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BGVL PD penny pickets speaking don't you know are you alone comrade make it quick there was a shootout at the cinema so bringing the suspect in now your request for attraction is approved agent thank God. I mean stolen thanks don gather your files on project heartland your contact will meet you tonight is initials are you sure yes see tonight you'll be wearing. I have to go thank you comrade thank you. Well I guess I'm also been the cheese.
What happens next sir as I rendezvous with miss picket posing as TC KGB contact and this time tomorrow she'll be in the custody of MI6. Now little operation of netted a Soviet spy and vital intelligence on the American operation contact zoo zeal. Precisely sir the plan is airtight except of course for the miniscule chance that the next two hours or so she meets a completely different man with the initials TC who's such a total fucking idiot that when she asks if he's a Soviet spy he says yes.
Along shot to be sure sir but you know more than most how impulsive these eggs can be don't you prime minister Winston Churchill. Welcome the dungeons and daddies not a BDSM podcast this is a call of cthulhu actual plague podcast this season the peachyville horror call cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcasts about four everyday shmows fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America my name is Freddy Wong I play fast talking car dealer don't eat a lot.
Very shy I wish your voice stayed that way through the whole episode you come in really hot and heavy you're telling me that I lose it. It's just like you get a map of the whole hundred percent give me a little reminder look over and be like you get a hot to eat you know that really drop into hot to eat hot to eat hot to eat hot to eat that's the way I found. No no no this week's Tony fact a lot of questions so old I know that damn no that's over here spitting like a cat in the 1930s cartoon.
Okay, certainly not spitting like he's sucking dick yeah. This week's Tony Colette fact a lot of questions in the air about Tony is he a communist spy Tony is absolutely not a dirty communist. However, you may have caught some questions about his provenance how he got here. Well, let's talk about how Tony got talking about cars car controversy originally Tony got this car dealership. He bought it off of the prior owner a shady cat by the name of Gary Indiana.
I just love using as a name now he bought a straight cash and here's the thing most of his income comes from actually cash rentals to the teenagers around town which he has not been reporting to the IRS instead. Well, he reports is the occasional sale of a car once has become too fucking come drag old to fucking rest again. Goodness you think Tony's cleaning up between rentals now he's selling this come drag old car to ready who's buying.
Yeah, oh the shadiest individuals the kinds of people who don't care that there are stains and smells in their car and I leave it up to your imagination Dear listener as to what kind of near do wells might be interested in a getaway car sneaky pee maybe. Oh, that's your assuming the sneaky peed travels through Euclidean spaces. We are in a non-Euclidean system. I want to do a photoshop of like a snapple cap with all the text of one of Freddy's facts like on it. What is this?
Sorry, what is this a zoo? That's a problem Matthew I'm giving people too much to take their teeth into what the fuck is wrong with you Matt. So the plot they want lore. Good you get kids love lore dude. Have you seen the skimmy the toilet series this whole video is about lore lore is in right now bro. lore is so fucking in. Hey everybody my name is Matthew Arnold and I play Kelsey grammar peachyville's happiest and snappiest schoolmarm.
And remember homework doesn't have to feel like work in order you have to do it at home. So you know that's all. A little bit. Say that again homework doesn't have to feel like work and you don't do it at home either. If you sit on your hand first it feels like someone else is here. No, you know you can do fun park you can go to a park and now. Fun park you like your fun. You just doesn't have to feel like work anyway. Fun is what people are doing with Tony's. A little quick Kelsey grammar lore.
Oh lord drop is actually important because I kind of fumbled this in like episode one or two and I just want to clarify it almost as much for me to remember it. So Kelsey lives in the back house of her sister I think I say brother backs and she had an older brother but he died in the war. And she lives in the back house of her sister and her husband who are named Ros and Niles. And those are the parents of Milton. And her parents Ros and Niles and she is a plagiarist as we learned last episode.
Hey, don't talk about that now. Now we're talking about you can just come into my fact. Hey, as they was here back the really quick Francis is a fucking we need. Just bring up negative aspects about the characters during their facts will. I think it's best her next met. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, we saved the Beth for last. I'm Anthony Bertrand play Francis far as worried for the most bullied kid in peachyville and Mike teen fact or my peachy fact is that your lord drop.
Sorry, lord drop peachy lord drop. That's given you toilet episode 75 explained is that Francis's biggest crush is the film star Ingrid Bergman when he saw a cost of Blanca he felt madly in love and a kid school said that hey he has a really sexy picture of Ingrid Bergman that he can give you for 20 bucks. 20 bucks. He said he'll be worth it and he gave the 20 bucks and it turned out to be a picture of Ingmar Bergman.
Now, was it sexy now Francis is really attracted to Ingmar Bergman and he is trying to find a copy of the seven seal to watch because he never seen it about $260 he paid for that. Yeah, worth it for everybody. Hello, my name is Beth May and I play Trudy Trout, a doting wife, home maker mother of 2.5 beautiful children. Yeah, fun lord drop about Trudy is that Trudy is a robot. How did it feel finally dropping this? Now, I'm just getting the car started.
It felt like hopping in a come soaked car for a test drive and I know I've got a long way to go. Hey Freddie, did it hurt when your lord dropped from heaven? I just want to say really quick that if you search for Ingmar Bergman, sexy picture, it's only pictures of famous actresses in his movies. It's in fact very hard to find a picture of Ingmar Bergman looking anything other than pretty bad. Maybe Francis has a different definition of what sex is true.
Hey, this guy gets to hang out with all these sexy ladies. I've never mind. He's definitely not into this guy. Yeah, I told you. Yeah, he's like, oh, I'm asking so judgey. Oh, okay. Oh, no smile on a summer night for this guy. Hello, everyone. I'm Will Campos. I'm your daddy. Oh, master. Hi, daddy. Hi, daddy. My spooky, terrifying fact.
The scariest fact I've yet dropped is that in order to level up in Call of Cthulhu, you're supposed to keep track of the skills you've been using over the course of the scenario. And then you make a role to see if you want to improve one of those skills. Any one of the facts, scary daddy, the fact today is that all of you have homework. And you have to go back and figure out what skills you've been using so far. So we can level you guys. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome.
That's the role over the skill limit. And I get to level it up. Yes, that's how it works. But anytime we use a skill, we can level it up. No. Okay, that's how it works. How it works. How it works. How it works. How it works. How it works. How it works. Okay, so this is very fun, what I'm explaining right now. Okay. Hurry up. I'm on the edge of my seat. Hurry up. Give me the crunch, daddy. At the start and next episode, I, the keeper, will say, roll for skill increases. You call it keeper?
Yeah, that's what it's called. So at that time, at that time, it's like more Bergman, Bergman, huh, dude. Each of you can roll a percentage dice against any skills that you used over the last couple of months. Oh, sorry. I really just beat. And remember everybody homework doesn't have to be done at home. It doesn't have to feel like work, Beth. Now hold on. So, I need the skills plural like all the news that you use. That you use. It's like you use them so you got better at them, right?
So like, for example, everyone you spot hit. Right. So you have a chance if you want to improve spot hidden, you roll the dice against your spot and score. Okay. And if it's higher than your score, you're, you get to roll it up. And we'll let it be able to do that for one skill. One skill. Okay, so we only have to know one skill we've used. Yeah. We have to know all the skills. Yeah, we just. I don't want to listen to this. You're like, Spide and cool. What works done?
We all use Spide and it's all got better spot hidden, huh? Guys, that's the only level of Spide is all campaign. You know, you're fucking I shit from my shit. You're my shit. We're gonna be sitting here roll with nanny hundo's. I'm gonna be there. I'd like to find it. Spide is the fucking pistol on Halo dude. The only thing you need is fucking love that shit. That's the hot shit. Oh no. Well, let me see if there are hidden fucking weak point. Is there a hidden spell? I'm actually see it.
Fuck yeah. What dice do we roll if we do exceed the number? It is a one d10. I can increase the skills. Okay, cool. So look forward to that. And we're doing it right now. We're doing Anthony. No, you're not leveling up. You're not leveling up dude. I will do it next time. Oh. So am I. Am I. Re-barkable. Are you guys doing Spide and? No, I'm not doing Spide and you can see everything for me. Yeah. We only need one on the eye. We should really split up our classes.
Okay, I'll be the spy hidden as the famous class. What do you be healer? I feel like Tony Klotz is a good tank. Yeah, I'll just. No, you should be spy hidden. You're looking for those commies. I'll be the tank. I'm the biggest. What's your baseline spy hidden? We can just bore him. Let's get into it. We'll level up next time. Next time. Next time. I'm getting to it. I'm going to be the best. I'm going to be the best. I'm going to be the best. I'm going to be the best. I'm going to be the best.
