Well, anyway, I learned the answer to the question what does a doctor do when a doctor needs a doctor.
This is another and the adventures of America's fabulous freelance insurance investigator Johnny Dollar. At insurance investigations, Johnny Dollar is only an expert at making out his expense account, He's an absolute genius.
Expense accounts submitted by special investigator Johnny Dollar to American Volunteer Liability Insurance Company Hartford Connecticuts, Attention Homer Shelley, General Managers. The following is an accounting of my expenditures during my investigation of one of your policyholders, doctor Otto, Schmedlick an Apple. A days sent the doctor away, or it couldn't have happened to a bigger worm. Spense account item one eighty cents cab fare to your office and answer to your call.
Tip the driver one dollar. Oh morning's dollars? Yah? Nice sir, Good morning dollar, Good morning, thank you.
I'm sorry we had that unfortunate ovacation over the last expense account.
You submitted to this office.
Oh that's all right.
It was ridiculous.
You're going around tipping cab drivers a dollar after a fifty cent trip.
Well, you know me, Homer, just a silly, headstrong, impetuous boy.
It is somebody else's money.
Yes, we've been through all that.
What I want to talk to you now is a oh yeah, oh, doctor Otto Schmidlick, Los Angeles.
California, California. Doesn't anything ever happen at Hartford. I've been using an airplane's seat else so much lately, I'm about ready to throw away my suspendeds.
Doctor Ada Schmedley. I suppose you're familiar with the existence of that tackle of insurance policy which protects doctors against charges of malpractice.
I've heard of them.
Well, we had the rare misfortune of issuing such a policy to this this quack sch Medlick.
Well, what do you want me to do? Go out and take his temperature and dollar.
When I want to laugh, I tune in Jack Benny. Now, this is serious. The policy we issued the doctor Schmidlick only covers him up to the extent of what is construed as accidental malpractice. If we can prove criminal malpractice, we can cancel this chunital's policy.
Do you have a good reason to think it's criminal or are you just toying with happy thought?
Look.
Our company has already paid off on two claims.
Recently, we've heard rumors about this man.
It seems the Medical Association is watching him very closely, but so far no one can prove anything. Dollar.
Do you want the assignment?
No, what I'll take it expens accounts Item two one and ninety four dollars and four cents. Airfair Hartford to Los Angeles Item three four fifty Cambfair, Los Angeles Airport to the SunTower Medical Specialist building, which I first spotted looming through the smog on Wilshire Boulevard high in the High Rent district of the city beautiful. Item four fifty five cents eleven Nichols spent telephoning the Schmidlick office at fifteen minute intervals until I at last found the doctor
not in in California. The doctors really specialize, and the buildings they work in sometimes really make the most of it. As I found out in the elevator going.
Up second floor, I ear nose and throw doctor's care crider, whitis, noster band, third floor fractors, strange springs and dislocations, Doctor's fowler woodruft, toygo and brown.
But me.
Fourth floor, ob centrics, orthopedic, pediatrics and general practice doctor Small, Kya Reynolds, Franks, Stanley, Fibam and schmidleg.
Would all these medical terms you just tossed off, by any chance, means that we have now arrived in the land of the mechanized store, to put it crudely, Yes, thank you, Jack Armstrong and the Hello doctor Schmidliken. No, I'm sorry, I'm good. I mean that's too bad.
Just what do you mean?
Well, I meant to say that. Well, since the doctor isn't, I I mean I'm gonna talk to you anyway, felt I should be. I'm a girl. Now.
Is there something I can help you with?
Yes, as a matter of fact, you can. I have sort of empty feeling around my heart. How would you prescribe by cob minisoda? Is that all? Cuche? Now? I have an empty feeling around my head? Please?
Will you state your business?
No, honey, you should know that anybody who walks into a doctor's office wants to live. I'd have to seeing you. I really want to live. What are you doing tonight? I am not in the habit of making dates with strange men. And furthermore, the most insufferable ecotistics. A chance, darling. I'm sure I'll be able to prove you.
But I wouldn't be caught dead.
Like that.
This is the first time I've ever tasted champagne.
Good old champagne. A rich people seven up well is to us to us, Darena, I feel like talking well, thanks for putting me on God listening to you can do strange things to a girl. I want you to know more about me. I'm an insurance man. I didn't go up to your office hoping to see the doctor. I wanted to see his nurse.
