S3 Ep. 27 - All About Eat

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That's Tommyjohn.com slash comfort. Tommy John. Comfort perfected. Dungeons and Dads is brought to you this week by eBay. On eBay every find has a Story. Like if you're looking for a vintage band T, not just AT, the band T. From the last show your favorite band ever played. You wore it everywhere. But then your ex started wearing it, which was cute, until they dumped you. They took it with them, which was Not so cute. Anyway, now you're on eBay and there it is, same T from the

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Bye from our studio at the courts of Azathoth between the planes that compose the universe. It's time once again for the powers that be I'm Yax at the one and all, and I'm the color out of space. Boom! We're here as always since time immemorial to beam the most sanity-rending slams and jams in all of sports straight into your nightmares. The first TPP By Deep One Silvers. It's Dagon Days down to Deep Ones, which means two for one profane abominations, all mating season long.

Boom! Today's play comes from a nameless speck of dust in a forgotten corner of the Milky Way galaxy. Where amateur bone routine the cutter of us screams, locked in a hopeless struggle to save their world from the mad whims of beings beyond their common. Comprehension bold a perfect game. Moments before their match, scream matrix. By the mind-bending venom.

I tell ya, it's truly a scheme so foul it could only be birthed by the fractured brain of team leader Kelsey Grammar, who while she slumbers, is ever courted by Zuzelle the God Slayer. I wouldn't fuck Zuzel with Haster the Unnamable's dick. But wait! Trouble for the screams as rookie roller Blake Lively, tasked with whispering words of doom to their drug competitors.

Accidentally gives them advice that helps their bowling game. Oh, that's a mistake you just don't want to be making, and Grammar is not happy about that one. Yet, despite their despair, Walk in on the mains Another trophy to their name, the screams now. into Percy Kovograd building 21. But will their Cinderella story survive the horrible secrets that lay within? Only time and the astrologer priests of Dallof will tell. Up next, behold an exclusive sneak preview of Walt Disney's live action.

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast, a little Peachy podcast this season. Nicky Peachy Poe. This is the Peachy Vill Horror, a call of Cthulhu actual play, horror, comedy podcast about four everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness. in suburban nineteen fifties America and officially this one's BDSM. This one? Whoa. This particular episode? I make that decision solely in my soul description.

He's calling somebody else's shot. Somebody else goes up the plate and Babe Bruce comes out and goes, That guy's gonna go to a home run. He did that all the time. If you hell out with Babe in the dugout. Babe Bruce calling me mommy. Yeah. BDSM job. Ah, very good, very good. I think he'd be a sub. Um okay. Babe Ruth? Yeah. No, BDSM stands for babe doesn't sub, man.

My name is Freddie Wong. I play deep thinking plumber Blake Lively. Standout bowling performance from Blake last episode. And he owes it all to Swedish bowling. Swedish bowling. is what Blake played as a young child growing up. Are we is this canon that he's Swedish or is it just Swedish bowl? No, no, no, it's just Swedish bully.

You have Swedish meatballs and not be Swedish. You go to Ikea and not have to change your citizenship, William. I wish I wish I could just be able to do it. Oh yeah, I'd be out of here. What if they're like Yeah yes you can be Swedish but you have to build furniture for Swedish people for the next

ten years for my Kia. I would actually do that because like I think there's something cathartic about building IKEA furniture when it's easy and when it's hard, it's actually like that's the only time I've destroyed something. Can I say Ikea furniture building instructions are diabolical because if you look at'em There's so many ones where it's just like

There was a little hole there. Oh, you didn't see my secret hole. You fool, you didn't see the two hole. You thought I found the clutch. You filled your dresser upside down. You look like the 2D guy scratching his head, standing over the tools. You'll have to call us. You thought you were strong enough to carry this on your own, but your brain wasn't strong enough to find out my secrets.

Normally I'm I'm good enough to do it though. But the one time I was trying to build a nightstand, I actually destroyed it. Um I took it outside and I beat it up. And I kicked it and I destroyed it and it felt so good. But my new roommates were a little scared of me. What did you do with the little free extra dowel they sometimes cheekily throw in? I love that when they just throw one in. Hey kid, here's another one. Anyway.

Swedish bowling. Swedish bowling involves taking a rock and throwing it down the hill and trying to hit trees with it. Oh. Is it up or is this a real thing? No. All right. It's a real thing in that you can do that with a hill, a rock, and a tree in the distance. I mean, there is a thing called Swedish bowling. I looked it up'cause I was getting ready to see learn Yeah, it's a thing.

Hold on I mean clearly you didn't know. Somehow he googles this and it goes to goatsy and I have so much respect for you. Swedish bowl is called coop. It's a throwing game that involves knocking over wooden blocks. So it not dissimilar from what I described. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Except I guess a tree really is a wooden block lacking about. My name is Matthew Arnold. I play Kelsey Grammar, Peachville's uh happiest and snappiest school mom.

And you know what she always says? Eat prey love. She was the first one. And you know, Kelsey doesn't live long enough, but she actually taught Carol Gilbert, which is the mother of Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote E Pray Love. So I'm just saying. So a little fact about Kelsey is that Kelsey and Roz have a little book club, the grammar book club. And they read a book every month.

And um they really like it'cause there's a way for them to connect. However, when they read Catcher in the Rye, the next like couple of days, Milton started acting weird and Kelsey began to realize that Milton was always listening to the book club and then reading whatever they were reading. So since then Kelsey and Rodz have mostly read

like kind of like feminist literature and things about how to be a strong mature boy and they're just trying to really strong mature boy. Yeah. That was actually the original title of Catcher in the Rise. That was actually the original title of how to be a strong mature boy. Yeah in the rye or how to be a strong material. Very ironic type. But you know how like how it came out like To kill Mocking Bird, she had like that first version that sucked. That's why

Then he started writing on me as strong with your point halfway through like this is boring. Let's just do the opposite. What if I had a kid who was not there? What if a kid sucked? How the JD Stallinger having a moment of inspiration. How to be a strong mature boy as the original title Lord of the Flies. I'm Anthony Birch. I play Francis Farnsworth, a kid who's trying his best. And Francis's uh peachy fact is uh we're gonna talk about Francis' favorite scent.

Francis' favorite scents are two dimes and a nickel. Because when you're getting bullied, if they see a quarter, they're like that's basically a hamburger. And they take the quarter, but if they see two dimes or a nickel, they're like that's peasant shit and they let it go. That's interesting. That's wild. Really interesting. Definitely not true, but you tried. Hi, my name is Beth May and I play Trudy Trout.

Homemaker, mother of one beautiful child, robot. I'm gonna let you in the mind of Beth May for a moment. Um God This is why you did that one-woman show. I see it now. One, I'm not sure if I'm pronouncing this word right or if I've already done this fact. So I that's kind of why you're like and I didn't wanna ask before because I was lazy and we were talking about so many other fun things.

If I have done this fact before, I apologize and then just tell me and I'll come up with another. This is like the opposite of Babe Ruth calling us J. Yeah. If I don't get a home run, I'm sorry. So you're saying if you find out afterwards that you've done this fact and the audience says, I'll come up with a two facts. I'll I'll do two facts every day. When ever Trudy is going on like a mommy spending spree, she calls that clearing her cash. That's great. That's very good. That's good.

That's a new one. Never done that one. 27 episodes? Twenty-seven. Twenty-seven. Haven't repeated one. Hi everyone. I'm Will Campos. I'm your dungeon master. Bonus dad facts slash shameless brag for meme this week. My wife wrote a Star Wars comic and it comes out this week. Doctor Afra Chaos Agent by Cherish Chen drops this Wednesday and y'all is

Fucking good. Dr. Aphra's like low-key one of the best characters going in Star Wars right now. Like the best way to describe her is she's like Indiana Jones in space. If Indiana Jones was a dirtbag criminal who needs to get her shit together. Uh it has been such a joy getting to watch Cherish put this book together behind the scenes. The art is fucking incredible. If you like Star Wars at all, you're gonna fucking love this book.

So call your local comic book store today and get yourself a copy of Dr. Afra Chaos Agent. Okay, let's get back to the show. My dad facts, my DM fact this week.

The elephant's foot. Is the nickname given to the large mass of corium beneath reactor four of the Chernobyl nuclear power plant near Prypyatsu, Ukraine. From such materials as molten concrete, sand, steel, and uranium and zirconium, it's named for its wrinkled appearance and large size evocative of the foot of an elephant.

This fucker puts off, when it was created, nearly 8,000 to 10,000 runtagens, eighty to a hundred grays per hour, delivering a fifty-fifty lethal dose of radiation within three minutes. When it was first found it was the most dangerous object on Earth and it looks creepy as I was born until Anthony Birch.

Got his first three D FX graphic stuff. Until I logged on to Quake for the first time. How radioactive is it still? It's not as but it's pretty radioactive. It's like Imagine Dragon level be there. You know it's not as radioactive because someone was able to go in and take a picture of it and the picture is the creepiest fucking picture I've ever seen in my life. He wasn't wearing that much stuff.

And then also it's creepy because they did like a long exposure, so like you see like a ghosty blur of the guy who took the floor. And it looks like it fucking ate his soul. It's just like this big blob that fucking killed a guy. It's crazy. Can you put a link to what you're talking about?

In the Discord or something? Here's the new tech that needs to happen. Freddie, whatever, baby. What I'm about to say feels like something you would be saying. So so here you go. Okay. I want to be able to be listening to a podcast and say, Hey, can you drop a link? and s they say something and then your computer or your car or whatever could link to that. It feels like we got AI, we got listening.

Well yeah, listen to podcasts of my car. No, no, it's like an audio link. Like an audio link. Like an audio link. I want when somebody says, here's a link. I say it out loud and then I get it. Here's the here's I want it. I just want it. I just want it in my brain. Just get the content direct into my veins. I don't want to use my fingies at all. Can you imagine if you're listening to a podcast like and you could buy my shirt and you just say buy it?

You know about the McDonald's Connect patent, right? No. McDonald's try to patent. McDonald's try to patent a style of advertisement where if you have an Xbox Connect, And a commercial for McDonald's starts playing, then you can automatically skip it, but only if you stand up, put your hands in the air and go, McDonald's I like that. Alright. Let's start this episode. One, two, three, McDonald's. One, two, three, McDonald's.

Previously on Dungeons and Daddies, the podcast where we play the Peachyville Horror. Y'all went to Russia to find Mothman and Timmy, who'd been captured in the town of Percykovograd. You infiltrated under the cover of being a Lithuanian bowling team known as the Lithuaniacs. You managed to Win the tournament.

By using most of the mind controlled venom you need to cure Timmy. Whatever. But we left enough for Timmy. Well, we don't know if it was enough for Timmy. We know that there's a little a couple of drops left in it. I feel that we decided there was enough for Timmy. We rolled the tape. We decided that Matt. Uh used it all and then rang a little bit back out into the while okay, we can look at the tape. We'll we pull it out. Pull it up. Esther pull it out.

So pull it up. But Timmy's here! Oh, you're right, you're right. I take the handkerchief. No! I'm I'm not- No, absolutely not. What am I gonna do? You're gonna suck it back in your mouth and spit it back in your mouth. No, I'm gonna take the handkerchief, I'm gonna wring it out. Into uh my milk bottles. And that's a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit. You have a small amount of venom. Alright, now we record two versions. That's right, bitch. Damn, I was wrong.

Alright, other version. That's right, bitch! Aww damn, I was wrong. You're not gonna use that one. But we got some back at home too. There's some back at home. But Timmy is here. We have Timmy at here. But if not, we can fly Timmy home. But if not, whose fault will that be? I mean, I don't know. Wait, wait, wait. We won because of this juice. We all were in on the juice.

Juiced plan. I know we were all juicing. Will trying to split us. Guys, don't let Will split us. We were all don't let us not divide us. You won the bowling tournament, gaining yourself an audience with the site director of Building Twenty One, the mysterious

Research laboratory where the dark experiments at the heart of Percy Kovograd have been going on. We'll see what happens when you get there. We'll see what spooky things you find. Maybe Mothman's there. Maybe not. That'd be kind of stupid. If he wasn't, though, that would have been bad planning on my part. You were about to be whisked away. When you noticed your handler Anton Kolotov, who you had chloroformed with the last of your mind venom before you wrung it back into a jar.

