It is dead Ass podcast presents a Day with K presents a Gay with K featuring ask.
Tripa, that's right, that's right. The Gay's taking over for the nine to nine of the two thousand.
Dead Ass baby listening letters. Count your Days triples on set. Hey, I'm Kadan and I'm Devou and we're the Ellis's.
You may know us from posting funny videos with.
Our voice and reading each other publicly as.
A form of therapy.
Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes.
Sir, we are.
We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of my's most taboo topics.
Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Were about to take philosof to a whole new level.
Dead Ass starts right now. All right, y'all, it's funny.
I just realized where the story time is.
Tell us about a time when you realize trivial was the coolest person you ever met, Like ever, first time I met Trible real quick was at Stitcher Studio.
We were in LA.
We had finally moved, We already had the podcast underway. We were recording in New York near Bryant Park, and then once we made the transition over to LA with the whole family, that's when we finally met you at Stitcher. At that point, were you already there or were you working on our podcast while we were in New York?
I can't remember.
No, I was someone else, right, Yeah, okay, I think it was just Tiffany. At the time, I was living in Chicago and then they made me move.
To LA uh huh.
And then I started working on y'all's podcast, right, and I remember them telling me like, this is the podcast you'll be working out on, like when I was kind of in the interview process because I had to get like a new role at the company to start working with y'all. So I was like a married couple, a straight married couple, like I ain't even about to be into it. And the first I was upseessed, I was like, oh my god, I can't believe.
People like that.
Did it make you think about potentially being straight.
But this last breakup did like this thirty six about I'm thirty six and by the time this comes out, Yeah, that's making me want to be straight.
Oh shit, man.
Is it hard in these streets for a lesbian woman?
I mean, yeah, it is hard for me. I think I'll just be on trash and I don't realize it.
So it's the type of people, yeah, that you are encountering.
It is.
I think I'm attracting people. I have such a dynamic personality pretty much you.
Here exactly like what's not to love?
And I think that people, the people that I attract, they want to be me. They don't necessarily want to be with them. So I feel like they want me to save them from being introverted or save them from being like bored.
You know what I'm saying.
So they're looking for entertainment essentially. Yes, that's that's what I think, right, But you want to be entertained.
I want to be entertained.
I want to be at some point, you know what I'm saying. Somebody Triple said the dms are open.
They wide open, but today we're doing listener letters.
Yes, so this is gonna be fairly interesting that I was not in town, you know, so we hear, and I figured who better to do listener letters than me and Triple You sift through them, you see them. You're in charge of the dead ass advice Gmail dot com.
Amen.
And I mean, you see a lot of things up in that email box.
And I'd be having a lot of opinions, a whole lot. But I can never say have.
A chance to say yeah.
I mean sometimes in the after show you give your two cents, but not always about the listener letters the show.
Yeah, I could I be one to email some of y'all back, like you didn't get a therapist.
This is not the place, listen, John that zero will finds you a hero exactly.
But luckily I am an unlicensed therapist. So I think I'm gonna give some good advice tucky.
For us today. Well, you know, a quick storytime. Tell me if you're gonna give me a story time about the time you got some really bad advice.
I'll be thinking about this all the time. I remember when I started working, I must have been in high school and I wanted to buy like a pair of boots or something that was one hundred dollars and I probably had like one hundred and twenty dollars, and I told my step mom, like, I want to buy these boots for one hundred dollars, and she said, it's your money. And that piece of advice plays in my head every time I want to buy something I can't afford.
So that has to be the worst advice that I've ever got because I use it to make that regularly all the time.
You justify it by say it but it's my money though, yes, exactly, And I'm gonna make some mold spend that, so I'm gonna spend it.
They say, that's what the song said.
Karaoke time, so Triple K prepared with karaoke. It's giving that you have like a whole juke box of your head.
Yeah, I do.
Is it giving ninety ninety two thousands or is.
It ninety ninety two thousands?
I love old school same when I was a kid, I used to play like music from the seventies and my sister would be like, put on Jah Rule.
Can we listen to John Rule, Shauncey, Jolie Baltimore.
No, I'm trying to listen to this everything. I'm trying to listen to Marvin Gaye in here.
I mean, I like that. Want to listen to Steely Dan and this bitch?
Yeah?
You know what I really liked.
I didn't know who sang the song the song Sarah Smile, and I was like, I don't know.
I love I always say if I was born like in the sixties, I would have been a halling Oats groupie.
Yeah it's giving that giving that I can get the field too. It's just so halling Oaks.
It's definitely would have been on the road.
With list saying okay, now, so we got for karaoke today?
What's the matter with your life? Why you gotta mess with mine? Don't keep sweating what I do because I'm gonna be just by.
If I want to take a guy home with me tonight, it's not your buzzads. And if she want to be in.
The freaking sell it on the weekend, it's not your business. Now, who dope trying to take with mine? I tell you one more time.
It's not your business.
That's who do you think you are putting your cheap too? Since sin, that's my favorite part. I wish the song end it right there. That's my favorite part.
So good. I didn't even remember that part. But it's so, I mean, we're gonna give it two cents because that's clearly why y'all rote in today.
That's such an appropriate song. Who do I think I am putting my cheap suess and sin that Triple exactly.
That's who it is. That's who it is. You got two cents to pay these Billso is a question.
I ain't got nothing on it.
And listen, if it's your money, what did you say?
My say? And I want it? Now? Wait? What commercially have you g work worth? Ain't seven seven cash?
Now?
Ain't cash? No?
Oh my god, I cannot even do. This is gonna be a great episode, y'all. We just over here, Kiki and cackling and all that stuff, were about to get into your business. So stick around. Triple's gonna get the two cents. She's gonna find it to pay these bills, and we're gonna come back that we're here discussing triples curls. It's giving.
I could do this.
I could do a ponytail, I can blow dry, and that's what you're gonna get.
Oh, I've seen it. I've seen you pull it together.
Baby, Yeah, I pulls it pulls it. That's one thing you do.
You walking here looking like a whole hole boat and then we like tripple. We got a party or something to go to. It's the that was birthday dinner and she comes out looking like a whole glass Candleope, now orange, I love it.
I love that. Yeah, it was.
It wasn't getting orange, it was getting CANDLEO. It was.
It was nigger in it.
She sure was. That's a fact. Dial Back the footage Patreon Ganggang. You can see you'll get exclusive content there.
It was giving genetically modified carrot.
Oh baby, not the GMO with the thick ass carrot, leaving.
Carrot residue everywhere you go, that orange ink. All right, now, let's get serious. Time to get into y'all's business. I'm gonna go ahead and read these listening letters and triple you will feel free to jump in with me, and we are going to see how we could help y'all through these situations, because one thing y'all have, the situations are going to situate all right now. Number one, Hey, y'all, so me and my husband have been married for five years.
I'm twenty nine and he is thirty. Right now, we aren't living together because our house is being repaired. I'm at my dad's and he doesn't want my husband. Oh, we don't want his husband. Your husband there, okay with that. Initially we were all staying here, but my husband felt uncomfortable, so he went to stay with at his grandma's house. We have four kids and they're staying with me. Since we've been apart, my husband has gone clubbing. We don't
do clubbing. I knew nothing about it and found out because I was checking my ePass statements or easy pathspath or epas. Okay, easy Paths is New York or the northern side of thing.