You why, Johnny Dollar, if you try to sell.
Me, oh hey, you no, wait a minute, hear me out. You can probably guess it's getting bleached out trying to sell insurances days more than anything else. A guy needs a new angle, and I've got one. People who go to doctors, they're worried about their health. Now, people who are worried about their health, they're worried about the security of their families. So they become good prospects for insurance policies. Yeah, but at the same time, are they also bad risk?
A lot of them all, Yeah, but they can't pass the insurance physical, but there are plenty of others you should know the figures proved there as many healthy people go to doctors as do unhealthy. Perhaps the most popular disease in America is hypochondria, and the national headquarters seems to be located right here in Los Angeles. And from me, you want a list of doctor Schmdlick's patience, Smart girl,
smart boy. Spenser accounts Item five a dollar forty cab fare to Doreen's apartments, where I told the driver to wait. Expense accounts same item, Part two, twenty eight dollars eating time before I took the cab the rest of the way back to my hotel. Spencer counts. Item six breakfast the next morning, two hard earned dollars for two soft boiled eggs. The hand that laid them must do barnyard bits in the movies. At least at those prices, she
could have auto grabbed them. At nine thirty, I was right on time for my morning appointment with Doreen to pick up the list of doctor Schmidlick's patience a half hour before the doctor was due to a rise. Well, Johnny, for a man who stayed up so late, you're very punch. Oh that's me, the early worm who so often gets the bird. You got a copy of the list, yeah, got heard to type it. It is, so, this is wonderful. You're a dial Yeah, a a Aaron's. He'd make the
top of any alphabetical list. Look, this is a selfish way of saying thanks, because I'll enjoy it more than you will. But dinner at Romanostolone, I love it.
Good good Oh, good morning.
Oh it's patience already.
Yes, doctor d Doll, he's out of town. Good morning.
Well all right, what's the metal of view?
Oh it's it's really nothing.
Let me be the judge of set.
I will make the diagnosis. I will see you in the moment.
Johnny, I don't know what happened. He's never come in this early before. Oh mind, lad, But I wish you hadn't made a pasion. I just had to say something. He wants to know about everybody who comes in here. Johnny, you'll just have to go through with it. We can't really know about the lip. Okay, okay, but what's this going to cost me? What does the old squarehead get for a checkup? Fifty dollars consultation? Oh, honey, instead of
Romano's for dinner tonight. We better make it a drive in. Sorry, Johnny, I am you can come in with the d doctor. The name is Dollar.
Oh yes, yes, I forget. I have so many cases on my mind. No, if you will be so good to slip off your jacket and your shirt. But I thought, and what is the nature of your complaint?
Well, uh, on my back. See I was in a small automobile crack up driving out here.
No, it's a dangerous, complicated area at the back. No, you'll be so good to get up on the table and lie dumb Now, I'm your stomach the feet down here, please, that's good. No, I tapped your back when I reached a painful area.
Please to tell me. Yes, doctor, Oh, but they will muscle to mister Dulla, No bruises strange. Oh oh here it is ah, not dangerous to me.
It's spine, but not interesting. Yeah, I think this will help.
Oh. At first it felt like a big beast thing about a quarter the way up my back. Then came the buzzing inside my head. Whatever kind of liquid lullaby the good doctor sunk into my spine. It really rocked me to sleep. I had time to move my head and watch smdlick put down the hypodermic, walk across the room to my coat and take from it the lift of his patience, plus my wallet containing my identification. But I didn't give it a second thought. I didn't have time to for me. The lights went out.
In just a moment.
We will return to the second act of Johnny Dollar, but first assets one block of wood, liabilities, more trouble than the legendary paperhanger with the Hives. It sounds as though Edgar Bergen had a pretty bad bank balance, doesn't it. But luckily for you, he comes back week after week to the CBS studios with his block of wood named Charlie, and lets himself in for more trouble. As for you, you're really in the chips when you take in the Edgar Burgh and Charlie McCarthy show heard over most of
these stations every Sunday. Don't miss their brightest, gayest show Tomorrow night on CBS where this fall you hear them all.
In this ball for the show that you love the all listen careful.
