Episode 366 w/ Bert Kreischer

Pappy Van winks. Shut the fuck, shut up. I've been saying, take my shirt off. I've been ready to drink this, and so I got FaceTime like this is in singing dude, dude, by the way, that's the reaction I wanted holding it.

I'm like, are they taking shots of champagne? And I was like, I don't know, champagne gets me gassy. I was like, I really want to drink whiskey. I'm gonna sound so fucking out of touch. They're like, like, what do you want? Because I love Jack Daniel Jack drink dude.

I walked on the plane yesterday and the flight two dude flight attendants were sitting there and they have the biggest shit eating grins on their face, and I looked at me and they go double jack on the rocks lots as I stepped on the fucking plane and then they got me in the cocktail. I was fucking hammerd So he's like, I was driving the plane. So let me ask you because that's like I got twenty twenty things that I go to if I ever like filling

down or whatever. And you have two of them, there's a twenty.

Like what did you do last day? I just don't just scared, just like I don't want to be alone right now. And I was like, all right, can up go to get on the treadmill and then bust out like I tried to put in four miles on the tremill every day and then. And I'm a personal trainer. I shoot gear like I'm on steroids, so like, so we should talk about that because I walk, We should said they know what ever, I'm worrying about you today?

It was oh shit, oh shit, okay, it's really good for your it's my cardiologist got me on it now. The steroids, he goes. HiT's a specific kind of SA. No, it's testosterone. Oh, it's like the regular like workout ship I do. My dick's hard NonStop. It's I know I'm being as serious. Those below tracksuits. I can't wear them on places. I wake up with a rock. My dick's hard, like when we were kids. Do you remember when we were kids and our dicks got hard all the time,

You're like, I'm at my grandma's fucking funeral. My dick is hard, my littles aret that good, that used to be better. But who cares. I'm shooting blanks into a fucking lady on Menopaus.

every day so they can party at night. And if I really push it, and like if I have like a full day, like Sauna polar plunge, hour, hour and a half workout lifting weights. Dude, I get through a day great. I get up at six in the morning, I work out and then and then I liked, I love I love the sparkle the alcohol gives you, Like, I just love it. I love the feeling when like, I had a secret the other day and I told my wife, I said, I got a good fucking secret,

and she goes like, open a bottle of wine. And then and then you're like, yeah, open a bottle of wine. And then you get blankets, you go out to the fire fit outside, you bring the dogs out, and then you pour glass of wine. You're like, all right, what's the secret? Like that energy, I just fucking love it, And so I like this. I loved it. I've been

waiting for this drink all fucking day. And so I never want to get rid of I never want to be irresponsible enough that I can't do it, because I've watched that happen to people and you're like, fuck, you fucked it up, Like you could have especially ever talked to dudes who got sober at like sixteen, and you're like, oh, you never even got to have margaritas. You never got the fun stuff. You got sober and Cisco and James. You never had a face and come on, yeah, I

love that. I love that feeling. And so I try to stay healthy enough and like do the enough good stuff so that I can keep drinking because I just I love it. I do love it. But never a health scare at all. No, never know when you say that, knock on fucking what by the way, you are the drinking god.

fishing with us. Just so I called him and he answered, he didn't say anything, and I was like, Snoop Snoop Dogg, Snoop Doggie Dog Calvin and then all of a sudden, he goes, who's this and when it's Burt and he goes, you're a bad motherfucker bird Riiser. He goes, I just binge watched the cabin. I was like, shit, it was an accident. Man. I know, I'm not supposed to talk like this because you know what was the accident. The

whole fucking thing was an accident during the pandemic. No, no, yeah, so what We sold a show to Netflix that was scripted, so it was scripted. It was it's a series that was in Canada that this Canadian dude did a French speaking series and it was scripted, and so we were gonna write scripts and cast it. But all of a sudden, pandemics starts showing up, and uh, and we can't get a cast. We're trying to get a cast before Christmas.

We can't lock down a cast, and then all of a sudden, we're ready to start shooting, Pandemics starting to kick in and we're like, fuck it, let's just we'll figure it out and just and we just played it by ear and we just tried to make each other laugh and that was the I mean, I mean we said the very first show. It was me and Tom processing an EMU with a chainsaw, and we were looking at each other going, are we gonna get in trouble?

Like this is like I'm oblivious to I'm oblivious to cancel culture and like I just say things and then and then I lay in bed and go, what the fuck's wrong? And then we had a scene with Donald Rollins and Bobby Lee. You're taking my interview, dude, that is my next question, by the way, the fun That was the funniest, shortest I've ever laughed in my fuck. Look, okay, I was offended at first, Like you could tell that you didn't tell him. I could tell, Oh, yeah, tell

I didn't love gayshit. He walks into you and him nicky right him bother your naked on the bear skin rug. I love gay shit, Like, oh my guys love. If I can sneak around and put my dick on his shoulder, he'd be like, got me, you love white guys love gash already. I don't know why, man, it's like the gayer the fun or it is for me, like I mean, our whole podcast two Bears One Cave is based on me and Tom fantasizing what we'd be like if we

were gay, and I go, I would be great. I'd come home and I'd chase you and hold you down and wrestle you. And he'd be like, I don't think that's how it's done. I go, that's how I do it. And then that's how he came up with two Bears, One Cave. Yeah. Man, there's a moment in the Bobby, Bobby and Donnelle. Now it's hard to explain. Like comics, we're like brothers, you know. So like even if I don't know each other, even if we don't know each other,

we're like brothers. We take care of each other. Yeah, we talked shit about each other sometimes, but like we

love each other and you can't really offend us. So there's a moment where we're doing scream therapy and Bobby starts being I go channel your They both lost their fathers, and I go channel your father, and Bobby goes, I'll channel your father, Donelle, and I go, I wouldn't do the accent, Bobby, and he's like, hey, Donell and we'rebby Bobby stop and then Donelle starts going, oh, Bobby's and they're going back and float and I am crying. I'm crying laughing, and we are all three dudes. I'm in

a road naked. They should give me a coffee, Enema. I ship all over Bobby's fans. I mean, there is the best part. The best part is we have a psychic at the end, a psychic. And she goes, She goes, uh, Donelle, I'm sensing that your your father wasn't around. Oh ship? Was that a fantas a fat? I ain't gona lie my bad. I was eating pizza. We got your pizza too. Oh fuck, I got your pizza. We got you pizza. Got that from Joe's pizza. I'm sorry, I finished, damn

you hold on. She goes Donelle, sensing that your father wasn't around much, and he goes really and she goes, was he away somewhere? And then I go, what are you sensing from Bobby's dad? And she goes, he was really strict? I go, man, you's being racist, like, yeah, donee, that was in prison? That yeah? Tell me about my dad. Was he a lawyer? Buddy, buddy? Are you guessing no? That was that that whole series was fun as fuck. We didn't expect it to do well, and and and people.

I'm glad people found it and enjoy it.

George is his daughter. George is my oldest. I feel like I know your whole family, you know. Can I tell you there's a golf named David Ardy and I'm a big fan of his. He's an announcer and I ran into him at to Live tournament in Adelaide and I go, Dad, Arity, Holy ship did fucking arity. I'm in an elevator. Huh. And he's trying to keep a propriiately go I'm burt. I'm a comedian. And he turns around. He goes Georgia and Ireland Daddy, and I went, oh fuck,

I'm maybe I'm talking about my kids too much. And your wife, yeah, oh I talk. I was just I was talking about her on kay Rock this morning. Wow, like yeah, saying she was old. I don't know what I was saying. She got me reading glasses and uh, I didn't realize when I gave her a kiss. I hadn't seen this bitch on high death in ten fucking years. Oh my god. Yeah. And I'm on kay Rock and she calls, we're listening to you on k Rock. I'm like,

oh god, here, Yeah, I'm an open book. I overshare and I feel like I feel like I try to be as honest as I can about my feelings about my family because it's like it's like you could sit there and celebrate your wife, celebrate your kids all day.

But like most of the time, the funniest stories we share about our kids are on when we shitting on them, And you're like, like, she called one time on I got in trouble for shooting dice and she called up on two bears, and you're listening to two parents trying to parent a situation for real, not like the Cosmy show where it's like but it's and so that's the

way I've always approached it. But yeah, we took George and Ilo wanted my dad uh to go to an escape room and say wanted to him to lose his ship because he has he like he'll spin out of control, and I have a pay he wanted him to lose. That's the only reason they want him to go. The only reason you and him to where good at it. We don't work good as a team, Like we want to take Papa to a scape room. I go, you got your fucking mind, And they're like, we want you

to go too. I go, no, we don't work well together as a team, and like, yeah, we know. And then we went and it was dude, it was in a jew's house, it was in a mall, it was in a DU's house in a bad fucking neighborhood. We knock on the door. Dude's already in character, in a robe, towel around his head, stroking a cat, just looking at me, going have you seen my mother? And my dad's like,

it's just fucking real. We walked in. He gets us into his mother's room and locks the door, and I'm like, I just walked my family in a Steiler Kills house, like I'm and my dad's like, you dumb mother. He decided to wait. We didn't even waiver, didn't him a credit card, just locked into a fucking room. My dad goes he turned his house into a fucking escape room, like Jeffrey Dahmer and you. When I'm now, I'm having

a real pain attack. I'm not gonna take a shit if i'm I'm like looking for a voss or something to shit in. My dad's spinning out of a stroll. My mom's excited. He's like, do you think he's gonna tie us up? My mom and my dad like, shut the fucking package, dude. It was the fucking and I didn't remember any of it. A panic attack. Georgia called me on stage. She was like she was like, Yo, are you telling the escape room story? I was like, what's up?

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coach to count real quick, cock sucker the whole from it. Yeah. So, but yeah, a lot of times I'm not I'm not the I don't I'm not good at flagging the funny stories like I'm good at I can retell them. I don't remember them really like And then my wife will go, are you doing the bit about I love with the thing? And I'll go, oh, no, so you don't write you don't you write it down? I uh no, I put it in my voice text in my phone. I have a joke, but I carried with me, so I write

all the jokes with like two words. So that I know, I know the list, but no, I don't write it. I don't like you know, it's so funny, is I'm obviously I'm a big family show. So I love listening to that of like, like dudes who can listen to a song like jay Z and just listen and then just go. And then there's guys that need to sit with it for a while. I'm more of a sit with it for a while. I can jay Z a story off the top of my head on stage first time.

Second time, it doesn't work again, but it won't work again second time. But yeah, it's I always. It's interesting, you know. Rogan asked that question a lot about how people write, and it's a fascinating, fascinating way to find out what people's approach to creativity is. Because yeah, yeah, because I was. I was a I was a fucking poet for a minute in college and I was so bad. I was so bad poetry poet. Yeah, like my angel

you don't know, it was so bad. And I would read them and make eye contact with them and my my buddies. You thought you was good. I thought you amazing. I thought I was fucking amazing. I thought I was amazing. You remember any of these poems. I'd love to hear one. No. I thank god I found comedy, Thank fucking god. Damn it. But now there's a ruma that Ban Wilder, Yeah, through your Life is he's off for your life? Well it's I mean, look, it's a rumor. I've never I talked

to National Lampoon once and they because that's qualified it. Yeah, they they what they qualified it. Okay, Oh, they said it's true. I did a dude's radio show one time. I'm for National Lampoon, and I brought the executives in and I kind of like flew it by them and they were like, they were like cut off, cut off, fucking Mike's what's going on? What's going on? And I was like, no, I just want to be able to

I'm wanting to be able to talk about it. And then they were like yeah, and then we were gonna do parting with the original Van Wilder, like I was a radio show on National Lampoons on Serious XM. But it never happened. But No, I had nothing to do with the movie. I didn't write the movie. I didn't start in the movie. I have nothing to the movie. Did say the movie is based on you. I mean a few people have said that to me. So did you see it? It was like, I've never never watched it.

