#GIRLTALK: Red Flags

Hi, welcome to Eat Your Crust. I'm Crystal. I'm Jisoo. I'm Tiffy. And I'm Today we brought back our friend Tiffany if you guys remember her from episode one and we also have on our friend Amy. Hey guys, I'm Amy. So I'm like And then I met Jisoo. She Amy actually came all the way So D you're welcome. So before we get started, we just wanted to give a couple quick shout outs. Sugoth, thanks for sending us our first ever email. Eat your crust pod at gmail dot com.

And then thank you to Brian, our friend, who's up in Seattle right now and he's been tuning in and supporting us ever since the first episode. Today's a very special episode. We have four girls on today and we wanted to do a little bit of

We're gonna talk about dating. So, what do you girls look for when you're dating? About to go into a serious relationship, what are some big factors you look for? Yeah, I feel like this is split up into like a very initial thing. Okay, so starting with the initial, I think being like a gentleman is like something that I look for. Oh like manners. Yeah, exactly. Even like holding open the door, walking you out, paying for stuff.

It's like you think it's obvious, but a lot of people actually like don't have that down. Yeah. You know? I like it when guys side of you closer to the street. Oh street side. Yeah. So that you're on the like safer side of the street. Yeah. Or if like when you're going out with them and there's a lot of people around you

and stuff. Oh yeah, the arm, the pr the arm of protective. Exactly. It's like a power move. Yeah. I like when they have really good hygiene. Mm-hmm like smell good, dress really nice, shirts are ironed. Yeah. Yeah. No wrinkly t shirt. No wrinkly t shirts.

I also really like it when you're first getting to know them and they plan everything for you so it shows that they're putting effort in and they want it to go well however the date is or the meetup is, right? But there's like a balance'cause I think sometimes when the guy only wants to do what he wants to do and he doesn't That's also weird. So he has to like be he has to like tread the line. He has to be thoughtful of what you would like to do. Yeah. Yeah. What about when it gets to

relationships, maybe not like full plunge, but maybe like couple months in. I guess like thoughtfulness. Just that they're in they you can tell that I guess it's kind of also what you're giving them. You kind of expect them to notice that and be able to return that for you too. Yeah, like pick up

I also f like it when they like in try to incorporate you or introduce you to their friends. And you kind of feel like you're an apportate person and they want to introduce you to the people they're they trust and they're comfortable with. Yeah. And also I feel like when you meet their friends and you see what type of people th the friends are, then you can also

actually is yeah. Yeah, that's super important. And especially for us, like where our friend groups are super close. Yeah. It's like very

Yeah. And that way it's also so you can see how they act when they're with their friends, how their behavior is, whether they're really different than when they're with you. Oh my god, that's so true. That could bring up some red or green flags, right? Yeah. Yeah. I've noticed that like Incorporating their relationship like their significant other with their friend group.

I think it's tough for us because we're all really open with bringing in people into our friend group and introducing people, whether it's friends or like significant others. Yeah. Yeah. That's like our I feel like we feel like that. But for other people they might like really not feel comfortable with it. Would you guys like tolerate it?

Actually I have a tif a separate friend group. It's like my high school friends that I always talk about and we're a group of all girls. So when people bring like their boyfriends it's cool and all, but they're never gonna be Right. Yeah. So it's always like a really big distinction between us and the boyfriends. Yeah. And I think our hangouts change all

You know, it's like no longer like a like a girl's Yeah, it's not like a girls' night. It's like meeting the boyfriend. It's like too formal no more. Yeah. But I think like when it's like a single Right. If it's almost all girls. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like whenever someone has had a significant other From Google.

And like everyone in the friend group w is like really nosy, right? And we wanna know who they are and we're always like bring them in, bring them in. All the all the guys are always like nice, a new dude become friends with and all the I can't wait to meet your girlfriend.

Yeah. The mesh with my friends. Yeah. Um like maybe they don't have to be incorporated in But the ability to at least um like connect with them and be able to have a friendship with them, that's important.'Cause I think at least me personally I think it is like a litmus test though.'Cause sometimes people don't necessarily value their friendships over the relationship. Like even if they think both are important. Yeah. So it just like depends on what you prioritize, I guess. I mean

Fifty fifty. Well one that's hard. Yeah, that is so hard. The other I think it really depends on who. Far like Spend the rest of your life with. Yeah, versus like a dating. Yeah, versus you're just with them right now. Because if you're gonna sp if you think of them as someone who's that future with then it makes sense if you prioritize them in a way not that you're not prioritizing your friends, but that they're your go to and they're gonna be there for you and they're your comfort zone.

Also uh this is cheesy but that saying where it's like your um boyfriend or girlfriend is supposed to be two then um considering that like hopefully they are because they can't just be a boyfriend they have to be a Like the ability to be a friend too. In terms of uh prioritizing, they're also in the friend group. So there's not really someone who's being or like a category. Yeah, I love that. Like them being your best friend. Do you guys think there's like a point where

Only best friend almost or your highest best friend. I don't know how like I feel like I know what you mean. Yeah. I know what you mean. And you feel almost like more alone. I think it's easy to fall Because you're so vulnerable with that person and it's not just like I think with friends. But it's not like every single day we're having deep talks. It's like we'll be like chill, like hang out. But then with your boyfriend, it's like we're probably having deep talks every day. So you

But I think it's hard to balance that. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I think you just have to make sure it's not like your boyfriend who is forcing you into this um Oh, the isolation.