Looking conflicted, Blake lively approached him, and he warned Blake that you guys were walking into a dangerous situation, handed Blake his service revolver, and on top of that revealed that he was actually a CIA agent working for the US government, that his real name was Which we all heard. He revealed that his real name was Tony Kalat Anton Kolotov. Yeah. Anton Kolotov. How could his name be Tony Kolet? That was the other g wasn't there, but he's dead.

Who's this guy? But you don't know that because you never Tony Tony Tony parti complimenting this information. Colette. Yes, T-O-N-Y-C-O-L-E-T-T-E. Ah, two common names. Welcome. Hello. Okay, but you have to go. They're gonna get suspicious. Just I've got your back. He gives you his gun. I fucking lock and load it and tuck it right by my groin.

Just at Freddie's groin. Just point at my dingling. So he's about to continue talking, but then he sees the cultural affairs liaison, the woman who was gonna guide you to building twenty come up and say, Is there a problem, comrade? Are you ready to join us on the tour? Time is a wasting as they see. Looking forward to the tour, they want us to go on the tour. Yeah, we won. We wanted to go on the tour. That's what we're here for. Come this way. So what was the deal with them? Ah, that man is a

Okay. Yeah. Oh. I'm seeing this very Soto Voce. Okay. Good. All right. Whisper. Did he give you anything? What's the like what? He gave me a gat. So we are armed. Just in case. I don't know what else he'll be doing. Okay, so Blake's got a gun, everybody. And that guy's a spy. He's a spy. But that's very

Yes, do not mention What are you talking about back there? Bowling strategies, secret bowling strategies. So she leads you in through the gates and gestures to this big sprawling foyer, this sort of magnificent brutalist architecture in this big concrete slab floor. And uh she guides you through the replacement. She says, Unfortunately the director he has a very important meeting right now with very special celebrity you may have seen on the news, duh? Uh man with uh big wings.

Ah, so you have seen him too as well. Yes. Your friends they seem very uh they do not seem to be. They are simply in awe of the brutalist architecture on display in this lobby. Da da da NYE The song. Where the song's good. Well regardless. As I said, the director is busy at the moment, but he is excited to meet you. If you could follow me into this room to watch informative video on uh what we are doing here at Project Motherland.

Ah I explained to the team. I'm like there will be a video I will translate. Is that Lithuanian you are speaking to your teammates? You speak English? English? Yes, it is one of the languages. We you do two are learning English Tournament in America wish to destroy capitalist scum practice.

You saw what are they saying? We don't speak English. They are practicing English. We are. No, but what are they saying? We are speaking and practicing English for an upcoming tournament in America where we will crush the capitalists. Ah yes, very good. I see. Okay, well you tell them. That that is okay with me. But people don't like English here, so it might cause offense. They should be careful when they speak. But I being enlightened cultural affairs minister, this is okay with me.

Ah, team, she's cool with English, but other people are will not be cool with English and well you tell those other people to mind their fucking business. Oh, good point. It's nice that we can talk to each other, but wait everybody, really quick though. I mean like I know you you've watched some spy movies here and there. A lot of times somebody pretends like they don't know those

So it's nice that we can talk to each other in English, but I'm not so sure that that guy doesn't actually speak English. That's a good point. So, you know, try to keep him off guard with like, oh, he's got such a big hog down there. I think all three of us should suck on it. And have a great time. And I'm watching and I'm watching the Russian to see if he's That's an insane thing to say. Yeah, it's crazy to say that I wish I just got my hog? My whole head down in his pants.

And I wanna live in there. She nods, not understanding what you're saying. Okay. I think she's either in favor of this idea or she doesn't speak English. I wanna get in there. Okay, so so she doesn't respond. Can I roll to see? I want to roll to see if she actually give me a psychology roll. You see the glint of recognition in her eyes. I got 87, I failed it.

Okay. Yeah, you have no way of knowing she is she does turn to Blake and say, What is she saying? She seems very like she wants me to understand something. I don't speak English. Okay, sorry to be so crass. I don't think she's asking. No, but you what does she say to me? Oh, she was asking. You can tell her the truth, it's fine.

Oh, she was asking about the brutalist architecture. How is it so tall and so concrete? Oh well, it is in fact a very long and interesting story. I would be happy to tell you right now, but unfortunately More pressing matters, wait. I really must guide you into this room to see this important video. You need to watch the video. This important film and we should uh go along and maybe you translate, yes, for them. Yes. So she kinda scoots you along to like off the foyer, there's like a little

You're like at a museum when they got like oh nice there's a little movie playing in there. Mm-hmm. It's like one of those. It's like a nice little movie room. And then you go in and then you're like, This is kinda boring. But then you're like, Oh I have to say, but then you sit here like another ten minutes just to like act like you're watching it. She guides you into this room. And closes the door behind her. We're alone. We are alone. I think we're alone already with all the English.

Well we need to be able to talk to each other. I didn't even know you knew about hogs and sucking and all the ki the things you just said. I'm a grown woman. I don't know why that's surprising. I just don't like to hear my teachers talk about it. I'm not your teacher anymore. I'm a grown I'm just nothing but a grown woman to you now, Francis. Are you coming on to me? No, absolutely Francis, absolutely not.

We're all in this together and I had to say something shocking. The fact that you're like, I can't believe you said that is exactly why I had to say it, because that would have made her shocked. I wanted to know if she understood English. That's all I was trying to do. Okay. If we need to communicate, perhaps use a massive

Masking in the form of pigletin. Everybody give me a listen chat. I'm familiar with masking, all right. I failed. Seven, I succeed. Oh uh exactly twenty five, twenty five. I succeed. Super success for you got a super success? Yes. Seven? I have failed. Blake, you hear a little click when the door shuts. And then try the knob. You wanna try the knob? Yeah.

Uh team we have to set some boundaries. Team, we are stuck in this room. We are going to watch whatever madness they will put in front of us. Quick look for alternate exits. As you say then the lights dim and a Oh it's harder to find them now. A film begins to play, like a hatch opens up and like a little projector beam shines on the side. I love the pictures. Can I roll spot hidden though? Yeah, to see if there's another exit. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. I give you disadvantages lights to go.

Seventy eight, never mind, I fail. Okay. Basically here this like you know some old well. Thank you. And like basically this newsreel starts playing over stock footage of

Guys in science lab coats doing sciencey stuff and you know, pictures of Russia. You hear the following. Welcome, esteemed comic. Ah it's good that they have subtitles. In Russian. Yes. No, in various languages. No, they don't. They only have it in Russian. Just so we can get through this, we can assume that Blake is explaining what's going on to the rest of you guys. But dear listeners, I, Freddie Wong, player of Blake Lively, will chime in when the translation isn't perfect. Okay.

Can't wait. Welcome, esteemed comrades, to Project Motherland. You have chosen or been chosen to participate in a great adventure. Together, arm in arm, we will bring about a new age of harmony for the workers of our world and every world beyond.

But first, some history. It switches over to like newsreel footage of the Oak Ridge Nuclear Facility disaster in Tennessee. In nineteen thirty nine, decadent Western filmmaker Joseph Joseph Abrams performs an occult ritual at the Oak Ridge Nuclear Facility. And makes contact with a powerful entity from beyond space and time. Despite the best efforts of inept capitalist spies to cover up the incident, word quickly spread.

Soon, every major government on Earth has made contact with a pantheon of extradimensional beings known as the powers that be. The powers show their true wisdom to many, but only to us, only to the USSR, do the powers reveal their true purpose and mankind's glorious destiny. Uh and then you start seeing like this trippy ethereal sort of special photography of space and like little diagrams with strange symbols. Soon the veil between our reality and theirs will grow.

Thin enough for a hole to be torn through. With their guidance and our collective will, we, the people of Russia, will bring this moment, this hour of the whole to pass. And the powers that be will descend on our world, and the workers of the world shall unite with the world as one mind, one flesh, one psyche, one spirit, one will, and we will be born anew, and we will take our seat among the stars. Sit back, relax your body. And listen to these short words from our sight director.

And the footage cuts too. Just like this weird grainy shot of a big glowing heap of radioactive scrap metal in a massive rubble strewn room with a dirt floor. It looks kind of like the elephant's foot. He declared The footage starts to get brighter and brighter, like you're hearing this buzzing noise and you hear this voice.

come in and start speaking to you. I will plug my ears and close my eyes. I follow whatever Blake is doing. Same. Okay, you're gonna plug your ears before he even starts talking? Yeah. And close your eyes. I feel like I would absolutely follow

peer pressure vet. Okay, well in that case I won't read the thing that he was gonna read. But wait if you read it and the audience doesn't close their ears and close their eyes, are they gonna is the crazy thing gonna happen to them? Audience members, plug your ears if you don't wish to hear what I'm about to say.

You are aware of everything, and yet you are not aware. You are listening with your subconscious mind, while your conscious mind is far away and not listening. Your conscious mind is far away and not listening. Your subconscious mind is awake and listening. And hearing everything while your conscious mind remains very relaxed and peaceful, you can relax peacefully because your subconscious mind is taking charge.

And when this happens, you close your eyes and let your subconscious And as this murmuring goes on you guys can't hear us. Oh Beth's listening. Yeah. You hear this dulcet droning. Do we hear now? This is now Will the DM explaining what's going on. Fingers out. Fingers out, suns out, guns out. As you hear this muffled dulcet. Hypnotic voice. The screen like I said grows brighter in

Which we can see through our eyelids'cause our eyes are closed. Yeah, our eyes are closed. Weird colors. Yeah, we can tell it's brighter, but it's like a hot hot sun right on your face. And you feel almost like your skin is starting to burn ever so slightly. Like you've just been exposed to the sun for hours. And you can feel your skin starting to crinkle and duck under the seat.

Are there multiple rows like I wanna get behind your own? Um that's great. As you're doing all that, everybody give me so if you guys had not been smart. I would have made this a hard roll. It would have been even harder for Freddie because he could understand it. Everybody give me a POW roll with advantage. Ooh, Freddie, thank you for thinking of it. Ooh. Forty-nine out of eighty-five, that's just a regular success. Okay. Oh, wait, wait, wait.

I got advantage. Oh yeah, we have advantage. My pow is forty, I got a four. Whoa. I got a good roll too. My pow is fifty-five and I got a ten. My pow is twenty-five. But I got a nine, so super successful. Okay, so you all succeeded. Yes. Yeah, we're rolling hot today, bro. Okay, great. So you're all hunkered down, you got your eyes uh closed and your ears plugged.

You're under the seats. Mm-hmm. Did we see is there like a physical projector in the room or is it like baked into the floor? It came out. It came out. Yeah, there's like on the wall it popped open. There was like a little hatch that popped open. Okay. Was it at

height where one of us could conceivably like run up and like jam something into it. You'd have to climb to get up, but yeah, you could absolutely go do that. But before you do, everybody make me a disadvantaged listen roll because you're plugging your ears and this video is getting pretty loud. Uh my listen is twenty and I got a twenty.

My listen is twenty seven, I got ninety-three. Oof. My listen is forty and I got a fifty-three. My listen is only twenty five, but I got a twenty. With disadvantage? I got a one and then a twenty. Oh wow. Okay. Or whatever it is. Zero. Yeah. Okay, great. Francis, what were you about to do? I was going to turn away from the screen, which I feel like I could feel which direction the heat's coming from, so I was able to do that without looking. Okay.

Trudy and Blake on the shoulder, whoever's closest to me on the shoulders. And then if they do open their eyes, point up at the projector and then do like a cutting throat gesture against the way down. But to do that, you are looking at the projector.

Uh yeah. The light that is streaming out of this thing is also streaming out of the projector. So give me one more power roll. I'm not gonna make you keep doing this over and over again, but I feel like since you're now looking, that's an estimation. Uh my power's 40, I got a 50 second. So as you glance up at it to do this. You become entranced by the light and you start to just go catatonic as you're staring at it, and your arms fall slack at your sides, and you can feel.

