The Murphysboro Mud Monster

Dont look under the internet really? Yeah.

Seems way louder than normal. Yeah,

I mean, I can do I mean turn it down a little

bit assist a hair.

There's no difference. Oh, a little bit more. They're a little bit more. No. Okay, I guess that's fine. It's still loud. But

what's it called?

Oh, it's loud because he's not putting through the fucking filter thingy. Now I'd write it. No, it's

It's gone. We

don't. I thought we don't.

You can't hear that until like post

what is it called when you have mass hallucinations but with your ears? auditory hallucinations? No, no, no, because this isn't a hallucination. It's something different. We're all hearing things louder than we should be. Why?

Doug? Is this you? Is that you?

Yep. Stop that.

I'm turning it down. For you,

I guess. Yeah. So

I'm helping. Anyway. Are you in the midst of a cryptic corner? Everyone? Everybody? Golly gee. willikers. cryptic. Credit corner. vich. is everyone's

audio level. Okay, fine.

It's way to allow in natural

changes. In the natural ways. That is the cryptic corner. Jason has no fucking idea what we're talking about. But me and Doug boy, are we sure do.

You guys want to hear what I'm going to be doing for pretty much the whole episode? Sure,

daddy. Oh, yeah, we're drinking those meals still. This is this is being recorded the same time we're recording fucking Jack Torrance. So

right after Yeah. So Doug made us all mules and oh my god. Good time. He should have been a bartender so

you're dangerous. Jason. Jason, have you heard of mud?

I have heard of mud and not the poopy kind

of mud.

I don't know what that means. Mud. But mud.

Chalk is my favorite kind of. I'm talking to mud like, wait, no. The earth can I clarify? Are you talking about but mud? No, I'm talking about mud. No, he's not talking about but I'm not talking about mud mud.

We'll save that for the bonus puddle of mud.

Okay, well, the band. She fucking

hates.

She fought me.

All you have to do is turn to all of the vowels, not ours. It's all a

dud more likely. It's not my joke. That's a Game Grumps joke. I can't even take anyway. So Jason. Yes. What we're talking about today. takes place in the groovy time of the 1970s Reagan amik Am I right? cocaine and pushy everyone know you're thinking of the 80s this is Woodstock. This is weed and pussy everywhere. And like LSD. Yeah, gotcha. Yeah, man. Okay, we're taking away back. Eric foreman. You heard of him? Yes. He's not having his shot in this but he's a 77. Anyway, Jason,

guess what has not happened

yet? What has not happened yet? Oh, now we're recording. Wow. Hey,

Kara is Hey, Doug. This is your your cue point.

Yeah, very obviously. We're testing. We're testing a video.

In case you guys were wondering yard incorporating video into our YouTube Episode Episode episodes.

It's gonna take a walk in the kinks out. Yeah, but you don't

expect that shit anytime soon. Yeah, that's probably not

gonna happen until late 2022. If anything, lighting by itself

took like three months.

Yeah. So we're still not even sure if it's working or not. We got lights and I can't see. So

we'll talk to our producers about it.

So back to the roaring 70s Oh, wait real quick. Yes, Jason.

Do you know where Murphysboro is? No, I'm getting their stop. I mean, you're about to say

Indiana Yeah, yeah. Really? Illinois. Yes. Keep going. Don't donkey, so back in not paying

so I didn't get it right. Fuck off. Brussel sprout I go ahead back

in 1975.

Go ahead. Go ahead, Mike. Hey, Mike.

Back and not teen 73 In the span of a few months. There were satins galore of a creature dubbed the Murphysboro monster, or also called the big mud monster in Murfreesboro, Illinois.

The Big Muddy monster Big Muddy zone, big turd.

The butt muddy monster,

the mud the mud but my buddy buddy.

This creature has had dozens of sigh admins, and even a whole police force man hooked squad going after it. But before we dive deep into that story, let's start from the beginning. I didn't have to go southern with it because this is just Illinois, but it's Southern Illinois.

