hello we're live streaming but welcome to episode 33 of Dualistic Unity it has been a while since I've done an intro like that and it is bringing me back to realize how long we have been doing this man like the amount of the amount of shifts over the last two and a half years let alone like someone mentioned the Vermont retreat in August yesterday they're like that's less than a year ago that was 10 months ago yeah and the amount like I get why life can feel so
full because you start doing more things you know you start have more having more variation in your day not doing the same rigid structured things and it's been uh just immediately get into some stuff here it's been interesting like seeing when you're not doing the habitual structured stuff like sit can do a quote unquote routine it's like very very curated how much you start to see where those choices to live a certain routine came from and most of them for me like
weren't based on myself they were based on things that I you know looked to bought into right ways of living and and kind of structured it to feel good about how I spent my day instead of like making decisions for myself and I am realizing how [ __ ] indecisive I can be like to be able to make snap decisions again you've said it before like you want to get better at making decisions just make more of them and doing that and being willing to to fall and stumble like it feels easier to
do when you're young when you're a kid and so I get why people don't want to change don't want to shift their life don't want to you know start wondering what how they want to spend their day without you know the habitual stuff so much but it uh yeah I'm I'm like right in the midst of those sorts of things and it's been interesting like exciting jarring but certainly uh certainly interesting yeah yeah it definitely makes your life more full and I think the reason isn't just that we
are so used to structuring our day but that we're structuring our feelings to a very large degree without recognizing that we're doing so like we have a structure to our day so we can feel a certain way feel secure feel like we're on the right path feel like we're doing the right thing feel valuable in ourselves so we're really trying to structure our feelings but in that we go through the process of feeling certain feelings and then the ones that we don't like we run
away from because that's not part of the plan if I'm trying to feel secure and all of my life decisions are meant to perpetuate that that feeling of security then the feeling of insecurity is not welcome and what do I do when I feel insecure I think of the future or I think of the past so immediately I'm not experiencing the present to the same degree anymore because I'm running away from all of the experiences that aren't carefully curated into my structured
day and so when you're not doing that all of a sudden you can feel that insecurity and instead of running into the future or the past you're still in the present and so all those moments that were once lost in avoidance Alone come back into your life and that's why your days feel so full is because you're actually allowing them to be what they are you're feeling your own day as it happens instead of running away from the feeling into tomorrow and yesterday yeah that's definitely like
realizing how much I've said it before but like I've looked forward to things in my life like it's it's wild to realize how you spent like looking back you wonder oh things have changed a lot you feel different but then you know when I look back at old videos I'm like it'll knock me around a little bit but then it's like part of me doesn't feel that much different than then and part of me feels like well at least I'm seeing certain things like felt like I was I don't know very unaware of myself
now despite feeling like oh I have you know a lot of self-awareness but that process of like just being willing to sit with insecurity and not you know do the thing to feel better about yourself like even yeah even that sort of morning rigid structured morning routine as a way of just like boosting throughout the day like you spend time later in the day thinking back to it you know I I said it early on like when I was meditating a lot I would I would get like I would try and
think back throughout the day like did I meditate this morning and if I did I would feel better if I didn't I would feel like oh gosh can I handle can I handle the day and it's interesting how we're able to to pass off momentary shifts to something else well at least you know this all even the the thought like well this will pass assuming that like what I'm correct in what feeling what I've what I'm experiencing right now it's like kind of taking a superficial surface level look
at the feelings and the things and then jumping to a conclusion and then instead of like sinking in to you know just that feeling of insecurity of like I don't know even like I don't know how the rest of my day is going to go I don't know what's going to be discussed talked about what exactly I'm going to do like there is structure there but then being willing to not like like not always do what you want sort of it's like a component of growing up but then it's finding that
balance between you know doing certain things like again with with working out like there's a part of me that like feels like I I shouldn't do that and it's like finding that mix because there it's all gray area there's not a do that see there's no shoulds and shouldn't you have to get rid of that entire thing like that's just like again another perspective of ah me there's a right path and so what would you do if there wasn't a shter [ __ ] like if you were
