[encore] Indigo Girls

Hey, Dana Zimbekies. What you're about to hear is an encore presentation of one of our favorite episodes from the Don't Ask Tig Archives. Please enjoy. All right. I am so excited because it seems like the Indigo Girls might be on my podcast. And if you saw my Netflix special, happy to be here,

I'm pleased for an extended period of time that the Indigo Girls would make a surprise appearance on my special. And you'd have to see for yourself if they do or don't. But they are on this podcast episode. Well, actually, they're actually not on this. They are. They actually are. They are on this episode. No, of course, they are not on this episode. That is ridiculous. Why would I have them on my Netflix special and then on my podcast and do the exact same thing? That is, that's nonsense.

But why wouldn't I do that? Why wouldn't I do that? The truth of the matter is the Indigo Girls are here today. Amy Ray and Emily Saliers, they are here to know they're not. I'm kidding. Of course, they're not here. Yes, they are. Yes, they are. Okay. I'm not even going to do this. It is my favorite thing to do in the world. But Emily, Amy, are you here? I didn't know whether I should answer them. We didn't know how long to play along with you or not.

This is Don't Ask Tig. I'm Tig. And I guess you can ask just this once. Hello, Emily. Hey, Tig. How are you? I'm good. Thanks for being here. Hi, Amy. Hi, Tig. How you doing? I'm doing great. Happy to see your faces. How do you feel about doing an advice podcast? I don't know yet. You don't know. Okay. Not yet. I have faith in both of you.

I'm just curious for myself. Is it true you've played together since high school? I feel like it was even junior high school. We have known each other since we were 10. We started playing when we were 15. We had high school that was 8 through 12. All in one go. Yeah. Okay. So we started in 10th grade. I was in 10th grade and Emily was in 11th. That's insane. But we knew each other before that for a while.

Is there a trick to getting along? I know you've done your solo projects and most bands do go in that direction. You continue to come back together. What is your trick to keeping it going? There's a lot of tricks to it. But they are really tricks. It's just a path that we found and we were at our songs separately.

So we have some creative distance on that and then we arrange them together. And that's what we do well together. And then we live in separate places and have a lot of separate friendships. We totally support each other's solo creative projects. And so we spend enough time apart that when we get back together, it's like we're ready to do indigo girls things again.

Nice. Yeah. I actually was curious because it seems like it's a 50-50 split on the albums. Is that true? It's half Amy, half Emily, as far as songwriting? Mostly. I mean, every now and then it veers one way or the other. Emily had one more song on this record. But we try to keep it pretty even. And do you feel utterly resentful about one more at one song? No, there's so much other stuff to feel resentful about. I don't have to go there.

Now with the rough 50-50 split, I've all as a fan of your music, I've always been curious what do you do when somebody, when the other one brings a song, offers up a song for an album and you're like, hebly. And they're so excited about it and you're not. That doesn't really happen. I mean, honestly, the only thing that happened one time a million years ago, Amy wrote a song about Squeaky From and I just wasn't ready yet.

No, I was Lucy Stoneers. Oh, was it Lucy Stoneers? Yeah. But was that about, but you wrote about Squeaky From? I did, but remember Lucy Stoneers and you said, I can't see us doing that song. Right. So then it's happened twice. And then has Emily ever brought a song? You know, when Emily brings a song and it's for me, it's like, it's not whether the song is good because Emily's just a great writer.

I'll hear a song sometimes and think, I don't know how to add harmony to that. Like, it's just, it's, it's a singular voice, that kind of vibe, you know. And I'll say, I think this is a solo song because it's intimate or it's got a perspective in it that. And usually we know that now. Like, that's something that we just know when we write, like, we know, like, this is one that's probably not for us to do together, kind of thing.

But now a day's Emily knows already this, this is going to be a song I sing by myself or whatever. But I also think that we're better at editing the songs out before we play them for each other that we're not sure about. Or we'll say, like, I don't know about this song and, you know, we'll openly doubt ourselves so the other person knows it's not like a deal breaker.

