Add Supermodel To Our Resumes

And your real talk.

I don't like modeling, but you were so good at it was I you were amazing, at least to me.

I appreciate that.

And baby, it's fair to say that I ripped the runway, darling, but I almost didn't.

Dead ass.

Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoued and we're the Ellis's.

You may know us from posting funny videos with our voice and reading.

Each other publicly as a form of therapy.

Wait, I make you need therby most days.

Wow.

Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

Yes, sir, we are.

We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of li's most taboo topics.

Things most folks don't want to talk.

About through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead Ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing.

But the truth.

We about to take Phillo talk to our whole new level.

Dead ass starts right now. All right, story time?

That was cue R because it's normally Devada says all right, story time, So it's my turn today.

It's my turn.

So you said, I say, that's all right, story Time, story Time, story Time.

I guess, I guess you kind of got me down.

A little bit on story time.

New York Fashion Week and I get invited to walk in the Actively Black Fashion show.

Actively Black Shadow, Actively Black Shadows, and the crew doc.

Yes, yes, yes, it's a Friday Fashion Week in New York September.

I mean, big deal, right, big deal.

And the anticipation that was building for this show for Deval and I once we agreed to walk in fashion Week was really intense. We agreed to do it, I think it was almost exactly four months to the date. Nons what was four months? There was something else that happened at four months that I was preparing.

For because we agreed in the something No, he reached out to us four months, but we didn't get all the deals and stuff in place to know what was going to happen, right, So.

It was a two month reach out.

And then by the time everything was solidified and we knew for sure we'd be walking, it was about four weeks out. So at that point Devale and I decided to say, you know what, since we're doing this together, you know, we didn't know exactly what we were going to be wearing and what the setup would be and if we'd be walking together or not. But we loosely knew that we were going to be walking potentially together. There was potentially a swimsuit involved.

There was no potentially. He asked me if wife were willing.

To west from sitting in my mind the ship was potential because I said, let me see how these four weeks ago before the fashion show, right, So I don't know.

It was two months. It was four months he reached out, and then two months where we agreed, so we knew we had two months.

Of he reached out four months before a fashion week, because.

It wasn't four weeks four weeks before we trained, way before four weeks for fashion week.

Think about it, well, I know that I was going intents because it was before August.

Remember it was in We were talking about this when we were on vacation with the boys in July.

You were You're right, So it's two months okay, okay, sorry, my timeline was wrong.

My timeline was wrong.

Okay, y'all, So let's scroll that back, rewind the tape. Five months, four months out of fashion week, they reached out we solidified everything two months special exactly. I feel like for me though, that four week mark was where it really set. And that's what it was because we came back from vacation. Remember we were in with the boys.

That's what happened, Okay.

So the potential of the swimsuit for me, you know, was also something that made me gave me a little anxiety because I knew that this would be the first time I'd be in a two piece in here on a runway during fashion week, like in ever, like forever.

Right, the last time you've walked in the fashion show was my sophomore year.

Of college, right, So that was a long two and.

Three though almost it was over twenty years, and.

It was pre baby, and that over twenty years.

So I was doing my absolute best to between nutrition, working out with Deval, sometimes working out on my own, taking my vitamins. You know, there was so many things that went into me in that last four weeks, specifically just really trying to like double down. I was high inclined walking, I was doing weights. There were so many things that I did to prepare. However, it is now

Under the ass cuffed a little bit you don't have under the ass.

You don't have that.

But well, the thing is, I saw it.

You didn't see it.

I saw it. So the little underass like little pocket right there. Sometimes it's a little satellite in those areas, you know. And then my waistline, my stomach. I just want to make sure that everything is tight.

Can I tell my story? I don't be interrupting a story time, So that being said, So that being said, that being said, you done?

Are you done?

I'm trying to be done?

Are you That being said, I went in for the massage, incorporated the wood therapy on the table. It hurt, but I also know my pain tolerance is high, and I had a lot of muscle soreness and fatigue from working out early.

