EITM: Married Without Knowing 6/18/25

What do I say about Eli at the Morning Listeners?

Well, they're onions.

The I've never said that, Diane. I've never called a listener an onion.

No, but we learn more about people every day.

Oh yes, yes, no, no, smartest people in the world. Smartest people in the world. You want to get an answer to anything, asking Elliott the Morning Listener, smartest people in the world, you may have to ask several of them before you get the answer. Some of them may be dumb in this, but very smart in that.

That's me.

Anyway, you're dumb in this, well, I this this, I am actually going to be very dumb.

In Oh okay, this is new territory for you.

The I found the one area no, no, no, okay, so listen, right, So this it doesn't matter. These people live out in Los Angeles, but this part doesn't matter. When I got married, right, Jackie and I ran away, not ran away.

But we had a not not random destinations.

Yeah no no, but it wasn't like no no, no, no, no no. But it wasn't like in a church or something like that, right, And so we had to go to the courthouse where we were and like sign the paperwork and stuff. If you get married. So traditionally, this is where I need help. Traditionally you go to the courthouse and you get a marriage license.

Is that? Is that true?

Now?

When we like when Jackie and I got.

Married, we had to go to a courthouse where we were to get a marriage certificate.

But I think that was it.

Like, I don't know that anybody ever signed anything like I've told you for you. I don't even know that Jackie and I are married. I have no clue. But anyway, traditionally, yes, you would go to a courthouse and get a marriage license and then that gives you X number of days to get married.

That's right, you did that. I did that. You did that? Yeah, you did that.

What do you mean?

No, you didn't get a marriage license? Are you and Mike married?

Oh?

You did it online? Oh so no, you're not. Is that legit? And there you had to go in person?

Kristin's saying no, South Carolina anyway. Oh that's a good question. Do you have to get the marriage license where you're getting married? But your ceremony was in Maryland?

Yeah, we got it in Maryland.

So I don't have an answer for you.

You don't know where you got your marriage license.

Oh, I know, we got it in Maryland and then got married in Maryland state. So I don't know if you're well. Kristin would know. She lives in Maryland but got it in South Carolina.

She's so busy looking at the gift that she got.

Where did you get.

Your marriage license Virginia and you got married in Virginia?

I was there. Oh you didn't run off with Scott? Yeah? The no, you know what I mean?

Like, we didn't get our marriage Jack and I didn't get our marriage certificate in Virginia and then get married somewhere else.

Right Where did you get yours?

Uh? Online through the court system of South Carolina.

And then you got married in South Carolina?

Yes?

And then Jones had to sign the certificate afterwards, and then Jones had to mail it to the courts.

Or whatever because he signed.

It because he's the officiant to make it.

Okay, all right, now we're getting somewhere. Now, we're getting somewhere.

But we never Mike and I never went to a court or anything. And because we looked it up because we were you know, we're here right and they you just sign it. I think we had to do it. Technically like twelve days prior to the ceremony.

Right, Can I ask you this is that? Is any of it different? Is any of it? What does that?

Oh? Yeah, Tyler got the proof.

These were the photos.

Why do you have photos of Mike Jones signing her wedding certifications?

And her Mike are in the photos too? I know why you have a couple of times he looked at me and smiled for the camera.

You took that picture?

Yeah, I took all of them. It was the night of the ceremony.

Yeah, when we went everybody went back to the hotel.

Oh.

Oh, is that when you got proposition?

No, that was the night before. That's when I oh, that's right.

I walked over or Tyler and his wife Lindsay walked me back, and then the like high school kids tried to get into the bar.

Yeah exactly.

And we were like, when did Elliott bring his whole family?

But is it question doing it online? Was that any different because Mike's military? No, so not at all, because I would think military, if you're deployed or something and you're going to come back and you're gonna get married when you return or something, that maybe it's different that way or.

Yeah, I mean that would be the only thing, but that had nothing to do with it.

No, we weren't cures or we were curious. We're like, okay, do we have to fly down to the court set up an appointment to get this done? And it just said you can do it online submitted that way.

We got ours the day before, Like we went to the courthouse.

Yeah, got ours that literally the day before.

Aren't In some cases they they're not able to be active for a certain amount of time.

So like you go to let's you just for argument's sake, you go to the courthouse on on May first.

By the way she answered your question, so residency doesn't matter. It's way you're getting married.

Correct, we think so.

The so you get it on May first, but it may not be eligible to be used until May fifth.

I don't know if it's that long, but I thought there was a waiting period until you can execute. Am I thinking of guns? The No, I think there is for I know, there's definitely like you said, there's a deadline of time. Yeah, and there is a deadline for which you can use it. But I thought you had to wait to use it.