Yeah. You know, as you're talking, I'm thinking about just your catalog of music and just how different and diverse and, and how much you come together with your, the singing and harmonizing and guitar playing. And it's very much like, and I hate to be obvious, but it's very much like a marriage and you have to kind of fall in love and continue to work at things over and over as you go along in life. And you guys as, as as a duo really exemplify that in a really incredible way.

I think there's a lot of clear differences and and some strengths like that Amy has that I don't have in the same way. And I mean, right off the bat, when we first started in high school, Amy had a lower voice and I had a higher voice and back then. And then I was like singing a lot of church desks, soprano parts and Amy was always like a rock and roll acoustic guitar player. And I was more of a, I had taken some classical lessons. I was more of a picker type thing.

So there were just things right off the bat that differentiated us. But there was never a problem like we just used everything that we had, every tool that we have. I think that's why some of those early songs are just like, chock full of desks and harmonies and counter voices and all this stuff because first of all, it was fun to do that. And second of all, that's what we did. And so we we weren't a band. We were two young women girls really when we started. So we just used what we had.

I think like the evolution thing is, you know, you just get lucky sometimes. I mean, part of it, you know, like where it's the person that you can, you know, be flexible with and kind of go in and out of different phases and it always realized that like, you know, what you do together is going to be. You know, that's going to be the strongest thing or the thing that has the magic, but also like our relatives and our like friends.

Like would constantly like my dad used to say before he passed away, you know, he would be like every time I made a solo record, he'd be like, I like that record, but you know you winnemly, that's the magic. And I'd be like, thanks to. So it's like, it's like, I mean, he I'm serious like it was like a like something that I could laugh about a lot because it was constant. I was like, I know dad, I know every time I bring up a solo show, I know what you're going to say.

He's like, don't focus too much on that solo stuff, you know. And I think it's like, but it's true. And I think that's like part of being in a community is that it's like having a marriage where they constantly remind you to like work it out. You know, yeah, it's the same thing. I mean, it's, you know, we we are in a community that reminds us of to of what we are all the time, you know.

Yeah, it's like it's just it's the same as having not just a long marriage, but also old friends. It's just all of it keeps you in check. And, but yeah, I, I, do you ever just sit around or hear an old song or even a new song? You're just like, God, we're so good. No, God. God. Do you know your own minds? Do you? What? Do you blow your own mind? Oh, come on, Amy, all the time. Yeah. I'm just, I truly like hearing your music. I just picture you sitting around going, oh, man, listen to that.

And then as far as, you know, let's say there's a kid out there listening that plays guitar and they want to they want to be a musician, a guitar player. Do you have any advice as we ease into the advice world? I say for a new guitar player just to keep on practicing and to do it because you love it and don't ever doubt that you will get to a place in the future that maybe you aren't right now musically on the guitar.

But then it can happen and just have joy with the guitar and with music because it's just an incredibly unique force in this life. Indeed, yeah, people I think oftentimes want how long will it take until I'm good or how long until I can perform or when will I be selling out venues and it's just like you have got to, I mean, same with standup. I used to just ride my bike to open my seven nights a week and there was no part of me that was thinking.

I mean, of course, I had a crazy dream that I would be able to sell tickets at a theater, but I was really writing my bike to an open mic excited that I might get picked my name might get picked out of a hat to do three minutes of terrible jokes and then ride my bike home. I think because we were so young when we started, you know, you don't see it that way because it is like small goals, you know, you're like maybe we can play at that open mic at the sandwich shop next week.

I mean, seriously, high school goals. I mean, it's yeah, we're lucky that we started so young because our whole ambition was like so not ambitious. You know, it was like let's go to play at the resort and get free drinks and all our friends will come and that'll give us enough money so that we can play a gig at a punk rock club where we don't get paid the next week, you know, like it was just like mapping it out like strategy.

We're like, how can we maximize our fund? You know, and I think we, you know, we don't, it's a, I think we're lucky that we started that that young because I think it's hard. When you start later, you do want to know how long it's going to take, you know, because you don't have as much time, you know, and you're thinking that way, you know what I mean. I mean, I was in my mid 20s and I was still just like, yeah, this is fine. Whatever happens.