to just cut the thought off entirely if there's weights in front of you do you want to use them or not and that's why I have weights on my floor is so that way it's just that it's just like oh there they are all right I'll pick those up as opposed to should I go work out should I commit a lot of time to this task why you know and what's funny is that sometimes I won't feel like working out but I'll be like all right I can do a few a few curls do a few curls I'm like
all right I could do like a few squats and then all of a sudden like an hour's gone by half hour's gone by where I've just worked out like a [ __ ] right but it wasn't because I should it's because I was like yeah all right I could kind of get into this and then when I did I was like yeah I can get in this and that's at least authentic you know you give yourself the chance to go down the path a bit and then you're honest about whether or not you want to go down that path instead of sitting at
the fork going [ __ ] should I go that way should I go that way maybe I shouldn't go that way which way should I go go just try one out you know like until you sink too deep in it you can always turn back most of the time yeah for sure yeah because like the wor like not to say it's the worst thing you can do but something that you're gonna feel more consquences to is not deciding on stuff and and then having that like visceral respon of thinking where it's like
you're not doing something because it's like you thought to do something then you're like no shouldn't instead of like a lot of times you could just do something and then do something else and then do something else and then your day becomes very full but it's that it's almost like that process of thinking about it of considering of weighing the options because like as soon as there's a a trickle of that like there's so much there that opens up you know like so
much so many considerations like so many things to to think about basically but it stem a lot of times it will stem from that initial sense of insecurity that like so often you can have this immediate response to that just kind of cuts it but doesn't actually look at it or face it instead of part of the process maybe is seeing what the side of not immediately going to that habitual responses and then sometimes going through enough suffering in that spot where it's like all right I'm just G to
start being more decisive about things and let things fall as they will and not think about it because I've you know at least especially in the last couple months like experienced very much both and both see like you know when it isn't so many consideration and just do do do do do feel so obvious and then as soon as you're not feeling that as much you feel very far from that and then it can almost build to a point where it's like well I've done this for so long should
just you know like at some point you just got to cut it and be like yeah I I stop now and that's it it's the only time you can yeah isn't that the funny way it's always gonna be now always and that's why it always feels totally new whenever you do stuff but see I find it funny because there's so many experiences we have where we see this in action speaking is one uh art um music when it's played like live and people are just jamming that kind of thing like to just get into it and not think about
yourself is to find the flow is to be able to add to the flow but if you're thinking about it you're insecure like I'm not as good at these people you're likely not going to enjoy it you're not going to be part of that flow speaking same thing you can be going through a sentence everything's going fine because you're really really passionate about what you're saying and all sudden you wonder about what [ __ ] what what was that word and you hesitate for just one
second and the whole flow just gets [ __ ] derailed and you got that thought of no where the flow go but you didn't have to do that the whole point was you had a moment of doubt you had a moment where you could think about yourself and you can let that moment go and then the next time around maybe you won't have that moment and if you do you won't care because it's just stumbling over a word what's the problem with that it's a great question because I'll have that like admittedly I can be so
sensitive to stumbling over words that it's like it's funny to rewatch kind of it's also like oh Jesus like let like let yourself be a bit because I'll have and with the Vlog especially like when we're filming Vlog Clips especially because we're pretty baked most of the time I'm like filming and I'll have this process going on assumptions about how I'm expressing something or saying something or what's going on in the video like as it's being filmed and then I'll rewatch it and it's totally
different and this this spot where I assume that you know I stumbled a bunch was actually like a totally fine thing and that was that was the thing that hit me for social media like right before I got sorted posting was like I had a very strong narrative actually not too different not too different than I feel these days when I think about myself this sense of like not confident not a good speaker can't articulate things well not a good conversationalist and
that was like my narrative for a lot of my life like certainties through my teenage years for sure and it hit me once after my boss made me record made my whole team record a client call and I was I was nervous to do it I was worried I was like oh this is gonna be terrible I watched it back totally fine everything I assumed about my responses explanations there was actually totally fine flow and that like cut it for me in a sense enough to then you know start
