MELYSSA FORD - Hot & Raw Poor Man's Sushi

Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Eating While Broke. I'm your host, Colleen Witt, and today we have a very hot and bothered guest up in the building. Melissa Ford is in the building. Who hoo do who who? I'm excited wearing New York shout out to WEEZYWT have studios for having us and allowing us to, please Jesus not burn down the studio with our makeshift kitchen.

I promise I will not burn down the studio.

Yes, please, please don't.

Very very cognizant of the fact that this is you know, and I told him, I said, if we burn it, we'll pay for it.

And I was like, keep right, I pray we don't. What are you gonna have us eating today?

Okay, So this is a dish that I call poor man sushi. And I remember when I sent you like the ingredients, you were like, what the fuck is this?

What is this? I love though that you were fast with it. I was like, oh, her struggle was real, Yeah, it was. So. I've always been a jim rat.

I've all always been into, you know, physical fitness. I started gymnastics when I was two years old. Shit, I was in baby like Jack Butler's Baby School for swimming when I was six months, Like, my parents like really just like threw me back in.

You know, Oh okay, she was just swimming amniotic fluid. You know, she'll be fine. Wow. So that's really young. Yeah.

Well, I mean like there's a lot of baby school, you know, swimming schools for babies and stuff like that, and they.

Just kind of like really take to water very quickly.

So my parents just kind of like put me in that little situation.

This is really like cooking. Hold on, yo. That is like I was thinking, you know, we got this shout outs to Walmar, but we we did buy this and it was like a fifteen dollars like a hot plate, and I was thinking, I wonder if this thing's really gonna work. This thing, this thing you can have this in like a college dorm or something like that's official.

Yeah and so and so anyways, I was saying, how I'm in. I've always been into physical fitness. So I used to just kind of make this meal out of like you know, can tuna fried up with a little bit of spices and stuff like that, white rice and some you know, just kind of mixed vegetables and I just would get my carbs and my protein in in a really simple way. You know, food was fuel, you know when I was in my super duper gym rat days.

Stay stay on top of your.

Fitness regime and your regimen and your your dietary regimen.

Things have to change.

Alcohol can't be you know, just binging and shit like that anymore, and you got to start lifting heavy.

Cardio out the window.

You can do a little bit of cardio, but mainly as women especially, you have to focus on lifting heavy. Why because we lose bone density as we get older, you.

Know, before before before we get into scaring me away from growing older. You know, It's funny because I listened to Hot and Bothered and I don't want to detour, but I called I definitely called Dori and was like, yo, I don't I don't know if I'm feeling like what's about to happen to me? I mean, I'm in the forty year land and listening to your show. It really did showcase like I have no idea. They definitely don't talk about this enough to women, because I was like, WHOA.

There was a point in time like the medical industry has not been kind to women, you know. And don't even get me started on what the medical industry has done to black people and black women.

Okay, they basically used to experiment on our.

Bodies, but women in general, menopause was just not seen as anything that the medical industry felt like they needed to study. They didn't need to study our bodies because you know, we were basically given the message that after our child bearing years, we have zero value. That was That's literally the message that was given to us. And what boggles my mind is that this has the potential to be a multi billion dollar industry with all of the things that we need.

I have in the last.

Six years since I started perimenopause, I have seen more doctors and gone to hospitals and doctors offices more times than I have in my entire life. Tenfold. I was I've been I've been an.

Extremely healthy person my whole life.

You know, Thank God, I'm not somebody who suffered from indiby triosis, Pico's fibroids, all horrible things that some of my girlfriends and other women suffer from.

But I had like wicked cramps, I've had.

I've had a miscarriage, I've had I've had I've had stuff happen, you.

Know, but relatively, I've been very, very healthy. Well, take me back to before we get into yeah, scaring our. If you guys want to hear more about menopause and ed and all that, you need to check out Hot and Bothered. But before we get into that, let's get back to get a closer look at Melissa Ford, because you know, I don't think we really got to know who you are, and I think just telling us, like, take us back to what exactly was going on during the making of this dish.

Okay, so the making of this dish.

Get it?

Yeah, there we go, the making of this dish.

I had just moved to New York.

I was living in Stuyvesant Heights, this Bedstye, which is really funny because when I was fifteen years old, I had a premonition that I was going to live in Bedsty. And this is before I even knew that New York was even divided up into like five boroughs, which is like wild.

Hold, I'm going to hold that off. But you're originally from Canada. I'm originally from Canada.

So I had this premonition when I was fifteen that I was going to live in Bedsty and I was like, where the fuck is Bedsty? What is bedstide?

I didn't even know. I didn't understand. But so when I ended up living.

In Bedsty, like literally Bainbridge and Stuyvesant in the thick of it, I was like, oh, well, this was kind of like meant to be kind of thing. So here I am. I am an illegal alien from Canada. I have no permission from my country to leave. I have no permission from this country to stay here. I have no job, I have no nothing, And how are you. I'm twenty one years old. I've put school on hold

So here I am in New York. I'm living in this apartment.

How did I get an apartment with no credit, no money or no proof of income, no nothing.

I was working in a club. The owner.

The owner had a little bit of a crush on me, and that is putting it lightly.

One day, he you.

Know, calls me into his office and just you know, starts talking to me about, you know, what's your whole situation or whatever.

I was living with a girlfriend at the time, and he.

Basically said that he would get me a condo just as long as I let him come by and watch me masturbate every once in a while.

That was the deal. How old was this dude? He was like fifty five? What did you say?

I said, You've got to be fucking kidding me.

There's no you like ew ew you don't get to see all you don't get to see this you.

No, I was, I know, but it has you end up with apartment though. So it's so he was just like, so he hooks me with a.

Realtor this a focus Okay, he was shady.

So you actually said that, like, oh, hen I was the no, no, fuck no, and you would have had it rent free. I know. Did he have to be in the room when you did? This stuff.

Do you know how many of my girlfriends asked the exact same questions.

They were like, wait, bit what like? What was the parameters of this deal?

