Welcome back to the podcast. Fred Hey, and this is one moan about drama.
I'm very excited, very special, very special episode for us.
We were going to do it in a very refreshing new start in the show.
But Freddy, expectively, you know, has started our episode officially, so because we're talking.
Man, yes, I know he's dropping the jewels. Man, I gotta get it on camera.
Well as you know, Uh, those Amigos is not technically a show where you know, it's like you know, it's not it's not it's not heavy relighting on on the stories of of our guests.
We were kind of explored so much of our lives.
But in the conversation of our lives, yes, certain individuals have popped up and we're like, I ever had someone on this show. I had to be Yeah, this man right here, know and I'm sorry. I want to you know, I want to introduce Lewis House, one of the most uh just a prolific voices of inspiration.
You know, what are you going going to?
How many years now twelve years.
Of twelve years of podcasting?
You know your lunch? I mean multiple books? How many books now?
Five?
Five books?
And uh he he's someone that is very important to me.
We've we've done a pretty.
Uh, pretty intensive uh we've done our best with the lives that we've had to stay connected and soultly connected in the energy.
We absolutely have to do better to the end person.
But our lives have taken so many different place, you know, to so many different places. And I was just excited, you know, when I was talking New Freddy about about you, I just wanted to start by saying that, you know, you started out exploring some of the greatest minds that have inspired the plan on it have inspired different sectors of our worlds and interests, from sports to business, to entertainment to the spiritual world, you know, and all that.
And and I was telling him many years ago that for me, the more I watched everything he did, the more I realized that the attention went from some of the amazing voices that he was carrying on his show to like, what does he think his perspective perspective because he's been able to really summerse himself in so many philosophies, and you know, we're very big in philosophy over here, you know, so for us was very excited to kind of explore that and to basically you know, in many ways.
So it's give you, give you your flowers. You know, you Bob lifted. You've changed so many people's lives. You've inspired so many people to shade their own selves and become better versions of themselves. And you have had your
own transformative process too, you know. And I think in the process of hearing all this wisdom, applying it to your life and understanding we're all going to make the mistakes, We're all gonna have an appeal battle with certain things that you know match or not match other people's journeys.
You know, it's what you take from it. So I was excited.
I literally texted him two seconds He says, yes, what time, and I was like, oh, okay, fine.
Up, and I just uh so, first and foremost, thank you.
It's a very informal conversation about inspiration and things like that, but also kind of like our.
Way to, you know, to to say thank you.
You know, I appreciate it for the stuff that you've done for so many communities.
And Puppy can go yeah, almost that's the new podcast.
One thing I appreciate about you, and hopefully we'll get to connect more for it in the future, buddy, even though you're so busy doing all the projects that you're doing and fatherhood, married, all these different things. We unfortunately we haven't seen each other that frequently, but when we do, we go really deep, so it feels like a strong bond and it feels like I just saw you, even though it was a couple of years ago.
We text, we call, but it's like seeing each other.
It just feels like I just saw you because of that bond that we go deep.
When we do talk and I do pick.
Up or we left off, it's it's still just as you know, as as as profound you know, and uh and you know you you really and I and I don't say this often at all, and you know, many fifteen plus episodes so far and you know more, you haven't really said this, but there's very very few individuals at at the meeting have stayed with me in such
a philosophical in such an insightful way. And your honesty, your energy, your way, your heart is open, and we're going to explore so many of those things today in this conversation and really understanding you know, the the where you came from, where you were, you know, and how you got here because it's so important for us to really humanize you know, you know that destination.
But anyways, Freddy, you have any and to understand the journey.
Well, but before we started the show, we realized that we're both too Midwest guys.
Yeah.
We were just kind of talking about the values Midwest values and the way that we roll speak.
To everyone in line.
It's a very specific thing, yes, yes, that time, Like you know, you got East Coast people, you got West Coast people, but there's something very specific about Midwest.
And when when he said that, I was like, ah, okay, yeah, yeah, we're speaking the same language. So you were born in Ohio.
Small town, Delaware, Ohio.
Yeah, in Delaware, Ohio.
And so what I lived in the Northwest suburbs for a summer. Okay, in Chicago, you did.
I lived in Northwest suburbs. Yeah, where about Arlington Heights Okay? And I played college football there a few Diman times where it was a Naperville.
