Are You Trying to Be Rich Rich or Just Broke and Boujee?

Go listen to see by. When it comes to the b word, budgets, my philosophy is budgets are made to be broken, really dead as Yes, you know what else breaks marriages? Marriages break when you break budgets. Yes, most marriages end because of financial issues because of that idea. Right there, I guess I could see that dead as dead as Okay, I'm Candy and I'm Devil and we're You may know us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

I'm making need derby most days. And one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics. Things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. When we say dead as, we're actually saying facts. One honey, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take Phillow talk to a whole new level.

Dead as starts now. We had just moved back to Brooklyn and I just got released. I wasn't making any money. Codeine and I were like, you know, we do need to refurnish the apartment because the apartment was terrible. Nobody had lived there for years. So I said, listen, we have a credit card. Okay, it's fift K on the credit card. We can buy what we need on the credit card and pay it back. Codine said, okay, I'll

look at some things. Three hours later, fourteen thousand, nine hundred and seventy eight dollars was spent on the credit car and I was like, yo, how you spend all this money? One time? She was like, it's on the credit card. You said that we could spend it. So I didn't go over the limit. De Val, I didn't go over the limit. I lost my mind and then this is the funny thing. I said, you know, we gotta pay this money back, right. She goes, yeah, over time.

I said, you know what, since you think it's over time, that's your credit card now, even though it was in my name and she CoA signed. I said, you gotta you gotta pay that back. She's I find I'm working. I can pay it back. Codine put the minimum on the credit card every month, maybe like five dollars over the minimum. Because I heard that what you're supposed to do a little over the minimum? You know, right right, that's what you heard. Because what hurt? Who told you that?

I did not say you put a little bit minimum. I said, if you do not want your credit to rob if you want to not be late, you have to put at least a minimum. I didn't want my credit to drop. Here's the kicker, guys. We had a year free, a year free of no interest. So I said, let's try to get this down under you know, and under a year. Right, we're going into the year. I'm like, yo, the credit cards almost done. It's almost July. With a

credit card that I go to it. Thirteen thousand, seven hundred and eighty six dollars were able to put down one three hundred dollars on the credit card. I felt like I did more than that, though, And that's learned that right there started the beginning of the separation in our marriage a little bit, because now I feel like I had to educate her, and she hates when I try to educate her on anything. You know, my parents, they took care of their finances on their own, and

they really didn't like tell me much about it. So you had to educate me, guys, And here we are, I mean, seventeen years later, I think as of like two months ago, I figured it out. Yeah it took you what nine nine years? Yeah? Yeah, she still ain't playing off that credit card. You have that credit card. Now I have the credit card. I said, just give it to me, Give it to me. That the guys, that is of my life, one of many the microcosm. As you said with your big gass word, she takes

my money when now I'm yeah, she's a triling friend. Indeed, now I'm well over town. That go ahead, Get damn girl, geta hey, hey, I'll take that throw it in the bag. Heyme, I had that was a special song. You were so excited to do karaoke today, Yes, because you pegged that song from early once we knew who our guest was today, Del was like, oh, we're talking about budgets. I got a song. I got a song. This is a perfect song.

Well I'm not a gold digger. I'm a gold digger baby g O A L. Get it right, Oh my god, get right? Oh do you see what I did? She literally takes everything and twisted around absolutely to be completely honest and transparent and to be real. Growing up in my household, I really was not educated by my parents

per se about like, you know, finances and stuff. My father would always say, make sure you save your money, save your money, but I really would They never really broke it down to me in terms of like credit card usage or debt or you know, being able to establish certain things to make sure that your set up investment wise, Like that really wasn't conversations that was had

with me. And it's not that my parents weren't doing it on the back end or you know, I don't know why the conversation really didn't take place, but it was just kind of like my dad was always like, my family is taken care of. I have my investments, I have my properties, my kids are good, and that

was really it. So it wasn't until we met that you really had to say, all right, if we're gonna be living together, within this relationship, and knowing that financial stresses are one of the key contributing factors to divorce rates or two people just not staying together, it was

necessary for us to have those conversations. And those conversations unfortunately came by way of you know, mess ups that we had with the finances, you know, but it's something that we both had to kind of you had to educate me on because I didn't know, well this this is what's funny, right, and I really think about I think about life, I think about my family, my dad, Right, my father was very big on finances when he came to me and my brother, and a lot of people

will call him cheap. He's frugal. He's frugal, he's my father. My father graduated from high school, got his associate's degree, started working directly as a mainframe programmer. So he doesn't have any real formal education, but he always made a lot of money because he was able to budget and get things done. So then he started to make a lot more moneys. He got older and started to move up in the business, but he always made it a point for me and my brother to know finances. He

put us on credit cards. He explained the details of managing money with us. He also didn't allow what For example, when I got a car, he bought me a car total car called fifts. But then it was my responsibility to put gas in the car. So now here's the change. And this is where I noticed we also have a little sister. He didn't educate my little sister the same way he educated my brother and I. And this is what's funny, how we educate our young men and our

young women differently. Because when it came to parties, my brother and I weren't allowed to have big, lavish parties. We have parties in the backyard. We had barbecues, we had basement parties. When my sister had a sweet sixteen, she had a huge sweet sixteen, my first car called fifteen hundred dollars. My sister's first car course dollars, brand new.

So my thing is, not only did did they not educate her the same way, but they allowed her to live a different lifestyle right and I'm not gonna lie. I'm a dad. I'm probably gonna try to raise my daughter's different. Don't don't do that. Don't do that. Now we're talking to Today's about budgets. Today, Today's about budgets. All right, it's about budgets, all right. I'll speak hypothetically, speak hypothetically, as long as I'm not hypothetically broke. No,

you know, hypothetically broke. But you may be pregnant hypothetically. You may have a daughter hypothetically, so that's what's gonna happen. But I've noticed in a lot of families, not just yours, how we as black people educate our daughters and sons differently. And I've seen it with my family. I see the way my sister spends money and the way me my

brother does. And when I started dating you, listening to some of the things you were saying about your family, your dad is very good when it comes to money. But you said he never talked to you about it. He didn't know, not really. He was always just making sure we were good. But being good, it's not necessarily good within the confines of your household. Is being good

in terms of putting you out into the world. And I think that that's how we we kind of set our daughters up and our sons up for failure because ultimately, your daughter, if she decides she wants to marry, if she decides she wants to marry a man or be with a man, now all the things she didn't learn, she goes into a relationship not knowing and a guy who has been taught this way, because this is how it's been. If you man, you gotta do a man thing.

