You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I'm KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. It is New Year's Eve. Can you believe in a few hours, twenty twenty four is going to be here? Now? Many of you may be listening to this on the iHeartRadio app in the days following, but some of
you might be cozying in on New Year's Eve. I used to hold it was really when my kids, when my nest was getting half empty and one was away at college and she'd come home and want to see your college reads. So I hosted a number of very large New Year's Eve parties which were a bash. But now I like to be chill. I like to stay in, have a love maybe bubbly glass of bubbly, and make some roast
beef and watch it all on TV. The best thing about and of course I can't do it tonight, well we might make it if I drive really fast, is that you could have the ball drop in Times Square at nine pm in La if you find the right channel in the right place so that you can all go to bed early, which is nice because staying up until the last ball rolls is you know, as you get older, you don't need all that, right, young people love it. They run out.
If I had to figure out the best New Year's Eve I ever spent in
my life, I was a young woman. I was like twenty or twenty one, and we were in Ottawa, Canada, where we lived, and I had a boyfriend, and my best friend and her boyfriend from Florida came up and we skated out on the Ottawa River that was completely frozen, and it was a heavy, bright, bright, bright full moon, and we popped a bottle of champagne out on the ice right at midnight, and it was nothing but silence, nature, white, frozen winter wonderland and the wind
whistling and just the pop of that champagne. And it was really really fun New Year's But you know, now I've got my Julio, We're just gonna cuddle in CAYLB. What's your favorite New Year's Eve? Are you a big party person? Uh? No? I went out one time and I was like, never again. It's amateur hour. People just want to be drunk and act the fool. So it feels a little like forced happiness, doesn't
it? Yeah? Or people just use it as an excuse to just, I don't know, release all their anger or I don't know, energy of the year. I just it's not for me. Me, Well, it's an arbitrary day, right, like who invented the calendar and the other places that have different calendars, right if they not actually be twenty twenty four tomorrow. I don't know. So I definitely just beend it. With my family, we drink, eat, count down when the ball drops and then scream
Happy New Year. And do you do New Year's resolutions every year? I don't like that. I don't really like the pressure, and then I don't like to feel like I failed when I don't do it. So I may mentally I'm not gone, but it's not something I do. Well. If you hang in there with me, I will tell you that. Later in the show, I'm going to talk about the actual according to science, according to research studies, ways that you can make a New Year's resolution list that
will actually work and you can stick to your resolutions. Have you thought if you were going to pick one this year, what it might be. Live the best life for me? Be happy and don't shrink myself for anyone. Well, I don't think you shrink yourself or anyone, do you? Sometimes I shrink myself for people I feel I feel. Yeah, So I'm not doing that. No, big loud and positive. That's my personality. Big loud and positive, living your best life. There you go. Mine is
what is my new Year's resolution. I think I'm going to have to start to get back into the health thing. You see, here's the thing. I live with Julio and my daughter, who, in my opinion, both have hyperactive thyroid it because they're skinny, skinny, skinny, and they eat and eat and eat. And I'm not worried about weight gain, but you
know, carbohydrate, sugar, all that. And I'm a health professor, but I've kind of fallen off the wagon a little bit because when you live with people who order dessert after every single meal, I mean Julio's dessert after breakfast, okay, and he's so skinny, but that's just how everybody is different. Yeah, I love a little something sweet after every Now I'm going to have to get back to it diet wise, kind of all those carbs and I was planning to do a dry January and no more Champagne a wine
for me. The problem is I'm going to visit my daughter in Paris third week at January. Oh you're just learning this, aren't you, Kaylea. You got to put this on the schedule. Oh okay. And she wants to go out take the train out to Bordeaux to do wine tasting. So you can't do that in the middle of dry January. So we'll maybe I'll have to be dry hppy. It's Paris. I don't think it counts when you're there. Always like Vegas. What happens in Vegas days in Vegas exactly