Yes.
Then I found out that after the club he went with his homeboy to a girl's house, that his homeboy has been having an affair with. My husband claims that he's just sitting on the couch. Let's be real. There's always a friend at the house. But he's sticking to the script that he didn't do anything. Every time his dirt comes to light, he lies about it and I have to pull information out of him.
He will never willingly say it.
He says he's been going through a lot mentally with being apart from his family, but I mean, I'm just as alone while trying to take care of all four kids by myself.
I'm ready to leave. My peace. Insanity is more important to me.
I've sacrificed so much, and all he's done is take He tries to gaslight me and say, if if I'm allowed my own mind, the devil and the devil, wait, if I'm allowed my own mind and the devil.
To not trust him?
Like, boy, your lies and secrets are causing me not to trust you. There have been about three or four other instances where he lied about stuff I found out about. So this isn't the first situation. I want some advice because I'm ready to bounce. I'm not a believer in staying because of the kids. My parents did more damage to me and my siblings with all that flip flop bs hmm.
What we talking about over here?
Well, I will start by saying I am not a believer either in keeping it together for the kids. I mean, I have had moments where we've, like you know, over the years, been like damn, like do we stick around or do we not? And then you do think about the kids. I mean that's a thing. But I also realized the damage and staying around for the kids. But
let's talk about homeboy being out in these streets. I think this is like a was this a pass for him to be like, Oh, I had a little freedom because no one's clocking my in and outs.
Yeah, I think so. I feel like he was already doing dirt. First of all, here's my advice. Okay, okay, if you really want to get down to the bottom of it, you need to hit up that friend's wife and tell her what you know. Oh, because then you're gonna blow the whole spot up and find out what really went on.
Okay, that's all you gotta do.
So wait, Triple, you're saying that she needs to stick her nose in some other married people's business.
He threw he threw his friend under the bus.
So I feel like and that's probably if if he's not telling the truth, that's what he's banking on, is that she's not gonna put her nose in other married people's business. But he put the business out there, so now he can't really control what she does.
Wait, but did he say that the friend was married, Because it says after finding out he went to the club with his homeboy to a girl's house that his homeboy was having an affair with.
So I would assume yeah, right, because.
Either somebody somebody's married. Let's say the friend is married.
Yeah.
Man, I don't know about.
Like blowing the whole operation up.
Do you think to get to the root of the problem, that she should just like blow everything up and just be like, listen, here's what's happening.
Well, or I mean, I guess you can make an empty threat to the husband, like, oh, I'm gonna just call such and such a wife and see if she knows about homegirl. Oh, because I don't feel comfortable knowing this information. If she finds out and the husband is that they thrown each other under the bus, right, he gonna be like, well, so I'm gonna call him Curtis.
I don't know why he feel like a Curtis. Well, Curtis was over there with me.
Like, then Curtis is gonna be like I told my wife, and then the lady gonna be trying to fight your wife.
Right, Why don't you say something before this kind of thing? I mean, maybe not too. I don't know if they have the kind of relationship where she is close with homeboy Curtis's wife.
Let's say that she could.
Feel comfortable to do it, But I mean, I'm also wondering what the underlying issue is here because she did say this has happened a couple of times. So has this just sparked her feeling like, you know what, maybe things haven't been on the up and up anyway. So this house repairs to situation is maybe forcing both of them to see where they really want to exist. Yeah, because being married five years, I mean it's really not that long. No, I don't know how long they've been
together with four kids. She's twenty ninety, he's thirty. So I mean the history there and the time frame is really not that what's the word seasoned for lack of a better word, Like, it's not that they've been together for like ten years, twenty years, you know.
So it's hard to say.
Him that her dad knows something about him that she didn't disclose in the letter, because she did say her father doesn't want him there, which I can.
Want to be a dad instant, like a man to man, like he know, like, oh, this is the game moving right?
Yeah, it seems like that because if I would I would say, if the dad has his shit together enough that her and four kids can come stay at his house. He's a kind of man with a little bit of substance, maybe a little bit.
That's a good point you brought up, because actually kind of glazed over that. But yeah, what's the underlying reason? That's what that would be my follow up question to her, what's the underlying reason why your father would didn't want his son in law with his wife, which is his daughter, right and grandchildren.
Yeah, because when I first read it, I thought maybe that was her boyfriend, because you know, old school parents be like, you ain't sleeping in the air with no you know what I'm saying.
But that's her husband. They're married.
Yeah, for short, Devin, I definitely had moments when we were dating. I remember one time in particular, we both were doing something. We were both exhausted, like I was doing something. He came home from practice or whatever, and we literally were in his sister's room. Parents weren't home. We were dating at the time. It was college, and we were in his sister's room and we were just talking and I remember him falling asleep like one way
on the bed and I fell asleep. We probably made like a v Like we were not even like cuddle canoodling, like clothes.
On, everything, just like passed out sleep.
And Devell's mom came in and saw us, and she she just looked at us in the bed and then she just went downstairs. Oh right, and then she called out to the two of us, like, come on down real quick.
I want to talk to you. So he looked to me.
He was like like because one thing, his mom and dad, like their family do these family caucuses. So I went downstairs with him and his mom is sitting there in the kitchen and she has a couple of ice and she has a can of pepsi and a straw and she said, so she's He's like, yeah, ma, and she's just like motions for us to sit. She don't even say that, She's like motions. I'm like, was she the Godfather? Like what are we doing here? You know?
So she motions for us to sit. So we sit.
It's getting awkward. There's a silence there. So she pops the top of her pepsi and then she starts slowly down, I mean, not making eye contact nothing like she was focused on like opening her pepsi.
She poured it over the ice. You know, you watch like we're all watching the.
Fizz like do this like it goes down.
Then she takes the straw and she slowly likes circulates the ice.
And the pepsi.
And then finally, after at least about two minutes, she's just like, did I miss the wedding?
Oh my god?
And I was like, oh, no, about hit the.
It's giving out of wedlock vibes, it's giving shacking up.
And Deval was like, yo, ma, why are you being on dramatic and stuff like that.
We wasn't even you know, Deval in true devoal form.
Let his mom have it. And I'm just like looking at the two of them. You know that dog that's on the memes now that be like looking back and forth. And I was like, what the hell is happening here?
So saying that to say, now that they're married, you would think that dad would be like, all right, it's my son in law, my family together. But it's giving that there's definitely some sort of like it's like, so it's giving the husband could not wait for a little bit of leeway to be able to just be outside, and the fact that he doesn't even feel comfortable saying to her like I'm going out you have to find
out through the ePass statements. And he's staying at a girl's house, I mean a friend's house where girls are and there's access and all of that. The fact that you have to pull information out of him clearly is giving. That.
It's giving more like.
He has something to hide, because if if he didn't, he would just be like, yo, I'm going out here, like there's nothing to do with it. I'm at granny's house, Like what are we doing. We're not watching Golden Girls at night, like I want to.
Go and chill.