It's not long. Maybe it's twenty four hours oka eight hours? I don't know.

Virginia said there's no waiting period, so.

You can use it immediately.

Yeah, I could get it at two pm again and tie the knot at two o five.

Sounds like it right on.

Let me tack Marilyn.

Let's see when you get married in a church or in a more traditional setting where you have a not, you don't have the afternoon disc jockey host doing your wedding. But you get married and there's like a religious person, an efficiant. Is that who signs the forms?

That's who signed ours? Yeah? I would think so is that who signed words? Whoever does the ceremony?

Yes?

If the priests who did it? Yes, he signed it.

I may have just answered my own question. I may have just answered my own question. I may have just sawt I may have just solved the mystery.

What mystery? What is it?

The one I haven't even gotten to yet? What does it say about Maryland?

After application the license which is not effective until six am on the second calendar day.

So if you got it on Thursday, you're not eligible till six am Saturday.

That's forty eight hours. How about that? How about that?

So this woman and this guy in California, Right, Beverly Hills, nice, nice place, right, fancy?

No, no are you Are you one of the Hillbillies?

No, no, no, no, because you would because when I tell you the story, you're gonna want to go like, oh dumb haze seeds.

No, that's what we're thinking about. You nice? Please?

Huh the no, No, So Beverly Hills. They get a marriage license. By the in between getting the marriage. After getting the marriage license, these two, she's thirty six, he's forty two. They have a massive, massive blow up and they call off the wedding. Wedding's off. Wedding's donzo, it's not happening.

The woman.

Takes the marriage certificate, has a pastor sign it, and then send.

It into the court, so she falsified it. This guy's married to her and has no idea.

Did they ever reconcile? So you said, master follow up? So there was no like, oh I'm sorry.

No, No, what's.

The pastor's deal?

Yeah, to have married them.

A pastor certified the marriage despite the groom being completely absent from the ceremony. What ceremony the woman, well, there was no ceremony. There was no ceremony. The woman then took the fraudulent Well it's not fraudulent. The pastor signed it, but the woman, I'm not done. The sorry that was?

That was? That was aggressive.

The woman then took the marriage certificate to the county clerk's office and had it filed, making it appear as though the legitimate wedding had taken place.

How's that possible?

Well, you just told us.

Here's my question.

We read that to say, pastor is the pastor Mike Jones.

Who has chimed in himself. Oh crap, I forgot to mail that.

No, you know what I mean?

Like, whose wedding did I say I would officiate?

Was it revs?

No? General Brandon and Placey a lot and al Toido's and what is al Twido's fiance's name, Selena?

Selena.

I've told both of them I would officiate their wedding. I don't know if I officially told Altido.

So here's your answer, you made yourself available.

I would like to do both of them. I don't know if I can. I don't know what the day I would like to be able to do them. I hope it's not scheduled during playoff season anyway.

I'm just I'm being honest.

Notice he didn't say which sport, any playoff?

No, No, I'm very honored that both of them have asked.

But I'm an ordained minister.

That didn't expire, right.

No, Once a minister, always a minister. Are you sure I'll re up? Okay? Universal Church? They love me.

Yeah, anyway, don't don't don't throw that wrench. Don't throw that wrench. ULCs do not expire you if I so, Let's say al Toyto and what Selena they get a marriage license, then they have a huge falling out and it ends. Al Toyto comes to me and goes, hey, will you sign this anyway? That way it'll look like we're married. I'm signing it.

Why you want to be in on that?

No?

Why why would you hill him now commit a crime? Well, I'm not, I'm not.

It's fraud.

Why is he wanting to?

Like?

What what did she get out of this story?

That I that's the part I don't know. I think she was trying to go after his like the say again benefits. I don't know what the in the in the in the real story, I don't know what the guy had but the guy lost his mind and then like she reached down and was like, you know, we're married, and he's like the balls we are. So I don't know if she's trying to get half his stuff. It's California. I don't know if she's trying Beverly Hills.

It's nice, right, that's one of those half states fifty to fifty state.

I don't need, which is why I would never get married in California.

The I don't know if she's trying to get his stuff. I don't know. I don't know what it is. But that's a that's that. So maybe I'm wrong on how how they got the certificate signed signed.

No, I think that's a pretty good theory.

But that would mean that it's it's an ordained person and not an actual pastor. And in the story they do refer to it as the pastor the pastor.

It's not just she found a pastor.

Okay, I am the pastor at Al Toyedo's wedding. I am the pastor at General Brandon's wedding.