It was a hard pass and I was like yes and they were like girl.

But there wasn't like record. It was just like he had to there.

This is two thousands to make sure if a good deal. Okay, listen, okay there baby, I don't know, but you know what, I'm Canadian.

Okay, So he said, okay, so hyper independent.

I'm going to do this on my own. So he was, what were you doing in this club?

It was bartender? Okay, So this is how I ended up being able to make money.

This nigga kid got me too basically like back then he would have been he would have been ye know me too.

Was so interesting. Okay, but anyways, we're jumping ahead. Yeah, okay, so I'm gonna cook up the vegetables. In just a second of vegetables.

So guys, just for our listeners, she just heated up the tuna in a pan and seasoned it. Yes, I want to okay.

So I'm going to put this back in once I get the rice and the and the vegetables going a little. I would have I would have used different vegetables than these ones, because these are a little chunky and cruciferous.

So we got to know you were probably using like peas and carrits. Yes, exactly, I know, you know what I don't know. And for all the listeners, they know I absolutely hate peace. I was like, oh, hell no, she's gonna want these peas, not giving her peace.

It's okay, it's okay, we'll handle this broccoli.

So this guy is, oh, this guy, you tell him no. I tell him no.

So he is like, he's so he hooks me up with his realtor another shady motherfucker. Right, So he brings me to he shows me this apartment because I tell him what my price.

My hole, what do you call that? What my range is? It was six hundred to eight hundred dollars a month.

That's yeah, back then, back then.

It's just wild to think about back then.

So he shows me this apartment at it was at like Classen and Washington, if I'm not mistaken, if that was what it was, and Classen and Washington.

Did not look the way that it looks now. It's very gentrified.

Now, okay, there's a lot of white people with strollers and shit, that is not the way that it looked back then. And I'm so like, I'm just still so naive that I'm just kind of looking around the place and I'm looking outside.

The windows and I'm like, yeah, I don't think that this is the place. Yo. There's fucking gangs around.

Yeah, it's not the Melissa like older me wants to say, girl, no.

So I take it. I take it. You took the place I did not. So he says to me. I was like, do you have anything else you can show me.

He's like, well, I'm showing this apartment later on tonight, and he was just like it's out of your price range and you're probably not going to get it, but you can come see it.

Anyways. I was like the fuck you know? So I was like okay, fine, and.

He was like, oh, by the way, the landlord is a woman, so make sure you cover up.

Yeah, cover up. And I was like fuck you talking to so Okay.

So anyways, it's not like I had like my boobs out or anything like that. And it was winter, so I got to the apartment early and it was a brown Stone and I I had on a black turtleneck and a cowboy hat and jeans.

I don't know what.

I really loved this cowboy hat though I don't know what it was. I was obsessed with this cowboy hat, and somehow I made it.

I think. I feel like it made me seem really innocent. And so she opens up the door. This woman, her name.

Was Deborah, and the second she opened up the door, I felt like this, it's gonna sound weird, but like my spirit immediately took to her.

It was just something about her. It was just she just was just warmth, you know.

And so she invited me inside and we sat down and we talked for about ten minutes, and it was a great conversation, to the point where I forgot why where I was and what I was doing there.

And she said, well, young lady, do you want to go see the apartment?

I said, oh, yeah, let's go see.

And so she brought me upstairs to the second floor. And the minute that I walked into that apartment, I knew I was home. I just knew I was home.

And could you afford it them? No? It was nine hundred and twenty five dollars a month.

It was a junior it was a one and a half bed, so it was like a one bedroom, one bath with like.

A smaller bedroom. Yeah.

And I was like, I can't afford this shit, but I'm going to figure this the fuck out, Okay.

And so I saw the apartment. I said, I will be in touch and whatever.

And then for the next two weeks I just kind of like wrung my hands hoping that this realtor was pleading my case and he wasn't. He was probably saying, she is the worst candidate for this apartment, so don't give it to her. Yeah, And so I decided to look her up.

Remember phone books, Ah, yeah, I remember the white pages, the white page. Yeah.

So I looked her up and I found her and I called her and I said, I said, hi, I saw.

You a couple of weeks ago. I came to look at the apartment, et cetera.

She was like, oh I remember, She was like, I haven't made a decision yet, and I said, I just really want you to know that I felt like that is supposed to meet my apartment.

It felt safe.

I I just pleaded my case.

Whatever it was that I said to her.

You know, I was just like my mother and I we rented to, you know, people before. I've seen my mom go through hell with tenants who stopped paying. I would never do that to somebody. Just give me one year, Just try me out for one year.

Yeah.

I was like, I promise you're going to get your rent in cash a week in advance at minimum Jesus. And she was just like, when's your birthday? I was like, uh, November seventh, and she was like, i'll call you back. And she really looked up my chart because she was like totally into like astrology andrology and stuff like that. She called me up and she was like, the apartments yours come with security in first first month's rent.

And I was like, I couldn't believe it.

I had no furniture, I had nothing except just two suitcakes.

How did you get the money together? Well?

I was bartending at this so at this time, I it was all I had. Now started to bartend at Justin's, which was Ditty's restaurant, and well, actually no, I got I started bartending and cocktail waitressing, and then they fired me because they were like, the last thing Puffy needs right now is in the legal alien that looks like you working in his establishment because he's this was around the club New York situation happening, and.

I was like, okay.

So the manager, John Vasquez, he was like, I've got something set up for you. So he got me set up in a totally different club. It was called Nicks. It was on East thirty second between Fifth and Madison, And anybody who was like, you know, going to clubs during the Black Diamond and the Pisa Brothers' days, they

I was like, perfect tenant. I loved her. I just I just loved her.

She came and saw me like we would like have tea in the kitchen, and one day, like two months into like me being there, she was like, Melissa, do you know why I rented the apartment to you? I was like, because I was incredibly persuasive, and.

She was like no.