I played a playoff game there. So I've been around Chicago.
I've been to Wrigley games and the bleachers, shirt off, the whole thing.
Nice man and so.
Waste of Chicago. Fourth of July, Taste of Chicago, all that stuff I lived.
I'm I'm I'm going to start this off by saying, I'm a fan. Okay, I've watched your stuff in the past, and I've been really intrigued about your trajectory and where you started and where you out now. I was just out right before we got here, I was watching some of your latest episodes and us being too Midwest. It's like you all of a sudden interviewing people like a monk, or like Billy Carson, or.
Like, like, what's that trajectory?
Like how do you go from being a kid like me from the Midwest, right with those particular values and those particular mindsets, right? And you know what I mean by sure, right to expanding your brain that way and interviewing people like that.
I lived with a lot of insecurity and my first my first core memories. One of my earliest memory, I think I've told you this, I've told them to my show many times, was being sexually abused by a man that I didn't know.
So that was where.
My my brain developed with this is the world, you know, and this is something that happened to me.
So therefore I'm unlovable.
I'm abusable, I'm taken for granted, I'm used all these different things. So that's what like shaped in my brain when I was eight until I was five. When I was eight, my brother went to prison for selling drugs to an undercover cop small town, Ohio. This stuff didn't happen in like a small kind of middle class, mostly white, suburban neighborhood, and so I didn't know anyone that went to prison.
So my brother's eleven years older than me.
I was eight, he was nineteen, and it was an undercover cop that caught him asking him for LSD and he was like just kind of like buying a little weed back in the day in college. He was like, I don't know how to get it, but they kept pushing it, and so he was like, well, let me go ask someone and ask someone and then found it out. So he went to prison, sentenced six to twenty five years because it was the war against drugs back in the early nineties, and he got off for four and
a half in good behavior. But it marked my brain, in my family's brains, and the emotions, the stress, the fear, the drama, the guilt, shame, all that stuff was mixed up, and my parents. They loved us kids. I was the youngest of four, but they didn't love each other, so they didn't show love. So I was telling you before, I was like, I never saw myself getting married because I never felt safe emotionally in a relationship. So that's then there's multiple instances where I just never felt enough.
I was in the bottom of my class all through school, so I just felt very insecure for most of my childhood and very emotionally. My nervous system was always kind of in fire or flight. Yeah, and that just shaped a belief system in me, and that belief system, whatever we have, shapes and influences our behaviors. So I behaved in a way that was very anxious. I behaved in
a way where I clinged on to people. I would change who I was to please people because I wanted to feel safe and secure, and I chased things to seek approval. I chased you know, being good in sports, making money, girls, whatever it was, because my belief system was, Okay, you're not good enough, you're unlovable, and people take advantage of you.
So my behavior has just matched my beliefs. That's what we all do.
Our beliefs influence our behaviors, and our beliefs are formed on our the meaning we give our memories. So the memories I had for twenty five years, I imagined myself being sexually abused.
In a bathroom by a guy that I didn't know.
It was just kind of like a movie playing that I would just try to block and then focus on something else, but it was always coming up, and that interpretation of the event, the memory created a sense of fear within my body. My nervous system was emotionally charged and not heightened. And again that interpretation. Until I mend or heal that memory, that's going to live inside of me and it's going to shape my beliefs, what's going to influence my behaviors, which is going to create.
My environment in my reality.
You have stuff from childhood, if you've healed it or you haven't, it shaped you from being married to the person you're married to, from moving to LA for whatever reason you moved to LA, and maybe it was because you had a dream, or maybe it's because you felt you need to prove something. Either way, it shaped you getting here. And it doesn't mean it's right or wrong, good or bad. It's just that's the result of our environment. You were talking about this before we started rolling. I
was like, how are all the projects going? And you're like, it's good, but and you said, oh, I have to notice even just saying it's good, it's not where I want it to be.
But I'm reflecting that.
I'm just responding that it's good because I have an expectation that the amount of effort I put in should be getting me a certain type of result based on a comparison of what I've already had before, based on where I'm out of my career and how successful I am, or how people perceive me.
I'm just making this no.
But it's actually because you're right that question triggered the.
This friend is doing this and it looks effortless and he's everywhere she's.
