@DrWendyWalsh is offering her Wendy wisdom with her drive by makeshift relationship advice. (11/24) Hour 2

is checking Instagram tonight for sure. Okay, Dear Doctor Wendy, I have a friend group of four girls and we were discussing who we find the sexiest in our friend group. This is interesting. Okay, but you're not gay, as you're good about to tell me this is interesting. Okay, let me say this again. I have a friend group of four girls and we were discussing who we find the sexiest in our friend group. They all chose each other, and no one chose me. I'm not a lesbian, nor

am I sexually attracted to my friends. However, this really hurt my feelings. Why is it still on my mind? Months later? First of all, why were you guys having this conversation ranking like a leaderboard of people's looks. I don't care if you ever refer to it as sexiest or prettiest or whatever. Who brought up this stupid spin the bottle game? That's crazy? So I don't like this

friend group. And yes, if it's still on your mind, it's because they were rude to you, and they were considerate of your feelings and nobody should have even been playing that game. I do want to say, just go dump them. I do want to say that, But if they're your friends, I'm gonna say, you're gonna have to put it out of your mind and know that you're deeply beautiful and I love you, and that's all that matters.

What a silly game, all right? Moving on, dear doctor Wendy, I found out a man I have been exclusive with had sex with a few men in the past in the past. Okay, I'm not sure how to move forward. I really like him and this makes me uncomfortable. How do I decide whether to move forward with him or not? So I should tell you that the person writing this is a woman. So if you had found out that he had sex with other women long before you came.

How would you feel about it? Right? All you know about him now is that he's bisexual, and that doesn't mean that he can't be monogamous or exclusive, right, So, somehow many people have this perception that someone's sexual orientation is somehow connected to, you know, whether they can be loyal, whether they can be trustworthy. So I think this is a great opportunity for you to explore with him what this is and have a conversation like, Hey, you know, I know you dated so and so before and now

you're dating me and we are exclusive. But I'm just wondering if you're gonna be happy, you know, if your bisexuality needs to be satisfied with both genders, whether it'll be enough to be in a heterosexual relationship for you. Can we just talk about it, and you've got to bring it up in a kind of non judgmental way, right, because that is the fear so many women, Oh, he's just gonna step out on me with a guy and

he's gonna say, well, that doesn't count. You know, there are women out there who say the same thing, and the dudes don't like it either, Right, So I think it's an opportunity to be more intimate, emotionally intimate, and discuss these things and find out what it means to him and explore maybe some prejudice that you have about that. All right, moving on, dear doctor Wendy. My boyfriend has been unemployed for three months and finally found employment, which

is great, but it's at a strip club. Who No, he smells like other women and drinks every night when he gets in bed. You mean he doesn't drink in bed. I'm assuming you mean he drinks every night, and when he gets in bed, he smells like other women unless he's drinking in bed. I don't know. I need him to work because you know the economy, but I'm not secure in this. What should I do? That's a tough one.

This is his livelihood. I think the focus should be the drinking issue, right, and the smelling like other women, Because just because you work at a strip club, whether you're on the door or your bartender serving drinks, whether you're security guard, doesn't mean you're touching other women. So how is he smelling like other women? I don't think the whole room is just sprints with perfume everywhere, right,

So You need to talk about this with him. You need to talk about what his day is like, his night is like, when he goes to work. You want to talk about the pressure. Usually people in those environments that are highly sexualized environments, they get so used to it that they're not turned on. Doesn't feel like a sexual environment to them. It just feels like another work environment. But talk to him about it, and yeah, I can

understand how you feel. I'm just trying to imagine, like my sweet Julio heading off every night to a strip club, watching naked women all having spontaneous erections, just saying I don't know, it could happen. It could happen. I don't know. Uh, but hey, a good opportunity to talk about it, isn't it? All? Right? Oh, here's a good one. I get this question a lot, Dear doctor Wendy. Is it okay for me to tell a man whom I've only been seeing for a month

that I love him? We aren't in a relationship, but I love him so much already. I don't know if he feels the same way. Should I tell him? Or will I look crazy?

couple dinners. I don't know. Oh, lordy, lordy, lordy, we gotta go to break. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Right now, let's go to the twenty four hour KFI Newsroom.

