This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to kf I Am six forty, the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app k I AM six forty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show. I am taking your calls. If you'd like to call in, the number is one eight hundred five two zero one five three four. If you're too shy, just send me a DM on Instagram at
doctor Wendy Walsh. I'll keep your identity anonymous. Okay, I think we have a talkback somebody recorded We're old you got that? Go ahead. Hi, my name is Sarah. I lost the phone number because I'm driving anyway. I wanted to know a couple questions. So you're talking about relationships. How about for the people that are a little bit
older sixty plus? What would you suggest? Okay, So if you do forget the phone number, you know you can always go on the iHeartRadio app like Sarah did, and there's a talk back button and you can just record you a question. So Sarah, it doesn't matter. All the rules of engagement are the same, and the good news is The fastest growing group of people on dating apps are people over the age of fifty. And the wonderful thing about dating apps is that you put your age.
Don't lie. People don't like them when people lie about their age, and they will search for you. Only a small minority of men actually always want to go young. Lots of people just want a best friend. My husband is a little older than me. We met in our fifties and he was searching for a peer a friend. Right, you don't have to put the sexy pictures on the app if you're over sixty, put attractive pictures, some full length of you doing the things you do in your
life to show them who you are. But the other important thing is older people especially think like the first get together. The first meeting should be an exciting, romantic date with a total stranger off an app. No, have a phone call first, and then if you like what you hear on the phone, then get together for a short coffee date and then after that have the first date. Don't rush into big, high expectations. That is not the thing to do, all right, And while I was on Instagram,
somebody posted a question I thought very interesting. He said that he is from a wealthy family. He's engaged to a woman who comes from a low income family, and he's wondering what problems they're going to have. Well, you know, the obvious problem that people think of right away is, oh, my god, she's marrying him for his money. I hope. So. I mean, all women are gold diggers in some way. If you want to protect your wealth and your money,
make sure you have a pre nap. But keep in mind that if a woman's going to take decades off her life to our career to have children, she deserves to be compensated for that. I remember talking to a family attorney one time, and he said, the best thing people should do is that anytime any partner of any gender stays home, they should be paid a salary every week, so they're paid for their time. Wouldn't that be great
if it worked out that way. The bigger the other difference that can happen is just a difference in values, right you know, we all have a kind of financial psychology, psychology of money, and some people are very frugal and they might be upset if you're spending a lot of money. Sometimes it's the wealthy side that's the most frugal. It's like, we won't spend that, and that's why you're wealthy because you saved really well. Other people believe like I deserve it,
so let me have it, right. So it's about figuring out what someone's value is. And then there's other stuff. I hate to put money on this one because you can be really wealthy and have no taste. I'm sorry, I mean no decorative taste, no taste when it comes to certain things. And then there are people who may have low income but high education. If I read somewhere actually that that is the target market of Trader Joe's.
That when they first launched, they deliberately put themselves like near universities and simies, and they wanted to get people who played violin in a symphony or taught at a small college and we're really smart and world traveled and had taste, but not a lot of income. I was like, oh yeah, So it's about talking about all these things before they come up in a big way. It's about having different values, right, all right, let me move on to my DMS. Here here we go, Hey, doctor Wendy.