Well, I don't. Definitely.
That's one thing that I feel really healthy about is I've never compared myself to somebody else's success. But to your point, is I am comparing the success based on the image of what I feel that would be. And I think for entrepreneurs and people's way them vision, but am vision is is.
Very hard to have a feel.
We got there right, right, and I think the uh so when you ask the question, one of the things to your point, and very very intuitive by the way, that's louis housing if.
You're tuning in right now.
The it's is the ability to say, Okay, if I'm going to be honest, I'm not going to give someone that I respect and admire and love so much the answer is like.
Everything's doing really good, really great.
How are you?
I'm just gonna be like, it's good.
You know, there is just a couple of imbalances, right, and I have to recognize those imbalances in order for me to more efficient about the next go around exactly.
And so that's like, so that's why.
And to your point, it does bring up things from the past, like where have I felt that I have not done enough?
And now I'm doing all of it and more and it's still not enough.
Right.
So yeah, but it's but it's bringing up those negative imbalances. Is that projecting bad energy.
Is what specifically projecting bad energy is.
You know, we talk about manifestation and we talk about projecting good energy. I mean, it's it's not like lying, but it's like and this is it is me digging more into like what I've been seeing you do lately is is wie. We're being honest about what's not positive? Is that a good or a bad thing? Because by you projecting that it's bad, you are then projecting that bad energy, So.
Is that bad?
A lot of my yeah, a lot of my thinking is more around not is what is right or wrong, good or bad?
Because that's a very judgmental way of thinking.
And again even that is not right or wrong, good or bad, But it's not saying is what he's saying good or bad? By reflecting that way, I'm thinking more, is it serving him in this moment?
Is that way of responding thinking serving him?
And it sounds like he's being authentic and in alignment with how he's feeling, so saying it's good.
It's not where I wanted to be, but it's good.
It's serving because it's in alignment with who he is right now, just being honest. Now, some people in his position might be saying, I am the effort I'm putting out there is getting a certain type of results.
Sure do, I wish it was bigger. I had a book that just came out.
Sure do I wish I had tens of thousands more copies sold, of course, and I can still be grateful for the impact that I'm making with you out of sales that I've had and the success that the Scott and the people that came out of whatever it is. It's like the amount of people that are watching on TV. Sure we want it to be the number one show, but it's the number three show or whatever it is. But still, man, I'm living my dreams. I live in a beautiful home. My daughter is a sleeping another room.
I got my friends and family here. I'm having a conversation with dos Amigos so popp BEGINNINGO.
And I'm healthy. I get to even though I wake up at five am. I get to train every single day. What a blessing.
So I think it's perspective and it doesn't mean we can't be striving for more. But it's just striving for more because I'm not good enough, or I'm beating myself up, or I need to prove something wrong to the bullies that picked on me all through middle school or whatever, or the person who abused me or whatever it is. For so much in my life, I was driven to prove people wrong and to show people why I'm lovable,
and it was just an unconscious like thing. It wasn't like I was consciously like, I'm gonna do this every single day and work my asshole, you know, and train and show up and do these things because of those four kids have made fun of me.
It wasn't like was.
There a moment, a conversation or an instance where you saw, oh, I just cracked it and now I'm looking within and that's enough, Like is there you know, especially when you're saying like I'm seeking approval, I'm seeking you know, I'm going in my mind, I'm still going against the bully's Like, is there a moment that cracked the ice and you were like, oh, I think I can follow that correct.
Because you were saying it's unconscious, So when when does it become conscious? When do you go, oh, man, I'm a I don't know, as people please you're the right terminology or like.
Percent people pleaser yeah, or people prove her. It was like trying to prove people wrong or please people to like fit in right. So it was a combination of all the mixed up emotions and all the traumas, right, I think there was there was a number of different moments in my journey over the last ten twelve years
of the healing journey, because it's not a moment. There's a moment of AHA, but there's usually a process of integration and then a follow through once you get the aha of your nervous system feeling relaxed when it's emotionally or psychologically triggered in the future, so we can be we're tested every day.
You know. It's like the traffic I'm here.
