Hank and Marie Patman are still heading for divorce - but while Alice has thankfully come to her sense and forbidden the twins to interfere in the Patmans' marriage, the Queen of Schemes, aka Jessica, is on the case. Egged on by Liz, who is obsessed with helping her new BFF Bruce, she comes up with an array of plans to reunite the Patman parents. Alas Mercury is in retrograde, and it's turned Jessica, newly obsessed with horoscopes, into a total klutz - with genuinely hilarious results. Elsewher...
Mar 02, 2023•2 hr 57 min
The heat wave is still raging in Sweet Valley - and in the pants of Elizabeth and Bruce, who are drawn together by their frankly worrying obsession with Alice and Hank's youthful romance. Their new bond is causing tension between Liz and Todd, who has moved into the Casa while Ned and Alice are out of town (don't worry, he's sleeping on the couch). For once, we can't blame Todd for his moods, as Liz keeps ditching him to head off with the Patman playboy in 1Bruce1! And Jessica? She's having the ...
Feb 16, 2023•3 hr 6 min
We're back! And we're leaving Sweet Valley for the blue green waters of the Caribbean, as Lila invites Jessica to a resort called Club Paradise. Jess expects to be surrounded by hunks - but to her horror and rage she finds herself surrounded by bratty kids instead, because Lila has roped her into being a camp counsellor. Our fave frenemies are at war - and things heat up when they meet hilariously smooth and vain windsurfer Mick. Meanwhile back in Sweet Valley, Hank and Marie Patman are splittin...
Feb 02, 2023•2 hr 54 min
Happy Christmas, listeners! To celebrate, we're sharing a very special festive episode of our Headstuff+ bonus series Pi Beta Alpha - and if you like what you hear, you can sign up to Headstuff+ and join us in the Pi Beta Alpha clubhouse every fortnight, where we've been having a LOT of fun. It's the most wonderful time of the year - in Sweet Valley, at least. When Jessica and Elizabeth are abandoned by the rest of the Sweet Valley gang at Christmas, they wish they'd never met their so-called fr...
Dec 25, 2022•1 hr
Open a can of your favourite beverage, help yourself to some onion dip and join us as we bid farewell to our favourite psychopath! As the day of her "eternal transformation" approaches, Margo is getting extremely cocky, as well she might given how dozy everyone is in this town. She's disposed of the extremely gullible Ned and Alice (who have a rude awakening in San Francisco) and taken care of Josh and James. Who will stop her deadly scheme? And will Liz's increasingly detailed Jungle Prom dream...
Dec 22, 2022•3 hr 13 min
And now, what you (and we) have been waiting for ever since this podcast began: it's the most iconic book in Sweet Valley History! It's the Christmas holidays, and Margo is finally ready to kill Liz with one of her many knives. She's popping in and out of the Casa at all times of day and night, and her impersonations of both Liz and Jess are getting more and more daring - good thing the twins' family and friends are worryingly unobservant. The only things standing in Margo's way are James and Jo...
Dec 08, 2022•2 hr 48 min
With her implausibly professional dye job and her Pacific Ocean blue contacts, Margo has almost reached her goal - as long as she can stop herself from doing any more murders. Which is easier said than done when you reach for one of your many knives at the slightest provocation. You need to chill, Margo! Meanwhile the twins briefly reconcile, there’s yet another fancy dress ball, Winston ends up holding a cartoon baby and our favourite character, The Voice, truly comes into their own. This show ...
Nov 24, 2022•3 hr 18 min
Good news folks - Margo's voice is back! It's a busy episode for our favourite murderer, as, armed with an array of wigs bought in the mall, she becomes a master of disguise and finally lays eyes on the Casa del Wakefield and its inhabitants. She also enlists a new accomplice in her quest to find out all about the twins. Meanwhile, Jessica finds a new purpose, Liz tries to get back to normal, Todd is deeply annoying and Lila plots to get Pierre out of the picture (yes, the ghostwriter remembered...
Nov 10, 2022•3 hr 2 min
It’s (literally) judgement day in Sweet Valley - will Liz be convicted of a crime she may or may not have committed? Well if she isn’t it’s no thanks to Ned (the world’s worst defence lawyer), Alice (who’s gone full Stepford Wife), Jessica (who’s gone full psychopath) or Todd (who has lost any backbone he might once have possessed). Meanwhile Lila plays happy families, Pamela tries to find her feet at SVH, Steven has boring room mate issues - but who cares about that when Margo is actually arriv...
Oct 27, 2022•2 hr 56 min
We didn't think this was possible, but somehow this is an even more chaotic book than The Morning After. A terrified Liz faces a stint in the big house, Lila is reunited with her long lost mother Grace who has arrived with her comedy French lover Pierre, Bruce worries about Pamela's bad reputation (where's Joan Jett when we need her?), Jessica turns her attention to a ridiculously hapless Todd, Nicholas becomes an official Hunk - and Margot's killing spree continues! And this time, it's got a so...
