How do you manage your parents incontinence issues when you're their adult child? Stay tuned. This is a story you might want to hear. My dad and I always had a great relationship. Growing up, I loved it when Mom took my sister and me to Dad's factory and office. I'd walk the factory floor with him and ask questions about how everyone did their job.
Curious about the art and creativity that went into every facet, I watched with deep fascination, as Uncle Joe, or Aunt Sally, as we called everybody, shared with great pride how they made the eyeglasses and frames that Dad designed and crafted. As years passed, my interest and respect for what he did continued to grow. A new lesson or skill was around every corner, in every piece of material and magazine.
He'd bring home Vogue, Women's Wear Daily, And material samples that he'd bring home to assess color and style. From those early days, dad showed me and taught me how to observe and think through and work through many problems, whether they be business or personal.
But when I took over as mom and dad's POA, Even though Dad had prepared me the best he could for taking over as now co head of the family with Dad as my wingman, taking over to learn how to assess and determine what problems to fix weren't as easy as he'd planned or hoped for me. Stepping in to help with such personal things as Dad's evolving issues with incontinence was just one example.
Overseeing their care from 1, 200 miles away had its advantages and disadvantages for sure, and understanding the impact of his incontinence was one of those, what do I do now moments. Really? So that it wouldn't be such a burden on her and others to convince dad to first wear disposables and then admit to the fact that he needed to change his disposable underwear more frequently than once a day. Okay, let's see how we're going to handle this one, Nance.
my first thoughts were to help Dad and still keep his pride and dignity intact. So, through research an acupuncturist who ensured she could resolve Dad's problem. Acupuncture was a tool that Dad had used in the past and was open to the idea, so I thought this would be an easy one. However this acupuncturist was a bit more on the spa like environment side, versus one that was in a more medical environment, which Dad was comfortable with and had used in the past.
The soft music, warm lights, and feminine curtains made Dad think, Okay, Nance, I'll trust you here. I could almost see the balloon over his head saying that. After several treatments, and no changes or response, and an insistence from the acupuncturist that this would take a lot more time, and a few more costly treatments, both both dad and I happily decided to save our time and money and call this option quits.
Honestly, trips to Papa Clyde's ice cream shop proved to be a lot more enjoyable together and did not impact his urinary issues one way or another, but it certainly put a smile on his face. And mine too. Now, stuck and looking for other options for the same issue still prevailing, Dad's GP, doctor, through the insistence of that same lead aide, and yes, she was let go shortly thereafter for a variety of other reasons as well, recommended a urologist.
Thankfully, for that appointment, another aide went with us. you see, Dad had not seen a urologist, in years, and likely even since I was a kid, if at all, not knowing myself what happens at a male urology exam, we were both in for a rude awakening. You see, all right, I'll spare you the details, but whatever he did, had dad running out of that exam room with his pants down around his knees and my soon to be lead aide running after him trying to help and calm him down.
We both felt terribly embarrassed and bad for what we had put dad through at that time. He wouldn't look at me in the face after that one for the rest of the day, even though we had all gone to lunch together to try and diffuse the issue and bad feelings. Later, I learned that Dad thought the guy was actually trying to sexually accost him. Gah! What was I thinking? OMG, how do you, as a daughter, respond to that one? All in the name of trying to help my dad, and now fired former lead aide.
Thankfully, my dad had great faith in my ability and patience with the learning curve we went through together to make his life and mom's life. Happy, safe, comfortable, and financially sound right to their final days. The moral of this episode is caring for parents we love, no matter what your medical professional or personal qualifications are, take time, time and understanding both theirs and yours.
They take patience, patience and actually understanding that you're probably not going to get it right the first time, and even medical professionals don't know the answers all the time. You know your parents better than anybody else, and you can try, and if they have trust in you, they will listen, and together, you're going to go over a few humps, but in the end, things will always work out fine.
They take understanding, as I said earlier, theirs and yours, and your aides, and the other professionals you work with as well, too, and a little, if not a lot, of experimentation along the way. Everybody's slightly different. You, your folks, your siblings, and your entire family. We did eventually figure out how to help Dad. That involved making sure that every aide we employed had the head, and the heart, and the wherewithal to cope with Dad's bodily changes as he aged.
For women, it seems to be a little bit easier, as most aides are female too. If an aide didn't care for dad's dignity as much as his physical issues, We changed them out in less than a heartbeat. It also meant moving fast when his undergarments needed to be changed so he wasn't sitting in wet pants.