That would be a red flag. Yeah, a red flag. Sometimes I can't tell if like it's the other person being toxic or I think it's really hard to find that balance. Especially if the relationship is newer. It's so Like bigger effort and priorities in there. Honeymoon phase, it's like understandable. But in a long-term relationship, if that person You're doing something wrong. Yeah. Yeah. I've like known people who have been like I

will un like really understand me. Wait, they said that to you? Were you like, um I'm right here? I mean like I wasn't that close. Oh okay. Never mind then. Never mind. But like I've known like a lot Dating is a big part of the life. Yeah, there's some people who are just like relationships is their thing. Exactly. They're like relationships. There's four days. I almost feel like guys get sucked into the into the trap of only open

More'cause girls always have like a support system, right? Or like usually we have girlfriends and then like one on one girlfriends and it's like different levels of support. But guys a lot games or like let's drink yeah they don't open up as easily. Yeah and yeah there's that whole like social stigma. Guys like can't open up or whatever. Like they can't show their feelings. Yeah. At least we're not guys. Oh Well, we have to deal with pregnancy, so and periods. Shit Who's taking the real L here?

Sometimes I ask my boyfriend, I'm like, What do you guys talk about? Oh my god, yeah. I always wonder. guy stuff. They're always like nothing. I'm like, yeah, I actually believe that. At this point, yes. Oh my god, you know what blows my mind when guys actually think of And they're staring out into the distance. You're like, oh what are you thinking about? You're like, what are you thinking about? Nothing. And they're like, no, seriously.

Actually nothing. Wait, yeah, and you're like, Are you mad at me? And you're like, Wait, how is how are you doing that? Are you thinking about white? Or like what is nothing? Like meditation? Dude, that's honestly like a such a skill that guys have. Right. Zon being able to like just not think. Especially when you're in an argument with them and they zone out and you ask them so what are your thoughts? Can you like give me something?

I'm like, what are you thinking? Literally nothing. You're like shit. That's all I got. Oh man. Okay, actually I've been thinking uh this might be But one of my friends was like, Do you think you're high maintenance in a friendship? Oh then I was like, hmm. And then I realized my expectations Because I have like really good friends who would be on the same level as a personal relationship, but why is my expectation

I have the same. Do you guys feel that also? I thought about that before. Oh, yeah, in certain aspects. I think it's because you hold. At least for me. Yeah. Whereas with friends, I'm like, we don't have to talk all the time. I don't have to like always pour my effort because it's effortless. Like friendships are kind of easier, I guess. And then maybe Significant other? Maybe. what we look for. It's like we w we want this, we want this, we want this. But like in a friendship

Well I guess we kind of did in episode one. But it was like very vague. It was just like Don't be shady. Yeah. Don't be a fucking snake. Yeah. Hmm. I think it honestly just comes down to emotions, right? You're like you could say you love your friends but that love that you have for them is different type of love versus your significant other if you're dating. So just hold them Not not necessarily a higher standard, sometimes it's like a different Maybe it's like

Think it is. And then also hormones, genes. And and also you know that you're going to be opening up and being like the most vulnerable that you are with your significant others. So I guess you want to make sure that you chose the right be this vulnerable with. But with friends it's like you can take the time and once you decide that, oh, these are the friends that I know

It's okay now to be that vulnerable with them. But with significant others, it's like right away that like you know this is gonna be the person that you're opening up to. Right. So you want to make sure right off the But that's like the tough part about breaking up with your significant other is they know so much about you. Maybe even at a certain point in your life they knew the most about you. Yeah. Just having to cut that connection.

Yeah. At a certain point in your t in your life. It's like at one point you talk to them to the most ever in your whole life and then boom, net like zero contact. Yeah, worse than strangers. That's a dangerous That's a good way to put it. Let's talk about red flags. Okay, I feel like we're we're we're getting a weight on the touching like red flags. Mm. Suddenly now that you ask and put us on the spot I can't think of any. Well I have one that comes to mind.

people. Yeah. Yeah, I like I want to see the guy be polite to everyone. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Oh my I think it shows a lot of character of how they treat people who serve you. My my grandma, she actually one time She comes up to me and she's like touching my face and holding it. And she's like cradling. She was like, Crystal, make sure he

And he's good to everyone, not just you and I'm just like. Dude, that's so deep. Were you like struck at the core? Like you felt something down there. I was like I was like

You're like, please let go of my face. Well, my mom kind of actually raised me to think that way. And I think it's because of Yeah, I think something that I really like about James, my boyfriend, is um when you get into an Uber, there's a type of people who sit there silently and then the type of people who will really go out of their to the person yeah so that they're not bored or like make the ride more fun for the Uber driver.

Yeah. And I was really impressed because in college you don't really know how to make small talk, right? I feel like that kind of stuff you learn in work. I agree. But James was so good at to like Uber drivers and I thought that was like the coolest thing ever. That's so funny. Especially like in college, the only time you call an Uber is when you're like

Plasma. Everyone's like drunk in the back, like being annoying and rowdy. And James was just like really calm in the front, like talking to the Uber driver, asking him how his day was. That's how you're talking about. Yeah. And I was like really annoying. Yeah, wait, I'm impressed with James. Like I can't really like see that, but that's awesome. Yeah. When I go into Ubers, I literally

I used to Uber to school. Me too, dude. Like I used to Uber to school when I was running late and then I would literally just hop in the car and sit But I like to put my headphones in. Yo, please do not. We're like, oh God, but our boyfriends, they have to be able to chat with everyone. All right. Wait, red flags. No green flags. No pink flags. Oh, that's so funny though. But yeah, like being polite. They have to be polite to other people. Yeah. So that you know if

