hello and welcome to another episode of Leave i with uh Levi which is me uh where is basically just um relatively Short episode where I'm kind of running through whatever I'm going through in my head uh and in my life at the moment uh so as usually it's like quite uncertain what I'm going to talk about but there is something about this feeling whenever we're about to do something uncomfortable or uncertain uh coming up and maybe it's a little bit of a hassle because it's a lot of new
things and maybe you need to travel somewhere and all these things you know and um yeah there's there's something there it's it's kind of this well first of all it's this feeling that I keep getting over me that I kind of don't want to go through with it you know there's it's not really something I'm paying too much attention to because I I know it's going to be amazing and I'm looking forward to it I'm basically going to this one week uh co- Crea Festival in the Swedish Forest
uh where we're going to be camping and we're going to be um there's going to be a lot of different camps with a lot of different kind of events going on like uh yeah there there's a lot of stuff going on so I think it's going to be fun it's it's the first time I'm on a big one like that it's going to be like over 4,000 people um this week so yeah it's it's going to be a lot of uncertainty it's a lot of new people there's some people I know that's going there as
well um but basically it's going to be a hell of a week and I need to kind of pack all the camp GE and I need to get there with like trains and buses and everything so basically what I'm saying is there's a lot of uncertainty but you know I want to do it I I think this will be a really cool cool thing to do uh and there's something about it's easy to listen to the part of us that kind of don't want to do it because there's always reasons not to do something like you you'll come up with
anything to get out of anything especially if you find it uncomfortable so I could have easily come up with some sort of a a reason and and my head has been doing it and and uh and uh it's just fascinating to watch uh but that's that's all I can do I can just watch it and and I it definitely affects me like I feel like I'm becoming [Music] very a little bit kind of self-destructive in a way it's like I'm I'm kind of trying to trip myself up a bit is is what I'm it's what I'm feeling
uh so for the past couple of days I've just been not doing any much like much sensible stuff but but then again like it's not even wrong to do that maybe maybe it makes sense to kind of really just chill you know a couple of days before I go to this event um yeah so yeah I just wanted to to run through some of that feelings and just to add on that I'm I'm just now kind of got this feeling oh it would be nice to kind of go down to uh to Eagle Pub here in in Oslo and and do some
karaoke tonight you know but then then there's uh all these thoughts first of all like oh okay you're alone you know hold that whole thing it's okay uh and uh oh maybe you can write something on Facebook and see if someone want to join fine you know I I can do that but it's also a bit scary to kind of put myself out there in that way um but yeah and then there're like oh but it's a Tuesday and you know it's you can't you can't go out late on a Tuesday and it it's all these it's all
these thoughts that are just kind of tripping me up it it's kind of there's something I want to do and then they're kind of trying to I feel they're almost kind trying to drag me down and if they drag me down in a self-destructive way they don't care about that you know it's like whatever we can do to kind of just stop this change from happening I feel that's like almost the main goal of of the ego or the braids just to no no no no let's let's just you know let's let's [ __ ] up what you want
to do uh so we can avoid uh avoid changing yeah but I'm sitting here in in all this uncertainty um I don't know if there's going to be anyone even at the kok place on a Tuesday night and I don't know if anyone want to join me and I don't know any of these things and I don't even know you know what's going to happen so it's just it's just this big uncertain thing but I think change really comes when you just stop listening to all that stuff when you stop listening to the to the wine of the
brain basically it's like ah yeah it's it's almost like it's just wine you know it's just the the we just wanna we just want to think about this stuff instead of just doing stuff so yeah I think that's kind of oh sorry drank some tea yeah that's how it is so uh yeah I'm not I'm not really sure uh what's going to happen but it's going to happen I'm going to go down there and I'm going to go next week to to Sweden and yeah I have some some events I'm going to host there um
and um it's like it's funny because I have two like events that I'm going to be responsible for and both of them are sorry both of them are very uncertain um I mean both of them are very different uh uh but one of them I've done like many times before it's like a sound Journey kind of thing just to get people relaxing and yeah yeah people tend to like it it's a very familiar thing but the other thing is more like a kind of a workshop where we kind of going to we're