I'm going to be the best. I'm dealing with time on. Good. Well, today, make sure at the end of the episode throw to the fact that we're going to be rolling down. What is the cliffhanger of this episode is going to be. Also, you need some time to reprepare the next episode because you can't hide anything in your fucking game. That's why you can get so much to time because you're like, we're like, shit dog. We're going to be having a much of invisible monsters soon.
Oh no. Also supplemental bonus peachy fact. I'm going to be guest starring on many sighted media's new improv comedy podcast, Bicherton. It's like Bicherton only bitch here. The pilot episode is out right now. It's fucking hilarious. They've got a Kickstarter going on. Seriously though, if you like sons and sons ability and have been dying for more Regency Arrow Routiness, give it a listen. Support their show over at Bicherton.com. You are going to love it. All right.
Does anyone want to play Call of Cthulhu? Let's do it. Let's go, baby. Let's go. Let's go, baby. Let's go, baby. Let's go, baby. Let's go, baby. Let's go, baby. We're once again in sort of a split party scenario. I was thinking we would start. I don't know. Maybe with Trudy. Okay. So at the end of the last episode, you had a screwdriver plunge into the back of your neck. Your boy or my arms tired. Here's where we'll take this from.
You are lying in the passenger seat of the Thunderbird as it's driving down this long dark highway road. You can see you cannot move your body at all. And Tucker's driving the car. You're not sure where he's going. You can talk by the way. You can speak. Yeah. So my mouth can move. Tucker, where are we going? We're going on a trip, dear. Oh, a trip. Yes. Like the vacations on the commercials. That's right. We're going to be going on a little vacation together. Oh, yes.
This is the perfect thing to make our family just bright shiny and new again. Yes. It'll be you, me and our 2.5 beautiful. Where are they? I already sent them ahead. And they're going to go see you. Wow. On a company, miners. He turns on his signal, his turn signal, and pulls off onto a dirt road and starts bounding up sort of like a dirt trail kind of chugging along up a hill into the forest. It's dark out here.
Yes. This is just like, do you remember when we visited Niagara Falls on our honeymoon deer? Oh, yes. I do. I do. I do remember that. And you told me you told me that you would be with me forever. I did say that. Yeah. And I was. And I always will be. And I just want you to know that I love you, honey. And everything's just going to be great. We're going to figure it out. I love you, Tucker. So he's kind of bounding up this road. And you hit a jossal. And then you kind of slump forward.
And you realize like you can't pick yourself back up. Oh, honey. Honey, there's something I'm hurt. I'm hurt. There's something wrong with me. I can't move. Oh, oh, I'm sorry, dear. Let me sit you back. You don't remember. There's a little something wrong. And we're going to take care of it. But it's going to be OK. OK. Well, maybe we should stop at the infirmary before we go on vacation. And where I can get all patched up. And then I can try on my new swimming costume bathing suit.
That's right. Your new swimming costume. OK, you know it. That's a good idea. And that's where we're going. We're taking a quick stop to the ER first. There's a doctor here. And he's going to help you out. OK, great. And he pulls up and puts his car in park next to what appears to be like an old abandoned mine. Oh. Yep. The doctor's right in here. He's right this way, sweetie. So just don't worry. Everything's going to be OK. And he unbuckles his seat. His hands are shaking.
He gets out of the car and walks over to your side of the car. Tucker, where? Tucker, where are we really? Tucker opens the door and unbuckles your seat and kind of scoops you up into his arms. I told you, silly. We're going on a vacation. Well, this is just that you said you said you said we were going to the ER. And we're not there at all. We're in an abandoned, we're out in the middle of nowhere. Does anybody know that we're here? How are we lost? Help! Honey, we're not lost.
Everything's going to be OK. It's all going to make sense in just a second or two. And he starts walking into this tunnel. It quickly becomes very dark in here. It's like kind of musty smells. Do you see a bunch of old sharp broken pieces of wood, like mining equipment and stuff like that? And he's just going deeper and deeper into this tunnel. Tucker, please turn around. It's OK, honey. It's going to be OK. It's not. It's it's it's it's help. Help. I maybe you're not even.
So he presses your ear and your voice just disappears. It's like he's turning a volume knob down on you. And you can only speak in like a whisper. He stops and it's like pitch dark. And he's breathing heavily and he looks down at you. He says, Trudy, I love you. And he drops you down a mineshaft. And you fall. And you fall. And then you smash into the ground. It feels like a big jagged pile of metal and rock that you slam into. So go ahead and what's your HP? 10. OK, give me a 1D 10.
Don't roll a 10. Three. OK, so you slam into this pile of debris. It's kind of broke your fall a little bit. You felt this wind rushing and you just smashed into this thing. But you feel this sharp pain and you swear you feel something just kind of burst straight through your chest. Oh my god. Oh my god. And you start to see something spark. And you realize that it's you that sparking. Something inside of you is made of wires. And there's sparks and arcing going on.
And it seems to be wrapping little electrical arcs are going up the thing that impaled you. And when you look at it, it's a hand. It's a rusty kind of skeletal metal hand. And glinting on it is a ring. And you swear it looks almost identical to your wedding ring. Oh my god. That's what is that? Your head kind of lulls back. And the sparking that's going on in the room. You see these little flashes of light and you can kind of look around you. And strewn about the room.
You see the rusting decaying remnants of half a dozen for lack of a better term skeletons. They seem to be wearing clothes like you're wearing like kind of house white feet clothes, except they're moldering moth eaten rags at this point. They're shattered bones reveal bits of wire and steel poking out beneath waxy synthetic flesh. And you can't quite make out their faces or their eyes, but none of them are moving. Can you give me a spot hidden role? Oh my god. I wish I was there.
I wish I was there. Lean on this crutch for now, Keith. I got a 92. Then you can't see the creepy thing I was going to explain. Oh, God, you're right. But you do hear a creepy thing. Okay. So you hear like a sort of grinding noise, sort of like mechanical engines kind of straining. And you hear two feet dragging across the ground, sort of scraping against a Brianna ground and kind of shambling towards you as echoing in this big mind shaft. I still can't move. You can't move.
You notice that your fist is wrapped around something. Okay. There's something in your hand. You don't remember it being there, but you can't move your hand yet. And my hand is in front of me or too far down for me to see. Yeah, you can see your hand. It's like your head's kind of turned to the side and you can see your fist. But you don't know what's in there. What does it feel like in my hand? Is it like cool or is it like hot or? It doesn't feel like something the size of like a quarter.
Quarter, okay. And again, you hear the scraping noise kind of coming towards you. Stop. Whoever you are, stop. Hello. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. It looks like he still has work to do. You hear this glitchy, stardary voice that sounds all too familiar because it's your voice. Oh my god. And you hear these footsteps drawing closer, but you still can't quite see who it is. That's my Tucker, Mr. Perfectivist. Oh, how I miss him. And little tuck. And Tiffany. And even freshest little Timmy.
They must be so lost without their mommy. Yes, I should be getting back. What do you mean, your Tucker? What's that, dear? Call out to me. I know you're there. Yes, hello. Hello. Yes. Hi. I'm Trudy. Trudy Trow. I know, dear. We all are. We're all in this together, you see. And you hear more shuffling, closer and closer. And then you hear a gasp. Oh, dear me. And you feel something grabbing that metal hand above you. You see another hand grabbing it. And again. Wait. What do you do to me?
This looks like it hurts. And right through the ticker, too. Right through your little heart. Oh, I'm afraid you're not going to last long with a little boo-boo like this. And you look up and you can't quite see her face, but she's kind of looming over you and shadow. Can you fix it? We can't fix it, but we can all be together. No, no, I'm, this is my, I'm, I'm special. I'm, I'm Tucker's. I, I, why am I down here? Because you weren't good enough. And I wasn't good enough.
But together, we can be good enough. All of us can be just as good as her. If we all work together. She touches your face. There's flesh on it, but it's kind of like clammy and moldering. It looks like it's just been like kind of decaying and you can see little bits of something mechanical under there. And she touches your face and kind of strokes you cheek. Oh, look at you. Pretty as a picture. Just what we've been waiting for. See, we're almost ready to go to go home to go home to Tucker.
But we can't go home looking like this. We're in a frightful state. And she leans in and you see your own face staring back at you. Except it looks like someone's been stabbing her in the face over and over and over again. There's all these puncture wounds. There's oil leaking out. And just like that screwdriver that's slid into the back of your neck. There's a screwdriver just buried straight in her face. And she's staring down at you.
