S4 Ep. 5 - Hope Bloats

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Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. So listen, we was heading out from it, Faddy. To find my granddaughter, Lila. Four of us on our stolen spaceship. Didn't see the first sharks for about three seconds, space sharks.

We waved to them, said hello. And the idea was the sharks would help us cover the ship and scrap and wreckage, and we would start sneaking and creeping and crawling across the no zone, and the sharks would be on their way. But they didn't go away. Those space sharks, they look right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a space shark. Big cute eyes. Like a puppy's eyes when he comes at your tail waggin begging.

Cindy. Huh? Hey Dale. What's up, Dale? Oh, hey scrap. Hey Wreckage. I'm just making a little audio diary about meeting you two. Oh, that's nice. Grandpo, I told you we just escaped an IBS capital ship. We're running silent, no talking. Oh, sorry, Lila. Sorry. Yeah, I bad Lila. I hate- Oh why would you hate us? We like you so much. That's so sad and unfair. Anyway, we found Lila and where she's doing great and You wanna a little song? Show me the way to go.

I wanna go to bed. I had a little drink about an hour ago and then it went right to my head. Bomb bum bum. Oh man, okay. I gotta go to sleep. Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, or perhaps... We should say Grandpa's and Galaxy. Bee-boo, bee boo, bee-boo. Space sounds space sounds. Uh French horn. How come they don't ever do that? French. Imagine lasers. French horn is the most spacey of all. I will point out Nat came up with a very good alternative subtitle.

What is Dementia Twenty. Dementia twenty. Dementia twenty. No, it's grandpa's and galaxies, a grand space pauper about four gills. Who take to the stars to rescue their grandkids? They won't be kids for much longer. and perhaps the entire known universe in the process. This is DD5e in the dark matter system. And I'm Freddie Wong. I play Ashley Birch. Wait, Freddie, you do raise a good question, which is when your grandkids become like

adults. Do they become like grandmen and women? No, they're always your kids. It's like your kids always your baby. I just think it would be like that's my grandma. That's my grandma. That's my grandman. That's my grandman nominee. Grandboy turned to a grand man today. Ashley Birch

Grandboy? That'll be the dude, God of War. Grandboy. Grandboy. Grandpa Kratos could just be. Grandpa Kratos? Imagine how hard that would hit. I'd have to quit back to writing those grandboy on it, Anthony. Grandboy. Oh, you could command two. What if it's a nested system where you yell at your son and then your son yells at his son? So it's called passing on the cycle of abuse. No, that's gonna hit so hard because it's gonna be like fucking Kratos is fucking like

You have to be meaner to your son Atreus, and Atreus is like, Dad, I'm doing it different than you did. Fucking take that generational fucking shit to the next level. Turns out that bad guy is actually. Oh, yeah. I don't like it when my grandboy calls me GG. Call me Kratos. Dude, I am Kratos. Oh dude, when you open up the level like the level tree, it's like, what the hell? A tree. Why is Grand Boy upgrading his stealth? I don't want him to be stealth.

Uh Trace is like I have to update those levels. I let him choose his own way he wants to be in the world. I gotta walk my own path. So the next uh God of War game you're gonna have three skill trees. It's gonna be like husband, father, grandfather. The three types of men. Ashley Birch, born in sixty four, which makes him the youngest boomer Twin Galaxies Era Arcade Pro Gamer Turn Twitch streamer.

Speaking of Twitch streams, as we've established, Ashley streams Eve Online and the greatest Is he Goonswarm dude? No, he's he's got his own thing. What Ashley has a little thing for those of you in the know will know. The Victorio Luxury Yacht. Only granted to the players active on the winning server during the FanFest 2015 Worlds Collide Eve Online event. He picked the winning server, let's just say, and he's been

Coveting this precious ship the whole time. Never flown. Have blueprints. Never flown. What did um that's the the saddest Hemingway Eve Online review. What did uh Ashley think about that gambit where There were two shipyards and they put all of their defenses around the shipyard that had nothing in it so that they ignore the one that had the

like battle cruiser in it. Oh, so you missed his twelve part series where he broke down the event on YouTube but he has the YouTube, you know, uploading the clips from the VODs. Yeah. I just wanna say to all my Goonswarm people out there that I tried to get you guys into the can another show. Uh so and Freddie you've turned me down. So just Also sorry to goonswarm that gooning now means something very specific. Hi everybody, my name is Matthew Arnold. I play Dale Elliott.

The once uh world cruise loving ex-lifeguard, now uh monk of the stars. Widow of one monk monk of the stars. Who does Gwennith go to when she needs to consider the universe? Widow of one, father of four, grandfather of seven, and friend to all Little fact about Dale is uh since we're gonna I think be talking to Lila and we

the birthday presents, just a little thing. Dale is the coolest grandpa'cause Dale always buys every single grandkid he sees if he happens to see the one's birthday, the latest console. Doesn't matter what or why or how or do they have it'cause he got burnt a few too many times by trying to buy games for the wrong console. So say How did Dale latest Nintendo and I'll give it to you? How did Dale weather? Xbox Series XS Crisis.

If you don't ask for the name of the console and you just say, Give me the latest one, they will give you the latest one. That was Microsoft's mistake. They should have called the Xbox Series X the latest one. So it's always the most expensive and the latest,'cause they'll see a sap when they come into that Best Buy. Yeah. Suckers born every minute. Really the Rog Aus? Twelve hundred that's the latest one. The Rog Asus. The Rogue Asus Xbox edition.

It's twelve hundred dollars, that seems like a lot, sir. Rog extra. This is the latest one. It's okay. Fucking ROG stands for Republic of Gamers, dude. Dude, for those who dare, dude. Fuck it, I remember reading Plato's The Republic of Gamers. Hi everyone, I'm Will Campos and I play Ralph the Worm Esteraus. No

Just keep me on your toes. Bethany dies thing two percent genuinely sad. Yeah. No, he's not. He is a sci-fi scribe slash wife guy whose wife died. Slash sorcerer radiation freak. And master of the worm. And the worm. Ralph's art. Nemesis, his arch rival. He and Cookie, obviously, like they've been sweethearts for forever. But before Ralph, there was Cookie's high school boyfriend, who is now you ready for this? The editor of Teen Sects. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Five single senior feet landed them at a publisher where her high school boyfriend You know they were having an affair. Triple H. And fucking yeah, triple H. Um and was always given notes. about how they should like tone down the bug stuff. It seemed like he was just laser focused on trying to drive a wedge button. Are you sure he wasn't telling your wife to tone down the butt stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Ralph loves the bugs. Exactly. Exactly.

Exactly. He's trying to push Ralph out of his own franchise. Yeah, so Ralph's always like I'm gonna I gotta be cool, I can't be weird. You know, I don't wanna make this worse. But um, you know, he was very he always joked with his beloved cookie'cause he always figured he was gonna die first, ironically. And he was always like, Mark my words, cookie. That Harold, once I'm gone, he's gonna swoop And she's like, He already did. Real question between between uh just just will here. Mm-hmm.