She was like, I looked up your chart, your numbers and whatever, and she was just like, it said that you were extremely dependable and that your words bond. Whatever you say you're going to do, you're going to do it, and I would have no problems with you. I was like, Okay, that's that's me. I'm pretty pragmatic and dependable and stuff like that. And she was like, but it also said

And I didn't really know what to kind of like make of that.

Yeah, I still don't know what to make of that, you know, So but that was that was what she said. And it ended up being like a really incredible like experience. Yeah, my first apartment. Now keep in mind.

Did you ever ask her what her birthday was or ever try to look up?

Well the no, because that wasn't my thing, you know, Like and I feel like she was a Gemini because I get the gifts for her birthday.

But I'm trying not to like fucking have this lying.

It's like, why is it so hard? Yeah? I should have heated up for you. Did you guys have mic wave here? It's fine, It's fine, she's gonna have to. I'm gonna break it up in the bag for her, Okay, Yeah, because those little rice things are savage. Can you can just put the chunks in here? Okay, put the chunks in here? So I think, all right that way. So, after you know, you got settled into New York, what was that next big power play that like changes the trajectory of your life? Sort of say I would.

So I'm still doing music videos at this time, Like before i'd moved to the States and I was still living in Canada. I had done big Pimpin' share she Laghos Thong song remix shake It Fast, like I'd already done those videos, but I hadn't.

Done this is before twenty one. This is this is.

Basically the year before. Oh no, actually it's like the same year. It's the year two thousand.

Okay, yeah, And what are your parents saying like during all this, because you're still really.

My dad has passed away.

He passed away when I was fifteen years old, almost sixteen, So it was just me.

And my mom.

And honestly, the last couple of months of me living at.

Home was not okay.

Me and my mom were at each other's throats.

So when I decided to.

Move to the New York I literally went downstairs to the living room and said to my mother, I'm moving to New York tomorrow. Can you drive me to the airport ESUS? And she just looked at me and she said, what time is your flight? She didn't ask where am I going? Where am I going? I'm gonna live with? How am I going to make money? You're illegal, you're

I was like, do you even love me?

And she says, of course I love you, Melissa, but you're driving yourself crazy and me in the process.

You got to go, what were you doing that made her think that? At the time, do you know, can you look? Yes?

I know exactly what was happening my life. I had there was an intersection that my life had arrived at. And whereas I had always imagined that I would live in Toronto my entire life, I never ever thought that I would leave. I imagined that, you know, I was going to pay my way through university and I was going to start working in law enforcement as a profiler, like I was just going to be a regular ass person.

And how did you land your first music video?

Director X, who was known as Little X back in the day he was he was just kind of looking for the girl for a music video, and after doing a casting of almost every hot girl in the city, his friends arrived at what about Melissa? And he was like, who's Melissa? And let me see her right now. And so he saw my picture he said, call her right now, that's the girl. And that was basically how it happened.

Yeah yeah, yeah, but doesn't it look like Chinese? Now kind of does a little bit? You told me I come up with a name. No, no, I like it. I like it, but for all our listeners, I mean, this looks pretty pretty fancy.

I mean, you know, listen, I almost said, let's make some biscuits, you know, biscuits with like cranberries in it, with the cunch trusting sweet taste of cranberries.

It looks good. I mean, I'm trump I'm doing. I haven't made this. It's so long, but I can't wait to see you eat and see if it like brings you all the way back, like wow, it might.

But so the intersectionality of like of like the two versions of Melissa was I started doing these music videos and even though I just really had my head on straight, like okay, it's just another source of revenue temporarily right now, and it's it's fun.

Is it a lot of revenue for your age at that time? Yeah, And it's American money.

So the you know the difference in American money versus like that, what is that called, like Shane shank you jesus. I mean, I can talk about ubiquitous melancholy this day, but it was.

You said some words out there and I was like, I'm similess.

Shit, I'm like, wait, you know that thing when the money is worth more than another person.

Yeah.

So anyways, sometimes I will have like a brain fart.

I just blame everything on Perry menopause these days.

Just oh, I don't remember. I forgot when this got my head. It's Perry menopause. So I uh, that's why the money was so good because the exchange rate was like crazy, like American dollar to Canadian dollar was so high that it was almost like double.

And you got you were going to going to college while the video. So your mom, well she like seriously sent my freaking out a little bit.

No, my mom did not. My mom did not force me to do anything ever. Ever, ever, like if I wanted to quit something, all right, quit she didn't give a shit, Like I shouldn't say that my mom didn't give a ship. My mom ended up being a single mother when my father died, and she had an enormous amount of debt and she was in perimenopause.

She had so much shit on her plate. The on what did she She.

Was also dealing with a sixteen year old county daughter, you know what I mean, So, like I could be honest, like teenage girls are probably hell on.

Earth to deal with, if you don't mind me asking, Like, what happened to your father? Like he was he just he was older than my mom.

There was a twenty one year age difference between the two, so you know when he died, he was like sixty one sixty two, which now very very yeah young, but I mean, you know, men don't really take care of themselves.

Yeah, but I'm just saying, was like a surprise.

No, he had been, he'd been, he had had illnesses over the course of the last five years.

His death was still a shock to me. I was not ready for that.

But I mean because I was fifteen year old girl, and to me, that was like my superhero.

Nothing was ever going to really happen to him.

It was you know, he was always going to get past whatever his current ailment was.

And no, that's not what ended up happening.

And your dad is black or white? My dad's black, O, your mom's white. Oh yeah.

So by the time, so this whole intersectionality thing. When I'm doing music videos and the popularity is gaining, then a pivotal thing happens.

When I do the Thong song remix video.

I'm on. Cisco asks me to go on tour and I was like, okay, I could come for like a couple of weeks. He was like, no, if you come here, coming for the whole thing, it's a few months and in Sync is the headliner. And I'm not really understanding what he's talking about because.

I'm not a dancer.

If anybody sees my music videos, I'm not fucking dancing, Okay, Like the New York Times wrote an article on me, like how to succeed in music videos without actually dancing? What the fuck you know? I was like, I'm here to give good face. I give good body presence.

That's me.