Like mid like Illinois, like Eastern south of

Chicago have accents in South Illinois.

Carbondale like Yes.

fucking weird.

Anything south of like Yorkville is just how do y'all welcome to

Illinois. Welcome to your town Illinois. Doug, take us away. What happened on that that 1973 year? Okay, so

back in. Bird scooter. So, yeah, let's let's, let's dump into this Big Muddy monster. Shall we? Good. Glad we're on the same page now. So back in a dark night in the summer of 1973. A young couple parked their car by a river side to as Mike would put it, get jiggy with it.

Hey, is this another one of those scenarios where Doug is reading off of Mike Mike's notes surprisingly

No. A lot of this I did. I mean, allegedly copy pasted from But in my defense, they wouldn't use the same words I would have anyway. So shaky with it was

I had a I had a

feeling I'm glad you had something to contribute here. I'm very happy about that. But please continue.

One thing we've learned about cryptids is the story is the same everywhere. So we're just gonna retell it to you. Anyways, so yeah, back to some young people fucking they had a real Romeo and Juliet thing going on where the the woman's father didn't approve of her boyfriend. And the people in question were Randy need him? Same. And Judy Johnson.

I'm trying my hardest to keep going. Keep just keep going.

So yeah, it was Randy need him and Judy Johnson.

Yeah, go ahead and repeat that. Just to make it more apparent need him. The man needs fucking let's get it.

What a great way to keep going. Okay, so Johnson claimed that they were listening to the radio engage in a debate about when they should leave and presumably do what couples are wanting to do when they heard a piercing roar. And that thing they want to do as fuck

sounds like they're trying to fuck they're like, should we? And he's like, yeah, obviously please,

Judy

Riverside

so he probably wasn't saying I need this so my last name is all need ham.

Alright, what do you think that means?

We gotta get back on track here. All right, so they heard a piercing roar, which need him compared to an eagle shrieking into a microphone which is oddly specific. That's specific.

I'm pretty damn sure to need them. But I prefer need him

so I'm gonna go ahead and veto that because I went to high school with a man that I thought his last name was need him and he goes he literally out loud goes no, no, it's need ham. You have to enunciate the ham.

i Alright, anyways, where the fuck are you? Microphone? Yes. oddly specific. Right. Okay, so that seemed to emanate.

We are all doing so do we want to take a fiver?

No. We put you through.

Hold on. Doug.

Would you like me to take over? Nope. Okay, you're gonna just take a sippy sip. The word is emanate by the way. He had no I can read. Are you sure I just can't

have like some other you know, internet radio icons. Doug can read.

Okay, so here we go. Take to Yes, it emanated from a thick underbrush for not far from the car. So Randy, turn the radio off. And Mike, if you keep clicking around on this goddamn page, watching what's happening God, you want me to read this or you want me to not read? So we're using.

Okay, for anyone who has no idea what the fuck is happening. We're using Google Docs and we're all sharing one document. And Mike is trying to play save while Doug is trying to read a follow up and I just see like this green cursor flying all over the screen

every time he clicks on to where I'm reading. It just blocks the whole center. Here,

okay, you're not here. Okay. It's out of the way.

Randy turn the radio off, only to hear on Another shriek from outside

yep, that's what

Needham flicked on his headlights and Johnson. Yes, as they both saw a huge fall scented creature lumbering toward them. Needham wasted no time and starting his car and accelerated away from the scene with his frightened girlfriend. Once they got back into town they pondered on whether they should call the police or not.

What it's different from the known Creature Report.

You see, I guess kind of like a UFO but

but creature Yeah.

So describing a beast that looked like an oversized gorilla, which they estimated to be at least eight feet tall with matted and mud streaked white hair. So if you take a Yeti and Big Foot and they booked

and you wait like 10 years, you get the

Murfreesboro get the Murfreesboro Dong monster.

