1 House, 3 Generations

thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of the live's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about. Do the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead As is the turn that we say every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about to take pillow talk to a whole new level. Dead Ass starts right now. So story time, we have stories

for days, Stories for days. Days gonna be like a whole big story Time episode. Right this story takes me back to last week. All right, your pops, I love him. It's my guy Joe makes me the rum punch, you know what I'm saying, always checks on the pool. I need him check on the pool garbage, takes the garbage. Like he's just my guy, right, I don't I don't ever have to worry about certain things because he, as the other man in the house, takes care of it.

But the other day I went to get my Nike flip flops the cloth joints with the memory fold insoles, and your father had my Nike flip flops on and he was barefoot right walking around the house. Now you know your pops feet. It's a tragedy, broo, tragedies my

father's feet alone. And he walked right he walked right by me with my flip flops on, and I just looked at him, like and he looked at me, and he looked down and he's like, I just trow these on, you know, because I had to go outside and take out the trash, so you was doing manual, sweaty labor activity. In my memory, that's not what those are. Four Those are my comfort flip flops. And he's like, no, man, there's nothing worried about this, nothing wrong with them. No,

those are yours. Now those are no longer my flip flops. Those are your flip flops. I will get me another pair of flip flop. But that's the price that comes with having help that lives here in the house. You're randomly just see somebody that it's not you, walked by you wearing some of your ship like your pops, Like your mom's used to wear my forty nine slippers and be stomping around the apartment. Something about my parents and y'all see a slippers. It could just because y'all are

all the same size. Yeah. The fact that your mom's wear the same size to me, and she said her feet grew aside with every child, got me looking at your feet, now, what is happening. I might I might have a little weight, my famie. My feet might be a little swollen still, But that's it because I dedicated story time to your pops. This song always reminds me of your pops because when I first started coming around

you guys, this was his favorite song. Yeah, he used to play on his CD or he had a cassette at the time in his life. It was an old car. He still had a cassette and he would play that cassette tape all the time, and this was definitely a song that was always playing in it, and he played it so much that it didn't even sound like the song no more, because you know, after a while it is rubbed out. Ready, Tell I try your best, just

to make it quick. Do do do do. Woman tended this sick because there must be something she can do. This heart is broken into Tell her it's a case of emergency. There's a patient by that Amo Gregory eight mm hmmm, Ninness, do doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Only you alone can quench the satters. H m m my, Ninness,

Oh god, old and pain is getting worse. I know that was his song too, because he married a nurse, and it was just like perfect that that might have been a thing, and I always thought it was just it was just like dope. He used to, you know, sing that song and your mom was a nurse. I was like, right, And then now if I want to play a night nurse, I can't even be that because somebody might bust through the door, bust through the hallway.

So we had to tread lightly. Well, let's get a little quick break yeah, we wanna take a quick break and won't come back into some story times and let y'all know about what it's like living with your parents. All right, So we're back, and um, let's preface this conversation with saying that it was your choice and your desire to help me out by having someone else here in the house that we trust to be able to assist with the kids and you know, our day to

day and all that stuff. And with both my parents being retired, they were the ones that were better equipped in this moment to be able to do that for us. Dud ask me all the time, how can you live with your mother in law? This is the first thing, right. My mother in law is not a traditional mother in law in the sense that people tend to not like their mother in law or they don't get along with their mother in law because their mother in law is

overbearing or pushy. One thing about Mimi is Mimi knows like the boundaries, and Mimi knows that this is what I want to be to my family to help my grandkids and my daughter. So with that comes her having a responsibility to understand that we need our privacy and we need our space. The first thing is it's not hard for me to live with my mother in law because we have an understanding, and that understanding came with conversation. You know what I'm saying, in open lines of communication.

So for for all of the guys who are asked me, like, YO, how is it living with your mother? That's the first thing. The second thing is my life became exponentially better when I became open to having someone in the house to help Codeine with the children, because it started with Cairo with Jackson, we Codeine and I balanced. I was our only child. We balanced. We do back and forth. But even then your mom used to come by after work

and helping nights and stuff like that. But we had no one living with us when it came to Cairo, and then kas Grandma came and stayed with us. And this brings me to another story. Codeine and I had an argument because she was supposed to bring the car back we only have one car. At the time, I was supposed to go to work. She told me she was going to be back in a little while. Forty five minutes turned into three hours. I was calling her,

she didn't answer her phone. Finally she comes back in and we have an argument, full blown argument in front of Grandma and everything as in the other room. Grandma was in the other room, but she could obviously hear. We're in the apartment at this point. Yeah, after the argument, it's always that feeling like shoot, because Nina said to me, you know, you haven't argument Grandma's day. Grandma's almost like, man, grandma been living here, did you hear what goes on?