You never watched them? No, I never watched it. Holy moment. Can I tell you something for real? And I feel like I'm close. I always wanted when that happened, because you felt like they robbed you or something. No, no, okay, no, I had. We had a conference call with my managers and agents the day of the weekend movie came out, and they were like, we should sue, we should sue. Clearly,

this is adjacent to your story. It's I mean, it's almost identical because it's a journalist writing a story about a party animal. Okay, that's what happened. Rolling Stone magazine note they got to have paid an article about me, calling me the number one party and I'm on the country. It changed my life, It changed my party. I've read it in New York Post, Rolling Stone, Rolling Stone, and I got ninety seven, wrote a six and a half page article about me, call me the number one party

on the counry, and it changed my life. Hollerstone's company optioned the rights to my life. I moved to New York will Smith discovered me. I mean it was like it's like it really was like the best thing that ever happened to me. And so when that movie came out, they were like, hey, we should sue. And I have one manager shout out to Barry Katz, who very wisely said he's an interesting dude. He goes, pop, um, can

I interject for a second. There's two types of people in this business, people who work and people who sue. Which one you want to be? And I didn't sue, And I thought to myself, I want one day, and I hope to God this happens. I want one day to be bigger than Van Wilder, like I would like to be larger than that movie. And uh, you know, I don't. I'm I'm I'm thinking, I'm on my way.

And if this movie, that my movie The Machine comes out, and if it does well, I'd like to get to that place where that's a footnote in front my story instead of the thing people. And I'd love to meet Ryan Reynolds and him not go, oh, you're the I love for him to be like, dude, I'm a fan.

to New York. For me, this is like how I pros I grew up in Florida, So for us all of all of hip hop was in your car, and then when I got to New York, I hadn't really heard it, like we didn't No one drives cars there, so it's all in your in your headsets. So it's a very different hip hop for me until that summer. It was probably ninety eight ninety nine when I remember just walking around the village and hearing hip hop and other people's cars and being like, what song is that?

And then going into like they saw Tower Records at the time, and being like, yo, what's the oh boy boy, and then they're like, okay, I'll get you to help you. I remember that summer so fucking that moving in New York because your first time in New York, then you hang out a gay ball dude. It all started there. I saw a dude fuck another dude in the ass. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. This is old school, man. They don't do it like that anymore. My first night,

my first is not more complicated. I gotta be honest with you. It was the first time I was ever like, I saw a dude that I think about like once a month. Oh this guy, hold on, hold on, let me explain myself. He had little tiny stars tattooed on his heels and then increasingly got bigger until he had two Dallas Cowboys on his ash cheeks. And I looked at that guy. I looked at him for an uncomfortable amount of time, just staring at that artwork, going, that's

a fucking commitment. I mean, I go, I go. He's got to be like fifty six. Now, like, wait, I wonder what he does he's telling. I think about that guy a lot. Dude, we went that first night in New York. I go out, I think, are you tricked into going in a gable? Are you game?

I wasn't like comfortable in that scenario. And so the first time we went out, I went out with this dude, this dude there was an editor for some magazine, and this chick and we lose the dude and it's me and the chick. And the first place we go is a place called mary Lous on Thirteenth and I sit down and this guy's next to me, and he's like, he's like, oh man, you're the Rolling Stone guy. I just read about you on the plane. Holy shit, I gotta buy you a drink. I think I'm gonna be

famous because I was just famous in Tallahassee. I came in and I'm trying to hang out with someone and he's like okay, and I turned in the girls like I can't believe David Lee Roth knows who you are. I'm like, oh shit, fuck up, it's David Lee Roth. He yells down. He's like Harvey Able, Harvey kitesell Able Ferrara. At this bar, it is who's who's of drinking late night. And then she looks at me, she goes, let's go party. Let's go to the meatpacking district. Now I don't know

what that is. And she takes me into a straight up sucking dick and fucking gay bar in the meatpacking district. And I mean, listen in fairness, meatpacking district, a meatpack But I saw, you know, it's so funny, this is okay, this is this is a little aggressive. This is a little aggressive. I saw, so I thought it'd be fucked the dude in the ass. He he'd have to be bent over, right, That's how I thought you'd do it. I saw dude sitting on a dude's lap and I

couldn't understand what they were doing. And then I'm like, oh my god, they're having sex. They're living sex, just like a man and a woman. He's like and I was like, oh yeah, of course I dude. That was like I remember being like you had an awakened they're making love. That I remember that was the first my first night in New York. Dude, I was just telling someone about this. I didn't know anyone. I was living with the dude who was from the Canary Islands, but

he didn't speak English. I was telling about your roommate didn't speak English. It was it was my friend. I grew up with sister's ex boyfriend and that's your roommate. Yeah, he goes, you can stay here. I get there. The first night, random, yeah, shout out to Diego, You're my first night. All we did was open a map and drink and point the places we've been to. So I was like and it was it was oh fuck yes,

and it was it was. It was a studio apartment, so you had I stopped on the floor next to his bed like like like he had kicked me out. And so that next that night, that was my first night, My first night going out was with those people, and I stayed out all night. We stayed out all night, and I came home and he was at work, and so I was like, oh, that's the ticket. I just got to stay out all night. The next night, I stayed out and I was like on like park benches.

That sounds worse than it is. I just stayed up all night in New York and you just hung out and just walked around, sat on a park bench, and I was like, this sucks. Next night, genius move. I get a bag of weed and I meet dudes at bars and I go, you want to get high later like when this closes, we're going high, and they're like yeah, sure, go to their place. And get high. I passed out on their couch and then be like, bro, Bro, you gotta leave. Bro, just let them fucking sleep. And then

I'd wake up and I spend the night. Then I'd go there to the other place, to where Diego's place was. My second night of doing this, I meet a dude. We'd go back to his place. We smoked weed, we listened to tool, and we watched My so called Life with Claire Danes. I don't know if you remember that, no, dyl and uh, it was It's a great fucking show is And I passed out on his couch and the dude, his roommate wakes up and his roommates I just texted

this guy the other day. His roommate's like Bert Kreischer. This guy John Biemer, I grew up. I grew up with and I'm like, shut up. So I had like three not homeless nights in New York and then I stayed on their couch. I moved in with John Biemer and I forget the guy's name. He was a music producer. He was he had really diverse taste of music. It was like it was like when you get really open your mind to music and you're like, because I only

listened to like I was doing this. I was trying to do a timeline of like, what was my first intro to hip hop as a kid? You know, you know what I think I learned about hip hop was twenty twenty. The show The Show twenty twenty, they did a profile on break dancing was like in the eighties. Yeah, And I was trying to remember. He didn't it. It was I was trying to remember if man Tronics was before Rock sans Chante. I was not expecting that. I was not. I ran into ext san Chante on Sway Show.

She was in there, and I lost my ship's rock. That's right, some queens, but I do. I watched a movie. I watched my daughter's watching a movie. I fucking started banging on the window. Showed him my tent. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, the she didn't come out. No, no, no, no. It's always weird when you're when because I don't look like a fan of hip hop, but like, but I am, like, what is a fan of hip hop look like? Like, I don't know, I don't look like a fan of you,

but I am. I know that's what your biggest thing is I ran into you when I moved to l A. This is two thousand, I'm guessing, and cash money is like the biggest fucking thing now. I was obsessed, obsessed with UH, with Juvenile, Juvenile and UH and Lil Wayne. Obsessed like I, I would argue. I mean, I would like there were lines in him. And I just got money. I had a big truck. I drove around everywhere in Jason Williams, Jersey. I thought life was it. I ran

into at the White Dude, White Chocolate, White Chocolate. I ran into Juvenile and UH and Lil Wayne and and Beg in front of the Grafton Hotel and I was like and I was like, I lost my ship. And their children at the time, I think they're like eighteen, and I'm like, shit fucking and I'm reciting their lyrics back to them. I'm like, I lost my ship and I'm like in a like a college shirt. I just got done shooting and they were like, I was like,

I gotta get you guys on my show. I had a TV show at the time, and they're like, oh, okay, call this guy his fucking baby's number. I'm like, yeah, dude, that was I don't look like I'm into hip hop. Yeah, you know what's crazy. I like that you said that, though, what about the look? But because Kevin Hart, I gotta give big props Kevin Hart. Okay, So I fan of the show. He's our brother. I watched him on it.

Maybe not his best performance. He was, he was, he was so, he was so, he was so hungover, he was he has sunglasses on. He was talking about entrepreneurialship. But I'm gonna tell you something, Kevin harte quila is great and he had been promoting it all week. I think that's why he was. Yeah, he is a game changer. He drinks. He drinks, don't don't know he drank that night. He drank. Kevin Hart. So, Cedric and Shack did a comedy basketball comedy thing on All Star weekend. This is

the year they did it. Now, I'm not saying I'm not putting disrespect on anyone like Shade anyone. When I say this, I'm just telling you what I saw as a comment is d Ray, Tommy Davison, Aery Spears, and Kevin Hart. I think and my might have forgotten one person. Everyone did what I would have done, which is it's an intimidating room that you're in an arena and it's

all all your favorite NBA players. There's huge celebrities, and everyone did some crowd work and then fucked around, made it loose, like told me about me, tried to be edgy, tried to be like edgy, like you know, talk about like chicks and fucking chicks and go a little harder. Kevin Heart walked out. I'm telling you why I say

this changed my career. Kevin Heart walked out and said I have two kids, and the place was like yeah, and I went, oh, fuck in my head, I went yeah, yeah, yo, oh you're you're skipping all the lines and you're talking

about some real shit that everyone deal, real relatable. He talked about his kids and it was so goddamn funny, and I thought, here, I am trying to be edgy as shit, hoping that comics in the back of the room are like, yeah, did you hear the ship Burke got away with last night when I was like, I should just talk literally about what is going on in my life because I guarantee there's other people and I'm it is when you when I when you say that

you're a fan of mine. I've been a fan of yours for a very long time, so like that is the biggest compliment I could ever get.

he put we had had a childice. We had a childice on the We had a chalice on the table.