In the week, So I just took it because I'm like, if I'm gonna.

Be snatched, I'm gonna take the paint, pull my leggings up, go to get my hair and makeup done.

It's three hours before the show.

I go to put my swimsuit on and my legs are severely bruised, black and blue, black and blue.

When they say snatched, they snatched all the skin up off your your thighs and quads.

It was bad, awful, y'all?

All right, so karaoke keeping in the vein of Kadeen performing for us today? You want to continue with karaoke?

Sure, I guess we can.

But I mean it's a song that, you know, I think a guy can sing and really like, you know, take it to the next level.

Maybe I might join them.

I mean, if somebody's trying to be Ll in his biopic.

Nobody anybody trying. I'm going to get that role.

I am manifesting baby. So that's the case. In go ahead, I want.

To girl with extensions in the head, bamboo and ring at least two pair findy bade. That's all they need to keep me in a good mood. She could walk with a twitch and stalk with sweet slang. I love it when a woman.

Is scared to do what they standing at the stop.

It's hard to make the hotty steak.

And that just so happened to be the song that they had us walk out to yes for our first our first look first of the show. It was around the way girl, I mean the way they did the visuals for that show. Everything was amazing. But we'll we'll unpack when we get into the show.

Let's take a quick break and pay some bills and then we'll come back.

All right, we're back, So before we get into the show, let's unpack those moments where with that moment where I was in the bathroom trimming my hair and she had just got done doing her makeup, and I heard her pull her her pants down and go, oh.

My god, you rumber home girl.

When her wigs little off the back of the couch. Yeah, yeah, oh my god.

So I could hear in the tone that there was like a little bit of like fright. So I come outside and I'm like, what's the matter. When I looked her legs, both sides in the thighs it band, both sides were black and blue, and immediately my first thought process was damn, she gotta wear a swimsuit. But I couldn't let her see my face. So what I did was go, oh, it ain't even that bad. Just get in the bathtub, let the hot water go to the area.

So I just knew that from years of football.

Yeah, at that point, I mean, shoot, I was ready to call it off. To be quite honest, I could tell I was literally about to call Lanny and be like, listen, I'm gonna need somebody to stand in for that bikini portion of it, because there was absolutely no way that I could walk on stage like that.

And there was absolutely no way I was gonna let you not walk on stage.

You had put in so much work, it was so heart breaking.

Let's rewind.

Let's rewind, because it wasn't just the four months that you had started preparing right all of this. I'm na add some context, Kadeen turns forty this year, and we had decided that. When I got to resected me last year, Kadeen was about to turn thirty nine, she had made a decision at that point in her life, like, Yo, we're not having any more kids. I can finally dedicate myself to getting my body back to where I want it and I don't have to worry about giving another

Birthday, Yes, that's fair.

The end of last year, you had started putting work in and you were just like yodavo. Let's remember your birthday last year. I was like, yo, what do you want to do? You said, I don't want to do anything. I just want to relax. And then at that point you has said I'm going to focus this whole year and to getting my body back for forty. So the transformation you guys saw wasn't just four.

Months right or four weeks.

It was because I remember we went to you went to Tiffany's wedding and you took pictures in some swimsuits.

And you were just like devou.

I do not like where my b and you were just like I'm over it, Like I don't want to feel like this anymore. You were a year postpartum from having Dakota. You was like, no more excuses. So from last year, your birthday, you had started going hard in the gym. For me, it was important for you to get in a swimsuit because I needed you to prove to yourself that you hadn't wasted time or given away a decade of your life. Think about it, when we first met, you were turning nineteen. We were so into

We've done that together.

But in those thirteen years you weren't able to do things that women at that age who are in your position due like twenty two to twenty nine is like prime for modeling, and you, as a pageant girl in the model couldn't.

Do itpaking younger than that I met you.