Hey, did we ever say what cryptid we're

covering? Yes. The Murphysboro mudmaster

Yeah, we talked about it. Okay.

Shut up and listen, Jason. All right. I'll

drink again I guess.

All right. So former patrolman now retired Murphysboro Police Chief Ron man war and what a name that's a man Warren land wearing man wearing man wearing man wore man warring. Yeah. Interesting, is still able to recite the facts of the strange incident from memory about three decades later. Manwaring felt that the couple's account was lent credibility due to the fact that they risked exposing their alleged indiscretions which no doubt would bring them public ridicule, and even, you know,

So what I'm getting here is that reports were made, no one believed believed them, but they still made them even though

he laughed. All they're saying is they're like, Okay, this is kind of believable, because, like, they're obviously having this weird romance that like, all all that's coming out of this whole thing is the fact that they're together and shouldn't be. So that's a credibility to the fact that like, why would they do this? Yeah,

gotcha. Gotcha, gotcha.

Why the talk about the white gorilla, like, I don't know what it is.

God dammit, I'm yeah, I'm learning. I don't know if it's useful information.

Very, very much. So not I but it's a part of our crypto zoological findings. Yes. That's very important

that you the listener, decided to listen to this is information

that I'm taking into my brain that's pushing out more important information.

I don't know how to file my taxes anymore. Now.

Murphysboro Mudbox in 3000 years, humanity will thank us yes, because no one else is doing.

I'm so glad I learned how to fucking what the Murfreesboro mud monster was and not how to fucking file types.

I don't know how to raise my kids know about the Murfreesboro mud.

Anyways, Mike, take it away. Well,

there's a little bit of info left that you didn't cover but I'll

finish it. No, no, no, nobody cares. No, no,

I have to it's pregnant. No.

Okay, give it give. Think of me. While the officers

who took down a limb and JAXA statement were understandably skeptical of the event they do to fleet sent out to Patrolmen, Merle Lindsay and Jim Nash to investigate. They'll report fake

fake names. Fake News.

Jason Are you ready for this? This is the cops now. What was that squeak and by the way,

who's the cops know what is happening right now making any what is that squeak?

This is the police's take now. Are you ready? So let's cut

it out. So what are you okay, what was the take that I just heard?

So basically, what you just heard was these two people were trying to have sex at Riverside need right when a monster ran up on him. They drove away.

Oh, so this is like a this is a Yeah. A non police personnel report.

Yes. Romeo and Juliet trying to fuck in the way they went back to town filed a police report. The police were like, yeah, why would Juliet like fucking open themselves up and Dogs themselves. This has to be pretty legit. you to go check this out. Okay, fair enough. So now we got two cops go into the

There's no shrimp here, which that sounds like a great flavor of something

dangerously Cajun Can I just remind us all the Cajun people are alive and well. This country? I know we forget about them sometimes. But they are here and they are welcome.

They just no one asked Mike to do an accent. Yeah, no, I

want to southern with it. But let

me it's fun. We're we're happy that you are representing a very underrepresented people of America.

I hope I do them justice by being a white man from

their cages so no. Yeah, I mean, yes, but you are not doing any of the Justice

Office in Nash was the first particular tracks approximately 10 to 12 inches long, and approximately three inches wide, deeply impressed in the mud by the riverbank. So he found footprints.

Do they all talk that slow? I hope so.

I mean, how else do you tell stories in the South?

I want to put someone to sleep like

Nash claimed that as he bent over to inspect the prints from a closer vantage point. He was shocked to hear a horrifyingly shrill screech nib ah. Sorry, my phone went off. I was like, what do you do? Nash took off post haste accidentally dropping his revolver in his panic. Nash and Lindsey quickly went back to the station to report the fun and gather more men for a search party. The officers later estimated that would have had made that sharp cry was no more than 300 feet

it a second. But

you know my cup point Yep.