The next day, Grandma comes to me. She said this to me. She said, you know, baby, I'm here, but I'm not here. And she looked right at me like I'm here, but I'm not here. And I knew what she meant, and I appreciated that. And there was no judgment, There was no nothing. It was as if the argument never happens, as if she heard nothing because she says she's here, but she's not here. So one thing I know that my mom or my grandmother or my father won't do is insert themselves into and if they do

over here something because like it's impossible for me. I'm always just like, well about we arguing, but like, can we argue in the privacy of our room versus arguing and then your voice carrying through the entire house. Um, you know, because that's just something I'm mindful of with

anybody who's around. UM, because you're also just fearful of people being in your business, and usually we want to keep those things internal, but it's hard when you have somebody living in your home and then you know that's just what it is. UM. But yeah, Grandma was good for that to the times that she had come to stay. But I appreciated you, um, having the foresight to see

our Kidian is probably gonna need some help. So for example, when we moved from the apartment in New York to California, we were moving to an area where we had no one in terms of like no village, no family, no friends.

This was just like a clean move. So I had tons of anxiety just with the thought of moving with At that point, we had three children, two of whom were two under two, and I was like, what is that gonna look like for us, especially to knowing that we were going to l A with the hopes of expanding careers, making connections and relationships and going to events and stuff. And of course this was pre COVID, so UM Devil was like, yo, you know your mom just

left her job. You know, she's about to retire and whatnot what about it. She comes along with us, and we felt like it was also doing some good for her to to kind of have a change of scenery. She was working so many years in the same place, very stressful job, UM working as a director of nursing, very thankless job. So we felt like it was a good time to maybe give her a break and change of scenery and also to one thing my mother lives

for is her grandchildren. So she wanted to be where she can be close and be of help to us and be you know, very staple in the children's life. Because all she could envision was her being in New York and her grandchildren being cross country. She didn't want

that at all. So it was like a win win for everyone, and she came with us UM, which ended up being perfect because you ended up filming Tyler Perry's first season or second season was yeah, when we were actually doing the move from Brooklyn across country to California, and then again the move from California to Georgia. You just happened to be which I think he really like, is in with TP to make sure that he's filming and can't help with the move. Nobody does likely story,

likely story. So um, so yeah, that was something that I appreciated that you even had the foresight because not everybody has. Everyone has the idea of living with a parents or living with an in law, and that can definitely be a negative situation if you let it. See, this is my thing, man, I'm I'm I'm a man of this is my house. So I feel like it's my responsibility to make sure that everyone in my house

exists in the sense in the space of peace. Right, not just you, but the kids, your mom, your dad. For me having your mom and then eventually your dad comes stay with us, was about giving you a space to be comfortable and not feel overwhelmed. Right. Um. A lot of times I feel like people feel like stay at home mom is an easy job until you've had to take care of a child or children at home for hours at a time, you don't realize with that

entails me being selfish, you know, it's being selfish. Was like, I want to be able to spend time with my wife. I want my wife to at least have energy to be able to engage in the stuff that we've accustomed to since we were eighteen, like randomly on a Tuesday going bowling, right when Friday Date nights, having on Friday Date nights, you know, stuff that we always did from the time we were eighteen, all the way through college,

the NFL, and before we had kids. Now we're in the space where we don't work nine to fives, and we we've built our empire to where we have autonomy over our time. I don't want to then have to dedicate time to just being here for my kids if I don't necessarily have to be here. I also wanted to be a husband and I want my wife to be able to be a wife. So for me, it

was like, it's Tuesday, it's eight o'clock. If we could just pick up and go bowling for a couple of hours and come back, the only way that's gonna happen is if someone was here with the kids that I trusted. So for me, it was your mom. On top of that, she cooks, she cleans, she does laundry like she's a a full participant and making the house go around. So it's not stuck on you all the time. It's not

stuck on me when you have to work. You know, we all pitch in around here and it makes the workload a lot smaller for all of us, so we can all exist in a sense of peace exactly. And one thing that was important for me, as much as my mother is here to help, we also insisted that she take up something that she likes and like she always wanted to do. So whereas she's a great help to us and she does things with us around the house.

