Are We Done Yet?

lens of a millennium married couple. Dead As is the term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take philow Talk to a whole new level. Dead Ass starts right now. This story takes me back to last week when the

theme was in the hospital. All right. I remember in one day, I had to wake up in the morning, take Cairo and Cas to school, come back, go to the hospital, check on you, make sure that Dakota had the things he needs. Drive back, make sure that Jackson got prepared for basketball practice. Drive back to pass you some stuff that you needed from home. I think I'll take you some food. Drive back home to actually take

Jackson to basketball practice. When I came back, Cairo said to me, Daddy, do you have time to work out with me too? Went downstairs to work out with Cairo. I'm down there, Cas goes, hey, Dad, I think I want to work out too. So now I'm trying to balance the two of them working. Get a text message, hey babe, when you come back tonight, make sure you bring X y Z. By the time I got back to you that night, I realized I do shit for myself,

and I realized the coda. Only seven days old, I had ran back and forth so many times from the hospital for stuff that the kids needed, and I realized that I have a whole another child that's gonna need my attention. And in that moment, I realized, like yo, for the next eighteen years, for the next eighteen years, I'm gonna have between four children and a wife y all the weeker to the of the road. Still like kids go, It's it's very natural actually belong to them.

That's funny because when I think about your story time, of course, it was in a high pressure situation when we have the whole hospital stint and whatnot. However, if you were to remove that hospital stint, it would still be replaced with all the things on a random Tuesday that we have going on. Right, not to mention, we were just talking about the fact that we have four boys who will be involved in four different activities, sports

or whatever. What is that going to look like when they all have to be at practice at whatever time in different locations, or they have games or events at different times of different locations. It's literally going to be like a whole like spread situation where you're gonna have to go there, You're gonna have to go there, We're gonna have to bribe a family member to go to an event. Like. There's gonna be so many things happening that I just honestly feel like for is it for

as the CAP. I don't foresee myself being able to be the quality I don't see. I don't five c or sixty, I don't I don't foresee myself being the quality parent that I aim to be if we were to have any more children, Like, I just feel like, whatever souls, these beautiful souls that were supposed to be here with us, this is who the Lord has blessed us with. These are the children who have chosen us. I cannot dilute or water down who I want to

be as a mother. That was always a fair of mine that I would not be able to be a quality parent if I had too many children. Now that's debatable. How many are too many. It depends on the person's circumstances, the couple circumstances. It depends on what you desire to be as a parent. But I always knew that the person that I wanted to be as a mother to each child, and to be able to give each child the time that they deserve and each child the attention

that they deserved, that I just can't go. So I got a question. I'm going to ask the question when we come back from break, because we gotta take a break, pay some bills. But I have a question once we go through the you know, the whole show. There's a question that they always ask women. I'm gonna ask you at the very end of the show. I think it is okay, all right, take a break, gonna take a break, but response you okay, alright, So we're bad guys. Moving

into the topic of the show. We have to recognize that it is a new year. This is the season six finale, but it's not the end. It's the beginning. It's like it's the beginning of the year, but in preparation for the beginning of the year, I'm in preparation for the beginning of the next eighteen years of my life. For the next of my life, I'm going to be taking care of a little person. It's the starting over for me. Like I was coming out of that. We were out of diapers, we were out of baby bags.

Like I went to pack Dacota's bag recently and I was just like, wait a second, I'm here again with stuff. They're just always stuff to be trucking around. Um. And it's not a complaint. It's just the realization that here we are again, you know. UM. But we're loving it. He's great, the boys are great. It's just really trying to um answer the question, which of course everyone always asks. You have two kids, when's the third, you have three, when's the fourth, you have fourth, when's the fifth? You

have all boys? When's the girl? Like? Um, the questions never seemed to end. But I think it's easy to answer. They were asking me when you were pregnant if we were gonna go right back for five because we had announced that we were having another boy, and now I was gonna say this question. I want to ask you, now, do you feel in your spirit that you're done? So

I'm gonna be fair. I'm gonna be honest, very honest, probably the most honest that I've ever been, based on the pregnancies that I've had, right, I would say, for the most part, textbook. For the most part, I enjoyed pregnancies and all that, particularly even Dakota Um, which we spoke about in previous episodes. Because of the environment we were in, the space that we've been in, I would

have another child, or would have had another child. I would have I would h I would have been open to maybe one more, right, But the thing that has changed that for me drastically was my episode that drove me to the hospital with the postpartum preclamua. And I say that because if I were to get pardon again, there's probably a greater chance that I would have full blown preclampsa in a pregnancy. But that answered the question. So you don't feel like you're done having kids? You

just feel like you're done having pregnant, being pregnancy, being pregnant. Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah, No, it's probably both because then I also said you said I probably would have had a fifth. But then also I think about what would be required, what would be required to then raise a fifth or entertain a fifth, or to have to divide time between five children. You know. The question was did you feel like you were done? And based on your answer, sounds like you don't feel like you're done.

You feel like, SO feel I've done being pregnant, right, So I would you have another child? How I feel about surregacy either for myself personally, so probably not. So I guess that the answer is no, I would not have any more children. I am done carrying children. Um, yeah, I'm done. I think you're I'm done. I think I can say I'm done. Yeah. I guess I had to decipher how to answer the question only because there's a difference between being pregnant again and then wanting another child.