For those who haven't been down this path, it's important to know that wet underwear against aging, thin, and frail skin can quickly result in irritation and eventually, and potentially, life threatening wounds if left untreated. attention to such detail, as uncomfortable as it might be for you and them, is critical to a good life. Every single day, as the old saying goes, in a more polite way, of course, poop and pee happens.
how we help our parents through this part of aging is just as important as a phone call or visit to say, I love you. Actions speak louder than words, even when they don't hear you. Here are three tips that can help you and your folks through this process. as I said earlier, I actually think this is an easier transition for women who do need to wear incontinent underwear, as we've all had to use sanitary products of some sort throughout our lives. That's just how we work.
For men and our dads, I believe this is a lot more difficult. And can be personally humiliating, if not downright tough. first, if at all possible, empower with choice. Try to explain what might happen if. Now, the stories don't need to be nasty, or pushy, or too graphic. and if this is done well, your storytelling will involve your parents in the process about when to start using a product. Also, which product is most comfortable and best used for each time of day or situation.
This can help them feel in just a little bit more control. No pun intended. Two, focus on comfort. Select high quality products that are not only absorbent, but are designed to be more comfortable than those really cheap ones. comfort can reduce resistance to wearing protective underwear, period. They will also help reduce abrasion or skin sores due to scratchy textures on delicate or frail older skin.
That, in turn, as said earlier, will reduce the chances of other critical health issues And your concern for their well being too. Three, work to set up and maintain a routine a scheduled routine will help you or a caregiver from having to force the need to keep checking to see if they're wet and then harassing them to get changed. Okay. It kind of sounds like they're kids, but they're not. Our parents are not infants. As I've said in previous episodes, this is one of my personal pet peeves.
Please know they are still our parents and we are still their children. Adults, or maybe not at times, and treating them as such is healthy for them as well as you. I hope this episode gives you a few more tools to make it easier to deal with the challenges of supporting your folks and caring for them, whether that be around the block or from 1200 miles away. And don't forget to get the book, How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies.
this is one of those numbers that you will likely call more than calling to check in on mom and dad. It can make a huge difference in the type of care that they receive in the ER and you too, especially if you know what to do before, during, and after a hospital stay. On that note, incontinence is not an easy subject for anybody to deal with, but hopefully this is one that will make your time going through this stage just a little bit easier.
And, more importantly, just a little bit easier for your folks too. If you like this show, please share it with a friend, a family member, or somebody that you even meet at Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts online who look like they're going through some stress and strain and just might need a little bit more help with mom and dad. It can be your gift to them. Even if you don't know them, because it's our gift to you.
And before I go, Dad, if you're listening from the stars, please forgive me for sharing some of your more personal issues in such a public way. But I know you understand that we're both working to help others do well and do good. That's what we do, right? Here is another spring short from Eldercare Success, and this one is a, and this one is a difficult subject. That's, and this one's, Welcome to Another Spring Short of Eldercare Success.
This one's about a really tough subject that we probably, this, this is another spring short from Eldercare Success. And it's a subject that is probably going to make you feel a little uncomfortable. How do you discuss incontinence with your folks? Theirs, not yours. Stay tuned. This is one you're going to want to listen to. And yes, it's a true story. Love you lots. Bye bye. Here is another spring short from Eldercare Success, and this one is a, and this one is a difficult subject.
That's, and this one's, Welcome to Another Spring Short of Eldercare Success. This one's about a really tough subject that we probably, this, this is another spring short from Eldercare Success. And it's a subject that is probably going to make you feel a little uncomfortable. How do you discuss incontinence with your folks? Theirs, not yours. Stay tuned. This is one you're going to want to listen to. And yes, it's a true story. How to Manage Incontinence. How do you manage a dad?
How do you manage your parents incontinence issues when you're their adult child? Stay tuned. This is a story you might want to learn from. Stay tuned. This is a story you might want to hear. My dad and I always had a great relationship. Growing up, I loved it when Mom took my sister and me to Dad's factory and office. I'd walk the factory floor with him and ask questions about how everyone did their job.
Curious about the art and creativity that went into every facet, I watched with deep fascination, as Uncle Joe, or Aunt Sally, as we called everybody, shared with great pride how they made the eyeglasses and frames that Dad designed and crafted. As years passed, my interest and respect for what he did continued to grow. A new lesson or skill was around every corner, in every piece of material and magazine.
He'd bring home Vogue, Women's Wear Daily, and material samples he'd bring from And material samples that he'd bring home to assess color and style. Those early days, from those early days, I observed how to think and work through problems. From those early days, dad showed me and taught me how to observe and think through and work through many problems, whether they be business or personal.
