Shaping Tomorrow's Leaders: Richard Jack III on Youth Development

Etiquette was the key, because now we've given you the attitude and behavior that you should have as a gentleman. Teaching is just me giving you information and knowledge and concepts. Training is the repetition. We're trying to project on them that your future is right now. And we give you these tools and we put you in these environments, then we encourage you to show up, and then they rise to the level of our expectations.

They know that I mean what I say and I say what I mean, but at the same time, we could still have fun. So now you can see that two things are possible. I'm not a guy, a mentor, trying to be a professional. I am a professional that's doing the mentorship. What I've learned is that we spend more time working on the job than we do on ourselves. Get a coach if you really want to make a change in your life. Resilience is the continuously.

Even though we are a program and we've had hurdles, we've kept going. Therefore, our program is always evolving and expanding. We just launched an online academy for students. So regardless of where you are in the country or across the pond, as you call it, Right. They can get on there and take the courses that we teach for free. Hello. That was Richard Jack iii, and he's passionate about shaping tomorrow's leaders by focusing on youth development through his organization.

Ladies and gentlemen, by Choice. It's a wonderful conversation and I really appreciate everything that he's doing for all young people. And in the same way that the National Associ for Primary Education are helping me through their sponsorship of this podcast. Hello, my name is Mark Taylor, and welcome to the Education on Far podcast, the place for creative and inspiring learning from around the world.

Listen to teachers, parents, and mentors share how they are supporting children to live their best authentic life and are proving to be a guiding light to us all. Hi, Richard. Thank you so much for joining us here on the Education on Far podcast. Always great to chat to people from across the pond, so to speak, and also people who've got this kind of 360° of what learning and education is in terms of helping children in so many different ways. Yeah. So thanks so much for being here today.

Thank you for having me. I'm happy to be here. So let's dive straight into Ladies and gentlemen of Choice. What's that about? Why did you get it started? That's a great question. The origin. I retired out of the military. I was 20 years in the air force as an air traffic controller. Retired, became a school counselor and My first day in the school, I was like, this is a little bit of a chaos for me. I understand what the education system is about.

I was concerned that I saw a lot of students running around getting in trouble and having some challenges. And I was really concerned more when we had the young men dealing with their female teachers get into consistent trouble. It would be. I mean, I could go back to say one day when I was there, the young teacher wrote a student up for rolling a pen across the floor. And I was like, wow, this is deep.

You know, this is kind of concerning to me because what does that do to a young man when you're getting in trouble for these minor infractions that teachers can handle in class? And so I was working with a dean at the school who's the co founder of Ladies and Gentlemen by Choice. And he and I were having a conversation and we said, look, we have to do something. Because we saw it as a lack of understanding between female teachers and male students.

When we got together and we came up with this concept, we'd go in his office and write down on, on the whiteboard, what do young men need to know? The first thing they didn't know is how to manage their emotions.

And that's something that I don't think a lot of students or families are teaching their children appropriately because a lot of times they're coming from backgrounds where there's dysfunction, disconnect, all kinds of social, emotional issues that come up that a lot of times we're not equipped to handle, or maybe the parents don't know how to help their child through those type of situations. So we got together, we built this framework in his office. We called it the war room.

And we came out with this idea of if we teach young men leadership, meaning your attitude and your behavior, how does that affect you? Then we started with image. We changed the way they dressed. So we put them in shirt and ties and slacks. And then we gave them toiletry kits. And we talked about why image is important, how taking care of yourself is important. And as we went through this process, we see the students change.

Their self esteem started to peak and they started to be more respectful and more willing, agreeable. And their conversation changed. We took iron and ironing boards in schools. We taught them how to iron their own clothes and tie their own ties. And There was about five, five men with me. We had about 35 students. We took the students that, that were, we considered students that were often going to the principal's office.

And we gave them an opportunity to Be around men that were educated, that were business owners, that had a perspective, that had a goal in life. And as we did this process, once we started to see them change their approach, then we got into etiquette. Etiquette was the key because now we've given you the attitude and behavior that you should have as a gentleman. Then we taught you how to dress as a gentleman. And then we get into etiquette, because etiquette was about how do you treat a lady?

