Live from Wilmington with Barbara Alyn Woods

First of all, you don't know me. All about that high school drama girl drama girl, all about.

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Hi Friends, welcome in. We have another special episode for you today, coming from none other than Wilmington, North Carolina. I am joined by the one and only b Jail. That's Bethany joy Lens for you people who aren't hip, and we have an extraordinarily cool guest. I was so excited when I heard about this booking because she happens to be one of my new favorite friends, the life of every party, and everyone's favorite nanny slash ex wife slash firecrackers.

X addict X what is hato on Tripper? Like?

Yeah, the one and only Barbara Allen woods Hight.

Guys, we're just debating, is it Babs? Is it Barbie?

Is all of the above anything that starts with b okay beautiful? Yeah, all those.

Things anything yes, Babe, brave, I go with babe, I love bad.

We're going there, we go.

You're saying you always got this rep you got the reputation as a party girl.

Well, I know it's since One Tree Hill. I have this reputation as a party girl. It's since One Tree Hill. I think so like people think that of me, and I feel like it's just such a bubble burst when they find out I'm kind of a homebody. Yeah, but I think it's also because I'm I'm an open book like you guys, I'm now inviting you to open my book because I just like, I just say how I

Well, having spent some time with you at the last convention in Paris that we did together, I will say I think it's just also because you have such a lightness to you and energy, and it just seems like you are You're genuinely enjoying like wherever you are, and so I think it's very easy to confuse that with like a party girl, yeah, because usually it takes people booze to just be like in an ordinary setting. But that's just kind of the energy you carry with you wherever you go.

And it sounds really corny, but I really do enjoy One Tree Hill events. I mean they make me happy, like the reunion with these some of my favorite people. I do so it's genuine, you know, I don't like fake the happiness and I'm having a good time. I really am having a good time.

But you're consistent. You're consistent in your which is one of my favorite qualities in people anyway. Is that the joy that we see in you here whenever we come. When I see you outside of these environments too, you're the same when I talk to you on the phone and be like, you're just you have a as a webside, you have a lightness, there's an effor escence.

And I feel supportive of my castmates in general, you know. I mean that makes me feel like I'm saying, oh, I'm a saint or something, but I really do. Like I went to the concerts last night. I love going to your concert I love wherever Tyler is. I'm like, oh, can I be there, you know, just like to support support, because we all kind of came from the same place. You guys are off doing so many other things now, but it's like, why.

Not, you know, we kind of get to reclaim some time that we didn't get to. We didn't know how to do that for each and kind of making up for me and maybe making up for lost time.

I never knew the second half of the show. I never knew you guys, and I knew you and Joy. Oh my god, so many things. This is a whole other podcast, but so many things I wish we had spoken about. Yeah, we were working together every day, Like I don't know, it's just so maybe for me it is making up for lost time. Yeah, for making up for time that I wish I had spent a tiny bit differently when I was doing the show. But I

Yeah. So, An, you were all in that stage of life in a different way. Yeah. I wasn't raising kids, but I was obviously had my own crazy world going on, and we're all, you know, we were all in that phase of life where we were keeping our work separate from our personal lives, which makes sense. Everybody wants to be professional. But it when I if I did it again in another place that was insular, like Wilmington is, I really would want to invest in the people that I was working with.

How I feel. Yeah, yeah, well.

That's what these conventions are. I mean, that's what they were for me. Was that like we got to come back as adults, and I just realized how great the group is and it is like we talk all the time. It's like strong summer camp vibes, you know. Because when I was doing the show, like I had my own stuff going on. Everyone else had their own stuff going on,

And also when we were in Paris, because it was like hours were long and long, there were a lot of people and we love our Paris fans and it's a lot of emotion, and I felt like we were all in the trenches together, like in the green room was like the trenches, but we were in it together. We're going to get through this together. So it's like a bonding experience.

You know, you've worked so long that you've had such an illustrious career, and is it illustrious or illustrious, I'm not sure what the right word is, but either way, it's been fabulous. Have you found this kind of energy on a lot of other sets that you've been on, Like it was a unique.

You know, you always have a few people, you know, it's, oh, we're a family, We're going to keep in touch, and it's so hard, but I do have a few from other shows that you know, years years, years ago, and they're still a part of my family, which is amazing. And if you can get the like pick out a few special people to carry with you to the rest of you know, for the rest of your life, it's

Because that's the tree Hill forever. If we didn't have these conventions, I would be hard. I wouldn't have almost any of the relationships I have with one Tree Hill cast members today.

And yeah, podcast, you know, keeping people together. No, it's it's good. It's all good. We're all such special people, special special people.

Just jump right into Okay, you have had a lot of TV daughters. So here's my question for you. Who was your favorite TV daughter? Your real life daughter Natalie, or your real life daughter.

Emily Robert or my real life daughter Allie Ally played your daughter for an entire series.

Oh was that, Chuckie.