That's cooked up. And like by bad, I think it's like it just they it's how they see themselves compared to other people. It shows that they feel like they're not above other people, whether they're service people or yeah anything, right? So it's they treat everyone equally. So it shows they have really good character. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Also they should

Oh, like people who don't tip, that's a no. Wait, do people not tip? Is that a thing? I've I've seen people who choose to not tip or like tip really low. Oh you know, like good service but ten percent. Like that's like Like at least fifteen. Yeah. Fifteen is the standard. Oh yeah. For me that's a really big one. They have to be really family oriented and that's like the kind of values that I have, like my core values. Family's such a big one. I think I couldn't date someone for a long term if

Yeah I agree. Yeah. I value my parents' um opinion about who I'm dating. person very highly. Yeah. So I hold it in like highest regards versus like I c of course I care about my friends' opinions as well. Yeah. But I feel like for me my parents are number one. Yeah. Especially in like Asian culture. Mm-hmm.

that I know and then she got married to someone but her parents didn't approve of him. Oh my god. I don't know why, because he seemed like a pretty nice and normal guy. She ended up getting married with him and then she cut herself off from the her family. A Chinese and then I I don't I I'm not close to her so I don't really know the story but I just I bumped into her once, so then I like people do that more. Yeah. Honestly. And then after I

What would you do in that situation? If you didn't approve But then they asked me too, they like fucking flipped the question right back at me. They're like, Would you do that if we Damn, masters of conversation. No. You're like, no. I was just like, I was like, well, I I would want to.

If it was reasonable, then I would like give it some thought, but I would I think initially would just Yeah. And they were like, yeah, same. Like we would try to understand, but I don't know, there's not too many red Just like I wanna cut exactly. It has to be like really fucking bad. So one of my big

person, I really want to plan everything out and if they're like late or something or like overlap plans that just like really bothers me. It's just like one Yeah, and to a certain extent I can understand it. Yeah, I r I really I hate it when you have a set time, set plans and you meet up and then they're late. Yeah. Yeah, and like for us girls, we have to like get ready and shit. Yeah, yeah. We take time. We can't wait before it's like I fucking changed out of my PJs.

Okay, crystal. Crystal the most low maintenance. And then when they try to like come up with an excuse for it every single time. It's like once it's okay, yeah, like it's understandable. And then you do it again and then again. And then they always somehow have some excuse that works. But it's like, hmm. And you very sus. Yeah. And you know that joke where it's like. showered and I shaved for this, but it's like not a joke. Yeah. It's for real. And and I feel like they should know your relative

Like usually you'll tell them if something important is up. It's like Yeah exactly. And then if they were to know and then they planned over it, that's that's just rude. Yeah. Inconsiderate. I think something that Oh my god, I totally agree. Google Calendar. Shared Google Calendar. Yeah, I know a lot of people who do that. Yeah.

And I think a big thing is also like trading off convenience. You know, like sometimes it's more convenient to meet at this place which is like closer to work, blah blah blah. But other times the other Like end of the stick. So just I guess respecting their time but also making sure that it's not too hard on them all the time. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It should be like equal amount of effort, I feel like or fair

It is hard to gauge that though. I feel like everyone always thinks like oh I'm the one putting in more effort. That's really do you Okay. So do you feel like there's always 'Cause I feel like there's always Well I think there's like different types of effort. It's not just time, it's not just money, it's not just um setting time aside so they can

So it's like not one person putting in more. Like you could think that one person is putting in more because they're the ones paying usually or they're the ones coming up with trips or making like those scheduled plans, but the other person could also be putting just as

Effort in but at a different way. Yeah. That's like a very symbiotic relationship. That makes a lot of fun. And Amy said it's like someone is probably putting in more effort in a certain like category, but the other person is probably putting in more effort in a different category. And then like hopefully ideally it's Yeah, and I feel like that's how relationships work. Like the good ones, that's how they make'em last because they both contribute differently. That's a good point. Yeah.

since my boyfriend and I started living together. We had a couple of talks where I was like, Oh, I feel like I'm doing more chores, like I'm thinking more about housework and I felt like I was putting in more emotional labor. And then, you know, he's great. He like really listens to what I'm saying. a few and I thought the talks went fine but I was reflecting really recently actually and I was like thinking about the talks that I had and like the fights that we've had and I was like

He puts in a lot of emotional labor in a different way. Mm-hmm. Like whenever I'm going through something, I'll like call him or we'll talk. Yeah. And I'm basically bitching at him for like hours or like, you know, like I'm like complaining. Yeah. And like he's always just listening. understand being like fuck those people you know like whatever I need to hear. Yeah. But you know that's like so much

And then I wasn't thinking about it from that aspect. Because it's effort on both sides, just different like categories, right? That's true. Yeah. Yeah, it's being able to see both of those perspectives. Yeah. is thriving. I can imagine James going like Yes, Queen, go off and put it on his story. Like, everyone listen to this. So finally an episode where we don't shit on James.

Shout out I have a sort of similar situation where it's like my boyfriend doesn't have a car right now so I'm always see him but then um when we do hang out he tries to like plan more or he'll try to like pay more which is like a good kind of yeah balance like fine the time to like go all the way over there and visit him. I like that. Approved. A red flag that I have that I feel like a lot of you guys would agree on is when they invalidate

Like you or your opinions? Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's a big one. Totally. Or just like your emotions and thoughts and stuff like that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Especially like when you're fighting and stuff. Yeah. It could Yeah, but the moment they say something like you shouldn't feel this way. Yeah, or like why feeling this way?

