JUSTIN WHITEHEAD - Justin's Jail Bird

Hey, guys, welcome to another episode of Eating While Broke. I'm your host, Colleen Witt, and today we have very special guest, comedian Justin Whitehead in the building.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you for giving us the time.

It's nothing I appreciate being.

I like a good a good free meal, and I guess we do. I guess on this show is going to be a budget friendly meal. Yes, So what are you going to be having me eat today?

I will be having you eat chicken and rice today. That is something. I don't care where you are, what group you belong to. You eat chicken and rice in some form of fashion. It might be fried chicken and rice, might be orange chicken and rice, but you still eat chicken and rice.

Justin, you were really sweet because you worked with us today. But I know your original meal was Popeye's chicken. Yes, so take me back to the air of the Popeye' chicken slash chicken and rice air of your life.

Well, I ate more just chicken and rice than I did Pope's because I only ate Pope's on they had to six dollars big box.

You laughing ship, I'm.

Laughing at your accent is so strong. I'm sorry the Forrest Gump movie a little bit.

Well, damn.

It doesn't. It doesn't like when you're like the big box like you know, Mama said, get a box.

I see what you think of me. No, but no, seriously, Popee's is uh. I'm gonna get up and walk the funk out.

If you're gonna keep laughing at me, we ain't gonna make it. We gonna even get the chicken.

But your accent, I'm in love with this accent.

I appreciate it. Sorry, but no, serious, Pope's is expensive. You don't just go.

Sorry, don't you go ahead, go ahead and get it out. I'm gonna be imitating you for the rest of the night.

Oh my god.

Okay, don't don't let my vernacular and the way I pronounce my words hold us up in it longer. But no, seriously, Pope's is expensive. You don't just go to it. And and you know, if you ain't got no money, if you're on a budget, you don't go to popeye'es.

You might hit churches or somewhere like that, but you don't go to Pope's.

It's so strong, Okay, would you would you prefer that I talked this way.

Maybe we could continue I speak a little more.

No, no, I love your accent. But you can start cooking for me.

Oh you read it?

Okay, yeah, start cooking.

Is this hot?

Yeah? I preheated it?

Cool.

I appreciate that. They told me that. Come to your podcast. They said, she preheat the ship for you and everything. I said, That's where I'm going.

So tell me. Tell me what was going on at the time of chicken and rice, popeye, six dollars.

Boxes and all that were broke ship.

Yeah, but tell me what was going on like the whole thing, Like, are you living at home?

No?

No, no, no, no, no, living at home with my folks? I ate good, yes they I'm talking about a meal every.

Day, but like three meals a day.

I'm not gonna say like that. It just was decent meal. It was a full meal.

Did you grow a poor two pair of household?

I wouldn't poor, but I wouldn't rich.

I wouldn't like middle class family for.

My neighborhood, I guess because my mom was a teacher. She taught second grade for like twenty years, and then she became assistant principal for like fifteen. My dad was a fireman and a paramedic. So we was cool, you know what I'm saying. But it was it was five kids, so you know, yeah, so you know it's we weren't poor, but you just don't get every damn thing.

You won't you're not spoiled or whatever.

But I did not miss anything. I didn't land for anything. So you know, I don't have one of those poor ass stores. You know, my lights was on, we had washing, dry your cable, own room.

Get your own room. Kid. You didn't have to share.

Nobody, no, I'm telling you. But okay, well, two of the kids wasn't in the house. My mama had a son and my dad had a son before they got together. So my dad's son was with his mom, and my mama's oldest son was gone.

He was grown like he was.

Okay, so yeah that's okay, you got yeah, yeah, yeah, it was just three of us in the house. Okay.

Yeah, but you know, no, I was we you know, it's good. My mom and dad are still together thirty seven years to that.

Yeah, so now let's go back to Okay, you're on your own getting the meals every day.

That's when I moved to Atlanta, to pursue my comedy career.

And where are you from?

Originally I'm from the Solda, Georgia. It's like two and a half hours south of Atlanta. Okay, so that's when.

I started the struggle meals, you know, where you're on the budget and ship like that.

But yeah, I was cooking anything then that that you could just throw in some hot grease or in the oven. Yeah, and that's where the chicken came from. As you can see it, it's still thawing out. This is the tys uh Tyson chicken.

Yeah, and that's pre cooked, so all you have to do is really heat it up. I try to, I try to.

See why do you answered your own question?

So you were pursuing comedy. Yes, where did this stuff for comedy come from?

Well, you know, to be honest, I've been infatuated with comedy my whole life, but I never wanted to do it. It was never If you asked anybody that knew me growing up, they would never tell you that I said I wanted to be a comedian. Now, if you was paying attention, you may say, okay, that was something I see it. Because I've always been obsessed with I never wanted to watch anything else.

I never cared about anything else.

Well, I take that back. I was obsessed with it as a kid, but when I found out that it was actually medicine, that's when I became infatuated with it.

