A $600 Chicken Finger Dinner

I'm gonna say this once and one time only.

Don't invite me anywhere and say feel free to bring the kids unless you plan on paying for all the motherfuckers.

Dead ass, dead ass, and I'm caught somewhere in between wanting to take my kids to see the world and leaving it asses at home.

Dead ass.

Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm devoued, and we're the Ellis's.

You may know us from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow. Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are.

We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics.

Things most folks don't want to talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass is a term that we say every day.

So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Were about to take philotof to our whole new level.

Dead ass starts right now.

I got a story to I'm taking you back a couple of weeks ago when we was in the Bahamas.

Okay, yeah, shout out to the Bahamas. We had an amazing time together. That was our first time taking a trip as the family of six. Yes, solo, just the six.

Of us, family of six.

The last time we all went somewhere, you were pregnant with the code.

We went to Aruba, had a good time at a.

Great time, family of six. It was like five point five.

It's five point five. This is our first time is family of six.

So we go to the Bahamas and Kadeen decides, like, yo, they got a dope hotel that has a water park attached to it. So one thing about Kadeen, Kadeen always makes plans, thinking about how the plan is going to be executed, how I'm going to feel executing the plan, and if the kids going to have fun.

Yes, that's how she makes small plants.

She's like, you know what if we're in the hotel, DEVI wants to sleep in, but the kids want to go to a water park, he don't have to get up and drive us. We can go right down there. So she had this whole plan set up, which I appreciate. Right, So we pull up to the SLS and we're like, Yo, we're hungry. Let's go get something to eat. Boom, our room ain't ready. We go eat at the what was it called the squigly pig.

I don't know. Somebody swimming pig.

Swimming pig, the swimming piglet's called the swimming pick. All right, So we go into the swimming pig. They got food, regular food, chicken fingers. You had some tacos.

Oh my god, they had this barbecue brisket, nachos.

Yes, it was good to die for. It's slapped food out. There was amazing. I will say that it's slap right.

Cairo got a burger, cats got chicken fingers, the Coda got chicken fings. Everybody got typical stuff. Right, we get the bill sixty dollars? How how was it six hundred and fifty dollars. I'm gonna explain to you how it's six hundred and fifty dollars?

All right?

Was that bill six hundred? That was more like four or five?

Nah, that bill was six hundred fifty dos.

I remember I paid it. I paid it. I'm gonna tell you how right. The bill itself was about four hundred dollars. The bill itself was four hundred dollars. But remember we were drinking too.

There was you and I.

You and I started that. We just got there. I had two drinks, You had two drinks. So it was four hundred and something dollars, right. But then I'm looking down because I'm going with I'm like six fifty dollars. I'll go down there and I see service charge fifteen percent, fifteen percent, four fifty.

That's another game, about seventy eighty dollars. Then I see vat. Not that, but that vat va, that's vat.

So I'm like, yo, yo, yo yo. I didn't have a VAT. I don't know what drink that is. I didn't have that. I didn't have that. I had a ba tapa, I had a Bahama papa. I didn't have a VAT. And he's like, no, no, no, the vat is just a tax that we put on as a search charge because we do imports and exports. And I was just like, so you're going to tax me on top of the tax you're already put on my thing and the surcharge because y'all had to import stuff and.

We didn't ask you the import. Yeah.

But he was just like that's how that's how the country makes money off the VAT tax. So it's a tax that the government charges the restaurant, which is an additional ten percent.

So it was.

Twenty five percent on top of already what I had already paid.

So you're looking at four point fifty plus.

The additional twenty five percent put you at an additional one hundred dollars plus.

They had the nerve to ask for gratuity.

Me.

I put my hand and I'm like, yo, yo said, we're not in school, you're here. I had to know. I had to know.

I said, so, y'all already have a service charge and you have a VAT, right, what are you saying like that?

Because I was? I was. I was why said, like the gratuity? What do you expect me to do for gratuity? I asked? She was like, ultypically people do twenty thirty percent for gratuity. I was like, y'all got service charge. Well, service charge doesn't go to a service charge goes to the.

Restaurant divided and that goes to the government, right, so the gratuity goes to the person who actually like directly service suffs. And I was like, and now I feel bad because you deserve to get your gratuity yours. But but I don't feel very gratuitous right now because y'all already vatted me to death and you already service charged me to death. So I gave her thirty percent, but it came up to six hundred and fifty dollars the bill just to have lunch.

Bro, We're not talking about a dinner in a sit down like.

No, this resort was not all inclusive. No, every every meal we paid for. Bro.

It wasn't that that was the first meal I paid for. It wasn't that moment I looked at Caneen and I was just like, how long are we here?

Yo?

Dead ass? For real? Dead ass?

Now tell me, are you going to sing the karaoke time with the same accent that you said with lots?

No, I ain't singing. I ain't singing the Russian karaoke song right now?

Right that sidebar VAT stands for value added text in case anybody was wondering.

Oh so they spell it b S because that's really what that is. What the fuck is the value added tax?

Bro?