Or when I had my date nights with the boys when you were away filming and I was able to take one child out at a time for even they just to spend time with them, and she stayed back with the other ones. That was helpful. But I encouraged her to say, Mom, like you have dedicated your entire life to building a life for myself, my brother, and

my sister. I want you to now be able to do something that you've always wanted to do, or just take some time to yourself during the week, because she was literally here with us, just you know, at home with the kids and stuff. So now that we've been in Georgia, I'm like, you've always wanted to play tennis. Mom. You love to exercise and you like to work out and stay healthy. Why not pick up tennis lessons? And she was like, you know what, you're right. So twice

a week now she goes. She goes to her a tennis lesson and she enjoys. She thinks she's Serena Williams and I'm here for it. I am here for it. I'll never forget when she called us. One thing that's her name is Sami Williams. I'll never forget that one morning that she called. She had a little accident on the tennis court and she called me because she's just like, I just got hit in the eye with the tennis ball. Somebody come pick me up. I can't And she's like

hut on the phone. So I'm like, oh my god, mom, it's an emergency. And um, there's lots of funny moments in that because in her having that moment where she was just so distraught over her accident and she was concerned about her face being bruised, Devil was able to find the humor in that. And then when we got back home, he's standing there with a garbage bag of ice for her eye. To make light of the situation. She look like, you know what, you're so dramatic Develo.

I'm like, he's too dramatic that to we out together, forget it. Forget it. It was funny. But you know, I'm happy that we're able to provide a space where I feel like everyone kind of is able to win in the circumstance we get. The help the children was also very important for me. Um now having left New York, where we have our home base. I mean, we have your parents, your brother, your sister, their cousins, my brother

and my sister. We were literally uprooting from their again, moving to an area where we've had minimal friends, a lot more in Georgia than we did in California. But now I'm grateful that my children are able to bond and grow with their grandparents in the house to an extent, because for me, it now allows them the opportunity to have those memories like I remember the time that I spent with my grandparents the same way you did. And I know both of our parents were very mindful and

purposeful about us spending time with our grandparents. So we have those memories and we have those relationships. So Um, I'm happy that we're able to provide that for the kids now where they have me, me and Papa in the house with them, and a lot of their reason stories they're probably gonna tell because our kids are little comedians too, and I'm sure they're going to have their little stories and they had their inside jokes right now when they, you know, make fun of their grandparents the

same way I did with my brother. I'm happy that they have that um but but with all that, I'm sorry, but I do think it's a point for people to understand, like how much of a benefit it is, because you know, we're gonna make jokes and tell stories about living with our parents, but just really understanding when as as a husband, when you can see that your wife needs a break and be able to just say, Yogo, get dressed, let's go out, and know that there's an adult or adults

here who can manage your family of four boys is a really good feeling I have. And not just someone who can manage, but love your children absolutely. I always say, if it can't be me, and if it can't be you, it's going to have to be our parents. And you know your mom wakes up. I grew up very independent. I grew up in the morning since the time I was eight years old and we moved to CANARSI I got up, I got my own breakfast ready, I made my own sandwich. I got my brother. We walked to

school by ourselves. After school, I got my brother, we walked back home. I made us I'll snack after school. I helped a homework like I did all of that myself. And I remember saying when I get older, I want to have the type of life where there will be someone to wake up with my children, take them to school, and and be there to receive them when they come home. Because my brother and I spent hours at home by ourselves where things happen, and when you spent of time

by yourselves. So and kudos to my parents and your parents for doing what they had to do in their time and to be able to raise successful uh humans while both of my parents working and not having their parents be able to come and live with them like we have. My parents used to send me to Tennessee every summer eight weeks to ten weeks. Um I used

when I was younger. I used to go to my own weezy's house after school, so I felt I spent time with a lot of family, being able to create this space where I could buy a house big enough where we could house your your parents, and have my parents and have the kids here. It's just a huge blessing.

You know. The jokes are going to be the jokes, but people really need to understand the blessing of being up late at night it's four or five in the morning, your wife is sleep deprived, your sleep deprived, and be able to just take the baby to someone to say. When we talked about outsourcing back in another episode, and like you know, for example, having the night nurse or the night doula who comes into help with the baby

or something. It's almost as if I'm having a DLA can present itself in many different forms in this circumstance. It's my mom, and it's my dad, you know. My dad also to helping with cooking and things like that. So we are very fortunate to be able to have that, and it's definitely a blessing. Like you said, um, you know, and then with it being a blessing, there's also those moments where you're just like, yes, okay, how much longer are they going to be in here full time? You know? Um?