You're expecting your significant other to be raised the same way, and then you realize you're not, and you're like, what

is wrong with her? I mean, and that's not every family, but that's just what I've seen within our community of people, right, and I mean ultimately is setting people up to be people and individuals too, because those spending habits as individuals, then you now come into a relationship, whether you're in a relationship or not, you need to learn how to budget and sustain yourself if you want to be set up for success in terms of getting those things that you want, whether it be a house or a condo

or a business, like being able to have the capital to do that. Um so, so yeah, it was very important conversations that had to be had, and they want to do conversations. They weren't easy conversations. There was a lot of tears, a lot of arguing, you know, a lot of deflecting. There were times when like who's the breadwinner, who's making more money? Does a person making more money called the shots like then too, then that becomes an

ego thing. Definitely get compeelings about who's making more money and who has the potential. Well, I mean that was that was an issue for Cadine and I because when I first retired, you know, I had brought in a lot of capital to the family and we were both building businesses at the time, and a lot of the capital that we were using, we're being used to pay bills. So for me, I felt like, this is capital that

I have earned. I do not want to just relinquish the use of the capital that had earned to someone who doesn't understand finances. And that became a topic of contention for us because you felt like, well, I bring in money too, and I always felt like, well, the money you bring in is not sustaining the lifestyle that you want, so we have to take a step back

and learn. So then we used to take out the American Express, go through the itemized list, and sometimes in hearing some of the stuff you spent, you used to get so pissed. And I'm like, the only way you can learn is if you realize you've been to Starbucks thirty seven times this month and those little seven dollar Starbucks, or thirty seven times almost three hundred dollars you spent in a month. But then look, after that conversation, what did I do? I bought a coffee pot and started

making my own coffee. At how you did? And the back for that one in the back, I'll pass you one time. I'll pass you one time because it took us about two years? Are you for you to figure that out? Cot? But then now look at us. I'm brewing my own, you know, cup of jail in the morning, and I'm on my merry way. Look, I still have it here, and I've been Michael waving the same cup about two or three times just to get through it. Yes, and you know what's funny, You're welcome again. You're always

thinking yourself, You always thinking yourself? What you just make it too easy. I'll make it too easy. You do. Can you introduce our guests please so we start talking about this. Please please introduce our guests please. All right, so today, can you be really broke in bougie at the same time you like simultaneously you are? You played yourself. I am not queen of broke whatever. Delt I find. I find a way, that's my thing. I find a way. Okay,

we're gonna talk to you. Tiffany the budget Nista Alice and she's a personal find nance educator who has written Live Richer Challenge series and has given talks all over the country centered around financial literacy. So when I first saw her name and I was like budget Nieta, I was like, I don't even know if I could flex with her because I don't even really use that word.

So I was like, all right, whatever, But Devot was an advocate for having her on, and I'm all about learning more, so I said, you know what's now, it's right, I'll let you live and we can have this budget girl on and we could saw budgets. You see how disrespected you are. It's not the budget girl, it's the

budget Nisa. Say the whole name properly. No disrespect. Tiffany but I'm just saying, based on our history and the microcosm of Devo's life so far, YadA, YadA, YadA, it just kind of made sense to have you on here because I am open to after seventeen years, correcting the next seventeen and years to come. Well, I appreciate that. Thank you, you're seeing the error of your ways, Thank you and allowing growth. So I would like to take the opportunity to welcome Tiffany the Budget Nesta to the

show budget a trip I am enjoying myself. Thank you so much for having me. So you got to hear the little banters, you know, back and forth about what's been going on with us, and that's just very on the surface level. Um as about to the microcosm of what goes on in our household when it comes to budgeting and financing and lack thereof. Um but just tell us a little bit about like how you became the budget How did this become a thing for you? So

I was actually the opposite. I grew up learning about money at home and so my dad was a CFO and an accountant, and so we would literally have but I'm one of five girls, and so both My parents were born in Nigeria and I was born here in Jersey. But I realized that had we had a brother, it wasn't gonna be like that. It was like the biggest blessing not to have a brother. Especially in African culture. You put the onus on men, but girl too. They

kept trying for the culture. My mom was like, see the way my womb was set up, We're not having no sixth steps about the boys. So he talked about hypothetical doors and I'm like Brett so and so um so he really eyes, I'm gonna have to teach my daughters the way I would have taught my sons if I had sons. And so we would literally have weekly family meetings and we would sit down and talk about money.

I can remember, like I think fourteen, I got my first little side job and you have to go to like high school, get your working papers right, and so every pay period I used to have to sit with him and talk to him about where my money went. And he wanted to see receipts. And I used to pay my sister like let me see, I don't know what my money, let me let me even see says like what am I gonna use. I'm like, I don't know, girl,

what this ten dollars or not? You know? So, but what it did was it very early on, taught me to be mindful of money. You know, I didn't grow up with this fear about money because even if we didn't have it, it wasn't then He wouldn't say like we didn't we wouldn't have it. He would say, this is where we are. He was just very factual about it. Like I remember one year, my mom had lost her her job. She's a nurse, she lost her job, and he was like, so we're gonna have Christmas in February

because she was starting her new job in January. So it wasn't I mean, I was a kid, so I was like, okay, So we literally put up the tree in February, had our presence. So he never made it fearful, just factual. And what he really taught me was to tie in what was important to me as a kid to what was important to him as an adult. So

he would put he still does this. He would put the electric bill on the dining room table where we all walked by, and he would show the month before and the month now and if we saved, like if the if the electric bill went down, he put money in our in our fund to go for like as a kid, I don't give a damn about the electric bill. But but but the thing is he knew that. So he said, but you want vacation. So it made us say, oh, turn off the lights so we can put more money

in our vacation at exactly. And I remember, I think my earliest earliest lesson, I was like four or five, and I used to love to turn on the water and like even running, I mean, and I remember short of whooping my behind, you know, I was like, bro, this water staying on, it's Functually. I don't know what I was into. So when we because we were really little, we were broken as like a family, and I can remember. So it was summer. During the summer, we were only

allowed to get ice cream on your day. I'm the second born, so my day was Tuesday, and so we're all playing outside. The ice cream man came around. It's Tuesday. I run in the house. Daddy, can I have my dollar? It's Tuesday's my day. He was like, the waterman just came here. I had to give him your dollar because that's what happens every time you run the water. I was like, I want to bring it back. You said that you knew not having a brother was the best

thing that ever happened to you. Can you talk a little bit about how we as a society cripple out with women because think about the stigma. We don't educate young girls about the value of anything because we spoil them. Then when they go get married, all the husbands are like, my wife don't care about money. Can you talk a little bit about how important this is to educate young

women and everything. I like, I said, if I would have had a brother and my dad had said this, that it would have been his job to look after his sisters. You know, he would have taught him everything that he knew. I mean, I learned to mow the lawn, I learned to change my oil. That wasn't something that he intended to teach us, because it was his job as the man of the household to take care of us. And then it he no longer could, then it would

be your brother's job. We didn't have any brothers. Women take care of the sons go out and I see this with my brothers, I see this with my brothers and mean we go out, we're going. My sister always always were just there yesterday making so he's good. My mother isn't Chicago looking after my my new niece, so he's alone for a month. So every other day, me and one of my sisters, it's like tag tea, Yeah you send him, did you give him food? Did you

look in the fridge? But yes, investing. My mother calls us her dream girls because she was like, yore, investing in y'all was the best investment that we could have made, because look how you take care of us. You don't have to worry about more, You don't have to worry about bills. We got you. My father reminds me a lot of you that sits down with me and my brother, and to this day it's the same. We have a communal,

a communal in our family. It's just my brother, my father and I. My mom isn't there, my sister isn't there. And he's like, as long as the three of us are together, our family will want for nothing. He says to me, you guys are my biggest investment. He doesn't invest other things. He invested in our education. He gives everything he gives my sister because she's the youngest, she's

a daughter. But talk a little bit about investing in your children in this day and ageing, how important that is it is, and it doesn't mean you have to have money to invest in them. Really, the best sort of investment is education, even if it's not formal. Like

