Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Eating While Broke. I'm your host, Holy Wit, and today we have very special guests, relationship expert and magn Magnetic Matchmaker Matchmaker Spicy Moday exactly. She just did my whole intro for me.
I'm helping you out.
Down here so much, Spicy Life. Yes, and you also have a podcast called The Life Life Yes. Yes. And when you say Matchmaker, you're just out here. Just someone calls you and you.
It's a process, it's a program, so like I take you for ninety days and transform your life. So I have an entire curriculum program that we're doing. There's just video and audio, but like actual assessments that we're taking so that I can help you become the best version of yourself to be aligned with your purpose.
Mate, got it? Okay, So it's not like I have a pool of men.
I do. But you aren't being introduced until after you do the work. Because if you if I just take you cold off of the street based on everything that you've been exposed to, when you've been experiencing and you think that you're just gonna snap into recognizing and realizing that this person is the one it doesn't work like that. I got to find out where the wounds are, where
the strengths and weaknesses are. I do a whole little swat analysis, and then we get to work so that that way, when he is presented in front of you, you now can recognize him and accept him, and you then are aligned. But if I just try to go cold turkey, you will not have a match because you're already on a certain vibration. So I need to disrupt that wavelength.
Jeez.
Yes, okay, And I'll teach you how to fish so that you can feed yourself, because Heaven forbid something happens to me. Now, then you have the tools to be able to guide the male psyche.
Oh, we're doing all that.
We're doing all that psycho behavioral. If you do it for me, I do it for men as well. And do you have a lot of men that come to you? I do. And the other element that you often see is me working with couples, except that we are trying to heal and repair the relationship. But I'll also be very honest when they should not be together and they belong with somebody else.
Wow, you say that, Now, what if a like a significant other hires you and says hey, I want you to save my marriage, and you get them in a room and.
They're like, You're like, oh yeah, this hate Now I see why you guys are having problems. It's my goals for you guys to say together. My goal is always for relationship. I'm always on team love. So I don't care who's wrong or right. If it's not aligned with the purpose and the mission, which is to restore the family unit, then I can't get with it. Everything has to go back to the goal, which is to restore
the relationship and have a healthy relationship. If we're not, if we're making choices that aren't healthy, we got to get we got to get to work.
Okay, So before we get into the love world, take me back to what was going on. I'm guessing before, yes, okay, for the company before, before the spicy life. What are you gonna have me eating today? We're going to be eating my spicy toast? Spicy toast? Yes, okay, this is simple ingredients.
We've got butter, cinnamon, that's where the spice comes in. With the sugar okay, okay, the and hard boiled eggs. Gotta have a little protein. In there to balance it crops.
Yeah, so this was a real deal. Holy day.
This is what I made to feed my family.
So feed your family.
And when I say by that is anyone who's the oldest child. Okay, you guys should understand this. As the oldest we then take on some of the prayerent to roll responsibility, right, even though we're extremely young. And I grew up in a single parent home, and come Mother's Day, I still keep my siblings up, like are we celebrating me or what you're practically raised?
That's hilarious. Is your mom still around?
Dish?
My mom is okay, okay, and you still say, hey, give me my giving.
My mom's a disagreement. My mom's you didn't do anything, And I'm like.
What are you talking about?
I raised your children.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I would imagine.
Yeah, but that's my spicy and I love her.
But I did.
I took my kids to call my kids. I took my siblings to school, I said them. And so at the time, of course, I'm like eight years old when my sister was born, and I don't necessarily know how to use like all of the dishes and all the pots and pans and stuff, so I kept it simple. I was good at toast, and my cinnamon toast crunch is now my spicy toast, which my son now gets to enjoy. Okay, okay, okay, good, But my siblings tease me all the time, but like, you didn't cook for us,
the toast doesn't count. I'm like, yes it does. You did you die?
You live? How many siblings did you have?
I'm the oldest of three oldest yeah, two siblings, a brother and a sister, and I'm the oldest, and the age gap is eight years eight and eleven, eight and eleven, yeah, And like back then, it was not abnormal for your eight year old up until to watch the kids and be left by yourself. And so I was a latchkey kid, and so I had to figure out. My mom liked to prepare leftovers, and so we ate like a lot
of those, and I would warm those up. But my go to dish was always like the spicies with some hard boiled eggs because I could boil eggs.
And were you like the in house babysitter a lot?
Yes, all the time, all the time.
Did you ever snap back at her like and your t ain't my kids.
No, huh, so my mother would have thrown me against the wall. Yeah, but yes, there were conversations had that. It was just dang, I don't want to, like why do I have to? And it was very much like this is your responsibility and she's the baby of six. So sometimes there would be that like energy clash. So you were the baby of six, I'm those of three. You don't understand it, you don't get it.
Wow.
But we have these conversations like now in our maturity and our evolution of us in our relationship, and there's been like a lot of healing and repair around my childhood perceptions and where she could have showed up differently or I could have showed up differently. But at the end of the day, all of the stereotypes about the eldest child remain true for me. Okay for sure, all.
Right, go ahead, feed me oldest child. You want me to hear, friend, go for it. We pre boiled spicy bodies. I'm trying to infhaty size of your name because I've been working on the spicy moddies. We pre boiled your hard boiled eggs. I'm guessing we could just peel it right, we could just peel it. I'll just I'll work on mine, even though I think, is it.
So how hard we had? Yes, we gotta have a song, poker.
Salt and pepper. I've had a hard boiled egg and so long. The last thing we had a hard boiled egg on this show was very traumatizing. Why because the young lady chose a pickled egg. And let me tell you something. It like, to this day, I don't look at eggs the same because of that pickled egg. It's trying to traumatize me. So let's see if the trauma still lingers.
Okay, because I love it when I tell you that I eat probably for eggs a day, really a lot of protein.
Yeah, okay, you look stunny. It looks stunning.
I appreciate.
So is your mom still single mom?
So that's that's the origin story, right, single parent home. Grew up with a deep desire for a father. Early on, my father went to is't and I didn't know like drug dealer goes to prison. But all I knew was like, hey, I deserve a daddy. What's going on mom? With your love life? So I started to intentionally introduce her to men because I would see my mother's like reaction to guys being in her life. She was very young, she
was hot. My mom had me when she was twenty, so there was this energy of wanting to still be married and I felt that from her, and I wanted a daddy. I noticed how poor you were. I noticed the other kids had two parents, and I really felt like I deserve that. So I would go up to men in the gas station at the car wash at my school pitching my mom and me as like a great package, like how a cute?
I am you fabulous? But I'm pretty sure looking at you, your mom had to she had to beat them off a little bit.
My mom was a soul trained dancer, okay, so she gave up her career for me. But like she my mom was a hottie okay, and so definitely would be trying to sell the package. Because also to when my mom was in a reallyationship, we had more, we had more resources, toys, more food, So she did get in other relationships. My mom was married three times.