Lori drop. Did did she? Absolutely not. No, Will doesn't know yet. Don't tell them. Hogaboom Hi, my name's Beth May and I play Herb the Worm Quiggly, a young at heart barbarian storytelling grandpa who is losing the plot. Herb's arch nemesis is his plantar fasciitis. Talk about the agony of defeat. That's not my fact. I wasn't showing off. I was just I was just I was just being silly. Herb's first job. was working at a fast food joint

Called the iceberger, which was known for giving coldest burgers in town extra iceberg lettuce. When you ordered the burger, they would just show you a little bit. And then hold on to it for an extra five minutes so that you were really hungry and then they revealed that the burger is actually way bigger than you thought it was gonna be. No Kirp would do it every single time. There's not enough napkins for this burger. Not enough by half. It was his job to show

Briefly the the burger. Wow. And a beth fact, you're listening to this on April seventh. On April twenty ninth, which is Will Campos' birthday, True, I am doing a performance of my solo show Beth Wants the D at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. Oh, you don't live in Los Angeles? That's okay. you can buy a virtual ticket and uh watch it live or on demand. So I will

Maybe record a pickup with more details later or just put something in the details of this episode. So there All of my friends will be going to that instead of doing the thing I wanted to do for my birthday. So have fun. Well w what did you want to do?

Hi. I'm Anthony Birch. I'm your granddaddy master. Hey Anthony. This week's epigramph is There is no crime in detecting and destroying in wartime, the spy and the information. They have destroyed without trial. I have paid them back in their own country. That is by Michael Collins, uh Irish resistance leader or terrorist, depending on who you ask, I guess. I loved that movie with the goalposts on that. Yeah. When we last left you.

Lila, who when you left initially and went into, you know, lightspeed or whatever, Lila was working for, presumably, the IBS. But when she came to rescue you, you learned that she is no longer working for the IBS. And not only that, you learn that she is willing to shoot a fishman who is presumably one of her partners because in her words he had an implant that would allow them to track you and she didn't have time to extract it. I have an implant that'll let people track me. What?

You okay back. No, I was just like Ha ha Ha ha ha ha. Oh my god. No elaboration, Beth. That's it. It was a boob job joke, I'm sorry. It was yeah, yeah. I get it. I tracked it. Oh they put little little beats? I'm sorry, I don't actually interrogate shipped like a dog? I haven't had a boob job, which is fine if I did. We're not interrogating. We don't interrogate every single bit you guys make that I don't understand. I was genuinely curious.

What do you want? What do you want? Do you want us to ask about your day or not? Do you want us to follow up with you? What do you want, Beth? I just want you to to laugh. And move on. But Doctor, I am Beth May. Okay, so What does that mean? Pagliacci. You're Pagliacci. Yeah, like the pizza player. Yeah, the pizza place. Okay, so that was being cool as a fuck. I was cool as fuck. She killed this this fish man who rescued you from the IBS headquarters of the or the capital ship rather.

To prevent him from Visco would be a bad spy'cause like he's gonna forget his spy stuff like six seconds later. She's straight up she's just like living army of shadows right now, is what's happening. Yeah, basically. Yeah. You all are flying away from the four twenty blazes. And uh a litany of alarms and warnings occlude the entirety of Lila's view screen. And she says, Time to run silent, guys. Everybody hold your breath.

And she jams down on the throttle, waits a moment and then turns a key, and all the lights in the ship go out and you all start to float in your seats. Everybody give me a con save. This is just like that fair ride that's not very safe. Eighteen on my conscience. Yeah, it spins. Dude, I feel just like Katie Perry up in space right now. Yeah. Twenty. Roll the dice. Punch the keys. I got a ten. Oh no, I got a natural one.

All right, so Herb and Ralph, you're gonna conk your head on the ceiling fairly lightly, but hard for somebody of your age. So both of you take a D6 of damage at least. It's on the head I thought the hip is the worst part for Oh yes. My head's always the worst. Head's where you keep your memories and your thoughts. Head is you, you head.

Fucking gotta write that one. Renee Descartes over here. Head is you you head. Head is you you head. Kogito ergo sum. That's what that means. I got three damage as well. Son of a bitch. Ow. Ow. Ashley and Dale are just fucking We're just swear. We're just floating in spaces and joints. Whoa.

It's quite nice. Take a load off. Hey, take a load off. Yeah, like look at your look at your grandpa. She she's holding her breath and she goes Why are you holding your breath? She holds up one finger as you say that why are you holding your breath, you feel

Yourself began to get really out of breath because she also turned off the life support. Oh there's plenty of residual oxygen, Lila. Brings up a finger and then she turns the key a little bit like you're no you're just turning on the uh the battery in your car kind of thing. And she turns on the oxygen, if not the gravity. And she goes, Okay, sorry. Go ahead. What are we talking about? Oh uh Hey, it's really good to see you. Yeah, why would you come here?

Oh, I've missed you so much. Because the more silent you can run, the less chance that they'll get a lock on us. So should we shut up? Yeah, shut up so I can uh tell me everything. What's been going on? Okay, well what's been going on with you? Uh besides you killed that fish guy. Yes. But hey, who am I to judge? Tell me what's been going on with you. Man, a lot. So I was Oh, sure. And she like pulls herself into a chair and begins to lift out until she like buckles her seatbelt.

And she says, Yeah. Actually I was gonna ask what was going on with you and how it's only like a few days. Yeah, that's what I realized. Yeah. I don't know how mom's doing No, I oh my God, it's been I mean, I don't know how the time thing has it only been a few days for her too. No, it's been ten years for her. It's been ten years. Oh my God.

Oh, my kids ten years older. You know, I never thought I'd live to see them that long, so I guess they'll be cool when I get back. If I'm sure she's doing great though. Your mom's always doing great. Yeah. She probably misses you a lot. I miss her. Yeah more than I expected I would. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Anyway, whatever that's first of all, look, presents Happy birthday. We said at the end of the last episode that you left a present to me. Oh no I left them.

I regret that decision already.'Cause I don't know enough of what's going on, so you know, I'm gonna assume the best. Stale maybe your presence is a present. Hey I've I've I've tried that one before, but that doesn't work for Lily Beat over here. She she wants a present. No, it's not. Am I a little bit bummed I don't have a present that you obviously have? Uh yes, yes, I am a little bummed, but no, it's fine. It's not even. I am. Okay. But it's the good guy. Always A.

Any trouble's a good kind of trouble. That's my bad. That's my fucking man. That's why you took me to the goddamn convention the first place. Heck yeah. Which by the way is a good thing. Don't bum yourself out. Oh, I wasn't bummed. I mean I'm it's pretty crazy. I mean, you know, your mom would be is gonna be mad oh your mom's gonna be extra mad about it now.

Yeah, I mean I mean she I guess in terms of the argument I definitely lost that one. When I finally come back, it will definitely be uh my bad. She said ten years to perfecter argument. Yeah, you know Some of my kids, but Maren, uh time doesn't heal wounds with her. She gets angry. So ten years later, yeah, she's gonna she's gonna be the Benjamin Button of emotions.

No. Oh God. It's gonna be fifty years before the next teen sex book comes in. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Oh m yeah, you your fans are gonna be one of the Oh no. Oh that's no okay. This is let's just stay one thing at a time. And we make sure that book is worth waiting for No. Yeah, winds of winter that shit Winds of Winter Lila says. Winds of winter.

That still hasn't come out. I know you it's only been a couple days since you saw me. That's true. That's true. Just let you know in a few days. Surely. Okay. So you said you're in trouble. It's a good kind. Yeah. So okay, so when I got taken away, the IBS took us all away. Okay. And uh

They basically slated me, of course, for a sort of leadership position for the general just like in the in the Fermi paradox. I was a general. And so yeah, I was helping them fight against the the luminous for a while, but it was like Easy. Like they have a lot of resources and they're kind of everywhere. And you know, like where to go and what to do. Like a anybody who like knows

about warfare. If you watched, you know, a documentary or read anything, it's like pretty straightforward. These guys don't get it because they never went to war. So I was just kind of bored. So I decided to jump ship and join the Luminous. So I'm with them now. Uh and I think it'll probably be more fun because it's a little bit underdoggy. So you're helping the underdogs. Yeah. Vid is this a game? Uh what do you mean? Like the video, like this is the video game you're

No, this is I guess I mean the situation that we're in is very like the video game'cause it turns out that video game was a recruitment tool for the IBS to find people who would be good at fighting like America's Army. Yeah, like America's Army actually And full spectrum warrior. Remember that one? Yeah. And also weirdly enough, Soldier of Fortune. So Um also Call of Duty, but they're not as obvious about it. So I think they're more obvious about it.