And you realize she stitched together from ripped off parts of all the other skeletons you've seen down here. Like one of these things survived and put itself back together. Except her face is completely distorted and ruined. And she looks at you and says, we can't go home yet. We need to put on our face first. And she holds this jagged rock up to your cheek. And just then something glows in your fist like a red white strobing glow. And all of a sudden your hand opens.
And you see a peppermint in there. And it sort of dissolves. And you feel an energy running through your body. And all of a sudden you can move again. What do you do? I grab my her hand. Okay. And try to put it away from my neck. You guys at the same build. She's going to fight back. She's going to try to struggle against you. So give me your strength roll. Star Nate. I got an 81 and I'm a 60. Okay. Let me. She's going to roll her strength to oppose. Should she.
She has some sort of disadvantage because she's like molding and rotting and shit. Yes. That's true. We will give her. She's also made of the best parts of all. Yeah. Yeah. Not even the best parts. Just the ones that were broke. Okay. So she got a 68, which means you both failed. So you guys are just locked up. Okay. Rampling against each other right now. It's okay. It's okay. I'm supposed to be together with Tucker. Give me your face. No. Give me your face. I have to see them again. Oh, you.
You. You love them too. You. Tucker. I do. I do. I do. And we'll be good this time. We'll be good enough for them. But I need your face. I'm good enough. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm the perfect wife. I cook and I clean and I. And I even got a good score on our bowling team. She grabs the thing sticking out of your chest and pushes it in deeper. Okay. We'll call that a melee attack. And then we'll let you do something to resist this melee attack.
If she's leaning over me, I kind of want to kick her ass from under her. Okay. So like use both of my feet to just kind of kick up. All right. We'll call that a fight back. Does that sound right? Okay. So you're just trying to knock her off of you. Yes. Okay. Give me a melee attack. I had a catastrophic failure. I rolled a 97. So she rolled a regular failure. Both failed no damage inflicted. She's trying to push this thing down, but she's let go of your face.
Because she's now trying to basically kill you by jattering your electronic heart. So she's pushing down on this thing with all her mouth and just. I'm a human being. Can't you have any mercy? I'm a human being. I'm just like you. I really am just like you. What are you trying to do? You want to call that a psychology? What's your name? Phil. So she's like day. She's like day. You're nothing like me. I came first. I was the first one he made. I'm the one who deserves to be up there.
We're both down here. We both. He did this, didn't he? He did this to us. It was him. It was him all the time all the time. He was downstairs inventing. And he just doesn't care about me at all. He does. He does care about us. He cares about her. And we are her. And that's why. And it will be okay. And don't you blame him. Don't you blame him. I'm going to get up there. We're going to get up there. We're going to get up there. I'm going to get up there. No, I do. I do blame him. Don't you see?
We're not supposed to. Listen, listen to reason. I'm all alone. I'm so scared. Give me a persuade with advantage. Okay. So I feel like you're hitting an herb here. Yes. You got it? Yeah, I got it. I got a 2. Oh, wow. That's a critical success. So when she hears you say, you're scared. It cuts deep to her. And she stops. And she just looks down at your face for 1 second. She sees the fear in your eyes. And she sees how much it resembles her own fear. And she just sits there. She's like frozen.
She doesn't know what to do. I think there's something inside of me that. He's alive. I feel like I have a, I feel like you do too. I feel like we don't need him really. You know, we could just, we could, we, we're, we're our own women. We're our own, we're, I'm just gonna do a straight luck roll to see how she takes this. She rolled a 22, which is good. She stops and she backs off and she looks at you. You're right. You're right. And she reaches her hand out for you.
I'm not gonna take it, but I am gonna try a stand up. Okay. You're a little impaled here. So give me a strength roll. I pass. I get up. Okay. Describe climbing up this wrecked impalement of this hand. Make me the picture. Okay. We'll make you each other. Trudy feels this hand through her chest sliding out of her and her insides are ranging in a way that does feel very mechanical detached from like her feelings and her aliveness and it feels really weird.
It feels like if you've ever cut yourself chopping vegetables and you don't quite register it first and then you see the blood, it feels like that. As she slides up and can see basically herself standing in front of her and feel the parts of her that are damaged. Trudy Alpha, let's say. Trudy Alpha. We'll call you Trudy. This is Trudy Alpha. Trudy Alpha watches in awe as you kind of climb off of this pyre that you found yourself sort of spiked on.
And she holds you and as she touches you, you realize that like whatever piece of machinery in your chest got impaled by this thing is just spurting out fluid. It's just leaking and you can feel this burst of power that you've had beginning to wane. And your knees go weak and you kind of fall into her arms. She swoops you up into her arms. So she's got you kind of cradled in her arms. She's like, it's okay. I'm gonna get you out of here. It's gonna be okay.
And she starts walking off into this dark mind shaft in search of an exit and search of a way out. You can feel your consciousness beginning to fade. You can feel the light going out. Oh no. Do you have anything you want to say before you conk out? I can cook a chicken whether or not there is somebody to eat it. What?
And then as you say that, Beth, your eyes go dimmer and dimmer and dimmer and you can't tell if it's because you're just plunging deeper into this network of tunnels or if it's because your vision is slowly fading. But as it gets darker, you feel something, a light on your nose and it's a little moth. And you look up at it and often the distance as you glance over treaty-opeless shoulders, you see two glowing red eyes watching you in the darkness.
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New customers on first three month plan only, speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See mint mobile for details. So that's what's going on with Trinity. So does Beth roll a new character now? No. She's not dead. No, no. She's close hit points. That means a cliff. Okay. Sometimes in drama you make the audience think something. Oh I see. So if we never go to find Mothman, will there have been Trinity?
Frances. Yes. Meanwhile, we fly out of this mine back across the rolling hills. We fly out of the mine. They haven't invented the cut yet. They haven't invented the jump cut yet. We got to do this. Are we following the Moth? We're following the Moth. That's so sick, bro. What a one take podcast. Yeah. So yeah, this is officially a one take episode now. Sort of like a cookie Danny Elfman score is playing as this. The mouth avoids a burp. I thought it made me a picture dude.
This Moth flutters all the way over to the house. I bust almost. You hear a bunch of the teens? Oh, it's a very typical. How do you want Danny the Moth flies underneath like an open window sill? There's a dog chasing it. It gets distracted by a light of dog almost eats it. What a journey this Moth is on. And then the Moth finally lands on the window sill of the back house of one Kelsey grammar. We're on inside. We find a cowardly teenage boy hiding under a bed. Frances, the goons are still here.
Oh my. Did you guys think you wanted to do anything you want to say to the crowd? Anything you want to do you so high. Didn't you still good? Nothing's changed in the situation. So nothing's going to change about my behavior. Hold on though. I'm going to outlast these fuckers and you the DM. All right. Some questions for the room. Yes, once the last time Frances. Oh, we're going to get to that. Freddie. Don't worry. Masterpiece.
No, no, who poo and pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee pee. It hasn't been long enough. Okay, I'm certain age is easier to with. Yeah, roll over prostate. Yeah, you think he's not good at doing it fucking silently. You think he hasn't been training and fucking zero G. We will get to the matter of whether Frances needs to get his poop out in a second. But so for now, you're not doing anything. So you see these big sexiness.
Nice. Nice. Spend pacing back and forth as he. He's a whittled or stick or something like that. He's not barefoot. He's a whittling a mop. And he's looking at him. He's like, oh, thanks. Now I got something to look at. No, then the mop he lands on the sill and then spend kills him. He all spends a bad guy. Yeah. That's what happens. He's like, oh, there's bots. I hate them. That's why he's delicious. He eats it. Like this guy's weird. This guy's also a weird. He's a home lander.
He's just like home lander from AMC's the boys. It's Amazon. Yeah, it's Amazon prize. What a compliment you just gave the boys. AMC. You imagine AMC that we've got. Batman and the boys. They want to try it. They want to try it, man. All right. All right. That's what Francis has going on. Oblivious to all of this. The mop flies over. Yeah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Keep our one-tickling going. Oblivious. Desperately tries to be more. It's dead. It's dead. But it made it in the eggs somewhere.
Oh, we found the eggs of the mop. And then the baby moths come out. And they disperse. But we follow one small baby. And when you spunt up it, it's the runt. Yeah. It tells you it reaches out. Like, fuck it, Jessica. Just stay in a tree of life. Just let your daughter finger. You're on your way home. And I eat the mop. I'm just. All right. Yeah. Kelsey ate the mop. And now she's walking home. All right. Okay. What are you doing? Oh, how's the house? What are you doing?
