Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Eating While Broke. I'm your host, Coleen Witt, and today we have very special guest recording artists, actor influencer, hair dresses, stylists.
You know, sometimes I'll be doing my hair when I feel like but.
You know, Clerizadas, We're gonna get to know big Boss Vet today. So today we are not in Los Angeles. We are over here at eighty five South hanging out crashing eighty five South Studio. So shout out to y'all. Thank you. All right, So I gotta know. I gotta know what you were eating when you were.
Broke and I was broke.
Well, we kind of grew up with a kind of you know, so I used to eat like ketchup.
Sound we just got to school because yeah.
I was hungry and tried like I remember when we used to have like hot dogs, like picnics and you know when you eat all to meet out, but it's still like a little bread left or like ketchup on it.
That party be good.
So one day I was thinking, I'm like, let's try ketchup sew I did, and you came up with it. I mean it kind of came but I was like, let's try it, and then once I tried it, it was good. Okay, we're gonna see how good it taste. For at what age was this?
I was at grade school?
Grade school? All right, let's do it. Alright, So I'm gonna follow your lead. We got to do so, you're.
Just gonna grab one.
I will say this.
You gotta make sure you shake it up.
Shout outs to you, because I've done almost one hundred episodes of this show.
Better grace of God, I have not done the ketchup saying okay, I love how you refer to the you know what. I hope they don't. I don't think we pulled the go ahead open it. It still got the seal on it can't no one has touched the Yeah, yeah, hold on, I got nails.
I don't know if it's gonna do it right.
I got nails, but your nails look mine a little bit more. Yes, watch both of us struggles.
I mean we kind of got a knife.
I'm gonna bite it. I'm gonna be that person.
Guys. I always thinking about buying it, but then my lip gloss and line it.
Is just gonna be Okay, I got it. I gotta go.
Okay, look, take you out.
You know what I'm saying.
You get it, teamwork. Okay, okay, let's see it. Make sure you shake it up because you know that little stuff that come off, the little liquid would make you not even want the sandwich, and so is watering.
Now are you doing a lot? Okay, that's how much we're supposed to bil Okay, here we go. I got so much more, uh admiration for you. So I have a little saying I say on this show, is the broker the dish, the better the story. Yeah, so I don't see you eating this whole sandwich on this show. So I'm gonna cheers to our bite. Is it gonna We're gonna eat it like butter toast so much sometimes I like smash it together and then sometimes I just I just like eat it like this, So we don't
wait would make you feel better. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna che Here we go.
I haven't ate this in years, okay, or here we go. I gotta smelling now.
Okay, that is another bad and now I ain't gonna lie since I ate this New Years, I thought we were gonna be like.
It's actually not bad. I don't know if it's because the bread is like Artisian bread, so it's kind of good. But this really works. It's nothing bad and I'm gonna hate on you eat like one or twoities and technopotyth You were fine. You're hilarious. So what was your home life looking like?
So we were like, hmmm, let me shoot his bread up.
Yeah, yeah, I have so much, so much respect for you. Just off the sandwich, okay, because I've been broke, but I don't know if I've ever been kind of men hm hm.
You were like a lower class family. I don't know, Like.
We had the things we needed, but never what we wanted. Well, sometimes we wanted, but not a lot. You know. My grandmother basically took the road of my dad, and I had my mom as well, so they were like co parenting. I was back and forth to the houses. Did you grow up with your dad at all? Or okay, you meet him or no, you never met him? I mean I have met him, but we don't we don't like
talk with anything. So I lived with my mama for like the school year and like coming home from like school, if we ain't have food, which.
It used to be food that we have to cook and we kids don't.
We don't know how to cook, so we would resort to, you know, things like this.
Or I would go to my neighbor house.
We used to call her Big Mama because she didn't like being called granny, but she she was she was she was like an older lady and I used to hang with her grandkids. So I used to go to her house like I'm hungry, can I can I have something? And she would like give me soups, some soups, or she would make me like sandwiches. But I didn't want to like always ask her for stuff because I didn't. I didn't want her to ask, Mama, like you need
even to help you, you know. So it was that the middle school that I went to like every day in recess, so I had so I had like this rap group or whatever. We would do like battles in them and we were win because I you know. And then one day I came home and I told my mom and them, I'm like I want to be a rapper,
and it was like you can't rap. I'm like, yeah I can, So I can pulled out this paper this filled with just like like raps on that and I was like reading it to them and then some my uh so, my stepdad he was like, you have a lot of verses, but you have to make a hook. Because because he didn't have a hook, I guess I didn't even know what the hook was. I was just writing around like I was in grade school.
How old are you in grade school?
It was like from like grade school from what I can remember, it was like like second to like fifth. Okay, so you started young at rapper?
Okay, yeah, I was young.
Who was who was you looking up to at that point? I'm going to put you on to rap?
Like you know what? Like, I didn't like nobody in my family really listened to music that much.