They just put anything on the bill, Bro, They put anything on the bill in fact, and they gave it an acronym like like like, oh, they won't know what that is and look up that No, it's fucked up, bro funked up.

Let me get to it. Let me get to karaoke. This karaoke shout out to my man Kaz my twin. This was his song. Whenever we used to travel, remember we did our road trips.

He'd be in the back of the car screaming his head off until we sang this uh.

Huh b b shot did.

Baby shock, baby shock, baby.

Shoe by shot at.

Baby shop, baby shop, baby shoe.

And we had to sing it like that. That rendition of it was amazing.

I forget who we came across on social media. It was like a comedian. That version of it.

It was amazing.

And from then that's the only version of it that we singing. He got a kick out of it. And then now we get wheels on the bus to death.

Go around and but it has to start like that, if you go right to the wheels and a busy No, I love it.

Oh, I missed my baby cod to come home co to sal on vacations, I talk about vacation, best life of being lived by an almost two year old. All right, let's pay some bills. Let's actually let devour recoup from all of the VAT charges. We're gonna pay some bills because we need it. All right, thanks, and now we'll be back. All righty doaks, we're back. We're back. So yeah,

So we got to get at least a two bedrooms at least.

Well true two bedroom sweet one for me and you and then one for the boys. And they didn't have that available and we got there. We tried to get an upgrade, but they were at capacity, so we ended up doing an adjoining room, which worked out really well for us also because you know, the kids have access to us, but we also have our private time.

And to not make any more kids.

That part that part, But then looking at it in that moment, I was like, man, should I have booked an all inclusive resort versus booking a spot where we would have to pay per meal. That's always the debate for me, and the issue that I typically run into when looking at all inclusive resorts is, you know, reading the reviews. I'm a very big like read the reviews, get on trip advisors, see how many stars? What are

I will say this though, right I was starting to get mad at my kids right because I'm like, you know, I'm paying six hundred dollars for this food. My nigga, you're not going to eat chicken fingers every day, like, order something else just because it's so expensive. I need need you to try something else. Try a conk Fredda, try a Conkforredda. Please just do something. Try try a fish taco. But I'm not gonna pay six hundred dollars every time we eat for you to have chicken.

Fingers bro and then we kind of also found a way around it because then you realize, too, Okay, what are the portions looking like at this resort, right, we can essentially have Cairo Kass split a meal, fact and then Dakota pretty much eats a little bit from everybody. So we got a little smarter as the trip progressed, because we're like, do we really even need this? But the good thing too, is that we don't really we're not big foodies like that, Like we don't have to eat slack dinners, but.

You're gonna take some.

Let me tell you about Kadeen Kadean not gonna spend a bad dollar. No, we order for where did we go into Bahamas? And they gave us so much food? First of all, if y'all go to the Bahama, eat local.

Eat local, Well, I'm just saying to eat local.

Oh yeah, no, what's the name of the place.

Though, Oh oh shoot, we're gonna find Aandrasandrisandris Wandris.

Yeah, we went first of all, the Bahamas food be slapping. It's a mixed for me, it's a mix between Jamaican food and Nigerian food. There's an earthiness that Nigerian food has and suspiciness that they have, but the colorfulness that Jamaican food has was like a perfect mix. And Bahamian food is really really good. So every time we ate locally, it was, oh my gosh, it was so they still have the fat.

We also went to the poop what was it called again, the poop somewhere.

I know you're talking about on the on the the water.

Yeah, name for you, But anything local for me, that's what I enjoyed. So I don't solely rely on staying on the resort. When I go to places, I like to go off the resort. She loves, because I want the local experience. Like where are y'all going on? Yall lunch break?

That's what I want to know.

So I always make friends and shout out to Kanesha at the resort we went, Tonsha was amazing and she was able to give us all the tea and all the local spots where to go.

We're not to go, That's what I was going to say.

We were at uh Ohandra's, said Andra Laundras, and they gave us huge portions, I mean huge huge. So Candien is there and I guess people don't typically take food home there because when we asked for to go containers and stuff, they were just like.

To go containers.

It didn't really happen.

And then it was like yo, yo yo, my men's my mens, you're gonna have to find something for me to put this in.

Conk solad in because it was so fresh, it was so good and all my father talked about when he knew that we were going to the Bahamas, it's like, you have to try the conk Bahamas. They're known for conk conk. That's just what it is. It was conk salad. Everything was just super fresh.

Love there.

Fast forward a week and a half, we're in Mexico right and we're we had an all inclusive resort. When you go to all inclusive resorts, they have restaurants on the premises.

Poo Poop Deck is a place.

When you're in the Bahamas, you have to go to poop Deck. Yes, the food is so good, the service was great.

Everything. The only thing I will say was that it's on the water.

It's humid if you go into summertime because they don't have it's the way it's built is you eat right on the deck and it's all open, but it's covered so the sun doesn't come in, but there's no real ventilation.

And there's no wind going through. So it was hot. So it was hot, but it was worth it.

Fast forward to Mexico, and when you're at these resorts for all inclusive, you can't take food home. Tell me while my wife is throwing napkins over the place that's not full and putting them underneath the baby carriage.