Not necessarily like'cause they could be just saying like, help me understand. Mm-hmm. But then if it's like with the tone or you shouldn't be feeling this way, like why are you feeling that condescending tone on you. Yeah. Am I not s like, am I not allowed to feel like this? Like why are

Yeah. And when they push their own thoughts and opinion onto you to make it seem as if your opinions are so trivial or it really doesn't matter and they're always right. Which is not true in so many ways. That's such a Yeah. You know, they need to be right all the time. Yeah. They're trying to throw them power moves that aren't really power moves. Toxic power move. Toxic masculinity.

So how would you say you guys fight with your significant others and deal with kind of these red flags and situations? Okay. Well one good thing I think that me and my boyfriend do is when we explain something, this is how this thing made me feel. Then when That wasn't my intention. Yeah. And I I can understand like from your point of view now. So I wanna explain to you what my intention was and I'll try to like word it Or feel that way.

So that you're not gonna be feeling that way. So then we like we try to validate the feeling and then say we're gonna try to. in the future. I feel like that's really healthy. Seriously. That's like crazy. So logical. So are you guys No emotions. Yeah, are you guys emotional fighters? Oh. Hmm. I'm definitely not. I get really like cold

bites. Maybe not cold, but I get a little bit detached and I try to see it from like a like a almost bird's eye kind of point of view. Because I'm yeah, I guess when it comes down to a struggle I'm an ESTJ like Myers Briggs wise. So my T, which is I'm I'm with Jisoo on that. I'm also a ESTJ. Sometimes I S T J really depends on my mood. But

I also r really detach myself in arguments and I don't I try to not let emotions take control. Yeah. So I speak very clearly, very slowly and I kinda analyze it all before I Dude, I'm jealous. Are you an emotional? Oh my god. So I okay, in theory, like I plan I have actually out an argument for but it just never goes to plan. Yeah, I've like so I feel like a lot of people would not think this of me, but I cry every Insane. I can't see that. I can't imagine that, Amy.

Yeah, I don't know why. It's something about like arguing that just like triggers me. And I'm like trying to get my points across and I'm like I cannot do this. Yeah. differently arguments differently and it works certain it works differently for everyone. I am almost an in between of you guys. I I think I don't get super emotional. Like I I don't In fights. I am also I don't know. I'm also like kind of logical. Uh I don't know how to explain. All my friends are emotionless.

Or robot. I don't know how to explain it. I think I think like I'm I am emotional, but I don't Like it doesn't show. Yeah, it doesn't show as much. It's more like I'm trying to show my emotion through my words. Yeah. Like what I'm trying to say. I feel like when you your thought process can be emotional, but when you actually decide to bring it like put it on the table, you Yeah. Yeah. Really thoroughly before we like bring anything else. It's kind of like we need Like is it?

And I was thinking maybe it's because of the whole crazy girl. in like media where you don't want to be that crazy bitch. Yeah. And I'm always like question like is this valid? Like em is this emotion even valid and worth bringing up or am I gonna be that Right. Yeah. It's just what society puts on women and females. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I think I said Like all the time. Even when I get someone else's opinion. Mm-hmm. Understanding, yeah. It's society.

One thing that I've kind of started to try to practice is that if I feel like it's kind of a small thing, then I sleep on it. Or like I'll I'll like not think about it or not bring it up and then I think about it Yeah. Especially if it's just like a one time thing. But if it's something that's recurring, then I'm like, okay, no, because this is a relationship Yeah. Yeah, for me I I feel like a lot of times it's a recurring thing and then maybe

Trigger point. Like the final straw. Exactly. Yeah. Or like you talk about it and just keeps happening. Yeah. That's that's like then like how would you? You have to decide if it's like worth pursuing. I think it's also how emotionally draining it is to always be arguing about the same thing with no change, no adjustments. Yeah. Yeah. I think it kinda depends like how big the issue is. Like maybe it's a small thing that keeps happening.

always be one of our differences. Yeah. Or if it's like a major thing. Yeah, because you can only compromise so much sometimes. Yeah. And there's certain relationships Different people don't work. Yeah, this got sad real fast. We were laughing like guts we do.

So what's another red flags that you guys see? Yeah. Let's hear some like controversial ones. Yeah. Oh okay. I have throw'em out. Actually well I don't know if mine's even controversial, but like a a very personal one for me is if they don't give you individual um because for me alone time and just like having my own reflective time is very important for me and then I also have usually like these certain ambitions And so if I feel suffocated or Yeah.

an introvert dating an extrovert or like vice versa. Um you always kind of have to schedule time for both of you. So like you need to schedule couple time and then alone time to like satisfy each person. What do you guys think is like the line between crazy and not crazy? Oh my god, what do you mean? Even even when like thinking about other people and other relationships. How would you judge? Oh my god. One crazy is when they police what you post on social media. Oh my god.

And I've seen it happen to like a lot of friends. And that's like controlling, right? Yeah, it is controlling. That's like Yeah. Or if they feel the need to like look through your text. Ooh It's like no trust. Yeah. But then also if they go out of their way to hide text, that's also shady. Like it should be like accessible but then you don't you're not always looking at it. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. But if it comes up

should be okay showing it. Yeah. In certain fights. Yeah. Yeah. But if they like start deleting things, hiding things, that's when you notice. Mm-hmm. Wrong phrasing. Wrong phrasing. It's like you can have your own personal secrets but if it's something that will affect the other person and cause a kind of mistrust then there's an issue there. Uhhuh. I always joke with my boyfriend sometimes. I'm like what if I

not gonna do it. Like I'm not gonna do it but it's fine. Like you know what I mean? Like yeah just Oh my god actually he asked me that one time. He was like what if I Um, how would you reach my brother? Like would you would you use my phone or'cause I don't have his brother's number. I only have him on Facebook and then he was like, Crystal, you have to remember my passcode because I keep forgetting it. He like told me a few times but I literally c

And then classic passwords, dude. Match shit. Yeah. And then I was like, dude, I can't remember it. He's like, dude, you should remember it. Cause what if I collapse and you have to reach my brother? Me and James have each other's. For Face ID? I thought you could have more than one. You could have more than one? I didn't know that.