putting myself out there more but it can be I was saying something before that I don't really remember exactly man You' have given me such a [ __ ] great view of it though like the it's so funny because inside our awareness inside our Consciousness the entirety of our experience it's like we're watching it on a [ __ ] IMAX like the world's most giant IMAX in our head every little flaw every little thing every little shade every little thing what we would judge
as an imperfection is just right in her [ __ ] face you know in the same ways if you were to take someone's face and stretch it out to be the size of an IMAX screen right you would start noticing oh wow that person's got freckles you know I'd never seen that before right so we see it like that in our awareness no matter what it is we're thinking perceiving worried about so on and so forth but everybody else just sees it as if they were looking at a movie strip
like they're only seeing the tiny little version they're only seeing where you can't notice any of those things cu the picture's not big enough right and they're so busy with their own [ __ ] that that's limiting the size of the picture that they can see as well yeah and so those insecurities that you feel like they only feel big to you and if anyone else has any sort of insecurity whatsoever like they're again they're seeing their iMac screen and so there isn't even space for that many of
yours like to assume that someone else sees you in the same way or someone else even would know the insecurities because it's interesting like the the sort of narratives and even like everything we've talked about on the podcast you know like the story like you've mentioned a number of times that day that you realize like you never lived for yourself this you've been telling yourself a narrative this whole time like as much as we've gone through you know years of that being kind of what
the conversation circles around it's like the narrative you have in your head isn't you like it it's it's like right there for me especially recently like gone through changes like it's right there all the time like as soon as I feel like I quote unquote prioritize myself or think about myself like it is right there ready to it's like stepping up to the plate right here it's like oh you want to think about yourself here's here's something and there isn't cu for
a while there's like uh you can create buffers by thinking about yourself absolutely and totally cut yourself off from reality and relationships and people in your life just to get that little hit of like feel better about yourself and it is gnarly again it's like you can't guarantee anything but it's it's like part of me and now wants to figure like I want to figure out the past three 3 four years and be like holy [ __ ] was I that unaware of like myself what I was
showing you're just growing in Awareness that's all it is you know and that we can all do that but there's the thing like the feeling you have right now like [ __ ] holy [ __ ] how did I not catch this before you're gonna have that again and it's gonna feel like oh how did I you I got caught up in myself and so on and so forth but that's just part of the process of growing know it's just it's just really funny but it's it's really funny because we go through [ __ ] and that's how we learn
like oh wow I can really put myself through some [ __ ] you know like you can convince yourself of anything and then ride that emotional train until finally you know everything around you starts to fall apart and you're like oh my god look there's proof blah blah blah blah blah and then eventually you're just going to hit rock bottom and go maybe I was wrong maybe all of that was just me trying trying to live for everyone else maybe that was just me trying to satisfy
something that can never be satisfied which is a sense of control you and that's why I I've talked about this before then you know in a lot of our conversations I've leaned on faith but I've often said that the core of like spirituality and even religion when you break down the dogma and you really get down to the messaging and all that of the people who were experiencing it not believing but experiencing it is always faith and humility and Faith totally misunderstood because people
people try to translate did it again people try to translate that into faith in an idea in a belief in some sense of false certainty and that's not Faith obviously so what is humility then and people would say well it's being humble but that's still a you being humble yeah so that's not humility that's egotism so true humility is the disillusion of Reliance on the ego as truth it is the the the shrinking of One's Own IMAX yeah and like not guar not being able to guarantee what you're what
you're expressing like what people are viewing what even you're showing the world or like that there is any s like that that hit of thinking about yourself any which way that just takes takes you away from reality takes you away from taking action from making decisions just keeps you focused and then trying to figure it out and it's like if that's the root then a lot of your decisions are going to be based on how you deal with that these assumptions that are very specific based on your own
experience and very personal then you try to mitigate by living your life and your life is is to be lived in a way to like mitigate the stories and then you know if you are feeling good enough like again it's not it's not to say that like that is always the case but you know it very much can feel like that you know that your whole life is just to and you don't even you don't even realize how much is under the surface there until you stop doing all of those things that