It heals you, and it.

It saved me from a lot because I had a real dark childhood and.

It saved me. You know what I'm saying, it was, it healed me. It was so when I saw what it could do for me and what it could do for my dad.

Can you said you had a dark charleshood?

What are you talking about?

I had a Okay, Well I was bullied a lot in school, not beat up, just you know, picked on because of you know, I didn't I wasn't like all the other kids. I was always different. I just I carried myself different. I moved different. And then you know what your mama being the teacher and stuff. At school, it's just you know, they just find shit to pick on you about. So that was one thing that my daddy was really really, really really hard on me growing up.

I used to go out and find it just to keep him from whipping my ass.

You would go out and find the tapes or DVDs whatever.

I didn't.

I wasn't studying it because still at that moment, I didn't want to be a comedian.

But you were finding the content to give to.

Him to play, just to get him in a better mood, because he had so much on him. He was just always just this mean, mad person, and comedy was the only thing that took him.

Out of that.

That was the only thing that took him out of that, that made him the person that we wanted to be around, made him, made him smile, made him laugh.

And that's something we didn't get to see.

Did everyone else catch on to that secret medicine or was it just you and you didn't share it with the whole house? Like yo, if we get a bunch of comedy around him in a better.

Mood, it was nothing that I had to share.

It was just I think everybody just pretty much called on because it was very obvious, like what makes my daddy happy or what.

Makes him laugh?

So first I would just pay attention to who made him laugh, and then I would try to go out and find comedians that would make him laugh, like RNASJ. He won't make it through a whole RNASSJ set because he's gonna die. He loves RNAs J and a lot

Just did it become like a bonding experience between.

The Bose view, Yes, because he, to be honest, he introduced me to comedy. Like part of me believe he wished he could have been the comedian. He just didn't do it because my dad had to go to prison. When I was a kid, like three years old. He was a police officer and he wasn't the most on his police officers.

So very much, so.

Very very much so. But in fact, since you brought up training day. His partner was a white guy who rolled over on him. He got caught doing whatever they were doing, so they gave him chances, you know, say he did it and gave him immunity. So my dad had to go away for a little while. He came home and we came home. He he was on some other type of comedy like I like again, I was

Forty eight hours and stuff like that. And then that's.

When, like I said, that's when I really just fell in love with comedy for real, that's all I ever wanted to watch. That's all that ever intrigued me, to be honest. Okay, but yeah too some all of that up it was medicine.

Okay. So then you move out on your own? Is this after high school? After?

Yeah, it was a while after high school because up until my senior year in high school, I wanted to be an attorney.

Oh wow, Yeah.

I didn't want to do nothing because I don't like attention.

I'm shy. I'd just rather be in the background. I wanted money. I know that.

I always knew I was gonna do something, even as a kid. I knew I was gonna do something on a grand scale. I just didn't know what it was. So it was like we had a senior project. I don't know if everybody do it, but at my school we had a senior project. And doing the senior project, you had to I think like at the end of it, you go into the library and apply for colleges or something like that. And it was my turn to do it.

I'm like, I really don't give a fuck.

It is what it is, So you know, I it wasn't a conversation that I was just ready to have with my parents. And by that time, anyway, I wasn't even staying in my parents' house anymore. I had moved out with my grandma because me and my dad just wasn't getting along, you know what I'm saying. So I didn't really care what anybody thought.

It was. To deliver the I'm not going to college news from the grandma's.

House too, well, I would have delivered it from anywhere, because you can't make me go. But my daddy wanted me to go in the Marines anyway, because.

That's what he needed.

But I felt like I've been living with him all these years. I've been in the Marines, so ain't it needed me going.

My mama?

Surprisingly, she was like, school ain't for everybody, okay, but you gotta do something.

But it was you know.

I've watched her get her master's and and you know, leadership degree and stuff like that, and I just knew she was gonna be like, oh, I wanted you to go to school. I had so many plans, but nah, she was like, do something, so I ain't gonna lie it. I got out of school two thousand and six. I didn't move to Atlanta and start pursuing my dream until two thousand and twelve. I just used that time to find myself because I didn't really didn't know who I was.

I really still don't.

But and in that time, were you working regular jobs?

I worked maybe three regular jobs before I figured that I was not a good employee.

I worked at a cell phone company that's back when Sprint and Next Tail.

Had the churchs Remember that, Yeah, yeah.

I worked there for a little while and then it went out of business because it was at in the mall. So that store went out of business and I just was like fuck it. I went and got a job at Dealers in the mall and I was selling men and women fragrances in the mall, and that's what my love for fragrances, you know, kind of took off also. But I worked there and after Dealers, that was it. And that's when I really.

Began to kind of make a choice.

Well, yeah, yeah, somewhat, I started doing other ship. That's when I you know, kind of dabbled in the streets a little bit. Well I wasn't selling cologne in the streets then, but no, yeah, I ended up catching some charges.

