Q+A Part 1 Breaking up with a supervisor, using jargon, and a client says "You're pretty"

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Hi, everybody. I'm Jordan Pickell. And I'm Alison McCleary. And this is Edge of the couch. Today we are recording. Day one of our Q&A episode. We got so many questions, we've had to break it into multiple episodes. And today we are going to answer the first jump.

0:41  
Yeah, thank you so much. For everyone who's reached out we, we really are so moved to read your messages. So if you haven't, and you feel moved to contact us, we're so up for hearing all the things including when you have different opinions or perspectives, please send us an email or a DM on Instagram.

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Maybe let's dive in very first question we are starting with is do either view offers supervision, I do I do. Who is this? though? This is Jordan

1:12  
and I, I offer supervision. If you go to my website, and you click book now you can book a supervision appointment, and we can see if we're a good fit. And then also, if you're in BC, and you're looking for a practicum supervisor for an online practice, get in contact with me, I'd love to work with you. Since you know my my way of working, it could be a really good fit.

1:33  
also offer supervision television. And so you can contact me through my professional Instagram page, or you can go find my website, my actual practice website and email me to set up a time for a consultation. And I'm also looking for a practicum student in the fall. So if you're NBC and you need a practicum, site supplemental practicum site, hit me up. And what is your practice Alpenglow counselling? Nice. What's yours?

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It's JordanPickellcounseling.ca.ca. Also, consultation if you just want a one-off meeting where we can give you encouragement even or just talk about one case, we're totally open to meeting with you.

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We have an upcoming workshop happening this summer where if you're interested in kind of getting to know our supervision styles, keep your eyes peeled for information coming about a workshop this summer.

2:29  
Yeah, probably in July. Let's move on to our next question. Tips for therapists in therapy.

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I love this thing. Sometimes therapists are horrible clients, I know I am. Are you in what way

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tell us? I'm almost too self aware in terms of well, not even self aware, just my observer part of me, my therapist, part of me is a very, it's very difficult for me to turn that off. I am witnessing myself as a client thinking about Oh, if I were the therapist, how would I work with me? And then also, when my therapist is saying the questions that my therapist is asking of me, I go file it away? That was a good question. No way, what was it again, I love it, I'm going to use it, rather than necessarily being fully present. It gets in the way of the process. The second reason why I'm a terrible client, well, this is maybe true for lots of clients, which is that I can be people pleasing. And that I want to be seen as competent, especially because I'm a therapist, those ideas around what therapists are supposed to be like, and I have I know that I can feel that as a barrier to actually being my full, whole ugly

3:45  
self. In terms of how do we turn that into tip? noticing? Am I going too much into split brain around like, Ooh, this is good therapy? Or that's not a good question, or I would ask it differently, not being fully present. So for me, it's been a lot of like, you are not driving the best here. It's not me trying to like get us there. Because I know where we're going. letting myself cry and letting myself down emotions. The same thing that I asked my clients, I find it harder for me when I'm the client.

4:13  
Yeah, I can feel myself wrapping it up, oh, I can feel that it's almost getting the 15 minutes. And I want her process rather than just being like, it's your dog boundaries. And I just get to fully go there and you will help me come back up.

4:29  
As a therapist, being a client, you're still allowed to look for fit, you're allowed to shop around, you're allowed to go You know what, that wasn't quite it with that person. There's something else that I need. There are just some really bad therapists out there. So you might go to a therapist who is not great, and you're allowed to go like we've never again, not that one. And that's totally fine.

4:50  
I mean, this is to go back to the observer part, but you also learn to be a therapist through going to therapy. And so trying out different modalities and feeling what it's like can give you an idea Hey, what kind of therapists do I want to be? Even though that's not the point of therapy? So I'm sort of saying the opposite

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of saying, well, maybe. Yeah, for sure. Okay, next question is, are you both psychologists or another type of therapist.