It was just like the radio or like so my dad he would like have like these music videos, but I wouldn't really like pay attention to them. It'll it'll just be something to like watch while we're in a car or something and just be it. You know, it'll like blow over. But as far as doing music, like, I don't, I don't know. I just could do it. So it was just something I did.
You know, But were there particular rappers that inspired you? Hmmm?
I just used to like songs, so like, no, not really. I just used to listen to the radio. Then I then I would hear the beat. Then I would come up with a different cadence to it. And that's how it happened. Okay, So literally after that, I kind of didn't have like I didn't have the family that would be like, Okay, since you want to be a rapper, we're gonna try to end in vesting you like this or teach you that. Like I didn't have nobody to teach that. Everything that I know now you know, I
have to go through it. And I really stopped rapping.
I started doing hair.
I wouldn't take me back to the hook. So he mentions that you need to know what a hook is. Yeah, and he just told me, like a hook is something that would catch everybody's attention for the song. And I'm like, okay, kind of brush it off and was just steady doing you know what we were doing in like recess and all that.
And then.
It really did not go further after that because I went to middle school, I started growing up.
I started having friends.
I started going to their houses because you know, they had a lot of stuff. They had freedom too, Like I didn't really have freedom growing up. My mom really was like kind of street, you know. So as I was making friends, I had thought that I was gonna do hair because I used to do my hair because I used to always want to look pretty.
But we couldn't afford nobody to do it.
So I started doing mine, and then my friends like, oh, keep do mine, and I started doing thirst, and then I just started doing hair for free, and my mom was like, you're not gonna keep on doing her for free. You gotta charge them something. So like, for like really long skinny box braids, I used charged like thirty.
Five dollars and she was still, man, I'm like.
I'm charging But where were you learning how to do the hair from YouTube? Oh? You were youtubecause YouTube learning. Okay, so like this was middle school now, So I'm doing box braids for thirty five dollars.
Mm oh yeah.
If I was doing my mom, i'd be like what yeah, But I didn't understand why she was so mad back then. I'm like, you said, charge him, I'm charging him. She's like I'm like what I want charged?
Like, and like, you know, it was just something to do. It was just fun. So I was doing that.
Then I had started doing like quick weaves and stuff, but of course I didn't know what I was doing, so I was like yanking my hair out, but I was.
Still putting week back in my hair because I'm like, get I'll learn someway, you know.
And then I started getting in trouble, like I got put out, like my eight grade year, like and your mom, no, put out of school? Oh god, so I can put out school? And for what the fighting? You fighting? What back in the day you was fighting? Girls?
Yeah? Girls, teachers.
The teacher fighters got me put out. Yeah, the teacher fighters got me put out.
Actually make you.
Hit the teacher? Did you hit a teacher?
They hit me first.
That's hilarious. What do you mean they hit you from? Because okay, okay, so we were I was I was leaving art class and some girls were like argument.
But I didn't even like them girls. I was just gonna watch them fight.
All of a sudden, So my cousin trying to be like a superman and get in the middle because I guess she liked one of the girls and did not like the other ones.
So it was like trying to like be petty, and I'm like, no, you need to move out the way and let them fight.
And then as I'm moving her out the way, the girl that I don't like, I don't I didn't like nan one of them. So the so one of them tried to hit the other girl want to paint in my cousin. So now it's like, okay, now now I gotta beat you up, you see, my cousin. So as as real fighting, you know, people like teachers is like grabbing us and stuff. But like I always used to be like a little wiggily worm, like I can, I can get out of anything.
You're not gonna hold me too long.
So I didn't drop down and went back to the girl and started beating her up. And then this art teacher she was not kind of you know, a little big.
She just gonna push me to the wall. Like she wasn't even trying to break up the fight. She just pushed me to the wall. When I looked, it was like, you know the teacher.
Yeah, because you say do like multiple yes, yes, hilarious.
I thought she was jumping in the hair or something. It was like, you know, so.
As I'm booping her, you know, my cousin comes and start booping her too sore and yeah, so boom it was that kicked out. Actually only me and my cousin got kicked out, not the two girls that was gonna fight and they jumping the teacher.
It sounds like we were.
Okay, okay, so yeah, so boom that that was the start of me just getting put out of school because at that point it was it was like I was like a minute, like I was just like, you know what, I don't care, you know, I didn't I didn't care, So then like I didn't really have like guidance, what did your mom say when you get kicked out? For him? And teaching well being as though that it was my
cousin fight that I jumped into. It was like they always tell us like, if you watch somebody beat up your cousin, your sibling, then when you get home, we're gonna whoop you.
So I was like, y'all told me to jump at our fights. What are you talking about?
You know?
So I kind of kind of slid with that, And when I told.