Oh but it's like so convenient because when he's driving oh and I need a Google mask, I'm like I don't want to punch in the thing all the time. Yeah, I feel like that's just like a major convenience thing at this point. It's a laziness thing. Yeah, also if like someone's not willing to Like kind of weird in this day and age. I agree. I agree. You like share with everyone. Yeah. Like strangers have it. I think there's gonna be some listeners thinking like these bitches all crazy, bro.

Our identities are about to be stolen. So uh whose uh still social security number is mother's maiden name How do you guys feel about um the other person always being on their phones? Oh yeah. That is a definitely a huge pet peeve of mine. Especially because I try not to use my phone. So my natural expectation Yeah. But at the same time it's like what if they don't have any expectations for you on phone usage? Yeah. Then where's like the balance?

Mm, yeah. I think then you just have to work it out and talk.'Cause also personally I hate it when you're hanging out with someone, whether it's just a significant other or friend, and they're always on their phone. Yeah, I hate it. Because it's like we're supposed to be spending time together. Why are you always on your phone? Like At Eddie.

This is kind of like the disrespecting your time thing. Yeah. That's true. Cause even if you're just like chilling and there's just like long periods of silence of just cause Like oh, you could be talking to each other at this point. Or just being in each other's presence with silence is okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you you have to um set the boundaries. It's like when is it okay to be excessively on your phone?

But then it like doesn't matter. But if you're like it's a planned date or something, then it's pretty important to like be in So something that I think is a huge red flag is when someone only has opposite gender friends, not same gender. Yeah. Like if they have no close friends Yeah. So I feel like there's two parts to this. It's like one, just like no close friends in general. Oh yeah. And then like two Yeah. And like I think opposite gender best.

There's like it's very yellow in that field whereas it's okay to have and like I think all of us kind of have opposite gender best friend in a way. But if the person if your significant other is always going to someone else, that other best friend, to talk about their emotions and stuff they feel vulnerable about where they can't open up to you where they don't feel comfortable opening up to you. Mm-hmm. There's an issue that should be addressed.

I mean, I think for me that's okay. Like you can go to someone else or it's like a yellow flag thing where you can go to a girl and talk about our problem. And yeah, I just think like there's a lot of people where they're like, Oh, I don't girlfriends, they're all crazy. Like a lot of girls who are like that. And a lot of guys who are like, oh, I get along better with girls because I can open up to them. And it's like if you have a balance

But if it's just opposite gender, I think that's a red flag because that means you can't relate to people from with your own gender. Yeah. And I don't know. pressure on the girlfriend too. Yeah. Because if you're trying to compete almost with a lot of girl best friends and only girl best friends, then it's like weird. Yeah. Plus um When girls say they can't be friends with other girls. Yeah, red dude. Like when girls hear that they're like, Oh, that girl must be Yeah.

It's always the people who are like, I hate drama. They like bring a cloud of drama. Yeah. But mm. Yeah, that's tough. I think it it gets really dangerous. Mm-hmm Because like what we said earlier, like we all of us if we're dating, we would also like to be the best friend. So we're also the girl best friend, but they have to go to someone else when if it's like not even an issue about you two.

But just like them, them and they don't feel theme and they don't feel comfortable opening up to you and asking you your thoughts about it or maybe it's something they wanna hide. There's going to be issues in the future, maybe not now, but it's gonna come up, re it's gonna reoccur.

It's gonna cause problems. I agree I feel like that's definitely like a bigger problem. Yeah. One thing that I've noticed is that like a lot of guys just don't have emotional support at all, like girls or guys. And I feel 'Cause they literally don't talk about it with anyone. Yeah. You know, and they just kinda like bottle it up. And I feel like for us we have

to for support and you ask questions, you know, talk it out. But if you don't have that at all, like you can make some pretty bad decisions. Yeah, and that's something that you You know, if you're dating that kind of a guy where he has no emotional support and you're the only one he ever goes to, then what when you break up, then what happens? You know? That's like that's scary, right? Yeah. Yeah. Or like they would literally

And you don't wanna be stuck in the relationship because you don't you don't want them to like be left on left. Oh my gosh, that's so true. So you're like forced to stay in the relationship. Yeah, I think that a lot too, you know? Where they're like literally Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's that's a little bit of self infliction too, like too much guilt on yourself sometimes. Because it's also like you oughta look out for yourself too

Uh but you're only staying together for their sake, then yeah. Yeah, you that's like something very difficult to sort out. Yeah. I I always see it as kind of like two glasses of water almost. Mm-hmm. two full and giving to the other. Like one is exhausting themselves to like fill up the other. It should be like both full. Yeah. Oh good energy. Yeah. Both people love analogy. Timothy forgotten to speak today. It's been a rough morning. Yeah. Or else it's like a codependent relationship. Yeah.

Yeah, you want both individuals to be independent. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I think you also don't want to be the type of person who can only rely on whoever you're dating. Yeah. Because then you your whole life you're always going to be jumping from one best friend to another without any long term ones. And that's On your... Yeah, yeah.