So I'm the girlfriend, I'm the wife. I'm that, but don't don't give me any choreography.

But he was gonna pay you to do this. Oh yeah, this was a gig. Gig.

This was like, this was not be my girl. It was like, no, you're coming to work.

So I took it. He was like, don't worry.

It's not hard choreography. It's very gimmicky.

He was like, I want to lead girls, four lead four backup dancers, and you're gonna be called the six pack.

And I was like whatever. So I called up my jobs. School was on.

Break or like on summer break, and I was just like, uh, I called it my job. So I was like, would you hold a position for me because I'm just gonna I'll be right back tour with like you know, in Sync, the biggest the entire world right now, and Cisco and oh, Pink is the you know, the starting act and this is Pink was the.

Starting act and before it was you know this pink.

Well yeah, it was like when she was doing R and B and she was like it was a bullshit, that.

Was not her jam. Yeah we see why now yeah.

And so so I go on tour and I just saw and experienced so much that when I got back to Toronto, the rose colored lenses were off and this shit looked like a dusty ass po dunk town.

I was like, I got to get the fuck out of here. I can't live here.

I just have seen the world. I just saw so much.

I just I become a different version of myself. And I didn't anticipate that happening. There's no way that you could know that that's going to happen. Yeah, And so when I got back home, I was so unhappy because I just I'd already seen It's like I got.

Bitten, yeah, you know, by you bit the apple. Yeah that was what it got, bit by a bug or whatever it is. It's something. Yeah. I just was like I couldn't go backwards. Yeah.

And I was like, if I don't pursue this now at my young age, I'll always want under what if?

And when you say pursue this, what was that pursuit? I didn't even know what the pursuit was. Just just just need to get out just.

The attention, the attention that I had started to you know that and and the and the requests, like you know, it's it went from just ex hiring me for gigs to Hype Williams and you know all the other video directors requesting.

And are you managing yourself or is there managers starting to get.

Managing this ship? There's no management. I'm a video girl, like there's this is not a career.

But you're getting a lot of calls at this point, So do you start figuring out or is anybody reaching out to say, hey, maybe we can manage.

No, because nobody really looked at video modeling as an actual career.

Like the only person.

That I could act, that I could say looked at this as like a viable career option that can lead to other things is this woman named LASHAWNA Stanley who had a company called Ethnicity Models based out in Miami. And I don't meet her for another maybe year or two after I've gotten to the States. But she became very pivotal in me being able to get my first visa and then my second visa to now where I'm

I can't go home.

If anybody from home wants to see me, you got to come see me. Because the minute I try and get on a plane and go through customs, they're going to be like, where's your I'm going to get thrown into secondary.

I risk being banned from the US for.

Years, maybe forever finds. It was a little perilous. Now, what was your mom? Singer and all of us, She.

Wasn't saying anything because she was trying to pay the mortgage and keep food on the table. So she just her mentality was very much like Melissa's gonna do whatever Melissa's going to do. Like that's just it, Like there's nothing that you can say or do to try to sway.

Her either way.

You strong minded of ext scorpio, extraordinarily strong.

And my mom is Eastern European.

She's you know, Norwegian and Russian, and you know, if you know anything about this type of people, they're very stoic and they're not the most like you know, she was not the most loquacious person.

She was big words, okay, she was quiet as fuck.

Okay. You know, she had her little tiny circle of friends.

She had a little atter hobbies like book club and aqua fit, you know, stuff like that. She volunteered like animal shelter, She had a book like library card.

But my mom was a very simple woman.

So like the things that I was doing were so out of the realm of her conceptualizing what.

It meant that she was like, oh, okay.

So like when I started appearing on the covers of magazines at her job, like the store, her job.

And there's like.

And there's like young male employees who are like, yo, that's Melissa Ford's mom.

She would just be like she was so funny. Was she embarrassed? Was she proud? No, she was an embarrassed at all. She was proud. She was proud.

She was not so proud, but she was also very.

She was just she was always just so just. It's not like she beamed with pride, okay, but I literally I level headed about it, extraordinarily level and head like.

She didn't come in with issues like, you know, copies of issues of the latest magazine I was on.

Okay, all my friends want like autography. Never did that ship, you know. So but you knew she was proud and it seems like she did a good job when not, I guess, Taylor, what are you like stiphening your just kind of letting you. But it's weird though, because you did say that, like there was a point where you questioned whether she loved you from not being so on.

You Yeah, because I mean, you know gen xers will understand we had to parent ourselves. We're the generation that our parents put a key around our next, like put a string and a key around our next And they were like, this is how you go home on public transportation.

I'm eight years old, you.

Know what I'm saying, But like this was this was what it was like. And when you get home, don't burn down the fucking house. Make yourself something to eat. So you're learning how to cook at seven and eight and nine years old, and you're learning what areas of the house you stay the fuck away from, what friends are allowed to come over for versus who's not to you.

You understand how to answer the door, and some like.

We had to really really learn how to parent ourselves and look out for ourselves.

They had to put fucking commercials saying it's ten o'clock, do you know where your children are? Remember? I remember that?

So so this was like it's so my mom was just you know, she was part of like you know that that female workforce that where it was like, you know, both parents are out working. There was My father literally said to me one day where I was like.

Where are you going?

He was like, I'm going out, like to work, I guess or whatever. I was like, who's gonna look after me?

The dogs will look after you? Gets this is why we got them. He sounds like a Jamaican he's baising, he was, you know, but he was just like, the animals will take care of Yeah, you hear them Mark, you know, to look you know what I'm saying.

But no, he wasn't West Indian to the point where we kept our dogs outside. They were inside dogs. Everybody was inside. So that's another thing that my parents did. They never really said no to any animal that I wanted because they knew and probably had a significant amount of guilt knowing that, you know, you're leaving your child home to spend.

For herself and your only child.

And I'm an only well I have I have stepbrothers and sisters, like half brothers and sisters, but I was raised like an only child.

I was the only child in the house. Okay, yeah, okay, yeah, so you know this this was basically how I grew up.

