This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to k I AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app KFI AM six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. If you are new to my show, I'm a psychology professor at cal State Channel Islands, but my hobby is I am obsessed with the research. I know sounds nerdy on the science of love. I've written three books on relationships. My dissertation was on attachment theory. If you don't know what attachment theory is, you're going to hear about it in today's show.
And you know I'm obsessed with all.
The news and mental health and how we relate to each other. Coming up, let's see why gen Z is drinking less. Oh, why submarining is replacing ghosting in dating relationships?
Producer Kayla, did you know what submarining is? I do not. Okay, You're gonna hear.
And I'm going to give you the worst piece of relationship advice that I've ever heard, and I'm going to debunk it. Let me say hello to everybody. Heather how you doing. Oh, Heather's she's not there.
She ran away. She ran away.
It happens, Raoul, are you here, Yes, I'm oh, good, good good. When you were in college, did you drink much? Was beer your thing?
You know what it was?
Yes?
Yeah, we all had pubs. I worked in the college pub. That's how I could get to know people. I was very proud of myself. It built my shoulders. I could carry six pictures of beer at once, three in each hand. They were actually designed to sort of hook into each other, so it was like, you know, anyway, apparently gen Z. Now, what are our years for gen Z again? Nineteen ninety
eight to all the two thousands, early two thousands. I know both my kids are in it, one of my nineteen ninety seven to twenty twelve.
There you go.
So one of my daughters were born in ninety eight and the other two thousand and three, So I guess they're technically both gen Z. New research points to the fact that college aged kids are not drinking as much as they used to. You know their reputation. You've heard of the rowdy frat house parties, but it's just not happening anymore. They're knocking back far less beer and booze than previous generations. And according to researchers, this isn't just
a random blip in the numbers. In fact, this has been content This number of less drinking less drinking has continued to go down for the last two decades. A study published in the last couple of years says that abstinence is increasing. Complete abstinence like not even teetolling, like just never touching it. It's it's continuing to increase.
With gen Z.
Back in twenty eighteen, twenty eight percent of college students reported that they completely abstained from alcohol. Two thousand and two, the number was only twenty percent, so already it went up by eight percent.
Young adults who aren't in college, the working young adults.
Now, I would think high school educated young adults out there working can ford more alcohol, maybe have more free time, they don't have to be up all night studying, et cetera. And Nope, the research says the opposite. There's actually more of them. Thirty percent of this group reporting that they never drink beer, wine, or spirits. You know how they
collected the data, which is very funny. Besides self report studies and self report studies are notoriously a little loose, right, because people lie on these kinds of things all the time, especially self report studies on sexuality promise you field with lives. So what they did is they looked at alcohol sales during concerts at big events, and they found that alcohol sales have been significantly dropping in the last few years.
A little side note for bands that are like old rockers and you know that boomers go to those alcohol bills have been going up. There actually is a thing called late onset alcoholism.
Did you know that?
Because when you don't have to get up to go to work every morning and every night it's a party, It's like, why not have a drink? I can just sleep in if I drink too much whatever. And then sometimes like one time, I'm not saying it's me and I'm not saying it's regular. But one time I was alone at my farm and I decided I wanted to design the perfect skinny, spicy margarita.
Did I tell you the story before, Caleb? But I couldn't find any firewater.
I think you may have mentioned it, but I was thinking a bar, you get this stuff called firewater that makes.
It Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, you were saying I.
Couldn't figure out how to do it, so I just soaked dried chili peppers in water for the while. Yeah, but you know I had to taste test it with a number of versions. I thought you did the spicy one because you couldn't drink as much because it burned.
To us you were fighting through it.
I did need to add more spice because I definitely overserved myself that night. I woke up with a head of going what did I do? I was alone in my house and I wake up with a hangover. This is a problem. Okay, so late onset alcoholism is a thing. It's not gonna happen to me. But just saying, all right, So the researchers back to gen Z. Not drinking researchers speculate there are three big reasons why they haven't been
drinking so much. Apparently, young people have an increase in mental health awareness.
Guess what.