I beat the charges, and.

That's when I just, you know, it's like it's I know what I need to do now because I wasn't good at nothing else.

And what what did you what was that decision? Comedy?

Yes, because it was I wasn't good at nothing else.

It was just like I could not eat without thinking about comedy. I could sleep without thinking about coming it. It was just that was it. It had become my life. It had taken over. So I knew I had to do it because it was like I really believe in God, like, I'm a firm believer. So I knew, like I heard it, I knew it was a conversation. I knew he was talking to me like you go and do it, Go and do it. But I just was trying to do what I wanted to do and I ended up getting

And that's when you made the decision.

Oh yeah, it was like I made a deal with God.

I was like, you get me out of this. I go and do what you want me to do, okay, And he got me out of it. So I knew not to play with it. You know, that's one person you don't want to renig on the bed with. So I was like, yeah, I'm gonna go and do it. And it's the only thing that has ever worked out effortlessly to be honest.

Okay, So you start, well, first of all, I'm going to pretend like I'm guy. Start cooking the chicken. Please start.

You get me in a conversation. I go talking all goddamn y chicken. Yeah, because I was about to say, you know, I just used to put mine in the oven. I never just this is fancy to me. I don't have to didn't I didn't have time for all of this.

I just used to want to put mine in the oven, go back to my blunt and watch TV.

Oh okay, look you're using the butter knife and everything. Use one of those. Uh, I'm I'm gonna stay out out the kitchen.

And just hey, I was about to say, who cooking this chicken meal? You? I'm fucking this cat? You hold a tail.

Okay, So you start off in comedy and you said it was effortless, as in, like your first time going.

Up, it was great, yes, and that was I couldn't get that laughter out of my head and I knew, okay, that's what I want to do for the rest of my life.

So you got the laughter going, but did how was the money going with the laughter?

The first show?

It was good because I was still standing avon, but you're still I still I.

Was talking about how was the comedy laughter in the comedy money.

Not that I wasn't making comedy money when I first. I didn't make any money until ten years.

Okay, ten years, no money, no money.

Everything is you get paid in exposure or favors and ship.

I didn't make no money for ten years.

Okay, And during that ten years, what are the your group around you saying at that time, what do you mean.

What group like the group of comedians, I mean few. You had some that was encouraging. Of course, you had some that would tell you, all, you need to go to the military, or you need to get a job or get a you know, learn a trade or some ship like that. Now those are the same ones that, God damn it, I knew you can do.

It, and I'd be like, you do that, yeah, because you don't want you don't want me to reply.

Yeah, okay, So during those ten years, are you still selling Avon?

No? Hell now, because I caught charges trying to sell Avon.

And your first comedy show.

I did my first comedy show at home. I didn't do it in Atlanta because he's forced to get on stage. Because people in my neighborhood they knew I was funny, and they knew I.

Wanted to do it, so.

They put a show together because they knew I wasn't gonna leave the streets so long to go do it. I was the fast money. Is that That's all I really gave a damn about.

Wasn't money.

So it was a guy who I'm actually related to he was. He was in a military and he was doing something up here in Atlanta. He ended up going to uptown when it was on Marieta Street, and that's when Cato was hosting like every Thursday night or every weekend or something like that. He got Cat up to come to our hometown to do a show. So he was like, I'm gonna put you on it, but they gonna do the rest of the show. So in order to get people to buy the tickets, he put me

Yeah, So I just went back to the drawing board.

Okay.

And the first when I got on stage and delivered it, I fucked around and said a joke twice, but it was everything else was good, and I knew then all right, yeah, I'm gone.

Okay, So ten years you're in the game doing comedy at what point do you start making money. When does the transition happen.

Like twenty seventeen, that's when I started doing just like rant videos.

I was ranting about whatever would annoy me.

Okay, so you know, the videos a go viral and you'll get a few slick ass comedians who are headlined and thinking that, Okay, if I get a viral person, I can throw them on the show and the tickets or sale or whatever.

And it don't work like that in the beginning. Anyway. You got to really create a fan base, so.

You start going viral off.

These yes, just ranting about whatever would annoy me, and it it worked.

But I mean that's where I started to build a fan base. When I started doing the my six hundred Pound Life videos.

That's when it just skyrocketing.

Yeah, I don't even know why people like that shit. It was nothing that I planned to do.

Sell the backstorround. How you got to the six hundred Pound.

Life COVID when it shut everything down and comedians couldn't get out and do comedy, we just it was just like this.

It was almost like sexual frustration. Now you can kind of duck off somewhere and relieve your sexual frustration. But you that that that comedy itch.

You can't do it if you have a nice following and you can go live on social media that kind of like amn, like or jail, you know what I'm saying. Temporarily relieve it, but if you really just gotta get it off you, you gotta do something more.

So again, I had started to rent.

I would just sit in my car and smoke and just talk to the camera, just go live with you know, with my followers. But I ended up one night I was I was actually getting ready.