Something burrowing into your mind. You can feel something just starting to grope around at the edges of your psyche. Look at Francis. Oh no. I'm gonna do stand in front of Francis and then I have my fingers in my ears, but I move my elbows around his ears to cover his ears. If you can physically do that to me, it feels like you should get away with it. And I'm kind of like

Headbutting him too. Wake him up. So you go over to wake up Francis. Yeah, covering his face on the screen and covering his ears with my elbows. Francis, give me another disadvantaged willpower roll to see if this breaks the spell. Ninety eight. No, it doesn't. As that's happening, Beth, you feel something light land on your nose.

I open my eyes. That's all it takes, man. Yeah. She can also like do this before she opens her eyes. Well so you're also 180. I think I'd be really surprised to be like, what the fuck is going on? That's fair. That's fair. Okay, well then two things happen. You see a moss. On the tip of your nose. But then you also see the video again. So give me one more willpower roll. Okay. And I have a fifty five. Let me roll again.

I got a seventy. Okay, so you for one moment are like, Oh my god, there's a moth. Is it Mothman? And then you are mesmerized by the film and you too begin to feel something burrowing its way into the Oh no. Um the other two of you, the smart ones. Smart ones, you hear the door click open again. A doctor and two burly sort of like orderlies step into the room.

So the first person they see is Matt attempting to wake up Francis. So let's go ahead and do a combat initiative. This one won't be too long. I presume I don't have to No, no, you're talking for now. Like you ready? I have a gun. Yeah, you ready for the shit? You pull that shit out right away. Fucking down the iron sides too. Pop pop. Conquer the collateral this shit dude. Hey homie! That my briefcase?

God, what a fucking moment. What a film. What a picture. Referring collateral, of course. The two goons are going for Matt and the doctor seems to be coming for you. All right, well I'm going to But the doctor is a woman. I can't brainwash this kid. The point blank firearm range rule says if the shooter's target's within one fifth of their decks in feet, I get a bonus guy. Yeah.

So like ten feet. Yeah, I'm just gonna shoot the doctor. All right, so you that's you're just opening fire from the jump. Yeah. You got a revolver from um our friend Tony Collette. And there are now seven people entering the room. No, there's three, but this is one of your six bullets. Go ahead and give me a firearms roll. Forty eight. What's your skill? Twenty.

Okay. So you miss. But you know a gunshot is a warning still. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I rolled forty. Yeah, yeah. So I got forty eight out of twenty two. So I need to get a one or a zero. Come on, baby. One out of five. That ain't bad twenty percent. Six! So you you spin around in your seat and aim up on the doctor and fire off a shot and it goes way wide and now all hell is about to break loose in this room. Question for you.

Revolver, you chose like the loudest gun. I don't know how the brainwashing thing works or whatever. Does the gunshot snap them like a reverie? Do they respond? Do I notice Francis or Trudy responding to the gunshot? Both Francis and Trudy give me another disadvantage willpower roll.

Ooh, I now I pass. Oh, you definitely passed, yeah. Okay, so then you actually yeah, the deafening sound of this gun going off snaps you out of it for a second. So you guys are also now both in the initiative order, so you did accomplish something. Okay, great. I will. Yay. Do I have my bowling ball? Did you guys bring your bowling ball? We would have bowling bags and our bowling bags. We have a bowling bag. My point, gentlemen and lady, is that if we were Lithuanian bowlers

This is still a valid reaction to what is happening. Like if you were just living with bullers, you were promised a tourist attraction and you showed up and you start getting brainwashed, you'd be like, What the hell's going on? and you fight your way out of here. So

We can still we still keep our cover. So it's the goons turns next. They see the two of you snap out of it, but they're closer to Kelsey and Francis, so they are gonna go ahead and try to subdue both of you with their night sticks, with their billy. Who number one is gonna take a swing at you first, Francis? Okay. I would like to dodge. My half deck is thirty. I rolled an eighteen. Oh nice. So that's a success? Yes. Not quite a super success.

All right, well he got a ninety seven, so he takes a big swing at you with his nightstick. It's a coronary. He gets a fumble. His nightstick actually clanks on the um on the wall and falls out of his hand. So he's gonna need to pick it up if you want to use it next turn. Nice noise noise. Matt, the other one is gonna take a swing at you.

Okay, yeah, I'm gonna fight back. Um under thirty. He got a normal success. So bam, he goes to punch you and you give him a boxer. You're already in like the duck and weave position. Alpha and Omega is bad. So you juke him and uh give me a roll for damage. Pray that you'll survive this punch. I love your neighbor like you love. Whatever. Roll for damage. What's your damage? Uh one damage. Okay, so you crack him on the jaw. That's just a taste. Nice. Okay. Um I could do

Two more damage than that normally. So think about how much that hurted. Multiply that by two hundred percent. That's what could happen. No no. Multiply three hundred percent. Oh shit. Oh wait no, it should be two damage, sorry. Two damage?'Cause one point five, one and a two is one damage, three and a four is two damage. Okay, so two damage. Twice as strong as you thought. The doctor is now gonna take a swing at you, Blake. Uh you don't want to swing at me, buddy?

Take it all one. Take it all in. Actually, not the doctor. Kelsey, it's your turn. Oh. I forgot that that was actually his turn. So, yes, it's your turn. What would you like to do? So you two have snapped out? Su plus we're good. Oh yeah. I'm gonna try to Pull the guy's head like so that the neck is like you know on the edge of the chair, you know? Oh my god. And then like elbow down. Oh god. Like break his neck over the chair, you know? No, that would kill you, but

But I feel like that would feel so good for a second. It'd feel really good until it doesn't. Yeah. So it's like a maneuver, right? Yeah, we'll call this a fighting maneuver. And that'll be part one of it. Mm-hmm. Um, to pin him down. And then I think what I'll do is then

He could try to break free on his next turn, but then you can break his neck on your next turn. Or can I just threaten him. Okay, cool. Okay. So give me a fighting brawl roll. That will be what we roll your fighting maneuver with. So forty five and my fighting brawl is sixty, so normal success. Okay, so he is going to um try to dodge back.

He got a thirty seven and his dodge is thirty five. So yes, you grab him and you bring him down onto the chair and on your next turn y you can try to snap his neck. Nice. Uh like keep acting like we're be like, w we're you just don't want to be bowling. What's going on? It is the doctor's turn. The doctor is going to um lunge at you, Blake, with a syringe. Trying to stick.

There's never anything good in that. No. I've never seen a movie where somebody stabs it with a syringe and like thanks for the uh Dark City. What happens in Dark City? Can you fight back with a gun? Hey buddy. Little movie called a little thing called uh CQC. CQC. All right, yeah. Give me your firearms roll. This is crazy because like we're in a situation where it's probably smarter for me to Not do that. It's a place you find yourself often, Freddie.

Well, you know, I'll tell you this. I'll do a doc. I'll try and dodge him. Which skill is higher? Dodge. Okay, well then yeah, maybe you should dodge. Yeah, I'm a dodge. What is your firearm skill? Twenty-two. Twenty-two he's not good at guns. Nineteen on dodge. Too bad I would have fired super successfully.

Super success. Okay, he got a regular success. So he takes a swing at you and you just watch this pointy little glinty syringe needle drip in some kind of weird green goo slide right past your But he does not succeed in hitting you. I go, What are you doing? We are just a bowling team? Nice. What is this nonsense? The film sucks. I'm gonna aim for the doctor. Okay. And I'm gonna hit him with my thirteen pound bowling ball.

Are you throwing it or are you swinging at it and what are you doing? How far away am I? That's up to you. If I'm close enough to hit him, I'll just like hold on and Just clonk him. Clonk him. I like this plan. Give me a uh fighting brawl roll is what we're gonna do. I got a twenty two. Hell yeah. What's your score? Thirty-five. Thirty-five. So that's a regular success.

He is gonna try to dodge. Uh he fails. And then what's your damage bonus? One D four. Okay, that's great. Yeah, roll me on one D six plus one D four. Yeah, it feels better. One D six. Fuck. One. Okay. One D V. Two. Damn it. Three damage? Yeah. Okay. Wham. He takes a big old clonk in the head and staggers back. Always have to remember that three damage is actually like pretty good in this game. Yeah, no, three damage is a beefy hit. Blake, it's your turn again. I wanna just like fuck it.

Nail this document. Okay. I just want to go and just fucking launch my foot vertically into his groin. Okay. Or her. He or she. I did say it's a guy though. Rolled in bones. Rolled in bones, dude. Oh nein. Nine off of a brawl. That's a super duper success. Ooh, okay. Well he got a ninety-three, so you fucking clonk him, dude. And because you did so well, I will say add an extra 1d4 damage on top of that.

One foot four foot nine damage. Nine damage? He's liquid. He passes out from the pain. Like you've cloned him so hard that if this was like the Zucker Brothers movie, like his eyes would turn into little slot machines. And then like it would be like bar bar and then you'd fall over. Francis, witness that I kicked a man in the ball so hard he passed out. You two can achieve this power with discipline. The doctor is out. Um for Francis there. No, I appreciate it. No, I'll try.

Goo number one sees his boss go down. Don't don't don't don't sugarcoat it. He saw his boss get kicked in the nut so hard. That he disappeared from this plane of consciousness. Goo number one scowls at you, but he's got more pressing matters to attend to. He is going to take a swing at Kelsey to try to keep her from breaking his buddy's neck.

Don't worry, Kelsey, he'll be turned away from me at which point I can deliver another devastating nut punch. I wanna just take it. You just wanna eat it? Yeah, I mean it's not gonna kill me. It's a punch, right? Yeah, it's a punch. Yeah, I got eleven HP. Yeah, but dodging doesn't hurt anything, right? I don't want to make you lose your grip on the phone. I don't want to lose this grip on this guy. This head is where I want it to be. All right.

I like the head to move. All right, here's what we'll also say. Give me a luck roll, and this will be to determine if he punches and then it hits like that really hard spot of your skull and it goes zero. I mean I have fifteen luck.

You ever like in the bare knuckle boxer movie where like the guy punches then then like he leans into it and he hits him right in the really hard part of your dog? I thought I thought you were saying it was gonna kill me. Right, no, no, no, no, no, no. If you get lucky, it'll hurt him. Oh nice. It is not. Okay, so lucky for you, he did um drop his nightstick on the previous turn after biffing his last.

Like that man has no hands. Look at his little grip. Couldn't even hang on to a hand. He is gonna roll a one D three plus one D four. Well, that's a pretty big punch. Three plus three. So he hits you Whoa. So just you take this big meaty clon right to the skull. Well hold up. He takes an injury now, right? Something that does more than half your HP in one hit. Yeah. That counts as a major wound. I regret Everything.

It was pretty macho, though. That was basically off of like I'm like, well, you know, if I do one D three, I didn't think you could Yeah. Mostly could get three damage on a punch, maybe four, maybe five. Okay. Um it's like the part with Thanos headbutt Captain Marvel, except if Captain Marvel just died. Well unfortunately you are

knocked off your block. Oh no. And you collapse onto the ground. Uh give me a con Okay. You said if I did dodge I would at least hold on to his head. Give me your constitution role first. The constitutional role is to see if you fall unconscious. If you fall unconscious, you're letting go. No. You're gonna death grip'em. They've got the prior fingers. Oh, like when you get like what's the thing where you like fencing? Is that where you're fencing? No, no, I I I super pass by constitution rule.

I very much filled the other. She's got a chin. I got twenty six and uh my constitution is fifty four, so twenty seven is super so you nailed it. So okay, so yes, you as a boxer you've taken enough blows to the head to be able to grit this out. You're like Do I still get like a major wound or whatever? Uh yes you do. Mark that down. Um and that we'll say is a concussion.

Can I see if this intimidates him? Sure. I have a bad intimidator. I failed. It does not. So now you're crying while recording your podcast? Yeah, I think it looks cool, but I'm going, oh the second goon, the one who's pinned is gonna try to break loose. So he's gonna do a fighting maneuver roll and he got a seventy-eight. Uh so he failed. Francis, it's your turn. I'm going to desperately look for a father figure in Blake and try to do the exact same thing to the nearest bad.

But you're kicking them with a gun leg. Well no, your gun leg is not in there or is Yeah. He has a gun leg. I have a long sleeve pants. He's got pants over it. They don't know he's got a gun like long sleeve pants. I like that. Yeah, long pants. Okay, give me a fighting brawl roll. My fighting brawl is Seventy-one and I rolled a seventy-four. I'm going to spend three luck to make that a success. He is going to do a dodge.