So if you're a gentleman, which we've already laid that foundation, and now you have a lady presence, what should your demeanor be towards that lady? And all of a sudden you see the attitude and behaviors change. Where now instead of engaging teachers in a negative conversation or trying to go to a power struggle, they were more receptive and giving the teacher an opportunity to speak. And we saw a change in how they dealt with, with challenges in life and at home.

And then finally we got the financial management. So financial management and literacy trainers. A lot of our students are coming back from backgrounds where they don't know where a dollar comes from. They don't understand the concept of money. It's not being taught in schools, especially at the early ages. And we were dealing with fourth and fifth grade students. So you're talking about 9, 10, 8, 9, 10.

And we gave them this information and we started to see a change in how they present themselves.

And that was really the birth of ladies and gentlemen. I mean, it was the birth of gentlemen by choice, and then later on, ladies by choice. And the thing that strikes me first of all is, I guess it's the, it's the continuation of those conversations. And that support that you were doing is really key because even if you had a one off class in that, it comes and goes, doesn't it? But that kind of continual support and ongoing dialogue must be one of the main factors to its success. Absolutely.

You know, we were very, how can I say this? So we were very selective. We didn't go into the school and say we want all the boys. We took the students that struggled. And we use a four to one ratio. One student that was doing very good in school and three students that were struggling, whether it would be with behavior, academics, whatever the case may be. And we learned that from year to year, as they continue to have these conversations, they continue to grow as young men.

And that was very profound in the sense that we wondered, hey, how could, if this is working effectively, what else can we do to help them understand who they are, what they are? And what we received a lot of feedback from the parents is that not only did their behavior change in school, it changed at home as well. So we were very excited about the outcomes that we were receiving.

And I think what I really like about it is that it's the sort of thing which you can see, like, say, in different areas of society, different types of people, different backgrounds. And so therefore, it shows you that it's the. It's the understanding and the support that's key, rather than where you're necessarily starting from or like, say, or what your initial understanding of it is.

So do you think it's one of those things that you'd hope that parents are giving their children, but that may not necessarily be at home? And it's. And I think the flip side for me is often that you'd hope it's what they're learning in school, but it's not necessarily the case as well, which I guess is where. Where you come in because you sort of fill that void. Yeah, that's an excellent point. Two things that you just said. One is you would think that parents were teaching at home.

My perspective on that is that life has gotten busier, right? And a lot of times the skills or things. And. And let me add this to. You have social media presence, so you have a lot more isolation. So the things that I would think that a parent was teaching home, they may want to, but maybe their life has just gotten so busy that they can't focus on it. It's. It's not as. It's not as. As in depth as I'd like. Like when I was a child, I remember my mom would.

She didn't just teach us, she trained us. I'll give you a prime example. Teaching is just me giving you information and knowledge and concepts. Training is the repetition. So my mother would say, okay, you're eight years old. I need to know. I need you to learn how to iron your clothes. So we would put up the on and on board, and she would sit there with us and watch us practice it until we gain a level of proficiency that gave her the confidence to say, I can walk away.

And my young man or my sons, because I had a twin brother, I have a twin brother, they can actually take care of themselves in this area. So there's a. There's a little bit of distinct difference, but it's a huge difference in terms of what we're teaching our youth today when it comes to the education.

I believe that teachers are so buried in testing in the United States and Trying to manage a classroom or teach that they don't necessarily get a chance to spend that additional time teaching these life skills that our children need to be successful in life.

So even though we want them to come to school with a certain level of understanding of these basic skill sets, I think more and more it's not happening. And you need additional programs like ladies and gentlemen, by choice to step in and fill a gap. And that's kind of what I'm seeing. We've been in four states simultaneously. We've been in Tacoma, Washington, Maui, Hawaii. We were in South Central LA and in Vegas.

And no matter where we go, there's a desire for us to come back because they realize that even though these skills are not, they're not sexy in nature, meaning, you know, students would rather go play football or basketball or go play music or go do something active than to sit in the classroom and learn these soft skills. But they're so essential to life. So in terms of that practicality, then how many children, how many young people can you support in any one school at any given time?