Okay, Okay, I like to say that I.
Get the credit for that, but my mom saw it to all the husbands because when you are I consider people with big hearts. Right, we're still products. And so I understood at a very young age that like, we got to seal this deal. Yeah, And I was accustomed to the men understanding how close we were. And also when they would court my mom, they would also court me.
And what I mean and not in a negative way, but I mean, is a very positive way in the sense of if they brought her flowers, they brought me flowers. If they got her a gift, they would come with something for me. And so it was very much, Oh, I like how this feels. I understand why my mom is into this. And I kept doing it over and over, like I kept introducing her to people over and over because I just saw how happy she was relationship and that did something for me the credit of dang, I
helped you with that relationship. And I was young. When I tell you I was young.
Give me an idea of how young you are. I was pitching her at six, Oh, you're really young.
And my mom has been married three times, she was divorced when before sixth grade she got a divorce, and that last divorce, I was like, we need to make this work somehow. But since then, my mother, of course has had like other boyfriends. But my whole purpose arose from plugging her in relationships and seeing how it changes you and seeing the negative and the positive from it. And she saw that I also had a gift and like this propensity to try to connect, and I kept
doing it throughout high school. I would plug my friends. College, I don't know, you need to study this. Oh, so you see Berkeley from there, and I too always had a boyfriend. Like I loved relationships, but that's not enough. You can't just be obsessed with relationships. Actually need to understand and have strategy and the tools in order for it to be healthy.
Yeah, I saw in your bile there's a it was like a certification or I didn't even know there was like a school for relationships, but in your bio it said something like.
That in communication studied not just women's studies. I went to Spelman as well and studied women's studies. That's shout out to Akamupie. And then in my undergrad I did communication and that was where I realized the breakdown between men and women. Okay, And then in my I went on to get my masters in communication as well, and that dealt more with like me understanding not just how male and men and women communicate, but also how technology plays a role in our lack of intimacy or can
expand and help it. And so everything that I did in my master's was actually to build the spicy life. When I saw the problems that we were having in relationships, a spicy life grew into more of a not just let me match make it grew into no, you guys need coaching. So I took psychology, sociology and then went on to get certified as a dating coach. Yeah, I saw that, and then marital counseling from Gotman Institute.
Wow. Yeah, so there's a certification for that.
You. Yes, there are certifications for any area that you want to become more of an expert. And I'm a huge proponent of It's one thing to have lived experience, another thing to have education. With those two combined, you're more powerful versus I just read a book. No, okay, But I also applied the tools and then manifested that as well.
But you knew from a very young age, from this age of toast and eggs, that this is your colic.
Knew in the sense of I knew that I was good at it. I didn't know that it was my gift. Mom brought that to my attention one time in high school. I came home and, like I said, we didn't have much poor. She doesn't like me to say poor. I think she prefers me to say or not use poverty. What is it poor versus broke? My mom prefers broke. Yes, Okay, my mom says we were broke, we weren't poor.
Yeah, that's my mom too, Patato, there's a difference. I just want to clarify the difference because I like the way my mom says it. Broke is temporary. Poor is more long term. So if you say, okay, I'm broke right now. Okay, I'm broke right now, But if you say I'm poor, it's like your destitute, almost like past future current you're poor. Yeah, to for broke is more like the way my mom positions broke is always like
a temporary So that's that was her whole thing. Okay, we're broke right now, but if you say you're poor, just seems to have a little bit more of a longer.
My mom is on your team. Okay, poor versus broke. She was broke, but I'm like, we only were not broke when or poor, which when she was married. The moment that, like the relationship was over, it was back to the streets. We were living with my aunty. We moved in and this was in seventh grade. We moved in with my aunty and me and my siblings, and I had to take care of them, and my mom was living in San Diego. We're living in San Clementy on the marine base because my aunt was married and
in the trailer. We lived in a trailer with her and my siblings, and so I was with them every single day, making sure they got up for school, that they were going down because my aunt had her six kids to take care of.
So the there's a lot to unpack cares. Yeah, your how did these breakups impact you? Because I gain the love and the highs, But how did the lows not have a negative impact on you?
They absolutely did, tons of daddy issues.
Yeah all right, so here's to the healthier version. I love me.
I love the yolk, that's your favorite part. I love it all. So like I could do egg whites, I can also do the yolk. I'm like, I'm just an egg person, really good.
Perfect, is just your third egg today? Yes, it's mine too.
You already.
Oh wow, we're on the same look the same two eggs and three pieces of bacon.
And I probably wind up having another egg later with my salad or whatever.
I'm gonna try to do.
When I tell you, one time I was trying to lose weight, I did a meat, cheese an egg diet. You only can eat meat, you can only eat geese and eggs for three months, right, I lost so many bounds. At the end, you start to incorporate vegetables, and which is crazy to not eat vegetables and fruit in the beginning, even but they want to drop your blood sugar and so I lost a lot of weight. But it's not sustainable for the rest of your life. Is not sustainable.
But I lost a lot of weight. I lost a lot of weight.
If I'm ever going on vacation, I'm gonna try that all right. For the cinnamon toast, We're only doing one bite. You only took a little cute, little bite out of your egg.
You want to eat more my egg?
No, I'm gonna I tell people. When people are like, how much do you, I'm like, like a real person.
Your clips was like, oh, it's the food.
Oh there's sometimes where we have to call cut and like, yo, we're gonna finish this. Yeah, all right, We're going in for the cinnamon toast. Butter cinnamon toast.
Right here, I'm gonna take a bite with you.
I feel like when you was a kid, you laced this way better than this I did.
But now that I know the calories are butter.
Okay, yeah, because I know if I.
Wasn't, I wasn't help conscious till seventh grade when I got my brass off. Okay, rereason being is because I'm gonna give you all the whole backstory.
You better.
The one common thing between my mom and her husband's and my mom give infermission to share the intimate details of our lives, is that they all were addicts.
Okay.
My said that at the time when he would drink, I would go to the liquor store with him and we would pick up his six packs, and he would always give me candy bars, and I got in the habit of expecting a candy bar every day because he was getting a six pack every day, So it gain's a lot of weight. I was a jimpy kid. Okay, when I got my braces off though, because I wasn't allowed to eat nuts and Carmen who have bracelets. The weight came off when I stopped eating all that candy.
Wow.
And so when I took the braces off, I lost the weight and then the boobies came out. I was like, Oh, not only does this look better, but y'all treat me different when I'm twenty pounds smaller than when. That was like the first time that I noticed. Okay, when I cut sugars and this was young, I'm like, I'm a kid at this point, but I was like, dang, the way that the boys weren't on me. I was like, Ooh,
I like this attention. I'm gonna keep I'm gonna keep doing this no wonder my mom is addicted to it. So that was ben opening, I opening moment.