40 he rolled a forty six. So you make contact. Pow. This is like a club, basically. Because you're kicking him with a big fucking thing of wood. appropriate. Give me a one D six plus your damage bonus. Free. Anthony I will say. If you want

To use your freebie to also shoot this guy in the balls with Brunhilde after giving his kick. Brunhilde would absolutely be okay with that. As much as Anthony wants it, I think Francis is gonna say. Francis is wiser than that. Okay, so he's not taking three damage. Kelsey, it is now your turn. Blake. Yes. I want you to put a gun to this dude's head that I have pinned. Yes. And let's just, you know, let's talk this out. Like, you know, put the gun to the head and be like, what's going on?

And then, you know, if it feels like that's not gonna work out, you can always just pull that trigger. The index fingers for the index fingers for. You tell me I don't want turns to happen before that happens. So I can I guess I can grab Blake's gun and do it myself, but I'd rather Blake do it. What we'll say then is you're gonna move your turn to after Blake. Well I could even do it to the doctor who's unconscious too.

That's true. But I want a living guy sniveling, you know, please got it. Yeah, you can do that. Or I could just grab the gun and do it myself, I guess. If it's my turn then. I don't want to hold my turn until Blake's turn and have a look at the bowling ball out of the back and Hover it over his head. Oh shit. Okay. But then you can't do that and hold on to him.

I thought you were just gonna snap this guy's neck. I thought that was the plan. No, I don't want to kill him necessarily. Okay. All right, fair enough. Um Do we want to kill him? Seems pretty late in the game to get squeamish about killing people, but alright. He's got button fingers. I like what you're doing there. This man's life is in your hands, Beth. I guess let's hear what he has to say.

No goons are gonna go between you and Blake. Okay, that's all I'm concerned about. No goons. That's all I'm making sure. No goons will go. All right. So Kelsey, you're holding your turn until after Blake? Trudy, what would you like to do? I'm gonna kill a man. Rules for thee, but not for me. Yeah, I will say you still see this moth hovering doodlefully on your nose. Yeah, I'm gonna also hold my turn. All right, Blake, it's now your turn. I'm gonna take my gun and Jam it into the guy's

Steal, beg, coward, beg for your life. We will go ahead and say you guys are out of combat then. I don't want to keep making you guys do willpower roles for this fucking movie playing. It's his turn than my turn, right? Yeah. Blake, shoot the projector. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good call. Okay. And then toss me the gun and I'll put the gun in the guy's mouth. Nice Oh, what a cool montage. I don't know if that's really a montage.

Just a bunch of quick shots. I guess in the truly Eisensinian concept of what a montage is. Yeah, Eisenstein's not been around yet. He hasn't done Potemkin. Yes, he has. I want to do what Matt said. shoot the projector lens out. So he didn't have to worry about looking at it, huh? Oh that's true too, actually. Yeah, unfortunately. Couldn't I just shoot the projector from below? Describe what you want to do to me. Not to me. Woo! Describe what you want to do, comma

To me. Oh, weird. I got a phone call from Will here. What is he saying? Matt, describe what you want him to be. I want to go underneath where the projector sort of portal is.

I'm gonna aim directly where the projector would be using my powers of spatial extrapolation. You can see it. You can look up at it. You're literally underneath part of the projector. Part of the projector is protruding from the wall, so you can literally see the projector. Yeah. Or you can stick your hand in there and just blind fire at it if you want. I'm gonna just put the gun right up against it and Pull the trigger. Great. All right. The projector explodes. The film powers down the image.

And then I toss the gun to Kelsey. And I grab it. Okay. And I say eat. And I put the gun to Kelsey. And then I pull the trigger. You gotta get it yourself! He eats! Kill him! Well hold on. Am I close to Kelly? That's your whole cool one liner now officially is E. That's the one people know you for the first time. All right, Matt. If you wanna do it, I'll pull the jacket. I was that's such a fucking hard ass thing to say to someone before you shoot them in the mouth. Um

Damn Kelsey Kelsey's hardcore. Oh god. Uh Kelsey, give me a luck roll. Oh no. You would call her the caveman. I don't use guns while I'm at it. This is why you don't play with guns. Blake is like I four. Clean up shoulder. Pray Pray no! Oh you were trying to say trigger love. I was gonna pull the hammer back and say pray. But I said trigger. And I think that's fair that I my slip

You know, it's it's tea we gotta teach the lesson. That's why you don't play it. Oh, just be also because we've established your your up close and personal trauma with my hand, give me a sanity roll as well. Fuck. Kelsey, you you just you you shot his head off. Why'd you say I mean Damn Kelsey, I've been I've met some hard motherfuckers in my time. I I was I I was gonna say pr I didn't mean to shoot it but

Kelsey Kelsey dropped the gun. Kelsey, calm down. Remember if you did this only four years ago, they would have given you a medal. Uh my pat my Sandy is forty three and I got thirty nine. So I passed this out into another dimension. You guys are officially not attacking the other guy, right? Or what do you there's still one guy up. There's still one guy. I mean, we say do we Well look, we're just a boy. Look upon our works and despair Eat We just wanna

We just wanna see We wanna eat. We wanna eat? We are hungry. We had a big match and we just wanna see the moth. That's why we we we wanna see the big moth guy in your cool building. What's going on? My my you are very special, aren't you? Wow. Yeah, we won't even talk here, Doctor. This is the goon. This is the sole goon left. I mean, yeah, we are specialists. We we won a competition. That's what we're doing. It's okay. You're meant to be here. You're meant to be with us.

Sit back in your seat and you can start to eat. I think this motherfucker wants to eat. Um I wanna stop talking. He's broke Anthony, oh no. It's okay. Everything's fine. You're here for a reason. Just sit back down and listen to the words of our director and everything will be okay. Kelsey, it's time to unload. And he goes, I'll just go ahead and get the projector set back up.

Smoke this fool. He's gonna send out the projector that I shot. Uh he starts walking over to the door to lock it again. I shoot. Okay. Give me a firearms roll. How's your next arm twice as good as mine? No, no, no, no I rolled a forty nine. Remember he's pretty close to you, so you'll give you that bonus dice'cause he's within fifteen feet. Okay, yeah, my firearm is twenty five.

Four. So exact same thing. Four zero. So I fail. It's so fucked that it would be better if you threw the gun at him hard. Okay, so the shot misses? Yeah. He just turns around and it's like, I I don't understand. You don't want. To see what we have to show you? I want to run at him and do a flying jump kick like Mayor Hagar. No, like Mayor Hagar in final fight, dude. Alright, give me a um The two

You know what I'm talking about, Anthony, right? He's in the overalls and he's does the sideways. Okay, yeah, give me a give me a fighting brawl roll. Like a ninety seventh. So I just like sail Okay, yes, you see just he just sort of like looks at you confused as you fly and crumple into the wall.

And he's like, Oh no, let me help you, sir. And he picks you back up and starts bringing you back. It's like just sit in your street. And then I'm gonna kick him in the nuts. Now that he's I'm gonna throw the bowling ball at him. This guy's gonna be the fucking end boss. It's like fucking. We're gonna try to kill that getting better like tomorrow. You guys are just fucking fucking blood simple over here. Trudy, give me your fighting brawl roll. Oh my god, I'll get an eleven.

Got an eleven? Yes. Okay, great. He's not fighting back'cause he realizes he's outnumbered and he's just trying to be nice and convince you guys to sit down and watch this beautiful film. Roll damage for me, Trudy. I got a five and then for my D four Damage bonus. I got a four. Kelsey, I kicked a man with it in his balls so hard with a roll like that. You hear his skull fracture as you hit him with this thing. But he does stay standing.

And he just turns and looks at you and it's just blood's trickling down his nose now. He says, But but you must see. You're meant to be here. See he fumbles over to the doctor and he picks up the doctor has this radio on him. And then let's just start beat All forces are beating his ass. He does all more just does his face. He does all He's like a printer in office space with a game on the ground so he won't stop.

Just let us know when he's done doing what he wants to do. Yeah, what's what's the what's the stats? I'm not gonna make you roll for it. You guys just knock him out. Would you are you just trying to kill him or you just try to knock him out? Stomp him, that's right. We're trying to stomp his ass. We just knock him out, if that's okay. We'll knock him out. Just yes, paint me the picture. Oh, yeah, we just Yeah, we painted a picture with his fucking brains on the fucking.

Die motherfucker die motherfuckin' deal fool as big as that. And then we're just left there with three bodies. Thump thump thump thump thump. He's knocked out and he's splayed on the ground. The projector is broken and lies smoking in the room. The door is closed. But not locked. He was going to lock it. I saw a moth. Oh, here? Is it still hidden here? I don't know. Uh yeah, you see the moth like kind of flutters around and looks at all of you. I bet it's gonna lead us to him.

Let's open the door. I think so. I hope so. I mean, it seems like the thing they wanted to do was the screen. It'd be weird if in addition to that they also like this moth's really gonna fuck him up. Well there's two options. Either it's moth for moth Jesus and it's gonna lead us to him, or it's just a moth.

And we'll open the door and the moth will just do the moth thing. And nothing will happen. But are you gonna take point? I'm taking point. How much how many bullets do I have in the gun? Three bullets left? Three. I'm gonna like crack the door open and like what happens to the moth. The moth looks out the door. Whoa. And then it flutters. Like peeking around the corner. And then it flutters away from the door and over to a large vent. And it's sort of like...

It's like ah is it a man-sized vent? It's a you bet your ass it is. This is a fucking TTR. RPGs. And it sort of like points to the vent as much as a moth can do such a thing. Wow, it's pointing. And it sort of flutters at you. And as it does that, you hear the radio on the doctor's hand sort of sparks to life. You hear Is everything okay? What is going on with the bowling team?

Uh hello home. We heard noises, we heard what sounded like loud bang. Everything's fine here now. Just give it give us a few seconds to lock down. Do you need help? Do you require assistance with the Lithuanian bullers? Negative, negative, we got a gas leak, uh leaking. Who's doing a thing and who's doing jokes? I'm doing jokes.

I get on the thing and say, everything is under control. Everything is okay? Projector malfunction. We fixed it. Is the bowling team subdued? Oh y uh there's a gas leak here. Give us a second to look at Give me a uh persuade role, Freddy. Or we can call that fast talk if you want. I don't wanna call it fast talk. I wanna call it persuade, you understand? Forty four. Out of twenty one. So then yeah, you hear a voice say, Who is this?

Uh uh you're coming in, uh hard to hear you. Uh and I smash the radio. Boring conversation anyway. Boring conversation anyway. No no no, I don't smash the radio. I just turn it off and I hang on to it. Nice. I was gonna say tell them to bunker down that they're coming with guns. Oh good call, good call. I turn back on scream They've escaped! They've escaped!

Eat They're crazy and they've escaped. They're coming for gun with guns. Okay, give me another um persuade roll with advantage because everyone was doing such a good job making sound effects. Ninety five. So he's He's like, Who is this? This is Lithuanian buller, yes. Remain calm. Everything is fine. We are sending new team.

To come security, please sit back, relax, and enjoy the movie. A new Lithuanian bowling team. You hear a click and then you just hear like the most mild of alarms go off outside. Kelsey wants to pile the bodies in front of the door. Yeah. Very good. Okay, so then you guys are going over the vent. Yeah, and the the head one, I want that one to be visible. What if we like when they open the door, I want that's the one they see. What if we bring the doctor with us?

As a hostage. The moth has an idea. And the moth the moth flutters over to the bodies and then like Sits down on one of them. We should sit on them. And like kind of wiggles into like under the clothes. Oh. And then like pokes its head out from under the clothes. I strip these three men naked off of their naked.

bodies in front of the door and we'll figure out how we wear these costumes later once we're in the vent. I've never bought this as a strategy. I feel like I pretty much know the people I work with. If somebody came into the study drug shop wearing my friend's clothes, crumpled up and full of blood, I'd be like, ah But there's only like five of us.

Yeah. Yeah, that you're right. If somebody came in with your clothes, if somebody came with a t shirt that says sloppy stakes, I would think it was you. That's what your character is fancy. Anthony, I'm sorry but I I feel like I would let somebody else in if they were wearing a sloppy suit. Let me in. I would be like, come on in, Anthony. Anthony got a lot nicer. True, should we take all the clothes? Yes.