what the drinking that happens in Paris stays in Paris. It's so dry January. Are you in America? I think that's a good idea. So we have a really interesting show for you. You know that I am a professor of health psychology developmental psychology, and I teach intro to psychology because I love those freshmen, and in all my classes I play these videos of this woman she self identifies female. Now who is not trans I want to say this
very clearly. She is one of is estimated two percent of the population. It may be higher because they're not always identified of people who are actually intersex, born with pieces of both sexes. And her name is Julie Mayfield. She was raised male. She will hopefully explain to us why and how she
swung to the female side. But I play her videos in my classes because she is so positive and she's a great example of how you can be marginalized, you can be different, you can be a minority some way and still have this positive attitude about life. I'm going to ask Julie where she got this from. And then later in the show, another exceptional guest a woman whose husband was a top lieutenant for El Chapo and actually brought him down by
secretly recording him so that he could get convicted in the United States. Her husband served twelve years in prison, and she herself is a cartel wife who has been addicted to bad boys her whole life. She's going to talk to us. She's currently in the witness protection program. She's going to talk to us about her bad boy addiction and why we shouldn't have that addiction because she's paid the ultimate price. So that's our New Year's Eve show. We'll get
going as soon as we get back. You are listening to The Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. Well, if you've been listening to me for enough years, you know
that one of the many hats I wear is psychology professor. And in every one of my classes, whether it's developmental psychology, whether it's health psychology, whether it's introduction to psychology, I do a pretty lengthy lecture on gender,
the biological, the psychological, and the sociological pieces of gender. I personally do not believe that gender is completely a social construct as many people do, because we have a gender identity, we have gender roles, we have sexual orriatation that's completely separate from any of those things, and so it's a complicated
lecture that breaks it down for many people. But during every lecture, when I get to the part where I'm explaining intersex people, I play a number of videos, videos by that were created by my hero, one of my many heroes in life. Her name is Julie Mayfield. She's an actress, she's an influencer online, she's an author, and most importantly, she is an intersex advocate. She alone helped change laws in Florida and Alabama so that
intersex terminology can now be included in case law. And I am thrilled to welcome Julie Mayfield to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Hi ju Lee, Hi Wendy. How are you? I am so excited to be talking to you. It's like my TikTok person is talking about me. My goodness, how exciting. It's a joy. I'm this send to you. I had no
idea and I'm honored. Now, before we get into a lot of the important work and the messaging that you've done for people, could you explain to our listeners a little bit about your unique biology and how that played out and how you raise and how you present now? Sure? Absolutely. So it's a long story and you can read more about it if we don't cover it here at Justdooley dot com. And that's where my bio is and that's kind
of my landing page for things. But I was born x x y forty seven xxy and what that means, yeah, I'm going to pause to remind everybody about their high school biology class the sex chromosomes. If you get an XX, that would be female. I tell my students to remember it by saying kiss kiss xx. And if you get an X Y, it's considered biologically male. But we know at least seventy different variances in sex chromosomes exist.
Julie has one called forty seven xxy. So think about that. Two xes, oh and a y. So how does that play out for you? So for me, I phenotypically presented as male at birth. My dad actually remembers it was a Soceian and my dad remembers the docts are coming out and saying it's small, but it's got one. You have a boy.