For me until this day.
I do a different diet every other month.
And you definitely stay away from the sugars.
Me, okay, to lose the weight, I stay away from the sugars. But the reason why I have to go back on the diet is is I still have a bad relationship with food.
Oh, you do have a bad.
I have one more than likely. Body image just morephia a paper that I wrote in college, I diagnose myself like based on my studies, I have body image just
more for. But my relationship with food still is the same in this sense of when I look in the mirror, I still see a big girl that when as a kid in my elementary days, and then when I gain weight, it reminds me of, oh, I'm not necessarily I don't feel my clothes appropriately, I don't feel as confident as usual, and so me understanding the power that it has over me. It's a process in the sense of I understand that
we need to love ourselves through it. I don't believe that when I'm overweight I look my best, So you can't change the belief. Yeah, So instead, okay, let me program myself to do the healthy thing. I go to the health the habit if I can't change the belief that I have about when I'm big.
Now that understand that's yeah, But that's great. That sounds healthy. It's a healthy way to handle it, a healthy, responsible versus.
I'm just going to accept as I am and continue to eat whatever I want. If and so there can there's different ways that it can go the way that it transfer overs into relationship as well, because I tell my clients the same thing when it comes to the belief system is if you believe that, let's just say all men are trash, or don't love women, or they're all dogs, then you will behave in a way that serves that belief.
You're not going to be kind to them.
You're going to treat them with the same level of respect that you think they treat you. You're going to be stands offish, and you're not going to be a magnet for the thing that you're trying to attract insteader of going to be a magnet for the thing that you hate, the thing that you say that you want to avoid. Okay, I can't make I can't transform that
belief until we unpack why we believe that. We have to get to the root of that perspective, like what form that belief, what's at the root of it, and then I have to give you a behavior that proves that belief wrong. Okay, So what that would look like
is if let's just say you think the men are trash. Okay, let's put ourselves in an environment and experience a kind man, the kind man will help you shift the belief because now you will have an experience that makes a deposit into the positive belief bank, or.
How do you give him that experience?
So we're redoing your dating profiles. I'm taking you out. We're hunting right, I'm going with you as you know, your wing woman, and I'm helping you actually, like figure out how to communicate with them effectively. We are going to events, We're going like you name it, We're doing it. I'm going through not just my rolodex, but we're reaching out. We're asking friends, we are tapping into our network the same way you would with I need a job, Does
anybody have one? We're doing the same thing when it comes to a man, Wow, I have to make those positive deposits in there, and that's or I'm not gonna be able to change the belief. So for my chest and my carbs and all that, it's the same thing. Okay, what's the positive deposits that I can make to make me feel better about the thing that I'm trying to manifest. I like it. That makes sense.
I like it. I like it makes a lot of sense, makes a lot of sense.
The family has been a huge part of my now my graziness.
Going back, let's talk about these breakups and how that acted you and what that did. Yep.
I saw growing up unhealthy relationships, multuous relationships where my mother was treated well in the beginning and then mistreated when the manhatter or their true nature came out. So that impacted me in a way that you would think that I would have a disdain for men.
Yeah, it did not.
Instead, I was like, that's not going to be me until my naivity. I got in a relationship in seventh grade with gentleman Roy, wind up seeing him kiss someone else, and that is what became what that is the moment when I decided I was going to be a gangster moving forward with me? Okay, So then there was this shift that occurred. It wasn't my daddy's that made the shift. It was actually it was Roy. I've talked him in years, but Roy was the first person to ever cheat on
me and betray me. And in that moment, I was like, oh, I will never be hurt like this again. So it took me into my wounded feminine. The wounded feminine felt weak and I didn't like the way that felt. So in order to empower myself, I leaned into my wounded masculine.
Yeah, and I want to yeah, because that's what is the gangster you. I want to know what that the gangs to me is.
You don't love these os, so I would. I was dating and this is high school, right like I was still this is in high school.
Was high school.
I was still a virgin. In high school, I did it was with my virginity until twenty one. I played with a lot of men's hearts. I was a tease.
I was a flirt.
One of my best friends also, let me know, you can't invest in these men like you need to do you the men will be there. And because I was a straight A student, I was like, oh, okay, I could get these good grades. I can have you take me out. But then there's this moment where one of the dudes who I was player, he had bombed a diamond necklace and I brought it home to my mom and I'm like, look at this necklace he got me and it was like zails, but like still I'm in
high school. My mom was like, how did you get because she knows I'm a virgion. My mom knows everything about me. So she was like, how did you get this dude to get you this diamond necklace. I was like, I just told him that he wanted some jewelry and he got me this. And she was like, Okay, I'm not even gonna ask where it came from and how he got it, because y'all are in high school, she said,
But I do know that you have a gift. She said, you have the ability to connect with people and also guide them, and that means that I need to guide this energy appropriately. She was like, you can use your gift for good or you can use it for evil. She was like, and if I would have stayed with your father, you would have probably been the best madam in the world. But I didn't stay with him for a specific reason. So I need you to make sure that you were using your gifts for good.
Okay, you understand you had a swagger type pit mentality, right.
I was like, what can we get because I also remember I'm also seeing like when I was little with her, we would get gifts into this, so I'm just playing not what I saw my mom receiving and experiencing. But it wasn't necessarily a healthy mind yet. She was like, I need you to educate yourself, empower yourself so that you're not dependent on these men, because she saw my self esteem was also affected by it, and so I wasn't aware enough in high school to understand we weren't
talking about mental health and esteem at that point. She just recognized certain traits that also flowed from her to me, and she was like, you're gonna be either a dog or a lover of men, or you're gonna abuse these powers. And my mom was a hopeless romantic and she didn't want me to feel like men had all of the control. So she was like, go to college, be the first to go to college, blah blah blah. And I did, and college had a relationship. Wasn't the most honest with
this person in college? You?
Yeah, you weren't.
Like the dog was still okay, I was still her. Ray sent me on a trajectory and so that getting caught right like accidentally at the time. Emailed my boyfriend an email out somebody who's going to come visit me at college for the weekend. And I was and I saw I hit him up. I'm like, please don't open that email. Please don't open.
After you sent it, and it was supposed to be to someone else.
It was supposed to be in response to the dude who was coming to visit me, and I accidentally sent it to the boyfriend at the time. Yeah, I told you, mind, you still hadn't slept with any of these men. I don't how graphic can we get on here?
Oh?
Yeah, had done, had done the everything else right, all the other elements of intimacy, but still not sex. I still wind up losing it to this gentleman who you sent this email?
Who?
No, I lost it to the boyfriend at the time because I wanted to make sure that I lost it to somebody who I loved, who treated me, and even though I mistreated him, I felt I wasn't going to be able to wait till marriage. I knew I wasn't gonna be a wait's marriage, and so I still felt like we needed to share this intimacy while we still have the safety there.