And how does that program sort of work out in terms covering those elements that you said, but for sort of how many weeks? And then how does that kind of then manifest itself in them, like saying being proficient enough or understanding enough to be able to take that forward on their own? Yeah, that's a great question. So we do, we handle roughly between 25 and 50 students a school. In 2022, we did 240 students spread out across six schools.

And what we said to him was give us the students that are struggling and let us work with them for roughly about 26 to 27 weeks during the school year. So we start off with personal development as a, as a, as a concept where we focus on the mindset. And then we get into the life skills, leadership, image, financial management and etiquette. And we go to schools one hour a day. In addition to those classes, we also do a, a big etiquette luncheon.

When we take the students out for hands on etiquette training, we, we go into the classroom first, we teach them how to set the table, how to have correct conversation. We teach the boys how to pull out the chairs for young ladies. We have them open the doors and then we take them to a restaurant to experience what that feels like. Because a lot of things that our students lack is exposure to different situations.

I was fortunate enough to grow up in New Jersey metropolitan area, and our school trips were into New York City to experience the arts, experience different Aspects of life that from a student from inner city, I didn't have a chance to do. My mother couldn't afford to take us, but because we were in a school that allowed and permitted it, it was good exposure to us. So that's a key concept to our program, is that we need exposure. And then we said. Then I added personal development.

So when you combine it, we're at 26 weeks. And at the end of the 26 weeks, one of the things that's really exciting is we do a big black and white tie gala. Now, the gala loan for our students is about $17,000. And inside of that gala, we make it free for the parents or we give them a very low rate because we want every student to have a. Have a parent or representative from the family there to watch this. We put the students in gowns and tuxedos, all paid by gentlemen, by choice.

And when the parents show up, they have no idea what to expect. And when they walk in, they see their young men and their daughters in these beautiful gowns and, oh, my baby. You know, it's touching because, you know, as a young man, we never. We want them to see what they're becoming in their future right now. We don't want them to wait till they get to 18 and say, okay, now what am I going to do? We're trying to project on them that your future is right now.

And we give you these tools and we put you in these environments, then we encourage you to show up, and then they rise to the level of expectations. I find that amazing because I can. I can feel what that journey feels like from the way that. From the way that you said it. And I think as a parent as well, like you say, any situation where you see your child do something which takes you out of. Of what your expectations are.

Even if I've been taking my daughter, for example, to gym class for weeks and weeks and weeks, the first time you actually see them do a particular skill or a particular jump, you're like, I know you can do it because you've been telling me about it, but actually witnessing it and experiencing it and like, say there's a. There's a feeling of being proud and, and just an overwhelming, I guess, pride in, in what those things are.

So I can, yeah, I can even feel it here, let alone actually being there in person. You know, the. One of the best. Quick story. I was at a. It's about our third year, and we had roughly about 200 and. 220 people in the room. We all sit in these big roundtables. And I was in the airshot of one of my students, and he was an individual that. His fourth grade year, he really struggled. He did. He didn't dress well. He didn't take care of himself the way that he could.

His fifth grade year, he came back to the program and he was in airshot of me at my table at the, at the gala. And he says to his dad, dad, you look good. And his father said, you know, son, I, I appreciate you allowing me to come. And, you know, I just want you to know I've never wore a tuxedo. And that tender moment of the son acknowledging the father and the father acknowledging that son in that conversation that you're hearing between two men. Right, Because I want, we like to use.

We don't call them kids, young men and a man. And letting those two have that moment of recognition and understanding about what the moment meant and what that means to the family and to know that this young man had worked his tail off for two years to get to the point where he realized, okay, I don't have to be what I used to be. My behaviors change. I mean, he, the first year he was in a program, what grade? His. His grades were seasoned Ds.

Now he's coming in with Bs and As, and he's, he's working hard, he's taking care of his body, he's dressing appropriately. He's concerned about his appearance. That's all we can ask for for our young people. And we projected that onto him to the gentleman by choice process. And you sort of mentioned the cost of these things. How is it that you're able to provide that in a way that you do? How's that sort of fundraising go as a nonprofit? And how do you sort of see that growing?