Right, And I'm a firm believer in you cannot tell your partner what to do. Just because you do something or you don't do something, it doesn't mean that your partner has to.
Do or All right, that's a good point, but if.
You're in a relationship with somebody, you have to be brave enough to be honest with them about where you differ. You know, like you might not want to go to the club, but I want to go to the club. I like hanging out with my friends. I like being a part of the messy bullshit be cause I feel like there is a chance that he could have went to his friend's mistress's house with him and just didn't want to go back to his granny's house.
So he like, I'm gonna just chill over here. I'm gonna chill here on the couch.
If the mistress got kids, they got carpri sons, snacks and shit, he like, I'm gonna stay over.
Here real quick. We're then got the.
Kids snacks that I like, you know, but very true. If he's not being open enough to tell her and he's just pretending like, oh, yeah, we don't go to the club. I don't like one to the club. I feel like there's so many more lies, right, And.
If it mattered enough to him, he could have just been like, babe, like, yeah, I'm at home boys house. Yeah he's doing his thing, but that's their business. Like I'm not getting involved in it, but I'll just be here chilling because we're traveling together.
Or whatever the case may be.
It's just the fact that he's not having the conversation with her, and it almost is given like she's just been looking for a reason to bounce.
Yeah, And it also is kind of giving like she might not be making it easy for him to be honest or easy for him to want to be a respective truth. Yeah, because he I mean, I feel like him being like, oh, it's hard on me because I'm not with my wife and my kids. Like that's a lie. If you wanted to be with him, you would have been with him and said at the club in fact, but obviously, like it seems like he's not really taking an issue with being away from her.
He like, oh god, thank god, it's almost like giving life. Yeah, I'm out this bitch.
You're so young, Like you're not even thirty yet, you definitely still want to go have fun. Yeah, you're definitely still not at your height of maturity or at your tiredest, even with four years, you.
Know, because baby before kids. At forty, it's a different ball game.
It's definitely one thing I feel like I do, and sometimes it can be to a fault, but I look at what I'm doing to contribute to a situation as well, Like you're not, you know, being honest with me, Am I making it easy for you to be honest the.
Club, I don't want to go to the club.
Is that something that I you know, and being too rigid about Is there a way that I can be more flexible.
Right.
Oh, yes, she may not be giving him like a safe space to feel like he can even express how he feels.
I think that that's a good side I could.
All right, So we came a long way in talking that the.
Friend give her a call, do what she's up to, you know, blow the shit up real quick. Maybe you don't have to say nothing right off back, but get to talk and see what it's like.
How things are going on that side. Yeah, I love that.
Good luck to you, says Hopefully you guys can find some kind of common ground and if there's things that's just not working out, you know, though I'm not going to be the first one to be like leave, get a divorce or but you know, it's given that there's some underlying shit that's been happening for a while, festering, and this just kind of exposing it now for you guys. So good luck to you all right on to the
next one, and hello Devalen Kadeen. I know both of you will read this, but Kadeen, I could really use some advice from one wife to another. My husband and I have been together in all for twelve and a half years, that's dating and marriage, and I'm not writing to complain about my marriage. We are still very much in love and I'm happily married. I feel this issue I'm having is more to do with me, and it's
affecting how I feel about being married. I met my husband when I was twenty three and he was twenty nine, and I had only one serious relationship before him. We fell in love almost immediately, moved in together when I was twenty five, and by twenty seven I was walking down the aisle. Now that I'm thirty six, I've been finding myself reflecting more on life. Sometimes I wonder did I get married too soon? Although I love my life.
Now that I'm four years from forty, I wonder if I really gave my self a chance to experience life before marriage. I got with my husband when I was pretty young, and mostly all of my life's experiences has been with a partner. I never felt like I was truly an independent woman because I always had my husband to fall back on. It's crazy, but I've been feeling this way a lot lately, and I wonder if it's too late in my life for me to feel fulfilled
in other ways. Just my marriage. I haven't spoken to my husband about my feelings. It's not like he's doing anything wrong as a husband, and I don't want him to feel like I'm attacking him. Honestly, like I said before, maybe it's just me. I spent my years being a loving, dedicated partner, and somehow I feel like I've lost myself in the process. I want to grow in so many other ways than just being someone's wife. My husband and I never had children, and I'm still a lot older.
But I'm still a lot older now. Is it too late for me to get started focus on me and figure out what I want? Is it normal for me to feel this way? Thanks for any advice. That's literally was me. Yeah, that literally was me. I mean I met Devell and we started dating in college, right eighteen, nineteen years old, babies prior to him two or three. You know guys that I spoke to in high school,
so really didn't know who I was. And it's difficult when you are grown with someone trying to grow as an individual, grow alongside someone while considering someone's feelings at the same time.
Like, that's a lot to juggle.
So I start by saying, hey, no, you are not, you know, weird for feeling this way.
I feel like when you approach.
A milestone birthday, which I did at thirty and forty, it's like you tend to reflect on like, Okay, where's life going now.
It's like that getting to.
The top of the roller coaster, and it's like you're looking down and you're looking around, and.
You're like, did I make the right decision?
And then you get to the top and it's just like free falling from there. I've also felt in many moments too, like did I just not have a chance to explore? And that's not to explore with other men per se or sexually or anything. It's just like, am I really sure of who I am at this age?
Yeah?
What would I do if my partner wasn't here? Right? You know?
What could I do if I wasn't having to consider somebody else?
Yeah?
And I think it's really a blessing that she doesn't have kids. The reason why I picked this letter is because I feel like you're kind of at that stage now where you're like, Okay, let me figure out what it is that I want to do just for me, and I am at the stage where I'm like Okay, I'm tired of being independent for the bird.
And that's funny.
I was going to say to you Tribble, like, do you feel that much more fulfilled because you haven't had to consider anybody else.
I feel like I'm at the point in my life where I feel like I've done everything that I've wanted to do for myself and by myself. That I could happily go into a season or a new lifetime of my life considering some one else. I think that that would be a happy transition for me, because I've spent all this time doing things that I want just for me and whatever I want to do whenever I want to.
Do it right.
But I also had times in my early twenties or my mid twenties, I'll say, like approaching thirty, where I felt like I was getting too old, it was too late for me to do certain things.
My career wasn't where it was supposed to be.
Yeah, And after twenty nine things started to move in a direction because I had been working on it.
Yeah.
So I feel like as long as you come to the awareness and you start to do something about it, you know time it will only get better with time.
That's a good point you made.
I think there's that mental shift that's happening now for women particularly. I say that because we have a timeline, right, especially if you do plan to have children, So you're looking at this like twenties as the time where you should be figuring everything out. So by that way, by the time you're hit thirty, like you should be hitting the ground running with whatever it is that you want
to do. Yeah, but we're finding more and more now that people are like delaying that process, and not necessarily because they want to, but it's because they haven't found the right situation, the right partner. They are, they have career goals, financially, associo economically, they just can't do the things they want to do. So I feel like our generations particularly is starting to kind of move the goalposts
on that timeline a bit. But there's something about that like end of twenties, early thirties that really make you feel like, oh my god, I'm running out of time. But I will say when you hit that mid to late thirties, hitting forty, you kind of have found your rhythm and you're like, Oh, all the shit I used to worry about before, I'm not really as worried about it. Why Because I've put the work in, because I know
more of what I want. I've had the life experience, I have the wisdom, you know, I'm in a place where I can better decide, like, Okay, now here is what I want moving forward. So her being thirty six now and having like this reflection moment and like feeling like, damn, have I done enough? It's still not too late, And the fact that you have a husband who is supportive, I think it's worth having the conversation with him.
