Episode 70: But soft, what light from yonder window breaks? It is the Egg, and Juliet is the yolk. But enough of that romance shiiiiiit! The boys are coming in hot with a three-egg omelette of idiomatic enlightenment that just may blow your front side off! And if you think for even a single second that the dudes are slowing down, you can just think again, compadre! There’s no rest for the weary genius, so the Land of Nod’s gonna have to wait another forty winks for these Italian stallions to unf...
Dec 23, 2022•1 hr 8 min
It's that time of the season when the boys get a-bristlin'! Seriously, folks. Teeth over here are gettin' sharp as all dang hell and the wolf hairs are poppin' out like glochids on a cactus. This is why it feels mighty fine to drop the thirteenth installment of Do Be A Monster. This one's bound to get your tentacles glip glopping all over the frigging place. First, let's just get this out of the way: have we ever said a monster can't be cute? Of course not! We would never say that. Just ask the ...
Dec 09, 2022•56 min
Episode 69: We-ow! Does it feel like someone slipped you a Mickey? Maybe you just had one too many Thanksgiving Arbor Mists. Remember those? Well, if you’ve arisen from your holiday haze and been like, “Whyyyyy?!” maybe what you need is a big old dose of DBAI! Episode 69 is here and your hangover is merely a paper tiger. So pour yourself a massive Bloody Mary (and let’s just pause for a second and think how cool THAT drink name is!), and let the boyz fill your brain with nonsense and simultaneou...
Nov 25, 2022•1 hr 5 min
Episode 68: It’s your big debut (metaphorically). You’ve finally landed the lead role (in a strictly metaphorical sense). Your dead parents are in the audience, and they’re proud of you…for once. You gotta get out there, kid. You can’t rest on your laurels of being the world’s smallest mole-wrangler in the mall forever. If ya need a little audiophonic courage, pop in Episode 68 of DBAI, forget your lines, and oh yeah — break a leg!
Nov 11, 2022•1 hr 10 min
Episode 67: Happy Halloweiner, everyone! We know you love us 'cause you’ve got that sweet, sweet Stockholm syndrome for your hostesses with the mostesses! But don’t worry, we’re putting away the heavy metal for one night; it’s goin' to be all treats and no tricks. The Idiom Boys just wanna haunt your house so they can watch your sweet television, baby! So, cover yourself in shrouds and listen louds! Long live Lansbury! (Oh yeah, it’s finally here: www.patreon.com/dontbeanidiom)
Oct 28, 2022•1 hr 10 min
Episode 66: Did a stray cat sitting on the roof of a car in the rain distract you just long enough to catch your ex walking into her house? No? Just Albert? Well, I guess it’s time for someone to be escorted to the old booby hatch! If being locked in a padded room is giving you the pip, wriggle a pinky out of your strait-jacket just enough to hit play on Episode 66 of DBAI. We can’t guarantee it will tighten the screws in your brain, but surely it can’t make things worse…right?! Take your pills,...
Oct 14, 2022•56 min
Episode 65: Hey all you angry DBAI fans out there! A little bird (actually, he was huge as shit!) told us that y’all had an axe to grind with The Idiom Boys for taking a little much needed R&R. Well, we’re BACK BABY and we’re older than ever! Season 4 has so much in store, you’ll be in love forevermore! We’ve been navigating our fever dreams through the dark forests of our subconscious minds in search of the fabled Slickblack Mindfuck Tree in hopes of harvesting its poisonous eggcorns to fry...
Sep 30, 2022•1 hr 6 min
Quick question for ya: Is there such thing as too many eyeballs? Of course not. Is there such thing as teeth that are too long and too sharp? Uh, try no. How about size? Can a monster be, like, too large? Aw, hell no! Here in the twelfth installment of Do Be A Monster, Albert and Ryan would just like to say that we like our monsters too darn big to hide! But smaller monsters are grand as well. Take the Storsjöodjuret for example: he's not unbelievably large by any means, but he does like to get ...
Jul 15, 2022•1 hr 10 min
Episode 64: We’re doing a special choose-your-own-adventure version of DBAI for episode 64! Actually, it’s more of a Hobson’s choice adventure where you can choose any new episode to listen to as long as it’s number 64! And we know what some of you may be thinking: Why should I waste my time with this rinky-dink podcast when I could be listening to someone famous like Conan or Ron Burgundy? Well, it may surprise you to hear this, but Don’t Be An Idiom is big in Japan. Huge, even! So, suck on tha...
Jul 01, 2022•1 hr 5 min
Episode 63: As the wind rustles the leaves of the plane trees, a little pallino rolls and bumps its way along the sand. No larger than a golf ball, he demands the respect of the entire universe; he is the real McCoy. One after the other, the bocce tumble towards their master, forever battling to be within reach of that humble, petite, white orb. Crack, swoosh, tick. Mamma mia, there is always one who wins the coveted attention of pallino, and today it is you. However, in the blink of an eye, tha...