I think I'm done having I'm done. I'm gonna say I think I'm done having children. I'm done being pregnant because I feel like four is my cap Four is where I don't foresee myself being able to pour anything more into any other children. I don't think it will be fear to the children we already have, plus another child, meaning a fifth child, to be able to give them the quality mother that I aim to be. Does that

make sense? It makes sense, does make sense. But I do feel like part of that comes from us just having a baby, and you're pouring all of this energy into da coda and being exhausted, so you kind of feel like, you know what I'm saying right now, But I do think that could change if a year from now we're in a routine Cairo and Kats are taking care of and everything is fine. I feel like you

may say, Babe, no, I don't know. Maybe if I was younger, Maybe if I, like we were both younger, so we had like another child between Jackson and Cairo, then maybe you know what I mean. Because I'm also no spring chicken, it may be clear to me that I am over thirty five, and you know what I mean. And it's like carrying a fourth baby would be a lot now to just on my body and my uterus, and it would just be a lot, if it would

just be I'm not advocating for surregacy for you. But I'm saying a question was did you feel like in your spirit you were done? And some people say that, And the reason why I asked that is because you don't feel complete till you've either reached that number of reach what you see, you know what I'm saying. Yeah, So it's like, which I kind of sturd passed my number because my number of my mind was three, So having four, I'm like, okay, like this is max, you

know what I mean. But I think the question is too full, which when you asked it that way, it makes are you done with pregnancies? I would say, yes, I'm done with pregnancies. And I think part of it became kind of almost forced on me too, because I feel like it was confirmation, like the Good Lord was saying, girl, this is it for you because I'm gonna throat this little preclaims the situation there for you. Um, just to let you know that potentially in the future, if you

do this again, you might have more complications. Like that's just what I That's like a message that I feel like I got. Well, have you ever heard of the law of least resistance? Remind me what that is, and it's the law that you don't go against the universe or things that have happened, and you let you let what happens in your life happen as if the ecosystem of life happens. For example, if you look at nature, nature flows, the circle of life flows, and it doesn't

get interrupted by things. It just happens. Right, So if you're aligned, your line eat gazelles, gazells eat the grass. What I'm saying, the lines die, they turned into the grass. You know, it's like there's a circle of life just like's on the line king. So the law of least resistance say, when living your life as a human, you don't try to create your own path against the universe. So for example, when you just said, my body is telling me I'm done having pregnancies, so that means I'm

done having children. But we know with modern science, you could have or we could do something else and still try to have another child and use science to fight against pre clamps. Here if that's a possibility, or do you say, you know what my body let me know, you know what I'm saying, And I know a lot of times men or humans want to use their will to create the life that they say they want, because

that's what makes us different from animals. But also I've learned over time that if you go with the flow of the universe, which is typically the same thing as saying if you go with God, your life will be a lot easier. So your messages God is telling you, yes, I feel like God is telling me that I'm done like this is it's because it was a thing that I was on my mind, like, Okay, at what point are you done? You always hear women say I know that I'm done because I just know that I'm done.

And sometimes it's after one, sometimes it's after two. Sometimes it's an experience, it's their labor is to delivery, it's something that made them like a hard no on more. And for me, I kind of feel like I just look at my children every day and I just love each and every one of them so much that part of me feels crazy to feel like someday I would I'd have ten children if I could have tenial you know what I mean, just because I love who my

children are. Um, but it's realistic, I think for me, No, it's not realistic for me. And if there was this on the fence feeling that I've had, I would think that that particular situation just let me know that, k you're done with pregnancies and children because I feel like my body had been able and has been able to, you know, easily for the most part, carry for beautiful children and and birth them. Um. So this just might be the end for me based off of that experience.

And this is this wasn't even on topic. This is an impromptu conversation that I'm having with my wife right now. Do you feel like you would have been done in your spirit? How we had a girl? And do you feel like you're missing anything because we don't have a daughter? Um? No, Because remember after Kaz, we'd had the conversation about potentially having another child, and I was kind of content with three.

I was, I was more than content. Actually, I was like, I was happy with my three boys, and I'm like, okay, I'm one of three. Year one of three. It felt very natural, and then we got into this routine with our three boys. There was Jackson, Cairo Katz. I've never felt a deficit not having a daughter. I don't know why. Um, would it have been nice? Yeah, it had been cute to dress up with a little girl. Yeah, um, But I feel like at the same time, God gave me

exactly what he knew I could handle. He knew what I was equipped for, he knew what we were equipped for as parents. I look at you and the stellar, amazing man that you are today, and I look at how you raise our boys and how involved you are on a daily basis. And no knock on myself, but I almost feel like he did that on purpose because you're such a stellar man that we need more other

men if you're not a beast of a woman. But at the same time mother a daughter to see how of course not yeah, I wouldn't know how a parent a daughter. But it's just like, man, like, the world is in need of some amazing man. And not to say that amazing men don't need amazing mothers, because because they do, they do. But I don't feel like you're giving yourself enough credit. I really don't. I feel like you're you're using me as an example because we get

to see it. But I feel like if people got a chance to see you be a mom to a daughter, they would say the same thing. I mean, you're you're an amazing mom to our sons. You know what I'm saying, and you're an amazing woman, So I think that the example you said as a woman would also be the same example our daughter would see. Right For that, I guess, yeah, maybe it's one of those things that I don't know what it feels like, so I don't necessarily feel the

deficit um. And I guess that probably is also my way of justifying it, saying like, well, you're a great man, and we got men that were raising so you know, here we are. Um. But to answer your question, I don't feel deficit, and that maybe because I don't have

that UM. If we had a girl this time around, and we had the three boys and a girl, I don't think my level of done this would have been more or less per se, because they probably would have been the question of like, oh, well, she would she would would be nice if she had a sister, you know, where everybody would have a brother and a sister. If I had two girls and three boys, you know, so there's always going to be that lingering question, well how

about you though? How about you though? Because you know that that has always been the thing Devout has always been talking about this girl that he wants to have in the relationship you would want to have with a daughter. So how do you feel now that we have four boys? And where does that deficit life for you? Still? We'll have a declaration, and I don't think it's going to be the declaration that people are expecting from me. I thought finally having a daughter would be where I'm like,