And I just say that you know because yes, it's my mom and my dad, your mother in law, your father in law, it's me, me and Papa. But it's also for adults for existing in the house together. But I will say, which can happens moments you don't be having no issues the two people that we have issues. Okay, if we be honest and you come by the middle of the day, you know, say you want to drink, Let me buy you a drink. Let you make me a drink, because you know I'll be stressed out about drinks.

We talk about life, we talk about stuff. I teach him how to play pool, he cheats. It's like, it's just what it is, like, that's our relationship, you and your mom is you know, there was a saying, you know, two of mine can't live in the same home. Yep, yep, to exactly. So yeah, so that has it definitely has

this moment sometimes. And while I know, as my mom would like to say, it's coming from a good place, it's coming from a good place trying to help um, it can be overbearing sometimes for me because it's like, you know, sometimes there's a moment where I'm like, oh, yeah, I did forget such and such and it's a great reminder. And then there's other moments where it's just like I

got it under control. For example, when uh Dakota was forced born, it was maybe a couple of weeks old and stuff like that, so I had him in the little sling, you know, baby carrier and whatnot. And despite the fact that my parents are here, I still acknowledge that I'm mom, Like that's my sole responsibility and my main role is to be mom and to still mother

while my parents are here. So I was mombing because at the same time too, I want my parents to have a little break, like, I don't expect you to be running out of my kids. Seven, go downstairs, take a nap, do what you gotta do, go to play tennis. Come back. It's good. So I'm getting Cayro Jackson a cast situated for dinner. I'm in the middle of making dinner.

I have the baby, you know, on my arm, kind of strapped into the sling kind of halfway and you know, I'm doing something on the stove, and then I put that down and I'm like looking at my phone. So I'm doing a couple of the multitasking as far as I'm concerned. I got it under control. So then my mom swoops in and she's like going to pull the baby from my arms, and I'm just like, what are

you doing? And she's like, you're cooking with the baby near the stool, and I'm just like, yes, as I've done with Kaz, as I've done with Cairo and Jackson, i think I'm equipped, and I understand that there's a hot stove here and there's a child, and I'm good, I'm okay. So it looked like she got a little like taken aback in that moment, but I'm just like, sis, like, I got it under control, you know, because no mother can mother like the mother that is mothering in that moment.

So your mom thinks she's the best mother to have a mother ever, if you think you're the best mother to have a mother, ever, that's how most mothers are. So when you have two mothers and mothering at the same time, it's gonna be a motherfucking problem. And that's just what simultaneous mothering sometimes can just get to be

a bit much. So it's funny because our midwife had, as we all know, moved in here for like three weeks to be able to be here for Dakota's birth, and after speaking to her, being here, she's she she pretty much observed our family dynamic for three weeks un censored, like she just got everybody for who they are, and in talking to her after and it's kind of joking about like everything that had happened and funny moments because we literally were like one big, happy family when she

was here. She was able to pick up on like is ums that like my mom had, my dad had that, I had devout head And I'm like, wait a second, do you double as a therapist? Girl? Because at the same time you were having this you're helping me have this baby, but you were also being like girl. I noticed this that in the third after I had asked her, like what did you think about certain situations? And it's funny because it's some of the same things that I've

felt or I've said or I vocalized. And sometimes when you vocalize that to your parents as the child, they take it as an attack or disrespect, like how how can you say that about me? But I'm just like, you know what, I learned to give my parents a grace because they're also he in beings and they also you know they have there is um the same way I do, the same way you say to me, Cadine, you didn't say something the way you thought you said it.

You said it in a very snappy manner. I didn't snap the value can interject, I see you going off on your mom. No, no, I'm not going on at her. And I'm just saying what people are feelings. Codeine, my wife and I love so much, has about her mom be the same feelings I'll be having about Codine. Yeah? Absolutely, Where did I get it from? Recognize what I'm saying. And I watch her go at it with her mom and say the same thing to her mom that I'll be saying to her, and I'll just be looking at

her like a far from the tree. And then it's triggering for me because then I'm like, oh my god, I am becoming my mom. But then again, if you talk about attachment styles, you talk about the way you're parented and the way that then manifests itself in relationships and whatnot, I can totally see it. I'm not I'm not a stranger to that. I'm not going to deny it either, But sometimes you need that. But you used

to deny it before. There's a lot of times I didn't have to say I didn't want to definitely acting like your mom and used to be like and I used to be like, I'm I'm just saying like the same things that you said that bother you about your mom and what she does. You you're doing that to our kids. You're doing that to us as helpful for me to know, so I can stop doing that because something I don't want to be the annoying mom either.