Wow. You have to remember nineteen seventy five Alabama. I always remind people that even if doctors in nineteen seventy five had any working knowledge of what intersex truly was, they probably were not going to hand that information out to anybody
in Alabama. And that's not to say anything about that state. So you have to think about, you know, kind of where people are from and kind of where they grow up. And so my parents both college educators at the time were kind of flying by the seat of their pants, not getting great information and not always getting accurate information, and really just was presented as a boy and started to grow and started to have a lot of issues even
from early infancy that doctors were not giving them good information on. You know, one of the first things my mom recognized was that they brought me home from the hospital and I slept for eighteen hours straight, didn't wake up, didn't stir. She called her her doctor and said, should we be worried? And the doctor's response was, don't call me ever again. Wow, there are plenty of women that would love to have a baby that would sleep
through the night. Don't call me this ridiculous and you kind of think of it and you think you weren't monished for checking in. I had a brother, added two year old brother at that time, and they hadn't gone through any of this to him, so they were about babies, right, So explain your anatomy a little bit to my listeners, as I understand you have an ovary and a testee. Sure, so at seventeen we found out that I had the extra act. So you figure I went all through adolescents and
into high school. Being raised as a male. My breast started to develop at thirteen. They caught it. They call it gayno MAASTI you know, back in the eighties and nineties they just said you're lazy and you need to work out. You're fat. Wow, we had man moods, right, And so again, all this information is not quantifiable. So at seventeen, playing football, I went in for a physical and they came out and said, to my parents, your son's one teste didn't drop. I don't think
he went through puberty or it's a delayed puberty. We believe he has something known as client filter syndrome. We would like to test for it. So they tested for it and they said, he does in fact have an extra X. However, don't break out that extra ex of dormant. It doesn't mean anything. He is still a boy. He has got the white chromosome, so he's still a male. Client filters is a male thing, it's not a female thing. Blah blah blah. This is nineteen ninety four in
Florida. Wow. So they put me on tons of testosterone and by twenty two I'm doing theater in New York and I am a member of Actors Equity as I have a prostate cancer there and the doctor that I got to see said they have no idea about genetics or chromosomes. That's not my specific topic of interest. I do know you're on so much testosterone right now that if you stay on it by your forties, you'll probably have a failing liver and many other problems. So if you can deal with a raised voice, I
would get off the testosterone. So I did, and you know, I went another twenty three years before being a part of a test at the National Institute of Health on x XY males and x xy females before I found out that I don't have client felters. The reason my extra testicle didn't drop is because it was an ovary and it was located up where my ovaries would have
been had I been born fully female. I also was born with an underdeveloped pancreats, a female sized art male sized lungs, a diminished adam saple, the upper skeletal system of a male, the lower skeletal system of a female, and a female cervix or vaginal canal. But I don't have the external labia or the opening and then I also had a show or a a under deformed partiality of a uterus. Now we have to go to break, Julie, like you know radios that the time crunches. I want to spend hours
for you, but we're going to come back after a break. Before we do, I just want to say thank you for that description. You are a absolute beautiful person and you are a magical a magical feat of biology. When we come back, I want to talk about the psychological piece and what it was like growing up Julie Mayfield. You're listening to The Doctor Wendywell Show and KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're
listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My guest is Julie Mayfield. You can find her at just Julie dot com. Julie spelt j U l E I g H the nice English way. Julie Mayfield was born forty seven xxy, which means, as she likes to say, I'm not trans I was born with really bits of both you are truly a human being? Who is? Could you say equal parts male and female
biologically? Well, I mean her maphrodism doesn't exist really in human form. I like to say more of a hybrid. I guess I'm a hybrid of both. And is what does it feel like psychologically, because we do know there are sex brain differences in males and females, and so what is it? I mean, do you feel more female? Do you feel more male? How have you always felt? I have felt my entire life split, And it's really hard to explain that to people that have never felt that before.