That's really scary. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Although, you know, uh going back to the point of like reaching out to girl best friends or like opposite gender best friends, I can respect that if you're Oh yeah. That's on the floor. I think that's cute. Yeah. Oh how can I Boyfriend, like in our friend group, yeah, yeah. That's like that's like good good reaching out. Yeah, oh my god, does James ever ask you guys for tips on?

I think he used to when you guys first started dating. Oh yeah. Oh I remember um the the first month thing. Didn't he get you like a present and I think he specifically Oh yeah. Like I think he got me a lipstick. Yeah. Oh, I remember this hella years ago. I I just remember back in the day. Yeah. Now he's like, dude, I know Jisoo too well. Yeah. Now I tell him what to give.

But I just remember back in the day we were all like, whoa, this is like James in a relationship. Whacking oh my god, like help. Four years ago. And then Eddie, who's like in a recent recent relationship or like r new or relationship. Definitely uses us as a consultant group. Yeah. And that's what we're there for, right? We're all like wingmen, wingwomen for a friend. Yeah. And I feel like since we've

Not at all. You know. Yeah. And if someone if your significant other is like jealous of like someone in our friend group, red flag, dude. For us that's a red flag. We just have to tell them Yeah, we need to reassure them. Okay, we kind of touched upon this a little bit, but what happens when you see your close friend dating someone with a red? I would just call it out straight up. You know? I feel like this usually comes up when there

Or something. Yeah. And they're kind of freaked out about it too. And then you just like go like yo, that is a red flag. I agree. I just call them straight out. Yeah, you have to tell them for sure. But do they always

Definitely not. But it's like it's hard. You know what I mean? It's hard to deal with problems. Yeah. Especially like when it's newer and you don't really know how to bring it up. Mm-hmm. You like just don't want to br like bring Also it's like it's easier to point out flaws in someone else.

else's relationship, but when you're actually in it and you see it but you're so emotionally invested and just everything, it's so hard to pull back. So true. Especially like the final red flag when you really gotta break it off. Yeah. That's

And you you always know as the person who like is in the relationship and your friends are telling you, you know that it's an issue, but you're so emotionally invested into it, you've put so much effort into it. Are you just gonna waste all that time that you put and all that money? Emotions. So yeah. So you guys were talking about like when your friend asks you for advice, but say this person.

Relationship, they're no longer asking you for advice, but you think that they're ignoring a red flag that is like gonna be a huge problem in the future. Then how do you You wait. Oh my god. That's a hard one. I think I would think about it for like a month. And then they would have been broken up. Yeah, it's hard because in this situation they didn't ask you. Yeah.

Mm and kinda. Yeah. I feel like I've never barged in, but then in the end they always end up the topic comes up and they'll the they're the ones to bring it up. Yeah. Because they know, you know. Yeah. Has that happened to you, Jisoo? So I've had

Some of not the best guys, and I think when I was younger, you know, I'm like that kind of prop person who likes to solve problems. So when I was younger, like early college, I was Like I don't think this person has the qualities that you need, but also like these red flags And I would like straight up tell them. Because from my like viewpoint back then I know but it's like an immature way of thinking because you tell

to do or like telling them your thoughts isn't gonna influence them the way you think. And it like damages your friendship sometimes. Like I actually think that it can hurt them because it's like they you know have their own thoughts Eventually they'll break it off probably, right? you know, really go through the whole process. Yeah. But who am I to say like you

Yeah. So after like that experience I was like, I need to take a step back because it's not my life. It's like not my lesson to teach someone. You know, it's like everyone goes through their own time to learn their own lessons. So now I take you know, standpoint where I'm like I can't be so emotionally infested when they're not even asking me for advice. Like that's like fucked up too. So I like I've been really trying to like go out of my place. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I feel like important

Mm-hmm. You know, like people can only change so much. Yeah. It's hard though, right? Like watching someone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think in that case is super rough. The best you can You can try to say something that you think could help them uh start to think. Yeah, like towards the Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly. Judge them in the right direction. But if you were saying maybe like ask a question that

think about it like a therapist question. And then they start to think like, Oh, is this happening to me? Like is this how I'm being treated? Am I okay with that? Or something like that. Like just a question. I think another thing that I've realized recently is you know how we talked about it But when you're in it, it's hard, right? Yeah. So I think another thing is you could draw parallels to like another person.

And maybe that person can finally see that that quality is also present in their own relationship. Yeah. And then that's toxic. So then it's easier. Yeah. So I think luckily for us, none of our So we haven't Yeah. Yeah,'cause I know it's it's really hard for those people. Yeah. In for like in that situation. It's like as the friend on the outside you really want to help them, but then also it's really hard to just like approach it though. Yeah. Yeah.

'Cause sometimes you can offer help and they just they won't take it. Right. Yeah. Right. Why do you I think we touched on this a little bit earlier. It's like you um the the topic we touched on was that you don't want to let them be on their own because sometimes they can't be on their own or emotionally or physically.