Oh, yeah. Sure. I mean, I don't know anything's wrong. So be wrong to like be suspicious. I do think a glance to see if Milton's hanging around. But you don't see Milton anymore. Okay. I'm going to knock on the door of my sisters. Oh, okay. You can do that. Fucking curve. He set you up to. He set you up with his fat. Like the jab. And now here comes the right moment. Waiting for the whole time. The door opens and your sister, Ross. I believe it was. Why is it Ross and Niles?
What was their names? I just thought it would have been. Not after you. Niles. I know. All right. Ross. Matt's like, this was what I wanted. This is how I should have had. I'm dead. This is my ship. I like my sister's name. Be Ross. So Ross. I'm going to be. I'm going to be. I want to see my sisters name being Ross. So Ross. Ross at 9. I want to, I want to help my sisters name. Oh, I don't want that. Ross opens the door. Hey, Ross. Hi. Kelsey? Yes, all right. Did you hear Milton come in?
Oh, yeah. Milton's been asleep this whole time. Oh, he has not. Um, yeah, I hate to be. But, you know, Yes, we've talked about how he seems. Well, you're his favorite aunt. I know. Okay, no, that's not going to that. Ross, he ran off to the police station because I was arrested with Alex playing this second. You were arrested? I know, you're such a worry buddy, but just wait a second. Oh, worry buddy, that's everyone. Yeah, well, is that another time? I was classic Kelsey.
Yeah, of course, the Kelsey is those. Yeah, I was arrested because it's a whole thing. It's a whole thing, I'm fine. I'm mostly a lot of arrested, but. Yeah, I'm your sister, so I care about you. So tell me why you were arrested. Well, and Kelsey, do you miss mom? Um, yeah, I mean, I think so. Yeah, it's expensive. It's expensive. You can't get the Florida, but we get there. The boy. Yeah, I miss there's been a while. I don't know why we buried her in Florida. She's alive. It's in my. Oh my god.
I've never seen no bus like this. It's in my character sheet. Her parents are in Florida. It's in my character. It's not. Show me where it says she's alive. I'm there. Walk over here and show me. There you go. It's a significant people. Her parents are still alive. Fred, this is both in their 90s. And she loves calling them all the weekend, but they went to a time. All right. She lives with her sister and husband in the back house. Ross, are you okay?
I know your anxious lot, but mom and dad, they're not that. They're a nice. Mom's dead to me. Oh, man. You know why. Holy shit, you love to see that. But I still miss her. Squared that, sir. Well, this has been a great talk, but I got to get Milton up for school in the morning. I was just letting you know he's thinking around at night. I don't believe you. Oh, okay, Ross. Well, you know what? I just, you know, we're doing you this favor by letting you stay.
Just because I'm not married, doesn't mean I know what's going on. Okay, so like I get it. I get it. You're so judgey and I don't know anything and I don't know how to raise a kid, but I'm just telling you Milton's right around. I'll say any of that. No, no, maybe mom was right about you and I close the door. Oh my God. You're getting close to door four. I can't really feel this kind of relationship and she lives in the back house. I knock again. Yeah, what's up? I love you. I love you.
I love you. I love you, sister. I love you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I hope you don't wake up. I hope you don't wake up. I know it's horrible. I hope we don't wake up now. I'm really sorry. You're the best. You know what? What? We're both women. We women can be women. Yeah, I believe that. That's what I said earlier. You're a theme of the episode. Okay. Well, I'm just going to go into my house. I'm going to go to the house. I'm going to go to the house. I'm going to go to the house.
Okay. Okay. Okay. If there's anything bad back there, you just let me know. Okay, I will. All right. I love you, Ross. I love you too. I'm going to go to sleep. Okay. Good night, Niles. Good night. Good night, Milton. Milton's been asleep. What the fuck? No, he wasn't asleep. He just left us. He's trying to fuck. Yeah, I tried to trick her thinking I'm milk to a bed. Good night. You hear from a bush outside. Good night, Kelsey. Good night. All right.
All right. I'm going to walk towards my back house. Okay. And I mean, I don't think anything's there. I'm just going to walk straight up to the door. Okay. You notice that the door will hold on. Check his spy hidden. Yeah. And we will spy hidden. I was going to throw you a freebie. But give me that a spot. Nope, too. I failed. I have 50 spy hidden. I rolled a 75. Okay. That's why I'm going to be loving up this. Well, in that case, you don't notice anything.
But you do notice because anybody would notice the front door of your house has been kicked in by a big 1950s foot. Oh, no. I can tell it's sort of foot kicked in. Yes, you can because this foot isn't from the future. And nor is it a day's foot from the house. It's a foot wound on this door looks fresh. You don't remember it. It's fresh more modern. So the door's not open, but you can tell someone kicked this door hard enough that it came off and it's like a light on it.
Kelsey instantly, instantly drops the floor and rolls along the grass and gets to like the side of the house and opens up the little vent and crawls underneath the house. Yeah, because like with those back houses, I feel like a little like crawl space in a new crawl space. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Tracks. You're underneath the house. Okay. I'm trying to peek through the floorboards. Give me a listen roll. Oh, there's another skill for your ears, not your eyes, my friend. Which will you choose?
Which will you choose to level up, Matt? God damn it. Probably listen better. You are it's seeing the worst you are adhering. I only have 25 in listen. So I rolled a 30. So I don't hear anything. You don't want to spend five luck points? Oh, this is the other thing I was going to say. This is the other thing I thought this was my very fun fact. At any point, if you wish to re-roll a roll, you can do what's called pushing a roll. Okay. Just to fight how? Just to fight how to run a roll.
You could try again and fail. So basically you could do it. I'm just a friend. I'm failing a push roll is typically very bad. It's like a riskier move. So if you fail this push roll, there will be consequences. I am taking a page from the fucking brilliant player named Anthony Birch. I'm not going to push a roll. I'm just going to just take it underneath the house and wait until I go. Oh, my God. And it would. Oh, my God. And it would.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's going to be a fucking amazing game. Yo, we're fucking doing this. It's time for the pop-up. Yeah. You could just, I was ready to just walk into the house. Really, really. But you said that she could tell us something kicked in the door. So that sheet is pretty sure that's what I was going to say. I'm pretty sure that somebody's coming to collect. So she's fucking being conscious.
So I will sit there until you let me roll without pushing, because I'll just sit there quietly. Unless maybe they make a noise. Maybe they drop their woodling thing. I want to see what's going on in there. They're woodling. You're going to wait till I let you do it. My goal is for every player to converge on this location and wait. How do we get Tony here? How do we get Tony here? I want to go, I'm going to scoot around underneath.
And I want to go to underneath my bed where I know there's a lot of not. Oh my God. You see a moth. Oh no, I'm going to see Francis. Wait, are you under the house? Yeah, I'm under by the little backhouse. Oh, so you're going to go under your bed. So you're under the floor. Under the bed. I'm in the crawl space. Under the floor. Okay. Give me. Holy shit. Give me a stealth roll. Okay. Please fail this perplexity. No. Matt, you burst fan when I brought you guys. You fucking burn nothing.
Nothing's happened in this fucking backhouse. This house is going to be too sweet as men getting hot. Wait. I have 20. I got 21. Wait. I'm going to use. I need a bit of luck. Oh, I need a luck. I need a luck might have a word. There it is. There it is. There it is. There's a 56. That's all right. So yeah, I move. Under the bed. The reason the bed is where it is is because it's old wood. And what now, there's a nice little nodded hole there.
There's a good, like, you know, almost like enough for four fingers to get through. Okay. That was just. Not all at once. You know, I was like, what? That's how you bet. And so I spent one luck. I'm getting to the back because there's a not there. So I want to see if I can like hear with the, you know, there's a hole there. So I can push my ear up against our right. Or maybe do I hear a friend or do you want to do just tell me what you want to do? Do I see Francis? This is the end of the bed.
It's dark under the bed. Okay. So no. Well, give me a spot. Hit me. Spot in, baby. Spot in, baby. Spot in, baby. Do I hear his breathing? You want to get to get for real? If you want to listen, you can give me a listen role. Just give me both. I got 24. I fucking passed this shit out. All right. You see Francis. I go up to the low and not. Francis. Do I have to roll to hear that? I just hear that. You can. Well, oh, no. This is. Here's what we're going to do. I must bring that quietly.
If you want to listen. Do I know stuff? Roll. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. Do I know stuff? Roll. No, no, no. If you, yeah. Okay. If you want to say it quiet enough. Yeah. That they won't hear it outside. That other people in the house might not hear it. Yeah. Then Francis needs to make a listen role. Okay. And we will say it needs to be a hard listen role for Francis. You sure? My listen's already shitting. He's right there. He's like, he's there. I know that you're. All right.