Yeah, and were walking out.

There with plates and plates of food and caves that listen to them, kids gonna eat this food later?

Yeah, because they will be because they're gonna look at me at a certain time of the evening. And in Mexico, we had like a kitchen itt with a microwave and a fridge. So I said, they're gonna eat this later. Because the room service was terrible, you know, breakfast was hit or miss. Like the food of the all inclusive resort was very mediocre. So if you did find something that they liked, I'm like, let's just bag this to go and I'm gonna put it under the stroller.

Yeah, and we're gonna go back to the room.

And one thing we noticed too sometimes going to onlyclusive spots. When we went to the Rio in the Grill, the food there wasn't good either. They have a jerk chicken spot that me and k Ate most of the time because that's where the local guy comes in to make the jerk food. And I mean to us when we say the food is terrible. It wasn't like our palates have gotten way more different. But also we just want

Now here's the thing.

I'm not a big Mexican food eater. So they had a Mexican restaurant which was actually really good. I heard it was very authentic. But Coleen and I don't like Mexican food.

So well, I like Mexican food, I'm not myself. I just don't like cilantro Okay, okay, okay, okay. So yeah, so that being said, whenever I do vacation with the boys and deval aside from food, because it's just only one component of the trip. I'm trying to find something that everybody can enjoy, right. So, like we said with a Ruba, for example, we had gotten Airbnb and we were able to kind of do our own thing. The kids can have breakfast at home with us that well

I remember growing up people saying all the time, you know, kids are expensive, kids are expensive. And I hadn't reached we hadn't reached the point yet where the kids have become expensive, you know, because it doesn't matter how much money Kadein and I made, we always found ways to do things on a budget.

So he's like, Yo, this isn't that you know, this isn't that big deal. This isn't that big a deal.

But now that we have to pay, and when you think about it, before Covid Kaz, we didn't have to pay for him to travel. He was still under two years old, Kotas and much like Koda, but also Cairo. There were times, because Cairo hadn't even become three yet, we'd be like, let's see if we can sneak him by. You know, Sometimes me and kay gonna try to get over one thing about my wife. My wife is a jenile, all right, me a teeth, She had a tief Shes gonna.

Find ways to get by and get over. And I love that about hers. It's called reparation. But what is wrong with you?

I'm just saying I had to take it how I can get it.

Listen, I appreciate it because I the benefits of that, because them reparations come back in our pockets. But okay, we found ways in those early years when we had three kids to travel and it wasn't expensive. Now, when you have a twelve year old, a six year old, a five year old, you have to pay for all those tickets. The coda is about to be two. We're gonna end up having to pay for his tickets. You're talking about six airline tickets. There's no cheap way to

So we try to book a flight where we.

Can get six seats across the road, either in comfort plus or if I like to travel first class, like that's just how I like to travel.

But if we can't.

Kadeen will be the first, but yo, it ain't no first class available and just four thousand a piece.

We're gonna go Comfort Plus. So we go Comfort a Plus.

So if you see us in Comfort Plus and the kids in main Wave, just say, hi, don't judge us.

It's just what it is. It is what it is because it is what it is.

I am not going to pay eighteen thousand dollars to take a two hour trip to Disney World.

I'm just not doing it, bro.

I'm getting the car and drive it and depending on where's drivable.

And that's what we did when we went to Disney World to go see Grandma.

We went to go see Grandma, and we said, you know what, Disney World is not really that far six hour, six hour.

She lives close by.

Might as well make it an experience again going down for one thing to spend time.

But I'll just trying to find ways to keep the boys entertained.

So let's go into some facts and stats so we can see what things are looking like on an average basis for domestic travel versus international travel and all that good stuff. So this is according to a family of four. So you guys can kind of do the math based on your family size. But according to picasa dot com, the average cost for travel for a domestic trip for a family of four is nineteen seven.

You can round that up to two thousand, two thousand. This s would be about three thousand for us if you added additional two.

There you go, and that's with four domestic flights for thirteen twenty, So that's about thirteen hundred. Airport parking FO one hundred and thirty dollars. Rental car two ninety they rented for twenty to a bike and gas for two eighty eight. Because these rental cars too wild expense, they'll show you one price when you start seeing expedia, and by the time you know, you go through taxes and

International eight eighty.

So international, if we were to just fly coach a eighty plus tax, you can round it up to nine hundred dollars for six people would be four hundred dollars already, that just for flights to go international. And K and I talked about wanting our kids to see the world. But when you think about every time you have to travel, it's going to court you at least six thousand dollars just to get on the flight. I don't care how much money you make. That's expensive. Absolutely, it's expensive.

Absolutely, average fortnight lodging costs for a hotel eight ten, so that's about two hundred dollars a night roughly where you staying at.

I don't know, yeah, two hundreds a night. I don't see that happening.

I don't know where you're staying at for that, especially if you.

Have kids and them kids got to eat and you need plate like you need entertainment, right, Well, the hotel is a form of entertainment for the kids.

That's true. I mean, our kids do enjoy hotels. They feel like they're in somewhere so different. Sometimes campsite if you're going campaign one sixty vacation rental. Maybe that's if you're doing an airbnb or property five forty eight.

