Cathy and Elliott Lewis - Call me a Cab

Kathy and Elliott Lewis on stage. Kathy Lewis Elliott Lewis, two of the most distinguished names in radio, appearing each week in their own theater, starring in a repertory of trans brotten stories of their own. And you're choosing radio's foremost players and radio's foremost players. Drama, comedy, adventure, mystery, melodrama, ladies and gentlemen, Mister Elliott.

Lewis, Good evening, May I present my wife, Kathy.

Good Evening. We all daydream. I remember that as a child, I wanted to be Florence Nightingale, and I'm afraid I missed some of my earliest arithmetic problems because I daydreamed caring for the sick and infirm.

I built the biggest bridge in South America instead of mowing the lawn.

Shirley Gordon, who wrote tonight's play Call Me a Cab, also has pursued this pleasant avocation, and she wrote some of it.

Down and we're going to do it for you right now, Cathink.

Our story starts with me. I'm in my apartment. It's very neat my apartment, tidy place for everything, and everything in its place, and it's very empty. When I'm in it, I spend a lot of time looking out the window without knowing quite what I'm looking at or looking for. Like today, when it's my day off. I finished doing everything I had to do. My apartment's clean, my clothes are in order, my hair and my nails are done. I've just finished the last chapter of the book I

Gone gone.

Today. Take a cab and window shop on a good day to waste Look at people using it, study what they find to do with it.

Ms Benson, Yes, you call a cab? What tilmet?

Just?

Uh? Drive around the park any place?

Okay? Mess you say? When?

How much will the meet a read?

I can afford it.

I like the sound of it better than a clock that takes away time and instead of just money. How much is the cat fair to a lonely day and back? Costs a lot more than a show's on a meter?

Funny day, isn't it looks like a cat make up its mind what it wants to be good or bad?

No, you can't tell.

That's right. You can't tell. Too early yet my brain might not.

No, it's too early to tell.

Misspencer Man. Wonder where the boyfriend is today?

Yeah?

Working, I guess, Or like that? One't without a guy unless he was working? Unless maybe she hasn't got a boyfriend. Nice looking girl, nothing better to do than ride around in a cab spoiled, That's what's the matter. Can't find a guy who can handle her? Tell her the facts of finance. Tell her there's more important things than riding around in a cab spending money.

A girl like that, all she needs is to have someone tell.

Her come in.

Thanks, what are you doing reading a book? This one?

You lost your place?

I finished any good.

Love story? How did it end? Happy Boy gets Girl?

Wasn't it?

What kind of a book?

What did you read it for it? Why don't you read my kind of book, Julie. It's a love story with all the works, happy ending boy gets Girl.

You'd like it? How do you know because I wrote it for you?

Joe?

If you wrote the book, then why did you let the girl get so unhappy?

Maybe because the girl is asking to be unhappy. She's too hard to please. She wants the rich, handsome prince on a white horse. So when somebody else shows up in his place and he isn't rich or handsome, and he's driving a cab instead of riding a horse, she smiles at him, tells him not to come any closer.

Joe, that isn't the way it is. I told you the money doesn't matter.

If it isn't the money, that it's me.

And it's still like I said, you want a story book hero and a story book romance.

No, Joe, I'm grown up. I know better.

And look at me, Julie. Write at me, not through me, to a dream that doesn't exist. I'm here, and I'm flesh and blood. I'm close to you, this close, and when I reach out my hand and touch you like this, my hand is real, flesh and blood. Maybe it's sweaty, sometimes dirty, but it means one thing that I'm a human being and not perfect. I say things right and I say i'm wrong. I'm kind and I'm cruel. I'm all things, some good and some bad, just the same

But that I love you. Can't you see, Julie? Can't you see?

Oh?

Jo, Joe, my darling? Whoever do I think I I am? Please forgive me.

Sure you're seeing me for real?

No white horses, No white horses, Darling, Just kiss me for real.

I love you, being no more than I am.

Being no less than you are. I love you, Joe.

You're doing you? How about that guy? Hey?

Some people think the streets were made just for them, real road.

Hogs all over the place. Uh, sorry if I frighten.

You, No, No, that's all right.

Hey, looks like we're in for some rain, all right, really starting to come down all of a sudden. I can't say I mind that good weather for my business. But then that's the way it is. What's a good day for me is bad for other people. Rain can spoil a day for a lot of people.

Me.

I like it good for my business.