But when I took over as mom and dad's POA, Even though Dad had prepared me the best he could for taking over as now co head of the family with Dad as my wingman, taking over to learn how to assess and determine what problems to fix weren't as easy as he'd planned or hoped for me. Stepping in to help with such personal things as Dad's evolving issues with incontinence was just one example.
Overseeing their care from 1, 200 miles away had its advantages and disadvantages for sure, and understanding the impact of his incontinence was one of those, what do I do now moments. Our lead aide, who I'd hired, and yes, eventually fired, but that's for another episode, had convinced me that there was a way to dry dad up. Really? So what? Really?
So that it wouldn't be such a burden on her and others to convince dad to first wear disposables and then admit to the fact that he needed to change his disposable underwear more frequently than once a day. Okay, let's see how we're going to handle this one, Nance. So one of my thirs so one of my first thoughts was to help dad, so one of my first thoughts, so my first thoughts were to first So my first thoughts were to help Dad and still keep his pride and dignity intact.
So, through research, So through So through research an acupuncturist who ensured she could resolve Dad's problem. Acupuncture was a tool that Dad had used in the past and was open to the idea, so I thought this would be an easy one. However, this acupuncturist was a bit more on the spa like environment side, versus one that was more medical y environment, versus one that was in a more medical environment, which Dad was comfortable with and had used in the past.
The soft music, warm lights, and feminine curtains made Dad think, Okay, Nance, I'll trust you here. I could almost see the balloon over his head saying that. After several pre After several treatments, and no changes or response, and an insistence from the acupuncturist that this would take a lot more time, and a few more costly treatments, both dad and I decided, both dad and I happily decided to save our time and money and call this option quits.
Honestly, trips to Papa Clyde's ice cream shop proved to be a lot more enjoyable together and did not impact his urinary issues one way or another, but it certainly put a smile on his face. And mine too. Now, looking for other options for the same issue that was still prevailing, Dad's GP or doctor thought, now, looking for options. Now, stuck and looking for other options for the same issue still prevailing, is Dad's GP.
Dad's GP, doctor, through the insistence of that same lead aide, and yes, she was let go shortly thereafter for a variety of other reasons as well, recommended a urologist. Thankfully, for that appointment, another aide went with us.
You see, Dad had not, you see, Dad had, you see, Dad had not seen a urologist, likely in years, and likely even since I was a kid, if at all, not knowing myself what happens at a male urology exam, my Dad, not knowing what would happen in a urology exam with my Dad, we were both in for a rude awakening.
You see, all right, I'll spare you the details, but what he did, but whatever he did, had dad running out of that exam room with his pants down around his knees and my soon to be lead aide running after him trying to help and calm him down. We both felt terribly embarrassed and bad for what we had put dad through at that time. Dad wouldn't look me in the face. The three of us went to lunch, and Dad wouldn't look me in the face after that for the rest of the day.
We finally got our things back together, and all bundled back into the We finally got our things back together, and all jumped back into the car. He wouldn't look at me in the face after that one for the rest of the day, even though we had all gone to lunch together to try and diffuse the issue and bad feelings. Later, I learned that Dad thought the guy was actually trying to sexually accost him. Gah! What was I thinking? OMG, how do you, as a daughter, respond to that one?
All in the name of trying to help my dad, and now fired former lead aide. Thankfully, my dad and I had great, thankfully, thankfully, my dad had great faith in my ability and patience with my learning curve. Thankfully, my dad had great faith in my ability. and Patience in My Learning Curve as we went through many things together to make his life and mom's life. Thankfully, my dad had great faith in my ability and patience with the learning curve. Thankfully, my dad had great faith and ability.
Thankfully, my dad had great faith in my ability and patience with the learning curve we went through together to make his life and mom's life. Happy, safe, comfortable, and financially sound right to their final days. The moral of this episode is caring for parents we love, no matter what your medical professional or personal qualifications are, take time, time and understanding both theirs and yours.
They take patience, patience and actually understanding that you're probably not going to get it right the first time. And even medical professionals don't know the answers all the time. You know your parents better than anybody else, and you can try, and if they have trust in you, they will listen, and together, you're going to go over a few humps, but in the end, things will always work out fine.
They take understanding, as I said earlier, theirs and yours, and your aides, and the other professionals you work with as well, too, and a little experimentation, and a little, if not a lot, of experimentation along the way. Everybody's slightly different. You, your folks, your siblings, and your entire family. We did eventually figure out how to help Dad.
That involved making sure that every aide we employed had the head, and the heart, and the wherewithal to cope with Dad's bodily changes as he aged. For women, it seems to be a little bit easier, as most aides are female too.
