Episode 6: Every Day a Little Death

Previously on does this murder make me look gay?

I'm DJ Connelly.

I was heading back to the city when my car broke down.

I wanted Vandy to mentor me, show me to ropes, teach a bloke to fish and all that. Vandy refused.

All right, Henry spill, I wish I'd killed him.

I would have killed him, but I didn't.

Kelly.

Is that Kelly?

Ugh?

Poor Kelly, what a way to go.

On the bright side, getting choked out was the most erotic thing to ever happen to him. And I bet that dying a eunuch virgin guarantees won a place in heaven, in which case, send me straight to hell. But there was something nobody knew. When Kelly's lifeless, lube covered body was discovered across the hall, another murder was taking place at the very same time. Remember teach our half frozen klondike in the green bedroom. After girdling, she decided to

You ask?

Is it where one eats and everything bagel in the shower? No, no, fool and everything shower is what the kids do these days to kill time. They spend hours beneath the shower head, washing, dreaming, listening to post Malone, Oh, and masturbating there's a lot of that, and circling back to my everything bagel reference. They eat, so I suppose that yes, one could eat

Come to my window, wave Aline a Moon.

There was a killer in her room who waited and waited and waited for TJ to emerge, but the shower never seemed to end. In fact, the killer was still waiting. When screams pierced the night of the Monroe Estate, Kelly's body had been found. Kelly the killer knew this moment amidst the chaos, was the time to strike. While the water dripped over her lesbian skin, TJ's soon to be murderer tiptoed into the en suite, where they ripped open

I promise I won't tell anyone.

We know each other.

You don't have to.

But it was too late.

In a house on him lives a kay and his friends want him dead.

Ride why someone wants to.

Kill him even though it's wrong?

Since the world is matter wrong? Man is borne.

It's very closely with yourris. See if you can guess switch one of these queens?

Maybe is the killer? Who is the killer? Who didn't? Who wanted? Who crept in?

Is? Who it was? It?

Me?

Who could it be? Who did it? They're dropping like flies? Who didn't?

These guys are like guys?

Who did it?

Who was it?

What?

Me?

Wud it? Does this word? Make me?

Look?

Now?

What's where you're going?

I am you're the one?

Oh Henry? His legs are dragging.

Kelly's heavier than he looks. Plus being dead, that's a bit of a. Did Kelly just fart from the beyond? Jesus, he certainly doesn't smell better in dead.

Oh God, Wilmer, you dropped Kelly's legs.

His dead man fart scared me. Bless, He's slippery from all that lube.

How much?

Five him, mate, just a Vandy's bedroom. We'll put him with the others.

This fucker is like a You must.

Slip and slide.

My bad, my bad.

Oh, okay, here we are. Heave him onto the bed one two three.

A trio of dead bodies, Vandy, Tush and Kinky Kelly. And we haven't even been here twenty four hours.

This is dark.

I agree. It's far worse than anything that ever happened in Sondheim's dungeon, allegedly.

I don't know about you, but I no longer feel safe.

This is just occurring to you now, Wilmer.

What happened to your gun?

James took it.

I put it away for safe keeping.

Well, j James, maybe you should unput it away. I'll hold on to it.

Screw that, Henry, What if you're the killer? Why should we give.

You a gun? Because it would make me feel better?

All hold on to the gun or played a cop once in the Poor No NYPD the D stood for dick.

Yeah.

No.

If anyone should have the gun, it should be me. I'm the one who brought it.

This is exactly why I hit it.

I agree with James. I do not want a serial killer running around my house with a firearm. This is not Texas or Florida.

Or Wilmer Good.

Is that your stomach?

Yeah, I'm pretty hungry.

I could eat.

How can you think about dinner at a time.

Like this easily?

I can. I'm personally not hungry, but I support the group.

Mooney, would you like some Moon?

Where are you?

I thought Moon was holding Kelly's.

I'm here, I'm here. I was upset about tush and took some of my sleeping pills.

Who and I woke up.

All of you were gone.

Mooney, Kelly's dead?

I see that? Is she covered in lube?

Strawberry lube?

Ugh, I prefer coconut. At least Kelly died surrounded by something he loved.

You slept through everything.

I have to say, Moon, your absence is a little suspicious.

I have a sleeping disorder, and this weekend hasn't exactly been relaxing. The only saving grace is that I was able to switch room side enough to face the street. I can't stand the sound of cars.

You switched rooms with?

Who?

Back off, James.

Moon wouldn't hurt a fly, No, I would. I hate flies.

I had a pet fly once kept a bowl of maple syrup on a counter for him to drink.

Called him Fred.

One day I came home when he was gone. My roommate left the window open.

Poor Fred, there there?

Why don't you rest your head.

In my lab?

Oo?

Okay out, I'm sorry, that was my boner.