are you know in response to the assumptions you're like oh [ __ ] I was making a lot of assumptions I live for years and years with the assumptions still there but enough of a distance between them that I didn't almost remember them or or look at them or just like was in an environment where you know you kind of figured that environment out in a sense you adapted to that environment but it's like it's still not you you just like molded yourself or like created something to
fit and then it's like you're in a new environment and it's like you go back like that that thing those things you did in the existing environment aren't there in the same way or they they don't Shield you in the same way and you're really left with yourself moment to moment and like yeah and it's like an option to you want to build responses based on these assumptions again or you want to stop making so many assumptions and like see what you can do when you're
not telling yourself yeah very much the difference between someone who understood Buddha and a Buddhist because there very much is a difference there like you're still holding on you're still defining yourself therefore there is still a self that you are holding on to and attached to otherwise being a Buddhist wouldn't be a thing you wouldn't need it it wouldn't even make any sense to you because that would be assuming that Buddha was Buddha and Buddha wasn't
Buddha which was Buddha's [ __ ] point right so it it really just comes down to again there is that that Gap where you could be telling yourself a story and then still be responding to your triggers but shielded by the story right like oh yeah no I'm I'm gaining awareness I'm expanding my Consciousness blah blah blah and then all of a sudden you become insecure and you run from it to the Future in the past again right and that reinforces the story you know because you're probably going to run to
a to a point in the past where you were stronger and felt more secure and so on and so forth but it really is just going moment to moment and not looking for that and just continuing on watching where those insecurities are like for example the other night we went to the pub I ended up soaked with beer on one of my pant legs had to go up and sing in like three songs immediately all the childhood fears of oh God people are going to think I wet myself came up and
instead of trying to make myself feel better I just went well that's funny that's still in there like I've obviously not wet myself I know this whether people think I did or not is kind of irrelevant but I didn't know that as a child because I wanted to fit in there was a totally different mentality there was a totally different response based on how I perceived everything I don't perceive it that way anymore so now all of a sudden faced with the same habitual trigger I was
able to go oh that's habitual that's interesting that's actually not based on anything other than the assumptions I made before about my need to fit in about my need for people to see me in a certain way and then the value that went with that and so on and so forth but you can only face that stuff in the moment like you can't be sitting at home reading a book hoping that this is going to bring you to a moment of Consciousness or Enlightenment or anything like that you can't be banking
on a certain diet or a certain type of exercise or anything you can't Bank on a conversation nothing dualistic Unity you can't Bank on that you can't do any of that but what you can do is just pay attention moment to moment to moment and recognize that most of your fear responses come from the illusion of yourself they come down to that idea of yourself and that's okay I think that's it like there's nothing wrong with the thoughts that are going through your head and I I
found this to be a fascinating part of the conversation we had on patreon the other day quick shout to all our patreon followers and and supporters thank you so much for making all of this possible um we were talking about how thought can inform what we're saying and I wonder about that I really do because I'm not necessarily convinced that we are totally in control of what we're saying I think what we're saying is very much like how we're moving like it's an expression of what we are and
that as with epip phenomenology or epiphenomenalism U there is this thing that happens where the brain's already doing its thing and then thought happens after the fact taking ownership of the thing like no I did that because of this but the thought happens after the thing so if if our words are the same if in fact we are always expressing something that the body is going to express regardless then perhaps all of our thoughts are not in fact informing the words but
rationalizing the idea that we're in control of those words and so that maybe maybe that changes the inflection maybe that changes the tone maybe that changes a lot of things it distorts the message but I don't know if it if it necessarily changes what we're saying yeah like we almost use the thoughts to rationalize what we said or do or make assumptions about it and then don't realize that we're already already talking and like if you're thinking about yourself and how you're
doing and what's going on like there's going to be it's almost like trying to put it beforehand and like come up with some curated thing because you want to maintain some perspective of yourself or like see yourself in a certain way but the tradeoff is that you hesitate more you know you're not as involved in what's going on but there is like how just in the world like how many like stop gaps or Borders or things there are to like you know keep yourself keep yourself under control like stay