I feel complete. I literally felt that right. But we had Dakota, and I feel like this is where I'm supposed to be. Like a nickname has been created for me, the Kingmaker. I feel complete and whole with that name. I look at Dakota and there's no level of disappointment like when I even the idea of another boy and walking down the street with my wife and all four corners covered by my son's. To me is like, it seems like this is not a knock on having a daughter.

But I thought that that was going to be a missing void until I had four boys. And now I'm like, this is the dopest thing that could have ever happened to me, And I don't feel like I'm missing anything at all. And the thing is even that is as aint men to me because I was like I thought I was gonna want to have another child. But I'm like, I'm not content, I feel complete. I feel I feel like I seriously feel like, what would it have been

like to have a daughter. I don't know if I would even be able to know how to help raise a girl, like the same doubts you have. I maybe God gave me exactly what I was supposed to have. And I'm excited about the next eighteen years. Like, and I know people are gonna be probably gonna be like, oh, I thought I really wanted a daughter. I thought that I wanted a daughter. I thought that having a daughter was going to be the thing that wanted me to

end having kids. But no, yeah, like I'm Jackson, Cairo Cas, Dakota, Like these are my my guys, Like these are like, I don't I don't even like even thinking about it is just making me smile. Have four sons, for I have four sons. I have four perfectly healthy, beautiful sons that I could groom and give the world to and watch them just take the world by storm. And I'm just excited about it. And I'm excited that you came out on the other end of those four pregnancies. Super healthy,

So I don't. I don't have No, there's nothing in me right now to be like kan. And that's why I was asking you because I wanted to see how you feel about it, because I'm good, right, No, I definitely I'm great. Definitely feel like I'm good. I guess when when you just think about it as a woman like pregnancies versus children, because like you said, there are with modern science, ways to potentially have more children if

we really wanted to. Um, But I think on both realms, I know I definitely don't want to be pregnant again. I don't want to be pregnting again. And I feel like there's there's a cat for me on the number of children that I want to be able to raise because I want to be able to of equality experience to all of my children. So safe to say, y'all that we are done and we're looking forward to the next eighteen years and beyond um looking forward to then beyond those years, you know what I mean? With us

gonna look like for us when we're empty nesters. That's gonna be a while from now. But um, I feel like my next will never really be empty because as a mom, of boys. I'm gonna be like, come back whenever you're ready, you know what I mean, come back. Boys leave and they go out and they get their own family, and girls typically come back. Um, and when you look at my house, my parents house, Yeah, your sisters back home is back home. She's young, she's ten

years younger than us though. So and when Brian was done with college, he came back home. But um, he came to live with me. But it's difficult for boys to live in a house with their father, like all that coast on the men. So I can't foresee four boys coming back home. And but what I can foresee is my boys going out there and finding they are versions of their of their mom to raise a family. And I could see all of them having mad girls. I would love that, Oh my god, I would love that.

So I'm just throwing out there that I'm vetting vetting daughters in law, just so y'all know, you know, because it ain't only any old body WoT come up in here such a so you know, um, any friends that have daughter. It's funny because we have friends that have daughters and stuff like that. And I'm just like, I got my eye on such and such such we can arrange this situation or at least put them in the same circles to play, put them in the same stand by.

What if they don't even like each other, I don't know. They'll they'll figure it out, figure it out. It's wishful thinking on my part, you know what I mean. I know I won't be able to control that. But what I do look forward to was raising these boys with you with the great mindset that we are going to instilling them certain values and certain you know, morals and all that good stuff, UM, so that they'll be able to go out there and make those decisions when the

time comes. You know what I mean. I have faith in that, um and who they'll become. So all right, baby, So let's talk about preparing for these next eighteen years and beyond now that I think it's safe to say that we're done bringing more children into this world. UM, what are some things that you want to experience as a family. I think while they're still young, I'll answer to. But figure we interview each other a little bit and see, um,

if there's one thing I've learned about life. Listening to Will Smith, he talked about laying a break, right, you look at the wall. You don't try to create a wall, because the thought of building a wall can be daunting. But every day you have to lay a break, and you lay each break perfectly until you get a perfect wall. When I think about our kids in our life, I don't really focus on the wall. I don't really focus on the wall. I try to focus on each break.