Yeah, so.
That relationship also, plus my studies understand and think that in my twenties, the trajectory that I was going down, Although I'm out here like setting relationships, setting people up, I needed to further my education and that's when I went back to school later, but I was already doing a radio show for kjlage giving spicy tips and then later on What Up doing spicy tips and relationship advice on my Heart for I TIE two point three, but went back to get my masters so that I could
help people correctly with the tools, and then also was building my company at the same time. I had to do a transformation within because even through my twenties, I was still allowing myself to think that in relationship or in partnership, you have more, and you do have more in the sense.
Of, yeah, because you have a partnership, you have a Partnershipyah. But if they're on the right team, if they're on.
The right team, yes, But I didn't. I don't date men who don't vote you, like who don't vote on you, and like court you. That was a non negotiable for me, So I wasn't ever gonna be without. But what I didn't understand is that I was actually dating from a scarcity mindset. I feel like it's a lot like you need like several episodes for my love life? What you're all going in a book? Oh?
They are? Do you have to make up names for the characters too.
Anytime you talk about someone out of respect and out for their privacy, I'm changing names and I'm changing even even if I reference like examples around maybe something that I'm pulling from Bee a client, I'm going to change all the details so that it doesn't trace back to that person, just to respect their privacy. And then I'll also be sharing and be getting their permission. Yeah, anytime you mention someone, you want to get.
That anytime now. So to go back to your story, you're in college, You've lost your virginity. You're understanding this relationship cycle this whole time. You're in pursuit of eventually become creating this spicy life. But maybe not the name of it.
Ye didn't know the name yet. Okay, that was birthed after, Like I graduated in undergrad in I'm a girlfriend person, so I stay in relationship from relationship for relationship. Definitely had those seasons where I'm like, Okay, I need to be single so that I can live myself and be alone. Blah blah blah blah. I've tasted the single life and I've tasted the spicy life and in relationship. What I
noticed about myself is that I thrive and go further. Okay, when I'm in an unhealthy relationship, I fall to the wayside, it takes over. And so identifying that early on and identifying the power that sex had over my emotions and how it would either make me super anxious or I would be spiraling and I can't eat, I can't sleep, I'm showing up but your house, Like I went through
that crazy season. So there was always this back and forth between the gangster and me and then the thirst in me because at the end of the day, what my heart really wanted was my heart really wanted was a man. Well, my heart really wanted was a father.
Yeah. Now have you heard this subconsciously that people are attracted to that familiar energy? Well, what am I saying? You've studied this? Is this? I'm going to ask you, is this a thing? Because I was telling my homeboy definitely leaving his name out, but he's in a relationship where he's continually being abandoned. And I was just like I had learned from a toxic relationship. I went there before the lady had said subconsciously, you're the feeling you
had in say a childhood or whatever. Yeah, you're reinvoking it whether you liked it or not subconsciously. Is this true? Yeah, shed more light on.
That as so what it is that you tend to date with Just even though you may say you don't want that thing because it's familiar to you, you will subconsciously attract that thing and choose that thing. And so what that may look like for me, for example, was because I wanted a father figure, I'm going to go after men that either maybe I saw my mom date men that may not have been even certain about me. That would be like the oh, I'm not I don't
realize that this is something that is affecting me. So that would look like if I'm anxious, right, it would look like me getting with maybe an avoidant because my mom was with avoidance men who were not emotionally available to and but that was familiar because that's how my dads were. And so we have to recognize, Okay, what's my kryptonite? What are the things that are holding me back from achieving what I want? And you have to make a conscious decision for what you want.
So like an anxious or avoidant attachment style, like you're looking at the attachment stock.
So yeah, So that plays a role in how you behave and navigate in the relationship. For me, what I wanted was a father figure and to be loved appropriately by a man. But what I was attracting were men who either embodied some of the characteristics of previous father figures or understood that was a void that I was hunting for, and so I was accepting maybe their voids or their weaknesses or their wounds. So we were wound mates, we were not purpose mates. A wound mate is someone.
Who you are, you have you both share.
Similar wound or hurt, okay, and so that person then becomes attached to you through time, shared experiences, intimacy. But that is not somebody who's gonna propel you into your purpose. That is not that's like cluational somebody who's gonna hold you back. And so when I would see I got in a relationship with this one guy, and I wouldn't I introduce my mom to let's say, all of my men, wouldn't introduce this one because the relationship was so toxic.
He was an alcoholic, and my mom was like, this is looking real familiar, and she busted me out. She was like, you won't let me meet him. What is wrong with him? There's something going on. You introduced me to all your little chicky boom booms. What is wrong with him? And I was like, MoMA, making a pros and consist right now about him because I don't know whether to stay or whether to go.
Why?
And she was like, stop making that pros and consics about yourself about him. Make it about yourself. Oh, she's make the pros and consts about yourself because something about you is attracted to this guy that you're dating and you need to see, like, why is it so familiar to you? And he was the prototype of every man that she had previously been with.
I just think it's interesting that she's able to call out these things for you. Correct, But she also played a role contributing to these things. Correct. I don't know, and I'm not judging. I just think it's interesting that the whole dynamic with you and your mom is just very unique in the sense that it's almost like she wants you to be a She definitely wants you to be a better version, of better version, but she's definitely
able to call it out and give really great advice. Yes, And I don't even know what a pro and CON's list of you would look like. What does that even mean?
It's funny. I do it for my clients now right. It's essentially a swat analysis on yourself. So a swat in business is when you, let's say, take an organization or even if you were to take your eat while eating while broke. Okay, what are the strengths of the show, what are the weaknesses, where's the opportunities for growth? And what are the threats? And so what that would look like for yourself is okay, where do I excel? Where's what are my strengths? What am I superior at? What
do I do amazing? What are my weaknesses? Where's the areas that I suck? That I'm awful, that I'm a horrible person. I'm gonna give you one, y'all. I was late to the show. Time management will be one of my weaknesses.
To be clear, though, there's that when you give a lead way before. That's so late would be like overf.
I communicate it.
She was fifteen minutes, but she called and was calling and texting and doing the whole nine, so she that's a I was like, okay, if that's your weakness. That ain't bad.
Okay, it's bad in the sense of I know it about myself and I'm still having a hard time changing. I try to do too much in a certain amount of time because your mom.
That's what we do.
I was like this before. I can't even I would love to blame my son. Now he'd just be running late with me. So that's how my neighbor is.
Shout out to my neighbor'd she'd be like, hey, I'll take both the kids to school. I'm like, not, because you're gonna know this, You're gonna be late late.