Rapidly usurped curiosity is the tree you have min similarily whatever that word is abandoned their search and raced back to the patrol car for safety. After waiting in the car, for the creature to attack them, the team went back out on the hunt until the moon they found nothing into the night of June 26. Yeah, so essentially these people went down Jason, they went down to the river, you understand? Yep. And this man guy, who peepee scared, dropped

So they waited for whatever thing they were looking forward to leave before going back to work. Yeah. Is what you're telling me right now. These people are dumb, and that's causing

the 1970s for Jesus anyway. So like I said, they found nothing until the night of June 26 that Jason at a prime I like because I were telling you the stories FERS for you. I feel like I'm a part of it now and I don't proximately 10:30pm On the evening of June 26 five year old Christian barel was playing in his backyard, which was located relatively close to the Big Muddy River.

Oh, the Big Muddy River Yes.

All right. What is this called this

Christian was attempting to catch fireflies in the glass jaw his mother had given him the child frolicked about delightedly when he spotted a colossal white shape looming up from behind the fence that separated his yard from the neighbor's property. The array family. The terrified ball rail dropped as John raced inside crying out dad and dad is a big ghost in the back yard. The child's father was understandably dubious of his son store. That was until his neighbors corroborated the tape.

Ooh,

like these accents. I'm given the fuck in Illinois.

Yeah, again, anything

south of Yorkville. It fucking fits. And also I'm just staring in awe that you can because we all remember my last attempt at a fucking accent and it was the SCP one was questionable at best. Jason give

him a New York accent. Oh, no. Hi, everyone. I'm not I'm not or I'm

not good at it. I

tried. Hello, everyone. I'm from New York and

I am. Oh, man, that's

so good. And the neighbor family. I saw this big ol monkey monk, oh, my god, Monk,

Monk, monk. And they got scared. And so instead of looking for the thing they were trying to look for, they waited for the thing that they were looking for to leave so they could then go look

for these people weren't looking for it. This is a completely separate incident. This is a little boy playing in his backyard. And he saw the word

Are they really not looking

for something? No, this is why I don't condone children.

Yeah, no, this is a completely different incident from like, Oh, this is Oh guy was completely separate. This was just an incident about a little boy that was playing in his backyard and saw the giant creature by his fence. And then the neighbor's family saw it as well. Gotcha.

That makes more sense. I mean, Cajun living in

about speak Creo next.

So I actually have another incident for you. I would

love to hear more about this because I still don't really fully understand. Like,

what are you understanding so far? Jason, tell me. Give us some questions.

I am understanding that Cajuns are alive and well, in Cascadia. I'm also understanding that these eyewitness accounts are revealing a very very tall, dirty thing that exists very

white for though,

almost like a yeti that has maybe

stumbled across his

just learned what mud is even like been in mud like just learned what it is and now part of its furs a little dirtier.

It's like a yeti living in the Midwest because the snow is all dirty. You know, it's all shaved black snow and turn is kind of fucking dirty.

He pulled the reverse snow bunny instead of going somewhere where it's warm. He went to the cold place

and found happiness apparently. Yeah, no. So yeah, what I'm gathering is this thing is it's a large doofus that is a bit dirty.

It's a dirty doofus and his

tear, either just existing and by the fact of existing terrorizing you do kind of Southern Illinois families, you do kind of

figure out the end, it's just chillin, and everyone is going fuck wild over it.

It's like the dude. So sport spoilers, I guess. Hey, everyone.

Thank you for listening because you don't need to anymore. Yeah.

So find out at the end, and also right here, but also will tell you now because it's not pertinent. All right, so I actually have another incident. Very similar to what we've been talking about that happened to a young boy named Greg Garrett, who recounted a three legged creature of similar description to the mud monster.