I was dating a guy and we got into a fight where I showed my ugly side a little too early. I don't think you're ever supposed to show your ugly set. I think you mean you got a little too authentic with your anger. He seems to have demoted me to a booty call. I don't show up to the late night calls, but I want to get back to our romantic dates. Is there a way to do this? You know, whenever there's conflict in a relationship, talking about commenting on
it is the most important thing. There's not some manipul relative strategy. It's you calling him and saying and getting him on the phone, not text on the phone and saying, hey, I'm really sorry that I got angry in that way and showed you a side of myself that I'm not really proud of. We're not close enough for me to ever have been that intimate with you. On the other hand, I feel like since that you've been, you know, more enjoying the fruits of my body without getting really close
to me emotionally. So what should we do about this? Leave it open ended, like how should we handle this? And see what he says. I love the word the question how, especially for male brains, because it puts them out of their emotional brain and into their prefrontal cortex
to problem solve. So how should we solve this is always a good question because you're in it together and maybe you learn something, right, I know, we all have tender spots, and we have to be able to control ourselves just at the beginning, until there's enough to tack, until there's enough security and attachment and there's enough intimacy. Right, I'm sorry that happened to you, Dear doctor Wendy. Should
I ask about my future partner's past relationships? Well, I have to tell you something that that is the number one conversation that most dating couples talk about, right, the relationship they just got out of, what their longest relationship was. Now, there's a way to have this conversation without totally blaming your ex for everything. To show that one has emotional intelligence. They would talk about their peace in it as well, like, you know, we weren't compatible because I was more like
this and she was more like that. That's a healthy way to describe it, right. But yeah, you have absolutely every right because by the time they got to you, they had been trained by a lot of people who impacted their idea of love starting with their parents in early life and then their teenage relationships.
You know.
One of the books I wrote is called The Boyfriend, asked how to evaluate his potential before you lose your heart, And one of the questions was, what's the length of his longest relationship? You know? And if somebody's got to like the age of thirty and they haven't had a one year relationship, you got a question, do they have the ability to stick it out? Right? So these are important questions that you should ask in a relationship. Dear doctor Wendy, I met a man at rals who told
me I was stunning. Well, that's nice. We've been having great text conversations. I hate that. But he won't initiate an in person date, should I? Or does this mean he's not really interested in me? No? Okay, So here's the thing. In heterosexual relationships. Women should not you know, sperm chases egg and not the reverse. Women should not be chasing men. But women should issue an invitation. And you've done that by responding to his texts and being available.
And I'm sure you've said polite, flirty things on those texts. Right, He's had the invitation. He hasn't made the move. It is not your job to chase him down. Now, not your job. Let this one go. Dear doctor Wendy, my girlfriend of one year sent me a positive pregnancy test that she got off Google. How do you know she got off Google? Oh? I know she got it off Google. I should keep reading and then I'll know the answer. I know. I know she got off Google because I
reverse google searched it. The tangled webs we weave and technology. It is odd. Is this a deal breaker for a relationship? Or should I ask more about it? I'm turned off by her. Look, everybody has their own threshold for what is a deal breaker. But this kind of lies about life and death, kind of lies. No, this is a deal breaker. Okay, this is a deal breaker. This is awful. She's trying to coerce you into marriage or spending money
using complete false pretenses. She's betraying your trust. I don't think it can be fixed from here. Oh my goodness, that's terrible, Dear doctor Wendy. I was on a first date with a woman and she joked about my features and my dad bought Oh guys, I'm so sorry. I liked her, but this is distasteful. Should I give her another chance? I mean, you could have a conversation and say, hey, I just tell her your feelings. I didn't like what you said, call me the I had a dad bought.
If you're into me, yeah great, But if not, like chick, move on. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry. I'm just telling you move on. I think there are other women out there who will be better for you. And while I'm giving guys advice when we come back, there's a trend on social media where men are finally decorating their bedrooms very lovely. If you want to see some great examples, just google around and you'll see. Let's talk about the common things that we find in men's
bedroom and how they could do a little better. You're listening to the Dr Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty we Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App.
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty.
Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty, Live Everywhere at the iHeartRadio app. On the iHeartRadio App, I'm here I'm at the iHeartRadio studio now, but you can listen to me on the iHeartRadio up there. I got it out. So there's this trend online about men learning to actually decorate their apartments better, and if you're a single guy, you might want to start seeing what they're doing. Honestly, it's like, for the first time
in history, men are suddenly caring about their environment. Maybe because they're inviting ladies over, maybe because they want to be comfortable themselves. Maybe they're actually buying some decorator magazines. So if you're not one of those men, which are the minority, I will say that there are some things about men's bedrooms that are very different from women's bedrooms. Before I get into it, I do want to tell
a story. Years ago, I was on a TV set and you know, in between the shots and the takes, it was some you know, talk show or whatever. The guys work in the cameras and the floor director were just chatting and I overheard one guy say to another, Oh, I'm so excited about tonight I got a date with this girl. And you know, my ear perks up because I expect he's going to talk about how hot she is how he might be able to take her to bed, but no, you know what he said next? He said,
I hope I get to sleep over. I love to sleep in a girl bed. It's so cozy and they always have the best blankets and the fluffiest pillows. And the other guy goes, yeah, dude, I know what you mean. Girl rooms are great to sleep in. And I'm thinking, am I really hearing this right now? So back in the day when I got to trapes through a lot of men's bedrooms saying I've had some life experience. You know. One time I bought a piece of art from an artist he went on to become a very famous I
was a young woman, he was a young artist. We only talked to each other by phone, and he shipped it. He was in San Francisco, this beautiful piece of art, and he's like, well, where are you going to display my art? And he was hoping I was going to say, in a museum, a lobby of my office, at least my living room, And I said, just my bedroom and he goes, oh, And I said, don't worry, dude, I get a lot of traffic in my bedroom. Your art will be seen anyway. His name is Eric Zeener. I
recently contacted him on Instagram. His paintings are worth like fifty sixty thousand dollars. Now, I did not pay that. I paid for in the hundreds. And I showed a picture of the painting he'd made for me thirty years ago, and I said, you know, at one point it ended up in a family room and a kid threw a piece of plastic toast, you know, like them from their plastic kitchen, sir, and it sliced the canvas a little bit.
And he was so sweet on Instagram. He said, look, if you can get He gave me the name of someone who restores paintings, and he goesaid, I'll do the touch up painting on it, because I remember that painting so much. I didn't ask him if you remembered my line about all the traffic in my bedroom. Didn't ask him that anyway. The biggest thing I noticed way back when when I traped through men's bedroom was a lack
of complete decorative esthetic at all. When they do decorate, it fears that men like sports memorabilia, the middle aged playboys like old modeling books, the old modland picture. I don't know posters and models look for most men, though, the bedroom is a utilian, utilitarian place, right, So in a women's bedroom, you are going to find comfort, right, You're going to find high quality sheets in cotton, not chemicals.
I was actually sleeping in an airbnb recently and the room was very dark, and when I turned over at night in the bed, I was like, is my apple watch on? Why am I seeing this light? And I opened my eyes. It was sparks from the s sheets. They were so full of chemicals that the static electricity when I would turn over at night, the sheets would light up were sparked. Guys, don't buy those cheap sheets, please, cotton linen one hundred okay. And the guys often have
sheets that are brown and navy blue. No, no, that's poopy color. You don't want that in the bed. Okay. Here's what women hate, dudes. We hate completely mismass furniture. I know, sometimes your bedroom's got like one of your grandmother's antiques because it was a hand me down, maybe something from your boyhood bedroom, something on sale from Target but not part of the Target. Actually is a great place lately to decorate, but it doesn't match what you
have going on. It wasn't thoughtfully executed. Okay. So women tend to be much more intentional about their rooms, and they tend to care about comfort. So, dudes, I have just a little bit of advice for you if you are thinking of making a man cave that might attract a woman. Number one, I've already mentioned it only by natural fibers. Lady skins cannot handle those chemical sheets, just sing.
Number two, add more pillows to your bed. Seeing two lonely, forlorn flat pillows is not an invitation to dive into your bed. I'm going to say this about your smelly laundry basket. Get it out of the bedroom. I don't care. Put it in the closet, put it in the bathroom, and please make sure it has a lid on it. We have a much more highly attuned old factory response, and we can smell things that you can't. And in general, gentlemen, please buy lighter colors. Heavy dark wood might be masculine,
but it feels like a cave to us. Recently, I was touring an apartment in New York with a friend of mine who was moving in with her longtime boyfriend. And as she toured me. Everything she kept saying is I know it's brown. This brown thing's going to go. I know this brown piece of furniture is going to go. Oh, this is too dark. We're going to fix that, right, Like she knew that women like things light and bright as much as possible. So guys catch with the trend.