I said, we would literally sit down. I can't remember asking for a bike when I was like nine going on ten, and my dad's saying, like, because my my African name is Adochi and he still has an accent, Like you know, if your parents doesn't matter how many years they did. You're like, like, you just got you want a bike? And that was like he was like, you have to help me pay some bills. And I thought he meant I had to hit the block the money. And what he meant was he was adding up the

bills at the dining room table. He wanted me to add them up and subtracted from what he and my mom made. And this is me at nine, and I was like, what does that mean? You know? And I didn't know a mortgage that you paid for a house over a period of time. I thought you bought it, like like a shirt one time, and so all these things opened up to me and I realized, Wow, they make this, they spend this on us, and this is what's really left over for like the fun things that

I want. And so I made my first real choice that day, and I decided not to get the little Barbie bike I wanted. That was just my side. I decided to get a bike that I could grow into. And do you know, that's the only bike I ever had. We still have that big blue you know. But but it was critical those lessons because what it taught me was really figuring out what did I what did I really want, and how did I make my money in

alignment with that, you know? And so like I've learned to be like you know what, Like not that there's anything wrong with shoes and clothes and everything else, but I had to ask myself what did I want out of life and align my finances with that. Some folks will look at their their debit card statement, their credit card statement, the don't even recognize that person. But I'm like, you know, because who that we went through that we

went through that when we started we did. I would I would pull out the American Express and be like hey, let's go through all of these things. And she like, I didn't spend that much money. And I said, let's let's let's go through the money how it adds. And then at the end she would be like, I didn't realize. And sometimes she's being tears because she'd be like, I waste so much money, and I'm like, no, it's not waste. This is you. You just have to find out how.

And and even it's not just her, sometimes it's me. Now we're very different because before I pull my credit card out, I'll check my AMAX, I'll check my I'll check my account and be like, do I really need this? Oh? This is good, this perfect, perfect, because I actually got a little gift for you. Right, these are my budgeteers, the braces, one for you you. She got two hands.

She's ambidextrous with the credit card, you know. So if you look at these budget braces, right, these are your spending priorities in order, right, first your needs, then what you love, then what you like, then when you want in order. So before you whip out your card, right, you ask yourself or as you do, do I need it? Do I love it? Or do I just like and want it? And so here's how you really figure out

this is really living a full life. Right. So my friends used to tease me when they were like, um, Tiffany with your little ugly car. You know you made good money, why don't you get a better car? Used to drop this like ninety nine till the camera. But I was building my business the bunch of stuff. So they would tease me like, girl, you don't you know, you don't. You don't buy new shoes, you know. And I was like, okay, but this is that wasn't a need or love for me. My business was my love.

And now that my business makes seven figures a year, I'm sorry, I can't. I can't hear you. But like I said, there's nothing wrong with your shoes. But that wasn't a need or love for me, especially at that time. I'm sure it fluctuation and change it as life progressive, you know, you just go back. Your business makes seven figures, yes, multi seven figures. That's what I'm talking about. That's what

I'm talking about. You are a black woman, your parents are immigrants, self made and I used to be a preschool teacher for ten years. That's what I thought I was gonna do for the rest of my life be a pre school teacher. But then the recession happened in my school, which was a nonprofit based school, closes doors,

and I the hand, what am I gonna do? So I took the skills that I learned from home, and you see that my parents invested in me, and I was like, ooh, I could teach people how to budget saving. That's what I do. And so I started teaching one on one and then I got hired at like the United Way to teach a class. I wrote it for them, and then I started putting stuff online. You found your name, and then and then it started growing. I started an

online school called the Literature Academy. I wrote books and before I knew it, like, I was like wow, Like, but look at what my dad. I mean, he doesn't listen to this. So but he is short by five, I was. We're all like tall, So I'm almost like this one real short man. Look, and now my audience is nearly a million strong. Look one man investing in his daughters. Look look at the many women and daughters he's affected as a result. Investing your kids, men, girls

or boys. You know, it's critical. We all went to college. We all three of us. I was a business major and have my masters in education. Very nice. So, I guess, giving all of the examples you've given so far, what are some of the major pitfalls that you see in working with communities of color or just just couples in general. Are there any, like in personal story about someone who's like had a major pitfall that you had to really

turn around? Yeah? So, I mean, well, when it comes to couples in general, it's just not being on the same page. And so even me, so two years married next month, right, and so I called my husband Superman. That's like his nickname. So I'm like, so when I first met him, like I'm direct, Like, I was looking at my credit on my on my app, just looking at it, and then I looked at him. I was like, what's your credit score? He was like, I don't know. I was like, you know who knows credit sets? Me?

He was like, and it was a six thirty hits. When I say, I'm like, oh, well, booty. And but here's the thing. I had to create a safe environment for for it to be that and be like okay. And I was like, well, do you know why? He said no, and I was like, do you pay your bills on time? We look, he wasn't late, and I was like, he didn't have a bunch of debt. He had one credit card, a secured card, which is a

credit card where you put the security down right. So he had one credit card is a five hundred dollar limit, and there was a four fifty um four fifty balance. He thought to himself, he didn't know. He said, I ran it up on purpose so I could show I could make monthly payments. And I was like, who told you that? I know they told her. That's what It's a lie. It's the lie the credit card companies put out there because if you leave a balance, you paid. Yeah. So I told him. I was like, do you have

the four fifty? He was like yeah. So he paid off the fourth fifty. His credit score jumped from a six thirty to seven fifty in three months. And then he put a ring on and I was like, whatnot. Let me tell you something, brothers know, when a when a woman can upgrade you and make you see something in a different light. This is what I need to hold onto. And I hope vice versa for women. You know what I'm saying. But I know for a fact

all of the brothers I know they are married. When you look at their wives, their wives made them better or made them smarter, because you're that's really what you're you're here for. So I told him, and I realized that he's not a big, big spender, but when he spends, he spends big, like for the longest he wanted. When I met him, he had like is that the only that's the big old well he's six six, He had like a big truck, you know, like and I was like,