You only got three legs my guy three,

he's a tripod. Similar, not the same. Oh. Okay. So Garrett claimed to have been attacked while playing in his backyard by a truly bizarre slimy three legged beasts known as the eye infield horror. Which

sounds badass

the eye infield horror. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like it's straight out of fucking a Lovecraft book.

Right, right. It really does. Absolutely. So Garrett immediately retreated to relative safety of his parents house. While barrel

barrel is the barrel is the guy from the last story that I told.

Okay, right. Why there Okay, anyways, it's trying to contrast as it is so well, while Barrow was sobbing in his father's arms. Teenagers Cheryl Ray now. Cheryl Rath housewife and mother of two was sitting on her darkened back porch next door to with her young suitor. Randy Crieff suitor

so it's going back to the ray family the neighbors yeah Burrell

God through me for then the loop Holy shit.

This is like a follow up almost. But like from the dubs perspective or like whatever, gotcha.

So the pair claimed that they were talking and looking at the stars when they heard a rustling in the bushes about 15 feet away from the porch. Assuming that the neighborhood kids had come to spy on them and enraged Ray went inside to turn on the porch light ball crease, the son of a state trooper, now a minister at the First Baptist Church church in Sheffield, Iowa, leaped to his feet and open the door, intending to investigate

I'm sorry, what was his name?

Randy church. Church isn't free crit sorry,

his name. His name is crease. Crease. Fuck any crease. Okay, I mean, lending credence to the fucking Asian accents that are over here. But what the fuck Krief? That's way too close to queef. And you know, this kid's gonna be in school at some point in his life.

Well, this isn't the kid. This is a man.

What I'm saying though, is the father and mother of this person knew that this child was going to school at some point and they were like your name is very close to the word queef. But a little different. Yeah,

I mean, it is what it is. Mike's like, shut the fuck up, dude. No, no, I'm just saying at this point, you know, he's already been through the bullying like he's, he's the hardest easiest to

it. Yeah, who queef I get. Gotcha.

All right, so moving along with the story here. Ray recounted the scene. So Randy and I were sitting in my parents breezeway. All right, what the fuck is a breezeway? Is it like a I think it's like an outdoor like a hallway that's also a sunroom don't come up the laneway. Alright, so use the breezeway, not the laneway use the breezeway when they heard something in the woods. We both went down, but Randy we both went down, but Randy was walking

the name creep. I'm so sorry.

It's like priests upper air, it's like creed

and Keith put together and it's almost like the parents just like couldn't decide which is like, crave. Let's like the mom said creed and the dad said Keith at the same time they're like fuck it. Yeah, there it is. Yeah, exactly.

Goddamnit Shut up. Oh, God, making me cough. Making me crease. You're making me crazy. Alright, so crease who drew a sketch of the creature revealing a distinctly spade shaped Flatwoods Monster like head that is oddly specific. Don't really know what that means. But he recalled the moment vividly. The thing I remember was the bulk of it the shape the human form and the stench of the river slamming that apparently had on it. It it

sorry everyone

I'm trying so hard on in the story has the worst names you

can That's what I'm saying. I'm trying to keep myself contained right?

ties of RJ burger motherfucker

laugh hysterically at these fucking names Bowlby Berg or was everybody in the fucking legal

what's funny is we're a different type.

That's the 70s were full of terrible names apparently terribly

shy and like hummingbird bring me

Toby burger.

And also my Toby barrier.

But also, yes, the burger that is also filled with Toby. So yeah, Chief Toby burger immediately dispatched the rest of his men to the scene all 14 of them. Well, they sent they sent for an officer and trained dog handler with a nearby Carbondale Police Department. A man named Jerry Nellis. So this is near Carbondale. Yeah, it's all relatively close to us, actually.

I mean, like six hours away, but yeah, relatively close to us. Right. I forget that Illinois is a long state. Like it's very long.

Well, we're all used to being like, oh, yeah, we're just gonna go on a quick road trip. And we're like, oh, how long is it and we're like, oh, like eight hours.