There's another dynamic though, right when you move a mom into the house to help, I will say it was more beneficial for us that it was your mom and not my mom, mainly because when it's the husband's mom, right, my mom and you don't have that type of connection. And it's a house, so it's your house. When it's your house, you feel more comfortable checking your mom. You feel she crossed the boundary. If it's my mom, now

it's just like, how do I check his mom? Because then my my mom has that feeling of it's my son's house. You see what I'm saying. So when you think about which mom to move in, because my mom is the one that told me this we had this issue before where I felt like my my mom wasn't as involved as much as candiced mom and my mom and I had built resentment towards my mom because of that, and I was just like, you know, you don't come around,

you don't do this, you don't ask about this. And she was like, well, you know, you have a wife, and I was just like, I do have a wife, and my wife mom helps and she's like, because that's her daughter. I have a daughter, and when my daughter has her house, I'll be there to help her. But you have a wife, she has a mom. I'm not going to be the overbearing mother in law. I'm not going And I didn't understand it until she explained it that way, and I was like, you know what, She's right,

absolutely right. You have a relationship with your mom where y'all can do that. It's gonna cause contention if it's my mom and you, well think about it, because then what's gonna happen If I don't feel comforta speaking to your mom about it, who's going to be the conduit? I'm gonna be talking to you, and if your mom has issues's gonna be talking to you. And then all the stress is gonna come on you, and that's something you're trying to avoid by having a parent president in

the house to help. You want to alleviate the stress, not add to it. Now, your mom, I will say, when she comes here to visit, it's great. Nanna jumps in, she gets in, where she fits in. She's just like, where does where is the help needed in that moment. I'm gonna go do that. I have no problems and just one thing she's always said. She's like, I'm not going to impose myself, but if you ask and I can do it, I'm going to do it. So that's

that's the kind of relationship we have. I'm like, yo, Mom, listen, everybody's coming. I know y'all got everybody coming to town. Do you mind running to the supermarkets? Here's the list. And she'd be like, no problems, she was on and she goes. So I let that be a message or something to think about. Gentlemen, you're looking to bring one of the moms and to help your wife because she needs some reprieve. You want to get your wife back,

the kids need someone there. Think about which mom you're gonna bring in, because if you bring your mom in and she come in with that this is my son's house attitude, And I'm gonna run this the way I ran my house. Your wife ain't going like that. Who was it in your family that you said? Was it your grandmother that used to move your mom's furniture around or something? Yes? So so my So there's another thing

I learned. My mom learned not to be an overbearing mother in law because her mother in law was overbearing. My nanna, my beautiful nanna, who watched this every every summer for about fifteen years, used to come to our house for Christmas, right and when they stayed with my parents. My parents would be at work, Me and Brian would be home first, of course, because we got home first. My grandparents would come by like two or three o'clock, so we let them in the house by the time

my mom got home. My grandmother then moved all the furniture in the living room. She didn't move all the pots, she moved all the seasoning and everything that my mom had did. I don't know mine money would put this hand? Why would sit here when you can sit there here this tree over here, why don't you? Why would you do the head come help me. So now me and my brother moving all of the stuff. While you're moving it where you're worried like, oh, Mommy's gonna be pissed.

Me and my brother knew, like we just knew, like you're as soon as mommy come home, she's gonna come in and take a deep breath and go well, seeing we had a moving company here. So and my mom is the sweetest person. Never made a big stink because my mother just like, she only gonna be here for two weeks. After the two weeks she come over, you and your brother put all this back. It was like

a thing. It was like a thing, and she knew that she didn't want to be that for you, so she said, I appreciate that, and I'll wait until I'm asked for the assistance. And in the minute you asked you exactly. So that came with a little bit of contention in the beginning because we're just we're like, well,

why is she still happening? Why she still asking? But now that we know, we're able to ask, and that goes back to just communicating, which is something that we have to do in this household as well too, because with my mom and dad here like my mom. One thing that I I found myself doing or was just was afraid of doing, was being too lax in my parenting because my mom is here to help. Because she

is so helpful. Sometimes it's like the kids will just run to meet me for something, to run to Papa for something, where I want to make sure that I'm on my p's and q's as a parent as well too, because it's different when the children are parented and disciplined in this house with you and I and then go to Mimi and Papa's house or go to Nana and Papa Scoop's house, and they can do all the spoiling they want there and all that, but we know that's going to be at Nana and Papa's house or at

