Hey, Dana Zembeckys. What you're about to hear is an encore presentation of one of our favorite episodes from the Don't Ask Tig Archives. Please enjoy. Nicole, I'm Tig. Hi, hi, hi. We have a lot of mutual friends. Yes, I think we've only met maybe in person one time and we've waited until this reunion. Yes, we said hopefully a pandemic will come and then we can hop on the horn and get to a talking. Horn, horn, horn. This is Don't Ask Tig, I'm Tig No Taro, and here you are asking.
We are not alone and nobody is hopeless, everybody goes to sleep. We have a friend in Tig, yeah, yeah, yeah. Today's guest is a professional judge on the Netflix show nailed it. The very funny Nicole buyer is here to help me give advice. Nicole, you were just nominated for an Emmy for outstanding host. Yay! Congrats to you. Thank you. That's incredible. Thank you. It feels wonderful. Thank you. It feels wonderful. I would imagine. I mean, what's the past 24 hours been like for you?
If I'm going to be honest, it's been f***ing cool. It's also really nice because all of my friends have reached out and said really nice things. My two very dear friends, Paul and Madeline sent me a bunch of champagne for me to drink. Another friend sent me donuts because I love treats. It's just been really nice. It's always nice when someone is like, hey, you worked hard and he hears a cookie, you know? Right. Here's a cookie or donuts and champagne. And you're the first black woman.
Yes. Host in this category. It's a long sentence because it's like outstanding host of a reality competition show. It's also oddly specific. You know what I mean? But, you know, categories are. That's the best being very oddly specific. Nicole, you have to give honest feedback all the time on Nailed It. Your cake has made me make a noise I've never been before. Wow. Uh-huh. That was a butter flavored cake. I'm so sorry. I was going to be nice. Oh, it's awful. Mm-hmm.
I'm just wondering if you have advice on how to give people feedback, even when it's negative. I think... Realizing when people actually want feedback and when people just want to pat on the back. Usually people just want to pat on the back and don't want, you know, criticism. That's most people.
But if you're close enough to somebody and they ask you what you genuinely honestly think of something, I think constructive criticism goes a long way where you can talk about things you like, but then also what you didn't like and how to improve what you didn't like. Because if you just say to somebody, I don't like it. Like, well, you've offered me no solution to help as like to make it better. Do you know what I mean? I do. I know exactly what you mean.
And I'm wondering how do you deal with criticism? Do you take it well? Even when you ask for it because sometimes people will ask for it and then they get it and they're like, mm-hmm. I take criticism. Okay. Like if somebody says, I don't think you're funny. I don't think you're a good host. I go, okay, that's fine because it's subjective. And if you have any pointers, you know, let me know. Scream less. Okay. I could try to do that, but I love screaming. Screaming makes me me.
You and I have very similar styles. Yes, take, you're so loud. God, you're loud. It's honestly shocking. But like things I don't want criticism for or critiques is like, if I post something on Instagram and I like label where I'm at incorrectly, you don't need to correct it. Who cares? Who? I hate when people go, actually, just let me be happy and wrong. Yes. There's a lot of exhausting stuff and people and opinions out there on social media.
You try and be lighthearted or make a joke and then it's immediately down to business. Yes. You had a book come out this summer. It's called hashtag very fat, hashtag very brave. One of your tips is to wear bikinis often. And what do you say to people who think they can't wear a bikini? I say to people who say they can't wear a bikini to like really think about why you can't wear a bikini. If it's because you don't think they make them in your size, well, that's a lie.
They do make them in your size. I think if you don't think you'll be aesthetically pleasing to the eye, who's I? Everyone is beautiful to somebody. Somebody is ugly to somebody. I think you just have to understand that like if you want to swim, you should swim and wear whatever you want to swim. If you want a sunbafe or whatever you want to sunbafe and if somebody has something negative to say, if that's your biggest fear, well, here, you're in luck because there's nothing to fear.