You gotta be late the So for this, why it's okay? Straight's weaknesses and then opportunities. Where is spicy body's opportunities for growth? Right? I know the weakness is maybe high management? Where my opportunities for growth? Okay, maybe I'm gonna set my alarm, schedule my appointments better. Maybe I'm not going to take on more than I could chew and make an over commit. The threat if I don't work on this thing that is horrible about myself, what is going
to happen to me? What is going to happen if I don't work on my time misopportunities, I could potentially disrupt other people's livelihood. You have to really assess the threats, and so in relationship, you have to do this for yourself. Because I'm over here saying I want to be a wife, but I haven't looked at within? Why aren't I yet? What am I doing? What toxic traits do I have?
And I did add some toxic ones, I thought, just because I was like studying relationship, I was also using some of those gifts that my mom warned me about to take advantage of. I believe men who really did care about me.
Wow.
And because I was hurt, right, I was actually making choices from a wounded place, and I thought, I'm empowered. I'm not going to love these hoes. And it was really like, you are afraid to let them in because you grew up seeing your mother get hurt, You've abandoned met, you're afraid of being poor again. And so all of these things played a role in the choices that I was making in men. And so when she gave me that little wake up call, she called it like a pros and cons list, but I.
Call it a swat.
Now you need to do it on yourself, because something about you wants this, dude. And at that moment, that was a wake up call to me because she said, she was like, you're you think you're running circles around me and you're trying to avoid being me. She was like, but you are on a trajectory to become me, geez, And I like, did it?
Mom?
And that was my wake up call. I was like, you know what, I do want a wife. I do want to be a wife, and I do want a family, and I want a healthy one and I want a two parent home. And so if I'm going to do that, what are the things about me that I have to change? How do I need to show up to prepare to be a wife. How do I need to make shifts in my life? How do I need to communicate? And when I went back to school and I studied like spic y so in order to be in a health relationship, Spicy.
Sorry sbic So, I say, I see, but take me a minute to sound it out in my head. That's all I see.
IM seeing you commute, I see you compute the things though, I see your the willls in your head.
Sturtay, Spicy, all right, spicy.
Yes, But I went back to school. The entire birth of the Spicy Life was me studying what makes a healthy relationship. So I threw myself back into school and was like, Okay, I'm going to focus on this, I'm going to prioritize this, and I'm not going to still love men. I'm still going to date. But in my studies I discovered that the main ingredients that you need for a healthy relationship are the self component to love thyself but also know thyself. So it's a self awareness part.
The next part is passion. You've got to have a passion for your purpose and a passion for life. You have to be able to evoke passion in others. Intimacy is the eye. How do you connect what wounds.
Do we need to heal?
Were you strong in your feminity and your masculinity? And how do you show intimacy? How do you pull intimacy out of others? Communication? How do you deliver that message for your target audience? So, if you want a man, how do you speak to men? If you want a woman, how do you speak to women? Yeah, sender versus receiver. And then the last part is yes, sacrificing whatever.
Yeah. I saw that you had said someone like get used to saying yes or finding the power to say yes?
What did you say in your learning to say yes?
Learning to say yes? And I was like, Oh, that's different. Yeah, what does that even look like? Learning to say yes? Culture of all boundaries?
Yeah, everybody's know. And I'm like, yes in the sense of what am I afraid of? And how do I conquer that? What do I need to sacrifice to be able to achieve my heart's desire?
Got it? What do I need to say yes to?
Is it more invitations? Is it yes to the guy who I'm like, that's not my type? Is it yes to this class that I want to enroll in? Is it yes to this thing that maybe somebody is asking me to try and I'm closed off to it. A lot of us are really just trying to protect ourselves at the end of the day, and so the decisions that we make are always going to resort back to what am I afraid of and what am I trying to avoid so that I don't repeat the same mistakes.
And you need to say yes to sometimes the unknown, Yes to the elevation and to the expansion.
Now I get it. Now I get the yes. So talk about yes, what if you want to do. Some of you ain't into it.
But yes, we'll help you in your relationship too, though, because when your partner's proposing things, if you shut them down, if you close them down, that's going to train them to not open up to you. That's going to train them that she always says no. And when you say yes, and you're more open even in improv yes, and that gives the person permission to.
Be open with you.
Okay, So I've decided I'm going to go full blown spicy and ran with it in the sense of I have to. I had to own it. I had to be spicy, and I had to create the spicy life, and I had to teach others how to be spicy. So I decided I did a transformation. I went from Venom to Spider Man, and I was like, I have to now use my powers for good like my mom ton'd me back in the day.
Now to build this empire that you've built. What did that runway look like? Because I would imagine you were doing something on the side till you got the company off the round. So can you tell me just a little bit to bits of how the company.
I was a sales rep one time. For gosh, I've had jobs all my life through even to put myself through college. But after graduation it looked like me working as a buyer for Macy's. I've been a pharmaceutical sales rep. I was a PR rep for an insurance agency at one point. All those times that I had like that full time job coming in, I always worked at my craft of relationships and hosting. So I always did radio at the same time because that doesn't pay.
Yeah, and.
I always did radio and TV. Okay, and that would be always like sending the relationship message of my spicy tips. Got it, But that did not pay the bills. I had to do these other jobs in the interim.
Okay, okay, but now you're just full time spicy.
Now I'm full time spicy life.
Okay. And how does that look like from an entrepreneur's perspective day in the life? Is it smooth or is it bumpy? Still? Oh no, it's crazy.
And this is why, like I have my husband, who is my purpose made he's my writer die because he saw how I was trying to manage like jobs at the same time, wile build my empire and I was disorganized with how I was trying to build the Spicy Life. He was like, Okay, we're not gonna be able to scale. We're not going to be able to grow this business if you are running twenty different ways, and this is how we need to actually like create and run your operations.
It's because he's an expert in that I shout out to my husband Marriage and Finances book. He was able to help me become more organized in my business. And then that's when I really start to see the benefits. And I always knew. I was like, I'm on my own radio and TV show as a relationship expert, and he said, focus on the business. You build the business, the shows will come. Okay, build the business, the shows will come. And I was like, no, I got an audition.
I gotta show my expertises being able to talk about relationships on TV shows. He's build the business, the shows will come, and I focus on just my clients. I poured into them. I poured into walking focus down the aisle. I went and got officiated so I could marry them off. I saw that I did all the things and the shows came and that was my next thing.
So they just started contacting you saying hey, we would love for you to audition, or they just said come on pack your bags.
They shows usually will reach out to me and it will be essentially an audition will look like an audition since of we need a relationship expert. Can you talk about these three things on zoom really quick? Or we saw your video tape. We want to see how you read with this co host. That would literally just be that was DAANMGN happy. I listened to my husband and I'm happy that I said on this trajectory. Yeah, and when you see yourself do more good than broken hearts,
it's whoo. But it makes me a great coach though, because I went through all my seasons. I went through my poor season, I went through my host season, I went through my anxious attachment thirsty season, I went through my pansy, I went through all the events. And so it helps me with women because no matter what FAI, they're coming in and me now being the CEO of my company, I'm mostly working with those alpha queens.