Yeah, I thought that.

Was Emily for some reason.

That was But I did play Emily's daughter. I played Emily's daughter in a pilot, I played her mother, and then on The Goldbergs, I played Natalie's mother.

Oh my gosh. The Goldbergs great.

And now let's make it all three of your real life doors. I want you to rank them, Rob.

You can't. I told you.

For it.

Well, first of all, I liked my character the most that I played against Alie. Okay, I liked that character the most because she was just a raging, crazy, you know, hot mess, and it was so much fun because she was a regular on the show, and so we were running lines at home, we were living together, you know, not at home, not in La So we were living together in an apartment, just the two of us and having to run these lines where I was just the worst mother in the world and we could literally not

Yeah, it was.

Like really hard to call her names and to be so horrible to her and look in her eyes. But then when we got there, it was it was great. So I'd have to say that experience and my cheating because I'm not choosing Ali, but the experience with Alie I'll choose. It's But the Goldbergs was a comedy. That's my favorite thing to do. I love doing comedy, so that was yeah. And then Emily. I just love hanging out with Emily, so that was really political answer.

So what I heard though was that it was nowhere near clothes. It was Olivia first place, Natalie second place, in an adduced in third Ama.

But the thing is Alie's here with me right now too, is she.

So oh, we just saw her when we came in.

She's so fun. She's got that same energy that you do.

By the way, she really carries that same and Natalie and I know all three girls. And when I see Natalie and I run into her at like events, which is the last time I saw her with some event, She's like, she's so beautiful and she's so intelligent, and she's but she's got it's not like the lightness, but she's not like edgy.

She's like she's super warm.

She's warm, so much warm.

Yes, the same thing.

Wow, yes, incredibly, AMI's like crazy smart, super edgy. She's got. Yes, she's also got a warmth to her. I mean she's not cold, but it's it's different.

She's cool. When you call me extraordinarily cool, Like no one has ever called me that because I'm not cool.

Instagram get out there, you.

Passed it down. I mean, I have a cool life, but I'm not cool.

I'm cool with Joy and I are supremely cool. We only hang out people.

You have a cool energy. I don't. It's okay, I'm fine with that. But Emily has a cool energy.

Do you think is there anyone else in the industry. You can think of who has worked with their children and the capacity.

That you have.

It's yeah, so you've worked in a you've recreated your parent child dynamic with all three of your children. I can't think of anyone else who's done that.

And I homeschooled all of them too, And I mean we're friends somehow still because they've spent a lot of time with me.

It sounds like someone might be extraordinarily cool.

I'll take it.

Yeah.

Yeah, But Nadalie's producing now, so I'm like, oh, she's a producer now, she can hire all of us. That's perfect.

Get this gang. Ray, the founder of Friends with Benefits, the convention company that runs these amazing events that we are currently at, has been working on and designed a one Tree Hill Fiend Airbnb. Yeah, andwhere else but Wilmington, North Carolina. And get this gang. It is available for booking now on the Airbnb app.

This is such a cool idea. I remember us talking about this a while ago and we never actually followed through that. I'm so glad somebody else did.

Guys.

The FWB team, led by Ray, Brittany and Jannita, along with a ton of help from volunteers, are officially turning trick back into the actual trick like the night club in the show. For more updates about that and other events, follow FWB on Instagram at FWB Charity Events.

Are you a better teacher or actor? Oh?

Oh, I'm a really good acting teacher.

Yeah?

Yeah, well with my.

Office, with a tremendous job, with my god, these questions.

I mean, I've often been approached about coaching people because of their success, but I don't think I could coach anyone other than my daughters, because I you know, I'm like tough. I'm tough, and I feel like I can be tough with them, But I don't think I could be tough with and I have to coach people who are already good, you know what I mean.

I couldn't teach someone to be good, but I don't know if anyone can. I mean, you either know how to act or you don't. You know, you have an instinct to know how to tell a story, or isn't it funny?

Yeah, isn't I think?

Yeah?

I think so too. It's something you're born with, But.

Whether you are a professional actor and pursue it or not doesn't necessarily make the qualification I think it's just like people inherently either have the ability to feel comfortable in whatever environment and just share their story, yeah or not.

And I'm not necessarily into coaching in general, but that's a whole other thing. But I think because they were my kids, I could just you know, teach them the basics and just to trust their instincts and you know, things like that.

But so did I answer, I was more speaking to the homeschooling.

Yeah, yeah, okay, I was a really good teacher. First of all, I was a good student in school. I was I was, you know, an a student. So school was really important to me. And when my kids decided they wanted to graduate early because their actors, it was a big deal to me that I was taking school away from them because just the social like what I what I got out of school socially was a lot for me, and I carried that with me through life. So it was a little bit sad to me that

I experienced in Wintrell, all of our characters exactly.