Them that the teacher pushed me, they wouldn't even bring up that video, like they were like, oh, so our cameras broke your lying show hard that you pushed me, and that's why it happened like that, but for broke quote unquote, you know, and then that kind of didn't Then then then in there either we had thought we were actually walking back to the classroom because things got rowdy, so you know, we kind of squazed out of the group and tried to walk back to our classroom and
actually got brought out our classroom like no, you hit me, and I'm like I did. And in the office we were like plotting to get the girl again and did not know that they were in her listening to it. So it was it was odd that written up in the stavement and I was just like, you guys won, okay. And after that, I was just like I don't care,
you know. I once I turned to school and I was started for like three hours, and I was the youngest youngest one there, and I'm just like, it's cool, Like I ain't I gotta go to school four day. I gotta see these folks, I gotta talk to them because we did everything on our computers.
And I'm like, okay.
So my first year, they led me back into regular school and this is when I started back doing covers again because I was seeing girls on Facebook go go viral for just sitting in the cars wrapping, and I'm like, well, I don't have a car, so I can just pop my Oh. So I didn't have have a phone that was on. I think either I found the phone somewhere or I actually like saved the way you like body from like doing hair. So I used to prop my phone up and like play a beat off of my
TV because I had like a little game. And then I go to YouTube and I play the beat and I used to do covers. My first cove I did. I did not have no beat to it. I did it a capella and it was to the Day's Long try Me. And I posted it at like seven something, and I woke up the next morning totally forgot that I posted a video. I'm in class posting a picture knowing I ain't got no being to doing it posting a picture and it got like a thousand and some likes in like thirty minutes. I'm like, go on, and
I posted a second picture. I'm like, let me see if it's gonna do it again, And when it did it again, I'm like, so I'm going through the notifications and I realized that the video that I posted the night prior is viral. So they're like, oh my gosh, you're so pretty. We didn't know you can rap, you
can sing too, And I'm like, oh my god. And now looking back on that video, I looked at like crazy, like I had some really fat box braids in my head, I had some bright pink lipstick, some really big eyelashes.
I'm like, y'all like that great? Okay.
So after that, I just kept going viral, doing during covers and all that. And so my cousin, my cousin who I got into that fight with ed in middle school, she actually passed away the beginning of our senior and that sent me right off the right, off the rails and the like. Before the school year was over. On our junior year, we got into a fight like the last week of school, thinking like, oh, guys, I gotta put us out. They put me out and I have
to start my senior year and altern to school. And she was supposed to go to regular school, but she never was able to start school because she died. So, yeah, what you don't mind asking, I never seen the autopsy, so I couldn't tell you to be honest. It was a lot of crazy things going on around his time, so they like send me off the rails, and I didn't. I didn't cry about life. I didn't cary about nothing.
That's when I was always outside of fighting. I was really going to school, like I don't know how I finished my senior to did your mom think to put you in therapy or anything to deal with that? To be honest, no, no, like I didn't. I didn't have the type of family they would say, hey, we see that you're going through something, let's go get your help. You know, it would it would just be, oh, she's just disrespectful.
Oh she's just she.
Just after your cousin passing. They didn't see like the I think I became very fear like, like because I didn't fear nothing, so I was willing to do anything. And people who are very unpredictable you would stay away from because you don't know what they're capable of. And that's kind of what my family did. They stayed away from me because it was like if you don't want to deal with her, you know. And she died August fourteenth, and that like for the whole year, I was going crazy,
like I was. I was drinking, I was smoking, I was really going to school. I was always fighting, and you were in high school at this point. Yeah, And then I graduated how I don't know, I don't know, but I did it, you know. And it still didn't stop there, you know. I was still Yeah, I was still going crazy. And are you still doing your upkeep with the online stuff? Yes this point. So, so at this point, people are following me because I'm I'm a drama magnet.
Like it's like always something going on. So they're like, oh, she she's going to fight, Let me follow her. Oh she's allregu let me, you know.
So it's so they're tuning in because of the darkness that was around, you know. And August fourteenth, a year later, I was I'm always to a fight, and I got shy and I'm on your way to a fight. Nah at the fight. I got shy at the fight. It was supposed long story, it was supposed to be a fight. It was, but it was not a fight.
I got shy, and.
I'm so at this time, so I so I have my own car and I'm trying to like drive myself to like the hospital.
But I couldn't because every time that.
I would try to drive, my my hand would come off the wound and I will start bleeding.
So my cousin had to drive me.
And I'm like thinking to myself, I'm like, okay, it's I'm funn to go be with my cousin at this point, you know, I'm like whatever, I don't care, like it's time for me to go. And then I'm just hearing her voice, you know, she like, no, you're not, No, you're not, and I don't know, you know, Like I started calling on my family. I'm like, I got shot. They're like, no, you didn't, because it's like I used to have very dark he went back in it, like I mean, I kind of still have dark hement with it.
Would they would be put because people don't like dark human anymore. I'm like, I seriously got shot and we're like show you. So I would show them and they were like you like now, it's like, oh my god. They they drove me to the hospital. I was I was put on blackout. Did not know what it was at all.