In today's world, people talk more openly about their depression, their anxiety, their mental health issues. They don't have to run to the bar or just get drunk and squelch their feelings. They can talk about it or go to their therapist or maybe they're taking prescription medications whatever, But there are other treatments for mental health, is what I'm trying to say than beer. The second thing is, in general,
young people apparently are obsessed with living healthier lifestyles. The trend of clean living is embraced a lot by gen Z, which means that they're being careful about their eating and drinking habits. And then what I yes right from the beginning, because I know you're thinking it. You're thinking it as soon as I said, oh, those young people, they're drinking so much less alcohol. I know exactly what thought came into your head. Yes, increased cannabis use. They're ditching alcohol,
but they're kind of replacing one drug with another. Still not good. Okay, still not good. Guys, can't be doing it.
All right. When we come back, I want to talk.
There's a reason why I have been obsessed with the science of love in my life. And you know, I think a lot of us go to graduate school in psychology because.
We're trying to like heal ourselves.
I mean, every class I was taking at the beginning wasn't to get a degree, It was to get information so I could take it on dates and figure things out. And honestly, like the first book I wrote, The Boyfriend Test, I hadn't gone to grad school at all. It was just like from my stomach I had the sense about boundary. It was a book about boundaries. The second one was called The Girlfriend Tests. I had a master's in psychology
at that point. By the time I wrote my third book, The Thirty Day Love Detalks, I had a PhD in psychology and I had learned so much Like every class I took, I would like run to the world, going, everyone needs to hear this.
This is amazing.
They shouldn't just keep this as secrets for therapists that you pay all this money to. But I will honestly tell you that in all my years of education and my years of therapy, the thing that really happened is that I was able to finally heal from my own attachment injuries. A lot of people ask themselves, why is this person with that person, Why are they saying in that abusive relationship? Or why did they pick a person
like that? Right? You know, love isn't rational. And when we come back, I'm going to tell you a story of a man. Maybe you see yourself in this man who is in the delusion of irrational love, so you can see how it plays out. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. We are live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty.
Love makes you crazy, Love makes you crazy.
There's been research on this.
Hey is doctor Wendy waalsher listen to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. Literally, there's been research on this. Beyonce is right. When your brain gets assaulted with that cocktail of neuro hormones called lust, you are not making good decisions for yourself. That's why in our anthropological past we had the tribe pick the people for us. That's why arranged marriages last a whole lot longer than romantic ones. But there's another piece. Now, it's funny because my husband Julio.
I'm just getting used to it. This is a month you know, I give I start to go book boy for husband.
Husband Julio always says, you know, it's not rational, like why they do that.
It's not logical, It doesn't make sense like a typical dude, not logical, not.
Rational, and like, there is nothing rational about love. Love is not about finding happiness. Love is not about creating happiness. Love is about finding the familiar. Whatever happened in your early life, if you were fortunate enough, and when I say early, I mean really early, when you're preverbal, you didn't even store it as memories. You didn't have words to log some narrative in your head. You stored it
as feelings in your bones. If it happened before the age of three, you don't remember it, but your body does. And things will happen in your adult romantic life. And if you had trauma, you will go right back to the scene of the crime. Someone tell your story. It was a few years ago. This man I knew, honestly, I thought he was crazy. I wasn't dating him.
He was a friend.
He was actually a friend of my friend at the time, right. But I remember hearing this story and just being like, what, so, here's what you should know about him. This man sadly his mother left when he was only three years old. And when I hear people say, oh, I'm so glad the bad thing happened, the divorce or whatever, and they're
too young to remember. Hate that because the younger you are when the trauma or the loss happens, the harder it is to go through your history with a fine tooth comb with a therapist and try to figure out what happened right, because you don't remember it in a
narrative way, but the feelings are still there. So he was raised by a hurt father and an aunt his father's sister, and he had a couple siblings, but he was the youngest, and so I noticed that he constantly dated women who would somehow abandon him in some way, or women who couldn't emotionally really connect, and he would do everything he could to try to get them to stay, spoil them whatever. Right, So he did finally meet his wife. He got married late in life. He was like in
his late forties. But here's the easy thing. And I remember this. I remember this story so well that when he first met the woman who would be his wife, they had this speed bump early in their dating relationship.
They dated for like three weeks.
