028: Are You Too Logical?

A lot of us will say that we're logical and that feels reasonable , it feels right , it feels like that's how we're supposed to be , we're supposed to be logical , but it actually gets us in trouble . We misuse logic . We'll tell ourselves we're thinking logically but we're really just having this selective thinking .

I was doing some clicking around on the inner webs and they call this logical fallacy , when we believe we're thinking logical , but really we just have this tunnel vision of what's right , what's wrong , and we're not truly being logical .

All right , so I'm going to talk about this misuse of logic in four areas , how it shuts down different things in our life , and then I'm going to talk about what true logic is , so diving in . The first thing it shuts down are our relationships . Being logical is very rigid in thinking and human beings' relationships are not logical .

Logic is really in our head . Our brain is very analytical , black and white wants to figure stuff out , but humans are emotional . Each human being is different . Each human being has different values , emotions and perspectives .

In a relationship whether it's your personal relationship with your wife , with your kids , at work , any relationship you're in with a friend if you catch yourself saying this is the reasonable thing to do , it just makes the most sense , the simple answer is there's nothing to think about , let's just do this .

Or the obvious solution is that's another way of saying I'm right and you're wrong . And that's not the best way to have a relationship , thinking you're right , the other person's wrong .

I don't know if you guys have read the book how to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie , and the book title is not revealing of how cool his relationship building techniques are and how real they are and how important and impactful they are to create good connections .

He says when you're in a relationship , make the other person feel important and do it sincerely . If we're being logical , we're usually telling the other person that they're wrong . That makes them feel like shit , doesn't make them feel important . We want to hear other people out .

And that second part do it sincerely , do it with an open heart with some curiosity , consider other people's emotions , other people's values and ethics and situations , and then make a decision . So that's one way logic gets us into trouble . Logic also shuts down our dreams .

If we have these big hopes and desires , logic will kick in really quickly and tell us all the reasons why that's not feasible , why our dreams and our desires aren't realistic . And I think this is a mix of listening to your brain or listening to your heart .

And we don't want to listen to our heart all the time and just buy a vacation home if the finances don't really add up . But if we just stay logical , we won't even run the numbers to see if it is feasible .

We won't have the conversations with our partner to dream a little bit or to talk to friends about it and maybe hear about good deals or a new secret place to buy a vacation home . Anything is possible .

And if we only think logically , we shut down our heart , our inner desires to dream for a new career or starting our own business or moving our family to a new town . If we're thinking logically all the time , it'll shut down this possibility for a bigger life .

So logic also shuts down our intuition , our body's ability to take in the scene around us , the nonverbal communication , and intuitively have this knowing that something is right , something is wrong , this feels good , this feels bad . Logical thinking , our brain turns off that intuition .

Let's say , in a relationship I see this a lot you have this sense that something's off , that your wife's being distant , maybe you feel like a little pit in your stomach once in a while . But your brain kicks in and your brain's thinking no , everything's okay , bills are paid , kids are healthy , we got an awesome home , we got some good friends , wife's happy .

Overall we get along pretty good . And that's very logical to think that way . And our gut is telling us something different and we're not listening to it . The longer we don't listen to our intuition , the little fights add up . We're having the same fight every couple months and then you know , shit blows up and we get a divorce or we separate .

I've worked with dudes at this point and so many of them say that they wish they had gotten ahead of this . They wish they had checked in with this intuition . They knew something was going on but they ignored it because they were in their head , they were thinking logically , all right . So logic shuts down our intuition . Last one logic shuts down fun .

If we're too logical , we don't take as many risks , we're not spontaneous . And think about when we were kids , when you were in high school , we did some stupid shit . Shit that was not very logical and it was fun . And how boring is life if we wouldn't have done some of those illogical things ?

And we're at this point in our life right now where we have a lot of responsibilities and , yes , we do have to be more careful . We can't go totally crazy . But if we want to have fun , we got to let go a little bit of all the logical thinking , of all the safe ways of being , because we'll have a story to tell .

We'll have a more interesting life when we're not just logical all the time . We misuse logic . We think logical means I know what's right and the other person is wrong , but true logic is weighing all the options . My dad has always said that logic was his favorite course in college , and so this just kept showing up . I was like why ?

And so I called him , and when he explained what he liked about the course , it was that they taught you to take in all perspectives , all different options , and not to be close-minded but to be open-minded and acknowledge that you don't have the right answer all the time and that you might be wrong .

All that you take in , all the other perspectives , you poke holes in your stories . So then you kick logic in . That's what true logic is . True logic is weighing all the options , hearing other people out and then making a decision . After that and I'll see this a lot with people at work you think that your process is the most logical .

You think that the way you do it is right , that you have all the answers and it doesn't open us to other ideas . And you know what . Maybe your idea does end up being right .

But if you don't hear other people out , if you shut other people down and just steamroll them because you know what's right and that's the way we're going to do it and let's go , I'm telling you , one , people are going to think you're kind of an asshole and two , you're going to be missing something .

You're going to be missing maybe small little things to do it a different way . Being a good leader isn't always knowing the right answer right away . Being a good leader is allowing yourself to be wrong , asking questions , looking at the other side of the coin and then making a decision and being strong in that decision .

When you think that you have it figured out or you think that you know what's right , that's when you have to poke some holes in it . There's kind of two ways you can be . You can be that guy who walks around thinking that he's always right and calling the shots and telling people what to do all the time .

Or you can be the guy that is vulnerable , willing to call himself out when he's wrong and willing to listen to other people and not be super pushy

all the time right . I think of about Abraham Lincoln , this leader that brought people into his cabinet that all thought differently than him , and he did that to make sure that he wasn't diving into his own logical traps . And it wasn't weak . People actually saw it as weakness . They thought he was a weak leader . He wasn't strong enough to be president .

He's bringing these other people in and these other people are actually calling the shots . He's just the puppet . But that's not how it was . He would listen , he would hear them out and then he would make his decision that true logic right , take in all the options and then make a decision . Life is not logical . The universe is not logical .

Human beings are emotional . Crazy shit happens all the time . Consider other people's emotions , other people's values and ethics and situations , take in all the options and then make a decision . All right , that's it for this week . Have a good one and I'll catch you next week . I'll see you next week .

Consider other people's emotions , other people's values and ethics and situations and then make a decision .