@DrWendyWalsh is talking celebrity relationship round up and what is a simbiosexual? (10/13) Hour 1

for dating someone younger. And I don't mean way younger. We're not talking cradle robbers, we are not talking cougars. We're talking about the fact you might go on the app and meet somebody eight to ten year younger. They're still a fully fully fledged grown up. But listen things a boy dating someone a little bit younger. And finally, let's talk about your marriage and how to fix it?

The last three segments of this show, This is all we're gonna do is I have been reading the research and the amazing stuff written by therapists who are in the trenches every day with married couples, and I will help disseminate some of their great advice for you. Plus, I'll be answering your social media questions. If you have a relationship question for me, just send it in a DM. How about Instagram? Hey, here's sir, Kayla. How you doing?

that comes up. We have Heather in the newsroom. Hello, Win and got everybody here. How are you? I'm god did your comedy show go?

that's different because I haven't you know. I don't like when people compare their own relationships to celebrity relationships. There's really nothing to learn from them because it's usually too spoiled baby narcissists performing for the cameras in their little relationship. However, they are human beings and sometimes they're doing stuff that is kind of newsworthy. For instance, let us analyze this, kaylab. So this yesterday, actress Cheryl Hines and former presidential candidate

Robert F. Kennedy Junior were spotted holding hands. Now here's why this is a big deal. And I should tell you where they were spotted at. Of course, the Kennedy's family compound and Hyena Sport. But this is following the death of Robert Kennedy's mother, Ethel. She died on October tenth. So, but this is why it's a big deal. Just last month, it was revealed that Kennedy allegedly, allegedly I'm saying it again, allegedly engaged in an extramarital affair. Nobody's calling it that.

They're calling it a personal relationship with journalist Olivia Newzy after she wrote about him for New York Magazine in November of twenty twenty three. She fessed up to it. I guess I don't know how it all came out or who was gonna out who, And so she's been put on like a leave sabbatical. She's not allowed to

cover him anymore. So and shortly after that relationship service at least three other women excuse me, came forward claiming that they also had a romantic relationship with Robert Kennedy Junior. So back on October fifth, that's a week ago, right, People Magazine. See, I go everywhere, not just the scientific journals, Okay, I go to the other sources that matter, People Magazine, and they said that she was spotted at Starbucks in Malibu and she was not wearing her wedding ring. He was.

Now wait then yesterday, she's at the Kennedy compound. She's back to wearing her wedding ring, but he's not. Can we break that down, Kayle, what do you think is happening? I think they're trying to keep us on our toes, but they are totally dating. I think that he's having affairs. Their relationship is in crisis, or he was having affairs. Anyway,

their relationship is in crisis. So she's out and about in her neighborhood, no wedding ring on, and she knows her picture gets take it everywhere to say, basically, dude, I'm going to leave you. This marriage is going to break up. Or but wait, go to the Kennedy funeral and the Kennedy compound, all of a sudden, wedding ring goes back on. She say to the family, I'm a Kennedy. I'm here home right like, you're not going to take me off this Kennedy pedestal.

a little pizza date on a Saturday night. But what I like, and this is the thing I wanted to say about their celebrity relationship, is that they were rumored to have started dating in April of twenty twenty three, but they never came out in public together until September, so April May, June, July, August, So they spent five months cooning and hiding and growing intimacy. This is the message for all of us. Look just because you're dating somebody new or hot, don't post on Instagram, don't like

get out there right away. Wait to see what it is, right, Spend some time getting to know each other. Relationships need to grow in private. Okay. Also, I did not know this, did you know? Alfre Woodard? First of all, she's seventy one. Now, how is that possible? She looks like she's forty. How is that possible? Anyway, she's been married to her husband for forty one years. Forty one years, they have two kids, and she just says, I think she told one of

those tablets. I think it's People magazine. She said, it's a constant discovery and renogation, renegotiating and continuing to fall in love. I love this renegotiating. We're going to talk about that later in the show, How you can fix your marriage, save your marriage, renegotiate your marriage. She also

stressed the importance of laughter in her love relationship. She said, even in difficulty, quote, you can cry about it, you can argue about it, and sometimes in the middle of it all you don't know why, but something will make you laugh. And that's a sign of somebody who has healthy, healthy conflict in a healthy relationship. And congratulations them especially he's a writer, producer and she's an actress and they've been in the limelight all these years and still managed

to stay together for forty one years. So that's a really really big deal. Oh and Kayla, do you remember Julia Fox, the actress She had a brief little thing with Kanye Oh yeah, yes, yes, twenty twenty one, like during COVID right, yeah, So now she's talking about it, even though supposedly he asked her to sign an NDA. Anyway, she's saying that he used her, that she was used as his pawn, that he offered to get her a boob job, he asked her to sign a DNA, he