That's the key, I think though, just like not lack of ambition, but like the zen of holding that at the same time that you have that long term goal, you kind of hold the present moment all the time. Well, there are, there are people waiting for our advice. Are you ready to get in there and help people out to the best of our abilities?

Yes. Let's dive in Michelle writes, how do I not take it so personally when my significant other isn't a bad mood, whether it be because of work, family, or any other outside scenario? Emily, do you have something? I was just thinking like if you and your partner spouse friend, whatever you are, are affected by each other's moods when they don't have anything to do with you, it's co-dependence, and it's something that a lot of couples have to work on.

And in my marriage, one of the big things that has helped me with that is to learn to build a trust so that if she says this doesn't have anything to do with you, now I begin to recognize what doesn't have anything to do with me, and it's just kind of a practice of recognizing that. But you have to talk about it, like that, I mean, it's just boils down to communication really. When you said that, I took it personally because it makes me feel like blah, blah, blah.

You know, and a lot of times it's old stuff from our childhood or something we experienced and something old will be triggered by somebody else's mood or whatever they say. And so it's a lot of communication, honesty and building trust, and then recognizing when something comes from your past, it has nothing to do with the other person. Yeah, and I also think it's good to give people space or ask them if they want space, which is of course part of communication. Yeah.

Yeah, so great. We started out heavy. Let's wish Michelle the best. It's a tough spot to be in. So take care. And we're going to get to more questions right after this break. Rakuten is the smartest way to save money when you shop because members get cash back at over 3,500 stores. We're talking fashion, beauty, electronics, home essentials, travel, dining, concert tickets, and more. Your favorite store is like Bloomingdale's, Expedia and Dyson. Pay Rakuten to send them shoppers.

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All right, Jane writes, I'm a high schooler and have no idea what career I want to pursue. I love writing, grammar, and musical theater, but I'm not good enough in any of those fields to make a substantial job out of being an actor or an author. Any advice?

Well, I mean, the first thing I would say is how do you know you're not good enough because if it's because someone else is telling you that or even the voices inside you of doubt, don't believe that yet. Wait, you know, like give us some time first of all and pursue what you love, I would say.

You know, in however you need to pursue that, whether it's going to college and majoring in English or theater or going out there in the world and apprenticing at somewhere, but I don't think you can know that you're not good enough when you're under, I don't know, 25 or something.

People can do a lot in their life. You got to follow that road of something that's your passionate about because it's going to have all these forks in it that's going to go off in different directions that'll be, you know, just I just say my thing is always just work as hard as you can at everything that you do, whether it's sweet and floors or rightness on.

I feel like when you stick with something, it's really, I have to say it's it can be rare, but I have seen it in comedy where there's there's people that where I thought, oh, wow, this we're 15 years in here and you're still not good.

This is fascinating and you're still at it and that person clearly loved doing it, but then this there's this guy, I don't know what happened with him, but I went to some book show in Los Angeles, some bar and he was on stage and I remember thinking, oh, oh, boy, here we go again. And and he was so so funny. He had found his voice. There is something to be said for sweep in the floor really really well and putting in the time for writing and performing.

Yeah, I mean, I was not like that great. I was it took me a long time to catch up to where Emily was at and I was always kind of like, think it till you make it, you know, I mean, if I had if I had gone by some inner voice or what my some people told me early on, I would never have stuck with it.

You know, I just there was a part of me that was just compelled to do it, whether I was good at it or not, honestly, so I'm a late bloomer, you know, and I think a lot of people are I'm for sure a late bloomer. Oh my gosh, it's embarrassing. How long takes me to bloom. All right, Jane, hang in there, sweep the floor, write the song, perform, do whatever, ever, bring your joy for as long as it brings your joy.

And the next question, we have what sounds like a really devastating problem, dressy, writes, as I lay my head down to sleep at night, erosmiths, dream on, haunts my brain. Night after night, this happens. How can I put this to an end? Listen to indigo girl song over and over again. I was going to say I feel like the obvious answer is indigo girls. I mean, that's fascinating though, isn't it?