So school was important to me, so I made sure that they had all those little I even had a homecoming dance for Ali. I threw a homecoming dance. It was a prom, not homecoming a prom. But I was a good teacher because it was important to me. And also I became an actress, and I was a little sad that I didn't pursue anything, you know, in the other fields. I wanted to be an English teacher, and so in the program that I had them, and I was able to choose any subjects and go as heavy

Be okay with that. Yes, that is pretty pretty formative. I bet that's played a huge role. I mean, I'm not their mother, but I would assume from listening to what you're saying that played a huge role in who they are today and why they're so healthy and grounded.

Yeah, and not being over coached. Yeah, And I think a lot of you know, when you're not in the business and you're a parent who wants to get your kids into the business because they're precocious or there, they seem to have talent, or they're good looking or whatever, and then you us to get them coached and coached and coached and coached, and they stop thinking for themselves. And so for me, it was just it was really all about don't think. Don't think.

It creates a massive amount of insecurity as well, I think because then you're constantly focused on yourself all the time.

Yes, so as a young actor, as a young.

Actor, Yeah, so that's it sounds like you've I've always been in awe of your ability as a mother.

That is the nicest compliment.

I truly have. You always felt like a safe play and I we were texting the other day about this, but you always felt like a safe place to me on set, and I didn't I didn't know necessarily how to ask for advice or how many times, but even like I mean that time I had to put my cat down and Barbara came over and was like there with me while I had to put my cat. The cavet came over and Barbara just sat with me because I was like, I need a mom, and I don't

Really twenty two. And I thought I didn't have a twenty two year old then, so I thought of you as, you know, an adult, like yeah, but now I know what twenty two is. Oh my god, I'm really young.

So young. Yeah, so you always felt it was such a safe place. I'm just so lucky that we got you on the show.

But once again, I would love to do it again and be there more for you and more for all the girls, and to be because I think I've always been a mom, Like I'm very maternal. I knew when I was ten years old I wanted to be a mom and even done with my friends, I was maternal. So I wish I would have had more time with all of you to mother you and just to be there and you id But like I said, I didn't think of you as young because you were all so

Yeah, but feeling like we were fourteen, like what are we doing here? Just raising ourselves? Yeah, so weird?

Yeah, not living at home?

And I know, so do you have advice for like what advice do you have as a mom? Like what are some of the best pieces of advice that you've been given or that you've learned.

What I've learned is the less you react when they they're going to hear this and that's my secret's going to be gone. But the less you react when they tell you something shocking, the more they'll tell you yes. And even if you don't agree with what they've done or what they're telling you, go with it because they're telling you because they either need to get it off their chest or they they need advice, or they trust you.

Like okay, it's okay, yeah.

And then you know you're not going to cut, you know, cut the communication off, because as soon as you are judging them.

It's over.

Yeah, it's over.

That feels like really consistent advice in terms of your personality as well, because you provide that space for everybody I think that you come into contact with you feel judge.

Yeah, you want people in your life who don't judge you. That's right, unconditional space.

And the same thing with the toddler. Right, it's like the bigger reaction you have to them doing something, the better the odds they're going to keep doing.

It, yes, you know, or they'll be they'll be terrified and won't ever take risks again.

Yeah, there's that too.

It's a big deal with a toddler. What are what are some of your big pieces of advice that you feel like you've already garnered wisdom on, Like, ah, okay, here's the hack.

I have two mantras that I have been leaning on heavily, and especially in December when the whole family got COVID so everyone was at like eight percent. Yeah, I really leaned into this is funny because it was something like

I can do hard things.

And my kid would look at me like what is Dad melting down? But it would like it would rain me in. And then I heard I heard another one two days ago. Jenny told me, you know, when he's having a big feelings, there's a simple question, would you like to be heard, helped or hugged?

Wow? And I have all three yes and yes, all three are totally.

And then the last thing, because it's the third, is this is just when I just remind myself because I didn't realize how much anxiety I have until I heard the way I would be talking to like to our son, so you know, like he would spill the oneter and be like money, bunny, Bunny money. I was like, oh wait, he's going to pick this up like I need And.

Then you hear him do it.

Yes, And so I always remind myself like slow down, soften, just don't take it all so seriously. Yeah, and it kind of helps me rain it and like it's just water on the floor. Yeah, you know, like because I can catch myself getting like a little too tight on the reins, like and it's like.

And they pick up your energy, They just pick up your energy. It's you know, yeah, whatever you're feeling. Sometimes I'm in a really good mood and I notice people like my kids are in good moods, like wait, why did I start that train? Like did I? Am I the one who's like creating this? Or if I'm not in a good mood, same thing, like why are you so crabby? Well, because you are. You're like, oh, I'm the one who has to be like the happy one here, Okay,

Yeah, wow, isn't that nuts?

And a girl teenage?

Yeah? Superd are you doing I'm doing great?

You're doing good.