Absolutely, that's the good thing about it. You don't have any kids, so it's not like you're held back by.
Anything, right or your fuck ups will then impact exactly anybody.
You can try to do whatever you want to.
And your husband, if he's supportive, he's a good husband, because it sounds like her just wanting to protect his feelings even shows that they have and like mutually supportive emotional relationship, which sure sounds kind of healthy. Yeah, So yeah, I think that it would be great for both of them, because he probably feels that in a way too, Like if they've been doing everything together since their early twenties, he probably feels like, oh, man, I don't really get
to do like this and that they might have. I don't know if they have friends or if he has a career that she doesn't feel like she has, but there's nothing really holding her back from him. Yeah, I think that maybe they just don't understand because some people are taught like in relationships, you are with your husband and that's it. Like I have aunts who one of my aunts spends like all of her time with her husband, their best friends. They do everything together and it's cute.
But it's like, I mean, do y'all have friends outside of this?
So happy? I mean right?
Like do you shame people? But just like are always into each other because like we've had couples that come our you know, friends and stuff like that over the years.
Be like, oh my god, you guys are so obsessed with each other. Like yeah, like you still do that for each other, Like y'all still hug on each other.
You know, you have people who judge that, and I'd be just like we overhere minding our business, like what's the problem. Yeah, but I think the good thing here, Like you know, he's twenty nine or they've been together since twenty nine and twenty three, so it's still relatively young as well for a man, so you never know, since he might be feeling the same way too, there
may be things that he wants to do. And then I spoke to the val about this recently because we were joking about how we always have people at our house like kids, family, whatever, and this is how.
I'd be thinking, like I might have to get in a foster care soon, aka the residents.
But no, we're just like this always. So I'm here, always something happening, something's filmed me, like there's always something here. And then I look at the house.
And I'm just like, oh my god, Like there's shit all over the walls.
Like there's the holes from from balls being thrown downstairs and all that. And I told Devella, was like, this is not our house, like we just stay here, like we just oversee and pay for the footach, you know. And I'm like, I've never had a chance in life to just have my own apartment, have my own space. Like I have a friend who just recently bought a condo in Miami and that's like her like second spot
to just go and chill. And I was like I want that, Like I just want to go and have a spot that I can go to that's like all white and it's Florida ceiling glass. And but that's a dream that I've had because I hadn't had that in my twenties. I wasn't like that single independent woman working, which I know that would have probably been my story had I not met tove Right.
And that friend too, probably would trade your life.
That's a fact because she literally said to me, do you know.
Like I just want to be able to chill something.
I want to be able to say, you know what, I don't want to take that gig because my husband got it, like you know, and it's just so much so crazy how it's like a grass is always greenery about it. I want troubles fro and I don't have.
That, you know what I'm saying.
I'm trying to get the things that you got that I don't. You know what I'm saying.
It's not knowing all of the work. What's hard about it. You get the negative. You just get what looks good about it and what you don't have. We're always paying attention to the things that are not present. That's where discomfort comes, and that focus on what's not present.
Dis comfort, unhappiness, yes, ful filment, And so we should be looking at the things that we do.
Have exactly and how those things can aid you in your journey wherever you want to go from here. You have a supportive husband, you don't have any kids. I don't know if you have a job. I don't know if you have friends. But if you do have friends, lean on them for support. If you don't have friends, lean on your personality. I mean you rode into dead ass. So you like talking to strangers, you know.
What I mean? Family kind of.
Right now, you do not know these people, but you can use those same skills.
Like I moved to Rhode Island.
I got on bumble BFF to meet like other black women in Rhode Island because otherwise it seems like, you know, black people seem like they live underground in Rhode.
About to say all the black people in the Rhode Island, there are there are, There's like seventy five percent of black people in Rhode Island are foreign born.
So there's not really like any African Americans.
There's a lot of Dominicans, There's a lot of like Haitians, Cape Verdeans, a lot of Cape Verdians, a lot of Caribbeans, So yeah, they're somewhere, but I gotta find one exactly exact.
Nigga brick roads, you know what I'm saying.
So that's something you could do, like just you know, maybe one night you leave your husband at home and you go do something with some girls that you need, or go through something by yourself.
By yourself, because a lot of it seems like a self discovery for her. That's happening now too, and for hubby to not feel at you can approach it like baby, No, first of.
All, it's not you and me.
If you're starting there, they're like, yo, I love the life that we're building together. I love that you are supportive and you've provided this lifestyle for me where I have this level of.
Comfort, you know.
But as I'm just looking at some of the things, like maybe there's things I want to explore, you never know he might be able to help facilitate that for you or do it with you, or whether that's traveling, seeing new things, doing new things, like there's a lot of things. I have a friend of mine who actually devouts cousin who's doing like forty things before forty oh yeah, so like within this thirty ninth year of life, she's just trying forty new things cool. And that's the great
part about life. It's like there's always something that you can do. There's always a hobby that you can pick up. You didn't like shit before, you like it now great, Like, yeah, there's so many different things that you can get involved in. So I think it's a healthy conversation for you to
have with hubby. And there may be some things that you discover about him that he wants to do as well too, So that way you know he ain't at the club running up your easy past statement, and that's how you find it out he likes club.
You know what I'm saying.
I don't know what a men do when women aren't in the house by theyself. He might have he might got a real old fart he's been holding in, you know what I'm saying, and he wants you to leave down so he can let it.
Out or something and then basking it by yeah.
And just smell it like that seems like something men. I love pretending. I don't get.
Men at all, Like I love pretending, but I also like something that I wonder about straight women too, is do women do straight women feel like they have to be even if they've been together this long, that they have to live up to a certain expectation to keep their man like attracted to them, to keep some type of like.
Image, you know, because maybe if.
If she feels that way, maybe she feels closed up and she needs to like open herself up and not be afraid to even show her partner.
A part of her.
I mean, I do feel like I, personally, as a straight woman who's married to a man, feel the responsibility first to myself to just like maintain a level of how.
Do I feel?
Because if I feel like, if I feel good and whether that's physically, mentally, emotionally, inside whatever, then I can show up better for my partner. But I also do feel like a level of responsibility to maintain an image of like who my husband met like you met me
as a girlfriend, we were winding and dining. I looked a certain kind of way, like getting back there too is important for me for him, But like you said, it's like maybe she wants to peel back the layers of like, Okay, I've been having to maintain this image for a while or I don't want to say facade, but it's like, you know, you maintain a certain persona within a relationship, but it's okay to change, It's okay
to evolve. Like the whole point of it is that you should, like, you shouldn't be the same person at twenty three that you are now at thirty six, and you won't be at forty six.
You know, that's the beauty of life.