Start younger, yeah, but and you did win pageants before that. So to me, I just felt like them, I want her to prove to herself that you could get back in those thirteen plus years wasn't a waste. And only, as I say a waste, I don't mean a waste as far as family, because you don't feel like it's a waste.

But I felt like as far.

As your career, if you could walk on Fashion Week in a bathing suit after having four children, I felt like that was that's redemption, you know, for what you had to endure and contribute to have a children.

So for me, that's what it was.

About for that and I love that for for me that I had you to like literally support me through the process.

And that's one thing I think.

If with with every child, or with every event, or with every opportunity that I have to progress or to do something career related or something that is just for me. I love how invested you getting that as well and become such a great source of motivation and like a partner in it. I mean, because not for nothing you was getting snatched too boo. You know I did say too, like you know, I I think I might have put on a little bit of you know, waiting certain areas I could have gotten rid of.

You know what I'm saying. You know, he concerned about his low back fat.

You always bring it up.

Can be concerned about his little back fat?

What I look like after the tour? Remember we got off tour eating fast food. I wasn't able to consistently work out. You know, my body just doesn't respond well to not working out. At one point, I was two hundred and eleven pounds. I've never been two hundred and eleven pounds, right. Look, we started to look like Brian. It's different from men, know because when we gained a little bit of weight and get husky, no one's looking at you like, why you know, why are you not?

Oh my god? Is he pregnant again?

Right now?

Right?

A little bloated today?

And it was sometimes I was bloated from eating the pizza these oreoles. Yo.

I ate so many.

Oreoles between between March and May, in part because I was traveling. Nobody fell I film in Canada. You weren't there. That was my comfortble. You know, I get some oreoles every other night. Let me throw ten oreos and some milk and what else?

What else?

What else is in Canada that you were partaking in?

It in Canada and a lot of Canada bus Yo, y'all know that that eases my page so, oh my god, on every corner, but it gives me munchies. So I had gained some weight, I had lifted a lot more weights, but I didn't like the way I looked, and I didn't feel like I was because you're not the only one turning forty.

Right behind me, baby, You're right behind me.

I wanted to be the best version of myself for you as well. But also I've never walked out in the world and did anything by myself, so I felt like you shouldn't have to do it either.

So I was like, Yo, if we're.

Gonna go out there and do it, we're gonna do it to do it together. We diet it together. I was drinking celery juice. Y'all. You got me into juicing watermelons, which has helped us tremendous. People keep asking, what's the point of watermelon juice? For me, It's this simple, right.

It was sweet enough, it's a natural sugar.

It was also hydrating, so it helped me get through that process for those eight weeks of not wanting to eat anything or drink anything sweet, and it worked. Eight weeks of cutting out what is it called hy had my men section look completely different.

On again your I thought a V coming in. I was like, okay, you know I love a good V.

I love a good V.

So I think for both of us, yeah, I mean I I was also another one that cut. I cut a bunch of sugar and like all that stuff, and even after doing that blood work. I'm not sure where this episode airs in me talking about some blood work that day, but cutting some items from my diet that I found out I was now allergic to or had been allergic to, really did cut a lot of my bloating and constipation issues. So I was like, there might

Like, well, give me this massage.

And I'm like, at this point a bit because it's like a water Pilon called it a day and it's not even been a thing. But you know, I think it's always this pursuit of like that this idea of perfection we have in our mind, particularly as women, and then add the layer of having children on it. You're pursuing this level of perfection that in your mind like if I do this one more thing, I get this one more treatment, or if I, you know, do this

But but to be honest, though, I feel like the universe God whoever you pray to, Allah always finds a way to challenge you right before you're going to reach that moment where you finally get the desired affirmation you're looking for.

You know what I'm saying.

It's like God is saying, you want to you want to be a firm for doing this work. Well, I want to see you through this. Do you you have faith in me? If you get through this, then I'll give you the desired affirmation.

Right. I feel like that whole.