Yeah, she's great. She's so polite and kind and like it's it's fun and you know, I mean it's just been the two of us for so yeah life really, Yeah, we have we have our we have our thing. I mean I think that's it. Just like don't get on the roller coaster. Come to show up to the theme park with them, but like you stay on the ground and they get to go on the roller coaster. Yes, and I'm just here when you get off the ride way for the top while you're at the top. But yeah, no,

It's besting ever.

Yeah, it is ever. Well, you got to be the mom of a boy on One Treo, and I wondered, like.

How how debt? Like how Deb?

We've had you on the show before, so I don't remember which questions we've already asked you or not, but like I wanted to know how Deb came to be the personality that she became.

Is that funny because it was because she went downhill? She felt so much like this.

It was very much what I think of as like a boy mom like she was really she was really kind of strong and tough and like had everything in all her ducks in a row and everything was very not chaotic, and then the world just all started falling out.

I don't think they had what happened to Dub. I don't think was planned. I think this is my theory and I might have said this on the podcast before, but my theory is that, well, first of all, the writers on One Tree Hill really wrote I think for us as they got to know us, maybe wrote to our strengths, yeah, maybe added some comedy or not, and maybe tried to press some buttons, some emotional buttons where

She became you know, Cayo.

Yes, yes, you were never having more fun, Like it was so much more fun to play a character like that. When I go back and watch the beginning episode, she's just boring, Like that character is just like, Okay, let's have some fun.

Yeah.

What was the sort of initial conceit of Deb, Like, how how big of a role was supposed to have? What did it look like?

Dad was a three episode arc?

God, you didn't do so well? Yeah, but you overstayed your welcome.

Yeah, and this is even better. I was on another show at the same time, not a regular but a recurring role in LA and I knew that one Treehill wanted me for three episodes. I was in love with this character. I just love I was in love with the show, the writing, and I don't think I saw into the future that I would be there further than

You were here for five years.

How I always remember, I mean I always forget how many I don't know.

But we were just watching episodes, like a Thanksgiving episode that I directed, and you weren't there.

I was like, where is Dan weird death disappearing. It's like when Dan goes away.

No one explained it away. No one explained it, which is.

More than Dan.

Yes, And all of a sudden, she just shows up one day with Jamie, I think as the babysitter or something like. No one ever really in.

Eight, you're just gone. Did you ever get a phone call? Were you working on other things?

Oh?

Yeah? Seven I really honestly don't remember. I think season eight I moved back to La so I must have thought I wasn't coming back. I don't remember. Like the series. I think they were going to have me come like an occurring basis or something. I don't really remember, but.

Come back for the end I did. Okay, I don't remember yet.

Was season seven though, when Skills and Dead had a thing?

No, it was like five. I think it was early I should know this, but I think that was five. And then they broke up, you guys broke up and then you helped us the nanny Carey thing. Yeah, it was psychotic and season six maybe I remember exact.

And I had Allie I think season five. Yeah, so I had to leave for a little bit to have her. And yeah, well we missed a lot of lunch.

We're really missing you on the show right now as we're watching.

What are you on right now?

Eight twelve?

Yeah, well what's happening? So Brooke and Julian are almost about to get married? Okay, And you'll never believe me, My god, I didn't.

Watch you guys, watch you guys. I watched the whole show with Allie, not at the time, now Ali wanted to watch all nine. Now she wants she's starting over. She's a mega fan now, and it's so different for her to be here. Well she knew you already, but like to know everybody, and being here is different because she used to go to the conventions of me and not really no everybody, but same here. Like I didn't see your work until recently you got You're good.

You're so good.

It really good so much.

It was the same with you. I hadn't because we never crossed paths. Yeah, it wasn't until the rewatch It's.

Like, oh, you're so good.

Oh yeah, that's that's right, just.

Like kind of like two different shows. But I mean, I wish I'd come back and entered your storyline.

That would have been so much fun. I mean, what would deb and Clay have gotten into.

Oh oh my goodness, we would have hadn't a fair Oh oh absolutely, As.

I stopped for a second because Quinn, yeah, oh I would I.

Mean Quinn went off to like, oh no, she said she was going to forgo or something, but she didn't go the right age.

Oh yeah, oh yeah eighteen.

I know this because I think the character was supposed to be remember when I got the job. I think the character is supposed to be like early thirties, and I was twenty eight or twenty nine, and so I was like, it's They're like, it's cool, just grow out your facial hair. And so if you go back and watch my first two episodes, I have a very unconvincing.

Do to make you look a one year older, truly, to the.

Point where it gets abandoned, like one or two episodes in the season seven because I was like, I don't think that in La was.

Like her face, but you were playing an adult with the job, So yeah, that would have been perfect fit. My god, damn, oh well that so many in another way.

Would club Would that be our couple of men?

Yeah? Club day no delay delay. That's so good.

