We've been waiting a long time for this glorious day and we weren't disappointed. At last, it's time to meet Daniella Fromage and Magenta Galaxy! Yes, Jessica has finally run out of boys at Sweet Valley High and has decided to expand her horizons by signing up to a computer dating agency and adopting two very different personas. Having borrowed some of the best outfits ever seen in Sweet Valley from Dana and some very Lucille Bluth ensembles from Suzanne, she starts dating alleged sophisticate P...
Dec 10, 2020•1 hr 52 min•Ep. 70
Patty Gilbert's looking forward to seeing her boyfriend Jim for the first time in weeks - but when Patty's sister Jana returns home with the news that she's getting married in, like, five minutes, Patty's attempt to balance family obligations and romance leads to some typical Sweet Valley contrived drama. Luckily sensible khaki-clad Liz is there to provide sage advice. Meanwhile Jessica literally loses her mind in her latest unsettling attempt to snag a grown man when she takes the credit for De...
Nov 26, 2020•1 hr 44 min•Ep. 69
It's Karyn's worst nightmare - Amy Sutton has set her sights on everyone's favourite himbo, Ken Matthews! But when Ken is involved in a car accident that leaves him blind, evil Amy is keen to move on - and she's not the only one at Sweet Valley High who is uncomfortable with Ken's situation. Thank goodness for Karyn's kindred spirit Terri Adams, who has had a crush on Ken for ages and is there to support him as he adjusts to his new life. And as for us, we're so delirious with joy at the demise ...
Nov 12, 2020•1 hr 41 min•Ep. 68
Reunited and it feels so good! Or does it? Todd and Elizabeth are back together, but it looks like Todd's swanky new lifestyle will come between them - or at least it will if Courtney Kane has her way. Yes, the gloriously OTT yet strangely incompetent villain is up to no good in her typically cartoonish style and we enjoy every minute of it - especially when she makes a shocking declaration. Meanwhile, Jessica turns traitor in her determination to join Lovett Academy and Karyn is outraged when i...
Oct 29, 2020•1 hr 48 min•Ep. 67
Guess who's back, back again? Todd is back! Tell your friends! Elizabeth is in turmoil at the news, though not as much as poor Jeffrey (two words we say a LOT in this episode), who rightly figures his days are numbered as soon as Whizzer Wilkins returns to town. Meanwhile rich bitch Courtney Kane sets her sight on Todd, who is now living in a mansion that's almost as fancy as Fowler Crest. Courtney sneers at Lila so you know we hate her. As for Jessica, she's planning to trap a rich boy of her o...
Oct 15, 2020•1 hr 33 min•Ep. 66
First of all, don't worry - this book isn't as dodgy as we feared it would be. Yes, Olivia Davidson, who seems to have had a personality transplant, is madly in love with hunky art teacher Stuart Bachman, but Stuart has no interest in her. Olivia, however, convinces herself that he does - after all, who could resist her funky new giant earrings? This is a scenario that could actually do with Elizabeth meddling with other people's personal lives but for once she decides to stay out of it. Meanwhi...
Oct 01, 2020•1 hr 59 min•Ep. 65
When the SVH gang set off on a science field trip to a remote island, Lila sneers at the non-luxurious boat taking them there - and our flat-faced queen's jibes are justified, because it doesn't take more than a few big waves on the way home before the boat starts sinking! When Jessica and Winston's lifeboat capsizes, they vanish in the foggy sea and the denizens of Sweet Valley fear the worst. Have we finally got rid of Jessica Wakefield forever? Don't get your hopes up, listeners - Jessica and...
Sep 17, 2020•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 64
We had low hopes for this one given that it's another sports story but we were very pleasantly surprised! We meet basketball star Shelley Novak and her friend Cathy, the coolest person in SVH (give Cathy her own book, you cowards!). Will self-conscious Shelley, who actually acts and thinks like a real teenager, find love with photographer Jim Roberts, yet another SVH boy who won't take no for an answer (when it comes to taking photos of Shelley, anyway)? Luckily Mr Collins is there to provide wi...
Sep 03, 2020•1 hr 46 min•Ep. 63
Oh no, A.J. is leaving town for four whole days! Of course Jessica can't be expected to keep it in her pants for that long, so she picks up a random bloke on the beach and embarks on a weekend of romance. But when she tells hunky Christopher her boyfriend is coming home, he starts bombarding her with phone calls and threatening to reveal all. If AJ finds out about her betrayal, Jess will be denied the chance to be queen of yet another dance! Yes, after a string of dull books about characters no ...
Aug 20, 2020•1 hr 25 min•Ep. 62
It's been a long time since we last discussed the strange and terrifying world of SVH, but we're BACK! With an extra kidney, a special post-lockdown theme tune and a book all about....Kristin Thompson? Yes, it's the ultimate anticlimax as we return to Sweet Valley with a book about a randomer who is so obsessed with tennis she's never even heard of 1BRUCE1. Will joining Elizabeth and Enid's Big Sisters problem help her to live a normal life? Meh, who cares. Meanwhile there's so little of the Wak...