What is that?
So?
Blackout is when you get shot but you survive. They don't know if whoever come back. They don't know if whoever shot you is going to come back to to try to kill you, so they won't say what hospital you are at?
Can nobody come and see you?
Oh?
So like when your family went to look for you to could they couldn't find you? Yeah, And basically they only found me because they tracked my phone because they had my location, and and the hospital still didn't even want to let them in because they were like, we don't know if you are family. At that point, I was sedated because me and the doctor actually got intour because she was being very rough trying to clean my wound. I'm like, give me the God, and she was like, you can't do that.
So I grabbed it from her.
Wait where was your wound? Exactly?
I had to take whoever now? Oh wow, So we're like.
So you was like it better than you can so so so she's like trying to like she's right here, and I'm like, give me the God.
So I grabbed it from her.
So now were tussling over this gud and I feel a sharp pain in his arm because I was sedated.
They got mass you.
Know, it's like they got me and everything. After they just went like I don't know like I was. I was seeing doubles, like if I see one light, I would see five of them. If you say hey, I were hear hey hey hey, Like it was crazy.
I was like yeah.
So once I finally came to it was a detective to my right and to my left it was like, who shot you?
I'm like, I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
You know, wrong place, wrong time, Let me out there, I don't you know. They're like, are you sure? I'm like yeah, I'm like, where's my family? Like and then when they finally came in Wroong, they were like yeah, they wasn't trying to let us back here. They didn't think we were a real family. You're on blackout like they explained it to me. And then they sent me home. And you didn't know who shot you? Mhm no, yeah
I didn't, but it was it was an accidental. Do you think mm hmm, no, it was maybe it was wrong place, wrong time, Maybe maybe they didn't know how to aim.
I don't know. Your guess is as good as mine.
You know. And what do you think about it being the date to the anniversary date of your cousin? Did you feel like you surviving it meant something. Yeah, I felt like that was that was like my second chance at life. That was like, chill out, stop doing it, Stop stop meeting up for fights, stop stop drinking, stop stop smoking, focus on your music, focus on doing hair. Get you a job, like you are wasting your life
right now, you know, like do better, you know. So after that, I just stopped hanging with everybody that I was hanging with because I felt like that I just had to go into isolation, you know, which I attached myself to this toxic man.
Oh horrible. He was like a wolf in sheep's clothing.
At first he was great, Like when I got shot, so my car looked at like a murdercing like it was like blood everywhere and I didn't know how to clean it out. I didn't even like I didn't even want my car anymore like it was.
It was.
It was like crazy, you know, And he cleaned out my whole car for me. He was taking care of me, he was he was picking up my meds.
Like, because how did you meet him?
Though?
I real p Yeah, prior to it, we were just talking. But that was like my favorite one out of all of them. I like your style. Okay, I get that. I get shout out, shout out to that we gotta do that.
What I can say is he he.
He did pull me up out of a dark spot, but then he put my ass back in it. Once I once I finally like started to like him, that's when he started.
To become different.
I started back doing like my my covers, which I was going viral again, and he didn't like that. He was like, oh, they only like you because they want to have sex with you, because it was yeah, and I was like, no, I can actually rap, you know. Then I started going to the studio and making songs and he's like, I don't. I don't want you to put this out because I don't want them hearing you rap like this. That's embarrassing to me. And I'm like, no,
this is music. Every time he would he would get got cheatd on me, I drop a song and go viral. Get every time get got cheating on me, your song would go viral. No, so I wouldn't really drop music or post pictures or get cute because he would he would get mad, and I didn't want to make it mad because I was so.
In love, you know, but it it was a trauma. Vind.
Now that I'm in therapy, you know, I can I can actually look back and say, Hey, that was this, Hey that was that.
You know, there was a trauma, Vind, you know.
And can you explain what a trauma bond is for people that don't know? When you go through something and you isolate yourself, you if there's someone there, you would you would attach yourself to them, and it would be a horrible bond because once you over that trauma and they start to show you who they are or if they want to.
Leave you, you go.
Back through the trauma, like and it's and it's kind of like a soul tie, Like it's hard to get away from that person. Like it's hard you think that that's all that you have, Like you don't you don't know how to let them go, no matter what they do to you, no matter how bad they treat you don't know how to let them go. And you only bond with them through a through a traumatic experience in
your life, you know. And Yeah, So every time I would catch him cheating because I wouldn't drop music, I want post pictures, wouldn't do nothing because he would always have a problem with me doing something. I drop a song that he didn't want me to drop, so Ratchet Turk Sauce started going crazy and he was like, they only like the song because you're talking.
About it was it was a raunchy song. I'm sying AI cool.
It was like, oh, because you're talking about shaking ass. And I'm like, no, they like the song because the song is good what you're talking about, you know. And every time that I would get bookings, he would come out of town with me.
Just to ruin my fucking bookings.