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So we're both currently masters level therapists. In some provinces in Canada, being a master's level therapist can mean that you're a psychologist, but where we live in British Columbia, masters level therapists don't have the psychologist designation.

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Yeah, I'm currently working on my doctorate. And when I graduate and registered, I will be a registered psychologist, but not there yet. So still a registered clinical counselor.

5:44  
How to break up with your supervisor, mine is old and Tara wanting

and even get

to know how to break up with your supervisor, I think it's similar to how you break up with the therapist, it's challenging the relationship with your therapist, the relationship with your supervisor is sort of a microcosm of how you relate to other people in your life. And having that difficult conversation is a good practice. You could maybe give feedback to them, they can maybe give feedback to you if they're a good supervisor, which maybe this person isn't, but it can be nice to get some encouragement at the end. If you're closing with a therapist, at least there's that sense of this is the work that we did together. And these are the strengths I see in you. And sometimes that can be helpful to hear from a supervisor. What do you think, Alison?

6:32  
It depends on the context, I guess I think about this as a current student, I can't always pick up with a supervisor. And I know lots of other students can't it's like, this is the supplemental This is sorry, this is the practicum site that you've been given, you're there for however much time you don't really get a say on who your supervisor is. So for me, it depends, like, is this someone that you're paying out of pocket independently, which gives you a lot more autonomy to be like, Okay, this isn't working for me, I'm gonna move on, we can get a bit stuck if we're students, at least with who we get. And so I think if your student and you're stuck with a bit of a supervisor that isn't working for you, then it might be worth paying out of pocket for some supervision from someone else disconnected from from your school or from your practicum site, that it's less about, like, okay, completely ending this relationship, because we can't but about like supplementing the type of supervision that we're getting from someone who we're more eager to learn from, or who is a better fit. To change it up a little bit by have someone like orange tune with our orientation more enjoyable, like whatever the case may be. Yes, it is important. Yeah. If you have to have that breakup conversation, or you need to just like back up into the shrubs. without notice that you've left, whatever you can do to get around it

7:43  
totally. Yep. What are some of your mannerisms or therapeutic phrases that you had to try to be aware of, especially when you were training and why?

7:52  
You want to start with some of the things that you wrote down Jordan? Sure.

7:56  
jargon. Once we're immersed in the therapy world, it can be we forget that other people don't know this. And I will say a word, and the person will ask what does that mean? Because they're brave enough. I think some people just sort of glaze over it and go, like, I'm just gonna pretend like I know what you mean. I'm so grateful. When people point that out to me words that I'm thinking of our self talk, projection, emotional safety, even. I asked a question like, what is coming up, now the person will go, I have no idea what you mean. The word grounding, it feels like it's in the culture, self talk feels like it's in the culture. But some people really don't know what that is like, some people have never heard of Brene Brown,

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or CBT. These are not phrases that necessarily exists in everyone's vocabulary. I'll say, Are you familiar with grounding practices? Are you familiar with what emotional safety is? And if they say yes, great if they say no, there's space. And so I'm no longer just like, assuming, because I definitely used to, I would assume if people knew what I meant, with a lot of things, plain language, I

9:01  
think is really helpful. Even if you do say this is grounding, to start with, oh, let's give you some tools so that when you're feeling overwhelmed, you can feel less overwhelmed. What are some of the other ones,

9:13  
I moved so much, I mean, I have chronic pain stuff. I'm not a person who can sit still. And I nod my head constantly, as some of you if you've ever been in a class with me, or therapy space with me will know. Slow, blink slow. Just knowing not. To try to be really aware I have one client who has multiple times said to me how much you move is really distracting. So working on that. Yeah,