what's your what's your monthly payments? He was like nine hundred, nine hundred American dollars? Sorry, do you live in this trut? Like golden eggs? And I'm gonna wear I mean, that's a lot of money. And then on top of that, you're in shut insurance. I was like, bro, that's a whole mortgage payment, you know. And so I told him, you need you need to um, you need to give

up the truck. And he was like, nah, you know, I just I was like no, because if something switches at your job, you're not gonna be able to afford the truck. So so he did he um um, I mean he was okay. He was like a safe to spender. You know, people who like they saved a thousand and they use it for something else. He wasn't like a saved the saver, you know, So he gave up the truck. Um. He ended up getting like a like a like a cat, like a used catalok for like thirty five dollars and

he paid cash for and then um. But then every time I saw him, he was like, dang, like I really want my truck back. Like yo, when you next time you go on your next vacation, show a trip tip and you're coming back to a new truck in that drive. Can I tell you to tell you something honestly because k K will tell you. I'm not a big spender, but it does feel good to work for something and go out and get it. And even when you got to pay that bill. Just know because I

when I turned thirty, I bought in a seven. When I was playing in the NFL, I had a nice car. Then when we were building out business, I got rid of my car started taking the train. So once I got back to a point that you want to say, I wanted to do something for me. I had an A seven my payment was nine forty nine a month, and I'll know forget it because every time I looked at that ninety nine, I was like, I can't believe I spend this much money on this car. But there

is something about working hard and having that. How do you deal with that knowing that I got one life? Well, I want to budget, but you prioritize. So that's why I said your needs first. So that's like food, shelter, clothing, water, Right, you have to take anything that sustains life. You take care of that first obviously, right. Then your loves. So the loves are I always say, if you had Oprah's bank account, what would you do or what would you

do more of? Meaning things that actually make your life bet better? So meaning but it doesn't It could be shoes for you. Your loves could be traveled, mind you, it could be here. So I'm not saying don't, I'm saying, take the lesser things out so you could afford you know. So my girlfriend used to ask me all the time to go to go with them to brunch, and I used to, but I hadn't been in vacation in a while.

And then um, and then one day I stopped going to brunch and started putting my bunch of money in an online only savings account because you get more interests because they don't have bricking mortars, and it takes about twenty four hours to get your money back to a regular bank where you can spend it. So it was like this delay of spend. Yeah, so I was like, um, so I started putting my money there, and um I

stopped going to brunch. And then one day my my girlfriend to Wanna called me, was like, girl, we're going to brunch, but I know your cheap ass thet want to go. I was like, man, I'm actually in a hot air balloon and Albuquerque, New Mexico, canty my tire life. She was like you listen. I was like, I was, this is where my brunch money goes, by girl, And so so you see, it wasn't that she thought I'm

living less of a life because I'm not brunching. And I'm like, no, no, that's your idea of love and more. I'm living more of my idea of what my loves are and what my more looks like. You see. Was funny. A lot of I go through this with a lot of my millennial friends right. Social media has created this idea that if you're not living like the people you see on so you're not living. So even if you

don't like doing something. For example, my young man who just graduated from college, I have a bunch of men mentor and I asked them all time, are you saving money? And they're like, no, I've been saving a little bit, but you're not go out. So I'm like, what do you go where? You go to strip club? You go to club. I'm like, you don't like clubs, you don't like strip clubs, why do you go? Well, everybody out

doing it. And then I go to this Instagram and you just want to take pictures doing stuff that you think other people want to see you do. And then I have a couple of kids who just like, no, I don't, I don't do that. And then when you see them there on vacations somewhere. Because of the recession, I became a super hoarder of money. I didn't want to spend nothing because I was so scared. I lost everything. I went through foreclosure, I lost all the money by

retiring to I went through the same thing. Let's played three years in the NFL I invest in the stock market because everybody told me this what you do. I bought property because that's what everybody told me you do. Recession came and then I got cut the same year, and so I couldn't even sit in it and let it grow. So I had to take the little bit of capital I had left, and I'm like, yo, I can't believe everything I work for. And people would have thought, oh,

developing broke. He probably was in the strip club buying change my car. No. I did everything I was supposed to in the recession. How do people avoid that? There's really nothing you can do with avoid making financial mistakes because you don't know everything. You know, you just have to take yourself like that exactly. And can you want to make sure that you're not placing your money all in just one place, so you know, like investing in in stocks and in real estate. That's a good thing.

Having your retirement account, that's a good thing, you know. But then you also want to have some emergency savings so if something does hit hard, you have some backup so you don't have to dip in to your investments. Because here's the thing. Let's just say you would have bought a house ten years ago. Now you can'ke in now you like literally, like I mean, like exactly Manhattan been done. You can't afford that, right, Um, Brooklyn, Then

do you want this one story? Okay? So when we moved back from Michigan after he retired, we were engaged, newly engaged, and it was just like, you know, the wedding versus the house situation. And at the time, you know, I guess I was a little spoiled in that. I felt like, Okay, he was playing ball. He says he's retired, but he's not really retired. We can have the wedding and we'll get the house too. So I asked her, I said, listen, I get a severance pay from the

NFL and out I'm going to retire. I have some savings left. We have enough funds where we can buy a property, or we can get the dream wedding, I asked her. And I was like, but if we do go with this wedding, we're gonna have to live in this apartment for a couple of years. And she said, I'll take the wedding, okay. And her thought process was we did own two other properties, so it's not like we weren't homeowners, right, so I get to see that if we had no homes at all, But we had

these two other properties. So I was like, we have the investments there. We can always sell one of those and buy another house. And you know, so that was my mindset. I wanted to live in that moment of give me all the things, you know, the wedding and whatnot. But this one we had the opportunity. Like you said, two thousand nine, around the corner from my apartment, they had all of these gutted brownstones. They were going for

a quarter million dallas, quarter million dallas. All I would have had she was the first time home by, she would have put down if that were not even right. Yeah, and then and right now those were going for like what to three million millions instant million were not instant because it took ten years, but still those are those long term investments. And so you know, and I mean it's okay. I mean, we don't make every move right now, everybody's trying to move to New York because they can't

afford um um New York anymore. But you know, and so you know, everybody has so much to say about Newark, New Jersey Drive, but like try to buy now. My husband I purchased two properties last year. It was like the last kind of like Hurrah, and I was like, they we have to purchase something. Someone called me yesterday asking, hey, I drove by your property and I looked at City Hall. I was like, click, brother, you want them, you want you know. But I think this is that financial choices.