Like your body is powerful. If someone can't get through their day without saying something nasty to you, that means you affected them. You didn't do anything except show your body and like they can't live. That's crazy. That's kind of cool if you think about it. So I think you just got to like the skin you're in. Exactly. I personally am not a bikini person. I feel like I'm in costume. I haven't worn.
I used to wear them when I was a child and now speaking to what you're saying about your body being powerful. A lot of times I'll swim topless and I had a double mastectomy and it's an empowering thing for me to just head off into the ocean with just some shorts on and nobody said anything but also I think a lot of times people might just think I'm a man. It's an ongoing theme for me where I think I'm really empowered but I just people are like, oh yeah, there you go.
Back into the water like a little fish that guy that fella there. You may not think it's empowering but it is. For someone to see, do you have scars? I do. I have scars across my chest. So yeah, if someone clocks those scars that might put it in their brain to be like, oh, it is okay. I'm not alone. Well, I appreciate you saying that. I actually took off my shirt halfway through my HBO special and didn't acknowledge it and showed people my scars.
And I did that because I thought it would potentially empower people because I know I was scared to have scars on my chest and then when I realized that scars just mean that my body healed, then what's wrong with that? Nothing to be scared of. Something to be excited and proud of. I'm slowly learning to like be topless. Sometimes I'll go swimming topless and I'm like, oh, this is so scandalous and it's like it's my backyard. It's fully not scandalous. You've paid to do whatever you want.
But yeah, swimming and like letting the water hit your chest is fun. I like it. Yeah, I'm all for it. Same. I can't wait for our beach day. Me too. I'm excited. I think we have a ways to wait. All right. Let's get into it. And our first question is about an issue that I think a lot of people wonder about. So Fia writes, how do you make friends as an adult? And this is tricky now because we're just living our lives at home. Yeah. I mean, my answer is usually like, get a hobby.
But you can't really get a hobby. Although I sometimes I have a skate gang where a bunch of my dear friends and I roller skate guys, we do it in the park. And at the park, I noticed an outdoor fitness class. So group activities are happening outside and you might make a new friend. I mean, you will be wearing a mask and that's like always so awkward to like talk to someone new and a mask.
But like I think that might be a good way to like make a friend, but also feel the sunshine and get out of your house in a safe way. There's also online groups that are popping up. I know that I don't know if you're familiar with the Jane club. Yes, it is. But yeah, they've really made a nice transition into online socializing and it started out as just a Los Angeles-based company. And now globally, women are connecting through the Jane club. And so I know that there's opportunities like that.
There's ways to do it through hobbies. Is that your main hobby is roller skating? That's my second hobby. I've just been collecting hobbies during this quarantine. My first love is pull dancing. I really love pull dancing. Man, it's hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I really like the challenge. Yeah. Do you feel like there's a future for me? Honestly, yes. Yeah, I think so. Okay, I think pull is for everybody. I think it's whatever you want it to be.
So like a lot of women or people who do it. Yes, so some people want it to be sexy and like find a new way to be confident in their sexuality. Me personally, I just want to do aggressive tricks. Like I want to just like slam down and a split and have people be like, do she break her body? That's what I want. Now I just want to surprise Stephanie and get a pull and throw a bikini on and just really start doing, working on some sexy moves and I think you should do it. Do you?
Yes. Okay. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I think honestly, if that's something that you want to do, I think you should do it. I think it would be fun. I think Stephanie wouldn't ever recover from seeing that. Especially if the kids walked in, I was in a bikini upside down on a pole. I think they would be like, what on earth? Yeah. I hope there was something there for you, Sophia. Yeah, get a hobby. We're going to take a quick break and we will be back with more questions.
This podcast is produced by APM Studios, a nonprofit public media podcast network. We're committed to sharing stories that move people to rethink the world around them. You can show your love for this show and help us make more like it by going to APMStudios.org and slash donate. And we're back. Nicole, real quick question. Are you perhaps a dog person? I am a dog person. I have two little dogs, Charlie and Clyde. Oh, that's so great.