Actually, man, I don't know. I mean, we've, we've. We've gone to the point from initial startup to me coming out of my pocket along with the co founder paying for some of these things we've done, hey, let's, let's try to do a raffle. We've done those small things. Then we got into a situation. We received grant donations or grant funding from the government.

And sometimes that's really a challenge because it comes with some, some different requirements that we have to jump through to make sure that happens. But we're trying to find a scenario in which the fundraising is consistent so that we have the freedom to do what we want to do. Everyone talks about evidence based Right. Evidence based practices and what that looks like for our young people. But when you look at a child, that is the evidence.

When you see the transformation of child, that is the evidence. And you can't put that into words. Sometimes it's very difficult to take a survey or whatever the case may be to see the change. Because I'll give you a prime example. If a student's in school and he's been in trouble five weeks, five days in a row, and gentleman by chose up shows up and now he's down to three days in a row. Right. That's progress and that's all we can ask for.

So sometimes it's a bit of a challenge to fundraise because of the lack of the data that we need, sometimes because we have to get the data from the schools. Yeah, I can see that. And hopefully there's, you know, there's someone out there listening that's in a position to be able to help or support in that. And that's something.

That's the reason the podcast was set up was the, you know, hopefully schools that are struggling in whichever way they happen to be, they hear about something which is going to be very beneficial and the flip side of how you can actually go about it and hearing about organizations that can really make a difference and kind of marrying those two things up and you never know what that ripple effect is. But you know, having these conversations is certainly a great starting point.

And like I say, you've been able to explain exactly the benefits of those things and the human to human contact is the most important thing. And sometimes you just need to do it because, you know, like you say, despite the fact data is such a big thing in the education space now as we know. But I think anyone listening who's a teacher, is involved with children, involved with young people, knows that actually that's the key element.

And if we can support that, it's going to help so much for society down the road, both for those people involved directly and also those of us around them. Absolutely, absolutely. I appreciate you saying that. Yeah. So how are you going to try and affect more people? Is it a question of being in person in more schools as much as you can? Is there going to be an online program? Sort of. How are you sort of trying to work that angle?

Well, initially when we started, Gentlemen by Choice, we wanted the program to be a national program. The curriculum is written in such a way that anybody, I don't want to say anybody, but, but it's, it's possible that the right individual can pick this up and implement it in his or her community. And the goal is to sell the curriculum and do the work for free. So let's say that someone in New Jersey says, hey, I want the program. You buy the curriculum.

We train you on how to implement the curriculum. And that way they're getting what they need. I think part of the challenge in our society, and this is something I think about all the time, is that it's a time issue.

You know, a lot of times I'm asking myself the question, if a child is the most important thing because it's the beginning of life, why do we not spend or put more resources into it, into him or her, in a much better way? I mean, again, I have nothing against sports or entertainment, but as an. In my opinion, as morality in this country begins to deteriorate or continues to deteriorate, what are we really teaching our youth inside of these communities?

And I think more programs like Ladies and Gentlemen by Choice is needed. You know what I mean? Ladies by Choice real quick, though. Of course. Yeah, yeah. Ladies by Choice. So we started Gentlemen by Choice. Ladies by Choice. I was in Hawaii, Maui, doing the program, and I was a school counselor. And about eight to nine young ladies approached me after the first year and said, hey, listen, you're doing this program for boys.

And we have a problem with this because as young women, we need something that's similar to this. And I had to think about that. And I went to a friend of mine at the time and I said, hey, man, they want me to do the program for young ladies. What do you think? He says, well, you know, a lot of these young ladies may not have a father figure at home, so you're stepping and giving them some additional training. And we tried it in 2017. I'm sorry. Yes, 2017. And we had success.

And then we brought it back to the mainland in Vegas. So ladies and Ladies by Choice were birthed out the. The birthed out of what we were doing with the young men. And I guess, like I said, it's the key human element, like saying whatever you need, whether it's a father. Father figure, like you said there, whether it's the discipline, whether it's the understanding, the etiquette, the understanding on who you are, how you're stepping into those things from there.