I'm happy to make dinner. I can whip up something simple with whatever's downstairs.

You cook, Do I cook?

No, dear listener, Moon did not cook. Despite her best intentions, Moon put together an awful dinner uncooked pasta, topped with natella and shredded cheese. Henry had never been so happy to be on a diet. The rest attempted to eat the concoction, but mostly pushed it around awkwardly on their plates.

I can understand why someone wanted Daddy dead, and I can sort of understand why someone wanted to pushed it. And Kelly was deeply annoying. But who had a motive.

To murder all three of them.

Maybe it's like that I got a Christie movie and then there were none. I watched it on brick box. It's no Harry.

Potter, But what is that, Agatha Christie? You know it was a book long before it was a movie, Henry. I remember the day it was published. Everybody was up in arms about the plot twists.

You remember when it was published. That was like in the thirties.

I mean, uh, I remember reading about it being published.

There's something so compelling about the story. Strangers brought to a mysterious house trapped in a storm, all of whom are hiding secrets and sins, and they die one by one, sort of like us.

What oh that scared me.

It's just the wind, Mooney.

Poor angel Elane's fairy out there in the freezing cold.

I've been hoping that creature would die for years, but she keeps on kicking.

Uh.

James, you've been talking to everyone collecting clues. Surely you must have a suspicion about the murderer's identity.

You want to know the truth.

I got nothing.

Oh, some detective, you are reminder. I'm not actually a detective. I am helping out as a friend.

That's rich.

You're a friend of mine. You're the caretaker of my estate.

My estate, Reginald Wilmer.

Please, the only thing you inherited from your father is a narrow dick and a confusing wasteline.

That makes no sense. He's not my biological father. He adopted me like Daddy Warbucks, doesn't any I.

Played Daddy Warbucks back in the day at a newdist camp. I asked them to change the character's name to Daddy Warballs, and they did. All the orphans were played by naked old men.

I'll never forget it.

I have an idea who the murderer is.

You do sure?

I think it was you, Reginald's pratto. Why it's always the husband I saw gone girl spouses murder each other.

That's not what happens.

No, I didn't see all of it, only the naked ben Afflexien.

If we're going off movies, I think Vandy killed himself like in Knives Out.

Or he has a secret twin like in the Memory Keeper's Daughter.

Or it's like house at the end of the street where a scorned neighbor is responsible. That would be you, isn't it Henry a scorned neighbor, and isn't that it's homophobic personally?

I love Unfaithful with Diane Lane, so I made a porn version called on Eightful, where eight blokes fucked while sharing an april and Unfaithful played in a background super meta. It's always the secret lover of the partner, who does it?

That means you're fingering yourself.

Oh there, never mind, something's weighing on me, weighing on me hard. That's her key is still missing. Someone stole it, and I'm guessing that's how they got into Kelly's room. Here's an idea. We'll search everyone and whoever has it?

What are you talking about?

It's right there on the floor.

A stun James looked at his feet. Sure enough, there was the key, camouflaged by the carpet. James bent down and picked it up, staring at the thin brass object with a baffled expression.

I don't whoever stole it must have placed it here to avoid detection.

Or you dropped the key, which means anyone could have picked it up and gotten into Kelly's room.

We're lucky, we're alive.

No, I didn't drop.

It, seems like you did.

I'd never be that careless.

Seems like you were.

I'll say it, James should no longer be in charge of the key.

Seriously, who do you suggest holds onto it instead?

I think we should throw it away. That way no one has access.

Ah.

I like that idea.

But where.

Down the toilet it went? My HouseGuests stared as the swirling water took the master key into the pipes and into wherever those pipes lead.

Now what do we do?

Easy?

Find Vandy's will? Reginald? Where did he keep it? He must have a safe, no idea, he was private, secretive.

Well you're gonna help me. Look, everyone else, stay here, and I mean it this time.

Do not leave. If you do, I'll have you arrested. Citizen arrested.

God, that's hot, guys.

TJ is still upstairs.

Shouldn't someone bring her dinner?

Lesbians don't need food like gay men do. They're fine with a lunar bar in the morning and some almonds for a snack.

Why do you hate lesbians so much?

Hates a strong word. I just don't see a reason for their existence.

But if there were no lesbians, who would foster all the stray cats?

Or chop wood in the Hudson Valley.

Dray hat this conversation is extremely homeophobic.

I'll do it. I'll bring TJ dinner now, I'll do it. But I'm a very hospitable host. I know what lesbian's like. I've been to Cherry Grove.

I'm sick of everyone here and I want to make a new friend. So hard to meet people as an adult.

Really is it's lonely in the top. And I don't mean on top, because I'm not a top, but.