Like enough time to get close and probably knock boots and all those stuff, right, and then she flip and ghosted him. But way back then it wasn't called ghosting. It was like she just disappeared and she wasn't entering his calls or anything. Now, I want you to know, if you have abandonment issues because your mother disappeared or your father disabard or something happened early in life, you will actually be activated to pursue people who will abandon you.
And often I say that the unconscious between two people does a little handshake, makes a little contract on that first date that says, Hey, you're gonna treat me like my critical mother.
Cool, you're gonna treat me like my abandoning daddy. Great, it's on. So what kind of movies do you like?
Right?
And then you're just talking small talk, but actually there's some big stuff happening underneath. So I remember this speed bump, and you remember this guy. He's friends with this girlfriend of mine, and she and I were saying, oh, you know, she's such a jerk. I can't believe she didn't. He was very sad. Anyway, like almost a year later, he runs into her at the dry cleaners. They happened to
go to the same dry cleaners. Didn't know that, right, And she says, oh, hey, look, I'm so sorry that happened. I had some stuff going on in my life at that time, and when I met you, I knew you were like a solid person, You're like husband material. So would you give me another chance? So, of course, mister abandonment, Oh yeah, yeah, yah, of course. And uh I think she came over to house and they cook Thanksgiving dinner or whatever. Anyway, he started to spoil her, treated her
like a queen, put her on a pedestal. You know why, because unconsciously he's a little three year old saying please mommy, stay, please, mommy stay right.
And here's the thing.
She didn't act greedy and didn't ask for a lot because she didn't have to. She had this weird emotional weapon apparently in her family of origin. When she was upset about something, she didn't get upset, She just got silent, did the silent treatment, dismissed, avoidant, didn't talk to him for like a weit living in the same house, married, and just him tiptoeing around like on eggshells. And they did come home and like buy her an expensive piece
of jewelry. So eventually, a bunch of years into the marriage, she leaves him. Right now, he's devastated. He's so sad, he's ashamed. He doesn't even tell his closest buddies for like six months. Right, he just made excuses for why she couldn't come places or whatever, and then she had an attorney call. It gets over. Right, they haven't seen each other in months. It's over. But what does he do?
He flies to Chicago, her hometown, to meet her, to go see her family, to Playcate, bought her mother gifts, told the dad how much he still loves the daughter also used religion. She used to use religion on him too, And he say, yes, you're right, I love you unconditionally, like Jesus said. But I want you to know this story isn't about his wife. It's not about her abandoning him. You can judge her all you want. It's about a hurt little boy who lost his mother. Eventually, he went
to therapy. He spent a time in therapy. He used to say, oh, hey, go to therapist, cause you know what therapists always.
Say, how does that make you feel?
Well?
It feels terrible?
Duh? Yeah, but you know what, therapy is not designed to make you happy. It's not designed to take terrible feelings away. It's designed to be your partner while you
do the work working through those terrible feelings. Feeling I look when I was in therapy myself as a patient, I cried for weeks and months about stuff in my childhood till I got to a place where I could forgive my parents but also see them as human beings who you know, weren't given a parenting manual and use the best tools they had to do the best job they possibly could. I was able to have a healthy relationship with the memories of my childhood. Love is irrational.
Love isn't about finding happiness. It's about finding the familiar. And if we had childhood trauma, we will go back to the scene of the crime in our adult romantic lives. And this is what my therapist always used to say to me. The only way out is through the pain. She used the metaphor of labor and delivery. When I was really pregnant, I said, I am so uncomfortable, I would take an exact don't I even cut this baby out right now? And she said, the only way out
is through labor and pain. And it's the same with emotional growth. You got to labor through the tears to get to the place anyway. I hope this isn't your story. You may know somebody that this reminds you of. This is a very common situation. When we come back, I want to talk to all the single ladies, at least the single daters out there. I'm putting a gender on this one, sorry, because more often dudes are doing this. The difference between ghosting and submarining. You're listening to the
Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty.
KFI Am six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This here is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I'm not gonna lie to you. There's nothing more painful than being ghosted. And I am amazed at how many people in the earth early stages of dating decide they don't like somebody and literally disappear. They don't return texts, phone calls, They sometimes unfriend, unfollow, block, They literally digitally disappear, and sadly,
sometimes it happens after the couple has had sex. So whoever's been ghosted feels so confused and at such a loss, like was it something I said?