I think, you know, once you've got the essence of that and you understand that as a young person, then you're then able to make those choices going forward. So am I going to do X? Am I going to do Y. Am I going to get into trouble? Am I going to put my best foot first and decide to work harder to be respectful? Because I can see how that's going to benefit my life.

And like I say, over just a number of weeks, the see how that can affect you in the here and now because it's easy to talk about in five years time. This, these ideas are going to really help you in your job, is all very well and good, but it's all about your own personal experience. So if you know that your immediate circumstances have changed over those number of weeks and you can see the benefits and how that's worked, then you're going to know it's just a question of taking that next step.

You know, before I say this to this person, is it really what I want to say? If I'm going to do my homework rather than not do it, do I do that? And it's all those incremental things, is it? Which builds up that bigger picture? Yeah, I think about that all the time. And I want to put it to you this way. When you were a young child, Mark, and you had the upbringing that you had, think about the things that you learned that made you successful, that helped you grind.

Think about the person who presented that information to you. Think about the things you lacked and wish you would have known going forward as a young child. And if you had that support, how much further could you have gone in life? What else could you have done? So there's a combination of. In every child that we touch or that I touch, and I'll be more specific about me.

I look at the rich rejected third in that child to see that child who, you know, my mom was a single mom raising four children. Dad was in the house, finances are tough. So what did I need? I needed that parental support. So how can I provide that for a student without being a parent? Simply, I make it free for the parents to be there.

What, what did my grandfather impart on me that I think every young man should know how to stand upright, hold your head up high, your chest out, walk with authority, walk with confidence, dress a certain way. So when I think about what our children need, I don't think this is rocket science. I think it's just that we need more adults, being adults to our children rather than being their friends, setting a standard and seeing the little child in them, I think that's so important for us.

Yeah, I really love that. And I think the other key thing for me that just struck me, as you were saying, it is the idea of perspective, isn't it? Because like you said, teachers are so busy, parents are so busy, there's so much going on that you're so much in what do I need to do just to survive in this next day?

And you need enough time and space or conversation to stand far enough back to, to understand all the things which you said, to then make those, your first decisions and make those choices that you want to do, to find time to have those sort of contact points to make that actually become a reality. And I think that that for me, as much as anything is such an important factor. 100, 101. And here's the thing that people forget.

All our children want to do is be loved. And if we start with that premise on how we approach young people today, I think we'll be a lot better off. Even in schools, when I go in there, students know when a teacher doesn't like them, they understand when a teacher doesn't really have time for them, they understand when an adult doesn't necessarily care for them. But if we start with love, all that goes away.

And so we use a heart centered approach and a student centered approach to make sure that the decision that we're making doesn't benefit one, it benefits all. And that's kind of the crux of how we approach our, how, how we approach our youth and how we love on our youth and how we give them the support that they need.

I really think that if every teacher or every person that has a touch point with young people can start with that idea, it means that even if you're being ground bound, like say with the data, with the exams, with the testing, all of that kind of thing, if you know that's the case, I think that just changes your day in terms of what you want to give out as well. And I think I appreciate how hard it is, you know, those of us that are involved in education anyway know that's the case.

But I think that's the whole thing about starting your day the best way because I think that at least you're putting that, that best foot forward. Absolutely. I'm curious, is there anything about your education experience or a teacher that you remember that you'd like to share and that can be on the positive front or the negative front. And I'm interested how that sort of influenced the way you've gone about obviously creating this? Yeah, that's, that's a great question.

And another, I think about it my fourth grade year, I had an opportunity to. When you get promoted, you Go meet your teacher. The last year in preparation for the next year, and I had this young lady named Helen Chomsky, Ms. Helen Chomsky. And she was known to be a very strict and mean teacher. And that's what I thought as a young man, as best my third grade mind can get around him. Like, I don't want this lady. Oh my goodness. I went to her class the last day of school.

I was crying, mom, I don't want to go to her next year. Get me out of that class. I can't take her. I don't, you know, and just, just giving my mom the business about how much I didn't want to have this teacher. Well, fourth grade year, I went back to school and she was strict, she had expectations, she had a perspective that she want us to adhere to. But what I learned in that moment was that she loved me enough to care about my education. So she didn't let me get away with anything.