under control like it's crazy how much you can hear that you know in the world like you know control your control your mind control yourself hey control yourself over there you hear that as a kid sometimes or like even in school like hey standard control every run and like control is thrown around like all over and yet it's it's especially as a kid that can be really really jarring you know and it it puts you on a track but he said something before um that
reminded me of there was a point I think you mentioned when I don't know last year maybe where you mentioned how to like not to like overcome certain fears or insecurities but but possibly you almost have to like refe them or experience them and realize they don't mean anything about you because they're can be such a depth built on you know certain experiences like things that maybe you know quote like traumatic things different for everyone that you thought meant something about you and
they stuck for a while and they like left an imprint almost on your brain neurons whatever and so re reexperiencing them and realizing it doesn't mean anything about you like I had totally forgotten that until you mentioned like you have to do the things like you have to be involved you can't be reading about it you can't be thinking about it you just have to do things and be there for it like it reminded me of that sense of almost having to to go through not the
experience and do it well but like go through the experience in the same sort of way that you have because it's still there if you've used things to distract yourself from it or take yourself away from the reality that you were in when you know here now when you did experience that thing yeah it's fascinating yeah and it's it's such an interesting process because it's a process of unraveling layers according to how you've built them over time like say somebody identifies as a Christian
and they identify as a Christian for reasons that they haven't really explore all they know is that they've invested in it for a long time and so when you talk about Christianity they have a reaction according to Christianity but then let's go fast forward 10 years in the future they've let Christianity go they've realized that they were holding on to it because it made them feel better it made them have a community they had the ability to fit in and gave them a sense of control none of which
they've thought about up until that point but now all of a sudden they're looking at that a little deeper now they have an insight about how they identify with their Nation right or how they identify with how much money they make or neighborhood that they live in all insights that couldn't have happened until they peeled away that first one which was the one that they were the most focused on yet that went out of the way and all of a sudden the other ones start to be to appear right but it's
through going through the experiences again of of looking at those things for the first time because once upon a time you came to a point in your life where somebody's like you can make a lot of money you can be in control you can have what you want you can be happy you can have the white picked fence the whole thing and to somebody who was trying to survive in the world that sounds like the greatest promise ever you're just like yeah [ __ ] sign me up and you want
that because it gives you that sense of control because all of a sudden now there's a way to see to ease your fear or at least that's what it looks like and so you make the choice to invest in that and then years later as you start to peel away all of that need to avoid your fear you end up coming back to choices like you know well do you w to resign a lease for a brand new version of your car or are you good with the old version of your car and you're just like
I'm not really trying to be anything anymore and boom you're faced with that that choice again like do I need the new car what will people think if I don't have a new car and because you've let go of your fear or rather because you've let go of your need to avoid your fear you feel it and you go well [ __ ] those people which means that you know as you start driving around your your old car more often you still feel the fear from time to time somebody looks at you
you're like oh God are they judging my car and you're like well [ __ ] them if they are and eventually you just stop thinking about it you just stop thinking about it things change over time but it's the process of going through things that at one point you didn't understand the choices that you had and then going through them again right yeah there is no because there is no guarantee one way or the other even if you do you know like getting the car for example or getting
you know like cleaning your apartment versus not cleaning your apartment someone shows up to your apartment and you're like oh it's all clean they're gonna be happier because it's because it's clean and like that person may get there and then immediately judge himself for how dirty their own apartment is and so there was no and it's all for me like you feel good about yourself and there's never there's never that guarantee one way or the other and so even with that
with making decisions like one way or the other especially when you start I don't know not like feeling more judgment but just like understanding that you're that you act differently than you have in the past or you feel like you're showing or sharing just more of yourself like publicly especially with us like showing stuff on social media and being like doing live things because like at least in my experience like social media was a very individual thing throughout and like a