Which is I don't know how accurate this thing is.

Chill. This might have been from years ago, because if you want to even do a fortnight Airbnb, depending on where your story it stay, if it's not at a hostel, I mean, if you want to just stay in a half decent apartment, then it's going to be at least three times that our kids can.

Survive a hostel. I don't think the hostile can survive our kids.

I was about to say we probably run the hostile out. We would, We would just take it. Even like them kids is too loud, that's a fact. They'd be jumping all over everything. Cairo got people waking up in the morning and working out. No, like, we're not doing this, is gonna ask them questions to death. Carol's colda is gonna give him the side eye of the entire time and make them really uncomfortable.

Jackson will make friends with everyone, Yeah he would.

Jackson Jackson would try to find the bright side. Average food and drink costs per person for food forty six dollars if you're not traveling with my kids, and alcohol twenty one dollars. That's like one drink nowadays.

I don't know about this.

Very they were very conservative, but they were very conservative. But I will say that we do travel expensive like you're you you are a hotel.

Snob, I am, and you're a flight snow. I'm a flight stop. So I marriage it is to be broke. According to the blog mouse Hacking you, I don't.

Know what it is.

It's my element, I guess.

And the average cost for a family trip to Disney World and twenty twenty four will be and they're projecting this, I guess, with inslation and everything involved, sixty nine one hundred dollars for a family of four to Disney World.

And you know every fifth birthday, which would be the coldest fifth birthday in twenty twenty six. We will all be traveling to Disney World in twenty twenty six.

What's the price gonna look like? At least as the last child? And y'all could take me out my misery of these trips that we Why do we think this was a good idea? A sidebar, here's our mickey and see our mom and dad shirts. This was from Kaz's fifth birthday last year? Was it right?

Well, I'm gonna tell you why we decided to do this because we had good parents. And your parents gave you experiences and my parents gave us good experience.

But now I see why they stopped at three kids. I have right, and I see why we went to.

Our grandparents every summer and didn't go on the long vacations because my parents was like, fuck them kids, we.

Deserve to go and occasion bosself.

But now you're traumatized from that whole experience.

No, actually I'm not traumatized.

I gained a lot of work ethic having the cut grass first thing in the morning.

Yes, get my ask, what would have flash water? I learned discipline, that's a fact. And you're also athletic because of it.

Super athletic, you know what I'm saying.

At the kids club doing your boys and girls club, that's what it was, and you were doing your your acting there.

I think I started early days in the role center my arts and craft.

Sperients, had the foresight to see how it was going to positively impact you.

So it's a scoop and Ma, now I understand you.

I truthfully understand why we wasn't going on full family vacations everything.

So you know what we should do is return the favor and ship all four of our kids to scoop in. Ma.

Now we on the same give me four. See I knew she was on something. You're on fire today, your brain braining, listen your brain, you have your cell rejuice this morning.

See I'm not mental clarity. But look at this.

It says gonna be about set thousand dollars in twenty twenty four with four family of four. So if that's a family of six, two much about it. Three you're looking at ten thousand, five hundred dollars for us if we were going twenty twenty four, but we're not going till twenty twenty six. Yeah, so that ten to five will probably be about twelve thousand dollars to go to Disney World.

I know they could.

I know on Amazon, I could find a Mickey and a mini costume and we could just make this house look like Disney World.

So we gonna dre up as Mickey. Many that's a fact, and we could use it. At the end of the night.

The coda will disown you. The Coda's like I watched all these videos and my brother's going to Mickey and in Disney.

World, and I got to fly in the backyard and I'm still here.

I know, I know, No, we have to make a special for him too. And that's one thing we're very very deliberate about. We don't want to drop off at the fourth chowel.

We can't.

You feel like, damn y'all had me just the skimps. So his own actually might then be more elaborate, because think about how many years from now that's going to be in what position we plan to be.

In, you know, well, if it's anything like his baby shower that you play, and.

Then he probably gonna boy Disney World when he's five years old. That shit was a vibe bro.

That was such a fun experience and that was the first time people were finally back outside after COVID, So I think it was the reunion field plus the party. Shout out to pep Our event designers, she snapped, she.

Did snap, that's a whole nother podcast.

We have to do, Yeah, children's experiences based on what position they fall in the family. For example, Jackson's baby Shadow was at Aviator right, we had we had over no, we had over one hundred people at that baby sit low.

In terms of like the core and theatric Yeah, but we did have agreed.

We didn't hire a planner. We did everything our own. It cost us cost us a grip too, but it was at Aviator.

We got in a discount because you were working there running your program out of there.

But then we did get a lot.

And every time we have a baby, we get such great support and outpour of people with diapers and wipes. I don't think we bought diapers for Jackson for like a year.

And a half, we did it.

Cairo's Baby Shit Hour was at that event space in bed in Brooklyn.

Kaz's baby shower was well.

Kas probably had small, It was a little It was a little dinner that we did.

Because because we had him right after Kyro.