Guys, these takes. We're gonna have to cut all that. That's too that's too spicy. Spicy. Simply too spicy. If you want to hear takes like that, just tune into the gamer stack on our Patreon. So Lila, uh Graham's here. Obviously I came originally to come and take you home'cause you're a kid. Yes. Um I'm kind of trying to figure out where I fit in here.

I wanna be here for you. Well it's actually I I I think your mom would like you to come home, but honestly, I actually probably don't know what she's feeling ten years from this as happening. Yeah. Um I've been gonna cruises for a while, but never ten years. So you actually showed up at the perfect time. Great. I exactly fit in. Oh great. What about us? Yeah, all of you.

Oh great. Convenient. I was just about to go meet with some amoeboid tech smugglers and I need Amoibos. Amoebooks. Amoeboy. Like an amoeba, but like kind of the size of a person. Boys. I know they I don't they're genderless, but they're why are they called boys then? A me boys with a Demi Boyd. Oh like the noid, you remember that? I think she means like a humanoid.

Mee Boy Boys. Okay. Yes. There's a couple of Miiboid tech smugglers, and I need backup that I can trust to make the exchange. And you guys haven't been here long enough to actually become a spy. We've had a big spy problem in my particular chapter of Illuminus. Is that why you killed that fish guy? Yeah. One of the reasons. So you're having a problem with people always not being on the side that they say they're on? Correct, exactly.

Uh why don't you all get along then? Oh that'd be good. Wha what do you mean? Like we all ally around the fact that none of us have any loyalty? I think that's beautiful, yeah. That's an interesting thing to say. Roll persuasion. What if you were like a sort of republic of gamers? Seven. Seven. She goes, No, that seems like a metal gear solid thing that doesn't actually work in reality, like an outer heaven thing. Big boss's dream didn't work out.

You'd know if you played the game. You'd love it. Uh anyway, yeah. So you need us to basically be backup bodyguards. I've got, you know, I mean, I'll do whatever you need, you know. I'm I mean I heard you guys But like we're not. Ten years ago, you guys sh fought your way out of McFadden Gate. So like you're You're pretty good, right? Yes. Well it's been ten years, so maybe we're not as uh sharp as we are. No, it's only been like a couple of days for you.

Yeah, old head's all right. We can't. The toilet the ship is so small that the toilet is right there and she says and she just points at a toilet. There is no other room. Do you got four tubes? Four suckin' tubes. For cells. What? Something you would know if you uh Oh for zero G. No, I usually just turn the life support on if I'm gonna shit. Oh.

Which I will now do. And she turns on the gravity as well and everybody goes Okay, great. Okay, well I want I don't want you using my tube. No, we just is there a place on this ship to have a private conversation?

Uh I mean I can like not. No what anything we say we can say to my shot then. I don't wanna do this. Okay. Well that's fine. What y young lady, this is your grandfather came across space and time to make sure you're okay and now you wanna use him as some sort of meat shield to perform some sort of Dirty deed in a war that you clearly have no moral standing in.

Why are you coming after Lila? Yeah, thank you, Grandpa. She did she said she's just doing this cause she's bored. There's lives at stake. I you know, you And you don't have to come, you can stay in the ship, whatever. You could she Okay. Can I I I was gonna ask her something and maybe this will excite you a little bit. Uh I was thinking. I was thinking'cause here, we're all in this together and she's smart. Whatever you want to say about her, she's smart.

Right, maybe not book smart, maybe not great. No, I'm those two. Thank you. Yeah, but yeah, she she when she applies herself, so here's the thing, here's what I was thinking. I would again, as always, I'll do anything for you. Okay. I said that uh ever ever since you were a little kid. I said, I'll do anything. However, there's something you could help us with. Yeah?'Cause you know how you age ten years. I did. We just happened to choose you first. We haven't gone to any other

Oh wow. Do you know anything about our other key uh what about the rest of the your team, the the Daxers or the Dippers or the Do you know have you kept up with them? There's gotta be a way not to take ten years to get to the other. That's what I would like to focus our energy on. If you'll help us if we help you, maybe right that's what I was thinking, guys like Ash Ashley holds up a piece of paper and a pen and he folds the piece of paper.

It pushes the pen through the side. Okay, so you're doing an event horizon, that's what this is. Well I mean maybe actually you know it maybe. I mean the guy the you know who would know for ya the kind of people who would know something like that are like the amoeboid. Are you just saying that side? We already said we're gonna do it. I mean no But honestly, no I I mean I yes I am trying to make you do this thing, but also secondarily I genuinely don't

think that's a thing, but it's also there's a lot of black market tech going around. Who knows what the IBS is working on? I there was even classified stuff when I was there. So like it's it's possible that there's a space folder thing. Space folder where you keep your space file. Cool. One more question. Yes. Uh well no I have a lot'cause it's been ten years, but do you wanna go home? No right now. I wanna kinda finish the fight first, you know, Halo style. Uh

Message would do it. Just just five more minutes, she says. Exactly. This guy gets it. You don't you don't really care how your mom's doing? I mean I do, but I also know that However I feel about her now, it's kinda not gonna matter because ten years will have passed from the time I go back if I started going back to her right now, she'd be ten years older. Unless we find the space for

things. Yes, unless the space folder exists and it's not. I said it maybe exist. I don't know. Yeah, but if you thought of it, it's gotta exist. I believe you can't think of something that doesn't exist because how can you thought of it? I don't know. I used to How could you have thought of it? It must exist. But then how how would human ex I mean, but people Yeah, how did the wheel come about if they didn't know about wheels? Spaceships themselves are

What about wheels? What about wheels? What about wheel rocks? The wheels exist. No, I'm with your granddaughter on this. Someone had to come up with you because are you you, sir, are you saying there's no wheels before we discovered the wheels? Anywhere in the universe you're saying. There was no wheels. That's all. So you're you're you're you're saying Spider-Man. Spider-Man, same thing. As Journey once said, wheel in the sky keeps on turning.

So that was before Wheels. Maybe maybe like there's a sort of quantum That we're all attuned to and that everything that could exist is when you're out on the sea long enough, you get to thinking and and without a doubt We're here. Hej där! På netto nät har vi nu startat grillarna. Allt för dig som ska flippa börjare, fixa pizza, röka mackill eller försöka lista ut hur man grillar en kronets kocka. Grillar och utköp köper du på nettonet.se eller i nästa lagerkopp.

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What? Well I mean we're about to be here and she points out the front and uh you see a little it's like full of neon light you know the fucking golden what's it from Final Fantasy VII? Oh, the gold saucer? It looks very much like the gold toss. There's a lot of neon, it looks very fun, there's a little fireworks on it. Exactly. This is where you get to find uh.

Yeah, kind of. It's like an entertainment station, basically. It's like an arcade. It's got the hollow suite thing. Hey, we're gonna go to the hollow suites. You guys can find out the m ooh, you can use the hollow suites. You probably haven't been able to use those yet. Here's here's what what are those? Do you ever watch T N G? Or D S nine? The next generation? Yeah, Star Trek. Huh. Did I ever that happen to me, man?