What did I?
Do? You know?
And there's no time to process it.
So recently I was contacted by a reporter who said, well, there's a new thing going on now, doctor Wendy called submarining. It's a little like ghosting. So let me break it down for you. The difference between ghosting and submarining. Ghosting is very clear. It means that somebody suddenly does not respond to texts, phone calls, or dms. But the main
thing is there's no obvious reason for the disappearance. And when the person who is I call the ghost ee gives some kind of plea for an explanation, maybe they send a text saying, hey, haven't heard of you?
Are you okay?
Right?
Because you worry? Like I had abandonment issues.
So if I was ever ghosted, there was only one reason why they didn't text me back. They were in a car accident and they were dead. They were in a hospital with their jaw wired shut and their hands broken, and.
They couldn't tell.
Literally, in my crazy brain, that's what I imagined, right, Uh, I couldn't be me. Also with ghosting, the ghost e may find themselves blocked from the ghost 's social media accounts, so they go to look to see.
Well where are they look at their Instagram or their story.
They're gone, right, and when you go someone, the behavior's pretty much permanent. Submarining is very similar. It's where somebody suddenly doesn't respond to text, phone calls, or dms, and there's no obvious reason for the disappearance. But often when you send that emotional plea for an explanation, you get this vague dismissive response, like, sorry, I've been swamped.
Sorry I've been traveling. Oh so I've been under the weather. Just something right.
I don't mean to put gender on it, by the way, but guys, you're really afraid of emotional confrontation, aren't you. You're afraid of women's feelings. So it's more often in heterosexual relationships that the dudes do it and the females are left hanging. But here's the difference between a submariner and a ghoster. Months later, even years. Sometimes the submariner sends a text and attempts to pick up where they left off, pretending.
That nothing happened.
They don't even they it's like nothing happened and they've picked it right.
Has that ever happened to Kayla? I am a confronter. I am not going to not acknowledge this elephant in the room. Right what happened a few months ago? Why are you calling me right now? Yeah, that's the first thing I'll say to you. Good for you, Good for you.
But so many people just pick up where they left off too, So here's what you need to You know, both ghosters and submariners tend to be people who have low emotional intelligence, or they have a fear of intimacy or both, or and probably very little empathy okay, because they're not thinking about the feelings of the others. Now.
The biggest difference is that a ghoster wants to end the relationship and protect themselves from the discomfort of having to have a conversation with the submariner wants to put somebody on the back burner so they can reach out to them when they feel lonely, right when things aren't working out with their other new boos.
Right, So why do they do it?
Let's talk about evolutionary psychology, psychology, sociology. Evolutionary psychologists would say that almost all of us have some kind of backup mates. It is very, very common. Even people in loving, committed relationships might have somebody in mind, you know, like they might reach out to if things don't work out with their current partner. And there's actually other reason. I think it was done by David Buss at the University of Texas who said that having backup mats is actually
good for your mental health. So if you kind of know there's a fallback plan, what did a.
Friend of mine call it?
Once a pillow guy, you could fall back on a pillow, a soft landing somewhere. Okay, So if you are the backup mate, though, it never feels good, never ever ever feels good, But evolutionary psychologists say it's a phenomenon. So the submariners may be turning you into a backup mate. Now let's talk about psychology early life attachment theory. Like we were talking about in the last segment, submariners, instead of having an anxious attachment style, might have an avoidant
attachment style. So they have this ability to say and do whatever they need to to obtain sex as basic biology, but they're terrified of emotional intimacy, so Their whole mo is a dash in and out of relationships, always being careful not to get too close. They tend to have very little insight into their own feelings, and since they're not even aware of what they're feeling, they have less empathy for the feelings of others. They just don't understand emotions.
They don't know how to express them, and so therefore they're not deliberately trying to torment somebody. They don't even understand that their behavior can be hurtful because they're so detached from their own feelings. They're independent to a fault, right, and they look at people who have strong emotions and think they're weak or they're confused, like, why are you feeling that way?
I don't get it.