Mimi and Papa's house and they're coming back home. It's a little more difficult, which we've learned recently, when we're trying to discipline in a certain way, or we just have the children doing certain routines and things, and then it's not being upheld by my parents my kids, which I know my mom tries to do, but sometimes Dad's the one that's the dad push over when he's ready to our kids. They know if to me, and they'd be like, daddy can have an icy, No, you already

had icy today. Let me find mimia proper. They already know. And then they know not like I'll see them watching me, and they'll be watching me. And in the minute I leave the room, I hear the refrigerator opened and it's kaz Or, it's Cairo, and they're smart. They don't even ask. They go open a freezer, get the icy and just take it your parents. And then that person just cut it. And then they they and I'm like, did not tell you? Know? Then I just see their eyes open up and then

they're going. That is one of the things that you and I have learned when your your in laws live with you. Different grandparents don't want to be disciplinarians and they shouldn't have to be. But Kadeem made a very important observation. She said, Mom, if you're gonna live here with us, right, you can't take on the role as the spoiler because you don't ever leave. You're the spoiler that lives here. So every day you're teaching bad habits.

And maybe she was like, well, I'm me. I just want to be me me, And this is where we were like, well, if you're gonna be mee me, we're gonna have to discuss this arrangement because if you're gonna be here full time, you're gonna have to be a disciplinarian. Your pops love him to death. He ain't never been a disciplinarian. He ain't disciplinarian. I don't expect him to

be a disciplinarian with the little ones. So it's just going behind and if he loves us, he loves them kids and ensure that the things that we want to instill in our children are pressed through the grandparents, you know, and making sure that they're constantly going behind and reiterating what we're trying to teach them. No, for sure, Ayeah. Those are things that we just check ourselves constantly as parents to say, Okay, where is this child going awry?

Or you know, is this one getting away with too much or this one testing the waters a little bit too much, because we definitely don't want to have that confusion when it comes to the kids learning how to

deal with us in this space. Um. But people always like when it comes to living with your in laws, people always think about the worst, And I really can't think about how like the worst, because there's so many positives to having someone here with them, Like there's so many last minute things that somebody needs to get picked up, and your pops will be like, I'll go get them. I don't have to think about that, like I can. I can focus my mind on things that's going to

help create more content to bring in more revenue. Um. I can't say enough how much having them here has helped our relationship because it's it's funny, but it's almost like it becomes a war of attrition, right, and it's like this is my teammate, so it will be us against the kids, and then it will be us against your parents. But it's like we have this teammate thing here where sometimes when it's just YouTube and there's no one you know, it's it's always like it was me

versus her. Yeah, if there's no one to to, it's like yeah, and I'm and you miss your spouse sometimes because you get caught up in life and when you have four kids, somebody has a practice or rehearsal or coding class or open school, like someone always has that, and it seems like one of us is always out running there, but when you have someone there, or even if we're out running, then we come home and it's like,

oh my god, what's for dinner? And then I look over my dad made a pot of soup or pillow, as we all know, he might have made pillow for the Actually, I think he's got the memo because we haven't had pillow in a minute. Um, he's gonna sup us to death. But at least it's something hot and home cooked that's here. And I just feel like my parents are comfortable here. I've always wanted to create a lifestyle where my parents could be comfortable, because that's your

dream as a kid. I know you dream and for the moment that you can be able to reciprocate the sacrifice and reciprocate the gifts that your parents have given you, um growing up. So I feel great that we're in a position now where we can do that, where our parents are comfortable. You know, your parents are still working and then they're the workforce and they're you know, content doing that until they don't have to anymore. But we do have a plan. But there's a plan. This is

not a permanent situation. Yes, this situation was to help us with you wanted to we have another child. So now we have an uh infant living with us. But our plan, ultimately and your God blessed us with an abundance and the things we can do, but to buy our parents at home near us so that they can be the spoiled grandparents over there, over there, over there to your grandparents, or Mommy and Daddy have to run out. We're gonna drop you by Grandma Grandma and we'll pick

you up on our way. Grandma Grandma can pick you up, drop you home, stay for a little bit, and then go at night, so that way Daddy can't get his niceness. You see how I did that? Quench this yats. I don't want to see no doc, but you want to see Dick. I need to send my nurse around. All right, y'all, let's take a quick break and then we are going to come back with listener letters. Because did that looky that's become his every portion. He likes style stories, he does.