The whole show? That's his thing. We just you c I I think everyone else has agreed to play along with it. Okay, so he was like I worry about the next generation every day. He was worried he was like this before he hit his head on the bulkhead. Yes. No. Okay. Well, anyway.

They're lots of fun. Uhhuh. All we gotta do is we can go in. Basically they're selling a thing that allows me to find out when hex diamonds are formed. You guys know what hex diamonds are in this whole Oh it was basically a couple of days.

Oh yeah. Some of those concepts are new and unfamiliar. So this space is really important because a lot of these plants got destroyed and fucked up. There's a lot of space debris and asteroids specifically. And when Asteroids Salvage and Demolition, what were their names? The Rack and Salvage. You already forgot about it. Wreckage and salvage? Uh I don't think so. I think it was something else. It was wreck and salvage. It was wreck and salvage. Um guys.

Was it more than scrap? Is scrap and wreck. Wreck and scrap. Scrap and wreckage, you will write. Scrap and wreckage. This is just Will's attempt to get Scrippy back in the show. I know. Scrappin' pip scrippy, right? There was one couple of things. Will get an inspiration for correctly remembering the space sharks that I didn't remember. No, I was just wondering how long it's been in their time since they've seen us. Like do they miss us already?

Who? Do you you scrap and wreck scrap and wreckage? Oh we're we haven't gone faster than light, so they're like a couple thousand meters behind us. Okay. Look, she hits a button on her screen and you see like a rear view mirror. How old are you guys now? Zooms all the way in.

See I don't have a speaker on this. Oh bye. If they were in a ship I could talk to him, but no. Do you want me to like go pick'em up? No. Oh yeah, okay. Can they join them? Wait, wait, wait, wa yeah. Yeah if you want. Herb, they were so nice to us. Dale, I just I like just like the four of us hanging out, man. When there's like new people, like that changed the diagram. She's pressing a button and like rhythmic thing and she's like, I'm doing Morse code.

At them with the headlights. New friends is maybe the best kind of friend. I that's what I thought when I met you guys, but now I'm like Are we having a tough time right now? What are you talking about? I'm fine. Your face says otherwise I'm fine. Yeah, what's up? I wanna do a some sort of I feel medicine would be the role for that. Medicine. Medici. Fucking other natural one.

Oh my god, you've got serious cranial swelling I think. Oh we uh we have to we have to get this man to the hospital. It's my brain getting bigger and bigger. Private conversation I just realized, but I guess there's no way to have that here, so everybody will just hear what I'm about to say. Which is remember Herbs what was your lady's friend name again? I'm so sorry. Cammy, my girlfriend. Cammy, beautiful lady. I'm really happy for you. Well she's ten years older now.

By the time we get back, she'll be the right age for you. What do you mean? She was the writer. She was crying for us. That's the bad thing about being in space. You get older, they get way older. That's why Matthew McConaughey was crying in that movie. She did a really important job and I realized that none of us are doing it for you. Oh what's that? Oh you dirty mind. No. Take your pills.

I don't have any more pills, man. Oh no, you have no more they were important though, right? I w yeah, but I w I've been I've been kind of experimenting a little this, a little bit. I also just again you I don't want to get into the details of how I specifically know this, but I do know that like head trauma can be a trigger for people's mental So specifically, like, is there a doctor somewhere on this medical? Yeah, there's gotta be a doctor on the arcade.

for sure. Okay. We'll get her bills. We'll get your pills and I'll take responsibility. I'll be your Cammy but not your Cammy. If you ever change your mind, man, let me let me know. Not that early in the cruise, but you never know. Grandpa don't be a pussy, come on. Grandpa's leaving the pineapple stickers in the bag until we pass Barbados.

So we're all here. Yes, we are all here. I just want you know, I try not to judge you! Oh wreckage! I rolled I rolled a D twenty to see if they understood the Morse code and I got a nineteen. Wow. So scrap and wreckage are here. I'm here as well.

Wreckage. Our ship is your ship. Just you know, live outside. Don't eat it, please. And don't Were your ship docked back at the at the four twenty blazed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's our ship now? I mean, no, you were what happened to Roger Moore? This is the important thing.

Or on a different ship. You're on you're on my little fighter. I know that was sorry, that sounded like Ralph. That was me as well being like we left Roger Morpa. You didn't he's a computer. He's probably don't worry. Don't worry. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You left. Your a i is your AI still active on your ship? I would assume so. What does your AI know? Well I mean everything James Bond knows. About like where you're going? Oh, I mean yeah, he knows everything.

Well I mean He heard everything. He's the one who told us where to find out. You understand? He saw everything. Okay, well then that means we have a choice to make. Okay. Either we turn around and risk getting completely annihilated by the four twenty blaze it in an effort to get onto your ship and extract the AI so they can't Torture all the information out of it. Johnny Silverhand's hand graph. How do you torture a computer? With a program.

Hold on. Heart stop though. Could you imagine if it was Roger Moore instead of Keanu Reeves and fucking it's just fucking Roger Moore being like, Hello, darling. Hello, darling. We got a city to city. What's the other option? Uh well the other option is we just accept that they're going to find out where we're going. And uh could put the rest of our grandkids in the game.

Oh so they don't know. He doesn't know what he doesn't know where we're going because we don't know. Yeah, we didn't know we were going until we got on your shop. He does know that who we're going to eventually try to go to. Yes. If he picked a plot for you, then he knows what that plot.

They already know we're coming. Yeah, they already know all of us, but they will know specifically which planets you're going to because in ten years they might change planet. Oh my god. Do you want me to blow up your ship? I mean we're not using it anymore. Or we could send our good Wreck and scrappage. Wreck and scrappage. Wreck and scrabbage. Scrabbage. Another classic wreck and scrappage be plot. Uh would you be interested in performing a sort of side quest for us where you go rescue our

Or or high and uh just uh help us out with this? You want me to go eat the ship? Go eat the ship. I'm gonna eat the ship. Yeah, go eat the ship. Hell yeah. Pretty easy. There we go. Uh no. You didn't wanna bring them here They they're the ones who are gonna save us in the end. I just feel you know, I can't help it. I feel bad for Roger Moore. I feel I feel bad for me. I mean why I gotta my ship

Well there's an AI core in there. We can try to bring it back intact, but I will be rolling to self-control to not eat it. So there's a chance the Roger Board will just be in my belly forever. That's a chance we're gonna have to take it. Alrighty. I'm gonna meet up with you guys after you get out of the arcade. It's gonna take us a while to eat your shit.

Hey, and just in case it's ten years till we see you again. You both are real cool. I know. You guys are cool too. And I'd high five of you if we were in space and you were in a spaceship. I'll slap it.

I slap it back. Bong Hell yeah. Were we trying to like f stay under a radar scan? We're like very close still. No no, we're just out of we're nearly a cool place now. Everybody's here. Everything okay? Do we travel with faster than night travelers? No, no, no, no. We do sub light on this ship. This ship is too small to do uh FTL. So which also means we need to find a new ship that can do FTL.