Now, let's also talk about sociology. Relationships don't happen in a vacuum. They happen in a mating marketplace. And right now we have a high supply sexual economy. Sex is in such high supply that I'm sorry. High value men do not need to commit to any one woman. They play the odds game. They don't have a fertility window that's closing. They play the odds game. They keep a whole bunch of backup mates. They test women to just see which one is going to stay in their loose
stable of connections. Now, obviously, when they reach out to Kayla, they're going to learn real quickly that they can't. She not going to be not going to be in a loose stable of connections. She is going to be like, uh, why are you calling me nout? What is this about. Also on the female side, we've got this over supply of successful females in the mating marketplace who are vying for the same small group of high value males. So they're really insecure and they will put up with submariners.
Not Kayla, but other people would.
Right.
So here's what happens when there's an imbalance in the mating marketplace. In this case, what I mean are it's not that there are more women than men. They're just more educated, economically secure, and healthy females in the reproductive years. So women basically have to make one of four mating choices. They compete for a high status man and hope their
fertility window doesn't close before they get a commitment. They stay in the game, right, they just figure out I am going to get him I'm going to get the alpha male, the famous guy. I'm going to get him to commit. I'm going to look I'm not going to be a bother. He's going to see that I'm not anxious. I'm going to look as hot as I can. I'm gonna spend most of my days at the gym. I'm going to make sure I don't surround myself with better looking women so I look the best all the time.
They just do the female to female competition stuff. They are going to roll the dice on the roulette wheel of their fertility window and think I'm going to be the one he falls in love with. I'm going to learn some human mating strategy and I'm going to be good at it. Okay, So women in a high supply sexual economy have three other v When we come back, I'm going to go over them. And also, if you're
being submarined, how you can respond. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty.
I Am six forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show. This is the time of the show where I would like to welcome my TikTok audience.
Hey, everybody, how are you?
Give a shout out on there on TikTok, post a comment and tell me where you're watching from.
It's really wonderful.
To see where you guys are all over the country and the state and the world. Sometimes after this segment, I am going to begin taking your calls. If you have a relationship question, you are welcome to call in. I will announce the number at the end of Look Vegas, Wisconsin. They're from everywhere, Corpus Chrissy, Texas, Florida. Hi, everybody, Maryland, you're up late. You're up late. Go to bed. Oh, Kentucky. The whole East Coast is up there. Hello, San Diego.
You can probably listen listen if you want to hear the whole show. So when callers call in, you just download the iHeartRadio app. You search Doctor Wendy Walsh and you can listen to both sides of it. But before I start taking your calls, we were just talking about something. We were talking about this new trend in dating of submarining instead of ghosting. Ghosting is where you know they
just disappear and you'll never hear from them again. Submarining is they resurface, right, and they kind of keep you as a backup mate.
And this can be.
Particularly hard because right now we're in this high supply sexual economy where we have an oversupply of successful women. Men are less likely to commit, so women only have a few choices. Now, as I mentioned before the break, one choice that women have is to just play roulette with their fertility window if they want to become mothers.
Not everybody becomes a mother. Twenty percent of women through the history of the human species don't biologically reproduce, and we needed that for our evolution that we would have important to alo parents.
So all good there.
But if you do have a fertility window that you would like to fulfill reproduction in, then some people just say, I am just going to be the hottest, smartest, richest girl out there and I'm going to get that guy to commit.
Good luck to you. That's one choice.
Now, The thing I more often suggest women should do is date a man that you might consider to be slightly lower status. Now, he's not really let me explain you. See, here's the bad thing about patriarchy. It's not only alive and well in the minds of men. It circles around in the minds of women. And so the more education and the more money a woman gets, the more she wants a malemate who's going to have even more. There's
not enough of those dudes to go around. I don't know if you've been on a college campus in the last twenty years, the feminization of college campuses is real. For every two men that graduate college in America, there are three women. So if you think like I don't want to date down, I say to you, maybe your idea of a power man is a guy who can
power a stroller. Okay, so that's the second choice. Date a slightly lower status man in your mind who adores you, because let me tell you, he's gonna adore you, he's gonna have he's gonna think he got the catch of a lifetime.
He's gonna treat you so well.