Oh god, like he would think that I'm trying to talk to the promoters and so that we you. Meanwhile he does his cheating. Yes, that's so. I was like ninety eight pounds, like so small I was. I was so fragile, but I was. And every time and he'll cheat on me, I go out to go fight the girl. So I'm so I'm back in what I fought so hard to get away from. And yeah, it.
Sucks and I and I didn't know how to break it.
And I wasn't close to my family so I couldn't run to them and say, hey, I'm going through this, Hey, this is what's happening.
To me, so I had to sit in it again.
And at this time I lived with my grandmother, so like I would be so meaning like last shot, but she didn't understand, like what was going on, Like I was really hurting, you know, And oh, it happens a lot on this show, Believe or not. You want to get a.
It's a safe space. Coult this burt out. I don't cry.
It's good crying. Crying price healing it is.
But I'm like, I'm finna cheap back.
I'm gonna get outside because me staying in his house being stressed and oppressed about a man that in mind, I can't keep doing it and I'm not getting nowhere. So I so I kept dropping music, I started going out. He hated it like it was. It was like when a narcissistic a narcissistic psychopath lose control control, they go crazy.
I never knew what he was called until now.
It sounds like you've been doing your Yeah, you know what from the second walked in. You had this beautiful glow about you. But everything from like I said, the broker of the dish, the better the story its.
So how did you end up get away? Yeah?
I started dating other people and like I will tell them, like I might leave you alone when he want.
To come back.
And I met I met this girl, and I would leave everybody alone for him. But I couldn't leave her alone. And I started talking to her and she became a girlfriend.
And I left him alone.
And then that's when I ran into this conflict because they were like, oh, how do you wrap up men, but you have a girlfriend.
I'm like, you ya act like I'm gay. You act like I only like women, you know, and either way or go.
I still went up, Literally like, I still went up. And at one point time I used to want to like hide that I liked women, because I'm like, what if they just judged me off the fact that I had a girlfriend. They might say, oh, it's capping your wrap because you have a girlfriend, which you wrap by man. It's like I've had white friends.
I like men. I don't only like women.
You know, was that your first girlfriend?
No, I was actually in the closet back in the day. I was in the closet. You know, even if you would have opened it, you bout.
What, but you would be considered that would be bisexual?
Right?
Yeah? Yeah?
You know at first, I used to identify its pans sexual because I don't have a type, you know. I love is love to me, really, yes, love is love. I don't I don't have a type. But it was you don't have a type at all. No, okay, you don't. And it was like like that that became the main focus of me.
And I'm like, god, damn, I I'm by sexual. What you like? Come on now?
Because I that that would be the main focus.
I'm like, Okay, I make great music. That's it. I make great music.
It shouldn't it shouldn't matter who i'm you know, but sometimes they matter in this game, you know. And every time that I came with it here, it was like it didn't matter.
It didn't matter what I was doing, who I was with, to who.
It didn't matter to who. It didn't it didn't matter to the masses. Because when I made Snatched, I had a girlfriend. When I made Pretty Girls Walk, I had a girlfriend heavy out Outside. So so Outside is the song that really got me noticed by the labels.
And it was about about a man.
I was like, break that bitch, but you know, and it was going crazy and I had a girlfriend saying break daddy, like like I had a girlfriend, but you know, still it went crazy.
It didn't matter who who I laid with, you know.
And at that time, like that is when I found the caneralization. Is like, I'm not going to have I'm me. I make dope bass music. You know I could do her, I do concent. I'm pretty come on it, you know. So I started living with my truth in and felt great. I signed to Republic Records. This is doing COVID twenty twenty. When did the ex end up coming coming around again? Or did he?
He would start writing me periodically. Once I go up on media, he would like be like, oh, I always knew he was gonna make it.
I miss you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Yeah, can you try again?
No, sir?
Like no, sirn So, I knew that my CD gave me everything that they could. So I moved to lant So as I signed, I went to I'm from Saint Louis, Okay. Saint Louis Okay. So I moved to Atlanta and and I've been here since and it's only been up for her. And you've been by yourself in Atlanta. You moved by yourself.
No, I actually moved with us with a significant other.
But are you and the girls still together? Is it like love story?
I'm by myself.
Oh you moved okay, but now you're single okay, yeah, okay, yeah, and now I'm big bossed the Wow. What are some of the things that you would say if you had to look back, some of the things that you wish you could have avoided?
M hmm.
Do you feel like some of your stories.
I do feel like that.
I like beinginess though that I didn't have guidance or I didn't have someone who knew whatever doing. I had to go through everything that I went through because if I didn't do it, then I'll be going through it now. And I learned like early on, so they took everything when I had nothing to take, and now that I have everything to lose, oh, I won't do now. I can read contracts, front was backwards naked clothes. However you give it to me, I'm going to read it. Then
I'm going to send to my lawyer. I can manage my money. I know how to do things by myself, like like like I can go places by myself, I can book flights, I can book like back in the day, I didn't know how to book a flight, book a rental, payper id.