You can't make them all right, right, but if you're you know, but if you're still alive, you have the chance to rebound. The key is getting the education because once you know better, you can always do better when you're ready, you know. I was negative three hundred thousand dollars in debt at one point. School not just it was school, it was credit card debt. It was my mortgage, right, And so I thought to myself and I had to be I think it was like twenty nine and I

was like, yo, I don't. I was sleeping on my sister's couch until she was like, uh, it's been nine months. I'm getting birth to this baby. You need to get out, and then I had to go to my parents house. I remember I was turning thirty and I was in my middle school SCHMIDI in bed looking up at the smith ceiling, like, damn, it's this life. I'm thirty thirties grown and I'm here, you know. And but I had

the education. My dad would always say that people could take away your wealth, your half ship, but they can never take away your education. And so I was activity, so you know better less slowly, but surely do better. Let go back to budgeting, and let's save, let's fix this credit score, and let's slowly pay down your dad. And I did, And then I invested in myself through my business, and I lived frugally for a number of years. Even at one point I could have paid off my

student loan day. I just paid it off last year. I could have paid it off way before that. But I was like, do I look, I was deferring it. I said, do I put this money towards student loan? Dad, that's not investing because when you're investigating debt free, I saw you get debt right. Or do I take this money and invested into my business. At that time it was six figures, and I took the money and invested

into the business. And now were then once I got my seven figures, I was like boom, here's your fifty two dollar salarly mad because I got it now, like you know, and so just even rethinking the way we think about money and positioning ourselves, it's critical. I want you to speak a little bit about because Conna and I talked about this. We own the two properties we sold them. People constantly asked us, now, why do you live in an apartment and you don't buy a home.

Part of the reason why we didn't buy into a home was because, like you said, we invested in our big business and a lot of millennials don't understand just buying a home it's not a sound investment, is not if you don't have capital. And it's not even just millennials. My father for so long it was like what the hell are y'all doing? Because he's an older West Indian man that needs to own his things. He owns his

car that he's been driving since. I mean, he has his home and if you're not owning something, he's totally thad and looking like what are you doing with My daughter is still renting in leasing cars? Like why he asked me? He asked me, He's just like, you know, yeah, I don't know what you guys do for a living. You don't own a property and you lease cars. And I had to explain to him, like, just only something

and put down down payment. And I broke it down from the buy a house for six hundred thousand dollars, I gotta put down You're looking at a hundred and twenty thou dollars cash one time. And I still have a mortgage of about four thousand dollars a month, which is dead. And he was kind of like, but you own it, I said, after thirty yards, it's a long

term and then it's only if you buy. I always tell people just because you're buying a house in itself is not an investment unless you do it wisely, meaning that one you get the house at a discount. So the house my husband I bought in a newer in the Forest Hill section is beautiful. It was a foreclosure and the bank wanted um to something, but we got it for one eight so it's worth yeah, exactly, So it's worth about four hundred thousand, so we are So

that was an investment, right? Or is your mortgage rentable? Meaning you get a house and let's just say, if you look around in the neighborhood. The camps say, this house can rent for your mortgage and your P and I if you have it and your insurance and all that stuff. It's two thousand, so that means if ship gets tight, that means that you could rent it out for and your mortgage is two thousand. So those are the two ways that if you're gonna buy a property

to keep that if not. Like my husband, he lives where we live is where he works really close. So I was like, you don't have to You don't have to, um uh to buy a car if you don't want to, baby, we cant least because it makes sense because you're not gonna do a lot of driving. You could you explain, really, patri center, Um, what's the PNE Just so I'm sorry.

P m I is private mortgage insurance. So typically if you don't put down at least twenty percent down in your house, they're going to charge you in insurance because they feel like you don't have enough skin in the game, so they're gonna it's like anywhere, it's like about one half percent to one percent of the value of the loan. So if you bought a house for a hundred thousand dollars your p and if it's one percent, it's an

extra thousand dollars. Just go on. Now, there are some ways that you can kind of get around it, you know, but ideally, if you like, really, if you don't put down twenty percent, that's what you're looking at. And so that's just And sometimes they won't even let you, like, let's just say you finally work up to getting like equity in your house. Sometimes PM you can't get get rid of you here for the life of the loan.

That is crazy. I think people don't they don't heed enough and and tell them realize that every choice matters, Like a choice I made when I was ten. That bike is still in the garage. Like, it's not just a shoe. It's not just where you get your hair cut,

it's not just where you live, it's everything. It all adds up, is it is your life adding up to what you wanted to be when it comes to finances, How do we foster more open communication with a spouse, for example, or even just with a parent child relationship. But that was a struggle. Yeah, it was just like trying not to offend but trying to also be transparent.

And also trying to make a plan. The first thing that CASE always say to me because funny you said, the parent child situation cause to say to me all the time, I'm not your child. I'm talking to my husband and that, you know, For me, it was hard because I'm like, I'm trying to educate you. I'm not trying to belittle you. How do you created to me? I feel kind because I felt like, why are you attacking me as if I'm not contributing to this household?

At the time it was not as much as you, but I'm still contributing, you know, So what are your what's your tips for people who trying to have those conversations. So it was hard because I definitely was a bully, like this is what we've been to do, because I know Betther taught me my husband like before you got here, bro, like I was running things, so you're not running things like say that everybody's not a budget, needs to do what you want to do over there. I'm gonna do

what I'm gonna do over here. And I realized, Okay, this is this bull leading trying to get him over to my side is not working, and so what work was I had to find a common denominator. So before my had um, I met my husband. He has he has a daughter, she's nine, Supergirl, that's what I call her. So I realized that that was a common denominator that if I wanted him to save I could say something like, Wow, you spent two thousand dollars for Supergirl on for Christmas.

That's dope. You know she's a lucky little girl. Did you also put two thousand dollars in her savings account? No father is ever gonna say, well, the presidents are worried. He was like, you know what, I will. So every time I wanted him to make a good financial choice, I started going through, well, why don't we put this in Supergirl's account? Why don't we do this for super Why? And so after a while he got used to good financial habits as related to her. You know, my husband

didn't really wasn't fully on board. We've been together six years total until last year because every time I went on a business trip, I was always like, please, don't want me come home to a new truck in that drive, you know. But last year when the house came up and the bank was like, we only want cash as a do eighty thou dollars and we only want cash,

like that, said you, I mean. And it was a beautiful home from the nineteen twenties in the Forest Hill section, which is like the rich Carlton of Newark, and we wanted to buy there before. And I was just like, dang. He was like, dangn won eighty cash, babe, I guess we ain't getting the I'm like, do you even look at the bank accounts? And he was like no, he's just deposits his money and I automate the bill paid, so he doesn't see, you know. And so I was like, bro,

we we have that. He's like, we don't want eighty. I'm like, we got a lot more than one. Look at it. Yeah, he probably trusts you at this point and he's probably look at my bill, but it's joint and so we we created a system because I believe couples should have joint and separate money. So our system is that so his So for him, he was like he was adamant that I want to pay the bills,

you know. And I was like, He's like, I know, everybody probably thinks you pay the bills because you make more than me but I want to pay the bills, and I said, okay, So we have a a separate bills account where um he like, his money is separated from his like where he works. He works for the

city money lands and the bill's account. Then some of his money lands and his personal savings, and then some lands to our our Jordan saving, but very little lands to the joint saving because my money is to go for investing in saving. So the money that I make goes into savings and goes into investment. The money that he makes goes into our bills. But even so I still have personal savings and so does he. So that means that similar So when you have new Jordan's or whatever,