And another reason I think it's like just the investment. Yeah. Like you look back and put so much effort into it kinda thing. And you don't want to just waste it. Like that was a waste of like years. So since I've already put so much years in it, I'm gonna try to fix it, try to make it work because Time is so limited, you know? Right. So I think that's the biggest reason.

a good reason. Oh it's not. Being in a relationship that it's like not working out where there's no love or it's just toxic, like it's never good to stay in it. In some cases it's okay if there's like no 'Cause I I think especially old or sorry, that sounds really mean, but like when you get a lot older age sometimes it's not that like lovey dovey stuff that's still there but it's like the

That's still there and then that's like the trash. I think like that's the real love. Yeah. Because like the honeymoon love, like that doesn't it'll always fade. Exactly. Yeah. I think another thing is like it's hard to break up with someone when they're so Like not just in your daily habits of like calling them after work or like texting them through the whole day. It's like this person has met all your friends. All your family. Right. It's like harder to cut it off. Yeah, because that's a huge

And maybe you're not ready for that change. Even if you're ready for the breakup. Yeah. Yeah. I think the main reason is fear. Mm-hmm. Straight up. Like you're scared of losing that person that you've relied on for so long. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And then I'll I I I think that a a common trend is like you're scared that Yeah. Oh yeah. Because sometimes it's like maybe you work but it's like not the best. But some people are

Yeah. That one makes me sad. Yeah. That one's hard to see like if when your friends are feeling that way after breakup. I think it's really common. know you're beautiful, you're great, like you can get someone better or like you know yeah but someone who like fits with you. Yeah. But then you don't always have Yeah. Yeah, I feel like that goes both ways. Like when you're in a super long relationship, you're like, Oh, what if there's someone better out there for me?

Yeah, but you're scared. Yeah. Yeah. Anything new is scary, right? Yeah. 'Cause how do you go from seeing someone every single day, calling them every day, being with them every day physically? And then like like we said earlier, cutting them off and being like even worse than strangers. Yeah. Yeah. Right? When you know so much about each other's family, personal life, history, friends. Yeah. I think that's why a lot of people Yeah. Yeah. They're like easier earlier. Yeah.

Somewhere that when you go through a breakup, since you're losing that person in your life, you almost go through a mourning process where it's basically like left. You know, like die. Not dying, but yeah. Yeah. Because like Lady said, like you become worse than strangers. This episode is like a roller coaster of like laughter, happiness into like deep, dark, serious

Anyone projecting here? So I have a spin-off question. Okay. So have you guys ever seen your friend date someone new and then watch them complete Mm. Mm. But definitely like change. Change. I think the biggest thing is just that they start neglecting their friends more. But you always expect it, you know? Yeah. I always kind of expect it. I feel like it's not expected.

It like depends on the person. Or you expect that they'll disappear a little bit. Yeah. But like hopefully not. Hopefully they'll come back. I feel like this comes back to our high expectations for a friend. No, like bitch, you better not like neglect me. And then when they do, you're just like, Okay, uh whatever. And then when they're when they're they're like single again, they're ha come back to being friends with you basically, you're like, Okay, whatever. Yeah. Some friends are

Yeah. But Jisoo, have you seen that? I think I've seen I mean it's not just my friends. I date someone new, I feel myself morphing into a little bit like the guy that I'm dating. It's like sense of humor, you know, like stuff you talk about Whatever the guy talks about, like it'll also kind of rub off on you, right? Yeah. So I can always feel myself changing and I can also see it in my friends when they date.

Yeah. You weren't like that with Alaska. Do those terms? Do you think it's like usually a negative thing or a positive thing? Or like a neutral thing? Ooh, I think it's usually neutral but I've had times where I really Like the new boyfriend. And then it strained our friendship a little bit.

'Cause it's like you can't help but absorb that. Yeah. And then I mean that's no one's fault, right? Yeah. But it's just like that guy might have been an amazing boyfriend to you. But know me and that guy great yeah me and that guy we don't get along or something like that which is totally fine you know it's not like I'm fucking dating him but it's just like you know since my friend or whoever

was like our friendship changed a little bit too during that time. Yeah. But now she's back. Now that the fucker's gone. All my friends be guessing like who is it? Oh my god. Time to look through Instagram Who's newly single? But yeah, I feel like you catch up on the change as in like they start picking up on the way they talk.

And just like certain words that they use. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Like you start copying it. Yeah. So they start selling the same and slowly morphing into looking the same. The language becomes the same. No, do you guys know that thing? Or like you people say that if people have been dating for a long time they start looking the same, like physically smiling the same. But also I feel like you're attracted to people who like look similar to you. Or like general. Makes sense.

Oh my god, you know the like oh god, the parent thing? It's like you date someone who reminds you of Although I've heard um like some psychological reasoning on it, which makes a lot of sense. It's like it's'cause when you grow up you receive love from your parents a certain way, so you kind of I think that's so Similar qualities that I respect in my dad. Yeah. Or my mom. Yeah. I look like the love I look for is how m is the love my parents show me growing up. So what

I'm really close with my parents. We have a really good family dynamic. Mm-hmm. So um we talk to each other about my personal problems, boyfriends friends. I like tell my parents a lot. Like the way they respond to me and ha the support they give me and like my mom's like really cute and she like likes to be with me, likes to cuddle. So it's like that's those are the things that I kinda do as well or look for as a girlfriend. Yeah.

'Cause that's the way I grew up. That's the love I learned is yeah like defined as love growing up as a child. Yeah. So it's what I started to embrace as I define love. So if you Parenting one on one. That's the real topic. Just kidding. But not really. Crystal, do you see any qualities in your boyfriend that you see in your parents? Uh Um I guess like introversion maybe? Oh really? I think my favorite Yeah, I'm super intro M G S the a pattern and then my my boyfriend

A little more on the introverted side. What do you guys think about like opposites attract? Because like Crystal's introverted and then her boyfriend. the time or like what do you see more often? Can't be too similar. You can lose yourself in your relationship, like personality wise, right? Yeah, but um'cause if you also if you're too similar, it's y no one brings anything new to the relationship. Yeah, that's true. And then no one's learning, I guess, you know?