made stylists put an outfit on. You're going out with Kanye, what do you expect? This is what he does. He shapes his muses and you went along with it for however many weeks. Then she goes on to say, the only reason I got out of it, I didn't fall down this spiral was because no man, no matter how rich or famous, is worth one minute away from my child. Apparently she had a three year old or a baby at the time. Because I think the baby's three now,

so you think, oh, great, good mother. She understands Kanye probably not a good healthy relationship for her, and she's focused on her kid. But then later in this interview with Variety back in April, she says, I want my kid to completely own nepotism. She said, if I'm going to be famous and have this highly coveted thing, I want to share it with my son. We need him to be a nepo baby and he needs to own it. Okay.

So she's just love and fame, and she loved the Kanye thing and she loves she can still talk about it. That's what I'm saying, all right, when we come back. There is a new sexual orientation out there. It is called symbio sexual. Symbio sexual, I'll tell you I am not this. That's what I'll tell you, and I'll explain what it is when we come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty with Live Everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

don't know what it is. Now here's a list of the ten most common sexual orientations that you're probably familiar with. Heterosexual often referred to as straight, and that means that somebody has a sexual attraction to individuals of the opposite or different gender. Okay, heterosexual, Homosexual, sometimes called gay or lesbian, depending if you're well, you know they're gay women to lesbian,

No lesbian men, so me yeah. Gay is primarily used for men, that can be applied to women, Lesbians used for female. Okay, attraction to individuals of the same gender. Then there's bisexual to more than one gender, often both male and female. Then pan sexual attraction to just people individuals, regardless of their gender, their gender identity, their sexual apparatus below the belt doesn't matter. If you love them, you

love them. Then there's a sexual little or no sexual attraction towards anybody at all, although you got to understand people who are asexual still may have it's very common to have romantic attraction, so they want relationships but no sex please. Then there's demisexual. I like, that's me now that I'm older and more mature. A demisexual is somebody whose sexual attraction develops only after forming a deep emotional connection, So it doesn't matter what they look like, doesn't matter

how much money they have. Well maybe all those things kind of matter to but basically, once you feel emotionally in love, then you feel aroused. Then you've probably heard the term queer, and queer is just a really broad, non specific term for all kinds of sexual orientations outside of heteronormativity. Outside of heterosexual, then there's polysexual attraction to

multiple partners at the same time. Then there's androsexual. Now hould the horses when you listen to androsexual primary attraction to masculinity. Masculinity, So it doesn't matter what gender somebody is if they present masculine, they could be a masculine woman, a masculine man, a masculine non binary. No, non binary would be both, so a masculine man or woman. Then there's guy no sexual primary attraction to femininity or feminine

presenting people regardless of gender. All right, so here's the new one. And this was published in an academic journal. Okay, A reason study published in the Archives of Actual Behavior explored the phenomenon of symbio sexuality get ready, which refers to one's attraction to the dynamic energy between two people in an existing relationship. Supposedly, symbio sexuality has been observed across a wide range of ages, racial background, socioeconomic classes,

gender identities. Not surprising to me, most people from the study who experience symbio sexuality identified themselves as polyamorous or queer. Okay, so here's what they reported in the study that they were most These people were most attracted to in relationships energy, just the energy. The people in this study said they were attracted to the energy and the cohesion displayed by the couples. In other words, their secure attachment was very arousing.

And then there's charisma, the chemistry and magnetism of a couple. How about power and strength? Oh, power couples, They're sexy to some people. The power created by the partnership. Then the intimacy and relationship quality. People say in this study that they're attracted to couples who showed a strong, healthy, and loving relationship marked by good communication. What now you want in on it too? Okay, I see physical appearance as a couple. Some found the way couples look together

physically appealing. Kanye are you listening? Because you know he completely art directs everybody he dates, and if you look at pictures of him out with couples, he tries to make that whole unit be something. Okay, here's why I think that satio sexuality, No, sapio sexual is attracted to somebody who is highly intelligent, and you're attracted to brains. Symbio Symbio sexuality is what we're talking about. Here's the reason I think it's missing the mark when it comes

to sexuality. There's so many better explanations. Let's just go back to the work of Kinsey. Kinsey would have said that there's a scale that we all fall on, whether it is his scale was from one to six, six being completely homosexual in both fantasy and behavior, a one being completely heterosexual in both fantasy and behavior, and Kinsey felt like, we're all somewhere like a three. Okay, we may not be behaving that way, but there may be

some fantasies, et cetera. So evolutionary psychologists like doctor David Buss, who wrote the book The Evolution of Desire, would say that we're all primed for bisexuality depending on the situation, the number of mates available, because we use sex for way more things than just reproduction. We use it as a stress reduction, we use it for social climbing, we use it for pleasure, we use it just to relax.