Thing with the wood therapy on pause, I just feel uncomfortable saying that with the wood therapy was your mind tricking yourself saying I'm not ready when you were ready. You were ready, but you kept saying I'm not ready. But if I do this, I'll be even more ready. That literally was me, And that was God saying you trusted other people other than trusting my trusting me, trusting my guidance.

Right. That was off the top. That was off the top right there. I ain't even write that, you know what I'm saying at.

All to that, because the night before the show, we had a rehearsal. Yes, then we had a dress rehearsal, and in that dress rehearsal. I was literally sweating bullets. I don't know if you could tell.

Oh, no, I saw it was.

Sweating bullets because I'm like, Okay, this is going to be like the first step for me to be walking in front of people in the heels, in a bikini in a room like and it's like a banquet room in a whole.

So it's like.

Everyone's gonna see every flaw, every stretch mark, every imperfection.

Everything's to sell your light.

And I got up there and I walked, and the amount of people that came up to me after and they were cheering me on, and it felt so good at that moment. I should have just taken that and been like, you know what, Keneen, you have all these people, But I was like, you know what, they probably just trying to be nice.

See, Probably that's the enemy. That's the enemy into cool human nature. Just being cynical of yourself. Yes, and also a form of imposture syndrome. Right, I don't belong here, I'm not supposed to be here, so let me find a way to sabotage or find somebody to say something to make to confirm what I already believe. About myself. That's why I wanted you to do this so bad, because I wanted you. I tell you all the time, I said, I'm not saying this because you're my wife

Your physical appearance is not everything, ever.

But you have to work to get to a level of acceptance for your physical experience.

And you put the work in.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying. So since you put the work in, I feel like, go go walk in it. Don't don't, don't put the work in it and be afraid. Well, and that's let's be real. You walked against some women. Just to name a few, with women, Kayla, Nicole, Taya Cooper. These women are in their mid twenties right. Shout out to Coop and Kayla and also Beyonca. These all these women are in their mid twenties. You walked step for step with.

Them, and I think that that was the apprehension I had.

I'm like, oh my god, that's alongside girls who are just like younger and firmer.

And but that's but here's that's not That's not your competition.

Your competition is.

Never a competition.

I don't know.

What I'm saying is mentality. Your competition is your best version of yourself. Yeah, yeah, right, your best version of yourself. Like that's that's all you have to really focus on. And when you did look at what you were able to do, Yeah, it looked great.

Yeah, you look, I do in retrospect now that I look back at the footage. Because so to finish out the story time, since I know it was kind of long winded in the beginning, now I.

Was joking, which it was. It was a good you had to add content. You I'm just busting.

To wrap it in.

So how we finally got me to the stage, right, So Deval has me in the bathtub in hot water, and I'm just like looking at.

Myself trying not to cry, trying not.

To cry because Nelly just beat the heck out of my face. And then Nelly was like, is there anything you want me to do? When I was like no, because I felt badly. Nelly was waiting for me like almost an hour because I ran late with here. So said Nelly, It's okay, go ahead, I'm going to figure it out. Devall was literally like, do you need me to run to the max story and get you found it?

I was willing to do whatever.

At that point, he said, what tell me the things that you need from when you cover up a bruise? So like the old makeup artist in me is like, Okay, I'm gonna need to color correct this. I'm like part of it was black, someone's blue, some of it was red, Like it was a whole color.

It was really bad.

And then I'm just like I'm gonna have to figure it out. So I'm in the tub. I get out of the tub. I get my phone now to tell my sister what's happening, because she's coming to the show and she's gonna be my eyes from the stage right she's gonna be telling me like what I need to know. Like literally, once I got off the stage, I text my sister like, how bad did it look?

My saving grade.

Two people to cut you off you had your sister, Josh. Yes. Josh was like, no, I've seen that ship the whole time. Be it a stually looked bad son. I was like, Josh Man, She like really, Josh, I'm like it was that bad jobs And He's like, na I should was bad, bro. The lights was hitting it. It was looking crazy. I was like, was happy.