Each break is a day, and and ultimately the year becomes a small part of the wall. So initially, I just want to focus on getting a schedule to where we can be um parents to a newborn and not take away from Jackson, Cairo, and cass because Jackson started playing basketball and he enjoys that. I go to every basketball practice. On top of that, UM filming, and I have other things in the works. You and I have

other things in the work. I don't want to take away from our our professional careers while having a newborn and three kids. So initially, I just want to try to find a way to create an experience where the kids don't feel like they're left out. And I think that maybe by building our village out here in Atlanta a little bit more, you know, trying to find people that we can rely on who we trust that can

help us maneuver. Um, having your parents here, both of them now really helps because before it was just Mimi, and that was Mimi and Papa. So if Mimi is, you know, doing something with Kats or taking him somewhere, Poppa can do something with Kiro and I can make sure I got Jackson, and then you have Dakota, and I'm gonna try to keep as many adults as around as we have kids to make sure each child feels as if someone's always near them. So and initially that's

what it is. No, I like that. I like that's definitely something that we felt we were lacking when we moved to l A, which is where my mom came

with us. So now being in Georgia back east, even just simple things like you know, um, Jackson's godmother, one of my best friends, Christina, and her coming into town for a weekend, like those are ways to pull people in who we love and like you said, who we trust to be around our kids, to also just be our extended village, maybe not necessarily in our absence, but

just to love on them a little bit more. You know. Um, I had heard the phrase or like I was like a little quote that said like the days are long with the years are short, and that told made me cry maybe cry. And I saw it recently and it's almost like, you know, God always sends little reminders to you, or you're just scrolling through Instagram aimlessly, quote unquote, but

then you see something that really hits home. And it was literally in the middle of me being up like pumping one night and I was just scrolling through Instagram and it just put things in perspective for me, because it's like people want to a pace to be over with, right Like you think, like, what's this newborn face is over with and I'll be able to sleep or you know, once this phase is over with, I'll be able to do that and not really sometimes relishing and living in

that moment. So you recently looked at me one morning, I was just like staring at Dakota with like the hard eyes, and he was just like, man, you seem really or you were like, you just seem really um in love with this baby this time around, and I'm just like, yeah, I'm just trying to soak up this moment and remember what this feels like, especially knowing too now I think I got emotional because and knowing like

this is gonna be my last baby. So this is like the last newborn phase, the last you know, the smell of that baby, the last cry that I'm gonna hear. Like this, I just want to live in those moments and soak them up and take a couple of videos just for my safe keeping, you know. Um. Like we said, I'm not We're not gonna be putting out the blog of the birth per se, but just having that for myself to look back on our things that I want to just really um enjoy um and enjoying different phases

with each child. Like Jackson, like said, it's going into basketball. He's in his little preteen phase. He's into like to his friends that he's made out here who come from families that we've been able to get really close to recently. Um, So I want to also be invested in what excites him and finding ways to be excited. So now I'm learning more about basketball around watching it in my downtime,

so I know what to do. So I'm not having those delayed reactions like I did with you in football, you know, since I'm going to be a full blown boy Mom, I need to start getting into the things that they're interested in. So while they're young, I'm going to make a conscious effort to be involved in the things that they're in. Me and Kiro watch football highlights,

you know, Um, I watched his karate moves. He asked me to find him a gymnastics class, like just little things like that to make sure that they can feel like, wow, Mom really relates to me on some level. It may not be all the time. I know Mom is sometimes going to be annoying, um when I teach them how to do things that they need to be to be self sufficient. But at the same time, I want to be able to relate to them, So I want to

start that while they're young. Well, you know what I also want to to forster is like a closeness between them even though they ten five, four and fourteen days? How many days? Two days? I want to force a bond between my boys where you when you look at them, it's like I am my brother's keeper. You know, it doesn't matter to me that Jackson is ten years the code, the code is senior. I want them to be like

Y's my brother, you know. And I want to create newer experiences of us doing things outside of our comfort zone. I want to travel more in twenty twenty two. And I know the code is young and he's a newborn and stuff like that, but I don't care. I want to create a stafe space where all of us as a family can travel and experience things outside of the United States, UM, and just experience the world differently to

change their perspective. You know. UM. One of my buddies, myself, Vernon whose has as godfather, we always talked about living beyond the front porch. And so many black boys and girls only exist up until they're stoop because in a in a way to protect them from the world, their parents often guard them by not letting them see passed

what's on their front stoop. And then you have other black boys and girls who are just out there who get to see only their community, and that creates what their idea of the world is, where there's so much more to this world than your neighborhood, your high school, your you know, your country. The world is huge, and sometimes their parents may not have the resources to be

able to provide those opportunities to them too. And I just want to create a bond with them where they can experience things together, so they can when they get older, say, hey, remember when mom and dad took us here? Yeah, you know what I'm saying. That it's true though I think

about it because my mom and dad. UM, one thing they did with my brother and I, not as much of my sister because she was ten years younger at the time, but while my brother and I were younger, being only three and a half years apart, we travel to a different island every summer. Like that was my mom's saying, family vacation, vacation, and we still have those

memories to this day. UM and my parents. One thing my mom always said, regardless off we bickered or we argued, or she said, one thing I will not do what I'm in the grave is being they're rolling around because my children don't get along. My brother, my sister, and I, like everybody knows, has a very obnoxiously obnoxiously unique, but tight relationship, and I love that for us, and that's something that we definitely I'm on the same page with

you in terms of our boys having that. So you have to start them from me, absolutely, because already they'll be looking for each other and it's so funny because they don't even snitch on each other either too. They have their moments where they just are like this united front. So you're not none of I'm telling each other all get in trouble together, all right, That's fine. I respected that. A question for you now, the motherhood or the I