Yes, it's always hard to get a taxi on a rainy day.

Rain or shine. It's a day.

Day to find something to do with. So you share it with a stranger who speaks about turning his face to you. Look at the picture on his identification card and wonder what sort of man goes with that polite voice from a fus seat. He talks about the weather.

That's all.

A bad face, but of course no handsome prints on a white horse here. Wonder what sort of life he lives? And he takes off that cap and prescomes something about besides a cab driver. I wonder what sort of girl. He's something else too. I wonder if they got married and found it an end to being lonely. I wonder if i'd like to trade places with her?

That you Joe, Yeah, it's me, sorry, I'm late. Last fair I picked up took me clear back across town.

Hello, darling, hm uh tired.

Ooh you're not not a you baby?

Never Canasta tonight tonight come, well let's see their life will be here anymou hm.

Well, I'll not put my shoes back on.

Its When have you ever even considered playing and asked her? With your shoes on?

You get some ketchup?

Oh Joe, it's such a good roast. Why do you spoil the day?

I told you before pork without ketchup? It was like, uh, like ham without eggs.

Or Canasta without shoes?

Mm, who won't the last time?

We didn't?

Oh much?

N'm not much and gravy good?

It's just right?

How can you tell 'em? You let the cutcher bruning do like that one?

Mm?

Always business today, fair pretty day days like this, people should walk.

And I did through the park mm and was off a pretty till green after the rain.

If it's nice Sunday, let's walk. I feel cheated when you walk without me.

Oh I we'll walk Sunday rain and shine.

Stop by the zoo to day.

Sure gave Oswald your love. He spit at me.

Oh shame on. That's walked.

When there's a new little baby monkey it's a cute little peanut had with big sad eyes. Oh yeah, we'll go Sunday. Yeah right, more potatoes.

Mm. What else do you do today?

Uh?

Uh?

A shop for groceries, you know, our snacks for the night and stuff. M m mmm. I ran into Alice stuff. You remember that's a girl too my job when I quit, and she told me all about how things are going down the agency.

Oh well, how are things going down to the agency.

Betty in the front office is wearing her hair and new color.

Well what color used to be?

Okin? Remember, right?

I think? No?

Mm, and that's what Alice says it is now, so it must have been some other color before.

Green?

Nice color, Bark's very green. You'll see something someone else is now besides the baby monkey and Betty in the front office is new hair.

Yeah, sure, well i'd see.

I know. I'm mad at you.

You are huh mm uh ah.

It tastes like a bottle of ketching.

How come you're mad at me? No?

Wait, let me guess. It's our anniversary and I forgot and you think I don't love you anymore? So you're going home to mother right after Canasta tonight.

Guess again?

Mm?

You've developed a guilt complex. You think you're a wicked, sinful girl or ought to be punished because you've been living with a married man. So you're gonna leave me and go off and be a monk, a monk, a god's walder mm and spit it people.

As a last guess. And if you miss, you'd write a dishes. If I win one, i'd write the dishes you wash 'em.

Mm Uh.

You're mad at me because you're wearing your hair a new color and I didn't notice it wasn't red anymore.

You're very warm.

Mmmm Uh.

You're wearing your hair a new color and I didn't notice it wasn't green anymore.

You're getting warmer.

I'll give you a heat mm I can't accept charity.

Congo claw.

That's not fair. You have to give the hint in English.

I told you were warm.

I'm wearing my nails a new color. You didn't notice, Congo claw. It sound exotic, sounds threatening. I put it on for Canasta.

It look beautiful when you meld what time are supposed to be here?

Time is it now? H?

It's twenty of Can you eat peanuts yet?

Oh? Oh?

Oh?

A new little baby monkey. Sure, he's off a cute We'll go sandy even if it rains.

What'd you say, miss, what?

What? Oh?

The rain?

I said?

The park's so pretty when it rains. Would you turn back drive through it again?

Sure? Miss you name it anything you want.

You are listening to Kathy and Elliott Lewis on stage tonight's play Call Me a Cab. Every day of the year, the Red Cross is helping humanity somewhere. Servicemen rely on it. Disaster victims oh their lives, lives to its prompt health communities everywhere.

No, it's day by day services.

All these countless ministries are financed by your contributions. Won't you answer the call to make this year's contribution larger than ever.

This rain is going to make a lot of people unhappy. Plant picnics, baseball games, things like that.

And the rains, Yes it's too bad, spoils.

The day, that's right.