controlled thing kind of thing that I edited and now it's not so much and so it's more fun but it's also I feel very different posting and there's me that's like part of me wants to start a new account and just like start from scratch or like you know block anyone who doesn't live in ano and just like posted in ano stuff whatever but it's like that's all there's no like there's so much sense of like can control things you know instead of just being yourself
and letting the chips fall because again you you you start to shift and like why do we assume so much that shifts are not like there could have been ton tons which you know looking back at things I'm like oh I'm sure there was J whatever I'm not gonna sit here like wo is me type [ __ ] on here but like you don't even know as you start to change and act differently and feel different like what any response is going to be and again I I get so focused on other other
perspectives sometimes and it's like they're so irrelevant you're not going to know one or the other like what about yourself like how are you doing with things and that is oftentimes like should be your only question with stuff because like once you start look be I don't know like being more self-honest like things make sense like you're you're paying attention more to reality like there's things that are going on that like make more sense it doesn't have to be so many questions about what
to do but it's a practice you know especially when when you feel like yeah you're just like showing a lot sharing a lot doing a lot of things that are out there it's like you're always doing that though whether you feel like it or not it can just feel like it's a you know smaller scale I guess yeah you know it's it's that process of looking at unresolved need you it really is like the perspective of others is so interesting because there's kind of this Loop like we never ask ourselves this
like we're always afraid oh God what will other people think but we never carry that through okay what is it we're afraid of exactly because if they disagree that's fine nobody gives a [ __ ] if they disagree like hey thanks for disagreeing appreciate the input right so what are we afraid of basically that we're going to be shooked that these people aren't going to want to be part of our life anymore but do we ever think to oursel if they are that kind of person and they would react like that to
us genuinely doing what we want with our life without any malice or or any intent to hurt others without any consequence to anyone else this is just my own choice and this person actually has the response of well [ __ ] you I don't want to be part of your life is that a person we want to be part of our life no then what the [ __ ] are we thinking about and it's that we never take it in like that it's like hold on if any of my friends were doing something they genuinely
wanted to do with their life and I didn't agree with it that's none of my [ __ ] business you know like I've had Christian pastors that are friends of mine we have talked we've disagreed about things and still hung out and chatted and everything was fine because you know Live and Let Live and some people are okay with that and the others that aren't they got [ __ ] to deal with you know they've got their own problems and maybe you getting out of the way is the best thing for
them yeah being able to work through stuff on their own too and like especially when when you feel like you you've lived certain ways in your life or like bought into certain you know expectations and then not doing that so much more and and like but yeah like just living your life it would it's like of of course it wouldn't make sense of course but like it can feel you know it there's still the reality of this experience and everything go that's going on from the you know yeah just all
the all the feeling standpoint but it wouldn't make any sense and so it is interesting kind of going through cycles of this you know feeling like oh there are certain things you've overcome and then comeing to terms with the fact that you haven't but then it's like what is that even mean to overcome something you know it that's not a thing that's happening your life just keeps changing and to assume that you've overcome something means that you think that you
have control in that every time you go into Victim Because you haven't overcome it so it's until you do exactly [ __ ] [ __ ] until you do it oh my God and then it's like well what are you GNA spend your whole life like could die tomorrow are you GNA overcome quote unquote everything you think you got to overcome you could write a list of everything that you think is wrong with you or you think have you have insecurities about or you think you need to improve like you could spend a full
day writing that list down for most people I would guess if you really dig into it if you get into the nitty-gritty of specific situations there's no guarantee how many of those situations would even happen and there's no guarantee of how long you're going to have to experience that anyway and so to prioritize you know overcoming insecurities or assume that like oh I can't go into this situation you know for me like just with conversations even my sensitivity to to like The
Stumbling on Words feeling like you have nothing to say sometimes like it can just I'll go into a pit you know like where it's it's an initial sort of feeling and then it's like the the thought of getting out of that despite it just being able to be happened right now it's like oh I've there's a sense of like investment yeah almost in doing something for a while and then it's like well might as well just keep you know doing this instead of instead of not yeah but that shift it's like and and