Nonetheless it's lonely on the bottom. Reginald and James searched high and low for my will, and what I mean by that is James was feeling low and Reginald was getting high. But despite searching nearly every room of the house, and my house has a lot of rooms, they were as empty handed as Jeremy o'harris on Tony Knight.

We have looked everywhere and there's not a trace of this will. Vandy. I'm done with this shit, Vandy. You can suck eggs wherever you are.

We can't give up. Whoever he left his money to has the strongest motive for killing. Besides, we haven't searched everywhere. There's still Kelly's bedroom.

Which is covered in loop.

Oh, and your art studio.

There's nothing in my studio except paint and canvases. There's certainly not any drugs or spells or anything at all supernatural.

Gosh, okay, here's Kelly's bedroom. Keep your eyes open and I guess let's take off our shoes. Not even Sam Smith's parties are looped up like this. It's so spicky, sticky.

And somehow it seems there's even more than there was before.

Oh, it's everywhere.

Nobody wants it, like chest and Buddha.

Jeedge will will?

Where would I hide a will or a safe under the bed? No, what about the nightstand? Not there either.

Bandy would never stash his will in such an obvious place. I'll tell you what. It would be, tucked away with an obscure clue necessary to find it. Oh, Vandy loved games, and look where it got him. What was that?

A scream from down the hall?

TJ, Reginald, and James raced to TJ's room. Inside they found Jacques hands pressed to his cheeks in horror, like an image from the depths of Edward Gory's mind. A tray of food was splattered on the floor.

Jock, what's wrong?

Do you need to fuck someone to calm down? I volunteer his.

Tribute blood Nik Dad James looked in the shower to find TJ's limp body covered in blood, stabbed and cut to death.

I can't believe this another murder, Reginald John. Let's move it to Vandy's bedroom with the others.

Quick question. I've never really seen a woman's nude body live and in person. Where where would you grab it? There's not a handle, right?

Do we have to touch that woman breast? What about the vagina's I'm a gold star guy. I can't get it downgrade this lay in life.

I don't know what to say to either of you.

Jack, grab a towel from the bathroom.

Good, all right, lay it down on the floor. Let's put her on the towel and roll her up like a taco.

Now, lift and roll and roll and paula, hold on, hold on, Shock.

How did you get in here through the door? But I locked it and then threw away the key, so the door should have still been locked.

Nope, the door was unlocked when I arrived. I was old in TJ's dinner knock with my elbow and then I said, like DJ dinner, but there was no reply, so I turned a knob and I found her like this.

You know what this means?

Someone else dislikes lesbians as much as I do.

It.

No, it means I was right earlier. I didn't drop the master key. Someone stole it, used it to enter TJ's room and killed her.

Quick.

Let's tell the others.

Back in the living room, James was surprised to see everyone sitting calmly. Wilma and Moon were playing chess, Henry was not eating, and Polly was at the grand piano.

Hello, Gaze, Why didn't any of you run upstairs when Jacques screamed?

You said to stay here or you'd have us arrested. So that's what we did.

Oh.

This weekend has been worse for queer representation than Ryan Murphy's Hollywood limited series on Netflix. Promising premise, but was ruined by lackluster writing, a meaningless plot, and too many straight actors playing gay.

Don't get me started. Representation matters kids my whole life. I thought I could never be an interior designer because so many of them are women or straight men. Don't people know gays were born to rearrange furniture and select paint colors. How dare Britas steal our thunder? Every day I have to fight to keep the art of interior design queer as queer can be. And I'm tired, folks, efy, I'm tied.

I'm tired too.

As a cute, rich nepo baby, I thought it was my right not to work, but then Daddy was all.

Get a job and make your own way, and I was all why the art.

Of being gay is built off of the idea that some men make money and others reap benefits and spend their days at the gym and having white wine and fancy salad for lunch.

If I have to start working to support myself, I as well as her fucking.

Bussy, it's hard for me too.

Nobody wants to watch gay porn with men who are actually gay. There's so much bloody self loaded and it makes my brain plead, which is why I have to pretend to be straight in order to fuck dudes on screen, when really I actually love it. This is why I want to work behind the scenes to let actual gays open their mouths and butts for other guys to enjoy in the privacy of their own homes.

Please, Honey, I've always been an outcast. I suppose that's why I became a gay witch.

That's not something I personally relate to. But I've been shunned by our community, shunned. I say, I'm a drag queen. Honey. I used to be roommates with RuPaul back when she only had one wig. But the world doesn't want men in dresses anymore unless they're starring in lack cluster productions of TUTSI missus doubtfire some like it blah on Broadway. That's why I have to do my own thing. I mean our own thing, Polly and me, Me and you forever, Mooney.

Who will?

I think about this all the time, an entire generation of gay men are gone, and what do we have instead? Way too many homos who are only concerned about themselves. Where's the mentorship, the generosity? The book imprints dedicated to publishing queer works, the theater is dedicated to lifting a

I will not rest until I find his killer.