I'm not I know it wasn't build money. I might not like it, but I'm like, I mean, I mean, what you're gonna do exactly because that's his money. So having that kind of autonomy with your money, like absolutely it allows people to be free and buy what they want, knowing that it's not negatively affecting the family's goals. Can we talk a little bit about how weddings were supposed to be utilized when they first started, well in the beginning, first and foremost, we can't. I'll be miss if I

don't say this. Women were considered property, which is why even the idea of marriage is still so far fetched. But women were considered the property. And if you're marrying your daughter off, that was property. You had to bring something. Yes, we do that Nigerian. My um not not my husband because he's American, but my sister she married Nigerian. God. He had to bring the dowry. He had to bring all this stuff to be like basically like they still

ceremoniously to be like I can afford your daughter. Here is literally made a list of all that I need this, I need this, I need this, I need this. Yeah, and so I was like, bro, we're not doing that. But you know what's funny, people don't understand that that's what weddings were. Weddings were a financial decision and it was a way to help the family grow together. Nowadays, people just see weddings as a party. So you want to have this eight hundred person party, but no one

keep bringing the spring they like. And so my sister made like thirty thou dollars at her wedding. I can't hypothetically say you can have a baby, but you can hypothetically your life Nigerian in cultures, Indian weddings, Jewish weddings, Italian weddings, and Nigerian weddings. I've been at these weddings where the host weddings they always brought stuff, guests always brought. It was always you paid for your plate and and what happens in this culture culture, I'm going to the

wedding to drink. Oh, and they can throw a good party. They can afford to throw a good party, so that's their business. And so I didn't I didn't want even though I knew all that my sister had a big wedding. My other sister had a medium size, which is like two hundred people. That's a medium sized wedding for us. We really are small for my mother, and she's like, that's it. I was like so like, So I was like,

I didn't want that so much. Their horror, they didn't know how much I was making um and so I I We're gonna go to just to the piece. And a girlfriend of mine had this really cute soul food restaurant and she shut it down for us. My mother was like, this is where you're going to Maddie, do you need money. I'm like, ma'am, I make seven figures because you only have choices. You could be a doctor, lawyer, pharmacist, or drug deal everything else there so the dealing Like

I just I'm a teacher. They want they want the prestigious, and they're coming my father every day. Don't know what He's like, y'all be on your phone all day. He thinks it's some sort of like on his phone and his laptop all day. That's not work. He doesn't clock in nine, seven to three. He's not Wealth can be grown in so many we have access to the for

the ability to grow wealth. And I'm telling you, but even still in America, there's an access crisis, especially for women and especially for people of color, meaning that there are there is this information, but it's behind the door with no door knob on the at and only someone from the inside can open the door. And so I consider myself a door. I'm like, I want to be the sojourn the truth, Harriet Tubman of money. You know,

it's to take what I learned. You're hired, and then like I don't even do one on one because I tell people that's too I have online classes for free. I have this thing called the Literature Challenge, which is totally free every single year where in our fifth year, and all of them are online and they're free. I've got my Literature Academy, which is the next level. So not just basic budgeting and and um and saving and stuff.

It's investing in real estate, it's retirement, it's starting a business, is writing a book. All of these next level classes taught by the friends that helped me to do all these things. And so that's in the Literature Academy. That's a month. That's it, you know. And then I'm I do at most people, I ain't paying hunters on me that she could just tell me that, And honestly, I

think that's what's wrong a lot. It's changing though America. No, we'll spend money on the things that don't read any benefits. But then a lot of times when when people ask to be paid for their knowledge, people don't want to pay. And I've seen that with and and and people say, oh, that's black people, that's a lot of people. That's just

a lot of people. Do happen, and sometimes people need to be That's why I have I would say eight percent of what I do, I give a way for free because it's it is my legacy I want to leave behind, is that people are better because I was here. Education is key, is key, because once you know better, you can do better. Absolutely, it's knowledge. To me, it's knowledge, access, and community. Those are the three. It's so funny. I was going to ask one of the top three things

that you would like to give us takeaway. You said it right there. One more time to ask learning something right there again, You're welcome, be glad that I am sitting here, very engaged in this conversation, taking away the gems and putting them in my podcast. So it's education, knowledge, access, community community. So now it's because when you know better, you do better because you just can't do what you

don't know. So you have to engage in knowledge, whether that's YouTube videos, whether that's books, maybe it's the literature challenge, maybe it's my academy, maybe it's maybe it's a conference. You know, whatever it is, you have to you have to actively seek knowledge. So that's one right, and then access access is something that someone else has to grant you. So that means you have to make connections with folks. You know, networking, putting yourself to an environment where you

know you're you're gonna meet new people. Um. Facebook groups, there's like great Facebook groups about for money. I have one called dream Catchers where it's like four hundred thousand women all of them. And then community community. We work best in community. Think about when you work out, think about when you're trying something new, when you have somebody there beside you. It normalizes the process going through. Yeah, the community, Yeah, it normalizes the process. They push you forward,

they introduce you to new people. I feel like I found me a new best friend. Whatever you want to have to read some books, business lunch on the budget, But honestly, I love I love to see people excited about talking about money and not get afraid about it. Just like like Developed likes to say, like one thing we don't know is what we don't know? Yeah, we

we are. Really this is very insightful. I mean, so we normally will do our listener letters on our own, but it just so happens that one of our listener letters it kind of coincided with the topic today. So we're like, you know what, let's have the budget needs to answer this question? Do we need to take a quick break and get into some ads, but we will be right back with a budget needs to who's going to be helping to answer some of these listener letters.

This for the record, there it is a win for the ages. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry from my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here it is the return to glory. This is All American, a new series from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Wis doesn't know who he is in the history of golf, no question in my mind.

And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger is out now Listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. So we're gonna go into listener letters now, folks, um, which is one of our favorite times where we get to hear from you all and what's on your mind? Um, And you can probably get some advice today. So do val you want

to ahead and read that? Yes? The first one says, I want to start off by saying, I love y'all, and I think y'alla uplifting everyone by letting us in just a little bit about your personal life and being wrong. Well, thank you, But my issue right now is with my boyfriend going on almost six years. We have two girls, one is three and our newest edition is three months. Our life hasn't been easy. We both fault, were both fault in a lot with things, but we're working on

ourselves now for a better future for our girls. We're both turning twenty five, and I want to be married because I know that the only I only want him and no one else, and that we only want each other. We've been through, all that we've been through is like I want to really feel that's the long last question that we're one. But he says that we want to wait for the right time quote unquote money issues, But I'm telling him I just want his last name. I

don't care about the materialistic things. No, we're not financially stable, but why can't we get married? Why can't we get married and established instead of waiting until things are right or spend however much money we can spend to just be married. This has been an ongoing argument and advice from y'all can help us. I mean, I think that you would agree right that for men women just like I just want to get married. For men, you're like, I want to be able to take care of my wife.