So it's just I don't think that after a while my mom felt like she even had the position to try to parent.

Me, which is really that makes sense.

Yeah, I would have loved to have been able because my mom's passed, and I would have loved to have been able to have these kinds of conversations with my mom about about this, like feelings that she had during this stage of our lives. And also, Yo, how the fuck was menopause for you, lady, because.

Well it seems like on your show you said that she mentioned it to you in passing passing, Yes, in.

Passing, like it was just like, oh, by the way I turned, I started menopause at forty two and I was forty one, so it's probably gonna happen for you around the same time.

What the fuck does that mean? What does that mean?

Yeah? And did you She didn't, So I didn't. I didn't ask that.

Alone because I was recovering from a traumatic brain injury at the time, so you know, forgive me my brain's bleeding. Didn't really have like a whole load of questions to say, okay, hey, to help me, what's this? Had navigation of this whole what is this?

What is menopause? What the fuck is that?

Yeah, it seemed like nobody knew because nobody wanted to talk about it.

Again, we go back to the medical.

Industry and how much it ignores women after a certain age, and just.

I started seeing that, like halle Berry started coming out. I saw social media clips and she was like, no one's talking to women about these things they misdiagnosed, And I was like, whoa, I'm going to tell you what's happening. You want to know what's happening.

Gen X Again, we're fed up with having to have figured everything out.

So wait, hold on one second here.

You wanted us to raise ourselves like we were like, you know, feral animals or something like that. You put a key around our next, you put us on public transportation. You tell us to get home safely without being kidnapped and shit like that. Cook, but don't burn the fucking house down. Like we're like the forgotten generation that had to like literally fend for ourselves every single We're the Encyclopedia Britannica generation.

So there was no Google.

If you wanted to figure something out, shout out that you had to find the volume.

But do you think that also is what is the seed that makes you great. Oh yeah, it makes it makes you hella. It gives you that perseverance. Right, It's like a gift and curse.

Any anytime people think they got me backed into a fucking corner.

Anytime people think that.

They got me that they can count me out, you got me fucked up my level of tenacity and resilience.

Y'all don't know.

You don't know what I have had, what I have had to do to survive. Everybody thinks, oh, there's a pretty privileged element to your life, and no, I've had to claw my way through my entire fucking life. Yes, pretty privilege has basically, you know, has been a factor in some.

Ways, but not everything. But I was gonna say, now, your rise to the sex success, your rise to success is definitely wasn't straight. I would imagine being in this business for as long as you have, it had to have been a roller coaster, right, like a up and down. Let's talk about some of the lows.

The lows were that, you know, because you talk about management, the lows were that.

Nobody seemed to know what the fuck to do with me, you know what I mean, Like.

It just nobody seemed to know what to do with me, and I was listen, I was fucking winging it. I went from being a music video model to appearing on in magazines's features and then you know, the covers of magazines and calendars and stuff like that. But I'm literally free floating through life. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm just I'm just landing.

You're just feeling calls and taking.

Yeah, that's literally it. I'm just I'm hoping that I'm making the right decision. But I don't know. I have no sense of mentorship, I have no management. I have known nothing.

And then how are the men in the industry, like behind the scenes where you did you have to be like tomboy mixed with sexy, Like how did you have to manage that whole? No?

And what's interesting about that question is, you know, when I did Angie Martine's show IRL with Angie Martinez, we talked about the different ways in which we had to approach, you know, our careers, and she did what you just described, like, you know, she had that you know, covered up and had to you know, how to kind of like you know, really kind of portray like that.

Tomboy slash b I t H. Yeah.

You know, just there's there's different ways in which women had to survive in this business.

And with me, you know, I kind of was. I was very My image was very sensual.

You know, some might say hyper sexual, but I won't agree with that. I was very you know, Pam Anderson, Marilyn Monroe. Yeah, that was the pin up girl, you know, and I was very clear on that. But the ways that I protected myself was I insulated my when it came to the videos. I insulated myself with the higher ups, so director, producers, agents and whatnot. I didn't, you know, hang out with the artists. I didn't cross boundaries and I did not do blurred lines at all.

So like once they called cut, if an artist was like flirting with you, You're like all right by like kind of how Janet Jackson like cut the number after the poetic justice yes type shoot you were like yeah, great.

Deuces Like I'm not I'm not I'm not okay, I'm cool, I'm not that cool.

I'm not that cool.

Where I'm going to I don't want the blurred lines because that's not why I I'm here. I'm here for an honest day's work for an honest day's pay.

That's what I'm here for.

So that was the That was one of the ways that like I kind of protected myself and another way that I would kind of protect myself.

I'm real big into like nonverbal.

Communication, so you know, I guess people would expect me to just be that like that, that super vixen all the time, And I wasn't that super vixen all the time on my own time.

Regularly, I'm very jeans.

And T shirt.

I'm very I'm walking around my house in like a sweatsuit, you know, sweatpants and a T shirt.

Like I'm not.

I'm not overtly sexual all the time. That shit would be exhausting.

But how did the Cisco deal come about if you were keeping those lines like hell a strict like that.

Well, because I was the lead in the Glory, Valles and I were the two leads, so my I was the first half of the video and that video, that part of the video was shot in Druid Hill Park in Baltimore, and so it was just us. There really was no other so it was just us. So we had to spend a lot of time together. So even when they yelled cut. We were like mounted on this motorcycle and this dolly that was on a truck, so

Yeah, And that was what he did it right there. He was like try to he talked to.

He talked to us at different times, but basically he asked me when we were still in Baltimore, Like he made that decision really quickly because he knew tour was happening. Very very fast. It was like within the next two weeks.

I've crossed pass with him like a way back. He seems very legit. Yeah, he seemed very He's look at this, we're gonna try this, poor mance sushi. I think it looks like Chinese. It does kind of look like it. It looks really good.

It looks it does look a little bit like Chinese.

But yeah, this was this was in a pinch or I didn't really have a whole lot of, you know, money.

So when the there also switched this up with like Han Salmon as well, Oh yeah, I feel like we had Can Salmon on the show before, and it like stuck up.