Okay, yeah, those that independent women are independent. They I saw one of my girls posts like the dad cannot be independent because it is a real heavy I think women carry it well, like it's a very from the outside. It's carried very well. But I remember I think DC Young Fly had said to me, like women carry the most grace, like hell could be going on at Yahn put on a smiling for sure or whatever. And but I see, yeah, I think women that are real independent
they just want to break. They're like, yeah, this is for the birds. This sucks.
It's challenging because when you focus on just your career, right, I knew that I wanted both, so I always did multitasking the sense of build my career.
And I was a leven girl.
Yeah, of course you're gonna get me what you're'n gonna find me without a man, unless I was being intentional of being without a man. Always that a man.
Well as the longest you were ever single, I think the most I made it was like one year. But when I say one year, it was literally I was just like, let's wait, just a couple more buds to put the title on it, like you knew what you were doing. But I was like, please, man, I promise myself I'd be officially single. But it was really diasy.
You had to make a pact, like you had to try try me.
I been single ever.
I did six months.
Yeah, I did six and I did a detox.
I was like, okay, no me and no sex, no dates, no nothing, no nothing. I did that detox just to see, like one if I could do it, but also to just to focus on me. I wanted to be selfish in that moment because relationships are really about serving. Healthy relationships are about serving one another. So yeah, that's that.
That's single. I've been in all the seasons, but nothing compared to the spicy season, where you're empowered with understanding the tools and the power that we have as women to pivot back and forth between our masculine and feminine to get anything done. You do have to lean into your masculine when it comes to like efficiency, but to get the things that you want and to not have to work as hard for it, you need to leave into your feminine. Yeah that's so into the receiving.
I agree. Okay. One thing I want to back track to is you said marriage and Finances was the name of oh, my husband's book. Yeah, your husband's book. All right, shout outs to your husband. Marriage and Marriage and Finances. Okay, Shaye. What's his last name if people want to my husband is Shae Wah. Okay, Shae Wah. And the name of the book is Marriage and Finances and shout Outs if you guys want to check that out because it helps the spicy life.
I'm telling you, my husband is that man.
And then what are how can someone out there identify deal breakers that are just non negotiables that this relationship is definitely headed down a path of just going opposite ways, or maybe they were on course but then they parted. Yeah, I'm gonna I have you here. I'm gonna try and get it out of you.
So let me give you the pizza. This is a cook this is a cooking show. Let me give you the pizza. So the pizza is how you get led to your purpose. Mate, Okay, how you exclude and get rid of all the waste, all the garbage, all the trash. Your pizza is the crust, sauce, and toppings. So the three things you need for a good pizza crust, sauce, toppings. Crust is the foundation. So folks at home needs to do five things that they believe make a good human.
Write those five things down, Okay, the five things you think make a good human. The sauce is the five ways that I need to be treated in order to feel loved, to be inspired, to give love, and to feel loved. I need these five things. That's gonna be very hard for people to answer. The good person is hard for the crust is hard for people to answer, and the sauce is hard for people to answer.
The last you can't generic like just they have to have intagrity or whatever.
If that's a core value of yours, If that would be a crust, that would be in the crust. But the sauce needs to be like, I need chivalry. That's a non negotiable for me. I have to have chivalry. The toppings is the next.
Really the cheese.
The toppings is the cheese to the toppings, it goes crust, sauce, toppings. Cheese is considered a topic.
Okay, go on.
So the toppings is what do I need to be physically attracted to this person? Oh? Okay, how can and what do they need to have for me to want to take my clothes off? The toppings, though, is okay? Is how everybody is dating in twenty twenty five. We're starting with the toppings and then we're pulling back that beats and we're being like, Okay, what is the sauce look like? Okay, what is the crust look like? And that's jacking us up as a society. Yeah, is messing us up.
I'll say this, though, I feel like the way people are dating back in the day, and I truly believe that the only reason why I was always in a relationship was you would make a guy wait or whatever. Now if you hang out with a guy with they have like their own number. If they're not smashing by like date two, they're like I got Shakara, Keisha, Sarah and Jody yeah or whoever that are all in rotation right now. I don't even want to waste my time. So it's weird because now they don't even want to
stick around. I had guys that would stick around forever, yeah, and then if you did hook up, but then they were definitely like, you're my girlfriend. You know what I'm saying.
And this error, But sex isn't guarantee that, No, it doesn't it.
But I'm just saying that when you're thinking about your layers, people start with this toppings. Then they hook up because they're just going off attraction, and then they're peeling back the layers.
They're peeling back those layers.
So it's backwards. I'm just it's backwards.
Yeah, absolutely, And that backwardsness is messing us up, especially as us as women who want husbands, because if you're working backwards and you're operating and thinking like a man, because that's what a man cares about, hears about toppings. If you don't have the toppings, a man's not fooling with you at all. Yeah, but for a woman that's looking for a husband, the crust and the sauce are by far the most important things got and so anything.
So as you create your pizza right, you're gonna writ your pizza out the five five five. The toppings are negotiable because if he has the crust and he has the sauce, it's still a good freaking pizza.
It's still a delicious, say, and you're definitely going to be attracted to it. Yeah, you know, it's longs.
More attractive to you the better that he reads you. There needs to be a few toppings on there, just so that you can take your clothes off. But O five do not have to be on there. Okay, those are negotiable. You can fix the things that may not be on there. My husband had crookeet see now he had a visit line straight, his teeth are straight. Hand. But this needs to be the map, the road map to how you are dating and how you are getting in relationship. If they don't have the crust, the crust
is not negotiable. If they're not a good human, if they show you anything outside of those five qualities in the crust, you have to release them.
Dang, you have to really, Now, what if someone say, dip their hands in the little cookie jar and they're attached, they gotta like, if.
You want a husband and you want a healthy relationship, you got to release them because why would you If he's not the crust, If he doesn't have the characteristics that you just said defined a good human, why are you with him? What are you doing here?
Or her? Or her?
Or Yeah, men do this too, but for us trying to select husbands, it may have to be in the sense of a numbers game. Okay, so you do have to give up five, You might have to give up ten. You may have to continue your rotation in your dating pool. When these qualities are you have to give up. You might have to give up someone. Oh give up, yeah, yeah, give up a guy like you. Might have to catch and release, Catch and release, and you move on to the next zoo.
Catch and release. I went to a phase where I said, I have to catch and release. The second I feel slight disrespect, you released back to the ocean.
You gotta sometimes let them go.
You gotta let them go. Okay, okay. And then for the married folk out there, shout outs to all the people the roller coaster, Oh.
That's right.