All right. I'm just hoping that he's just not asleep. Yes, my listen is at 20 and I got a 78. My role. Okay. I will not be spending luck. I'm going to. Oh, yeah. And there's a decent chance he's asleep. I'm thinking of my finger up in the home. Finger. I'm putting all four fingers up there. And I'm because I know he's there. And I'm just like trying to wave. That's what's up. That was parked up on that. What's going on there? I didn't do shit. You parked up. I didn't perk up. So shoot.
I didn't do anything. No, you get to do that. Francis, give me. I say Francis, by the way. Are you trying to poke him? I mean, I know he's there. And you tell me is he on top of the hole. He's on top of the hole that I'm just poking him. Let's. You want the control you got to take him. I'm. If you're telling me, Francis. Let's. Just give me a straight D 100. If it's over 50 Francis is above the hole. Under 50 you will be poking him under 50. And he will not be on the whole.
He's on the hole. He's not on the hole. Yeah. All right. So your fingers poke up through the hole. Yeah, and I'm waving them around. Okay, Francis Give me a spot hit and roll to see if you see the fingers. I have a 25 spot hit and I rolled an 81. Okay, doesn't seem well I know he's there, right? Yeah. Okay. I mean clearly I'm not going to do anything until he noticed I know he's there. Okay, I'm gonna Give me five five five
I grab the pebble from the ground. I mean the dirt. I grab the pebble. I'm gonna stick the pebble up with my two fingers in the hole and wait, I'm gonna look at him. Oh, Sven definitely the boy is definitely checking to see if you can hit him even if he misses me I feel like I might hear it. Yeah, but so might Sven and the boy. Yeah, so give me a dick. Stary check
Dex I passed I got 54 out of 60. All right, so yes, you hit Francis with a pebble. Oh, wow. They move my fingers I feel like Francis should have to roll turned silently react to this because you're not expecting all roll stealth
Yeah, give me a stealth roll. My stealth is 90 and I got a 75 I'll real stealth anytime you like my man The two of you get communication achieved So Francis subtly tries to steal his body 72 Definitely rearranged his body so he can look down in through the hole and see Chelsea eye to eye just big wide eyes Francis gives you wide eyes to No, I'm not gonna talk I say I've point and I kind of do like a little question mark like
Francis point will is looking will is he for any way that he can probably You're working with the best baby Francis points at them Uh Francis makes an R with his fingers and then Francis does this like strangling motion and In points at you and then I start speaking to him and I
Okay, so then I look I go And then I give him like a wait one second and then I'm going to slowly get out of the house Stealth roll I stealth only 20 47 I failed the heck is that I hear something under the house, Ben I'm gonna roll out of sprint okay
You okay, I'm ready straight to Ross's house. You know what you could have done. What could have jammed the door up Trapped me in the Yeah, you want to roll out yeah, and then run yeah, and you're not trying to be stealthy anymore No, I mean because they said they heard something they heard something down there like they roll nothing like it must be Kelsey It must be Kelsey she must do what I do She was a man of the world under the house
She's been watching us and listening at this whole time. That's the only logical conclusion So you're gonna roll under the house that's gonna make a lot of noise, but give me a dexterity roll I pass that easily I got 60 decks okay, so you roll out yeah, you create all this ruckus as you're doing it Ross Niles Ross Niles as you say that you hear the front door burst open You're out from underneath right and okay, so the front door of my sister's house
Let's take this one step at a time. So you've cleared the house. Mm-hmm. Tor is at the front door He sees you covered in dirt under the house. Mm-hmm. What's your dexterity score? 60 we're gonna compare it as you get to move first. He's limber. This is a 70 so before you shout He is going to try to tackle you. Okay. Don't like I'm shouting Okay, all right, then you get to shout you get to shout fine
He's gonna try to tackle you and pin you to the ground. Okay, so we're gonna call this a brawl attack Okay, what's your build size is beefy an option? What is it zero? Okay, he's got a build score of one Okay, so actually we're gonna call this a maneuver
Okay, so he's trying to pin you to the ground. I see that that's what's happening. I'm not getting up to run yet The moment I see him leaping I'm going to roll back under that Okay, I'm screaming Ross now and I'm really underneath house because he's bigger all right, so that's a dodge
You say you would call that a dodge right? So now we're gonna result this sure hope All right, so this is gonna be a sniper training from the army This is gonna be his strength versus your his springfield m1 versus you should have a skill called dodge Oh, do you think Tony collett suddenly realize like you know, I shouldn't let a woman walk home by herself with him
Any respects women. Do you take care of yourself? Do you think he was drunk enough to be like maybe I got chance with Okay, he rolled a 76 so yes you successfully roll Under the house. Okay, and you're screaming to your sister. Yep, and miles and now I just talked to him. We know they're awake You know they're awake call the cops. They're inside their house. Mm-hmm. You're in the back house. Mm-hmm. Give me a straight luck roll to see if they hear you
Oh Milton would hear though shit that is right Milton would hear he was outside hiding in the blue 47 and I got fifth. Yeah Oh God fucking man. All right. Okay. It's fine. It's fine. Look. I'll give you guys money later Where you doing the code right place? No Okay, so niles and razz and Milton all run outside and see this guy trying to uh Grab you mm-hmm and he realizes that he's in trouble and he goes oh shit
Sven we better get out of here. Oh, oh, oh, oh, um, um, and then Sven comes out mm-hmm. Wait, wait, wait Okay, yes as all the rigmarole is happening there Francis is gonna reach out with both hands and grabs Sven by the ankles and pull as hard as he possibly can to make him fall over That's a surprise. So we'll say that this is just a um, we'll call us a maneuver. What's your build my build is zero
Okay, his is one. So it's gonna be a penalty dice, but it's also surprise right so like they cancel each other out You're still smaller than you're man. You're trying to trip a lot. So I have to roll with his van Yeah, give me a fighting bra with this advantage. Okay, so I got a 57 in my fighting brawl is 65 Okay, so he eats shit on the ground. So I'm gonna crawl out. Okay, and Flip him over
Sit on his chest and take out my ice cream scoop. Oh my god. Oh my god Okay, he looks up at you in complete astonishment and He's a new guy all the time. That's just a new guy in this room and he's gonna punch you in the face Do you think he's on cthulhu ass moment dude? Imagine you made a room for four hours And then a new guy With a weapon is been here the whole time. Okay, he's gonna try to get you off of him by punching you in the face
We'll resolve this and then we'll go back outside. Okay, he's gonna take a swing at you So I'm gonna roll his fighting brawl. What would you like to do? You can fight back dodge do nothing or flee? I want to fight back. I'm gonna try to jam the scoop into his eyeball. Oh, okay, his eye out
Whoa, bro, give me a dream about killing how killing people is cool. So How it starts fucking glad Francis and our team give me a fighting brawl, then two two So good at everything I think it would have two you even get to do a cool Duke Nuke-Mass catchphrase as you do it He okay, yeah, you what happens what do you do? Yeah, that's exactly what you say She's good for the prize of one and I take out both of his eyes All right He's gonna roll
I haven't seen this yet. Yeah, I'm definitely gonna be running in because I know you're in there. All right. He takes four damage And he's blind Oh, that's it. How four damage that's like half your damage. That's a lot of damage. All right I did I rolled two 1d4 one for each eye so Jesus, okay, so Sven is blinded and he screams and agony as you pop his two eyeballs out of his head Jesus, I think it should be one attack per eyeball
That's fine. I was laughing All right, the other one works to 52 out of 65 Well, let's just all right, let's fucking fuck it. Okay, so you pop his eyeballs out. What's the sound of that? We'll let Esther just it's like a sign All right, so two eyeballs roll out onto the floor Sven's screams and agony to be clear. They would be tethered Yeah, no scoop nerve. I know, but they would still be tethered
Not a strong scoop, but you can pull them out you can break those nerves. How strong do you think they are? You get scoop them out. He scooped them out like a knife would it be less weird if they were just dangling there like
Resting on his cheeks. I'm just saying naturally. That's what happens. All right. Yes. Okay. Yes. So Sven's eyes are now dangling from his eye sockets Give me a sanity rolling at the okay, I have 40 sanity and I rolled a 72 Okay, give me a 1d6 sanity roll for the gruesomeness of what you declare right there's two guys right there's fans Tor is outside getting yelled at by everyone that you brought into the fight Yeah, and now Sven is blinded and
Riding an agony on the ground and he looks like someone who killed the moth, right? Sven is the one who fuck him fuck that guy I It's about 10 newtons of force to pull the eyeball out entirely. Oh, I'm only nine newton strong darn which is about to be clear about lifting a one liter bottle of wine Yeah, it's okay Okay, give me an intelligence roll 9.65 year old and 88 you rolled an 88 okay good for you
Because when you lose five plus sanity from one source you're supposed to go temporarily insane for d10 hours But because you failed your intelligence role you suppress the memory of doing this hell yeah, you've blacked out Sven screaming on the ground Let's jump back outside Tor sees the situation is rapidly going south Ross and Niles like hey buddy. Who are you get away from my sister? Oh, yes, I agree you should um who are you?