Now, the other thing that happens in our culture and is a choice that women can make no judgment here, is when there is an oversupply of successful females in a mating marketplace, The tribe, the culture, the society condones two other behaviors. One is polyamory and the other is same sex relationships. So women may choose to share a man right enter into a polyamorous relationship, or they might choose to date a high status woman. There are plenty of women out there who say, you know, I don't
want to date down. I'd rather date and intellectually stimulating, bright, amazing, financially secure a woman, and our culture supports it. Right, you can do whatever you want, all right, So let me ask you this. Let's say somebody submarines you, means you dated for a while, you think they're absolutely great, then they friggin disappeared, and then they showed up again like nothing happened. They're just suddenly texting like everything's okay now.
So how do you respond?
And again I'm talking specifically here to heterosexual women, and the answer is, it depends on your age, and it depends on your relationship goals. If you are looking for a short term relationship, that means fun, a great old fun, little romp.
More power to you. Just pick up where you left off.
All good, because you may be part of his stable of loose connections that he keeps as backup mates. It's not like you're thinking he's going to suddenly go, you know what, because you gave me sex so easily, I'm going to commit to you. It's not gonna happen, all right. He's not gonna suddenly fall in love and want to get married. But if you want a short term relationship, go for it, but don't use it as a mating strategy to get a commitment.
Of saying that.
If you are in your twenties and you got some time and you want to learn experientially as I did, I had to learn everything through experience. Well then later textbooks to explain everything that went on, you can start the game up again, this time only reward him when he pays when he behaves well. And I don't mean manipulating a man. I don't mean withholding sex. I mean respecting yourself and assessing whether he's really hit his state
of readiness or not. It's about you watching, analyzing, checking out. You're going, I am going to cross my legs until he minds me a ring. Now, it's not that that's what your grandmother in the fifties would say. I don't say that. I say, stoping out of Look what's going
on here? Is he at his state of readiness. Now, if you are a woman, if you are over the age of thirty, if you want to become a biological parent, and you'd like to have maybe an involved father with that parent, then you have only one choice when a submariner resurfaces in your life, and that is to not respond at all. Keep your pretty little manicure off your iPhone, do not respond, and only respond to the people who give you the attention that you deserve. Now, I'm not
gonna lie. The mating marketplace right now is particularly hard for women. It's also hard for men. On the break, producer Kayla and I were talking about how guys are saying, oh, women are just gold diggers and they want short term relationships and there are plenty of and men feel like there's something wrong with them if they want a committed relationship. The problem is everything's allowed right now in the mating marketplace.
There was a day where it was like, well, if they don't want to get married, there's something wrong with them.
Not anymore.
You can choose to not be married in the whole lifespan or if he wants multiple partners, there's something wrong with him. No, you can choose to be polygamorous. Well, there's something wrong with them if they seem to change their sexual orientation. Nope, sexual orientation is fluid. Everything is acceptable. So the biggest problem when you're trying to find a mate is the fact that the mating marketplace is filled
with everything, and you have to be the discerner. You've got to be the one to figure out right away what you want first of all, and not based on.
You know, well they're cute, maybe I can make it work. No, like, where the goals? What's the future?
Relationships aren't about having a bunch of hot dates. They're like, they all have to go somewhere. Right, where is this relationship going? You should be asking yourself. So I'm a big believer in practicing slow love, taking the time to assess somebody, not manipulate them.
Assess them. If that's what you want, I'm okay.
You go and have a short term relationship and you have fun, but be honest. Both sides need to be completely honest. You know, there was a study I quote a lot. I think it was in my book The Thirty Day Love Detoks called the passion Turning Point study, and it looked at the onset of first time sex in a new relationship and it asked the question was it a positive passion turning point or was it a
negative passion turning point? And they found that what whither it was intended as a hookup or a long term relationship.
It was a positive passion turning.
Point if people had talked about feelings, not feelings like I love you, but it might be feelings like you know, I really like you.
And also they talked.
About relationship definition, the what is this conversation before you have sex?
Like what are you looking for? Are you probably looking very short term?
Cool?
Me too, It's fine.
The problems happen when expectations are not met, and when expectations aren't stated. Then you each got your secrets in your head about where you know where these what is happening in this relationship? You've got to say it more clearly is what I say. Okay, my PhD is in clinical psychology, Ashley, thank you for answering. I'm not a therapist. I'm a professor of psychology at cal State Channel Islands. Okay, when we come back, I will be taking your calls.
The number is one eight hundred five two zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy wall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app