won't say mother because motherhood never ends. Um, now that pregnancy is out of the way for you for the rest of your life and you never ever ever have to think about I have to stop this because I'm gonna try to we have another baby again. What are your goals you have for yourself just starting from this

year two? Wow? You know, I'm conflicted. I'm really conflicted because, Um, for so long, for so many years, I wanted to be, you know, the next Oprah, because he wants to be like on everybody's TV screen hosting something or doing something or acting. And having my children over the past couple of years has really kind of made me feel a little bit conflicted in that so much of me wants to just be at home with my children, be at

their disposal. UM, be mom who's home when Jackson walks through the door, you know, getting into from school, to be here to greet him, to find out how his day was, and um, and I realized, who, I don't do well with too much time apart from my family either. So I can just imagine myself if I were to book something and be on set somewhere for three months away from my family, how that would affect me. Um. But then also to like it was just exactly to

be is always. And I also think of the fact that we always find a way to figure things out. And if that was the case and it meant that my kids had to be flown out to me every weekend or whatever, we would make it happen. Um. So I'm looking forward to finding a way to stop self sabotaging,

which I think I've done for a long time. UM, thinking to myself, oh, I'm not going to really start this and ten percent because I have to stop to potentially get back now now now we you know, I'm glad we talked about this because New Year, and let's

talk a little bit about self sabotage. Right. As confident and as amazing as you are, you are a bit of a self sabot tool because I think sometimes you fear what will happen if you try to do something, so in turn you say, let me not even try because right, and then you'd be like, well, I plan on having a baby anyway, to let me not do it. Now that that's out the window, you don't have an excuse and an excuse, and I think I need an

excuse anymore. I think it was just a conscious, deliberate decision I was making to be like, you know what, that could wait because knowing me, I'm gonna have another baby and be out front of the two years and then have to come back. Um. But also too I realized, I mean some parts of the field of television and film or whatever, or just hosting. Um, it's a little freak.

It's not forgiving in that you have to look a certain way a certain way like that's just what it is, especially if you want to be the best version of yourself in that capacity. UM. And then there's something that's a little bit more forgiving. Especially after the pandemic. We see that things are being done through zoom and virtually.

But I feel like now moving forward, anything that I choose to do, UM, I want to be able to do fully and be able to commit to it and not continue to be like, well, I'm always going to have time because at this point, I don't feel like I have much more time to start something. Um, I don't know. They say they what you say. The days are long, but the years are short, right, you have twenty four hours in those days. That's true. Use them? Yeah, that's true, use them. That's true. Well, I think what's

gonna happen now? Having the four children, of course, and then your schedule in my schedule, it's going to force us to be a lot more um, intentional with our time. It's gonna force us to be a lot more scheduled, and I'll be leaning more on our manager Genra and you and us to figure out ways to be able to capitalize on the time we have and be more

purposeful with our time. So making the time counsel. If I do have an hour of time where I'm like, Okay, this is time that I want to be devoting to Cairo today because this is what Kyro needs in that moment. I haven't spent someone on one time with Cairo, or

this is what's needed for our next project. I'm gonna sit down and lock myself away for this hour because you know that's what I'm going to be looking forward to doing now is like kind of regaining the cadem You remember in college Mary organized and goal oriented and driven and had things all scheduled and laid out. I need to get back to that person because that person was very productive. Now I just have to do that

with four children and a husband. So well, I mean, you spent the last decade and a year creating life. Should be proud of yourself. Applaud yourself as you spent ten years, eleven years creating eleven years, actually eleven years and two months because you know, we're thinking about a starting in a two thousand and two. Um, that's nineteen years, almost twenty years. Something about when we got married in two thousand and ten. You know, eleven years creating life.

You dedicated a decade to creating life. But you're still young. So now you can focus the rest of your life on having the career you want while we balance it because you're not in here by yourself. And that the truth of the matter is that we put ourselves in a situation where, um, we can bring our families down to help. You know, we don't just necessarily have to rely on our village. We're gonna build out here in Atlanta. But we can bring our parents down and say head,

we need help doing this and doing that. We can bring family and friends in what we need to help. Because I'm gonna be honest with I'm not stopping right when when I think about two, UM, we have UH TV show in development that's UM already been green lit that we're gonna be working on. It's going to be released. We got a book deal that our book will be out this I think this spring or maybe the beginning of summer. UM. I filmed to two movies last year

that should be out there this year. This year, I'm looking forward to show five shows. Oh live shows past. We started them shows back in what was that last one was at the top and they were such a vibe. Y'all, y'all coming back. So I don't I don't plan on stopping with all of that happening and everything happening, I don't plan on stopping. And what I do plan on doing is finding a way to make sure my children don't lose site of who we are as parents. You

know what I'm saying. I don't. I don't want to be the guy that just goes out comes back and gives money. I want to be the guy that they say no. My dad spent a lot of time with me while doing all of these things, and my mom spent a lot of time. So I'm gonna be on you. We're gonna be on each other, each other being accountable and and most importantly, I'm gonna be on your ass about us continuing to be the best couple we can be for each other. That's so important because that's where

everything starts from. None of this ship works without us being on the same page, None of this works without you. Are you? So we and we know that, and that always has to be on the forefront, Like when we ever we do our New Year's resolution, like the main part is how can I be of service to my wife? And hopefully the same thing, how can you be of service to me so that we can continue to build the way we can. But if we lose to life the side of each other, everything else gonna fall apart.