forty dot com slash pastathon. You know it's funny, I say pastathon like many Americans, but then when I lived in Italy, they said pasta pasta. Who knew? KFI AM six forty dot com slash pastathon Okay, And starting Wednesday, Oh, we're already into it this past Wednesday. Shop at any

Smart and Final store and donate any amount at checkout. Also, you can head into any Wendy's restaurant I don't own it, not affiliated, any Wendy's restaurant in Southern California and donate five dollars or more and get a cubeon book for

Wendy's goodies. And as usual every year, our All Day Live broadcast from the Anaheim White House Restaurant will be on Giving Tuesday, that's December third, where it's coming out next week, Come on out see yes, We'll be there from five am to ten pm and you can donate on site or drop off pasta and sauce. One hundred percent of your donation goes to Katerina Club, of course. All right, back to the subject at hand, which is

the science of love. It is so funny whenever I say the words the science of love, I get sometimes some quizzical expressions from people like how could love be a science? You know, I'm a journalist. I started writing about relationships nearly thirty years ago. Okay, I'll admit it. I was trying to fix my own love life. Back then, I had ooh, a long string of well, intoxicating flings and sweet romances. But the problem was they all ended.

They ended sour and awful, and I was always sitting in a bathtub crying at the end of it, all in tears, an ocean of tears. I was crying at least a bathtub of tears. So I went to therapy, and therapy started to crack open the door because it made me aware that there was a common denominator in all of those terrible relationships, and that common denominator was me. I was the one choosing my own man pain. But

later I decided to go to graduate school. That was in my thirties, and that really flung open the gates to reveal the whole game board of love, and I like to say the whole game board of life, because they're intrinsically connected. So that's when I started singing about the science of love to anyone who would listen. But I got to tell you, my preaching sometimes still falls on deaf ears. So let's see. I've done a dissertation on attachment theory, I've written three books on relationships. I've

done thousands of blogs, podcasts, episodes, TV appearances. I am still stunned when someone scoffs at the idea that love is a science. You see, we still have these romantic diehards out there. They post comments online about waiting for their so mateo I'm gonna throw up, that it's all about fate, that it's cosmic destiny, that it's just chemistry,

that there are mysterious forces of attraction. Blah blah blah blah. Okay, I'm about to present some evidence that love really is a biological, psychological, and sociological science, and it's got a ton of quantifiable data. But before I give you a few examples from the world of science, let me first say this. You should know why you should care. You see our relationships are intrinsically connected to our physical health, our mental health, and wait for it, the health of

our grandkids and our great grandkids. You see, our love lives can actually change our genes. Our relationships, if they're good or bad, or toxic or not, can affect our hormones, our neurochemistry, and we will pass on those genes. It's

called intergenerational trauma. So if you're in a traumatic bond, a toxic relationship, your genes are being shaped to tolerate that, or to look for that, or to respond in a fight or flight with even nice people because of that, and those genes get passed on to your kids and grandkids. All right, So let me give you a few fun facts from my favorite world of science, and let's start with the biology of love. You might have heard me say this before. People who smell the most delicious actually

might help you have better sex. Okay, stay with me. There's research to support the idea that our body odor called pheromones advertise are immune system genes. Now, mother Nature made sex with someone who has a different set of immunities, really because mother Nature wants us to create stronger, fitter children. Right, Most genes when two people made them procreate, they might take long legs from one, curly hair from another, blue eyes from another, except immune system genes they combine to

create a stronger human. But even if you don't plan on making babies, the sex lives of people with different immune systems tend to stay exciting for longer, according to science, just saying, pay attention to your nose, here's another fun biological fact about our love life. Oxytocin can be a big problem for women when they try to just hook up, sport sex, night stands, no strings attached, situationship, whatever you

want to call it. You see, the three primary neurohormones that create feelings of love are oxytocin sometimes referred to as the cuddle hormone, vasopressin I like to call that that exciting hormone, and dopamine the delusion hormone. So when women have sex, their body often produces so much oxytocin. In fact, and no other time in their life does it produce that much oxytocin except when they're breastfeeding their

baby to establish the bond. So during sex, some women can accidentally fall in love bond with someone they didn't intend to bond with Uh huh. That's how oxytocin can play tricks on us. And the love hormone dopamine makes you look through life with rose colored glasses. Like literally, your partner can do no wrong when you're in those early stages of love lust and you're high on that hormone. All right, Another fun biologic fact, high testosterone man are

more prone to cheating. Check his ring finger, ladies, is his ring finger long or longer than his middle finger?