So I don't want to I don't want a third of a day. I don't want to like side rail off too much. But that's the thing. That's a thing and like Florida, if the drive is more than 15 minutes in Florida, they give up what Yeah, because in Florida, all the towns have like, like if you live in a town like for example, we go see our friends in Jupiter. Jupiter has like dozens upon Jupiter, Florida. Yeah. Yeah, what a fucking planet man.

Just being concise.

So but in Jupiter, like they have like little communities like all over like hundreds of them. And in those communities is like your whole foods, your Starbucks your restaurants. So you don't have to travel more than 15 minutes. Once you travel 15 minutes you're in the other town that has their own Starbucks their own Whole Foods their own. That's fucking Yeah, that's so every community has like what you need to live. So when we're like, oh, we're gonna go half hour out. They're like, Oh,

There's a 10 minute radius.

30 minutes to get vape juice today. Like why drive

30 minutes to record this podcast every day for them. They're like, Oh, fuck it. I don't want to do the show anymore.

Yeah, if so, what I'm gathering is that if we lived in Florida, we would have given up after episode three.

All right, let's get back on track, right. Yes, please. Thank you, Doug. So Jerry, Nellis where we ended, we ended it with him the dog trainer. Yeah. So dog handler Sure. Yeah. So now this was the owner of a tough German shepherd named Reb Reb

musica boy

cube we haven't.

We haven't. It makes me happy every time

Alright, so Rob, who had assisted the Murfreesboro police in the past as a search and rescue attack dog and most permanently as a man or in this case? Monster tracker. The officers armed with rifles resolvers and flashlights discovered a trail of unidentified black slime that they seem to lead directly from Ray's back porch to the river. Oh,

so Jason, let me sum this up for you release the the little boy who is catching fireflies yeah their neighbor the raise family also saw the creature and filed a report with the police the same police so corroborated Yes, the same police that were handling the other one from the two Romeo and Juliet couple so these remedies

like for officers are just like what the fuck

much happened so they decided we're gonna get a fucking German Shepherd on this motherfucker. And we're just going to corral the entire police force. We're going on a man hunt baby. So they're actively hunting this fucking creature down

in fucking Murphysboro,

Illinois.

I love the I love the Cajun accent. Get ready

for it because here comes again. Here we go red picked up the scent of his prey and took off. The men then follow the dog down the recently forged path of broken tree limbs and trampled underbrush. Toward the bizarre quarry. A dog managed to track the monster through the dense forest and down a steep embankment toward a small pond. But the brush became too thick for it to continue. The officers began searching the area with flashlights for clues as to where this creature might have

sentence over in the time the address second

being the time there had elapsed between reps field full display, display and the arrival of backup, whatever it was that was hardened in that the bond managed to slip out through the back. Not long after the search was called off for the night, and the disappointed officers returned to their home bases. This would not mark the end of the Murphysboro mudmaster saga at sites of this mysterious beast who are reported two more times during the next week and a half.

So can I just say this room this is it. The story itself is it is creepy. The names turn this whole thing into a fucking cartoon like the whole thing. 100

Cheeseburger we're hunting a giant gorilla burgers we've got

ham we got Corey Reese's here like I'm naming my next d&d character Chris. So Jason's Don't make me say that over and over again. Chris your turn to

elaborate for you what happened here? The officers decided shits fucked and the dogs going fuck wild so let's get some backup here. And then by the time backup came

you you are I just moved into it by the time

rack up came there's no monster to be seen

he's he's veins in his neck. It's like he's like

he's fighting

the axe is becoming part of me now not only appreciate that

his don't appreciate that. I don't do that too much.

i This is again the story is very so far. You You guys have me absolutely hooked. I just need the names to be different.

Oh, here's is it gonna get worse before it gets better? Well, okay, so here. It's that's the comforting here's a little here's a bird scooter for you. The next reported encounter with the beast occurred approximately 10 days later, after a traveling carnival setup. in Riverside

Park horse Of course. Why wouldn't?

