like towing the line between being the forceful disciplinarian but also being the nurturing mom as well. UM. And yeah, and watching my tone because everyone claims that I say things a certain way, but I sound another way, I have a tone. Um, I don't know, maybe it's something with my voice. I don't know it works for podcasting, but people take that as me being forceful sometimes, but whatever,

you know. But yeah, I'm just knowing that each child needs different things sometimes, you know, so not lumping them into like these are the three kids, and this is how we're going to apparent kind of style. Stepping towards their individual needs I think is important as well. So many moments of truth that we can come up with when it comes to parenting, but we'll leave you all with those for today. Thank you all so much for listening,

and be sure to follow us on social media. Cadeen I Am and I Am, and subscribe to dead Ass on Stitcher, Spotify, Apple podcast wherever you listen, and if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate review us. Subscribe makes You Tell a New Friend. The season three underway Dead as dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. We are produced by Jackie Sojico and No Opinion. Our executive producer t Square. Our associate producers are Triple and

Kristin Torres. Our Chief content Officer is Chris Bannon, our studio engineer and original music is by Brendan Burns and last but not least, we are mixed by Andy Kristen. We'll back. I'm Drew McGarry and I'm David Roth. We have a podcast going on right now as part of the Stitchen Everywhere called Substraction that's available everywhere. Get the podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go listen right now to the Distraction, right now, it's out. Do it please,