He literally came right after Cairo, we didn't need as much stuff, but we still felt that we wanted to celebrate him in some way, so we had a very small We called it a.

Little push party because we didn't need that much stuff because we had Kyro.

Right.

Dakota's baby shower though, was in the city in Manhattan, and we had how many people over two hundred people there. Of two hundred people, it was it was a full event. His first birthday party was the same thing, a full event. Like, yeah, so his his Disney World trip is gonna be crazy.

Another episode on why we chose to do events that big.

Now, how about we do an episode on starting only fans so we can pay for this Disney trip?

About that, and they practiced my moves enough. That's a fact. You've got to get this phone on. Put the phone on hit record.

So the reactions that we've gotten from our kids, I think that's what makes it worthwhile for us. Like Jackson to this day still can't stop talking about how much fun he had on both trips. Yes, and I love that we went to the Bahamas right with just the six of us. Then we went to Mexico, and of course us adults were more critical because we've seen and we've yeah, and they one thing with our children, they don't complaint. They're grateful, Yes, and I such Jackson at

Cairo said, the last time we went in first class. This first class is trash because they didn't because they didn't serve dinner.

That is true, but it was a flight.

But at least he knows what to expect. You know, it's okay to have.

Standards, right, but they are grateful, will tell you if something is true.

Carol is super honest and Kaz to kas the same way. Jackson is a little more and more diplomatic. It's good, you know, I'm just happy to be here. So I hit Jackson with you know, like what was your favorite part of the vacations or the summer or whatever, and he was like, family, Like it got to be with you and Daddy and my brothers, and then we got to be a daddy's side of family.

Like family was my favorite.

This is the first summer in the past six years where I've been home the entire summer.

The entire summer you were in Ottawa, I was in Ottawa.

Then I had to go to New York to film, then we went on tour.

Yeah, last summer, I enjoyed every freaking second of it. As y'all know, I pretty much shut down once May hit. I was like, yeah, you was done. I was burnt out. I was, but also too, I really was like desperately craving reconnecting with you and my boys. I kind of felt like the past two years were really a blur because we were working so much and around the clock. There was really no off time. So I was very deliberate this summer about really enjoying it because I knew

They're back in school.

But I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed the summer with the boys and they got all of us and shout out to you for even just being.

Home and getting a little bit of a getting a break. You have not stopped. I don't think ever.

I don't think it was ever a time where you just did not have to be out of the house.

Since we since we've been together, since I've turned eighteen and been playing football than in the NFL, I've never had a full three weeks straight off.

Never you always doing something, always doing something.

But I mean, think about it, even with those weeks off, all you've been doing was doing content. Yeah, this summer, Deva has been like back to videos again, back to videos. I'm like, wait a sday, I thought we stopped doing that.

Bro. I looked at the VAT and I said, Man, if I got to pay this VAT, I'm gonna make some money off this video video video after taxes, That's what that is.

I'm gonna do a video after I pay these taxes. There we go.

That's that was it, the new definition of vat. I love that every time you held the phone like here's my video for the dek and I'm like that I got PTSD.

No, we're not doing this again. We're not doing this again. I'm not playing we had as.

I will say this though, as much as we are complaining and making jokes how expensive it is, we're making jokes because we have to laugh at our pain.

It is expensive.

I will not trade the time I spent with you and the kids for anything.

Else, nothing like those.

This past summer has been my favorite summer so far.

Kadeen and I have been man, we've traveled.

When we went to Italy and I was just asked, we did our vacation and we're going to do a whole other podcast on the purpose of a vacation. But now that I know things, I'm just going to say this, you should do the vacation after the family vacation facts, because we did the vacation.

Then we went to the Bahamas and we.

Did back to back family vacations with the kids, so that was just a lot.

Yeah, yeah, we should have kind of flipped it. We should have flipped it.

In my mind, I said, if we did the vacation first, that was our way to kind of really get connected. Yeah, and then we'll have the energy for the kids. Because literally, within the time span of doing Bahamas in Mexico, Devo was just like I'm in Chuigan. No ready a vacacy No, because it's literally me running after the kids all the entire time and him.

You won't spend any time with your significant other if you're on vacation with your kids, especially if you have a young child, like the Colde is turning too. He wanted either me or Kadeen. Most of the time, you wanted Kadeen. But withf that comes fatigued, like Kadeen is like, yo, I've been trying to get the boys ready all day.

I've been doing all this other stuff.

And even if I took them on the slide or I took them to do some things, he was climbing up Kadeen because it's a different environment for him.

So his fear that it's a different advice. He just wants to be with his mom.

So we spend all day chasing after the kids, make sure they enjoy themselves in that night, Kadeen and I would put the kids down to sleep.

You have a twelve year old.

The good thing is having a twelve year old and he can chill and watch the kids that go to sleep. We will go down to the bar for about thirty minutes and we're like, yo, let's just sit down and talk about the day people watch.

Yeah, that's the best time we had.

Exactly, and come upstairs it little nightcab and pass out. Yeah, because after you after y'all know how d be on me.

Sometimes I'll be like, you know, I am not a machine, don't objective find my body.