I know how to do nothing. I just knew how to just I don't know.
Do you feel like you learned those skill sets after you move to Atlanta.
Or before before?
Like I like I learned them when I was trying to break during COVID, like like twenty nineteen, twenty twenty. That was that was when I started to learn how to really be an adult and pay bills and that. But yeah, like back in the day, I didn't I didn't know how to do anything, and I wasn't surrounded by good people that can help me. You know, what does your family think about your growth? Now?
I feel like your family seems to be very hidden in your story, like they You're definitely like the roads that.
From Caer Right back in the day, we really wasn't close, like we like, we really wasn't.
I was.
I was lashing out and needing help, and they didn't know how to help me. And most of our household households don't don't say hey, let me get my key help. They don't say that, you know, So yeah, I just had to sit in my pit. You know what made you pick up the phone and choose therapy. I actually just started going to therapy. Like last year toxic I was. I was toxic, very toxic, and I didn't know how to control my emotions.
I didn't.
I didn't know how to effectively communicate in overstimulating situations. I didn't.
I would just be like, oh no, I would just lash out and get physical.
It's like it was either but how did you know? Or like where was that indicator where you felt like it was a problem and you needed to pivot into a better solution, Like what was that point where you were like, I don't I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want to be the source of.
What was that pivotal point, Because there's usually a breaking point right where you're just like, fucking I need help.
Hmmm.
I started losing myself within the industry, like I felt like I felt like that I was overlooked. I felt unheard. I didn't know. I didn't know how to celebrate the winds out I was actually having, Like I didn't I didn't see it because I was working so hard.
It was like.
Sometimes when people are striving for a milestone, especially what I noticed was successful people to doing this show is like you hit a milestone and you keep moving, you know, you keep moving the ceiling a little bit higher and higher. Do you feel like you were that that was kind of happening where you just kept moving the gold post.
Yeah, it was like that. They I'm like, oh gosh.
I was like, I don't know, like I was, I was working, and then I was like I didn't I don't know. I feel like I don't know. I really don't even know how to put in the words. I just felt like I was working so hard and it was taking so long to break and I was just like no, like this is and then like and instead of just doing things, I was overthinking everything.
So it was putting me in my mind, putting me in my head, and.
I was like, I can't keep I can't keep sparkling, you know, I can't keep going like this and this. My team was telling me like that, like you're doing good, like cut out. So when I went to therapy, it was like and I wasn't only losing myself within the industry, I was losing myself at home, friends, family, Like I was lashing out again, and I was like, therapy, I need you, Like I don't I don't know. Was it
like when you say you were lashing out. Was there like you would lash out and then you feel guilty.
Afterwards or something, because sometimes when you see someone that's tough, you think, oh man, they're tough.
They're almost like fearless, right there hasn't It's something that was indicating, like, hey, I don't like this. Were you feeling bad after lashing out or I was feeling bad? And then my team was like telling me like, this is not you. Like I don't know what's going on, but this not you, you know, And I didn't know how to how to express myself or say what I was feeling. I didn't know how to effectively communicate, and I started to isolate. I didn't want to do things.
I don't know.
I just like I started to become very evil and it was just like no, I just rather not do anything, and I'm like something got to give. And then I was in a relationship, so you know, my sniff other was like, yo, you you you are being mean to me and it's not fur of me. You know, this ain't my fault. I'm not doing anything to you. And I started to feel guilty because I'm like you're right, it ain't your fault. It ain't your fault. You know that I'm feeling this way. So I started going to
trap you. And also it was it was still like I was enabled within a relationship. So I didn't know how to stand alone either. Like the relationship that I was in, I was cold dependent on it, you know. So that was another thing, Like I was just stressed, you know, I was going through it.
Well, I was gonna say, because you went from like trauma bond to like another Yeah, it was like a band aid over some of that probably could have deserved like some.
Time king and I didn't. I didn't know that back then, you know, Like I was just like I was an all a part. I guess it was just like go keep just just just keep going, just keep moving. How tired are you with your mom and all of this? That's my bestie now, that's your bestie now, Like but
back then would you back then? No, like we were, I was, I don't know, like I like I think I was the problem child, Like I was the only kid that would go up against her, you know, like I'd be like I'm not doing that, Like no, you know, I would always question everything or like I don't know, Like I feel like sometimes households need therapy before they bring kids into the world because.
You you would.
Do your best, but sometimes your best is still not okay.
And every every.
Every one of my siblings experienced with my with my parents is different, you know, because it was just different. But I do know that she did the best that she could, you know, And I do know like sometimes that no, they don't understand. But me and my grandmother, you know, we've always been close. That was like who
I was, who I would run to. And to be completely honest, if I can remember correctly, when I was in high school, it was like one day I was acting out really bad and they and they called my grandmother instead of my mother. But at this point I was just like so off the rails. It was like, couldn't nobody talk to me. My grandmother came to like pick me up from school and took me to this office to where we were talking to some man I don't really remember if he was.