Families, kids, rank and spoil things for them, Yes it can.

Can.

And just a little rain spoil things when you're cut in, when you're not alone anymore.

There's so much to share between you.

Hello, Helen, this is Julie.

Hey, where have you been?

On afternoon.

I tried to call you.

I wasn't home. Oh, but I'm so glad you're home. I'm just dying to talk to somebody. It seems hours before Joe be coming.

What's up anyway? You sound like the cliche cat that swallowed the canary.

Well, it won't be long before I look like I swallowed something a lot more substantial than a canary.

What, Julie, Then you've been to the doctors. Oh, honey, that's wonderful. I'm so happy for you.

I just came from the doctors. Oh, Helen, I'm so glad. And Joe's going to be just out of his mind when he hears no, no, not an inkling.

I wanted to wait, yes, sure, but break it to him gently. I understand these things gonna be very hard on husband.

Huh.

I'd seen it in the movies, but I'm not sure I remember just how it's supposed to go. I can wait, wait, wait a second, will you I want a cigarette?

Tete me too, I'm back.

Yeah.

Well, here's the way it goes. The husband has a hard day at the office, you see, Yeah, and he comes home to his little wife who has this big secret.

Under her uh belt.

So he comes in the door and he hangs up his hat and coat, and of course he's expecting the usual big hello darling from her and the big welcome kiss like he always gets, only this time there's nothing. This time he comes into the room and she just stands there, looks at.

Him, doesn't say a thing, poor guy.

And so he says, hello, honey, you know she does say anything, just keeps looking at him. Then what Well, the more she stands there and looks at him, the more worried he gets. So finally he asks, honey, what's the matter, and she says, guess exactly.

Oh, isn't that just awful? Deliver me from ever in this world doing thing like that to Joe? Imagine, greatest thing in the world happens to you. You make your husband play a guessing game to find.

Out what it is. Lamnt you haven't heard the worst. What happens is he guesses wrong, and he says, honey, whatever's the matter? It isn't true, I didn't do it.

Oh No.

Of course she gets suspicious because he's got such a guilty conscience, and on the happiest day of their life, they end up having a big fight.

You made it up. But just as the saying, that's not the way I'm going to break the news to Joe. I want to use the one where her husband, as soon as he finds out, lowers his wife gently into a chair and never lets her touch a vacuum cleaner or a dirty dish for the rest of her life. Liza, at least not for the next nine months of it.

You know, I'll tell you, why why don't you go out and get some pink and blue yarn and be knitting When.

He comes in, he'd ask me whose baby shower I was going to?

How about drinking eight glasses of milk at dinner? He'd noticed when you started looking homogenized. Oh, I know, why don't you wait n no midnight and do the old dill, pickle and ice cream bit. That's a hard way, I'd say, but surefire, Oh.

I couldn't possibly wait until midnight. I wanna tell him the second he comes to the door. If I can only locate my tongue at the time, we'll let him.

Sit down first, Honey, It's only fair. I will honestly too, It's just wonderful. I'm so happy for you both.

Thanks Helena, don't don't hang up here. Won't Joe be home any man? Yeah, but uh, I'll talk to you later.

But I still I'm gonna tell.

Him you will buy honey, congratulations, thanks.

Me, Honey, Hi, honey, honey.

Oh, Joe, guess what.

I guess it stopped raining? What?

Oh?

Yes, I guess it has now.

It looks like it's gonna clear up.

That's good.

Yeah, not so good for my business. But nice with the people. Now they can have their picnics and ball games.

Hah huh.

You just watch fifteen minutes from now, the park will be packed with people. Hi, I suppose so that's always that way.

As soon as it stops raining, everybody comes to the park.

I don't blame them. It's so pretty after the rain.

Just wait and see fifteen more minutes.

An audio here is dog's bar and babies crying. I know, as soon as it stops raining, everybody who's got a baby comes to the park. Everybody in the world who's got a baby.

Doctor Surry called surgery.

Uh you wanna look at this one here? Yeah? Thanks. I don't know what's in it.

I've been looking at it for how and I guess I couldn't tell you what's in it? Yeah, uh, this is your first two that's right, don't look like it should be. It's been married for fourteen years. Blanching me. I couldn't believe it when the doctor told us. I just couldn't believe it. I think it's wonderful. Yeah, yeah, it's wonderful.

Mm.

You and your wife been married very little, uh a little over years though, Oh dar, that's wonderful too.