I love all the imagining that funny because it would have been I was pregnant on the show, hoping that they would just write it in instead of having to hide. It's hard to hide a woman's stomach and enormous boobs, and let's write it in deb Yeah, because Deb's what thirty nine or something, She's not like she's fifty two. Like it's I mean, I'm pregnant, So deb could be pregnant. We're kind of the same age. And for the writers, just like they're like, what, we don't know what to do to be pregnant?

Like I mean, I think the same thing happened to Haley, Like once I had a kid, then they were kind of like, well, what do we do with you now? Like you're not interesting anymore?

So everything opens up, like so many possibilities, becomes so much more interesting, become so much more aware of, so much more yourself, so much more comfortable being who you are. We can throw in a sexy nanny that you hire.

So many possibilities, so many possibilities. Wait, speaking of possibilities, I've said for a while that there should be a prequel to Onetree Hill, Like there should be they need to do like Deb, Dan and Karen in the eighties.

You know, so I've never heard this idea that you know, one of my daughters could plain and the prequel.

This is my question, Actually, which one of your daughters do you think?

I mean, well, look, we know that.

Olivia is the right age. Ali's like God, she's the writing the same energy as you, and I feel like that would be a good fit.

It would be great I could.

Also see Emily and Natalie. Like, I guess it just depends on how.

They wrote the character them. Maybe the prequel, so you lot of the most the prequel could go over a few years, and then it could be all three of them.

Oh, I got you know, it would be great.

Wow.

Yeah, Like, I just think that is such a I think that would be so much a great idea. I think it would be really really.

Interesting, especially if it's in the eighties.

I love eighties, eighties anything, and it's already characters that people are obsessed with, and it's so much drama that when we started. When you start the pilot, you're walking into a ton of drama that's already pre existing. You've got this small town, this family that's these two families that are divided, and we don't really know much about the history of these characters except the flashbacks.

Even if they're different actors, everyone's already in love with the character.

That's what I mean.

Yeah, exactly, it's because they ultimately know what's going to be.

Yes, do just build a show. I'm telling you, let's go after drinks.

Well from the.

Podcast, she was on the show because she was in my stomach like and so be so cool for her to do.

Okay, fine, fine, fine.

I have a question at these conventions, when people come up to you, when fans come up to you, is there a scene or a quote that you hear the most.

Yes, life Wait, I have to get it right now. Life sucks. Give me a drink. Life sucks. I want to drink. I think that's what it was. Life sucks. I need a drink. Yeah, over and over and over again, and people want me to write it like optimistic.

Life sucks.

I need to drink. Barbara Allen Woods.

We just interviewed Barry Corbin and he had a fan and get the quote of his tattoo, but it was like a beautiful saying and I just wanted to drink. Wow, mama needs a buzz mom of the year stuff right there.

I'm telling you, I don't know any other. I don't think she ever said anything very like.

I don't know do you have a favorite uh oh, a deb quote? No scene? Do you think of fond just you remember shooting?

I mean I loved all the stuff that Paul and I had to do together, like just playing tricks on each other and all the the War of the Roses. Yeah, I mean that was my favorite. I also had a great scene with Moira that was fun. I like comedy, and so to be like the comedic in such a serious show where it's a lot of you know, talking heads and crying and all that, I think it's the most fun. And I'm not necessarily into being on a sitcom, but I love being like the comedy in a drama.

How did the Goldbergs go for you? I haven't seen your episodes yet. Oh, it was so much fun. And this broad comedy that's not front of his studio audience, right, that's like a single camera. It was single camera. Yeah, okay, okay, have you done well? I know you did Seinfeld because I watched Seinfeld and I'm like, who Barbara Barbara?

Oh my gosh, yeah, you.

Know that was what episode? Would you do?

I played, oh, someone going out with Jason Alexander, a date of Jason Alexander. I actually, you want to hear some.

Dirt all of it. Yes, I used to date.

Someone from that show you did, David.

I wish Michael Richard's Jerry Jerry. Oh my gosh, what I'm weirdly attracted to you right now? Yeah? Wow?

Small World. Yes, at a comedy club, and it was before he was Seinfeld. But he did stand up and even watch the pilot together when he had done the pilot, Like, you want to watch the show? I just did a pilot O yah. Sure, And I think it wasn't picked up to begin with. I remember not being picked up, and then.

I got a partial pickup of like five or six episodes, okay, and they were very very much on shaky ground. It was a very different show that first. I think it's like a six episode season. That's how uncertain the network was about the show.

Wow, it goes to show how much network people don't know.

Oh my ysh, Yeah, it's so true.

Was Jerry a fun hanging? Was he funny in person?

He's very serious about being funny. I think a lot of comedians are that way, so serious. People like not what you would expect.

It's super sharp and intelligent, so smart, so so so smart.

And so nice to fans. I mean we ended up being friends and then I ended up doing the show after we dated. Oh funny, that's great. Yeah, it was good.

So you did sitcoms? You've done sitcoms in your life with a live audience yeah, have you done a lot of theater?