But in talking with my parents and writing my book and my memoirs, I talk about that a lot. I feel inherently split, even in this female vessel, because I had to transition in my forties to live a little bit longer, because I've now developed lupus and osteoporosis, and even this week we found out that I may have ovarian cancer. Oh no, we don't know that for sure. But intersect individuals, we are often open to getting
everything right. We're open to getting everything and XX wise, two in a thousand XX wives are at a higher risk for developing cervical or ovarian cancer. And because of that narrative that we've been men and you can't be a woman and be xx y, people aren't going and getting fast that yeah, And so when they find out they have something like ovarian cancer late in life, it's stage three and stage four and they can't do anything about it, oh
dear, and then they feel inherently lied to. Right, So what about society's push to put people into some binary category. How has that played out in your life and your psychology? In my life, I have been blessed because I was raised Christian and my family, my parents have never treated me as anything other than their child. And I often tell people my parents' faith is unwaivable, right, I mean the sun wavering. And I often say, you know, my dad walks and say he's not going to bring you
to it and not bring you through it. And I know that there are people out there that are not religious, and that's not my intent or slants, but for me personally, my favorite him is his eyes on a sparrow, and I have to remember he watches over the tiniest creature. If that's what you believe in, If you believe in the universe, the universe dies and watches over the tiniest creature. He's not going to leave me estranged. What right great support and strength you have. I need to ask you this
because you are such an advocate for people who are intersex. First of all, what percentage of the population do you think is some version of intersex? They say anywhere from one point eight to two percent globally. No, A lot of people say that's a rare and small number. But think about it, especially here an American medicine. We have always been to the last eighty years, pushed in to drop them off in asylum, get rid of them, fix them, fix what's wrong with them, to make the male or
female. I think most of the population has no idea that they could be xxy, which is one of the more common variations, or even intersex. They go undiagnosed. Oh, I actually say that because you know what happens, Julie. I follow you on TikTok, and then TikTok gets the message that this is what I'm interested in. Next thing, you know, I get videos from people saying like there was a woman who was presenting very feminine, and she had a high voice and she was Hey, I just went
for my twenty three and me and guess what I've had out. I'm a dude. I never knew you to remember. We and we often see an intersex community. That can be confusing because those are dealing with a whole Those are dealing with anominal chromosomes yea an apax and this is sexual chromosome based right, And so that can be confusing too. When you have people that are taking it, they're like, oh, I have more, I have more
care. I think inherently most people do or are different variations. But because they're not tested for it, and because it's not it's not a subject but shared, people don't know exactly. People don't give a newborn baby a chromosome test. We have very little time left, but I wanted to take the last minute of our chat, Julie and ask you what do you want the world to know? What's your most important message for the general public. I think what I want them to know is every life, every life on this
planet is a viable life. Every single life is viable. And it's not your job, even though you're on your own journey, it is not your job to question that viability. It's not your job to judge that viability your judge. Your job is to get through life and to get through your own journey and learn what you're supposed to learn and give that to the world and the planet in a way that supports it and elevates it. And we are
not doing a very good job, beast. I know when we are saying get rid of them, fix them, make them fit into a binary I said in a TikTok Live. My life is no better or different than anybody else's life on this planet, but it is a viable life. And the fact that there's viability in every life we need to support that. We are all human First, Julie, I have tears in my eyes when I something about you strikes such a deep chord with me of love and compassion, and
I think it's your strength, your positivity. You really don't say many negative things except maybe the medical community in the fifties, sixties and seventies. But I am so happy to know you and have this interview with you. Thank you so much for joining us, and I'll be in touch in the future. And if you want to find your makefield, go to her website Just Julie dot com. You're listening to the Doctor Wendywell Show on KFI AM six
forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI AM six forty everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. So, if you've been following me for a number of years, you have a scene my personal growth as a human being, as somebody who dated a lot of bad boys when I was young. Maybe you're one of those women. Maybe you know one of those women who get really turned on by guys who can't really love them back.