Yeah yeah mm.

Aren't you wondering what it's gonna be? Oh no, no, after this long, it'll be a baby though. Oh sure it's I it's wonderful. Yeah to see Bland, she's she just as rating as a bride, and why.

You can imagine? Well, sure it's wonderful. Listen to that. That sounds like the nurse is coming. If no, I guess not that, No.

I I I guess it won't be much longer, though, No I, I I wouldn't dh think so, huh crazy couple of years ago, I sure wouldn't have thought I'd be sitting here in this room watching that clock, caring this much. My wife's name is Julie. Oh jee, that's a nice name. My wife's name is Blanche Blanche wonderful name?

Yes?

Uh listen, yeah, somebody's coming, mister Carson. Is that you have that? Yeah? Have the hat a Henry car Yes? Uh a nurse.

Would you like to see your son?

Mister Carson?

Hey, Oh that's wonderful, mister Carson. Congratulations.

My wife, Oh she's just fine. You'll see her too. You just come along with me.

Oh yeah, oh, thank you, thank you, thank and you too, thank you?

Yes?

Sure? Uh?

Oh a nurse, Well, I guess it's not your turn yet.

I believe Nurse O'Connor's with your wife. She'll let you know, but you may have to have a little patience. Sometimes there's quite a long wait. Uh this way, mister Carson.

R I do you or miss O'Connor?

Yes?

Did you come along with me?

Please?

Yeah? Sure? Sure? Uh is it a boy or a girl? Uh? Aren't you gonna tell me before I say? Oh? And Julie my wife?

Your wife's all right, baby hasn't been born yet.

But oh you mean it's too soon.

I know, sometimes, especially when at your first Uh do we have to go home again and come back some other time?

No, it'll be tonight.

Then there's something the matter isn't here.

No, no, you mustn't be frightened. It'll be all right. It's only that your wife's having not too easy a time just now.

And the doctor you said she was alright, She is, she will be.

It'll just be good if she knows how near you are.

Oh well, sure she should know that I'm right here.

That's that's room, might doctor.

Oh yes, doctor. Now wait a minute, young man. Don't you go getting excited. Everything's all right. Certainly that your wife became a little frightened, Yes, sir, they want her to quiet down. Oh, and I think you can do that for us. Just listen to what she's saying and answer her. Oh we don't quite understand, but uh, I think you will come with me, Julie.

Joe, Joe, you you go. You've got to come with me. There's a little baby. You've got to see him. He's so new, so little. If he don't be not starling, who'll see him? Take Joe, next time, you come with me, Julie.

I'm with you now. We're gonna see the baby together.

It's raining, no, no, no, the sun's coming out.

Babies crying where over there in that buggy beside the bench.

I guess it's all right.

There's the nurse.

Oh yeah, yeah, whoa right on the other side of the park. Uh, let me turn back again.

No, no, I think I'll walk back. Parks so pretty after the rain, so green.

That's uh three twenty five minutes.

Yes, here you are, keep the change.

Yeah, thanks, enjoy your walk.

It may turn out to be a nice day, might even be a little son leader.

Yes, thanks, yeah, well.

Thanks.

Call me a cab starring Kathy and Elliott Lewis. In a moment, mister and missus Lewis will tell you about next week's play. The excitement comes your way in four separate packages, wrapped and delivered by CBS Radio. Saturday nights, don't miss the Gene Autry Show with its adventures and melodies, and this Saturday, Tarzan finds thrilling adventure in the heart of Africa. Gangbusters continues its four parts saga of modern

Our thanks tonight to Shirley Gordon, who helped us dream of what might.

Have been, To Howard mcneer, who became the father of a fine boy.

To marry Jane Croft, who helped me plan ways of telling a husband he's about to be a father.

And to Peggy Webber for capable and cool practical nursing.

Next week, the problem that occurs when a girl tries to get rid of a man she knows casually, but who thinks their relationship is more serious than it is. E.

Jack Newman wrote the script. It's called Eddie, and we'll present it next week. Until then, thanks for listening, and good night.

Good night.

Music QUARTERNIGHTE story was composed by Fred Steiner and conducted by lud Gluskin.

The Kathy and Elliott theme is by Ray Noble. Kathy and Elliott Lewis.

On stage is transcribed and directed by mister Lewis George Walsh, and remember listen while you work. Enjoy Road of Life every Monday through Friday of the daytime on the CBS Radio Network.