Yep? When did you do theater in Chicago before I moved out to LA And I did something in La too, But it's not like it's not the scene in La. Yeah it's not, but I did. That's how I started doing theater. And I majored in theater in college and then just a bunch of theater played Cinderella Joy. Did you Hammerstein?

No? I was gonna say, wait, do you sing?

And I didn't know this.

I do you sing?

Do?

But not like you Well, I'm just wondering, like what do you no?

No? No?

Yes?

And we talked Broadway on set. Okay, maybe we did, but I just loved, like, you know, I'm kind of a nerd that way. And I remember being on the carpet for during One Tree Hill for certain events, and because One Tree Hill was so music heavy, they would always say, you know, who was your favorite artist? What is your favorite song? And for me, it's just Broadway. And I always felt kind of nerdy saying that, like, I don't know, a chorus line is my favorit? Like

Oh my gosh, wait, what have you seen? Oh lately?

Nothing in nothing recently? Oh really nothing recently, Like.

You don't go to the pantagous and go.

But I did see Cinderella on Broadway and that was special. Yeah, I mean whenever I was going more often when I was in North Carolina because New York is so close.

So I wish i'd done that. I wish I had just like hopped out. Hillary did that all the time, all the time.

Yeah, I just the week's so fun.

Yeah.

Well, no often, yeah, yeah, hour.

And a half light guys, I know, it's really did you do it never?

I just have listen.

There's one thing I know. It is flight time between major cities. Okay, it's an hour and a half hour twenty five yeah.

Yeah.

So you're in like such a new interesting phase in life, as you were talking about at the very beginning of this, and it's just so it's so lovely as your friend to see you beaming and happy. I mean, you've always had a lightness about you, but it feels like there's an authenticity like you're not you know, you don't have to compartmentalize when you're when there are things happening in your life that there's a lot of tension in the

Yeah, go ahead, Well when you're you know, Mike, I've been very focused on my girls. Yeah, since One Tree Hill, that's really all I was focused on. Yeah, and they started their careers and I was insistent that nobody else would be a part of that and be on set with them, and it was just important for me to teach them etiquette and how to treat it, just everything it needed to be me that was there when you had three kids.

I mean, that's it's hard, a real and a full time job, like this is a real thing. Yeah yeah, yeah, it's a huge response ability.

But now that they're older and they're you know, when they're eighteen, they can be and Alley's about to turn eighteen and so kind of like my job is done. I'm still there for them, but it's time for me it, which is scary. I'll focus on me a little bit and then seriously, when you start focusing on yourself and really do love yourself and take care of yourself, things start coming to you amazing, you know, Like I focused

Sure.

Yeah, so yeah, I just am in a phase of me and things are coming to me. And one of those things was really nice.

I just know, and I was in awe of like the height and handsomeness caught me so off guard. Oh yeah, I was just I walked in there and I was like, boyfriend is so handsome and uh lovely, very warm.

But let me tell you, like the nicest, warmest, most loving giving person I've ever met in my life.

That tracks, though, I'm happy to hear that, and it also tracks because that is very much your lane.

Yeah he I I didn't know this, Like somebody told me that he actually is kind of famous, and I did not.

I did not know, Like is this true? He can recognize way more than I do. Like it's because he's like his presence too, you know, it's like you can't yeah, I mean you've seen the show.

Yeah, he was on Cops for our listener. He was he was.

He was an army cop. He was a cop in the army before.

What what does he? What does he?

You actually don't know what? Oh, you don't know.

I only I only just heard, but our listeners may not know. I did just okay, okay, but I heard like an hour ago. I didn't actual his daughter.

Was on the Bachelor, and she would his daughter was on the Bachelor.

You didn't know, I didn't know. Okay.

Her name's Kelsey. She's beautiful, she's wonderful. All of his kids are. But his daughter was on the Bachelor. And you know, at the end of The Bachelor, they go to hometown. They introduced to theirs three remaining girls, and they take the Bachelor home to meet their family. And Mark was there being all cute and dimply and sweet and like, who's that guy the producers the background, he's the dad. And I'm watching the show with my girls

Oh, he's an.

Instagram not many followers, but I'm gonna DM him. And then I guess I wasn't the only one who noticed his dimples. So then he was at the final episode of her show. He was in the audience, and I'm watching with Ali and like, oh, there's my boyfriend, the one I DM. I'm like, oh, I wonder if you ever responded. He didn't respond to me, So then they announced that he's going to be on the Golden Bachelorette as a contestant. Oh, like taking my boyfriend away from me.

Barbarack.

He's such a good guy.

Oh my gosh, I just.

Have to get used to being with good people. Like he's a good guy.

How do your daughters feeling?

They love him? Oh, probably more even than I do. They love him and they love seeing me happy, and they love seeing me being treated correctly. And he's just so soft spoken, but when he speaks, it's just means something.