9:39  
I once had someone point out to me that I was tapping my foot. And so she felt like I was bored or I wanted to get out of there. So she was vulnerable enough, safe enough to tell me that and I was able to sit this was in practicum. So I was able to respond. Yeah, I'm trying to get in and sometimes it When you're on a roll, and I want to share what I'm hearing, it sort of passes by. I wasn't aware of that. I'm sorry about that. But it is not about me being bored or wanting to leave. It's about how engaged I am with you, then I wasn't as skilled at interrupting, right. And I'm

10:16  
trying not to tap my foot. Even when you're in private practice, I think there's so much benefit to recording yourself, or even listening to yourself, because they're just these nuances that you slip into. And then they just become habit and you don't notice them. When we started recording the podcast that I say totally all the time, which I did not realize until I began recording. I noticed you're saying it less because it became aware of it. Also, totally fine. Yeah, sure. And I don't love it. Yeah, last one is that I'm on medication that makes me yawn a lot. Anyway, that's always as much as I can. They almost cause like yawning attacks, ion and neon, neon, and I can't stop. And that's one where I feel like I have to address I'm not tired or bored. Yeah, I'm just on medication that makes me on a lot. Have you tried, I know that I've tried to stifle yawn, or the new system ends up being like, as you're driving?

11:14  
I take more offense to that. I don't know there's something about that. That feels more offensive to me than just I'm sorry, I'm yawning. I'm not actually tired. I just have the Oh, and sometimes

11:24  
I just did have a client who was like, you're yawning a lot. Are you bored or tired? I'm really not. I feel very present. My brain wants oxygen. Okay, last question of this episode. How do you respond when a client comments on your looks? You're really pretty for example, thanks, move on.

11:47  
I do think that sometimes, especially if there's a pattern that needs to be addressed, if it feels like it has this energy around it, it can be part of being social with people where we comment on people's outfits, we say you're looking really good today. It doesn't necessarily mean something. And sometimes therapist will do that whole. What so what does that mean? Or flips time? When it's really not necessary? So I don't think we need to Yeah, over address it. In some ways. I don't know. What do you think?

12:17  
Yeah, I think context is huge here. If I have a client, that's a woman that I've been working with for four years, and she says Killip really nice day, I'm gonna go Thank you. I feel really good. I did the or something. But if I have, like, client is a man, maybe who sits down and goes like, I don't know, heterosexual man, heterosexual man, and they go like, you look really sexy today. You look on the wall. Yeah, that would be a problem. Right? So context matters. But basically get the story, which I know Jordan has a story that you find really funny. So I'm glad that I get a chance to share it. Because I had a youth client who was a boy, all my sessions are virtual right now. And so we like turn on the video feed. And he was shocked. Oh, are you wearing makeup? Because I don't always wear makeup. He was like, are you wearing makeup? And I said, Yeah, he goes, Wow, you look way better with makeup. You look so pretty right now. How did you respond? I thought it was very funny. Yeah, that's essentially like a backhanded compliment. Right? mockingly prayer was like, it wasn't sexual. I didn't feel like inappropriate. I just was like, oh, out of the mouth of babes. You know? Totally. So I thought that was pretty funny.

13:30  
I think we'll do a whole episode about when the client is attracted to you. Because we did we did talk about when you're attracted to your client. Interesting episode. And I think there's, it's useful to do a whole episode on when you have the sense or when, like, in your case, when clients tell you that they're in love with you. Yeah. Is there anything else you want to say before we end this first q&a episode?

13:56  
Thank you so much for the engagement. We were really blown away by the number of questions that we got. And I cannot emphasize that enough how much it means to us. When we get a message. We often read them together, they move us

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so this morning, Alison read one to me, and I teared up.

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It was very moving. So it feels incredible that this has been this little community that we've built together, and thank you. Mm hmm. Until next time, I'm Jordan Pickell. And I'm Alison McCleary. And this was the couch. Thanks for listening. We'd love to hear from you. Send us an email at connect@edge withthe couch.com to tell us what you think the question or let us know what type of episode you'd love to hear. You can even send us a voice note for us to play in a future episode.

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