So my advice to you as we close out this listen another number two and take a quick break, is just to have that conversation with hubby and I think because you said he's been you've spent those years being a loving, dedicated partner and you feel like you've lost yourself in the process. It's okay to feel like that, like you've invested that time. But now see how he can pour back into you so your cup can be filled and overfloweth Darling, do way different, girl, A way.
We're gonna do this break situation real quick, okay, and then we're gonna move back.
Into more listening letters with Rebel. Did I say it right?
Trouble, Yeah, I still have. You haven't found the pennies yet?
No, No, I ain't got it.
I'm on now, I got Zell cash quick pay.
We got there's too many options, there's too many options. All we're gonna find some money to pay these bills and we'll be back with more listening letters and ask trouble. All right, and we are back chomping at the bits, ready to get into this third listening that are you ready, trips.
I'm ready?
All right, let's do it.
Chomping at the bits is wild, Like who says that, I don't know, I.
Have a whole like library of ship in your mind. Then I'd be like, why that's jumping at this?
I don't know.
As long as it's not showing my age, I'm fine.
That is like I don't want to be like, oh, like the aunties and aunties be saying like chomping at the bits.
Like, no, I don't think it's old.
It's like just when you have like a wide vocabulary of colloquialism, you could be highly relatable to any audience I love, and you always have something new to say, like yeah, that's good, that's why you're good at what you do.
Come on, give me my flowers. Come on, I'm gonna big you up. Plant me a garden.
Yeah, listen, when the ship takes off, I want you to remember these compliments.
Oh absolutely, be like, Triple stop, give me more. Well, let's be honest, let's be clear. At Stitcher, you did say that you could see me having a daytime.
Shit, I did, I really did.
So Triple was one of the first two to already foresee that and manifest.
Absolutely and then yeah, you know what I'm saying.
I love that for us. And now I was getting further affirmations here, like after sitting down, who was it, I think it was my sister or Be Simo.
Josh just like hey, like yo.
This is mad good kay, Like I ain't seen you in this light before gay And I was like, thanks, brother.
Yeah, I love it.
And I think I think Be Simone is very good at speaking too. But for somebody like her who has a podcast, who does some of the things that you do.
To be like, you're great at this.
That's the first thing she said once we were cut, and I was like, really, yeah, I'm like things, you know, because I'm a self sabotage. I got imposter syndrome, like a mug. I'll be over here doing all the things trying to avoid the inevitable. But like she did say, and you brought that to light to me this morning again, like the fear that you have around a certain situation is God like pushing you into that more.
Yeah, so I receive.
All of it.
And I definitely see myself in your experience in that specifically because I have that same that hesitation.
I don't want people.
To I don't want to be perceived, so I don't even be wanting to post on the internet. I'd be scared as hell. But what further you get, the more you inspired me to go further?
So, oh, I love that. For we did we just have a moment you did, We had a moment on camera with y'all. I love that.
Thank you say.
We're gonna do this together though we're gonna write this out together, the whole cruise all here.
I love that.
All right, Dear Devale KaDee, what dear Devalent Trible? I Rokadina Trible today.
Rather, I first want to say, I love you both so much, and I've been following your journeys since black love as a millennial who aspires to be happily married. I genuinely respect and value your perspective and outlook on healthy relationships.
Thank you.
Therefore, I would like to hear your opinion and advice on my current situation. So you're gonna get married and single? Okay, okay. I'm a twenty seven year old black woman and my boyfriend of almost three years is thirty three. We met at my old job, which I quit almost a year ago due to burnout. My boyfriend does not make nearly as much as I used to. We worked in the same building, but held different positions. Since I quit my job, I've been focusing on building my business while utilizing side
hustles to keep my business my bills paid. I et uber, lift, tutoring, freelance jobs, etc. So my boyfriend and I have recently moved in together a couple of months ago to help alleviate some of our financial stress.
Smart.
He is also offered to pay the full rent as opposed to going half like we agreed, because he understands that my money is funny right now. This brings me to my question, how do we prioritize quality time with a very limited resources living while living together? We often argue about this because he feels like we need money to go out on nice dates or do stuff, do
fun stuff. On the other hand, I can care more about the quality time instead instead of wait, hold on, sorry, you know I've been making up words while I read. I care more about the quality time itself than the money aspect. The most effort he'll make is putting something on Netflix for us to watch. Dating during quarantine and now living together has me Netflix and chilled out. I know it's only temporary, but I do want. I do not want our lack of money to negatively impact our relationship.
Should I just suck it up and be patient? Am I asking too much of him right now? Please help? First of all, could be.
Words that are not on the pit that is absolutely true.
Reading along like it doesn't say that that's not what.
It is, almost as I you know what happens. I'm building the story in my mind, so I'm already like reading the story before it happened, and then I get caught up when I actually get back to the script. Let me stop doing that. That's a bad habit of mind. And I do tend to read fast. That's my other problem. Listen to me, brain me and talk fast, read fast, walk fast.
All that stuff on the other hand, my brain moves very slow, so I'd be getting everywhere.
Mentioned up later.
And bitch can't read, especially if I have to read too much. I told you already, I was the kid that used to practice reading beforehand. And you know in class when you got to my portion of the passage, I'm in bad When somebody didn't get in the lineup.
It was, It's bad. It's bad, all right.
So to answer this girl's question today to I don't think you necessarily have to be married per se to have an opinion about this here too, I think you guys are making, first off, the right decisions for the financial portion of the relationship. Right so, right now, your money's a little funny, like you said, so deciding to get together. It's awesome that he's paying the entire rent while you get your situation together as well too. But it seems like their value in what or their idea
of what quality time looks like is different. Are you guys accustomed to doing more lavish more you know, outside that require money date night situations or not?
What's your take on these trips?
Yeah?
I picked this letter because in my previous relationship we had kind of this issue where.
We were bored. Like a lot of time we.
Would like spend weekends just watching movies, and a lot of that time would be because I'm like I don't want to spend money, and I make more money than her, and she pays more bills than I do, so when we did go on dates, I would feel like I
need to pay. We would go like out to dinner and eat everly nice places and you know, spend one hundred and fifty two hundred dollars on dinner or something like that, like you know, maybe a couple times a month, okay, but if you don't have that, I think that the burden does fall on one person sometimes to be the one who can actually go find something to do.
That's the hardest part.
Like people get overwhelmed with like, well how do I find something fun to do, and they just don't do it.
Don't do it?
Ye just end up not doing it?
Yeah, exactly.
And it also is I think a difference in mindset of like what the quality time looks like. So, for example, in your previous relationship, did you differ on like what that quality time looks like where you just felt like, you know what, as long as we're together doing something, it is quality time.
Yeah, I felt like, as long as we're together doing something, it's quality time. I think that she had kind of an idea in her mind about what I thought was fun. You know, that kind of made her a little bit unable to like step up to the plate, right, And then we would like Netflix.
And Jill a lot.
We like different movies, but we would kind of switch off on who kicks with you know what I'm saying, So because you also want to get to know your partner by.
Getting to know what they like.
Yeah, but there's a lot of free things to do in every city where you don't have to spend money, or you can take what you're already spending money on and making.
Activity out of it.