That's a fact. That's a fact. Do you notice that in the mornings I've been asked seem like, how can I help to make it a little easier? Better? You have? You have? I ain't a lie. You have right, because I realized how much that helps you, um, at least to prepare for your day or at least so let's gather our thoughts because every day we're having those conversations

like what's happening today? Because our lives is so crazy, But I remember, we should have arguments and I should tell you like I don't think that you considered me when you were planning out your day and what I might need or what I might want or what might help me get through my day. I don't think you considered me. And we haven't had those conversations a lot,

you know what I'm saying. We've really been focused on trying to see, wait, how can I maximize my day but not lose my spouse in that day, you know, or not make make her day heavier ever because I wanted to do something else. So I feel like it's as long as we continue to do that, we can keep growing. Like for sure, I mean, sometimes we missed

the mark, you know, but that's gonna have life that life. Um, I'm thinking about you having four boys, bro, like we spoke earlier about me feeling like you were giving four boys or we were giving four boys because you're such a stellar man that you are now going, So how do you prepare then for manhood? Now? Like four boys, is there anything that stands out as paramount for you that you're just like man going into these next couple

of years. I'm looking to do this with them, or instill this in them, or I want to see this, you know, come from the boys. One thing I'll say is that I've I've pretty much been able to watch my father mentor the young men and the junior aiming at at our church for years growing up. So I watched my father right, and I was able to have a prototype right. So I can't even take credit for the way I am with the boys because I watched my grandfather first with my my father and my uncle.

Then I watched my father with me and my brother, but also all the other men he mentor. Then I did prototype for a decade where I was training and mentoring over five young men in Brooklyn. And I've learned so much from other dad's parenting while I was helping them, you know what I'm saying. So what I'm what I'm going to try to do is take bits and pieces of what I learned from dudes who I know are

successful men. Because here's here's the truth. Being an exemplary dad doesn't look one way, or being an exemplary man doesn't look one way. Right. We tend to just highlight maybe the one or two people who we feel like, oh, that's the version. But I've seen versions of what that looks like my entire life. So it's not an anomaly to me. But because of mass media and the way social media is now, people tend to get clicks by posting negativity. So we see a lot of negativity when

it comes to especially black men. But I've grown up watching a lot of men. I know there's men around me or I mean, you just look at some of the men we work on a daily basis. Think about all of our children's godfathers, but they've got fathers all doing different things, different professions. Super successful, Dakota's godfather, Sean who is our financial advisor, your god brother, stellar, stellar, example of what it means to be of husb been

in our father and a businessman and stuff. Um, it's just amazing to see that, and I I'm just I think it's just one of those things where you have those people around you. We have them around us, and if we keep them around our children, you know, there's so many examples for them to see. Well, that's my plan. My plan is to just keep positive, strong men around my children so that they can see or have an example of what they should aspire to be. But then

keep positive, strong, empowering women around them as well. They can see or aspire to who they should want to spend their life with. You see what I'm saying. So for me, it's it's not even about cheerating who I want them to be. No, of course, it's just giving them examples of who they should want to be around and who they should want to be like. And as they choose what they want to be in their life, navigate help them navigate that regardless because I may not

agree with every thing. And I'm realizing too, from generation to generation they're gonna do things differently. Right, You and I were entrepreneurs. We built social media followings and platforms. We went into TV film. Your mom and dad never thought that you could make money that way. My mom and dad never thought I could make money on social media. So in their eyes, if they would have curated my life, they would have been telling me no, don't do this.

Your parents would be like, no, don't do that. And I've learned by watching your parents allow us to grow and go through our things, is to learn to let our boys make their decisions and nurture them through the process. So that's ultimately what I'm gonna do. It gonna be more of a watch and nurture. Nurture, this is how you do it. And you know I don't. I don't

think that's gonna work. I think also watch and learn because there's been so much our kids have been teaching us, you know, so much our kids have been teaching us about ourselves, about us as individuals, how we parent. Um I lean on you a lot because I've never been

a boy. So there's sometimes where you may pull me aside and say, ky, I don't think what you said just now were the way said it's going to be beneficial to Jackson or to Cairo, because you know, I don't think boys receive it that way from their mom. And what the last thing I want to do is to be that mom that's you know, the boys are running from, like oh lord, here she goes in. You know we're gonna have those moments. But um, I look to lean on you a lot because I know that

you've been a boy, you're now a man. UM. You understand what it's like. You understand the little quirks that you know boys or who are growing to have UM

at different phases in their life. So I'm you know, looking forward to you being able to kind of help me mother through these four boys, you know, and all the different personalities that come with them, which I'm so excited to see what Dakota is going to be like and who he's going to be like, UM, because we have three different ones that we've learned so far, so it's gonna be interesting to see how we throw a fourth personality into the mix. UM. But I'm excited, Bro,