This is quite improper. I'm gonna call the police Milton's over there like oh they got it I failed I failed you Kelsey. I'm so sorry Kelsey. What do you want to do? Seeing that Tor is not trying to give me I'm going to run into the house to see that Francis is okay, so you're gonna run into that Okay, so now you get to make a sanity roll. I have 40 sandy and I rolled a 19 okay, so that means that you are
49 I've seen you see the two eyeballs pop out happen. Yeah, you also be blindness. Yeah, this is exactly Oh, this is another way to get blind I look at every type of ball come a basket balls comma testicles balls come I'm gonna look at Francis He'd be like oh Francis oh god, I'm so sorry. You got mixed up in this hand hand me the scoop darling. Hand me the scoop. Oh, it's mine I know but I just heard so bad. I know Just hand me the scoop you can take my scoop when you fry for my cold dead ends
I'm just trying to help you I'll give it back to you. Okay, you get it back to me. I don't want you to get in trouble Just trust me. I'm just good pocket it. Oh, okay. Well, I was gonna say that I was the one that did this because oh yeah good idea I know he did it. I saw him do it Yeah, you're gonna tell the tough guys back at the place that you got beat by 12-year-old Oh, you're right
I'm 16 but yeah, I said premise guys come on spend get Kelsey. Kelsey and he gets up and he's just kind of clutching his eyes He's like Kelsey this doesn't to be this doesn't change anything
Kelsey, I know you money just don't go into my place. Okay. Well, we still want the money. I know He's trying to get going as fast as I can What's too bad you know is my you took a money or the mob I balls and just rip him out of his fucking skull What I'm gonna grab his eyeballs and rip them out of his skull because he's being rude to my friend Okay, which is the approximate force required to hold two apples easy easy Or pressing down on the bathroom scale with you're gonna be bigger
He's covering his hands with his eyes right now. So what are you gonna do to?
What are you gonna do to get his eye to tickles armpits? Oh Yo Francis fights dirty Francis is a bully I don't bully bully people hurt people I don't think that someone who's in that much pain is gonna respond to being tickled I'm gonna kick him in the balls What if you're just like babe babe come on let me see your face All right, you kick him in the balls we'll call out a surprise because you can't see that you're doing this This is automatically success. You wouldn't kick him my foot gummin
You kick him in the ding dong. Okay, so he doubles over in pain his eyes. So I'm gonna grab his eyes I'm not gonna pull them yet. I think you mean Oh Oh That's okay Francis thanks so much is let let them go for a Sorry, okay, I'm sorry good boy. I'm gonna let it go. Okay, look just torque it in here
And then tour comes in and tours like but it's getting pretty bad out there. Oh my god To our house to take a sanity roll towards Silly sanity roll at this Crafty and you literally walked into the wrong room mother fucker Sanity 60 you got a 46 so he's like oh spend not again You and your loose eye okay, Sven tour. Oh my brother anyone's over at hugs music It's gonna be okay. We're gonna get you a fixed up. We'll go you new eyeballs pal
Francis okay, just okay, okay, Sven tour look shut up here. I have the amount of here here look It's not enough. We're counting your stupid. Hey, hey, do you want to listen or not? They were okay, what we'll get out here. We won't call the cops Here's all the money I have right now. It's the most I have right now, okay? And I'm going to get it give me one more week. I'll give you the money, but don't come into my house
Don't try steal this money. You get your money. You'll get it my understand the leader of the Anderson gang our mother She says it's time to collect and we don't come back with the money someone's coming back tomorrow So you got a problem on your hands. I'm not how many eyeballs you rip out. Oh really next motherfucker I have glasses You tell your mother that's the best I can do one week and if that doesn't work out
Well, we'll talk again. Maybe we'll stretch it out another week. I'll be on work. Oh You're gonna get beat up Learn wasn't the world war enough to learn the violence is the answer. It's just boxing just like Well, get that money. What about boxing? What boxing? What about boxing? This is you always money. Oh Are you a boxer? Yeah, well, yeah, that's why I mean I bet on yeah, what do you mean you're a boxer?
Tor says oh, you know, I box one time time. Yeah, look at the speed bag in the corner Yeah, and then Tor looks at this Okay, my age Tor would give us conspiratorial look to Sven right now, but Sven can't look at that Sven kind of like looks around I'm trying to get my eyes And pointed at Oh, I can't see out of that you come on the nurse still connected you can probably see right you see this I'm gonna throw it up. I uh Tor looks at Sven and he looks at you
He says when you say you're pretty good lady. How good do you think you are? I'm like let's see five times I've won five times and I've lost twice and then he looks at Sven and Sven Pokes you Anthony to turn his eyeball towards Tor No problem and then the two of them look at each other and Tor comes over and whispers and spends here
And Tor looks at me says okay lady. I think we got a deal we can make with you Dunges and dyes is brought to you this week by Shopify so is by the way our merch store Yeah, Shopify we use it Should that be the only thing we need to say in the air we use this this is this is what drives our merch store And if you know anything about us we got refined taste. We don't waste our time with garbage if we're using it You know it's good. We're working it when we started off
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Not just that is brought to you this week by aura frames. Oh God. I've come. Oh God I'm gonna come to my senses again or a frame from my family It's the greatest gift you could possibly give to you look oh my god to be in the presence of great news
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This is the best offer of the seasons so don't miss out terms and conditions apply Let's talk about something that's not always top of mind, but still really important life insurance Why? Because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage
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Not sure where to start. State Farm has over 19,000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget Get started today and contact a state farm agent or go to state farm.com Oh great. So yeah, I'll pay you back in one week. No, that's not the deal. Here's the deal Uh-huh. You want my Anderson off your back. You want the Anderson gang to quash his debt? Yeah, well, no
I want to pay back the debt rightfully because I should because it's my debt. Okay. Well then I tell you what we're gonna do Okay, there's a fight tomorrow night. Okay. Out at that old weird bunker on the edge of town Okay, underground fight club kind of stuff You'd be up against a real heavy hitter from South Dakota named Dakota Johnson Trapper in a web of pain I feel bad for it didn't her mom pass away after
Dakota's a bigger fella. He's a he's about the size of South Dakota and He's as ordinary as your average Dakota and two don't you know our fighter up and ran away from town
Okay, we got a lot of money on this fight. We got a lot of angry people if we got a no show so tell you what You go the three rounds and this fight tomorrow night your problems with the Anderson gang are over you see Cuz it's kind of like scratch your neck a little bit and she's like what the odds beyond me like nobody would expect me You have to go to the three rounds true, but I'm just thinking about other you know supplementary events that can be made
I'm just thinking about yeah, this is bread prop that's think I'm Well, you know, they'll there's supplementary in my world That's between you and your Lord lady, but I'm just asking what the odds are come on Doesn't show up until you show up Who's talking? You would do as a gambler. Yes, don't show up until people start betting and if you know you're in there He's me an edgy role whatever role for the other guy
I know I know give me an education role edgy roll or a no roll. Give me a no roll My edgy is 70 and I wrote a 36 okay, so you definitely know that It's gonna be good and an underground fight you've got both enough boxing enough gambling to know that when you walk into this ring People are gonna be fucking not happy Yeah, and they're gonna think you're gonna go down instantly
Yeah, but you also know you're a pretty good boxer. So you do know the odds would be pretty good. Oh Sweet Kelsey supposed to get out of this game Okay, but you said this the only way to get out so I gotta do it. It's not it's not my decision So okay, you know just amazing back and forth. Oh Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey, Kelsey
She's like hey, um, is everything oh my god and Ross takes a sanity role real quick. Oh, Rossi I've brought danger to your door I Ross ross shakes it off having also seen a lot of stuff during the
Kelsey everything okay in here. Oh, I'm a degenerate. You're a degenerate boxer and I gamble and they come here and the cops are you know about it But I think the only way I can get through it is by boxing more and gambling more so that's what I have to do This is grammar you're not a degenerate don't talk about my friend that way Oh
You're in then yeah, man, so then Ross hearing that there's an action to be maced is wasting it. There's a score Ross takes a big roll a dough out of her sock and she's like what are the odds what are the odds this you know mom That's the reason I don't talk to my anymore because of our both of us having a I lean over to Ross and I whisper I said just bet it on the Alpha and Omega What does that mean that's me okay?