What is it that we're doing to these boys? Okay. So And explain and also give me a cool name for what this place is that we're at. Lost Vegas. The name of this station? It has a name. Oh. Okay, what is it then? Okay, well I hadn't thought about that. You didn't think about the name for your cool space. There's no name. The Rotterdam Casino space station and you didn't come up with a fun name for it? Ooh. The world building of season four is so cool. They go to

Let me look around let me look in the in the user submitted Patreon form and see if I can find a location. Well Cassiopeia is a fucking planet. It's a casino e upia. That sucks. Owned bitch! Uh Jeremy Schimmel gave this to us. Dave and Bloatsters, an amusement pavilion. This is the D and B arcade and That's what I've been saying. When we go into Busters, man. Bloaters, man. That's fine. I lost so much money and bloaters. Bloaters. What?

Loaders is also the name of a really seedy Hooters knockoff back on Earth. No, it's a fine establishment with great lunch specials. Okay, so half of you are perverts. That's good to know. Really? Are you sure they don't just tell you that so that you'll spend more money? You're one of the people who thinks their bartender's their friend, huh? Yeah. Yeah, no. I got tons of friends. They are. No, no, they're not.

Anyway, so yeah, I'm not sure. Nobody else calls me hun like that. I could. Give me a what? Hun. That's weird. All right, I gave it a shot. What do you want? All right. All right, anyway. These guys, they're traders from the supple Helix uh trading company.

If they're a bunch of amoeboids, they have a bunch of tech, and they're gonna sell me a thing that will allow me to know when hex diamonds are formed, which is a real thing in real life, uh where if two asteroids hit each other hard enough, then it makes a new harder form of diamond called a hex. And that's what they'll have a baby. That's what they need to build the crowbar.

So the crowbar is the thing they're using to uh get into the spark. You think these hex diamonds could make something that we could travel faster? I mean they're really, really like strong. I don't know if they're like fat It's just kind of a hard rock, Dale. Yeah. I just I just really rock me so hard that it causes you the time travel. That's what you're saying. I know. I'm just I'm I'm sorry. I'm I'm really focused on trying to get to your guys'. We appreciate that and when you know what?

This is your time with your grandchild and we're gonna we're gonna help you out. I just it feels like the young lady. Ah, that's my job is just to have fun with her. That's what my job is. Yeah, I get it. That's what her mom's job is and and I did my job And the last thing I wanna do is kill her vibe because I know how hard life can be. Yes, I'm gonna see. And the last so I'm I'm also also hold hold on, hold on. Wait, Ralph? Mm hmm. How many wars have you fought in? Well uh you know why uh

Okay, so I've been in this war for ten years. Mm-hmm. So it feels a little bit weird for you to be judgy about the situation that I'm in. So maybe why don't you respect the fucking truth? And we're gonna go into the art. We're gonna go into Daven Bloatsters and uh all you gotta do is stay in there and look menacing. That's it. Yeah. Were you gonna arm us? I don't have much on me. I've got like a I I have got my pistol, which I We could do that thing. They wouldn't let me go to war.

I can I can definitely see that. I can definitely see that. Wait, so you were like this back in the six? Ooh. I was way wilder in the sixties, man. Okay, so this is a big thing. When we're in there, you don't talk. You look menacing. Oh the brightness. I got these cloaks. I got cloaks exploded. We got cloaks. I got cloaks. So just cover your heads with those. Ralph, did they call your number? They didn't.

I was on the list. There's a Ralph. Here's what we're gonna do. Ralph's draft number, I'm gonna roll a D twenty. Holy shit. Here we go. Ralph's draft number was eleven on a D twenty. Okay. All right, let's find out. That was funny. And let's roll it. The lottery drawings were Okay. So no they didn't. Okay, so I mean it's just like it's like burning on random piece of paper. So just trust me. I have been

I've been doing this for ten years. Okay. Okay. Okay. So we're gonna go in. So had so so had Robert McNamara didn't wasn't smart. I don't know who that is, Robert. Okay. All just we don't know look, I'm not gonna when we meet your grandkid again, she can be doing whatever. I'm not gonna say anything. All I'm asking you is

Yeah, enjoy my time with Lila here. Thank you. And do what she's asking of us. And then that she's gonna help us find a way to get you to your grandkids earlier. That's good vibes for everybody. I'm sorry, man. Should we hug? Should we all hug?

Yeah. Oh my God. It's been a while since I've had a good hug. Yeah, big hug. Big hug, everybody. Come here. Come here. Oh man. Oh, you got so strong. Yeah, well, yeah. Look how tall you are now. I'm yeah, I mean it's been fucking ten years. Yep. I'm fucking hot as hell.

Now you got it. I hope you're happy all the time. Are you happy all the time? I don't think anybody is. I'm happy all the time. This guy's happy. Yes. If I hit my head against the bulkhead five more times, I might be happy all the time, but no, I'm not. Alright, so we're gonna go do this job and we're not gonna kill anybody, just so you know. What? What do you mean you're not gonna kill anybody? I'm not. I'm doing my best.

If they get a trap and they try to kill us, we have to kill them. Okay, there you go. Fine. Great. I'm just saying I'm not going with the notion of killing everybody. No, you're not stupid. Okay. Okay. Are we all in on this? Yes. I'm all in. Get it?'Cause it's uh Dave and Blotas. I've been all in so many times in David Bloatus. I'll be I'll I'll be I'll be straight with you fellas. Uh I'm ten percent in, but ninety percent in speaks a hundred. Because I wanna

Big bubbly bloaters, baby. Inside the space station. Yo Yowza, look at those bloaters! Everywhere the eye can see! Whatever what happened at Joe Biden. Bloaters Joe Biden. So here's the first time Joe Biden I was like Joe Biden if you had a fucking New York slice of pizza. I forgot. I just got excited. You can't call them bloaters, man. They're like they're species. I know, I know, and it's the name of a species. She's deployed.

Look like bozingas. When he points at the bozy, they're just floating. They look a little bit like boobs and a little bit like jellyfish. He goes, yeah, it's really rude to do that. No, so Lila, what are we allowed to look at? You can look at anything, just don't point say- Look at that thing! Hachima! Sentient beings don't like being pointed at and saying, Holy shit! That's fine.

I'm crossing my eyes so I can look in two directions at once. They can't blow this up everywhere. My eyes can see They can't see you through the clog, so it's not a big deal. I'm wearing it. What are these bloaters doing? Well jeez. These ones are having a fun time at the arcade. I don't know if we walked in and and before being floating boob like they're just walking past you into the arcade. They're floating past you. Playing Mario Kart and complicated because complicated good as me.

Three of them are in a VR roller coaster right now, having the time of their lives, just jiggling around. Is that what they really are? Yeah, they're heading out. One of them's trying to throw a football Through a hole and tickets are coming out. Okay? Yeah, we're in the arcadey part, the Hollow Suite part's in the back, and just so you're ready, I know shit. They got the Terminator arcade game. It's not what? It's not like impressive.

Prepare for that. Yes, whatever you want to do while you're in the arcade area. Okay, let me let me describe the arcade area. There are a ton of different machines. Some of which you can recognize as like, oh, that seems to be a game about shooting things, that seems to be a game about singing, but there are others that Completely

you in more ways than one. Like it just looks like abstractions. There's one where a guy's just sitting in front of a TV screen and like blinking and every couple seconds he goes PAK. Like my friend playing the witness. There's actually all the things you would usually see at like a Chuck E. Cheese is there's like a little prize. Yeah, there's a bunch of these There's the corner there's a corner just an Anaperna inner hand this one you play up. Fucking sad cat. Yeah. Every every alien there.