And by the time my fourth grade year was up, I boohooed to leave her. I cried like a baby because she was such an impactful woman in my life. She cared enough to keep me on track. She made sure that if I didn't get my work done, she communicated with my baby, with my mother. She didn't get upset with me, but she let me know that, listen, this behavior is unacceptable. You need to do better, and more importantly, you can do better.

And so from that experience, she spoke life into me in a way that, you know, my mom does. And I really resonated with how she showed up in my life in a positive way. So all the negative things that I thought about her, all the negative feelings I thought about her, I was wrong. It was because she cared is what I was afraid of, because she held me to that standard.

And I think, you know, I often go back when I go back home to New Jersey, I often think about that when I drive through town because I don't go back as much as I should. But when I do go back and I think about my, my, my elementary years, especially that fourth and fifth grade years, which is what we work with primarily. Man, she was such a blessing to me. I can't, I'll never thank her enough. I'll never stop singing her praises. She was a phenomenal woman, phenomenal teacher.

And I grew to love her in so many ways. It's amazing, isn't it? That understanding in hindsight, like I say, even just within the end of that year, compared to that perception at the beginning of that year. And I think, I think I. I really love that because it's certainly something I can relate to because what your perception of someone is based on how they are with you, if it's not something you're used to experiencing, then it's going to feel alien, isn't it?

But then seeing it in the round further on down the line. Yeah, I love that story. And you know, it's funny because now I have the same issue, right? I mean, a big black guy walk into a class, I, you know, they know I'm in the military, so that builds this perspective that I'm going to be regimented, hard and tough. And what I say to them is, I'm not either those things. I care enough about you to raise you to a level of standard.

So what you think or feel, give me a chance and I'll show you the difference. And as we grow through the program, we connect differently. They know that I mean what I say and I say what I mean, but at the same time, we could still have fun. So now you can see that two things are possible. We can do both, right? And at the same time, there's an expectation.

And when I get the, the phone calls or the memos or the text message from the mom saying, oh, you helped my baby so much, then I've done my job and I'm excited about that. And at the end of the year, you know, the. I mean, again, last year, my last year in Hawaii, I did the program. I did it for the middle school students.

We had maybe 60 boys, and I got on stage and all of a sudden they got up to honor me, and they came up and they put lays around my necks, and it was all the way up to the top of my head. Lasers, the flowers they put around your neck. And just the outpouring, the love and the appreciation that you care enough about my son to put that kind of energy into him. And people ask me, why do you do it? Well, I mean, it goes back to the little boy in me, Mark.

You know, I mean, I don't know about you, but you know, in my heart, I'm still a big kid, right? I still think about, hey, who is that. That. That male or that. That person in my life that touched my life and. And what did they do that made a difference for me and what did they say and how did they encourage me and. And growing without a father. Man, my mom was my rock. And she still is, right?

So when I think about what I needed and how she didn't allow me to get Drugs and how she didn't allow me to get in gangs or get into violent activities and what that meant. I mean, isn't that what our kids really want? They just want to be safe and have an opportunity to grow and develop and. And let life take them where it needs to. I think that's true.

And I think also I'm curious as to what you think about how it works better, or maybe not even better, but differently, by you coming in sort of left field because you're not a teacher. You're not an official part of the school. You're. You're somebody who's not part of the establishment any. As it were. Do you think that's. That gives you sort of a good starting point? Because they'll kind of listen to you and maybe give you the five minutes they need. You need to get your.

Get your sort of personality across before you sort of get going. Yeah, I think it gives me a tremendous advantage. A couple of things, a couple of reasons why. One, I'm a male, right? I mean, I don't want to discard that because I think the tendency, especially at the elementary levels, you have more female teachers than male teachers. And. And then you have more male. You have. I think it's less than 2% of males are African American at the early ages. Right. So that's really huge.

Two, and we're serving communities that are very diverse, so that makes a big difference. Two, I think my background in the military about structure and order really resonates because of the way I carry myself. And it's like, okay, when I walk in a room, hey, he. He's not that guy. He's not that. He's not going to bend. Three, I think I take a professional approach to this. We're not. I'm not a guy, a mentor, trying to be a professional. I am a professional that's doing the mentorship.