Oct 13, 2022•3 hr 4 min
DOUBLE LOVE: And now, what you've been waiting for - it's Margo time! Yes, the infamous twin-lookalike serial killer finally makes her debut, and she exceeds all our expectations. And while she makes her way across the country, back in Sweet Valley all is not well. Poor Elizabeth is traumatised and guilt-ridden after the accident, Lila is having a nervous breakdown, and Jessica is dealing with both Sam's death and the fact that she's letting her twin take the fall for a tragedy she caused. Meanw...
Sep 28, 2022•3 hr•Ep. 113
It’s finally arrived - the night that, we’re told repeatedly by the taglines and blurb, will change Sweet Valley forever. And there is a LOT to discuss! When the twins come up with the idea of a jungle-themed prom to raise money for an environmental NGO, Liz unsurprisingly ends up doing all the work, while Jessica is happy to take the credit. But when Jessica declares her desire to become Prom Queen and win a trip to Brazil, Liz has finally had enough (and who can blame her, as Jessica is truly ...
Sep 14, 2022•3 hr 27 min•Ep. 112
This week we take a trip down memory lane as Liz shares the contents her secret diary - and it's surprisingly steamy stuff! Diary Liz is a lot more bitchy and much more of a horndog than regular Liz, and we are here for it. Join us as we head back to a golden age of SVH and see the events of classics like Alone in the Crowd and Heartbreaker through Liz's eyes - and most importantly, find out about her affair with everyone's favourite himbo! Yes, in some impressive retconning, it turns out Liz an...
Aug 31, 2022•2 hr 38 min
It's the end of an era, folks! We've finally reached the last in the classic SVH run - after this, it's all mini-series and evil twins. So it's a shame this book is both boring and depressing. Steven and Cheryl are just good friends - but after they're targeted by racist thugs, emotions run high and they end up kissing. But is there any real chemistry between them? No, but it takes them a whole book to admit it. A heads up re: content: if you're not in the mood for discovering in detail just how...
Aug 18, 2022•2 hr 35 min•Ep. 110
There's a new girl in town - and she's the most relatable character in the series so far. When Annie Whitman's mom marries Walter Thomas and announces that her new husband and his daughter are moving to Sweet Valley, Annie finds herself with a new stepsister. Cheryl, a talented pianist, and Walter, a photographer. are black, and Annie is all too eager to ensure Cheryl fits in in the WASPiest town in America. But Cheryl finds it hard to get used to a town where everyone drives and is obsessed wit...
Aug 03, 2022•3 hr•Ep. 109
It's a particularly dramatic episode this week, in more ways than one! Jessica is determined to play Lady Macbeth in the school play, which is inexplicably being produced by a famous director. Shy new girl Paula is apparently eager to help the psychotic Wakefield twin step into the spotlight and quickly wins the hearts of the whole Sweet Valley gang - even Lila. An increasingly isolated Jessica is convinced that Paula is, well, not what she seems - but is she being paranoid or is Paula really pl...
Jul 21, 2022•2 hr 41 min•Ep. 108
Hola amigas! Salut les copines! Prince Arthur of Santa Dora is coming to town, and while we have many questions about that mysterious Mediterranean country, the girls of Sweet Valley just care about one thing: winning the handsome prince's heart. Arthur's fans include Jessica (Sam who?) and Lila, but not Dana Larson, who makes her anti-monarchy feelings known. The prince is impressed by the strong-willed rocker, however, and against her better judgement Dana finds herself falling in love with hi...
Jul 07, 2022•2 hr 47 min•Ep. 107
We're back! And we're heading on a bike road up the California Coast as the SVH gang - plus 🎶 Mr Collins 🎶 and Ms Dalton - take to the open road. But things don't go smoothly - newcomer Barry Cooper is bullied (Saint Liz does f-all to stop this), there's tension between the two teachers, Jessica is getting nowhere with the amazingly named hunk Robbie October, and worst of all, hilariously villainous rich girl Courtney Thomas joins the group and sets her sights on Todd! All this and Jessica nea...
Jun 23, 2022•2 hr 40 min•Ep. 106
Sorry gang, Covid said it's Anna's turn to catch it so we won't have a new episode for you this week. But we'll be back soon to chat about Blunder Alley and the Moon Beach diner's new fortune telling machine! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Jun 09, 2022•4 min
Well, this day was always going to come. We've been booing his name for over 100 episodes and now you get to hear why we loathe John Pfeifer. When John asks Lila out on a date, she's thrilled - she's had a crush on him for some time. But things turn very nasty when he sexually assaults her at Miller's Point. A shattered Lila is initially too traumatised to speak out - and when she does, not everyone believes her. It's grim stuff, but there are still some genuinely moving, uplifting moments when ...