To do that. I was rolling up a blunt.

I was about to go outside and go in the car and do my video. Well, my godson was with me because they was out of school. He was already like familiar with the show My six hundred Pound Life, so he was watching it. So it caught my attention some type of way. I don't even remember, but I'm looking at it and I'm giving my a disopinion about it, not even knowing that he, you know, live or whatever he was doing. So the video that he did ended up getting like thirty thousand views within a day or two.

So so the light bulb went off.

I mean it was yeah, it was more.

Yeah, you can say that, because it was like, I'm just gonna do it now to take advantage of this shutdown, you know, because everybody's just tired of that. Everybody has binge watched everything that nobody's mai paying attention to TV, so it's whatever's on the phone. And that's when a lot of people, you know, really popped off during COVID time because everybody was just looking at social media and

In the house.

And then it became a demand like I would go live just to go live, and then you would see people in the comments saying, oh, we thought you were watching TV or I'm like, well fuck me, then I don't you know, I don't matter you want me yelling at the TV, so that's all they want. When I really saw how crazy it was, I sold like five hundred tickets in Birmingham just so people can come and watch me yell at that shit.

They don't give a damn. I would do an hour and a half of stand up on stage. They love it. But that six hundred pound life, Oh that's what they're come for.

That's crazy. Does that still shocking to this day?

Yes? I am yes.

Is it a little frustrating because you have this comedy that but then you have this like accidental hyper niche.

It is to a certain extent because.

It's more to me than that, and it was never supposed to just beat that. I don't want nobody thinking that, you know, I'm really that mean person who you know what I'm saying, but it is what it is. I just don't want to be stuck doing that. I want to be putting right. Yeah, I don't want to just be doing gathering at the TV or doing six hundred pound life content because like I say, again, it's more to me than that. But if that's what gonna keep those tickets, I will yell at that motherfuckers.

That I need.

Does it start to feel like work after a while.

Nah, it's fun because I, like I said, I never really just worked before. I've had a few jobs. I don't I don't do anything that feels like work. I don't scratch unless I itch now, don't dance unless I like to beat.

So I'll go it.

Out, Okay, I like that.

Yeah, but I ended up selling Avon.

So you ended up going back to selling Avon.

No, I'm talking about back then.

So yeah, so it really didn't matter, Like I didn't have to you know what I'm saying, keep working.

I just chose to do that because I'm not a good employee. I don't want to feel like I'm working. I don't want to answer to anybody.

So so now your income is mainly off of just comedy and the reviews of these shows.

Yes, and I would like for you to say that again, that is where my income come.

Why you saying that, like you're still.

But no, yeah, I don't.

Yeah, I don't even have the desire to do anything else, to be honest, I'm too scared now. It's like when I beat those charges, it was like the judge just took my nuts and pride to he was.

Like, give me them.

You don't need them anymore because I'm not doing that ship. They took me through the wire. I went all the way to the end. I've seen people cop please, I've seen people tell on people and everything to dodge the type of ship I was on. But it was just this belief I had, like I ain't going to jail.

But you didn't get to experience, not one day.

No.

When I first caught the charges, yeah, get jail. I had Okay, all right, fuck, it's public record.

I had possessional cocaine.

I love anytime someone says, fuck it, let's go.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's I had possessional cocaine, possessional fire aggravator, Salt'm the police officer, attempted to elude obstructional officer Tampa with evidence, abandonment of a dangerous drug.

And was that seven or eight? Because I think I had eight.

That sounds like a lot out have been scared, Okay, making deals with Jesus.

Yeah, but I'm gonna tell you that that I didn't know what I did was gonna give me all those charges.

I'm thinking because I got yes, trying to get rid of the evidence.

That's when I.

Learned that you can get one charge and get too because obstruction of officers.

And yeah, you edit officer, what is obstruction of.

No obstruction officer anytime you are obstructing them from doing their job, like if you lie to them. But no, I ran from him. I pulled off, Yeah, because I had a.

You had a gun on you too, right.

Hell yeah, everybody know cocaine and drugs don't mix. The cocaine and guns don't mix. You got you can get one, but you wonn't getting both of them off me. So he wanted both. So I drove off with his ass hanging in my window.

And that's how I get that hanging in your window.

Yes, hanging in the window. I will get the damn.

I thought you were going to say you were driving and try to chuck it.

Out, and then I beat these charges. There's no double jebbidy. I can tell you the story. He pulled me over, but he already had some file ship on his mind because he knew I sold dope. So he just figured, oh, got your answer to pull you over to day and see what you got on you. So when he pulled me over, he kind of like he didn't come all the way up on my car, and he kind of turned his car to the right a little bit so

So, Risks, you see how small my shit is.

I stick both my wrists out the window like this so he can get the gun. No, lie, He put one hand around both my wrists and he leaned in and he grabbed my gun from between the seat and he put it on top of my car.