And I'm assuming both we're bikinis and pole dance and they do. That's wonderful. Well, I'm asking you about dogs because our next question, what if I had nothing to do with dogs? I'd love it. I'd love that little segue into dogville. The next question is about someone who's afraid of becoming a dog hoarder. Warren asks, I'm still single at 45. I had a relationship with a gal for three years, but it didn't work out and I have not dated after this.
How do I avoid being a woman with no life partner who owns 17 weiner dogs? Well, first of all, Warren. I mean, if you... Now I'm taken. I am married. I am happily married. I do not want that to end. If it does. Okay. I would have 17 weiner dogs, long haired weiner dogs. And I've almost convinced Stephanie to have one long haired weiner dog. But what's your feeling? Do you have any feelings, Nicole? And I know that's not really the question.
I know it's not really about 17 weiner dogs, but I just... You know what it is? I don't appreciate the weiner dog joke. That's what it is. And I'm sorry. That's my trigger. That is my trigger. I get it. But I think why not? If you want a bunch of weiner dogs, why not get a bunch of weiner dogs? Maybe it's like one of those if you build that they will come. Maybe you will attract the person who wants to live with 17 weiner dogs. If I am your dream gal, Warren, I would go running towards you.
I don't know if I've ever seen a woman weiner dog. I got a long haired weiner dog. I mean... Long haired weiner. I'm not crazy about the short haired weiner dogs. They're fine. Ooh, this is cute. This is cute. Not. Since 17 my way. Okay. Ooh, I like the blonde long haired weiner dog. Ooh, I found the gorgeous one. Right? Picture seven. Oh, those head and end of the house. Yeah, I'm all about it. I think... Oh, very good. You should think you should get them. Ooh, no. I love them.
You were right about blonde. Blonde is it? Blonde is so beautiful. So what is this person's question I'm realizing now that I got way off track with? Oh, it's... I haven't dated. They don't seem to be interested in dating, but if you are trying to date, this is a really hard time and you have to be bad. Yeah, I have to say. I mean, you gotta... You gotta be yourself. You gotta... You gotta take your shirt off. You gotta have 17 weiner dogs with long hair. You just... You gotta...
If it's not right for you right now, respect that about yourself, but if you do get out there in the world, be you. Have your little animals. Have your little bikini. Do your polling. You're gonna find your match. I think so. I really think so. I really do. There are people out there that are gonna want Warren, whoever Warren is. We love you, Warren. And we wish you all the luck in the world. Please keep in mind that if you do get a weiner dog, really go with the long hair. Long hair and blonde.
Those blonde ones are a showstopper. For the next... Let's not stop the show though. For the next question, Nicole, it might be time to crush some dreams. Or maybe not. Casey writes, I have zero restaurant experience, but opening a pizza place is the thing I most want to do. Do I listen to the people who say, take a risk. When is it taking a risk? And when is it a wildly irresponsible action? I think it is taking a risk when you have taken a couple of business courses.
And you understand that a lot of restaurants run at a loss or break even before they actually start to make money. And then a lot of them, once they start to make money, expand too fast, thus negating them making money, then running in the black again. Or in the red. So, after you take your business courses, you partner with someone who does understand how restaurants work and can give you a little bit of cash capital, so then you don't run and completely on credit.
And then you have to make sure that you understand the stakes in your company, because I'm assuming you'll incorporate once you become a restaurant, and you need to remain the majority stake owner in your restaurant in case it does become, you know, something amazing. You don't want a 50-50 partner, you want someone who's investing to help you. Nicole, have you been waiting your whole life to answer that question? I mean, what on earth is like, I mean, this is a comedy podcast.
And you started crunching numbers, and you started sending people off to college, and you started being completely reasonable. But we were just telling somebody to get 17 wanner dogs and throw them very clearly. I'm ready to hand you an Emmy award for your pizza restaurant advice. That is incredible. Well, I just think people have a vision, they go, I want to open a restaurant, and they don't actually think of what you have to know to open a restaurant. Correct answers.