So all these things have an impact. And then I think. Four, they hear me differently when I speak to them. They don't expect me to be like, playful, whatever the case may be. They. They understand business first. So I think I come in with a more objective approach. I'm. I'm a school counselor, former school counselor, so I know the benefits of asking the right questions at the right time. I've learned how to do that at the right time as a personal development coach.

So I think all these things are in my favor, but they're skill sets that if you talk to me, you would know because you don't know my resume. And they don't know my resume. Right. But I think the teachers respect the fact that they have someone who can back them up and support them, and it gives me advantage because now they want to get behind me and support me as well when I deal with these students. So there are some advantages of coming from outside. Yeah. And you're also leading by.

By example, but you're leading by example from the moment they meet you, like, say, the way you've walked into the room, the way that you're talking to someone from. From the get go means that they can probably identify with that. Really? Really. From such as the beginning stages. Yeah, they know. I mean, you know, I mean, there's days when my mom walked in and we knew we know what kind of mood she is. I mean, there's a. There's a, there's an. There's that.

That thing inside that says, hey, you better pay attention because today's not the day. Right. You don't want to try today. Right. I mean, with the bosses. Right. I've had commanders or bosses. When I went into the office and they said, hey, and you get, they get to looking around like, today's not the day. It wasn't disrespectful, but you knew it was not that. We have an issue here that we need to resolve and let's get down. Let's get down the business. And I think that our students know that.

And the other thing is, I always ask them, like, do I look like I play? And I say that to them in a way that says, I do. I'm playful. Well, this is about your life. And I take your life and your development very seriously. And I think that resonates with them. Or go. It comes across to them in a very positive way. Like, you care enough about us to put this energy into it. It was real. Recently, I had a meeting with middle school girls, so we're talking about 11 through 13.

And I said, hey, what do you. What do you all want to learn? I give them the opportunity to tell me what's in their heart. And I'll ask you this question. What do you think? There's. I said, give me, Give me a couple of things, but what do you think young women would say in a classroom about what they can learn, what they want to learn? Off the top of your head, what do you think? I don't know how to change your circumstances, how to what career, what kind of lifestyle they want to do.

They said, I want to learn how to be a lady, and I want to learn how to buy finances. How powerful is that? Right. They want. They want the information, but are we giving it to them? I wonder if we're giving it to them in the right way. Are we presenting them the opportunity to dive into these things that are important to them in their circumstances, in their lives? Yeah, that's. That's what I try to figure out. Yeah. Incredible.

Is that a piece of advice that's been given to you that you'd like to share, or is there maybe a piece of advice that you might give your younger self?

Now, looking back that you and I always. Slightly caveat there. So the fact that we appreciate that when you're young, you don't necessarily want to take that advice or take it on board, but there's something that was impactful for you. Yeah. I think the best piece of advice I've gotten in my years, and I'm heavy into personal development, is one of my mentors from afar is a gentleman named Brendan Burchard. He wrote a book, High Performance Habits.

And in the book he talks about the importance of habits. I follow Jim Rohn. I follow gentleman. And I think the key is help your child develop good habits at an early age and it'll last with them for a long time. And so I really look at, are you building the correct habits to make a child successful? Are we giving them the right tools? Are we setting the foundation solid to really help them in their lives by developing the right habits? I love that. And yeah, they're all people that have.

They're so influential to so many people, aren't they? But I think many, because like you say, for the sort of the same as what you're doing. It's that resonant and resonance of understanding that this is hitting you exactly where it needs to and it's what people want to step into. Yeah, really incredible. Is there a resource you'd like to share? And this can be anything from a video, a song, a book, podcast, film. It can be professional or personal, but just something which you like.

Something which has had an impact. You'd like to share a resource in terms of, for, for. For parents to follow or when, like clarify that for me a little bit, please.

Yeah, it could be anything or some. Something which you've. You've enjoyed, which has helped you, or something which, like you say, you might sort of recommend for parents to do. Can be either or. Yeah. What's helped me the most in my journey, especially in the last past seven years, I have delved deeply into the personal development space and what I've learned is that we spend more time working on the job than we do on ourselves.