This point, my sun roof is open because it's a sunny day. I'm just riding. But all right, go back? No, no, no, not then, not then.

So so he was like when he looked when he reached in to get the gun, he had, well, then you go back a little bit more. When he first pulled me over, I was so nervous. I took the dope and put it in my pocket. At this point, them slim tight ass five O one levives were popular, and when I pulled my hand out of my pocket

I be damn, you didn't say that.

Yes I did to myself, yes I did. So he was like, he says that marijuana hanging out your pocket. I said, no, it ain't marijuana. He said, what is? I said, bir and you let me out? I jake you everything.

Just let me know. I went to run so I can get rid of it.

But I'm in the middle of no fucking where. I mean nowhere, cotton feels and everything on the side. If I run, I ain't going nowhere. I just want to get this ship off of me. So he was like, I can't let you do that. So at this moment, and this is a true store, I don't give a fuck when nobody say.

Yes.

So you didn't tell him that there was a second gun.

It wasn't his business. He'll find that if he would have let me get out, But that we have to get to that.

So I know everybody have seen these movies where God just come in at the last minute and it's like he just opened the sky and the sun shine down on some ship. On my mama, I fucking I promise you, I swear to God. This is what happened when he telling me he can't let me out. It's like God made the sun shine even brighter through my sun and.

Shine on my gear shield.

I was so on my gearshift to get I was so goddamn nervous when he pulled me over. I never put my car in part. I'm sitting there with both feet on the damn break.

Oh no, this real shit.

So he's standing out his hand on my hand telling me he want this cocaine, and both of my feet on the break, and it's been still in.

Dry and wait wait, wait, and his head still in the car.

Right he should have got up. So what happened?

Well, he had a chance to move though, because we was in the grass and I had an Audi a four back then the front wheel drive, so it's spinning in the grass.

He said, what you're doing? Say you better move. He's still front of Hold my shit.

I took my knee and got the wheel in the front wheel and on that pavement and slump that motherfucker again.

I see you.

So he jumps back, runs to his car. Mind you, I told you he parked back a little because he was on some bullshit, so he had a little bit to run back.

I'm already around the curve.

I bite the top off the plastic and pour the dope out, and then I get up the road a little bit more and drop the bag because you might a wall.

Just keep the dope if you're gonna throw the dope out in the goddamn bad.

So, yeah, you're think it's smart, but no, no, no, that's all gone. I ain't that fucking smart. That's how I know. I'm telling you.

I would have thought that far, but go ahead, go ahead.

I wasn't thinking that far. My heart beating fast as fuck. I don't know what's going on.

When I finally get rid of the dope and the gun rolled down my fucking windshield and off the damn.

Car, I'm like, nigga, you're running from the police.

And at that moment when I said that, I saw police coming in front of me, his ass was behind me and his side rode come and the police in front of me was from a whole another county. So I know I'm not going to cross this yet, So I just pull over and get out the car because I got the dope of me not whatever. We can take this templally one of them, so I can take this attempting to you, lou and whatever. Just give me

People do on TV. I get on my knees and hold my handle. He said, get on the grind. Said I'm on the ground. He said, lay on your Stoma said, all right, don't shoot me. So he came up. He hopped on my back. He put me a handcus he just ripped it through my pocket. He said, where is it?

I said, I don't know what you're talking about. He said, where is that plastic? I said, may have no guydamn plastic. He said, why did you run? I said, because you were trying to choke me. So that moment I did not know. He cut his recorder off and he did not get it on camera. That's just me saying shit. So the other cops that's coming behind us, they pick up my gun that fell out the car.

And the cops that was in front of us, they pulled up, asked everything all right or whatever because it's out there jerseydiction anywhere. They were just gonna cut me off or take over if I crossed over into the count. So they turned on and went out. They wait went on about their way or whatever.

The dude who's coming from the side, he went back to look for the dope. And the guy who bought my gun. He went back to look for the dope. Now, mind you, I told you I pulled it out of the bag.

It was one.

Yeah, that was over it. So what happened was they went back. They came back and said the only thing we found was a gun. There's no dope on the road. No marijuanda, no cocainet.

No nothing. Okay, cool, thinking that's it, buddy, take me to jail. He charged me with.

Not then no, he charged me at that moment it was attempting to elude obstructional officer. Aggravator saw on the officer because he was hanging out of my window when I drove off.

I did not know that shit.

Anytime you put somebody's life in danger, any of it, that's aggravator. So they gave me that shit. I think that was it at that moment. So he booked me. They booked me at the station. An hour later, while I'm still in intake, he calls back up to the jail and say add possession of cocaine. He goes back to the scene and pick up the bag and it still had some crumbs in it. But they had to add the charges because he said it.

But yeah, there's no.

You can't prove that it was lying, you know what I'm saying. So they added the charges. So when they added the cocaine charges, I bunned out from just possession of cocaine or whatever. He gets back to the jail with the chief of police and decides, oh, we can charge him with a lot more. So that's when they add the abandonment of the dangerous drug.