I was like, damn, Josh, Yeah, I can count on Josh for a very very honest, honest perspective.

Right his eyes is mad big.

I was like, thank you, so as the Good Lord would have it. Because again the enemy try to swoop in and take me out. I jump onto Instagram because at this point it's crazy. The place that did this massage and like completely bruised me was like, if.

You enjoyed your massage, we'd love if you give us a tag.

And I'm like I don't usually tag people, but I had tagged them while I was getting the massage done. I didn't blast them after that because I'm not about that life. I'm like, we can sign yeah, we can resolve this amicably. After In that moment, I was just focused on what could be done, and I look in my DMS and my good friend and former I guess manager. She hates when I say I used to work for her, but my former manager at Matt Cosmetics when I worked

So when she covered it initially it looked perfect.

And then still when I was on stage, of course, there's the lights, there's all those added theatrics. You can still kind of see a bit of it while I'm on stage. But I think it's one of those things where you had to really look for it, you know. Some people thought it was a shadow. Some people thought it was just the lighting. Like they weren't sure what it was until after I.

Said it was bruis side of your leg. You had on a two piece swimsuit, and there were seven other women walking that had two piece swimsuits. Anybody looking at the side of your thigh wasn't really focused on what they need to be focused.

It was only me.

It was you was the only one really like like really focused on that. And I understand why. First you can feel the pain. Then it's just you know, the nerves of walking and fashion.

So I get it.

I feel like it even affected my walk because I'm just like, you don't even walk like I need.

To do over. I would put this out there, you're still right.

Now, she's doing she's doing again.

You walked find But just this is just me being like critique of myself. I'm like, I just I know, I like I had I still had a little bit of reservation in me, so like, you know, my shoulders moving a little bit more, could have moved a little bit more.

You're always going You're always gonna find something too critique.

Yeah, in it just enjoys like watching football. You know what I'm saying.

You can always find ways to get better.

We always found with Now I know how I'm gonna take my body to the next level as I approached forty, because it's like that was one goal that I had that was pretty immediate, Right, that's a week and then now my next goal is turning forty. So it just gave me that much more animal to be like, you know what, you can do this, you did it, you overcame.

There was an obstacle.

It taught me the bigger lesson though, and I think that this is my message to women, or maybe I'll say this for my moment of truth. I'll say that for my moment of truth, a bigger lesson in this entire thing.

First of all, did you have fun?

I had an amazing time. We had such a good time.

I feel like Lanny and the team at Actively Black really were purposeful about picking absolutely some amazing individuals Like that space there was like what's seventy seventy five of us in that show.

Five There were a lot of us in that show.

And not all of the participants were models.

He had influencers, people who were just big on social advocacy.

Yes, yes, dancers.

Yeah, it was a whole show. It was a show.

It wasn't your typical fashion.

Week runway show. It was it was a show about.

The COC did the creative direction.

It was amazing, the video, everything was just amazing and we had a great time all in all.

So would I do it again? Absolutely well, you could do it. And now you said you're not a.

Model, but I'm not a model.

Like to me, modeling is very similar to being a sports commentator.

Right, you have your job.

You have to walk a certain way, you have to be stoic, you have to I like to give personality. If it was up to me, I would have clown and danced and did all this other stuff, which I think that show would have allotted for if I was.

Willing to do that.

But also in those moments, I felt like I was there to be your in your assistance. It wasn't about me in those moments, you know what I'm saying, And it was about just being almost you know, being a prop. You know, this is my wife's moment. You know, I'm not a model, Let you know, let me do that. So if I had to walk by myself in the show, I don't know if I'd be willing to do that.

Like, I'm just it's not it's not fun for me.

Not that I had a bad experience, but the same way being a color commentator on television or in studio analyst, it's not fun for me. Like I can talk about the NFL all day, but I don't want to sit up there in the suit and talk about it the way you want me to talk about it. So as far as modeling is concerned, nah, Just I like clowning, doing live shows.