Well, I mean, since you vated the balls, now we're easy. It's easy for us to just see know what I'm saying. Since the balls got the vat, you.

Know, I still didn't have my VAT party. Oh my god, that's pretty good. What's coming, baby?

The anniversary of the VET is almost here, So just just stay tuned, Just stay tuned. Okay, stay tuned.

I love that.

But as a kid, my mom and dad they also were deliberate about showing me different places, and I love that. I looked forward to every summer. We went to a different place every year, and I love that my parents, they worked really hard to provide us that, you know, yeah, one or two weeks where we were able to go abroad and just learn about a different culture and experience different things.

And had that time.

So I just knew when I had children, I wanted to be able to offer them the same experience. We raise little well traveled, cultured global citizens, because it's hard sometimes when you can't see past your front step or past your environment, and you just want to have a greater appreciation for what you have when you can see

So everything's a lesson. Everything's a lesson. She had them calculating the vets at the end of every year dinner. They wanted with Roger their tutoring. But what you're saying is actually very true, right, Traveling with your children teaches them how to travel, you know, like for example, Jackson, if he had to travel on his own now but nowhere to go, go to the kiosk print his boarding past,

How to properly.

Properly exists in the space where people just want to relax.

You know. Kids. Travel etiquette, Yeah, travel etiquette.

You know, kids oftentimes because they're only in school or at home, behave other places like they would behave in school or home.

Kids can be wild. You know, my kids in this house.

If people were to just come by this house randomly on a Tuesday, they would be like, yo, how do you Because.

When they're at home, we let them do what they want.

They can bounce the ball, they can run around, they go to their boy cave, they get in the air matches, they flipping on the air matches, they go jump in the pool. But I think them traveling and being told like, hey, when we travel, there's a certain etiquette. They know how to bring it down when they get older, like when you travel in middle school or high school for AAU tournaments. I don't have to worry about my children going places and say, you know how your kids were acting.

Yeah, I know how my kids were acting. So if something happened, wasn't my kids, you know.

It ain't them. No, that's a fact. They go to restaurants, they order their own food. They know how to speak to the waiters or the waitresses.

I should reading them men, that's reading comprehensions.

Would you order? Oh you didn't know the burger had that on it?

Sorry, all experiences and these are the same compliments your parents used to get. My parents used to get grandparents because they did that to us. So it seems like it's normal. But everyone doesn't get the same experience. So ultimately, we want to implore all you to as expensive as it's going to be, put some money aside and find ways to travel with your children.

So many ways to travel, especially if you're on a budget. Like there's so many websites and deals and stuff out there, So find what is within your means to be able to give your family those experiences because they'll thank you later.

And if flights are too expensive, remember the Kadeena and I did the travel show that Elie only vacation. We get in our car and we'll drive six to eight hours and take them to see places within the country that have historical value and make it a lesson, but also have fun for sure, you know.

So you don't have to always get on a plane.

You can go stay in a whole four hours, four hours away from your house and just enjoy that time too.

That's a fact, all right. I don't think we can enjoy any more talk about this until we go pay some bills so we can recoup some of that money, and we'll be back in listener letter land.

So stay tuned. All right, we're back. We are back.

Oh, I haven't said this in a long time. For Kadi's favorite part of the show.

Hey love this for us. You want me to go first? All right, go for it? All right? Hey guys, Kadeen, I love you real bad. Oh, I love you.

An all cats, all cats or this is I love you back, thank you.

But I'm writing you guys because I'm kind of desperate. I'm a twenty seven year old single mother of two ages six and eight. You had them babies young, so that's nineteen and twenty one. So and I grew up being molested at a very young age. Sorry to hear that, Mama, that I would say it started at about seven or eight years old, and I thought it was okay, that.

It was normal.

Now that I know how wrong it was, it's so hard not to blame myself for allowing it to happen. You can't blame yourself for that mom when you didn't know, like you said you were seven or eight. Blaming my mom for not knowing, not teaching me or having conversations about my body parts and knowing where a good touch is and where a bad touch is. I never had any conversation with my mother about it, about any of it, So I feel like I'm just learning life at twenty seven.

Please help first and foremost.

Wrong, But I want to say this though, sorry the way you feel, Me and Kadean be feeling the same way at times. You know how many times we look at each other and be like, do you feel like I handled that right? Like? Do you think we don't want to damage our own kids? So what we're saying to you is this feeling of guilt and feeling lost and feeling like you don't have all the answers is normal,

And we still didn't know a lot of stuff.

And we still damaged. Doctor, you know, look at Jackson and be like, bro, I'm sorry.

We just had this conversation like two days ago about how much Jackson still feels the effects of stuff that we've done early on where we thought we were doing the best that we could as parents. But again, like you said, and we can relate to you parenting out of fear, parenting out of you know, not knowing anger, anger parenting because that's just what our parents did and

They just did not know.

So I think you're doing the right thing first off by even writing into us or listening to our podcasts or other spaces or other forums where you can learn as a mom and as a single mom, taking tidbits from places that you say, you know, I never thought about that before, but I listened and heard it on this platform, and I can maybe implement this in my life.