And according to Aaron M. Barla, what am I chop Liver?

Oh, what is she doing?

Engaged?

Marry every other person but my ass.

She never asked me to marry her.

She never asked because I would have said, if anybody here has any issues, let it be known with a loud.

I was never asked. So does it have to I don't want to have that fight. Yes?

Does it have to be the person who officiated? Do they need to be the one that tests when they sign? Or could you have someone else who is in that role, just a witness or just maybe in that church or a part of that parish or whatever? Could they sign or does it.

Show I'm the officient. I'm like, listen, I got to get out of here. I got two more weddings. This is Sally, she's a she's a docent here at the church. She'll sign it, I don't know, and then you would go to her and go hey off. Pastor Hank said that he had to take off. So I need you to sign this and she would have no idea.

If that's allowed.

Yeah, I don't know. I have no idea. That's why I said I'm dumb in this area. But here's what I do.

But how could you, like you're saying she's a church docin, I mean, would that person qualify? Know you probably would need someone cut from the same cloth.

Oh, like a different pastor.

Yeah, fine, so you go when you go Pastor Hank left, here's Pastor Tits.

You would think it would it should be the same person who actually performed the ceremony.

You would think. But who's who's verifying that? I know this chick is married to this guy.

And this guy is hot, and I know that I don't have photos of Kristen's wedding because I was the maid of honor Eric.

But here we go.

I told you you want an answer to something. Who are the smartest people.

In the world? Ellie of the Morning Listeners, Hi, Elliet the Morning.

Hello, this is me?

Oh god, yeah, Hi, who's this?

Hi Elliott?

This is Amy from Dumfries.

How are y'all this morning?

I am great? Thank you Amy? What can I do for you? So?

I got married in Richmond in December twenty twenty three at the Cathedral the Sacred Heart. And for our wedding we had the full Catholic Mass, so the whole deal. And when it came time for paperwork, there was the marriage license and then there's a separate document that for the marriage to be recognized within the Catholic Church that you have to submit to the diocese. So for the marriage license, that had to be filled out by the officiant,

As well as the father Tony Still.

And then the best man and the maid of honor had to also sign as witnesses. But for the marriage license, it could only be signed by him, and we didn't even receive it back. Their deal was the officiant signs it, mails it in our hands, you know, once we gave it to them, and the ceremony is done, like our hands are free of it. So this chick, I don't know if somehow she you know, if it was filed.

I guess after.

When the wedding supposedly took place. Once the past there was like hey still and so forgot to sign this and kind of you know, pulled one over on him to get it signed and get it sent off because it's only supposed to be the officiant who does it. So it's kind of crazy that she was able to get all of this accomplished and you now be you know, messing with this guy moving forward.

Yeah, no, I mean they're married according to according to the state of California, they're married.

Can I ask can I ask? A? Really?

Maybe this is a dumb question, But the only dumb question is the one that's not asked. When you get a marriage license, does it have to be signed by anybody.

When you get it from the courthouse?

Yea, definitely? Who's it signed by the person at the desk?

Okay, fine, that's right. Did you and lindsay both have to sign it? We both were there, but you don't both have to be there. Kristen and Mike weren't in in in in South Carolina?

Or did we have to sign it on the spot?

I don't.

I don't think we did.

When the officiant signs the marriage decree, is there any is there?

Does it get notarized?

Is there anything to it it?

Does it get notarized after it's sent back after its signed?

That that's too late? What stops me from doing this?

I go to the courthouse in Virginia, I sign, I get a marriage license, I forge Pastor Tony's name, and.

I send it into the court and now I'm married to Maren Morris.

I can write in whoever I want yes, I guess in effect, you could, but I don't. Marriage licenses don't have to be notarized.

Doesn't it seem there's a lot of easy ways to sham the business.

Now, imagine Maren's surprise when she finds out we're married, and.

The flip side of this, Why does Joseph have to leave?

It seems so easy? Yeah, why don't we just you're married?

Yeah, it's like, we don't need Casey's consent.

Hell Jones and I are both we could both sign it, did you see?

So the police chief decline to release the name of the pastor in order to prevent harassment and influence as we move forward in this case?

Is it a legit pastor?

When you say that, when you say name of the pastor, no one would call you or Mike Jones a pastor? That's fair, that's fair, But harassment, like who's going after the pastor? And do you think the pastor's in on this?

Like?

Is this is this gonna expose? Is there something corrupt about the church?