being willing to jump into new to to situations where maybe more insecurities would come up like that's the process of working through of like quote unquote overcoming but not for that case and like going into a situation assuming like I'm doing this you know I'm going out tonight and I talk to five people to overcome my social anxiety it's like then every situation is going to be for for purp inad of like oh I'm going to to people to meet some people yeah there's
some insec that's there but that's not going to stop me instead of it being the reason that you're doing it because a lot of your life can start to feel like that you know it's funny because again we keep going through the different cycles and and it's not about overcoming it but I think it's again recognizing that the fear response that drove your previous Choice wasn't necessarily based in reality and the more you go through all those the more you really start to cycle down to where
a lot of this [ __ ] comes from so here's fun thought experiment we haven't done this in a little while I want you to imagine yourself and this is an ideal situation if your situation wasn't like this I understand where you're coming from but let's just go with it from here ideal situation you are a baby you are warm happy in the womb and then one day you were born into the world where it's a lot of light and sound and [ __ ] loud noises and there's people touching
you and there's cold and there's all this stuff and it's it's a lot it's a lot but then somebody holds you and you feel more secure and you feel safe and as you grow up and you get a little bit bigger you have this person or these people maybe many people if it's it's one of those families um and they all give you a sense of community where you don't have to do anything you feel like you belong you feel safe and then one day you're taking to this new place where there are other children that you
do not know and there are adults that you do not know that are are you are told to listen to and at first everything is just fine and maybe you make friends on your first day maybe you make friends early on maybe your your first teacher or first couple teachers were really dope people right because they loved kids but as you continue to go through this environment and and it keeps going year after year after year suddenly now there are different kinds of kids who are more
judgmental as these kids get older and you get older all of a sudden there are new types of insults there are new things to judge yourself for there are new experiences new emotions and now there is this need to fit in because if there wasn't that need to fit if we didn't fit in now we're experiencing something we didn't experience before aloneness and because that aloneness doesn't involve any of the comfort that previously went with it we turned it into loneliness and from there onward so many
more of our choices are to avoid that loneliness from the original assumption that we needed to fit in because that's where safety was because that's where we started was in that feeling of safety and now as we go back we can look at where that need to fit in came from we can look at you know the fear and the re reasonable fear because we were children children we didn't know how to survive in the world we barely knew how to speak right we didn't know how to cook
we couldn't do anything to take care of ourselves we didn't understand the craziness of the adults around us that had created this arbitrary game of of money and War right yeah and and so so much of the choices that we make goes back to that original I don't want to feel lonely but the lonely was an optional perception of alone because we had always been alone from the very start it's just that the environment suddenly shifted and it perpetuated that illusion of of division
when it was never really a CA the case we were never [Music] divided wow that hit me that since that point that feeling of it really it like when you when it boils down like that sense of being alone like alone in your yourself born alone die alone and that because it's one of two perspectives it's like that's where Freedom or loneliness and depression why in like being either in a pit or free from all of the expectations but it's like if you're doing both then it's G to feel
lonely alone frightening instead of feeling like just opportunity just like opportun like all of a sudden everything is back on the table like you can take your life in all different sorts of directions you can spend your day doing things and as long as you're staying responsible and like paying attention like you can allow life to inform you instead of having this underlying like well this gonna make me alone it's like you're already alone in everything that you do you're
already alone in the choices that you make you're already alone in your perspective of how you're doing how something's going how your life is going and you can you can really like I've mentioned and again I can only speak to my own experience but I've mentioned it a number of times in high like so much of my life is just like opening up in a lot of ways when when it's again when it's focused on and when it's not then it's it's not I'm doing what I'm doing right now I'm just we're we're filming
an episode talking about whatever we're going to end up talking about on the episodes which right now happen to be this but in high school it was like I don't want to be disliked that was like that was like a thing and it got me to a point where like I didn't jump into situations like I was oh man like so like practically mute in a sense like I would have I had some close friends that I would interact with but like outside of that like we had that there you know like a