Jun 17, 2022•1 hr 12 min
Episode 62: All right ya whippersnappers, settle the heck down! We’ve got your precious little Episode 62 right here — don’t you worry. What’s that? You wanna speak to her? Well now, I’m sorry, but that would be outside the parameters of our little agreement. But rest assured, she’s alive and well…more or less. As long as you don’t go acting like a dunce, we can all come out of this smelling like mama’s rose bushes. Just hand over the 5-star reviews and we’ll give you your precious 62. Slowly no...
Jun 03, 2022•1 hr 9 min
Episode 61: Is your dad sitting at the kitchen table making deck notes? Is the family dog eyeing your dad lazily from the kitchen floor? Is the murmur of Rick Williams’ voice from the living room TV slowly lulling you to either sleep or insanity? If you answered "yes" to all of these questions then you are Albert of the famed and celebrated podcast Don’t Be An Idiom. If you answered "no" to any of these questions then you are Ryan, god-king of that sonic universe earth-folk call "Don’t Be An Idi...
May 20, 2022•1 hr 9 min
With the winter finally behind us, it feels like a mighty fine time to go a-monster hunting. Welcome to the eleventh installment of Do Be A Monster in which lifelong creature-nerds, Albert and Ryan, hang out with a couple of fantastically fresh freakazoids. If you feel a chill in the air, that's because the Wendigo is among us, bringin' on some cold winds and a taste for delicious human flesh. We've also got the disturbing Hobyahs who will be sure to tear down your hempstalk house, eat your pare...
May 06, 2022•1 hr 17 min
Episode 60: Lixty! Lixty! Look who’s sixty! The boys are demonstrating that the proof is truly in the pudding by celebrating a nice, round-numbered episode the only way they know how…by crushing Iron City brews and wolfing down Monster pepperoni rolls straight from the black and yellow heart of Pittsburgh! Yinz be trippin’ if yinz thought the boys couldn’t scrounge up some fresh turns of phrases for yinz asses! Do the right thing…call outta work and hit that play button. This one’s for you, Uncl...
Apr 22, 2022•1 hr 9 min
Never let it be said that The Idiom Boys are a one-trick pony. Nay, not even a two-trick pony! That’s right, the fellas are embarking on their third and possibly greatest adventure yet! It all began with a pizza box and a dream. And that pizza box became their ship, and that dream was the wind in their greasy sails that would carry them to the faraway shores of the island of Stromboli, where a smoldering volcano lies in wait like a sleeping Tolkien dragon. As with most things the dudes do, they ...
Apr 01, 2022•32 min
Episode 59: Been stuck in the doldrums lately? Have no fear, the idiom winds are here! So round up your motliest crew and chart a course for knowledge with a glop of goof on the side. If you’re still down in the dumps by the end of the episode, you can leave us a message at 1-800-WHOGIVESACRAP! Just kidding. We love yous. Take it away, Larry!
Mar 25, 2022•1 hr 1 min
Episode 58: Yoo-hoo all you true blue DBAI fans! Episode 58 is dropping hard like fantastic rocks as big as boulders from the sky! Let’s get right down to brass tacks about it: Episode 58 is goin' to drop like the mighty hammer of Thor upon thy sweet crown! If you even see a pea-sized shadow of Episode 58 above you, it is already too late for it shall drop upon thee with all of the devastation of the comet that smote the dinosaurs into oblivion! So, yeah, don’t miss it.
Mar 04, 2022•51 min
Episode 57: You there! Where do you think you’re going? It’s well past curfew and yet your sorry ass is still skulking around like a king o’ the creeps. Well, we like your style, sonny! Now, there’s no reason for anyone to go postal. Why don’t you let your favorite boys tie you to a post till morning instead? And while we’re at it, why don’t you let us pop episode 57 in your ear holes? You know what they say…57 sounds like heaven. So relax, don’t struggle against the ties that bind. Maybe we’ll ...
Feb 18, 2022•58 min
Episode 56: Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama to Key Largo, Montego, baby why don’t we go down to Cloak-o-mo? Thaaaat’s right folks! Please have your tickets out and ready for this non-stop sonic trip to beautiful, sunny Cloak-o-mo, where the only trial by fire you’ll experience is for the accused suckling pig at the new moon luau! And just between you and us, he’s guilty, guilty, GUILTY!…of being finger-slurpin’ good, that is! Check your cloak and dagger and PANTS at the door, 'cause there’s...