Do you hear me?

I will not rest. He will not have died in vain.

I don't know what came over me, but that felt good.

I bet it did.

Look it's dark outside.

I can barely see anything with all that rain and snow.

Holley, I'm scared.

I'll protect you Moon forever.

Everyone go to your rooms, barricade your doors. Surely the snow will stop by morning, or the power will come back.

We just have to last another night.

And so, dear listener, everyone went upstairs unlocked their doors as best they could, hoping they would wake up in the morning and be well alive. Everyone except for James, that is, there was still an itch he just couldn't scratch. So he went to my study, where the audio controls were set up for all the hidden microphones.

Let's see if I can find anything from earlier, anything that might help figure out who killed Kelly and TJ. This was TJ's room. I can't hear anything with the shower. There's the living room.

You can't move the night there, moon.

Haven't you ever played chess before?

Is that what this is called? I thought these are pieces of candy. No, definitely not candy. There goes one of my crowns.

That's not it. What about.

Somebody? Please?

Well that's fucking weird. I don't know what that is. Huh. Here Kelly's room. Hmm, the mic must have gotten covered with lube. It's completely dead. I should check it out again. Maybe, just maybe I missed something.

James returned to Kelly's lube covered room for a second look. Careful not to wake the others and alert them to his plan.

If TJ's room was unlocked, the murderer must have used the key to get in. But why wasn't Kelly's door unlocked too? We had to break it down.

The only thing that makes sense is there's another way into Kelly's room, Another secret passage. Here we are, let's see, here's the microphone. Yep, completely kicked with lube. What's that?

It looks like waves of strawberry lube pooled at my feet.

Gross. Hold on, the lube is streaming along a floor over to that wall. Only instead of pooling at the base board, it's slipping through a crack underneath. Gay gasp, another hidden passageway. Jessica Stain, I was right.

Here goes nothing.

James walked through the passageway. There was no light whatsoever, and he felt completely trapped. Is this what it's like for Olympic diver Tom Daily in his marriage? He wondered. Then James hit the end. He pushed on the wall and emerged.

Into Reginald's bedroom.

Before j could.

Move, Reginald entered from his bathroom in a gorgeous kimono. I bought him on our trip to Japan.

Wait, a customer, heck, never mind, why are you in my bootoir?

I got lost looking for the circuit breaker. Yeah, I was gonna try and fix the power.

I know why you're here. You came here to fuck. Oh, no, to screw, to diddle, my dumpling, no turkey, my lurky pickle.

My dickle.

I don't know what that means.

You've been watching me, wanting me.

The sexual tension between us is off the charts, is it?

Let's make love first, though, I want to like my candles.

Perhaps you'd be open to a little bit of prayer.

Not religious, Oh neither am I I'm talking about some devil worship.

How did all those candles light at once? Are they electronic?

Oh?

Step into mine?

Pentagram?

Is that a drum?

A little one?

Yes? Clinic clinic, clinic, clinic, Peter Thomas, Row, Peter Thomas Raw, pologicals.

Whatever you're doing, stop it right now.

Piologic, melanches laber demo. Can you hear me? Camo? Can you hear me? Devil? Can you hear me? Who is that?

God?

Who the fuck is Johnny hor here? James? Wait? Wait, I can teach you things, nasty things, stop. Let me be the Ony Sullivant, dear Helen Yellow.

But James didn't want to be his Helen Killer, so he ran and ran and ran until he found himself back in my study, where he closed the door and.

Blocked it with a leather chair. How could I have been so blocked?

The gay killer has been staring into my gay eyes this entire time.

It's gay, Reginald.

Meanwhile, in the library, one of my guests decided to strike. They broke into my hidden safe, found my will and burned it to.

A Chris.

Next time on Does this murder make me look gay?

We won sure it could be a doctor, Oh something believable.

Midnight time for Daddy's medicine.

Shall I do the chorus once more?

Dog Stall, I'm in the Monroe Estate and I just caught a murderer.

Yes, I'll hold.

Does this murder make me look gay? Stars Michael Ury as James Wilson, Douglas Sills as Reginald Divine, Robin de Jesus as Wilmer Munroe, Sienne Jackson as Jacques Saint Cox, Sean Patrick Doyle as Madame Moon, Brad Oscar as Tush von Munch, Nathan Lee Graham as Henry Jacobs, Frankie Grande as Kelly Raymore and Flanagan, Seth Radetsky as Polly Barker, Leah Delaria as TJ featuring Kate McKinnon as Angela Lansferry with Leah Salonga as herself and Jonathan Freeman as Vandy

Has gone on overlanding rentro I don't know, I know no.

Ninth Planet Audio cap con We're overlanding, You're over landing.

Over