Look on social media. Lots of guys are doing it. They're learning how to make masculine yet fashionable and decorative rooms. And this is actually attracting women. All right, speaking of what else not to do when we come back, But when we come back, I have a wonderful author who has written a light Okay, it's light, it's humorous. We're not putting you down. Guys. A book called Things I Heard While Dating You would not believe some of the things women wrote to her that they had heard men
say on dates. When we come back. You were listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty.
Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Why Show on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My next guest blew me away with an email. It was an email because it was so well constructed that I knew she would be an excellent Guessie, I'm putting her on the spot before she even knows. My next Guest is an author based in Raleigh, North Carolina. She is a writer and editor of the book called The Things I Heard While Dating. It is a book that looks
into the quirky, qwinge worthy, and often hilarious. We have to have a sense of humor about this, folks, otherwise it would be pure tragedy hilarious world of romantic dialogues. Hi, Emily O'Brien, how are you.
I'm good, how are you doing good?
So, first question, what prompted you to write this book? Because your background is actually in journalism having to do with all kinds of things from architecture to cooking and now dating.
Right while that's an interesting story, I am actually out of the dating realm right now. I'm twenty years into marriage. But I remembered something strange and really out of the blue one day that a date had said to me, and I just could not stop laughing, like not just at the line, but also it was a little bit of a time capsule into who I was at that time. And the line was, oh, so you just have more hair on one side of your head, and I said, no, that's just how I parton it, and I don't mind you.
I had a very sing I literally thought that you had thin hair on one side and thick on another. It didn't consider that a side part means you're pulling some over to the other side.
Correct, yes, wow, wow. So I remembered that line and it was just kind of an awkward moment that happened in the date, and I just brushed it off because I thought, I don't know if he is just in awe of my hair for some reason and it was nothing remarkable at all, or maybe trying to land a bad joke. I mean, that would be the maybe best case scenario. And then later I remembered something else a different date had said to me, and I started asking
my girlfriends, do you have stories? Did anything weird happen to you? And I did not expect to unlock such a treasure trove of funny, cringe worthy and just puzzling lines in general.
Okay, before we get into it. I do want to say that we love men, and men you are trying okay, but some of you are bumbling around in the dating world. And anyway, I will say that research has shown that one of the best ways that a man can showcase his most important trait, which is intelligence, is through humor, and because of that, some men who aren't naturally funny, will attempt it as a way to, you know, showcase the humor. So this is lighthearted. We still love you men,
but let's get into it. Let's talk about some questionable pickup lines before we get to the date. Anything you heard that was interesting.
Oh yes, I did you know questionable pickup lives. One that was actually damped on a dating app was do you have stinky feet? And the woman wrote back no, and he genuinely was upset that she did not have stinky feet. So I suppose that was definitely a flop.
That was a fetish. I think that was a fetish because one time, when I was young, a guy asked me to specifically wear strappy shoes to the date, which, gentlemen, if you're listening, not a good idea to tell women what to wear before you've even met them. On a date, but an he wanted strappy shoes. I got what he where he was coming from. So I said, listen, dude, if you're like got some foot fetish thing, I've got bunions and pump bumps, and you're not going to be happy,
all right. And it was in the days where we wore high heels every single day. Did you know, by the way, Emily, when you start wearing sneakers and stop wearing those high heels, all that goes away and your feet get pretty again, just saying so anyway, he came up, he said, oh no, no, I don't It's fine, you know, just wear whatever you want on the date. So I
remember wearing clothes toed pumps. But while we were at the restaurant, a woman in a slinky dress walked by with strappy shoes, and he couldn't help himself turned to me and said, oh my god, did you see your feet? Don't they look great? As if I was going to share in this joy with him? So yeah, oh no, I didn't see him after that. I didn't see Hey, it's okay, hey if he has a food fetish, But I just didn't, you know, the first date just seemed early to go there, all right? Any other pickup lines
you heard from women? I did.