going to play a little bit we're going to play with the idea of uh jumping into Thing versus thinking things through that's like that's the theme and we're going to kind of play games uh playing with that and and kind of feeling the difference and I've never done anything like this before and I I don't know how it will be received at all so it is it feels to me to be a lot more uncertain but truth be told both are equally uncertain uh I don't know how it's going to go on either of them uh
and I don't know how people will receive either of them and to be honest it doesn't really matter what people will think of the things I do I mean that's the thing like I feel like we have this idea that we need to we need to kind of always deliver and like always kind of nail it sort of um and I'm I'm just really getting the feel for now that it almost doesn't matter how we're doing like I mean try your best you know what I mean I'm I'm going to try my best but
if I completely [ __ ] up these two events truth to told it doesn't matter I'll like I it's like first of all it doesn't matter because why would it matter like in the grand scheme of things it's like yeah it's just me uh doing something here on this little part of history in this yeah in the middle of nowhere in the universe and no one knows what's going on anyway so it's like it's so in the grand scheme of things obviously it doesn't matter but I'm also thinking like for the ego even
like why would it matter like you know like I have so much time left I like I mean like it's it's not like the next time no people will like oh yeah you like you know people will not hold anything against me is what I'm saying I think people are just just happy that people are doing something I think I'm going to try to fix the light a little bit here because it's kind of jumping between really bright and really okay now it's a little bit dark maybe but I think that's going to be
better bit more lights sorry about that maybe that should have been edited away but I don't know if that's uh necessary anyway I was it basically these two events that I'm going to kind of host and it's like I it's like I think it's just it is so valuable kind of for for my expansion of kind of my limits to just do it you know what I mean it's like just that expansion of the limits that I put on myself like oh I can't all the workshop like that for example it's like just
opening up that space like going in there for the first time just having a look that's going to open me up to a new world you know so if I [ __ ] it up it's it really doesn't matter cuz I've already kind of I've just expanded my world a little bit and and that's that is that is gold I just feel like things that I was so afraid of kind of losing before I see now that have I kind of stepped out more I see that it doesn't matter like it's you'll the more you step out the more
opportunities there will be maybe new ones you know but there's it's just just doing it is an expansion and not doing it because you're afraid or if I just kind of said I don't want to do it and trust me that's been crossing my mind a lot of times it's like I don't I wouldn't expand you know I would stay the same even though there's a part of me who has come up with this workshop and have signed up for it and want wants to do it you know and I'm not allowing that
part of myself to express itself if I'm uh chickening out basically and listening to the thoughts because the thoughts aren't really saying much good about this like it's it's if it's saying anything maybe it's thinking about how great it will be if it will be great like it's I feel like the thoughts are only thinking about good and bad kind of like ooh it will be great and then wo it will be bad and then o you know it's like but it's it's just it's just unnecessary to think
about to be honest anyway uh so I I think just jumping into stuff that we feel like doing is is just key um so yeah I I uh I'm excited I'm I'm feeling you I'm talking to myself here you know and I'm just telling myself that you know you're good you're good this Workshop will go the way it goes and it'll be good anyway uh yeah and the same goes for karro today it's like I cannot go and then there's a part of me that will feel safe but there is a part of me that
wants to go and kind of I have I have some new songs that I kind of uh added to my list uh the last couple of days that I want to want to try to sing as well that I haven't been been singing before uh so yeah I want to want to go to kro tonight for sure so yeah yeah so that's what's basically what's going on um like in my my U upcoming future and then there's another thing because I'm it's this summer I've had a lot a lot on the program like one week after another
like stuff I've had a little bit of quiet lately but so now I'm going to this one week uh thing in Sweden and then immediately afterwards I've been invited to my cousin's uh like um I think yeah party uh on but it's going to be last for a couple of couple of days like immediately after almost so I have to get from basically from one side of Sweden back to Oso go home clean my clothes and then go to the other side of of Norway again uh but the thing is I've really noticed