I think these people want to release it anyway. They want to say things anyway. You you make a very you make a very homey podcast, like like, uh, I remember the first few episodes I watched. I think I think they were all Jada kiss been on like eighteen we don't have money at some point, and and uh and to the fucking can't shout the locks talking about stabbing,

Mike Tyson is, Oh yeah, that's when. That's the funniest no, the one with when he goes, yeah, if someone has to poke this, I'm fucking I mean, you know, I've been offered to do Mike Tyson's podcast.

like Puffy like that. I don't say no to ship. And so when when weird Ship is on the table, I said no, to cocaine five times the other day, and I was so proud of myself. I don't say no to I don't like growing up in Florida is rude to say no to drugs like I mean, I'm in Miami. I know the same thing.

were like, have you guys ever done drugs? And my wife goes, I smoked weed a couple of times, didn't like it. I didn't like it very much, made me throw up. Your daddy's done cocaine. And I goes, what the fuck? I go, hey, that's my choice to tell you. Don't get to tell them, like what the fuck? She's like, you gotta be honest with them. Girls, go tell them, don't tailor. And my daughters are like you, like now they look at me. You did cocaine, dad, And I

was like, yeah, once yesterday. I didn't like it very much, made me throw up. Never did it again. And she's like, that's a lot. Yourdadd had done cocaine a lot and then I was like, okay, call your mom lost for Virginia. She was thirteen, tell me that story. Yeah, she was a war there we go e ruin. Yeah, and then she goes, first of all, I was almost fourteen, and sh it ain't nothing to do in my hometown but fuck fight and race. I'm like, who did I marry

Ricky Bobby? Fucking that woman? If you eat it, if you roses your last Ricky Bobby? She uh, yeah, she's a fuck. You instinctively call her redneck, but I don't think she's a redneck, right, No, she is. I mean her hometown, her hometowns. Kiss of cousins, buddy, No, no, no, they have I'm not even fucking around. They have a saying in their hometown ship they can but they ain't blood. They can, but they ain't blood, meaning they can fuck. They're related, they can fuck. It's not like their brother

and sister they can. She has kids too. Really, I shouldn't even go to we were a family union. We met two people. They two people that were related that were married, and I went, I looved to me. He goes, how does that happen? And then goes, well, you can't pick a fall in love with. I was like, no, you're fucking you want one hundred percent a hundred percent. So talk about you're telling me that they knew they was cousins and they can suit it. I'm man, I'm

gonna get in trouble. I'm gonna get in trouble because I'm gonna have to call my wife right now, my wife. I'm okay, all right, Just everyone be clear mark this moment. If Leanne wants is taken out, will take it out. She was at a family reunion and saw her boyfriend when she was in high school and was like, shit you and he's like, oh, shit you. This is hang on now. By the way, if you're in small town America, this shit had like when like twelve hundred people. Of

course somehow you're gonna be realated they weren't. And her dad said to her, oh, you can't, but you ain't blood. And Leanne's like, oh, I don't give a fuck. I'm out Like she didn't she they were just dating or whatever. They're their children that I met, the two that were related. They go, I go, she goes, she goes, Oh they can't, but they ain't blood. I met their kid. They fucking blood like they blood. This is a window licking nitty like just the dumbest kid you've ever met. They look,

they shook night blood they blood. It's crazy, it's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a small town. Like a small town. Our marriage I swear to God. I swear to God on our marriage license. I won't say the names. I know everyone be upset if I say this town is you can't know? It said, uh, are you blood relatives? It was the third question, very question, And I said the lady, what do I put for three? She goes, well, is you?

I go, I don't think we is not right name that means yeah, yeah, it's a it's a small town in Georgia. And there's a lot of them. I met, Uh you know Country Wayne. Yes, Country Wayne. Country Wayne is from a small town like that. And I told he hears those stories and he goes his guys, no country way cause you ready come out you caught no, no. But they're from like same small towns where like you don't no one has houses you have like the house that they was at in America. In Georgia. Oh this

is Georgia, a small town town. Ov Yeah, in small town in Georgia. I mean she was embarrassed when we first started dating because I came from Tampa. My dad was a lawyer, my mom was a teacher. I'm not saying we didn't. We definitely had white privilege, but not like rich people, but like we I didn't want for anything, or at least I didn't know I won before it.

And so when when I first went to her house, she was like, I'm nervous, You're not gonna like my like it's not like your family, and I was like okay. And her dad was living in a convenience store in the freezer, like lived built he had built off Lindsay had killed me because I'm not saying this right. He had built the bedroom using with part of the in the back of the in the back of the comedian store. And at first I was like like yeah, like like yeah,

but it was like attached to the freezer. It's cold as fucking shit. No windows. If you want to talk about a guy who likes get drunk to pass out, pass out in a fucking comedience store freezer, dude, and I wait to talk about convenience. I'd wake up that the middle of the night and I just go like, oh, Reese's peanut butter cups, getting sick on those. I'm drinking tall boys. I loved it. You'd wake up, come out

in the morning. Small town in Georgia. Everyone shows up and has their biscuits and coffee at the convenience store. And it was like you were holding court. It was all. I loved it. I got bummed when he sold that place. But yeah, so he owned the convenience you owned the commedian store. Yeah, I'm sorry. See that's where I speak.

and I mean you and stand up in Miami. Miami, dude, you did you ever go to the Miami in prov Yes, I have. Have you got a new one in Durrell. No, I don't care. I don't do uh yeah, I don't. I just do arenas now the uh we'll go have a drink there or something. Yes, No, dude, talking about can you when when we used to do I've told the story before it to stop me if you've heard it. Okay, But so the Miami in prov was was crazy, Like there were.

the hammer removed the features on. I go to the manager. I go, hey, there's two hecklers or mover, can you move them? And she says He goes, I think they're gang members, so I think I should let him stay, and I go but they're ruining this show, and he goes, see, I'm pretty sure they have weapons on them, so like, hey, don't talk with them, and I'm like okay. So I go on stage. One dude just regular looking black dude,

like a notohing special with his hair. Other dude, light skin, black dude, tattoos on his face, dreads and he say toatoos, toatoos, I say it differently to choose the dark skin dudes. Name's Ray. And by the way, you got you got the first name makes this because I think he I think he he did some stuff for bang Bus. I think if I remember, yeah, someone might know this guy.

I said, you go to eating pussy. He goes, you know you do? I said what, And he goes, you put your lips real close to a Clinton You go And so then now he said something silly, So I get to make a joke out of that. And then I go, no, Ray, what I do is I put my lips around entirely and go oh and so now we've said two jokes, right, So it's a way to deal with Ackler. It said cheat code. It's not the best comedy, but I do that and like confusing them, it diffuses them. It lets them be a part of

the show. So I do that for like, for like twenty nine minutes, and I realized, I haven't really told a joke. Now I've told a bunch of jokes, but you handled it in the heckless I'm handling the heavy. Yes, and So I had a joke at the time about black dudes cocks. Uh, you think black is a swimming color until you see a black dude's cock. You're like, well, shouldn't be the white ones that looks big, like a lighthouse in the fog or a flashlight in a haunted house.

What are you kids doing in here? So I told that. I just told that, yeah, yeah, yeah, And if there's a black take, I go, your repsite's a white guy and he goes, no, I go, you should do it. It's like getting your ears pierced. You feel a little prick, and it's over and so and so. Like I just it was all CrowdWork stuff that you have in your pocket. So I told that already. So I turned to the other side of the audience. I realized, I don't really

totally joke. I've just been fucking with these guys. And Ray jumps up on stage and he goes the Gang Membo, the Bang Brothers. I think, I'm look, I'm sorry, Ray, if it's not you, I'm sorry, and he goes, this is a real motherfucker, and the room's like, yeah, now he's on stage with me, and he goes, you want to know what real motherfucker's getting the three zero five and everyone's like and I'm like, please, don't stay stabbed. And he takes his pants off and he shows his

dick and his dick is tremendous. It's a nice so it's it's it's there, it's there, And now there's two hundred and fifty people going, holy funk. We're staring at the dude's dick that is and it's big, and they're like and it's like kind of ready, like everyone's like, wull shit. So I go, hey, Ray, I'm gonna give you a heads up. They're calling the cops right now. I go hire you. I would leave. I would. I would definitely leave, but thank you so much for the respect.

And he starts going show your ship. So and I'm like, I'm definitely not not after that, not after that. Before that, I would have, but not after I've seen that thing. Jesus, I'm calling j Lo and ice Cube. So different kind of story. So, so yeah, is this a different type of during tears Jada guess will hear this and be

like what? So I have gage it so so so so reay gets off stage and he goes good looking out and he goes to the bar, now raised with a light skin, due with dreads, with tattoos on his face. And I said, uh, I gotta be dead honest with you, man. I go, uh, between you and Ray, you're the one I would want to look at. Just a joke. And he slowly stands up. Everyone's like, holy shit, and this gets better. He slowly stands up, gets on stage and he goes, you're funny, and I was like, oh, thank you.

He goes and you're a real motherfucker. I go, I think I know where this is going. He goes, you know what, real motherfucker's get into three zero five and everyone's like, show your dead and he fucking drops his pants and he has like more of like a grayer like like, but it's just as big and it's just as impressive. The place goes fucking bananas. So I tell him, brother, I don't know your name, but they're definitely called the cops. Now, Ray, you might be able to catch up with Ray if

you go quit. They are sitting. He looks at me, He's like, good looking out, they're sitting. I swear on my children's life with a hairless albino. Hairless albino, and I said, I gotta be dead on it, sir. Out of all the dicks in this room, the only one I wanted to see is yours. He pushes his share back and he's just like, get's on stage. It looks like a fucking lighthouse. It's white, it's blinking. Sailors are like, go that blink. It is no hair. I dropped the

micro go that's my show, Thank you so much. That would stand up in Miami. Okay, before we get into the quick time with Slive, Oh yeah, our show was about giving people they flowers. We want to give you your flowers. See your face. Everybody thought it's gonna be Gary Owens nod and drunk. No, that's your flowers.

had to buy another one today. Can bring the bottle? Yes, FaceTime my dad. Yeah, because I need another occasion. But I said, man, yes, my dad, my dad. My dad talks about this fucking whiskey. I should have brung two bottles. Oh, I look red at the fifteen in blood pressure, big guy yeah, Hey, I'm hanging out with my buddies. How you doing, How you doing? I'm in Miami. I'm in Miami right now. Yeah. But more importantly, we're doing a podcast in Miami and we're drinking a bottle of Poppy

Van Winkle. He brought it out and I freaked out. How many years? Fifteen years? Twenty three is a bit better. I can't find Yeah, you know what I can't find? Twenty three? He's correct, he is, okay, yeah, he's correcting. I love you, Hey, I love you, I love you, I love you. You need to find a bar. That's twenty three. But yeah, a good time. I love you and twenty three. That's how you know, that's how you know his water is rich. Twenty three starts at like seven thousand, oh yeah. One.

When I started making money, my dad was like, we got you know, we sh got a bottle of pappy and we just couldn't. You can't find it in LA you can't find it? Good? Uh? Have you have you ever thought about starting your own liquor? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but but okay continue no yeah yeah yeah, but so this is what this was. This is my idea.

and I was like, oh man, I'm with rid Cross. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, I'm a roll X is more traditional like the classic. And I was like, well, I got to hear this new watch though I've never heard of it, and I'm googling it going like and then I go, are they talking about fuckings? Can we talk about trick Daddy for a second? Shod I get it? Hold on, can I tell you Okay, this is why, this is why you guys have the best podcast in the world.

When you get you're getting people that are unfiltered. So much of America, including myself I'm sure I'm guilty of it, is that you filter yourself. You don't want to get in trouble, you to deal with it. Quite honestly, I don't talk about politics or anything like because I don't want to deal with it. I don't like, it's not on my radar, it's not my catch. When you get like brilliant dudes like Trick Daddy is he's you can't deny that his brain his brain was set up to

make money. The guy does it at a day level, right, yes, but he's so fucking unfiltered. I remember someone, and I could be wrong about this, someone was talking about him. He had some disease and they were like, you put you on medication. He was like, yeah, I just started putting coke in my weed and I'm so much. And then you're like, you're like more of that? Did you ever hear? I mean, your your DMX, your DMX interviews are the fucking back. He staid right here, that was dude,

he was, dude, you don't understand. I could cry talking and the first one was really first one was talking about two men for real, Steve Harvey and DMX. I'll cry talking about Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey, dude, I got into a style bender and I uh the middleweight champion. We almost got into a We tried. We picked a fight with everyone into the bar in New Zealand. We were fucked up and we stood back to back and we challenged everyone to a fight. He was challenging the dudes.