One woman submitted a line that said he said to her pack your bags, let's go to Bali. And this was on their first date after he showed up at the wrong place and then confessed he had a drug problem and was a practicing physician.
Oh yeah, that's a guy. You want to run off to a foreign country with alone without any protection.
Right, you know?
One guy? Here's a pickup line I got from a guy. It was actually a text from someone who I had known previously in another incarnation of life. He was married, I was married. Whatever. Instead of writing a text that said, hey, you're single now and I'm single now and oh my god, I've always dreamed to go out with you and it would be so wonderful, he literally wrote, so my divorce is fine, and I think you're kind of a little bit interesting. Do you want to go out a little
bit interesting path? On that one too? Pass on that one. What do you think is the best thing a guy could say if they meet someone in the real world and they want to do some kind of pickup line. What is your advice from what you've heard ooh.
Honestly, I think just a regular conversation, like not try to come up with something bizarre outlandish, and just talk to someone. I know that sounds kind of old fashioned, but I think that's probably the best.
Well, you know, I heard that flirting is back in with jen Why they're trying to talk in public now. They're not liking the dating apps, so I've been trying to teach flirting techniques. My advice is, just find any common interest, even if it's the weather, like, oh, it's raining so hard. You know you are smart enough to wear riinkcoat whatever, like anything that you share in common
in that moment. If you're both gay, the same airplane going by, I don't know, but just you have to establish rapport by having something in common from the beginning, and you've got to search for it. I think that's the best line. So when we come back, let us get into the dates. The book is called Things I Heard While Dating. The author is Emily O'Brien, and she's got lots of fun stuff for us. When we come back. You are listening to the Doctor Andy Walsh Show on
KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App.
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty.
Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show and KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. We are in the home stretch of the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I am here every Sunday for you from seven to nine pm. If you miss any part of the show, you know you can always go to that iHeartRadio app. It's always there. If you miss past shows, they're there.
I wanted to end the show with Emily O'Brien's book Things I've Heard While Dating because I just thought it was so adorable that we make light and this particular show has been a lot of information for single people. So if you're still single and you're still listening, here's some things you probably shouldn't say. Okay, Emily, what are some of the wildest things that women have told you that men have said on dates? By the way, did you interview men to find out weird things women say on dates?
You know, it's interesting all of the men that submitted lines it was from what other men had said they were in gay relationships. I didn't have I didn't have any men submitting lines from women.
Yeah, because we don't have to talk. We just have to smile and look pretty, all right, So what have you got in the book? Things I heard while dating?
Well Abby and Lenexa, Kansas heard on her second date, I find you being a vegetarian so sexy. I want to eat at a mammy off your back.
Oh oh, so she is that technically vegetarian if he's eating off her body, I don't know.
She heard it during their first makeout session, which caused her to let out that uncomfortable giggle that most women do and they don't know how to react, and she said he seemed perfect in every other way, but she just could not get past that line.
Yeah, it sounds like it starts with that a mommy, it gets a hannibal lecter. I mean it just moves on to something dangerous. I don't know, all right, anything else for us?
Yeah? LS in Riverhead, New York. She heard this line on her first in person date after two video calls, so she had kind of vetted him at first, and he said after she was returning from the bathroom, he said to her, Oh, I can't get you out of my head. They just don't make women with birthing hips like yours anymore.
I don't know if this is good or bad. I mean, guys like curvy women now, but birthing hips.
Later, when she broke up with him, which is unclear if it was the same night or just within a short period of time, he said, I have money, if that helps, as if it was an excuse for his behavior.
Although we do like men with money. I'll just say that's always a good mating strategy is to showcase your financial waste. Shall we say, I don't know birthing hips. Yeah, one guy said to me once. I was a single mom and I was out with my two little kids at a museum and I ran into a guy who had had a couple dates with back when I was single, and he literally said to me, oh, you turned out to be quite a breeder. It was just weird.
Oh.
I don't know if he was complimenting me, if that was a good thing a bad thing. Flirting with that was just weird. All right, what else you got?