So I can understand. I don't think he doesn't want to marry you. You know. I think that he's looking at it like marriage means I am saying to the world I got her and the responsible and so he is struggling with that. So I don't think and you don't want to undo that there's nothing wrong with that. So instead I would put all this time and effort into let's get right, you know, for real, let's get right. Let's get our finances together. It's it. Is it a

debt issue, is it your credit score? Is it savings? Let's sit down and start with pen and pad and write down. You know, here are the challenges we're facing with our finances, and this is what we're gonna work on. First. Let's get our budget together, you know. And there are a ton of free resources, Like for real, I'm not even just pushing, but that's the reason why I the

literature challenge is completely free, No gotcha? Gotcha. It is my gift back to my community because so much we have been left out of that conversation and it's made to be so hard and complicated. I don't the way I'm talking nowt is the way I talk in the

in the challenge. So sign up together. I've had couples sign up for one of the literature challenges, and you can choose the fundamentals the credit edition, the savings edition, the net worth of this in the homebind edition, and work through it together and make it your goal that once we have this much said and our debt is to this amount, you don't have to be debt for you, our credit scores are this, then we're gonna get married.

So set the goals according to that. So that way he feels comfortable and you feel comfortable knowing that you're working towards the same thing. There's there's something you touched on, and I think that in our community we really don't speak on enough. And it's what's expected of a man and a woman when you go into this thing called marriage. Right, it's not just about getting the last name, because she says,

I just want his last name. I don't care about the material things but it's not just the last name, the first thing, the extremely young. So so often now people feel like, oh, if I'm not where I want to be at five, I'm failing. And they say thirties a new twenty, but realistically, thirty is the new twenty. To be able to do the things you want to do in life now, it takes education, it takes time, experience. You know, back in the day, you graduate from high school,

you meet somebody, you get married. That happens when you're twenty. It doesn't happen like that. Secondly, when you're a man trying to get trying to prepare to be married, that idea of I have her is a lot and I don't think a lot of women understand that. When you go to a woman and say, will you be my wife? Not that your property anymore, but I want to be able to protect and provide. My father told me that my father's I don't care how much money your mom makes,

I don't care how much your wife makes. You have to pay the bills. And I was just kind of like, okay, he said, what if your wife has children in the side, she doesn't want to work anymore. You can't depend on her to go to work and raise the kids and have babies. That's on you. You can't have children. You have to be able to protect and provide for your family. So for a lot of women, they don't understand, like

why is he not ready? If you don't feel like you can secure and take care of a family, that's the daunting task for a man. And I think if she hears that from people saying, it's not that he don't love you, but that's what he's thinking about. And the fact that they're young. But like you said, if they put them finances together and they build, it will be a lot easier for him to make that decision. It was like, hey, we're working together. We're no longer

in debt. Definitely some time, the Superman said, he said, I want you to be able to walk away from the budget. And he said, you if you want to. He said, so, whatever house you we buy, I have to be able for that mortgage. I don't care. I mean if it's a it's a one bedroom, oh well that's what we're getting. And I respected that and I said, okay, you know, because he's right, I want to be able to know that you got me, no matter what because my dad always had us, you know, like I was

never one of those girls and we dated. When guys would be like, you know, you know what you I'm like, I'm actually good. Thanks for rel you know, like my daddy got me so okay, I remember we like back at it. They remember path Finders used to be like the jam. We had a brand new path finder in college. Dudes was like, oh, that's you. I'm like, you know, that's me and Randie and my daddy got this for me, you know, because I didn't need and that's what you

wanted to. You don't want your children to have to look outside of themselves for for things that like, no, I got me, you know, I got me. As long as you got you together will be stronger. But I understand the need for a man to provide, and I think we do have to understand that. I mean, we are entering into an age now where women's rights are huge and women empowerment huge, but also there are certain things that as a man you want you just want to do for your your woman. It's not that you're

trying to her, You're not trying to oppress her. It's just, man, I want to I want to take care of my girl? Can I just take care of my girl? And we have to find that balance to where you're not being controlling, you're not oppressive, but you're still letting her know like yo. I got you together absolutely, and we talked about generational wealth, legacy and things like that. What you're trying to build for you know, your family and your children and stuff.

So our second question, which we might as well keep you in on it um it says, help me out. Can you give us three key steps to building a family legacy, or at least where to start? I have an idea. My man has ideas everywhere, but I have an action plan and he doesn't. I'm a teacher of five years and he has yet to keep a job for a year. Part of me is annoyed he isn't further in life, but the other part wants to give him space to grow into the man he wants to be.

Three key steps to identify that family legacy? Where to start? Maybe? So identify what? What? What What does that look like? How what you know what I mean like? When you are no longer here? What do you want? What do you want people to say? Or how do you want people to be changed as a results. So one identifying what what? What is that? Exactly a family mission statement? So like I look at my parents and they give money um

to my cousins in them in Nigeria. Right, But when when I went, I was um the first time when I was twenty one, and I was so shocked for someone to be like, oh we see the see the electricity and the church. Your parents did that. Oh we see the school here, your parents did that up until then. I remember when I was like in high school, my dad asked me five dollars. I was like why and he was like, it's for the village and I was like, that seems like a lot of money. He wanted to

build a fresh water well. People were still walking two miles to the stream, and you know who walks to stream? Girls? And you know what, girls go back and forth to the stream. They don't go to school. So we built this stream and this this well like that they could get fresh water from. That means one girls can go to school and two usually people charge you for that fresh water. Now, don't that go back to what we were talking about about how it's not important to educate

young girls because it's like the same thing. It's very common country. They don't need to learn because I'm gonna marry you off. Anyway. Your very value is in the dowry you can bring to the family. But man, their value is what they can earn, you know, and so changing that. But now look at the legacy that that's been left behind. So as a result, so I say, first identifying what is our family mission statement, what do

we want to do exactly? And then to start really figuring out, you know, what steps can we take now. I mean, everybody wants to make these big, grandiose like things, but that you don't have to necessarily do that, you know. I call my husband Mr Rogers of the neighborhood because on Fridays he like buys pizza for the kids. We live in like what I call our new house where we're renovating, so it's done in like a week or so. But where we live now is where he lived, which

I call the halfway hood. Like this side like yeah, and then this side it's like downsound, but we live in the halfway hood, right, So like it's all these kids that you know, and so they're always playing outside and so they know that like they like he teaches them telling him his name is King and they really

believe it. Hi King. I'm like, yeah, they buy him pizza on Fridays when I first seeds to come over at the doorbell ring all the time, kids with their bikes, Mrs Dress so I can get the bike pump, Mrs Dress, I can get some Apple songs. Mr Drells said, I mean, why I'm saying his name or whatever, But you know, but I thought, now, that's a legacy he he doesn't impression he's making on this. So I want you to identify what things can you do currently without the strong

financial base to start building legacy. Now is the pizza for the kids? Is it looking after you know, an elderly woman in your neighborhood, what does that look like now? And then then third thing is really starting to write down what does it look like in the future and what what steps do you have to take? So planning is everything. I always start with writing stuff down, like identifying what what do I want? What what action do I have to take? And what's the next best step?