Like it's when it's warmer going into the fall, farmers markets are popping up in cities. Yeah, there are in the summertime. There's like festivals in most cities that you can go you don't have to spend any money, open and stuff like that picnic where you take your groceries, you know, maybe buy a bottle of wine to spend a lot of.
Money on that.
The one thing we would try to like play games, but it's hard to play games with just two.
You know what, im who's gonna be the banker?
It don't work.
So I definitely would rather be outside, Like let's find a new part of the city that we haven't been to, or a park that we haven't been to, a hike that we haven't done. Let's go in a group like we go on, well we used to before I got dumped.
Wait you were the dump e.
Yeah.
I've never broken up with anybody, so allest advice I'm giving all about leaving people, don't.
I've never done zero experience.
Oh man, But like group rides. Group you got a bike, you on a bike ride. That's fun, that's fun. You know,
We're sorry, go ahead. Free from before, there's a lot of things that you could do for free or with little money, even like in Chicago, I don't know what city they live in, but in Chicago they used to have brands would come to Chicago a lot and throw like brand events where you can try whatever like product they have, and they would collaborate with local artists and local creators to create some type of like activation.
And it was pretty much finding what your interest is. Yeah, you know there usually it's like liquor sponsors or something like that.
I hello, and then you go home and a drunk night at all with us unless y'all mad each other, y'all arguing and cry.
Unless you're like me and I fall asleep because I'd be having like a two drink next to the already know he's like depending on the drink and where we go in and how long to ride his home. Baby, I got bit about this much window before she is knocked out.
There's no return, there's no return.
But you know, you're absolutely right about that. I have a friend of mine, actually a couple that I know, and they are always outside, like always doing something, and it's just sometimes likes you said, it's just like they're at some like you know, ice cream pop up in the park, or like they're sitting down on the grass, like you know, playing cards. And what forced Devalen I to do that too was COVID, Like we were tired.
Of each other sitting in that house just looking at each other.
You got the kids everywhere, so we would just go back to the basics, like what did we like to do before we had money. Yeah, we like to play cards, we like to eat, just chill we put on Freaking R and B Nineties Your Nineties R and B, and we would just take drives, put the windows down, put our feet up, start snacking on some stuff, play some cards, play some music, sing at the top of our lungs.
You know, there's so many different ways that you can spend quality time, but it may be worth having the conversation with your partner to say, you know, what, what does quality time look like to you? And divalon I have disagree is as well when it comes to quality out of time because for me, sometimes quality time is like we're in the same space, we're in the same room.
Like that to me is like, okay, we're together, right.
But Devo likes active quality time where he feels like we are actually connected, we are actually having a discussion, they are actually touching and feeling like that for him is quality time because we're engaged and locked in. So sometimes I'm like, babe, we've been hanging out together, like I've been on a couch watch the TV. But but He's like that to me is not necessarily quality time
because we're not engaged with eat each other. So it might be worth having the conversation to say, you know what what does that look like for you, and then expressing to him like, Yo, we don't have to spend money all the time if we're going to be saving and you're making the sacrifice right now because this is the.
Season of life that you're in.
Because every relationship, every person has that sacrificial season, and they'd be maybe several throughout life where you have to just buckle down and say this is what it is right now, and it forces you to be creative, but it's also setting you up for more in the future, you know.
So I will say I have three pieces of advice for cheap dates and figuring out how to do more consistent dates.
I love actionable list.
So and I will say cheap not necessarily free. One of them is there's a lot of games out there now. We have one called I think it's just called where Should We Begin.
It's Esther Perell.
She's a famous couples therapy relationships therapist. She has a card game that has questions, so you get to kind of engage there. There's like prompts and then you have your own prompts and you answer based on what your
prompts are. So that helps you to actually connect. Even if y'all are having a Netflix and Chill night and you say, Okay, while we're having you know, in between episodes, let's pull a card or something like that where we can actually talk and connect, because maybe that is the thing about Netflix and Chilling, because you're just sitting there not talking talking exactly.
It's like blending it in conversation game.
Yeah, and I don't want to spend the money on it because it's probably maybe twenty five dollars.
Make one yourself.
I'm sure it's probably googleable too, right.
I made a game one time, Yeah, a conversation game. There's also one called The End that's for relationships. Red Table Talk has won. There's a bunch of them, but that's one thing. Two is subscribe to your local newspaper because newspapers are yes, I don't get the I don't get the physical I get the digital version. Because every week usually there's always like a culture reporter and they're going to report on what's going on in your city.
So if there's a new art installation, if there's an event coming up, if there's a new venue or restaurant or something like that, they're going to write about it. So you always know, like what's on the post in your city, but there's also usually a list, like a roundup of what's going on this week, and it's stuff that you probably wouldn't think to do, so you'll be able to create new.
Experiences.
It's interesting you said that because I was actually looking for the kids for that. You know, still like being from New York and now here only three years, it's still like a lot of things I don't know, they haven't seen a lot of like what's in our quote unquote backyard. So I just like google literally things to do in the area for kids, and there's so many things that was stuff for adults, like, yeah, that's a good idea, the local newspaper. I don't even think of that.
Yeah, Google is a good one. Instagram is also good.
If you search hashtags like hashtag your city, hashtag like your city and something you're interested in doing, like Atlanta nightlife or gay Atlanta or you know, whatever it is that you're interested in.
Follow those hashtags and you'll.
Start to see like posts or look at who uses them and follow those if they're like event hosts or whatever, then you'll start to see like what's going on.
Yeah, the algorithm. Algorithm will push it your way for sure. It's funny, Mom and I was talking to my mom about date nights and stuff. I'm like, yeah, I'm trying to find some pluf for date nights. So I got me me on the prow. Maybe be sending to me all the dms like here's a nice date night spot. Try something new here, you know. So yeah, they're out there.
To sign up for a couple of newsletters. So you get those emails and you know. The third thing is create a shared calendar and start putting those events that you find.
Even if you're not able to go.
If there's like a weekly something or a monthly something, just put it on the calendar so that you know, if you're bored on a Saturday night, you take a look at the calendar and say, oh, this is happening tonight, let's go, let's just check it out.
Let's just check it out. I have an open mind, right, exactly right, And if the event sucks, what do you do? Leave exactly and go home Netflix and.
Talk about it. That's another way to connect. That's how you can.
Trash the event was exactly all right, awesome, good luck to you guys as you kind of rebuild, and I hope you find a really good job soon where you can get back on your feet and you can have those nice date nice.
That you used to. You need to get a job. That's number one.
Let's be worried about date night. You need to be working on your resume. Let's have a date night where we apply.
That's heavy as.
Fuck, heavy assay in that one triple way to bring our back to reality. Oh my gosh, all right, hey Kadeen in treble, what you know?
First off, I want to say I love y'all. I feel like y'all are my older cousins or something.
Okay, I'll tak an older cousin as long as you can't call me on all right. Yeah, I need some advice on how to get rid of this sadness and anger I've built.
Up towards my dad.
Oh okay, I feel that it is ruining a lot of my friendships, relationships and more. A lot of people tell me the first sign of a little trouble I take off. Not too long ago, I was locked up in the hospital for suicidal thoughts.
Oh man.