If an aide doesn't care, if an aide didn't care for Dad's dignity as much as his figure, If an aide didn't care for dad's physical dignity as much as his issues, If an aide didn't care for dad's dignity as much as his physical issues, We changed them out in less than a heartbeat. It also meant moving fast when his undergarments needed to be changed so he wasn't sitting in wet pants.
For those who haven't been down this path, it's important to know that wet underwear against aging, thin, and frail skin can quickly result in irritation and eventually, and potentially, life threatening wounds if left untreated. So attention to such detail, as uncomfortable as it might be. So attention to such detail, as in, so attention to such detail, as uncomfortable as it might be for you and them, is critical to a good life.
Every single day, as the old saying goes, in a more polite way, of course, NP happens. How we help our parents, how we help our parents through this part of aging is just as important as a phone call or visit to say, I love you. Actions speak louder than words, even when they don't hear you. Here are three tips that can help you and your folks through this process.
I actually said, as I said earlier, as I said earlier, I actually think it's easier trans, as I said earlier, I actually think this is an easier transition for women who do need to wear incontinent underwear, as we've all had to use sanitary products of some sort throughout our lives. That's just how we work. For men and our dads, I believe this is a lot more difficult than we can person.
For men and our dads, I believe this is a lot more difficult than can be person for men and our dads, I believe this is a lot more difficult. And can be personally humiliating, if not downright tough. First of all, first, if at all possible, empower with choice. Try to explain what might happen if. Now, the stories don't need to be nasty, or pushy, or too graphic.
And if done well, they will involve your parents in the decision process, and if done well, will, and if this is done well, your storytelling will involve your parents decision making in the process about when to start using a product. Also, which product is most comfortable and best used for each time of day or situation. This can help them feel in just a little bit more control. No pun intended. Focus on comfort. Select high quality product. Two, focus on comfort.
Select high quality products that are not only absorbent, but are designed to be more comfortable than those really cheap ones. Comfort can reduce, comfort can reduce resistance to wearing protective underwear, period. They will also help reduce abrasion or skin sores due to scratchy textures on delicate or frail older skin. That, in turn, as said earlier, will reduce the chances of other critical health issues and your concern for their well being, too.
And your concern for their well being too. Work to, three, work to set up and maintain a routine to increase their privacy and respect. Try to establish a routine that respects privacy, like scheduling, try to establish a routine that respects privacy. Like scheduling regular times for bathroom breaks and changes, which, which if uncomfortable for you, can gently, which, if uncomfortable for you, can gently yet professionally be handled by a trusted caregiver.
Which, if uncomfortable for you, can be gently handled by a professional caregiver, which, if uncomfortable for you, can be gently yet professionally handled by a trusted caregiver, who's been down this road before. This will help you as a caregiver.
For having to force the need to keep a schedule or routine will help you or a caregiver from having to force your parents to need a scheduled routine will help you or a caregiver from having to force the need to keep checking to see if they're wet and then harassing them to get changed. Okay. It kind of sounds like they're kids, but they're not. Our parents are not infants. As I've said in previous episodes, this is one of my personal pet peeves.
Please know we are still our, please know they are still our parents and we are still their children. Please know we are still our parents. Please know they are still our parents and we are still their children. Adults, or maybe not at times, and treating them as such is healthy and treating them as such is healthy for them as well as you. I hope this episode has given you a few more tools to make it easier.
I hope this episode gives you a few more tools to ease the challenges of supporting or caring for our folks that from time to time, I hope this episode gives you a few more tools to make it easier. To deal with the challenges of supporting your folks and caring for them, whether that be around the block or from 1, 200 miles away. And don't forget to get the book, How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies.
This is one of the, this is one of those numbers that you will likely call more than calling to check in on mom and dad. It can make a huge difference in the type of care that they receive in the ER and you too, especially when you know, especially if you know what to do before, during, and after a hospital stay.
On that note, This is not an easy subject for anybody to, on that note, incontinence is not an easy subject for anybody to deal with, but hopefully this is one that will make your time going through this stage just a little bit easier. And more importantly, just a little easier, and more importantly, just a little bit easier for your folks too.
If you like this show, please share it with a friend, a family member, or somebody that you even meet at Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts online who look like they're going through some stress and strain and just might need a little, and just might need a little bit more help with mom and dad. It can be your gift to them. Even if you don't know them, because it's our gift to you.
And before I go, dad, if you're listening from the stars, please forgive me for sharing some of your more personal issues in such a public way. But I know you understand. We're both working to help others do well and do good. That's what we do, right? Love you lots. Bye bye.