All right, we're back. I'm gonna jump right in. I just want to start off by saying how much of an inspiration you all have been to me. I'm twenty three and I just recently moved to Colorado to be with my boyfriend and I've been in a long distan relationship from for seven years. Wow. So you've been with sixteen Wow. Yeah, that's a long time. Everything has been going amazing, from the relationship to my personal and work life. The issue that I'm having now is that my mother,

who happens to be white. I hope you don't mind if this is a novel like Devil says, because I want to give context. So it's been over a year of this so called beef this woman has with me. Before I moved to Colorado. There were they were they were staying in a hotel, and still is with her husband, kids and dogs. I'm not here to bad, sure, but she is constantly disrespecting our relationship by completely ignoring the

fact that we live together. She talks about me to him. Recently, she decided to post a personal sin uh whoa she ties a post and personally send my boyfriend pictures of him and his ex because it was a memory on Facebook and she wanted him to see the beautiful smiles and happiness even though they aren't together. What mind you? When they were together, she called her the devil and their breakup was pretty nasty, so we both were confused

on what she was trying to accomplish. As bad as I wanted to pull up on her, I know I could possibly lose everything I'm building with my boyfriend. It's so this is his mom, Okay. It's taking a lot out of me mentally to not beat her as because I'm twenty three, because I'm trying to learn how to give people grace for myself, I cannot continue in a

relationship with her. But it still bothers me because at the end of the day, she is still his mother, and even though they may fight, they forgive and move on and she continues the cycle at this point and he is numb to her bs. But I feel like I'm just getting started. Man. He says to me all the time that I am his family now and he'll do anything to make sure I'm happy. I just want I just don't know how to move forward. So if you can give me some advice, that would be something

I can hold onto for the rest of my life. Wow, we just talked about meddling. Mother in law's right. The first thing is she's young. They've been together since it was seven, His mom probably doesn't respect I was about to say, because your mom too. I mean not that she didn't ever disrespect to me, but at eighteen when we both were met, but we both met and we're hot and heavy in this relationship even into our twenties, she was like, why don't you slow down? Like be

an individual, be independent? And those are all things that we said, and we've agreed that now they were completely right about. So she may not, even, like you said, acknowledge the fact that she's really a girlfriend, especially with a long since relationship for seven years. She's probably just like whatever, let's see. I too don't know what she was trying to accomplish by posting that last girlfriend accomplished. You don't want them together, She don't like them together.

You don't like like this. This is the truth, yo. Mom's always feel like whoever the girl is is not good enough for their son, the same way your mom felt like I wasn't good enough for you. She said, you could have walked in the house with Jesus himself holding the cross and it wouldn't have been good enough for my daughter. So I get it when you're a parent, unless that person has proven to you or your child has proven to you the capacity to pick the right person.

They always feel like that person is not good enough. So that's really what she was doing. Like she's just a meddling mom. She can be immature in her own way. I wonder if he's an only child too, because sometimes too if he's an owner boy. She said that she lives in a hotel with her boyfriend. Oh yes, with her husband kids, and so she has some issues she needs to work out with herself. And her son is her oldest son, maybe her you know, the apple of

her eye. You know, she didn't say with her fault with with his father, her husband, which means this is someone else and it could be his kids, Like you said, this could be her only child. So I think it's the thing where separation. You see that your son is getting closer to someone, and let me see if I could throw a little wrench here, because she may be a little ratchet. His mom may be a little ratchet. So you know, if you love him, continue to happen

happen with his mother, who happens to be white. I don't know what that she's white, yeah, so I mean, you know she she could be white. And right, yeah, you know, but yeah, So my thing is, if you want to be in a relationship with the person, you can't avoid their mom. There's a lot of conversations need to be had. A lot of people like I don't want to talk. I don't have the conversations. You want to be in a relationship. Conversations need to be had.

Communication needs to happen. She may not like what you say, you may not like what she says, but at least if you guys have the conversation and there's an understanding, there's no I don't know because right now, which is I don't know what to do, you do know what to do? Or I don't know why not like me? Right? And then yeah, you never know something. There may be something about you that's not Rubert ho the right way,

and you won't know that until you investigate it. So good luck to you on that, all right, Next one, what up? How do you guys deal with people not respecting your relationship boundaries? My boyfriend of three years has started a personal trainer business, and going into this, I knew women would flock and whatnot. I mentally prepared myself for this because my father also had the same businesses.