Because opening a restaurant is a business, I don't understand the in and out of a business but it sounds like you do. But I know they read some sort of Susie Orman opening your pizza restaurant, 101 book. But I think that as far as taking a risk, I'm all about big swings, and I don't know of a time that I really, really put myself out there, whether it was financially or romantically, even taking my shirt off on HBO during my special.
It's always either paid off or felt better to make that leap than to wonder. That's where I am personally. If you have cash to potentially open a restaurant, I would say take that leap. Maybe, maybe not right now, maybe in two to five years when the pandemic will hopefully be more under control or make it a takeout restaurant.
But if you believe in yourself and your abilities and you have the cash, I think it's worth taking a big swing because I think it really feels better to do that than to wonder or regret. I agree. Also, if you've had pizza oven like in your backyard or something, you can start making pizzas for people you know, and then word of mouth, you can, I mean, I don't know what the health.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you don't know the answer to that, but you know all of the business to setting up a restaurant. Well, you can't leave us high and dry like this, Nicole. I don't know. Help good stuff. I don't know if you can legally sell pizzas like out of your house. What if what do you do are chiming in at all? If you don't have the answer? I know, I know. It's just foolish of me. All right. So, yeah, I do. I think we solved everything.
We gave some hardcore number crunching and encouragement. Yes. And Casey thinks we're right. And Nicole, the final question is about getting through a tough period. Oh, Elizabeth writes, I'm often stuck in bed due to medical conditions. What can I do to keep me busy that doesn't involve moving my body? Phew, I have been there. I have been there. Elizabeth, I have been there. Obviously, I have no idea what your medical condition is.
And it does get so tricky when you try and help people during this time because it always bumps up against social distancing and which could create another health concern. But I know for myself, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I had spinal fusion a year ago and was, uh, bed ridden for a while and, um, had many complications beyond my spine.
And I set up a chair and I don't know if it makes sense to have visitors, but if people do with planning, maybe somebody, and I don't know how long you are stuck in bed, but maybe somebody would be willing. Oh, a slumbee. Yeah. And come visit you and come spend some time and, uh, really connect with you because I guess I'm concerned that maybe Elizabeth is by herself, but even if you're not by yourself, it would be nice to have a visitor.
Is there anything that you, uh, you would suggest or I don't know if you were saying a slumbee? I said slumbee. I say have a friend get tested and then have them sleep over your house for a full week. They could, you know, dress you up and put makeup on. Yeah. I guess I mean, they don't have to put the makeup. It's not like we can have Bernie. Well, you could do things. Uh, it's like, you're just in bed and can't move. Um, they could wrap you up like a mummy. How fast fun. How big right?
I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Have a friend, have a slumbee. Like, I click your, I don't know, the best thing I've done during this whole quarantine thing is truly be a child. I bought roller skates. I go to the park. Uh, I just bought light up jump ropes for Delta jump ropes. You're a busy bee. Uh, but you know what I did just think about while we were talking this nonsense, this would be fun. Get some makeup. Okay. Do your makeup without looking. Uh, huh. And do it to the best of your ability.
And then surprise yourself with the mirror and then send us pictures. Oh, I'd like to see that. I think that's fun. Yeah. Or make, ooh, here's another one. Elizabeth, put a towel down underneath your head. Get some scissors. Cut your hair without looking. And so that's a segment called surprise yourself. Uh, huh. Here's another one. You should get some nail clippers, blindfold yourself, clip your toe down. And then take a picture and try to get some surprises yourself.
That one's fully dangerous. That is fully dangerous. Is there anything else? I think that those are the only options. Yes. Surprise yourself. Or have a friend's lumbi. Please send us pictures, Elizabeth. And that was, that was the last question for today. But Nicole, before I let you go, we're going to try a new thing. Ooh, okay. Speed dating advice. You've got a lot of hobbies. You got a lot of projects. And one of these, it's a podcast called Why Won't You Date Me?