And from books by Tony Robbins, from books by Brendan Richard, books by Bob Proctor, any of those resources are very helpful in helping you understand self and developing self. And if you can develop self, it'll have a huge impact on your child. So many times, I mean, life, there's strategies to life, right? I remember I went to a seminar my first time being introduced to Brendan Richard information. I sat in a room with probably about. At the time was probably about 800 people.

And I learned so much about what I didn't know, right? I learned, like, there are some strategies and things that, that. That life has produced from a framework perspective that if you invest in that, your life will change. And so I'm constantly striving to get better, not as a business person, but as an individual first so that I can be the best for my children that I serve. So I would.

I would encourage anyone to really look at delving into personal development and really taking it to heart and seeing how can you develop and where can you grow from the information? Because some of the things in there are so transformational that it's not being taught anywhere else but in personal development spaces. And the other thing I'd say is get a coach. If you really want to make a change in your life or become a better parent, get a coach to coach you through that process.

And I guarantee you you'll have a huge change in your life if you do the work, right? That's what it's about. I mean, a lot of times it's about doing the work. I completely agree because it's all very well reading the book, it's all very well being exposed, but doing the work is the bit that makes the difference between the knowledge and the understanding in it becoming a reality. So, yeah, I think that's such a key factor. And you made a valid point, right?

You said it's about setting the example. So think about it. If I don't do the work, how can I expect my child to do the work? Right? I remember I took my nephew in, and before he can do anything else, we would sit at the table together and do homework. I was going through college, he was in eighth grade. So to me, it's doing that work. It's sitting down with your child doing that work. And there's programs out there that you can do the work together. And I would encourage any parent to.

I know it's tough, right? I know if you have multiple children, it's tough. I know that, that the days are longer and time is shorter. I get it. But if you could find a way to take a half an hour, 45 minutes a day to do that work on yourself, whether it's meditation or whether it's reading a personal development article, any of that, I think it'll have. It'll pay off huge dividends in the end. Yeah, absolutely. Love that. Now, the acronym FIRE is obviously important to us here on the podcast.

And by that we mean feedback, inspiration, resilience, and empowerment. What is it that strikes you when you hear that? And it might be one word, it might be a combination, but what is it that strikes you? Simple man, Ladies and gentlemen, by choice, I mean, we get constant feedback from our people. We try to inspire our youth. Right. We try to give them that insight. Resilience is the continuously. Even though we are a program and we've had hurdles, we've kept going.

Therefore, our program is always evolving and expanding. Right. And empowerment. What are we doing? We're empowering our kids. We're giving them the tools that they need to be successful young men and women. So I love the acronym fire. It suits what we do. It fits into what we do. And then I also think about, you know, what you're doing. But for this podcast, what you're. What you're doing for families and people is you're putting this information out there.

That's the feedback they need to hear. Right. That's the inspiration they need to hear. Right. You give them the courage or resiliency to continue, and you're a power with knowledge that they may not, may or may not be aware of. Yeah, that's certainly the key. And so to make that full circle, as we finish up, where do they take the action? Where do they go and find out more about you and get involved with what you're doing? Yeah, well, we. Can you go to go on our website.

It's called Gentlemen, and that's what a plural. So G E N T L E M e n by choice.org or ladies by choice.org and the other thing I'll share with you is that we just launched an online academy for students. So regardless of where you are in the country or across the pond, as you call it, Right. They can get on there and take the courses that we teach for free. It's animated. They have to log into our website.

Gentleman by choice, that's G E N T L M e n by choice.org and go to online courses and click the. You get a cue to sign up and you can get access to the course and try it out for free. And it's teaching the same things we teach in school. It's animated, it's youth friendly. They have to take a quiz to go to the next level. But it's all designed to take some of this information and spread it so that our kids can be or our young men and women can become more successful. Amazing.

Richard, thank you so much for sharing all this with us today. I'm inspired by what you're doing and that leading by example and the way that you're developing it and opening it out to the world is such an amazing story. So. Yeah. Thank you so much. Indeed. Thank you so much, sir. Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. It.