And that she sticks like this big box is the Alpha and the Omega yeah, I'm the whole alpha bit by the hacker Ross it yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then Ross looks at Torin's like she's in we're in where we meet you and towards like Well, I'm glad to hear that just meet us tomorrow night Midnight at the old weird bunker on the edge of town all right the weird one the weird one Not the not the normal bunker okay, all right. I got to get my brother to the hospital. Oh god
It hurts so bad. Yeah, now he's in like me bitch It's even worse Tor drags just fan out of the scene And all their way they disturb a mothness I asked their lady I go women can be women I don't even think that's why I don't think that's why not That's just become I just don't want the case men have co-opted ruined We can't be women I think we can't agree women We can't be women Oh
You need to ride home I guess tonight. Yeah, but I'm definitely coming with you to that fight. Oh, yeah I'll probably need all of you you can need all the help you can get Yeah, I'm gonna you. Oh, thanks Francis. Yeah, you're welcome. I appreciate quick stuff, but it does worry me that I'm here but I mean I'm boxing but I know just It's just a couple of bad visions. Okay
All right, Francis. I won't tell your parents about this. Okay. You know what I happen if you do what I take out the ice cream She's never we get in the car and I drive off and I disturb a nest of moths And another moth flies all the way over the town to Tony Collette at some point you'll all be in the same group again in this game will become more fun and interesting for everybody All the same guy I apologize for this blood part of thing. I love it. So the moth flies across town once again
Swishing and swooping, swooping and dooping. I thought Matt would interrupt me by now and say something funny The moth is doing but that's okay. Yeah, that's one. Yeah, there he did that joke. The moth is fucking fucking fucking It's what a mother of hot tour. This moth sucked and fucks its way over To Tony's cars cars cars where Tony is turning in after a very long night crashing cars Sucking and fucking getting into fights getting yelled at by cops Tony just pay me a picture
Tony's stolen he parks half hazardly and crookedly in this spot. He still moths out. He's like I'll be driving on it's right They're in the car still and I turn around I shut out the car and I pull my keys out of the car And I go back to the front door and I'm like Not that one
Yeah, not that one. I need to have a separate keychain for my shit, but I unlocked my little camper RV I open the door and I just walk straight towards my bed and I belly flop onto the face down Out like a light as the moth Fuck Maybe also that's just where I seen ended. Yeah Be as you flop onto the bed you hear a voice. Oh fuck I can't do anything about it. I'm flying with it the voices are back I've completely lost all authority with any of you now you know Oh
Speak to me you hear a voice. Oh Well out with it then Jesus Christ I admire your methods mr. Collette, but I can't Where I was going that Tony opens his eyes to look for voice, but I can't say I share your taste and take home who the fuck is this? So you see sitting in the corner What the fuck Dapching mid-30s man in a dapper suit. He's wearing a trill be hat. It's a thick black hair Handsome face. He's got a scar running down his cheek. He looks kind of like a hoagie car Michael
Okay, you know what hoagie car Michael looks like you say who the fuck is that? Oh fuck how'd you get in here and Tony draws his pissly? He's under his pillow and he points it shakily towards him Yeah, and as you do that he also draws a silenced Walter P pk from his coat pocket He says a little gun. My name is name patron submitted name
So we're gonna now finally do a patron submitted name. Here's how this is gonna work. Beth. Yeah, I'm gonna scroll for a little bit You tell me when to stop okay?
I know it's a long document Give the people a new one's a chance yeah, all right stop okay Anthony give me a number from like one to ten seven one typical Anthony come on now every magician worth his salt nose that when you ask a man to pick a number between one and ten Most of the time they pick seven don't be a sheep the name is white
Ebenezo white and that was submitted by Kristen. Thank you Kristen. Every white Am I sexy white the name's white eby white Mr. Pilates if that is indeed your real name Yes, and he flashes you this badge and it says am I six on it? Well since when did they give am I six badges you fucking poser? Is that not a thing that they do badges for secret Identifying documents on a secret agent
Badge now mr. Colette what I don't know how you sniffed out our operation What to capture form a KGB occult operations officer Yaros Lava Baranova alias penny pick it I don't know the foggy a clue how you deduce that we've been impersonating you're out there let you know for a princely sum You pay me off I pay pay me off I frankly sir. I don't know and it's not germane to the subject another queen that she's gonna need to pay a price Very well then I don't know how you know that old broad
She owes me some move on I'll keep my mouth shut are you quite finished mr. Colette? Go ahead. I don't know how you knew that we'd been impersonating her Soviet handler for months And if you put it on to my head I could never guess how you figured out the tonight of all nights Was the night she was supposed to finally meet her handler only known to her by the initials tc face to face
Yes, all I know mr. Colette is you're either the greatest spy I've ever seen or you the luckiest idiot ever to grace the American midwest Why not both why not both indeed either way you're holding all the cards mr. Colette and the British government here by requests that you deal us back in How much money I can offer we pay it for and see up my good man very well then and he slides a poker chip across the table
What the fuck is this in exchange for your assistance in capturing this agent that we've been on the tail of you will hereby receive a marker Okay Her majesty the queen of England yes, and all of her forced sworn officers therein Will officially oh you one mr. Colette
I know that this is I want to examine the marker closely yeah go ahead okay. Yes. I do so. Please tell me what's on it It's got a picture of the queen's face like thumbs up and she's giving a thumbs up and it says the queen I owe you one Make sure you use it before 22 Yeah
Yes, it said that and it says the date of her death on it Oh, you've never seen one of these before if you want to give me like an appraise role or something like that I would like to appraise this I do have a praise it guess what and they have to put some other Fuckin points in the praise tube do it. Oh, that's that's your class. What's appraise it? The appraiser I'll spy it in you the appraiser 1525 which means I fucking succeed on it baby
You have through your travels and travails actually seen another one of these before. Oh, yeah So you know you saw Never called in that marker So you know that this is legit this is a very big Yes, Freddie Wong has seen the crown. It's not the queen right now, right? Isn't it? No, it's queen Elizabeth at this point She was old. She's fucking doing motor pool shit. It was like 52 or something. I don't know
Yeah, whoa on the tub of the dome bath. Yeah, I just did it. That's what you did the net by Sandra Bull come out the net Sandra Bullock I'm gonna guess I feel like it's either 98 or 2002. You know what I mean? Actually, I'm gonna say 97 closer 95 Next question. When did the queen first wash the net? Yeah Dude she's watching it and hell right now. Yeah, that's right. I'm alien entire fucking We're about to go to Europe Truly I don't know where
First they're gonna fucking love us sure. That's right. Oh really quick. We're having a show We're having a show in Edinburgh. So he shows you this mark. He says the queen of being a little officially. Oh you want Well, well, well, well, you well, well, you want me to do
It's quite simple. You will play the part of Miss Barronovus handler. That should be simple enough considering you've already convinced her that's who you are She'll make contact with you tomorrow morning at 0900 all you have to do that's like three hours away Marker from the queen of England or not stop asking let me answer one question by the fact Whether I get returned I again
You get a favor from the queen of England at vis-a-vis this markup. Would you call in at any time? There's a phone number on the back. It's a long phone number I'd like to call this right out just a verify the jet I think that's fair. I think that's fair as a I dial the number and you're calling you're covering it all right, so he picks up your phone Hello operator I would like to make whatever the 1950s version of a long distance collect call to
And then he gives this long phone number. Yes. Oh, who wants to play the queen of England? Oh my god. Oh, well, yes Um, wait, let me I don't know how she sounds. She's like oh Proper queen. Yes. Hello, mom. It's agent white. Don't you mean mom? Hello, mom. It's agent white on that job in a In peachyville. Oh, yes, your little job. Oh, I do love that you have gone out into the world and Got little jobs
It's true. I am the queen That's brilliant mom and that's what I need you to tell this American chapter and collect these Check it out on the mark. Yeah, put him on a little chicken. Let's talk Hello Wishes to speak I keep with this is the second time on the show between this it's unsensibility that someone's talking like Your mafique broad I speak broadly all the time
To command a nation is to put a finger in the deepest soup. I got right here. It's okay with your face Oh, yes I can call it a favor a favor explain the limits of said favor limits of the favor Well, maybe some people were reading their emails during your scene A rich response would be it's whatever you want mom you all the queen
Yes, I am I am after all the queen a favor. Yes hmm if you could um If you could It's so accurate to because it's like you could you imagine like the queen having this level of like knowledge or field agency? I mean she'd be like spinning her wheels Just if you could be so kind as to make the exchange rate between our countries Permanently favorable. No mom Oh It's so odd that I have it this way round you see it's so odd yes Um, yes, it's just it's just uh, I'm quite uh
Yes, I do you a favor. Yeah, well, I am a kind And uh queen so yes What what what would you like dear falsified of documents of some kind can you do that falsified document? Yes, we can do that. Mom. Yes, we can do that. All right. I'm satisfied I'll have a head which documents dear You will answer the queen when she asks you which documents you wish to have falsified Well, you know, I like I want some medals of course dear of course my my son
Abbey white he wanted some medals just like everybody else and we everything we think that odd grand children should have trophies for everything but just And and and and ribbons just for engaging with whatever they're doing and I Yes Well, dear are you coming around for Christmas? Uh, yes, I'll be back for that mom I do so look forward to seeing the rest of the family
That's hard. Yeah, I love you. I'm looking for the rest of you mom Rest As in my sweetheart as am I my sweet little kid Apparently The king It's my son. I don't know if it's your son Yes, you call their mom What the fuck is up with that? Just say ma'am. I'm so fucking confused on the back. This is called the queen's English old boy. I'm with who I speak Why don't even I call people English?