I feel like it's a lot harder when like you have the same career paths. Yeah. Yeah. I would hate to be Same,'cause I feel like you would you go to work, do your job, then you come back to w come home and then you want to rant

how your day was but it's more work talk. Yeah but you guys are just and then it starts analyzing more into like different topics at work and it's like oh god I left work to leave work. Yeah. Oh you know what's funny actually in college I didn't like taking Because I didn't like to potentially have that competitiveness.

Um that makes a lot of sense. Or with your significant other. Yeah. I feel like that definitely could put a strain on things. If you're in a certain like your certain way. Yeah. Yeah. So I was thinking about the opposites attract thing. Uh-huh. And I was trying to figure it out And we came to the conclusion that core value

Like family oriented, f uh friend oriented, that kind of stuff really important. Hobbies, it's like neutral, like it could be a good thing or it could be better to have separate ones.'Cause you don't need all overlap, right? Yeah. But then Personality types I think. Is what I was thinking. Because I'm extroverted and he's introverted and it works out well because we meet in the middle of like wanting to have friends a lot.

time. Yeah. But then if we were if he was also extroverted, I think I would be so tired. Oh yeah. You know, like I don't wanna always be out, right? Yeah. So true. Yeah. I think yeah, I'm naturally Oh yeah, me and Amy match so well. Yeah, exactly. And I see it with my friends too. I see that too. Mm-hmm. But I feel like I'm a mix of both. It really depends. Yeah, you're very like middle. Yeah. But I like extroverts because I feel like they'll bring out

the extrovert side of me. Yeah. Which is hard when I'm with so many introverted friends. Like someone Tiffy's the only one who wants to go out. Yeah, like sorry about you, Tiffy. You need that like as an introvert, sometimes you push from an extrovert. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Um to like get yourself out there. Like I joke Like all humans if you just left me alone for a month or something. We didn't drag her ass out. Not a joke at all. But yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely like opposites in

certain ways. But I think um if you're like way too Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Like as as Jesus said, like I like analysis, yeah. Yeah, like having good uh But having similar values. Do it like core value. Core value. Fucking key. Buzzword. Hashtag core values. Hashtag core values. But yeah, definitely like. Some difference is very appreciated. You get to learn new things. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And you get to experience

world almost like from a different viewpoint. So how is it that you're dating an another introvert? Like do you think that kind of relationship works out for you guys? It's actually really You have some extroverted tendencies. Like if anything you But he like his his um understanding of himself, he was like, I think I'm really introverted. But then, like, as an outsider, I I saw sometimes like his interactions, and I was like, Sometimes I can see you like really

That and and I told him that, he's like hmm, I don't know. But then recently he took his um thing again, his library. Yeah, Myers Briggs. Myers Briggs. And the Myers Briggs today. Um and and what he found out was that he is kind of in the middle. Ooh. So like fifty-fifty kind of. He's like introverted. I think it's like fifty-six. So it's like very close to the middle and then he has like a lot of extroversion too. So

But I also see that in you too. F I think you can have your moments where you're you like really enjoy being with people even if it's like one on one or like a big group like I can really see that in you. So maybe you guys are both like kind of outgoing introvert extrovert. Yeah, I feel like with your close friends, like you open up a lot. Yeah. Like you're like super talkative. Yeah. But just with strangers.

Yeah. I think you're right. I have noticed that that I ha like I've tried to um put myself out there a little more and and not be so close I thrived in the One on three, like really small groups. I thrive. One on three. Yeah, the us is a prime example. Do you feel like your boyfriend's introversion draws out

Wow. Yeah, like someone needs to step it up. Yeah. Because I think when there's two extroverts, uh huh, someone becomes more introverted. Yeah. It's like, oh, you can fucking do the energetic part, right? That's so true. You don't need to like try to do that. Well I I think I'll invite him to So it's not like that.

So it's like m more low effort, like more chill vibes. Yeah. What we do a lot is we'll like stay in together a lot. It makes like special occasions when they come up, I try to think like, oh what what can we do? I guess that way. It's just like it's like leaving the house. Yeah. It's like it's like how it's like how can we leave the house and have something exciting instead of just like staying in and chilling? You know when Crystal's the most excited and talks the most?

When she talks about NBA. Oh my gosh. Oh fuck yeah. First finals. Suddenly so extroverted. I think it's everyone though, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's true. That's true.'Cause when you what you talk about what you like doing, obviously you're gonna get excited and want people to know, want people to relate with you. Yeah. It's really funny'cause you guys all

monotonous, which is is like true. Day to day I'm I'm very like deadpan. And then um DM us if you agree. And then uh w uh I was like chatting with a my friend once and then we started design which is like my career, right? And then she was like, Oh my God, I literally just saw your whole body perk up and your eyes lit up the moment we started talking about this stuff and I was like, Oh cool

She's like, Yeah, I can see the passion. She goes back into being hella introverted. She's like, Oh and then her mouth gets hella small. Like literally receding back into a shell. All right, enough about Crystal. Um, thanks for tuning in today, guys. You guys got to know all of our red flags very intimately. Boys, take notes. And thanks for listening to our Girl Talk. Mm-hmm. Hopefully we'll have more of these in the future, so write in if you want more of these.

Let us know. Hit the like button, subscribe, rating review, comment. Let us know like any other girl topics or even like guys uh what they If you want the guys to come and defend themselves, then also write in a book. Oh yeah, we can do like a boy talk series. Yeah. Featuring two girls. Guy talk. So if you liked our episode make sure you rate us and subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you

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