I was making eye contact with the women, but like, but we had a fucking night and I thought he was doing a Steve Harvey bit. Have you ever heard Steve Harvey talk about his wife Marjorie bro just a pivot. I'm not going to cry on this podcast. You google it.

believe you seen that. I dude, I get emotional if I watch that clip, I cry because I go I know that feeling. Dude. We did a family few with Steve Harvey and he came up and you know, it killed me. It killed me. He came up right up to me on the DLS like I'm a fan, and I was like, dude, you're a fuck My My wife's our first like hangout at her house date. She put

on Kings of Comedy. She was like, because we were trying to figure out what we both laughed at, and she put on Kings of Comedy and I had I had not really sat through and watched Kings of Comedy. I know I do not watched watch any comedy. So I was doing comedy and my wife was like, Bernie Mac and Steve Harvey are my two favorites. Like that's you need to like them if you like them. And Bernie Mac, I mean Bernie Max. Bernie Mac. You've seen his deaf jam set you scared of you. Patrice showed

that to Patrise. O'Neil. Yeah, explained hip hop to me. Really that man press some peace, Yeah, Pece, he was. He was also one of the funniest people on the planet to me. Yes, I'm talking about all camera and off camera. Dude. Yeah, he could also be a unruly bully, like yeah, yeah, I mean yeah, I mean yeah. I love Patrise, but like he you earned a relationship with Patrise, you just didn't get one. Like he explained jay Z's he was watching me listen to jay Z and he goes,

what what words are you saying? I said, I don't know. I don't know what he's saying. I just I just say words that are close to it. And he goes, hold on, hold on, hang on, hang on, wait, you're just saying like me, me, me, no, no, no, no, And I go, yeah, I don't know what he's saying, but it's fun to say. And then he goes, stop, let me tell you what he's saying. And he goes, it's beep deep and I'm picking them up. Let him play with the dick in the truck. And I went, oh,

that's what he's saying. And he goes, yeah, wait, hold on, wait, hang on, do you know what pimp shit that is? He goes, I'm sitting out front in my car and it's beat beep and I'm picking them up. Let him play with the dick in the truck. I'll let them play with the dick in the truck. We were in Scotland and I was like, that's pretty cool. I was like, wow, that's really cool. And and and he walked and Mob

Deep he go. He had this big thing. I have a weird thing talking about people who pass because they can't contest it exactly, you know, but like, uh, he was. He was explaining to me how white guys don't fuck with Mob Deep and Mob Deep the real ship, and he was obsessed with Mob Deep and like he he He's a really brilliant dude. He told me a lot. I remember. I yeah, yeah, he's a very pivotal dude in my life, very very pivotal dude. I miss that.

I missed that guy. I missed that guy. I didn't go to his funeral because I knew he wouldn't have gone to mind, so I go, I just thought, of respect, I go, remember to show up at your fucking funeral, because I know that if I told you if Patrice was alive, if he had faked his death and he saw me at his funeral, he'd be like, what the fuck are you doing here? I wouldn't have gone to yours.

you one time. I thought it was two times. Did he sip out on the bill that was those same same night? Oh? PCP, No, Cleancy Morgan does not smoke. PCP. You're gonna get me in trouble. He does not smoke, PCP. I will tell you this, okay, which at this I think I think he made me believe at the time because I was being this nervous white kid who's working the door at the Boston Comedy Club. And by the way, this was ninety eight. I turned twenty six. I just

turned twenty six, So whatever year that was. Tony Woods shout out, Tony Wood's one of the best fucking best comics as Everdunk's stand up he was there that night, so like, just so we're clear, I wasn't the only person there. Tony Woods got hot too, yeah, and so no, no, no, it was just being just being crazy, just being cracy. And by the way, I know Tracey didn't like this story, so I'm fucking sorry. I'm doing it already. I'm fucking drunk crazy, remember, because.

And he goes, he started laughing because you did not. And I said, Wen, he goes, he Tracy doesn't smoke PCP. I said, for real, And he goes, maybe he maybe, he goes listen. Well you hey, here's the deal. I know the man. He's not a guy who's going to give someone PCP. But if you go home, you'll believe you're on PCP and you'll jump out of a fucking window. He said, come out with us, hang out with us tonight.

Trust me, you're not on PCP. And so we went out to a club called Madame x and uh and and we had one of the I mean, one of the best nights of my life. I can't express this enough. It bums me out that like Tracy may may not like me for even sharing the story again, because I fucking idolized that guy. The guy is like the biggest He was such an unbridled talent at times, the things he'd do on just regular interviews. I fucking love that guy and my night with him was amazing. It was

the funniest night. I'm still with Tracy and like twenty twenty black dudes and we're all drinking champagne. Tracy's taking everyone's got a bottle of champagne. And when a girl walks by, he's given her a bottle of champagne and saying something outrageous. This is before to Walmart. Oh wait, bit, waitit wait, I'm once again I feel I just want Tracy to know I whatever. He's a comedian, he gets it.

I think he does. He didn't like this story. I heard that he didn't like this story or they said it never happened, which is he's totally about to say, it's totally how to say, but if it, Yeah, but I'd have to be the best story to tell her in the goddamn world, to tell this fucking story. And to this day, do you know was it? It probably was? It was? It wasn't he was fucking with me. I'm gonna fuck with somebody like that. It's like what you tell And I already had opium. I already say, it's

like someone believes me. It's not. It's there's a list of stories of Tracy just fucking with like opening comics, like just busting their balls. Was it opening white comics. It was a lot of opening white comics. White comics. Yeah, there's a couple of white comics all like, I have a Tracy Morgan story. And you're like, for real, is that is that common? Like is that that you know what I mean? Well, yeah, you fuck yeah, I think you fucked with the opening comics is the funnest thing

to do. And uh, and Tracy is a genius. I mean, he's a fucking I can't say that enough. He's gotta you go online. He's got a Doug Flutie story that's like the funniest thing I've ever heard in my entire life about his high school coach telling. Tracy is the fucking best. And then so I'm bummed that, Like, if I have a run into him, he won't, he won't be like I'm a big fan. But whatever, you listen, you, shit happens to you. You tell your truth as much as you can try, and and and and as a comic,

you tell a story. But the best part of the story is at the end of the night, the white waitress comes up and gives me the bill, gives you the bills. I'm the one white guy there. And Tracy's like, what the fuck is that. She's like, it's the bill, which is you? And Tracy Morgan's like no, and then he's like that fucking racism. And then she slides him the bill and he's like, oh now I got money now, and he takes his shirt off and he throws it at her and the two bouncers. Tony was corrected me

on this. X NFL bouncers, their x NFL guards. They're like, yo, my man, and Tracy just smiles and he goes, ah, shit, I ain't your man. The biggest fight I've ever been into my life breaks out right crazy, crazy least I think I am. I walk outside, I walk, I leave, I'm white guy. I grab my backpack, I leave. I'm like see you guys, good luck, guys. I walk outside and I'm just watching. I'm on way. Tony Woods comes out and he's like, shit's going off, man, Shit's going off.

We need to go back in there. And I was like, Megan, the doors kick open, Tracy will I know, Tracy, doors kick open and he comes flying. Two bouncers fly him up up a fight stairs. You know in New York where those bars are downstairs, they throw him up a flight of stairs. He lands on his shirt, doors kickback open, his shirt comes out end over end like a cartoon, lands on his back. I'm looking at Tony Woods, going, what are we doing with Tracy Morgan. Tracy Morgan stands up,

snaps his shirt, looks me in the eyes. He goes, Now that's how you get out of paying a check, dude. I literally Tony and him are like, we're going this way towards West Broadway. I go, I'm going home. I don't. I think I'm done. I walked home and I literally was like, you know when the car just misses you and you're like, my fucking soul a lot. I remember a dude name Eddieift, and I was like, he was like, hey, how's your night tonight? And I go, I just had

the most amazing things just happened to me. I go. He was talking about Tracy Morgan. He's the funniest fucking human being I've ever met. Back for life. I love the dude. I fucking love him. I'm bummed it, but whatever, it's gonna work out. Thank you work. So when I explain to him the game.

because I don't believe this is the devil. I believe how you use it can be the I think if you're unhappy, it becomes the devil. If you're happy, Like I bet Beneflect probably drinks around j Lo because he's happy. He's happy. Listen, I have to say, if we're talking about one of my favorite other favorite things in the world, is Jennifer Gardner taking him to rehab. Like I love a woman, okay, who's his ex wife. And there's a that was his ex wife? What what what? What? What

movie is she from? Fucking? What is it? Fucking the thing with the thing with the girl that could do the things? I don't know, but I like I like a rider. I bit a woman who uh will take I'm talking careless. I like a rider eye woman who will take a do to rehab. I also like the woman that makes you happy that allows you to drink. Listen, listen, there's a there's probably out of one hundred women, there's a there's ninety five that would tell me I would

have to stop drinking. My wife's in that quick five percent that goes, hey, I got you. I'll keep an eye on you. I'll make sure you're healthy. I make sure you can do it. You're achieving things. Let's ride, let's go and that and that's what I that's and that's happiness too. And I just know my wife I did so I kild you know, did you meet here in Mia? Mean? Yes, I did not have to describe you. Just is that crazy Florida shit? I go, that's not New York. No, see's on Jersey though Jersey.

right now. So when do I When do I get you? Guys like yeah, yeah, yeah, put you up.

He was okay, here's how old were you? I said fourteen? And he goes, can I give you some advice one daddy to another daddy? And I said yeah, and he goes, don't be such a bitch. I said, by the way, there's so much more to that story. There's so much fucking more to that story. There's so much more. He invited me to because he knew I was down. He invited me to his trailer to do a shot. But I thought he says shower. So I thought showed up thinking we were going to shower and I and I

was like, I was shirt off. I was like, so are we do together? And he was like he's like huh. He's like, yeah, of course you do it together. Right, of course you do it together. And I was like sweet, like okay, and I start walking to the badges. Where the fuck are you going? I go to the shower. He think there's a lot more to that story, dude, his body I said it. I swear to God. I

swear to God. I said it to his bodyguards Wall and and uh and uh and uh fucking big Papa, I think I say in the right name and Papa and Wall big Wall and Papa. And I said, hey, uh, boss man invited me in for a shower. And he just went uh huh. And I went okay, but haven't very I remember saying to him.

Murphy has one of the best. Charlie Murphy gave me so much joy when I when I had we had George, I was doing the road, just doing the road for as a feature act. And I come home and on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I would watch Tough Crowd with con Quinn and and the and the Dave Chappelle Show, the Chappelle Show, I would watch them all. I had them all saved, and

I sit down and watch those with Georgia sitting. You know when you have a baby and you put them, you cross your legs, you put them in your lap, you have your coffee, and you play them. And Charlie Murphy brought me so much joy with the with the just to Charlie Murphy stories. The best story he ever told. And this is the one that it is my favorite.