One thing I will say having my mentorship program, seventy five percent of the young men and women that I trained were from single moms. And the one thing I knew that was a consistent was that those single moms tried to find men that could fill that space of not having a fallow Yes, and part of that comes from having discernment right, choosing the right person to be your child's mentor. I would understand, and I truly understand,

Right.

I'm going to give you an analogy real quick, and I hope this analogy helps people. So we and I know will take time. I tend to talk a lot. But if I hold my phone, right, I hold my phone? Is it heavy? Is it heavy?

I got my phone on my hands? Your phone heavy? How much? Is the phone? Way? Less than a pound? No? Less than the pound? Right?

But if I hold it for an hour, start to make my arm ache.

A little bit? Right? Is your arm extended? Yeah, my arm extended?

Right?

If I hold it for a day, my arm might feel like it's gonna fall off. Right, And now the phone feels like a thousand pounds wide because I'm holding onto it. Some things you got to learn how to let go, because the only person you damaging when you hold on to things that you don't have to hold on to is yourself.

Let stuff go.

If you learn to let it go, you won't continues to continuously damage yourself. You can heal, but then you also won'tamage the people around around you, which right now.

Are your children.

Learn to let stuff go, use discernment, find good, positive influences around them that you can put them in front of that you trust you. You use discernment to meet these people first, and if you trust them, allow those people to pour into your children. Because that's what we were at Prototype Sports Performance Lab. I was a big brother, a father figure, uncle, whatever I had to be.

I mean still to this today. Yes, yes, TJ called you pops, called me pops. A lot of y'all think that he's really my son because.

It looks just like just like me when he doesn'tunding how much they resemble each other.

A couple of times I have to be like.

You sure you know?

And is my boy? I love them, I love them, we love them.

And there's guys that like TJ, like ramel Uh, Tasia, my cousin Kai Roger, they're so ricky DJ.

And some of these guys have fathers, but that doesn't.

Mean you can't supplement with another father figure to get to give them, you know, a different perspective. So It's natural for you to feel fear, mama, but let things go heal, don't pass it on to your children. And I use that desertment to find some positive influences that can help you for.

Sure and continue to be a student of life because you'll just learn so many.

Things that will absolutely at your kids.

Alrighty, Hey, Kadina devou first Kadeen, my Jamaican sister.

From a Nada my dad and mother. Way you see how I read it that way?

Right? I just knew what it was. You're so beautiful. Thank you for inspiring me to get my body banking. I'm saying love my body and loving my body after these kids.

Oh, thank you for that. Sis.

Love you guys, and how honest you are about your relationship. Listening to your podcast has inspired and forced me to get my money slash business right, be a better mom, partner, friend, and all around better person. You guys are like the mirror I ignored for so many years. I love to hear that. Thank you and that's why we do it and value You're my favorite sisters. So here's my question. I have been in a relationship with my fiance for seven years. We have one child together, and I have

Please help me.

She's Jamaican. She's Jamaican too, and she's ja Jamaican parents don't be liking people. That's just what it is.

That's true because you know, listen, mom, Mimi gave me a hard way to go.

Me me almost fumbled the bag for you.

Like song says, married Donovan not de vow.

All right, So he keeps putting off the date, putting off the date. So it's giving what he doesn't want to get married Devau, What do you think.

I don't think that it's given that to me.

It's thinking that he said he wants things to be together financially, but they're starting a business, so things aren't together financially. It could also be that he does not want his wife to settle because then he would have to hear for the rest of his life how I

Nobody wants to hear that you've done.

That before, right, and that it doesn't feel good to me. It didn't feel good to me, And as a man, you don't ever want to feel like your wife or your girlfriend had to settle.

You know what I'm saying.

You want her to have everything her heart desires, and sometimes as you're planning and trying, things don't go the way you wanted them to go financially, and I feel I don't know him, I don't know his story. I know that she's kind of anty, and she's like, yo, it's been time, and she's putting her foot down, like

I don't want to be a living girlfriend.

I understand now your perspective then, but at that time I didn't.

Understand make sense.

And I was kind of like, yo, like why are you forcing me to do something when I can't physically give you what I know that you want?

And it all might also be sis that maybe your fiance knowing how your parents feel about him, because they've made it known that they don't necessarily care for him, he does not want to enter into a marriage with you, and then shit flop and then they be like see Metelia, and I like him from money, And that's all you're going to hear over and over again because they won't let you live it down that he's pretty much married you or they're marrying you off to this man who

Yeah, we don't know him like that. We don't really know you like that. But this sounds very similar to us. And I'll give you the most realist feeling that I had one time in your parents' house. I just got cut from the lions. We come back we get married, we have this big wedding. Right, have this big wedding. We have to move back into the apartment. We moved back into the apartment you pregnant. I'm like, yo, these walls. My wife is not going to live in this old

Be cool.

I felt like I was feeling as a man, like I'm like, yo, Remember I asked your your pop. I said, Pops, how did you feel when your daughter was back at home?

You know?