It is fascinating. I mean, it's one thing to have I've had a song looped through my mind for most of a day, but not night after night after night. You know, I had a I'm just realizing speaking of dreams, and this isn't going to help dressy at all. But I had a dream, maybe two or three years ago, and you were both in the dream, and the dream was almost like a music video, and it was, do you know the band Rainbow, that classic rock band? No, they have a song called Street of Dreams.

Do you remember me, almost to you, right? And that was the song that was, that was playing in my dream that you were both in, and I never liked or cared about that song. And it was kind of a song that I, I didn't think anything about or I changed immediately because of that dream. I love that song now. Listen, I have more boring stories if you have time.

I was just going to say for dressy, like this is just a little baby practical suggestion, but dressy if you played music like at night when you go to sleep, like other music, I wonder if it would infiltrate your dreams instead of dream on. Yeah, try it into go girl song, try rainbows, Street of Dreams, and then let us know if that helps at all dressy. We're thinking about you. Last question is one I think we're all looking for an answer to Alison writes.

I hate talking on the phone, but every time my friend calls me, I end up on the phone for over an hour. I don't want to be a jerk and not answer, but I also don't want to be on the phone for so long. What should I do?

Now, I remember having this problem years ago, and I remember asking a friend of mine who's maybe 10, 15 years older than me. I shared this stress that I had. There was before caller ID. It was, you know, it was just that lottery of answering the phone and saying hello. And then there is whoever it might be.

And this person used to call me all the time. And I answered the phone and I would get stuck for long periods of time. And my friends advised, well, she just basically said, you are scared to come across as rude or as Alison says a jerk. But think about this person who is hijacking your time and not considering that's equally as rude to not consider that maybe you need to wrap up. And so it's okay to just be as direct and forward and say, I have to get off the phone.

But I don't know. Do you have any feelings, Emily or Amy? I mean, I would do what you just said, which is just to be direct. And, you know, I mean, I'd probably nice about it and say, it's been really nice catching up, but I got to do this or I got to do that. You know, but I, I'm like that person. I do not like to talk on the phone and I, I get drained of every ounce of energy when I'm engaged with someone in conversation and I, I can't go on in it.

So for me, it's worth it to just say, I got to go. Yeah. And it doesn't, I don't think it's ever come across as being rude. There's a way to do it. But you'll feel so much better. Well, yeah, when you think about when you're on a phone call and somebody says, Oh, hey, I'm sorry, I have to go. You don't hang up and just trash your house out of frustration. I mean, it's, it's just, it's just highly unlikely that somebody can't handle that answer.

If I was the other person and I was going on and on, it would be a relief to me for someone to say I got to go, because maybe I'm going on and on. I don't even know I'm doing it because that's me. Like I'm just like, wow, you know, my brain won't stop and Emily has to do this. You know, she'll have to say, I can't, I'm going to bed. I can't, I can't talk anymore about this tonight.

You know, like if I'm having a million business ideas on the tour bus, you know, I said at night, because my brain works at night. I'm relieved if she says like, I can't do this right now or I'm really tired. I can't, I can't, yeah, I like it when people are straight forward with me, because it keeps me in line. I try to remember that because I know I think about the other person the other in is probably appreciative of I'm just honest.

Well, like if I call, if I called somebody a lot and like every time they were like, I can't talk right. I mean, I'd take a, I'd take a bite of the clue burger and like not call so much, you know, like just. Exactly. Yeah, but if I can't talk at all, it's like if you go on and on, right? Yeah, I just meant if if I, if I could probably tell when someone didn't really like talking on the phone. Right. And they're probably not calling you. That's the other thing is to kind of get in check where.

You know, what, what are they doing? Do they call me? How often do they call? How, when do they wrap it up? But I do think the more direct you can be, it's going to lead. It's so nice when people are direct. Yeah. And it leaves no question about what's going on. I have a friend that's in recovery. And, and she is so hardcore. And she, it cracks me up how in check and hardcore with her boundaries she is.