If I had anger inside of me, I would have been enraged, because I haven't inside of me still any in a little trigger, it's going to come out of me, but it's peaceful and I know I'm coming to see him, so I'm not upset about it. There was a moment four years ago where I was going through a challenging time and a breakup, where I was in a relationship trying to figure out how to navigate it, trying to figure out how.
To make it work, and it wasn't working. For like a year year and a half.
We started doing therapy individually and together, and we weren't getting breakthroughs. It was like six to eight hour sessions on the weekends and no breakthrough and I felt like I had changed and transformed and reinvented and people pleased
to my limit. And that had been a pattern of mine in intimacy with multiple relationships, and it all stems from a belief around these core wounds from my parents getting divorced but just never really should have been together in the first place, and having these kind of psychological emotional wounds that I had from previous relationships.
Not saying that I was perfect or anything, just my own beliefs.
And there was a moment where I had this chest pain for years that would come and go and it was almost felt like someone was strangling me. I don't know if you ever held this just some life. It was almost like I couldn't speak, like someone had their arm around my throat. It was like a weight of ball in my chest that would come and go in relationships. And this was here during this couple year relationship. And at one point in a therapy session, it's like my
coach said something to me. After six months of going through processing, she says something to me, and it was like I finally got it, and I never felt this before in my life, but this pain, it was a ball of pain in my chest it's almost like it exploded internally. It felt like a rush of fluid throughout my whole body. I thought I did something to hurt myself because it was a rush of fluid throughout my body. I didn't know what it was and I had to
really stop in the session. But I haven't felt that pain since. Wow, it's been four years, and I felt more peace within my body, and I feel like that's my nervous system feeling like the adult version of me finally said.
To the young version of me, I got you.
I'm not going to allow anyone to cross boundaries anymore. And it's like the littlest boundaries to the biggest boundaries. And it doesn't mean I need to react and be this big tough guy to create a boundary. It's just learning to say no, or learning to say I can't show up for you and do this, or just saying no, I can't promote whatever. It is just learning to say no and being okay with people reacting how they want to react.
And can you share what the therapist said to you.
That made you.
I think I'm trying to remember the exact thing, but I was exercise it. There was multiple exercises, but there was there was a moment where I was like, I just want to be done with this relationship.
I was just like, I just want to be done, and we were doing.
Sessions and I remember saying like, I think I want to end it right now, and she said, you can do whatever you want.
I'm not advising you what to do.
But if you haven't felt peace within you and you just run away from the situation without creating that peace and safety within you, you're likely to reattract a similar experience and you're eventually going.
To have to find a way to create peace within you.
So I recommend being in the relationship and creating the boundaries in the real relationship. Then you'll know when the right time is if you're meant to be together or not. She wasn't trying to tell me what to do, and classic coach right, it's I'm giving.
You the answers.
And then so maybe a few weeks after that, I was creating all these boundaries in the relationship, and then I've talked to you about this stuff before and then getting the explosive reactions that I was used to and just saying I don't need to do anything I don't need to change who I am. Give me the silent treatment for three days. I'm not going to go in and fix it. I'm going to create MySpace and say
I'm here to talk when you're ready to talk. All these different things, like I was creating these boundaries for the next few weeks to where I was like, oh, I'm I'm okay even if this person doesn't love me,
because I'm learning to love myself. And intimacy was a challenging thing for me just because I didn't have the model or the tools on how to do that, because my belief system was shaped in a way that was very like just unstable, wasn't in alignment, and so I was always seeking love and then people please to keep the love because I.
Didn't want them to be upset at me.
Anytime you're upset to me, I was like, ah, don't leave me or don't be mad at me.
So that I would cross my own boundary, I would not be there for me.
And so the little boy inside of me was screaming at me through ezema, through your chest pain, through feeling stranged, like I'm not using my voice.
So so the boundary you felt it was all me your decision to to.
Make a boundary, boundaries you over and over again, and then she said something to me because I was just like, I just want peace in my life.
And she looked at me and she said, you are peace. You have to you have to own peace.
You can't you can't create, you can't give in to something. To have peace. You have to be piece, be peace. And she just kept saying, over and over again, you are piece.
There's something there's something so empowering about saying I'm gonna meet you. I'm just not gonna meet you there, right right, most oftentimes we shake the inability for us to to act within our strengths. And when we perform or try to make reason within our weaknesses, that's where you open the door for control. Somebody can really control those emotions because they know they can get you up in that frequency.