Our whole set.

Thank you, thank you, you're giving me all this And I don't know if it's because you're watching your figures and I was trying to like even it out. Look this looks good. Guys, can the camera see this? I don't know see that? Can you see that? I don't know if they can see it. They can, I'm gonna go ahead and try this. Here we go into the I feel like you could stay okay. I was scared about the sarachi and not that bad. It's no strong you do season she does season her food really well.

Oh yeah, this is this is really good.

You seasoned it well. SCRATCHI is hot, but well I don't really eat a lot of spice.

Book either, do I. That's the white side of me. They can't really deal with spicy.

These vegetables work, Yeah, they work. It works, it works. It did better than peace. Mm hmmm, it's good. I'm impressed with this dish. So let's talk about like the Because there was an air where video Vixen and all that stuff was in. Then all of a sudden people started hating on it, and then it started to phase out. Take me through what that journey was, because there was a period where you did like a reality show in between.

No, the reality show didn't happen until like twenty thirteen.

You know, long story short about the music videos.

Really everything was just kind of like a casualty of piracy. You know, the the record industry was just kind of losing control of its product.

Illegal downloading and shit like that.

All the stuff that we take, Yeah, naps are all the shit that we take for granted right now, just in terms of streaming.

And stuff like this.

This was this was a this was a really big deal in record companies, you know, were hemorrhaging money. So whereas music videos the budgets used to be. I mean when I did Knock Yourself Out, that budget was like six hundred and fifty dollars. What Yeah, Thong song remix was like one point one. Big pimpin was one million.

There spend a lot of money. Oh yeah that and they definitely don't spend that now, No, they don't not even close. That seems like outrageous now, but it was so normal back then I mean the whole thing, thank you eating like hella unprofessional look on.

Yeah, I was three hundred and fifty thousand, but that was when it it had started to hit. But I mean it's usher and you know, Ludacris and loved John, So there was still a massive there was still a massive budget at the time.

But and so, you know, when.

Record companies had just you know, they they developed this formula for the way music videos looked. It was a lot of hot girls, It was a lot of pomp and circumstance, you know, fancy cars and just money and houses and pools and whatever else. So how do you create the same product with a minimum budget? So everything like quality control just kind of went out the fucking window.

They do it for free. They didn't give a shit.

Your quality control kind of goes out the window because a lot of girls feel like, oh, well, in order for me to get that burn, get that camera time, I gotta be like like I'd be like real salacious about it. And so you know, I was very like, I'm not wearing that. Don't fucking touch me. I'm not doing that, and I'm not doing it for that Lowa price. I'm sure at that point you even when you're still you're paying my price, I'm still not wearing that.

I'm not doing that. Don't fucking touch me. Like that was me.

They girls were like, you can stick your tongue down my throat.

We just met whatever.

They'd be wearing, the littlest, tiniest things, they'd be twirking, but just.

It was so it.

It's like every video almost became and then also uncut happened too.

Being uncut sounds like that after hours, right.

Yeah, but everybody was staying up for it.

So it's just like so gone.

We're the days of like, you know, video models being like.

You know, the tasteful.

Yeah, they're being like an element of taste to it and then being casted actual models, and so people just weren't able to tell the difference.

Do you feel like, yeah, do you feel like the female videos are like getting more raw than the guy videos. Like sometimes I'll see some of these girl videos, I'm like, damn, the girls are doing the girls of this service at this point.

Yeah, but I mean I think that it's for a completely different reason because I mean, like they are the artists themselves, And to me, this is this generation has a has a different sense of agency over there and ownership over their body and their self sexuality. They unabashedly, unapologetically flaunt it without a sense of repercussion. They dare you to challenge them or to make them feel bad

You like it, I mean just just autonomy. I like autonomy.

This election and the war for control over women's bodies is that's the part of this, of this whole thing, this country. The overturning of Roe versus Wade. That literally makes me so fucking upset and so sad and is so triggering. So when I see women being unapologetically themselves and taking ownership of their sexuality, I can't do anything but applaud that. And I'm not the one who's here to judge them based on what they do. I don't

Oh girl, what the fuck? You know?

But hey, that's you, you and your decision and the fact that you made that decision for yourself.

You know. Right, Let's talk about the pivot from where you were then to podcasting, because you've been in podcasting for over ten years now. Mm hmmm. So how did that pivot come into play? There's so much fucking in between, so much in between.

You give me like the I'm going to give you the elevator, the elevator cliff notes. So when you asked, like, you know, what was like the hardships and stuff like that, and the main thing being that I had no management, I had no mentorship. I was basically flying by the seat of my fucking pants. But I did make some good decisions. I always knew that music videos and you know, just kind of like getting having my image out there and acquiring like an enormous fan base. I could leverage

And you were making the calls I had. I you know, I just through connections.

Yeah, like that, I developed a friendship with Big Tigger, and he was really instrumental in like introducing me to Stephen Hill, who was like, you know.

The the VP at the time. I want to say a BT.

And so Stephen was like he gave me opportunities to you know, basically prove my metal, like you know, let's see what you can do. And in two thousand and four, they hired me as on camera talent. I mean there was billboards and stuff like that, and you know, with my picture and Free and AJ and Tigger, it was like wow. And so I had to fucking find a lawyer to like, you know, kind of you know, negotiate my contract for me and stuff like that was a

And then when that book came out. Don't even get me started on that. So wait, well book some Quessions of a Video Mix. Oh yeah.

So television television hosting opportunities opened up for me after I got hired with BT.

You know, you just start meeting people.

And they had a show called Mad Sports on there, and they were like, Melissa, We're gonna give you a microphone and you are going out there to interview athletes because they love you.

And I was like, okay, cool.

And that just kind of put me in the path of really.

Big decision makers.

And one of those decision makers was this man named Michael Mant and he was like, the EP of this show called Jim Rome is burning a bunch of shows on Pardon the interruption.

These are very popular shows at the.

Time on ESPN.