And I'll do whether it's with me or somebody else and she, when she's tired, when she wants you to leave, when she, and it's the funniest thing in the world. And, and I think some people take it personally and their feelings get hurt or, but I always just die laughing and just tell her that I really appreciate it. And I, I find it so funny. Where she's like, really hardcore.

We'll just boot you out of her house. And when, when you've settled in and you think you're good at reading a room. And then she's like, all right, ski, daddle, get out of here. And, and I just, I don't know, I find it amusing. I have a friend that is really good at getting off the phone with me. And I just think about how he would do it. And then I mimic what he would do. What does he do? He's just really polite and he's like, hey, I want to hear about this more.

And I'm glad we talked about it. Like he's just really affirming. And then it'll be, but like I totally have to go. And like it's just his tone and his manner is so perfect. And so all things on my head, you know, when I'm talking to someone, I have to go like, how would he do this? Wow, you might have an acting career in your future. No, no, no, that's definitely not you know, that's not true.

And how I don't. I never thought I'd get into acting. I mean, it's your, it sounds like you're describing what a lot of actors think through. My first time acting was on this comedy central show called Dogbites Man. It was Zach Galifanakis' show. And he had brought me on because we were old stand-up friends. And I was, I, I hadn't auditioned or anything. It was truly just Zach said, oh, I want to come on. And I, it is the most embarrassing thing to see. I walk into the scene in the room.

I have my hands out in front of me. And I deliver my lines. And then I just keep my hands directly in front of me. And I didn't even know I was doing it for the entire scene. I just had, I was like this just folding. And, and, and other people said their lines in the scene. Then I said my lines, but I just, my hands were frozen. And, so I bet you could do better than that.

That was your voice. That was your voice. That was like your thing. I guess so. Yeah. That was the early days. But, uh, Alison, you know what, if all else fails, just hang up on your front. And just, well, now you have cell phones. It's easy. Yeah. There's also that option. Just click. Um, but, uh, before we go, Amy and Emily, we have one more person to help. And this person is from the past. I call this advice of yesterday. Okay. Yesterday.

When Jerry brags about taking Jenny off, he learns that she dates all the boys. So as we see now, menstruation is just one routine step in a normal and natural cycle. How do you choose a date? Well, one thing you can consider is look. I did everything you said, but my boss still hasn't asked me to lunch. Here we take a real question from an old advice column. And we try to offer better advice than the original answer.

Oh, you're good. You're good. You're good with these ideas. Okay. This comp. Thank you. This comes from Dorothy Dix's letter box from 1934. Whoa. Yeah. Dear Dorothy Dix, we are a young couple in very modest circumstances, just getting established recently. My husband brought me home from a business trip, a bracelet for a gift. I need so many things more than jewelry that I just couldn't help showing my disappointment.

When he saw how I felt, he gave me a $20 bill and said he would never give me anything but money in the future. And that henceforth, I could get my own presence. Do you think I made a mistake? Now, before I give you the answer to this, what do you, what do you, what do you think? It sounds like a good straightforward arrangement. Pretty straightforward. That's a good arrangement, you know, just to get 20 bucks in your hand.

I mean, that's what she wants, right? Yeah, I guess that. I'm sure somewhere down the line, she's going to want to open something with a bow on it. Probably. Yeah. You know, it's so funny, though, since I heard 1934 and you said, we're a young couple. First thing I thought was, okay, well, it's not a queer couple. There's no way. The second thing I thought was all the advice you'd give today, you wouldn't give in yesterday year.

Like you wouldn't say communication is the key to a successful marriage, you know. Why not? Why not? Because I don't think people, I don't think men and women, and I'm generalizing the dynamic. Yeah, I don't think that women had a place to engage as frequently with men in that way where we could talk about feelings and you could talk about what, whatever codependency was and things like that. So my first thought was, ah, good luck with that marriage, but that's not really advice.