As I started talking to my therapist, there were a lot of things I had to unpack. One of those things was how I feel towards my dad. My therapist then told me the only way I can get past this is if I had a conversation with my dad. I asked if he could go, could do therapy, a therapy session with me, and he refused. The whole time I was locked up in the hospital, he did not come or talked to me on the phone. Now, there are a couple of reasons why I feel this anger
towards my dad. When I was a child and I would make him mad, he used to call me a fat ass. I got picked on at school for being fat all the time, but to hear it at home was worse. Man, I'm not going to say that I was all innocent, because I was not. I'm an aries the bell, and one thing about us is we're going to say what's.
On our mind. That's absolutely.
To others it may sound harsh, but we're just brutally honest. So I was washing dishes, talking junk about him, acting like my sister and I were his slaves that.
He could clean up. Sometimes. He told me that's what he had kids for. Man, Man, I.
Didn't mind cleaning but some days I would finish washing dishes and he would go cool a cook, go and cook a full course meal, and it would only be for him. He then would leave all the dishes in the sing for me or my sister to wash them. So this particular day I was going back and forth with him. As I was washing the dishes. I said something really smart, and he said, who do you think you are? I said my full name and said that that's who I am. He slapped me in my face.
I was so shocked and hurt, but I slapped him back. Then he grabbed me by the throat and started choking me. Oh lord, I grabbed a knife and put it by his throat so he would let me go.
Man.
Now, when we didn't wash the dishes, take the garbage out, garbage out, or do the laundry, he would call us some lazy whoes, lazy hoes, or worse. It wouldn't apologize and try to do better. It was an ongoing thing. He would wait two or three days after something major happened and try to give us money or take us out to eat. When we would bring it up, he would do that he could do better. He would say, well at least I stayed unlike my dad. Wow, so he have his own dad issues. My mama is in
my life. They're actually married, but he never did those things in front of her. I would cause I was wondering, like, where's mommy future? She was just raised by dad, but mom was there. I would ask her why she's still married to him because they sleep in separate rooms. She would say, your dad is not that bad. You have some kids. Oh, you have some kids that get raped and stuff by their father. Wow, that's so, that's the
quote what her mom would say to her. Well, we all still live together, but we don't talk to him. I feel like a father is supposed to teach his daughters how a man should treat her. My sister has two real had had two real relationships that have ended because the guys were abusive. I know I don't want that, but it seems like that's all we attract. No, I don't want to be in the club when we don't find No, I don't be in the club when these
guys find us. We are in restaurants, movies, stores, and college.
So she's basically trying to figure out how not to be pissed off as somebody who keeps pissing her off.
Wow. I picked this one because heavy, heavy, heavy stuff.
Yeah, this is way heavier than anything I've ever been through my parents, except for my dad calls me fat every time I see him.
I mean at this point too, that's like a term of endearment.
I feel like even with like within my culture, it's like when you see someone that is like, wow, girl, get the infect it. Look you're looking healthy.
That's like a sign of like happiness. And I'm like, no, no, that's not what he's saying.
That's because I've always been very small, like I'm pa teen in then, and so my dad and my dad does not know how to show loving kindness, like affection. He thinks that he's being funny and he's really just being mean.
Right or is he trying to like share truth in es that's like really not just it's mean.
It's just mean.
He doesn't know he he does a lot of Somebody was saying, like they have to say, honey. I think Jazzy was saying that he gives a lot of vinegar. My dad is vinegar a lot of But I have just learned to either not respond or to be like I don't talk to.
Me that way.
Does it really bother you?
Though? Yeah, it does it used too.
Now it's just kind of annoying because I'm just like, why don't you think of anything else to say? Right?
This is the first thing.
I don't live at home, you know, so when I see my dad, it would be nice for him to say, oh, it's good to see you, but to say I see you're getting fatter, and I'd be like, what the fuck?
Bro? So, how is your relationship been with him? Just like growing up? Has it been a thing where it's been a bit tumultuous or like he just has always had like.
A We've had our tumultuous times. He's definitely not like this, like right, not abusive, not abusive. He's you know, more of a caretaker than this, you know, but it's just not affectionate.
Yes.
And my mom in the same way she grew up, she was mean to us growing up, And so I have had to talk to many a therapist about my relationship with my mother. And something that they say that I hate to hear is like, you're an adult now, child anymore. You get to decide what to do with this relationship. You don't have to sit there and take it. You don't have to put yourself in a position that feels bad for you, but you do have to take
care of yourself. That's your responsibility now it's no longer their responsibility.
It's funny you say that, because the first thing that came to mind to me is like, I don't care the fact that he's your father, Like fuck that, nigga, Like why should you still subject yourself to this kind of treatment, especially because you were clearly abused, Yes, as a child, it's clear that your father was also abused in some capacity as a child, And to him, it's like, I'm here and my father wasn't so be happy for that.
I had you here to take care of me, because he probably has his own abandonment issues with his mother, father, whoever, whatever his situation was growing up.
And I applaud you, says for being in.
Therapy now because you're trying to work through these things, because I hate to hear that you've had suicidal thoughts. You were locked up in the hospital, your father didn't care to come and show up. It's probably also him too, knowing what drove you there, and he doesn't want to face that either you know, but I'm at the point now and it could just be you know, forty year Oldkidinge or I'm just like I don't care who you are, Like, I don't have to subject myself to being in your presence.
I have boundaries.
If you don't want to respect them, I'm going to still enforce them anyway and just make sure that I'm living in accordance. What makes me insane? You know, at the very least, your sanity at this point should be priceless. And it's crazy that you feel like, you know, damn, this is my parent. Clearly her mom too as well, having to kind of see this stuff happening from the sidelines. I know she said a lot of things didn't happen at least to her mother's knowledge in front of her mom.
But you know, there's some abuse probably going on to with mom and dad, Like there are separate rooms for a reason. You know, mom probably knows exactly who she's dealing with as well too. And if her response is like, your dad's not that bad some kids have are they getting raped and stuff by their father?
Like how is that a response to your daughter.
Which sounds like your abuse up to a certain point, right, instead of recognizing that trauma is all relative, you know what I'm saying, and that shouldn't be happening either.
Rape should be happening, you know what I'm saying.
Sexual abuse shouldn't be happening, but neither should verbal or physical abuse either.
Like, none of that is acceptable.
And some people just have stayed in the situations so long that they've learned to accept it.
And that's what you don't want to do.
Don't have to be.
It doesn't have to be.
But the longer you stay in it, the longer it's going to become your normal. I also had to learn that your body. There's a book called The Body Keeps the Score, and that's literally what happens when you get around your father or somebody who has done you wrong in a way, especially if it's a physical abuse situation.
Your body is going to react before your mind does.
So, even if you're in the house and you feel like, oh, I'm not talking to him, you know, and that's fine, it's not I'm sure you feel tense when I'm sure those suicidal ideations are coming from your body reacting to this, to the environment that you're in with the person and that you're with the abuser.
Your body is.
Saying like you're in danger, and your mind reacting to that is giving you these like thoughts of sadness and depression and wanting to end your life because you are in a dangerous situation that you cannot get yourself out of.
You know what I'm saying.