And I want to explain that it took me years of therapy to understand. I was spending all my time like trying to analyze him. Why has any text? Why hasn't he called? If I do this that might bring him closer? And it was only years later, through lots of therapy, that I realized that there was one common denominator between all my relationships, and it
was me. And I was wasting my time analyzing them and their behavior when I should have been analyzing why I was attracted to them in the first place. And I came up with a number of psychological theories that explain why many women get attracted to guys who can't really love them back. And when I say can't love them back, there are either men who have an avoidant attachment style, so they come in hot and heavy, they spoil you, love
bomb you because they want to still attain some sexual relationship with you. Right, So they come in and get their needs met biologically, but emotionally they can't tolerate intimacy, so then they disappear, and then they come back and go again, right. And then there are those that just have no compassion it seems, and no empathy and no idea of a woman's emotional experience. And by the way, a woman can be a bad girl too. A woman can be a narcissist, a woman can be somebody who has a cold,
hard heart too. But it is more common for women to bend themselves for unfeeling men. So here are the three reasons why women often actually there's four women often get attracted to bad boys. The first is, you know, one third of American women have suffered some kind of trauma and abuse in their early childhood. Now that abuse may have been emotional abuse, physical abuse, or God forbid sexual abuse, and more than likely that abuse came from
the hands of someone they loved. So therefore their model of love is now mixed up with pain. Love has to equal pain, and they actually get aroused and excited when these guys break their hearts and hurt them in different ways. The other thing is, partly because of this trauma and partly because of patriarchy, a lot of women have low self esteem. I don't know what happens around the teenage years, but these bold mouthed girls suddenly become worried about
what they look like, worried if guys will like them. And I watch the girls move to the back of the classrooms. I watch the girls start to you know, around their shoulders when they walk, and not have that bold self esteem that they deserve to have. And so what happens when a woman has low self esteem? They misread a guy's avoidance aloofness lies as high self esteem, and people get attracted to people who have high self esteem. And a lot of these bad boys act like they have high self esteem.
But there's another reason women get attracted to bad boys. It's because they often present what I call a random interval reward system. It is literally the behavior behavioral modification technique used by all of Las Vegas casinos. Okay, so when you're trying to train an organism, in this case a girlfriend, you can work with a dog too, what you need to do is get the reward
that they like and give it in a random interval way. So the size of the reward should change, and also the amount of duration between giving the reward. Think of a slot machine, right, so you sit down, you think, and I'm just gonna, you know, throw in a few bucks and I'll pull that handle a few times. And what they do is very early on, those slot machines are programmed when a new user comes to give a pretty big payout, considering like maybe you put in five dollars and
you get like fifteen dollars. You're like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. So you start putting in more because you remember that great reward. But next time they make you pull thirty times, so they've made their fifteen back plus fifteen more, right, And then they will give you little dribs and drabs of rewards like four dollars or six, seven dollars or whatever,
and you think it's coming, The big one's coming again. That's what bad boys usually unconsciously do because they're going through their contacts and they might shoot you at text when they're lonely one night and then get distracted by somebody else from a dating app, and then come back around in a week, and they're giving you these little payoffs, always complimenting you and making you feel special and then disappearing for a while, and they literally get you glued to them.
But there's another kind of woman, often a very confident woman, who's attracted to another kind of bad boy. This is the bad boy that is involved in anti social behavior. I'm talking about criminals, and they're often attracted to criminals because of the clamor the risk, the excitement, and indeed the money. And these women who get attracted to these kinds of bad boys sometimes end up paying the ultimate price in their life. These are the women who write
letters to guys in prison. If you listen to my show a few weeks ago, and if you haven't seen it, go back where I proposed.
My boyfriend Julio, he experienced a year of incarceration in a federal case, which is lightweight prison, but in his case, the women in the neighboring towns would get lists because I guess this public record of who the new inmates were, and start writing them emails and letters and get all dressed up and come visit them because compared to the odds of you know, the mating marketplace in their tiny little town, these white collar criminals there for financial crimes.
They're gambling on these guys because they think they're going to get out and make money. Right. So there are those kinds of women, But there are also women who date guys who are literally breaking the law because it's exciting because the payoff is like Vegas, it can be really big. When we come back, I have a very special guest. First of all, she will go by an anonymous name because she is part of the Witness Protection program.
She's a famous cartel wife. She literally lived between America and Mexico as her husband was the number one guy looking for El Chapo, and eventually the two of them helped bring El Chapo down. When we come back, you'll meet this very brave woman and she's going to tell you why she fell in love with so many bad boys. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show. KFI AM six forty on demand