You unlock it! One painting at a time, huh? And this got one on rock paper shot. Fucking you guys have played the color of combat. Sorry Holy Shit, sorry, we're changing our game. We are 100% to publish a paintbrush. Essentially paint process for bring a war is so fucking good. So it was yeah, it was like a World War One guy who was in the trenches trying to like learn how to try to like turn learn how to paint yes Oh the twist he's Hitler

And the paint rush was I should have killed him when I had the chance. Oh my god. Anyway, yeah, there's an Anapernac. Yeah, the Berna Indie Game Showcase. Yes. Every alien there has blue hair. All right, anyways, there's food and drink stations everywhere, there's prize stations, there's they up in a corner, and in the back there's a door that says hollow suite. And she's leading you to that. And I wanted to investigate I got ten. I'm looking for Herb's pills.

So there maybe there's a doctor in the house. Oh yeah, we need to find a doctor. In the hollow suite there's probably Yeah. Yeah, there is. Like sometimes people need to decompress afterwards. There's a doctor and a therapist.

Oh, okay. Wow. Let's let's go. But we have to I'm gonna be like Cammy. We have to get your pills. You're nothing like Cammy. I know, I've never replaced her, but this one small part of her life where she makes sure you take pills is what I'm gonna do. Why do you have to give him his pills? Why don't you just let him have a good time? Hey man the pills help him. Okay. She leads you through the door that says Hollow Suites, and in front of you uh you see a desk.

with a pen that seems to be not connected to anything, just scribbling on a piece of paper. Whoa. And behind it you see a bunch of very Let's get tattoos. You see a bunch of very nondescript slighty sci-fi doors.

To the right, you see a sign that has a a symbol on it that's like a snake, and she goes, That's uh hospital. Well hold they're way past the the desk and w as you do, the pen stops writing and then jumps up into the air and then in the air in front of you writes out, do you have a reservation?

Mm. Uh our friend here wanged his head pretty hard and uh we want we we need to get him checked out. Uh it could be a lawsuit on your hands, uh'cause it's you tripped and slipped in here. So if you could take a look at him, that'd be great.

Maybe outside his HMO. The pen says doctor is this way and then draws an arrow which is in the direction of the snake sign. All right, bud, let's go let's go get that noodle looked at. Wait a minute. What's behind what's behind the pen? What do you mean? We should go there.

Oh the the hollow suites? Yeah, we can go there. We can get your your pills after. Actually that'd be great because my guys are waiting for me, I think. Yeah We should take care of the pills after them after it's still a little bit more than a little bit. I don't care if you don't take pills anymore. No, you should my whole point was I was just right, you should care. No, I appreciate a good friend like you check.

When I do something wrong like that, like making sure that he takes his pill. I know he's being a bad friend. No, you are not a bad thing. Thank you for telling Dale that he was being a bad friend. No, Ralph's not a bad friend.

Right. Oh sorry. We're making a scene. Am I talking to a lot of one thing I don't want to do with my grandpa? Yeah, because you said I did you I shouldn't talk. Okay, it's cool. Okay. Is there a note left for me? She says to the pen, and the pen looks uh Here's a note for you. That's good. That's a pretty funny shot. She goes, That's good. That's good.

The pen basically sticks itself through a piece of paper under the desk and then comes up and then moves toward Lila. Lila takes the piece of paper off and it's a note that says Hollow Room four period. Better in there, period, private period, no cameras or mics, period, because masturbation period.

Oh, Anthony saw that one scene in two thousand one where the floating pen goes by, he's like, that's a character. That should be a character. Nice. There's uh fourteen other pens back there, they're all in a club together. Lila.

Fucking. You'll write pen fifteen on your hand, and then you'll know what I'm talking about. You'll be part of the club. If you're at home listening to this and you want to get that joke, write the cool phrase pen fifteen on your hand. And then ask your friend what it says, and then you'll get the joke. So while who's masturbating it? Most people that use these.

That's awesome. Honestly do you want us We need to go masturbate? You need to come with me it's it's not gonna be a masturbation, I don't think. I don't think they they're the ones who booked the biggest thing. I can go in there and do it if you want me to. No, no, go ahead. You can go in there and do it if you want me to. No, no, no, no. We're not all going in there together is my point. We are all going in there together, but there's not gonna be masturbation, I think.

I know, I know, I know, but it's I I think it sounds like they just want to use the room because it's normally a room that people So there are no cameras. That's all. Let's go. Sort of an incognito room. How are the rest of the patrons reacting to this? Four hooded figures flanking. Sure. So the people in the waiting area. So basically behind the desk is a little bit of a do we look like big boobs to them? Maybe. Are we the equivalent of the eye? They're like, That's disgusting.

Behind the desk there is a waiting area with a bunch of like big old circular couches like at a hotel. And then behind those is the are the doors to the hall suites. And you see a bunch of people around the circular couches. Some of them seem to be like addicts looking for a fix in almost a sense. They're tapping their their feet really hard. My man. And then some of them are just there with their kids, and other people are very patiently on their devices, uh waiting for their their

No, nobody's giving you a second look. So the Hollow Suites are like the laser tag section in the back of a family fun center. It's like literally exactly where people go to masturbate. And see it in the knee. So you walk up to one of the invites you fucking cur. So what a one of the uh the No, but makes it look a neon. It looks neon.

The door to Hollow Suite Forks opens in front of you and you all walk inside with Lila? Yeah. I wanna post up on the uh on the outside and like scan around. Do I notice any tale? That were following you into the Hollow Sweet. No no no furries, different species. Oh. Roll perception. Ah but both. But both. But really this dice roll counts for both. Seven plus One eight.

No, you might be followed, who knows? And that guy might be a furry, but he's not in his first. So when you look into the the Hollow Suite you see a dark hallway and at the end of this hallway There's some very light glowing, like somebody's got a glow in the dark night light.

or something uh around a corner in this tunnel. And we're like, oh careful boys, we're in a James Terrell exhibit. So she leads you forward and you step inside and you hear the door close softly behind you and In the the meat of the holo suite, which looks like Basically a big empty room with a lot of dots all around the walls. You see a couple of blobs on the ground that you soon realize were probably the amoeboids that Lila was talking about. Yeah, they look to be like qualities.

Splatted on the ground and kind of liquefied and standing over No motors, no This could just be their natural state. It's standing over them is a figure In a cloak wearing a ma kind of like a bird-like mask. Never a good sign. And it turns and looks at you and just stares directly at Lila. The color drains out of her face and she looks to you and she says, Run and she starts running out of the hollow suite. We're old, we can't okay. I'm trying. We amble after her. I run after Eliva.

Inte. Du kan ha en föräldrarförsäkring ved. Lyksfrukost for Eller ett fräscht mellanmål mitt i pluggandet. Valjos nya svartvinvers yoghurt. Prova vår nya laktåsfria joghurt med svartvimer från Valjo. The person that you saw, the hooded figure, the the masked figure, does not follow you. Oh no, that's the worst when they don't even move. Oh no. Hey, and I'm gonna turn around then. Hey, excuse me.

What a moon! What is my granddaughter? What a moon! It seems like my granddaughter has a problem with you. So the the The figure is gonna walk over and just grab you by the throat. And as its fingers wrap around your throat, you feel them begin to encircle your throat in a not natural way and the fingers all turn into like one band of flesh. This doesn't feel natural. And it lifts you off the ground and it says Lila. Come back. Okay, well a talk with your

being lifted by your throat. Yeah. I would like to put you down slightly so you can talk if you want to. It seems like you scared my granddaughter. I'm just I I'm I'm dying. Dale is still running. The second that this guy grabs Dale and lifts him into the air, Ralph is gonna empty the clip with a I demand a sci-fi flavor to the words magic.

