@DrWendyWalsh - Wendy's Wedding Countdown (07/28) Hour 1

do know what you're talking about. I have a couple of from but I am going to be I feel like I'm traveling in time. Oh, you're in a wedding countdown and it is hot where our wedding is going to be. And so I have suggested that the ladies put on their biggest Kentucky Derby stunner. Why not a big sunn fascinator like a fascinator. Is that what it's called. That's what Google has taught me when I've been shopping for my fascinator hat to match the dress that I'm

going to wear. That's what it That's what it led me to. Fascinator it's gonna be fun. I can't wait. And who we got Elmer on the board. How are you, Elmer? I'm good, I'm doing good. Thanks you good. Good to see you. We got to Heather Brooker. Heather, I have to tell you that I just googled you for another reason unrelated, and I love the picture that Google shows me. First. It's beautiful. Oh no, which one that's funny? I don't know. But you look glamorous and happy.

moms get to keep in touch with their kids. They get to just look at their TikTok videos and go, oh, they're having a nice life. That's great. I was mowing the lawn and I put some some peroxide in my hot water heater today. Do you know you have to do that, Kayla? Sometimes I did not know that. Yeah, well sometimes they smell skanky. Can we say skanky on the radio? Oh? Did you hear that?

the age of twenty. I mean that would be silly, right, twenty seven still at it. She is probably the best gymnast in history, both by her natural talent and her medal count. She has a record thirty seven Olympic and World medals. She has I would say, completely transformed the sport and now her dangerously difficult routines remain unmatched by others. And you gotta know, this young woman for years and

years has sacrificed both her body and her mind. Now I want to remind you if you haven't been watching the news in recent years, she's been psychologically tormented by the fact that she is open as a survivor of sexual assault. She was one of hundreds of women sexually assaulted by the former National Media team doctor Lawrence Nasar. She also has endured all kinds of physical pain. She

has had foot problems, ankle problems, knee problems. She once competed with a full on kidney infection and didn't take any painkillers because she didn't want to test with any drugs in her system. But before Nasar's abuse, and before I don't have to remind everybody the FBI's bungling of the case, she suffered major depression and anxiety. And before all of that she had been a bubbly teenager. But

her big downfall happened in twenty twenty one. You might remember the Tokyo Games, she got what is called a case of the twisties, which means during a qualifying event, she realized in mid air that she had no idea where her body was in relation to the ground, literally like lost all sense of balance. In fact, in one landing, she flew so far out of bounds that she slid off the competition's surface. In golf and baseball, they call

it the yips. In gymnastics they call it the twisties, where they literally forget how to do what they need to do. So she quit, She walked off. Now, then the internet took over and those critics took to their keyboards after she withdrew. And even though she said she had a mental block and she was disoriented in the air, she was attacked. So I did little research to figure out, like what happened in twenty twenty one, like what was

going on? Well, she's used to having her parents and her sister in the stands because it was during COVID there were no fans alone and her family was not allowed in, and her sister wasn't there to say go simone right before and so there was this moment where she was triggered from being alone. And you gotta know, besides that sexual assault, Simone Biles has overcome so much childhood trauma. She was born in Columbus, Ohio. Both her

parents struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction. Her father abandoned the family early on, and her mother was unable to care for Simone and her three siblings. She was sent to foster care when she was just three years old. Eventually, she was adopted by her mom's her mom's father, her grandfather biological grandfather, and his second wife, Nellie. Nellie loving this woman, she calls her mom. She's been there with her all the way along. Biles spent two years or

more in therapy. She was planning to never come back, and another former olympian told her, you're gonna if it's still in your body, just get your brain fixed. And she did, and she is back and we are all cheering her on, and I am so proud that she's talking openly about therapy and mental health and just I love this woman, just love her, just saying, all right, when we come back, I want to change up the conversation a little bit. I mentioned earlier in the show

that I'm on a wedding countdown. I won't say how many days or I'll get dizzy in a case of the twisties myself. What stuff changes if you are somebody who's getting married, who got married, knows somebody who's getting married, if your friend is getting married. There's all kinds of social circle adjustments that happen, and there's some psychological things that happen when somebody in a social circle gets married, or I should add it also happens when somebody in

a social circle gets divorced. Let's talk about the fallout, both positive and negative from unions and separations. When we come back. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

You know, there's a lot of stress in wedding planning, But the truth is, I worry less about everything going smoothly, and I'm more likely to worry about my guests having a good time. So I am more worried about the food and the cocktails and the table decorations than my dress. My dress hasn't even done yet. I haven't even seen it. I don't know it. It doesn't matter, And you know what,