Acting, That's that's my thing, that's my wheel house.

I mean, I do it if they don't mind a little model with some junk and hunt trunk, you know what I'm saying. Historically Fashion Week models be like really really like thin, and I'm like, but I I don't think.

I think even if you get thin, you would never lose the junk in your trunk.

Because when I met that might be a problem.

When I met.

You, a problem was soaking wet.

About forty five pounds was the ass and the other other seventy five was your head.

It was like you had a head ass. That's all I've seen.

Whatever.

You be a possible, So you're gonna take.

That take because you sure as that was a potbo for sure. For sure.

All right, y'all, let's take a quick break and we're going to come back and get into some listener letters.

So stay tuned.

Now we're back.

We're back. I'm still bruised, y'all. Sidebar. We're recording this now. This Friday will be two weeks, so.

It's about ten days weeks.

Two weeks, yeah, and I'm still bruised.

Bruising takes time.

Mad long, Like, oh, I can't even And I didn't get my money back just because people were asking, Like at least at the very least I did get my money back. I mean, shoot, I need some money for paying stuff.

There with a neck brace song and a wheelchair talking.

About was offul Yeah, but that they did take responsibility.

They didn't try to blame.

They took accountability and they apologize and all that good stuff.

So stand down, be clear to lady giving massage had no clue because she was not doing with therapy the way I would have did it, first of all. But also it's not supposed to be done like that. You're not supposed to walk away with third degree bruising. I'm not even sure that they even have degrees for bruising. Yeah, but I know you're not supposed to walk away with third degree bruising and its swollen.

No way hard, Like it's still kind of like have areas where it's like hard.

I think they just offered it. Oh, try with therapy. He had to rub the wood on their leg.

Home girl, so she had was working on doing with her therapy for fifteen years.

I'm like, yeah, ain't no way, ain't no way.

I've been doing with therapy way longer than that, all right, and I know how it's supposed to go. Sometimes there is some bruising and some limping, you know.

Sometime long story shorts, This is the only with therapy I need, and I will never be doing this again.

I try to tell you that, ever, Try to tell you that. Ask me if I want to get with therapy my bad.

She asked me, Like, first of all, do I look like the type of person that would be like, yeah, let me go get some wood therapy.

You were going to get a lymphatic drain massage after me too. I don't know if they were.

Around me on my v on my back fat. All right, it's just not happening, all right.

Now that we've made that clear.

Sorry, I just can't. I gotta pause.

That can read the letter.

You want to read the letter for you? Read the letter?

She real talking.

Number one. My fiance and I don't know many married couples.

So we sit wine and talk about the level of success you achieve and how one day we will sip wine with you both telling you how successful we have become because of how you both poured into us.

We're also manifested, always manifested. We appreciate that.

I hope all you all do that man manifestation is very powerful. That's what Kneen and I do. So I will speak to you as if you're both here in real time. I have so much to say, but no time. New York's New York Times bestseller We Over Me was eye opening and informative.

I am about to read it one more time.

The runway walk as a couple at New York Fashion Week was a breath of fresh air. I wish we were there in real time. Thank you so much for supporting us the way you do. Oh and just so you know, I'm watching everything on Patreon and devou Welcome to the be. Me and my Caramel Coffee made the decision together for me to take a different direction in the job market. I am now a female truck driver

Love you to pieces, baby, it's a super sweet letter. Wow.

So being away from your family forty days Initially that's a long time, but I can empathize because whenever Deval is away on set or filming or just not home for whatever reason, the way we cope with it, other than lots of facetiming, is really just finding pockets of

A and B.

I know that he's literally living out his dreams, like doing a film for Netflix, being the lead male in the film, Like that's something that he's wanted as long as I've known him. So my best way to support him through that is to not make him feel badly for being away, but just finding ways to make sure that he can cope with being away too, because because it's both an issue for both of us.