Why would the clowns like us here?

The Carnival workers apparently unaware of what was lurking nearby chose a pleasant glade near the river between the boat ramp and the sewage treatment plant. Yep, located below the ray house. Of course. That's what it's called. At 2am on July 7, long after the carnival had closed up for the night three carnies. Are you ready for this? I I think I know what's coming but yeah, oldest Norris Yep. Ray and Kherson and Wesley lavender.

Wesley laminate is a

good name, but also when it's accompanied by the fucking rest of them. It's

like so the carnies have the most normal names.

What?

Okay, can you Jesus, so we're sitting behind one of the Carnival trucks discussing the day's receipts when they had a series of wines come from the Shetland ponies that were tied to the bramble on the other side of the truck.

When he's like like a weenie. It was like the the pony Winnie

gotcha gotcha. Like the Pooh Winnie the Pooh.

So the men quickly got up to see what the commotion was all about and was shocked to find the men quickly got up to see what the commotion was all about. And were shocked to find the usually docile ponies, which had been trained to give children rides in endless circles like a merry go round. I don't I don't like any of that. But that's fine.

They didn't need the metaphor. I get what a circle is.

So we're in a tizzy. With their eyes rolling and terror, furiously, tugging at their ropes and desperate bid to free themselves from their constraints. It wasn't long before the carnies would see what the frenzy was all about. The men maintained that they had spent spider an eight foot 400 pound creature I don't know how people are I in weight on Yeah, that's fine with that guy.

But anyways, like a 240,

which much like the Missouri's Momo seem to have no distinguishable facial characteristic beneath its Fergal for

a moment do we Yes, not tonight, but

a shameless plug for a future episode.

So this seemed to be calmly watching the ponies this eight foot 400 pound eyeballed creature. The men decided not to wait around and see what happened next and immediately ran for help, claiming that the monster also ran in the opposite direction. So about an hour later, one of the Carnival workers called in help to deal with the beast. Charles Kimball claimed that he saw the creature once again staring at the ponies with its head cocked to the side and what was described as a

I'm loving that. I know exactly. Who wrote that.

I'm glad because you can look a PDF for that one.

Oh,

that wasn't me. Although I'm at the end here.

Did you write tizzy? No,

you don't know. You wrote none of these words. Did you?

I wrote some. I replaced some with others.

This man rewrote the Vulcan Windigo episode.

That's a different like, no, no, no, no.

We can't fuck it's fine. We can we can Wikipedia this.

Hey, say that drunker. No, no, no, we can't.

No, it was it was intentional. Oh, dang.

Whatever. Anyway,

he's not as drunk as he's Jason.

I'm not ready for another night. I'm

not as thick as you drunk. I am alright.

i If we there's more information. Just

a smidge. We're at the homestretch here homeschool Jesus right I'm ready for another home stretch me daddy.

So decided we would do

later that same night as the whole carnival fiasco. A woman named Niger green knees need your green Nietzsche needs a green. She has asserted that she heard a screaming sound coming from a shed on her rural farm. She wisely it would seem chose to remain inside her home rather than going out to investigate smart smart yes following the carnival citing yet another crowd of locals most of whom were armed to the teeth gathered in Riverside Park hoping to take a shot at the

I think Phoenix is more fitting well

he hasn't done anything wrong.

Honestly he just lurking he's actually kind of like more of like a stalker. Yeah, he's just kind of around didn't hurt anyone. This

only exacerbated chief burgers concerns for the sound folks safety. So he implored the town fathers to bring in expert help. Sorkin

finds mold, right? Yeah. Dana Scully.

Sorkin claim that private groups that offered as much as $2.5 million for the creatures capture. With that in mind, this small explanation came armed with a stun gun and the capacity to take down a 500 pound animal as well as chocolate and bananas, of course, which Sorkin stated circumstances they would use to pacify the beast so just chocolate and potassium

I just haven't remembering that fucking GIF of the banana super close up with like the pins for eyes and says potassium intensifies.