A therapist, I don't know.
He was talking to him and he was just basically like, I can't force her to talk to me.
That's what I remember.
He said, I can't force her to talk to me, and after that it was just like uh from her and tried again.
So maybe my grandmother didn't Maybe she did.
Try, she tried. Oh wow. Okay, So now you have these accolades in your family's one hundred percent supportive, there are one hundred percent supportive.
And you're in therapy and you're single. Are you gonna try and maintain your singleness for a bit?
Or I flow with life?
You're funny?
Well okay, Well then I'm gonna ask this other thing because I had learned this lesson a couple of years ago from a neighbor of mine. But now that you have so much more to lose because of everything you've accomplished. Now, when you are challenged in the position of lashing out or anger or fighting, do you now calculate that the person that you're going up against may not have anything to lose?
Yes? And no.
Yes, if I'm calm, you know, like I would try to remove myself from any situation that I know may bring me back to the owe me because I don't know what she's capable of, and I know that if I see red it's like rid, you know, I don't I don't know how to I don't know how to calm down, so I don't need myself in that situation too s red.
So it's like I feel you.
My neighbor told me this story once about like you just always got to consider that the other person has
nothing to lose. So if the other person has nothing to lose, and you gain the possibility to lose something, then if you go and knowing like, hey, that person ain't gonna lose their house, they ain't gonna lose their career, they ain't gonna lose whatever, then it reduces the like do you really want to fight someone that has nothing to The worst person in the world to fight is the person has nothing to lose because they're gonna help you lose everything. Yeah, And I'm to the point where
regular people really cannot get to me. People on the internet can I get to me? Like people can't get to me. The only ones that can really hurt me is the ones that be around me, my friends, my my family. Those are the only ones that can actually bring me up out of my enement. And if I see that they trying to, I would distance myself from them. And when I talk to them again, mm hmm, like you've set up boundaries now.
Now, yeah, But like back in the day, I didn't.
I didn't know how to set up boundaries, and I would be baited into arguments with them.
And me and my family used to go so loved.
We would we we knew each other family trauma, so we would bring it up.
We would we would say it, and it'd be horrible. You know that that wouldn't be okay.
But like we were so used to just treating each other like people on the street when they're beef, and it's.
Like but now nah, like.
Nah, I remove myself every time, and sometimes the love that I have for people, it becomes very hard to choose myself because I love them, and it's like, you know, I would want to forget of them, and I will want to look past the things that are triggering to me.
But I know for a fact that if I stay in this situation, it's it may bring me up out of my element and it may cause me to lose everything that I have and I gotta choose and I'm still learning that, but I think I'm doing great with it, though you are you are.
So let's talk industry and metrics. So what's the thing in the life.
Mm hmm, well right now the day of life.
We're trying to drop this record, right, it's gonna be a nice record, it's gonna be a big record, but we're going through clarences. And if artists who's upcoming or don't know anything about clearences is like when you sample something, so say you simple a cadence or or a certain phrase or you know, any anything of that nature. Clarences are very expensive and they take so long. But something that my manager told me today that kind of, you know,
stuck with me. It's like, if you believe in this record, you have to be patient, no matter what you you have to be patient, and you have to see this through because I'm not even like let's just drop something else at this point, you know, yeah, yeah, or let's just skip the Clayer. Yeah, let's yeah.
But you can't do that. You gotta do everything right.
So I'm like, all right, I believe in this record, and I believe in myself, and you know, I do content for the song. I post it on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. I can't really tease my music on TikTok right now because you know, it's kind of that UMG things going on right now, So that that's the UMG. So, so TikTok and UMG have to come to terms on what they're willing to prove.
Yeah, for an artist, and that's kind of hurting us artists.
TikTok plays a very big part in our music going viral.
Every not every but recently.
When my music has been going crazy, it will start on TikTok and then it would then it would transfer to different platforms.
But TikTok has always been a starter.
So this is like, this is this is me going back to like the old days when I used to go viral Facebook and stuff like that. You know, now it's different because we can't use TikTok right now. I don't know how long it's going to be. But you got to stand alongside who you sound, you know what. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, so that's that. Sometimes I do high content, I go to the gym. So how do you make your money right now? Currently?
Shows?
I have a really great team that moves me around, So I get sponsorships, my royalties, other platforms paying you at all too?
No, no, not.
Really, I actually don't want to get played paid, I say play. I actually don't want to get paid from platforms because part of me feel like once they start paying you, your views is kind of fall off.
Really, so don't pay me nothing. Keep it, keep it please.
I thought you were gonna say that. Sometimes I get I feel some type of way when I hear like some of the content creators make like half a million dollars off social media. I'm like, damn, if they're giving you half a million, your content gotta be worth a lot more than that. Sometimes they get paid off sponsorships because brands will see how how big their platform is and it's like, okay, how can we incorporate our product within your video?