I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. I almost feel like this is like the closing of one chapter. UM, still the same book, you know, just the closing of a chapter and then the start another UM as we raise these boys together. So absolutely, well, let's take a quick break, UM, let's think about those chapters as we come back, because we have some listener letters, probably some really good ones last one of the season. But like we said before, I think we said this a couple of weeks ago. Um,

there's not gonna be a huge break. We're not taking any more long, dead ass breaks. You are going to hear from us consistently from now on out. So be taking a break and we'll be right back for some more listener letters. Sounds good to me, all right, and we are back letters. You want to go first? List time, y'all go first, nest time? All right, So Vina Codeine, I've been with my child's father since I was thirteen. I've been with my child's father since I was seventeen

and I'm thirty four. Now. How do I get him to look at me the way he used to before we had our daughter. At first, we couldn't keep on hand ends off each other. We used to be together all the time, day in and day out. Lately, I haven't been feeling as wanted as I used to feel. I want another baby, and we talked about it. He said he wants on the baby as well. How do I get the ball rolling and the pot hot that? Um? Well, seventeen so that's double the years. That's that's they've been

together for seventeen years. Um, So in seventeen years, a lot can fall off the bandwagon. Um, you know, and it's just it's just one of those things. I think, even us being together twenty years, we've had our rough patches. We are you know, declines and all sorts of things, whether it was just declines and intimacy, declines and interests depending on where we were in our life. Um, she says, how do I get him to look at me the bed? Well, I would like to see what you look like, what

you look like at thirty four after being seventeen. No, I'm kidding, but seriously I'm not, but seriously said seriously, I'm not. Um, what has happened in the past seventeen years? What does that look like for you guys? Now you know? Um, what do you guys continue to do together to create that want or desire? Um? Can I put Can I put something out here? I'm being dead asked with y'all listeners out here? This whole talk that people say, you know,

accept me as I am. Things change looks fake? No, no no, no, no, no, I get that, But do you really put any work in to keep yourself up? Mhm? And that's two men and women like you can't just expect the person that you fell in love with or that person that fell into love with you to just let yourself go and say, well, it's yours, your responsibility now to love me like this. I didn't. I didn't give a shit about you enough to try to work hard to maintain myself. It's just

your job. That's unfair. That is the most lazy, selfish mindset anybody can have, man or woman. We talked about this on the last podcast. Right, it's just important for a man to keep himself up as a woman, right, But what we don't talk about is how important it is to do it for yourself one so that you can feel good enough to even want to be intimate

with someone. Because here's another thing, right, we had I think we had a friend, I'm not remember exactly which friend it was, but said that he didn't feel like initiating sex because he didn't feel comfortable being naked in front of his work. He said he didn't feel the same. So then she was kind of like, well, what do you mean? What you mean? And I'm just like, bro, you're know corny, that is that you let yourself go. So now you're neglecting your wife because you don't feel comfortable.

But you're also not putting any work to get back, so it's complaining but not doing anything about the complaint. You know what I'm saying. And it's the same thing with women. Do it. You know, you let yourself go and now you don't feel comfortable, but you want your husband to be on you, but you're not even putting any work. So you just want all the work to be on him or her to make you feel better, but you're a willing to put any work on yourself.

Like I really want to put this out there for two that if you want your significant other to look at you the way that you used to look, or say, I want them too we first met, how about you try looking like how you first met, even if it's seventeen years. I know for a fact that I don't look the same way I look when I was eighteen, And I mean, all right, but she grew into yourself

very nicely. I appreciate that. But I put working, I go on the gym, and I'd be in there looking at myself and eating right and make it because I'm like when I get out the shower, I want to be glistening and I want kay to be like damn, that's my husband. I don't just say funk this. You know what I'm saying. I look the way I look. You know, she got accepted. I think that that's selfish and lazy, right, you know. And I'm not saying that's

her because we don't know. I don't know what she's got, right, And then she said, look at me the same way. It could be a physical thing, or it could just be a not connected thing, right if it's not fit. If it's not physical, say physical is still fine? Is there disconnect there? Why is there disconnect? What happens to cause it? Are you guys on the same page about something like? There can also be a non physical side to this thing too, you know, so I think you

should explore what those what those disconnects are. Is it something that's just like an intimacy thing where you guys are just not vibing and not mentally in the same space, um, not emotionally in the same space. Are there other outside factors that are contributing to that? Has he been working a lot over the past couple of years and he's just tired or he just needs to break to you, to need a break to kind of a little words working people what it is. People ask people ask us

all the time, like how do y'all do this? And then when we say things, you know what they say, I ain't trying to do all that. Then you're not trying to rekindle your intimacy. Seriously, you're not trying to be in a relationship like that. That seems to be a recurring theme with couples. You know what I'm saying, why I don't want to get married because I ain't trying to do all this and that So okay, So you just want someone to just accept you without you

putting no work. There is nothing in life that you're going to gain that you want without putting work, nothing worth having at least, And that's that's physically, mentally, emotionally of spiritualy. Do you have to work for yourself about yourself in all of those aspects to continue to build intimacy like that? That is important and it's a never

ending journey and it doesn't stop. There should be no point in your marriage where you stop doing anything physically, mentally, and emotionally and spiritually with your partner to help keep intimacy up right. And if that's something that you don't

want to subscribe to then stay single boom. Just know that you're gonna be single and that's what it is, and don't put nobody else through that misery boom and the understand that you can stay single like that if you want to be you know that selfish, which is fine, but understand people will want you in that moment and then when they get over that, they're gonna move on. But they don't say people ain't ship. Is that if you desire to be in a relationship, it takes work

to maintain and being a relationship with someone that's it. Period, period, all right, and last one for the day. I need advice. My wife and I have been married for four years now but been together for eight years total. To me, there seems to be a disconnecting the relationship because I'm military and the Army is always sending me somewhere at the worst times. For example, we could be starting a business and the next month I have to uproot and leave,