And so one day we had like, you know, just like kind of an informal dinner and he was like, Mossa, what do you want to do? And I said, I want to host the sp nomination show. I knew, right, I knew exactly what I wanted. Okay, yes, And he was like, my sister is the EP of the SP's I.

Think that that can happen. And I was like, oh my god.

And then they called me like, I don't know, like a few weeks later and they said, yeah, you got the gig. You're going to be hosting the Emmy nomination show for the two thousand and six Emmys with Stuart Scott. Rest in peace. One of the most incredible humans to ever walk this earth, Stuart Scott. I mean, I still I could start crying thinking about him right now. He was so generous and so caring, and.

So he just was so dope. He knew how nervous I was.

I'm in a totally different realm outside of anything I've ever done before, and I'm trying so hard to like be perfect. And he was like, you got this, you got this, melth you got this, and I got you.

And I was like okay.

And so that ended up becoming another opportunity to host the Red car the SB Red Carpet with him and a couple of other hosts. So it just turned into like a really incredible opportunity.

But what goes up, what must come down, And.

You know, I just was like kind of like riding on a high and then I left BT not voluntarily. Well, it was kind of like we're not gonna run into your contract. I was like, well, I don't want to fucking come back anyways.

I don't know. It was okay, it was like a mutual breakup.

It was yeah, but my ego was just stupid at that time. I wish I could go back and like slap the shit out of myself.

I just I don't even know how to tell that story. I just were you feeling yourself like you mean, were you cocky or rude?

Or I might have been a Sometimes I might have been a little difficult to work with, you know, but you know, women always get that label. You know, men never really get that label. But I might have been a little difficult to work with. But something happened in two thousand and five, Hurricane Katrina happened.

And I was really really distraught.

My boyfriend at the time was from Louisiana, and so I felt like an indirect connection and also just watching human suffering and also what looked like our governments very very slow response to said human suffering. I just felt like I had to do something, and so I ran into one of the VP's offices at the time. His name was Eugene. Eugene Caldwell, maybe possibly don't quote me on that.

First name was definitely just heard mic close enough. I just want to make sure I get this whole thing, Okay.

So his name was Eugene, and I went into his office and I pitched this idea of me doing coverage of Hurricane Katrina survivors. By this time, the vast majority of them were starting to get starting to get moved to the Reliant Center in Houston from the Superdome in Louisiana, which.

You know, we all heard stories about how awful.

It was there.

And so my boyfriend, he had a lot of connections in Houston, and I was just like, I will fund this. If I have to just give me a crew, I'll house them. Just give me the opportunity to go to the Reliance Center and start to interview people. And I had this, I had just like this idea as to who I wanted to interview. We were interviewing people, you know, growing adults. But I was like, what about the kids?

What we wear.

You know, and the music that we listened to, and you know, like we're forming our identities, but these are the things that we use to kind of like determine who we are, you know. And I was like, nobody's talking to them. I was like, I want to go talk to them. That's our audience.

What did they say to this pitch?

So they loved it, and they sent me all the way upstairs to the EVP of news.

Her name was Nina Henderson Moore. I can't believe I remember this shit. This is so long ago.

And I just was so like bright eyed and bushy tailed. It's so enthusiastic, and I felt like this was the way for me to finally drop this kind of.

This this.

I don't know, I was just being rec Oh the video girl, I was like, no, I want to be recognized as somebody who has journalistic integrity and ethics who may not have gone to school for journalism, but I sure as fucking act like one, and I know how to ask questions and I know how to interview people. So I just wanted this opportunity. Not everybody who's out there with a microphone went to school for journalism, you know. Yeah, So she was all for it.

She loved the idea. It's it looks like all systems are go.

And then there was a meeting that took place with a very powerful consultant and this came up on the agenda. Melissa Ford going to host you know, like Reliance blah blah blah dah da dad, And he said, why the fuck are we sending a video girl out into the field to handle this shit? And he was so powerful that he just put the kebash on all of it.

And they didn't tell me right away.

I had to like literally beg them to tell me what had happened. Like everybody was so gung ho and so enthusiastic about this with me, and like, you know, I'd already like started talking to people that I wanted to be the crew, Like my producer from my show, which was BT Style at the time. I wanted her to come with me. I wanted I had the skeleton crew. And I was so fucking devastated. Very soon after this, I did an article for Well.

I did the cover of.

Double Excel's Eye Candy issue and I was the premiere issue, and then I did an article, you know, a written piece for it, and I'm trying to remember who it was that wrote it.

I can't remember right now, but they were a really prolific writer.

And I talked about this situation because I was still smarting from it.

I was still so fucking angry. I was very hurt.

I was really really hurt by'm a scorpio. So my fucking stinger was up and so you know.

That's that shit. That is a hurtful ass thing. Yeah.

So I told the story and then I of one of the quotes was it was at that moment that I realized that the glass ceiling was a lot closer to my head than that originally thought. And then the magazine came out and I was in the airport at the time when I saw it, and I grabbed it off the stand.

I was like, I'm like carry with the bube, you know.

And I ran to the gate and I'm reading and I'm like, oh shit. So I called up Stephen Hill and I said, I have to come in and talk to you.

I didn't tell him why.

I just wanted to be upfront that this article was out and I didn't want it to end up on your desk without me kind of putting it on the desk and me talking about this and giving me giving you the reasons why Jesus Yeah, well, you know, I think that that was one of the reasons that led to termination.

It doesn't several months later. It doesn't sound too much like ego though. It sounds like, uh, you know, it doesn't sound too much like you know, like you had. It sounded like you were like, oh, well, maybe it was my ego, but it seems to me like it was more like, you know, it was if I'm passionate about your job and your purpose and you know, how does that make you feel? Because it also came up

I what do I say about that? You know, it's not something that I broadcast, but it's also not something that I'm ashamed of because you know, it allowed me to pay my bills during the pandemic. You know, my mom had passed away. I didn't know my ask for my Actually I hadn't even started it then.

It was really like kind of it was really like it was.