Did you ever hear the story about when him he was he was He was telling a story to Snoop on his Snoop Show and he was talking about when he got out of the Marines or the what are the Navy? And he came home and he was like and he's like, I didn't have any clothes. I just had military outfits. So you heard the story. It's the best fucking story. And he goes. So my brother Eddie Murphy was like, Hey, we're one of my jackets out to the club tonight. We're going to Club Century, and

so he put on it. He goes. It was like a bus boy jacket, like sparkles and everything, and he walked. He goes, I walked into the club and everyone's like, oh, ship, that's Eddie Murphy. That's Eddie Murphy. Yo. Who that dude with him? And they go, I think that's his brother. I think he's a magician. That story killed me. I remember laughing so fucking hard, and I love you to death. On El, I'm going Charlie Murphy, Charlie fucking Murphy.

you first texted me me. I was like, I was like, shut the fuck. I lost my ship. I lost.

To be a part of them, Chappelle wants to. I mean, he's like a great white shark, like he comes through. He was came through one time at the comedy club. I was in Dayton, and he just stepped into the green into the I was getting paid and Chappelle walked in, and the parties like, you know, no one's supposed to be in the room, and get like and I was like, who the And I was like, oh shit, it's to Chappelle, it really is. And I swam with great white sharks

a couple of times out of the cage. When they show up, they move with intention, and they're very confident. Great white sharks are very confident. And Dave Chappelle is a great white fucking shark. And so is Chris Rock. His Uh dude, I fucking love Chris Rock. I give you a Chris Rock story real quick. I fucking love this ship. Me and Chris.

you shouldn't do that. It is not relatable, and I go, It's the most relatable thing you could ever do, is that I'm on a private jet. What the fuck do you think everyone else does when they're on a fucking private jet? Private jet?

Tivy ben Wik on my eyes. It feels so good, it feels so good, My god, it feels like sometime. Oh my god, that's what I'm so sorry. Look the man, look at him. I'm like, yo, you know, I spent h me been wiggled in my eyes. Now him one look at him on the bottom. I'm like, I'm not sure I got will you be there? But it wouldn't be as I wanted to be. But it's a story with Chris Rocks and pull up. That's over the fact that happy man wiggle was probably a race. Let's see him,

let's see it. Look, I'm going to bring the camera in my eyes, bring the god. Either here's a racist or the best Dennis in Alabama. Okay, so let me tell you. So Hey, Pappy van Winkle, here we go, Pappy wan Winkle, where's my camera? Uh huh, Pappy wan Winkle, If you stand against racism, yeah, send one bottle of twenty three year old whiskey for every episode they do, because stand with us an alliance. That's right, Black Lives matters, okay, right,

and then just checking Patty van Winkle. Everyone hit up Pappy van Winkle and let them know we're big fans. And I bet you're big fans of drink Champs, so please start sending these bottles and we'll drink it every episode and you'll have and hey, listen, we love you, Pappy van Bitch. Okay, okay. So so, so I'm asked whole house. Chris rockets all the way over there. I tell the waitress go send him a bottle. Chris Rock thinks this is funny.

wait a minute. Chris Rock is older, eighty first person him know there's a bottle that exists eighty five thousand dollars and they send it to me. You told him to get whatever he wanted, right, say whatever you know. At the time, I'm thinking I'm getting money.

it's very racist. He was fucking it was it was Rob w. And they're both geniuses, both geniuses. It's what you connected with. I like the frenetic energy that Robin had. I love his career as an actor. He's an amazing act George Collin I met him walking down the street.

comedy show. It's really fun, but I don't think it's right for you guys. And they said really, And I said, well, yeah, she's pregnant. And the guy goes and the best Puerto Rican reaction and I go, is she not pregnant? And he goes, Oh, this is gonna be fun. She lit me up. She was not pregnant, and she lit me up. I'll never forget. Like those are those moments in New York We're like fuck number yeah, yeah, funk that bad? You got it? Uh No, I don't know what these

people are. Bobby wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait Bobby Lee or t V is the THEO THEO? Okay, uh after the Bobby Lee, I felt the uh I'm gonna drink. He was on m t V right and road rules, a real world road rules. He's he's he's fucking no. I've he's a fun He's like yeah, by my own I think he is funny as ship. Look, Bobby is like podcast gold. If Bobby dranks still, I'm telling you, Bobby, you could bring Bobby here and not drinking. Bobby crazy. But THEO no, nope, nope, You're allowed to

You're allowed to get I apologize. But THEO is, uh is man, he has all of my algorithm. He is the funniest dude. He's really bizarre. He's really he's fucking just brilliant. Man. I love that. I've seen some of his ship. He's so funny. But was he doing comedy back then with the No No, I think it was like a reinvention of himself. No. I think he started like right after doing road Rules. I don't I shouldn't speak at all to it. I don't know any of it.

But I think he started doing after that, like right after that. But he is. I'm telling you, man, he's one of the best comments in the game. He's got a huge tour right now. Everyone's got to, dude, shout out the fucking Rogan. Everyone's got big tours right now. Killed Rogan. No podcasts on that list, I'm telling you right now, it's Joe Rogan. Whatever. Joe Rogan on here too. Yeah, dude, And we need to go to his joint in Austin. Yeah, we gotta get invited. You know how fun that would

be a couple of times. Be a serious. Yeah, let me tell you something. Let me tell you who I am. If my next door neighbor had a party and didn't remind me, I won't go. I'm that guy. You have to you have to. I have to feel special. I'm a special person. Yeah. I was in resource room and special education and dyslexic. I yeah, I know, I know. Yeah that's my homie. I told you, I know. She said to me. She goes, hey outlawed adoption in Mississippi.

I go, that says abortion. She goes, they wont orphans. Yeah, she's ye hardcore. Okay, So nas or Biggie Smalls, Biggie Smalls, I gotta be I gotta be honest with you. Okay. So, like this is not gonna sound really great, but like Biggie was super accessible to all of us in college,

Like it was just super accessible. We got it. His first album I'm not speaking for all frat boy white dudes, but was like not the one we got, but when Puffy collaborated with him, and like really that next one that happened in like Biggie Puppies and both yeah no, no, no, no no. But the second one when he really was you can really feel the sprinkle of him of like like, uh it, man, Biggie was like next level for us.

I didn't discover NOAs until later. You remember he did like a documentary that maybe he did like a thing on uh this guy. I'm so sorry, NOAs I'm saying it the only way I can explain it. He did a like a Life Through sixty thing with MTV and he was on tour bus and he wasn't wearing a shirt a lot of the time. MM, it's the only way I remember it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is where you got your idea to take up. No no, no, no no, It's all about the idea. But like, like

I didn't discover nos until much later. And I'm and I'm being honest in that Biggie was just accessible, Like it was more I don't know, and I don't know, honestly, I don't know if it was because of the Tupac shit. Tupac was the entry. He was the gateway drug. Tupac was the gateway drug for like us in college. And then I mean we came to late to the game

to snoop. He came late to the game to dre was like, it's amazing if you did, Like, I would love to see a documentary about how like white people found hip hop, because like the Chronic was, like I remember the Chronic came out. Everyone's like nw A was the game was a game change. Nw A was a breaking away and all that. But dude, and so in a weird way we all love those dudes because like what was a ice cube had a separate group, the lynch Mobs, the Linz Mob. I mean we followed because

you ended up signing up for these guys. It's all about fandom. The way fandom works. I had someone explain this to me. I know I'm really saying this again, but the way fandom works is. I had a guy who was in Fort Lauderdale doing a show. And a guy's like a white dude, redneck, shirtless, not that not that big of a guy, kind of drunk, doesn't look like like a winner, like, and he just goes, hey, man,

I need to explain to you. I'm a fan. And I went okay, like going like, let's just get through this, and he goes, no, no, I need you to pay attention. He goes, I don't have much in my life, but I got you. I don't I'm not a sports I'm not an athlete, but I got you. I follow you. I love you, man, and I love when you succeed. When you succeed, it feels like I succeeded because now I feel like I made the right decision. I picked

the right guy. I love when I introduce you to people and then they go, oh, I love that guy, so dude, keep killing it is I'll always be a fan. That's how it is with hip hop is like when being a fan, just being a fan in general, is you discover someone like Nwa, right, and then you fall in love with all those dudes and then you you go, these are my guys. These are my guys. They're set up to me my guys for the rest of my life. Dude,

ice Cube's been my guy forever. I watched his movies like ice Cube when they introduced Snoop to me, I go, Snoops, my guy. Eminem's my guy. Like that's how fandom works, is like I trust my guys to give me good guys, and I will say this wholeheartedly. Joe Rogan has shared that privilege with us beyond measure, Like Joe Rogan his guys do we're all doing arenas. We're all doing theaters

and arenas. And if you're not doing arenas in theaters, you're selling out clubs clean like that that cool ship, you know, And I know it's sometimes in hip hop, it's not always done. I know I've heard stories of like people signing people to deal so they can hide the record, and because they wanted their record to come out. But like that cool ship that never gets forgotten, I ever ever got the next one? Oh? I got this one. McCallen,

ohbikie McCallen. Yeah no, but which McCallum twenty one? Yeah no, so we did. I came late to Scott so I'm a big fan and I would love for you guys to celebrate with me next year, And if you're interested, I can make it happen. What so I do? I celebrate Winston Churchhill's the day died every year. And that's the cigarette guy.

every morning had a soft scotch. In my hero had a cigar, a cup of coffee, a glass of orange juice, two eggs over easy, uh, or two eggs Sunday side up, bacon, ham jam toast, and he might have a second scotch. Then he get into his bathtub for three hours and he drinks champagne, and then he would go on to run the country, and at lunch he'd have another bottle of champagne, and at dinner he started drinking scotch and whiskey, and he would go to sleep with a nice brandy

at the end of the night every fucking day. So I so I talked about that's his spirit animals. Let me tell you something. So me and Bill Bert we had a podcast called Bill Burt Fucking Funnest fucking Podcast, and I probably talked about his daily program, and I said, I'm doing it this year. I'm gonna do his full day on the day he died. I'm gonna celebrate him. And I did it. And you can find them online.

I'm sure your producers can find them. Dude. You got the one that my wife tipped for me, and then the one I just did in Amsterdam. But you celebrate Winston Churchill day living the way he lived his life. Wake up with a scotch saft scotch. So what does scotch? Saft Scotch? Is Scotch with soda, water and ice. It's nice, it's it's tastes like what I'm eating with the room. It's a little vanilla in your mouth. It's nice and it's slowly. Yeah, shout out to M and M. Were

we supposed to drink? Did you ever go to his? The bar?

they wish it was this. Is this, It's fucking this because radiom guys, they can't really curse. They can't really, but podcasts we you imagine, but even even like if you guys set up in the radio world, your brain would have changed and you would have done different things, and you would have said, it's part of the core corporate space. Yeah, yeah, this is your thing. It's why it's beautiful. You know. It's crazy. And they tried to get us to go to iHeart Studios at one point.

I don't know you remember, but when we went to CBS studios, right, and we were signed to CBS at one point in the beginning. Again, we look and we went and this is this is crazy. This is the reason why we never went back. Well, I don't know, not to record there. Yeah, So what happened was we would breaking up the weed. We're breaking up the We never smoked in it. I don't know if you remember. We smoked on the balcony, were drinking, were drinking. He was drinking.

fucking He was so good to tell stories. Oh he's a legend. You hear him, very him on Breakfast Club talk about he talked about pulling that Asian dude over. Oh the FBI. Yeah, oh yeah, dude dude driving Matt slow pulled him over and they're like, huh, I hit him up. I let him up and he's not respecting my authority and like dj MB's like, but wait, you're not a cop, right, But he didn't know that. I remember at one point j jamb says, are you do you so? Do you still drive? He goes yeah, and

the like do you have a license. He's like, no, catch me if you can listen. All right. By the way, let me just tell you something. We did the podcast.