And that is where the big bucks come for me. I don't know, but yeah, so that's that.
And therapy, because yeah, sometimes I go home and visit my family in Saint Louis. I gotta movie that on from the start filming, so I can't go back home.
I go out t work on couches a little bit.
You're hilarious.
I watched I D Channel with my dog, and I don't know.
I take life day by day because everything right now it is new. So yeah, okay, now are you do you believe in God, Christians.
I believe in that. Okay, I believe in that. Okay.
So is this your first time acting for real?
For real?
Yes?
And you're excited about it.
I'm so excited, but I'm nervous. I'm nervous.
What are you nervous? To them?
What if I forget my life?
Don't they have like on set readers and all that? I think? Right? I don't know.
I haven't been on set yet.
Have you started memb rising all your stuff? I started? Do you you start taping this again? It's it's like you gotta you gotta memorize. Yeah, yeah, I got some parts memorized. So it's like seeing with party feelings. So I can go dive into that one.
You're hilarious, You're hilarious, okay, okay, So how can people keep up with you?
Following me on all platforms and at Big Positive and watch my content pre save my song ice me because it is dropping.
And eat ketchup sundwiches. Please don't eat catch them sounds. Okay, we don't. We don't eat them no more.
Try when was the last time you ate the sandwich? Mm?
Hmm?
Middle school?
Thank God God? And to be honest, I don't e think that I that I had to eat in middle school. I just I was craving at one time and it was just like okay, no more, I'm not doing this a yain. I feel like you're reference your house is like a condiment house.
Yeah, where were all these condiments coming from?
You know when like sometimes you would like eat out and then you have like liftos so that or you have a drawer in your house with just catch your packets and yeah, and then like my mom would go grocery shopping from time to time, but then like I don't know if we should just eat because it was dark, like the grocery should be going like the next day you be gone, like it just be you know, okay, maybe I'm over jags right not the next day, but it'd be going fast, and we'll be left with this
condiment house again until she come home and like cook the food that we don't know how to cook. It's different.
But other than that, we have to vand for ourselves.
Is there any advice you would give to anybody that's trying to get in your position.
As my team would say, stay in your own lane, watch your own race. If if you need therapy goes to therapy, I promise it is okay, it is fine. What's therapy? What you expected it to be? Actually? No, I thought they was gonna try to make me crazy, like it was gonna be like you're crazy. But then I was like, oh no, that's normal. Oh so in these situations, you know, she's she's it's a it's a it's a she she's a teaching me, you know, how
to how to approach situations different differently? Do you now look forward to it too?
Now because you have someone that you can like confidence sometimes.
But then when I be doing like small toxic stuff I gotta tell her about I'd be like, I know she's gonna get in my ass, so I'd be like, I'll be trying to like not go.
Then I'll be like I gotta go.
Yeah. Well, I was gonna say, do you feel like it's a safe space though, Oh yeah, yeah, it is a safe space, like like I can I can be my authentic self like I don't I don't have to dm anything down wild in therapy, And after I'd be done, she'd be like okay, so and then she'll go in and she would dissect it and help me understand what I just explained to her, because I'll be everywhere, you know, and it's like, you know, she has been pointing out
things that I didn't even know, you know, about myself because because I was just sure things for her, and I'll just vent and she'd be like, okay, well let's go back to what you said here, and I'll be like okay, and something that I just brushed past. She would literally be like, no, that's actually and then I was like, oh, got it. Okay, Okay, so she's she's she's teaching you a lot about yourself.
Yeah, I would.
I would also tell people to like, get you a great team, Like get you a team who knows the business, who understand it's the business, and who want to see you win no matter what. You know. Try to stay away from relationships now hurt me out there?
Fun they are, you know, but.
Like going through things when you're trying to build yourself and prepare for a different version of yourself in a different life, it's very hard.
And some people is easy.
Most of the times are all right, And I don't know, like focus on yourself, always choose yourself, know your words, and never settle. I want to touch on one last thing.
So you have really beautiful tattoos, but one of them in particular really stick out, which is this never settle one.
Can you tell me the story on this one. When I was with that toxic man, I used to like get tattoos when I would try to teach myself lessons because no one taught me to never settle. I felt like I was settling for him, Like I was settling because I feel like this was all that I can get. I was settling because I felt like nobody else is gonna treat me as good as he once did because he never treated me good after he showed me who
he really was. It was just comfortability. Yeah, and I didn't know how to be alone either, so that was it. And yeah, it was like never settle good vibes. Yeah, it was like, so you do that every time you want to, like, hey, don't forget this lesson you inc it in ink it. Okay, Well, thank you for blessing me with a ketchup sandwich to get in to know you. I really appreciate your time and I really appreciate your vulnerability.
I really do thank you so much for your time having themppreciate it and you guys, keep up with bet on all social media platforms at Big Boss b B I G B O S S B E T T E.
Alright, guys, peace out
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