Feb 04, 2022•1 hr 12 min
Episode 55: Now listen up all you toadies 'cause we're only goin' to say this once. This is the double-nickel episode and you better fucking appreciate it. We went through a lot of literal shit to bring you this episode a week late, and you didn't even text. We know you've had a tough week; we've aaaaaall had a tough week. So relax (and make sure you're really relaxed) and pop a toad in your mouth and enjoy the highly anticipated Episode Fifty-Five. And if that toad starts a-foamin' you shall no...
Jan 22, 2022•1 hr 10 min
It's a slimy business, but Albert and Ryan are dedicated to the calling (as evidenced by this momentous episode). Here it is, the tenth installment of Do Be A Monster and there are still so many muck-mouths and bulging-eyeballs to cover. To celebrate the new year, Ryan brings the Malaysian penanggalan to the airwaves; well, at least her head and entrails. Meanwhile, Albert would like to introduce (all the way from Deutschland) the terrible Alp! If you've ever felt a bit too much weight on your c...
Dec 31, 2021•1 hr
Episode 54: Hey sports fans! Were your collective ears a-burning? That's 'cause it's the freakin' weekend and your boys are bringing it hard! So strap on your headphones with a clamp because there's no taking-a-mulligan on this episode! On an unrelated note, Ryan found an iguana and guess what? We're keeping it! Sorry Craigslist! Happy Holidays, ya wankers. Love, Don't Be An Idiom
Dec 17, 2021•57 min
Episode 53: What in the Sam Hill are you doing NOT listening to Episode 53 of DBAI right now? Reading this I suppose! Well, don't make a pig's ear out of your Friday; hit that play button bay-bay! The boys are fucking all fired up about the new episode and especially the new song. Skip to the end, then start over again! When asked what of Episode 53, megafan Paul Giamatti says, "I ALWAYS go SIDEWAYS for Don't Be An Idiom!" I dunno, write your own description. We be ouuuut!
Dec 03, 2021•55 min
Episode 52: Tired of sitting by the m-box all day long? Us neither! Episode 52 is coming in hot and it's gonna piss your boss off! So, kick against the pricks and walk tall with holes in your body and your shirt covered in black blood. And when they ask you how you want your severance pay, tell 'em the whole shebang sent ya! Buy yourself a clue and listen to Episode 52...like, yesterday!
Nov 19, 2021•1 hr 5 min
Sniff, sniff. What’s that? I smell another monster episode, right jolly! In this ninth installment, the boys get wet, wet, wet in the billabongs of Australia and the river beds of Japan! Throw on your goggles and peek the Bunyip. Then slap on your galoshes and trip the fantastic with the magnificent Kappa (actually, it's best if you hold onto your butts)! If we don’t say someone’s doing something, you might not notice. Wink wink. Regularly scheduled idiom broadcasting returns next time. Send $10...
Nov 06, 2021•1 hr 1 min
Engulfed in fog, you find yourself covered in a viscous ooze shimmering in the pale light of the barley moon. Crawling towards a distant sound, howls of horror echo through the air until you come upon an old radio, crackling like a thousand footsteps on fallen leaves. For a moment, terror grips you...until you hear the familiar voices of your old maniacal guides through monster mythology: Albert and Ryan. Momentarily distracted, you are caught off guard by a terrible maw that consumes your head....
Oct 22, 2021•58 min
Episode 51: Let’s get one thing straight: this is not fucking official. The boys got some hot goss' that you’re gonna wanna eavesdrop on like yesterday, so Brylcreem that hair back hard and give a listen. But be careful what you listen for...there’s no proof that it’s real. When things go bump in the night, just know that you’ll be alright. The boys are here and (good news) the tests came back clear! Clear of sanity, that is! Since you’re nutzo, why not listen to episode 51 before you strip nake...
Oct 08, 2021•59 min
Episode 50: Speak of the devil…and episode 50 shall appear! “Episode 50, episode 50, episode 50!” We never said you had to say it three times! What do you think this is? Bloody Mary? Beetlegeuse? Clearly not Candyman 'cause that would require five repetitions. Just stop talking, okay? Sit back and relax. Kick off your shoes and feet and open up a fresh can of Alpo dog food. You’ve had a long week and you deserve a bit-o-pampering. Let the boys’ velvety voices take you to places that would make y...
Sep 24, 2021•1 hr 10 min
Episode 49: Hear ye, hear ye! All Mavericks agree—Episode 49 is the bee's knees! Don't make us describe why you should want to subscribe. Don't Be An Idiom is well and alive! That's it. Call in.
Sep 11, 2021•56 min
Episode 48: Have you got the August blues? Do you go to bed each night praying that you won’t see the morning light? And then when you wake up, you’re scared and a little balder and fatter than you were the day before? It’s okay to be scared. We’re all scared. Don’t let the bastards 86 the summer without a fight! The boys have episode forty-eight locked and loaded and they’re coming on like gangbusters! So strap on your party-parachute and hit the responsibility eject button one last time. This ...
Aug 27, 2021•1 hr 1 min