Yeah, and for me, first of all, case is amazing when I'm going. Last time she traveled to Canada with and I filmed in Canada two years in a row. The first time she traveled with the two younger ones and three the three younger ones.

Yeah, we went through Toronto to Ottawa.

Yeah, so you had to transfer connected. So I flew from Atlanta to Toronto, Atlanta.

To Toronto, yeah, and then drove and then and then drove and then had to leave one week to go do essence Fest and then came back. So ultimately, what what we're saying is we lean on our village. You know, when I'm traveling. Of course, there's a lot of times when Kay can't bring the boys, but if her mom and dad can watch the boys, she'll run for a quick weekend, come see me. We'll spend some time. She'll jump on a flight, jump back. And this is not

I hadn't made the team yet.

During the spring, when I was still working to make the team, could Dean would drive to Michigan.

She would drive eight hours to Michigan. Money we didn't have play money.

So ultimately, what we're saying is is that I know right now when we try to give advice to people, it's like it was easy for y'all to do that now because you have the resources. But when we didn't have the resources, we always found a way. We spoke on the phone every single day. This was before FaceTime.

Bro So Deval had me taking pictures. This is before phones had cameras. I was in ra or rd training at Hofstra and Deval would be at campus in practice and he would be hounding me to get pictures.

To him the minute practice was done out before I was get in the shower, I'll take my pads off.

I would text her like, YO, about to go to meetings with my pictures?

Where's my pictures?

And I'm trying to juggle my schedule because i have all these different sessions I'm trying to attend, so literally my lunch break, I would sometimes forfeit eating at the lunch station and go back.

I ain't know you ain't eat now, skinny bro.

No, my bad baby.

Sometimes I would leave lunch and then come back to the room because I would have to use my digital camera to set it up with the timer to take pictures, put on cute little outfits for him, then upload them to my laptop to then send it to him in an email, just so key he can have pictures of me because there was no FaceTime and picture. Guys like we pretty much say that to say we did.

Whatever we could do.

Man, whatever your part of the needs when you away, whatever you desire when they're away.

Find a way.

If y'all love each other, that's a fact. Money, no money, kids, no kids, find a way. People find time for the things that's important to do it for each other.

And do you feel like you're sacrificing time because you're doing something you love.

Absolutely.

I miss my kids and I miss you when I'm going, But I also think about sacrificing now doing the things I don't want to do now so I can live the way I want to live for the rest of my life, right. And I always put myself on the timeframe, So it's like, yo, if I'm going to spend six weeks in Canada, right, for the next rest of this month,

I made promises to them.

I'm not gonna leave, I'm gonna be here, and that's exactly what we did, so exactly.

It hurts, But what you're gonna do.

I could be home with them all day and we wouldn't be able to do anything, and no one would like that either true.

That's the bigger picture there there, so I hope it helps us, and good luck to y'all and hopefully we'll see you on tour. Yes matewing up this February. All right, now onto our second listed letter of the day. Hi to Valancadeen. I've been a fan of yours for years. I read your book and loved it.

Thank you.

I appreciate how much both of you are willing to share and be vulnerable with the rest of us. Thank you for all that you do. I found out I'm pregnant last week. I'm only five weeks. My partner and I are overjoyed at the news. This will be our first child, as neither of us has children. This is my second time being pregnant this year. I got pregnant

Five weeks in.

Yeah, it's one of those things where I've heard I think it's like three and every four pregnancies end up in is it one in every four pregnancies end up in this one?

Every four?

One in every four yet, which was crazy because when I miscarried, Devout gave me that statistic.

Of course, I was like emotional, and then the moment.

Or the time when I had the miscarriage wasn't like the best time frame, just because Deval wasn't home, and you know, I had the kids alone. We were in California, I wasn't close to a lot of family, only had my mom. But when you told me that It almost kind of put it in perspective for me that, Okay, I was blessed with three healthy pregnancies and then this

It may not ease your your spirit at all, but knowing that one in every four pregnancies ends in a miscarriage was easy for me to reconcile. Like, we had three normal, full term pregnancies and in the fourth she miscarriaged. So to me, it was like, Okay, we're right on par with what happens, right. That doesn't mean that every person is going to have a miscarriage. But I also

That's how the body works.