I know. I was outside the club, was in that they shot up? That was yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

and they're not. They never once referenced condoms, those characters. I'm there, don't listen. I swear I'm not taking a shop, raise a shot raise.

to run it on this listen. This is how much Elaine was getting it in. She goes to buy the sponge. The guy goes, The guy goes, how many you want? You want six? She goes, give me twelve, and the guy goes, okay, I'm gonna give you twelve. He goes give me twenty, and then she goes and he goes, well you wont twenty, and she goes, give me thirty. And then he goes, you want the already. She goes, how much is the whole thing? He goes sixty. She goes, give me the whole thing. That is the slor If

I've never the sponge, sorry, she was living a life. Man. I thought about fucking with the sponge in a long time. Yeah. I don't really know what a sponge is. They got rid of them, right. Is it called a sponge? Though? It was a spe isn't it something else? It was like it was like a it was a baby's fit diaphragm, diaphragm. No, no, no, no, it was a well I'm talking about of a sponge.

It was that. Or she accidentally left the Tampa and you read running underwater and squeeze it a couple of times, and then but you're the one that was I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry sorry sorry. She was like, I'm not fifty. Okay, take a look at me. Good. You got the next one? Yeah, Seth Rogan or Jonah Hill. Oh, Jonah Hill, it is Jonah Hill. Jonah Hill's the like I never I never wanted to be an actor at all. I never wanted

to be an actor at all. I had no interest and I just wanted to do stand up and podcasting. And then I did the movie Uh, and I loved it. I loved it so much. I had so much fucking fun. Which movie My movie The Machine? Oh okay, coming out day Weekend? Yeah? Yeah yeah yeah.

a theater for you. You can buy one hundred people. Let's do it myself. But as soon as I did in the movie, I was like, I was like, Yo, there's a lot of people I would like to I would like to watch act that. I like watching act like I like I like Kevin Hart. I would love to watch him act. I would love to work with him to see what he like. He's like how he does it. But Jonah Hill's the number one. Jonah Hill is just fuck. He's like the improv king. He saw

his ship with the therapist. Yeah, that's just pretty, that's pretty. You didn't like it. I didn't like it. I no, I'm like one of those guys. No, I red. I understand. I'm going to I'm going to be into it because I think it's kind of well, you kind of did it on the show. On the show you did you did Marie? Yeah, yeah, you kind of did a little bit. Yeah I did that. I loved. I love The first time I did therapy, I was like, I was like, I said to the lady, I was like, you have

a mortgage. She was like this this matter and I said yeah, because I'm I pay you money every week, so if you have a mortgage, I have problems that looks like And she was like, I don't say that is important. She wasn't that attractive, and I was like, I was like yeah, but I was like, so like, you're probably attracted me, right, Tony. And she was like she was like no, And I was like, you are, like,

be honest, we're in therapy right now. Fuck yeah. And it would be fun like if you had a hot if you were a therapist and you had a hot chicken, you'd be like, oh, she's got so many fund up problems. You should do twice a week. Right, That's how my brain works. So you know, so I stopped doing therapy with her. Yeah, I'm I'm stilling therapy. Shout out to therapy. Shout out. That's the first shoutout for therapy. Shout out to aids, shout out to snoop, shout out the therapy.

You took a shop rings, I shop. I did take a shop. Yeah, you won't go I got this one. Got good? Oh no, I'm skipping, damn fuck no, no, okay? Mob deep or the locks? Oh locks, the locks, the locks the Locks, dude, that was that's my that's my moment of moving to uh La to New York. That's

my moment. That's my moment. Yeah, like that was my and it was and it's fun because you know, I hope this sounds respectful, but like you have a moment where you know all the names like like like Big Pun is a great example of like a guy who passed who meant so much you in the time. Maybe you don't listen to them all the time, but then

what's cool about your podcast? All a sudden, the Locks show up or Jada Kiss shows up, or like the people show up, and you go, fuck, man, I forgot, Like uh like the Dipset shows up and you're like, oh, I forgot about this fucking music that I love. And then you drive across the hill and you listen to him, and it's just it reminds you of how great it was when you were young. You didn't know about death. You were like, I'm gonna live forever god man. Yeah yeah,

so Chris Folio, JIMBALUSI take a shot. Yeah, I mean, because I live. I live barrel of both of those guys. By the way, I just want to just tell you I am mixing whiskey with whiskey. Yeah, I know. I feel like we're reading I feel like we're reading the cheeseburger with sliders. Yes, exactly, exactly.

likes him. He seems like you would be like, yeah, I know he's not he's not. But but but my personality was defined by Caddy Shack Chevy all those movies

that he made you create. What were your when like what movies did you see growing up going I want to be that guy like John Blueci, Chris Marley, Chevy Chase, those are my guys coming to America's moss Yeah, because they shouted up the block from my hood, from that Flax City and Queens and great was the moment the hart I remember laughed in the movie is when they're all shooting in our Sineo Hall pops up and that night. That's all it to me too.

I don't give a fuck about being an actor. I don't care about the craft. I don't give a fuck about that ship. I want to be a movie star, like drive down the red carpet on a motorcycle with a cigar in your mouth. But I don't think that exists anymore. I'll bring it back. I'll bring it back because the movie is not the same. A more successful tour. I'll be clean, right, one more successful tour. I'm clean

with money. I don't have to worry about money, and then I'll just be reckless as fuck like Tubac wouldn't right. We love the guys, and then we're not being the guys we loved. Why the fuck? I worked out with a Sports and Egg the other day and he was the fucking movie star. He's everything you wanted. No, no, no, he didn't shoot me up. He uh we worked out, but you watched him be a movie star. He was a He's not an actor. He'll be buck, but he's here. But this is the thing about Tupac.

exactly you're talking about. You know, I could see this in the same field a private screening of the full episodes with him. Oh you know what you oh, you know the accident you ever like you watch the of course when he got taken down and then all of a sudden put back up and I was like, taken down version. Yeah, I like that, Jimmy Fox, Jamie Fox doesn't get his roses enough.

died for him. Whatever. He I love that dude too, will know you da. We had a pleasure at him. We had and he was he was a great host.

danielss every single day. So that's your everyday drink Jack, Like if it is, I'll tell you what, it's my commuter drink, like the drink that I that I know that will get me from point A to point B. It's my bus, it's my train, it's my helicopter. It gets me to where I need to be. It tastes pretty nice, and it is with ice, not that bad. I don't like cocon it. They're not gonna have no, no, no, no, I can cook. They don't have Jack. They're not gonna

have Jmo. They're not gonna have your tequila. They're not gonna have your vodka. You say Jamie, Jamison, Jamison, They're not gonna have Jamison. He's saying the average spot everywherever you go, you're gonna have, they will have Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels is a reliable. Jack Daniels is a chick that shows up to your house with no panties on. Jack Daniels sponge. Jack Daniels sucks your dick before you

fuck and then puts a sponge in Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels is out of bed before you wake up, and you go, wait whe where she went? Jack Daniels is the drink you're texting before you go to the barging, like, so, wait, just what are you up to tonight? Jack Daniels is there for you. She's your rider, it's your midnight me for dose some egos, dose cossack down. That's the fucking chicken. Where's panties? I want to see you in the panties and brawl together because it's a matching sad. I don't

want to see that. I just want to fuck Jack Daniels. Fucks Jack Daniels bugs. That's that'll never use. I think Jack Daniels will put a finger in your ass and you go, okay, all right, let's see how it works. More rocks though, play with the rocks a little bit. You want to go raise this question? Eminem or Jack Harlow. Huh, eminem or Jack Harlow. I don't know. I don't know who Jack Harker was. I know, I know, but I know he's a thing. But I don't know. I don't know.

I don't I know that he like goes to Kentucky Derby and stuff. They're like, I don't know, I don't like with Drake he goes to Kentucky Derby. I'm apologize if I'm fucking canceling myself. So Carlo is really awesome. I'm just fifty Mike Epps are Chris Sucker Man. I want to tell a story right now. No, no, no, if you think, if you think, if you think Tracy Morgan hates me, Mike Gaps will fucking hate Wait. Wait

what happened, dude? I used to I used to legit party with my Gaps like he was a fun dude. He is the by the way, back in the day before my GPS, when I watched Mike Aps on stage, Mike Gaps is I think from Atlanta via Ohio. Maybe yeah, Ohio, I think yeah, yeah, Okay, I think he's meant I'm gonna land. We all. Gaps was the dude that he was cool, Like he was a cool fucking guy, and he would hang out with you and he would just talk.

He was not like I met I met him in ninety eight ninety nine, so like he wasn't any anything at the time, but he was just super talented. He did a bit about uh selling candy bars as a young young kid to white people. That was the one of the funniest bits. I've never laughed hard in my entire fucking life. My Gaps and we used to legit hang out and legit party. I'm sure he doesn't remember me because I was just some young opening over my comic. But man, that guy is the coolest dude in the

coolest dude. So you're not telling us the story is basically, I'm not gonna say that we did right because you're just you say it so badly, so bad. This motherfucker. Mike, Mike, You're welcome. I love you, brother. Your secrets safe with me. Where'd you guys meet? New York? New York? He was, yeah, club, you hang out at the back of the end, and he was just He's just the most awesome dude. I regret ever telling any story about Tracy Morgan. It's the

reason I don't tell stories about my gaps. He's a fucking badassitude. He was in your uh it's right, my gap, Yeah, yeah, back in the day. Yeah dude. And did you watch his Drink Champs. His Dream Champs is hilarious. Drink Chances hilario. Yeah. And when he tells the trunk story, I think it was Was it the first time he told that story? No, he told us it was hilarious. Killed it where he said he got kidnapped and did when he knew he was funny. He knew when he.

sophomore year. Isn't that Eric being Rockieric being rock? Fifty for Candy Shop? Oh yeah, a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, dude, they got the fifty to my, my, my, my high school goes. It's gotta go. Uh. DJ jameson Fresh Prints. I know, man, he gets a lot of ship right now. I fucking love that guy. I'm right, we'd love to have drink Champs. You know the story about when I thought he wanted to suck me in the ass.

fuck yeah. Now, I'm a big Will Smith fan. I am my. We watched Fresh Prince on Monday nights, me and my dad. His music. I gotta be honest with the people shoot on his music. I love that on my street. It is one of my favorite rap songs. Good storytelling legends. Yeah, he's just fresh principal. So so I meet Will at uh uh. It's up in the upper Upper West Side. It's a uh beef factory, hip

factory and uh the studio studio. Yeah, the HiT's doing Millennium, and we they set up two folding chairs in the in a dance studio and they're like, Will's gonna be in in a second. So I sit down on one of the dance chairs in the dance studio. He comes in. He's a ball of personality, you know, he's just just like you know. All I remember him saying is one love, and I was off to the races. I'm going to get this guy like me so I can get a development deal. I'm like, first of all, I love hip hop,

I love you. I love black people. You're black like I love. I'm like, I'm off to the story. This story is hilarious. You got and so uh we thought I talked every one of your story. This story is hilarious. I talked to him for thirty minutes and at the end he goes, I like you. I go, I like you. He goes, what are you doing tonight? I said nothing,

and he goes, let's go to the movies. I go great, and he goes cool and then he walks out get it and he goes, I'll meet you at I'll meet you at and meet you at playing at Hollywood at seven o'clock and I was like, cool, late New York LEO. And so I get in the car. I called my dad. My dad goes, how to go. I go, went good, and he goes, really, I said, we're going to the movie Yeah. My dad goes huh. I said, yeah, you go, I'm going to movies with him. He goes on a date.