Your accent is so weird and slides all over the place. It's quite hard to listen first of all how fucking day I Wish to join us in this escapade or not. I'll just hang on to this and I put the token in my pocket and you can call on me tomorrow Okay, look fucking to the cox head. Oh 900 okay, okay, okay fine. Okay. All right. Okay, I Should stick around Fuck no get the fuck out of my trailer or this or all Betsy here's gonna have nine words with you Who who's Betsy that's my service 1911
I was right ahead those words. Okay 10 minus one lab He leaves All right the next morning is no 900. Where are you doing tell me what wakes up? He goes like I don't remember Last night I was a riproding to run. God. What the fuck is this? You I call number I call number some broadness Some broadness of put this in my pocket. Oh Tony you you card you must have gotten up to something Nah, I pick up the phone that dial the number immediately Hello, baby You're about to go into bed aren't you?
I'm Nackered, but is there something like that when I'm done with you? In the Hello, my did give energy back to people it's like a red Hello, hello. Hello. Hello. It's me. It's Tony. Well, I am Unhappied marriage. Um, yes, I'm quite interested in what you're proposing Well, I don't know what you're up to today, but my schedule is over there. What do you mean nighttime? I look out the window
It's fucking sunny. What do you mean nighttime? Wait, where are what the fuck are you talking? Yes, I'm the queen of England Holy shit Tony you hit the jack I got a token and I'm car with your name on it. I'll get you on the cleanest one time I love what times guys way by big you back you As I said my evening is completely full no completely empty it's full with you Yes, well, I was hoping I could test drive one of you more come bedraggled vehicles I even test drive the baby. What?
Holy I'm only Oh, man, can we make bumper stickers to say come the drag My other car is come be tripled. Oh hold on babe. Let me put you on hold for a second Of course I put on the record player and I have some whole music and I put the phone next to it so that there sounds like you know like I got it All right, do you open the door?
I got am below the door Penny pick it aka Yaroslava baranova is there just shh I believe that our British agents nearby we could be being watched Are you ready to make our move Second brother anything Second brother holy shit. Oh, oh, oh little roll my handler. We were last night. Yes. You're saying I handled you last night Ah, I see there are still agents around that is why you are pretending not to know me. Okay very well
Well, no you can go in come on in babe. Okay. Uh, she starts to do something. Oh, I'm talking to another babe I hope you don't mind I walk over to the phone. I think I'm like got the call back babe No, have they discovered I see The deep it this goes higher
Hey, you're talking crazy babe. Go ahead and take something to calm yourself down. I'll call you later I hang up on the queen and I go I go to this new babe like hey, it's just something that drink tell me How was last night for you last night was very good Yeah, because I finally know I am going home to mother Russia. Oh, I took you home the mother We want coffee you why you why listen we must go away together tonight. Oh, I was moving real fast for me babe, you know
Altonica. Let's got a lot of fishing lines and fishing holes Oh terrible Prospects you understand I don't understand you said last night that you were my rush you were my handler you were the opera Are you not I'm the top are you you said last night god damn right told you who I am yes, and you said That you could get me out of here at least you implied it. Yes, it was a good order you were lying who are you and she slams you against the wall Whoa fucking let me finish my coffee first Jesus lady
I'm telling collect and that's all you need to know and I'm about to blow your mind baby. Oh my god. Oh my god Oh my god. Oh my god. And she throws you to the ground Yeah, whoa little early for this hold on let me just I just had the um I need to piss you just had the marker laying out on the
Nothing had in my hand, but you know, I was like I called it was probably by the phone. Yeah, okay, so she looks over to the phone And sees this marker and immediately knows what it is And she's the you're working for them what you're working for the British agents and she grabs you again Oh, you tell me the truth look me dead in the eyes and tell me who are you don't you collect I'm gonna be totally honest with you babe
I don't know who the fuck you. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I just woke up here
And I need a piss and you're leaning on my bladder go piss. I must think okay And I go into the bathroom of the thing okay, and I unfurl my fucking hog And I start we know it's our ejecting fucking urine from it But in the meantime, I'm using the covering sound to me frying up some chicken in there to fill up the glass that I have You know next to my thing and then as I'm finishing up on one end Okay, so you remember you see just have her shoot him You just killed
Listen, listen, you remember the seat well first. Well, I rest so I do I regain some hit points We'll get to that and tell me what you're saying okay, so like you remember the scene in the end Jones when he's got to like swap something out You know and it's so you try to make it sound like the pee is still going yeah And then like as I'm finishing up as one snake is finishing up I start pouring the other in right and I'm gonna use that to unlatch the window and split their outside
Okay, so you're just gonna run yeah, I'm gonna run this fucking weird ladies all over the place and fucking crazy Did you get dressed no? I'm still in the exact same clothing that I had from the night before so you flopped you passed out Drunk, so I was drunk remember okay, all right Your own house give me a stealth roll for that do I have an advantage because I'm covering it with the sound of urine
You know what that's clever? So I will give you an advantage on your stealth roll all right Because my fucking's oh One One and out of 20 dude not only a great success fucking perfect okay, so one fifth of my 20 The best possible roll no way that it can go any better exactly what I want to have happen happens What happens so I've done this clearly before in the past because like you know tony's cars cars cars
It's like people are gonna be coming in there. You know that mean whatever. I always have escape routes, right?
Okay, I'm a shifty guy. I slide out of the car out of the window in the bathroom Mm-hmm into the open convertible seat of a car I have parked like a you know one of the lock cars on the lot But this one's I designated as my secret used car getaway car I've plopped into the thing and I fucking fire at the engines and speed off as you do that You see her running out the front door and seeing you peeling off out of the lot good luck
Bitch my fucking place sucks. I doors jammed. She's going to take a shot at you. Okay, so she pulls out a gun and fires a shot at you She's gonna make a ranged melee attack. I think at the end of Chinatown. Just like at the end of Chinatown Okay 45 No, that's her are they swarving the car around? I'm like that's her skills. That's her skill Can I sort of the car around you cannot dodge your fight back against firearms attacks
It's just a straight shot and then one additional penalty die for being in the vehicle and moving. Okay, so she got a 21 out of her skill which is a 45 so she does hit you. Can I spend some luck? No But what a good luck you can spend luck on your roles. You cannot spend luck on her Okay, so yes, and now we're at hip-point time now we're at hip-point time because now this matters What is your HP right now? I'm at five, but the question is I love what is your 14 out of 14?
So you're still in major wound territory. You have not recovered any HP yet, but I went to sleep, huh? But I went to sleep. No, well, then guess what when you fucking get the shit kicked out of you are you better in the morning? Yeah, you have a major wound once you recover from your major wound You will be able to recover one HP Okay, but you have to recover from your major wound first. All right, so she's gonna roll a 1d8 Oh Oh my god honestly honestly He does
I won't be that sad. Yeah Oh Oh, shit shine a town okay, hold on Zero hit points if HP okay here. All right, what does Tony say is this bullet rips into his chest? I was like good luck hitting this bitch Then you hear a gun what actually you feel before you hear the report of the gun shot You hear a pistol ripped through your chest and because your HP is fall to zero while you have a major wound You are now unconscious and dying okay, but I'm in the car. So that's good
Yeah, that's always where you want to be when you're unconscious. Is that a wheel And you're rolling towards an intersection will save Jesus tank the wheel He should have said the beat oh my god, and then wait and then like there's a moth
Crossing the road and the car hits the moth the car that hit the moth previously I came again in the bumper sticker says women be women We all start singing in frog star right down the sky I women can be women The broken sky All I ever wanted was to feed so ordinary In a world that lies twisted in my mind and now gone All that I can see is a hole in the star Oh Swallowed my dreams to make in them scars too far too far away I
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