Yeah. I love people like that. Yeah, I want to be one of those people. I'm not there, Oh me neither, I'm not.

I talk all the time.

Your daughters are constantly pulling you aside, like mom, do not blow.

This, do not all of us, and you're not, like it's the truth. I'll get a little unhealthy from time to time and I'll say something, but do you think he's mom? No, he's everything. Like they just would be so mad at me if I know.

Yeah.

The thing I've been thinking about lately is that we're professional at instant intimacy. You know how to just create instant intimacy and it's lovely and it gives us all those dopamine feelings that you want, but we're not taking the time to build the found in real life. If we do that, which we're so good at, it's so easy. So it's like, oh, here's my little thing trick I

It was kind of nice because our relationship started on the phone, so all we did was talk. Yeah, and so you like, if you have that, you know, connection with a guy, like sometimes you jump into things, maybe you shouldn't so quickly but we just talked. I mean, we did a lot of phone sex.

But I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

I'm kidding now, I'm kidding, kidding, we did, but but no, no, no, I'm serious. Like you get to know something if that's all you have, Yeah, then it's not.

So much about like feeding your ego. Then you know the instant gratification of like instant intimacy. Is it feels so good, but it's it Is it really about our connection or is it just about the fact that this feels good to me and it's about me.

Yes, it can become a substitute for true intimacy. Yes, yeah, it's a band. It can be a crutch, that's what it's give me, be a crutch as opposed to the phone when all you got is like questions and answers.

And he would pause for ten seconds because that's what he does when he's talking. I've learned thinking let it be. So now what I'm going to say is like, but on the phone, it's like, what's wrong?

Yeah, what are you doing?

What's wrong? Yeah, he's like what I'm just thinking, Like, okay, you're okay because you paused for three seconds, you know, Yeah, he's great. He's great, he cooks, he's like, he takes care of his kids, like he loves me. He came with you to this weekend?

Here?

Is he actually great?

With? What?

Is he here? Here? Here?

He's here right his literal hand?

I know, but I know I met him too, But like, is he here in the hallway? Does he want to say hi?

He would, yes, you would make sure that I wanted him to, Okay, And then.

Does he know that you want him to? Do you want to him in?

See if he's still he's like making out with some girl out there?

No, do you feel insecure about that stuff? Like do you feel a little paranoid that? It's like I.

Will always be insecure in relationships period. But he's so good. All I need to say is give me some reassurance. Yeah he's there. Yeah, that's great. And he just does understand why I'm insecure with him. But you know it's great. He's not he's recognized and you call him famous whatever, but from you know, if you've seen that show, you would know who he is. And he gets recognized a lot, but he's not in Hollywood.

Yeah, so it's almost like.

The best of both worlds. Like he's gotten a little taste of it.

Oh my god, she is here. Okay, we're having a total party here right now. You guys, thank you all of.

Your This is drama queens after dark, It.

Really and it is after dark.

I there we go. Let's start storming, get deep.

We should have had you in here when we were saying all the nice things about you. We were just listening to Barbara.

I told him that when we met, all we have is the phone, and so we just had to do a lot of phone sex. And then I was kidding, and then I was kidding.

No, that's a fun one to walk into, right Mark.

Yeah, ambush, ambush. Oh. We were just talking about how it's like, I don't know if you experienced this because I haven't done any reality TV, but this instant intimacy that as actors we have to, you know, jump in immediately and like you say hi and shake somebody's hand and then rip your heart open and have to be really close, and then you get into this habit that then it starts to translate into your real life with friends or relationships or whatever, and suddenly you find yourself

But there must have there must have been a sense of pressure though for there to be like sparks and.

Chemistry intimacy on a bachelor show.

There's no slow burn all out on a show like that, right.

Yeah, No, not really.

I mean, because the whole idea of it, I think is to hurry up and create a connection.

You know, did that feel inauthentic? Did it feel like easy? I mean, how did that feel?

It was very different? I mean that's you know, I'm not.

A fast kind of person normally, you know, I'm a pretty slow.

Kind of slow person.

A lot of pauses in between words like that.

I pause a lot.

Yet you know that the spinning wheel of death on a computer it says I'm thinking, and it was.

It was like the best Christmas present.

But the thing is he wasn't attracted to her at all, so that made it like that was hard for him because he wasn't, you know, the bachelorette. I'm just saying this. He wasn't attracted to her.

At all, so shots fired.

Yeah, I mean, I'm just guessing, right, he couldn't stand waiting for you're right?

I mean, you're right, well done, Mark, well done a little. Was there any sort of like coaxing or like gentle encouragement from the production staff on, like, hey, if we could find a moment here, like was it? Were they ever trying to you're you in a direction? No? I think they.

I mean they need things to kind of grow organically, you know, but sometimes organically isn't quick enough. Yeah, yeah, you know it is. It's it has to play out. But it is a compressed schedule, you know, So I don't I don't think they steer it.