Cassandra heard in Colorado Springs after the date had ended, so after the relationship ended, essentially, he said, you need someone who can handle you. Oh my goodness, pretty harsh at the time. Yeah, she said, you know, she felt like that kind of She was never too much. Really, when she really looked back at that line, it was more that he wasn't enough with what she ended up feeling at the end.
So I remember guys used to say to me because I was always a thinking woman, I didn't know that I was smart, believe it or not. When I was young and beautiful, I didn't know that I was as smart as I am, and so I would be analyzing whatever situation was up. And many a guy have said to me, you think too much. And it was only years later that I learned how to say, you know, you actually don't think it enough for me, right, Like
they didn't like they were intimidated by my brain. But at the time they insulted me by saying, like, stop thinking, just be emotional and sexy. I guess I don't know what it is. Is there anybody who went on a date with somebody they said something awkward and then the person went on to still marry them.
Ooh, not that I know of.
That was in the book.
That's a good question.
Though they got past it somehow, because I always wonder like it was we had the weirdest icebreaker, but then it all turned out fine in the end, because I am of the the vein of give men a chance. Okay, it's really hard. It's hard for them to step up, it's hard for them to ask a woman out, it's
hard for them to showcase. But you know, I also always say to guys, do you know what it costs us to go on a date besides the hair, makeup, wardrobe, childcare, transportation, and then to sit and smile for you all night when we're thinking about that client we got to meet with tomorrow and the big day ahead of us. Right, it's work for us too, It's work for both people doing kind of an Academy Award winning performance on a date. All right, another one for us?
Another one would be this came in from an anonymous contributor two months into their relationship. He said, not everyone thinks you're beautiful, but I do.
Oohoo. You know what that goes in the category of So there are certain ways that women can or that men control women. Men who are insecure and they're afraid of losing their partner, they either control them physically where are you going? Who are you going to be with? No, you can't go out with a guy without me that you can't be friends with just guys you get you that blah blah blah blah blah, right, or they control them psychologically. Men are really good at making women feel
less than not all men, some men, some manipulative narcissists. Right, So it's almost like you better stay with me because you'll never get better. You're lucky that I happen to think you're beautiful because your value on the mating marketplace out there is low. And that's how you know. Narcissists manipulate women. Right, all right, before we go, Emily, do you have one more for us? Yes? I do.
This one came in actually from a teen which gives it a little bit of color as well. The line is, if you're ever hot at my house, just know you can take your shirt off and it's totally fine.
Now a teenage boy, a teenage boy should say that. Okay, that sounds exactly like a tenth grader. Okay, if you had told me the guy was forty one, I would have been like, oh my goodness.
Pit second that said she thought he was being thoughtful because it was summer, and then she she wives up pretty quickly.
Well, Emily, thank you for joining us. Where can people get the book? The book is called Things I Heard Wild Dating. What can we get it?
It's on a website, Yeah, Things I Heard While Dating dot com or on Amazon on Amazon.
Emily O'Brien, what a lovely, cute book. And I hope if you've been married for twenty years that after doing all this research, you know it's time to stay married and bonker down, because that's what it's like out there. Okay, It's like she tested the water psychologically and went, you know what, I'm going to work on things with my husband. Thank you for joining us. My guest, Emily O'Brien, author of Things I Heard Wild Dating, and that brings the Doctor Wendy Wall Show to a close. I am with
you every Sunday from seven to nine pm. Hey, if you haven't noticed, if you haven't been following me in my social this is a good time to do it because I'm back. I'm literally back back back. You know. I went through that whole thing where I need to take a social media break. It's not good for my mental health. And I did like a year, I can have more than a million followers and I could just leave everyone hanging for my own mental health, which I
think is a good thing. But my New Year's resolution was to get back. So if you haven't checked my Instagram story today, there's a cute little video with me and my husband Julio where I'm trying to teach him what's bachelor to use. But anyway, we will beg follow me if you haven't at Doctor Wendy Walsh Emily, great to have you here. You've been listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh.
You can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app.