They also carry loaded shotguns which they claimed they would only use for their safety. And if they're threatened, Sorkin further claimed that they had local zoos standing by and that the arrangements have been made for a cage to be flown in by helicopter if they are lucky enough to man to imprison the fucking mud monster God showed around. That pretty much sums it up but nothing happened from there. They had no luck finding the mud monster and to this day, it remains a mystery.

I'll agree with that. Hmm,

there are dozens of eyewitnesses and the old police report from 1973 Still is open to this day. You can actually look it up and look at it. It's on Murphy's Burroughs website.

This is like Okay, guys, go visit this help us saw.

So just remember Jason, if you're ever in Murphysboro, if you're playing in the river, you may not be playing alone.

That sounds fun because like I'm usually lonely. Yeah, there might be

a giant gorilla covered in multiplayer button here waiting for you. And that is the cryptic corner and yeah, that's the Murphy burls monster.

I will say that's not what I was expecting. No. Well,

I wanted to do just no named fucking

fucking weird ass off the radar one. Yeah,

good. Yeah. If we were to walk from Murphysboro, Illinois, it would take 101 hours. Well,

what are you guys doing for the next week and

it's only like a week.

We can knock that out by car. It's about five and a half hours.

Still not bad. You guys want to go? I would keep hunting

mud monster week.

I would love to go spend a weekend just like up in a bucket of hunters purchase

out of my timeshare in Carbondale.

I'm pleased tell me your cat I really hope that he's getting please tell me he's not telling me

the laughing and maybe I would like to

say thank you to everybody.

timeshare Carbondale I

really appreciate you all listening.

I'm a different state.

The fact that you take that extra money for this away from

civilization while

Do you guys have anything that you want to say to the people?

Yeah, don't get a timeshare in Carbondale, Illinois. ever in your life

or No, no, don't get a timeshare.

You fucking Yeah, you could just fucking stop the sentence there. Do not buy a timeshare, although I have reaped the benefits of my parents,

the only timeshare that's worth tie is DVC.

Yes, absolutely. And oh, who this is dark No, in my my parents will has split up the DVC points and memberships to my brother and I and I'm very happy with the outcome. So mom and dad next, like two years or so like don't let's have some fun conversations. But like I want those DVC points. I want to see point Disney vacant Vacation Club. You can use them for like Park passes or hotel stays or whatever. That's about like

12 to $15,000 and once you pay it off you just every year get vacation time at Disney. Yeah,

Jesus. Yeah, so

it's the Bank of Disney.

This cryptic corner did you guys

yeah, we'll go into that more details.

I'm sure later later.

Anyway, thank you everybody for listening. I super appreciate it.

Can you guys give us some money? Some money? No, I was gonna say if you guys have cryptids that you would like us to hear us talk about and just Mr. was shit all over like we do every other cryptid let us know because we also read them off. cryptids we do we really do. But we also, you know like to, I will talk mad shit about the things that we talked about. So

that's just our Mo Jason. Do

you think the Murphysboro mud monsters are real?

Well, I've seen movie starring Gary Busey. So yes,

I do. Gary's he's the is the murder monster.

I mean, obviously there's a gift to fucking prove it.

And if you live near Murfreesboro, if you've had an experience with the mud monster, please let us know

they'd be oh my god. Leave us a voicemail. I mean, you guys have already heard the voicemail.

I didn't put that in the last episode. Oh, if you guys can show us your mud monsters. Love

preferably in the toilet. Also known as the chocolate starfish. Yes. Goodbye, everybody.

Thank you so much for listening, everybody. I'm sure that all of you were just as clueless as I was. But we learned some things together today.

Also slap your pain against your own mud monster. And I guess right down there was

I guess I have to stop recording now because that's how do I follow that? You know?