015: Flip Your Stress on its Head

Today we are going to talk about stress . Super fun , exciting subject . It's a emotion , it's a state that we're in a lot as dads . We need to manage the stress , manage the responsibilities , so we can be a durable dad . We can kind of take on everything that's thrown at us and we get to show up as best as we possibly can .

Stress is something that comes up a lot in the guys that I coach and for me as well . When we have a healthy relationship with stress , we can actually start managing it differently . How are we going to manage our stress in a healthy way ? by having a healthy relationship with it . Stress can actually be a good thing . That's what we're going to get to .

Stress comes from our brain . Our brain is perceiving danger in the world and it creates a stress state in our body . This could come from a big meeting that is upcoming . It could come from a big financial purchase , that we have to make big decisions . Our brain is going to perceive the outside world as dangerous .

Our body goes into this fight or flight response . What's happening is that our body starts releasing hormones . The central nervous system signals our adrenal glands . That's where all of our hormones are released . It releases two main stress hormones epinephrine and cortisol . What that signals the body to do is increase our heart rate .

All of our blood kind of leaves our brain , leaves our digestive system , leaves our immune system , and goes into our body , into our muscles , ready for a fight or ready to run . We call this stress . Usually our heart rate is up . Usually we can feel tight in our chest . When we don't manage stress in a healthy way .

We can stay in this stress state for extended amounts of time . We're not thinking straight in our head and very focused in our head . Our immune system isn't getting the attention it needs . It can really drain on our body . What I'm going to talk about is our relationship with stress .

Usually we think of relationships with other people , but we have a relationship with stress When I'm working with guys on this and we're talking about that feeling of a fast heartbeat and a tight chest and tenseness in the shoulders . Usually it's like I hate it , i want it to go away , i don't want the stress to be there .

So that's our kind of default relationship with stress We don't like it And that's a mindset , right ? We think that stress is bad .

And when we think stress is bad and we want it to go away , it perpetuates it And we'll start to cope with stress in unhealthy ways like overeating or overdrinking or gambling or porn , trying to take that edge off of the stress . And there are healthy coping mechanisms for stress .

We could exercise more and we can meditate and do some breathing exercises to slow down that stress and to help it move . And those are awesome .

And what I've found in me , in a lot of the guys that I coach , that even those healthy coping mechanisms if we still have this thought that stress is bad and we want it to go away , it sneaks back in And what's happening here is that when we think stress is bad , we actually are hating on a part of ourselves And that kind of sounds weird .

But think of our central nervous system , right ? Our brain is perceiving danger in the world around us with whatever's coming our way , and it tells our body to get on defense , fight or flight , and we release these hormones And our body is responding to what it thinks is danger .

And then we go and tell our body and our brain that you're wrong , you're bad , get out of here . And it's an internal struggle And that internal struggle just leads to more and more stress .

So to kind of flip this , to have a more healthy relationship with stress , is that we wanna start thinking of it differently , and there's some really cool research that's been done on this . There's a TED Talk by Kelly McGonigal that really drives home how our mindset , how our relationship with stress can heal . It can help us in the long run .

Dr Aliyah Crum , who's a researcher out of Stanford , has also done different experiments around stress and actually talks about the benefits of stress that when we're in this heightened state and there's adrenaline pumping through our body , we can be more focused and we can have more energy and there's a chance to direct it in a productive way .

And another thing Dr Crum talks about is that when we're stressed it means that we care For me . I got two kids , one of them's an infant . I'm running a business and stress can get high sometimes And if I tell myself it's high . I feel this because I deeply care about these things . I can take that stress energy and put it into my family .

I can put that stress energy into researching fun things to do and planning out this summer and being focused in that manner . Or in my business , i can dive into building a new group program and researching and stuff that I'm excited about . So stress can actually drive you forward .

Stress is there because I care , so that's different than thinking that stress is wrong and I want it to go away . There are times , though , when we're super stressed , when our mind is just racing and we're worried about something , and that stress can really start getting intense and can turn into panic attacks .

If this is happening and it's starting to kind of overtake our day-to-day life , we wanna turn towards it . We wanna face the stress head on . We want to really acknowledge that it's there and hear out what it has to say .

And that might sound funny , right , like hear out what the stress has to say , but our emotions in our body , their signals , they have information that they wanna tell us , and that information comes through our brain .

So when we're stressed , our brain , like I said earlier , is perceiving danger , what I'm talking about right now is listening to the brain acknowledging what we're feeling . So , for example , let's just say there's something going on right now that's really just on your mind , stressing you out .

There's a big meeting that you're losing sleep over and it's a big presentation and your brain starts making it a huge deal . You're feeling anxious , you're feeling worried , you're feeling stressed about it . Here's what you do First you just name it , you write it on a piece of paper or you say it out loud I'm feeling stressed , i'm feeling anxious .

Then you locate it . So where do you feel stressed in your body ? Oh , my breath is short . I feel it up in my high chest and I feel tight and my heart's pumping really fast . Okay , awesome . So now that we've slowed down a little bit , we go to the worst case scenario . Let the brain play this out .

What is the brain thinking right now about this meeting ? It's thinking , oh , i might lose this big chunk of business , my employees will be disappointed with me , i might lose my job or the company might go under .

Once you let the brain play out these thoughts and we usually don't do that Usually we try to push these thoughts away , so giving it that space to air out the thoughts . we then can look at those thoughts and just ask how likely is it for each thing that the brain wants to worry about ?

And just asking that question might give you some type of peace of mind and might alleviate some of that stress . If the brain is still worried , then we can be like all right , what if some of that really did happen ? What if you did lose a big chunk of business ?

What usually is at the bottom of stress is this feeling that if I mess up right now , i'm going to be a failure , i'm not doing a good enough job . So we want to really open up the mind , open up the brain , let it go off down this rabbit hole of worries and concerns that are probably not true , are probably not likely .

And then , once we do this , that messy brain starts to be cleared out and everything that we've written down become strategies to plan around , become obstacles that we want to work through , and now that they're out of our head , we have a clear space to start planning efficiently and start making better decisions and being more productive , because when we stay in

the stressed state , we usually procrastinate . When we're pushing and trying to work harder , we're usually scattered and not working on our actual priorities , not really preparing for the meeting And turning towards the stress .

Going through these steps of naming it , locating it , going through the worst case scenario , it's going to allow you to be more efficient and crush whatever it is that we're stressed about . It sometimes seems counterintuitive to stop for a second and do an exercise like this .

However , it saves you time in the long run and it makes your performance a whole lot better , and this isn't always easy to do on your own . So there's guided meditations that can take you through this . William Ferris has a really awesome fear setting exercise that you could Google and YouTube and he takes you through it step by step .

Or you have someone kind of hold this space for you and help you stay with the uncomfortable emotion of stress and navigate and guide you . Those are all resources that are out there for you , and the goal here is to have a healthier relationship with stress .

Instead of trying to push it away and hate on it , We want to start acknowledging that it's there and we want to start realizing that maybe it can be there to serve us . And when we do that , just like most of the stuff we talk about on the podcast . We are handling our own issues . We're managing our own emotions .

So in this case , with our stress , we are owning

that . Maybe we have an unhealthy relationship with it and we want to change our relationship with stress And when we do , we don't bring it home . We don't bring it home to our families and we can be that guy that is navigating it all .

All right , mentioned it on the last couple podcasts , but really appreciate those five star reviews because more guys are going to be able to find the podcast when we have the reviews out there . We're all going through the same life and struggles together and this could be a really good resource . If it's helping you might help some other dudes .

So enough of that . Have an awesome week and I will catch you next week .