Right.
So, in many friendships in the past, you know, you could tell that certain friendships of mine in the past.
They wanted me to meet them here.
You know, they wanted to bring me up to this level of frequency in which frankly, I didn't feel effective, I didn't feel strong, I didn't have clarity, right, So I so whatever would come out of my mouth, just could not solve it or could not enhance it or make it feel better.
So what you're saying makes so much, and he tracks so much. But what we're talking about.
You know, because in order for us to achieve, build, or create or just find that piece within us, Yes, you have to really understand where do you stand in strength and cultivate that because that's where you can tell that little.
Boy, hey, yeah, I got it, you got you.
So it was the first time where I felt like the adult was in the room, which was me, Like I showed up as my adult self within my own body, and I said, I got you.
Whether this girl.
Likes me or not, whether she gives me the silent treatment or not, whether we're together or not, like you're good. And I never knew I was going to be good with just me. So it was a lot of just healing the kind of wounded parts of me that never got healed. You break your arm and you never heal it. It's going to hurt every time you touch it. You know, it's gonna the wind blows, it's going to hurt your arm.
It's like imagine the emotional and psychology wounds that we have, especially like you know, immigrants haven't even stronger wounds of just like I need to prove, I need to accelerate, I need to like do it for my parents.
I need to get all these things. It's like men deeper levels for it.
It was crazy, but by the way for it. For what's crazy for immigrants is that they may be not even a point in their lifetime where they can sit with their wounds and say, I'm going to heal that.
You know, the time you don't have the time, you.
Have the time or maybe or maybe schools, you know, or maybe not even understand the concept of healing.
Because your parents not even talking about that.
No, never, I didn't even understand the concept of healing. Just in the last like two three years, like like when did you as we were back to like the Midwest and us, right like like, at what point did you go healing is like a thing?
Right, Well, it wasn't until I moved out of here.
And I have to like heal these wounds in order for me to grow into and to It.
Wasn't I got here.
But really it wasn't until I had breakdown after breakdown after breakdown in my life about twelve years ago, and a relationship was going bad, a business partnership was going bad, and I was I was living in West Hollywood, and I was playing basketball a lot in the mean streets of West Hollywood, and I just started getting I just started getting in fights all the time to pick up basketball.
But this is like, essentially in Beverly Hills. It's not like we're freaking comptent or something, you know, It's like we're.
Do you think that in those moments you were trying to release something you didn't know what has.
So much anger inside of me?
And here's an analogy I've been talking about lately. Have you guys ever heard of someone named Wayne Dyer? You ever heard of this guy. He's written a lot of books. He's since passed, but he was used to be a big spiritual personal development guy and he has sold a ton of books, all these things.
Me and Martha watch a lot of his content now. But he passed away I think seven years ago.
Anyways, he used to give a speech with a great analogy, and when he would go on stage, he would take an orange out with him on stage and he'd say, look at this orange. When you squeeze this orange. What type of juice comes out of an orange? And you'd ask people what comes orange juice? So if you squeeze this orange, Freddy, does apple juice come out?
Does it? Does apple just come out of an orange? It doesn't. Does grape juice come out of it?
No? No?
Does watermelon juice come out of an orange? No?
No it doesn't.
No, orange juice does. Because that's what's inside. And so when we as humans are applied pressure in life, when there's an audition and we've got to get ready for we get it or we don't get it. When there's someone calling me names, when there's traffic and someone cuts us off. Whatever, whatever comes out of us is what's inside of us. So if there's anger and resentment and jealousy and frustration when I'm applied pressure, that emotion is
going to come out of me. If I'm filled with peace and love and harmony in alignment because I've done the healing work, then if I get the audition, I don't get the audition.
I have a huge success. The show's number one. It's my bombs.
Sure, maybe I'm a little saddered, just it's not bypassing my emotions. But anger is not inside of me. If I've healed more, and okay, I have a little disappointment, But then I'm like, you know what, did I give my best? Did I show up my best today? That's what's inside of me, That's what should come out. So what I got in all these relationships and fights and
I would just get triggered so easily. Now I had a lot of love and joy inside of me as well, So when good things happened, I was like the passion guy, fun guy. But you trigger that broken arm that wound inside of me. Boom, you hit that button. It's like, let's go and defend myself. And that came from feeling abused and taking advantage of and all that stuff, needing to like defend myself.