Tamping.

That when you start doing your deals with Jesus.

Sort of kind of.

Because I had to go back to jail, I had to turn myself in the bun out on the new charges. So I'm like, y'all fucking with me. They took my car, I had an all. They took that. They took my cash, They took both of the guns I had. They took my pepper spray, they took my baton, they took my knife.

A lot of weapons.

Oh yeah, you come between me and my EVA. You're gonna see what but nah? Yeah, but no. So when it was time to go to well, of course it used to bother me a little bit, but I didn't really for some reason. I don't know why, because I worry about everything.

I'm always worrying about something, but that didn't really bother me.

I don't know why it did not bother me up until I went to court.

I used to say all the time people used to ask me about I don't care about that ship, and they used to get mad.

Like, nigga, you can go to jail for a long time about this ship. And I was like, I'm.

Not tripping because I didn't really I wasn't really focusing on it. So when I hire up my attorney, he was like, we're gonna ask for a speedy trial. I said, for what he was like, because we're not gonna get him trying to build a case. It was like, this is bullshit. So he said, let's just go ahead and do it. So I ended up going. I got arrested December eighteen, twenty eleven. I went to court July six no July sixteenth, twenty twelve, so it was like with

They was on some bullshit. Now, mind you, I told you I threw the dope out the window.

So the judge was like, after the first recess for the first day, he was like, I, before we bring the jury in, I've heard y'all mentioned cocaine, cocaine, cocaine, but I don't see any on the table.

Where is it.

So the DA was like, y'all or it's at the crime lab or something like that. So he was like, I'll tell you what, if y'all don't have it in here tomorrow, I'm gonna throw the cocaine out.

I'm nice.

Bullshit. They come in there the next day with a half a ball half eight ball cocaine.

So that's temper. That's tampering on their side, right, it's.

Doing whatever the fuck they want to do. They tried. Now, mind you, I had cracked. I had cracked cocaine. They come in with powder cocaine. My stupid ass. When I see them coming out of that ship.

I look at my something.

You said I had cracked, not coke.

You better damn no, I did. I told him, I said, look at I had crack. I don't know what the fuck that is. He said, you didn't have nothing, because I said, I'm just letting you know what to damn tell them.

So you said you don't let him know what to tell them.

That how to fight. Let them. I told you what happened.

So what fucked them up was they had that little amount and they tried to point on the dash cam where they thought the cocaine was when they was pursuing me, and the judge was like, that's not the same.

So then they wanted to offer me a plea.

Bark and I knew then, like, okay, I got you, motherfuckers.

They offered me I think it was five serve two.

What does that mean? They offered me two years in jail.

Yeah, they give me five years and I served two and then like three on parole, a probation or some ship like that. I'm like, fuck, no, I'm not doing it. I told my lawyer that because he came to me and told me to jail. So when he went and told him, I turned it down.

He can't. They offered him another one. I even heard the DA say, well, he's gonna.

Be an old man when you get out, and I'm like, well, bitch, you'll be dead. Well, so he said all right, we'll drop the cocaine and still giving five serve two.

So I'm like, well, what the fuck is the difference? Then?

Okay, y'all gotta work. We're gonna go for so my brother, I'm like, oh, you might want to take it. I'm like, I'm not sending myself to jail. If I go to jail, it's gonna be all and nothing, and the judge is gonna send me. I'm not gonna sign up to send myself to jail because I really did not see myself going to jail.

I didn't believe that shit.

It was everything that you had done, you didn't see it's gonna I'm just.

I didn't everything that I did. I didn't not see myself going to jail. And I was guilty of all that shit, but I just didn't see myself going to jail. What really really helped me out is him doing the stupid shit that he did. I had never been arrested for any of that ship before, and he had just gotten fired from the County sheriff Department for doing some racist shit. Oh yeah, he shot off his own police card and said a black dude did it, and then he shot at the black dude, so they fired.

Also, looks like he tampers with evidence a lot.

Ye, well nod.

He didn't bring the cocaine in the courthouse, the district attorney, and the whole prosecution.

They did that shit. Yeah, because it was no way.

We left court at like four or five that evening, and we lived two and a half three hours south of Atlanta at that time, the crime laud was closed. The way you went there that evening or that morning the next morning and got back with the cocaine in order, you know what I'm saying, to present it to the jury or whatever. So you know, when I was telling him that, he was like, I got it, you know, like I got I got it.

So he got up and said the ship. But you know I was.

That's when I got scared, Like, okay, now y'all playing because it was no cocaine in the courtroom.

They ran over that shit.

Come behind me, silly, Okay, So you're gonna feed me today in this lifetime before.

The interviews, if you let me get to that you are are.

You and the butter knife?

Huh? Yeah?

Because you asked me about to struggle right there where.

Oh.

I don't know if Jesus needed to sign a light on them or something.