Even if we don't wear them, it'll be perfect misdirection. They will come in, they will see all these naked people and they will think Surely they are dressed like us, but little do they know We're not Yeah, they're gonna come in and see the bodies of those clothes, that means they immediately know we're gonna be dressed as those guys. Unless we don't dress as them, Anthony.

Hide their clothes. Yes, correct. The ultimate misdirection. Kelsey, you've clearly infiltrated governments. Ooh, that's clever. Yeah, so what you're presuming with this plan is that if we dressed like bowlers walk past, they're gonna go, nah, those guys are definitely not scientists. We're looking for scientists. Well they are looking for scientists.

Look, we have Inventory. Which we will not be dressed as. This game has infinite inventory as far as we can tell, so let's just grab the clothes in case we need it later. Alright. It's like a point and click adventure. Where will this fishing rod come into play? The guy who ate the bullet, I ripped the clothes off. them and I put that corpse against the door first. Okay. Anybody else taking another corpse or just got to just all by herself.

We all's doing this through the can. We're all helping. All right, so you strip the clothes off of everybody, you don't wear them and put them into like a little We're holding them. Just got like a little bindle bundle. We got our bowling bags. Oh, it's right, yeah, yeah. Stuff the clothes in your bowling bags. And we always go to the bed. Oh question, question, question, question. Do we find anything in their pocket?

Well Beth already s searched their pockets. You find like some badges so you know their names. We don't need uh key cards. We don't need those. And and then um yeah, you've got they each had a radio on them. And one anime keychain. No, the anime wouldn't exist yet.

Did any of them have little sweets? Little sweets. Little sweets. Little sweets. Oh dude, these people don't eat sweets. They uh They have no God nor sweets. One of them had like crumbled up cracker crumbs in his pockets. That's why communism doesn't work. I wanna get a little sugar water for the little moth, but that's okay. Sugar water. Sugar water. Alright, should we go in the vent? Can we inspect the vent? How do we go? Oh and we leave the door wide open as if we ran out that way. Yeah.

No, we're using the do the bodies to block the door. Oh, good call. Good call. The door is blocked and we're in the vents. Yeah. Either way, somebody should stay behind and pull the vent cover back onto the vent. Yes. Yeah. We wanna get in the vent and pull the cover so that can be the moth's job.

I don't think the mod's gonna be able to do that. We can do it. We have mind control juice. We have Timmy. This is not complicated. Hey, we were saving that. Will let us already do this. What we thought we we'll the vet and close it behind us. It's already done. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it. We don't gotta figure anything else out. We're in the vet. Dungeons and Daddies is brought to you this week by Acorns. Any of y'all investors who y'all got acorns?

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You guys are scootin' and squishing through this vent. What's our order? Yeah, what's your stack? Who's behind the moth? I think I think Blake should be in the back with a gun pointing towards the vent. I'm scooting back like with my ankles pointing back towards the thing, you know, like

I'm behind Trudy. You're behind Trudy. So girls in front, boys in back. How are we supposed to be? Alright, so you're scooting and shuffling. This moth is leading you along. And as you're worming your way through this thing Through the slats, you start to see little glimpses of this massive complex that you're in among the sights you see. You hear the again this sort of like chill boop.

Boop. Of these sort of like mildly concerned alarm going off around you. Mildly concerned alarm. Everyone's like, hey, something's going wrong. But everyone's very calm about it. Interesting. You see scientists and more sort of guards like sort of walking through the hallways, keeping an eye out as you look down into this room where there's just

Three weird guys in what seem like old timey diving suits just standing around in a small room. Give me a listen roll. As we're quietly I'm gonna hold up one of the many things we got from the clothes, which is that syringe the Oh, I like that. I'll make sure that we know that we have it. You got like that in your teeth or something like that? Listen. Who is the best listen? I have four D. Better than mine. Better than mine. All right, I'm rolling.

I got a twenty eight. The dudes below you in the diving suits. The dudes below us? They're just standing there, but you can barely make out the muffled sound of them crying. Through their feet. They're crying? They're just standing in this room kind of facing each other and then you just hear like light muffled sobs. And it's all the like if we stayed there a little while longer, they would just continue to do that. We have to keep moving. It's like a slow horror ride.

As you scooch around, you hear like a sort of jackhammering sound off in the distance and you approach one of these vents and through it you see this big hangar bay and you see Mothman's ship inside. A couple of these guys are just basically trying to break the door down, but they're having zero luck whatsoever. And they're just pounding at the door. How do they get Mothman? How do we know they have no luck?

What those guys remember they can spend luck to get they have zero luck. So if we keep remembering according to Will, the people in the hangar have zero luck. So they can't spend any luck. Will just add it. They're not successfully getting into their ship. How do you think moth they got Mothman? Do you think Timmy's still in there? I don't know. We didn't see Timmy on the video, right? No, you've not seen Tim. You've never seen hide nor hair of Timmy. Does the ship look like it has any carpet?

Well what does that mean? Like bullet holes and stuff. Why didn't you just say bullet holes? Oh, carbon scoring. Well actually yes there is because you see people have been trying to go at this thing with a blowtorch, drills, nothing has had any effect. They're trying to get in. They're trying to get in. There must be a code that Mauffman has set. I have a feeling that knowing Mothman, yeah, I bet if you went in there it would probably open up.

That's my guess. Well, that's the last thing we should do then. Yeah,'cause I'm scared that if we get in and we find Timmy, what are we gonna do then? How are we gonna get out? They don't know how to fly it, and the reason they want to get in could be really fuck there could be like a nuke on there or something. We don't want to let'em get in any sooner than we have to. No, Mothman would not put a nuke on ship with my son. I mean maybe it came with a nuke.

No, he wants to eat the world at some point, remember? At some point, Kelsey. If we get into the TARDIS, it'll bring us to the doctor. So we can move on. The TARDIS, though, TARDIS. Maybe Timmy's in there. Maybe Timmy's in there. That would be good if I hope Timmy's safe in there. I'm sure he is. I hope that TARDIS. That was a stupid show. How dare you? How dare you. The moth kind of like floats up to you guys and it's like y y you wanna keep going? Oh sure. No it doesn't say that. It's just

It does it with the body language. Yeah, we keep going. It says it in Russian, so maybe I can hear it. So I didn't realize that this tour was just look and no talk. No no no no no stories. The monster watching the process, all the things you're saying is just also like there's again. You continue your trek.

Down another window, you see a big room with like a one twenty-fourth scale model of the entire town of Peachyville, just like meticulously recreated. There's a guy in a robe like waving incense over it. Who knows what the fuck he's doing? I can see my house from here. There's one Matt Arnold looking dude just killing it on the miniatures. He's surrounded by babe.

Try painting a miniature while this hap wait what's Oh isn't she? Yeah. Try painting a miniature. Try painting a miniature while this happens. Yeah. He specifically says try to hack while this happens. Trying to hack while this happens. And finally you come to a uh Finally you come? Finally you arrive at this sort of like end of the line here and you arrive at a vent that is peering down at what appears to be like a security room.

There's a guard looking at a bunch of monitors. He's very just sort of enraptured, just staring at these monitors below you. It's nice to love your job. And the moth slips through and goes into the security room and like just kinda perches on top of this bank of monitors. And how many people are in the security room? Just one. Oh. I have an idea.

In Project Heartland, we were guided by Arlo, the computer dog. Mm-hmm. Maybe there's uh a Russian Arlo. Arloovich. Yes. I don't know if there's any evidence that that thing exists. Oh. I just thought, you know, if we could hack into the security system somehow. Well truly, are you not part computer? You can

Huh! You're right! You speak the language. You know Unix systems. See Unix system, I know this I wanna slowly open the vent. Stealth or dexterity, whichever you want. Wait. If it's stealth, we should let the stealth. But Francis is not in the prime. We're going to all walk over the vent until Francis gets to the vent. The train just has to go a little further. You guys scooch through the vent so that Francis is at the vent.

Unfortunately I rolled a thirty-two, so it's only a super success because I have a ninety stealth baby. So yes, you carefully, cautiously open this vent. There's now nothing but wide open air between you and the top of this guy. I guess I'm the biggest. I could just drop on him. And then you guys can hop down and I'll help you down. Okay. You have to drop on him quietly. Yeah. I mean I mean it's not gonna matter once he gets it. Yeah. Well, maybe he has friends nearby. If I look up worried.

That means there's more friends. If we look up happy, that means there's nobody else in here. Okay. You crossed over it, so you're gonna have to back up out. Where is your bowling ball bag? With me. Okay, so it's like in front of you? Oh, you just drop a bowling ball. I'm gonna hold my bowling ball. I'm gonna drop down and yes, I'm going to try to make the bowling ball hit him on the way down, but I'm also just landing on him.

I love that. I don't even think this is like an attack war. No, I just land on it. Yeah, you just land on the side. Gravity happens. All right. That's the sequel to gravity default. Gravity happens. And then the other three people fall to be speed as that. Yeah. I think we found a way to break this game. Turns out you just beat everybody's ass, you're fine. Turns out if you're if you're four people just rolling dice and swinging fists, nothing can stop you.

Use fall damage rules one D six per ten feet and so then a fall from a ceiling vent would be Okay. All right, yeah, give me a 1d6. But do I get like less damage because I'm landing on him instead of like the ground? No, this is for him. This is calling ambulance, but not for me. This is one is for him. Hell yeah. He takes.

One. I will let you spice it up a little bit if you're holding the bowling ball under you and you're gonna clonk him in the head because it'll be the sort of concentrated force of the bowling ball. Give me a one D4 for the bowling ball. Two. Three damage. Okay. You land on him, you've basically clonked this guy onto the ground. Uh what is everybody else doing? I'm watching for Kelsey to smile or grimace. Yeah, do is there anybody else in this room? No, he's gonna smile.

Okay. I hopped down too. But I try not to land on Kelsey. Okay. That's what that motion was. Yeah. It was like a little dance. Yeah, I was trying to'cause like when you're hanging on and you're hanging on to something you can kinda like Slither in air to like not land where you thought you were gonna land. Okay, so you're not trying to land on the guy. I'm not trying to land on Kelsey. Okay, well Kelsey's on top of the guy. So you're just trying to land in the room.

Yeah. She's trying to land so there's like imagine there's like four corners around the guy. That if one person was in each corner, you can then just beat their ass. So she landing on one of the different corners of Kelsey. And everybody else is gonna land around him. Great. All right. You all do that.

And then Kelsey give me a fighting maneuver roll to assume grapple this guy's your friends could beat his ass, right? Yeah. Fighting brawl sixty and I got a forty eight. Okay, great. So you grapple him. He's gonna get one chance to break out. Okay. And then the rest of you are gonna get a chance to beat the shit out of him. You know those like videos of like white blood cells that surround like a virus? This is how we're moving. This is how we're moving through the space.

He got a ninety one. So he wriggles like He's just very confused and now, yes, die motherfuckers from off to space start splaying. This is why we're called Guttural Scream. Yeah. I'm gonna kick him in the gut. So he just ran out of the room as you hear Zump zom. Guys, if we just keep isolating bad guys one by one, we could do this literally forever. Let's look at what he's watching. Somebody should make like a Belgiur's all game where you move with four people. I give how fun that'd be.

That'd be so fun. If you ask me for game. And come back and I don't know if you've tied em up or baby. Yeah, we tie'em up. Okay. What's left of him? He's dead. Judy, do you wanna talk to Moth? What do we do now we're in here? I guess we look at what he was watching. Security cameras. Yes, you see this bank of monitors in front of you that are showing you little blips and blurps from throughout the facility. Moth, which one should I look at? The moth lands on a camera called director's office.

And it's the same glowing pile of scrap that you saw in the footage before you all got temporarily hypnotized. But it's glowing and radiating and even again the image of the monitor seems to even be a little bit more static y, like there's just something powerful coming off of this thing. In front of it, the camera switches to another angle in the room, and you see that Mothman is shackled. To like a post just like tied up in front of this thing. And he's sort of writhing.

And groaning but resisting some horrible thing that's trying to take hold of him. Oh no. And the moth like wiggles over and like crawls across the screen. And then as you're watching, you see a door slide open in the footage and Two guys in those diving suit kind of apparatuses step in and they're dragging someone with them. And it is the bus driver who picked you up in the middle of the woods. Uh it's like a member of your spy team.

The guy who the guy who into the he seems to have gotten caught, he's all beat up. They must have had four guys. Holy shit. As he gets dragged closer and closer to this. He just starts screaming and struggling. He's like, No, no, please, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You can literally see him starting to fall apart as he's dragging towards it. Like his skin burns.

More and more, and these like boils start appearing on his face, and his eyeballs start to bleed. And by the time they've brought him up. He's just basically a pile of gooey flesh and bone. Uh and then But nothing happens to the guys in the suits. Nothing happens to the guys in the suits. The guys in the suits turn around and walk back out the door. Most Jesus is attached to how

He's just like Christ like shackled to a shackle. Yeah. He's just like straight up like Christ. He's sort of neon Genesis to a shackles. Yeah, he's like tied up. We also like we don't necessarily have to get that close to like find a like we can find a way to break the shackles from far. Like I think Trudy starts freaking out. Like how are we how are we supposed to do this? How are we supposed to get that close to a very dangerous

thing to help Moth Jesus to help my son to get that sh ship out of here. It's just it's just I'm sure Timmy is safe. I'm sure that's why Moth Jesus would would keep him in the ship. Right? Are safe. So we just gotta get to those suits and we gotta get Moth Jesus. And we know where the ship is. Maybe they're little bitches.

Oh. I mean Can we consider that? No, I hadn't. Oh, the people were crying that were waiting in there. Yes. It may still affect you. Maybe you just gotta do it really fast. Okay. Even with the suits, maybe it really hurts you getting close to it. Yeah. But we still gotta save Moth Jesus. Yes. So let's let's find our way into that room.

The moth just looks at you. Can you hack this as can you can you fly Can you fly from one camera to like you know the layout of this place, right? Just lead us to where moth Jesus are. No, we need to go where the suits are. Oh yeah. Suits first and then two Moth Jesus. Moth Jesus. As the moth flies across the panel,'cause you see a couple of

You see the director's office, this room. Outside of it, you see a reception area in front of the director's office with this person slumped up over a desk that appears to be the director's receptionist. You see on another mic. Are they like served up like dead or like they're just saying like slumped over just not dead, but just like Okay. Just barely hanging on. Oh, okay. So something's happening to them. Yeah, and again, each one of these little things are labeled the camera.

You see a commissary where there's a bunch of these um smiling, sunburned people just sort of all eating bowls of slop, basically, just bowls of gruel silently at these long cafeteria tables. You do see a couple of guys in those diving suit apparati in the commissary, and they're just standing under a spigot and having this like slop dumped into the top of their helmets. Like the same slop they're eating? Yeah.

Cool. You see a camera marked human resources and you see this old grandmotherly lady like with a bunch of candles and incense and you know and this sort of weird librarian office. We want the suits. Can we see in any of the cameras? Like is there? Did you see a camera that is the room where the three guys were standing? Yeah. And are there like suits like empty, like is that where they store suits?

No, that's just there's three guys. Okay. We can't see any places like not that you can see. And we can deduce that because they're literally feeding them in the suits. That they're people. Yeah, that's very fair. Because like if it was easy to get in out, they would just take their helmets off and eat like a normal person. That's totally true. But they still have to like have some way. how did they pee?probably just in the suit

Oh. God of a dream. They probably have a hole at the top of the head. The soft comes in, and then they have like their bottom like little two points of ingress, baby. Yeah. The shoes are probably like little like strainers. Only the P can come out, but never Tuesdays in the boot never Tuesdays in the boot with you. It's like a sieve. The last monitor you see is a monitor that says informational terminal, parentheses like us. And next to like the dog.

Michelle, you were right, we have to save life. What do you think? Should we go to where Leica is? That seems like a good idea. Okay, well we're all here now. We might as well like you know, I'm not saying it's the perfect disguise, but probably better if we look like Scientists like just at a glance is probably better than our turn clothes. Kelsey, you can't wear the doctor's outfit. Why not? You're a woman. Can't be women.

I mean women can't be doctors. Oh, that's true. We should trust like the job that we want and I don't want to be a doctor, I want to be a teacher. So Blake, you can have the doctor's outfit. Ah, very good. I'll have a guard outfit. Oh wow. I'm a big strong guard now. Yes. Err. Drew, are you a guard too? We all gotta be guards. I'll be a guard. Let's hear your guard voice.

Oi, what's all this isn't it isn't it? Oi Oi What's all this then is No don't you intimitate her I'm just looking Francis you tell us how to be a guard then. Hey mother hey motherfucker All right, we got it locked in. All right, great. We're locked in. I think we try not to talk if we don't have to. All right, moth. The moth leads you out the hallway as you can. Move confidently, like you got somewhere to be.

You're not looking at anybody for anything. Yeah. Who's got the highest disguise skill? I have forty. I have five. Wow. Pretty crazy. I thought. Yeah, good job, Ben. Smith. You got an eight? Yeah. Oh spend that three luck. Yeah, why not? Well, we'll see what Trudy rolls. All right, Trudy rolled a bones. Eighty two. I will spend three luck. Well you makes it, I'm gonna let the group do it.

And next time I will do the roll so you guys don't know how good your disguise is, but I will allow it for now. We also walk like a flying V, so that way we can always just like You can always like just around somebody like you like walking together. Walk around look like a clause of death. So you fly I don't think you can do a flying V with four people. Yeah.

Who is at the center of the V. Think about a square, four people on a square, they just open that up. Here's what it is. The two people are kind of side by side. The other two in the wings are ready to close off any action. Yeah. It's really just two people a little wider and it's a little bit more. Just to clarify, I just want to make sure you understand.

If we turn around, we actually move so we reverse back into the flying V. We never fly tip of the spear. We always go and do as V Astrap. Yes, Astrap. All right. So yeah, you uh manage to uh in your flying V formation walk down the hall. You pass one or two other people on their way, but they don't suspect anything. Um they give you a friendly wave, even. This is the first time Francis ever looked calm.

Wow. And yeah, you make it to this room, the information room. The door is unlocked and you step inside and sure enough you find yourselves once again at a little desk.

And in front of the desk you see uh horrifically medically altered dog with a bunch of wires poking out of it. It's not a severed head like Arlo, but Leica is like jacked into a bunch of electro tubes and wires and is in kind of like an iron lung situation. Man, we really are more similar than we are different, huh? Leica sees you coming and says, Approach, who goes there? Is he speaking English or Russian?

Who goes there? Who is this? I I will speak. Hello. Who are you? Who is this? You are no smell. What do you what should I say? Who's talking who are you talking to? Why do you speak in English? Who's a good boy? A girl, sorry. Like a girl. Who's a good girl? Who is a good girl? What is this coach?

I only answer questions for treats. Leica is strong dog, but Leica needs a reward. Give me treat. What is a treat? Well there's a there's a box of them. Yeah. Ah. So you see this jar and there are four milk bones in the jar. Mm. So we get four questions. So we have four things we can ask in return for treats. Oh okay.

Right. Shall we arrive at consensus for what the questions we should ask? We should ask what is happening at the elephant's foot that destroys people? I think the first question we should ask is who's a good girl in retreat? And Leica's like Leica's good girl, Leica's good Soviet girl, Leica's good cosmonaut. Sorry, it just feels like we should just give her one without, you know, expecting anything from her. She's a nice dog. Question number one, Leica.

Oh over here, over here. Mm-hmm. Yes. What is going on with the elephant's foot that causes everybody to go crazy and get hurt? Elephant's foot. What do you mean by elephant's foot? The room with the big glowy thing. Ah yes, you mean the psych director. That thing itself is the site director? Nah, two treats. Another treat. Give me another treat. That's okay. That doesn't count. We inferred it. We inferred it. Okay, so no. So that

So yes, the site director. Oh, this is it is very busy day. Today is a big, great, glorious day for Project Motherland. You see, we have captured the spaceman, the space moth, and the director is busy. Trying to get information out of this space moth, recalcitrant, very stubborn the space moth will not let us onto his ship, but we will find a way. We will find a way into the ship. Then we will fly the ship high into the sky, high into the night sky, and use what is inside to commence.

The hour of the whole. I relay that. Okay. Can we ask if there was a American boy they found? No, don't no. You don't want to ask the Leica? Because they if they did haven't, then you just told them that there is one. Oh, okay. Well it's just Leica. Okay. You don't want to know if Timmy's here? What should we do? Should we ask? We can assume that Timmy is here. You are right, we must be careful of what. strange information we feed um into this. Yes. Would it be worth asking like

Where are the spare diving suits or like how to get into the diving suits easily? That's a good idea. Well, maybe ask because we can find diving suits, maybe ask why they're crying in there so we know how dangerous it is to go to it. Yes, Leica, the men who are crying Oh over here, over here, look at treats. Why are they crying so? What is so dangerous about that? First give me treat. Well start your answer. Okay.

You speak of the office technicians, the director's office technicians, yes, the men who are permitted to walk in and out of the room. It is very strenuous jobs psychologically, mentally, and it is also jobs you once you do, you do forever. So it is very sad life. We let them cry. Okay. So maybe it's not the the suit maybe. Also very painful.

Suit very painful. Just having the suit on is very painful. We let them cry because suit is painful and life is hard. What else? What else? What if we how many cookies if we have one more? I only see one more cookie. That's right. Try breaking the treat in half. I break the treat in half like away from him. You break the treat in half? Yeah. Okay. You're right. We only have one more treat.

And then kind of hold the other one. So we'll see if they notice if only half the tree goes into the Give me a stealth roll to break the tree without like a hearing. I feel like. I got three six after. Who broke treat? Who broke the treat? Slippery fingers, it's all the same once it goes in. I bet there taste two separate treats in my mouth for next treat. We have one more question. Perhaps we can dangle this treat in front of Leica in exchange for

Hardcore shit like full system shutdown or or or what have you. You know? Oh, yeah. Moth users can open the ship. We're assuming Timmy's in the ship. Once we get Moth Jesus, we just gotta run to the ships. We gotta find a way to get Moth Jesus out of that room. Yes. Now the Moth Jesus appears to be

On some kind of crazy cross. Yeah, maybe ask if there's a way to like we don't know if the shackles are just purely mechanical or if they're like, you know, is there like are they attached to a machine? Like is there a way to unhook him? Ah, here we go. I have an idea. Micah, this is an unscheduled drill. We need to release.

Mothman, as a test of our security systems. What's the easiest way to do that? I have two treats. Mmm, I know you do not have two treats. I heard the break. I heard only one treat. But the experience will be like having two treats. Intriguing.

Easiest way would be for Leica to press button and release Mothman. Oh, great. Would you like to do this for a treat? Leica would be happy to do this for treat, but you are out of treats. Well, you might know where they keep the treats, right? Leica, hear me out. too many trees And you see you hear like Yeah, the the coolant fans in the room are like working hard.'Cause like this is like a level of abstract thought like I hasn't had to do in a while. You say I help you and you help me get

Mm-hmm. Correct. You're a communist, it feels like you should sort of have that idea baked in. Well communism is not the idea of one person having many treats. It is a idea of all people having equal number of treats. That's a really good idea. Just the you know, you scratch my back, I scratch your thing. But but it's fine for for me, according to his needs. Yeah.

Also, real communists would just help their fellow communists even if they didn't have treats. There is one room I do not know anything about. I know only name of room. What? It is called treat room. I have really good news for you, Leica. Treat room is in reception area of director's office, but I do not know what is inside treat room. They will not show me, no matter how much Leica begs. Lyica? Yes.

Can I just ask a you can decide'cause I already gave you a treat. I give you a treat just by asking if you're a good girl. I just kind of have one question, see if you'll answer this or not. Guilt trip ass fucking. Do you know what this does? You see uh Leica like looks at it and says Yes, Leica does know what these things Can you tell me? I as once as I told you I not I think it's a good thing.

So I'm going to inject you with it unless you wanna tell me what it is. No no no no no no no no no no. Wait wait wait wait wait. What is it? You are a mean lady. I'm not I just think you threatened to poison dog. Oh it's poison. Okay, that's good. I will get treats. I wanna get treats. I don't wanna the whole facility will know where you are at all times. Leica is upset.

Lica do not like people who threaten Leica. I I can't handle all these animals not liking me. Oh, and then Leica goes What does smell? Is there a cat in here? You lied! You said marbles was good! Yeah, you hear marbles go shh that's You bring cat into like a room, get out, get out now! Do you like to eat cats? Not only treats? Leica would eat cat. Like I give you everything you need if you let Leica eat cat.

This is a moral. This is like a this is a telltale game. Do you do you risk getting caught to go get more treats or do you give the cat up? I think we could probably go find the treats. Alright, let's go find the treats. I hold the cat up and look right at it like marbles. Can you do better? You're asking marbles what? What are you asking marbles? Can you do better than you have? Oh my gosh, it's not marbles fault. Marbles can't talk. Marbles just looks at you with its big eye and one red eye.

Like it's just like why like it senses that you're mad at it and it really it's really a upset because it's like what did I do wrong? Blake, my favorite person in the world. Meow meow meow. We let the uh Meow Meow meow meow. And now that Leica sees this fucking cat. Leica's pissed. Girls, girls, girls. Let's get into the V. Get into the V. The beat ass beat. He stands for beat ass. Um and then Lica's like you must hurry, I do not like

you you have ten minutes to get treats for like a rail or facility. Like a you will see us. I want to use psychology to see Why it is that Leica is so psyched about all the things that have been done to Leica because I suspect if it's the Leica. She went up into space and was fucking terrified and didn't know what was going on. And then she got back and then they plugged her into a bunch of electrodes. What's still making her care about the communist cause?

Oh, okay. So what are you asking? Why are you willing to go so far to help all these people that deny you treats every single day and keep you plugged into this when you could have infinite treats? Because when I Me up. I made contact with greater power. Greater powers. Powers that be Lica has seen beyond the veil of space and time. Leica has made contact with beings of indescribability.

Imagine Leica knows the sweet embrace that the powers that be when they come to this world they will merge with the world, they will turn this world into a beautiful alien organism like them. And all the people who tortured Leica will die, and Leica would be part. In that vision of the future

You didn't mention treats. Fucking I like treats. What do you want from me? I am dog, I like treats. I cannot escape what dog likes. Dog likes treats. Leica is dog. Leica wants to drink and dog is that is right, Leica. Hell's power is the beat! No, I understand. I like treats too. I work at a treat shop. You do? I do.

You work a treat shop, but you have no treats or Leica? If we get back there, I'll definitely get well Franco, well you live there with me. But the main thing I'm pointing out is if they come and they absorb you, you'll never be able to eat another treat again. They'll absorb everything. There won't be any more.

You won't be you anymore. Bro single handedly taking down communism, dude. I was gonna say it's like yeah, also like uh let's just not be Karl Marx, but also like let's not let's not throw shade about who's a communist and who's not. Everything you just said is really not communist. It is ultimate a form of communism, collectivism, all becoming one, one becoming all. The only leverage we have over this dog is treats?

So why are you trying to why are you why are you trying to why are you trying to why are you trying to make him chill though? Why are you trying to make him not care about cheats? that if he gets what he wants, he'll never have another treat again. And his only hope for getting more treats is us. Ah, oh, oh that's good. Okay, I like this. Give me a psychology rule. My psychology is 80. Whoa. And I got a 14, which is a super duper Wow.

Okay. Do you use stealth and psychology build francis? Those are the only two things I'm good at and I rule with them. So uh Leica, again, like you hear clicking and chunking and clunking going on behind the scenes, like big parts of the equipment around her are starting to spark. Like as like

You're right, if I I follow powers that be, I will gain power. But what good is power if power cannot be used to acquire treats? And I will not have treats, there will be no treats in the entire universe, because universe will become one. And I will Like I'm very confused. Like us like his confused. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. We want to get you treat. You will get to be dealing. Yeah, okay. We want to get to the treats, why you heard like I was thinking. Oh I mean 'Cause it's hard.

How can I help you get treats? These people will not give me treats. How do I get treats? Perfect. We had some extra questions, that's all. Yeah, we just gotta we all get Mothman out of it. You said you could get rid of the get Mothman. Yes, absolutely. Okay. Okay, Leica will help you. Leica will do this for you. Oh great. We don't have to go into the room. We can just Oh you have to go in the room and get like a treat.

Well yeah, no, we're gonna go into the treat room. Yeah, the treat room. Okay, you go to the you go to the treat room and you get like a treat and like a little open door? Yes. Okay, see what treats first. You will get Leica treats, just promise. Yes, promise. Man is gonna help us get the treats. I'm telling you. Yeah. Leica closes her eyes and you hear like dop doop doop boop boop.

And then she just looks and says, Oh, we're going out as the four doctors. I will be back, I promise. Okay, you come back. You come back and give like a treat. Yeah. So we don't know what exactly Mothman's doing other than he was freed all of a sudden. Yes, he's very powerful. He can fly and stuff. Trudy it seems like you and Mothman have a connection. Is there any way like you can like talk? What makes you say that?

I'll press uh mole number twenty. Dang. Give me a luck roll. You're never gonna press my mole. I'm sorry. I don't know what number your mole is. I have thirty-three locks. And I rolled an 82. Mole number 20. You know what, Matt? We'll make this one your mole. What? You hover six inches off the ground. Woo! Your robot class is so unclear. True, that's crazy. I yeah, that's not really what I wanted to do. I wanted to talk to Mothman. Yeah, but you're kind of like a moth now.

Oh, I feel closer to him than ever. I wonder if it's six inches off the ground. Like, you know, like if you went off a cliff when you like Yeah, six inches or does it keep going? Oh no Okay well that It's nice. It's quieter. You probably get some stealth advantage. Yes, you get advantage on your stealth check. Well, why do you move? The real question is yes. Can she walk? No, I just push her. I feel like I move like the sexy alien of Mars attack.

You make your way down the hallway, the moth leads you through the corridors, you pass a couple of people. People are starting to definitely like they're like something's going wrong here. That's why we're on this beat ass pose in case anything happens. Assume the beat ass formation. You make your way to the director's office.

As you enter, you see the secretary who is in this room, like'cause it's right on the other side of this room. Yes. Area that this horrible thing is in. It's unnaturally bright in here. The paint is starting to peel off of the walls, like the wallpaper is peeling and curling. This poor woman behind this desk seems to have been sitting here way too much. Check the guy from Waterworth.

She's got like um she's hooked up to like a couple of IV drips. And her hair's fallen out and she's got like this glassed over look in her eyes. And like you can see like these boils just slowly emerging on her skin. We don't even have to beat her out. Do our uniforms have gloves?

Yeah, doctor's got rubber gloves. Whoever's pretending to be the doctor. Who's pretending to be the doctor? Not Kelsey, because Blake's got a little bit of a little bit's got rubber gloves on. Oh. So the woman looks up at you and she's like, Yeah. Yes. With the director. And she like turns to look at this calendar. But first we have an appointment with the treat room. The treat room. Yeah. Yeah. We're here to restock your. We d we don't need her, right? We're slowing us down. You wanna beat her?

Look, we came here to beat us and we're all out of bats. You know, just Yeah, push her in the corner. Yeah. Push your little rolling card in the corner. Yeah. Okay. Nah, goddammit. She's gonna be all powerful or shit. Oh my Jesus is behind, right? Most Jesus is right outside. He's right on the other side of that door, yeah. It's unlocked or whatever. So Kelsey, as you approach her. Mm.

And you go to beat her ass. No, I'm not beating her ass. You just try to shove her. I was approaching her as a elderly lady, just being like, Oh, sorry, ma'am, don't worry about us. We just you know, we're here, we gotta do some stuff and I kinda Please, step back, please. Oh uh director's in a very important meeting right now. Yeah, we're supposed to be in No you're not. He's discussing something very important with a very obstinate person and he asked to not be

I turn around, I look at my three friends I guess. We're nodding, we're already nodding. What should we do? What should you know what nodding what? Even with how long it took Will to look up rules? I think we should still be that. But we beat that all together. That's how we do it. We don't still be that. Okay, I step back into my spot of the formation. Let's go into the treat room first and see w if she does something. Please take a seat in the direction.

When he's ready. You said he was not gonna be disturbed all day. We know we're gonna be waiting. We're gonna go in the treat room. Eat Bike that's not a deep. Wink wink. Yes. This will only take a moment and then we just start beating ass. Freddie should never play basketball. He does not recognize an alley oop when he says one. You have a gun. Oh, you want me a shooter? That's what I think Anthony when he said eat. What's the signal for? Oh yes, I'm so sorry, Francis. I missed the cue.

And I cock the hammer back and I blow his lady away. When you pull the hammer back, she casts mind blast on you. The victim of the spell suffers a terrible mental assault, causing the loss of five sanity points and inducing temporary insanity. Oh no. Freddy, roll me a one D ten. Seven. Oh no. Seven, this is from the table of bouts of madness real time. This is like Kingdom Death Monster. Seven. Flee in panic.

The investigator is compelled to get as far away as possible by whatever means are available, even if it means taking the only vehicle and leaving everybody else behind. They travel for one D ten rounds. So give me a dice roll for one D ten.

Five. Okay. How long's it round again? Like six seconds or something like that. So for thirty seconds I'm running away as hard as I can. You guys all see as you're about to beat ass and Blake draws his gun, this frail woman looks up at him and she's just like, Please don't do that. You can go now.

and he just Screams. Give me a luck roll to see if you hold on to the gun. I think so. Thirty-six luck. Okay. So he takes the gun. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Thirty-six, but I only have thirty-one left. Okay. Um then you throw the gun at her, we'll say, and you run out the door. Somebody get the gun. Blake looks two percent less hot. In the hallway. All right, Blake is now screaming, charging down the hallway with manic abandon.

And the uh lady presses a button on her desk. The second Blake ran out screaming, I would point Bruin Hilton. What are the two of you, how do you react to like running off in terror? My reaction would be to try to close the door or something to stop him from running. Yeah. Away. Okay. I don't know if that's a thing I can do. Yeah, I'll give you a chance to do it.

But he's gonna try to fight you to get out the door. I won't kick the door closed. Okay, great. Yeah, you kick the door closed. Okay. You can get in between him and the door. Yeah, I'm gonna kick the door closed and kind of stand there. So you do that, Trudy, what are you doing? Let me just look at what I'm gonna grab that gun. Yeah, I'm gonna grab the gun. And you're gonna go for the gun. Yeah. Okay. And you aim Brudenhilda at

Her, right? So I rest my leg on the desk. Yeah. Okay. So yeah, so basically in nigh simultaneous fashion, this lady glares at Blake. Something snaps inside of him. He screams and throws the gun and sprints for the door. Kelsey scrambles to block the door off. Trudy dives to grab the gun. Francis slams his leg up on the table. And the old lady's seeing what's going on, goes to press the button on the desk. Runilla, get her.

Pull the triggering. Okay. Here's your freebie. This is your freebie, not my freebie. I was trying to convince you otherwise, but yeah, this is my BAM. And the gunshot goes off and blasts her right through the chest. It just torques her in the shoulder. She spins around in the wheelie chair and then slumps forward. Guys, it's no use putting it off. The best time for an underwear refresh is now. Tommy John underwear is designed for a perfect fit that stays put

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Frances give me a luck roll to see if her head falls on the button trips the bar. My luck, believe it or not, is seventy. I love that you're on my team, Doug. I love you on my team. I would hate me going up against you. I'd sneak around and then psychoanalyze it. HOLY SHIT! This gunshot has just gone off in the room. Brunhilda can now kill whoever she wants. She gets a one freebie. If Brunhilda kills Moth Jesus, I'm gonna be so. Wait, didn't we give

her an ultimatum that it was like it had to be nobody that we in the room and nobody nobody related to anybody in the room. Yes. Yes. Which Moth Jesus was not in the room when you said that. Oh my God. Blake I'm gonna let you play Blake trying to get the hell out of here. You're in mortal terror. Kelsey is now blocking the door. That way. Go run that way. No, okay. No, run that way. I'm just gonna w run him out like a dog. Like for the twenty-five seconds. I think for ten seconds that works.

But then like get out of the way. No, he realizes that he's he's stuck in this room with you. Okay. I'm gonna try to barrel through you. Oh the the door to the treat room's right here, right? Oh yeah. Yeah, go go through that door. Is the door to the treat room here? Yeah. Yeah, the treat room's in here. Yeah, okay, yeah. Well I'll go for the only open door. Wait.

The thing, the spell is to run away from this old lady, right? Yes. Bring the corpse of the old lady in front of this door. Okay. So while I'm blocking Blake. Trudy just throw the old lady over here. I'm gonna wheel her in front of the door. In front of which door? Oh in front of the door. Oh, run away from this Run away from this. And I kinda push him. I push him towards the treaty room and you push your your

Canned through the hole in her chest. Okay. Well just say you're running at a full sprint. Just give me a strength check on whether you'll be able to hulk out through this door. You're like the juggernaut. Uh fifty-seven out of seventy-five. Okay, so like Scooby-Doo when he hears that there's a Scooby snack in the next room, you blast through this door and find I'm the one getting the snack. And treat comparison as a dog when we had a character that was a dog who wanted treats.

shaped hole in the door. Yeah. Uh yeah. So you blast through the door. Huge dick though. Like just straight up like wow, three legs? You weren't your pants. You f I know, that's what's even crazier, dude. Like what you find yourself in a room full of doggy biscuits, you're still freaking the fuck out for we'll say another twenty seconds, so you're gonna get two more actors.

There's no exit in here. Well that's fine, we just need the biscuits. Well, I'm gonna go through the other door. Okay. Well no if he's gonna go through that door, he's gonna go into the fucking room that kills him. When he goes into the treat room, I bring the old lady to the door of the treat room. So I feel like he just destroyed his AI. So I feel like he's just running

Like he's just like trying to break through the door. I'm trying to bury myself in treats now. You're throwing treats at her, you're freaking out. This is pretty fucked up, so we're gonna say give me another D six of sanity loss here. That brings me down to seventy-six. We're twenty seconds through. Okay. Give me one more sanity roll. I'm assuming you're continuing to do that. This is for your own good Blake.

D100? Sanity loss. Yeah, no, you don't get to roll a loss. That's a sane man. Roll a D100 for me, please. 47. Oh, this is good. I already made it. Blake, you now scared of dead old ladies. No, you now have a lasting fear of firearms. Yeah. So now but no you can literally can't stand the sight of that. Wow. Oh my gosh, you're like the least cool friend. Guys, I'm vegan, so we have to go somewhere vegan so I can eat. You shake out of your terror.

And are able to compose yourself, but you cannot stand the sight of Francis's gun leg and you cannot stand the sight of the pistol. And we got uh well, he's got his pants on. I got you just let my pants down. Yeah. I mean not let my pants down. I let go of my c you know, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Let's get some treats. Ah, I have found the treat room. Yeah, good job, Blake. Sorry, butter. Why am I so sweaty? You've been running.

Why are you puppeting an old corpse? Uh Francis killed her and you had to run away from her. We pocket as many treats as we can. You load up on treats. I strip the old lady down and throw her in the room. Nice. Okay. And then yeah, the old lady's dead, throw her in the closet. Okay. And then we should go to the exec the director's office.

Open the door without like looking in there or anything. Okay. Oh gosh, this feels dangerous. Yeah. It's kind of exciting though. So you're just gonna open the door to the room? Not just open. We're gonna go on the other side of the door. We're not gonna look into the room. We're not in the doorway. Okay. Stacked on the doorway. It's a big bank vault door. Yes, you are Yeah. Yeah, we're stacked on at like Steel Team Six. I'm gonna like put my hand on my heart and say

Moth Jesus, if you're in there and free, just come out of the store if you can hear me or feel my presence. You open the door. How wide are you opening it? We slowly open. Okay. How but like how'cause this room is full of crazy fucked up radiation and shit like that. So it's like an inch a second. So we start seeing at every itch. Slowly opening. So you're slowly opening the door. I'm not just wanted to have kids anytime soon. I think that's just you at this point, Francis. Oh man.

I didn't think I was, but it sucks to have that choice taken away. You s kind of stand there with bated breath and the horrible buzzing noise that's coming from inside this thing. It's almost pressurized. Like it's not like you didn't even do a strength check for it, but it's like this thing wants to blast open on you. Uh oh Moth Jesus? You don't hear anything. Oh no. Please, moth Jesus, if you're in there, please come out. Preach, preach, preach. It's pretty powerful. There's even this inches.

Not good. Maybe we need a one of those helmets or something. Give me a listen roll. But they brought in our bus driver. He had to get close-ish before he started melting. Like he wasn't melting the second that door opens. Yeah, yeah. So we can stay in the doorway and we're fine. I mean, there's a big spectrum between being fully melted and being normal. That's not that's not good. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Did you think we're gonna live through any of this?

I'm trying. I'm trying to get you out of here, at least Francis. No, Francis, you got a lot of life to live. No, we're all dead by the time this is over. Either the Russians are gonna kill us or the Americans are over. It's important that you and your fucking weird leg don't talk like this. All right, whatever. I'm just saying. Give me a listen roll, everybody. Okay. Failed 31 out of 27. Okay. Failed 51 out of 25. Very much a fail, 83 out of 50.

Succeed 23 out of 40. You succeed. Oh, that makes the one person who can hear moths. No one hears this other than Trudy. And like literally like Kelsey's like probably about to close the door. And right before the creak of the door starts, you hear Oh my god, he's in there! He's hurt! He needs help! Is he getting closer? No, I don't know. He's going slow. He's hurt. Open the door. Don't open the door. Spot him, is there any rope or anything around here? Maybe spot him rope.

I mean I passed my spot hidden. Is that a super success? Yes, twenty seven out of fifty seven You don't see a rope. Christmas garland for the holiday party. Yeah, the Rooskies love Christmas, you fucking idiot. Communist garland for the communist party. For the communist parties Hammer and Sickle. There's a mirror on the wall. And through the mirror, you see that Moth Jesus has crawled.

Most of the way to the door. Oh, we just need to wait a little bit. But he's he's gonna die. He's dragging himself as slowly and painfully as he can. Oh no, I shouldn't do it. There's blood dripping off of his wings. He's fucking falling apart. Oh he's probably like we'll say twenty feet from. Oh, that's a long way.

I can't come in because then Brunei Hill will be killing. I put my through the inch. Oh, just to feel it out? Yeah. It's like you sticking your hand in like a four or five hundred degree oven. Oh, it's hot. I pull it out. Uh if it's burning, like when you feel it. Now however I will throw you guys a bone. Mm-hmm. Something in there, some sort of malevolent psychic entity in this room. Yes.

Seems to realize that something is going wrong and the whole building begins to shudder and shake. Could you rack it? As it does so, a screw falls loose from something in the ceiling, like one of these little fire extinguishers, like something. the scene and clonks Trudy on the head and you hear a metal thunk because Trudy's made of metal Yes, I'm gonna go in. Okay, really quick. The mirror is it like a standing mirror? Uh it's on the wall. Can I rip it off the wall? Sure. Tree. Here.

And I like walk with the mirror in front of you. Like I I don't know how much it's UV radio or or sun, but like anything like it will help hopefully Oh, I like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Electronics are doing and I'm going to stand behind Trudy. Blake, get behind me. Blake, take off your doctor's coat and tie a sleeve around me or hold on to it. Oh, very well, very well, yes.

And you can grab onto the stethoscope. Yes, in case you're not strong enough or whatever, like I'm at the edge to see if you need help on the way. Yeah. Okay, so that's good. Yes. We tie shirts around Trudy's belt buttons. So you can pull her back. Yeah, pull her back. Yeah. And we're holding it and she has the mirror. I love this. This is great. Beth, how much health do you have? Four. You have four health? Yeah. Okay.

As you step up to the door and you step into the doorway, you feel again this intense heat blasting towards you. You almost like dig in on your feet because there's an energy slamming against you.

well. It makes me on the floor again. Huh? Because I was hovering. Oh that's right. You're hovering. Oh okay, that's good. Actually I like the hovering too. I forgot that we had the hovering. Okay, this is really good. Your little hover boots are burning the ground as you're being slammed into the ground.

And we'll say that that gives you an advantage on what's gonna happen next, which is in order to move forward, give me a strength roll with advantage from your hover boots. Okay. Which are giving you like a sort of thrust forward. So I have sixty strength, eighty nine is my first roll. Okay. Two. A two.

Oh well it's like a critical success. You again you feel this intense heat just blasting on you and for a second you reel back, but then you fucking dig in and your determination to save Moth Jesus and save your son. Powers you forward and you're able to take one step at a time, just like boom, boom, boom. And you're still moving at a slower pace. So we're gonna say that it's gonna take three rounds for you to make it to Moth Jesus to make it these 20 feet. So first things first.

We will say that From the mirror again, there's an intense light blasting at you, and this mirror is reflecting a lot of that. So that's gonna lessen the amount of damage you're gonna take. And also your robot armor is going to give you some armor protection as well. That's gonna slowly get melt. over the course of the next two rounds. So give me a luck roll. Luck. I have thirty-three luck. 37. Hate to see it. The first thing that happens is that you catch on.

I told you I was hot! Like exoskeleton terminator s your skin and hair starts to burn and sizzle off and we're starting to see little chunks of metal from the s ex of the skeleton underneath peel through. Fire is one d eight damage. Every round you're gonna take double the damage of the previous So we're gonna start with one. And we'll say that collectively you have six points of armor from your skeleton and the mirror. So you're now down to five points of armor.

And how close are you to Mothman? So I said it was three rounds. We'll say he was twenty one feet, so it's seven you can move seven feet. Yeah, now you're fourteen feet away. So give me another strength roll with advantage. First roll is an eleven. Oh shit, okay, great. So despite everything Everything that's going on, you're able to muscle through just a little bit more, and you push another seven feet forward as the heat gets more and more intense.

And you are now going to take two more damage. So you're now down to three points of armor. Okay. He's almost within reach. You can almost reach him and he's barely struggling as he's going forward and this heat is just getting unbearable. You look up and you see this slag heat. of radioactive metal just pulsing psychic energy and going fucking crazy. Give me a sanity roll actually as you look up at it. Forty seven sanity.

77. You're gonna roll a 1d6 of sanity gloss. Okay. One. Okay, great. Nice. Um you're you see it and you're just for a second you're entranced by it, but you're able to shake it off and keep your mind focused. Give me one more strength roll with advantage. 71. I'm gonna re-roll the tens. One. You got one eleven. Alright, you're so close. You're so close to getting him that your feet just dig into the ground. You slam him hard into the ground and push forward.

And you're able to grab Moth Jesus, lift him under his arms. The intense blast, there's just like flakes of skin melting off of your face, revealing the skeleton. Your clothes are on fire at this point. But the three of you guys see that she indeed has it. I pull. Okay. Everybody give me a strength roll. Twenty three and my strength is thirty-seven. So normal success.

Normal success? 77. I'll spend two luck to get 75 normal success. Francis, you you feel like you're out of here Francis While the two of you are able to pull Trudy back. Now I will say you have to drop your mirror in order to grab Mothman. So they're gonna pull you back. Actually can I drop my mirror so he can grab onto it? Oh I love that. So you lay the mirror on top of him. Yeah. Sacrificing the last of your armor from the mirror Let's see that brings you down to one point of arm.

Now you're gonna take four damage from the fire. You're down to one HP as they pull with all their might and drag you out the door and you and Mothman burning. I'm assuming you guys wanna smother like put this I close the door. Mm-hmm. I close the doors.

And they probably have fire extinguishers. Yeah, are they on fire? She is for sure. She is. Oh yeah, I take the costume off or whatever, the guard button up shirt that I was wearing, I start patting down Trudy. Trudy Trudy? The smoke dissipates. You see Mothman slumped on the ground holding Trudy, who's Looks pretty much like the fucking Terminator right now. Like to her. You you got him, Trudy. I got him. Wait, let me check. Is Moth Menu good? Moth Jesus? Uh Get me to the ship. To the ship

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Dudges and Dags is Matt Arnold is Kelsey Grammar. Anthony Birch is Francis Farnsworth. Will Campos is our DM. Beth May is Trudy Trot, myself, Freddie Wong is Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hold in the Stars by Max and Waller. Anisa Omar is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager. Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Cindy Denton is our merchandise manager.

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