What do I want? What action do I have to tape? And right now, what is the next best step? Is it a Google search? A phone call, is it, you know, withdraw from my bank to help out somebody's kids? What does the next best step? Op actually has a book

I think called The Next Best Step. And we get so wrapped up and figuring out how to go from New York all the way to California that we don't realize that if we were getting the car and turn on the lights, you see that the headlights shine like I don't know, let's like say fifty ft in front of you, right, and you're like, dang, I can't see all the California. I'm not going because I can't see the whole way. But when you close that fifty gap the next and you only knew that, like, don't win

that the next step? You know, you close that gap next fifty ft and before you know you're in California. Take the next best step? That was? That was that was so dope? That did I take the next best steps when we leave here? But it's very necessary, you know what. We can't answer though. She's said that she has a ton of ideas and she's an action She puts things into action, and he's not, like, how do you deal with that? This is funny because Kadin and

I are the opposite, right. I put things into action, But she's an organizer. Sometimes when you have someone who is not like you but has a different part of the puzzle, that can make you, guys both better, you work better together, you know. And I think she has to realize that maybe since he's just not exactly like you, that may not be a bad thing. You put the action. You said he has ideas put his ideas are just not good with coming up with ideas and having the plan.

But once they know the plan, they can execute it. That happened with you and your brother, even with him and his brother. De Val was like the mastermind behind it, and his brother was like, well, I can't come up with no programs and ideas, but tell me what to do. He's on time, he's early and able to build a huge business. You and I are exactly the same way. I come up with ideas. I'm horrible at planning my

organizational skills. There's a bunch of me to everywhere. But if it wasn't for this woman right here, who can say, listen, let's take this brain, let's put on the laptop, let's get everything in order, and then we can execute. So sometimes don't look at your partner and say what they're not doing. Let's look at my partner and see how could I help them do what they want to do? And then it'll be with suprocated as you grow together.

So that's how we can help them out a little bit. Absolutely, you want to investing you for you don't want to look and be like this guy over here. People can feel that absolutely value in all types of people. So what you're saying, and then I used to be like this when I was like, well the way I do it is just better. But I'm like, what lesson am I really sending? You know what I mean? Because what I'm saying is I'm better than you? And then how

is someone supposed to respond to that and grow your love? Respond? We had an argument about three days ago probably or yes, you know, how do you deal with that? Because what's your sign area? Libra? Yeah? And so yeah, I'm always you know, And it's hard because I do think I'm always right. You know, I'm not gonna like so do I but I just do because I try to for

everybody else. You know, what I learned is that there are more than one ways to be right and so, and I found that I had this bad mistake where and I'm sure you do this, and you might do this that that. Like, so my husband will say something like, oh, babe, we should um, we should paint this wall yellow. Let's just say. And I'm like, no, let's and every somebody else. My girlfriend be like, oh, you don't be cute yellow. You know what, girl? Yellow is a girl idea. He's like,

so I have to that's a Really. What I'm really not doing is I'm not valuing what he brings to the table. And so what I try to do daily is ask myself, you know, um, how how what's what's awesome and amazing about him that's different than me, you know, Like I mean everybody where we live like it's so respectful and like even the block boys because of him, I don't beak. I'm one of those like I just go in the house. I don't always say nothing. But literally one day, like at night, this this man is

banging on the door. I want the door. I'm like, what's one of these bark boys doing outside? Um? Miss you? Um, you left your lights on in the car. I just didn't want you have dead battery. That's all for him, you know, and he was right. I was like work because he probably have been like, oh well, I a dead battery. Just accepting and acknowledging the magic that everyone brings to the table, and knowing that we couldn't be magical together if we were exactly the same. That what

he does and what I do makes us better. So one year, your husband, I'm sure he's just not feeling good about himself. You know, what can you do to to help fill him? You know what can you do to say you know what? You know? Glasses have fully Yes, when I started dating my husband, I was like, because I have a college degree, I've got my masters, and I was like, we'll put out the door at all times, just so you know, I could always you know, you don't make it feel like, yeah, definitely feel like it

wasn't good. We have that. We have that issue dealing with women of color because I think women of color are the second most educated people in the country behind white men. So black men often feel like you always have to prove to me that you're doing better, and that's something that happens a lot in our relationships. You have to work on that. So finally I had to say Tiffany, like you have one foot out the door

at all times. How do you expect to build a home together when you're not even all the way in the house that you're in now, you know? And that's that that does feel like, that's something that does feel like we usually at the end of the episode, like a moment of truth take away from the entire episode, and man, I have so many but what you said, just that committed, fully committed to each other, to other, that is that is the moment of truth being fully committed,

a jointment of truth. I like Jaden Wilson something that thought was so powerful. I remember saying, that's gonna be us that he said. Someone asked how did they last all through the ups and downs? She They both said that once they decided, they took divorce off the table. It's not an option. It's not We don't no matter what happens. Divorce is not even an option. I don't care what happens, they said. Once they took that off the table. It could be we we sleep in different

houses for a year. It could be that like right now, I'm a zimbabwe for six months, whatever else we have to do. But divorces. It's not there's nothing, We're not doing that. And so once they did that, it forced them to find a solution that was not divorced. And I remember telling, um, you know Superman, that that like, you know what, let's take that off the table. That like not that we ever, because there's only been two years,

but I wanted to take that off the table. So we'll be forced that no matter what happens, to deal with it and figure it out. I love that so much. I have nothing else to add. Tiffany, Yes, blessing. Can you just tell us really quick what's the name of your podcast? So Brown Ambition is myself and my friend Mandy. We talked about money, career, and just life in this brown skin and where can people find you? And finally your your goodies and all your gyms. Where can we

find that? So you can find me on social I am the Budget needs to everywhere Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and you can find me at The Budget needs to dot com if you need a ton of freebees because you just really want to get on track, and I've got the five classes that's rich or Challenge dot com. But if you're ready to level up and to work with the people who work with me. You can go to join l are a dot com. That's the Literature Academy.

That's where I'm gonna be in school. There you go. I'm about to grab your phone on every platform notifications on so you can be aware. I'm gonna do it too because I know what I don't know and I don't know everything. Thank you. We appreciate thank you so much for coming in from Newark because we know Jersey and so comes to me. I was like, I look, I was like, what am I going to way? I appreciate you and listeners out there. If you want to be featured as one of our listener letters, email us

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