Hipsy Yet.
Now with our star Charles Russell, we returned to the second act of yours truly, Johnny Dullar.
And my racket. Sleeping on the job isn't always fun, and this was one of those times. Waking up from Doctor Schmidlick's slumber treatment for nosy people carried with it a dark brown taste in the mouth, thickness of the tongue, and big bells ringing your steeple. I was scoring on all those counts when I rolled open my eyelids, which fought me all the way. I sat up. I found myself on a hard canvas cut in a bare room with soft walls. They were patted. The window wasn't much.
What there was of it was barred, so was the tiny opening and the upholstered doors. At first I thought I was going crazy. Then I realized I was in the kind of place where they put people they think they've already joined the ranks of the enchant it. It took me only ten years to make it over to the door before I looked out through the small slip. Hey, hey, come here, someone, Hey, room service, Wait a minute, I'm coming.
Hold up your voices. I listen mister by singing light in here is we don't like noise makes the other patience, nervous?
Okay, okay, okay? Where am I? Who are you?
I'm your nurse?
Oh sorry, I didn't recognize you. I thought nurses were supposed to wear little caps.
I got a little cap, but I don't live it in doors? It hut. Listen, you don't gonna make a fun of me. You'll be sorry.
See, I'm sorry? Now? How am I getting? Anyway?
All I know is this place is be a wrong good you say outside you're dangerous.
You can depend on it. If I ever get out, I will be what'd you say? Nothing?
H you're one of them, all right? Talking to yourself?
What's your name?
But it's none of your business. But I'll tell you. I don't like people calling me. Hey you, so I'll tell you. My name is Foggy.
Okay, Foggy. Listen. All I want is a chance to talk to somebody who's in charge. How about it?
That's easy. When your time comes, the boss will be here without no asking. You get one visit from the boss every day, just like all the others. What will that be just before supper? So why don't you go back to sleep? That won't be for four more outs?
Oh dandy? Who is this boss. What's his name?
The boss is not a hey, He's just a she, and her name is doctor Smith.
I had four hours to think up different ways of calling myself a sucker. At the end of our number one, I ran out of fingernails. At the end of our number two, I ran out of patience. And the other two I spent devising torturous new ways of getting even with a combination that shang hired me into that fancy four walled straight jacket. They had left me only one move to make was out. I figured that the winsome
doctor Doreene Smith paid me a visit. She'd come with her body, well guarded, probably by the charming, be muscled behemoth nurse Ford, who, from what I saw them through that slit in the door, was no Florence Nightingale believed me for him. I needed a club. I didn't have much to work with. The iron and canvas cart was heavily bolted to the floor, as was the only other piece of furniture in the room. It's small but sturdy table.
Took off one of my shoes, ripped the heel off in an angle of the cop and looked lovingly at the shiny little nail points gleaming back at me from a solid piece of leather and the palm of my hand. I put it to work ripping a four foot square of canvas out of the cot. Then I put both of my shoes into the center of the square, picked up the corners, tied them together and close to the weight, gave it a heft, feeling that I now had at least the start of a weapon.
He up.
I suppose you think that's good news.
He's still proppy. Don't trust him. Grab his arms when you go in and hold on. I'll go ahead, I'll follow. I'll try any tricks you won't hurt you.
See hiks mercy, I wouldn't fling them clear back in here, sweetheart, Oh drop your hypodermic planning on rocking me to sleep again. Let me tell you something is one squirrel that's running. Get this case. Don't rub my fur the wrong way. My headaches, I'm seeing double. My nerve ans are whipping me to dad. For two cents, i'd punched you square in the nose, because one thing for sure, you ain't no lady, sit down, stay there. When I put on what reck of my shoes you better go back to heart.
Little boy doesn't speak for you.
Ring around you will make anybody grow old in a hurry. What do you think you're gonna do right now? I'm gonna take your cheese, lock you in here with sleeping beauty there, and then I'm going up for a breadth of fresh air. I have fun. The two of you can make a peach of a pear. I stumbled to the rest of the building, which turned out to be nothing more than a country house. There were no other rooms like the one I had just vacated. For that matter,
the would no other so called patience. It could have been a place maintained for the purpose of making people talk or keeping them from talking. There was no telephone. I couldn't call out, but not that could anybody call in the fine out that something was going wrong. This little crime crib apparently located well out in the country. That meant that doctor Dreene Smith had arrived in the car, which I commentered and drove to the nearest filling station.