Aug 06, 2020•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 61
It's Christmas, and you know what that means - it's time to go back in time to meet the ancestors of everyone's favourite douchebag, 1BRUCE1 himself! And it turns out that some of his relatives are more interesting than anyone at Sweet Valley High. We've got runaway aristocrats (of course)! We've got actresses! We've got...underground railroad heroes?! Believe it or not, they don't handle that too badly. And forget about OTG, this Christmas it's all about the RTC - rootin' tootin' cowboys! Also,...
Dec 26, 2019•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 60
Roll up, roll up, it's our very first live show - and we're joined by a very special guest for the first time! Bestselling author Louise O'Neill is here to discuss a book in which Liz finally reaches the limit of her natural doormattery and Jess behaves particularly selfishly in the run up to Sweet Valley's annual (apparently) Winter Carnival. Don't get too excited about the carnival, by the way, because it only takes up like, ten pages of the whole book. On the plus side, a familiar face return...
Dec 12, 2019•1 hr 39 min•Ep. 59
Forget gambling and Liz's boarding school dreams - THIS has to be the most boring book in Sweet Valley history. And not just because it's all about John Pfeiffer (boo!). He's in love with Jennifer Mitchell, but she's in love with Rick Andover, who is a would-be rock star all of a sudden. We don't care about either of them, but Liz does, because as usual she just can't help sticking her nose into other people's business. Meanwhile Jessica is back to her old manipulative ways - get out while you c...
Nov 28, 2019•46 min•Ep. 58
Anna has previously claimed that this, along with the Liz in Switzerland book, is the most boring Sweet Valley title of all time, but we were pleasantly surprised when we got into the infamous story of Ronnie Edwards becoming a gambler. And that has a lot to do with the book's villains, a bookie named Big Al (!) and his team of car-pooling goons! Get ready for a lot of OTG talk as Liz gets bitchy, Jeffrey finds himself torn between his love of football and his reluctance to let Ronnie get beaten...
Nov 15, 2019•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 57
It's Halloween! And that means a book that's special in more ways than one. Yes, you asked for it and we have delivered - it's super thriller Murder in Paradise! It's got a mysterious luxury spa! It's got a supervillain with a wandering accent who makes ludicrous speeches! It's got Liz and Jess cheating on their boyfriends with a frankly alarming lack of guilt! It's got hypnosis and brainwashing and a secret lab! It's got an actual murder! It is quite simply one of the greatest books of all time...
Oct 31, 2019•1 hr 34 min•Ep. 56
It's a first for Sweet Valley as a person of colour takes centre stage (literally). So of course the book has to be all about "Being Chinese-American", as Jade Wu struggles to balance her love for her family with her dreams of dance stardom and her budding romance with hardworking over-sharer David Prentiss, who should really read Edward Said's Orientalism. Meanwhile, the twins try to show mid-life-crisis Ned (who is a year younger than Anna) that it's okay to be old. He even goes to a gig! You ...
Oct 17, 2019•1 hr 15 min•Ep. 55
Watch out Jessica - you've got a rival for AJ's affections and, in keeping with the Sweet Valley motto, she won't take no for an answer! But Jessica can't beat sexy Pamela Janson at her own game, because she's still pretending to be a serious scholar and keeps banging on about nuclear war. Luckily she's got Lila - in fine form - on her side. If that wasn't exciting enough, there's also a fashion show! But sadly no Mr Collins. Where are you, Roger? You can follow us on Twitter at @svhpodcast and ...
Oct 04, 2019•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 54
It's a first for the podcast - a Sweet Valley book neither of us have read before now! And it was worth the wait, as we find out what happens when the Sweet Valley girls discover slam books, a whole new way to be gossipy bitchy wagons. Meanwhile Jess is actually endearing as she develops a serious crush on uptight judgy new guy AJ, and there's trouble for Liz when Jeffrey starts spending time with everyone's favourite - and only - Sweet Valley bohemian Olivia. If only Mr Collins was there to enj...
Sep 19, 2019•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 53
We are outraged by the cover of this week's book, in which the depiction of Bruce is not the pouting John Barrowman we know and love to hate! Who is this imposter?! Whoever he is, he's smooth talking Julie Porter, and tormenting her friend Josh, who is determined to get into the Sweet Valley High fraternity. Meanwhile Jess's dramatic career takes a terpsichorean turn, Jeffrey shows his own dancing skills and we discover that Sweet Valley parties are a lot more edgy than we might have expected - ...
Sep 05, 2019•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 52
It's decision time for Robin Wilson as she has to choose between going early to college amid the bright lights of New York City or staying in Sweet Valley and going out with George Warren. Yes, we wouldn't find it difficult either, but strangely Robin really loves the town full of judgemental arseholes where she was mercilessly bullied. Meanwhile Jess falls for a music student, Liz becomes obsessed with learning the recorder, and we can't stop sniggering about fingering positions. For the record...