All right, Then there's attachment style, right. Psychologists will look at well, if somebody has maybe an anxious attachment style, might they look at these couples who are so well bonded and think, Oh, that's what I want. That's what I want. I'm going to be aroused by that by seeing it. So what's not clear in this definition is whether this person who's attracted to the energy and this couple wants to make a threesome out of it, or they just want to watch.

private DM producer Kayla will read it. I'll keep your identity a secret all that, but send me some some good, juicy questions and a reminder. I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor, but I have written three books on relationships, and I have a lot of life experience, so I love to weigh in. Like, for instance, if you're somebody who's over fifty and you're dating, you might come across somebody who's a we tad younger. I don't mean way younger,

I just mean we tad younger. Are there new rules for this? Is it different if you're dating somebody who's just you know, ten years younger than you. Let's talk about it when we come back. You are listening to the Dr Wendy wallsh Show on KFI AM six forty We Live Everywhere. On the iHeartRadio app.

Everybody moves on and hopefully is a better person in the next relationship, or learns to choose better or.

you're out. I'm married in nineteen ninety. The average length of that marriage is twelve years. But now leaving by divorce. Generally people stay together long enough that it would take, whether they had kids or not, to get kids up and out of the nest. And not so long ago, it only took twelve to fourteen years. Well a long time ago. Now, of course, they're taking a lot longer to launch. However, I digress. You will see people dating

at every single age across the lifespan. Our long life expectancies mean that people may find themselves single in their fifties, in their sixties, in their seventies and getting back out there and dating. And let me tell you things have changed, all right. Please learn the dating apps. I do segments all the time on how to use the dating apps and how to protect yourself from or mand scams and all that. I don't want to talk about that today.

That's a whole nother subject, a whole nother show. I want to talk about, like, well, your age range is going to be for people to date. So here's the thing. When you do go on the app, you search based on age range. So, for instance, when I was on the apps and I found my Julio, eventually I think I dated up to ten years younger and up to ten years older than me, I should tell you I didn't really like dating any younger guys. I don't know.

I just kaylie, you would think I would have liked dating younger men looking fit, Yeah, but I felt like their teacher. I want to like look up and learn from somebody, right. So anyway, Julio's super smart, so I could keep learning from him, and I learned from him every day, like today how to install a dimmer switch. Anyway, So this idea of dating somebody a little bit younger can feel really exciting, but it can also feel terrifying.

So if you end up being the object of desire of a much younger mate, it can for some people it makes them feel younger themselves, but other people do the comparison and they actually feel like, oh, I feel old around this person. It's all an inside job, right, and how you feel. But there are a few things to keep in mind if you do decide to date someone, say a decade younger. First, I am a professor of developmental psychology. I can assure you that, quite literally, age

is only a number. Biologically speaking, there exist old young people and young old people. So you know, for instance, at the beginning of our life span, you can go into a kindergarten classroom and you can find a bunch of five year olds still crying their eyes out and peeing their pants, and over in the corner there's another five year old quietly reading. Right, You've got this big range of how we develop, and at the end of

the life span, same thing. In the last few decades, there are some people that appear to grow old quicker, either biologically or socially for what a reason. Now, our cellular aging, the biological piece, is linked to our genetics, it's linked big time to our health habits along the way, but also to our social attitudes. Right, if we feel young, I mean, one of the great things about the last ten years of my life is I've been on a college campus hanging out with twenty year olds, and that'll

keep you young for sure. So my advice here is just because somebody's birth certificate reads younger than you, it doesn't mean that they're actually biologically younger. So don't worry about the age thing. But you should be concerned about some practical considerations. So when you cocoon and fall in love in this wonderful romantic compartment, it feels so exciting. But eventually all relationships have to go somewhere. You see, relationships are a bridge between tribes, and those tribes might

not be as inviting as you hope. So when you're young, okay, you're in your twenties, you meet, you fall in love, you're building your tribes. You're having kids. Right. The tribe wants you to get married, they want grandchildren, right, it's all you know. The tribe is supportive. But later in life, let's see your mate. You or your mate might have adult children or god forbid, teenagers. You might have the spouses still being paid or having some kind of emotional

connection to you. You might have elderly parents, or they might have elderly parents that may not support the union. So it's really important that you talk about all these things and do provide a united front against the forces of tribal warfare. We'll call it that. And also don't forget this, even if it's just ten years, the older partner always has the most power. The senior lover usually

has more financial security and that with money comes clout. Also, they just have more wisdom, more life experience, even just ten years more. So if you are the senior person, I just want to say, be careful about abusing your power. Okay, encourage your partner to share in all the decision making.