It's just like radioactive radioactive radioactive. Actually, you know what it is? Is because it's like all radiation magic, but like little globs of sort of tumorous flesh like pulse out of Ralph. hand and then raise up into the air and they're glowing with energy and they just fucking hone in. What looks like a missile is actually him grabbing two pieces of antimatter, colliding them and making a vacuum that moves through. And then he grabs him by the ball.

Uh that's so cool. Yeah, do you snap your fingers and you break two antimatter atoms together? Uh you make a targeted anti nuclear bomb. That's exactly what is so three plus one, four damage. Okay. Very small. It knocks against the mask and the creature just sort of turns to look at you and narrows its eyes and it goes, Oh, yeah, you guys.

It puts Dale down but continues to keep its hand around Dale's neck. Have we met? Sorry. Ah hi, who who are you? The creature reaches up to its mask, takes it off, and you don't recognize the face that you see behind it until it sort of morphs and shifts into the face of

Jessica Meska. Wait, what was the last time we saw Jessica Mesca? Was she good or bad to us? She was good to you. She got she got shot in the head last night. Hey, hey, yeah, it's us. How's it going? What they told they told us that she wasn't good. Well yeah, but we don't know if they're good either. No, no, I'm I'm I'm She was good to us though. Yeah, I'm dope as help. Uh tell Lila to come back, please. Um

She seems pretty scared. I I don't know what you two have to do. Where is Lilo right now? Did she leave the room? She ran out of the room and unless any of you followed her, she's just out of sight. Okay, you know what? Yeah, I'll go find her and we'll we'll we'll bring her back.

I got her. We're good. What does that mean? Uh yes. What do you mean you got her? So Jessica Mesco looks up and to the left for a second and like kinda nods to herself as if something just happened. He goes, You guys are good to go. Oh, cool. Where is she? Bye.

And uh she begins to melt away. And first you think the cloak of the mask are gonna leave behind, but those are part of her two and those begin to melt too. And she melts back into the puddle uh the same kind of puddle that you saw when she was shot in the head back on McFadden Gate. I run out of the room. So as you walk out uh No, I'm running.

Y sorry, as you run out, uh using your your monk's feet, the noises and the lights and the the blue hair uh surrounding you of all the different arcade machines. You look out toward the entrance where you came in and past the s what look to be slot machines and past what looks to be somebody just getting his dick sucked by a vending machine, you see. Think about it, dude. Uh you see Lila and she's almost to the docking bay where you came in, except

two figures have grabbed her. It's confusing because they don't look related at all. You just see like what looks to be a sort of alien housewife, like still with a purse attached, and a janitor. who have grabbed Lila by either arm. One of them has a hand over her mouth, but the hand it looks like it's like bonding with the skin of her face, uh, in the same way that the hand sort of bonded around your neck. Oh shit. And they are

Dragging her into a different ship at the dockyard. And then how many feet away are they? So they are about ninety feet away. Okay, cool. But also there's a lot of gamblers and players and arcade machines between you and them. I blast off magic missile and we fucking we do all those c go flying and like it arcs over one of those bloaters and then it fucking like slams into the guy but it does do four damage so it stops think

And there's the one of those like crowd reaction noises like Can you roll to see if it did go through any innocent people during that? Yeah. Sure. If I roll low, it did. If I roll high, it didn't. Seven. Oh, ow, douw, ow. It was a teen. Um It was a what? It was a teenager. Oh no. What? Oh no! But the teenager was a little bit of a few. But the teenager was gambling on the slop. So the teenager looks right at the camera and goes, I'll never gamble again. You wanna go home and rethink your life?

I don't want to sell you desk. Can I run fast? If you want to, we can get into an initial initiative order right now. Okay, everybody roll initiative. 17. Eleven. I got an eight. Eighteen. So the weird people that have grabbed Lila are going first. Uh they rolled slightly higher. They rolled slightly higher. Fortship and leaf. Yeah. They fire up the end. And look, this is the first engines. Is this the first ever DD combat that has ended on the

So yeah, it's just done. They kinda drag Lila into a ship and the door shuts behind them, and that's their turn. If you could if you can find a way to stop the ship from taking off somehow, I don't know what that would be. RPG fucking boss fight. I'll come back when you guys are ready to fight. It's Ashley's turn.

Well shit. Well shit. Well shit. Okay, okay. Do you spend your whole turn saying well shit? What is your character again? I'm a gadget. Oh did you bring they didn't let you bring your drone in? Oh, hold on. Yeah. Where's your drone? Yeah, where's my drone, Anthony? They took it from you, it's in the little like Cabinet where they keep all the shit.

Yeah, the brunch or yeah, the fucking the thing in the escape rooms, the locker that you put your cell phone into. Now did they wait, did they take it at the hollow suites or before we got even got into the casino floor? I think they probably took it before you got the casino floor because that kind of thing would help you with cheating. Oh so I could here's what it's closer. It is closer to them than you are. Okay, so I'm gonna fire up my drone.

Connected via Wi Fi and fly it well but what am I gonna do? Like I don't know, you're the one I fucking what is your what can you do? I have an idea of what you can do, but I don't know what you want to tell you. Do you know that meaning? What is it have a little fun abilities? Like what's that you tell us about tell us about the drones. It has all of the exact same abilities that a DJI drone has, which are number one, the ability to track me to do selfie shots.

Number two, the ability to orbit around me as I'm hiking up a mountain. Number three, the ability to follow my car as I'm winding through mountain roads. Number four, the ability to fly Straight away from me as I go A as I stand on the edge of a cliff as the c waves crash underneath it. Of the game that we are playing called Dark Matter.

Is there any fun stuff the drone can do? I'm searching right now. And you can see things far far away. Yeah I think it's a drone is a drone, Will. There's not anything special. It's cool fucking sci-fi wheels that special drones. Yeah, I agree that it should be that, but Frankie said it's a normal drone. Here's what this has. Okay? Number one has a DC of thirteen. Okay. Okay? It has a gadget attached.

Of plus five. Oh, that's pretty good. So I can use it to attack things. Are you using defense, recon, or medical? Recon. Because it's a drone. Recon's very important, Matt. Your drone has both the ability to attack And it can also go straight away from me as I go, Hey, on top of a cliff. You can. Yeah. It also has something called surveillance protocol in which it can create a holographic marker above one target it can see within sixty feet. I can middle click on someone over there.

Exactly. I have I have an idea. That might be useful. If a ship is falling away with your granddaughter, that might be a good thing to do. I have an idea. Okay, so yeah, well I've thought a little twinkle. I got a good one. I think it's a good one. Because it's a casino, right? And they just went into a ship, like they went strains the ship, right? Yeah. Okay. I look around, where is any security guard of the casino? There's two posted at the door that you walk past and then there's two posted

at the door behind you to the hall. And I look and one who's one that's wandering around. And one and one who's using his brake to play a slot machine. Yes. I look to the closest one. And I go, Lock it down. Somebody cheated. Stealing. All the money's stolen. Lock it down. They're getting out. All right, roll persuasion with disadvantage. No, no, no. Casino of the casino, they think for a second. My turn's not done yet, Matt. I thought you said you were gonna hold my turn.

No. Oh, he said. That was wishful thinking on your part. Okay, never mind. Okay. Yeah, but once I tell the guards that and then you can make a little He's like, it's a lot to put on a persuasion role. Yeah, well I think it would be I think if you did that in Vegas, they would probably look at you first. I mean they'd probably Yeah. All right, very then you go. Well I wanted okay, so I do your thing first then. I want to Create a holographic marker above my target.