Well, they're dead. But yeah, yeah, I worked out some way or another. I think my advice is like, go is, well, first of all, I think there were people in the 30s that communicated, probably it was more rare. But like my great grandparents were very really good at talking to it was like a thing, like a model. Anyway, I would, I mean, I would say, go back to your partner and say, I'm sorry for the way I reacted to that.

But I'm stressed out. And I need, there's all these practical things that I need. But I realize that romance is important too. So let's start over again. Let me keep the 20 for now. And next present, you know, give me another chance. And bump it up to 40. Well, this is the 30s though. I mean, remember, between dollars worth a lot of money right back then. That's one of the things that stuck out to me was I thought, wow, he's just tossing out $20 bills.

This guy's got cash. So if you have 20, you've got 40. What a Dorothy say. All right. See, Emily's being very straightforward. She's essentially trying to get off the phone call. No, I'm like, I like to say, how do you know her tricks already? All right. This is truly the answer that was the trouble with practical people is that they are not always good judges of values.

And they do not realize that a bit of foolishness that expresses a sentiment may be the most worthwhile thing that is possible for money to purchase. You let him down flat because he had been extravagant because he wasted his money because he hadn't brought you something useful. And you've killed something in him that will never come alive again. You've destroyed something in his love that you can never conjure back the end. Whoa. I mean, I don't know if Dorothy had a rough run in with somebody.

It sounds like there's a lot of resentment here. Yeah. Like maybe Dorothy or whoever wrote this experience, something similar. And it's just like you killed every bit of life inside my heart and soul. You know, totally, but there's merit in it. I guess, you know, maybe in the saying like, let somebody give you a romantic and practical gift and, you know, let them have expressed that part of themselves. I mean, you know what I'm saying?

No, I think you would, I think what you're saying is that you would have thrived in 1934. Well, that's the end of Don't Ask Tig. And I think that you guys are very, very great at giving advice. Yeah. I just want to thank you both for coming on. And do you have anything that you would like to plug a new album, maybe? We do have a new album. It came out in May. I'm trying to remember. Wait a minute. What do we have a record? I know. It's been, yeah. Yeah. Look long. It's called look long.

Well, get look long by the end of Go Girls. And you can send in your own questions at Don't Ask Tig.org. And we might try to answer them on a future episode. You can write them down or you can send them in as a voice memo. Again, that's Don't Ask Tig.org to reach us with your questions. Emily and Amy, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So much fun. What a great idea for a show. So much fun. We'll see you down the road. Bye. Alrighty. Bye bye. Bye.

A heads up. Don't ask Tig is taking a couple of weeks off, but we'll be back shortly with more guests and more advice you probably should not take. I would love for you to send me your questions in an audio message because I want to hear your voices. Go to Don't Ask Tig.org to send us your questions and you might hear it on the show. I wish that I could give you the answer. I wish that I could make you believe. I wish that I could put you on your back and set you free.

That's what your heart is for. That's what your heart is for. That's what your heart is for. Listen to your heart. If you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to rate and review us. Tig is hosted by me, Tignotara. It's produced by Thomas Wollett, Mary Knopf, and Tracy Mumford. Our editor is Phyllis Fletcher, executive producer, Lauren D, engineering and sound mixing by Eric Romani, digital production by Christina Lopez, talent booking by Rocky Ben Lulu Dubin.

Our theme music is Friend and Tig by Edie Bercale and Kyle Krushin, and Listen to Your Heart by Edie Bercale. Special thanks to Hunter Sidemen, Lily Kim, and Alex Schaffert. Our executive consultant is Dean Kapello and Gobsmack Studios. Don't Ask Tig is a production of American Public Media. And as always, thank you Dana. Hi, I'm Stand Up comedian and sex symbol Tignotara. And I'm actor and writer Cheryl Heins.

Before Cheryl and I got into the big business of podcasting together, we were just simply friends. And we're still friends, but now we talk about a different documentary every week on our podcast, Tig and Cheryl, True Story. So whether you love documentaries or just want to hear us slowly lose our minds, check out Tig and Cheryl, True Story, wherever you get your podcasts. Alright, cool.