I go, no, it's Will Smith and he goes, oh, buddy, I'm so sorry. He goes this is called the casting couch. Like a lot of these celebrities, they're so tired of pussy that the only thing that turns them on is the look in the boy's eyes will turn them. That's what he's doing with you. And I said, hold on, Dad, that's impossible. I just spent an hour with this man in a dance studio. My dad goes on dance studio.

I go, hold on. My dad says to me, but it's more likely that you're so talented, the biggest movie star in the world wants to make a sitcolm with you as you as a star, or or that he's tired of pussy. And I went, oh fuck, I'm getting fucked in the ass. I go, shit, what do I do? My dad goes, show up, show up, He shit cash checks, buddy. I could be wrong. I could be wrong, but I need to like, you're my only son. I need you

to give you a heads up. So I show up to play in Hollywood, which you didn't even know there was a theater. I didn't even know. I walked in. I know, I totally. I'm supposed to be a movie with Will Smith. She's like, huh, I go Will Smith. She goes, he's in the back. She sends me around the mannequins. I go, no, no, like real, Will Smith goes, movie starts, don't go to planet home. So I'm like, can I wait for him? She goes, yeah, knock yourself out.

So I sit in the lobby and uh dude comes out six seven, big dude, and he's like you Burt. Name's Charlie Mack. I go, he goes you Bert. I said yeah, and he goes downstairs. I'm like, oh my god, I gotta fuck this guy too. This is gonna be this is gonna be a long fucking night Will Smith and him. He takes me downstairs. There's ten black dudes in a room with a big white table, phony table in the middle. No. Will Smith turns all around and I'm like, okay, thirteen black dudes, because you know he's

bringing Jazzy Jeff. It's so good to me, Charlie Mack, Jase Jeff these Tampa. I don't make eye contact with anyone. I just sit there and look at my feet. And then Will Smith shows up. I swear to God with Jazzy Jeff. I swear to God. I swear to God. He brings and he's got the fucking glasses on, and I'm like, oh my god, here we go. I'm like in my head, I'm like I'll start talking their cocks. All of a sudden, the curtains opened behind us, and

here's a legit movie theater. And Will's like, oh, grab us two seats. What do you want? And I was like, uh, what are you getting? He was like long lst and then shrimp and I was like cool. And then we got shrimp and we ate drank drinks, and then at the end of the movie watched American Pie. And at the end of the movie he goes Lean's in. He goes, what did you think? I said, what do you mean? He's what did you think about? The room. I was like, it's nice. You know the people I go there, they're

they're black. Is that you're asking him me? And he goes, no, you said you were a hip hop fan. Look around the room. That's cool OD, that's biz Marquis, that's Big Daddy Kane. I'm like, I could have fucked kol O d I mean, it was like the coolest fucking experience. And he was And I say this to the dad ie, he was the coolest fucking dude I'd ever hung with. I saw his dick like I I, yeah, it was. We took a piss. This is the best. Come on. Okay,

all right, all right, one more Will Smith story. The we we go into ABC to pitch it first TV and this isn't your worst press, Will the Uh, I mean, this isn't what it's going to break his career. We go into ABC to sell show to the lady named Jamie Tarsus and uh, I've never sold any show. I've never been in a Hollywood meeting at at all. I'm so nervous. I'm twenty five years old. I'm terrified, twenty six years old, and I have to take a piss. And Will Smith says, I gotta take a piss. I'm

going in the bathroom with you. So we go stall a stall right right next to each other. He gets right on me, elbow to elbow, elbow to elbow, and Will Smith unleashes a fucking tsunami of piss. Do you ever know when you someone pisses and as loud as fuck, you're like, how big is that guy's dick? I mean it's so loud. No, you never you never hurt someone else's piss when you were like ten, and you're like, I need a cough like that. It's so loud. I cannot focus on pissing. And I get gunshop Have you

ever got guns? And I can't piss, and Will Smith proceeds to tell me the secret of Hollywood. He goes, here's what you need to know. And all I'm thinking is start pissing, Start pissing, start pissing. I can't piss. Finally actual place where I go. All right, if I can't piss next to this guy, I can't sell a TV show next to this guy. So I was like, fuck it, you better learn how to piss. And I start pissing, and all I hear from Will Smith is just be yourself. That's all I heard. That's all I heard.

And then we went in and we sold like fucking three shiitcoms. But he wasn't talking about you be yourself so you could piss. No, no, no, he was just me Hollywood advice. He was the fucking best man. He was the best. I love that dude. Make a noise for Will Smith and my boy, Charlie Mack, all the legends that you were. Charlie Mack called me when I'm the drunkest. I don't know why, like whenever I'm drunkest

in my life, Charlie Max just called me. He was something I would imagine is he disappointed with I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I can't call this now.

monster rinks. And I love his core rehab. Oh yeah, here's his rehab. I gave him a special one. Okay, love, I would love hold on? Can I rehab? This is the greatest idea I've ever heard of my life. Can we can we open a rehab together where we show people how to drink? Hold on? Let's do let's do three pitches of our rehabs. Okay, I let me give you my rehab. I have. I have two rehabs because I think of one. I would like a nice white

wine marijuana rehab. That sounds like a rehab, right, you can have white wine up until the sunsets and then smoke marijuana, but you are edible if you don't smokereible, have white wine up until the sunsets and then marijuana after sunset until you go to bed, and that's your rehab. Or or what about a rehab where it's all doctor administered and they bring you in and it's for sober people who just want to sparkle one more time, one more time, so you bring them in and the like yo,

it's controlled like drunkenness. How about we bring them in there and we just shotgun them to death. No, you're ruining it, bro, No we get like you you're not, You're gonna get I tested this cocaine. There's no there's no fentanyl in it. And we're clean cocaine, clean cocaine. It's ice clean, ice clean in a sponge room, dude with a massuse. I want, I want, I would love there's I fantasize about rehab because how much fun it would be just to like dive into yourself and like

and I love I love it. Doing a couple of days not drinking, but I also want the tap out. I want the tap out of going like, hey man, I'm cool day as sunset is too beautiful. I'm drinking, and then them to go, yeah, you're in like a Xanax rehab. You ever take san x nah takes x too much? Me, It's so good.

this is a treat for me. Just enjoy this so much, boss you just so you know you are the drinking god. This is ridiculous. Did I do this? Look pretty much? This is mine? What the fuck are we doing? This is you know if my wife saw this, she'd be like, we need to have a conversation line. Oh fuck, it's big up, Leanne. Shout out to Leanne. I got new pictures of It's awesome.

too with Bill Burd Tracy Logan on Steve Harvey. Fuck that just got added. No no, no, no, no, it's in the middle. Serious. I drink on that one right there? Another one scar Face, scarface or who you know? Leonna and I fucking first, fuck the Scarface is the fix? Damn you guys fixed trick Daddy in the Fix came out at the same time Trick Dady Stars album, Trick Daddy's He's saying album Thug Holiday and scar Face is the Fix the same time. Should have done Trick Daddy's

Food Show while you were here, man. Yeah, at some point I'm grab Leanna and I had that was Those were our two love songs. Tell the DJ to play another classic backing up at the drums, ain't blads, Wow, three bitches in the already took so he said, scarfacing, Well, come on, drink, drink already already. I wasn't even listening Goffe's ice cube. Oh fucking scarface by drink Yeah, n w a o wu tang, Oh fucking drink at the we.

brung the mullet back. You're taking a shoffer, Jack taking a gangster. But Danny mcdride bride all fucking day you no, no, he put the mullet back. I'm a fan of the mullet. You should. You should do it just just for fun. I like I like your shot. You you've been waiting want the whole time. I like it.

without a doubt with in Levon Color. Okay, I like that. Okay, this last one for this part of the segment that we're going to switch it up a little bit, but for two more hours of just not too much explain with you. We know you got to kids to playing.

people in your team that fuck with them. They try to get you to not trust them, So you can't ever trust loyalty. You just can't. You just just can't. Respect is a big fucking deal. When people respect you, they treat you different. I've seen it. You remember what it was like to not be someone and then all of a sudden you were someone, and then all of a sudden, like people you didn't know treated you nicer, and you were like, well, this is really cool. I've

never experienced this. I would love to sit here on this podcast and say that I care about loyalty. I will be as loyal to like handful of people in my life that I love. Ultimately, you fire people that you love you. I mean, dude, yeah, respects the thing. I've heard you ask this question before, and I got in the shower and I literally thought about it in the shower. I was like, yeah, you have a weird place to think about it, But I was like, loyal

to respect, it's got to be respect. I'm not gonna lie to you.

you this, Like fucking Rogan's a dude. I can't say this enough about the guy, but like he's a guy that like is is respect based. If he respects you, he fucks with you, and if he doesn't respect you, he doesn't fuck with you. And so it's a weird thing because you you you practice to maintain that respect.

You don't you don't talk shit about him, like you you you you're careful with your words around because I can talk about my friends, but like I know, he's my guy, right and every one of his friends is fucking killing it. Anyone he funks with kills it. So right, God man, I'm fucking wasted, But let me ask you. Shoot, shoot, I'm wasted, but let me ask me see let me see which one I'm gonna go with. Okay, I want to be you guys and not flying sweet. Okay, So

you said asshole, dick and balls is the Middle East? Yeah? Yeah? What does that mean that the Middle East? The Middle East is the asshole? Well, it's it's it's it's it's a I might be too stupid to say this. The double entendre is it's the uh, it's the birthplace of the world, right in reality, Like in reality red basket, the breadbask the world is where the world started. So asshole digging balls, I should have said posty. But like,

it's the fucking place that created the world. That is Mesopotamia, right with Africa. Right, Yeah, but I also imagine I've been I've never been there, but I imagine it doesn't smell the best. I'm sure. Yeah, there's places that smell just fine. Oh no, there's not. There's a lot of places that smell really, but if you travel a lot I have. Okay, tell me places have you been Vietnam. South Africa smell great. Vietnam's like a week smelling. It

smelled different. It's different different. No, No, Vietnam smells crazy, like it's like so many flavors coming. It's different and everyone's energy is like I love Vietnam. My dad found the war, so I went to literally where you fought. Have you been to Japan? No, yes, okay, So then you go to Japan. It's opposite Vietnam. So when you travel around.

at like so, so then let's not do so. Then what are the Mexicans Because because when we moved to Atlantic, when we moved Tola my best friend was Cuban and he did not in La so I was raised around some Mexican So then if if, because because this is not stuff white guys should be saying out loud. But like one of the things is when Cubans stepped foot on this country, they're American citizens, right with the Mexicans. When Mexicans just stepped foot in this country, they're not American.