So at some point you said, I want to explore more? Right, and how was school for grade news? Because you've built an empire out of the search for greatness?
How how did that idea started?
It started because I was broken during this time and I was like, I need answers. Let me go find the smartest people I know and start having these conversations. And I was already having these conversations and these kind of mentors or coaches were helping me, and I was just like, people need to hear.
This, And did you feel like there was a correlation between what they were all saying.
Yeah.
I mean early the early days, I was more still driven by like how do I be successful?
How do I be number one? How do you be the best?
It was like learning from champions of sport or industry on like getting to the top. So I still driven to be number one, But then I was like, oh, being number one doesn't mean you're going to be happy, right, Look at Wilmer.
I'm scared.
Kidding you know, right, he's place doctor met podcast and hit TV show, and it's just it's going okay for me, it's very good.
No, So it's it was a journey of like, let me learn about how to first be the best I can be to destroy people?
That was like the initial thought.
Interesting, I mean, like be the best of my industry and be number one and be looked at it as like cool or whatever. And you mean in competition, how can everyone talk about me all the time?
How can everyone talk make me look good?
You know?
Because I was wounded.
I came from a place of not having friends, being in the bottom of my class, being picked on, picked the last, sexually abused, all these things to Okay, I'm gonna prove people wrong. Let me become the best version of me to prove people wrong and run away from the pain.
So I didn't face the pain for twenty five years.
So I was building a version of me to run away from pain, run away from bullying, sexual abuse, sadness, whatever it might be. And you can only run for so long until it catches up to you. Yeah, you can only chase success for so long. That thing is gonna keep coming out. There's a storm that's just trailing it. And I felt the storm constantly, like just touching the.
Back of my neck.
And then the storm hit and it broke in every relationship in my life at one point. And that's where I was like, something, I'm the common denominator of all these relationships and moments in life where I'm reacting. I can't blame everyone else anymore. I'm realizing it's me now. And that was a reflection moment where I said, let me do something.
I think it was also a combination of.
The confret you have in certain personalities, or did you really take all the blame yourself because that's a pattern, right, We all have patterns, and I think you have to want to appreciate that there is something you got to fix or you know, restructure.
And the other one is that you have a pattern in.
Exposing yourself to situations and environments in which triggers that other broken self of yourself.
Yes, and no, I think you know, when we learn to love and accept ourselves and create the true boundaries we need, Like we can still have people in our lives and create a boundary, we don't have to eliminate them fully necessarily. There might be friends or family members where we're creating boundaries. With some people we might need to remove ourselves from completely or for out of alignment.
But I've learned that, Like, you know, my mom.
Triggers the crap out of me still, but I've learned to accept her more and not get triggered as much and just be like, Okay, that's just who she is, And I've learned to heal that relationship better as opposed to feeling like she's always trying to babe.
Me as a forty two year old man. You know, it's like a grown man, stop babying me. But now I'm just like, Okay, it's my mom. I'm gonna accept I'm gonna accept it, and I'm gonna.
Love her for who she is as opposed to it like really like triggering me, you know. So it's it's learning how to create acceptance and boundaries at the same time and and really caring less about what people think. And I have a few you know, I care about what my wife thinks. But I'm also I create boundaries, right.
You know.
It's because I spoke up for the first time when we started a relationship, and I was just like, this is what I'm willing to do, and this is what I'm not willing to do.
This is this is my this is I was like, no surprise is yeah.
I was like, this is everything about me, And here's what I believe my role should be in this relationship. And I'm gonna step in one hundred percent into this role. I'm not going fifty percent over here, fifty here. I'm gonna be one hundred percent this and this is what I can agree to.
Now.
I don't think I would have if I got married in my twenties. There's no way to be stayed married. It was like seven failed relationships and lots of therapy that got me to place of like creating boundaries and to be able to speak up and say, these are the agreements that I want to create with you, This is where my values are, and can we agree on these things. Those agreements, in my mind, create alignment where we both have an expectation based on shared values and alignment, and that alignment.
Gives me peace.
I told you this was like when I came in here, I was like, I feel peaceful because I'm in alignment.