Your body is like, this is mortal danger because we're here. We're stuck here, you know what I'm saying. So I would say you have to find a way to separate yourself, at least for a time, from your dad, you know, and from the things that aren't healthy for your mental health.
Yeah, I wonder how old this person that she sounds young?
Yeah, she didn't give it any age here because I was wondering to at this point, you know, can she separate herself? Can she be in a different environment. Can she move out and live with, you know, someone else.
Can you be on your own for a little bit, Like to me, I think that would be the first step in creating that boundary where you have it's the sane space to exist where you live, Like when you walk through your front door, whatever those four walls look like for you should be a safe space exactly, and a haven for you, not somewhere that you go to to further elevate your anxiety.
Right.
Yeah, So good luck to you, sis as you try to navigate what this would look like.
But I think you're in the right place. First off.
I'm with therapy knowing that your life is valuable. You are enough. You don't have to be a product of your environment. It's going to probably take some work, you know, to get through this. But just because this person is your father does not mean that he needs to stay active in your life.
Because he's clearly not active in a good way.
It does not. Yeah. No, couldn't be me, darling, couldn't be.
Me neither, for sure.
Good luck to you, sis. This is a really good time with your t I think it needs to be a thing. If you want this to be a thing, y'all, let us know, right and I let us know. Give us some feedback on Patreon comment about it. I think this is dope, and I think I loved having you here for a change. I mean, I feel like, after freaking fourteen seasons, it's about time we put you in front of the camera.
I know you know what I'm saying. And the haters didn't want me to be here.
You know what I'm saying, But look at them now, look at them now, look at them now, look at you? Now? How can people feel like, you know, trible? Like this? Even this shirt that I'm wearing here today, Triple got it for me because she saw it and she was like, man, I was thinking, if you can I saw this ABC D dead ass D dead ass?
Yeah, I love the brand who made them?
Yeah, who's the brand that made that? I really like that. It's super clever. But yeah, keep writing them, y'all, to these instla letters. I think I might just bring you back for the listener that episode because this is fun because.
I'll be reading them and I'll be like, y'all are insane.
Chopping at the big at the beds now?
This is This is the entertainment that I get as a mom before with a husband.
That keep me busy. I like to know what's going on.
In the world, y'allma this way, Yeah.
It's very more interesting.
Keeps giving his pulse in the community, you know what I'm saying, his pulse will Triple go ahead and tell them where if they want to write in his listen letter, tell them where they can find you.
You can write in too, dead ass Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E A d A S S A d V I c E at gmail dot com. That was a really great job.
Save that moment. I popping in there another time or two. Where can they find you?
Though?
Like, talk about ask Trible really quick before we go, because you too have launched your own no thing you're doing here now called ask Trible, So this is the perfect opportunity to tell people what it is you trying to do girl, or what you're doing not trying, you're doing it.
Yeah, most people find me when I'm when I get to plug my stuff on dead Ass, so I appreciate that.
Dope.
Ask Trible at ask Trible on Instagram, or you can go to tribstcool dot com. I offer coaching for new podcasters and existing podcasters. If you're an independent podcaster and you want to learn how to take your podcast to the next level, you can hit me up at tribsdcool dot com schedule your coaching session. You know, I give you two three hours of my time and follow up if you like that. If you want to just follow me personally and see because.
She's a freaking riot. As you should.
I'll just be doing ship on the internet.
I already told Triple that she needs to become some sort of wedding correspondent. Make it a thing, because people have people, they pay people to host weddings like MC weddings. You would be you would have such a market that would be high a trible for your wedding. Let me tell you she's going to do hosting MC and correspondent works.
She'll interview your guests, amen custom package. That would be dope.
You can interview folks on on the spot. You can eat, you can drink, you can have a good time. You might meet your boo there at wedding. That's the best, the best place because.
The girl under them dresses, they want to get their little you know what I'm saying, wedding ring to.
Squeezing them legs.
You know, if you're catching the bouquet, catching the guard. I'm not sure which way it goes now at this point.
Now, just know that Triple is on the prow a. She is on the prowl.
You know what I'm saying, Like the teacher says, but it's lesbian zoo.
What you gotta be watching. You gotta be watching to see.
But you can follow me at trips the Cool t R I B b Z the Cool on Instagram.
That's pretty much the only place I'd be.
That's the only place she'd be. That's where you'd be at.
We'll find her there sliding to the DMS too, if you're interested as well too. I mean, shoot, we might have a next segment called Date Trible at the next live show or something. I mean, all the ideas be in the building.
Baby.
You know, we love our people.
They do.
We love We love y'all. We love y'all.
We love y'all.
All right, any moment of truth. I just realized we didn't have a moment of truth.
The moment of truth is y'all think then and devou be reading these emails, and they don't they be me.
It be triple So I know all your business. Thank you so much for keeping me entertained.
And a moment of truth for me is just like man giving trip or her flowers.
You've been rocking up with us.
For a minute.
Now. We love you.
You are family choice at this point, our producer. But more than that, the kids love you.
You know, even though a couple of them who's the decoded saying.
How do you yet?
He'll he'll wave, He'll wait, okay, wave.
If I do anything more than wave, he'd be.
Like, it's getting hard to get though. I think he's trying to play hard to get from early. So you know, don't feel no kind of way. Don't feel that kind of way. But we love you, We thank you. The audience loves you, our listeners and our viewers you they literally know that you're part of Dead Ass the podcast, and we appreciate you so much.
Yes, oh we love you too.
All right, now these kids be in the background. You know, some of these days i'd be wondering, you know, somebody gonna take a soft.
Air because, like.
I mean, listen, it's rampant these days. Before we go, what's that one thing in Dead Ass about?
I'm dead ass about having fun. Whatever I do, wherever I go, I'm gonna have a good ass time.
That's a fact.
It's a funeral, honey, I'm having a good.
Sack because the repass plate though, come on, now have you seen that? Paid The picture of a plate circulating on Instagram and people have been like, where do you think this is happening, and people have said a repass or what was it?
I think it was the other one.
People said repass or baby show must have been got to had a meatballs.
You gotta have to taste Selag little wings whatever.
I know, I'm gonna laugh, I'm gonna have fun. I do not care about anything else.
I love that. I love that.
And see what am I dead ass about today? I'm dead ass about having triple back on with me. Hey man, be dead ass about dead ass about that. We will see how this whole thing pans out to be dead.
Ass about getting Tyler to put a ring on my finger. Perry, Yeah, Perry, Oh, I never got to do this hate TP you know I've been watching for a long time. You have to.
I'm gay, but I don't think that matters. That said, you could dress up like Medea and we could get it on.
You know, I cannot even tell on that note.
Be sure to find us on Patreon, Gang Gang Gang. We were having a lot of fun over here. Exclusive dead ass podcast I can't even talk. Exclusive dead Ass podcast video content as well as more after show footage, Ellis family content. You can find me on social media.
Kadeen.
I am the podcast page. Of course dead Ass the Podcast, and of course my boo continue to show him love. I am Devo and if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, please be sure to rate, review, and subscribe.
Dead Ass y'all, Yes.
Got dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and is produced by Donor Pinya and Triple. Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never miss a Thing