Jun 02, 2022•2 hr 41 min•Ep. 105
We feared this would be another convoluted tale of pointless misunderstandings but we were surprised yet again because this book was an absolute delight! When Penny heads to DC, there's only one Oracle staffer who's fit to take her place: Elizabeth. At least, that's what Rod Sullivan thinks. Olivia's boyfriend has become worryingly obsessed with Liz. When a flu epidemic (yikes) leaves her shortstaffed and overworked, Rod offers to help her with an essay for Mr Collins (who is way too harsh on hi...
May 18, 2022•2 hr 51 min•Ep. 104
Well, we knew that a dud was coming in this run of books, we just didn't realise it was this one! Jessica and Elizabeth set up a letter writing service for the troubled denizens of Sweet Valley and against all logic, it's a runaway success. But when Shelly Novak writes in to request a love letter for none other than Todd Wilkins and his coffee coloured eyes, Jessica has to spring into action with a typically convoluted plan in an effort to save her sister's relationship. Yes, unfortunately it's ...
May 04, 2022•2 hr 12 min•Ep. 103
For weeks we’ve been assuming that this book would be a drop in quality after a run of bangers - but we were wrong! When Ginny becomes the latest ill-trained recruit at Project Youth, she bonds with one of the callers, a boy called Mike. But when Mike wants to meet up, Ginny fears he’ll be disappointed by her, so persuades her super-hot friend Denise to take her place. But she finds herself regretting it Jen Denise falls for Mike. Ginny, Denise and even Mike are so likeable we feel bad about cal...
Apr 20, 2022•2 hr 8 min•Ep. 102
The sexual tension is off the charts in this one, as Jessica faces off against her ultimate foe 1BRUCE1. When Bruce starts a new club whose members have to prove themselves in (frankly stupid) dares, he announces that no girls are brave enough to join. Jessica's determined to prove him wrong - and soon she's a member of Club X, a gang comprised of the worst dickheads in school, all wearing embroidered leather jackets. Liz is horrified by Jessica's exploits, especially when they disrupt the visit...
Apr 06, 2022•1 hr 56 min•Ep. 101
Sorry we won’t have a new episode for you this week. But we’ll be back next week! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Mar 29, 2022•3 min
It's our 100th episode! And what better way to celebrate than to head to Walkersville, Kansas, where the Wakefield twins are spending spring break with their great-aunt and uncle. Liz wants some R&R, while Jess wants to pick up some local hunks and dazzle the locals with her truly exceptional outfits. To the twins' shock the local girls, led by the terrifying Annie-Sue, give them the cold shoulder, but the Wakefields aren't lonely for long. Jessica bags herself a hot horse wrangler, who conv...
Mar 17, 2022•2 hr 20 min•Ep. 100
When Jessica sees that her fave soap opera is looking for identical twins to appear in the show for a week, she's determined that she and Elizabeth will get the parts. But Liz despises soaps and their ridiculous plots, silly characters and contrived misunderstandings (pot, kettle etc etc). Of course Jessica tricks her (twice!) into taking part in the show and soon the twins are stars. But when Jessica's head is turned by her hunky co-star Brandon, she risks losing Sam forever. This fantastic boo...
Mar 03, 2022•2 hr 21 min•Ep. 99
Elizabeth is devastated when Todd tells her he wants to take a break - and then immediately starts dating dimwitted Peggy. So when moody artist Kris Lynch asks her to the big dance (yes, yet another one), she takes him up on his offer. But when an angry Kris realises Liz has been using him to get over Todd, he decides to get revenge - with a little help from Liz's beloved journal. This book has it all: it's got Todd being terrible (as usual). It's got a villainous boy who doesn't like sports (ga...
Feb 17, 2022•2 hr 17 min•Ep. 98
We're back! And we've gathered here today to witness the nuptials of Steven and his child bride Cara. Cara and her mom are going to live in London, and Jessica decides the only way to stop this move is for her friend and Steven to tie the knot. The lovebirds are up for the idea - but when Cara really thinks about what married life will mean for both their future prospects, she starts to feel trapped. Will she go through with the wedding? Meanwhile Jess's attempts to keep their secret are hilario...
Feb 03, 2022•1 hr 49 min•Ep. 97
It's Christmas! And that means we're breaking out the jingle bells for one last trip down memory lane, as we finally delve in to the Wakefield Legacy: the Untold Story. Yes, it's Ned's ancestors' turn to take centre stage, complete with a LOT of revisionist family history! Saddle up Theodore Wakefield's stallion Raven and gallop into the past, from the Yorkshire moors to the American mid-west, from jazz clubs to reservations and of course Sweet Valley California. There are yet more runaway arist...
Dec 16, 2021•3 hr 2 min•Ep. 96