Nah, but I'm gonna tell you this. We let chicken cook for a long time. You're fucking around and get that that. What is it, Simonia?

If you cook it too long?

No, if you don't cook it long enough. That's why I said, we let it cook a long time.

First of all, it was pre cooked. All you had to do was heat it.

Oh, we don't fuck this up.

You you, he said, don't he said, don't tell me how to cook the chicken. I could cook the chicken. What do you say about the cat? What did you say about the cat? You said the cat to tell the what?

Well, that's when I was a chelf, but you turned me into a guest on your show, Oprah.

And that's when I said, I said, bok the chicken. So I don't even know that this is gonna be good.

No, it's not. You don't add seasoning to your chicken for what.

That's tyson, jab you see it already. Then you said, we're pretty cooked.

I just want to eat. I want to eat before the episode's over. I want to discriminate hardly on your dish.

Oh, well you're gonna do that.

And I want to be you how you are with the six hundred pound life.

First, because I'm not eating this. I want you to know that. Now.

Why Because you're gonna You're gonna eat this because this is what you ate when you was.

Broke, and I'm not broken the more so now it's your turn.

No last when was the last time you ate a dish like this?

Twenty sixteen?

Okay, well, welcome back to the broke club.

Uh, it's my phone right, No, I'm not eating this, gonna give it to you.

No, you gotta take one bite justin why you look?

I don't want this.

I don't want this broke ship to rub off on me anymore, and I might not make no more money and I might have to start eating this again.

No, man, everyone has had to take a bite of their own. May it may jock your memory. You may get a cool classic memory of flashback.

Yeah, I don't want those. That was a lot of sleep.

Where are you vegan?

Now?

Hell?

No, I eat everything, but you're broke dish?

Huh yeah, No, I'm I'm lying.

Okay, good because I was starting to feel like I couldn't trust the meal for a second. You know, when someone else don't eat it, you'd be like, I can't trust it.

I gotta I gotta get me one of those. I like that for real. I cook for rea. Now, oh ship, I cook for real.

Now, I don't cook this ship here, I cook for free, okay.

Because you looked at the season is like they were.

Yep, for that. I'm not seasoning up no ship that that. I got a thought or whatever I mean like that.

Now regular chicken, like a whole chicken, what its like without seasoning?

So you put season it on your ship like that for you.

First of all, I always buy my chicken raw, okay, but for the sake of helping you out.

No, like this, I'm not seasoning this.

But if I go and buy me like chicken breasts or chicken wings or something like that, yes, almost season that.

And I got a lot of seasoning for that.

Okay, let's let's see.

But this he ain't shit. I'm gonna tell you that right now. You didn't even bring me nothing to put some gravy with.

First of all, you said you don't let your meal ingredients touch you put I'm scared to.

Go to your house you put gravy on rice. You're scared to go to my house for what dinner?

You're gonna serve yourself plates? Sir? Oh my god, geez, don't be boogie.

You asked for ate when I was broke.

Yeah, well you ain't broke, that's why you on this show.

No, I was, well, okay.

What say it? Don't hold back.

No, I don't want the wrong people to see this and start asking for ship, because you know that's that's when people need favors and ship.

I don't you know. Sometimes I like to steal car people and ask for ship just and I don't even need.

It, Like what money. You'll call someone and be like, let me hold.

Just to keep it out there so they won't ask me. I beat them to it.

Yeah, and David, what happens if they give it to you appreciate it? Is that how you judge, like your lawyer.

But I have to deal with a lot of bullshit behind it because they know I like expensive ship, so.

You stopped behind this and I'd be like, bitch, I don't even need it. I just don't want you to ever ask me because they see me living nice, like I buy something and they figure, oh, well he has money to bouy it, so maybe he has something loan on me.

So you beat him to it before you'd be like, oh, by the way, let me fight out.

Yeah, just act broke.

I tell them all my clothes come from the flea market because they pay attention to my brands and stuff. I'm like, this fake shit? Why would I pay that much for that? Now my moment them no better because they know I'm not Finna war nothing fake. But other people, and.

I don't know if they know it better too, they just be.

Like, Okay, so your family now are they proud of you?

Yeah?

Now everybody my daddy? Oh my goodness, you ought to see him. He loved for people to ask am I his son? Because of the videos and stuff. When he go anywhere, like the doctor's office.

One day, he.

Tell the story.

He calls me.

He was at the doctor's office and they called him to come in the back and they heard his last name. So all the nurses and the people in the back asked him when he was on his way out.

Is that your son? Are you related to him? Or something like?

That made his fucking day. So anywhere he goes and they have to ask him his last name. Oh, he hasn't mentioned his last name and they asked him or is it in relation to it?

He calls me, he sent me a text. He fucking loves that.

Do you love that he loves it.

Yeah, because I never thought I was gonna make him proud of anything because of how hard he was on me growing up. And now I know why, but you know I didn't. I just didn't never think I was gonna be good enough or do anything good enough for him. My mama didn't give a fuck, Like I'm Mama's boy.