You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

class take an attachment test. And if you want to take an attachment style test, you go to let's see, Well, why don't you just google the words Chris Frayley, fr l e Y, Chris Frayley, attachment test. He's a researcher. He's collecting all kinds of data on attachment and then he collects also after he asks you questions about you know, how you feel about your best friend, then your mom, your dad, your lover, et cetera. He puts it all together.

It gives you an attachment score. But they've also been collecting some demographic and other information, and I thought it really interesting because one question they added recently is what photograph is on the home screen of your cell phone. Uh huh. It says something if you have your primary attachment figure there, but if you've got your dog or you've got some landscape, just saying, all right, let's talk about psychology. Speaking of attachment theory, people with an anxious

attachment style text more. You see, the anxiety around love means that they have perceived threats of abandonment. So the person who thinks they're always being abandoned is going to text constantly, or they're going to monitor the locations of their loved one. It's really interesting to note that there are neuroscientists out there who study attachment who can literally see attachment style when they put people in MRI machines.

They've had people look at pictures of like neutral pictures, and then pictures of their parents or their best friend or whatever, and then sometimes a picture of their lover. And they've found sometimes some people when they're looking at a picture of their or their boyfriend or girlfriend, the fear centers of their brain light up. Do do do doo?

emotionally hurt them. I just want to assure everybody that all this is treatable. All this is healable by going to see a licensed clinical therapist who understands about attack the theory of attachment. But there's also the stuff that people talk about the most, and that's what I call the sociology of love. So here's a couple facts about what's happening in our social world in our ability to

acquire or keep partners. There are economists out there who believe that assortative mating may be creating the big economic divide that we are seeing in this country. SOT assortative Assortative. Assortative mating is the tendency to choose romantic partners who are just like you. Whether they look like you, they behave like you, Their education is about the same, their income is about the same they might live in the same zip code. So there are behavior economics economists. Thank

you some behavioral economic economy. Why am I having is stumbling over that word behavioral economists economy. There we go economists, and they believe that this assortitateive mating is playing a role in the concentration of wealth in a very small group of Americans. Just saying, if like kinds stay with like kinds. Here's another fun sociological fact. The feminization of college campuses is creating a partner crunch for women. I've talked about this a lot during the last few decades.

More women than men are achieving higher education, and many of these women still prefer to date men who have the same amount of education or more, and this is causing a disparity of desired malemates for many women. I always tell these women, your idea of a power guy could be a guy who knows how to power a stroller. Just saying. So, I've been talking about how love is a science, and for every example of research that I've mentioned in the areas of biology, psychology, and sociology, there

are hundreds more research studies. As we speak. Researchers are working in universities around the globe, and they're continuing to find deeper meaning and understanding in the areas of human sexuality, bonding, family formation, and gender. I am thrilled to be here every week continuing to report the work of these groundbreaking scientists. And I really believe that understanding the science of love helps us understand the rules for life, and it helps us shape our behavior in a way that we can

all create longer, more fulfilling lives for ourselves. I have to say I have put all this science into action. I used female mating strategies that I read about in books by evolutionary psychologists, and I did as hard as it was, I did exactly what they said. When I was on those dating apps finding my husband, Literally if a guy wasn't responding quick enough, I was like, Oh, he's either apathy, he's got dating apathy, or he's got so many women talking to him. He's out of my league.

So why father pursuing it. I want the guy who's got a ton of energy for me, who adores me. Oh, and I found him, which was really really great. Anyway, I am always here for you on KFI every Sunday from seven to nine PM. I want you to send me your questions on my social media. The handle on Instagram and YouTube and TikTok and Facebook is at dr

Wendy Walsh. At doctor Wendy Walsh. I will always keep your name private and confidential, and sometimes I change around identifying facts, but send me your relationship questions because it's always fun to weigh in on the show. It's good to be here with you every Sunday. Thank you so much for being here with me. E've been listening to the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio Act. You've been listening to

Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us live on KFI A M six forty from seven to nine p m. On Sunday and any time on demand on the iHeartRadio app