No longer having in my possession that list of Schmidlick's patients, I flipped through my memory and came up with a single name I had noted in his office. AA Aaron. Hello, Hello is mister a Aaron inployees? Oh good, mister Aaron. I'm representing a group of West Coast so I'm making a survey. Where do you have your prescriptions filled?
Itoy Pharmacy?
Oh, I see one more question, mister Aaron. I know in many cases people go to the pharmacists recommended by a doctor. Is this the case with you?
Yes?
Well, thank you, mister a a Aaron A part of me. Mister Andoy. The clerk told me where I could find you. My name is Daller. I like to have a word with you if you are the time. On the basis of ethics, the state of California should have picked up a gentleman's pharmaceutical license and issued him a barber's permit. Mister Andoy loved to talk, and the two thousand words he threw at me during the ensuing half hour, I managed to sift the following information. Doctor Schmdlick's prescriptions were
usually refillable, dangerous, and habit for me. I also managed to memorize the names of a few of his patients from the narcotics book. Well, He's tucked into a lonely corner of my cerebral cortex. I limped out into the newborn Knights SM's account on him seven fifty cent, having the missing heel on my shoe replaced by late working cobblers. Checking the owners of the first four names drew me nelling, but blanks. The fifth drew me closer. Come on in.
Her name was Millicent's Royal. She's a kind of girl whose family takes up a full page in the blue book, and those personal habits take up full pages on police plotters.
Well, don't just stand there, come in.
Thank you, Sit down, miss Royal. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm an insurance investigator. I don't want any You don't understand. I said investigator, not sales. And I want to get a line out of doctor Otto Schmedlick. Do you recognize the name?
I'm right, but I'm not sure if any of your business.
Look, little lady, let's put sparring. I've tailed friend Schmdlick this far and now I want some information.
What have you got nothing? He's a fine doctor, a wonderful doctor.
I don't think he's doing you any good at all.
You don't know anything about I'm afraid I.
Do more than you think. I know enough about doctor Schmedlick to know that he's doing a lot people a lot of trouble. I want to put them in a business and you can help me. Oh look, honey, Schmidlick is the one that needs protection. You do you and the other people on the same spot you're on. Why don't you do yourself so good? I think you're better leave now. Okay, perhaps i'd better drop around to the home of Quincy p Royal bel Air. Good father, No, no, don't do that, and give me some answers.
You can't make me.
Nobody can.
Anything that passes between the doctor and is taking as the sacred, nobody can make me say it's not even good jokes. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, All right, all right, if you change your mind, I'm staying at the Park Beverly Hotel. I'll trip them up sooner or later if I have to. I'm turning it over to the Federal men narcotics departments.
Why did I let you in here? Go out? Leave you alone, go away?
Please don't make me do anything. Well, well, it's my estranged wife having a loved.
I don't see why I should rescue you from anybody's clutches, but you I don't like your looks.
So get out before I bust your hat.
You know you look like just the guy who might be able to do it. Happy Honeymoon. My hangover from doctor Schmidlake's health cure hit me again as I hit the street. What I needed was a hot shower and a cold drink. After the water hit me in the face, and a trifle of the same hit the scotch in my glass. I sat down on the big easy chair in my room posing for a picture Johnny Dollar, lonesomest man in town. I was mixed up in something mighty big and mighty wrong, but something I couldn't as yet
put a finger on. Up until then, I had to go on with ability, experience, and instinct, all unacceptable to the police as evidence. I asked myself why I hadn't called the law and told them about my party with the doctor and the man nurse. Then I answered myself that if I did, I'd probably be the one charge with the salt battery and whatever else they want to trump up Again, it would only be my word against that of an established medical man and his doctor type nurse.
So I decided to leave dreen in a monster type nurse where they were until I could turn them over to the cops. Four drinks later, I was beginning to realize that those kinds of troubles don't drown easily. And then the phone rang. Yeah it's dollar, Yes, this is a dollar.
Want you to come over right away.
Wait a minute, what's the matter?
Change my mind? I'll tell you everything, anything.