Yeah, it's got to be tough for producers because if every relationship is forced and then every one of them falls apart when the show is over, it's got to have a bad track record. So they want they've got to want to have some sort of some successful relationships come out of the show.

It said, isn't the track record of those shows horrendous.

Actually don't know so well oh okay.

Yeah, well, I mean but it's it's also.

You know, I think a big part of it, like I didn't experience what the younger.

The younger shows.

I was lik in this Golden Bachelorette, you know, which is I was the youngest person on there.

You know, Oh wow, okay.

So you know everybody was.

We're civilized.

There was no you know, competitive I mean, there was competitiveness, but there wasn't like the drama that you saw on you know that appear on the younger shows, because it wasn't a big jealousy thing.

Everyone was comfortable with themselves. You know.

I recall catch actually a clip from The Golden Bachelor, and I was so shocked to see the women being kind to each other and like cheering each other up. Yeah.

See, this is what happens you hit this point in your life where you're like, oh, we we're setting examples for our daughters, for young women. We want to actually to encourage each other. That's nice to know, such a nice change.

Yeah, because it's just it's hard to watch people constantly undercutting and being frum me to each other and see all of a sudden, they were like, get him, girl, getting I was.

Watch great, Yeah, you would love it. You should watch. And these guys were so supportive of each other and just they were just like, I mean, they're still all in touch with each other.

Yeah, by far, the best experience I've had in my life. Like in my adult life, I have never shared the emotion, felt so safe and secure in an environment to talk about emotion.

Like I grew up.

My adult life has been military like oriented. You know, for the military, an emotion wasn't something that was feelings and emotion wasn't wasn't talked about. Like there's a time and a place, and that wasn't the time or the place.

To be in a place a camera in your face.

To be in a place where you could sit down and talk with other men that were in the same boat as me, you know, got in on different docks, is what I like to say. You know, everybody got in on a different dock. They were divorced, so they'd lost their spouse to you know whatever. But they were all single, you know, when we're in the same boat. So to be able to talk with them about their experiences and you know, how.

They related with their kids. How they you know, how did they date after you know, being older?

You know, how does that happen? It was incredible, Like it was. It was an enriching experience for me.

Wow, and something amazing came out of it. Astely got this message from Barbara and your Instagram. I love it.

It's like you have don that moment. Oh I'm not getting the girl. But then you got your phone back and look who slid into.

And you're like, oh, and by the way, his daughter won this. Well, I say one, that's horrible thing to say, but was the chosen one. So there so her his daughter is engaged to the bachelor of that season, so they will eventually get married.

YEA.

Life is so weird, I know, like could you ever have imagined? And you're never like Kelsey.

Remember I remember when Kelsey left, you know, when she left home to go to filming. She was home the weekend before she left, and you know, and I was like, you know, Kelsey, you're you're.

Far braver than I because she went to go do this show.

God was like, right, yeah.

It was.

It was pretty incredible.

Well, I'm so happy for both of you. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, because I've been seeing the pictures on Instagram and you both look so happy and your daughters look so happy. Yeah, you deserve it, Thank you, you deserve a wow.

I'm just asking in the glow. It's fabulous. I wish you all could be here to see. Thanks.

Tune in on YouTube, everybody.

Yeah, that's right, all right?

How do you want to wrap it up?

Joy with some tequila? Really?

I have I have one more question? Rank your daughters? All right, maybe we've already done that. Yeah, you.

Are, You're the best. Thank you.

You guys are and I enjoy every single episode and you guys are just killing it and I'm just like, support, support support. Did you see I responded to something that you're the funniest guy in the world At some point you didn't. I don't think you responded. Guys, just guys do not respond to that.

Must have been like was it a comment on an Instagram post?

I think I no, I think I DMed you, but let me check.

But it was.

It was quite a compliment, like it was a superlative. For sure.

We have this episode up because I am dying.

Okay, I mean, I'll find it.

If you did allegedly.

No, I did.

I you're so like like I can let a lot of things roll off. I know I keep track of, but there are certain things security of, like oh, I message that person and they did not.

Message me back.

Now I'm not mad at that really, but made a decision about how I feel about it. I'm just like I get pitied in my memory. I'll not forget.

I will use it at some point.

Clearly you forgave and did not forget. Yes, no, I'm not saying no.

I can promise you I'm going to find it and I'll show you.

Okay, So you.

And I think I even said, oh my god, he's so funny, look at this. And I think I showed you and I said, I'm going to dmm, and I did.

Are you a little nerrodivergent too? I don't know the fact that you, like you can keep track of all we need to Joy, I know we're long overdue. We just need we need time.

I loved anything. Okay, I'm lying.

Okay, I'm lying.

So she's a wonderful mother, a talented actress. And thanks for joining us with Barbarro.

Allenwoods, Burldwoods, everybody.

Hey, thanks for listening.

Don't forget to leave us a review.

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