I have harmony.
But it was a year of having uncomfortable conversation after conversation to make sure we're in alignment. So it wasn't just hoping we saw eye to eye. It was like, oh, no, we need to see eyd eye hear it. If not, we need to make an agreement because we don't have an agreement, that means we are in disagreement. You're automatically you're automatically in disagreement if you do not speak about a shared agreement.
Do you feel that therapy gave you those tools?
I'm because I think two people alone only have a certain amount of tools to do everything. You know, it's hard to do everything in an intimate relationship on your own. It doesn't mean you always need a third party, but I think when you can't do it on your own, I think it's important to have a third party that
you both agree with. And when we started dating, within the first three months of just dating non exclusively, I said, I'm not getting into a committed relationship again unless the person I'm committing to will start the relationship in therapy. And that was that was the big move. What do you mean like a couple the couple's therapy.
And it was the big move because I was soon in the dates within.
Six months of dating, because I was like, I don't want to go down another two year relationship and then break up in therapy.
I was like, let's start in therapy.
So what you say is like, hey, we're going to go into therapy. Let's get the tools we need, accept.
And make sure we're in alignment. Otherwise let's move on.
Like I don't want to be in a two three four year relationship because we care about each other and we're good people and we'd try to make it work, but.
It's not working.
Like, let's figure this out in the first year if we have a shot, and that gave me a lot of peace because it was the first time I felt like I had a partner willing to invest in personal growth as well because I was always doing it. And all the girls that I dated before never wanted to do therapy together. When things were getting rough, they resisted it, And I was like, why.
Do you think girls would die for this? You know, do you think they were resisting it?
I chose women out of a wound, and I chose I think I chose nothing against these women, but I don't know any woman that wouldn't die for their man to wish they would go to therapy with them if something struggled. But none of the women I chose ever wanted to go because then they would have to face their own They would have to face around stuff, accountability to accountability. And I was choosing these women based on my own wounds. And again doesn't mean they're right or wrong.
You were choosing them to fit the way you were molded to be at that moment exactly.
And had I created, you know, had courageous conversations early on, I probably would never have been with any of these women. But I was more bonded by chemicals, by chemical pleasure rather than spiritual connection because I wasn't having those conscious conversations early on. There was intimacy and deep conversation, but if they didn't like something that I was saying, this is my vision or my value, I would kind of be like changed to make sure they liked me.
So I was I'd be like, Okay.
I won't do this if you don't want to do that, if that makes you uneasy, I'll just do what you want me to do. Because I was more chemically bonded rather than are we spiritually aligned? And that's why I feel peace because there's better alignments and better agreements, and if you don't have a greets, you're in disagreement.
That doesn't feel good. That's out of alignment.
You said earlier that a lot of your books and what you do is based.
On the concept of healing.
Yes, right, And as we were just talking about like immigrants, for example, you just said that earlier.
You're like, can you imagine.
What immigrants are going through and the trauma that they're facing, and the and the healing that needs to happen right in them? How did you come to the conclusion that you needed to just heal like what was like, how did that concept even come into your brain?
And I as first you think about like how do I fix myself? You don't think like, oh, I got to heal, right, that that healing is even a concept.
Here's why, because all three of us are driven guys. Right, we want to succeed. We want to be able to provide, We want to be able to make money. We want to be acknowledged for our skills and our talents. Right, you want to you want to do a good job, and you don't want it to just be good. You want it to be you know, the top. Right, you
want to you know your effort is acknowledged. Right, you want to be We all but no, seriously, we all want them though, we all we all want we all want to be successful in whatever we're doing.
However that looks like for us, whatever that that success was like.
The challenge is when I accomp when I became a millionaire, when I was on the USA national team for an Olympic sport, when I had the beautiful girlfriend, when I had you know, people recognizing me, I still didn't love and accept myself.
So I was chasing the success, the money, the rewards, the awards.
To feel good, and I still wasn't feeling good. Momentarily, I was like, okay, like that feels good. They're acknowledging me or whatever. I have money, but I still had a lot of sadness. So I was like, what's the point of making this money or succeeding or being on
magazine covers if I don't feel whole? And so for me, as I was studying greatness from all these individuals and studying how to manifest and how to create the life we want, I was realizing that without feeling whole, all the success is nice, but it doesn't fulfill me because I am still not whole. So what is the point of the success or the awards or the girl whatever if it still does not fulfill me?