Here. Yeah, what advice do you give to those folks that have been at it for a while? Now, spice it up, spice it up with the spider. It doesn't just look like the bedroom. I'm telling you.
If you become more attractive when your partner sees you growing, so start pouring into yourself, whether that's something that you want to register for, a hobby that you want to get into and expose your partner to it. That actually becomes sexy when you teach your partner new things. So that's what I call intellectual intimacy. Oh I like that to where it's I'm I'm growing. I'm teaching myself cool things or someone introduced something to me, and then you
share that with them. You get them then into the thing that you are being expanded by, and then they within themselves will also be expanded. But that keeps the relationship intimacy there. And then also I do think that you gotta put love on this to do list, so we do need our date nights. I also am a huge proponent of schedule.
Sex really scheduled, Yes, scheduled. How do you do that? Though you on the calendar, I'm gonna be all the way one. I have the same age child as you. Yeah, I promise you. Around nine o'clock if me and my significant my husband are together, the only thing that's happening is sleep yep. I don't know if it's like the energy or the vibe, like the energy with her in the peripherals. It just it's like dead tired. And I'm like that is, But if she wasn't around, it'd be different.
I get it. But Wednesday, every Wednesday this.
Yeah, I wanted the baby to bed out this time and we're gonna get it in.
And what he doesn't feel forced, it's not about.
No because it actually gives you something to look forward to. People feel like, if I put on the calendar or I make it like a part of my agenda, it's not going to be spontaneous, and I want it spontaneous, And I'm like, but I want the sex, and I know my time management is bad, So if I try to make it spontaneous, it's never gonna happen. I would rather have the connection. I would rather be plugged into with him, then miss out on our passion and our intimacy.
So it's actually now being intentional. If we're intentional everything else in our life, whether it be our workouts, whether's drink and water, why not be intentional about your sex life as well. If you are a busy body like me, and it makes sense, and I do get tired.
If I know they have a kid, you'd be like, yo, be all looking at the kid like you, oh, let's.
Be trying to sleep with us, And I'm like, a, you're throwing.
Salt on my game. These kids are like birth control, man.
Oh my one thousand percent, yeah, one thousand percent.
But that is by nature though.
If they keep you busy, if they make sure that you have all other attention, they can eliminate the potential for siblings and they can absorb all of the resources that come with being an only child.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, and then what do you advice for people that are going through separation?
Separations are challenging because it's one foot and one foot out. Yeah, you're trying to decide do you want to stay do you want to go? And so I think that you need to be very clear on do we have the same goal. Do we both want the same things in life? If we want completely different things in life? Because I think that when you are with your purpose mate, you guys understand the bigger picture and so anything that diverts
from that throws you off track. So you always have to go back to, Okay, what is the goal in the relationship? What are we both trying to accomplish, not just in our but in our relationship goal. You have to put relationship goals and have team meetings for relationship goals, just the same way that you would for financial on the calendar. Everything goes on the calendar. At this point in my life, I said, we run in behind, but even the sex runs behind. But everything goes on the calendar.
Yeahs are hilarious.
You are hilarious. I can't imagine what that would look like. But the way you called us fifteen minutes, I'm so so sorry. Yeah, I'll make it up. That is one thing.
Me and my husband, we communicate. He's even a better communicator than be. But we communicate.
And you still think communication is like key number.
One, number one. A lot of us think that we are great communicators and we are not.
Okay, And what's the difference between male and female communication?
Oh my god, there's a million things, but I'll start with love versus logic and women, communication is an emotional experience for it. For men, communication is a driver of efficiency and logic. And so that's why we are in our masculine when we are at work, because we are trying to just let me give you this information so we can make these changes so we can be efficient and effective. Men naturally communicate with the factual disclosure. Factual
disclosure is the facts that you need to know. Women we communicate oftentimes with emotional disclosure. And if you're a woman not communicating with emotional disclosure, you'll never create intimacy in relationship that you're operating. You're masculine and you need to call me. But emotional disclosure is telling you how the fact made you feel.
Okay, So that's a good thing.
If that is a good thing, most of us as a society are not operating in emotional disclosure. We are operating in factual disclosure when we are in our masculine energy.
Give me an example, you and I were in a relationship. Yeah, I'm gonna give you a factual disclosure, like today, I have an appointment at four pm. Sorry, I couldn't make it to our dinner. Okay, So is that a good example? Yes?
Close, That would be I have a four pmtor's appointment, or of a four pm conference call, and you can say I'm sorry.
That's not that.
Being apologetic is an emotion. However, we would take it a step further and say, I apologize and it makes me feel awful to have disappointed you and not being able to make it. But I need you to understand that what I'm going through really requires this for my esteem. I got to make disappointment and tell me how this is making you feel and how I can make it up to you.
That's emotional.
That is the emotional Okay, you have to let the person into how it's making you feel. They need to see the remorse saying, to hear the repentance. They need to because the problem with i'm sorry, and this is a whole nother episode about the apology languages, the problem with i'm sorry is that people if you use i'm sorry in relationship, it doesn't work anymore because if you've
been sorry a hundred times, the person's tired of hearing it. Yeah, like whatever, the emotional disclosure would come in even though you're like, i'm sorry, that's an emotion apologetic is, but i'm sorry is like the delivery of the remorse. The person actually needs to hear and feel and experience the remorse to actually believe you.
I agree with that.
But the factual disclosure would be, we made toast. Maybe my husband's gonna ask me how the podcast we made toast. That's factual disclosure. He's not bonded to.
Me, that's a fact. Yes, we made I got it.
That sugar sent him in toast. I like to call it my spicy Toast baby. And it took me back to my childhood when I was feeding my siblings and I was responsible for them at a young age and that was so hard on me, but like we persevered and it made me feel good to think about Mama. We made it like that's more emotional disclosure.
But now do men like that? Because you always see these jokes online where men are like the woman is just downloading and the man has just had lunch.
At the end, what are you trying to achieve in that moment? If we want to bond, I need to give you emotional disclosure, because I'm trying to get ish done. I need to give you factual disclosure. So if I want the man closer to me, I should not be mirroring his communication. I should be having him mear mind. But if I never speak to you in emotional disclosure, you never learn. You never learned, as my partner, how
to become more articulate with your emotional language. We get on a vibration of masculinity and we're just delivering the facts to each other versus Oh my god, it makes me feel so good. When you came home early today, I needed that. I needed to see you, I needed to recharge with your presence like that. He needs to know what the fact meant to him. Got it, and he will not be guided to being closer to you unless he hears it. It does not need to be a four page letter. And that's where we go wrong.
Yeah, with the eighteen eighteen eighteen page tech correct now there are There's another thing that men have been saying online is that women like to be lied to. Have you heard about that?
Oh?
Yeah, And I do think it's interesting because I can't see in some ways where they're making sense.
Tell me your OI gets true.