By the way, this ship amazes me more than anything, Like I love talking about this because so fascinating. So he was like when we moved to La he was like, dude, Mexicans speaks Spanish, like we're in Miami, Like they don't speak they'll speak Spanish in front of white people. Yeah, it was crazy, But what do you think the Mexican does? What? It was like, what's their country in the world? In Asia? I don't know, bro Cambo, what do you I don't know. I really don't know that. I can't have to think

about that. Let me ask you. So, all of a Stone bought your life, right? The seg is amazing of cocaine. And you thought that they tried to get you high of cocaine to die.

penthouse and uh. And I end up in the bathroom and there was a private entrance from the elevator to the lobby, and so I was like, and you get the fuck out of here. I go. I think they're trying to kill me. I think they're trying to kill me. To get the end of the story is that I die in a hotel in Hollywood. And I asked so many Hollywood actors it happens. Yeah, yeah. So I got in the hotel, I got in the elevator, hit the elevator, I got down to the floor. I'm highest on cocaine.

I start walking down Sunset Boulevard and I and I walked past Marky Mark from the Fat Boys, No No, No, and the Fat Boys, not Markey, Marcus Prince Mark. I don't call him Mary Mark.

him mister Mark Warburg. Yes you are, Yes, I am. I'm overstart. I mean, let me tell you something. I see the Rock, I call him the Rock. I see Marky Mark, I call him Marky Mark. Do you see good vibrations when you see him? Come on, come on my pants and my ankle and showing my underwear. That a good song. Dude, he's a fucking dude. He's a legend. He's Dirk Diggler. True, he gotta. If he doesn't respect the game, he's put out, then he's not. He's not enjoying it the way he should. He has a great

sekille as well. Yeah he does. What's his skiller? See, that's where we're fucked. That's why I think. Can I tell you our brand needs to be recovery because we did the show every fucking day. We party every fucking day. These guys don't drink every day, the Rock Mark, they don't drink every day. Yeah, we need to be in recovery, that's right. We need to be doing ivs and fucking and and fucking vitamins and and proteins. Whatever the thing

needs to be is our thing in Iahuasca too. If you could give me a low grade ayahuasca, A low grade am I coffee. I want to take you to the jungle in Mexico. Let's do a documentary, I mean us three. I mean, let's do it, and then we do a podcast as we're tripping, and I was about that you can bringing after Yeah yeah, because I don't know what this ship is. It's actually very therapeutic, to be honest. I heard how people it is. That's how people get off. He do it, and you're sitting on

a mud. I'm scared. Actually, I'm terrified because my boy city saw big as cobra trying to kill him. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's tie it up for right now. I'm gonna be One time I took a mess tab and I was on a sea saw by myself. I didn't know how I went up. And now I just I just tell you I would I would, I would not. I do not want to do ayawaska. Come on, shigne up with you guys. Let's go guys. By the way, I don't want to do a canoe. Yeah, I don't want to.

Don't ever wear crocs. They're bad. Broke her jaw, all the teeth in the top and bottom. Leanne calls me, it's bad fucking news. We need to go a new surgeon. We have a meeting on Monday morning. They think they can do it. We got to put her under. It's super dangerous because it's a baby. Oh baby, Oh shoot baby shoes I three years old? Four years old? Oh my god. Yeah, And so I'm a mess. I'm a mess. Leanne tells me take a Xanax before you even go in, because I don't want to know what you dude, bro

bro right. I mean like, I'll ship on her all day long, but she's a fucking bad bitch. Yes, yes, So I takes I go in. I'm not good at six in the morning. It's like before they even open, So bring Georgia in. They're like, we're gonna have to put her under. They can't find a vein. When I say put it under, that means yes, they can't find a vein. They're going in and in and in, and

there's and and it's not fine one. So they say to me, hey, listen, we're gonna need to give her gas, but we need her breathing evenly, so like, can you We need you to talk to her. You need to get her breathing evenly so that we can put the gas mask on her Jesus. And I'm like, I'm like, hey man, I'm not super trained for this, Like I'm an alcoholic. I just took annex, like this isn't my strong suit. And they're like, hey, I remember the lady going be a daddy, be a daddy, And I'm like, okay, okay,

so I line up. I'm like, all right, George, it's everything's gonna be fine. We're gonna fix your mouth. It's totally fine. You're gonna What we're gonna do is we're gonna they need to knock out, but we need to mask on her and she needs to breathe. Yes, so I said, I go, it's okay, I need you to just take deep breaths with me. We're gonna breathe together, and then you're gonna sleep. And then she looks at me and she goes, what if I don't wake up?

And I go, that's a great question. Hold on, hey, guys, if she doesn't wake up, what happens is we take the body with us. And I'm like, oh, this is I'm starting to fucking flip out now, okay, okay, I hold on, hold on, and then they just we breathe, We put a mask on her, and she goes out and I start, uh sobbing uncontrollably, uncontrollably so bad that they move me out of the room, put me in the bathroom. I'm crying in the bathroom so bad. I'm in there for like five minutes, and I'm just laughing

at how bad, how vulnerable I am. I never thought it was a man that they'll a woman I would pick would put me in this situation, because now I'm fucking aut there. I go into the fucking waiting room and it's now it's full. It's like the room's open. I'm crying uncontrollably. My wife's next to me, she's crying. There's a kid in there. He's like he's looking at Dad, like I thought you said it wasn't going to be that, Pat.

There's a black chick and she's looking at me and she's trying to calm me down the way you know, like you've seen the Matrix, you know how black chick can calm my white dude down like he is talking to Chip Coche Fine, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a deep dive. It's a deep so you go, what, I'm not having it. I'm crying so bad, my vision's blurry.

I'm a mess. We are in the waiting room with me and my wife crying uncontrollaby for about ten minutes and then they come out and they're like, your daughter's out the room. Applauds. They're like, thank god. We go back. Yeah, they're like thank oh god. They're fine. Okay. We go back to the receiving room, which is like a leather couch and a curtain. There's an expensive Dennis in Beverly Hills. And we sit down with Georgia and she calls on her mouth it's crazy. All of a sudden, the curtain

opens and it's the black chick, Whitney Houston. You knew it was Whitney other side. I did not. I did not. She puts her arm on me. She goes, it's tough being a daddy, and I'm like, it's Leanne drops Georgia on the ground. She sits down with Georgia and LeAnn and Leanne and strokes Georgia's hair and talks to her about being a mom, about how hard it is being a mom. They never grow up, they never grow up for you. They're always your babies. And we sat with

her for like five fucking minutes. And then and then we heard the doctor go missus Houston. She's like, all right, I'm going in. The reason we got the antesthesiologist is because Whitney Houston one of the anstesiologists. And so then yeah, and then we go to pay for the ansthesiologists. It's paid for when used and covered it all. We didn't pay for it. We didn't pay for it. Yeah, and then and then the anesthesiologist goes, where's mister Costner these days?

And I hear Winnie Houston, O put me the fuck under the body guy. She was over that. Oh I get it. I know my head. Did we finish the bottle? We we almost finished? We almost finished. We got to finish. I got another rehabit you need it. I'm drinking. Yeah, yeah, No. Winnie Houston was a very sweet lady. She her teeth looked beautiful, she looked perfect. She perfect. This is when Georgia must have been three. So whatever that was, but yeah,

must have been tough. Yeah. One thing I noticed about you, it's uh predominantly you know, blacks, and that tea knows we stick to one drink. Do whiskey, that's it. Yeah, do champagne, that's it. One thing I know about you. You can mix it up, so you can. If I was the bust of champagne open, you could get down the champagne. Yeah, I'm the un of alcoholism. I like it all. I like it all. Ship pain love a cold beer of cod beer, I got one for you. I love a cold beer. I love a champagne. I

love a rose. I never said no to a rose. How about a jega Maestu. That's interesting. We're introducing the Nazis. Got you know my favorite little f ball? I got fireballs. I love fireball. I used to think fireball wasn't a drink because it's a breath fresh. I was like, yeah, it's a breath So we used to do to be honest with you guys, I want to be honest with you both, that's real alcoholic ship. Yeah. I was like,

I was like, that was a your breath due. I remember this girl was like at the at my club. At the club I was doing and we used to do tops off shots, so if you had your top off, you could do shots for like half off, so everyone was naked. Everyone was naked. Oh yeah, top off? You top you mean top off? I wish I could show you the picture. You'd be like okay, and uh. But she's like, I'm going to drink the machine under the table tonight. And I was like, I was like, Oh,

you don't know anything about me. I haven't started drinking. I don't drink on stage. I barely drink on stage. I noticed that, didn't I say? That? Didn't I say? And so I drank her under the table and they carried her out shirtless in the snow, and I walked out to her as they were bringing out to the car, and I was like, I whispered, there, I go you okay, she goes, I'm fine. I said, you have your time tonight.

She goes. I did thank you so much. I said, hey, I'll never fucking forget I'm the fucking machine.

nobody who actually really think they have an addiction. I just don't believe being an attict is a real world. I think that if you're in control of your life, you can actually do whatever. That's because we're like the no, no, no, you know what it is. I said, We're like, we're like skinny people talking to fat people because because we're like, we don't have a problem with it. But they got to like, as a fat person, I go, yeah, how

then am I losing weight? You're skinny face the same as you, and they're skinny your I don't listen to people who's never been married giving me married advice. Yeah, so I'm not going to listen to people who never really got drunk. Oh, well, that's different. Different, that is the same.

don't get it. I go, I go. Don't even think about your family, or don't you think about like work or like like even tonight, I've been fairly measured with the way I drink. I know I have a press junk in the morning. I know I have a flight tonight. I know I won't drink probably much on the flight tonight. But like that's because we are. We got super fucking lucky, we got really lucky, and that we get to enjoy our ship. Like and if you're lucky, if you're lucky,

enjoy your luck. Try to understand these people that I'm lucky. But like, at the same time, I get, I get exactly what you're fucking saying.

in the strip club. Strip club like you know, it's part of the culture and so and so I Leanne just didn't question it. She went, okay, cool, you don't cheat, right, And I was like, nope, right, you get left ask and it's cool, right, I said, it's all above board. We're all cool. Sometimes they get a little you know, but but but will Smith is in there. You don't. You won't bend it over, so she'll let you chee. What the dude? My daughter said that the other day.

My daughter goes, hey, if you ever cheat on mom, I'll never speak to you again. And I go, okay, I go, what if mom cheated on me? She goes, I'd get it, and I went for real, she goes yeah, and then she goes, you know, she works really hard. She goes she goes, I get it if you cheat it with a dude, and I went for real and she goes, yeah, you're a little gay, my daughter, that's my already. Hey, you're done the stand up already? No, yeah, she ship but yeah, like like Leanne gets me, she

gets my lifestyle, she gets everything. Everything. Man, that that woman trusts me and I trust her. It's like when you know, you know, I got cheated on before and I and it saw not good. But then you meet the check where you go that chick doesn't do that, and then if that's on you, your fuck forever. Leanne's that check. Like if she ever cheated on me L two three, if she ever cheated on me, I'd have to murder her. I read my whole and the dogs and then we go two dogs honestly believe her. I

love it, man, I'll fucking murder that woman I love. Yeah, I put that. Put that. If I fucking love her too much, this will be used against you, This will be using against me. I fucking wasted. Yes, I gotta get on a Jeff flight. Are no, no, listen, you want to do pictures and drops and that's it. I said, You're done. Listen man, hold on, this has been the coolest thing I've ever done. Like you remember I did Rogan back in the day when it didn't matter, like

this matters to me. Like you guys. I watch you guys so much. You have such are trying to give you your fly. Please. Let me just tell you. I have never seen my crew this excited. No, you know, I said to them, I said, no one will be in there because I'm not fucking damn. Actually, Jada p Casser shout like I said, no, you are.