You know, there is some delicious wisdom that comes with age, and it is wonderful to share it, right, But it's important that you think of yourself as a benevolent leader, show patience and understanding when that youngster that ten years younger than you. Okay, so you're sixty and they're fifty, there's still a difference. Honestly, there's still a difference.

of them. I was just scanning a couple that you just said to me, and I'm like, okay, let's talk. Here we go. Just a reminder everybody, I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor, but I've written three books on relationships and if anything, I say on the air makes you feel uncomfortable, you should call a clinical therapist and get an appointment. All right, dear doctor Wendy. I'm new to LA and I'm starting to meet really affluent men who I'm not sure how to carry myself when dating

them versus your average Joe. Is there a way I should carry myself with these big name men? Okay? Stop? Do you not listen to my show? It's all about being authentic. I don't want you to bring a character to the date. And I mean, I know it seems wonderful when a guy has money. Guys like it when a woman has money, too, but it should be just dessert. I mean, the thing that keeps people together isn't the prenup. I hope it's it's the emotional connection. And you should

be real. You should be authentic. I have no special advice except be yourself. Just completely be yourself and the right one will hang around. And also, just talking to someone who has dated a few affluent men in her life, I want to tell you this is not a statement about every rich guy out there. So if you're listening and you're in your Porsche and you're driving to your wine cellar in Newport Beach, just saying, if that's you

and you do you, Okay, it's fine. But I did meet a lot of men in my day who made making money the most important thing in their life because underneath they were really insecure, and so they kind of fronted with their stuff and they also the other thing that bothered me and why I wasn't really attracted to rich men is that they were always trying to control me. And I didn't like being controlled. I like being independent.

So just saying, heads up, they might be material and you might be the material girl, but then where's the authenticity? Where's the realness?

tell her, then you've become her enemy. Right, so you're kind of and here you also have a little you know, PTSD from the last time you tried this, right, So my advice is not textbook. It's just girlfriend to girlfriend. Take that screenshot of him on Tinder and send it to somebody else who can be the deliverer of the bad name. That's what I say. Find a way to give it anonymously in some way or space, and then never mention it again. Step out, step out, That's what

I say. But I do think the truth should always prevail, all right, Dear doctor Wendy, I texted a guy multiple times with no response when he decided to end things suddenly. I think you mean after he decided to end things, you kept texting him. How do I get past the shame? I'm so embarrassed. Okay, this is a great topic because I believe the key to self esteem, the key to good mental health, the key to healthy relationships is learning

how to tolerate shame. If you can raise your shame tolerance, your ability to go You know what I tried, I struck out. Oh well, moving on, I'm human, right. I remember one time when I was back on those apps before I met Majulio and I had one of those delightful conversations with the guy. Now, I have no idea what I possibly could have said or didn't say or whatever, but it felt like we really had a connection. We

stayed on the phone for like an hour. He was really fun and interesting, and we talked about getting together very soon. And I can't remember what happened next. There was something, there was some reason why I was supposed to contact him, like, I'll call you to Marrol and see what my schedule is whatever. I send them a text and he ghost me. Right, there's like saying nothing, and so I send another text because I'm like, maybe it's the gods of technology, right, He could have been

in a dead zone and not gotten my text. So I texted, hey, was it something I said? Can you just let me know? Silence?

a guy a few times. It's okay. You're being real and authentic and that's who you are, and that's okay. And the next guy is gonna answer back right away because he deserves it. Roll. Do we have time for one more? Okay, here we go. Dear doctor Wendy, I'm seeing someone, but I don't think we are a good fit. We've only gone out a handful of times, and I think a text should be fine in breaking things off. Should I meet him in person? Or is a text fine? What should I say? Oh? This is like now I'm

Emily Post. It's etiquette. Now, it's not even relationship advice. It's like what is the prop bro to gall? All right, So my answer is, have you slept with them? If you slept with them, you need to at least talk on the phone. I don't think you need to meet in person. Meeting in person is for like if you're living together or married or been dating a year, Like, come on, you've had a few dates, pick up the phone, and say hey, you know, I'm not really feeling it.

And also the words you use are really important. Just say something like, you know, I think you're a really great person. Say some like positive things about it, like this and that, but otherwise I just don't think we're a good match. I think there's probably somebody else out there who's a much better fit for you. See, keep it on him and what he needs, and just say I don't I'm not really feeling it. And again, here's one thing that's really important. Whenever you're breaking up with somebody,

don't give them too much information. Whatever the informator like, I just don't be in here's why, because then you give them something to argue with. If you just say no, just doesn't feel like a good match and just say that, don't get into why, because then they'll start our So don't even worry about that. All right, Oh, the big question about sexual desire is coming up. Okay, when we come back, somebody wants to know about low libido and an overly sexual partner. Let's talk about this when we

come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.