I think it's kind of true. Like me and my husband we separated for a couple of years and women were like this. One girl had talked to me. She said, he told me, she said, you're separated. I said, yeah, that still means married. Like you know what I'm saying, like, still means married. I'm not holding you responsible. Yeah you're married or no. She said, you're married on paper. No, that's what I said. I said, that is exactly what married. That is exactly what it is. So stop saying married
on paper, Just say married. But I remember having this conversation with this girl and she literally kept saying married on paper, and I was just like, no, no anger towards her.
No.
But I could not believe that this young lady was saying to me, married on paper, fully saying it like it was okay, but not realizing what she said was married on paper. You know what I'm saying. It's like a form of lying to herself. And she got and it was all all these things that she saw that was very clear evidence that this person is clearly married. But that to me would be an example of someone lying to themselves. Do you get, I understand exactly what
do you feel that too? That's like lions. Yes, we will look for.
How to turn the red flags into green flags. As women, we can oftentimes try to rationalize mistreatment, rationalize what's obvious because we want to feel a certain way. Okay, we want something, we have a desire of our heart and we want to achieve it. Will rationalize the bad thing that intuitively maybe telling us like run, We will rationalize it.
But we rationalize it by lying to ourselves about it. Yeah, by painting a pretty picture and making it seem like it's normal, and deep down inside, when we are healed, we're able to recognize that. Unhealed, you now have become desensitized from the recognition and being tapped out of your intuitive Yeah, so you begin to lose trust himself.
Also, yeah, yeah, yeah, I could see that in the conversation. I could see with the young lady too, like our friends were like, what are you doing?
Correct?
And then there was one other thing. Do you ever console poly relationships?
That's funny. I've done poly show, Yeah you have the.
I will.
So I've done let's say, triangles right in the SNS of husband, wife who's separated or divorcing, and mistress. Okay, I've counseled them. When it comes to polyamorous relationships, I do not believe that restores the family unit when you have the intentions of having multiple partners. I do not think that we have the ability or to be able to juggle them all. And I do not feel like a man without discipline can be trusted. I agree with them,
So I will not counsel polyamous relationships. And I have been approached by them. Can we have such sessions?
No, we cannot. And that's interesting that they're also approaching you, because they when you see these poly relationships, they clamorize this whole like multiple and we all get along. You would never It's interesting to hear that these same people are saying, hey, can you help us.
Yeah, there's a lot of coaches and counsel lers that will take any one. I'm finally at a point in my career where i don't have to. Yeah, there's a point when I'm like, come on, Well, there's a screening process with your Yeah, we do consultations first. There, I do an assessment and that's one hundred and fifty questions where I'm like figuring out, Okay, where do I need to help you within SPI C Y. So there's a whole process before we get started.
You're not in a service.
Agreement and n date. We're going through the real because I'm going to not only deep dive into your life, I'm letting you into mine.
Got it? Oh okay, So it's a two ways.
It's a two way. I can't teach you the fundamentals and the formulas for trust and intimacy without reciprocating, got it. There's no way for me to be able to transform your perspective and understand your beliefs and hear your childhood wounds and traumas if it's one sided. And that's not to say that a lot of my clients experience there and me simultaneously, because therapy will help them understand like where that experience came from or what was at the route.
I help them in the transformation of Okay, this is how we actually tackle it. This is how we create the change. So there's self awareness component and there's a self actualization component. That's where I'm coming in and kicking your ass.
Nice. So where can everybody keep up with everything the Spicy Life?
You guys can go to the spicylife dot com. You can play with my Twitter stroke, my ig at Spicy Modi. You can find the podcast everywhere that they're streaming The Spicy Life.
And you tape that every week or every week we have that every week. Yes, so all the relationship advice, all the relationship guru topics and challenges, you come and is it just you or do you have a guest?
I have a guest come on every episode with me.
Wow, And then they just full transparency.
Yes, sometimes we're talking about their expertise in the profession because I'll have a lot of like relationship coaches or therapists and counselors come on, or it's a guest that we're exploring their love life.
Wow wow to here first and then any other projects on.
The TV Netflix, Netflix. We gotta shout out Netflix niaky links. Okay, I already told Team Healthy relationship situationships, booty calls, sneaky links do not help you get closer to your husband. I'm the relationship expert on the show on Netflix right now that's streaming. It's called Sneaky Links. Snaky Links, Sneaky links.
Oh my goodness. Yes, and you're gonna. You're on the Health Team Healthy side, so you're gonna.
I'm helping the singles in the motel transform their sneaky ways so that they can be a magnet for real love.
Wow, but that doesn't happen overnight. How long do you have you tape the show?
We were in the motel for a month, and so we're doing like coaching sessions together, putting them through like a boot camp of activities, and even putting temptation in front of them to test for the change.
Did they pass? Not?
All of them? You can leave them to the water. Okay, you can't necessarily get them to drink.
Check out Sneaky Links on Netflix. I know I am, because I just want to see people fail test. I'm that person.
You and your husband are back together now right.
Yeah, we're working right. Yes, he's working very hard. I'm very proud of him. I love that.
I love you give up on it.
Shoot, I'm a hard one. Let me tell you something. When I be done, I blow up the whole building. I don't like. That's it. It's a wrap. But yeah, my daughter is very happy, so I'm one hundred per cool with it. Yeah, I'll try shout outs to growth. Call me anytime you need to grow. When you're gonna whoop his butt, I probably would right now, he's on a good past. Shout out shout outs to him. I
definitely respect. I respect anybody that works on themselves and works really hard and fight a good fight and doesn't quit. That's my thing. That's quit. Just don't quit.
What are the area come to? Sharing? Where the areas are that he asks you to grow?
Where he asked me to grow. If you asked him, he probably say I have an anger. I have a little bit of anger. I'm making.
My husband.
I possessed. He's like, yo, I got a book to get out of the state.
That zimper Oh my god. I had to work with my husband early on that what we won't be doing in this relationship.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be or I don't listen, maybe I may cut him off before he finishes. I'm like, wooo okay, yeah, but that's about it. But I was I would say he probably said the communication. I don't think it's that bad. But the communication, Yeah, is that that is communicating? Yes, yeah, that would be it. That would probably be his number one. Other than that, he'd be cool.
Okay, all right, I'm having a little sushi session with y'all.
That's funny. He probably needs it. He needs a good tweaking.
I love when I hear couple say my partner needs it. But I'm good. That's that is the clear past. You already both very much need this. Okay, time point the fingers of the other partner. I know it's a tail tale.
That's like one on one.
You want to know something.
It's so funny because I totally did times in a row. You should. He needs the help. He needs help. All right, thank y'all for tuning in to a great meal. I'm gonna finish my egg.
Oh did you finish your mind?
Okay, okay, I'm gonna finish my egg. Peace out, y'all for more eating while broke from iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.