I think, the fun happens when mistakes happen. You know, I went to see with Julio, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler a few months ago, and they have a thing at the end of their live show where people can ask questions. I think they put, you know, little questions in a box or something and they get chosen and pull it out. And one of the questions was from a woman, I'm marrying my girlfriend, any advice on what

we should or shouldn't do for the wedding? And I think Amy Poehler said, you've got to have the crazy, racist, sexist, drunk uncle give the toast, because then the wedding will have something to talk about. Right, of course, we don't have one of those in our family. But I can't worry about anything, is the point. But I do want to say that I've noticed things changing in my life, positive and negative. I want to remind everybody that both

marriage and divorce are highly contagious among social circles. There's lots of research to support this. Divorce six degrees with separation. In other words, you might be six couples away from the couple that is getting divorced, and there might be a ripple effect of news and information. Literally, dudes, if your wife has a friend who's going through a divorce, don't let her go out and hang out with her

feeling contagious. The weddings are also contagious. People go to weddings and they're feeling closer, they feel misty, they feel romance. But there's all kinds of unconscious things going on. You see, in our modern culture, relationships, particularly marriages, tend to be a bridge between tribes, and bridges are made, bridges are

broken and everybody. They're also kind of the social organizer for all kinds of things like I will say very clearly that the worst part about being a single mother, besides being dog tired and having no money all those years, was feeling excluded by couples. You know, I didn't get those couple invitations, And now I love having couples over for dinner. I'm like, oh my god, a couple I haven't you know? Mind you there was a really great, wonderful group of single mothers in my life, but I

didn't have those couple invitations. So what happens when somebody's getting married. Some people start to feel abandoned. Some people might feel jealous. Some people might feel you're just going to be too busy, or you'll change right. They're all kinds of things that can happen. But I'm also noticing certain people. As I'm feeling certain people become distant, I'm also feeling certain people become closer, which is fascinating. Not

all couple people, but just different friends. So really, I'm just sitting back and watching it all, trying not to take certain things too personally, and just sort of seeing how all the cards lay out, if it will. I have never felt so sure about something in my life. Although I want to remind everybody that went till death

to us part was invented. Death was pretty imminent. If you got married in the year nineteen hundred, the average length of that marriage was about twelve years because somebody died of something. If you got married in nineteen ninety, your average length of that marriage was about twelve years. In this case, it was divorce. Well, we're of a certain age where I think it's okay to say till death to us part. He hates it when I make that joke. He hates it when I make that joke.

I'm like, honey, somebody's going to die soon. I'm just saying. He does not like that, this morbid, dark sense of humor, but I do. Hey, when we come back, I want to talk about AI, but not just artificial intelligence, another kind of AI that is already happening and about to explode, artificial intimacy. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy wall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

are really good for us. They're good for our mental health, they're good for our physical health. There's lots of research to show that you're less likely to have heart disease, high blood pressure. One time I had a cardiologist on who said he's never had a patient who was in love. They've never had heart problems. You're less likely to suffer from depression when you're in a relationship, or develop all kinds of other chronic illnesses. And yes, long term committed

people actually live longer. So evolutionary psychologists have also found that when you spend time with people you start to mas mack each other, you get a biological mirroring that happens your limbic systems. You start gesturing. You ever see couples they talk the same way, they walk the same way, but actually their brain waves get in sync. I will tell you flat out that the number one reason that

I am marrying Julio is because he relaxes me. There's something that happens when we're together where we feel calmer. So if it all feels good, do we actually need to connect with our humans? I know lots of people have pets and animals and get some of the same benefits, probably not the romantic or the sexual relationship, but just

being near and petting your blood pressure right. It makes me wonder if these kind of artificial relationships, and plenty of people are already having them just in you know, online love relationships. Like I can't believe how many will write to me and say, you know, having this boyfriend

problem and we've been together for three years. And then I'm like, okay, well what exactly is the problem, And something will come out that the person will say, well, you know, the time zone thing is a problem, and I'm like, oh, it's a long distance relationship. No, it's an online relationship, And I'm like, wait, a minute. You've never met each other in the real world. Look how many seasons of Catfish are on MTV now from this

people having these emotional connections. It makes me wonder if this artificial intimacy is kind of like a placebo drug. You know, when they do double blind control studies and they give one group of people the sugar pill. They don't know it's the sugar pill. A good chunk of them get better anyway, Right, So it's artificial intimacy, kind of like a placebo. Look, we're already having relationships with bots. Take only your navigation. I have a young, pretty, I

imagine she's pretty Irish girl who navigates me around. A friend of mine has a male with an Indian accent. She calls him Raj. She's given him a name. They chat right, Siri Alexa. Yesterday I had the wonderful pleasure of babysitting a one year old neighbors of mine. And this kid was right in the middle of her stranger anxiety. So no sooner did mom and dad go out the door that she started screaming. And I was keeping myself calm because I know that's the first thing to do,

and trying distraction that wasn't working. And then you know, I just allowed her to be sad for a while and cary and scream and then I thought, oh, maybe she'll get tired. So immediately I went to Alexa. I said, Alexa, blay me some lalla blies. Time to rut. Right, there's a robot in some ways. Your social media apps are listening all the time. Right. Some people are having relationships with people online ornography. Right, we know there's a chatbot

for everything personal trainers, life coaches, therapists, but now lovers. Well, I think online artificial intimacy really is an illusion. You see, there's a problem with it. It teaches us what a relationship is when that relationship doesn't have any friction, any conflict, any pushback, or any vulnerability. And I think that is the challenge with technology producer, Kayla, I want you to try to get her on our show. I would love