It was maybe about a year afterwards, and you know, it was just it was just it was just a way to like, you know, tap into the fan base that's always been there. And you know, like I said, I have no judgment for the way that other people live their lives and the things that they do on OnlyFans. I knew what I was doing. It was basically the same stuff that I was doing when I was doing the covers of magazine. Those magazines don't exist anymore. Yeah, you know, so I can still shoot the same way.

But I'm saying for you personally, is it a love hate? Is there is there like a love hate for the judge.

The judgment that I don't have for others is oftentimes, you know, placed on me, and that frustrates me sometimes.

Yeah. Do you think that podcasting is helping you be able to share the whole? You like? Does it allow you the opportunity because listening to your show is very open. Guys, got to check it out. It was very open. It was very like a whole you very educational, Okay, because I didn't know any of the stuff you were talking about and it kind of scared me.

Yeah, it's it's I mean, is it is scary until you learn, until you learn about your body and what it's going through and all the things that can help you manage the symptoms. I mean, when I started perimenopause, and we'll get back to that what you were originally asking when I started.

Perimenopause versus where I am now.

It is so much more manageable where I am now because I started what's called HRT hormone replacement therapy, and most doctors who have any kind of education on menopause will tell you that the earlier that you start hormone replacement.

Therapy, the better off you will be.

There's women that I know that are in their fifties that have never done it before, and like they have really severe symptoms and the synth.

There's so many symptoms. Oh my god, it's like crazy.

I see women talk about it like in offices, but the light usually show me off like you don't understand. Holy just you're not there yet, and I'm like, okay, whatever, just remember I'm forty guys.

I mean well, the strangest symptoms are things like tonight's seeing things out of the corner of your eye that aren't really there, hives, you know, dry skin, losing your hair, brittle nails, ocular issues like you know, eyesight issues, Like, there's so many symptoms.

Everyone's just like, oh, menopause, hot flashes. I've never had one.

I had night sweats, which is different, but within the realm of the same thing. You know, it's basically your body's inability to regulate its temperature. This is just some of the stuff. Basically what menopause is. It is less a gynecological transitional phase in a woman's life and it's more cognitive. Seventy five to eighty percent of the symptoms that you will experience happen up here, and this is the thing that makes you feel like you're going fucking crazy because it is cognitive.

You know, so.

Sorry that it sounds scary, but there is definitely ways to make it easier and stuff like that.

But like, you know, just kind.

Of podcasting does allow me to reintroduce myself, but I feel like I'm constantly reintroducing myself, you know, like the conversation about music videos. It comes up in every single interview.

That I do. And some people are like, isn't she tired of talking about it?

I'm like, it depends on which angle we come at it from. But there are sometimes where I'm just like, can we focus just on this because I feel like, you know, be careful how you introduce yourself to the world, because it'll never let you forget it kind of thing. Yeah, I feel like that's that's my cross to bear, you know.

And like I said, well, I think you're wearing it well, like you're you're even listening to hot and unbothered. It's it's like you're a very pro woman's cham. I think women need to ack knowledge that more than anything. And I think we know that, yeah from you. I think if anything is and I don't even know if men shade like that, but I feel like, more like even hearing that this consultant came in a room, I'm guessing

A real focus on health, wellness and mental health.

That that's my lane.

That is where I thrive.

That is where I am a conduit, and I use my experiences and I use my storytelling abilities to make people see feel seen.

And heard and represented. That's why I'm here. That feels like very purposeful for me.

You know, So the hate will come from all directions, you know what I'm saying. Like, you know, I've been accused of not being a girl's girl. I was like, what the fuck does that even mean? Like, look, yeah, there's gonna be females out here that don't like me, trust and believe, I can name quite a few that I don't fucking like either. But that doesn't mean that

You know what I'm saying, Well, what do you want your listeners to gain from hoh and unbothered?

It's informative, it is compelling content. I'm going to have medical doctors and experts, but I'm also going to have I'm going to have story, like, you know, stories of just like just real people. Like one episode that I want to do is with my girlfriend Nicole. She's this beautiful, beautiful chocolate woman. She's just oh, she's just warmth, just the you know, just this smile, this treasure cat smile. And she's fifty two years old and she just had her third open heart surgery.

But she's also a nurse.

And when I was at the hospital visiting her, I had never seen anybody advocate for them selves the way she knew how because she she could read her own chart and say I'm not doing this, I'm not doing this. And what that taught me was how much malpractice actually happens in hospitals and scared the shit out of me.

And so I want her to come on.

This show to teach people how to advocate for themselves when it comes to dealing with doctors and understanding doctors are not God, even though some of them may think that that's what I want to do. I want to I want to, you know, create episodes that have stories that people feel kind of run parallel to their own lives and just you know, have this kind of sense of of I don't know, symbiosis.

Yeah, you know, I like that. I love the show. I'm going to continue listening to it and maybe you know email you now.

That I have that's like, ready, I do not have a coke problem. I know, I keep scratching my note, but.

It's like I swear to God, allergy.

My allergy are kicking my fucking ass right now. And it's probably because I think it's.

The Sirocha, but I don't want to know something. This was amazing. I just want to thank you so much for your time. I wanted you from a couple of years ago, so it was great, Like it's just timing it finally finally worked out. Thank you so much, and this dish I know you said it's the broke man Sushi. Uh maybe the broke Man's Chinese, but I think it was absolutely terrific for all y'all out there. Easy quick

This is this is this is pretty fantastic. I forgot all about this dish, but great.

Hat And thank you for being so transparent about your journey.

Of course, of course, thank you for having me.

All right, guys, and you could check out Melissa Ford unbothered Hot and unbothered.

And bothered hot, and this is just bothered hot and bothered with Melissa Ford on all your DSPs and on YouTube. So just go to my Instagram page and click the links and we'll bring it right there.

And then I think if we DM you enough, you'll start selling those shirts.

Oh no, it's happening. It's happening. I'm hot, You're bothered exactly.

Peace out, y'all. For more eating while broke from iHeartRadio and The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows,