Dan and Rand and Jay will share tales of folks so unaware. They lack in race and sometimes choose the life they choose. We'll make the news breaking down each epic fail in Florida. There's half price fail. I'm happy to say they couldn't. Podcast Jam with co-host Armand Dan. Fans don't be a jerk, because when the music hits the funny hits, we are gonna take you down. Stick around, make a sound, hunger down, it's Dump People Town.
Hey Townies, welcome to another episode of Dumb People Town. Population, you. Population DeMeo. Nate DeMeo. Jay, you okay? I'm good. I'm all right, Nate. Welcome to the show, buddy. I'm happy to be here. It's... So good to have you. It is a shit show. It is, but it's a wonderful show. Let me just say, uh, this is a perfect emerging. I feel like your whole thing that you do from your podcast, your book, which we'll talk about a little bit is about. Exploring.
The decisions that people make and the histories of the people. And the stories that they're involved in. That's exactly right. And also the things that we become known for. Yes. Like it's one thing, like you're just there. You are, I don't know, like you're fixing conveyor belts at the Coca-Cola bottling factory.
In the Midwest. And then suddenly you decide to sue someone for something ridiculous and that's your thing. That becomes your thing. Think of the contribution to moving, I don't know, bottles on a conveyor belt. So think of the decisions along the way you'd make. Should I do this lawsuit? Should I bring this thing? You're talking to other people. Now apply that lens, Nate.
to stupid behavior. And you're ready? I'm ready. I'm going to jump into a story right away. We'll talk about his book in a little bit. Hi, Daniel. Hey, buddy. I love that sweater. All right. Sent in by Dave Fournier, DP Fournier. Long time boot on the ground. You ready? Live, big, and I'm not going to say how big it is. Eel. Toilet, bathtub. Chews through man's intestines after he put it up his anus.
That's the thing. I hope he's dead. Was it anything? Literally. No, you don't. If you want to take a non-consenting animal into your sexual life, I hope you fucking die. So here's the deal. Not right. Do you believe that it happened in Vietnam? Of course it did. Vietnamese doctors. I mean, maybe it didn't happen in Vietnam. You just have Vietnamese doctors. I think this was his Vietnam. Right.
He couldn't get out? There's no exit strategy. Jane Fonda was protesting this. Let's not forget, I'm a boy from Rochelle, Illinois. I feel like all of Asian food... Could rip through your intestines. No, the eel plays heavily. Sure. It's a delicious... If you've had an eel avocado roll... Eel more than any other place than Asian cuisine. Am I incorrect? I actually think that there's a fair amount of eel in the cuisine of the British Isles. Okay. Which they just...
He doesn't speak so highly of it. I wouldn't think of that. Yeah. Which they also definitely named themselves. And they definitely don't call it the eel. They call it like bangers and squiggly. But the truth of the matter is like. Well, see one. But eel also. Sounds like what it is. Yeah, it's an onomatopoeia for a song. Well, and McDonald's is coming out with a McEel. which is a sandwich. It's long bread. It's a baguette. And you shove it up your butt. Stop!
Had chewed through his intestines after he shoved it up his hand. Good. The nauseating discovery. I'm glad that whoever's writing this is just inserting their own. Exactly. The discovery was made when the, and we're not going to tell you how old he is. This dude's his own Saw movie. Blank Indian National was admitted to Viet Duck Hospital.
in Hanoi. This is Vietnam on July 27th after excruciating abdominal pain. Really? I'd imagine so. Have you guys had food poisoning recently or anything? I had some food poisoning the other night. Can I be honest with you? I'm... And I feel like if you're unsure, you're sure. I'm not sure I've ever had food poisoning. Why are you tempting the fates right now? Don't say that. Knock on wood. Don't get it. If you have, you're sure. It's awful.
Like, I've had times where I ate something and I feel like it didn't sit right with me and stuff like that, but I've never had, like... So I, the other night... I don't know what I had the other night. I mean, I've been very sick. It felt like an eel was trying to get through. And I only stuck it up my penis. But I mean, it felt like people were clawing my, like two hands were clawing my stomach open.
I've had so much pain in it. I've had definitely seen intestinal like... Maybe you're in labor. So doctors learn that the adventurous patient... I was dilated seven centimeters, Nate. That's good. I think you were ready. The adventurous crowning. Adventurous patient. Let's not call them adventurous. That's one of my favorite procedural. The adventurous patient. She can't remember. There's not enough patient-focused doctors. It's all doctor. The good doctor. How about the bad patient? This guy.
15th time in here. Had slipped the phallic fish. It's not a phallic fish. Is it a fish? Is an eel a fish? An eel's a fish. It's a swimmer. What else would it be? An amphibian? A reptile.
But I do wonder, because an eel is clearly its own category. There's a moray eel. There's a trigger fish. Right. Like, it's its own category. I don't call it a fish. But I guess a shark is a fish and also has its own category. Sure. All right. Backside earlier in the day. And it tried to escape. Of course, Daniel. Yes. The eel had bitten through the patient's rectum and colon to escape the abdominal cavity, said Nat Quai.
Vice director of the department of colorectal and perineal surgery. You know, this guy was like, great. I have to now make a statement. Thanks a lot. I know. How often does the vice director of that? He's probably doesn't know what it's like to stand behind the podium. Exactly right. This asshole.
Literally. There you go. The patient was immediately examined and underwent several imaging tests, including x-ray that showed the eel skeleton lying inside of his abdominal cavity. So it busted out? Yeah, yeah. Doctors attempted to remove the foreign object through the man's anus, but they discovered a large mime that he had also inserted blocking the way wait so that oh wow it's like there's no way this is you guys want to see it i do actually here it is
Here it is. Jesus. Can you see that? Yeah. Let it be. Dan does not want to see it. Just kill yourself. This is almost. And I don't mean that like. do it right i just mean do it before you don't bring an eel into this this is the he's obviously nate's saying don't bring a lime into this what did the lime ever do that was the problem i feel like it'd be just on the eel well do you think it was a whole thing of like
Okay, it goes lime first. No, you put the lime in the coconut. You know what people can't figure out? You throw salt over your shoulder. That's what I'm saying. People can't figure out like, okay, so I suck the lime, drink, then do the salt. Where's the eel go in this? Lime, salt, eel.
You check that eel for tea? Lime, salt, eel, lime. Vietnamese doctors said the man had put the eel up his anus. Okay, the eel bit its way through the man's intestines into the abdominal cavity. Instead, the doctors opted for emergency. surgery so now people have to fix this guy now you gotta i know exactly now you bought a whole health care system into it i'd throw him a book
Go figure it out. Yep. All right, here's a scalpel. That's right. All right, bring in some students. And a lime zester. Bring in some students. Just a scraper. They sliced open the patient's torso and found the live eel stretching more than half. How many inches long? I'm so glad it's alive. It's alive. Yeah, they saved it. You drop it in. I'm so glad. The weird thing is that- Wait, how long? Yeah, how many inches long? We're supposed to guess. Yeah. 18. 18? I'm going to take the over.
Pick a number. I'm going to pick at 21 inches. 24 inches. Get your answers in. One of you is one off. So we can all go up or down one? Up or down one. We're going to go 17. 23. 20 inches. Get your answers in, townies. Because this thing was 25 inches long. I went the wrong way. So did he. Hey! How many inches in diameter do you want to guess? I don't know. In diameter? In diameter? I think it's... Three? I think, well, it can be that way because if the guy was like, I can get that up there.
No, you never know. Get a lot of things up there. We do every year. You can't get a lot of things up there. Get a lava lamp up there if you need to. I know. If you need to. Two and a half inches. If you need to. Two and a half inches. What do you think? I said three. An inch and a half. I said three. Get your answers in townies.
One of you is one. I'm just kidding. And it's four inches long. Four inches in diameter. The creature and the lime were both removed. You guys want to see the lime? There it is. Oh, a whole lime. A whole lime. I wasn't even a wedge. I'm actually finding the lime picture more disturbing. I was always picturing it.
This is how you make Sprite. The doctors try to remove the eel through the patient's anus, but the lime was blocking the weight. Now look at the eel and the lime together. They look like they're a cucumber. Yeah, it's like a... There's a thing in the Jewish religion where over the new year you get a thing that you shake.
and then a lemon or a lot of spice thing. All right, anyway. The eel was more than 25 inches long. After checking for additional foreign objects, because you've got to look for others. No, because you can't trust this guy. There's my letter opener. Fucking Mary Poppins purse. Right.
There's a deed to a ranch in here. There's a lamp, an umbrella that allows you to fly. Mary Puffin's purse is a great one. It was really bad. After checking for additional foreign objects hiding inside the man, they stitched him up. Surgeons also performed a colonoscopy. colonostomy to prevent fecal matter from passing through the cut made by the eel's bite. The doctors at the hospital told Vietnam News, that's a whole thing, that they've dealt with patients.
typically young men who have put objects up their bones for sexual pleasure. Van Duck, Viet Duck Hospital has previously removed bottles, cups, adult toys from Pace and Santa's, but this is the first case involving a live animal. Just make it the lime. Just do the lime. The lime is enough. A lime in time saves nine. You can't look around your house. And find something that'll do that for you. How about a plastic eel? Wait, a chair leg. We've heard about...
A magic wand. What I would actually like to know is whether the, clearly the eel does not look alive there. It is alive. No, it isn't. The eel's alive. Did they return it to the river? So eels can survive. Because what a story that eel has. Eels, I know. That guy comes back. Where were you, Dave? I saw the inside of a hospital. The eel is Billy the bass. Take me to the river. Drop me in the water. With the lime right next to him.
He's like, the lime is his Wilson from Castaway. And the eel is like, you're coming with me, man. We went through this together. And you're coming with me. And the eel's like... This was my Vietnam. Yeah, it was a situation he never should have been in. Zero legs. He's going up the river. Yes, and we should have gone too far in rather than securing ourselves from the rear. It's the heart of anus. Exactly. All right.
Eels can survive in anaerobic conditions for a long time and have the ability to bite through gastrointestinal tract. Therefore, people should never insert live animals to the ears. No. to seek intense sensations due to the unforeseeable consequences. However... He did experience intense sensations. If you are... Whatever follows this however is insane. No, no, no. You just said... I'm saying however. Oh, thank God. I'm saying...
You were like, you should never do this at all. However. Daniel, I am saying to sexual toy makers. You know, I had the island of Mississippi and I know that it's Christmas. So like you probably they're like sexual toys that are given as Christmas. You're going to say something I'm about to tell you like make. a deal make a electronic eel that can go up there that has a string that you can pull out those thank you that are
Like ogre tongues. Thank you. And like dragon penises. Thank you. This all exists. I know. Not you. The person in the story. Idiot. You have options. Go on Amazon. You don't have to fly to Vietnam. Therefore, people should never insert live animals. This, however, is not the first time. Good rule, author. This is the first time the eel was removed from someone's backside in Vietnam. This. This year in March, a 12 inch eel slid up.
A 43-year-old man's anus slid up. Wait, that sounds like it was his choice. That sounds like he was skinny dipping or blaming the victim. Did you see what that eel was wearing? The dumbest sexual version of us trying to get other cultures to realize. that there's no magic in a rhinoceros horn. Right, exactly. Like, just stop doing this. He was rushed to the Hai-Ha District Medical Center in Kwong-ni Province. That was the noise he made when it went out. Hai-Ha! In Kwong-ni.
where the sea creature was removed. We are going to get out of here on this. This is just a fun one. We're eating our way through this whole thing. How old... was the Indian national man who was admitted to the hospital who allowed the eel to go up there. How old is this guy? Yeah, go first. I'm going to guess 53 years old. 53. I'm going to go 32, 40.
One of you is one year off. 31. Okay. 52 years old. 39. Get your answers in townies because this man who we do not know his name. Sure. But we just know his age. They should say his name. Is. They should give where he works. 31 years old. All right. That's story number one. We come back. We're talking about Nate's amazing book. The Memory Palace, which is the name of his podcast. We'll be right back with more Dumb People Town. Nate Deneo. Deneo. Deneo. Deneo. Deneo. Deneo.
Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Nate Denteo is with us. Wait a minute. How do you not know? I'm just reading it. God, my reading's terrible. Nate, you have a new book. We'll get to that in one second before we talk about this lovely thing that I'm tactically holding. Cannot wait to read this.
We should let people know what we have going on where you can see us. First of all, thank you to everyone, including Aaron and Daniel. And we should have invited you, but we didn't. But we'll invite you next time. That was our bet. to our two-man show that we did at the Lyric Hyperion, The Born Identity, which we're doing again at Sketchfest on February 1st. In San Francisco. San Francisco Sketchfest Gateway Theater. It's a matinee show, and then later that...
And I want to tell everybody, if you haven't already subscribed to our Patreon, you should because we're going to do more of a deep dive on one of those episodes because I want to talk to you guys about the show. I love it. So if anybody, it's five bucks a month, but anybody who already subscribes, you're going to get that. Anybody who doesn't,
We're going to, you know, that's some of the stuff that happens over there. We hang around. So as a person who like wasn't invited, this would be a good way for me to access you. Okay. So we, so here's the deal. We know that there's maybe another chance that we get to do a run of this at like.
The Kirk Douglas Theater here, which is like 300 seats and a lot to fill. We know we have lots of SoFi Stadium or the Kirk Douglas. We will need people to come. So sit tight, Nate. But we are very excited about that. And we have a bunch. We're doing another tagging on January 9th, I believe. January 16th. The 9th. Got moved to the 9th at the Comedy Store, which the last one was fantastic. We'll have great people. That's a Thursday, I believe.
That is a Thursday night. And then we're going to be in the La Jolla Comedy Store, which is something we have not done, but I'm so excited. End of January. End of January. And then lots of stuff in March and April, like Detroit and Minneapolis and Denver and then the Moon Tower. So all this stuff. at supersclarers.com. Check it all out. We love you guys. Nate, let's talk about this, The Memory Palace, this book. Your podcast is amazing, and I love...
I mean, I love the story. You talk about like stories of people. How do people become who they are based on the choices that they made in the history they've themselves have created? Thank you very much. You yourself. have like a glorious history that you've created this whole thing we've watched you create this podcast we've watched you nurture it into this thing that we can very much relate to i feel very connected to you because you've created this whole world
of what you do, the memory palace itself. And I love that it's now put together in this beautiful compendium. Yeah, there's been something fun, like knowing you guys over the years, because we do different things. You guys crack wise professionally. I do not. But you're very funny. You are funny, dude. I'm doing my best. I'm trying to hang. Your wife is a wonderfully funny person, too. Yes. But that said, there is something in the DIY spirit of like...
just constantly trying to figure out like, not just like how to build an audience, but like how to maintain that audience and how to serve that audience. How to make sure they know where you're going. How to perform your thing live in front of people, which you do too. It's like we've really...
It's been a parallel path. Well, explain to people who don't know what The Memory Palace is, what it is, and what this book is that is now out and available. So for the past 16 years, and I know it because I started this thing a few weeks after my daughter was born in this desperate need to, like, what am I going to have that's still my own?
build something in this life. That's why you need to see our show. My wife is going back to work and I'm going to be more or less taking care of the kid, et cetera. But the truth of the matter is I have, for almost these whole 16 years, had a difficult time.
explaining what this thing is. Because on the one hand, it's super simple, which is that I just tell in a sort of public radio style, I tell these short historical stories. Sometimes they're funny. Sometimes they're sad. Sometimes they're a little bit of both. Sometimes they're like weird and meditative.
Sometimes they're ripping yarns and it's just me and my voice and I put it to music. And every time I say that, I think to myself, I don't think I would listen to that show. No. And so then when you follow it up and it's like, then the pitch is, it's that, but it's good is also a difficult. Absolutely good. Compelling. Yeah. Like fucking...
It's the kind of thing that you're like, I'm going to listen to this just to chill out and rest and maybe help me chill from my day. And then you're like, no, I'm riveted. Now I'm so into this thing. They're great stories. They're amazing. It's amazing. So is this a collection of stories? some of your best or favorites? It's a mix. So this book here is a collection of some of, you know...
People might call them old. I choose to call them beloved stories. Sure. Classics. It's all history. There's a number of new stories, in part because it's a book, so now we can actually, on the podcast, people can't see things, don't have a YouTube compendium.
companion so as a result um like it's fun so there's like a lot of stories that are that do not work unless you can see the photo wow um or you know that are end up being sort of about the history of photography there's also a bunch of stories because like when they sold it to random house they're like you've been doing this for a long time we want to make
make sure that we can sell it both to the old readers and the old heads. And so what's the proper mix of old and new? And one of the things that they kept saying was like, well... Is there some way to take the long-time listener sort of under the hood? Yeah. Take them behind the scenes. Great idea. That's cool, but everything they pitched was just a terrible idea. Ha!
the initial idea is good everything sounded like dvd commentary you know it was sort of like how about you like you you tell this like cool story about you know the first elephant in in america um and then you like then you explain why like uh where you came up with that idea.
And I was like, that's not what books do. No, no, no. You don't read like William Faulkner and then he's like, yeah. The Faulkner commentary. It was going to be a light in September, but I made it a light in August. Exactly. Because I felt better. Exactly. And so, but I did.
Ended up coming up With this bit That has actually Worked out really well Which is I started to As I was going through 16 years of stories yeah and this like giant document you know of like hundreds of stories deep and like like the story triage that i would send to my editor but how about these yeah and then we'd go yes no yes no um I started to realize that the person who writes these stories is pretty fucking weird.
Yeah. And that I was like, oh, they're actually it is worth like stopping and saying like why these things are the like things that like I find wonderful and like why, you know, how it is that I've like come to like this sort of like strange. approach to history and so now there's sort of like so there's this there's this section at the end of the book
which is called six stories drawn from the author's life as a younger person that in the aggregate could have served as an introduction to this book, but that would have been super weird. So here they are presented at the end on page 276. I have to say I feel that way about it too, is that I am often...
like why did nate choose this like i'm kind of like your choice to present this i feel this way about if people who listen to the dollop that's another great story about it really crazy historical stories you will love the memory palace to me i feel like it's a hand in hand
with that yes just a different direction of it so anyway where can people get this book they can get it apparently literally wherever you get books okay the physical copy you can order on Amazon you can order it at your local go to a Barnes and frickin Noble Barnes and frickin Noble pick it up it's a big achievement
me because when i went went to the amc and to the movie theater the other day we went to the barnes and noble and had to like find it on the third floor but the other day i went down at the bottom Come on. Nate DiMeo, the memory. Impulse buy. Hey, if your friends or your partners or your kids or your parents are readers, pick this one up for me. This is their holiday gift. We just got you. You're welcome. Look how pretty this book is. You're welcome, God damn it.
It's gorgeous, and they'll love it, and it's perfect for them. I'm proud of you for making that. And it is too large to fit up people's butts. Yes, you cannot stick it up. Speaking of, let's get back to his story. Thank you, Nate. Here we go. We'll get to Dan's stuff later. This is sent in by Adam Poulton at Polsky 75. Polsky. Person dressed in bear costume to fake a tax on cars for insurance payout, California officials say. Wait, what? Wait.
A person dressed in a bear costume to fake attacks. You saw this on the news? To fake attacks on cars for insurance payout. So he's just with his shoe on in a furry thing kicking the front fender of a thing. No, he's full. I have to say this. Already I can tell this is the opposite of the principle that you proposed before, which is basically if you have used...
an animal, a live animal, for your own sexual pleasure, then you deserve bad things to happen. I feel like if you're co-opting the animal kingdom, but you yourself are taking on the burden of putting on the costume, then I feel like you ought to get away. Or you should be left.
alone with an actual bear for a little bit. Drop him in a bear den. Here we go. Four people in Southern California were arrested and accused of insurance fraud after they claimed their cars were trashed by a bear, which was actually someone in a bear costume.
Unbelievable. Is it smart people? Everyone's an actor. That's what I'm wondering. Everyone's an actor. So you know you're going to be on camera. That's right. You better. Can I put this on my MTV? You're not just doing the costume for fun. No. 2024 security footage. Bear.
Right. Cocaine bear. But then that's a lot of confidence in your costume. I want to need more information. I'm saying you're really like, people are like, shouldn't we just put the cars where there isn't a camera? No, no, no. My costume's going to sell it. My costume's great. Can I say this? Footage of this, them. doing this actually funnier than season two of the bear what come on i love the now look if this bear costume is as good as that guy dressed as a border collie yeah
I mean, that was the craziest thing. Randy, you might have to call that up. Did you ever hear about the guy? There's a guy who became... No, it wasn't a border collie. It was a lassie collie. He was part of a group called... Collies Without Borders. So-called. They would go down to Central America. And they would help you. I think that was a canine episode. Yes, it was. Yeah, we'll find it. Or a canine episode. Canine. Canine.
God damn you, Nate! You're a word! You're a word, Smith! And he has played a dog in an animated show. So-called bear was claimed to have entered and damaged a... This is unbelievable. A 2010 Rolls Royce Ghost. Yeah, they're nice cars. No! On January. You're taking a risk to damage a Rolls Royce ghost in hopes of pulling the scam. If you don't pull the scam, you've just ruined a Rolls Royce ghost. If you need money, just sell the fucking ghost. Rent it out. Put it on.
Conturo. Start driving Uber. If you drove Uber, Uber XXXXX in a Rolls Royce class, you'd earn the money back. Probably in a month. On January 8th, while it was parked at Lake Arrowhead in the San Bernardino Mountains. Nothing good happens at Lake Arrowhead. No. Lake Arrowhead is where you go when you're like, we need someone to disappear. Video was submitted to the insurance company that allegedly...
showed the animal entering the car. Upon further scrutiny of the video, the investigation determined that the bear was actually a person in a bear costume, the insurance department said in a statement. The group all submitted claims for damage to two other cars, a 2015 Mercedes. Mercedes G63 AMG, a 2022 Mercedes E350, again with video and again with someone in a bear suit. What is happening? Drunken ideas. That's a man. This is a man. That's a man.
What? I know. That's a man. That's even a better picture. But to what end? To what end? Is he just trying to live the dog life? No one in his life told him, good boy. He's a big... No, he put it on and someone said stay. When I'm doing a story, I'll find you the photo we showed. No, it is insanity. He's a big Snoop Dogg fan. All right, here we go. But whose drunken idea...
Was it to do this? We did. I think we did an episode a long ago with Dan Harmon where a guy cut his own arm off for insurance purposes. And then we got into a question of like, what is the money you would take? That was our 127 minutes episode. Yeah. Go ahead. This is like some idiot. That was 190 minutes. What if it's also your friend's car? It's going to work. Fair enough. How long was that? I hear it. 27 hours.
Felt like it. God, by the end of that show, I wanted to cut my own arm off. Ruben Tamrazian. Great. How old do you think this guy is? Roman Tasman. Ruben Tamrazian. That's when you get the arc on your basketball. Jersey. That's exactly right. The Tam Razian. That's some Sultan Lamar. I feel like the Tam Razians are, it's like an award for like the worst reality show ever. He wanted Tam Razian. It's also like one of your favorite restaurants you always sort of forget the name of.
It's like for the worst strip mall in Glendale. If you told me that was the Kardashians' real name before they changed it to the center. So these are our Armenians and... My son plays basketball or played basketball in Glendale and everyone in the league was pretty much Armenian. So all these names are very... Tamrazian. Tamrazian. How old do you think... I think Ruben it is. Ruben is. Ruben. Ruben. Ruben Tabrazian. And I had the Tamrazian Ruben.
at a deli in Glendale that was delicious. So on the one hand, this is the act of young men. Sure, totally. They do also have to have at least achieved something so they've scanned their way toward the ghost. So these are 27-year-old men. That's a great call. 31. It's the 27 Club. I mean, part of me also thinks like... Old gambler.
68, 64. I had to procure. Yeah, yeah. Rolls Royce. He was sitting out and playing checkers in front of us. This is a guy whose rolls roared the wind. He's playing three-dimensional chess is what he's doing. He's playing chess while we're playing checkers, right? 61. Did you, by the way, I...
saw recently a thing about the 27 Club is that what you're referencing like all these famous people who died at 27 absolutely it was like insane Janis Joplin Jim Morrison right Jimi Hendrix Jimi Hendrix Winehouse Amy Winehouse. Yeah, all at 27. Okay. One of you is one year off. Okay. I'll say 32. 28. 28. 26 years old. Oh, it's a young man's game. We won't guess the other guys, but I'll tell you their names. Ararat Cherkinian. Sure. Vahe Murad Kanyan. Uh-huh.
All of Glendale. I miss the old Kanyan. Of Glendale, yeah. These are the original wolves of Glendale. Alifia Zuckerman of Valley Village. All were arrested on charge of insurance fraud and conspiracy. A spokesperson for the San Bernardino County District Attorney's Office. Here's what's crazy. Here's what's crazy. Here's a crazy part of this. I saw the video. Yeah.
It's so fucking obviously that it's not a bear. That they probably had better odds of getting away with it if not having video. Right. Sure. Or just saying a guy in a bear costume. wrecked her car right sure just clogged the eye would you believe it look at this crazy video we have look at this guy trying to disguise himself as a bear hang on let me pop my trunk oh shit there's a
bear costume in here. I don't know where that came from. It's like one of these idiots was like... He wrecked our car. He took the costume off and stuck it in our trunk. One of these idiots is like, I'm only doing it if I get to wear the bear costume. That's it. You know that happened. I think that was air ratchet.
There are Chinese zoos that have more believable in it. That's some Ararat chicanery. It was the Valley Village guy. It was. Zuckerman? Zuckerman. Arefa Zuckerman. Scam costs insurance companies how much money? Nothing. Well, I mean, initially, initially, before they, I mean, What are they asking? Rolls Royce. Four cars? Four cars. Three cars. They're also going to overstate it. I have no idea. That ghost is what? $27,000. That ghost is what? $180,000 car? I think $120,000. Really? $120,000?
Buck 20. What do you think, Dan? I'll just keep with the other dumb number I said. 180? What did you say? You said $27,000. I'm going to go $80,000. All right, get your answers in. $141,000. Wow. Dude, I was right. The bear costume with brown fur and a head shaped like a bear's. So it's a bear costume. You said that. Great description of a bear costume. Paws and metal hand tools to simulate claw marks was found in the suspect's home, officials. Yes! Get rid of it, dummy.
Dresses the bear and then it's in your house? Get rid of it, you idiot. This is so dumb. Amateur hour. Lake Arrowhead exists to dump things in. Yes. You have a lake. Exactly. They're not going to drag the lake for a bear costume. Put a... cement thing on it. Also, what are these tools that they put to simulate? That's what I want to know. Forks. Forks. If you're in Arrowhead. Yeah.
Bury it. Leave some food in your car. That's right. Let the bears take care of it themselves. They will. They will. Just slather some. You obviously were fine with ruining the car anyway. Right, right. Just put some ground beef, exactly, some oil, some meat oil. Anything.
Literally anything. Video of the alleged damage show would appear to be minor groove marks on seats and the interior that were intended to pass for claw marks. Investigators also showed the videos to a biologist from California's Department of Fish and Wildlife. Yeah, they're going to bring in a biologist. Who, quote, opined it was clearly a human in a bear suit.
He opined. He opined it. He didn't just say it. If you're opining. He opined wistfully. He wistfully opined. That's exactly right. He looked off in the distance. He had his own memory palace. Do you think he was disappointed? Do you think he was like, oh, great. I love a good... Fair thing. He's like, guys, guys, I'm going to have to opine here. Hang a second. Let me look off into the mountains. Tony's opining again.
Where'd he go? There are bears at Lake Arrowhead. No shit. Of course there are. Dan mentioned, which is a forested range about 60 miles north of Los Angeles, but they don't wear costumes. Okay. No one said that it was a bear in a bear costume. The only person says, ha ha, they don't wear costumes. Incorporated opining.
into their article. And also wanted to clarify that the bear's head of the bear's costume was shaped like a bear's head. Who's the dummy? Just quit. Person wrote the article. Just turn in your two weeks. You're making these guys sound smart. The only wild bears in the San Bernardino Mountains are anywhere. else in the state are black bears according to the fish and wildlife department contrary to the name those bears can sometimes be brown yes it's true
Fair, but what this person failed to leave. It's like when Sunday Night Football is on a Saturday for a random scheduling reason. So then this, the next line, this tells you this is a bad journalist. The state once had grizzlies, but they had been hunted to extinction by the, and you guys can tell me when that happened. 1940s. 1940s? It does feel. It's a decade. Just give a decade. 1920s. I like that. 1930s. This is why you need to buy this book.
Memory Palace, 1920s. 100% right. Walks in here and he's going to be opining about this victory for years. He's opining about the time they got rid of the grizzlies. They didn't mention that it was a grizzly bear. You had the time to mention that the head looked like a bear but didn't mention it. So now, after the fact, you wrote this byline?
Who? Do we know? No, I didn't. Did Greenlee get a new job? No, it almost feels like it. I wish. But so what they're saying was these people were so dumb to not understand. They chose a bear that had not been in the area first. A bear that does not exist in California. If you're going to bust up the roles, you've got to do your research and throw away the costume. There you go. That's it. Story number two, when we come back, Daniel's going to tell us what he has going on.
I'll say this, Daniel, that the Lyric Hyperion said Daniel should be doing his show here. They said it to me. So anyway, we'll talk about all of that on the other side of the break. Nate DiBello's with us. He's got a new book, Memory Palace. What a gift. I need both my presents and the book. Both. Both are a gift. You can give both for the holiday. Nate will shelve your house. We'll be right back with more Dumbledore. people's not right.
Hey guys, welcome back to the show. Daniel Van Kirk. Yes. Tell these good people what's going on with you, my man. Go to danielvankirk.com. I will be announcing some dates soon for the new year, putting together my 2025 dates. I love it. If you haven't checked out Rose Gold, you can...
do that you can watch wine club my movie if you haven't seen that you should and you should listen to my podcast right here every monday night it's called the midnight air you would love it um yeah it's uh we run down every week we just sort of run down the national days of the week which are usually weird
Things that are sort of in the midnight air. Yeah, it's an overnight radio podcast for people that are trying to stay awake or can't sleep. I do want you to have people selling dinette sets. You know what's interesting? The training station. Something I've wanted to do for a long time that incorporates, I think.
one of my family's hobbies, which is, what's that guy's deal? I have put this out to listeners in the minute air, and I'll do it here on the Dumb People Town feed as well. I want to talk to everyday people about the... job that they have. You've had every job. If your family makes billiard tables, I want to know what that's like. If you work at a toll booth, tell me about it. Do you sell lemonade outside of the rodeo in Texas?
Let's have a conversation about it. Have you read Studs Terkel? I mean, that's working. Yes, I mean, one of the greatest Chicago writers of all time. Working. Working is phenomenal. Charlie Ledef. You know Charlie Ledef. Charlie Ledef's, like, working another sin. Well, yeah, but...
Work and Other Sins, I think is Nanny's book. But, like, those... one page like sort of encapsulations of a person's life which is kind of this but i would love to hear your comedic take and you know it's another thing too i'm gonna do it on the road uh zoom mike wherever you're at if i'm on the road and you happen to own a pool design company
Let's just sit down and have a conversation about it. So those are going to start living in the new year on the midnight air. And then other than that, like two weeks ago, I did my top 10 Christmas movies. Last week, I did my top 10 Christmas-ish movies. So I have a question for you.
week really quick because you guys would love this we will talk about on one of our patreon i did then the great mexico city 1985 christmas heist what i know i hadn't known anything about this it's insane what two 21 year old veterinary students decide that they're gonna some of the greatest pieces in the museum in Mexico City. Oh, my God. I thought they were going to steal an eel out of someone else. No. I would in favor of that. So anyway, that's the Midnight Air. If you have a job that...
When someone goes, I've never met anybody who does that. Like you are our friend, longtime listener, Justin Sprague. He does furniture reupholstery in Madison, Wisconsin. And he doesn't meet a lot of other people who do that. You can email themidnightmailbag. At gmail.com. I love it. A lot of stuff going on. This is a short story. Okay. Sent in by? Koeman Assassin at Max Bettman. Thanks, buddy. I know. All right. Here's the headline.
Man on rollerblades. I already love it. So he's already like, I do what I want to do. I don't care. I don't care that I look ridiculous on this thing. It's such a commitment. Absolutely. It's such a commitment. If you are on rollerblades, your headphones should have an antenna. Well, except if you've ever been to Vancouver where people, because it's a hockey-loving culture, people are just on rollerblades. All the time. Because they're just like, I've got to keep up. Most cars...
Not here. So if you're listening in Canada, you're thinking, yeah, rollerblades rule. Most cars are on rollerblades. I say with a pun, you are in line because man on rollerblades. Carrying hockey sticks. There you go. He's on his way to a game. Arrested. After. For checking people off of scooters. T-O-Q-U-E. Toke. Toke. His hat. Toke robbery.
And he stole his hat. Wow. Stole his hat. So I was at a Dickens. I've never seen that word in my life. I was at a Dickens Christmas party. Okay. Dressed as... the ghost of Christmas present. I looked like Jesus. You looked wonderful. You looked really, that was a great costume. Cool costume. And I was wearing, I was dressed like a bear with a bear head. I know. I was dressed like a, and we, and there were like guys from the middle age dead.
jam band there playing piano and some music and everyone was singing Christmas songs. And we sang two things I did that you would love. we sang the 12 days of Christmas and I couldn't not sing the Bob and Doug McKenzie. Sure. So we just went through five golden toots, four pounds of back bacon, three French toast, two. turtlenecks and a beer.
On my knee. That was so fun, and I just started singing that to David Wayne, who was right there, and he immediately got unloaded. That, and then when they did Santa Claus is Coming to Town, I couldn't not do the Bruce Springsteen version. Not many, not many. Not many. Not many. You guys are slimming. You guys are slimming. Not many.
Santa Claus is coming to town. Clarence Clement's laughing. For some reason, my favorite part of the song is not singing. It's the not many. Not many, not many. Just talking in the beginning. How many of you have been good out there? Not many, not many. Anyway. so we did that and that was really good but the toques that's a toque it's a hat yeah Victoria BC yeah sure he was right he was right
People in rollerblades. Nobody even thinks this is a weird thing. Memory Palace available at Barnes & Noble. Patrol officers arrested a hockey stick wielding man on rollerblades yesterday after he robbed a woman of her innocence. I said dignity. Literally just, this is just a single toque? Yeah. Does he need the hockey stick?
Does he need the rollerball? Couldn't I say excuse me, man? He got it. He needed to get away. I looked it up. He used the stick to lift it up. Isn't that high sticking? You're taking the hat off. Yep. Two minutes. I stick it. Somebody in a roller blade and a referee outfit. Someone who's on his way to his job in Foot Locker. And when he took her hat, she went, sorry. But she was walking the street. I had to look it up. She was walking the streets and she got two minutes for hooking.
A woman's small hat typically having a narrow, closely turned up brim. This happened to Victoria. Toot. Shortly after. Oh, boy. What time do you think this guy's happened? What time do you think? 8 p.m. Just for fun. That's like 3 in the afternoon. I think it's like, yeah, 2.15. Very good. Shortly after 1.30pm. Perfect.
On Monday, March 14th, patrol officers were called to the area of Government and Belleville streets. Never forget 314. For a report that a man on rollerblades was striking garbage cans with a hockey stick. Well, that feels like...
That's classic. Canada. What else are you going to do? That should be the official. You're just out here putting shit into the boards. By the way, all he's trying to do is signal to the Astros that the next pitch is a fastball. Give him a break. Give him a break. A second caller. reported the same man causing a disturbance and striking windows of a nearby business with a hockey stick. Can't do that. The thing I'm liking about this is...
This man caused rampant destruction all throughout B.C., but it is the toque. You don't take someone's toque, all right? You can knock on the windows of a Tim Hortons. You want to hit shit, that's fine. You don't take someone's toque.
Someone's toque. You take someone's toque. It's an insult. You take their toque. You've taken their dignity. But also too much compassion. You tell me what she did to you. He took a toque. To make you take her toque. He took a toque. And if it's a good enough reason, I understand. He took her toque. Okay. And she could do nothing against it. He took her toque. She was on offense. I took offense to that move. And she couldn't fight against him. He took her toque.
and she couldn't take it anymore. A second caller, that's what I said, reported that the man was causing disturbance, striking windows of nearby businesses with a hockey stick. The thing to me is... Roller blades is, I said earlier, it's a commitment. It is a process to put them on. Are you already window hitting mad before you put them on? Or is it after you've had them on and now you're having a falling down? Just the lacing up when you're angry. Did he nearly see himself in the mirror?
Around, wrapping around. This is so Canadian to me. The man did not break the windows. So we're just saying, he hit him. Just tapping the window. That's his glass. He's going around. That's exactly right. He'd probably just put one in the other. Click, click, click, click, click. That was extremely effective, Randy. Sorry. I've had flashbacks to the Blackhawks. Flashbacks. Flashbacks. Okay. Flashbacks. Officers.
That's a great movie with Stallone that nobody's seen. Flash Hawk. Officers located the suspect in the area of, how perfect if you're going to be doing this shit, Trounce Alley. Whoa. He's over there in Trounce Alley. Oh, you don't want to go to Trounce Alley. You tell me Trounce Alley is not a graphic novel from 1988. It's the sequel to The Outsiders. Exactly. It's The Insiders.
The suspect attempted to evade police by rollerblading around a police car. However, officers caught. It's like an episode of Reno 9. Dan, if you put that song while he's going... I hope he's singing it. This is such a quick turn. So the suspect evades police by rollerblading around the car. You're like, whoa, getting away. However, officers on foot caught him. So he had one move. And he's probably going backwards.
Or they're like just looking at him. They're like, he'll tire himself out. Go grab him, Glenn. I hit some business windows. I took a toque. What are you going to do? I mean, state of mind, you probably could have just been like... Two minutes. Two minute minor. And then he'd be like, all right, you go. Two minutes for tooking. Pull his shirt over his head for toque taking. Um...
Where was I? Threw his gloves down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so they get him over on Trounce Alley. The suspect was taken to the ground and arrested without further incident because once you go to the ground, it's over. It's over. It's over. They call him in. The suspect was not injured during the arrest. Officers transported the suspect to...
You know, a lot of times it's like if it's Rochelle Police Department in my hometown, you'd say RPD. They went Vic PD. Oh, Vic PD. Yeah, they don't go VPD. Vancouver International something. Victoria, I think. Victoria. So that's like the Stadies. space yeah they took him to vic pd cells where he was held for a bail hearing he faces recommended charges of robbery oh from the tooth the file the file remains under investigation
And then I love this. If you have information about this incident and have not yet spoken to investigators, please call. I don't prank them. How much was the tool? Our nine emergency line at 250-995. 754 extension one. If you want to report what you know anonymously, like if you're like, I'm not getting... Say the number again so our fans can call. 250-995-7654. I'm calling it. Or you can do it anonymously at 800-222-8477. How nice of a place that you live where this is the thing that...
is drawing the most investigators. I know. It's the notion that investigators are still on it. They're on it, man. Right. You know what? You know why the investigators are still working on this thing? Because they've been busy reading the memory palettes. That's right. Mayo's book.
Pick it up now. I'm so proud of you for the podcast and for putting this book out. Pick it up. And Merry Christmas, everybody. Happy New Year. Happy Hanukkah. All that stuff. We have great guests coming up. We're recording a bunch of them today that we'll release over the next couple of weeks. of weeks uh we love you and uh