and I know that's affecting her. In my mind, I don't. I'm doing the right thing and keeping my word that I will always provide and that she and the kids will never want for anything. I just got back from Mexico and it was away from the family for over a year due to military orders. I bought my wife a new house. It has the acre she's always asked for. We're taking family trips to places we've never been. But deep down I know it's not enough before I lose the one I love most. What can I do to

make her feel appreciated? What can she do to understand that I'm not being selfish? When Uncle Sam says, pack up, that's what it is. More importantly, how can I balance my military life and my family life? And the words of Kevin Heart help me, help me. This is the forever, the never ending balance of being a man right Your Your wife says she wants all of these things right, so you bust your ads to provide all of these things. But those things take time away from her wanting we

want her, wanting you to be there. You know, you and I had this conversation where I was I think it was the last couple of weeks I was away because you know we I was filming and working on a different TV show, and you just like sad. It was a madag. I just want you home, And I said, you know, in your mind, you want me to give you all of these things and be home to enjoy the things with you. And you were like yes, and I was just like that, that's just not how it works.

There's a there's a balance, and there's a lot of communication that needs to be involved with that. But there's also ways to especially with technology now with FaceTime. I know we gets annoying, but face timing has helped us in our distance. When I'm not here, I can face some you and the boys every day. Yeah, but but also understanding that in order to get things in life, you have to sacrifice certain things for a certain amount

of time and tokens like think about it. You were filming the other day and I was home, mad, pregnant, and I just see a delivery show up and it's just like a little flower of the thing of flowers, and it says, it's just because it's Tuesday and I'm thinking of you. And it's little things like that to make you smile. You know, it doesn't always have to be a gift or something that you're spending money on, but just little moments to let the other know that

you're thinking about them, I think is huge. And also just understanding. Like if you're a wife and you marry an army guy, you knew what you signed up for. Complaining after knowing what you signed signed up for seems to be a little bit still getting the things that

you've been at. You know what I'm saying. That seems a little bit selfish, But I know what it's like as a woman when you just miss your man and you're absolutely and you want him to be able to enjoy all the acres with you every day and he wants to be there. I trust me he wants to be there. I mean if if he's as good as she's as he's saying he is and getting all the things he wants, he even wants to be able to

provide her with the time. But it's impossible to give her the things and the time because I remember I made a post a couple of years back that I felt guilty, um when I was away and you and

the kids were doing things together. Um My boy Solving, who's been on on the podcast Slick, He said he was pissed the other day because um Rema took the kids to the zoo and he was like, these are the fucking message I get when I'm aware you're just doing things and spending times having moments, and I gotta get videos when I'm on set filming and I think about, you're not coming to Disney Road for Cairo's birthday, prime example.

What I'm saying, we had to literally rush you out of the restaurant, cut the cake early just because you had a flight to catch to be back to film. And I was in Disney World with the boys, pregnant,

with my parents for the day fifth birthday. You don't think I wanted to be there for that exactly, but you did the absolute best you could do there to the very last minute, even if it meant lack of sleep and all that you know, and also understanding that this moment in time won't be the rest of your life. At some point's going to retire from the military, and it's for both of them to understand that, let me put these hours in time in now so that there come a point where I can do what I want

to do. And that's what's my thought processes, is do the things that I have to do now so that I can do what I want to do later. Sounds good to me, all right, y'all continue to write in for listening letters, especially going into the next season. We didn't do a listener letter episode this season because we had so much to talk about when it came to

the baby and the pregnancy and everything after that. UM, so keep writing in and if you want to be featured as one of our listener letters, be sure to email us at dead Advice at gmail dot com. That's D E A D A S S A d V I C E at gmail dot com. All right, my moment of truth is to make sure you'll hold me

accountable and I'll hand no more babies. But no, um, seriously, I am just honestly, like I said, looking forward to this next portion of our life where we're just working on the best version of ourselves, being the best version of ourselves so we can be the best version of ourselves for each other and then of course for our

four sons. That's what I want to do moving forward New Year, no resolutions or anything, just planning, UM, planning to make active movements, which is something we've always done. It's always worked for us over the past. This will be twenty years in October that we have been together. Twenty years UM October three two So UM so yeah, I'm just I just want us to continue because this first twenty years has been quite the ride, and I'm looking forward to twenty times spot more. Well, my moment

of truth is that I'm a kingmaker, You're a king baker. Clearly, this is what God in the universe had for us. I'm excited to get ready to to raise these boys and create a beautiful life with you. And that starts the beginning of the year two for the rest of our lives. And I'm with it. And I also want to take this time to wish nothing but prosperity and good things all of our listeners of Dead as Podcasts. Y'all have been writing with us for six seasons are

three years I believe three years six having fun. Yeah, y'all funk with us heavy. We funk with y'all heavy, and nothing but love and prosperity and good things all of y'all. I can't wait to me person like I said, that's too about to me. That's my favorite part of everything. I said. If we're going to continue this podcast, we have to do some live shows. So we're looking forward to see y'all when we get a schedule out for this year. Um, we're gonna definitely try to make that

happen all right. In the meantime, make sure you'll follow us on social media. Dead asked the podcast and I'm Candin, I am and I am devout. And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review and subscribe. And remember there are no more dead Ass breaks. We will be back continuously, all of two. Can't wait for We love y'all, Baby enjoyed the New Year. Absolutely dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network

and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple. Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the podcasts and never miss a Thing