is is how kind of how heavy things can be when you kind of pile it all up together right so really the only thing I need to kind of I don't even need to worry about it the only thing I need to do is kind of take steps towards getting to Sweden like earlier today I booked like the bus ticket to get there which is good so I did that uh but but it's like I very often feel like we are piling stuff together um in terms of events happening right it's like if you just take one thing at a time and kind
of just show up to that thing and you're there like that's all you're just you're wherever you are uh you are you are kind of there you're not now I have all these things going on for the next couple of weeks and that's that's very stressful you know but it's like you really you can just only be here like today or even just right now like I'm not saying you're never going to think ahead and just like oh yeah I need to order that ticket because the prices go up if I
wait too long for example like I'm not talking about not planning I'm talking about sort of the mental baggage you are carrying when you are thinking about all the things you need to do or you know uh like even to-do lists like you you can choose to go into like a to-do list that is 10 items and all the 10 items are very big let's say and you can go into the first task the most important one and you can think like carry those nine or tasks with you into that task and like oh my God I have
so much to do I don't know you know I can't wait until holiday and the weekend and maybe I have to work in the weekend and and all this stuff so you you can carry all that with you into task one and kind of sit there like oh you know oh my goodness this is so horrible you know I have so much to do or you can kind of just drop it you know it's just thoughts you're just bringing with you thoughts that you kind of repeating over and over again like that's how I
experience it at least and just sit down and just be in kind of yeah I'm doing task one I'm doing the one I think is most important and that's fine you know that's good enough and it's like and it's the same with like all these events one after another and days after another it's just you can just be right here and do what you have to do right now like you don't have to bring all the time baggage with you into the present moment because there's really not a lot happening in this moment like
right here right now there's nothing happening like really nothing nothing is happening in this moment like I can I can see myself talking but right now I'm just I'm really feeling like how how there's nothing happening right now like I can I can easily kind of bring in a lot of stuff into this moment so the moment becomes quite heavy absolutely I have the capability to do that right now and um I can start to think about you know the next like the rest of this uh call I can
start to think about the kro and the the event I'm going to next week and the traveling I will do already on Friday and then after that you know I I can bring all that in here and I can also bring the past in like oh my god did I do well like the first minutes of this this show maybe that was horrible maybe it was great it doesn't matter like but I can bring it in I can bring in the whole day that I've had today I've like kind of been super lazy today and you
want me to I bring that in as well and I'm just sitting here kind of feeling the we of it all or I can just be right here right now the only thing I have to do and I don't even have to do that but it's just keep talking but I can even just stop talking you know and just say sorry I'm uh logging off or I can just stop it you know there's there's just no there's no rules in the moment like there's nothing here like literally nothing is happening right now uh I'm just yeah I'm not sure if this is
coming across I just have this feeling of nothing happening right now you know it's like even though like the mouth is moving a little bit and there's coming kind of coherent sound out like right now nothing is happening and oh [ __ ] well something is happening okay so this chair has been about to fall uh fall together for uh a very long time and now finally it uh it did its last its last sit uh so I got so engaged about this whole nothing thing that the whole chair
broke down so yeah but I think that's that's actually a good place to to end it all and um yes I think like I think the whole episode kind of fits well together with the whole kind of feeling this this Gloomy feeling before going to something uncertain uh and just not thinking so much about it uh in the moment or just not thinking about just not thinking about it that's it just keep going keep walking one thing at a time uh and I'm glad it went relatively well here because I had like
a hot tea and everything in front of me and it barely spilled at all so uh yeah anyway I appreciate uh if you listen this far uh I also appreciate everyone who didn't listen this far um yeah that's it have a great day