to speak with MIT psychologists and sociologists. Sherry Turkle because she has been her write that down. She has been studying our relationship with AI for a while. And here's her quote. She says, what I really think is bad, and I think that needs to be taken out of the equation is the technolog is saying I love you back, I care about you, and implying that their person who has a backstory, a life, and having an empathetic relationship

with you. Because her biggest fear is that people will start to believe the robots that say I love you. Her best advice is, remember it's an operating system. Remember it's an avatar. Do not get so attached that you can't get away from it. Don't get addicted. You're getting addicted to your TikTok. You're getting addicted to your artificial girlfriend boyfriend. You know, my mom always used to say,

never love anything that can't love you back. All right, speaking about emotions, when we come back, did you know there are three things that people with high emotional intelligence naturally do and we can all learn how to do these three things when we come back. You're listening to Doctor Wendy whe Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

all learn how to be emotionally and emotionally intelligent. And why is the answer because people who are emotionally intelligent have better health, better mental health, and most importantly, better relationships. So I met this guy was having a drink at a bar, waiting for some friends for dinner, and he was so charismatic. He told me these really interesting stories about himself. I was amazed by some of the things he'd done in his life. It was a really great conversation.

He seemed smart, he seemed entertaining, but he wasn't very emotionally intelligent. After I left, I thought to myself, Wow, he didn't ask me one thing about me. And when I dropped little breadcrumbs meaning that he would tell a story and I woulday, oh, that's like the time I was, you know, working, bah blah blah, and this happened to me. He didn't pick up that line, he went right back to another story about him not emotionally intelligent, yet pleasant enough,

a great conversationalist. Another story. A few days ago, a girlfriend of mine texted me that she was she should in a text, but when people are shy about expressing negative things, they put it in text. Not the best advice. But she was irritated by something that I did. So I immediately called, and she wrote that she couldn't pick up the phone she was in a meeting, and so then I had to respond with a very long text saying I'm so sorry, Please tell me what I did.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, and you're so important to me, and blah blah blah blah blah. Then she called me and she's like, I've never had a reaction like that from somebody. Usually they get so defensive, or they block you or they fight with you, you know. And you were just like, hey, how can I not have you have this feeling? Right? I have naturally a great deal of insight, but I won't lie to you. I spent eighteen years in therapy having emotional conversations with

my therapist. I mean, on and off eighteen years you know when I needed it so that I could grow a better emotional length wuage. So I was reading this great article by doctor Jenny Woe, a Harvard trained psychologist, and she says, there are three things that people with high emotional intelligence do. First, they ask questions. They ask specific kinds of questions. They ask questions that relate to

deep feelings. So I look back at that conversation I had with the guy at the bar, and I thought to myself, of course he was talking all about him, because there I was asking these deep questions that made him think. So people who are highly emotional intelligent might say things like, how did you get into and what are your thoughts on? What's your opinion on this? How do you feel about Say, you're asking about feelings, You're

asking origin stories, You're asking opinions. People who are emotionally smart, who want to make connections with others, ask those kinds of questions. The other thing they do is most often naturally, but you can learn to do this. They mirror somebody's verbal tone and body language. Remember earlier I was talking about how in our intimate relationships we start to walk the same talk the same use. This make the kind of the same jokes of the same voice cadence. Right.

This helps people stay close and connect it. So people with high emotionally emotional intelligence actually are really good at reading social cues. They are able to naturally mirror people and get this deep connection. So if somebody speaking fast, they speak fast. If somebody speaking slow they sleep, they speak slow. It's not copying, right, it's not manipulation. It's connecting. It's aligning with the other person and where they're at.

And what does this do psychologically? It helps build trust and it helps show respect to the other person. So they asked questions. I was doing that with the guy at the bar. They mirror their vocal to I remember kind of doing the same thing. He was animated. I got animated with the stories, right. But here's where I

realized he didn't have too much emotional intelligence. The third thing that highly emotionally intelligent people do is they share their personal stories of their own mistakes and failures, which I did. Right, So in our conversation, I'd say, oh, yeah, that thing that happened to me and blah blah blah, and there was no empathy that came back. He immediately went into his next story about himself. Right, So, people who are intelligent emotionally also have a backbone. They have

self confidence. They can be real, they can be authentic. They're not afraid to talk about their fears or their failures. I can honestly say that I use my vulnerability as a strength. It's my way of connecting with people. I am fully human as you are if you're listening. We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. Problems happen when we try to control other people or control the world. If we can instead sit back and say, hey, I

am not perfect. I do want to add that sometimes emotionally intelligent people get rejected by people who are less emotionally intelligent or who have lower self esteem, because those people get a little rattled. They get a little scared by all your authenticity, right, particularly people who have an avoidant attachment style where emotions and intimacy are hard, and then there you are just bearing it all and talking about your feelings, and that scares them. Just no, they

have difficulty forming close relationships anyway. It's not just you. Hey, when we come back, I want to open up my Instagram and my TikTok and my YouTube and producer Kayle's going to help me find some of your questions. Reminder to everybody, I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor, but I love to weigh in with my opinion on your love lives. So if you've got a question, send me a DM. The handle is at doctor Wendy Walsh. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on

KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on demand the iHeartRadio app