Yes. So I want to try a new segment. I'm calling speed dating advice. What do you think of that catchy title? I like it. Speed dating advice. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. Ooh, nice sound effects. I think you. Now, I'm going to ask you to give some very fast dating tips, if that's okay. Yes. But can we hear the room one more time? Room room room. That was me trying to hide it on the way. So the card didn't. I loved it. I asked the intersection with ease. All right. Are you ready? Mm-hmm.
For speed dating advice. Okay. Online dating or getting set up by friends? Getting set up by friends is fun. Call the next morning or wait three days. Oh, wait three days. People love games. Especially speed dating advice. Oh, share, share a deodorant or share an HBO account. Share an HBO account. Bad breath or bad feet stench? Oh boy, bad feet stench. You can cover them dogs up. Yeah. Stick them in a zip lock, right? Live with someone who plays the drums or someone who has a loud phone voice.
Uh oh, drums. Yeah. I like drums. Drums are fun. Because the person with the loud phone voice, you're going to go out to dinner with them and they're also going to be blabbing really loud when you're trying to just have a meeting you moment. Mm-hmm. We're on the same page. Would you rather break up with someone or be broken up with? Oh, I'd rather break up with someone. That's something I've never done. You'd like to break up with someone? I would like to do that. I've never done it before.
Great. Nicole, I think we nailed these answers. We did it. And before I let you go, I have one more question. Okay. What's the best advice you've ever received? Always ask for more money. And have you seen really great results when you ask for more money? Yeah. Usually, people have more money. Yeah, you don't do it. Like, you don't do it the same on the table.
No, but just decide if somebody's offering to pay you $10 and you ask for $11 if they had $10, that probably means they have $20, you know? So just ask for a little bit more. Great. Love it. Thank you, Nicole. Again, from all of your jobs and this Emmy nomination, your hobbies, everything. I mean, how did you find time to be here on Don't Ask Tig? Well, it's really depressing because this was important to me. What project should everybody know about? I have five podcasts. Why won't you date me?
Best friends of this year's Zamada, new covers of Lauren Labkiz right now. We're watching Lord of the Rings. Let me tell you, those movies are long and boring. What's the other one? Oh, 90-day bay where I watched 90-day fiance with my friend Marcy and we talk about it. And then drag her with Mono Agapium where we watch RuPaul's Drag Race. I'm watching a lot of television and I said, I'm a monetized it. And then I have a book, very fat, very brave. You can buy. Nailed it is on Netflix.
It's Emmy nominated. My God. Yeah. That's it. You're on fire and you deserve it and I wish you all the best with everything you do always and forever. Thank you so much. I wish you the best, Tig. Everyone out there listening, remember you can always send in your own questions at Don't Ask Tig.org. And Nicole, I'll see you at the top. To the Louvre, can't wait to see you all the way at the top with the wind blowing past our head. Oh my gosh, I haven't heard that song in so long.
Later, Tater. May. You can always ask for advice on Don'tAskTig.org. Just write in with your problem or send us a voice memo. You can also follow us on social media, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, at Don't AskTig. Don't AskTig is hosted by me, Tig Notara. It's produced by Thomas Willett, Mary Knoth, and Tracy Mumford. Our editor is Phyllis Fletcher, Executive Producer, Lauren D, Engineering and Sound Mixing by Eric Romani. School Production by Christina Lopez.
Talent booking by Rocky Ben Lulu Dubin. Our theme music is Friend and Tig by Edie Bercale and Kyle Krushin. And listen to your heart by Edie Bercale. Special thanks to Hunter Sidemen, Lily Kim and Alex Schaffer. Our Executive Consultant is Dean Capello and Gobb smack studios. If you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate and review us. Don't AskTig is a production of American Public Media. And as always, thank you Dana. Hi I'm Stand Up comedian and sex symbol Tig Notaro.
I'm actor and writer Cheryl Heins. Before Cheryl and I got into the big business of podcasting together, we were just simply friends. And we're still friends. But now we talk about a different documentary every week on our podcast, Tig and Cheryl, True Story. So whether you love documentaries or just want to hear us slowly lose our minds, check out Tig and Cheryl, True Story, wherever you get your podcasts. Alright, cool.