Aug 22, 2019•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 51
What's better than two perfect blonde sixteen year olds with blue green eyes? If Sweet Valley High is to be believed the answer is "three of them". Yes, the twins' identical cousin Kelly has come to town for two whole months and they're only delighted. But Kelly has some serious (and we mean serious) daddy issues. Not only does she idolise her cheating, selfish father, but she's now besotted with cheating, selfish Kirk! Luckily there's the greatest fancy dress party in Sweet Valley history to li...
Aug 08, 2019•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 50
It's summer time! And where better to spend it than on a Californian beach? Not the sands of Sweet Valley, though, because Lila, Jess and Liz are heading to Malibu, where they have been employed via a worryingly casual childcare agency to work as "mother's helpers". You might need some mother's little helpers in the Rolling Stones sense (just keep Enid away from them) to get through all the DRAMA in this book, as Jess finds herself changing nappies, Lila finds a man who isn't quite what she was ...
Jul 25, 2019•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 49
"Mystery, Cara! Mystery!" It's Jessica's new mantra, but the biggest mystery in this episode is how Abbie Richardson managed to be completely invisible to her classmates during the two years she was going out with a boy from Palisades. Are they physically incapable of seeing anyone who dares to date outside their school? Anyway, she's single now and her attempts to make friends with the Sweet Valley gang backfire when she and Steven get a little too close for comfort. Meanwhile Cara creates tota...
Jul 11, 2019•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 48
It's what we've all been waiting for - a book about Enid Rollins and her grandma! And it's just as thrilling as that sounds, ie not at all. Join us as we try and sadly fail to have sympathy for an elderly grieving widow who is, it must be sad, a massive pain in the hole who is horrible to everyone. Plus Liz turns documentarian as she makes a film about the only thing that ever inspires her creativity - Sweet Valley itself. You can follow us on Twitter at @svhpodcast and follow the Headstuff Podc...
Jun 28, 2019•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 47
You wouldn't think you could write a whole book about racism without ever using the word "racism" but "Kate William" proves us wrong in this tale of forbidden love - forbidden by Sandy Bacon's horrible parents, that is. Yes, WASP Sandy has fallen in love with Mexican Manuel, and is willing to do some pretty awful things to keep it a secret from her parents. Manuel deserves better! Meanwhile, Jess is determined to surprise Lila and shows a surprising knowledge of trade union history. You can foll...
Jun 13, 2019•1 hr 5 min•Ep. 46
How does Sweet Valley deal with the tragic death of saintly Regina Morrow? Why, by turning on the girl whose party she died at and making her life a living hell, of course! Poor Molly Hecht is turned into an outcast by a school population who are somehow totally fine with Amy and Bruce. Yes, we get very annoyed about this. Meanwhile Liz is actually realistically torn between grief and her desire to meddle, Mr Collins gives good advice, and Jess reminds us what a massive hypocrite she is. You can...
May 30, 2019•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 45
It's finally here. The one you've all been waiting for. The one that put you off cocaine for life (we hope). Yes, we are gathered together today to celebrate the life and times of the beautiful and saintly Regina Morrow who, when Bruce reverts to his old 1BRUCE1 self and gets off with shameless Amy Sutton, turns to tormented outsider Justin Belson and ends up doing two lines of coke at a party which...well, you know the rest. Don your mourning attire as we, like Regina, head to Kelly's (turns ou...
May 16, 2019•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 44
Penny Ayala is feeling left out. She's smart and cool but she gets shy around boys and never had a boyfriend, which as you can imagine makes socialising difficult in the bizarre world of Sweet Valley. The solution? Challenging the weird heteronormative system that dictates no one can leave the house without a date, of course! Oh wait, we're in Sweet Valley, so instead she puts a personal ad in the Oracle to meet a boy and ends up getting catfished. Warning: Jessica's fatphobia gets ugly in this ...
May 02, 2019•54 min•Ep. 43
Oh god. It's the one where Elizabeth becomes obsessed with Switzerland. And we mean seriously, unhealthily obsessed - like, she literally talks about nothing else throughout this book. She's so focused on forcing her friends to look at library books about the Alps that she doesn't even get involved when Winston faces a serious moral dilemma. You know things are bad when Liz can't be bothered to do some meddling. All this and an adorable old man, a snooty interviewer and further proof that Liz an...
Apr 18, 2019•1 hr 10 min•Ep. 42
You can go your own way, but do listen to this episode, in which we discuss the best Sweet Valley book to share a name with a classic Fleetwood Mac album. Don't stop thinking about tomorrow, but do think about Susan Stewart, the mysterious beauty who is apparently incredibly popular despite never having been mentioned before! Join us as we discuss the incredible naivity of the Sweet Valley students, and ask why they constantly assume random people are secretly aristocratic millionaires. Warning:...
Apr 04, 2019•43 min•Ep. 41