lot of a lot of people go through high school they don't even have those close friends you know I mean that's that it's a universal experience I mean not everybody goes through it exactly like that but at some point they really come face to face with the fact that they feel alone let's say you go through high school and you're you know prom king or you know the star football player whatever the [ __ ] it is shortly after that it's at some point you start to realize that all those high school
friends have got kids they're moving on with their jobs they're moving out of the state they're moving out of the country like they're just moving on and everything starts to change and now they get to face that [ __ ] that a lot of people had to face in high school right and it comes for everyone at some point and like that's the thing is even if you don't feel like you know you're as you're as alone there's still like underlying discomforts like momentto moment assumptions like and
even even with like if you're not making so many judgments and just realize you're kind of left with yourself like what was that quote like you're full way there if you're judging other people you're halfway there if you're only judging yourself and then you know you're quote there if you're not doing either obviously you're not there but it's like you're gonna make your life a lot easier that's for sure you start to realize when you're left with just your own judgments seeing that it all comes
from you like oh judgment is used as a way to like respond to not judging yourself like there was a need to do that and that experience of like judging someone or assuming or talking about someone else like that doesn't feel good like no one's having an enjoyable experience really I never had enjoyable experiences when it was like conversation about how someone else was living their life like what other people are doing it was just way to pass the time way to feel it's it's just a way to
feel better about yourself and how you feel like you're living your life and assuming that person is living life somehow incorrectly it's just different and there's nothing there that actually exists in in like in reality at all like there is and I say that and it's like yeah but it's there in reality it's just not based on anything no it's standard like anything standardized this has been a good episode definitely and and again like I think the point as always is to just
live yeah you know live your life get out there have experiences with people have conversations with people watch where you're judging them watch where you judge yourself watch the thoughts don't resist the thoughts don't try to get rid of the thoughts but instead look at them and what you'll find is if you can just look at them with a certain degree of clarity they are are all centered around something that you are not all of them there is an underlying structure to all of these thoughts and
it's not that there's some plague called the ego it's not that this is a bad thing but without awareness of that happening it is so easy to fall into the idea of you and think that it's actually you because we can superimpose what is with our perception of what is and they look the same and it's only through self-honesty it's only through humility and being willing to surrender whatever sense of value you're trying to establish and it's only through faith in accepting the
uncertainty of here and now that you can feel the difference between what you want to see and fear to see and what is actually there and that is where you can actually start like having some sense of Freedom like actually just living your life you don't need to do it for a reason or a purpose but when when you're left there it's like there it feels like there's more opportunity to like go one way or the other instead of maintaining that habitual perspective but yeah this has been this has been
fun yeah should do at least one or two announcements here before the end of this episode we have a new schedule after recording this episode we're actually going to be taking a short break and then continuing on on 6 PM eastern time on a Monday which is a totally new thing for us our schedule during the weekdays has shifted forward so that way we are more accessible to our audience not just in the episodes that we record live but also in the groups that we do on patreon we are
going to have a patreon group later on tonight as well if you can join join us there um lastly we have a retreat coming up November 2nd Port alurn uh right now the tickets are only available on patreon tier two got access to the tickets on Sunday tier one gets access this coming Sunday and then it will be publicly available a week after that uh I should mention that if you are interested in going to this event and I highly recommend it this is a full event which means that it goes from
Saturday the 2nd till Sunday the 10th of November there's a chef there's a hot tub there's a pool table there's karaoke there's an outside gazebo we're on the river we're going to do some whale watching uh there's provincial parks nearby but we're in the bush already anyway it's just [ __ ] gorgeous live music yoga this is what the dualistic Unity Retreats were meant to be if you are interested in that I would recommend getting on to patreon now because we listed the tickets for this last Sunday
to tier three there were 13 tickets available we are currently down to five just five yeah they win quick they're going quick they're not even public yet they're uh gonna be tier two next week and or tier one next week on tier two until next week when they go on tier one but yeah it's uh making our way back to West Coast River Lodge [ __ ] yeah with lots of dope [ __ ] that we're doing so be awesome it's been fun appreciate everyone for tuning in and and we'll talk to you soon