With it was me, you Kingston and Achilles. So we had two dogs living in their house for three months. Like you didn't feel like like like my my daughter's back. He was like, nah, you know, it's just this is what you guys have to do.

You got to do it.

You have to do My dad, Loki loves roll together, he loves he loves all the family together in one house.

So many ninety you'd be like, you guys, don't have to go back to the apartment.

You can stay and I'm like, Dad, we gotta go home.

But I know your mother wasn't liking it.

She was probably just like she see where this will go.

Now send its football, Pa this football and is going to do this. And then remember I was telling I'm starting to start in the business, you know, starting a football training program. Jim, he's going to open the gym. Now, okay, okay, let's see where this goes. Like, I know what that feels like as a man, to have that pressure to be able to be everything you want to be for

You know what I'm saying.

If things don't happen financially, people don't ever look at me and be like, what is Kadeen doing?

They look at me like, what is happening?

You know what I'm that is a fact?

Think about it.

Did anybody when we move back to Brooklyn and we had to live in the apartment, did anybody ever say to you, Kadeen, why aren't you picking yourself up by your bootstraps and helping out and doing all this?

And anybody ever say that to you?

No?

Your mom, your mom.

That's one thing, mam your my mom might be hard on you, but she's equally hard on probably.

Ten times I will give Mimi that. Mimi was definitely on you, like.

She's just like, and what are you doing to contribute? What's next for you? And what is your plan?

She says that.

Now still living in this house with us, she looks at me some days like, so what are you doing? So what's next? I was like, mine, you don't even have any clue about what I do?

Do you? She don't.

But think about it other than your mom than anybody else, look at your no, no, you know, but think about Tiff for example, Oh yeah, Tiff.

Which was friends going to do? Is be life? Say it to you? So how long?

She was like, how long are you about to let this acting thing? Right out until it's no more.

And I'm like, you know what, I love to for saying that. You want to know why she was honestly concerned?

She genuinely was, and I mean tell me about it. She was like friends being friends with both of us, just like what.

The she said to me, She said, I've known you since college. You've always been good at school, you good with business. You expected me to believe at that time that acting was going to be the thing that got you like she just didn't see it. She was like, you've always done business like you've done well. Why was it that so?

And I respect her?

And this is another thing for you people who have friends, When you have friends who tell you the truth, don't be mad at your friends, for that's why.

They're your friends. You would hope they would not.

Just not just applaud for you in your face and in behind your back, be like, I don't know, nah, Tiffany applauded and then to k was just like what is this? And then to me it was just like the val like how long you're gonna have my friend working at the mall?

You know what I'm saying.

But those pressures I felt and I just want her to understand that those are the pressures that men feel true, and we got to own that pressure the same way the pressure for y'all will be well when you're having kids, you know what I'm saying, Like, no one ever asks a man, it's you know when you have kids, when you have a kids, that doesn't happen to us.

There's certain pressures.

Yeah, there's pressures that society puts on certain genders.

And that's one of themen.

I want what your plan inside when you say you need to live separately, because living separately, if you're gonna be paying a rent, he's gonna be paying a rent or two separate sets of bills. That too, is not also physically responsible. So financially that might be a lot too if you're going to be living separately.

But I think, but you know what's funny, she's probably not even thinking about that because you weren't thinking about your plan. You weren't working, and you were living with me in Michigan. But she was like, I'm thinking I'm gonna go back home to my mom because parents you was thinking about fiscal responsibility. You were just like, no, I want to be a wife and I'm not going to be a living girlfriend in fact, so I understand where.

She's where she's coming from you. But the good thing is that you're writing in right to trying to get our little two cents. We don't have all the answers to this, and of course we're only working with what we got in this paragraph that you wrote us. But Sistern, I think it's worth having more conversations to find out why exactly he's not ready and why the date is not sticking.

And when he tells you, don't try to make up your own narrative as to what's really happening. If he tells you believe him, if that's the man you chose and you used proper discernment. If he tells you believe him, don't try to make up your own story about what it is. And do if she wants to get married or move in a certain way and she's letting you know what it is, don't take that from her and say, well,

Nah, that doesn't work for women either.

Facts and address your parents. They can't be disrespecting your man either. I had to put my foot down at one point my parents and be like, listen, this is the way it's going to be, and I just need your support.

So there you go, all right. If you like to be featured as.

One of our listener letters, email us at dead ass Advice at gmail dot com.

That's d E A d A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com.

Love it and we're talking traveling with kids. Moment of truth. Leada Ass is home. I'm just kidding. What's your moment of truth? Babe?

My moment of truth is that the travel is worth it. It is.

We made jokes about it being expensive because it is expensive, but every single moment we had on vacation with these young men was so worth it.

It was so worth it that was actually gonna be my moment of truth. My own truth is actually going to be that. In addition to and just be strategic with when you're gonna plan the vacation after, because you don't need to recoup after the same way we joke and say that this house is not really our house and we just stay here because it's the kid's house.

I am Devout, And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe.

Dead Ass, y'all. Dead Ass.

Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast network and produced by Donora Pinya and Tribble. Follow the podcast on social media at dead ass the Podcast and never miss a Thing