So what I learned to do is not question how the body works or how God works in those situations. God is there to protect you from the things you cannot handle. So what I tell myself is, hey, if this is what we were dealt in this time, it's my responsibility as your spouse, your partner to help you rationalize with what you can't rationalize because you don't want to hear numbers when you're pregnant.

You don't want to hear numbers when you're emotional.

So I'm like, fine, I'm going to allow my partner to feel whatever it is she feels, not discredit how she feels, but try to continuously walk her through what the reality is while not discrediting how she feels so the worst thing you can do is like, you shouldn't feel this way. No, no, no, you should feel that way. And young lady, you should feel nervous and anxious because it's your body, it's your child. You don't know what's happening.

That time it is comfortable.

So one thing I do love for you is that very rarely do we get someone writing in with a I guess a story where you know I'm pregnant.

We're both excited, we're both happy.

We can't wait for this baby like and I'm happy for that for you guys, So good luck to you in this and just really, you know, listen to your doctor, listen to your gut. You know a lot of times

Is it a boy, is it a girl? What's the deal? What's the deal?

We want to know, and we want to know more from you guys, because we always do. If you want to be featured as a listener letter, be sure to email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.

That's D E A D A d V I C E at gmail dot com.

All right, moment of truth time, we're talking the Elliss Take Fashion Week baby for the first time.

Devao said that was his last time. I'm saying I might do it again.

Last time.

I would do it especially for actively black. Ya, I would do it again for actively black. And if somebody coming with the actively bag, all right, and y'all come in with the actively.

Bad turned down actively bag.

Baby, kids, I'll be doing all the model poses. Look like that, that's how the models be walking.

The fact that you still look cute like that. I love that for me. Do you have a moment of truth for them?

Yes?

I do have a moment of truth. The moment of truth is people believe in yourself. Stop finding reasons to doubt yourself and trying to sabotage so that you can say you didn't do it for whatever reason. Okay, we all have a purpose, we all have a vision at some point in your life. If you want to live a full life, you have to believe the vision you see, trust the purpose that you feel, and just fucking do it.

Just do it.

You may not think you perfect, you may not think that you look the best, or sound the best, or may be the best.

But you are not the only judge. Just do it because you want to do it. Have a good time, trusting God, trusting yourself, and be great.

I love that.

Good job, baby, I think my moment of truth is just the lesson that this whole experience taught me. It just taught me to be grateful for my progress that I'm making. It told me to be grateful to believe in the fact that I can do the things that I seek out to do, even after having four children. And I know I always hate to say, or people don't like to say, oh, you look good after four kids.

I'm just not going to do it.

I could have missed out on an opportunity. And it's a this was a small price to pay for me, for this aim that I have, for this image of perfection in my mind. And I just need to trust in the process. I need to continue in the process and this journey that I've been on to being my best self as I approached.

Forty and on.

So, you know, ladies, let's let's let's give ourselves a little bit more grace and be.

A little kinder, you know.

Trust what you see ye in yourself, not what you see on the ground.

And if you don't like it, do something about it.

That's a good one. If you don't, I don't like something, like.

Something about it, because I'd be out here trying to do some about it, right, all right, y'all be sure to follow us on Patreon Patreon.

Gang got some exclusive stuff. Baby.

Exclusive stuff is giving access to tour tickets, exclusive dead ass content videos, long form family content that you guys have been asking for all Decay episodes. Baby, Yes so much and you can find us on social media too. Dead Ass the Podcast, you can find me at Kadeen I Am and.

I Am devou And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, subscribe, and also pick up your hard copy version of We Over Meet, The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything you Want out of your relationship.

New York Times bestseller Baby, dead Ass, Love It, Love y'all, Thank You.

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