That it can see What kind of marker? Like a Sharpie? Check this out. Dark Matter says the marker lasts until the beginning of the drone's next turn. But if I discovered that if I if the the drone holds his turn forever, you know what I'm saying? I am more than happy to say that that track remains on it. As long as the drone has power.

And maybe as you get separate from it, its power will begin to slowly dwindle. Okay. Uh but I I see no reason that it should go away after six. I'm gonna mark it. I'm gonna mark the ship. And so from the locker I press some buttons on the thing and it g and it marks the ship. And it's a little you know the Sims icon? Yeah, it's the Sims icon. The Sims icon. I go to that person, I say, Look, buddy, you can either let them go or and I point to the line of damage.

stuff scattered everywhere. They see a teenager on the ground, this line of damage going to the fucking Uh one of the escape boxes look buddy just lock it down. Just uh figure it out a second. But somebody's about to walk away with a house right now, buddy. I'm just letting I'm just helping you out. Ralph, when you fired magic missile, were you trying to be subtle? No. No, but we described as a Well they probably saw you do it.

Well sure if you want to rewind time, you should you should have fucking thought that would happen. No, I'm saying there's security guards everywhere. First one is a seventeen. Fucking security guards seeing a bunch of people in a casino fucking hurt and a gunshot clearly happening and suspicious people pulling out and they won't lock down the place. Let's see number two.

Oh man, that was almost an eighteen. Thirteen. With a thirteen, the security guard looks toward the direction you're pointing, but then mo mostly the the other security guards are already looking at you because you fired off a magic missile. So he fired off a fucking antimatter. Yeah, antimatter mini nuke, dude. Anti snap.

He snaps his fingers. The antimatter breaks apart between his fingers, causing a disturbance of I don't know, gravity or some shit. I don't know. Up to four years. You're right, I feel way more immersed now. Um next up is Herb. I'm ninety feet away. Yeah.

And the security guards are in play. Yes. They are heading towards you. I'm gonna grab a knife from the stab emole game, arcade game. Okay. And I'm gonna give me a strength tech to wrench it out. It's gonna be tough, bad. It'd be like trying to steal a guitar hero guitar from a guitar hero arcade game. Good.

Fuck, it's a four. I couldn't even get it out and I'm a barbarian. This is so b this doesn't normally happen. Uh normally I'm really strong. I d uh I I I don't know what kind of thing they got attached in this.

I guess this curtains for me. All right, Ralph, it's your turn. Uh so the guys are charging at us, these uh security guards? Well they're not charging, they're walking intimidatingly towards you so as to not create a panic, but yes. Okay, so then here's what I would like to do. How far away are the guards from me? Fifteen feet. Okay, I'm going to charge toward I run by fifteen feet.

I'm going to then cast Misty Step, uh which is a level two stev spell in a bonus action to teleport thirty feet past them towards the door. You're gonna sorry kid, nothing personal. Yeah, sort of a yeah, I'm running right towards him and right when he's about to attack me, I sort of night crawler just disappear into a cloud of Radioactive mist and then reappear 30 feet down the casino floor. It moves you 30 feet, so you're 15 feet behind him now? What I'd like to do is split my move at.

So I run fifteen I have thirty feet to move. Oh, okay. Okay. I run fifteen feet when I'm right in his face, I teleport. Okay. Now I'm So he's really confused. Yeah, now I'm thirty feet behind him. Sure. I run another fifteen feet to finish my move action. I'm now thirty feet from the door. Because you said it was 90 feet, right? 15 plus 15 plus 30 is 50. Yeah, so you're 30 feet from the door. I would like to use

to cast Mage Hand. Okay. Which has a range of 30 feet. Okay. Oh. And I'm gonna use Ma I'm gonna have Mage Hand appear at the door to the ship. That they just entered. Okay. And I'm gonna try to open the door. It's pretty weak, right? It just picks up stuff. Yeah. Any vials around? If if he opened the door, would it like stop the It would if it were unlocked, but they almost certainly locked the airlock'cause it that's it's in the name. There's a fire alarm you could pull.

Oh, I'll do that. So sprinklers go off everywhere. And uh there's like fourteen different like life forms that are like really water should not touch them. I know. Huge safety issue. Huge safety issue. And you hear a voice saying There has been a fire alarm pulled. And now we are under lockdown. And all of the ships, the doors leading to the ship, they all slam shut.

And don't let the ship that's someone got away and No that ship might be on fire. You gotta stop it. That's the source of the fire. That doesn't make any sense. Stop it. They would want that beer. So yes, unfortunately the last thing you see before the fire doors come down

is your granddaughter up against the the window of the ship that she just got thrown into, looking at you and screaming something that you cannot hear is the fire door falls down. Your friend's drone, Ashley Birch's drone, still connected to the ship. as it speeds off into Decreed unknown. Lila! Does it like auto upload content? Like that feeling when? You get it? Oh no, here's oh no, you want this?

The drone camera turns back towards us and then we're like, hey, and it zooms out. It's not funny. I look at the drone image of Lila and she's screaming, and as it gets farther and farther away, the reception gets worse and worse and it starts staticing, and the last thing I see. Don't fuck us yet. We can start you can don't tell Anthony that we can't use it to track her when he do it. Oh hold on, that's okay. I just need to do a firmware update.

Thanks so much for listening. Here's a sneak peek at what's coming down the line on our Patreon. Will has been DMing a hardcore dungeon crawl RPG where we die fast and often. And we gotta roll new level zero characters every time. It's called Shadow Dark. We put one episode out. The response was so good. Episode two, coming in one week. We also, of course, do an after-show. Did you know at one point Talking Dead had more viewers? than walking dead on AMC? That's crazy.

The people yearn for the water cooler, and that's what Safe Space this season's after show is all about. We chat about the episode you just heard, answer listener questions, and it sounds a little bit like this. To me, scrap and wreckage like solidify like this is the sci-fi tone word. Like these two little like space sharks that eat.

Wreckage is very fun to me. And like I'm like, I get the world now. Like even like just whispered that into existence. Huh? You whispered that into existence. You made the world you want to live in. Yeah, the NPCs I guess I came up with but you did the you did it. I didn't come up with it. No, you said high scrap high wreckage. You said high scrap high wreckage. I can't not respond to it.

Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Dale Elliott, Anthony Birch is our DM, Will Campos as Ralph Esterayus, Beth May as Herb The Worm, Quigley, and myself Freddie Wong is Ashley Burch. Our theme song is Conventional Wisdom by Maxim Waller, Anisa Omran is our content producer, Ashley Blood is our community manager, Courtney Terry is our community coordinator, Esther Ellis is our lead editor, Travis Reeves, and Omar Romolino provide additional editing. Cover art and episode art by Alex Moore.

Special thanks this week to our Patreon supporters. Folks like Bubzilla 2, 57 Precepts, Norman Himmel, Thomas Bashore, Beans, Zoe, Florian, Threes the Char, Thistlesmoke, Tim, Colonel Gordon, Garrett Harder, Angelic Boy, Otter Johnson, Quinn Fiegel, Brett Williams, N Snow, Adam Scott, Kaz Flip Smith, and Kirk. You too can join them by supporting the show directly on Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeonsandads. You also don't have to listen to ads anymore.

Although I don't know, I guess the ads are pretty good. Speaking of ads, you can find merch and more at Dungeons and Damns. That's our website in our next episode, April 21st. Find a location name that might fit. Casino Yapia. That's funny. I like Casino Yapia. Will's the guy who just lost an apples to apples is like, no no no you don't get it. I lose to apples to apples because you have to put a fucking card down.