He has one one particular client that I can't seem to keep her flirting to herself and keep saying inappropriate things to him. To him, it's harmless, mainly because he doesn't pay attention to the other women flirting, which flirting with him, which I love. I don't mind people flirting me. Sagittarius and him Gemini both are very protective of each other. Although I know he's happy here, insecurities are eating me alive. Help me before I start snatching wigs. This I understand

we did from Dena. You know, it is not his job to make you feel secure. You have to figure that out on your own. And I'm interesting to know, interested to know if her issues with this comes from what she saw her father do or how her father dealt with these women. If her pops handled these women accordingly,

she probably wouldn't be insecure. But if he didn't handle them properly, then it's like, yeah, I see what my pops did this thinking might do the same thing to right right right there, so she might have a little bit that she's taken from that previous relationship with her father and his businessess over here also too, he's a personal trainer, so I would assume that he's probably fit, in shape, good looking. Maybe you know the women are coming at him. However, do you trust absolutely? Get who?

Look at who I am married to personal training? Now you're an actor, sex symbol, all that your star is only right, I think it's safe to say, especially I think the nail in the coffin for that was the the special shout out to the team and Dakota, who is the product of our own in home Blue Life special. However, but I'm you know, I know who I'm married, so I know that women are going to try. I know that women are going to flirt. I also know that I married someone who flirts. And it boils down to

do I trust you? Do you trust your man? Sis? Because before you start snatching wigs and start being that girlfriend, I think there's more power in being the woman that just sits back and trusts her man and says, you know what, I don't have to necessarily snatch a wig because he knows what he got at home. He ain't concerned about you and you're flirting. But don't beat yourself

up and give yourself grief grace. Please give yourself if you feel as if that might have bothered me because Conans dealt with Yes, absolutely, I've had had moments that bothered me. And sometimes the stuff that Devou has done or is something that actually, like another woman has done over the course of the years, and we talked about it. We talked about it. We have open comments. When something bothers her, she brings it right to me, and we have debates about if it even is valid. But that's

not the point. The point is if it bothered you, we have to talk about it. So now I will say I don't necessarily always bring it to him the right way, you know what I mean. I will say that, you know, over the course of our relationship for twenty years, I've had my moments where I probably could have dealt

with things better. And I try to admit that, and I try to see the fall in my actions and just say, you know what, I might have been flying off the handle in that moment, you know, But um, we're gonna have the conversation regardless, and at least you do engage me in those and you don't just completely make me feel like I'm crazy. But because it's not my job to make you feel secure, I want to assure you that I'm not going to disrespect our union

and disrespect you. You know what I'm saying. So I'm not trying to do it to make you feel secure, but I want you to know like we're on the same page chair of what you want and what I want, and that's what's important. So I think she should do the same thing with her boyfriend. Like if this bothers you, say something, but don't expect to hear something from him that's gonna make you feel better, because until you make yourself feel better, you're still gonna feel the same way.

That's a fact. All right, y'all. If you want to be featured as a listener letter, be sure to email us at dead Ask Advice at gmail dot com. That's D E A D A S S A D V I C E at gmail dot com. All right, now, moment of truth time. It's very simple for me. The moment of truth is this, do what you need to create peace in your home. If that means moving in your in laws to help with certain things, do that. You know, it's been great for us. Um. Of course,

there's some bumps in the road. People might wear your slippers. Um, you can't have the same loud, wild sex that you want to have. You can't walk around naked in the middle of the night when you want to go to the fridge. You know, you how to put clothes on. Somebody might be out there in your slippers, you know,

or your your Nike uh slides. But that's part for the course, because I also have opportunities to go travel and do things with my beautiful partner in crime because her parents are here to help hold down the fort. So do what you can to create peace in your home. Understand that help is needed and everything that you hear about in laws is not always true. I love my in laws, you know, even though they wear my ship. We love them. We love him, and my parents love

them just the same. I guess the moment of truth is um to aim to find a way to give grace to all the adults living in the house, because ultimately we're all adults. Yes, um, But I think once the level of respects stays there, you can still have the conversations with your parents, um with your spouse to say hey, I didn't like when you did this, or this is how we're going to be doing it in

our host household with our children. So please respect that if you're going to be here like those are the kind of conversations that we needed to have, and I think they should be had, especially if someone's going to be full time in your house with you and your children until you know the other opportunity presents itself for

them to have Mimi and Papa's house. And and just to add here, I find honor and pleasure in knowing that we were being We were able to create a lifestyle, to have a house big enough to house all of our kids and help that there's travel and that our kids can have a sense of normalcy, knowing that I always go home and I know where home is, and it's going to be people there to receive me when I get there and love me and love on me and spoil me. Alright, y'all, be sure to follow us

on social media. Dead Ask the podcast and you can find me. I am and you know where to find me. I am devout. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe Dead Ask Spolkes You. Dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media podcast network and is produced by Dinorapinia and triple follow the podcast on social media at dead as the Podcasts, and never miss a thing