Oh so you think you think that the bride and the pastor Rinka who she's like, listen, some California is a fifty to fifty state. Sign this, we'll get fifty, you'll get you'll get Now, it's a twenty five to twenty five state.

H is the pastor in trouble.

It just says we're moving forward with the case and we're not identifying Hi, Elliot the morning.

Yeah, Hi, who's this?

It's Toby.

Yes, Toby, what can I do for you?

So in Alaska a couple can go to the courthouse and say I want Joe Schmoe my friend to marry us, and Joe Schmoe will get a certificate for one day every year and they can marry a couple. So you can get your best friend to marry you. Well, it's actually married to my friends.

But that's that's kind of the same as getting ordained right, like through Universal Life Church where you mail away for it. Actually, I would argue Alaska does maybe a little better job where you have to go to the courthouse.

You do.

Yeah, So that part's fine. It just doesn't explain, thank you, ma'am. It doesn't explain the how this got done.

Now, now here's an issue you may find yourself having to deal with in the future. Earliot, are any of those three couples you mentioned that you are going to officiate. Are they in Virginia?

I know Al Toyto is in Virginia. He's in Richmond. Okay, well, Richmond area. I don't know exactly where he lives. I don't know where do all the movie stars of Richmond live in general?

Brandon is in.

Well, aren't they in Richmond?

Yes? And then Aaron and Barlow who's never asked me. She's never asked me to marry. But if she does, then yeah, she's in Richmond.

There are quite a few people saying that Virginia does not recognize anything from Universal Life Church.

Not true, not true, not true. I've married well, oh boy, oh boy? Somebody called, wait a minute, is that true?

There are quite a few dms and even the mess there's an ex that's say Elliott needs to look at that before those weddings.

No, because I definitely signed everything off on Shannon and Paul's wedding. Start buy Shannon right, I married that They've been married happily, happily for years, decades.

I would want to check that out. You could ruin somebody, so three people's big day.

Or it frees me up for three days.

Wait a second, Diane, did he.

Know, no, but you know what, like, I would never tell Shannon and Paul that you want them to think that the last twenty years of their life was a sham.

Yeah, i'd follow up on that.

Is that a recent finding?

I don't know, but I was concerned by the number of people who brought it up. But I am through Universal Life Church, Yes, or do you just say that? No, I know you're a part of like a knockoff or something.

No, no, no, I definitely went through ucl ULC whatever, Diane.

That's the Champions League.

I don't know the I don't know the answer to that. Evey. Wait, so then, how how do I marry somebody in Virginia?

Oh?

Do they have like their own church? I think you.

Have to go to.

Become a priest. Okay that I'm not doing. Listen.

I love seminary I love all of them, but I am not going to seminary school to do this, Okay.

And then they're going to hear this as they walk down the aisle, because you're only a valot through Yuepha.

Line seven. Hi Elliott, the morning.

Good morning.

Hi.

Who's this?

Hi?

This is j Hi Jenny. What can I do for you?

I was married in California, and I had to have two witnesses sign my marriage license after the efficient signed after the ceremony.

Are you Jewish?

No?

No, Universal Life Church married me.

Oh that a girl? No No.

The reason I ask is that like for Jews, you signed the katuba and that all takes place before the even the wedding takes place, but that gets signed by the rabbi. And also like two witnesses have to sign it, so before you even show up in front of the synagogue and under the hippa, you're already married.

Like everything else is just for show. You're already done.

Oh well no, we Protestant, he's Catholic and.

So but you had to have two witnesses sign it.

Yeah, my made up of honor and his best man had to sign our marriage license.

Interesting.

Interesting because I know a woman who just got married in Beverly Hills and she she had nobody signing except that fay past her or did she thank you.

What part of what part of California?

San Diego?

Oh beautiful, beautiful? Good for you? All right, very good, thank you, ma'am. Thank you just got.

Married under a huppah in San Diego.

God bless her, God bless her husband.

Weird.

Maybe one day you can meet again and he'll take the photo. I didn't have to sign the katuba for jazz?

Did they?

Did they have a rabbi? Yes?

Yes?

Oh?

They did everything traditionally?

Did they really? Did they? Did they have sex? Or a sheet?

Let me text her, I'll do it?

Line three?

Why don't I have pictures of that? He's not Jewish? Alex is in Jewish?

Are you serious? Oh man? Will a rabbi still do that wedding?

They did? Did they really? I do it for Hell? Hi Elliot the morning Hell? Hello, Yeah, Hi, yes Hi.

This is Katie from Frederick.

Yes.