And if you're not fulfilled, then you cannot enjoy those achievements because.
Then you're still like I need more. Right, I have this much money, it's not making me feel good. Let me go for more. I still feel like I'm in scarcity.
Scarcity comes from a lack of wholeness out of alignment. We live in an emotional scarcity. Our nervous system feels disaligned, and so we feel stressed, anxious, not enough. I needed to be doing more. And it doesn't mean we can't work really hard at our craft every day and we're out of alignment or something. It doesn't mean we just
sit around and do nothing. I'm still a believer in giving full energy, full effort, mastering your craft, being the best you can be, excelling to be the top, whatever that looks like for you.
But not the top.
Were the results giving us the benefit I'll give you. I'll give you a quick example that's recent for me with this book launch that I had. I just got married six weeks ago, right, and then I decided to do a wedding experience and then a book launch and a book tour within like the same month, which was crazy. I don't recommend it. And I remember thinking to myself during the book launch and the tour, I was like, I don't know if I'm going to hit the New
York Times bestseller list as an author. That's kind of like the mark of success, right, And I'd been on it twice before with other books.
But I was like, did I do enough? Did I do enough marketing? Do I do enough touring? Did I do enough press?
All these different things, and I was literally at the place where I was just like, I did enough for me to make an impact on people, and I did the best I could with the season of life I'm at and it's not worth getting sick over gaining weight, over feeling exhausted.
It's not worth that for some list. And I was like, I'm at peace, even if if it happens or not.
And if you hit the list in two books before and then you don't hit it again, Normally I'd be like, ah, I need to do it, because how is I gonna look what if no one shows up, or what if no one comes to my tour? What if I'm not on the list and I have to promote I didn't make it.
What's that going to make me feel?
But I was set so much peace, Like the day of the list coming out, I was like, I don't actually think it's gonna happen, and I'm okay with it. And it happened, and I was like that's cool too, And I was like, the awards are nice, but making an impact and doing something that I feel is meaningful for me, like I grew in the process of creating this art for me, and that is the real win at this level. So the whole key to manifesting what you want, the whole key to having the ultimate success
is creating a sense of wholeness and alignment within you. First, not needing the thing to fulfill me and feeling better about me, but feeling good about me because I'm in the act. And you guys have probably heard this a million times. It's like, it's the daily pursuit, not the results that should bring us joy. Now, the success is always a nice bonus. The list, the number one show, the money is a great bonus because it's a sense of acknowledgment in your industry. But as you guys know,
like this, I'm adjacent to the entertainment world. I'm like in it, but not really. It's like there's got to be a lot of pressure for actors and producers and writers of like. Oh, but it's so subjective and it's like a little committee with the New York Times list. It's a committee of people I don't know who they are, who knows how they actually decide.
Yeah, and it's a weird numbers game in a certain amount of time, exactly. It's not even like the life of the Book.
It's not just like that week.
Yeah, that week, You're like, well, what if like the press was delayed, what if like that article didn't go wide? You know, like there's so much stuff that really plays a factor and with how you're performing that week anyways, you know, yeah, a lot of stuff was coming up as you were bringing up and speaking of your book. I want to actually talk a bit about your book because I know it definitely wasn't easy for me to make a book, and I will say this guy's had multiples.
What I really want to do is really break down what this book really means. You know.
This is part one of the two part conversation with my brother Lewis House. So this is part one, see you guys are part two. This is Those Amigos and my brother An. I'm Freddie Rodriguez and I'll see you in the next one.
Those Amigos production from WV Sound and iHeartMedia's Michael through That podcast network, hosted by Me, Freddie Rodriguez and Wilmer Valdorama.
Those Amigos is produced by Aaron Burlson and Sophie Spencer Zabos.
Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderama, Freddie Rodriguez, Aaron Burlson, and Leo Klem at WV Sound.
This episode was shot and edited it by Ryan Posts and mixed by Sean Tracy and features original music by Madison Devenport and Halo boy Our.
Cover art photography is by David Avalos and designed by Deny Holtzklau And.
Thank you for being at Third Amigo today. I appreciate you guys always listening to those amigos.
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