You want to know. I listen, midicine. Take the advice of an old hand at this sort of thing. If you want to help, tell me now over the phone.
I can't trust telephones.
Somebody's always listening. Listen to me. It never fails, Miss Royal. You're playing around with a kind of suspense they like to put into movie scripts. The dame calls with some hot information she's afraid to spill over the phone. Then when the investigator gets there, she's dead. I went there. I was right, she was dead. That gave me two people to go looking for. I didn't know where a strange husband, Bill lives, so I went to work on
the doctor. His own telephone exchange gave me the information that he had called in just before leaving the hospital on his way to the office and could be reached there in twenty minutes. I was apparently closer than he was, so I walked out of the building up to the fourth floor. There were lights on the she Medlick office,
so I walked in. What do you want? I came here to see the doctor Bill, but I was going to get around to you eventually, and I just came from your wife's apartment, so did I. That's what I mean. You've got some talking to do.
I know who you are, but don't go getting any ideas. I didn't kill her.
I loved her, it didn't sound like love. When I met you in the apartment.
We made up. Right after you left, I went out to get her something from the drug store. When I come back, she was dead. That's what I'm doing here. I'm waiting here to kill the man who did it.
How do you know it was Fred Light Because after you left her apartment, she called the doctor and told him they didn't stop taking her down.
She was gonna tell you the whole story.
He threatened her, and she called me. Offers the grounds for blackmails, not contacts. That's right.
He got started on during the long illa she had after she was well but still needed a doug.
He told her he see that her family heard about it. He didn't pay him off.
Nice guy.
He wrecked us, wrecked our marriage, made a victim of her. And she wasn't the only one.
There were not this.
He made doug outts out of them and then threaten the blackmail them if they didn't pay off.
And you prove all this.
I can't prove it. Nobody can, but cops a medical association. They've tried. But Shellic is clever, too clever. When I last that monster out in the world, I'll be curing it of a bixick.
Now take it easy. Look, I know how you feel, but you haven't got the right answer. Why don't you let me take over? Stay out of a dollar.
I never belonged to any boy scout troops. I'm not joining enough. You'll know what they see an apple a day. Well, I've got one here for the doctor. You see this, it's left over from what I'm coming out.
Sure there is here the pineapple army type hand grenade.
Well, I'm gonna feed it.
To old Bill. Now, look, I know you're upset, but don't forget. Those things were designed to take care of more than one man. Have you thought of that?
I've thought about it a lot, and it still all adds up. I haven't got a thing left to lip for it.
Hey, that's you, they'll Bill, you're off your rocker. Don't do it.
Give me that and I'm stand away.
You come and get it.
Shredley a bomb.
Before the grenade could explode, I did with one foot, I kicked Bill in the shin boat with the pin pull. I only had about five seconds. I took two steps and with the other foot I kicked the grenade out for the carter and then I hit the floor.
All right, I'll still take you to pieces.
I let Bill go to work on the doctor sat unconsciousness and to say, Bill from a murder rap. I did the same for him with a loose portable typewriter. Sorry, but it's time to typewriter tagline William O ps. Then I called the police expense accounts. I'd a mate fifty dollars they're flaying rental burns lea auti service for a flight to Palm Springs Item nine sixty two dollars dinner at the Doones party of three included in said party
Me and Hay and Hey. Expense account Item nine airfare Palm Springs to Los Angeles, Los Angeles to Hardford two hundred and forty four dollars and four cents. Expense account total twelve hundred and eleven dollars and sixty nine cents. All that for getting rid of a doctor. And if you react the same way you reacted to my last expense account, it'll probably mean that you will be needing a doctor. Signed Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar.
Yours Truly Johnny Dollar is produced and directed by Gordon T. Hughes and stars Charles Russell, Scripted by Paul Dudley and Gil Dowd. Featured in the cast were Willard Waterman, Betty Lolo Gerson, Larry Dobkin, Paul Dubov, Georgia Ellis, and Edmund McDonald's. The special music is written and conducted by Wilber Hatch. Be sure to be with us next week when another unusual expense account is handed.
In by Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar.
Stay tuned for Von Monroe and his Caravan, which follows immediately over most of these same stations. Paul Masterson speaking this is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.
May that whatever you do