I was listening to you talk about the possibility that the bride and the officient were gonna like split community property, right, So I just I've been watching the most recent season of Real Housewives with Beverly Hills and Strie was getting divorced and they were telling her, oh, ma'am, your husband is divorcing you at nine and a half years because community property doesn't kick in until ten.

Ten.

Okay, ma'am, you know that's all.

That's that's all, Andy Cohen, That PK is tvous, all right, very good? Very good, Thank you, thank you.

That doesn't count that someone called in with an answer to your dilemma, M yes or not really yours, but three others dilemmas.

Okay, can you please stop putting Aaron M barlow in. This isn't Aaron M barlow already married?

No, who just got engaged not too long ago.

Oh that's right. But she never asked me.

She does it? Acknowledge her? She did never ask?

Okay, the them? Why like that? You know what that is?

That's that's like being angry about Well, you didn't get me everything I wanted.

She's just well you didn't asking.

Now, if I thought it was actually a real option, I would have one hundred thousand percent asked Elliott to marry us.

Well, it is because I'm doing General Brandon and and uh al tooyda maybe maybe, although I never got back to al toydo fne seven Hi Elliott the morning.

Well, I told missus his answer, Hello, Hi, can you hear me?

Yeah?

I got you? Who's this?

This is Alex and Richmond. No, I just wanted to confirm. I also went through the ULC to get ordained for my cousin. I married her in New York. I can't. I have two best friends who got married here in Virginia. You cannot marry people in Virginia. You have to like be a member of a church and like go to church regularly. I think it is, but ULC is not recognized in Virginia.

Then how were my friends Shannon and Paul married?

You might want you might want to do some research on that one.

Okay? Can we all everybody?

If if you run into Starbucks, Shannon, don't say nothing, don't say no, don't ruin it.

Also, am I end I signed the marriage stuff?

Right?

Were there witnesses too? Or you don't remember?

Yeah?

Shannon and Paul?

Was this the original wedding you became ordained for?

Yes?

Yeah, so you've been a fraud from the beginning. It's not like there was another out of state wedding that you you know, this was the very first one I.

Did it for.

Maybe it's their fault for hire in a hill build.

Well, that was gonna be my next question. How far back does it go?

I'm assuming as far back as it can, but I don't know for sure.

How far back does the church go?

But Diane was at the wedding, Yes, I was well, no, you weren't. You were, but you weren't.

What are you talking about?

Well, there's there's there's there's some stuff that went on.

But you're an accomplished Diane.

You knew.

No, I didn't.

Hold on, I have to turn these off. I have to turn I don't want to. I don't know. Hold on, please, Diane.

Okay, they're not married.

That even the longest MIC's off moment in the history of the show.

Because someone was talking more than listening.

But I think I think get very nervous. That's too bad.

They just hit fourteen years.

What do we do if we run into Starbucks, Shannon? What do we do? Saying damn? Saying nothing? No, they're no worse for the wear.

Also, my apologies to General Brandon, al Toyto and Aaron Ambarlow, who I was very excited to do it for, but so they don't recognize anybody being ordained.

Hold on.

I have a little journal here, and I'm going to write Shannon under Lander, not for the same reason, but for the nay on the talk reason line.

Hi Elliot the morning.

Hey, how you doing So? I've done this before in Virginia. I'm more day through I guess Universal Life Church as well. Nice to your local courthouse and get like a one day pass to do these. So you're just gonna have to go to the courthouse a bunch of all these different people.

That paperwork so is Virginia. Why would I go to a Why would I go to a courthouse? I've already broken the law.

I don't know.

Who.

They give you the money back though they send it, they send it back. It's just five hundred dollars. You performed the thing, and then you bring the paperwork back saying you did it, and then they give you your five hundred dollars back. It takes a little bit to get the money back. But you know, I'm sure how Toydo and this other guy can brought that money for you.

Al Toydo is an actor. Thank you.

The the wait, so so it's like Alaska, you have to go down and get it in person.

Yes, I definitely to do that with Shannon and Paul. I'll tell you that right now. All right, very good, very good, thank you, thank you.

Oh that's going to be an uncomfortable conversation next time you're with them.

No, it's not, oh, because you're going to bring it up. Why would what am I gonna do?

The longer you wait, the worse it gets.

Not at all, You just say you didn't know.

I mean, is is year fifteen gonna be that worse than fourteen?

You know What's funny?

All these years, I've always questioned whether Jackie and I are legit. We're good, all right, compared to Shannon and Paul. Those two were you know what, they are roommates.

They're definitely not bestive.

And it's funny. I can't remember who, but one of their parents was.

Was against it, against you marrying them? Yeah, because they you were fake.

They won out ship