She loved me.

If I don't, yeah, because yeah, anyway, she don't condone it, but she loved me anyway.

But yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

You and him, like, do you share all your accomplishments with him?

Oh?

Yeah, yea yeah, we have a great relationship. Now I'm actually about to buy him his first roles. Now, I'm gonna buy him his before I buy my own.

Yeah.

He all I ever heard him say he wanted when I was growing up was a Range Drove and a Rolex. So I in my prayers every night, I pray to Go that you allow me to buy him both of those while he still can enjoy it.

So if I don't you know what I'm saying, If I.

Don't get to buy it for myself right now, I'm cool with it.

I just want to buy it for him all that.

So does he know what's coming?

No, so he ain't gonna see this shit nowhere, he don't because he don't watch that. But and the grip the news and that's it.

Oh okay, so he don't watch your stuff. No, well, we're gonna turn this into a little clue.

No he he if no, he don't watch x uh.

Well, I'm trying to see. My parents' anniversary is March to twentieth. But I don't want to give it to him then because I can't afford to give him and my mama one, even though she don't really.

Give a fuck about one. But wait till after maybe Father's Day?

Yeah yeah, or damn, that's that's like that far.

You know, I can put a little more with it and get a better one. But you know I like that. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe Father's okay, Yeah, proper father.

You want to turn off the stove before you burn down. I wasn't. I didn't have no faith in you. I'm sorry. All right, let's try this food, eat it, eat it.

I love the way that clown.

Only in the a, only in the a. All right, here we go.

M hm.

Hm hm m m boys, that's good. Oh, that's good.

Take a bike.

Take a bike, man, Okay, you keep this in your Oh my god, this is the worst chicken I've had.

You fucking cooked something to let me eat it, Jude. Yeah, let me tell you something.

This is the driest chicken I ever had my life.

Put canola oil or something on instead this damn butter that was gonna brown and dry up.

Let me tell you this is like chicken jerky.

It's the last time I ever do something nice for your ass. I said this back when I was broke. I ain't say nothing about it.

It was good.

I ain't say nothing about I was a gourmet chef. I said, this is why I used to get especially when your sister let you use some of her stamps. Yeah, you go get shipped like that.

I'm glad you're a trooper and you ate it.

Oh I'm not eating real of that ship.

I was gonna say, what keeps you humble? But I don't know if that's possible.

Oh No, I'm very humble. I don't look this ship for you.

See what he said. I'm not gonna eat it, so you're very humble.

Yeah, I'm not gonna eat it because I know there's some food in the back.

Where in the kitchen?

Oh you mean the pope is just coming?

Yeah, I want to say room for the good chicken, But no, I I don't know what will keep me humble? What keeps me humble?

To be honest, my daddy used to always just say shit like, no matter what, somebody's doing better, somebody has more, so why brag about what you got?

Just enjoyed and keep on. I like that, so I just I don't brag about shit. You know.

If people say, oh, you have a nice car, nice truck, or oh that's nice, I'm like, okay, cool.

I really don't know how to accept compliments either.

Thank you.

No. I know how to say thank you, but that's just you know.

I say thank you because that's the polite thing to do, but as far as it's letting it download into my brain, like, nah, I don't have a bunch of compliments, and better than my head, I'm not full of myself at all.

So I like that for you.

I take it and go on.

You are so much fun.

I have.

Sight there because I had fun talking about me going to jail, because I don't know about this fucking these.

The wild wild moose Uh.

Yeah, Well, I also appreciate you allowing me to laugh at your accent.

For no, I didn't allow it.

It's just this your show, and I figure, hell, since I drove forty five minutes.

Out here, I might as well stick around. You said, stick around. I'm out here forty five minutes.

I really, really, really like you. Thank you so much for taking time out of your crazy schedule to bless us with your presence and some dry, dry, dry chicken. I'm glad I put you onto the rice cooker.

Yeah, even though it looks like the little ship that you warm candles on, I'm.

Gonna go and get me one one for real. Yeah, because it's enough rice to feed two people.

Yeah, and it keeps it warm all day. I just discovered it like a month ago.

So I don't do jazz my rice. Is it gonna make my rice? Stay?

Try it? Did you like that jasmine rice? You try it? Because it's so boozy? Just take a bite, Justine, No, it's not.

I don't have nothing to do with boo. It's just nothing on this. This is like you just saying you.

Don't mix your ingredients. Just put it in your mouth.

It's gonna be like eating a napkin. You're gonna burn and they're gonna remind you of nothing. I knew it air chewable air.

Well, thank you? Do you like Jasmine Rice when I'm.

Eating a bat or something like that? Yeah? All I cook a little bit now.

M We're we're gonna see. Thank you so much for your time. Thank y'all listeners. Peace up. H. For more Eating while Broke from iHeartRadio and The Black Effect, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows